Shutdown Fullcast - Georgia vs. the Volcano

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

The Fullcast crew talk about midair pilot fistfights, explain why Nebraska never had a chance against Northwestern, preview the first real week of college football, and somehow tempt Jason into talking about Florida football willingly for the first time in the Fullcast's history.  If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXTSTEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So, Ryan, a ring of up-and-coming Atlanta rappers have been home-invading and extorting more famous rappers and other people in Atlanta, but then they wrote songs about it. And so Fannie Willis's office in between trying to take down 45 and fending off death threats from trying to take down 45 has had to arrest like 26 members of Atlanta's rap scene. but separate from the Young Thug RICO case, which is also happening alongside it. So Young Thugs under like six different racketeering charges. The name of the gang of question is Drug Rich. In their rap lyrics, they apparently said things like, remember on August 27th when we kicked in that door last year, 2021?

They're like talking about removing the license plates from cars. It's very specific. Sign. Zero A.H. They had somebody from the DA's office. on the news who was like, you probably shouldn't put your crimes to a beat and then brag about them. And it's, yeah, you got the real sense that they were trying to keep a straight face.

But anyway, they home invaded Mariah Carey at one point. Yeah. Which, I feel like a mob's going to rise up against them. That's a bad plan. Can't do that. I mean, out of respect, you should just leave the house. Yeah. Right?

I might take a, I might take a call. Oh, I know what a plan. it was okay the gang name is drug rich which is dumb but they changed it because this gang has been operating for at least five years because i remember the last time they were in the news it was twenty seventeen and at the time they were going by damn marietta boys but then you would get headlines like dm b strikes again i'm like what is dave matthews fan doing in the city and i'm wondering if they changed it because of that and i'll never i i hope i'll find out someday if that's why they changed it.

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. Joined as always in no particular order here. We're going to start with. Oh, look at that. Ryan Nanny, live from Nashville, Tennessee. Ryan, how fair is Nashville this week?

I'm going to ask the question I always ask you. Don't do the voice. I'm going to do it. Did you get a biscuit? No. Are you living, are you living laughing and loving? This is worse than your Ricky or Jervais. voice. I didn't get a biscuit. I did recently see what could have been, but it wasn't the most

amazing thing I've ever seen in this city. And that was in downtown Nashville, a place I do not go that often, but my wife and I went to the Ryman to see a comedy show. And big line out the building to get in. So we had to queue up all the way down lower broad, right by Roberts Western World. And the you know the party the party barges are going by first of all everybody who is on one of these things thinks they look fucking cool as hell and let i could not more aggressively disabuse them of this notion like how fun that's great but the idea that you are like showing off for others as if you have done like no but you know several go by and then we see one coming down the road And it's got a huge crucifix on it.

And it's being, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, like, outfitted flatbed. And for a moment, I'm like, is this, is this a Christian themed booze, booze wagon? Is that, booze tractor? Is that what's happening here? It was not, unfortunately. It was, instead a, a, it was a tractor pulling a flatbed with, I think, like, five, singers on it loudly and

fervently encouraging people to embrace the Lord celebrating his name downside not a Christian booze cruise upside new business model for us absolutely I think Christian

booze tractor is like you've discovered redneck Lutherans I wish it had been what it was except it had like six dudes in real tree drinking out of like red solo cups and sort

of bounce into the music the whole time. Don't threaten me with a good time. I wish it had like five ladies in white cowboy hats being like the last ho-down shirts as they were on this Christian

Christian pedal tavern. See being the lapsed Catholic that I am I thought well maybe man what we have is an exorcism wagon let me tell you based on how well like mobile exorcisms yeah what you can't

you can't go to the exorcism you're too busy being possessed you need to call the exorcism wagon you're hosing people with the magic water water yeah we could just you know we could piggyback on an existing industry by having ride along priests go with mobile detailing outfits

I don't know much about this particular group what they were doing what they hope to accomplish I mean, I can guess. I can tell you based on how well they were singing and how loud they were singing, they were definitely not Catholic, my dude. In no way to... Can you imagine anything? Yes.

I don't know. According to the internet, like, you do that shit, and the 17-year-olds are going to be like, oh, this is cool. Yeah, though, it is true. It's mumble core. I believe the word is fucking... aesthetic is uh that the the the trend aesthetic is uh yeah the the most boring gray sonorous catholic shit is really fucking cool yeah how did that someone like i said it's mumble core religion that's what

it is probably yeah the mumble rappers of religion that's exactly what it is can't wait for drake to steer into this hard oh yeah you heard drake's eagle on eagle's wings damn it goes i mean depending on the producer listen it could go all right try to tell me try to tell me you put on eagle's wings with just blaze i mean rick rossvin's been using catholic ass beats for like decades now so yeah that was that was almost the greatest thing i've ever seen because i think holly's right if somebody can with a straight face and in nashville you can do this with a straight face say yes this is a pedal tavern but it's christian but you can can drink as much as you want and be as sloppy as you want, but it's Christian.

Like, there's a market for that. There is a market for people who are like, well, yeah, I want to have a good time in Nashville, but I want to keep it Christian. But I want to have a good time as long as it's Christian. Ryan, doesn't that main drag have like multiple of those Christian girl autumn boutiques? So you could even have like a hop-on, hop-off situation where you hop-off, you get your jeez jeans. It might.

I got to be honest. I was mostly, whenever I go down to lower broad, I'm mostly people watch more than business watch because, man, it's, it's, the thing I forget, and this is what happens every time is like, I think unlike similar places in the U.S., there are a lot of like old people on lower broad on a Friday night. And I don't mean like people in their 50s or whatever. I mean, you're like, that dude is 70 and he is going into a very loud honky talk. And he is like, like, what's going on here? There are a lot of people like that.

I can tell you what's going on there. You know what it is? So my wife has a theory, but I want to hear yours. It's the wrong white attitude of, well, I made it this far. We might as well go to hell with, you know, like, no breaks. What's Caitlin's theory? Caitlin's theory is that these are people who have been going to lower broad for 40 years and are like, well, I'm not going to stop now.

No, that's correct. Like salmon's returning to spawn. Just because it's some newfangled hipster bullshit doesn't mean I'm going to stop going. I love fangles. I kind of respect that. No, I think we're both right because these are the people who are like, well, I could have been acting right 40 years ago. Bit late for that now. Yes.

If you're wondering, is cigarette smoking still alive and well in America? Come down to Lower Broad in Nashville because, buddy, it sure fucking is. Yeah, the only guy I knew who was a big lower broad officiant. one time when we were Stephen Godfrey who you can reach at 38 Godfrey on Twitter I would the guy who I remember was a guy

who owned a battery company and inherited from his dad and he goes yeah I like that bar over there and I was like why do you like that Taylor and he goes now keep in mind he had a like who is the dog deputy dog who on Hannah Barbarra cartoons

what deputy dog's name was is it deputy dog who has to laugh like no that's that's mutley mutley okay so he had the thank you he had the mutley laugh from a good 40 years of two packs a day

right like he would die if he stopped smoking because his lungs would be like gosh oxygen's too rich I got gout of the lungs you know and anyway Taylor he goes I like that bar over there

and I was like why and he goes because when I was 12 I danced on the piano I was like were people and I you know jokingly I was like Taylor were people throwing nickels at you and clap

and he goes, they were! I like that bar. It doesn't have laws. They've got preteens dancing on pianos and you can just chuck change at them like Buckshot. You've basically described Jason why people live in Louisiana. Bars with no laws.

Not like a civilized place like Kid Rock. We'll let you lick the urinal for $5 to own the libs. I'll line me up, buddy. So, yeah, things are great in Nashville. I'm having a blast. No biscuit, though. I'll report back.

That's great. Jason Kirk, how are we doing? So Jim Harbaugh is attempting to, like, invoke King Solomon or something in, like, as a resolution to his quarterback controversy. I'm not good. What are these noises? Me. Sorry. Is everyone okay?

No. No, I was just, I felt queasy. Sorry, please go on. Okay. I'm not entirely certain that he is saying he is going to cut one of his quarterbacks in half or whatever. I think he is just referring to the theory that Solomon wrote the book of Ecclesiastes, which is the book he's kind of quoting is, which is a book largely about how like, fuck it, man, nothing matters. Who knows? Take a shot. Who gives a shit? be able to work probably not doesn't matter you're going to wake up tomorrow the world will be the same as it's always been and then you're going to die so i don't know who gets it's biblical approach it's the eat at arby's book it is so like yeah um i think i think at that point i think jim harbaugh is truly embraced being michigan's coach because like yeah man we're going to be nine and oh they're going to lose a bullshit game we're going to lose to ohio state fuck it who cares

get drunk is this maybe the healthiest he's ever been attitude yeah yeah huh yeah yeah yeah yeah it really might be and also if you're going to go ahead and ride with the book of the bible ecclesiastes is great because it's basically like yeah ice cream for breakfast why not fuck it fuck it ice cream for breakfast sweat shirts like sweatpants everywhere that's what ecclesiastes is about you know mom said nothing but pizza rolls all day long that's right that's right we're up here in this temple it's uh you know 53 bc and i'm got pizza Rolls. Let's roll. It's a big week for Bible fight.

You got the right side of the B.C.ness, but yeah. People don't know, but that's what that's what manna was. That's what. Yep. That is that is exactly. That's shit in pizza rolls.

That's why Magic the Gathering has a pizza rolls card to enhance mana. You can just play it. God damn it. Yeah. By the way, I'm mostly mad because you got there first.

Yeah, we should explain by the way Kade McNamara and J.J. McCarthy are the two quarterbacks that will be severed at the torso and then re-sown back together by Jim Harbaugh. Like two torsos, George? Grafted? Yes. We're going to make a QB centaur. We're going to make a QB centaur. That's not what a centaur is. I think Ryan, what you're going to do? It's like it's legs to a waist and then more legs going up. Perfect quarterback. Brian, give you a second. Spencer, what do you think a centaur is? Don't look it up.

You know what? I may have skipped that. adding a horse element here. We would in fact make two centaurs. Okay, but so now you're missing more horses. You've just made two people. Well, we have to do something with the front part of the horse. So now we're going to have to take the two horses. We have to honor the quarterback

by using all parts of Cade McNamara. At one point, we're just going to have to staple a horse head onto somebody. Okay. Where are you getting the horse? Michigan doesn't have a mascot. Western Michigan. That's where. Michigan State. Western Michigan. Yeah. We're going to take yeah. Thank you, Ryan.

The coke horse. You guys have problems. Only Ryan has solution. Fidgety addled legs on Cade McNamara. Now he's skittering around all paranoid. We're going to get Western Michigan's cocaine-addicted horse. We're going to take it and bring it in. Look what you did.

Now he's got anxiety. Now he's got anxiety. He's a, he's a Michigan quarterback. I got that Tim the tool man pumping through my veins. I'm going to fight the sun. Tim, Tim, I'm going to fight the sun for the sun. Yeah, he's going to start.

One will start, I believe McNamara is going to start against Colorado State. Then J.J. McCarthy will start against Hawaii. And then they will see time in both games. This definitely seems like a secure arrangement, especially with J.J. McCarthy being the more physically impressive of the two, he's famous for like a 50-yard cross-field, really ill-advised throw that ended up working in an early season. in game last year and everyone's kind of been panting after it. He's the Anthony Richardson of the Michigan program at this point in that he's the other

guy and he's really, he seems really, really cool. So the moment of truth is the Yukon game? This is when a hero strides forth exclaimed the reins. Improved Yukon. Yukon didn't look terrible against you guys.

They covered, buddy. Yeah. Didn't look terrible. Count it. I would like to really congratulate Michigan, and more importantly, Auburn, for not playing in a week where Nebraska lost Northwestern in a game where they blew a two-score lead twice, lest anybody forget that. Wait, what? Yeah, that is the thing that happened. Can you tell me in more detail what happened? So at various points in this game that Northwestern won 31-28. The onside kick was fine.

It was fine. I agree. Nebraska led 14.3. That didn't hold, as you can probably guess. They also led 2817, and that didn't hold, as you can also probably guess. But despite that, Auburn and Michigan have managed to, like, really headline grab in the last week. And I think that's just, like, what power, what incredible media power these two schools have, which are equals in all other ways. This was a crowded news week to try and do that in you. Yeah. By the way, I have one Tim Allen story, one, which is that Tim Allen, when filming Galaxy Quest, performed an emotional scene and became so disturbed, he looked at the director and said, I need to go to my trailer. I don't like these emotions I'm experiencing. And he walked away. And Ellen Rickman looked at the director and said, I think Tim just discovered acting. I think my thought of the day is that Nebraska lost because they didn't kick enough on sidekicks. Thank you.

yeah thank you also if you lose because of one on side kick that's on you you let northwestern run for over 200 yards that seems to be the larger problem because you gave up yards to fucking northwestern not because of one play that went wrong you can have the most more this is this may be of some comfort to you that you can have the most football coachy stayed up tritey response to this possible why were you in that position correct Ireland yeah why were you in Ireland why were you in that geoplin I wasn't talking about Marines Oridians there, but that's another good point. Now that we're asking. I think that let's take it all the way. Why are you literally playing football on August the 20-somethingth? You shouldn't be doing that. It's also like Nebraska had the ball. Let's see, three, four, five, six more times after the onside kick.

Mm-hmm. And didn't score once in a game that they lost by three. I don't know. Feels like that could be a problem. I think that's a bigger problem. the one play. You might be on to something. One decision when you were already up.

That to me does not add up. Additionally, I think we're really underselling the natural disadvantages of playing Northwestern in Ireland. First of all, there is zero corn on the island of Ireland. I'm just going to go ahead and say that too. Really, you could not get more geeked than a bunch of Northwestern people in a place noted for the arts culture and theater. That's it.

Like, ooh, so pumped, guys. They have a vibrant theater scene here. Have you seen it? It's also cute and quaint, completely alien to the Nebraska psyche. They were already playing uphill in this game. I'm all fired up on some James Joyce. Yeah. It's doomed.

Oh, my God. Dylan O'Brien drank a beer here once. We're going to win by 30. And as Northwestern, as the final seconds tick off, the crowd is pelting the field with copies of Angela's ashes. Listen. oh my god hosier did the halftime show we're so hype it's so pumped he's got the voice of an angel who did do the halftime show i mean did they take their bands i'm just curious they did take

their bands and they played a bunch of uh irish traditionals and that's so that's so backwards man i hope you mean cranberry songs there's videos of like 70 year old irish guys like fucking loving it. Oh, yeah. This video of them, they played like, they played, I forget which song, forgive me. But it was something like, you know, the glens of Wal-Farney or something. The reins of wherever. Yeah, something blank of blank, right?

And they were going ape shit. Like, they were going completely mad, right? So otherwise, a complete success for everybody at Northwestern, except Pet Fitzgerald, who had to put up with people getting something for free. Oh! It burns him! the noise you hear is the Scottish hound protesting any more talk of Ireland, I guess.

But Auburn just couldn't stand all that attention. Nope. Preemptively being given to the loser of this game. So they just had to have a mess at home. Oh, Auburn. You delightful scamps. What's Auburn done this time? They should be like a weekly

sound effect for this. Yeah. Yeah. Did anything happen? Did you guys hear the exciting news, by the way, that they're adding a soundboard to Twitter spaces? Oh, God. I know, it's going to be so bad for you. Yeah. Did we have, was there anything that might further threaten?

See, this is, okay, so I was going to say, is there anything that could more imminently threatened Brian Harsen at Auburn? However, however, Alan. However, does it really matter who, I heard that, who leaves, does it really matter who the athletic director is? Because what we're talking about is that Alan. Green, who was the guy who sort of has overseen the Brian Harsen tenure is now out and is no longer the athletic director, meaning that that's one less big protection for Brian Harsson.

He's out. He only had five months left on his contract, which is very weird to begin with. Like, when have you ever heard of an AD being like, I don't know if they're going to resign him? I don't know if he's going to get an extension or like, that's not how normal places work. at all. He hadn't been there that one. Yeah. I wouldn't actually kidding. Virgo season is supposed to mark a return to orderliness.

Like it has a big back-to-school energy, and that's just antithetical to Auburn, both in the academic and the orderliness sense. Here is the most Auburn sentence from this ESPN story. This happened last Friday that they announced that he would be departing. Green had asked Auburn for clarity about his future, with his deal expiring in January of 2023. sources told the SPN, and he was told that Auburn was likely to wait until the end of football season to make a decision.

And that led to him finding an exit strategy. Auburn is so allergic to stability and calm that when the fucking athletic director is like, so do you guys have a sense of like what we're going to do or they're like, well, we're going to go ahead and pit your fate to Brian Harsen. So you should just stick around and see how that plays out. It's like, oh, of course, dude, just going to fucking chat. And then, because it's Auburn, this is the only school I can think of where other A.Ds are like, oh, yeah, let's talk shit on Twitter about what a fucking mess they are. I think knowing Auburn, this means they peel off an 8-0 start, and ADs are clamoring for the job, and then they lose 5 straight. Ed Ors are on interim AD gets the job full time.

Yeah, that sounds right. Brian Arson gets promoted. The athletic director in question there is Danny White, who is the athletic director at the University of Tennessee, late of UCF. You may know him for choosing MESS on several different occasions. This is no different on Twitter at 612 p.m. on August the 26th, 2022. He said, congratulations, Alan Green, for getting the heck out of a crazy situation for greener pastures. I've actually never agreed with him more. I admire how you managed.

I know, admire how you manage that chaos with class and integrity. Look forward to seeing your next chapter, exclamation point. God, it's so good. It's so good. Because now, even if we weren't already in, like, who's going to be the next Auburn coach? Now, like, Auburn has given us layers to add to this. It's like, well, who even will the coach pick the AD? How will this work?

Nobody knows. It's Auburn, baby. to review I will just go over the first four games not even the first five games because that's when you get into some serious conference business no let's just go ahead and go

the first four games Mercer okay hopefully they should be able to beat Mercer now that's at Auburn San Jose State had a good

had a good start to the year though but please go ahead yeah Mercer did win their first game 6313 so I'm not I'm not going to totally write this one off okay

scary for a quarter then done San Jose State San Jose State at Auburn okay so they get them again at home we're okay

there's nothing too weird there then let's go to game three game three Penn State at Auburn not with the pole not with the longest pole I had this one months ago remember yeah

it's only gotten weirder I would just like to point out Hey, you want to go? That most of the focus on this seems to be like, oh man, how's Aubrey? Oh boy, this is going to be bad for Auburn. I'm just going to fuck this up. Putting a lot of faith in James Franklin. Yeah, this is the thing.

Yeah, it's great. No, it's fine. Do it. It's the collision of two great instabilities. It really is. There's the truck carrying chickens over here, which when it hits something, they'll just be nothing but feathers and squawking, right? On the other side, there is the flametering.

Lambable Goods truck, right? Something with like deeply unstable and they are going to collide and I really don't know what's going to happen. Auburn Penn State. There's going to be chicken fingers. You're going to, yeah, you're going to smell some really, uh, non-FDA approved chicken fingers cooking. That's, that's what we're talking. And then. There's a low standard for chicken, so damn.

Yeah, damn. Like sub-KFC chicken? Yeah, Purdue out here, just throwing alligators into a meat grinder being like, chicken. Here you go. We found 5,000 skinks on the side of the road in the sack. Chicken. Wait, oh, skinks. For a minute, I thought we were back to Nashville.

And skinks. Ryan said it. But yes. And then game four, game four, Missouri at Auburn, which if you said, hey, I definitely know what's going to happen with Missouri this year. Join me in being a liar.

Because I definitely know what's going to to happen with Missouri and i am lying so those are the first four games before we even get out of that i hope missouri wins that game by 30 and the first thing eli drinkwood says at the postgame press conferences i have no interest in the auburn job and i never know i think all coaches should start that that should become a traditional greeting sure in all sports NBA world series whatever i love the timing of it because this is after penn state week when james franklin probably will say that I think Eli Drake puts to come out and go, I have great respect for Coach Harsen,

and he has a spot on my staff anytime he wants me. Oh, Jesus. I think he could bring a lot to our offense. I like what they do. Great detail, hard worker. Again, Auburn hasn't played a single snap of football. Nope. Already a huge fucking mess.

I love you. I love you, Auburn. You make me feel better about my own life and so many ways. Honestly, though, like, is this less messy than we thought they would? be at this point in the year. It was like there was a time when they were like taking out bounties on their own head coach and stuff. Like that wasn't that long ago. That was this year. He was on the international lamb. Right. Like I think we thought we'd be entering this season with like trooper Taylor at head coach or whatever. I guess I guess it was I guess it's just that like

Auburn's refusal to like follow any path. Even if it's the wrong one for more than five seconds is like have you ever watched someone drive on the wrong side of the highway and but like oh man that's kind of the Auburn football experience you're not sure what to do you're like even if you called somebody you'd be like where was it you're like I don't know I've I have done that I have called 911 because I and in the middle of it you're like I don't know what I'm supposed to do here yeah I think it's on the wrong side of the road but using their turn signal and changing lanes. Right.

Following all the traffic closed. Yeah. Speed limit, everything. At 10 and 2. Very consciously. Like a G.T. Like a GTA character.

Just a 10 and 2. The reader can't see Spencer's hands, but that was nicely done. Not the first time we've been able to say that outside of context, they're fine. They're fine. They're totally fine. Sure.

Things could be worse. Somehow. Don't say that about Auburn. It will happen. Just wait. God, stretching and waking up from a deep sleep. Haven't heard from Bruce Pearl in a little bit. There's your new AD.

Why is Auburn basketball playing with IDF patches on their truth? Just supporting the truce. Oh, fuck, Auburn basketball caused the rapture. I knew it. I knew it. Marshall Henderson tried to stop it. Auburn's fourth mascot Tribulation Force

Marshall Henderson the original Constantine That's why they called him Marshall He was an officer for the Lord Marshall Yeah Yeah

We do have one more bit of local news To discuss Auburn being local It's basically Columbus Georgia All politics is Auburn Don't hold us accountable for Auburn That's those people out there

I don't know them They're very far away Very very very far away You talk about them like people of the wastes We're like we close the gates And left them to the sands forever I barely even know what continent they're on That is a

They're in Aflacia They're down there In tank town The lowest circle of Fansville Oh Dr. Dooms Taking control of Auburn again God damn it Yeah, they're in

Auburn really is in perpetual like Secret Wars battle world Auburn has been rebooted more times than the Fantastic Four Fighting for the lives and it's all going to get retcon Once the NCAA finds out who did what Holly I think Jessica Alba needed more time To get her version of Auburn football

That's right We have from A reader On Twitter so we'll call them a listener. I'll assume you're listening because you suggested that we should discuss this.

John Legend, I am Stefan Zonia. Please discuss this. It is a survey of America's rudest cities. Basically they asked them about they asked them to self-select.

So this is not a what do you think of other cities? It's how rude do you think your city is? So Memphis is why Philly. The Philly lead. That is why Philly is at the top of this list. So Memphis has like a, either a self-esteem thing or they think they're very rude.

Memphis is like, no, Memphis is like, we don't want any more people to come here. It's good. Memphis is like, we like, our local national anthem is called Whop That Trick, so therefore we are rude. Our basketball team is the bear that is not cute. Our basketball team is rude, so therefore we are rude. Last time we were in Memphis, Spencer got stopped on the street by a man who asked him, like, about his calf workouts.

is lovely. I've received nothing but compliments in Memphis, so I'm going to say that this score is inaccurate. The average rudeness score, the top city is with a ranking of

6.43, whatever that means, is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Then second is Memphis with a 6.05. These two being at the top, to me,

state that these are our greatest cities, and that rudeness is a quintessential American indication of virtue and worth. These are good people. Memphis isn't really. at all yeah so who's the same the things Memphis scores as self-selects itself as

rude in are not letting people merge in traffic being noisy in public watching videos in public not respecting personal space and being rude to service staff so basically Memphis is a person driving into a restaurant and shoving their phone in a waiter's face so that they can watch a YouTube video without headphones. Okay, when you put it like that. Hold on, I'm FaceTiming.

What? Yeah. Yeah. It's called distributing content. That's correct. That's viewers. There's three actual, if you're sitting there

and three people can see your phone, that's four viewers. Also, like every movie about the future is like watching videos in public is part of it. It's part of this idea of like in the future. Everyone's constantly watching videos in public all the time. Like, we said long ago, this was how it was going to be.

So just get used to it, okay? Any rudeness scale that has Memphis several spots ahead of, like, Boston and D.C., it's wrong. It's just wrong. This also explains why Atlanta's not on here, because Atlanta is the least let you in in traffic city in America, but also they won't admit it. Oh, we would never. I've been here too long I won't admit it I mean she's right she's 100% right but I am physically incapable of admitting

I'm like no I'll let you in that's fine as I slam the door on you cut you off like Dale if you are worthy I mean there's certain people I won't let over on principle right well there's certain people I have to let over if I see you in an ultima with the twin pipes I'm like I'm letting you over before somebody gets hurt

go right ahead this the survey also says that the city where non-locals are ruder than locals. The top of this list is Charlotte. The assholes moving to Charlotte. Is that a thing?

Are there like a bunch of rude fucking... There's a huge... In the triangle in general, there's a huge influx of like IBM. It's like half of that area of North Carolina is now like a big technology park. And so there's a lot of engineers there is what I'm saying yeah and if you know any engineers I can

kind of see how I can kind of see how behaviorally this might that that's the that's the that's the that's the that's the that's the that's a triangle though with Charlotte it's finance bro yeah I was gonna say is this is this bankers yeah it's fine I was wondering yeah or is it like visiting fans at Panthers games or something they don't have any Making the pilgrimage. I came to see Jerry Richardson's flat ass. Where was that statue kept? I also appreciate that Philly and Boston self-selected as the top two cities where the locals are rooted than the non-locals.

Real quick, the ass on that panther, though. Yeah. Oh, haunches, baby. Oh, you guys. I have wonderful news. I'm sorry. I have wonderful. I know this isn't breaking.

This is from yesterday. Oh, this is yesterday. there. Wow. Somebody sent a phishing scam email to every faculty member at Harvard. How many replies? Well, Henry Lewis Gates replied all, like, why did I get this? And now the entire Harvard faculty is replying on mass, like, don't open it.

Thank you, Matt, you Cole on Twitter, whose threat I'm going to be. Philosophy and Econ say don't open it. Dental medicine says thanks. CellBio asks what to do if they already opened it. Please stop replying everyone to this list. It's more than 1,000 people from biology. Thank you to Sarah for suggesting going to start replying to all emails with, why did I get this?

Auto reply. We also did miss a good story also from North Carolina about rowdy Marines. Did you guys see this one? Uh-oh. I did. Ryan, go ahead and tell. So two Marines have been charged with property damage and disorderly conduct after the following took place. They went to Waffle House and shortly thereafter walked out without paying for their food.

Then they went to what appears to be like a tourist center where a helicopter was on display. And they decided they would try to spin the helicopter blades. this did not work and they damaged the helicopter in the process and took a bunch of pictures of them on like hanging on the helicopter and like goofing off with the helicopter and a plane that was on display the thing about it is one of the pictures you can see it's not a helicopter it's like a fighter plane it says marines on it so it's like guys you had to have access you had to have access this isn't like going to the aquarium being like wow I've never seen a whale shark before. I'm going to go punch it. This is shit you had at home. Why did you go stiff a waffle house server and then go look at a helic,

go break a helicopter that you already had at home? This is such toddler behavior like a two-year-olds. Like seriously, just like, what'd you do? Ran away from the table. What'd you do? Wait to look at a helicopter. That's what I did. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. We love the Marines. That's good. Congratulations, guys. Please tip your waffle house people. please and add like five dollars because they have a they have a shift beel to cover the helicopter to cover the helicopter fees when i when i first saw the summary of this story i was like what the fuck kind of waffle house has a display helicopter i want to oh yeah there's a few of those

it just landed there and never left yeah there it remains yeah it just doesn't have a battery couldn't jump in so there it is it's like a king arthur kind of thing like you know if you can get it start, it's yours. It sort of made me think that maybe there were some awful houses

that had the Jeep with the 50 Cal out front but mainly to keep the customers in line. Probably. Right? Like, yeah, you know,

our guys have hands but just in case we can't handle yours, we need to outgun you. 100%. I have another piece of aerial news. Oh, please.

I've been saving this one all week. Or should I say, Cibu play. I've been saving this since yesterday. I only showed you the headline.

two Air France pilots suspended for physical fight in cockpit after takeoff the pilots had a dispute shortly after takeoff and grabbed each other by their collars after one apparently oh that's so cinematic this is after by the way man air France is going through it they were this was a Geneva too man they fought in Geneva too that's illegal

or is it extremely legal you have to is Switzerland the most refined or least refined they literally had to be separated by a flight attendant French newspaper La Tribune reported that the pilot and co-pilot

had dispute shortly after takeoff fisticuffs ensued cabin crew intervened and one crew member spent the flight in the cockpit with the pilots, I assume, like, holding them apart by their ears. What? There are only two things I can think of that commercial airline pilots fight about.

Who's the better pilot? Who's had more sex? I think those are the only two things. I challenge you to a piloting duel. I think those are the only two things that could be about. They cast sticks back and forth doing tricks. Sorry, I need to read one more. I need to read one more line from this

Associated Press story. Air France said it is carrying out a safety audit in response to this and other recent incidents. The airline noted that it flies thousands of flights daily and the report only mentions four such safety incidents. Four! Four is a lot.

Look, we're all human. We all make mistakes. They literally did the nobody talks about all the flights where the pilots don't Don't fight each other. Like here we have, they should bring two really close friends out who are pilot and co-pilot for the press conference, right?

They're like, here we have Eve and we have Jacques. Say hi, Eve, say hi, Jack. Hi. You guys love each other, right? Yeah. You fly? Yeah. Do you fight?

No, we never fight. We love each other. We complete each other's sentences. Yeah, like, they should do that. This is some like Jonathan Papabon on the Nats. Bullshit. Can you just, there are so many other times and places where you can fight. Because if this story was two pilots fight in the airport, it's just sort of like funny and weird.

But it's like, guys, this is the one time we're asking you to not fight each other. I think what we do is we have like a designated fight breakup person on each flight until it's rectified. And I think it's Mark Wahlberg. Finally, he gets the chance to break up a plane fight. So here's the thing You know he's going to jump the gun So many times He's going to be like

Whoa whoa whoa we got a problem here Knock it the fuck off Next thing you know he's like He hasn't even taken off yet Got a 10 year old in an arm bar Also there's going to be a lot of non-white pilots Which I gather is going to be an issue For Mark Wahlberg

That's yeah Like what if one of them is a woman I've only blinded one man He won't believe she's a pilot He won't You mean you've got your wings and everything they just let you right in you fly it all the time

whenever you want oh server that's creepy yeah just grabbing at the ear like it's a rubber mask right who are you it's Jackie Chan

I know it's Jackie Chan I know it's Jackie Chan I love the script but they wouldn't make the movie but I don't know it's real life thank you Felder I want to know also who at this flight

we're standing between them where they like oh listen you got to go get you know go get Frank go get Frank and they're like no no no go get Matild Matild will handle this I'm going to make you say three nice things about each other before we cross

the Rhine she's mean go get her of the airlines though I think Air France is one where I feel most comfortable with the pilots fighting if this happened on like a spirit flight I'd be like you know one of them's got a sword I think that's just going to add bad I think they have the opposite comfort level because on something like spirit I was like this is definitely a person who's had a cockpit fight. Also, Spirits like, we don't have two pilots. What are you talking

about? We're not going to have a problem. We got one pilot, a BB8 toy that we're hoping could do something in an emergency. Spirit doesn't have pilots. Spirits should actually get out ahead of this and issue a press release saying this would never happen on Spirit Airlines on account of our commitment

to cost savings. Only having one pilot. That's why Spirit just fucking slingshots you toward an airport near the you wanted to visit on spirit the pilot is back there whipping three dudes ass and a brawl in the rear of the plane everyone's like who's who's up there anybody no yeah hold on i got this a spirit flight launches like fuck it cooper cup down there somewhere when do you think they told the passengers on this air france flight and what do you think they told them

I don't know. Did they? First of all, I think if you tell them you lie and you'd be like, yep, they both got terrible diarrhea, folks. It's going to be okay, but just awful diarrhea. They're definitely not fighting, but... It's terrible up here. It's horrible.

That's why we're staying with them. We're all fine here. To give Gatorade and saltines. That's why the door is extra locked now. That's the other thing. They can lock themselves in there and fight. do you get yeah wait a second they're like like shoving each other down and like and like you know you've got great comedy scenes there's also not that much room pressing against joystick and i am pleased by this though because it proved something uh it just proves something that always happens in the movies the minute somebody throws a punch the whole plane immediately does an aileron roll to the right or the left right like that always happens at a cockpit fight it's basically a big glider with engines and if you just like if you just hit somebody it's not

and hit like maybe the stick or something it's not going to just throw everything to the side right it's not an Indiana Jones biplane what I'm saying is that given the fly by wire electronic capability of most planes they fly themselves go ahead get her Dean in there

I'm excited that three of us are traveling in the next 24 hours this is going to be good that's that's fine also I know what they said I know what they said as an announcement We have a combat Tré puissant In the cockpit

I will say If the fucking oxygen mask Don't come out Because the pilots are fighting Those fuckers are never coming out That shit is not real That is absolutely the circumstance In which it should

An Air France They're full of wine Cigarette smoke I went To comprehend but my mind alert and active comprehend my mortality um based on this i think the only airline i would rather see pilots fight on more than air france is at alitalia oh it's not lasting also they might switch sides the guy starts kicking his own ass no right right it's like what are you doing

he's like i've chosen the winning side yours yeah by kicking of my own ass i quit um speaking of pitts i think the most important piece of college football news this week is um south carolina their mascot as discussed i don't know a few episodes ago last week i don't know when we talked about that fuck oh no it was cock commander it was of course it was when we were doing the lebitard uh oh okay yeah we i mean we talked about it somewhere on some in some way um the the the internet's overwhelming choice the correct and obvious one true choice for for the name of the new chicken was, of course, cock commander.

There was a survey and everything. The University of South Carolina has instead announced that the chicken, they will attempt to name it the general after Tom Sumter. Let's see how that goes for them. I mean. Because the internet wants something

and you have deprived the internet of it. Do we call Oregon's mascot the duck? No. No? No. No. No. Fuck no. Do we call Clemson's mascot the tiger? Also, no. Like, this battle has already been lost. It just looks stupid, insisting that it hasn't.

South Carolina joining a battle that's already lost. That's crazy. That's crazy. South Carolina insisting on a historical, you know, no, no, no. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hmm.

I know what. They should name the bird Tillman Hall and chop its head off right before the Clemson game. They have to get a new mascot every year. because he's sacrificed before the Clemson came every year. Works for Georgia. God damn. That's where all those dogs went. We are accepting all endorsement offers.

They've been doing fine, Ryan, and you just spoke that into existence. It's your fault. When that dog dies, it's your fault. There's a fucking temple where once a year, a dog is sitting up top and someone's standing there with a, they got a five iron, whack!

That's some good shit. shot Ashford. It's a bulldog though so if it's above 50 degrees it's like thank you this is a bearable Vince Dooley are you wearing boxers under that robe? No it's hot as hell son

I'm free swinging in more than one way so that's Raygoff's dick I'm sorry that's Zaxby's entrepreneur Raygoff so it's Dick. Uh-huh. Thank you.

It's a penis. Penus. Are they going to go, are they going to lean into this and dress the rooster in military regalia? Because then I can be more on board with calling it the general. Okay, I'm all for this because then we will have a, what is South Carolina's cross division rival again? That'd be the paramilitary of Texas A&M.

That's right. It sure would. Yeah. So then we have. have all kinds of opportunity here for pregame arguments over do we have to as real actual military members just look at our pants do we have to salute the chicken the chicken outranks the dog oh shit the chicken outranks the dog the chicken outranks the dog ryan said it not me not me don't come for me i um i i c c c c super okay wait what if okay what if it's for the honor

of the c c's versus the c c west and this is how we finally in just some life into this stupid made-up cross-divisional situation where whoever wins the game that mascot has military supremacy for the next year be like where'd they get the commander chief trophy how'd they get that why are they passing that between these two schools what if so commander and chief show you need a third school so we'd another militaries could get vandy in there who's the third yeah yeah sandy's navy you know mandie south carliana's air force bird wing Yeah, I will only approve of South Carolina's chicken being named the general if there is a CGI version with a mustache that hangs out with Shaq. Yes, correct.

Correct. That's a wonderful idea. I don't see anything wrong with that whatsoever. Shaq will do it too. Like, Shaq will take any endorsement deals? Will you pay him? That is, he has said. Doesn't Shaq already show for the general insurance?

Yeah. Correct. You don't even have to give him a new script. Oh, yep. Yep, totally fine. Just Shaq showing up leading chance of South Carolina games. Did he go to LSU?

Ah, it's not important. No, Shaq has said he will show up for any endorsement deal if you pay him. Like, that's how scarred he is from spending his rookie bonus on like three cars and then forgetting to pay taxes

and realizing he was broke. He will never, ever turn down an endorsement deal. It's an ethos. Yeah. He would, he would shill for plague if it had an advertising budget. I mean, so would we.

True. True. So did Clay Travis. It's fine. Yeah, we're going to get emails. Folks are going to be trying at 38 Godfrey. 38, Godfrey. No one knows what I guess. Yeah. Godfrey isn't, that's the trick.

Godfrey isn't us, but he is our supervisor. So if you really want to get Ryan fired, and sure we all do. Go straight to the big boss himself, Stephen Godfrey. If you can't reach him, you can reach his boss, Bud Elliott. If you can't reach him, you can reach his boss, Alex Kershner. Yes.

Atop of the chain. His email is Bill Simmons69 at AOL.com. Glad I could help. Do we, I'm just going to do a rare thing where I go slightly off script here. do we actually want to talk about game? Do we want to announce where we're going? Uh-huh. I'm getting to that as a matter of this.

That's up to y'all. Yeah. I would like to tell everyone where we're going, which is this Thursday, September 1st. I think week one. Week one. I mean, inshallah, who knows? Like, we should get there, right?

Oh, I thought you meant, in theory, it's week one. Yes. No, should we get there? We have at 7 p.m. Eastern in beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, a live appearance by myself and multiple other members of the college football media constellation, all descending on the multi-rivered city to see West Virginia at Pittsburgh. Is that the name of our podcast? Yes.

The media constellation. The college football media constellation stars. falling like the punishment of God itself on Pittsburgh pencil. Here's a nude man in the sky with a weapon. He's fighting with two Air France pilots. And he's winning. We will be at the backyard brawl for West Virginia at Pitt. I am excited because I've never, ever pinned to this game.

Who among us has? Holly, have you been to a backyard brawl? Many times never at play. pit. Never a pit. Never a pit. Ooh, it's a big moment. I have been in Pittsburgh for this game weekend, but never gone.

I was very young. What is your impression of the, what, like, what do you feel like this is going to be like? Me? Since you've done this before, yeah. Like, is this friendly? Is this hostile? Is it a weird mix? It's not, it's not friendly.

You say that with great conviction. No, I'm having trouble getting, uh, I'm having trouble getting a word out here because I am still so personally, uh, I carry 13 and 9 on my heart heavier than I think most that. That's probably the one that I, that I have the least gotten over. Yeah. You know what's funny? You know what's funny about that game? Hmm. Nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Pit didn't even play very well. Yeah. A bad team. Thanks, Ryan. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you.

As Owen Schmidt of West Virginia said, the worst fucking team in the world beat us. Yep, yep. And they didn't do it by, it's not some heroic story. Wow, they really rose up and found a fifth. No, man. They were in neutral the whole time.

The card just rolled over here. Even Dave Weinstadt told, I believe, Kersner, uh, yeah, really all we did was we tackled great. That's it. That's it. Folks, that was not. The secret plan. Folks, I want you to note here that I made myself vulnerable for my three colleagues,

and this is the result. And that is a reminder as if you ever needed one that feelings belong on the inside. Keep them there. No, Pitt and I've got family on both sides of this rivalry. Everybody has family on both sides of this rivalry. This is just, this is an emotional gauntlet for me personally at the stuff. of the season because Pitt plays my two teams back to back. And because it's Pitt, I don't have the slightest idea what to expect out of either game. So I'm going to the one that appears less

likely to emotionally traumatize me. But I, we, we kind of, we touched on this a couple weeks ago. And I want to be clear that if this is the case, I celebrate it, because it's very funny in a sign of our power. But is Pitt slightly overrated this season? And did we personally have something to do with that? It's weird because they lost their two best players and they lost their OC who was effective. But apparently, Batonarduzzi didn't like having an effective OC. Correct. Go find me someone worse. So yeah, it appears they're going to slide back to normal Pitt. But the thing is, in the ACC, normal pit could win nine games.

games. So, like, they are overrated. I completely agree. But they might have a completely deceptively successful season regardless. I think, I think, like, win total-wise, they're probably underrated. But, like, AP-wise, they're overrated. But at the same time, they are, considering they won this conference last year, they are the fourth highest-ranked team in the conference. Like, they're behind Miami. They're behind NC State. They're behind They're, um, so they, they lost, you know, two of the best players in recent program history. I said recent. Settle down.

Reefus fans and Marino fans and Fitzgerald fans. Yeah, go take, go take a Sialis and relax. In recent. That's not how taking a Cialis works. And, would know, brother. So just told him himself. Go get an erection. Yeah.

What a relaxing heart on this. Just for a moment per My blood pressure went down Because all my blood I was right From an entirely personality-based standpoint Can I just say You're maybe the most terrifying person

To contemplate on dick pills I was like What if Spencer but more Oh God Yeah right So This is how we're taking Down all those hym sponsors

Spencer for men so hairy all right all right so as we were saying this is also by the way I think a team where I snapped my phone case

in half just talking about this if you want to know this inadvertently is a great comment on the overall decline of USC as a program because where do two of USC's brightest shining stars at the QB spot end up that is correct playing each other at the backyard brawl

that is that is where they ended up because nothing of note happening in the other direction. Right. In that particular pipeline, thank you for bringing it up. Disregard that. Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't they, Spencer?

It's beautiful country, tremendous academics. Yeah. The dream of every... Three rivers. It's three. L.A.'s barely got one. It's sad. It's sad. It's called the ocean.

It's good for Terminator, too, I guess. Hey, listen. That river's amazing to hide from the cops in. Okay. I have been to Pennsylvania many times. I have family in central Pennsylvania. I'm not sure if I've ever actually set foot in Pittsburgh other than driving through it.

So this is a pilgrimage to my adopted motherland here. We're in for a treat because not only will we be in the hospitable clutches of one Alex Kershner. Ryan, I get to deliver this news to Ryan personally. Alex Fries for the Table Kershner has made a dinner reservation for our little cadre at a place that is not only a French fry restaurant, but a tater tot restaurant. We are going right into the starchy belly of the beast, and I am just so excited. Hot and called ketchup on tap. I hope the name of this restaurant is Heart of Starchness.

I really do. Colonel Kirsch, Colonel Kirsch, taking us up the river into the dictators. You know what's great, too, about going to this game with Alex is that if West Virginia loses, I'm going to be emotionally devastated,

but Alex is soft and I can make him feel bad about it, too. A porcolyps now. He won't listen to this for three weeks. A polka-lips, god damn. Yeah, there are no other games at night. Nobody else is playing. Doesn't matter.

God. Nobody else is playing. Nobody else kicks off at the exact same time. Nope. Nope. Because. Typical ESPN hog, ignoring the big Penn State Purdue game all airing on Fox. Pit Shill Spencer Hall.

That's it. Yeah, exactly. I'm just wrapping, like, the old bigies still, their checks are still clearing for me. What are your diverting eyes away from? Mizzou losing to Lotech? Is that the SEC Network honk angle here? I will. This is to me setting up the Auburn debacle of all debacles,

which would be both of their two major opponents, their top grade opponents losing in the first week, right? If we get Mizzou to lose and you get Penn State to lose to Purdue. Those are their top great opponents. Well, you know, well, the first month of the season for Auburn, right? It's definitely not Mercer. It's not San Jose State. How dare you?

I know. The disrespect to Mercer University. The Merner's going to hit the nay-nay on you. Listen, Mercer's going to fill my farm, my, prescriptions inaccurately. That's what I've seen. Versa's got a massive pharmacy school. Everyone here who works in pharmacy went to Lake Mercer.

They're going to be like, listen, buddy, I'm going to short you some five ants. Pill addict, Spencer Hall. That's right. Dick pill addict, Spencer Hall, I can't stand up in public. That's why his legs are so short. I need him to sleep. Somehow.

Somehow. There's a lot. logic there. Blood goes here, away from brain. Sleep. Sleep time. It's like putting a blanket

over his cage. Yeah. Night night. Every night I pitch my own tent to sleep. Oh. There you go. No, you were leaving this there. No.

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Sleep Number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL, C Store for details. By the way, I really enjoy that we're skipping Illinois, Indiana, because we don't want anybody to be that powerful. They'd be a threat to us if they were like watched Illinois, Indiana. Yeah. Saturday in the early slot, I just want everyone to watch South Dakota State defeat Iowa as predicted on

Split Zone duo by, I don't know, a humble football analyst. A veteran of FBS-FCS upset predictors. Some would say. Some would say. Oh, man. Jason is Is there a watch grid this year?

Where can we find it? Do everything for us, please. Yeah, people have been asking. I'm just tweeting it this year, most likely. So the Jason Kirk is my handle. I'm going to tweet the watch grid every week and gain like 500 followers and then say something about religion that makes half of them leave. That's my plan for the entire season.

Hey, that was a good vacation Bible school episode this week. Oh, I thank you. We just dropped a day, for anyone who doesn't know. We just dropped a Patreon episode about, forgiveness which turns out there's a lot of biblical grounding for that apparently nobody knew but uh like joe biden's like actually super christian it's crazy you know that's that famous that famously favored industry among all religious texts banking that's one thing yeah yeah notoriously in favor of interest yeah i like that that's never been a pitch anywhere in history they're like listen

this religion we'd like you to join our club because we love banks nobody's ever that hasn't gone very far the one group Jesus went MMA on the one that's true that's true Jesus Jesus totally put a bank put the bankers in an arm bar more of a street brawling style if we're to be fair based on it was it was a hardcore match I think there were weapons everything legal trash can lids and folding chairs if you want an early look at if you want an early look at the can't miss definitely not a problem uh ac c favorite nc state plays at eastern carolina at noon at east carolina at noon yes favorite this is remember i've heard favorite what i favorite nc state um remember this is this is the team that can't miss that

everyone says is going to be very good this year um yes nothing bad who's saying that we're like people are aiming for like nine and three that's very good that's very good I agree okay okay yeah the expectations

are sky high so we're putting pressure on NC State yes I am I expect more let's see what happens play our favorite NC State

who I believe in with all my heart yeah let's push this button I am I am 100 in favor of let's push this button at every point

I'm pressing that button NC State make a break season show me what you got it goes perfectly I'm saying putting this on NC State goes perfectly with the rest of our playoff picks. Yeah. That's true.

It's one of our best picks. What does break mean? Like, what is a rebuilding here at NC State? I don't understand. Make or normal. Make or stay. Make or take a nap. Make or chill. Make or grab a C. Alice and take a nap. Yeah, NC State is the program with the least amount of make or break. Or break

in its history. There is later. Or break. Just ache. Constant ache. Make or ache. Make or ache. Orb. Ake and get guys drafted. I would also like to congratulate our producer, Cerber, for unwittingly having the powers of the full cast

almost, at least, when it came to the UNC game, which, man, almost didn't happen against. It's contagious. Yeah, I decided they would play. I just want to be clear. That was kind of you. Thank you. Yeah.

That was kind of you. And be not merciful. So, I don't know. You want to speak anything in the existence for UNC App State? I don't think it works if you do it on purpose. That's true. I think we want this game to happen. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Like anyone with any, who finds any comedy in UNC or Mac Brown or anything like that, you want to take a look at this one. I do like that if you're scrolling through the ESPN schedule for this and it's showing you like tickets are, you know, $20 here. Tickets as low as $2 for Buffalo at Maryland. Maryland. At Maryland home atmosphere continues to just be fucking electric over here. Having the ticket price alongside the games has provided some of the more eloquent commentary on the state of these programs than even many of the fine journalists I know employed there.

Central Connecticut at Yukon is $6. Buffalo at Maryland is two. Troy at Ole Miss is seven. All of those are more than we paid to get into Vandy Yukon last year. But UNC App State is up to $187. Who? ULM at Texas is four. What's wrong, Texas? I think that's ULM setting the prices, being like, we can't pay more than this. Okay, this is, no, this is one of those situations where I want to go see the park.

Ryan, look up the parking at that game. For the Maryland game? No, for ULM at Texas. Oh, ULM, Texas. ULM, Texas parking. That's got to be. By the way, I think that also is because Texas has not put out of the depth chart. So technically, Texas, we don't know that they're actually going to display any of their fine players.

This is what you've done to the market, Sark, with your machinations. The lowest price I can find on Seek for parking for this game is $14. That's a lot less than I thought. Okay. But there's not a lot of $14 parking left. Most of it's more in like the $25.40 range. I want to note Nebraska is following up It's disastrous misadventure overseas

By seven days later playing a FCS Dakota You shouldn't play any of those It's North Dakota specifically So it's not the best Dakota but still Don't play a Dakota It's not Dakota heavy That's bad for you They're all Dakota heavy now basically

Right? There's two heavies and two lights And you're playing this I don't want to play any of them So that means when you go to ESPN, ESPN only listed all as week one. So that means Nebraska and, I guess, Yukon and Illinois and Charlotte. A few teams are on here twice. That's great. They're just working twice as hard.

That's right. That's right. That's right. But Nebraska is the only one of them that flew overseas and lost. Do you want to talk about Florida's opponent? I would like to talk about the Florida Gators for once. Yeah, no, I would love to. That's fine because I really think they're going to beat our ass.

Like, I know. I'm typically, Mr. We're going to lose. Y'all, we're going to lose. It takes us a few weeks every year to remember that we fucking love Utah as a team. And I love that we get this early in the season that we can start off. Because I feel like every year for the past like five years, halfway through the season, we're just like, man, Utah. And we never carry that through season to season.

But I'm toting that with me. This is going to be fun. This is probably other than backyard brawl. I think this is probably the game I'm most looking forward to this week. I have money on the Gators to cover, but, yeah, two and a half points at home with a team traveling that far. But, I mean, Utah could be really, really, really good. That could be real good. And additionally, like, if we want to go ahead and solve the potential issues on the back end of the Florida defense doing it against Camerizing and a RPO kind of offense with a solid run game behind it,

yeah i don't i'll feel great about that i don't feel great about that at all uh let's also note bama is uh playing a team that couldn't cover against yukon you don't want to train anything a little flat out the gate with uh yeah you know listen this is this is this is what's this is what you call a warm up this is this is 10 rips with just the bar you know nick's nick's old you want to warm up those muscles before you really start wamping and o' wailing. You know, unlike a young whippersnapper, like Kirby Smart, who's just decided to go ahead and take on Oregon at 3.30

PM here in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, in the return of Bo Nix. Like, how much does this suck for Bo Nix? He's like, well, at least I won't have to play Georgia. Where are you transferring? Oregon. Hey. Guess who you get to eat shit against again. I think he likes it. What gives you any indication that he likes it other than it's scheduled?

He signed up for the next team on Georgia's schedule. I'm sick of waiting until October. I'm sick of wait until October. The Lord keeps you humble. The problem is they have all that. They have all that time to build momentum. I want them early. Let me add them.

I want that 6-3-300-pound man who runs a 4-6, don't get him tired first nope i want him straight out of the box well and also uh traditionally every time because bo necks uh has played in about he's played enough football seasons to where we have words like traditionally that can apply to him traditionally bo necks plays uh georgia he has already been sacked like a hundred times he's coming in at zero right now yeah that's george is just fucked fresh and fluffy week one week one bo necks is he's his most like slang in it as well. I feel like he's most just like all

throws are good throws. All throws are good throws, man. In some universe. Let's see if it's this one. Whopao! Every single snap against George is just sheer terror. It's just sheer terror the whole time. But that's his secret.

Every single bo-neck snap is sheer terror for everyone, regardless of the opponents. It ain't about them. It's about us and our terror. How scared we are of ourselves. Every snap of Safdi Brothers movie. Like, imagine, imagine you were in a bank and someone came in to rob it and they had a chimp with them.

You would be scared in all directions, you know? You'd be like, this is bad for me. This is bad for that person. This is bad for wherever they go next. It's like, this is just danger in every direction possible. This could go real smooth, except for your accommodation. I don't know how to I don't know how to tell him it's going to be cool Mr. Buttons is here for the money

Not you here for the bank's money not yours Yeah Mr. Guards wrote the note it's just shit smeared He keeps grabbing for my say give him your sandwich I'm sorry don't be a hero Give Mr. Buttons your phone not the android he doesn't like those Your face is insured by the FDIC nobody needs to die today he's only eating a few faces

uh i by the way the moment in that bank robbery where lane's gonna adopt a chimp yeah it's gonna have its own there are background checks for these things that's not gonna happen yeah boy brian that's that's the most un-american don't you remember our big cat episode you're yeah that's the most un-american sentiment sentiment you've ever expressed there are background checks for owning a primate no that's why inflation is so high because of these regulations on primate ownership. Joe Biden depressing the chimp market.

And when I, Dr. Oz, win the Senate scene. I'll make sure that every man, woman and child in Pennsylvania can own their own chimp. You've made Dr. Oz sound cool. Yeah. You know what?

You're the first person who's done that. That's incredible, right? There are millions devoted to this very task, and you did it for free, the first person. Now I have to leave and never come back. Man, Oprah's got some shit to answer for. A lot. Which I never really thought I'd say.

A lot. Oh, wow, Ryan really did go. At one point, yeah, he did. He was like, he's got to go in a Senate seat. Sorry, folks. There would be one horrible moment in that bank robbery where you'd look up as a security guard with your gun drawn. And you'd have to think, am I about to get in a gunfight with a chimp? Is this what I signed up for today?

The answer is yes. That's what you signed up for today. getting into a gunfight with a wild animal who also has a gun and a liquid death endorsement deal not a complete non-segue to Notre Dame at Ohio State

oh yeah bad idea I did this does seem like not to frame everything is gambling but I don't really know any other angle on Draft Kings

on Notre Dame playing Ohio State that seems like a lot of points it seems like a lot of points to me it's a lot I think this is really going to put Notre Dame as cool to the test because losing by 25 isn't all that cool I mean do you think

like that's like that's officially predicting like a severe ass kicking on national television it's a big fucking line yeah it's a big it sure is I like that I've mentioned this to multiple people

and no one has gone I think I'll go the other way. Then they've been like, well, that is a big line. Yeah, I mean, I look at Bama's favorite by 39, Ohio State's favorite by 18, and I'm like, yeah, those are big numbers, huh? Look at that. Sure enough are. Yeah, I mean, Notre Dame could be good and get its ass with. It's like staring up in one of those clouds.

It looks like a Star Destroyer. Yeah. It's moving fast against the wind. Huh. Think that's anything? Yeah. I do. I don't remember a season that is.

felt more like there is an incredibly clear tier one of teams and then just a huge rummage bin beneath like usually this is how we feel at the end of the season you know so like it's a little suspicious it's a little ominous where the curveball's going to come from will there be any but like it's just like the top three just feels so cut above everyone else and I don't remember a season that started this way right typically you have to get down to like 12 before you're just guessing in every area of like making your preseason and this time I got to like five and I was like yeah I mean honestly even four like Clemson is like they sucked at offense last year and yeah they might get worse at defense you know Oklahoma they might

not be good at offense anymore you know what I mean like everything after three is a guess oh I had Tennessee at four so that was easy for me well that obviously that was easy my playoff thing your playoff pick I do enjoy people ranking Clemson this high without going

hey so did they fix any of their problems on on offense did they change little old clams

you know they're just delivering rat poison to little old Clemson that's me call me

the poison man because I am delivering because did you fix any of your problems did you get

a new quarterback did you get a fresh offensive mind from outside of the organization

did you no they didn't do any of that You still all have the same haircut, and is it that haircut? Yep, all right. Yeah. No, I'm just going down the staff page.

Yes, you do. We didn't even change the dang coiffures. No, not. Same attitude, same haircut, same quarterback. A bunch of grown men that look like they got their haircut sitting in a race car. I like the argument, too, they'll be like, well, DJ Ouyangolele doesn't have as much pressure on him this year. What? They're four.

They got four by their name. That's a lot of pressure. you could just say anything on the internet it turns out you can type anything and it'll show up yeah you can you can just say it it'll go right over to the internet that seems like more pressure to me especially because they're in year two and if you're not good they're gonna start you know they're gonna start to suspect maybe you're not good maybe this won't turn maybe you will not improve no it's also you know like i mean last year clemson ended up you know 10 and whatever and ranked like 13th or whatever like they could win to live in games and be deeply unimpressed

that could definitely happen. I'm excited to see what this fan base does, because I'm old enough to remember when on this very show, we were like, oh, imagine getting sick of Clemson fans? That's going to be weird, huh? Ha, ha. And then they set that in record time.

And I'm wondering if they are going to revert to their former, mostly inoffensive selves, or if they are going to stay this hungry in the face of their own roster and resources and reality. Server, what do you think? When Clemson's time at the top is officially done, are y'all going to be lovable again?

No, never. We weren't insufferable? You thought we weren't insufferable? You're fine. No. Okay. No, you're fine. We've always gotten on my nerves. Clemson does remain far and away the most,

and I'm not a person whom this particularly bothers, because I think the pretending is part of a larger problem. But Clemson has far and away remained more than any SEC school I have ever been to, the most holler and homerish press box on the planet. And I don't expect that to change in any way. I'm talking more about the general populace. Yeah, no, never, never going to, never going to change. We've been on top now.

Okay. Listen, they weren't very good before 1981. And then they hung on to 1981. for you know 30 years thinking you know we belong there that's where we actually belong but the NCAA you know if they wouldn't have forced us to fire danny ford they made us do it you know essentially like this is essentially they just it's just easier it's just easier to mute someone when they're 23rd all the time is it is it um south carolina doesn't have a 1981 quid pro quo ipso facto that right or whatever you know that's it that was the whole argument for tech

decades and decades. Yeah, you've ever seen a championship ring? Now we've tripled the number of 1981s. What have we done? Does your coach live in a castle? Does he live in a lacquinta? Until he can find love before the last pedal of this rose falls. Pardon me.

I have to dog wrangle. What is she? Dog's fine. No clue. She's barely audible. She's fine. There is the biggest dough I have ever seen in my life, just roaming around my backyard and betty who has been completely indifferent to deer up until this

point has decided that this dog is a home invader and the deer is a dog a very tall dog yeah deers are dogs i think um um oh god clemson i i realize this but i'm only just now reckoning with it clemson at georgia tech is the uh oh man that's the casual fan super bowl this year This is like the... This is the Labor Day night game. This is starting to feel like Florida State Bthoon Cookman. I don't want it. I mean, it's not far off.

Sorry. Although a sea lion has picked Georgia Tech. A sea lion from the Georgia Aquarium, Homer. Trader. Has picked the jackets. You know, that's just typical. bias by those with fewer than four major limbs

against the tigers. Maine, New Mexico. That's my final word on the subject.