Shutdown Fullcast - Garbage Monster Force Ghost

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Star Wars shipping, mapped Dune Part Two, reviewed New show sponsor Wolverine, yes That One, joins our panel discussion on nationalized healthcare A visit to our local Georgia football and tax evasion message board Where’s that Kim Mulkey article at Everybody but Holly is enjoying the basketball tournament What a home-site format might mean for the future of college football playoffs Mussolini’s taste in hats, disparaged What television progrum is today’s 24? A visit with our buddies inside the Trojan Horse This week’s theme song arranged and performed by Michael Sitler See more of Jason's work on Vacation Bible School, Shutdown Fullbooks, and more at jasonkirk.fyi  Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.io, if you dare Listen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcasts, We're Not All Like This and Buried Treasure, wherever finer podcasts are placed Purchase only the finest merch at sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I think Star Wars characters who are definitely boning. Lando and his weird, like... Lando and everybody. Landau and everybody. Well, literally Landau and the Millennium Falcon based on the film. That's Canada. Art2 and 3PO goes without saying. Kind of the core of the whole series, I think.

Their love for each other. 3PO and all the Ewacs, I think. They want to. That's for sure. They just have to figure out how. He's pretty into it, being the god of the Ewox. I don't think, I don't think Jabba and Salacious Crumb are fucking. I just...

The fact that the Flitious Crumbs remains... Tricky. Vader and one of the guys he chokes seems pretty into it, I think. Yeah? No, don't stop, don't stop. I'm just going to keep saying, I'm just going to keep saying doubtful shit, so they'll do this again. Bob of Fat and IG 88, definitely. Well, yeah, yeah.

That's why it creates this tense work atmosphere. Yeah. Yeah. Although I will say there's another one, BOSC, that, the, yeah, BOSC isn't fucking anyone. BOSC is the president, because he's the president of the getting no brain club. He stinks. Like, canonically, BOSC stinks. Like, he stinks so bad that I'm sure, like, somebody from across the bars, like,

might be in the mood for a little reptile man tonight. And they get within 10 feet, and they're like, fuck, no. Oh, God. No. There's going to be somebody somewhere in that galaxy who likes that smell. It's a big place. He is written about as if no one in the galaxy enjoys that stank. Okay.

What about Bosque and the garbage monster on the Death Star? Yeah. Could be love. His little eyeball pops up. Oh. I want to go to the engineering meeting they had where they were like, all right. So we're high. we're here to talk about death star operations garbage disposal on the one hand we're in a giant

space laser so we could vaporize on it on the other hand i can get you a very good deal on a garbage monster i forget if i've mentioned this but it is star wars canonical that the garbage monster is a force sensitive being like that's the reason it attacks luke it's like luke's the one it's it's trying to hug luke it knows it knows but how do we grapple with its death when the Death Star explodes, because that monster is dead. It sacrificed itself to teach Luke a lesson. Does he have a force ghost? Is there like a garbage monster? Yeah, yeah, there's got to be a, that means at the, at the big celebration scene, just off camera, there's a big trash noodle. Let's, somebody give me that at it, where it's, it's Obi-Wan and Yoda and Anakin and Garbage

monster is the fourth, the fourth honored Jedi. This would be better than Star Wars 9. Let's just so like Star Wars 9 when they do the whole all the all the dead Jedi are talking to Ray stuff one of those is like feed me trash he's a creature beyond understanding one who

does devoures trash and is force sensitive what does he use his powers for define trash he's a raccoon Jedi basically depriving the empire of its Trash, of course.

Do you know how many bottle caps they could have redeemed? So do you think Darth Vader knows that they have a force-sensitive garbage monster on his death weapon? So, I mean, he's looking for them, like, during that scene. Right. So perhaps he's funneling them toward the force-sensitive trash monster. Oh, okay. But, yeah, it probably is pretty annoying to him that he's like, where is it? There are two on the ship.

Do you think Darth Vader has a memory of killing a youngling trash monster in the Jedi temple? Probably. That was that trash. So maybe that trash monster escaped the temple and his stalking Vader is on the Death Star. Yeah. And it's like, how the fuck do I get out of here? I'm so close and yet so very far. I don't have hands.

I just have this eye I've almost accomplished my mission almost and all of a sudden somebody ruins it by coming in you blew my cover that's it like none of the movies would have happened if Garbage Monster had managed to actually

achieve his goal in movie one but we ruined it just drowned Darth Vader right away just for the sake of some knockoff whiny Palm Wadib and white robes right I would like to say, having to explain to your significant other what Dune is about when they have no concept of Dune makes it sound insane.

Yeah, because it is, yeah? Yes. You're like, well, Tima Timothy Chalameh got high and decided, yes, he was the Messiah. That's a key plot point. I think my favorite is, what if Irish people discovered Islam? it was like a tweet from like five years ago they'd be too powerful or something like that that's i don't know how irish people would do their religion that forbids imbibing liquor i don't i don't think that's an out-of-pocket statement i don't i don't i think that's fair okay

can't be english people because they're spice that's also heat oh It's at least 20 degrees. Selsius. Speaking of trash compactors, how much do you think Nick Saban relishes the fact that his new office is windowless? Is it? Yeah, it's whoever the Bama 24-7 guy, Mike Rodak, was like, Nick Saban told ESPN his new office, which is windowless, they point out,

is on the south side of Bryant Denny next to Ramajamas. Somebody pointed that out, and he goes, yeah, what is that place? Has it been there for a long time? It opened in 1996. So now I was like, now I don't have you going to have to have windows to not look out of. That's not even like not knowing a place that's like a campus institution, but maybe across campus. It's right next door, Nick. I know you've walked by it.

I know you walk by it. Like, like, I know you're every day of your life. But now he doesn't even have to. Now in the windowless office, he does not have to. Can you see him just like walking in and like looking at these four cinder block walls and just going like, like he doesn't even have to pretend to know what other things are there is something a little bit old dad coded about that where like your dad out of nowhere will be like hey you ever tried this cold stone creamery it's crazy you're like that's better out for salt what are you talking about that's not new

i love that innocence though you know you don't want to spoil that because you're like you're like you've been busy you're slowly reverting to child right slowly you're discovering the outside world because you've been tied up with things like taxes and raising children, right? So like, I'm not going to take that away from dad. No. You know, my dad, I told my dad this past week, I was like, hey, you know, people go to March Madness, like, as a group to gamble. And he's like, what? Have you heard from your dad since he got to Vegas? Yes, he did miss his flight, but, so he's staying there longer? He did stay there longer. He did stay there substantially longer than So he's out, though.

He is, at least out of Vegas. I do not know if he has returned home. The last time I talked to him, he was in Houston. I would like the Indiana Jones style map of you and your father. When you travel where it's like, ba-da-ba-ba, and then just stay for an extra three hours. Like, if you did the global one for me, it would be like, what the fuck is he doing? This is family circus is what this is. Little red dot suddenly turns green and kind of wobbly.

Then he's running on the hot. highway to the airport for some reason. These dots don't connect. How did you wormhole it? Teleport. Hollow earth. Little known fact, you get a bonus on the Hollow Earth shuttle with the American

Express platform partnered with Hollow Earth. The liberals don't want you to know about Holo Earth. It's so true. They don't because they're all about their like public works programs and building a

build me a train highways and shit this is actually how Kairi spends all that time in Boston he doesn't yeah you're just describing Earth's like secret passageway

through the conservatory Earth is a clue board exactly this is Earth's secret clock ladder like on Webster right Earth has glitching yes you can clip

through Earth if you try hard enough they're called thin places these have been known about for a long time this is the latest summoning salt video How to Glitch Through Earth Oh Jason my other takeaway from Dune 2 Man

There's a youth group that got real serious Real quick Yeah they tend to That was a pretty fired up church camp One of the most On fire I'd ever seen The buy-in was steep I think they'll stay pretty committed to

Paul's a hell of a youth pastor They are going to convert their entire high school For Christ on Monday That much I know Everyone if you'd welcome in our youth Pastor Stilger. Hi, Stilver. Stilby.

Oh, boy. I do want a little glow-glob. Folks, please join us for Cee with the hole. Sorry, that was a deep cut. I haven't actually seen Dune 2 yet. I've seen, and I've seen enough social media clips to feel like I've seen it, you know, but yeah. Has everyone else seen it?

Is it good? Yes, I have seen it. I have not seen it. I like that it postulates a world in which sandworms can be buses. See, that's... Again, they don't want you to know about the free of public transportation. We already have the sandworm.

They want you to pay the airlines all that money when sandworm can get you to get you to Paris in three hours. Via Paris sand. You just hold on, listen, everywhere is sand if you dig enough. Uh-huh. That's so true. Brother, they don't want you to know that either. Beneath the Earth's core of sand.

so that's the loove got all that glass on top of the wed's glass made out of sand one important sort of like point in the mythos of the fremen is that they will turn dune from a desert planet into a water planet and like yeah and i'm like you know what man i am going to be the best lobbyist ever for the anti fremen like movement because i'm going to come along and be like we already have free public transportation in the form of the worms and they want to take that away. Where's that going to drown the drown the fucking worms?

Yeah, they call themselves environmentalists. They want to drown the worms and all this water. But then Home Depot comes in and pays you a quiet million dollars. And it's like, oh, all right. Well, I guess Iraqis is built by the Home Depot now. I love the inflation of how many years in the future is this? Everything's 40,000, I assume.

Something like that. A million will still get a ton. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do Paul's Day. I think the most important thing you should know about Dune 2, Jason, and listeners, is that the Emperor of the Known Universe is played by Christopher Walken. Hello. Sure, sure, sure. I knew he was in it.

I didn't know he had that role. That's perfect. Can Christopher Walken not be Christopher Walking at a movie? The answer is no. No, you cannot. He's one of those guys who shows up. like uh like oh god i've william defoe who i'm like oh boy sure he's going to do the thing but william defoe will he'll play characters like they're all going to be out there but he can

like make choices and i this isn't even a diss but christopher walking is going to be christopher walking so does he walk so i have read the book but i have not seen the movie does he really walk in like hello i'm the pedisha more or less holly can you confirm that No, that's absolutely what happens. He's not even, I would argue that he's not, he's a, this is a strange thing to say. I think he's the weak link in the cast. He's just kind of like, he's not, he's not doing Christopher Walken. And I think if he was doing Christopher Walken, it would be perhaps a distraction to everything else that's going on.

But he's also not really doing anything else. He's just like sitting there and exuding a quiet, sleepy crankiness. It kind of looks like Christopher Walk and wandered in. They were like, all right, you can be in the movie. Like, yeah, do you think he knows he's in a movie? Is a fair question, because he's kind of dressed in a moo-moo. Yeah, and he plays Florence Pugh's father. Also, just in terms of aesthetics, I appreciate that even though we have updated this 50 years after David Lynch's or whatever, they still have a dedicated team to making the princess look real fucking weird. Yeah, that's true. It's, it's, it's very, it's very,

very, um, it's very never-ending story. He has by far the weird, it's like, oh, yeah, child empress grew up nice, is basically the theme. All right, so go see Doom 2 and look out. Hey, I loved it. When you got a sand for her. I'm making fun, but I fucking love this movie, and I'm not a huge fan of the book. And you need it tame.

Spice must flow. And to these tasteful garden bats. We let a fucking French Canadian runoff with our, with this great piece of IP too. We ought to be ashamed. Wolverine's French Canadian. Huh. That is.

You make an excellent. That's a compelling argument. That's not a helpful argument, but it is compelling. He is British. The irony of Wolverine having free health care is amazing to me. If anybody needs it, but also it doesn't need it. That would be the most American comic book ever and feel like he has a superpower.

Like every, um, every conservative says like, yeah, it's free, but it takes forever and it sucks. So like Wolverine really does sort of fit the, um, the, the reality they've invented, right? Where it's like, he's just going to wait it out. Look how unhappy he is. On the other hand, can you imagine Wolverine in America reading literature literature that says, if you like your doctor? I'm fucking do it myself. Like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.

He's like, Oh, God. That's a copay. I'm thinking about Wolverine's A. and what he uses it for. He was like, Tiger balm, right?

It's just Tiger balm. Tiger balm. It's like in the winter. Can you imagine how chapped it gets around them shit? Oh, you got to need a lot. You're going to need a lot of aquifer on those claw holes. Well, that's the thing I said.

That's it. There it is. Go ahead and clip that, folks. Thank you. you see a promo 20% off promo code lubed up claw holes dot biz

are your lips chapped Logan I feel it every time it's a vague sticking Welcome. Welcome to the shutdown. To the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall joined as always. by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson,

and all the ones that's with Michael Ray server. How are we doing? I feel like sometimes... I just get out of his damn social shit. Like a minute ago? Do you want to read his address that loud?

Docs our producer. God damn. I feel like sometimes people probably assume we do like we do the cold open and then we pause to have a meeting and then the show begins. No. It just strikes when it strikes.

when it strikes. Not unlike the trash monster. It knows when the time is right. Poor trash monster. I have feelings and ambitions. Give you a lightsaber. You're our trash monster. I just want

to meet Lucy. I appreciate that. Hey, can I steer us real quick to a fun moment I had that kind of involves football? Sure. We don't usually make huge segments out of Georgia football players being arrested on DUI charges because otherwise what else would we talk about? But I had a moment where friends of the program message board geniuses had gone into the dog vent. They skittered into the dog vent

to collect reactions to the news that Georgia star Trevor Etienne had been arrested on DUI. And at the time when I looked at this post, I did not know that he had also been cited for several other things. Spencer, do you remember what the other charges were? Overly tinted windows is one of them. Okay, I didn't know that there were multiple charges and I only knew about the DUI, which is what made this extra special post special from Lakeside Dog.

Let's kick ETN off over a bullshit law designed to increase state revenue. Now, I'm not positive that he didn't mean DUI is a bullshit law. signed to a great state revenue. But none of us are old enough except for Spencer, maybe to remember, like,

what public reaction was when DUI first became illegal? Well, specifically when open container locked in your car became illegal. Like, I don't know that maybe there is, what I have seen is old news footage. I have to, yeah, I have seen

old news footage of people being super fucking offended that they can't drive around with a Lucy Bud life. Yes, that they couldn't put a cup of beer in their in their car and drink as they drove i i do distinctly remember some members of my family enjoying the privileges of that pre-opened container era well past the passing of these laws as a child did i did see that not with not with my beloved parents but with certain family members didn't he's not going to throw them one i should listen i'm not talking about my mother i'm not talking about my mother

should be clearer. I'm not a snitch. I've heard enough times that I think it's true that in Wisconsin, at least till somewhat recently, your first snowmobile DUI was a freebie. Like a whole bunch? Yeah, I haven't researched it at all. I'm just like, yes, I believe it. That's an emotional legal truth.

Tell me whatever you want me to believe about that, and I will. 100%. Yeah. Don't drink and drive. It's bad. There. That feels pretty obvious. There, kids, we said it. Yeah. Positive role models, the shutdown full cast.

Mark Rick has lost control of. There we go. Now we're back. Ah, okay. It's like slipping into a pair of real comfy shoes. I'm pretty sure, Holly, you and I invented that meme like 15 years ago. No, we did. I'm almost positive.

It's, yeah, it's too long to explain. Yeah. Yeah. Except that that was maybe also one of the first. memes that I invented that took on a precise opposite life of its own from what I It was immediately co-opted The point was that Mark Rick wasn't losing control He was constantly kicking players off because he had control

The only reason you're hearing about all these players and torches Because Mark Rick is kicking them off one at a time And we go on television and they're like Mark Rick just lost control of the program like No, not like that God The first one of our chill of our meme babies to leave the nest and turn against us.

Is anybody familiar with the Francis Pomeroy Naismuth Award? Is this like the Francis Scott Kee-Kee-Kee? No. Oh, the Naismith Award? Yeah, Dalton connects up for it. No. No? Not that.

I'm flailing. Not that one. Is it a different Naismith Award? This is a different. Like, Holly is correct. that that is the Naismith Award. I'm just free associating, no. Traditionally think of.

This is also a basketball award, and it is also named after a member of the Naismith family, in this case, James Naismith's daughter-in-law. This is a trophy that does not exist anymore and was discontinued about a decade ago for reasons that I truly don't understand, but I asked a couple more basketball-focused people. Connor from Homefield is who I asked.

I was like, have you ever heard of this thing? Indiana's. Connor did not write. Noted Indiana. I also asked Whitney at home field that she also did not remember that. Yes, you're correct. This was an award that until 2014 and starting in 1969 for men and 1984 for women's basketball was the award presented to the nation's most outstanding senior who, in the case of men, was six feet or shorter. And in the case of women, was five foot eight or shorter.

It was literally a short king trophy. I'm actually disappointed to learn that I'm short for a basketball player. I'm sorry to hear that, too, on your behalf. I was always in the back row of my class pictures. What the fuck? A lot of fun people. Don't ask about other reasons they might have put me back there. A lot of fun people won this.

Mugsy Boggs won this award. Tim Hardaway won this award. Tyos Edney, Earl Boynkins, Scooney Penn. What a remembering name Scooney Penn is, Jamir Nelson, Nate Robinson. On the women's side, Carol Lawson won this award at Tennessee. Becky Hammond won it. Even enemy of media herself, Kim Mulkey,

won the first women's Francis Pomeroy, Naismith Award in the 1983-84 season. Like this, I don't know why we got rid of this, because this seems like it's a really fun thing to be like, hey, here, here is a demonstra-a-thing that makes basketball demonstrably harder. And if you can be good at basketball while, while dealing with not having, not being 6-8, not being, you know, 6-6, you should be celebrated for that. And I don't know why we just stopped doing it.

I think it's bullshit, and it should come back. It's probably Kim Mulkey. You think you're monkey poisoned it from the game? Yeah, it got milk-pilled. I am not going to let this slander. Oh, hey, that story hadn't come out yet, but we all agree that there's absolutely nothing that's going to change, right? That's correct.

I'm leaning that way. I'm not saying it shouldn't be reported. I'm saying I have such a hard time believing there's something about Kim Mulkey that we don't already know, and they're just reporting a lot of it. I'm trying to think what you could what you could get LSU fans really mad at Kim Mulkey for at this point unless she converts to Islam

I don't know which damn you do dude her views are not incompatible with some of the hard with some of the more hard line huh I'm gonna stop there that's an interesting path that I don't think we should explore

Contrary to the reports of this slanderous reporter, I'd not receive the light of Islam. Just, you know, I'm just saying, I feel like if you put, you know, if you're playing a party game and you're like, I've got Kim Mulkey on an index card on my forehead and you've got ISIS on your forehead and we're describing each other. We're going to be doing a lot of Spider-Man pointing. Gotcha. Cool. Kim Mokie, please don't sue. Since too late, I know, it's already happening. I've retained

I enjoyed I enjoyed the parade of defamation lawyers who I saw in various social media platforms yeah yeah like when they were like you know that she has not hired the best one because

she didn't hire me I was like that's hustle shouts out to the defamation lawyers who are like I see an opportunity for advertising and I am going to take it what you're describing

now makes me think of some sort of like bachelor style show where Kim Mokey selects a defamation lawyer from 18 worthy contestants. Except they're all chained up because nobody wants to be there. They have to do a bunch of shit that has nothing to do with lawyering. You're like, why am I, why am I doing Matt drills? Shut up! Why am I in a layup line? Kim Malky has to catch and contain her preferred counsel.

That's the most dangerous game. Being an attorney for Kim Moky. Well. have to let her cough in my face to prove you're not afraid in the walk mind virus hey at least you get January 6th off

well do you know what I love do you know what I absolutely fucking love I've I kind of feel like I've come to the bottom of several successive barrels on that joke regarding Mulkie but every time I look at Twitter and one of those Kim Malky January 6

memes is trending I click on it and it's somebody who follows all of us and I just want to say thank you to all the listeners out there who have taken this ball and run with it into the sunset. You are all so beautiful and you're doing a great job

and I'm really proud of you. Now, I do want to offer this if Kim Mookie does sue the Washington Post for defamation, again, for an article that famously without lawyers. For an article that has not even come out yet. The famously non-litigious

Washington Post. Can you imagine the audacious shit Kim Mulkie's going to wear to court? Can you imagine discovery? Ryan, can we talk about discovery? Sure. In a case like this? Yeah, sure.

So she shows up looking like Kristen Sinema's grandma and... Whoa! That's meaner than anything I said. Oh, my God. And then what happens? And then the jury dazzled by the millions of bobbles. Pieces of flare. I think you have it wrong.

I think you have it wrong. She's going to come dressed in judges' robes. Purple, purple judges. Why do you get to wear it? Yeah, guys, I'm the only one who can judge me. She's showing up wearing a mask of the mother of the jury foreman. They're like, how do you know my nana? She doesn't wear masks.

You know that. Fair enough. A mask specifically with a breathing hole. to allow the nutrifying, purifying strain of the novel coronavirus through. Imagine her being called as a 30s baseball player. And it's measles, Mokie, rounding for home. I did have one other... Poor measles.

I did have one non-Kim Muckie thought watching the women's tournament, which has been real kick-ass. Oh, it's been great. It's been so good. Except for yesterday. It's been fantastic. Even yesterday was entertaining in stretches. Listen, Tennessee was down so badly, and they fought back into that game.

And then what happened after that? And then they lost. No, then what happened two hours later? What? West Virginia. West Virginia. I shouldn't be put through this in one day. Okay, that's fair.

You can be a U.S. Go be a USC fan. Oh, I actually am because I realized late in the night in a state of mild derangement that USC has a mortal lock on world-class athletes named Juju. That's true. Did you guys know they've got a Georgia committee? It named juju at quarterback coming in? I did not.

I did not for that. And as someone in my mention said, uh, juju, you. The, the 12-team playoff, which will be upon us this year, will feature playoff games in the first round played at the home stadium of the higher seeds. And at first I was like, this feels weird, like college football's postseason, high stakes or just fun stakes, has always been about neutral sites. Like, yeah, sometimes you get a. team playing in the stadium that they play in because that's where their bowl is.

Like if Boise is playing in the potato bowl. I think Memphis did that this year. Yes, exactly. It's not impossible, but it's certainly not planned that way. And I kind, so I've, I'd kind of been feeling weird about it. I'm like, I don't know. Like, you don't play college football playoff games on home campuses. But these games are fucking electric.

Like, they are. There is a very. There is a very different energy. Like, West Virginia didn't win, but you could tell they were like, oh, we could end Caitlin Clark's Iowa career in her home building and send her home for good. It is a haters. You could tell Iowa fans were thinking the same thing about the refs. Yes.

And like, and I think it also like, I'm sure that made it more enjoyable for Caitlin Clark to go out, like to end her career in that building. in that setting. I was just like, okay, I think I feel differently about this. And on-campus games, there is one difference that I think will be tested a little bit. Playing them in March is not that hard of a sell because everybody's still in class or whatever. I am a little curious how this is going to work when the playoffs overlap with times when students might not be on campus and how that will all actually work. But it showed me something. It made me think differently about the 12 team playoff. That's all. I wonder if, and there's no way of knowing,

I'm just speculating here. I know that's a new experience for this podcast. I wonder if the absence of population on campus, I can kind of see this going one of two ways. Like, I can see bowls, uh, or sorry, I can see playoff games being filled up like the title game and the bigger bowls get filled up by corporate seats, especially when population on campus has dropped. But on the other hand, if you get the right location and you get a bowl, a bowl game that is actually more full of townies than anything else, that's, that's, that's excellent riot potential. I agree. I think that's great too. And I think, I think college football stadiums are big enough that you can probably split that difference and get both of those else. Yeah. Like,

I'm wondering if this might end up being a better experience than we're anticipating, if only because, like, if they have, if there's a thing, if it becomes a thing in December where, like, you know, this can be an event like, you know, going to a Georgia State game on a Friday night is an event here. Like, if this can be like a family thing, uh, yeah, that could be a lot of fun. This is all assuming that this is still what the system looks like by the time it rolls around, which who knows. Yeah. Well, yeah, by the, by the, by this December, it'll be, a 29 team playoff. That's the perfect number. We're stopping right there. We swear. Depending on how many, yeah, we're leaving one team out of the Big Ten and SEC.

Yeah. Sorry for you. NC State. The example I've always seen is like, so you're telling me like right around Christmas time, we're dumping everyone back into Penn State. Like, you know,

one of the most famously difficult to navigate environs in the, the big two conferences. we're just we're gonna fill up the second largest stadium in the western hemisphere just like that hey man they're so proud of it being all cold and shit up there let's see and put it up put it down well there's also that too yeah y'all wanted to talk about the weather's a damn bad let's talk about it like the the school that other schools that play them especially west coast ones now have to like really really budget around like getting equipment trucks there and all that shit now we're going to do that like on short notice for you know what i mean i wonder if we can set up

like equipment pools, right, that can be relayed from short distances. Well, just use the sandworms, yeah. Yeah, there's probably some R&L carriers money to be made there. Do you have a sandworm? Like, obviously there's a lot that will change with conferences changing and Splits on Dio had a very good conversation about the 12th team playoff led by playoff playoff optimist Stephen Godfrey. That was the weirdest episode in a long time because they were all enjoying it and nobody was yelling at each other. It was really enjoyable.

Rosepole traditional Stephen Godfrey. And I do recommend you go listen to that. But just looking at this last year and sort of saying like, okay, if we had had home games, home campus games for the first round, if Michigan, Washington, Texas, and Bama all got the buy, the home games would have gone to Florida State, Georgia, Ohio State, and Oregon. And that's pretty, like, that's a pretty good grouping, honestly. Like, the idea that you would have those four teams hosting home games, I have no doubt that, like, they would successfully get those stadiums filled. And the idea that you could, like, pick your poison of a team that you want to potentially see knocked out of the playoff at home in the first round. Like, that's got good juice in every direction, I think. Yeah, like one of the, you know, odds are,

one of those four is going to fall for a year, right? It's going to be a two and two or three and one out of that group advancing. Yeah, yeah. So, so thank you, thank you to the women's tournament specifically because they don't do this in the men's tournament

for helping me see that, yeah, it can be fun to just do these things on campus, even though we're used to bulls being the complete opposite of that. And FCS as well. Sure, 100%. You get to see shit like famously every so often a Montana home game. The snow falling and fucking Wofford is in town?

Like, what is this stuff? Welcome to the stadium at the mouth. And FCS has the additional problem of because only the championship game has played at a predetermined location, if I remember correctly. And so every round, you don't know where it's going to be until the results. Like, you only really have like a week's notice to know whether you're playing at home or not, right? And I don't know if FBS is. Some teams will know they're playing at home, but, yeah, other teams might not know where they're going.

Right. So, like, I don't know if FBS is built for that. Like, I think this trial stage of the first round works like this, and then we do both sites after that is probably for the best. So what I'm hearing is 85 team FBS playoff. Because we need the money very, very badly. To give to the players? No. No.

have you considered donating to your local completely subsidiary economy who pays the players guess what it's you it's you buddy that's so kind of you yeah where's all we that money where's all we that money going now you're being the change look at you you know how there's this thing for decades of any time the NCAA gets into court a judge is like hang on you do you what you're telling me this is how college sports works i can't like nil is is going to face that um you know have a judge saying like so fans pay players that's you're telling me you're telling me you're tell me you expect to get away with it so yeah and then they'll manage to squeeze like a decade or two out of that and come up with an even number idea but yeah you've sweet it's great it's great

system so you've just decided to do the entire thing as a tip based economy for football or is a subscription service for my tight end so see there's this there's this there's this app where you where you just uh you push a button each time you push button money goes to that player and uh it's a very grown up system nice nice catch press press a press a i have a i have a controller and i'm sitting there pressing a to donate and all this is connected it to academia, of course, for reasons that are very important that would take very, very long time to explain. But I assure you, absolutely necessary. It's Greg Sankey yet, some between $2 and $3 million now.

Is that all? Yeah, but he's got a lot of what, a lot of disappointing SEC basketball teams, so I understand why he gets that one, frankly. The minute that man, I, you know what, like, I don't want to claim like, oh, I do that, was going to happen. But like, in retrospect, the minute he was like, there need to be more SEC teams in this and fewer small ones. I was like, they're going to bite it. All of them are going to face plant. No way. Here comes Michigan strip ball university. Chucking up three. It's just the spirit of Halloween college. Here comes Auburn somehow making America

root for Yale. America, Sweethearts. And we love war criminals. Which is David Roth said this is the annual March Madness game. That's the battle for the soul of the Republican Party. I think it was Saxon Cook Book who said, it's the school your senator went to versus the school he said he went. When you're going, man, I hope that team whose members include people who go to a frat house

that has the skull of Geronimo in it. Hope they beat these guys. Wait, so do they get to take Bruce Pearl's skull home? I'm not familiar with all Yale traditions. How does this work? He ain't using it. I mean, it's already empty. Do they get to drink out of it?

Man, I hope so. These are secrets. We're not allowed to reveal them. As honorary Yale grads, I'm speaking that into existence. It's like your Kentucky curdled them. Honorary Yale grad We're Guys we've been invited

It's skull and bones I mean I got a skull I got bones Let's see Is that Who's got an honorary? Do you think they have any rib joints up there

That are like skull And bones based Or do they not have Senses of humor like that That'd be B O N-E-Z Oh Paul Giamatti Got a got an honorary degree From Yale this year

That's cool Paul Giami didn't go to actual Yale I don't think Apparently not That's kind of wild Where did Paul Giamatti go to college? Sunni purchase. Let's see.

He's born in New Haven. His dad was president at Yale. He is a town. He did go to Yale. Oh, so they're smiling on. He did to go to Yale, and then he got an honorary doctorate. What the fuck? You don't need to do this.

They just, they just assumed to end. Apparently. Ah. Judy, Judy Bloom has, has one. Yeah, this, all we got to do is Herbie Hancock. We got to get Lane Kiffin one. That's it. Lane Kiffin, honorary Yale doctorate.

I want to make this a project so that he walks up there and he's like, I don't know why I'm getting this. So we'll just tell him, you know, he's like, you know, he's like super unlikable, but funny anyway. Just just really emphasize his unlikeability. He made a successful business. out of unpaid labor. Yeah. Well, we're listening. We're listening, huh?

This is a thing that we've gotten the highest civilian honor. Like, we should, we should start gunning for honorary doctorates from places. Raise the bar. Where should we start? Florida Gulf Coast. Okay. What about we go to a place that's like infamous for giving them to people who they later had to like go to places that gave one to Bill Cosby and be like,

Hey, you want to claw something back? Temple, I don't know about that. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I want an honorary doctorate from Arizona State. That's first, first call. Which do you think is more valuable? The honorary or actual doctorate from Arizona State? 50% of nothing.

It is nothing, baby. So FGCU has a lot of health doctorates. So we could become doctor, doctors. In Florida? In Florida, buddy. That's a matter of confidence, not pedigree. I didn't think about unaccredited medical school honorary degrees. That's a whole new world.

I think Arizona State is probably doable. We have to figure out our angle, but I think we could do it. Or like, what's the easiest place to get an online MBA? So, why don't we give out honorary degrees? Maybe that's the move. Why wait? Why don't you just do the Rand Paul thing and be like, I'll make my own medical certifying board. We're a community college because we're for the people.

I'm a doctor. Who do you want to give a forecast honorary doctor of football to? I think we're going to start with Schnelly. Yeah, first pick, yeah. We'll do the, we'll do the honorary one for Schnelly. You'll be like, isn't he dead? And we'll be like, no excuse. So we're still going to do it.

He's owed. Oh, wait, what about like George O'Leary? But then we take it back. I think he could use the creds at this point. I think we could give him, I think we could give it one to quote George O'Leary, unquote. I think that's fair. The first George O'Leary who claims the first George O'Leary who reaches out and claims it. You look at the picture and it's Houston nut.

As long as he has the documentation, that's fine. Oh, we could give out divinity degree. Jason could give out divinity degrees probably. Yeah. Point. I would do that. I would give out a, let's see. A doctor.

I'm trying to think of somebody who badly needs the credentials to do this, right? Somebody who badly needs the credentials. Besides Billy Napier. There's enough titles floating around the Florida Athletic Department. You don't need to give him more. disagree son i need more epaulets and nameplates i need it seriously man i need it to look like a main dynasty bureaucracy back there i'm the florida football sergeant in arms i'm the secretary of the exchequer

that's it i don't you know what i i when he gets fired it won't be for lack of nameplates pomp or circumstance i support i support him in this there's going to be a Florida staffer who like just sort of makes it through to the next not like it was is intentionally retained but is like oh this org chart was so long we just missed like three dudes so they're still on the staff now we just we forgot yeah also he'll have something vitally important they'll be like did you know he was the only one with a playbook like what yeah you're going to turn around and Dan Enos and Todd Grant them are going to be like hi Spencer, can we look at the schedule? I know we don't talk about Florida, but Schenzer, can we look at the schedule a little bit and just get a sense of, like, where your emotions are going to be on a week-by-week basis?

Oh, I can't. To talk about Florida's opponents. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. That's the sneaky. That's the loophole. All right. Sneaky tucking. I think you're all sadistic, but luckily for you, I'm a masochist.

Okay. Well, you know what? You didn't have anything else to bring to talk about to the show this week, so this is what we're doing. That's what we're doing. defaulting to the gators is what it's called let's uh florida has home games in four of their first five weeks these are those home games it's a great schedule it's an easy schedule Miami mm-hmm how are you going to feel at the end of the Miami game to open the year

I will feel uncertain and be filled with great anxiety and whatever conclusions I take away from it will be even the positive ones will be undercut by the uncertainty of what lies ahead. Additionally, can you ever say that facing a Mario Cristobal team proved anything? It didn't because Mario Cristobo might be managing something so badly that even the good things that you take away from it might in fact be a losery, right? Like, did we win or did we just beat a Mario Cristobal team? So are you predicting bad win for Florida? No. I, no. But if we did get one, it would still be a bad win because there would be absolutely no way to tell if we did anything right. Okay. You know, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, sure. Does that make sense? Because you've seen the way you've seen the way that man runs a football team. Right. I understand, I understand where you're going with this. Okay. Next up, Samford, who in 2023, finished the year six and five. And in what I believe was their only FBS matchup, uh, lost to Auburn 4513. Mm-hmm. So there will be at least two three infuriating mistakes in this game that will sour even a blowout for me that that's what that will happen there'll be something like we give up two kickoff returns because we don't have a

special teams coordinator sure um or we'll give up a bunch of sacks even though we have two offensive line coaches uh-huh um it will be impossible to uh it will be impossible even for a blowout against sanford to not include confirmation of several of the negative biases that i already have toward the staff. So there, I've just, I've just played it out. Yes. I'm not, I'm not wishing for this in any way, but since you're in the spirit of, um, you're, you're feeling a little volley right now. Um, at Tennessee, this is the game where you would definitely want to throw down your, uh, crucial season ending injury, non-contact to bingo card. Yeah. That's a good one. Right. Like, Offensive lineman grabbing the side.

Like somebody's elbow just like suddenly snaps out of place for no reason. Or or offensive lineman rolled up on that's that's that is my by I say this ironically favorite injury. Love that when you go, ah, we just lost a guy because one guy rolled over. Great. Love it. Okay. So yeah, that's that's my conclusion on the Sanford game. Go.

Next up home against Texas A&M. In what. Okay, this should be Tennessee week. So how are you going to transmute that? This, and I'm checking. This may be the conference opener for Mike Alcoe. Yeah, they open with Notre Dame and McNeese. Yes, Florida is, this is Mike Elko's SEC debut.

That, to me, feels like the game where we might get some false hope because A&M still establishing itself. They're going to be redoing everything. They're still going to be learning how to play football again because Jimbo Fisher didn't teach them that. so evidently they should have included it they didn't put it at the contract uh so yeah i think like maybe we get like that that may be sort of if we look back and go hmm there was a point of false hope the nm game i feel like you know that lines up with what the tennessee game was last year

correct correct so holly's not wrong we'd be right again we have an established quarterback we have which they really don't you know we definitely have like we know what our MO is which you know they probably won't at that point so the thing that Mike Elko

is great at is defense and that's going to take a minute to sort of like gel so yeah I would go ahead and say that that's a game that I feel pretty good about and that will feel too good about

even if it's just a narrow win because there's a whole lot of hell coming down the road there we go first road game of the season at Mississippi State. Um, yeah, that's going to be an ugly win because Mississippi state's real bad. They're real bad. Like, and honestly, if you want to know, if we lose that game, you could just preemptively give up all hope, right? Like, if you lose that game.

Sure. That is a useful barometer of sorts. It would be useful. It would be useful of when you could give up. Like if we lose to Mississippi State, that might be the most economical thing we could do for the fan base is just to be like, I pile it in. Can I pop in with a quick interlude here? Yes. Andy Slater of Fox 640 has obtained the permitted list of musical instruments the Miami Marlins will allow into the ballpark.

I saw this. I'd love to hear it. Now, I'm mentioning this right now because at the bottom, it says, asterisk, the cowbell percussion instrument is permitted, but additional cowbell styles may be denied entry, which feels targeted, but permitted instruments in case you were thinking, oh, I can't take my cowbell

to the Mississippi State game this year. How am I possibly going to have any fun? Consider toting one of these. Cabassa, congas, bongos, trumpet. Trumpet is my favorite. Maracas.

I'm just reading the ones that I definitely know how I know how to pronounce. There's a whole bunch of Spanish language ones on here that I'm familiar with, but that look amazing. Tambourine, listen, tambourine might be the sleeper hit on here. Like, tambourine are secretly, like, especially in an enclosed environment, tambourine are secretly kind of lethal.

I, that could hurt somebody, yeah. A trumpet, frankly, like, I... That's a lot. Trumpets are a lot, especially in, like, untrained hands. Don't let Philly's fans bring trumpets to games, so they'll throw that shit. 100%. They'll convert it into a blunderbuss. They're allowing both the shaken gourd kind of maracas and the kind of maracas that are super annoying where you spin them.

Yeah, sure. It's got like a rope and, yeah. Timbora, if you want to just kind of, if you want to bring in a string section. God dang. Can I bring a cello in? Nope. Damn it. Unless it's an emotional support cello, then maybe you can.

Buddy. I have a prescription for the. that's chill. Keep looking at that schedule. We're going to need emotional support. Yeah, we're not done yet. Okay. This is where things start. I think potentially start to really turn. This is the the fourth of those early home games. Hosting UCF. Let me start with a question. Spencer, do you know who UCF's quarterback will be this season? Oh, God. I should know this, but I don't.

It's Arkansas Transfer. KJ. Jefferson. Your beloved your beloved Wampmaster himself. Wampmaster. The Wamp Masters brought it to I drive, baby. There is a

real possibility that you have to watch KJ. Jefferson just beat the shit out of Florida. Again. Again. Again. Yes. That is a thing. Like, effectively,

that was the game that knocked Florida out of bowl eligibility. last year was the Arkansas game around like early November or so if memory serves I'm talking this up as an L I just like I was like if KJ's playing I don't know you beat us last year with a piss poor Arkansas team yeah like with an a struggle bus Arkansas team so yeah so those are the first five games of the year and I think like is it possible Florida goes five and no sure would most Florida fans take four and one I think so I think you can probably talk yourself into that.

But here's where you would have to get at least one and possibly more wins for the rest of the season. And I'm just going to read them in a row at Tennessee, home against Kentucky, Georgia and the cocktail bowl, at Texas, home against LSU, home against old miss, at Florida State. Yeah. Yeah. dead we're dead like that's not just get ready to have like just her how fun is it having to

worry about old miss and florida state in this fashion again i the good news is by the time those roll around there might the worrying might be done oh yeah no you just might be yeah cash it fire done all right cool we're on to a new plot line that's what you want you i'm trying to bright side it is one of my favorite genres of florida commentary i mean it's a little bit like the walking dead because you go, well, even if something good happens,

you still live in hell. Yeah. Something bad is waiting down there. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So yeah, like that's when anybody,

I know like I'm probably going to do two or three radio spots or TV spots where somebody goes, look at a bright side for the Florida caters. And you just go, no. No. It's all bad.

It's all bad. You're counting on Graham Mertz to turn it to Joe Burrow. that's what you would be counting on and you're counting on everyone else to turn into Joe Burroughs outstanding supporting cast that is brother take your life savings

go to Vegas put it on the roulette wheel that's just as likely did anybody else think Graham Mertz was on season 7 like last year? Me? I knew he had been there for a minute where are we on the

I haven't done the mouth in this in a minute how long until all of the extra COVID years wash out of the calendar. I think it's still a ways. Like, we've got like three more years of that, right? And I think that's probably right. Just, just any number. Just say any number.

Yeah. Seven. Yeah. Actually, you're right. This makes it easier because you can no longer prove that anybody is or is not playing college football. You just say, oh, that was a COVID year. You forgot his COVID year.

Yeah. Actually. Graham, Graham Mertz's first year at Wisconsin was 2019. He redshirted that year. And he will be. So this will effectively be like his fifth year of play, but I think he'll have one more maybe. I don't know. It's funny. Like the math has completely changed. It's like only five? Heck. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a couple more degrees to earn. There's got to be ways. Seriously, there's got to be ways for all of the current eligibility rules, medical waivers and the COVID year where we're going to get multiple people who are ending up playing seven years or eight years.

Oh, yeah. We've, we've, we've hit. I know we've already got a couple. Yeah. I think Bud has like entertained this from people on Twitter at various points, but like it's entirely possible at some point someone will sue the NCAA and be like, the idea that I can only play so much college football is a violation of antitrust. Like I should be allowed to play 11 years of college football if there's a team that wants to have me. This is the year that.

They named the law after Sinbad. This is how necessary roughness left tackle. McCormick Miami tight end this is year nine for him yes that's right which to be fair is awesome Dr. McCormick that's that's incredible I love that somebody's like yeah so you know I got an IRA I hope that they're also doing all of the things that happen in necessary roughness like like you know walking up calling all their professors cheekily by their first name James and hanging out with the professors and yeah taking journalism 101 from Kathy Ireland it's not going to be an easy A boys so wait if you are a ninth year player at Miami how many

Florida football coaches have you seen coming this is this is the new unit of measurement right because you can no like measuring a college football player's career in things like individual seasons no longer makes sense you have to measure things them in Florida and Gainesville turnovers. Yeah, you're on four. You're on four. Okay, the metric is Gat, Gainesville administrative turnover. Yeah.

So you would have seen your fourth. How many Miami coaches would you have seen? There was a couple where, uh, yeah, you would have seen the whole, uh, that week where they had like two at once. You didn't have to enjoy that. Oh, yeah. But he was at Oregon. He was at, uh, which also has had a bit of turnover.

Uh-huh. depend yeah you would be you would be like so many so we're going to see so many players who at this point will be like yeah I can rent a car

in most states it's going to be a lot of that like a ton of that and I can't wait in the NFL there is no margin for error one mistake can change the outcome of the game science proves quality sleep

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bowl week a lot. Oh, I'm sorry. If I had known that, I wouldn't have made you think about Florida football in March. No, no. I'm sorry, if you consider that this might just be the year to come on. home to Tennessee. Quit your day walking ways and return to the state of your birth. My stomach just hurt. Do you want to be a Vandy fan? Yeah. If you want to get technical about the part of the state you ran, I was being nice. No, not enough. By adopting you into the Eastern Brigade. How close are you to Murfreesboro, uh, ancestrally? Closer than he'd like closer. Closer. Yeah, no, no, no. Like MTSU would. Maybe actually physically closer to Murphy's Brough. Wait, where were you born, born? You might be closer to Murphy's Borough than Vandy.

Oh, no. I'm closest to family. No. What about you want to be a mock? Samuel L. Jackson is a mock. I would probably, I would go to Memphis before. I would go to any of those. Oh, Chattanooga's lovely.

Fuck you. Samuel L. Jackson is lovely. I'm just saying, it's like a football fan. Samuel Jackson is not only a UT Chattanooga booster. He's an ardent Lady Valls fan. Damn. Yeah. So, you know, we're both having a bad day.

also the mocks went 8 and 5 last year Florida didn't go 8 and 5 tell you that much yeah you know but if you were to give me if I had to pick a volunteer state team I would probably go with Memphis because you'd be like yeah it's kind of an erratic shit show that all no that does not count that fights a lot you know and I'd be like yeah okay are you saying Memphis is its own state is a city state we all know this Memphis really is its own independent principality upon the Vatican City of America Memphis In a lot of ways, actually. Who's the Pope of Memphis? I don't want to explore that.

Unfortunately, it's Jerry Lawler, Jerry Law. I was going to say Key Glock, but yeah. Okay. So I did have something because working on another project. Always good to get into that 70 minutes into recording. I had entertained the notion that there were, I think a lot of people, if you're a historian, you have to have this, like, sort of charitable, fair-minded, understanding of what humanity suspended and the chaos of time does and their actions and their impacts.

And you have to be, you have to think of both sides of it. And like, nobody here is a historian. We could just look at somebody in a historical context to go, God, what an absolute asshole. Except that's not the term we chose to use. Is it Spencer? No, no, no. We, we're working on something where we're just trying to find. Is it better if I say it? Is it more acceptable if I say it? No, I mean, either one of us. It's a little more acceptable if you say it, but I'm comfortable with either one of us saying it. inspired by um should we go ahead and tell him about the about the manga spencer's been reading a lot about gangis con lately and that led us to uh the discovery of not the discovery but the uh learning a lot more about a certain historical figure who has inspired us at channel six to create what we are calling

the dumbest bitch in history bracket yeah and um i have a real strong nominee there's some very obvious ones in there but there was the mine is the guy who burned down notre dame The guy who worked out Notre Dame is sort of a sentimental favorite. Listen, recency, recency bias, but come on, he's a darling.

Yeah. I mean, he's, he's George Mason. He's going to make a deep run. If you go to work and you burn down a cultural touchstone because you were, because you were slopping it up at your job, I'm going to feel warm feelings towards you and also award you dumb bitch status.

Um, this was, these are all men. So point out. So. I'm going to give you a preview of how this story ends by saying that it concerns Analchuk, who was governor of Otrar in the Quaresmian Empire. Now you go, man, I've never heard of the Choiresmian Empire. There's a reason.

Now, I'm about to tell you what it is. Also, he died in 1219. Our events start in 1218. That's going to give you some clue of where this is going rapidly. Hey, who were his neighbors? So. Maybe we can learn by thinking about who was around. him. Yeah. So Quaresmia was like basically, you know, Persia, bit of Afghanistan, you know, where Iran is now.

Just a very big, powerful empire at the time. And, um, and Alchuk was a regional governor. And Analchuk received an envoy and a caravan from the Mongols who were neighbors. And I, at the time, at the time the mongles were of course noted but like we didn't that wasn't like oh shit the mongols are here it was like oh the mongols are here heads up you know not like oh god run honey come see it's the mongles right put on some tea it's gangas you know like no so i can't get your country out i hear you're big on a you're building a horn big enough so i hear you're riding a horse's size of boss so an alchuk sees this caravan and as i guess some more some regional governors were want to do he said oh you got some nice stuff it'd be funny if i just took it and killed you which is what he did they're too emotional to lead yeah so he killed them and uh except for he killed the messengers except for one camel driver all right one camel driver all right one camel driver

got back and told Genghis like, hey, they killed everybody except for me. And Genghis Khan, being Genghis Khan, was like, I'm going to send them a message. I'm a patient, man. I'm a reasonable man. He sent three envoys that were like, hey, you got to the Sultan, who was in Alchuk's boss and was like, hey, you need to discipline in Alchuk or we're going to have to squabble. And, uh, Sultan Mohammed, uh, decided. that he was going to call his bluff

killed the two Muslim envoys and set the Mongol one back or killed the one Muslim envoy and sent the two Mongol envoys back with the disgrace of having their beards shaved. All right. Now you've gone and made Genghis mad.

So Genghis gave you a second chance and you didn't take it. So at that point the Mongols descend and they kill anywhere from two seven million people. It's really hard to tell. That's quite a range. What's you're in that two to seven million range? It's you're just like, yeah, bad. I think it's with the with the geography, it's difficult to get the precincts and you know, they only had so many computers in those

days. Well, and like people were just dropping like flies at this point too. So you were just like, oh, maybe, maybe it was us. Who knows? How do you attribute blame? The destruction was so total that it's impossible to tell via a scale of millions just how badly in Altuck is fucked up also speaking of scales

in those days there were dragons mm sure and there's a lot of like there are a lot of runoff casualties like maybe the Mongols

didn't kill you but that giant pile of skulls they made fell over on you oh I thought you were going to say literally running off is what killed you

that could also do it they altered the weather this was they changed the climate Yeah, this is basically the Mongols' breakthrough to, oh, shit, it's the Mongol status, is this whole thing, because when you go, oh, what was Quaresmia? The reason you do that is because you don't, that's why you don't know it, because Genghis erased it because Analchuk, Analchuk had to have some shiny stuff. And because of that, he invoked the wrath of Genghis Khan. And he's definitely like high on, he's definitely what of my like, two or one.

one seeds and this the sort of collection of oh my god there are so many dumb bitches in history who is the most modern person that is potentially going on to the spread the guy who burned down notre dame oh right you did excuse me notre dame yeah sorry that one oh don't get my hopes up uh there's young there's a lot of war one generals on there those guys you know uh there are some 20th century dictators on their American president or two. Michigan fans will be happy to know that we are doing this with the assistance of Jane Koston and Michael

Bird, who you may be surprised to learn have a number of opinions on the subject. I wasn't totally going to put Mussolini on there. Then I found a picture of Mussolini and a hat so stupid. I was like, yeah, you're going in there. Finally. Benito, you take that

fucking hat. Finally, we can decide how we feel about Benito Mussolini. Thanks in this act Let's hear both sides From the guy who literally Was on both sides Good news fed sinners

The things One You're closer to some people's rhetoric That you would like And two Two there's this unfortunate Syndrome that you have Where you go

Wow this dictator was really cunning and smart No he spent his life being a dictator He's a fucking dumb ass Sure He's an idiot Yeah He was just the guy who's like I'm really good at being

liar and killing people that's not no don't give people credit for that that's a dumbass i guess i guess by default there has to be the dumbest dictator of all time they can't all be geniuses barely any of them are geniuses they're just the person who when the weather blew a certain way it was like need a murderer's moron hey he's got he's got an interesting hat i think he should be in charge but you know it's like it is a good hat and i'm like that hat's so stupid i'm glad they're shot you it's not controversial to say we're glad they shot no absent the hat you wouldn't know how you felt about it i'm pretty clear either way the hat is just putting its thumb on the scale ryan muscelaini apologists spencer all once again you're describing actual people in italian politics

no surely fascism is was gone forever after under the name of a politician named Mussolini. Surprisingly robust, Ryan. To this day. We live in an awesome time. But what I, we're probably going to have to put, did we put Ron in there? Uh, it's recency bias. I might actually need to put Ron in there.

He sees a, he's a big old dumb bitch, but yeah. Like, or it would it be funny that he can't even make the dumb bitch bracket? That's the thing. I think he's outclass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, you'd have to say his name and talk about him. Yeah, I want to do that. Do we live in a dumber time now than the aughts were? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think so. John Boys and I were discussing this yesterday, and I think in some ways, culture, the reason, the thing that made me think about this is, uh, I was driving, I was going to pick up one of my kids from school. And I saw a yellow H-2 Hummer. And it's pretty good. There is nothing that looks more dated. right now that it's like yeah man i also liked playing cruising u s a counterpoint all right counterpoint

the tesla truck yes but the so so this is the thing with people who bought an h2 a yellow h2 whenever if they bought it at the peak of its sales powers or whatever i think we're just like oh man that's cool but i think now people buy the cyber truck and they are over like they are aware that there is a negative perception of it and they are overthinking in the opposite direction. Does that, but that doesn't that make, okay, see here, that actually kind of goes as I was thinking earlier. We're, we're in this decade now with everything we learned about ourselves and our country during the Freedom Fries era, and we are still acting like this. I think that makes this era dumber. I think, I think everybody thinks about it a lot more, whereas in the aughts,

there was less overall thought about like culture as a whole yeah like now we're doing it on purpose which i would say is worse like nobody was thinking about because it's john obviously this conversation went to the hit television series 24 obviously yeah which to me is like really peak aughts dumb guy culture yeah like 24 now would be probably something more like homeland was i didn't watch homeland but i understand like what it was and it would have been like this is a show about like the merits of torture and you know political power this that's not what 24 was 24 was here is here is a broken man who's gonna tase the balls of his daughter's boyfriend at 20 20 right 24 at every point is like hey it'd be cool if jack came in here with a stapler yeah there's jack with the stapler yes yes

like i think the only holdover and it because it goes all the way back to this time the only true holdover we have to dumb culture of the aughts is the fast and furious franchise the fans the fast and furious franchise remains dumb in a way that is just as powerful as it would have worked in 2003 just as well as it works brother but not bad dumb the fast and the furious is about family and ethnic togetherness oh it's fun dumb but it's dumb brother i need you to saddle up and right disagree speak to yourself i need you to ride up saddle up and ride with me to a little place I like to call yellowstone is is yellowstone is so fucking top oh my god listen okay listen I got to tell you I think I've explained this already

on the show but just in case I haven't I'm going to explain it again um you need to watch everybody needs to watch like the first four episodes of Yellowstone and then stop I I got like through three seasons or something and then quit but in each of the first I want to say four episodes it's maybe it's three. It plays out almost like a procedural because in each of these first episodes of Yellowstone, one of Kevin Costner's adult children commits a gruesome murder that he has to cover up. I'm like, one at a time. This is how they introduce everybody on the ranch.

Like, Dad, I killed a guy. Dad, I killed a guy. Dad, I killed a guy. And if they had just gone on like that for the entire duration of the series, I think it would have been not only true to the spirit of the source. material like the von trot family killers in montana yes yeah if they had just leaned all the way into it and just made it like this canyon out back that's gradually filling up with bodies oh gretel so if you behaved in real life like i think a lot of very emotional people who why are you talking like

godfrey who use their feelings as their barometer for anything they want politically or personally Yeah. That, that is what you would get if you were the, the, the, I believe they are the, God, the Duttons. The Duttons are the family. If you were them, that was how you would act, right? Like, if you're like, you know what? If you acted that way toward me, I'd walk up and slap you. That's what they do, right? Like, and they do that. And they'll do that towards any number of standings towards people, like, towards people that everyone hates, right? On the Dutton's, you're sitting there, you're like these people are just like absolutely sociopathic idiots my god and then someone in its favor and then someone shows up and they're like uh i'm a sleazy developer you know

i need i want to buy your ranch and then someone slaps them in the head with a pistol and you're like hell yeah duns get them that's that's it like they also do something very very clever which they take kelly riley who's this brilliant british actress by the way they take they take take Kelly Riley, who you may remember from Britannica and also, more importantly, from the Joe Wright Pride and Prejudice, and they let her be in a way that you don't really get to see women on television ever do. They let her be just this absolute sleazebag asshole. Like, she's the fucking worst. And they make no, no, no, this is a compliment. They make no attempt to redeem her. There is, uh, there is no attempt to like soften her for any significant length

of time or to give her redeeming qualities and characteristics. She's just an asshole. And only dudes get to do that on most television programs. And I support this step in equality. To tie the circle back, 24 was a show that did this point. It's so well, 24. Oh, yeah. Very happy to be like, yep, here is here is lady terrorist, who is just a bad person oh i miss mandy god you remember the mandy reveal holy shit my mother called me um yeah so i don't know i think like there's a there's a strong case we made for the the aughts the aughts we were collectively dumber but didn't know that we were dumb now we are collectively we collect we are collectively smarter but choosing dumb if that makes sense

i don't we're dumb in the light we're dumb with the scales falling from our eyes Yeah, smarter. Smarter would be a stretch. I think smarter is always a stretch. Whallowing in our dumbness is, I do think that is the thing now. Yes. And like, though I think the point of contention is like we disagree on what dumb means. On what is dumb. Yeah, 100%. And I don't think of the odds. We've gone mask off. I think of the odds, most of us didn't care what was like everything was dumb and it was fine. We are now very aware of dumbness. This is the new everything was beautiful. and nothing hurt. Everything was dumb and everything hurt. That's the real nostalgia here. It's not that everything was better in the odds. It's just that everything was fucking stupid. Anyway, we came of age then.

So, you know, fortunately we all emerged with a no. Normal. No formative stars. Feeling awesome. Yeah. I feel like there's some deflection that happens when you hear, say, someone in Gen Z, go, well, yeah, but all boomers had lead poisoning and you go, that's true, but you also

Did they say that? Oh, yeah. That's a big, it's also accurate. Never mind. Spencer, you don't have lead poisoning. I have news for you. Oh, that sucks, buddy. I'm so smart, the lead poisoning doesn't even face.

Climbing business. It's a business. Lead poisoning business. It's actually not from, it's not from municipal malfeasance at all he just swallowed a shit ton of fishing weights as a kid it was during bulking season uh podcast business is pb and that's lead on the on the wow the signs were clear you find you finally figured out my clever lead poison boomer ruse he's been poisoning us poisoning us this whole time he's trying

how did you get lead poisoning from a podcast well let me tell you He's in a trapdoor under Jason. Sorry. Jason come back. He auto tuned out. Whoa. But I wanted to figure out. I'm like who, who are like in the history of like college football, which has no shortage for these things.

Like who were the real historical dumbasses? Who were the big dumb bitches? Like who would just, man, how did they get power? You're talking about like integration holdouts or like schematically? Yeah. I, you can, you can put it however you want. Like one of the first that I thought of was. was a guy who was so racist

that they took him off the name of the stadium which is curly bird curly bird of Maryland who was a horrendous segregationist and bird remember it's called Maryland Stadium now it wasn't always called Maryland Stadium

he was so nasty that eventually the student body was like yeah we should take his name off it's probably a good idea which didn't happen by the way until 2015 He gets my vote. I'm being quiet because I'm wondering, I just got into a reverie wondering how long before that name goes back on the stadium,

the way that we're going. Until another school decides. Until the honorary degree happens. We have adopted Curly Bird is our own. Curly Bird Stadium at Liberty University. Which like way to waste an awesome name, dumbass. Yeah, seriously. It's a little reductionist, but I think I will go with the, I think it's a Utah professor who told the Pact 12, like, no, reject the SPN's offer.

You can get much more money than this. Like, I understand, I don't want to put it all on this one person, and I think there's a lot of, and no harm done if we do. At the very least, I think that's one that looks like a whoopsie after the fact. that's a massive whoopsie yeah there's a lot of whoopsies in the pack 12 though they i mean larry scott larry scott's a big old whoopsie you know there's only two sorry yeah that's beautiful i don't care what anybody says that's a good one i think that if you were looking for people who had just were like made the dumbest possible decisions from a career perspective it's real hard not to

select dennis franchoni because dennis franchoni he was a wanderer baby but that's one way to put it in a manner of speaking in terms of bad career decisions that man that man lost a job because he had and i mean respect to from one one newsletter writer to another he lost a job not because he was doing some flagrant crazy shit, but because he had a sideline selling a newsletter about his own program. You say entrepreneurial innovation, I would say, man, that's some big dumb shit right there.

Kansas hiring Charlie Weiss remains like stunningly up there. Like Notre Dame hiring Charlie Weiss, I don't think was the problem. I understand why they made that choice. Notre Dame extending Charlie Weiss as early, what, like six games into his tenure or something? like that that was that was their dumbass move but like that one period of time where Notre Dame was paying like three different coaches where they were where they were

paying Weiss not to coach paying Willingham not to coach and then shit what happened after that pay Kelly came after Weiss so yeah um the Weiss thing when Kansas hired him it was yeah it was very much the expiration date has passed several times yeah like and I remember actually this happened during um whatever editorial meeting we had at the time and i remember i got to watch spencer's face light up when the news came across but he was no longer on florida's staff that's a bad sign when you're the school that's just hired that guy yeah it was just a like alumni are delighted that he's gone in what world would this ever work and that could not be answered at any point yeah there's another guy who is i think a very specific mention and one who

I think might be unfairly blamed for some decisions, but fuck fair, right? You got your money. This is the price of ticked that money. We get to say these things. Steve Peterson, who was the athletic director at Nebraska who fired Frank Solich. Yeah, this is the one I was going to go with. I know it wasn't just him, but brother. In terms of tying your reputation to a point in history that everyone can point

back to and go, that's who let the horse into the city of Troy. I love horses. Who doesn't love horses? And I love wood. And it's hollow like a pecanri in it. It's so fucking big.

Hey guys, come here. I want to show you something. I mean, if you could go back in time, you'd be like, yeah, guys, bring it in. Great horse. What do you think? Someone just left it for us? You look up like,

Wow, me and all my friends could fit in there. There's so much room for people in it. That's so cool. I bet you could bring swords and shields in there, too. We could have a whole party in there. That's how many people you could fit in there. Anyway, wheel it in. It would have been so funny if they had been like, nah.

And they had to go, like, wheel it back to shore and be like, well, thanks, Brian. Totally that idea. It was fucking stupid. Everyone's just sweating their asses off in there. Odysseus is the best because he's literally the first Bugs Bunny character, right? like assy ain't i a stinker make a big horse big horse all the greeks are like fucking hey buddy trojans or dumb asses still fall for it and he was right but yeah that's steve peterson if you mention his name among nebraska or hell even pit people

where a pit you know his record is a bit more mixed but even with pit people like yeah they they they speak his name and bile rises to their gorge catch up bile i want to hear from the wives on both sides of the trojan horse incident has he told you about this fucking every day with the fucking horse paris was the original wife guy if you think about it by the way how drunk how drunk was odysseus when he came up with that he had to be fucking Amber, right? Okay. Okay. Pass me the grapah. Okay. So big fuck off horse. Never heard of the campfire. Hear me out. Everyone around the campfire is like, I spent 11 years or 9 years. Fuck. We're only 70 miles from home and we can't get back. Build the fucking horse. I bet some part of it was like, you know what? It's just nice to have a project. just glad they're outside and having fun.

Hey, y'all, this is the original Warhammer. Either the horse works, or we sweat to death inside the horse. Either way, we're done. Yeah, yeah. Man, and I just, God, do you... They left this horse smell of dead bodies. I guess they would have done it in order of rank, but couldn't you imagine having to be the guy at the bottom of the horse

with all that trickling? Mm-hmm. The guy with the pan? Oh, or if you're lucky, yeah. just go back and you're just like trying to breathe out through the horse's sandals or whatever they're not they're changing the oil you're about a quart low you are the oil felt are on the horse this is actually where they invented the term horsepower this is the pinnacle of civilization

uh yeah nick yeah we couldn't do any better sorry yeah that like hey guys we're inventing western civilization right now we will be talking talked about in English classes, no less. I don't even know what English is. Yeah, it is. Okay, but Spencer, if somebody showed up to your house with a big wooden horse, would you accept it? Probably. It's free.

I want to be clear. It's free for a fucking second. It's big, but it fits in your door, to be clear. Yes, it fits in your door, and it's free. I only have, listen, I'm leaning like hard yes, and only one innate tendency of mine says no, which is, where am I going to put? that hang on hang on i got this i got this here's how we're gonna um we're gonna here's how spencer will fall in this war it's not going to be a wooden horse it's going to be a paintable plastic horse it's going to be a miniature but not a miniature

trojan horse which is the size of a regular horse the trojan orc ryan the real question is this does it have a card on wahapedia with all of its stats and numbers. You know it does. Yes. Shit. That's in a little ribbon hanging around its neck. You're fucking hot. Shit, it's a horse with imaginary machine guns on. It's fucking awesome. Spencer, it's got a million toughness.

How many wounds? Oh, like millions and millions of wounds. Look how big it is. If you'll come over and play with me, Jason. Let's paint the big horse. We'll all come over and play. We'll stay forever. Never. never i think what we i think what we've learned is that the biggest dumbest bitch in history is me

no you're the one with a new horse could we um does anyone by chance want to throw on a podcast business yeah sure sure sure podcast business podcast business podcast business going jazzy i guess i was trying to do a drum roll I just wanted to mention this Friday, March 29th, at Pendleton Bookshop near Clemson. I'm doing a reading of literature.

It's free. Registration is encouraged. And April 20th, Saturday in Ann Arbor with Jane Koston and Ace and Vinder. We have an event panel, readings, Q&A, signings, beers at church, no less. That is a, there's a small cost, but includes a copy of the book. And I don't know exactly what our capacity is or how many tickets we have left, but it's not very many. So if you're on the fence, go ahead and do that like right now. Those links are available at my website, jasonkirk.fyi, the events page.

Ryan, what's new with us not all being like this? We're not alike this continues marching through season two. The Cal episode just came out. I will give you a preview and say the Baylor episode is coming out next, which will definitely just, just be fun and not at all tricky. And my other piece of news also comes from Texas. H.E.B. is apparently selling

churo bacon. Just wanted to put that out there. God. That's all. Damn. We are so much. I take it back. We are so close to God's light. Yep. Churro bacon.

So that's my business. Your A1C is, Jesus. How about Channel 6? We've heard of, we've heard of We've heard a bit about, uh, we kind of, we kind of, we've heard a bit already, but is it, you can always subscribe. How can I find, how can I find all this information about dumb people? Is it in fact an enormous horse? It is. It is our, it is our, it is our subscription newsletter and website with Holly Anderson and myself. Think of it as a Trojan horse that you can let into your home. And inside is an attack force of entertainment. That's right. Feed us carrots. feed us carrots and we will give you posts that's right we're doing a dumb we're doing a dumb bitch as a history bracket

we really weren't going to do a bracket because it's march and we despise being timely but the notion of the trying to find somebody dumber than the guy who told gingus conned to go kick rocks oh server you have a podcast business too don't you you can we're putting out a single On Friday, March, so this Friday.

Who's we? The Killer Ansar, and you can find us on Spotify, Amazon music, YouTube music, all the streaming platforms. And we spell our name with a Z. So that will make it much easier to find us, probably, or harder, maybe. I don't know. We're also playing a show Thursday, April 4th at the Gas Hill Drinking Room in Winston-Salem. We play in the Winston-Salem Pride Festival on June 22nd. we'll play reboot in Winston Salem on June 29th

and I don't know if I'll just we're playing at the Flatiron on July 6th in Greensboro, North Carolina as well hot day and then I think there's more dates later in the year but we'll probably do another podcast business before then no but you can follow us on Instagram's Instagram Facebook

Twitters and we'll post that stuff there too I think the Z is correct SEO I think that's the right choice yeah we did it because especially for when the ants come well yeah you got to distinguish yourself yep you do appear to be the first result for killer ants with a z yeah yeah it's a very it's a it's a it's a big time original thought by us uh there is you should know there is um a DVD where is this from um japan uh Japanese film called killer ants

assault in resort hotel ooh what's it about