Shutdown Fullcast - Fullcast After Dark: You Can Start To Dread Playing Alabama Again

Episode Date: September 29, 2024

SHOW NOTESAn ACC conspiracy, sure, that sounds plausible Ryan Williams is a creation of Wētā Workshop Edging warily into Good Rutgers WatchAn auspicious day for Wildcats of several sortsAuburn losing a conference game isn’t news, but it’s nice to think about so we put it in hereTurns out UNLV is fineManny Diaz repays a debtAshton Jeanty is about halfway to Jupiter by now, with your footballUAB’s big dumb hire continues to pan out bigly and dumbly Fullcast After Dark theme song arranged and performed by Corey CunninghamA few tickets still remaining for our 10/3 show at Furnace Fest in Birmingham: https://www.seetickets.us/event/shutdown-fullcast-live/603983Jason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other stuff: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/Spencer and Holly bring you two things a week at channel-6.ghost.ioListen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcast, We're Not All Like This and check out his new project at assigned.substack.comPurchase only the finest Fullcast merchandise at sunny preownedairboats.com

I'm not about my tweet. Man, fuck you. Sorry, something fell over. Who's going to fuck you already? I hate shit. We're in the right mood. Absolutely. Wait, why are y'all in a bad mood?

I don't see anything to be in a bad mood about. I'm in a great mood. I just hate it when things fall off and are uncooperative. It's some unknown object has received. My phone fell off. Oh, the culprit has been named. The fucking odd. audacity of this inanimate object to defy my will.

I appreciate that we have, all the technological leaps we have made in the last 50 years, let's say, and we still are the kind of people, and by way I mean Spencer, who will just motherfuck an inanimate object. I want nothing more. Who wouldn't? No, I don't mean I wouldn't, but I didn't. So I don't have to be responsible for it today. That's all. So, Ryan, as a person who is too wholesome to motherfuck and inanimate object.

Very, very incorrect. Very incorrect. No, pastor. It's Sunday now. Let Jason speak. It's not quite Sunday. It's Sunday in the Azores now, as I meant to say. Sure.

I'm pretty sure that's what I said. I, too, would like to say fuck Spencer's phone. Thank you. That's the word the Lord has given me this Sunday morning. Listen, either you understand the urge to take a jackhammer to a car and swing it until you've completely destroyed it or you don't i want to back up here what do you think a jack hammer i'm sorry sledgehammer jack hammer right got a point ryan got a point oh no he's in but you're going to be worse

to improv than ever tonight i am so on tonight i'm going to have my best show ever i only i only have i only have one game i want to talk about and i'll stay on me at the rest of the time i promise How does that improve the show? I didn't say it would. So are you going to hop off mute to frequently bring new information about this one game? No, no, no. That's already happened like a fresh update. Kentucky, third quarter.

No, it's a game that is long since decided today. It's not the game that everybody thinks we're going to start with. We can start the show whenever you would like. And whenever we get to that game, I will offer you my theory. Welcome to the fullcast after dark for men after dark. Oh, is that a hit dog hollering? Oh, I think that's several hit dogs hollering.

Like, about 80 of them. We ain't even got 500 people in here yet, and I think four people just dropped out when they heard that joke. I'm sorry, y'all. Go lick them wounds. Yeah. It's a great week for the rest of us, because it is not our turn to play Alabama.

Good, come on. God, I feel. Man, Kailen's got that new dad, that, like, new dad energy. Like New Dad took us to Dippin' Dots. Oh, listen. It's so nice to be back to the devil we know. New Dad doesn't look at my phone when I'm talking to him. New Dad has eyes the color of a glacier at sunrise.

New Dad taught me how to ride a bike. New Dad helped Mom when she got stuck in the dishwasher. How did he help her? Oh, I'm Spencer Hall. I am joined by Holly Anderson, Ryan Nanny, Jason. Kirk and we have Douglas Reyes-Saron on the ones and twos we have a lot to talk about but I'm just we should just get right into as as comment as LinkedIn commenter with his government name Robert Moore says R MFT roll motherfucking Tide yeah no roll

roll time because I want to know when they say hey when did when did the this team become Kalin-de-Boers and not Nick Sabins. Tonight? Tonight? That's, because that looked a lot like Washington last year. That, that looked a lot like every Kalin-de-Bore team I've ever seen. You know what the biggest indictment that I found and it had nothing to do with Trump being at the game? Hmm. Was the post-game interview with Jalen Milro, which we watched on, how big is that screen. I watched on like a 60 inch 4K screen and Jalen Milro has played four quarters of football against a Kirby smart defense on a field that was looking pretty torn up by the end of it. His jersey was so crisp. I mean, he might have changed before the interview and I would have

been, I wouldn't have been surprised. You know, backlit in HD, you can really see if like a player's hair is must. No, no. Immaculate. immaculate twist in his hair immaculate jersey uh he didn't even look like he was sweating yeah you got to you got to touch him up a little bit like he if you had told me this was a pregame interview that did not look like a man who played four quarters worth of foot go did he get breathed on i think he only came into contact with the alabama defense when he voluntarily slid no different different different i'm sorry georgia defense when he voluntarily slid and yeah that was it oh yeah there he might have gotten a calf dirty yeah if that but yeah i i'm floored by

this game because um i was entirely certain that alabama had it in hand after two quarters i was entirely certain that georgia had it in hand after three and a half quarters and then at the end i was left with the uncertainty of are you sure that's over which which has to mean it was a good game because um if you get to the end of a game and you're not really sure uh who won or lost even though you can see the score then it has had the desired effect georgia scored 19 in the fourth quarter 19 and if i had to guess each of those plays each of those drives was like like three plays four plays max after doing jack shit the entire first half and looking utterly lost when Carson Beck threw that long ball to no one out of the end zone for a safety, that's full tilt.

That is, you need to download a new patch because this game, this game does not work. That was exactly what was happening there. I don't know if I've seen a quarterback have more of a two different games experience in one game than Carson Beck had in this game. Like the first half is just like, oh my God, this, he's rattled. He's seeing the wiggly lines in the video game. like it just ain't going to work and then next thing you know it's working and it was like he died at the sum he's not scared of you people i yeah whatever happened in the locker room at half time to carson beck whatever string of south georgia inflected profanities kirby smart

done laid on his team um it soaked in super heavy in carson beck's noggin because good god i it's one of those things where you just go, you're just mentally, you're stronger than I've ever been in my life, both Jalen Milrow and Carson Beck, because I would have been like, no, it's over. I'm dead. It's just the pit of despair

that Carson Beck faced coming out for the second half and that Jalen Milrow had before he threw a ball to Ryan Williams. I want to ask everybody by the way, just a question. What is Ryan Williams? And why is he allowed to play football with humans? Speaking of video games, he looks

the most like a someone who's being controlled by a right stick of any um any current era football player like and it's a different kind of insane agility than even like barry sanders had certainly not saying it's greater but it looks different it looks so um unhurried like it looks like he's being controlled by someone on high who is observing the defenders and like just such a a patient step back in a patient side step that it's quick, but it's not, like, frantic to get out of the way. I'm going to make an analogy that's not exactly accurate schematically, but in terms of the cerebral nature of the flow watching him, it reminds me of, like, Kellan Moore's last offenses at Boise. You know what I mean? Yeah, where it's a step ahead. I think we brought this up

again a couple weeks ago where, like, the moving parts are moving so smoothly that it does not look like a machine anymore it looks like it looks like you know the the team as a whole looks like one organic object like he he's operating on that like he's operating on whatever that level is i'm floored at how graceful that twist was on the last catch because he threw two spin moves on that it looked like wire work like this was some crazy 88 shit it looks like he has more frames per second than the rest of us yes yes yes he looks like um i mean it looks more like peter jackson presents ryan williams it looks more like soccer than football when he's running in the open field yeah yeah it looks like he does not fear being

touched because he kind of knows nobody can touch him that little hopback move that he does is just it would be cruel and arrogant if it were any less beautiful i i will talk about i will go way overboard talking about someone who i've just really focused on one game but good god i'm going to say something that sounds proprietary and i wish whatever the best he wants for his career but the best part is he can't leave for two more years so we get to keep watching this the child is stuck performing for our entertainment sorry sorry but thank you 17 years old i guess i can be less sorry now that i'm sure he's getting if he's not already all the cash yeah let's just make him like a four game legend here and just say this the only person in my rolodex right that i can pull up mentally

or shit park your shoot park yourself to the draft right now ryan that's fine yeah if you if you want to man i can't really i can't really tell you not to who's not gonna who's not gonna draft this tape he does sort of change the rules it's time let's do it yeah sure we're putting 12 on the field an extra defender on him to make triple coverage so that he's finally fair oh no He phased transformed shit. That's what he is. He's a fourth state of matter. He's plasma.

Six receptions, 177 yards. One score, but that score was the backbreaker and the first touchdown that Alabama had scored in the second half, the one that they needed, the one that counted. Just an astonishing fucking athlete, man. Like, I'm, like, an absolute joy to watch. He can score. and probably could score five TDs on my team, and that would be fine.

The last person, just to go way back and finish that thought, the last person I heard people talk about this in terms of a receiver or open field runner who just had an otherworldly grace was Gail Sayers. Like that's that's kind of, that's where we're at in terms of comparisons. Just, man, fuck, shit.

I mean, yeah, like Dante Hall comes to mind. Yeah, yeah. It's a whole class of athlete that's just like, Jason Harris brought up Kitty Pride, and I think that's also got to be in the conversation. I'm telling you, I was thinking Nightcrawler earlier, so. I was like, oh, shit, Ryan Williams is on the ceiling. What are you going to do about that? Sorry. And this is, the line between having, like, a brilliant and a terrible game is like very, very fine, because at the same time, I could sit here and go off about how fantastic any number of people for Georgia, where they weren't as obviously physically different as Ryan Williams.

but Aryan Smith. Aaron Smith had an incredible fucking game. And Kaiser reminding us in the chat, he's supposed to be a high school senior. Just like, yeah, to keep talking about the child, it's, we're in this like post-Sabin era, and it's like,

what will Bama be going forward, blah, blah, blah. You know, and we see tonight, okay, they're still plenty capable of defeating a, you know, upper top tier title contender, and oh by the way their breakout star player he's going to be there a while like it it ain't ending anytime soon as it's become quite clear no if the child empress from never-ending story played football i think it would look a lot like this yeah um if you want big takeaways from this game

um this thing is such a spectacle all to its own that i don't really have any because um you could come away from this and say well projecting forward these are obviously the two best teams in the nation i would not do that i really don't know i mean yeah like like see what ohio state did today they they got another one of these fresh receivers too um and like texas is probably the team that's done the most of this shit on the year as a whole um yeah it's early enough in the season where we could still have some fun with it the thing about this game is this just slam the door shut on um the like the big playoff will ruin the regular season thing and like i i have my reservations about the existence of a college football playoff to begin with um and like there is a

give and take there are things that changes about the regular season but like independent of whether how many teams should be in the playoff or any of that this just like completely fucking deaded the idea that it's possible to ruin regular season college football like you could end the season right now or you could say oh actually we just added five other weeks of hoops to jump through it doesn't matter did you see that did you see that shit that happened tonight like in in the moment it was as good as any you know any any any any any game in regular season college football history outside of like the absolute very top tier and it's encroaching on that tier yeah this and you really need secondary plot lines to make these kind of games where you go, yeah, I have nothing else to

say other than that was as good as it gets. And I have plenty of those in this game. I have Jaylen Milro's entire first half where he's just not human, just untouchable, just playing on, he was playing like video game Jaylen Milro and anybody who's played EA College Football 25 is nodding bitterly along with me because if you've played Alabama in the game at one point Jalen Milro will just decide nope, nope, you lose and that's what he does. He's like he's bordering on like a top 20 all time video game great if the computer is handling him

like that's how unstoppable he is the hammer of fate at one point Alabama was so rattled that they fumbled a kickoff and on the kickoff I swear to God this happened I was backed up by a couple of people. I'm going to need film. The returner who picked up the fumbled snap, Adams, tried to call fair catch with his ass on the ground, like he recovered it and then waved his hand frantically like you could do that. Can't be too sure.

Got to try it. Got to try it. So as a person who during Mike Bobo's first stint as Georgia offensive coordinator, I was proud to be one of the. actually he is fine at this job people i was ready to throw in the towel for much of this game when georgia decided to simply not run the ball um which you know it's kind of defensible that decision when you're down by 30ish points but still um having said that at the by the conclusion of the game never in doubt we're standing strong 10 toes down diamond hands

Mike Bobo that's our guy put him in position just couldn't just couldn't get that one throw in there at the end we love Mike Bobo folks yeah he wasn't the reason they lost this game I have my criticisms of

sure of my guy but but he wasn't the reason they lost this game this is also of all the people by the way that one cornerback whose name escapes me who had just been getting torched left and right this is you know that again the script writer script writers the whole writer's room was just on fire for this

game right someone uh sorry someone in the chat um points out we should we have to mention this episode is brought to you by prize picks thank you this episode is brought to you by prize picks that's how excited we were is that i missed that so i just said it okay nailed it yes that i believe it was zabian brown zavian brown was the one who uh pulled in the game clinching at her interception and he'd just been getting torched, just been getting absolutely lasered by Carson Beck, and then he just turns around and is like, ah, finally, we can't just get this over with here. I got one play.

It really is. This is how we talked about the Washington defense all of last year, right? Like, you called him the fucking Muppet band, assembling in place at the last possible second. And that is what Alabama did. And like, yeah, sure, Saban had some wild, crazy, wacky shootout games that came down to shit like this. But still, for this experience to arrive this quickly, we're here. Give me all this that you got. Yeah, a team that is, I'm going to try to thread this needle.

What if you are unshaken, completely convinced of what you're doing, and yet also totally capable of scaring the shit out of everyone on the plane that kind of pilot what if no one would believe that you feel composed we're we're fine when clearly things are not but then they are but there's a point where you go we might crash yeah the suspension of disbelief that uh kaelin debor is able to uh is able to generate it's like my my favorite pro wrestler guinther who's just like this big huge mean german machine, Austrian machine, who is capable of making you believe that anyone can beat him, that is Kalyn DeBoer. Any single game, it's like, oh, they're fucked, that's it, they're done, they're cooked.

No, nope, the thriller arrives right in time. Yeah. Georgia had no sacks tonight, by the way, like none. So if you want to know one key to this game, it's that they never managed to pin Milrow down. Not once. Not once. You can say, oh, we gave up on the run. Nope.

Guess what, y'all? You ran 26 times and you threw it 27. Mike Bobo kept you all balanced. Perfectly balanced. Perfectly balanced Mike Bobo. Kept you balanced, right? Oh, Alabama. Alabama, they got all crazy.

Guess what? Alabama was also crazily balanced. They threw the ball 33 times. and they ran the ball 32 Mike Bobo was controlling both teams time of possession is split almost down the middle the yardage is almost even 500-ish for both my goodness this was coin flip perfectly about yeah other than like just a couple of the errant um errant throws in the first half

yeah obviously and the final one like get a little more pressure on your QBs and finish those pressures that's that's really if you want to go hey what would you tell georgia you go i don't know maybe don't get one of your prize tackles injured tate ratledge was injured didn't play tonight uh their center was out at one point they're down to their third string center who was mike bobo's kid and then immediately ran a uh hurry up goal line with uh with the third string singer at the center in there and it worked and had and was sent it and had the call like made the call like made the call at the line yeah Georgia had its fair share of heroes

like fair share of like people who really did amazing work under as much pressure normally you go oh it's a big game of course there's pressure how much pressure do you think there was at the half that's a weird kind of like yeah listening to Sabin talk and like man I Sabin on ESPN this year has been

he is the one thing you know off the field that when he's talking i look up like i keep game day on just so i know when sabin's talking and then it's like oh okay time to pay attention but him during it was just perfect him during the half time of this talking about like what he would be saying um and he did not at all betray any sort of a sense that like um in the way he described it bama was still um in a bit of peril even though they were up by a million points um like he made it clear that you know George is very much still in this

and it felt authentic it didn't feel like a TV guy trying to convince you to stay tuned so yeah the pressure was on everybody the entire game fantastic just just fantastic shit man sometimes sometimes I have even less intelligent things to say than usual and tonight is one of those nights

because fuck that was great so let's go to another thriller Penn State 21 Illinois 7 I didn't see any of this, but that's all I know about what happened. I know that James Franklin turned down the chance to go up by three scores, kept it at a one-score game with his decision-making, and his defense failed him out anyway. All right.

That sounds like a Penn State game. Yeah, impressive, though. Like, hey, Illinois is a good football team. Sure. Penn State won, so kudos to them. So Kentucky. Who is apparently, like, calling the number five best team in college football, except when they're playing South Carolina, I guess.

Yeah, like we, I think we mentioned at least the past week or two that there's kind of nothing to say about Ole Miss because they haven't really attempted anything. And they attempted something today, and they didn't really get anywhere because Kentucky just kind of said, nope, say everything, just, nah, declined. the most bog-friendly like nails in the road barricaded

obstructionist filibustery game plan of the of the year belongs to the Kentucky Wildcats who attempted to do and make sure that nothing happened in that game for the better part of two and a half to three quarters

before they finally conceded and said fine we'll throw downfield fine in every like competitive card game or whatever you know there's like there's always like certain like deck types based on strategies and there's always one that's called like you know

clog or junk or garbage it's just it's not even about scoring points it's about fucking up your your whole situation that's what Kentucky did it was it was masterful clog clog

I'm sorry retreat fall back fall back annoy fortify hamper fortify that's it

just waiting and waiting and finally when they did throw when they did throw down field when they prior to watching Ryan Williams erased the memory of every other receiver I watch play today save for Jeremiah Smith

who had two one-handed catches on one drive before that Barry and Brown made a 63-yard reception a wild catch and run after the catch to get them in position for the game winning touchdown. Just, man, incredible that they did that

and then guess what they immediately went back to? QB run. QB run. And when they went to the QB run, did they finish it off smoothly? Absolutely not. No, the ball was hammered out of Gavin Wimpsett's hands and into the,

waiting hands of their tight end my favorite part is at this noted football school this was technically a bounce pass their biggest was like their biggest road wins since 1960 whatever and it was clinched by a basketball move yes noah matthews with the uh the rebound in the end zone they're paired up in the box scored by the way Gavin whimsett lost one fumble Noah Matthews recovered one hole They should give him a pass for that Like literally I'm sorry it wasn't it wasn't Noah Matthews

I'm sorry That was the linebacker who picked up another fumble Like I don't think forward fumble Should be advanceable I think if you recover it You should get the ball back at the spot where you fumbled it However this was funny so approved Yeah it was Josh Cadiz

Josh Kattis who when he got to the sidelines Everyone's congratulating and the look on Josh Katas's face was I didn't do anything like giggle moment from this game like the most giggle worthy moment in this was at the end when old miss is lining up for the potential tying field goal and old miss's poor kicker just absolutely like forks it just never had a prayer and they flashed to mike stoops i'm sorry mark stoops and he has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face

and he cannot stop. You can see him consciously try to put on, Stoic, game's not over. Games not over. You guys need to get off the field. But in his face, he's just beaming. He's beaming like that guy in the gift from a reality show where everyone else

is frowning and all of a sudden the guy in the back is like, or the alien test footage whenever everyone is horrified by the chestburster, but one guy who looks like George Lucas loves it. Yeah, he loves that. That was Mark Stoops. He was finally

That was a This is my design ass face That's what he had How did we win? Well there was a missed field goal And we won 20 to 17 The archetype

The dream Everything that he wanted Out of a football game He got out of that football game I believe that is His second win Against a top 10 team As head coach

At Kentucky Massive victory the blueprint of the blueprint of I'll sit here and hold my breath until you die first finally worked out for Kentucky ironically happy and blue in the face

at the end of this game I didn't think about it that way yeah I'm all hold my breath watch you die that's what they did let's see what else do we have here um Hugh Freeze lost

Hugh Freeze is now two and three on the year this is the game that I wanted to talk about Oh, thank God, yes. That's great, yes, yes. Me too. Ryan, what's the Lord placed on your heart about Brother Freeze and company? It's really interesting you phrase it that way, because I would like to propose that Auburn has lost the mandate of heaven. Auburn had it?

When did they have it? Auburn. Look, Auburn Jesus was a thing, and obviously. Wait, I wasn't allowed to say that Alabama football has accepted the light of Islam, but now we get to do this. Who told you you couldn't say that? I don't remember you saying, I don't remember you, who said that to say that? Well, Spencer, it's done. It's done now.

Alabama is out here tweeting, jihad! That's why I wanted to tweet it! Yes. Auburn has lost the mandate of heaven. You may be thinking like, wait a second, things have been very bad for Auburn before this year. How could this be so? And this is what I would like to propose. Number one.

Auburn is two and three, which is the, worst start they've had to a year since 2012, which if you may recall, was ended up being the program's worst season in 60 years. A difference between this start to the year and the 2012 start, which is actually slightly worse, one and four, all five of these games have been at Jordan Hare Stadium. And they have three more games at home, Vanderbilt, Louisiana Monroe, and Texas A&M. They have so many games to play at home, and they're so terribly bad at them. But this is the distinction I want to make. Brian Harsen did not have a good time at Auburn. Let's put it that way. That sort of makes it not his fault, and it certainly was his fault.

But the manner in which Auburn lost was generally just shambling and failing. Hugh Freeze has had the Bama Loss on 4th and 31, the multiple late game interceptions to ruin any chance of coming back against Cal, the Arkansas game, which included a third quarter 58-yard touchdown on 3rd and 19 from Arkansas. Not a thing Arkansas does at this point in time. And then this game, the pick six to lose to Oklahoma in a game that otherwise Peyton Thorne was playing pretty well, and Auburn had not done anything, like, Auburn had largely stayed out of its own way, and then completely blew up as they were trying to land the plane. Here's where we're at. Brian Harsen was 9 and 12 in his extremely

abbreviated Auburn career. Hugh Freeze is 8 and 9, and his next four games are Georgia, Missou, Kentucky, and Vanderbilt. So, if he doesn't beat at least two of those teams, he will have either the same record or worse than Brian Harsen did through 21 games. He's literally doing 9-11 over again. Wow. Wow. I didn't say that part, just to be clear. Here's the most...

Now, having established that Auburn has lost the mandate of heaven, here's the more alarming thing. I'm pretty sure Miami has it now And that's deeply concerning All right, that's it That's all I had Miami Jesus If that's all Ryan had It's the best part of this episode

That's incredible Yeah, I don't think Auburn's going to make a bowl And that's not bold to say at all Like, god damn, their road schedule is amazing It's pretty bad I think we all sort of focused on Florida leading into the season As the worst SEC schedule without sort of glancing over the fresh hell awaiting Auburn.

Like, even if they went out at home, they got to steal one from either Georgia, Missouri, Kentucky, or Bama. And that's just a make-a-ball. Tried to tell you not to hire this guy. So in this game, if you saw it, as Ryan said, Peyton Thorne, Peyton Thorne really did play well. Like, I don't feel bad for the general concept of Auburn. but I do feel bad individually for players

like Peyton Thorne who threw for 338 yards and had three TDs and was fighting his little heart out out there. It's just trying real hard and then he just had to he just had to like I don't know it's just some quarterbacks they got to get a pick out of their system

and ideally you'd want that to be in the first quarter man you really would and Peyton Thorne threw it with 406 left in the fourth buddy but he just Ah You have to Yeah Got good to me

Yeah there's been a lot of attention on him For a lot of reasons One of them being his own coach And like Sure you know It's like you know You get a number of knucklehead plays per game It's just going to happen

And ideally you get away with your knucklehead play Sometimes you don't And here he didn't But like man They could not block for him like oh you was on him this entire game four sacks it felt like way more than that like yeah um if if if the entire if the entire thing falls apart because you know of one bad throw then there's a much bigger problem than just the quarterback yeah it's not falling apart

due to one bad throw right if you're like oh it was one throw you're like i can say it was one throw because there's a lot of stuff leading up to that also shouts out to oklahoma for doing nothing for most of this game and then coming to life in the fourth quarter uh scoring 17 points yeah the the young fella for them michael hawkins uh quarterback can run can throw um it was like oh oh oh oh right oklahoma i forgot this is a this is a program known for points they're gonna they're gonna do a little bit of that now yeah in addition to that uh michael hawkins michael hawkins loves him loves him a magnificent uh

spiraling run over around through and sometimes into opposing defenders his two point conversion was uh reminiscent of his late score against tennessee when he decided i'm going to go airborne and then did a helicopter and you go probably aren't two of those in a season. O Contrere, the two-point conversion in the fourth quarter off that interception, off that pick six, was spectacular. So two things. One, you won over your teammates with your effort. They were clearly excited. And number two, don't ever do that again, because sometimes the thing that gets your friends real hype is not good for you. They might like it a lot. They might be real enthusiastic. You need to find an easier way of doing that shit. That's wisdom right

There, sometimes you might want to go goat simulator on them. No, don't. You can't do that. You're the player who's not allowed to do that. Goat. Goat simulator, the game, the quarterback. Yes, the guy. That's Michael Hawkins, Jr. right now. Indiana is more than halfway to Nine Win, Indiana. Let's go. Beating the shit out of Maryland today. Up next, they have Northwestern. Who cares? Nebraska, whatever. Washington, no big deal. Michigan State. So that's it. We clinched it. It's nine-windiana. And then Michigan, they suck now. And then that'll set up against Ohio State, the Big Ten Championship preview. Both of them are going to the playoffs. So Indiana playoff, look it. I'm ready to do that, especially since Michigan, one very, they were called offside. Minnesota was called offsides on an on-side attempt, a really good one that they were covered.

They probably weren't off-sides on that. Frankly, if you're a referee and you're within the sound of my voice, if you call off-side on an on-side attempt, you are the problem with America. But they did touch it too early. I'm pretty sure they did that. So that's, which is great. You can be outraged. Be like, that's an absolutely terrible call.

Hey, did they touch it too early? Yeah, they did. But it's still a terrible call. Just pretend the ref pointed at the actual problem. Yeah. The rest of this game was just Michigan feeding Minnesota, you know, into the wood chipper, so to speak um just slow grinding we we we own you and have repossessed everything that you once owned it is now ours um not quite as tight as the score looks another deceptive score comes from a

team you just mentioned uh Nebraska Purdue I want you to know uh whatever that final score says is a lie it's an absolute lie nothing happened for most of this game and Nebraska fans were ready to go all David Teper on Matt Rule, and then they scored 21 points in the fourth and won 2810. Nebraska's fine. Four and one. Four and one. Four one. Come on man. N.C. State won in the CW. Defeating N.I.U. Transit victory over Notre Dame. Powered up. Powered up with the supernatural vibes. N.I.U. Mountain West candidate, reportedly. Stop that. Stop that shit. Don't just don't say, just don't say that. I don't care if it's true. being that close to Mutant X

just got NC State to be like oh, you think you're pretty because the Mountain West wants you? Which mutant X can the C.W. afford? It's not Wolverine. It's not X-23. It's Dakin. Dakin? I don't even know how to say the kid's name.

Yeah. Yeah. That's, you know, they can afford a character from a show that was on for three seasons from 2001 to 2003. It's like son of Sabretooth. They can afford some young mutant, right? teen X percent. Yeah, because there's always like a new wave of like zoomer mutant. By the way, NC State, still mad about Firefly. Why don't it get so strong?

Speaking of the state of North Carolina, in our looking at the schedule segment, Ryan asked for which game this weekend we would consider a potential chaos game. And I just said the UNC game. So the UNC Tar Heels, they were up 20 to nothing on rival Duke. with, I think it was about 45 minutes gone, game basically in hand, and then Duke scored 21 unanswered and won. Can we pull this thread? Were you ready to pull this thread? There's a lot more going on here. Yeah, let's walk us through it. Okay.

In 2013, NEDS was the defensive coordinator for a struggling Texas defense and Mack Brown, who at the time was starting to draw the ire of Texas boosters who saw, oh, Mac's slipping, and Austin decided to fire him. I believe it was this week, if you go back and look, after giving up a zillion yards to Taysam Hill. The actual number of rushing yards that they give up to just Taysam Hill in a trip to Provo,

which is never easy. Just ask Kansas State about that. Okay, ask anybody who's pleading, BYU in Provo, not an easy road trip. Fired Mani Diaz. Now, Mani Diaz, was Mani Diaz getting it done as the defensive coordinator. Absolutely not.

Was it entirely his fault? Of course not. Of course not. It was not solely Manny Diaz's fault, and it's not like they got a whole lot better after that. So he does that and fires him and manages to pull a couple of the paychecks until eventually Mac Brown has to depart Austin himself.

So maybe a little bit of, if not bad blood, at least some lingering bitterness. There may be some tenderness, some feelings there. Can't feel very good. Coming all the way, to now when Mac Brown, after allowing 70 points to James Madison University as head coach, is maybe under a little bit of fire. And he turns the corner and sees the team that you cannot lose to if you are UNC.

Because remember, remember that that's just, that's not done. And it's something that was a low point in Mac Brown's first tenure at UNC. Hey, remember Mac Brown coached at UNC before? and got into some serious hot water when a certain rival coach at Duke called him, I believe, Mr. February for his recruiting triumphs and later on-field, in contrast to his on-field struggles, to actually win anything at UNC besides hollow sort of like games that UNC should be winning anyway. He faces Duke, who you can't lose to, and you certainly can't blow a 20-point lead to, which is precisely what they do. So if you want a little bit of symmetry, that maybe Manny, Manny Diaz wouldn't point this out. I don't think he would necessarily agree with this, but I'm going to point it out. It took, it was an 11-year trip, y'all, an 11-year-long surf from the rebound of firing Manny

to Manny potentially accelerating the process of dropping the hammer on Mac at UNC. A comeuppance long in the making. And it's possible that when Mac, um, threatened is i don't know if that's the right word to quit last week um i don't know maybe you could maybe maybe maybe it did maybe it's a quiet quitting or maybe he did that long ago i don't know maybe on the headsets tonight they just turned it off and he's like i quit this bullshit i'm sticking around for this that's what the scoreboard suggests yeah i need a sandwich somebody get me one of those i got a flight papaw's cranky god damn i'm not even from tennessee

Boise State is putting it on Washington State Gen T's course running wild Let's do a GNT check Ashton GT up to 15 carries 143 yards, two touchdowns The first one was just nuts It was like a couple It was like a handful of broken tackles away

From being a full Marshawn Lynch No he ran into a crowd of people and then ran out the other side. I didn't know you could still do that in football, but he can't. Arizona has the forever injury hampered Utah Uts on upset alert, and Oregon seems to be having no trouble with UCLA to this point. Yeah, I believe UCLA just got to pick six,

but we'll just write that off as user error. Let's say slight trouble. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sorry for saying this is going to be a chaos game. At least I'm sorry right. now. Yeah, I want to leave the door open for the Bruns. Yeah, I would go ahead and maybe transfer a late wager on chaos game to Washington State because John Mateer is right there. He's just sitting right there and he hasn't really done anything too insane yet. This is philosophical hair splitting,

but I'm not sure you can count it as it. Is it a chaos game if it's expected? Like, didn't we kind of think this was going to be head up? I think good. Chaos that's expected is still chaos. It's just not surprising. All right. Yeah. Do you know it isn't surprising? How much fun I've been having.

Playing prize picks. That's right. Prize picks is America's number one daily fantasy sports app. It brings you this program. It has over 5 million active members. It is the easiest and most exciting way to play daily fantasy sports. All you do is pick. more or less more on two to six player step projections and then watch them

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receiving yards. He didn't do that. But Jackson Dart did. did come down with less because he was playing Kentucky. And remember, the one thing Kentucky wants to happen in their football games is less, less at all times. So win some, lose some. I'm still good either way and had a delightful time. So you today could download the prize picks app. You could do it right now and you could use the code full cast dark and get $50 instantly when you play $5. That's code full cast dark on prize picks.

to get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. Prize picks. Run your game. So Stanford lost to Clemson in a conference game. That's fucked up. It's fucked up.

Kate Klubnick had like a 50, another 50-yard run. Someone needs to stop this. Someone slowed down the club. Everyone needs to run towards the club Because it's running away from you You gotta chase the club My alma mater lost to an FCS team The Kennesaw State lost to UT Martin by 11

So I believe those are the Skyhawks Sure yeah yes yeah It's the first year of the FBS transition Is going Well we have a home field line and we're in the video game so it's going great you know what it's sometimes kansas state football says more sometimes it says less this week it just happened to say

less to you yes but that's okay several weeks um several less the last uh couple of weeks actually um i wanted to just note that if you go out to a big lead against usc and you are a Wisconsin team with average people at receiver, you're going to die. Doesn't matter how many turnovers they gave you. You're just going to lose because that's exactly what USC did to Wisconsin. Wisconsin came out and said,

Ho-ho, what will you do about our lead? And USC said it is immaterial. And just just sorcererate that away. Speaking of losing, the Florida State Seminoles got slammed in a car trunk

by SMU. 42-16 on a day when Eric Dickerson was out here leading the team out on the field? I didn't see it, but something like that took place. The Knowles are one in four. And next they got to play Clemson, who has become good, and then they got to go to Duke, who's undefeated. Then they got to go to Miami, who's ranked number seven right now. Then they get to play UNC, at least.

But, like, what a comedy that'll be. gotta go to Notre Dame like holy shit dude this is like a two or three win team here it's grim it's absolutely grim that is Florida I know I know we've said it several times but Florida FSU that is that is that is some special shit current yeah current ESPN FPI matchup

predictor is 50 50 even split even not even the computer cares Computer delete It's also delete I don't fucking know It doesn't matter Yeah I can't wait to use the power of AI

And evaporate an entire Great Lake Just so the computer can tell me This game sucks It is really intelligent Kansas State recovered nicely From an ass whooping At the hands of the aforementioned BYU Cougars

300 yards rushing on Oklahoma state's head 300 that's the second worst number i've heard in terms of god damn my teeth hurt after getting hit that many times uh the only one worse is army who had over 400 yards against temple um this was against oklahoma state a significantly better team um although not in conference because they're now they're now oh and two in the big 12 that's 42 20 for the kansas state Wildcats, Avery Johnson, had five. Cinco TDs. It really is a thing that Big 12 games, like Kansas State, they're bounced back.

Like every Big 12 game in this newly realigned setup is there's something in any combination of these teams. And like it was expected. We talked about it all offseason. And it's been clear throughout so far this season that like you're not going to get a whole lot of like, marquee games with this conference, like, you know, it's rare that it's going to be like, oh, my God, this is the showstopper for this time slot.

But every single game is watchable. And, like, if anyone thinks that's anything other than praise for the Big 12, it's praise for the Big 12. Colorado is a, it's 4-1. They, like, they whoop the shit. As everyone predicted. This is like, yeah.

This was, like, I think for the first time, after a year and a half of this shit, The first time we saw, like, the Colorado that we had been told to expect. Like, this is, this is the Colorado that, you know, was hyped by the video game and all that. And I'm not saying they've arrived and they've got it all figured out. I'm just saying, like, finally, we saw what we were told we would see. Travis Hunter, diving interception while putting up, like, 100 yards. You know, yeah, sure.

um high as been finalist let's go ahead and do it but like i don't it's it's in a way it it sort of feels like they're figuring out how to get out of their way and how to like actually play football instead of like um using their time to generate content for highlight reels um i mean at least based on the last game or two it feels like okay they're they're actually going to attempt um a serious job of competing at football. Either that or they just happen to have the three best players on the field who are two players.

One of those two things, I guess. It might be that. It might also be that some of the teams they are facing are secret ass. Like UCF at times in this game look like secret ass. Also, the defense has improved significantly. The defense can actually go a little. So that's

like I think that's contributed as much as anything. Just, by the way, just look up, John Mateer doing John Mateer things. It's 2417 Wazoo right now. All he's doing throwing nukes, throwing bombs, baby. So just, again, we're going to help you keep an eye on that as we continue to review the day's action. Jason, I want to talk to you about another curiosity down the schedule. we continue to get nothing but Friday night bangers.

Yeah. Like Friday's... Like, for a newer college football fan, you might be coming into this and thinking like, oh, weeknight games are just suck. They're just trash. It's like, this is what it used to be like. Like a decade ago, we got like solid weeknight games,

and at least on Fridays, they've been back. Yeah, in large form. Miami, Virginia Tech. Miami, Virginia Tech giving us a sneak preview of the Georgia Bama game. This was like the screenplay that they ripped off to make this bigger budget movie, right? The indie feature made by a small director in the ACC, 38, 34 Miami triumphs over Virginia Tech, thanks to, depending on who you asked, the ACC video review, Pollitt Bureau, who gave a win to Miami because that's, of course, something that the ACC is organized and competent

enough to do as conspiracists, right? Because the- Throw-in for Miami, a team we've always loved. The ACC, notoriously good at enacting its own interests. Like, established and proven is really good at knowing what's best and then achieving it, yeah. They've killed several men, but we don't know about it because ACC-O. Murta. no this the ac c is far too competent don't give me that shit don't you know they're doing a favor for miami the acc for years at a time has forgotten miami's even in the conference the ac c i did fucking cow since when do you think they have their shit shit together enough to pull this off yeah

no slander to no slander to future game day destination cal we of course we love our cow bears but they're not known for having their shit together yeah we want a reliable partner who's most definitely got their finances in order and has demonstrated consistent performance across the board in college football. Yeah, go get Cal. Sure, it's the first name that comes to mind when I think of those things. Yeah, this is, this game was a delight. Virginia Tech beat that ass for the better part of a half and then, and then just kind of lost it when Brent prize set like two minutes of time on fire like watching these two coaches try to do anything resembling the end of a game shit ashton gentee is doing it again uh-oh um yeah he did the thing he did

he did that i'm gonna run through 30 people including several people on the field who are not actually defenders or even football players we are we are definitely rooting against each other we are on opposing sides in this game in in in all sorts of ways this is this this is this is our This is our battle, this game. This is exactly what everyone thought when they watched this game. They were like, hey, you know who's going to be the most important player in the field? That's right. Ashton Ginty and Johnny Meteer.

To equal, equally skilled, equally talented, equally breathtaking athletes. This does sound like a bootleg TV advert where one has no one, so they're like, superstar Ashton Ginty and the other team's punter. Yeah, or then it's like. look at this coach yeah this sounds like a hawks advertisement right but the hawk would be like at one point it would be like ooh shekeel o'neill's coming to town and you can watch joe johnson and who will be on the other side well two chains will be sitting courtside two chains will be court side and you can watch joe johnson put up 20 and 10 exactly 20 and 10 and then clock out

he will stand still score 20 and 10 got to drive off i'm going to drive off in my 4 hundred thousand dollar truck back home to arkansas because i have been paid my seven million dollars for these 20 points i like the just a side note i love the ex-mba players who tell stories about getting lost in joe johnson's house he's so fucking rich yeah like i think i think it might have been a kevin teague talking about getting lost or jeff teague getting lost inside Joe Johnson's house and having to call him Jeff Jee being like

can you tell me where I am because I don't know your house is too damn big Joe Johnson was like a 37 time All-Star and it's like wow he should be in the Hall of Fame and it's like no no the exact accolade is 37-time All-Star

that's it. Yeah that's it 20 and 10 the most performance as dependable as Cal football in this game it comes down to a final Hail Mary where I

think they made the right call. I do. I don't think the dude had possession of that. It's fine. Yeah. I mean, sure. If you want to win on a Hail Mary, I suggest you catch it before arguing about winning on your Hail Mary. Like, both hands clear as day. You should probably do that.

Yeah. If you're rolling around with it, then I don't know. Then you're leaving in the hands of the ACC. Yeah. I think it's a matter of faith, not of science. Right? Which is why. Just another Matt says it was a catch.

I guess it was. Yeah, that's what Miami Jesus has noted. Also, Rutgers beat Washington in a conference game. Everything is fucked up. Yeah, I didn't. By the way, I just had that one like second screen, and every time I looked up, Washington would be moving the ball and doing nothing. And I thought to myself, Shiano, you genius.

You did it again. The Kentucky of the Big Ten. Yeah. Of New Jersey. Yeah. Sorry, yes, it would be the Kentucky of New Jersey because the Kentucky of the Big Ten is Iowa because Kentucky is the Iowa of the SEC. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

So UNLV after being in the news all week, just destroyed Fresno State. And they pulled a neat trick where, so the player who left because of the NIL dispute, which, to be clear, young man get money. It turned out there was another all along. They actually pulled up two FCS transfers. And this one, Hajmalik Williams, is like the best. passer in Campbell Camel's history. And so, like, UNLV did this really fun thing where if, you know, if you only see the

headlines, you think, like, wow, they're fucked. And it's like, oh, no, they're doing great. They're doing awesome. They put it 59 points today, and they're totally happy with their quarterback. And, like, they're the bell of the ball and realignment because of reasons. And players suggesting that they share the $100,000 that was allegedly pledged with the offensive line, which I support. give the big boys cash

Sure, feed the big fellas Yeah What is a more natural Connection of Target and Ad Money than Offensive Lyman shilling for a casino buffet Oh my God

Just imagine Five burly boys with smiles in their faces Looking at the camera And booming Do you like crab legs? Fuck yes we do Do you like football? God

they're two for two. I love crab legs and football. Do you like throwing money at a machine? I like that too. They're on a streak. Two could have been a coincidence, but three? This is that pattern. I would trust these student athletes with my life. Just tell me where to go. I'll get in my car right now. Not for one on the strip either, right? Be like for Terribles or something, right? Come eat crab legs at Terribles. I'd be like, I'm on my way. I think UNLV should have a campus casino. They absolutely should. It's like Department of Recreation or something.

Just like, why don't you? It's kind of weird that they don't. Man, fuck you if you think this sport is who, this sport is dying. Dude, no, it's mutating so fast. It's delightful. What is more American than can I get casino money to a fat college kid who likes to beat people up? Wow. Yeah, it's like a mafia movie.

Yeah, like what? We've just, it's like college footballist kind of just like stopped lying about itself, I guess. It never started. I mean, it lied. It lied. It never stopped lying. It was evasive and murky. And it's just sort of like stopped bullshitting about some things.

George Git made his money playing at a pool hall in South Bend. which is kind of a work study program when you get at it right like that's an elective i would call it an elective yeah good for him and then newt rockney made up a bunch of bullshit about him so yeah this is this is to me this is to me the most american thing we could do is give the money to our biggest lads and then tell them that the crab rangoon is fresh and hot at Terrible's Casino Hotel Buffet. Let's see. What else do we have here?

The Texas thing, Archmanning. Sure, okay, great. Mississippi State was a 39-point underdog. So I don't think there's much information to glean from that one. There is an interesting result, two that I would like to contrast, okay? Which is that the UAB coaching search ended with the selection of Trent Dill Prince

I said that just to make you laugh and one guy who was you know kind of rumored to be in the running for that and was an interim coach there was a guy by the name of

Brian Vincent who is now coaching at ULM which ULM being like the 135th ranked team according to some indicators i think kent states just got to be worse than that right like i can't i think uh various schools with uh k en at the beginning of their name and state at the end are in the running there yeah there's there's there's a lot of competition down at the bottom when it comes to who we call the worst in the sport but i will say this

that to motivate his team Brian Vincent had shirts made that said 134 on them so like as in if we're the worst program in America let's lean into it and wear the number on our you know on the shirts underneath our our pads so

ULM somehow by the way managed to win today awesome congratulations that's absolutely fantastic and is now 3-1 and 1-0 in the Sun Belt. They beat a struggling Troy team. And his players love them. They're very happy.

UAB, meanwhile, Jason, lost 41-18 to Navy. Now, Navy's 4-0. Navy might be pretty good. And Army Navy might be a blast this year. But UAB, in addition to losing 418 allowed 227 yards and 225 yards through the air which Davies not even supposed to be able to do that here they are. Yeah. Are you suggesting that hiring Trent Dilfer

was not only merely a half-assed and short-sighted attempt to like glom onto Colorado-style attention. It was not only that, it was also overlooking a good thing in of something far more ambitious because like Brian Vincent was just you know he was the interim at UAB just a guy that people like to turn out to be pretty good at his job I don't know it probably doesn't help that on September 7th ULM beat UAB 32 to 6th so yeah we're just putting another data point out there right all I got's numbers people all I got I just say more or less and I see how

they do and it certainly looks like that UAB ended up accidentally betting on on last Yeah, let's see. What else do we have here? This is always the point in the night when, all right, sound off in the chat if there's something else that needs addressed. Yes, other than, other than the continuing updates on Boise State and Washington State, refused to die. Neither one. They have decided not to decide any of this. Let me tell you who is a football as football coach and managed to get some serious business done today. Tulane and John Sumerall

you know that he is a serious football coach because he says program and his name was probably Summerall at one point and he's like too many words Sumerle too many and too many letters Sumerle Sumerle. Sumerle.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to get this down in one syllable. John Summel. Yeah. I'm too busy. I got to go coach. I got to grind tape. Fuck out of my way.

I got to go beat the dog shit out of South Florida, 45, 10. that was not a Pac-12 game when Tulane beat USF no I saw it was it was not I saw an amusing tweet today somebody will tell me who it was from but it was that Alex Golish along with Lane Kiffin just makes

and this is you want a niche joke here we go just makes offenses that are meant to appear on Dan Casey's Twitter account it certainly looked like a victory for a team angry guy and sweatshirt when this matchup happened because god damn John Somerall is definitely that archetype of coach and they just

they dragged South Florida who starts off their conference record with this massive L to Tulane USF of course the only team capable of of scaring Bama other than other than Georgia

same same story two years in a row big sky update UC Davis and Idaho that's a big one UC Davis is up at this time both Montana's one we're looking good there we want to we want to feed feed those teams lots of wins for come playoff time McNeese is up to four and two we love that so the big sky best conference everything's everything's solid there official conference of the forecast after dark yes if I may say so myself additionally there is another important regional trophy to discuss Georgia Southern

38, Georgia State, 21. Nats, baby. Viva la Nats. G-N-A-T-S. Anyone who's not from Georgia, you wouldn't believe how, like, the nickname for this game has the word hate in it. It's not hate, it's like annoyance, though. You would not believe how quickly these two fan bases

became deeply annoyed with each other upon Georgia State becoming an FBS program. So I know this was bitterly felt by thousands of, people and now that that matter is settled um we can no peace for for a time for a time yeah delightful rivalry too because both places are mutually intolerable to the other anyone who really would prefer statesboro over Atlanta uh could never understand somebody who would prefer Atlanta over statesboro like there's like there's like the air is basically half protein if you consider the amount of gnats in the air in states

And they're like, that just makes it stronger. I love the prefer Statesboro people because they all get it. They're all in on the joke, right? Like, they all know that beautiful Eagle Creek is not conventionally attractive. Right. So it's literally an acquired taste because you're acquiring the taste of gnats with every breath. But it's also like, it's a winking appreciation. And so really, I think that's it.

Georgia State just needs a better sense of humor. I would agree. I would agree. Hawkeye wants to know, so Dave Aranda's getting fired. Yeah. That's pretty much done. And the problem with Dave Arandas, you might walk in that office and say, Dave, we got to talk. And he's like, yeah, you got to fire me.

Like, he might say that. He'll say it real pensively, though. Yeah, yeah, you've got to, I've been thinking about that. You should probably. You know, as Cicero once said, yeah, all that type of stuff. Yeah, that's, they should probably fire him. Oh, pardon me, I'm reading Voltaire. Yeah.

Oh, and two in the Big 12 took that 3428 loss to Baylor. Again, pretty deceptive because at one point Baylor was up, or BYU was up 21 zip, and then at the half was up 31, 14, not a lot of life. Baylor didn't give up, but they didn't exactly threaten. And at one point you go, hey, the effort is very encouraging, and the output is making me want to die. So we have to fire you. Maybe this, one of these will be the last one. Arkansas A&M, I didn't watch any of this.

All I know is A&M one, and it was especially frustrating for Arkansas, which is literally how this game goes every single year. So Arkansas, you should try to get out of this series, I think. it's that's it's jerry jerry is the only reason this thing still happens i mean just tell the old man let us play it in a different building or i don't know it never happened well you can you can quit when the cowboys win oh god never let that happen to quit when i die and that ain't ever having it either and that's on the list of people who i genuinely think believe they are going to live forever he's way up at the top like a guy who's like not possible sorry you might I decline

my blood's all oil my blood's all oil my bones are made of steel my skin it's a lovely pure pure cocaine yeah pure exactly pure hardened cocaine I traffic every time I take myself through the airport

I think that'll do it I think that that will do it this magnificent program has been brought to you by prize picks I want to thank everyone who turned out tonight to listen to us recap what I think was the best game so far this season

in the form of the Kentucky win was that was great the Kentucky Old Miss game best best win Mark Stiff's just why Mark Stub's just sitting there with the bowling pin in his basement

a dead body on the ground saying I'm finished that's that's happiness for Mark Stoops and for the Kentucky Wildcats. Thanks for listening, y'all. Bye. More.