Shutdown Fullcast - Fullcast On The Dan Le Batard Show Part 2

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

In Part 2 of the Fullcast on the Le Batard show, the team dive into how they feel about Notre Dame this year, Auburn “inventing space,” why Gus Malzahn (literally) looks like a new man at UCF, Top 5 College Coaches Who Look Divorced, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Chewy.com slash Dan. That's Chewy.com slash Dan to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chewy.com slash Dan. Minimumum purchase required, new customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. Folks, Smearnoff, I love it. Smirnoff knows there's no eye in football. It's a wee thing. Best enjoyed with good drinks and great company. Home or away, we rally together, cry together, and always rally cry together because there's no eye in fandom. Smyranoff, the world's number one vodka is perfect for easy, delicious cocktails for fans over 21, as the official vodka partner of the NFL. Smyrnoff's award-winning taste has been igniting the collective spirit since 1864.

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And he is currently in Ireland for Nebraska Northwestern. Oh, no. We've got to stop doing this to Roger. No, Roger needs to travel because he likes going places. Let's talk about the last time we sent Roger abroad. Roger has very little ability to navigate simple navigational situations. y'all know that dude on indiana jones who got lost in his own museum what's his name marcus yeah okay that's roger it's yeah exactly like 30 years that's roger if he lives that long roger shows up to

anywhere in the world and is like oh that's neat wow they got this like he is the idiot abroad at all times and i say that he's like the anti-ugly american because he's genuinely like that's awesome he's very happy but he'll what has he found in ireland so in ireland The worst thing I've seen in Ireland so far is Nebraska beatwriters. He's found out that people learning to drive in Ireland have to put a big red N sticker on the back of their car for novice. For two years. You have to do this for two years. Yes.

You have to do this for two years. And it looks exactly like the Nebraska N. Like for real, it looks like showing you can't see it. There we go. In Florida, when you get a driver's license, they're like, Yeah, as long as you have a fake ID. Also, here's an unregistered firearm to go with it. So this is a thank you.

Yeah, a machete under the seat. The real Florida like thing of having the massive knife under the seat. But Ireland's all like, we're going to scarlet letter your car for two years. They know you're an idiot. Your car has committed nidultery. It's supposed to America where they're like, you're an idiot. We need to conceal this at all times. give you the same license, same thing.

Covert idiots all over the place. No, in Ireland, they're like, yeah, you're dumb. Here, just take it. So they've put these stickers all over the place. So now when Nebraska takes the field, it's going to look like they're novice football players, which thank you for properly labeling the cornhuskers. Last Ireland.

The term we prefer is amateurs. Amateur. That's right. Amateurs. They're called student athletes. That's right. So, yeah, there have been stories of, Nebraska fans walking around like, oh, look at us.

We've already taken the place over. And we could just let them think that. They had a bad time last year. So on the topic of Ireland, this is a little sensitive, but I think we should just like address it right now. All right. Yeah, let's get into it. Can we decide as a show how we feel about Notre Dame this year?

I know where Spencer is. I know that Spencer is just never going to feel positive. I think you may have been out. We kind of already got into this. couple weeks ago. I think Spencer, Brian, I think you were out for this one. The TLDR is that Spencer remains unchanged and Jason and I have both evolved towards being kind of okay with Notre Dame because Brian Kelly's gone. Okay. Is that, but is that like, what is, is that the line that we are adopting that Notre Dame is kind of okay? Yeah, I think Holly and I are feeling very ecumenical

toward Notre Dame. We have, we have servants' hearts. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, ask because the sense I have gotten from our most online Notre Dame friends and yes I'm talking about Jess is that Notre Dame fans don't actually want this. Notre Dame fans don't actually want us don't want us to

well then that's a win-win I mean that's not a problem for every non-Jess Notre Dame fan that I know and non-golic Notre Dame fan that I know that's not a problem. Their own personalities generally do take care of that for us. Like Jess am I wrong? It feels

like Notre Dame is like, Notre Dame fans at least are like, no, stop it. I think there are some that are like, leave us alone. Like you were, you, you, if you can't handle us at our Brian Kelly purple on the sideline,

being a jerk to Everett Golston, you don't deserve us at our Marcus Freeman in a white pullover in Vegas with aviators on. But that's not me, Ryan. I want, I want everyone to like me and my team at all times because I'm dumb baby.

Yeah. Yeah, especially you, Ryan. I've always sought your approval for some reason, probably because you hired me for my first grown-up job. And I just want to know how you really feel about me at Notre Dame. Because often, Ryan, you're playing both sides. First of all, it might be my internet, but it sounds like she's T-Paying right now, which is just incredible.

Yeah. So you want my personal approval vis-a-vis a football team you don't play for. Correct. What's weird about that? This is adding a lot of emotional layers I was not prepared for. Ryan, this is how college football works. And Catholicism. The entire thing.

Yeah. I think so the idea that like us being okay with Notre Dame would annoy lots of Notre Dame fans, that's the best of all worlds right there. Like I'm going to start stumbling for Notre Dame to the playoff. I mean, I do that anyway because it's fun to watch them lose by 35 points. But like this is a win. I don't have to be mad about them and that makes Notre Dame fans mad.

This is perfect. Jason is the guy urging his friend up at the tough man competition against the pro boxer. Get in there! It'll be fun. You can do it. I say every year when Notre Dame is 12 and 0

and they've played like one good team, put them in the playoff. Why not? It will be great. I am also now just seeing, and I apologize for being late on this, Notre Dame is number five right now. Someone has to be number five.

There won't be number five after they play Ohio State, but someone had to be number five in the preseason polls. Technically, that's true. Yeah, someone has to be number five. Number five is also, by the way, that number can be whatever you want because the playoff is only four teams at this point. So number five is the respect spot.

Hey, congrats. You're very good. You're not a playoff team. I'm fine with that spot. I'll take the respect spot every year. it's actually a beautiful it's a beautiful slot there because you are acknowledged as being among the elite in college football but you can mine maximum disrespect from being just outside of the playoffs okay so so right now as we're recording this Notre Dame is fifth in the rankings USC is 14th that's the last game of the season for the Irish which ranking will be most ridiculous in retrospect by the time that game comes around the five of the 14th Who is USC playing out of conference this season? Let's look, I should know this.

Rice, Fresno State, and Notre Dame are there out of conference? So they don't have, Fresno State, like, can be a scrappy team. Yeah, that's true. Well, I don't know. I mean, like, we had Petro Papadakis on recently, and he was, he lives in L.A. and played for SC, and he was pretty down. on their team skill level because he's like just

because I got Lincoln Riley this year they still don't really have like good dudes it is very USC right now is very much a like the first time you're like I'm going to draft my own team in Madden and it's like oh I got like five awesome wide receivers and I don't have any guards

none I can't even fill that role on the one of the wide receivers has to play guard as it turns out it might work they're losing that game against Preston State. Why? Jake Hainer, baby. Jake Hainer is a god. Jake Hainer. Jake Hainer is a god. If he can keep all his internal organs inside his body for four

quarters. Yeah. Jake Hainer is... 2021 People's Heisman, Jake Hainer. Yeah. Jake Hainer sells every sack like he's just been shot. And usually it's like, and then he gets up and throws a TD. He is like the best drama you can watch in college football. He's watching Jake Hainer play quarterback. particularly if it's like 11.30, and he's down 21 to Nevada, and they've got seven minutes left. I'm watching the summer games, and I can tell you that with all the blood, sweat, and tears that these athletes lose during competition, they need all the hydration that they can get. I also know that the weekend warriors like myself need to have the electrolytes that Liquid IV can provide.

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One stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. If hydrating were in an Olympic sport, you would win the gold. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to Liquidiv.com and use code DLS at Checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code DLS at Liquidiv.com. Pet parents know all about Chewy. They have everything I need to keep Willow happy and healthy. They are not messing around. Chewy has over 100,000 products from all the brands that Willow loves at the prices I love. Food, treats, beds, you name it. They have it. And it gets shipped directly to your door in one to two days. Willow loves her greenies and Chewy has every single variety available. Thanks to Chewy's Autoship feature, I'm never getting that I'm so disappointed. and you look from Willow. You can set up recurring shipments of all the essentials. So you're

never running out and can change or cancel your auto ship order at any time. It's super convenient and one less thing to worry about. Speaking of not worrying, Chui has topped here 24-7 customer service. If my pet or I don't love something, Chooey's 100% satisfaction guarantee. Let's me return it within a year. No questions asked. Chooey has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now, you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com slash Dan. That's Chewy.com slash Dan to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chewy.com slash Dan. Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. Don Lebertard. The best nugget that Stan Van Gundy has regarding defense is

Stugats. How the top defensive teams in the league defend now goes against conventional wisdom. Most teams seem to focus on stopping the three. But the top three defensive. defensive teams in the league, Milwaukee, Indiana, and Boston. Hey, listen, this is two weeks in a row of you guys messing with my nuggets. Like, I'm starting to get pissed off here now. This is ridiculous. No respect whatsoever. None.

Oh, my God, this is awful. All right, wait a minute. Respect the nuggets, Mike. Dan, not kidding. I am a dignified NBA fired coach who deserves, well, probably the respect. that I'm getting, but nonetheless, I want to be treated with more respect. This is the Dan Levitar show

with the Stugat. We're presented by Draft King Sportsbook and official sports betting partner of the NFL. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app today and use code Dan for a special offer when you sign up. That's code Dan only at Draft King Sportsbook. Fresno State has one of the weirdest stretches of road games. I think I've seen in a minute.

So they play at USC on September 17th. Two weeks later, they go to Yukon. What? And then the next week, they go to Boise State. They're just delivering drugs. Like, if you go to the middle of Connecticut and Boise in the same month, all you're doing is moving. What drugs are you? What drugs?

Precursor. Precursor. They're from Fresno. All of them. Yeah. Yeah. It's like drugs, Gatlinburg. That's all you're doing.

It's the most profitable football program. in America. Don't look at the books. Ryan, I think in terms of Notre Dame or USC, the two teams I feel least inclined to predict in any way this year, probably USC and Colorado State teams that are just bringing, just import roster. They just like control, control C, control V roster. And like, I don't know how that goes. It could be great, could be fine. But yeah, if USC finished 14th, wouldn't feel like a surprise. So the sentence coming out of My mouth is the one that Jessica wants to hear, which is USC is really going to drag down Notre Dame's strength of schedule. That's what we're saying.

I'm fine with that. It's happened a lot the last 10 years. I'm fine with it. The one I'm not fine with, Navy. Get Navy out of here. No more Navy. Just in general. But that's not, that's not a game that has been that. Like, that hasn't been that tricky for Notre Dame in recent years. How will we defend our Cs without a Navy? C's D's. I don't know. Brian. It kind of has. I think there was, I was explaining this to Whittingham yesterday, actually. We were talking about the Navy Notre Dame rivalry. And I was like, if they, if Notre Dame beats a decent Navy team, it's like, well, you should have beaten them because of your Navy. And if they lose to a decent Navy team or even a good or bad Navy team, it's like, well, Notre Dame should never lose that game. So now you guys are out of the top 25. But it's about like patriotism and tradition and stuff. And is, you know, Don't those things have... No, those things don't have value. Sorry. Notre Dame is 9 and 1 against Navy

in the last 10 games they've played. And the last three games, they've won by... Notre Dame's won by 22, 32, and 28. But the emotional toll, Ryan, and the injury toll. It is true. They dive sideways at your knees for four quarters. Come on.

No one's part in the option. For America. Can I interrupt this with breaking news again? breaking news. Is this about Cock Commander 1? No. It's more important than that. Thank you to reader Terry Budane for

alerting us to the continuation of the Auburn UCF rivalry. Auburn Invented Space says Auburn University's College of Engineering official account. Y'all familiar with the Artemis Rocket that's launching Monday to the moon and back?

Well, the deputy director of the NASA's of the Marshall Space Flight Center went to Auburn and he has this to say, War Eagle is written somewhere inside that vehicle. I'm not going to say where or who put it there but I can assure you War Eagle is there.

Do we want to associate Auburn with life and death space missions? I was going to say that rocket's blowing up. If you look at the early history of like NASA's manned rocket program, it looks like an Auburn record

a lot of the time. Kind of. And we've got lift off, oh no. You all keep doing, like much like the space program, y'all keep doing this to yourself. Yeah, if you include Russia in there, like, yeah, if you read through the wiki of space rocket launches, there are points where it's like,

struck the moon is an incredible success. Also, if you tell me, Lika started a quarterback for Auburn for two seasons and beat Mississippi both years. That is the founding mascot of the Auburn School of Exploding Dogs. many Auburn quarterbacks put out there with no return plan. So, yes, the like of quarterbacks. Just sort of floating out there. I'm going to say something I'm going to say something I might regret.

What's so great about space? Like, why are all these schools trying to f***ing them? Oh, brother. Here we go. What is so great about claiming space? There's nothing there. There's so much of it, though. There's so much nothing.

Yeah, that's a lot. Florida gator, shill, Ryan Ninn, Slam, Central Florida. Jealous of UCF's intergalactic success. We own space. Cool. So here's the position that Auburn's put themselves in, though. Not only are they attaching Auburn Mojo physically to a space vehicle. They are saying Auburn invented space, ensuring that they will receive no help from Orlando on the ground.

Yeah. This is presuming that UCF has a space program and is not, as Stephen Godfrey is fond of saying, a degree. mill for Hilton Knight Managers. You can reach him at 38 Godfrey on Twitter. That's deep. That's deeply on

Hilton Night Managers. Our UCF co-worker isn't here today so we're good. I wish they were. Please introduce them to Godfrey. You can put him on the mic so they can be like,

nobody respects us. And I'm like, stop reading facts. Stop reading facts. I got one of those yesterday, Spencer, from our Golick and Smetty conversation where Holly said that UCF was one of her teams that she has an eye on this season and it was a UCF fan

saying Smetty disrespected UCF on Golic and Smetty and I was like I didn't even consider them I don't think about you at all I don't hate you I nothing you If your university is a playable skate park and skate three you went to UCF I do have one thing I do

This is not related to anything about UCF football thank god i am uncomfortable with how different gus looks when he doesn't have glasses in a like the superman clark kent thing he kind of has a toad thing going on where you're like how is anybody possibly fooled that these are different people just because of the glasses no gus when he takes off the visor in the glasses looks like 20 years younger significantly happier despite having gray hair and he's not doing the cc media day's annual die job thing he looks younger having gone gray. But the weird thing to me is that I always assumed that in the upper echelons of that visor there was just empty space. But he's kind of got a towed effect going on because it

turns out the visor was just bisecting an incredibly tall head. He's got like a Mars attacks alien head and he pulled off the visor. And you can see first of all the permanent divot from where the visor has rested for decades. But above it all was just like more head. And where does this man's brain stop? I'm a little worried at how good he looks quitting the Auburn job because normally coaches when they quit coaching. They gain 10 years of life and they look 10 years younger. You said a word there that is not accurate.

Gus Malzahn didn't quit the Auburn job. That's not what happened. Nobody quits the Auburn job. It's a family. Who is the last person who quit the Auburn job? Yeah.

So when he left Auburn. It's like quitting the mafia. That's not how it works. When Mr. Costellano retired from the mafia. Yeah, when you leave Auburn. Gus turned state's witness and he turned state's witness and he's retired to Florida. And he's retired to Florida and he looks entirely different because he's in WITSEC. That's the entire UCF job.

Just for a moment. Imagine the scenario where a coach voluntarily leaves the Auburn job. I can't even conceive of this happening. Tommy Tepperville to run for president. sorry don't speak it into existence why you know it's happening you should set it the idea of Auburn claiming space speaking of their coaches is pretty harrowing right now considering Brian Harrison was what sent here by aliens to defeat other aliens or what I think they have so much lore something like that the the people of his I don't even know

what to call it face I group situation so I think in terms of, like, I don't think, by the way, Gus can ever retire. How are they not stealing relics, by the way? God damn. We should all get into the stealing relics business, right? Like, it's only, yeah. Normalized stealing relics. Yeah. I think so earlier, one of you brought up,

it should be okay to raid the antiquities in England. What I want is a movie where Nicholas Cage cracks into the British Museum, liberates everything. If he can use the British accent that he used for, like, 20, seconds in national treasure two book of secrets i'm camping out for tickets do you know how much money this would make in india oh my god yeah well yeah hire a bollywood director yeah let's go all out yes why hasn't nicholas cage done a ball a musical number where i'm stealing everything in london and sending it back to where it came from just where it's the people who own it yes

they call it shipping and receiving um i i i understand that we have uh Mike working on something. Mike, have you completed this? Yeah, inspired by your conversation. I have put together a top five list. You know, we're known for our top fives. Top five college coaches that look divorced. Oh, man.

I think it'd be easier to do the reverse. That don't look. I like that he's shooting for the moon here. Let's go. This could also be known as top five list of college coaches that are divorced. Yeah. I actually think everybody on this list is divorced. I mean, okay.

This could just be five coaches. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, are we guessing this family feud style or are you going to read them off?

We begin with the OLLI outside looking in. Chip Kelly and all the stoops. Every single last one of this year. Yeah. Yeah. Stoops is every single.

Bob, Mike. I slightly, I think Mike Stubes looks like he wants to get divorced but won't pull the trigger. Just absolutely won't do it. Mark Stoops, though,

looks like pulled the trigger. years ago. Don't regret it. My house has two lawn chairs and a PlayStation. I'm happy as a clam. Rape my room, fellas. Yeah. That is a walking male living space. Have you seen how that Reddit community has become like this weirdly nurturing space lately? Oh, male living spaces did a total U-turn. I checked it the other day. And like the top 10 posts are all like, hey, King, your living room looks great. Like they've all figured out how to actually decorate rooms together. It's kind of heartwarming. number five Gus Malz on

yeah yeah I can see that but he looks like it was listen no disrespect to Christy his lovely wife but he looks like he got that good divorce like he got out of a bad situation and he did it was just professional

he's one of the rare coaches who is a wife guy but I think the divorce from Auburn is what has so permeated his skin and his mind that he looks divorced He's the kind of divorce where he's like, yeah, me and the exes, we used to do a lot of substances, but I've cleaned up since then.

She's a bad influence. Can I tell you the story about reality? The only burning man in my life is Jesus now. Woohoo! Have you read the Bible? Never mind. Don't think that. That's so.

You should have gone Shadry, Musach, and Abednego. So I got like, yeah, that is a, that is a theory. And speaking of fireproof underus, where is he? UCF. That's right. Space. I have to tell you this, Gus Mel's on in real life.

Like, he has no hobbies outside of coaching. So when he got to Auburn, he bought a boat. So he would just get up, like his wife would say, you need to do something else. He'd like push him on the boat.

And he would go out and just do circles in the boat and drive it back and been like, I have boated now football. And he'd just go right back. It's like a sim. Yes. He's like a sim. Yes. Like Gus is all the ball.

You have to recharge his life meter and then put him back. I have acquired boat's skill. Full back to work. Again, his wife, Christy, is a lovely and long-suffering woman. They'll have a conversation with that stranger. Okay. Balloon, Thundercloud, pineapple. Yeah, those play cards that you hold up on the side with emojis, that's actually just Gus talking to his kids.

That's what the inside of Gus's brain looks like. Number four. Number four, Jimbo Fisher. Oh, Jimbo is only four. The top three is going to be ferocious. There's a divorce story about Jimbo. We can't even tell on this show. No, we can't.

No, we cannot. The Christmas tree on the front lawn says it all, though. If you, if you, Jimbo looks like he's perpetually divorced. Like he's in the middle of, he's born divorced. Yeah. He's in a custody battle. Active custody battle. Like he's the Sisyphus of divorce.

It's like, every day he wakes up. That's Larry King. Yeah, never mind. I also, in doing this list, I've also realized what an unfair advantage it is to wear a visor because literally everyone has one so far. Is that the most divorced hat? It's a divorce hat.

Divorce hat. Yeah, because there's nobody in your house anymore to tell you to put sunscreen on the top of your head. Number three, Kim Mulkey. That implies that anybody would marry her, to which I object. wow i mean are satan's handmaidens allowed to get married in some states that's a great picture of kim mulky

number two number two tom crean and it is a rough divorce tom cream was married to one of the tom cream was married to one of those women who like packed his lunch for him and he doesn't even know where to find carrot sticks in the groceries so i take two issues with us one Tom Crean's married to a

Harbaugh. He's not getting out of that. He's not. For two, Tom Crean looks the most divorce attorney. The pants, the kind of discomfort in his clothes at all time. Can I kind of riverside that and say that Tom Crean looks an extraordinarily

amount of divorced for being hella married? Yeah, that's fair. That actually makes a stronger case for him, I think. Yeah. We cannot let him get divorced. The divorce power would be too great. Yeah, imagine Tom Crean, imagine Tom, okay, you know how somebody's going to have to play basketball

against Brittany Griner after she gets released from Russian prison? Imagine Tom Crean's divorced energy if he actually gets divorced. There will be no containing it. Tom has had a conversation with Jim and John where he said, you know, we're having some communication problems. I'm not sure if this is going to work out. And both Jim and John took their shirts off and said, if you can pin us both, you can wake up with her. If you can't, five more years.

Yeah. And every time, Tom's just like, he doesn't have the core strength for it. I want to know, by the way, going back, Jim Harbaugh was divorced at one point. Divorced Jim Harbaugh. That's an insane, an insane moment in life is recently divorced Jim Harbaugh.

Attacking the single scene with an intensity unknown to mankind. what's his courting page just going to barns asking if there's a woman in the house i don't know i think it's probably has something to do with like donning a frilled crest like a bird or a lizard i mean given his recruiting style he probably hired three guys to go find him maybe he puts his hat on backwards yeah it's like i'll coach her up you guys go find him i have a feeling he was just showing up to Colts tailgates being like, you're married?

You want to be? And number one, Mike Bray. I don't think I know what he looks like. Divorce. That means we get to do a live eval. I don't know how that's possible, but I can't pull up his.

I'm having a Clay Hilton moment right now. I can't pull up his face. My favorite. And the Mike Bray divorce. worst look evolution is he went from mock turtleneck guy to buttoned down like and then there was like the mike bray in maui's phase where he just took his shirt off and had a lay on in basketball shorts he's completely changed the best thing about the best thing about mike bray is like it really i don't think it matters how much effort he puts in in the morning he always it always looks

the same it always looks like he he was at a bachelor party the night before and just slept at his clothes always my favorite i can't find an image of him wearing a tie and it maybe it's like basketball without a tie suggests the been up all night thing he i don't think he's ever worn a tie professionally but my my other favorite thing about mike bray is his book is called keeping it loose 100% i think mike bray actually does put on a tie in the morning and then immediately loosens it because the stress of the day has already gotten to him he looks like a guy who simultaneously post-divorce started eating Papa John's for every meal, but also started going to hot yoga at 5 a.m. five days a week. And so, like, there's a balance here, but it's a balance that comes with real

tension. Yes. Mike Bray is if Rick Patino went to therapy. Oh, shit. Went to therapy for which, went to therapy with the goal of, wait, wait, wait, wait, went to therapy with the goal of moving in which direction. To be the most self-actualized Rick Patino? Like, Rick Patino is like, how could I be worse? Went to therapy and still ended up number one most divorced. Rick Petino is off the most divorced charts here. No, he's like, we just retired. We retired him.

He's first ballot hall of fame. If John Calapari went to therapy, the therapist would be like at 15 minutes, be like, he's fine. He's fine, and now I'm rich somehow. Yeah, no. I'm suspiciously wealthy. The most divorced thing about Mike Bray,

I'm on his Wikipedia page right now, zero personal life section, nothing. Wow. I love goals. Does not exist. Basketball coaches make the big mistake of wearing suits. See, football coaches have an advantage over them because their lifestyle is appalling and their choices are bad and the overall welfare scale for them is very low.

So they pretty much dress to match. The contrast between the suit, an indication of professional responsibility and generally being together with the actual physical state of most men's basketball coaches is the problem. It's like when John Wick is wearing a blood-covered suit at the end. of the movie filled with bullet holes and torn and stabbed. That's what all basketball coaches look like, right? So you're saying John Wick should wear golf polos. I'm saying John Wick would look a lot less stress.

I think you mean moisture wicking. That's where they got some name. I'm sorry. I think John Wick should dress like a baseball manager. Oh, with high socks. Exactly the same as his players. High socks. So the only absence from this list that I will note because I think it's the most

obvious one is Dana Holgerson. Yeah. Okay, no, no, no. that's another one because this implies that Dana ever looks like he's been and he has been but this implies that Dana looks like he's ever been married yeah okay which the miracles that he was can we can we change it but famously famously the quote by the way sorry right I'm just going to steamroll you because it's quotes too good but famously Dana has said aloud nobody's happy when I'm married can I would like to propose that Dana Holgersen is the most annulled looking

was a null a what you mean zero zero yeah that's how we start every Saturday hey y'all do a better Dana somebody else take this an old an old

Dana Dana is the most feral looking coach if you wanted to know like which one he's the most feral coach okay so Mike's not there is no looking in it who is the least divorced looking coach in college sports.

We've been kicking that one around. Rick's a good one. I think Marcus Freeman looks extremely married. Really? He doesn't look divorced at all to me, but it's also because he's never been married. Ken Neumato Lola makes a strong case. I know Marcus Freeman is very married.

He has multiple children, but he also looks like a bachelor. You don't have to be that married to have that many kids. Lincoln Riley gives off big married pastor vibes. So I'm going to say Lincoln Riley. I'm going to say Mike Riley. I'm going with Ken be a monololo

Mike Riley is the most married Riley But also A rare case of someone that wears a visor Occasionally that looks married Andy Reed Andy Reid is super married Yeah I'm jealous of how good his marriage is That's a 50 year marriage looking guy

Yeah Dave Miranda Yeah Yeah Dave Miranda is awfully married Matt Campbell somehow looks pre-divore and I can't really explain that, but I feel like you guys know what I'm getting at. He's shopping for a lawyer.

He's, no, I mean, he looks like, he looks like he signed a post nut before he signed a pre-nup somehow. I think Matt Campbell looks more long engagement. He's like really long, where it's like, you guys have been engaged for like seven years. And he's like, yeah, you know, we're just waiting.

I'm really leveling off. He looks like, like, this is, I'm trying to compare him to Mike Gundy, who looks like what I'm going to call quantum divorced. Paul Crest is the least divorced looking coach. Oh, yeah. That man looks like he's like, hmm, she's got a plate waiting for me at home. I think, oh, you know who has immense married pastor energy

along with Lincoln Riley is Neil Brown. Yeah. I think paradoxically, Bill Belichick looks very non-divorced because that would require like leaving the football facility to fill out a piece of paperwork. It would require like being aware that he has. married. Plus, when you see him in a sailing magazine, it's like, oh, man, look this dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got it together. Bill Belichick in the vineyard vines is off the charts married. Bill Belichick, when he shows up to the job where he is best known, makes the most money and is getting the most attention, he's just like, fuck you all wear whatever I want. But when it's like, you know, Hampton's magazine time, buddy, the fits are coming out. When it's time to look like you know what croquet is. That's right.

Yeah, that's a man who went to Exeter. All right, he checked me here. True or false. James Franklin does not look divorced, but has an extremely divorced personality. Yeah, and that kind of like occasionally he's like, you hit a sensitive spot. Yeah.

Like occasionally you hit a nerve. Told you not to bring that up again, Sheila. Yeah. Yeah. Also bad time management skills. So yeah. Is that a divorces? Kind of when you think about it.

Hope you don't find out. Is that what marriage is? The time you spend, it's when you accidentally schedule the time that you spend with your lovers with the time you're supposed to spend with your spouse. That's bad time management. Sure. Sure. That's too many men on the field.

Antonio. Antonio Conti, by the way, if this is my EPL shout out, Antonio Conti, he looks neither married nor divorced. I have said for you. that he looks like the priest in a soap opera who is in love with a married woman. That is it. If you look, please Google a photo of Antonio Conte, you will see. He looks like the guy who is like, Bella, I cannot.

For my only love is the Lord and the church yourself. That's Bob Diaco as well. I want that story, but I went Bob Huggins in that role. Like doing the accent and everything. Just hit in the butt. Can't do it. Ms. Gozy. Miss Goosey.

While wearing a track suit. Please somebody release me from my anguish and do Dana speaking Italian. Come on, Ryan. It's just Brad Pitt. It's been glorious bastards. No, never mind. Giorno. Gratsy.

Gourlami. Casino. that's that's all it is that's all it is anyone who says by the way speaks flawless italian i bet dana speaks like 17 languages of asking where does buy cigarettes flawlessly and no other words cigaretteo unfiltered o duty-free moro borough marlborough that's italian right sure moro borough Shungan Zainar We got to bring back the Mirage Bowl So we can send her to Japan The Mirage Bowl

Where Barry Sanders won the Heisman That's my Bates you are Barry Sanders In addition to like Running for more yards Than any human being on the planet Wait can you still smoke indoors in Japan

Data might love it there Oh I bet Listen you cannot But I bet there's multiple places in China where he can fire up indoors, I guarantee you. Oh, my God. I just, I've seen the future. It's all laid out before me. Dana and Tillman are just going to take

this thing, take this baby worldwide. They're just going to Macau. That's where they're a baby. That's a musical. Dana Holgerson goes to Macau, the musical. I will actually attend that in theater. I'll be like, I'm I found my claim ticket, but I lost myself. Scruff Pacific.

That's what we're calling it. I'm plowed. him the cow off 24 beers yeah this is by the way like dana dana to his credit is like shockingly organized as a coach like he runs like functional like like runs like everything like clockwork he's also i think hope for everybody who says that you have to sleep three hours a night in order to be a successful professional right because he's like free brother no way we're not getting the office till nine what is what is it my birthday the dream man the absolute dream and in demand that's the best part that man go look

never been fired hasn't been fired who among us can say that i like he shows up in houston and like usually the coach does the things we're going to win the right way we're going to do the academics we're going to install the culture we're going to blah blah blah blah blah blah holgo in his introductory speech at houston said we're going to win some games that's it that's the sales pitch Yes. And then in year one, made sure that practice did not intersect with what? The Houston Rodeo. That is correct. The biggest party in Houston in the spring, the rodeo, made sure that practice did not overlap that. That and telling all his players, hey, we're taking this year off.

We're going to actually try in like three years. That's like, can you imagine? Not for COVID reasons, to be clear. No. Just like, we'll come back when we're good at football. That'd be great. Just, yeah, listen, we're going to come back when we're good at the full cast, y'all. That's a form of emotional intelligence.

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