Shutdown Fullcast - Fullfast & Furious

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

It's our Fast Saga episode, and you know what that means: Ryan and Surber have finally seen all the movies. And you know what THAT means: This is war. Brother against brother. Family against family. John Cena on a ten-minute zipline is observed. Canon is established. Jason Statham is still not welcome at the cookout #Justice4Han #notmyJason Introducing Middle South Airlines! Look, just go with it. Also introducing the Fullcast store! Visit preownedairboats.com for all your worldly needs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Ramp.m.p.com slash easy. Currents issued by Sutton Bank and Celtic Bank members of DIC terms and condition supply. They have not introduced, unless I'm forgetting somebody, the Toretto mother has never appeared in this film series, right? Helen Mirren. Let's say not Helen Mirren. Let's say she's out because that also ruins sexual chemistry between her and Donna. Well, yeah, I think you're just misreading the chemistry. So I want, I want, here's what I want you to do. All four of you. I want to make Orson Wells in the same technology that they used for Mank. I don't want that. But here, And we all pick one possible actress to play Touretto Mom.

I've submitted my choice. I think you're misreading the chemistry. And I think, I mean, it's clear she just flew to L.A. in like 1960, whatever. So I'm going to swing. If John Sina and the Rock are canonically brothers. Yes. I'm going to say Linda Ronstadt.

Wow. Wow, that's a good one. I'm going to swing complete opposite direction. I'm going to go I would have said Carrie Fisher before her untimely death Lily Tomlin For a very

Lily Tomlin For real Jane Fonda would do this Jane Fonda would be Yeah actually She would be fucking wreck at it That's a good pick

Jane Fonda would be a very good pick Okay So I think I know I just have to make sure that yes Your target demographic No I know I know who because she has an Italian last name and because I have a definite reason

why Vin Diesel would cast her that would be Linda Fiorentino oh she's crazy so she'll fit real well into the cast Linda Fiorentino if you don't remember she's the coroner and men and black sure I don't think she's that much older but that's it what again

Ben Diesel's going to be like I'm like 29 I'm 49 yeah yeah she's eight years old she's eight years old she's eight years older than 15. It's called movie magic, you are only proving my point. I got to have a mom who makes me look like I'm 22. I'm going to bet that Vin Diesel was like, yeah, I love Jade.

I had Jade on VHS. All right. Hold on. I want you to close your eyes and picture this. Winona Ryder in her Edward Scissorhan's age makeup, not in her Star Trek age makeup. I want you to close your eyes and picture garage door opens to reveal Dominic Torretto's mother, Diane Weist. I thought you were going to say Diane Keaton, and I was about to punch the screen. Okay, what if it's

Kate Winslet, but it's Kate Winslet in character from Mayor of Easttown? Hello, Dom. Got some water under the hood. What if it's Kathleen Turner? Okay. Hello, Dom. Wait, hang on.

That would be strong. Hang on, I need to do some math. What if it's Reba's character from tremors. Please. Please and thank you. But if it's Reba's character from Reba's sitcom.

All right. Be with me. Do you know who age-wise is directly in the bracket to be, is directly in the logical place to be Van Diesel's mother and is extravagantly Italian

who we have not brought up yet. Turned on my screensaver by accident. I'm sorry. Share. Yes. Whoa. That'd be powerful. That's the answer.

Only if she talks all of her lines in autotune. First scene, she smacks Vindiesl in a fucking face. Maybe useful. You never call. Dominic, my baby. And then she has a dinner with Helen Mirren. my mom and my girlfriend I do do so to my mom

I have I have one word Cher would hate Lenny Cher would not be nice to Letty the entire film Nope or Liddy But would win her But would win her respect with driving That's that's there would be some sort of driving

based respect Does share know what cars are? Does sure care to learn what cars are No I guess we should just take over that franchise that keeps doing the holiday movies, like the Mother's Day movie. But with this. I have one more suggestion for the Torretto family. Because I think at this point anybody could walk in the door.

My theory on casting is that you could put anybody in the fast universe and they would survive. They unblinkingly were like, oh yeah, John Cena's his brother. And they explain it by having the canonically smartest character say, oh you're a little Nordic that's a surprise it's like damn you're doing some hard races here yeah they have they have a race for they have Charlize Theron never

leaving the set from like different boxes in a box right in a box in both in both of the movies she stands in a box commentating on the casting yeah she's like ah I'm snide and in a box I'm cypher give me three million dollars give me three million dollars for this

filmed a Dior commercial on the same day on the same set. Yeah. This is, I think there should be somebody who already has an Italian last name put in as an uncle randomly. Somebody who likes Hot Rods. Oh, this is the toch. How is the toch not been brought up to his friends yet? I was thinking Guy Fieri.

I think we'd just bring in Guy. It's not Guy Fierro. Yeah. Just have Guy Fieri come in, right? They're like, we need the best. Yeah. Hang on, hang on, hang on. We have seen, we have seen, we have seen a young.

dumb we had we had an actor cast as young dom and went old dom dom's vision of the future is yeah it's guy fierry and they never explain the hair they never explained that's true that's guy fierry is just constantly on the road just moving he doesn't do a accent he doesn't do a voice no yeah lived my life a quarter pound already Welcome to the shutdown for the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. I'll continue to be Spencer Hall, your host, one of two on this podcast, joining us from a beautiful sun-bathed porch. Jason Kirk, my fellow host on this here podcast.

How are we, Jason? I would say the sun is bathing the clouds, and the clouds are filtering the sun. But nevertheless, it is a gray-bathed porch, and we'll take that over. um brown or like you know dark yellow or uh shit ochers or uh or like a lime green bathed bad things have happened if the sky's lime green i think usually usually yeah i do like the stage in the georgia summer because it is kind of like being under a hot cheap blanket that's very very thin and not quite not not not not quite enough to block out the sun but just enough to make you super yeah i like the um that we started doing this this uh recording on video and it's really hard to tell

if spencer is even here or not just sort of see a shape i look like i if to the to the listeners at home my image can we screen hang on we can the best description of it is because it's like what if i should be talking like this it's like what if what if unsolved mysteries but at nana's house And then I saw him just put the bodies in the trash. Didn't even cremate them, hundreds of them. Yeah, it's like there's a bear who witnessed a horrible crime. Yeah. A bear wouldn't snitch, though.

A bear wouldn't snitch. No, no, no, unless you took away the dumpster, right? When the Rangers took the dumpsters, I decided to turn state's evidence. I got nothing left. A bear would never say that Ryan is day drinking while recording this show. Ryan Nanny. are our guest day drinking

thematically day drinking I didn't notice what that was that's a beautiful tribute yeah Ryan is drinking a corona extra the relevance of which

will become apparent in a moment not drinking here in Atlanta Georgia our perennial guest Holly Anderson how are we doing

Holly? I have no complaints at this time because I haven't really seen you all day superb none of us have

he's just a hairy shadow that's right just over here being like i was taking care of my kids when i saw the rangers selling kidneys there it was day drinking i don't see what's wrong with day drinking like if i drink at night then i sleep weird if i drink during the day i sleep fine so if i tell you i'm just being european it's cool now oh absolutely what is it ryan just say you're italian then it's like oh okay sorry you're celebrating the soccer thing i'm going to say something that may be controversial i don't ever think of you as being italian that's i know what i look like

like that's fine no no it's i think it's because you don't talk about being italian all the time yeah it's i could do i could do a lot better in that regard that's a fair point yeah but pop listen pop that pop the wrist action i need to see it i need to see if it's in there show us how it's yeah no yeah no the two edges double-handed double-fisted on it ryan is being a cafeteria italian a thing like being a cafeteria catholic um I don't think it's quite that I think you just pick and choose like I want a day drink but I don't really love fascism well no you can't you have to one goes with the other I mean if it's Italy just wait a couple years and they'll they'll give up on that right yeah yeah

no I think you do have a choice whether you want to be like Italian Italian like Jada is probably the best the best encapsulation of this like where you overpronunciate words and you like drink wine in a certain way in style whatever or if you want to be staten island slash philly italian which is a completely different thing or you could be an instagram italian where i recently saw memes uh containing the term italianx what where does where does haunted castle italian fit into this right like exotic villa like name of the rose that's marie what you're what you're describing is Mario Mario literally oh my god we ever considered that the name of the rose and like

Mario brothers same story yes the exact same story the name of the daisy yeah um i i was wondering by the way what is insider trading to a bear that's you know i often find myself wondering that yeah like what would what would a bear have to go into witness protection over right The bear witnessed the mob killing Yeah That might be one

Was inside a dumpster When bodies were dumped They're in Or knows the honey Occupado Occupato Wait The bear is also Italian

Gris Is fronates to not I have exciting Some exciting news here Apparently the internet There's a debate On whether Wario

and Waluigi are Italian or German. Typically, if you have those two things, your option, something bad has, very bad has gone wrong, but apparently Wario's voice acting for a long time was German. So there's been some confusion. It seems he's canonically Italian, though, but... This says Wario is from Argentina? Uh-oh.

Hmm. We're on video, but because we can't see your face, I didn't realize that you were joking and thought you were looking at a wiki article that said that Wario is canonically. I'm just going to put it in wiki and see if anyone corrects it. Within seconds, it'll be corrected. Yeah, if she if she could or Nintendo Wikipedia we're talking about you better go hard if you're going to like to dabble in that 200 people are going to get a text alert.

Someone is going to someone is going to here at your house. Let's go. Or if we could just get. to Giro Miyamoto to have a crazy moment and go with it. You know, I've always thought Wario was from Argentina. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Can we, have we talked about Miyamoto and Star Fox? That Miyamoto. Because that's a story that you recently told me that kind of blew my brain. So if you watch the games that made us on Netflix, the documentary about various video games and the development of video games in the late 70s and early 80s, there is, is a story about how Nintendo went 3D and how video games as a whole went 3D. Half the episode is Doom, which is pretty

great because everyone involved in the making of Doom looks exactly like you think the people who made Doom look. Like jeans, tucked in banded collars, like a lot of Metallica and Slayer shirts in the office. Do they have beef? Of course they have beef.

Everyone involved in the making of a moderately successful game by today's standards now have insane beef with each other. The game that is the other half of the episode is Star Fox. Star Fox, if you're familiar, it's the Nintendo flying game that was the first three-dimensional game for the Nintendo of the Super Nintendo and was also made on a jailbroken Game Boy. So first of all, they summoned the guys who made Star Fox, who figured out how to go 3D on a Game Boy. They summoned them to Tokyo and being fools, they got on the plane. Because I think they assumed

oh we're going to be jailed but free ticket to Tokyo so they were like 20 years old they go to Tokyo they go to the board like this massive meeting room and Nintendo and all these guys walk in and they said the Nintendo guys all had jackets that said Nintendo on them like work jackets white work jackets that said Nintendo which if I could have had anything in this life as an honorary garment please one of those in an XXL would have been magnificent second they go they thought they were going to be in big trouble and then they say hey we think you should make a game for us so they asked the guys once they found out how you know that they did it they said you should make a game so they make star fox but miamoto who by the way only uses their office this little

separate area that they keep the westerners in this crappy little office away from all the japanese programmers it's the only place where miyamoto smokes so miyamoto will roll in sit there and just like fire darts off one by one you like you like this right yes yeah and love it, that he just comes in big times and throws butts on the floor and is like, breathe my cancer. I'm, I'm Mario's genius. Is he walking like, what's up fellow cowboys? Yeah. And this is, this is how you breathe. Yes. Yes. Hello fellow Texans. And then he I'll start greeting everybody like that. Howdy. So Miyamoto walks in and says, I love the 3D thing, but unfortunately, it's too open. The user is going to get very confused. He will

be flying around aimlessly and this makes me sad i can't have it just doesn't feel right so it goes i'm going to go home over the holiday and figure this out so it goes home and it goes to the anari shrine and the anari shrine if you've seen it it's like super instagram friendly it has a bunch of tori those red gates red japanese gates just like hundreds of them leading up to the main shrine right yeah this bright orangey red reddish orange like a flaming sunset red and they he's going through them and he's going through the gates and he says aha that's it so he gets home and he says i have two things that are going to fix the whole game one we're going to have gates that we go through just like the annari shrine his home shrine which if you played star fox you know those those wireframe

gates that you that you fly through like that's the origin of those yeah the second thing he said was much funnier to me which was fox pilot he's like fox pilot animal pilots To which the British guys are like This is going to suck This man's insane The fox is apparently not the mascot But the It's the guardian

It's the spirit animal Guardian of the shrine And so he comes back and he's like Okay gates Fox pilot Fox pilot They're like one out of two buddy And then they thought I was going to suck

Until they played the game And they were like And they were like No man The animal pilots really make the game That's it I highly recommend watching this If only see you can do

what I just did, which is tell all of your friends about Fox Pilot Shigero Miyamoto, fire and darts in this office going, Fox Pilot. That's a great contrast to two games, Doom and Star Fox. Like, one is, one is, I went into the, you know, I went into the spiritual place and I thought about animals who could do cool achievements. And the other one's like, we're going to shoot Satan in the fucking face.

Let's find the devil and shoot him in the gut. Well, and the tone is, we're going to take a game where you shoot Hitler. and shoot somebody worse. So like, has Satan come to Earth? No, we went to him. We found his ass. No, we can't come here. Here is where we have the beautiful shrines to the foxes.

We're going to go find his ass. Doom is, and the tone, the import of each game when you're playing it and the seriousness is completely inverse to the situation. Because Fox pilot in magical world feels like the apocalypse. It feels like the most important game ever. And Doom, it's like, party in hell because if you fail

it's like it's fine it's hell it's supposed to be this way yeah I'm only making by the second I'm making hell better so and the other one is like if you fail at Star Fox like I hurt the baby Fox you are defending your home planet and the home planets

of others in hell you are a home invader in doom that's what's happening you are going into Satan's house and fucking his shit up yeah Star Fox really was the game that first gave me a sense of like war of the roses style doom yeah star fox actually had like drama whereas doom you're like i don't know man satan's got castle doctrine it is really funny which of those games has the much much much much longer script right the game where you're fucking you're

you're you're reenacting dante's inferno with a fucking shotgun there's no no script no lines no one says anything whereas star fox is like constant chattering and i'm making friendships and I care about all these ducks and pigeons and stuff. I feel like Falco is holding a lot of this in, and I don't know if that's great for team chemistry. There's only two possible lines in Doom. What is Satan saying, what the hell, ma'am? And the other is you, the player, saying, whatever, fuck you, Satan.

That's it. End of dialogue. Yeah. Also, in the development of the games, if you've played them, Star Fox only became more dramatic. Like, if you look at the last one, there are big cutscenes where people... It's a space opera. It becomes a space opera.

yeah but they're interacting with grave seriousness with a giant cartoon falcon right like what do you think falco how would you treat a giant cartoon falcon with the utmost respect yeah right whereas doom i'm not trying to tell you how to live man i mean this is oversimplifying the case and i know so if you're some doom geek don't email me because i think you're all like weird like i think you're all weird weird who's standards don't email fans are weird by by this program standards yes doom fans are weird they wear unnecessary unnecessary like metal bracelets and stuff good afternoon to a Arizona state we understand that we have just spoken to a lot of you in a manner that you may not find pleasing also a lot of georgia grads frankly boy in the list of video games herm edwards would not understand right why am i in hell no no no what was the line from amanda mull's appearance on here like the land of five hundred dollar drivers and eight dollar ball caps coach herm coach herm this game about the harrowing of hell okay done easy oh yeah that's true that's not oh i'm for that that's good

why are you in hell because satan's in your division now go in too he would probably think there was too much scoring though it's like no no no no you need to defend more real quick let's pick the hell mouth out of each major conference for funzies well i mean we just did the obvious one right it's tempi for it's tempi for the pack 12 it feels like that feels like that feels like the show hellmouth right the like hey look over here the guest hellmell which makes Pullman really

I think Tempe is hell's false front and the real ones in Tucson or Corvallis who would know yeah Ryan says Pullman I said Pullman how many of us have been to Pullman have been to that part of Washington? Probably not going to happen there's this there's this very

very strange sensation you get up there where the best way I can describe it is the sky feels like it's too close to the earth. Like even when there are no clouds, it feels like it's just like right there. Yeah. Like it's closing in on you slowly, trash compactor style. So that, yeah, I would buy that. Big 12, I'm going to go ahead and say a lot of choices there.

Lubbock. Okay. Could also go with Dallas. Buddy, I'm hitting him with Waco. Let's go. Let's do it. Yeah, they're kind of overt about that, aren't it? That's a strong case there.

I mean, who would know it better? You know what I mean? Big Ten? Ooh. Okay. I know we're all going to say East Lansing, but swerve, Urbana Champagne? East Lansing has a banality of evil.

East Lansing has a lot of purgatory. A lot of the big team has purgatory about it. I'm going to go ahead and do. Purdue? And they, what's Lafayette? Purdue Pete does look like he seems to think. he really does the idea of hell what is it eternal disappointment suffering supposedly if you buy the idea you will never escape things will never get better um maybe you have fleeting glimpses

of hope but don't fall for them they're false every single year year after year after year after year the big house brother that's hell oh shit i was going to go one man stroking their chins like theologically this checks out i was going to make one more argument that would be for the one place that resembles the good place in the TV show the good place the most a place where everything's fine and it's just good and no we're all good everything's great oh yeah Minnesota

Minnesota because you know when you'll realize it when it's far too late to escape and now you live here forever yeah oh do you want to get mad about it oh that wouldn't be good if you got mad you're a twins I don't like your voice right now in my ears ACC

wake forest because guess what nobody goes there nobody goes there and everything and they have they have and it's not in the bible and they have those weird ghost pipes yeah they literally already have a demon deacon oh i didn't even think about the mascot when i said that yeah no they already have the wicked this way something wicked this way comes look at mascot they've got the the actual doom level beneath the campus which is mysteriously isolated from the rest of town you have to it would be if you drive to wake forest it is a part of town where if you were driving wait i didn't realize this was very much toward like like resonant evil than doomed to me. Yeah. Well, it's a place where they go, that's the door. This shit sounds like Silent Hill.

Yes. There's a manor. There's a manor. Silent Hill is where Duke plays football. There's a manner and there's a weird man with the top hat who lives there. And beneath his house is a series of strange tunnels.

This is, isn't this literally the plot of the secret garden? Wake Forest. Plus hell deacon. Yeah. Wake Forest. I've got a lump on my back. would be very different if instead of the demon

deacons they were the hell preachers that's fucking awesome they should like about that rebrand Liberty why don't you get on that Dave Cawson you don't deserve this but I'm giving it to you anyway finally SEC God we're spoiled for choice here

I mean I'll make a big house argument again and say it's Athens Georgia by the way the idea of hell you know it was invented by Plato in Athens Greece thank you oh QED never mind sold problem salt done um i wanted they littered in hell that's what'd you do i drove an RV to hell this really puts a disturbing paul over the the historical documentary alice's restaurant

um i wanted to talk about pre-owned airboats dot com because spencer what's that well it's um it is a vanity URL we have pointed to various things over the years but right now it is pointed at the next step in the full cast evolution Ryan hit him with the knowledge because you did beautiful work on this man it's literal podcast business we have a merch store now it only Ryan's passion on the internet we've we've we've made a limited selection of of items available for purchase a lot of coffee mugs I think we've wink wink coffee in Alex we checked yep we've tried to like pull some things from different parts of show lore uh there's at least one thing for each show host i would say that goes on here although they're all pretty interchangeable

um yeah we're all the full cap yeah uh we're just getting this started if there are things we don't have that you would be interested in um us looking into email us at shuttime fullcast at gmail.com maybe we'll make it happen uh in the meantime you can get a mid-south airline coffee mug, Nightham University, Orlando, the Europe of Ohio. We got one with the full cat. We got a good postcard, a good sticker. We got options. We got good options for you.

My personal favorite is the postcard, and I'm not going to explain to you why I'm so excited about the opportunity to purchase a postcard from the internet that will then be mailed to me. You just have to see it. You can get a mug with Cartoon Spencer's face that just says, welcome on it. and that like will only draw so many questions in public mostly who is that man and why does he have a mug in public i like that that's the camp mug right yes it's like it's like the uh the enamel tin one or whatever it is to remind you not to microwave spencer he doesn't like it it's the kind of mug that in like an old time prison film the prisoners like rang along the bars

or whatever welcome to jail right i see you've given this a lot of thought and I'm very pleased about that. Yeah. Thank you. I'm the biggest fan of, obviously, Orlando being the Europe of Ohio. Just put it on my headstone. That's one of our finest creations. Who was that?

Was that Orion? Was that Orion originally? I don't remember. I think that was me. And that's only because I was like, wow, that's a really mean thing. I'm glad I said it. But Orlando being the Europe of Ohio, you can get that on a mug. there is, I have not stopped laughing at the Mid-South Airlines mug.

Can I say one thing about it? People have been saying like, hey, people are really upset about what we did to this. People are like, this has inaccuracies. Yeah, man. Also, of all the inaccuracies, people are really upset about the fact that Charlotte appears on the mug twice, and no one has yet brought up the fact that Michigan is in there. Someone did. Someone said, I think it was, it was, it was.

was coach, I forget the name, I'm sorry, coach someone on Twitter said, thank you for acknowledging Saginaw is in the Mid-South. Oh, good, okay. And added his wife, who is from, I recall, Fort Wayne. That's all I recall. Yeah. Coach Wellman, that's what it was.

Yeah, Saginaw, Michigan, by the way, if it's mentioned in a country song, it's officially part of the Mid-South. That's a lefty-Fri-Zell song. Therefore, part of the Mid-South Airlines, eligible for coverage by Mid-South Airlines, official airline of the shutdown. The other thing someone pointed out is that map centers on Tennessee and none of the locations.

No reason to visit Tennessee. It's literally, even within flyover country, it is flyover country. Tennessee, just looking up at the sky like, we don't trust it up there anyway. You don't know what's up. Just looking up at the sky like, bough, bough, bough. Get off my property, you some bitch. You ever seen anybody in Tennessee when they try to pass the ball? And they're like, no, no, no, get down here.

You don't know what? Tennesseans look at the open sky. guy, like everybody else in a landlock state might look at the ocean and be like, you just never know. You never know what's in there. Also, it would be something like Miss South Airlines will resume services

to Memphis and Johnson City as soon as the Department of Revenue removes the lien against our property. I think the assumption is that you're already in Memphis. That's what it is. Why would you be anywhere else beside Memphis, Tennessee? You could just beam inside the pyramid.

This is entirely unnecessary. Or that there's some sort of wrestling beef keeping them out of there, right? Like, Darylola keeps us from landed. Excuse me, unnecessarily. I don't trust that. That's some bitch, Jerry Lola. We ain't going to his neck of the wood.

His credit is not unlimited. Jerry Lola does suck. He does. So there's a discussion of Mid-South Regional Airlines, which is a lot of thought into, probably an amount that should disturb everyone. It led to Holly inventing middle south regional airlines of course which it's essentially the mid-south of the of the

Tolkien universe which travels the world of the hobbit and and the Phil Marillion we're gonna go there and back again that's what that's what these flags go that's called a round trip I was thinking about middle earth locations in terms of mid-south reality and how much our good friend dusty roads would appreciate each of them of course we ain't going to ivengard there's a rich man in a tower making all them folks work and they're paying them a goddamn dime. I'm glad them trees flooded that son bitch. He didn't deserve that tower.

Rich man, you didn't build that tower. Power, man, you piece of shit. Of course, we ain't going to like Mordor because what happens there, it's hot. Dusty Rhodes is going to get sweaty. Working my honey off Mount Doom. His only protective gear being a Ramirez Steakhouse jacket and a pair of like tight.

I set up this entire thing just to get Jason to say, of Gileas in that voice. Of Gileth, it's overrun with paving. Now, everybody wants to go live with the elves. Okay, all right. They're pretty like dusty roads, all right? But there's some skinny lily white motherfuckers.

I can't trust them. My hine is a little too big to get on that boat. My hine is way too fucking big for that boat. No, sir. Elf take one look at me and say, he's too pretty to come to live with us, that dusty roads. You know what my people is?

Probably obvious. I'm going home to the Shia. What are they doing the Shire? They drank all day. They party all night. They got big hannies, and they smoked a good weed. No shoes. Gandalf don't call it weed, but it's weed.

Tolkien didn't call it weed. He called it tobacco, but let's be honest, it's weed. And you know what? You know what Hobbit's aren't afraid of doing? Getting in the ring. They're not afraid of getting in the ring. Barefoot. You're going to have to take this ring for me.

There ain't no fellowship. like the fellowship of the ring let's go you won't even see me coming when I get the ring except I'll take the ring off since I take the ring off I take the ring off so you can see how pretty Dusty Rose is I don't want to be able to show far on the meaning of defeat I ain't going to deprive to sour mona looking at this pretty face

also Dusty's very working class and what's more working class than living in a hole in the ground or taking a long vacation with your gardener without notice right like that's the other thing is the hobbits are just like yeah we're not telling anybody let's just go me my big honey Gardner. We go off all the way straight to that some bitchy's front porch

and we're going to throw some shit straight down his mountain. I never been up on one. I'm from the country. And then we're going to walk our a asses back home. That's what we're going to do. And we're probably going to get drunk. What is the belt after all, but a ring for the body? A ring that

encircled the body. Do you remember the taste of strawberries? Why didn't they just fly the eagles the whole way? because they can't carry my big honey. That's why. That eagle picked me up and said, oh, damn, you're too strong for me, Duffy Rhodes. We also decided the ants were from Memphis, Memphis.

Yes, that's why they talk slow. That's it. Like, should we get, should we get ribs or ribs? Hang on, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just trying to figure out which wrestler the Nazcaul are in this. Hmm. Oh. Yeah, I mean, they talk a lot of shit, but.

No, it's pent. It's pentagon. Yeah, it's Pentagon, junior. The now's cool. Arm breakers. Yeah, 100% Pentagon. You know, and the elves would be like, who's something really pretty? Like the prettiest wrestler, right? That's Rick Rood. All the elves are Rick Rood. It'd be Rick Rude. It'd be the Miz. The Miz would be an elf, right? Like, I'm the MIS. I'm the MIS. I'm the MIS thinks he's an elf. is like when Gimley is like you know I'm kind of becoming kind of like an elf you know why like the people in the minds yeah we're looking people they go down daddy in a hole in the ground for 13 hours a day

it's too dark these skins get all pale down there and make an honest wage it is a little dark need my mood lap Gandalf is actually the most wrestling character of all of them because it's like damn they're still dragging him out shit

Gandalf is the undertaker I swear that guy was dead for entire movies every time you see him he's got a completely different character but he's the same guy yep yeah who even announces himself is AJ styles for mirror

the dead man that is what they used to call me my cat I would never call another man my king well it's gonna be a problem I return to you now at the ring of the bell. All the way from Texas. The realm of Texas, where I'm a dad.

God damn. I just want Middle South Airlines, but it's over just like a map. Yeah, like one of those hand-drawn maps in the script, and it's just like Tifton. Soon for sale. The Eagles from Tipton. at pre-owned airboats.com. We'll have, you'll be the first time

you see the word Nagadoches in Tolkien font. Tolkien never dreamed up anything as rich as Arkansas. Let's be clear. That's true, because they're very rich. I feel like everything that happens

in the Hobbit sounds to me like everything that happens in Arkansas. It's like, a scary monster. Oh, what was it? It was a wolf who was huge. That feels like a night in Arkansas. College football turns to be like,

an evil king fell off his horse and great scandal did ensue yeah King Petrino was pretty awesome Jason I have a question for you it is cinematic but not related

to this particular line of films or movies and it would be this I think we've all seen it at this point did you finally did you see F9 did you see Fast and the Furious 9 yes did yes

okay I think we're ready to talk about it my heart man yeah how about I have a little exercise we will work our way up to nine, all right? All right, all right, game. So now that there's enough of these movies for an eight movie tournament,

pause to make sure it sinks in exactly what I said there. Let's run through all eight and let's determine a winner of these films, all right? I have created a bracket in a very creative system, which will probably start to sink in as we go through. Our first matchup is going to be fast one, the movie where even Vin Diesel is somewhat skinny and all the music is

it basically sounds like it's from a 90s DVD loading screen. It's got the worst music of any movie ever made. And we're going to pit that against Too Fast Too Fast Furious which has really very, very little to do with any other movies other than it

introduces the best duo in the entire universe which would be Tyrese and Ludacris fast one versus fast two what do we got so here's my simplest logic which one of these movies has somebody saying very seriously the phrase race wars it's fast one and not fast two and that's why i would pick fast one somehow it is not the movie containing tyrese correct like like my my immediate question for any fast movie is does somebody say welcome to race wars

Okay, I, first of all, too fast, too furious has aged better than it had any right to because I used to hold this up as the worst of the series. I've come to appreciate it more with time as Luda and Tyrese were woven more fully into the crew. It also, this is, this is my favorite Tyrese in any of the movies. I also appreciate that they made Luda, just the computer was. And I used to hold this up as the worst one, and then the fourth one came out. And we're going to discuss that later. But here's the thing about Fast One. I think you have to go for Fast One here.

It really sets up the whole family dynamic. And Vin Diesel's voice, by the way, I haven't gone back to watch this again, is even weirder than I remembered it because I have you guys ever when's the last time you heard Van Diesel talk in a non-fast movie setting? Has anybody ever seen him do an interview? Like him not playing a character?

Yeah. Honestly, the interviews are distinguishable. Yeah. So I left the disc in the player after we watched, I think the first one and went off to like fold some laundry or something. I came back and the extras were playing and it was Vin Diesel doing an interview

and he kind of, sounds like a guy doing a goofy Vin Diesel impression. Like there was a blooper reel running and he's sitting in the car and he's like, we might go this way. We might go that way. And Vin Diesel's actual voice is like way more cherubic. And I think

he's just started talking like Dom in all walks of life since this movie came out. I will hold up forever in complete and total seriousness that the first movie in this series is very quietly revolutionary in the way it creates this incredibly diverse multi-dimensional Los Angeles

and treats it as totally matter of fact and never comments upon this movie. I've been screaming about this on the internet for at least 10 years. You can go back to Grantland if you want to see thousands and thousands of words on the subject. I won't belabor the point, but I feel like we owe the first movie a historical debt of gratitude for creating this sphere to inhabit for so many years, Spencer Hall Fast One has better cars I'm sorry you guys have all these really

like deep reasons Well I want to be clear that I'm not Yeah race wars is a real deep reason I'm not dissing too fast too furious Which like which again has aged better than it had any right to be Movie number four But yeah the the first one has The first one just owes we owe so much to it

No it's got the skyline GTR in it So that's why I think it's better. It also came first. My reasons are real deep, but those are the two reasons. Also, the music and one is so deplorable that I think it actually approaches a kind of grandeur. My sole reason, by the way, for even putting two in a ball game, I think that Fast 2 keeps it close until the early third quarter because of Tyrese. Ejecto Cito. Ejecto Cito cause.

Yeah, that is the reason. Tyrese wrote his own dialogue. Tyrese, the introduction of Tyrese, yeah, the, the introduction of Tyrese. Also, people don't remember who directed the second one. Do y'all remember this? Can you tell me off top of your head who directed too fast? Is it John Singleton? It is John Singleton. They could have gone a lot further with that. But yeah, the introduction of Tyrese, who I argue is the heart of the series in full and may actually end up being the only character who properly understands their spot in the cosmos, that the dynamic of Tyrese doing dumb things. and ludicrous doing smart things which I think is extremely important not just to the movie series

but to the universe as a whole that dynamic keeps this in they're like a buddy comedy within the comedy Right within each of us There is a Tyrese and a Luteus There's a Tiree and a Luda struggling within each of you. One person wants to go to bed at 9 p.m.

And eat a salad. The other person is Tyrese and that's why you're eating ice cream at 1 am. I'm actually a Liddy with a Luda rising. Yeah. And what do we learn? We need our Luda and our Tirese. That's right. It's right. They're totally necessary. But yeah, Fast 1 pulls away in the 44. Jason, are you going to overrule our unanimity on Fast 1 over Fast 2? I think two is probably the one I would rather watch right now but I mean if we're talking I can't really tell you the story of two but one is like all right so here's this happens this happens this happens you know like one is like it's it's locked in forever and like when that came out it like Holly said it was a thing we're like the entire high school can love this just as much you know everyone is together in on this it was I don't remember anything like that ever happening before um yeah the movie itself what makes it so powerful is the movie itself doesn't call attention to this fact at all going so far if in fact is to throw it back in your face by calling the desert races race wars

but calling it yeah calling it that and not having anyone saying we can't say that when we're all here what they just did and none of them cared but just dumping this like it is it is and this is this movie came out when I was first like learning learning more about movies than to sit through movies but this is also the first movie I ever recall seeing as a kid that reflected what I thought Los Angeles looked like when I ended up living there. Was this why you moved to Los Angeles? Yes.

Yeah. To become a DVD. Yes. To become a DVD. Mind your own business. Mind your own business. Hey, statute of limitations. It's fine.

Yeah. Serber, you go to vote to you, man. I mean it's really tough to choose I guess I'll I'll say fast one because of how important it is and launching everything but I really agree on the Tyrese point like strongly strongly agree that it's tough to not choose to because of his expanded role it is a tour to Tyrese

also you learn in the movie that Tyrese is from fucking Bakersfield I wouldn't cross that man for money yeah also by the way Suki's Honda S-2000, the pink car. Yeah, Devin Aoki, not coming back in future movies, I thought was kind of a miss. Yeah, and that car, and that car, which I will steal one day. Next up, next matchup, we have, see if you can figure out the seating method. We have Tokyo Drift versus Vegas is setting a high point spread here. Tokyo Drift versus Fast 4, okay, so.

Holly grabs the mic. Tokyo Drift is an American Cinema Classic. That was a blowout. Yeah. Fast for is of the ones that are actually canon, undeniably the worst fun. Now that everybody's seen it, can I explain to you why I urged both Ryan and Cerber not to watch Fast 4? Please. Sure.

Lore wise, it is skippable. Ultimately, yes. At the time, it didn't seem so, but ultimately, yes. Right. Lorewise, it is skippable, especially with the larger catalog. after the way Tokyo Drift was shot, especially the way the entire movie ends with a downhill mountainside race

in the dead of fucking night in which you can actually track what's happening to have four end in another dead of night dark race this time through tunnels under the U.S.-Mexican border in which everything is so... I saw this in the theater and it's repeated on the DVD and it's repeated on the Blu-ray. It's not a problem with any of the transfers.

This is in the movie. it's you can't see shit the editing sucks it's muddy and you can't see anything and lore wise there's nothing there that you can't get made up for like structurally in the future films the one thing it probably the one redeeming thing I guess it gives you is this is where galgadotte's character is introduced right it is but also they don't really give her backstory she's not ever introduced as uh she's not ever introduced beyond the fact that she's she's not even introduced as being undercover right right yeah like she's just this person like she uh and also they don't give her a lot to do in this movie she has a much better role in five this is going to be unanimous right i've got of yeah i also

my it does the one okay the one thing that four has going for it lore wise is that it puts it puts paul This is actually a perfect example. If you really, really want to see Paul and Dom get back together, you have this movie. However, that getting back together is set up in the closing credits of Fast 1. You already know they're going to go do this. Like you already know that Paul Walker has flipped and is helping Dom break out of prison. You already know who's headed that way. This movie is unnecessary.

Plus, Fast forward doesn't have one of the boys from home improvement in it. Thank you for shouting out Zachary Ty Bryan. Just by the way, unless we make this all about four, I want to just name a handful of things from Tokyo drift. I'm so glad they brought back Lucas Black and his weird face. One idiot from Alabama meets every redneck idiot from Tokyo, right? The great universal redneck bonding.

Okay. There are hillbillies everywhere and all of them drive cars too fast, right? Hey, I'm a guy, Jean. Adore it. They just lean into it the whole time. Two, Han. Han. three bow wow baby bow wow gets a credit bow wow okay in the long insane list of people who have been in the fast franchise bow wow is up there for what it's it bow wow's tied with helen mirren yeah it's like bow wow and helen mirren are in the same film franchise impossible without Tokyo drift is that right i'm gonna repeat once again that helen mirren only came back for fast nine because they promised they would let her drive also there's some beautiful man there's some beautiful man there's some beautiful

beautiful emotional moments that here here is also another emotional core that resonates forwards and backwards throughout the chronology of the universe and it's han standing on top of the building watching soccer and telling him this is my mexico like fucking chills man and i yeah another thing with three is it's kind of the ant man doctor strange of this universe where like when does this happen i don't i and like if someone were to ask exactly which two movies it's between i even even i'm like it doesn't matter i don't know i don't know i also i also appreciate that this is the only movie that suggests that driving is a skill that can be learned yes every other movie it's like you're either an awesome driver or you put a dangerous amount of nods in your car yes i love it every other

movie driving is about like timing and courage fearlessness right like dom when he runs a race about wanting it yeah it through all these movies and don wins a race he looked at the other guy and he says something like too soon or like you have a nerve or it ain't about the car it's about how much fucking work could you put in right but Tokyo drift is like no there's physics here and here is yeah you need rules practice training yeah you stupid American it's not pushing a button the hardest yeah so Tokyo drift because it takes place uh like kind of uh as to the side in the orbiting universe does not have the key scene that makes in my opinion all the rest of these movies so infinitely pleasurable it does not have the putting the band together scene

what it does instead is substitute bama boy learning to drive in a very enjoyable montage scene of about equal length like you get that same okay we're really putting the thing together now both when he is learning to drive and when they are constructing the car yes yes agree like they took what could have been a weakness in the series overall and replaced it with a component of i would argue equal strength. So this is the, this is the Pack 12's entry. I have spent a lot of time thinking very seriously about these films. Also, this is Justin Lynn getting the reins back. That's, that's like super important for this. Yes. The series really doesn't happen. For all we make fun of Vin Diesel, if he doesn't agree to come back for a cameo in the final moments of this film, the rest of the series

does not happen. We're going to advance Tokyo drift. Any objections to it being unanimous. Let them know because here comes a heavy fucking matchup folks. All right. This one's going to hurt me. It's going to hurt. We got two conference champs rolling in here, and one's not making it any further because we got Fast 5 versus Fast 6. Fuck, Jason. Why do you? This is nearly a championship grade matchup, folks.

We got Fast 5. The Rock is the bad guy. The heist scene. All right? We got Fast 6. The Rock becomes a good guy. The airplane. Thing.

Thing happens. So, yeah. Those are the two. It happens and happens and happens and happens. It continually happens, yeah. I have the favorite in this matchup, but let's see how it plays out. I'm going last.

Okay, because I have a lot to say. Wait, let's let server go first. I want to hear server. Fast six because they. You and your wife just started watching these, right? Yeah, and forgive me if I get mixed up here because we watched them all in a row in a canon row. We didn't, like we were,

when we find. finally got to Tokyo Drift. The reason why it's probably my favorite out of all of these is because of how much I was looking forward to it while sitting through 10 hours of other Fast and Furious movies. Fast 6 is the one where they jump out of the airplane in the cars, right? And they release the shoots at 1,000 feet and everything goes fine. Yep. That I picked that one. Wow. You know, that's a compelling argument. I'm going to Riverside that and pick Fast 5. and this is the reason. I don't think you've ever used Riverside

in the same way. No. It's like a jewel. You twist in your hand. You find new meanings. It has a family of meanings to me. And like Dominic Torretto, I'm about family. The thing with five is this.

It's pretty much equal with six in terms of interest for me. It's pretty much equal in terms of set pieces. They're all equally. ludicrous. They were all at exactly 14 out of 10 in terms of intensity. So how do I differentiate the two? It's this. I remember that the rock in five is as oily and oiled as any character in the history of modern cinema. It should have gotten an Oscar for technical achievement all by itself because that man is covered in a fine sheen of Vaseline the entire film. I don't know how he picks up a gun. I don't know how

he keeps his hands on a steering wheel. In addition to that, I believe this is the last appearance of the Rock's infamous I'm a serious actor in an action movie goatee. That's how you know that they reverse the usual polarities of good and evil because remember when the Rock becomes good in the

fast universe, he loses the goatee, right? He's a foe when he has the goatee but is working for the law. You know he put a lot of thought into that and was like, it was really good change. also it is the rock's worst look easily it is the rocks no the worst look was the instagram photo he took with jebazos a few weeks ago

that's worse that's worse but you know the fan it's like the fanny pack has nothing on the rock's super oily physique and uh t-shirts which frankly served no structural purpose like he really shouldn't wear a shirt the whole film because i don't know how he's going to take this off because again he's covered in vaseline head to toe um I'm also going to pick Fast Five because I would argue, and I don't think I'm wrong here, Fast Five is the last movie in the series where the central crew are still outlaws. Everything beyond that, they sort of, like the movie franchise sort of shifts more into like a mission impossible sort of vein where even when they're not officially working for the government, they're like, this is so secret. Even the government can't know about it.

And I like, I think this whole crew, I enjoy watching the most when they are outlaws, when they are working against the cops and the government. And that is why like, even, and that's why I think like the rock was such a good entry into the series, especially in Fast Five, because he presents this like very interesting foil. And it makes the, even the, uh, the safe scene when they're, when they're dragging the safe down the street, it's like, all of this is happening because they stole the safe from the cops. Yes, the cops were super corrupt, and it's not like a normal cops and robber situation, but I think these movies work best, and especially they work best from Dom's perspective, and Dom is a character, when Dom is working outside of the law. I don't think his backstory, his character, and we'll get into this as we get into later films, like, I think he makes so much more sense when you're like, no, this is a guy who like has to do his own thing, and he has a very small crew that he trusts, but they're like, not playing by the rules. And this is the last movie where they are not playing by anybody else's rules by their own. And it's phenomenally entertaining. Yes, I think. So if Holly's going last, I will jump in now. This is, I looked on my letterbox right now. I have like 25 star movies. This is one of them. Like easily one of my favorite movies ever. It's like

everything Ryan said is the last one where you really feel like we're rooting for the quote unquote villains the rock is an awesome opponent you buy the rock might beat all of these folks right the rock with like the weight of the federal government is like the most legit threat they've faced they've had to invent shit you know that it doesn't like come on i frankly i don't buy charlie's theron's gang like i did just the rock just the rock standing there just the rock and like three co-worker yeah the rock and anybody versus yeah he hasn't been flexed his way out of the cast yet in this movie. Yeah.

The, um, the heist, I'm a sucker for heist movies. I love the planning, the pieces, the logistics and seeing how it goes wrong and how they knuckle through it anyway. Um, they've had to top this by getting more and more,

more over the top, which is entertaining. But story wise, I don't know. Um, Fast 5 to me is a perfect action movie with heart. Okay. When approaching movies,

even if they're movies, in this particular genre or maybe especially when they're movies in this particular genre one thing I really loved about Roger Ebert is that he

by his own explanation approached all movies high and low when grading them on a scale of like what they were trying to do as movies and how well

they accomplished this I think five and six are both massively entertaining six I agree with Ryan does represent a pivot towards the more mission and possibleization of the series

and much as I enjoy some of the movies in the post Paul Walker divide I don't think I'm with you I don't think it's as entertaining when it's like okay you've got this government agent and this other government

agent was bad and it's no it's it's way more interesting in five but here's the thing it's less about for me about what is wrong with six and more about what is right with five which is this, if you're grading a movie purely in terms of what it has tried to do and how well it has accomplished this, Fast 5 took this trilogy about street racing and this other trilogy about what of street racing but also Japanese mafia, mash them together and pivoted the entire fucking franchise into a heist movie. In the middle of the movie did this. Like, not from the start.

This is not what's happening at the start of the movie. The start of the movie is that we're on the run shit, and we might have to street race out of this. They turn the series into a heist series mid-movie, the audacity with which they accomplished this. And they accomplish this pivot perfectly. Because by that point, when they're dragging, where the chargers are challengers,

what are those police cars the challengers to a pair of challengers dragging a bank safe down the streets of Rio and you're like sure absolutely absolutely these guys could pull that shit off it this is also where it picks up a ton of the loose threads from four enabling you further to not have to go back and watch

four but the degree to which four turned the degree to which five spins this whole franchise on a dime I don't think I'm spoiling anything because I've said this for years when I say that this still stands to me as the pinnacle of the whole series there's there's one other movie that we'll get to

I suspect in a minute that to me comes close and none of the rest of them do I don't mind I don't mind tipping my hand right now five is a towering fucking achievement five has advanced and I believe the next movie here will be the one that you are mentioning so D7 let me go first then can I issue one correction for one correction this is the one correction this is the one

with the airdrop. Yes. This is the one where they drop the cars off the plane. Oh, so that's that in six. I got mixed up with that.

Six was the big plane. Seven is the runway runway, runway, runway, runway, runway, one way. I totally take it back then. It's five

because that's the first one when I watched it that I was like, this is a good movie. Okay. Seven is. I was like, these are really,

these are really, really bad. And that one, I was like, this is great. Seven is we learned Jason Statham apparently killed Han. and this is the movie where Dom and Brian part ways.

Okay, I'm going to go first because I just want to, wait, what is seven fighting? Sorry. Seven is fighting nine because, of course, eight and the other one are not canon until Jay's and Statham is forgiven by Han. Okay, okay. So seven or nine is the choice here. Seven or nine.

This is a powerful editorial decision. I'm going first. I'm going first. And I'm just going to, I'm going to continue my thread from what I said last time. I didn't think this fight was going to be as close as it was. I'm very glad to see nine in the bracket at this spot. Thank you, commish, for your wise and sage decisions. But by the same token, the same device that makes me represent five as the champion of this series

also makes me, gives me a huge amount of respect for seven because of what they had to do and the way in which they pulled it off with grace and heart. and consideration for everybody involved after what happened to our beautiful baby. And before they replaced him unnecessarily with a lumpen Englishman, like seven had a bitch of a job to do. And I genuinely fucking cried at the end of Fast and Furious movie. None of this is to Slag Nine, which I've only seen once, but which I, this is a controversial opinion that I have seen many other people

take the opposite side on I absolutely love that they are still keeping Brian just off stage in the ninth movie I love that they are keeping I don't care how goofy it gets I don't care if they're pointing and saying oh Brian right there I don't give a shit if you think it's goofy like this cast has been like listen you know the rock and Vin Diesel feud aside this cast has been part of each other's lives for multiple decades at this point

and if they want to keep that dude alive and emotionally centered like fuck you for thinking that's goofy um anyway that's all i enjoyed nine very very much i i would like to see it again i seven everything after seven is a little too a lot downhill for me because um dang paul walker and and then diesel were like the cinematic romance of the century and we maybe didn't know it until it was too late shit the salmon the salmon froto of the uh yeah this is this is not middle anything this is this is yeah higher anyway i'm gonna i'm gonna let somebody else talk but seven had seven had a fucking volcano of their own to summit and i think they pulled it off way better than we had any right to expect i am i'm gonna go ahead and say a kind word about nine maybe a few because i wasn't

slagging i wasn't slagging nine no but i will i will i will defending nine i will tout i will tout its assets as this i don't need any of this to make sense anymore it's the best they have completely said goodbye to reality if you are the kind of person who really enjoys that part where they lose control of the hot air balloon with nobody in the basket like that that to me is what fast nine is because um spoiler is ahead tyrese and ludicrous go to space now that's in the trailer but would you don't know is that basically Ludacris and Tyrese have this discussion

on faith in science while in a Fierro that has been converted into a rocket while wearing deep body diving gear. Converting by diving bells. Converted by Balow and Lucas Black. The entire universe

merges to send Tyrese and Ludacris to space. And this is the moment when Tyrese, who's been the butt of jokes for eight movies, is the heart and soul of the entire thing that gets the smart guy moving who says yes we understand what's happening here but it don't mean a damn thing if we don't push the button and we needed both of them that's right that's right the most powerful force that saves the world is the combination of luda's intellect and tyrese's heart that's yeah yeah now that's very moving and

intellectual that is not why that is not why i liked it i liked it is because everybody just becomes a superhero in this movie. Tyrese fights like 30 guns. Tyrese talks about how they're superheroes now. While this is happening. I really thought we were going some, I really thought we were in for a third pivot into like science fiction.

When I like, that put me on edge for the rest of the movie when he was like, yeah. One of the, this actually takes place in the wrinkle in time universe. It was hilariously self-aware. Like he's saying, look at us,

we have no scars. We've blown up tanks and submarines and we're all fine. And it's like, it was so on the nose. I was also kind of a silent tribute to Brian in that same moment. Yeah. I expected him like ludicrous to say, yes, we're actors in a movie, right? Yes. But there's a payoff in space, of course.

You get the Gulf, you get the Gulf Coast space program, Louisiana and Alabama sending a Fierro to space. You get Tyrese fighting like 30 dudes without a gun and killing all of them. Let's all talk about, first of all, the, I didn't think that I would have to wait this long to see the fast movie bring up one of my favorite cinematic classics of all time. I'm speaking, of course, of the 1956 French film LeBallon Rouge, but can we talk about John Cena's 10-minute zip line? Oh, yeah, we were cracking up in the theater, fucking Mary Poppins. Every time you turn back and he's just like, like, it's pretty funny if a Spider-Man

size guy is doing that, when a man the size of a gorilla is doing that. And it gets tackled by his brother. His brother, who's probably never been to London, but who knows which street roof to run up to fly across. And I have a complaint. I can't hold it in. Do you take them going to Scotland as a personal tribute to you? I'm so excited.

The Scottish accents and Tyrese being freaked out by Scotland. Yes, thank you. So I don't want to jump in this early. But nine to me has the same disease as eight, where it is very clear, the star of the movie is also the producer of the movie, where Vin Diesel does not play the, Vin Diesel's character does not play by the same rules as anybody else. Anybody else for them to dive across an alleyway to tackle John Cena out of the sky,

they would need ludicrous telling them how to do it, and they would need someone getting them up there and someone else to catch him in a car. Dom is Superman in this universe. There is a scene in a well tower, whatever, where for no clear reason he locks himself in so he can fight 30 guys. He has a slow-mo, because he's a big husky guy, guy slow-mo captain america elevator fight it's not that cool but it you know there's a lot going on he's fighting 30 armed men at once and bull rushing through him with great ease he looks like

fucking neo in the third matrix movie this big beefy guy um then what does he do it gets even worse he becomes samson and tears down the tower and then what does he do he becomes fucking gandolph for 40 days and nights i fell and he has a fucking dream vision he has a fucking vision where he sees, oh, John Sina didn't kill my dad after all. And then it gets worse because he learns, he learns that's the whole movie right there. He learns John Sina didn't kill their dad, right?

But what did he do? He accused John Sina of this, drove John Sina to a life of espionage. He ruined John Sina's fucking life, kicked him out of the family and never apologizes for it. His reunion with John Sina is, he'll have you a car so you can escape

after you risked your life helping us. Fuck you, Vin Diesel. apologize to John Sina you piece of shit you accused him of killing his dad on purpose asshole oh you're the producer that's crazy it's weird because they so clearly insulted or insulted inserted John Sina into the situation to be like oh yeah the rock you want you on franchise well we got our own wrestler now yeah we got another wrestler boyfriend and he's and then they completely abused the shit out of that character I love it I love it the casting is awesome because like Vin Diesel, like in interviews, he's called like, yeah, Dwayne Johnson, that's my little

brother, right? And it's like, okay, buddy. So what do they do? What are they replace him with? And even meteor wrestler who's literally Dom's little brother. And like, I love the flashback casting, the flashback scenes when they're little kids. And John Cena's character is tiny and skinny. You can just hear, you can just hear Vin Diesel in the casting, make sure my little brother looks tiny compared to me. Young John Cena. Could you see him like whispering that's chappy style to his family in the theater like do you see how he's smaller than you see how much bigger i am the the actor who plays young john sina looks like he should grow up to be brian from the backstroy backstreet boys not john fucking sina like i know that's what johnsena look like when he was six

yeah the um the other thing that that we know like we've talked on here about how like when vind diesel has to stand next to the rock he's clearly standing on like two boxes right in this one him standing next to sina who seen is like like the big show has said john sinna is the strongest I've ever been in a ring with. John Sina is a fucking horse, right? Yeah, he's standing next to him. He's standing like Trump. He's like, got his shoulders punched for him.

He's like, I don't exercise enough to stand next to John Cina. I'm going to stand weird. And John Sina is also not that tall. Yeah, he's another reason they cast him. I have to think. John Cina is basically, if you took the rock, crunched him down, but kept all of him. Also, you can see the platform sneaks.

Oh, yeah, the law of mass conservation and wrestlers. Yeah. Yes. I got that. You can see the platform sneaks on Vin in some of the scenes. Like his sneakers have have heels

that are like a lot of sloping driveways in this movie a lot of sloping driveways. Then we get it. Also that scene where he sees you know

and learns the secret of his family Dob goes to car heaven. Yeah, the existence of car heaven is posited in F9. I love it. They went like full seventh

movie of Harry Potter with this and I was like I sat on my seat for like a good 20 minutes. it's after that first ludicrous conversation being like, are they going through the fourth wall and we're going to end like inside the actor's studio? I wish he had. I wish he had, I wish he had gone to an empty white space and just talk to Lightning McQueen for 20 minutes. Yeah. Like nine was entertaining. Like that's fine. I'm just, I've had enough of Dom as like

the everything guy. Dom should be at this point the wise old guy on the hill or whatever. Ludacrist and Tyrese are your fucking stars. run with it. Also, I'll say it. Paul Walker balanced him out. Yeah, I think so. And he's not there. And, and like, Dom is now like, okay, I'm not, I'm going to tie this back to Great British Bake Off for what should be obvious reasons. But you know how Paul Hollywood is so clearly now viewing of himself as being the grown up in the room now that Mary's gone and kind of lording it over everything else? Paul Walker and Mary Barry, in addition to being two of the most beautiful human beings ever to walk this earth, have like a tempering. force to them sure that i think is totally missing and attempting to replace him with jason statham did not fucking work i appreciate you keeping him out of my line of sight until the very very very very very yeah we stayed for the end credits right yeah oh yeah do we all yes yes yes okay so so hon and statham han went to go find statham if han approves statham may enter the family yeah that will that can only happen yeah this is where i'm back to arguing that we're

We can't know one way or the other. We have no way of knowing whether or not it's okay to even cock your eyes at Statham until the 10th movie. Because this can only happen with Hans Say-So. So I'm going to be difficult and I'm going to pick nine. Stop trying to make Jason State them happen. Okay, I'm done. I'm going to pick nine over seven for two entirely self. Well, one selfish reason.

Is one of them the reason that Van Diesel and Halen-Mirin clearly have sexual chemistry? No, but that's a goddamn good reason. That's a goddamn good reason. like there was a smolder yeah absolutely she would um number one i think you mean okay okay no it's her choice i want to be okay okay yeah um first of all nine is the only one of these movies i've seen in a movie theater so i feel obligated to pick it because like i didn't really appreciate how much more enjoyable these movies are in a movie theater over on a tell even a good television um second i think seven seven was very frustrating to me because i think statham is so

interesting as a villain when they like let him be a villain it's sort of like i think they they're doing an interesting thing and i like that they're sort of doing the reverse family thing where he's coming back at them actually okay i want to know what's interesting about it i i think he's like i like that he's sort of this unhinged like they set him up with the opening scene name is Helen Mirren. The opening scene in the hospital, I think, is really good because it sort of is establishing like, oh, shit, this is somebody who's very competent, but also has no regard for anybody else and is going to sort of like come at our crew in a very aggressive way.

A good villain. A good villain. A good villain. The problem I have is that the rest of seven doesn't really pay that out. Like the climax of seven is they're fighting a drone that Jason Statham is not piloting. and I think that was supposed to be like a surprising reveal and I was just like yeah I think it like undercuts him as a villain in ways that are not that satisfying where it's like no he's too busy ramming his car into Dom's car on the top of a parking garage which is not very fun to watch as it turns out it is for a little bit but they stomp the parking garage and the rock wields a helicopter gun with his broken arm that's true that's true and then letty like loves Dom back to life I don't remember. Yeah. They keep dying. Those, those two, they just die all the time. Sure. So, so I will acknowledge that seven is the right choice, but nine is my choice.

No, that's, that's, that's totally fine. Yeah. This is like, clearly this is a, this is a welcoming space and I'm glad everybody's feeling, feeling comfortable enough to get vulnerable here. With infinite respawn, you always have a family. I also appreciated that nine through in our faces, without even really dealing with it. It was like, hey, two of the best secret agents in the world, they used to be like two levels below NASCAR assistance to their dance. Yeah, when we were driving out, my friend was like, so when they were hanging out at the tuna sandwich stand, John Cena was like, I'll never live it up to his shadow.

What shadow? Cerber are you also? Where they also wrote into the script that they were like similar height. Yes, yes. Similar build. And we're all just like, uh-huh. Paul Walker would never have done that shit. No. Paul Walker was fine being the skinny guy. Yes. He was totally fine. I would also add one more

thing. Michael F9. It's got Michael Rooker. Michael Rooker value add wherever he's at. Extremely good addition. Yeah. Okay. One more. I'm sorry. Yeah. So you go first. Are Ramsey, Luda and Tyrese a thruple? No, absolutely not. How did you know to finish my sentence? Because I know what you were, I've had that same thought, but she makes it very clear. They had all this romantic tension. Then it went away and now they travel everywhere together. Is this what people think of us? Yes, probably. Okay.

Yeah. The other thing I will add that I appreciate about nine. Surber is Ramsey. From a flex perspective, Charlie Staren clearly said, I will come back for this movie. I am doing one day in one location. I'm going to put me in a box. Like, Charlize Theron to me is not a, I know she's an Academy Award winner.

Charlize Theron is not a big enough star to me where she can be that effective without amount of screen time. No, but I appreciate that she was like, nor does she have enough novelty where you're like, hey, it's Charlie Serran. I'm too distracted by her haircut. It doesn't actually work. What the fuck was that?

It doesn't work and it doesn't add that much to the movie, but just from her and her agent's perspective, I'm like, what a fucking good move. I really liked the oligarch prince. I liked him a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's just very strange that it's setting up to if Fast 10 is the final movie,

as Vin said, he promised Paul Lard. your seat belts I'm not holding out for that because they failed me when they failed to call it fast and for us and I will never fucking forgive them everyone wants them to call this one fast you're not better than me everyone wants fast X furious for this one but if we do that then we can bring in Vin Diesel's the triple X universe I want to hear server I want to hear server seven or nine first yeah okay so I've been muted for most of this because I have not seen nine so i've been i've been working my volume over here i don't know anything and i don't know anything that's happened because i'm very good at working this volume so our next episode is going to be

another hour and a half of just us asking you about because we have just put in an effortless 50 minutes yeah i i got to say like i'm disappointed i haven't seen it uh i really didn't think i was going to look so forward to seeing it um but i think it would have a tough time topping seven just because 7 is so beautiful. The cars are driving in the same place as they go to a different place. Yeah, I cried. Arguably the best moment in the entire

universe. Yeah, I totally, I totally cried. I was totally moved emotionally. I thought that they were super respectful with the way they handled that whole situation, like you said. And now that I know that that is also the one where they jump out of planes in cars and also they do the they do the two the skyscrapers. that that yeah oh that whole fucking sequence in dubai feels like it was 12 movies ago which means

i forgot to talk about how bad ronda rousey also is i was just going to say you have the letty rousey fight with rousey's horrendous acting as soon as soon as yeah as it happened i was like oh no she makes me like she makes gina carano look like she has depth and resonance the merrill she's a better actor than jina carano you just remind me that gina carano is in these as well which is unfortunate but um no i was like they were like they put ronda rousey and i'm like oh that's really bad and they brought Gina Carano and I was like but you know what they had the decency just be like Ronorousy you have one scene

and there's not that much Gina Carano's like a character yeah yeah no they did a good job in just getting Rhonda Rousey to be Rhonda Rousey yeah yeah like and that's always yeah that's always the play but they had her say words and that's always a problem for me as a movie goer I wonder how many takes

they did and it's like that's as good as it's gonna get it just the one if there's ever an if there's ever an entertainer. If there's ever an entertainer who sincerely suffered from not having dusty coached them on their promos

it's Rhonda Rousson. She got pretty good. She got the end when she was just like, I'm going to be pissed off the whole time. We're talking about her wrestling career now. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean I didn't mean to post there. But her serious. Her serious acting acting career, not the fast series. I remember

writing home with my roommates after this movie and somebody was doing in the backseat, Ronda reading Dr. Seuss. And it was like, one fish, two fish. red fish blue fish and yeah you opened your teeth too much for that but um this one has a little hat uh we are now under round two uh one versus three uh we we love three but i'm i'm i feel like one's advancing any objections there yeah yeah what one advances but it's a tight game. Tokyo Drift is better. I will vote. Tokyo Drift is better but one is more important. I will vote

no way. Because three kept the series going. No way. They built the like this the cinematic universe and timeline of the whole thing like three makes it so weird and necessary like no but three that's because three was such an unexpected like smash that it made the entire rest of the series possible. Can I flip my can I flip my vote? Because I'm going to this too. Three's got more Bama in it. So in a playoff, I'm going to go ahead and take it. I hear everything you're saying. It's really hard for me because I appreciate that one. But no, Ryan, they do not say race wars in Tokyo drift. I can I can tell you right now. The other thing I like about one is that it reminds us that this whole thing that we've gotten to in

7 and 8 and 9 started with a like very low rent DVD heist operation. It was yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you guys, wait, have you guys all seen better luck tomorrow? No, I haven't. Okay, I highly recommend this for, uh, for a, a soon viewing. Like, one isn't meant to be this, but it's very useful as like a superhero origin story where you're like, oh, Batman's not good at this yet. So figuring shit out. That's one is very much the Batman comic year one where it's like just a guy trying to solve crimes. It's not that easy, actually. He could barely operate as not.

I'm cool being in the minority with this, and I love them both. I will vote for three. Oh, so that advanced. That's three votes. Wait, what? Holly broke the tie. Yeah.

Serber one three. Yeah. That's fine. Wow. The game is the game. Okay, if I had noticed I was being a tiebreaker, I might, man, I might have overthought. I'm glad I,

I haven't punched it in yet, so. No. Holly, Holly followed her. I stand by my vote. If I'd known, I just said if I'd known I was tie breaking, I might have overthought it.

Okay. But I don't want that to be, to be marked as any disrespect to Mr. Mr. 1. In that case, I have a sense this is our championship five versus seven. Five. Five. Folks. Get your fives up.

All due respect to seven, seven is beautiful, wonderful, but I mean, it's not five. If five had been the last movie in the series, I would have left completely satisfied. Yes. Yeah. And I don't know if there's any other one other than one that you can say that. about. Correct, yes. Which brings us to Tokyo Drift versus Fast 5.

Five. Gosh. It's five. It's five. Five's a monster. Five's a juggerna. The only movie. Three, Two. We have it to send a vote.

We love it. We love it. I love that this is Pat. I love that we brought passion to this debate. I love that there's server is really going people on both sides. He's going full hand of the dirt

server here. I can see it. Yeah, I love this. I love it. I think server. You can't bully me. Serber is our Jason Stapham, I think. Yeah, he is.

He's like, oh, I brought three. He's in the family, but you got to keep an eye on it. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You got to say grace, server. You read for the chicken first. I luck what you're down. Did we?

Yeah, I think, I realistically, I think if five didn't lose in the first round, there was no, there was really no stop. Hey, before we end this show, we got. I'll tell you what would have been the, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, would have been the death matchup is five versus seven we had that we had that we went five and five breezed yeah no no i'm saying like if if if that had been like the final i think that oh yeah yeah i think that was that was the uh it had momentum that was that was the best shot i think if not for the way i rigged it that would have been the final i think yeah um thank you for your wisdom and selecting this bracket correctly eight was the only one of these i fell asleep watching

eight is fuck eight i saw 10 minutes of eight and then i walk and just, I just made dinner and just let it happen while I didn't pay attention. Like, this is, I stuck with eight because Holly said skip four and eight. And while I agree that four doesn't work that well, I was like, four was worth watching. I wasn't like sad that I watched. Oh, so my reasons for skipping four were cinematic and also like slightly universe based. My reasons for skipping eight were entirely emotional because it's bad enough that you, like it's hard enough for us to come back off of very recently, you know,

death of Galgado's character, death of actual Paul Walker and how they how they did these things beautiful. And then you got to turn around and and do Han's legacy like that. No. No, my reasons for shutting eight out are entirely emotional, but they're right. And like, what do we have here? We have producer Vin towering over character Vin. Character Vin says it's all about family. Producer Vin says, we got Jason Statham. We need to keep making money with him in our movie. So Vin, your whole family thing, like you weren't making enough like you weren't making enough fucking money out of these movies also fuck you also fuck the rock he's so short so short okay I will say that

I thought the rock was a value add in 100% in five yeah and then man also though for the amount of high profile feuds and other disasters that this series has weathered it has done an admirable job of keeping of like chugging right the fuck along you know what I do some other big nine movie franchises like the name. It's because it's all about family. Unlike Star Wars, yeah. And you know the best,

you know the best way to take care of your family, Spencer. Oh, I think that's by getting the family plan with acorns.com. This is when they want ads to run, right? Right. Acorns. Off the glass to the ghost of Paul Walker slams at home. Acorns.com slash fullcast, I believe. Jason, what's the bonus offer you get if you go there?

Boy, you get a $5 nitrous boost to your retirement fund is what you get. And you might say too soon. No, it's never too soon to save. I live my life a financial quarter at a time. I'm going to retire a quarter mile at a time. Probably literally. Spencer, how did he just started howling at protest. Spencer, how's the family plan

looking right now? Family plans looking really good. My younger son embezzled another 13 cents ahead of his brother out of the account. What it's doing, I don't know, but it can't possibly be as lucrative as the sound financial

investments you can make every day just by rounding up average purchases that you make at the supermarket and with some of Acorn's exclusive corporate partners. You can double your benefits. That's right. All of these will get you a little bit closer to the promise land dollar by dollar i'm going to go feed this dog like right now while we're recording it i was going to finish the ad go feed but when she decides that it is dinner time

she's like a maco shark like a she will eat trash and b she can't stop moving anyway um acorns.com dogs can't have it dogs can't have it that's right you know what dogs can't wear dogs can wear homefield apparel.com comfortable vintage collegiate apparel for mostly the upper body yeah and mostly like dogs this week at home field apparel it's all about cats another animal weird wow yeah uh kentucky big betty nation over here kentucky coming up for big new saturday um the minnesota launch looked great i don't know about y'all but oh church was sick um and i never thought i would want to wear that disgusting color combo but the designs are sick i am i am really impressed by how many um national hockey championship shirts you can buy now from home field apparel like you i think at this point you could do a whole

week of schools you didn't get to you didn't go to and they're hockey national championships and i recommend you do that by going to homefield apparel dot com use offer code fullcast get 20% off your first purchase uh big new saturday keeps rocking and rolling we have Fuck. Can we, can we do something we're not allowed to do? No, we're not. We're not going to spoil. What are we not allowed to do? You just said the best thing about five is just the one where they're against the law. So are we spoiling? Connor hadn't listened this far. He's very busy. All right. You know what's, you know what the next reveal is after Kentucky, right? You want to say it? Do you want to say it? No. You don't want to say it. No. All right.

There's a hand, folks. I think we just, I think we just gave it away. All right. We won't, we won't, we won't risk the goodwill of our valuable partner, uh, field apparel. Connor. I'm sorry, it's Spencer's fault.