Shutdown Fullcast - Happy VPN-lentine's Day

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

- WELCOME TO THE OFFSEASON, where we discuss things like- How come Nic Cage has never played an astronaut- Activating your glutes to podcast- A basketball legend named Foots- The Tragic, Recurring Tale of Montoya- Matt Patricia, Wikipedia nightmare- A canonical announcement about the Tooth Fairy's NFL loyalty- This week's theme was arranged and performed by Corey Cunningham- Enjoy the musical stylings of Surber's band, Killer Antz https://killerantz.bandcamp.com/- Consider Ryan's narrative podcast with Steven Godfrey, Who Killed College Football? https://www.wkcfb.com- Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at https://channel-6.ghost.io/ - Read Jason writing at The Athletic's CFB newsletter, Until Saturday https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/newsletters/until-saturday/- Purchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny https://preownedairboats.com/

I have one request. Okay. It's for server. Okay. Server, can you start a timer once Spencer says welcome? Okay. And 44 minutes and 26 seconds after that, he says, welcome, will you just let me know? You can, like, come on and say, like, hey, we've hit that time.

There's something specific I need to do at 4426. 4426. If you don't mind. Yeah. As soon as he's, like, when he starts the welcome, when the, Welcome is complete. Let's say once he really winds up and gets into his welcome motion. What muscles do you start to engage when you do the welcome, Spencer?

Like in order? It's its diaphragm. Okay. Is there any butt? It's always butt, buddy. It's the fundament. It's the fun. It's the fun and fundament.

It does everything. Sure. Like, if you're not, if you're not, if you're not button, then what are you doing? That's why they call it a button. You press it to start. Yeah, but on. Mm-hmm. But on, literally.

This is, I'm quoting the Immortal Rampage Jackson, who, when somebody asked why he punched so hard he said in his most Memphis accent, because I put my ass into it. He was in a movie with Liam Neeson. What? And they, and they say Liam Mason's racist. Who, how could he be? He made a film with Rampage Jackson. Unfairly maligned Hollywood again.

I'm glad we're starting out on this angle. Starting out on a surefire hit of an angle. Oh no, we're recording. Yeah, yeah. I always glance up to see whether the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, I always glance up to see whether the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, The red clock of recording this is engaged in. Uh-oh, there it goes.

We've been there. There it goes. Whoops. Better say welcome. Remember, use your butt. Use your butt. Use your butt. But on.

It's dangerous to go without a butt. Take this. That's so true. Have your legs in your stomach. You'd be a Lego at that point, a Lego mini-fake. How much better would any video game be? Any. If you were greeted by a wizard who said,

it's dangerous to go without this here and handed you two perfectly half-spirical cheeks, right? The master cake! Yeah. Two hams. Yeah. Well, you've discovered yams. What? Here, cake this.

Is it cake? The answer is yes. It always is. It always. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Only you can save Princess Zelda, Christopher Maloney. That man does have a wagon.

He's in his 50s and he's got a wagon, man. That BBL D.C. Yeah. Guilty. He's looking innocent to me. Welcome to the shutdowns Welcome to the shutdown forecast. You are listening to the Internet's only college

football podcast. I am Spencer Hall giving you a hello straight from the butt. I hit the button which stands for butt on, engaged with glutes of firing. I hope everyone else's glutes are ready to

explode into action today. By everyone I mean the usual crew of sainted buttocks, Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and twos, Michael Ray server how we doing captain but captain that's what captain but on the one and two cheeks

that's right baby that's right i was going to ask michael since you're the resident musician the ass do you put your ass in a guitar playing is that a necessary like when you're up there you're like yeah man my cheeks are working uh yeah i do actually i noticed it in a couple photographs It's kind of unconscious, but I do. That donks out there. I look great. That's the one it looks best. So like,

the corollary to guitar face, guitar butt? Yeah, I got a great guitar butt. Like John Mayer-esque. Wow. So it's doing all kind of generations and configurations. Yep, you can't see it, but it is. Okay.

I mean, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you can, but most of the time you can't. Like a sexy metronome. I think your body's a hinterland. What is the musical instrument that requires the least amount of butt? Sitar. Wow. But it's just got sit right in it.

Well, yeah, that's what I mean. It's built in. Oh. I would think it would be something where the butt's not engaged. Like, is there any instrument you play laying down on your belly? Finger symbols. Yeah. Good.

There's absolutely no engagement there whatsoever. So like a prone instrument? a prone instrument that you play with your fingers, whatever that is, right? It's got to be out there somewhere. There's some kind of liar. I need to watch Caligula to really answer this properly. That's true of so many questions.

It's got everything in it, so I'm sure it's in there. I think that's true of most everything, right? I got to watch Caligula. Hey, this is our Valentine's Day special. Truly the movie was something for everyone. That's so, God, that's so literal. Yeah, that's true. Everyone at once.

There's a whole scene where everyone's working together. At what point in that movie, they were like, that's enough. At no point were they like. The limit does not exist. It doesn't seem that that happened. At any point. Cut. Yeah.

Stop. Cut mean stop. Tell like 100 people. Cut. Hey, quit fucking. All right. Ten minute warning. Wrap it up. Yeah, wrap it.

What do you mean, wrap it up? Just pulling people. Imagine the squelching sounds as you like pulled people apart. Yeah. From what I saw nobody wrapped it up in that scene. It was all. It was all alfresco. Yeah.

Well, back then, in the, in whichever century that was, those, they were, like, the wrappings were made of, like, leather or whatever, you know? Yeah. It just seems unpleasant. wasn't for everyone involved. Not least of all the lamb. Very important movie to watch with your parents

because it's a historical movie. If you are under 30 and somehow listening to this, go rent Caligula, watch it with your mom or dad. It'll go great. The number of people under 30 who do listen to this program is always very surprising. Yeah. What are you doing? There are numerous people who have been listening to the show

since they were in middle school. Helen Mirren is in it. Your parents love Helen Mirren. Oh, sure. No, this is how I ended up, don't do that. This is how I ended up seeing eight, millimeter in theaters with my dad who loves Nicholas Cage

Wow so just anything Nicholas Cage that is you see a little bit of every genre with that experience I was 15 So you're saying it's a costume drama a period piece a merchant ivory film This also happened with death to smoochie Has Nicholas Cage done a space movie

In a way they kind of all are That's fair So like him him in space Not just stuff coming from space too Not just like... Yeah. Because he did... Knowing was about aliens.

That's about aliens, yes. But I mean like a specific space movie. But he doesn't go. The color of the shape or the whatever. Moonstruck centers around the moon. That's true. And left behind, he doesn't get raptured. Does not travel through space.

So I think we found the one thing he won't do. Is physically close to space. Yes. The earthbound Nicholas Cage. I'm looking. I'm checking. If he had ever. never gotten to be Superman. That would have been probably as close as he would have gotten.

Does Nicholas Cage have a space phobia? He's in the World Trade Center movie. That building is very tall. It was, yeah. Spoilers, thank you. Color out of space. He's dealing with areas. Out of space. I have Nicholas Cage's space movie. It's bad lieutenant port of call New Orleans. He does play an angel, so I don't know how that works into it. New Orleans is a different planet. That's the closest we got so far.

Okay. playing an angel he says with quote fingers sorry i apologize god i legit forgot he was in the left behind movie where his name was rayford normal stuff he he showed up for like eight hours all of his scenes were filmed in just like one i think if i actually had to pick the closest thing to space i would probably say into the spiderverse um there's got to be some space i'd yeah surely there's a bit of space in there maybe he's too precious a resource No, I think you're right.

I think Superman was going to be it. Yeah. And he's holding on to that and won't let go. Racing with the moon. I don't know what this is, but he was in it. It says moon. It does say moon. So that's probably, I mean, he was in, hmm.

There's also moon's true. Did color out of space involve space? It involved aliens coming to Earth, but at no point was he actually above the Carmen line, right? Yeah, he only is like, it's like a vision of space. Space will go to him. him, I guess, in the form of the meteor. Yeah. Hmm.

Yeah. That's, um... Folks, welcome to our Valentine's Day special. So, Ghost Rider. Mandy is the movie you want to watch with your loved one this week. So Ghost Rider goes to hell in the Nordic vision. That would be a different planet. But that place is cold, so I don't think it's the same place.

I appreciate how our extensive Warhammer experience has already led us to be like, hell is space. Hell is space. That's canon. there's a part of me that's like why wasn't Nick Cage in Armageddon that feels like a thing that should have happened Nick Cage was in Astro Boy okay I don't know what this is but Astro Boy Nick I'd like to go ahead and enlist myself in the army of people who will volunteer that I cried at Armageddon Nicholas Cage was the head of the Ministry of Science of Metro City in Astroboy which floats above the

polluted surface on earth but it's not it's not in space not in space Did you cry at the part with the animal crackers? No. No. I cried when he, when Bruce Willis, spoilers ahead for any idiot who would say that. When he locks him in the escape capsule, right? Sure.

When he sacrifices himself. I'm a sucker for that. I think, locking your colleagues in space? Yes. I think most of the time when that happens, you should assume that the character doing the, like, no, save yourself.

Huge debts on Earth. Which makes it all the stranger that Nicholas Cage has not been to space. Yep, yep. In space, there is no debt. So he stars as someone called The Surfer in the movie The Surfer. I'm assuming it's not the Silver Surfer.

I'm done. I've looked through, I can't spot me. You know, the entire Star Wars plot engine is basically fueled by a refutation of Ryan's theory that there's no dead in space. No debt in space. Because there is, brother. There are certain debts.

Yeah, that's fair. If you're bawling like Han Solo, there is debt in space. There is so much debt. Evidently, debt in space that will follow you into your seventh and eighth decades of life. Yeah, Spencer, you still haven't seen the expanse. There's a shit ton of debt in space. I really need to watch expanse because every time I mention something like

fucked up about our current society in the scientific or science fictional space realm, everyone's like oh that's in the expanse you know it's like there is no start trekkiness there is no everything will be perfect it's like we're going to take earth and spread it what a fucking bummer if you like if you're like I'm going to be cryo frozen to colonize Neptune or some shit you wake up 30 years later and it's like oh your credit scores in the toilet I'm legit worried about that because like you know like you think about oh man when I die what's going to be good. You're like, well, I no longer have to deal with paperwork, right? That you don't have to worry about paying a bill. You don't deal with paperwork now.

No longer. No longer have to feel bad about other people doing paperwork for me, which is a very real affliction that I suffer from. There's that. Having to watch others handle my paperwork. Yeah. It's a real drag. Right. But then like, there's going to be a way where you're like, ah, reincarnation's real, but your credit score follows. Your credit follows. Your credit follows. You're now playing on hard mode you lost all your gear loincloth my my inventory is already empty your inventory now has an affliction in it and that's it and an affliction shirt what's your genetic condition bad credit

it gives you extra points if you make it to the end but you won't somebody right now is making somebody in silicon valley is like I'm on it I'm going to do this tracks you across dimensions. I mean, Oregon Trail kind of prepared us with us. That's what I was thinking. Opposite of banker. Yeah, nobody at any point was like,

yeah, I'm not going to be the banker. You do the farmer. You know what Oregon Trail also taught us, no matter what your credit score, you can always get dysentery. Doesn't really matter. Nature's equalizer. Loose booty comes for everybody.

I'm a banker. I'm a man. of substance like too bad grab your ass you're shitting somewhere in idaho my butt's too rich yeah nope my butt's too rich to poop disagree your butt is weak yeah your ass is in trouble literally so that's today stop sports news that's it yeah i i i always did everybody enjoy vacation yeah i enjoyed can i say what i i'm mean not doing a show last week. That was good.

That was good. I wanted to discuss something that we both noticed in Mexico, Holly, which is the Mexican police PSAs. That's my favorite thing I've ever seen. It was, okay. This is not the same as the mask casino posters that you were doing. No, I almost paid $28 to call Ryan from Kanku and baggage claim because emblazoned on every column and across every wall were these giant

floor to ceiling posters advertising some casino that featured Jim Carrey as the mask. Not Jim Carrey right now in a mask costume, not some actor playing the mask, just stills from the mask, the movie. They're everywhere. That's pretty sweet.

It was awesome. But playing above them on these monitors was this was like heading into costumes, was this PSA where this very nice lady was explaining to you that Mexican

police do not have the authority to accept bribes and they also don't have the authority to take your passport and retain it. And they've got a little hotline that she says where if anybody tries this

you can call the hotline. Now this is, this video is playing alternating shot of this Mexican police lady in front of a kind of like a lucius fox-looking bank of screens. And so she'll talk to you from this extremely technological-looking control room about, you know, how to stay safe when you're in a country and where to keep your wallet and stuff like that. But it's interspersed with just regular-ass shots of, like, tourism videos. and so when she's explaining

that Mexican police aren't allowed to take your passport it's just a shot of a bunch of dudes doing back flips off the front of a boat Woo! Piesta! It's like, The Mexican police cannot take your passport.

This is not taking a bribe. That guy did a half-gainer. I'm going to give him my passport. It's fine. Me when I don't take a bribe. Wee. Do do do do do do do Do please alert us to any corruption

I only came today prepared to talk about two topics That's okay because I got three more for you Yeah Can we see if they overlap in any way? Oh, I'm excited to see if they do Oh boy You give me your three and I'll tell you

If any of them are my two The Beatles? No Dogs No Ohio State No Okay

Wow So which one of yours Do you want to do first Well I thought I might get a little And I guess this is You can call this like our first offseason episode And I thought I might try and get Some quick revenge on you

By giving you a quick round of two truths and a lie Please do Things that I learned last week While we weren't doing a show I have picked up three facts Okay I have learned three things, and two of them really happened, and one of them didn't. Is this about dogs or the Beatles?

Yes. Yes. Okay. Two of these things really happened to me in the past week. One of them didn't. In the past week, I have learned that Ohio State, which sent both its cheerleading and dance team to Nationals, like hours before. Ohio State won its football title. And I think they're the one of them won and the dance team, I think, came in second.

Ohio State's dance team uses nunchucks with pom-poms on them in their dance routine. That's one thing I've learned. Okay. I just want to, I'm putting that in the truth category. Okay. The second thing that I learned is that the Beatles broke up at Disneyland. And I'm like, I've been to Disneyland. I understand.

Okay. Okay, go ahead. And the third thing I learned is that I met a dog that has committed a federal crime over the week. Lawyer Brain is really trying to engage with whether dogs can commit a federal crime, but I'm not going to lean into that. So I'm going to say the Beatles thing is the lie. It is technically true. Okay. The Beatles did not break up at Disneyland. They broke up at Disney World.

Here's what happens when you look at. at the Wikipedia page, it doesn't matter why we're there. For Disney's Polynesian Resort, here are the topics, if you go down the side. Design, dining, shopping, villas and bungalows, roll in ending the Beatles.

Wow. What's after that? References. So it's not. Okay. It'll beets toward that. In May Pang's book, Instomatic Karma, published in 2008,

it is reported that John Lennon signed the paperwork that officially broke up the Beatles at the Polynesian resort on December 29, 1974. Huh. This is accompanied in the Wikipedia by a picture of a standard guest room with two queen beds after the resort's 2006 renovation. Tell me about the crime dog, if you would. Not Fred McGriff, should be clear. Unless you met Fred McGriff.

Let me tell you about the 90s braids. No, but friend of the program, Jamie was fostering a great Pyrenees named Roo, and she brought him over to visit. Great dog. Sorry, her. And Rue has since been adopted, great dog. But while we were meeting Rue, we learned that the first thing Rue did after coming home with Jamie was eat her W2 off the table. That's a federal offense.

Interesting. That is U.S. Code 1705. Now, here's the thing where I do need your lawyer brain, because I'm pulling this from Cornell Law School's website. so it could mean anything. The first specification in the statute is whoever willfully or maliciously injures tears down or destroys. Now, this was definitely willful.

I don't know if we can prove malice. Does it matter if the dog... It says willfully or maliciously? It's willfully or maliciously injures. Yeah, you just need one. You don't need to hit both ways. Yeah, but does it matter? Here's the question.

Does it matter if the dog knows it's male? Yeah, that's fair. Okay. So, you don't know what a W-2 is. So this is similar to if we folded a W-2, lengthwise in half, put it in a Burger King chicken sandwich, gave the chicken sandwich to Spencer, and he ate the W-2. Is Spencer guilty of this federal offense? I have an idea. Yeah.

Try it. uh gosh i think the only way like you're approaching this holly from a very reasoned and thoughtful point of view that's a that's a common downfall of mine but if we're going to be prosecutors let's just let's just charge the dog and see if it will plead to a lesser offense right right all right okay that's cool and of course yeah it goes without saying that ohio state using uh nun chuck palms in their national title dance team routine is absolutely a thing that happened it's incredible Wow Good for them

Yeah Yeah that is good for them They're not my favorite I'm an LSU Homer I didn't go to LSU but I'm an LSU homer for the dance team But it's a very good routine

Does the NCAA have dance team rankings Yes Oh yeah Hold on Well okay so it's not NCAA It's okay There are different Yeah it's it's it's

It's the other UDA is the one you want Okay God this website is struggling But this all happened It happened, like, the weekend before the title game, which was on Monday night. Okay. And if you scroll to, like, a minute 45 mark in that link I just dropped in the chat,

you can see the palms that become the Nunchuck Palms. Okay. I'm not the one that calls them that, by the way. They are. UNCHUTHF has a pretty decent show team. Congratulations to them. Did not know. Learn something new.

Yeah. Where's BYU and that? Oh, BYU's hip-hop team is perennially way up there. Although, do you know what's really interesting? They're being, if you don't follow them on Instagram and you want some Instagram comment, that's not going to make you absolutely insane. Go follow Las Vegas's dance team, UNLBs.

I'm also seeing very high marks for the University of West Georgia. Huh, where is that? That's a great question. is west georgia in columbus no or west point you could say it's uh if you say all of west georgia it's uh it's metro columbus it's in it's in carleton georgia oh that doesn't mean anything to me that's not that's that's like that's actually that's that's that's not too far from Atlanta not that yeah Columbus has Columbus state west Georgia's way north there even though it is west er notable alumni creflow dollar yeah

Newt Gingrich. What an institution. O for two. L. Duncan, apparently? Yeah, yeah, there we go. I was actually trying to think of L. I was like, there's somebody cool who went there. Anybody else.

Give me somebody else. Sports-wise. Not a greater... Yeah, they're D-3. Yeah. There's a former NBA player called Foots Walker. What? That's redundant.

Foots. What? Clarence? quote mark foots walker incredible he spent 10 seasons in the NBA in the 1970s and 80s he was the first Cleveland Cavalier to record a triple double

that's wow this is a oh 1974 NAA national title yeah foots Walker basketball player foots Walker that's Wow. Honestly, congratulations to Elle for easily being the best on this list.

That's amazing. Unless Todd Grisham is awesome. I don't think Todd Grisham is awesome. Do you want to read kind of like a really dumb novel about a charismatic attorney? He's not all that charismatic? Yeah. Get Todd Grisham's novel. They're amazing.

I only, like I said, Holly, you did not have any of the two things I became prepared to talk about. Oh, yes, proceed. I have failed a sawpuppeting you. One of course. No, that was great. I really enjoyed it for what I was worth. I'll get you next time. One of course is the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles.

Why? Did something happen? The Eagles just kicked the living shit out of the Kansas City Chiefs. We don't have to talk about that. Oh, no, no, no, no. So I'm speaking only for myself, I am personally willing to see the platform to you for as much of this as you want. At the very least, it will be part of podcast business. And I think everybody knows what that's eventually going to me.

Yeah, because you gave them the business, yeah. I did. You personally. Not me so much, but the defensive line, which didn't need to blitz a single time. Isn't that interesting? No one's. We're not talking about this yet. The other one, I can really only throw out one word and see if it means anything to the four of you.

Montoya. Does this do anything for you? Montoya. As in Juan Pablo? No. I mean, yes, but not that one. I think that's the only one I know. A different one, Pablo.

No, it does not mean anything. I'm going to add... If it doesn't involve a giant NASCAR track fire, no, it's not... I'm going to add four more words, and you tell me if that changes how you feel about it. Montoya from Spanish Tempsiore. Temptation Island. Does that change how you feel about this? No, I only watch Love Island, UK.

Okay. No. I can't say I know anything about this. Okay, okay. Without saying I know a lot about Temptation Island, the Spanish version, there are a lot of clips floating around of one particular contestant on I think the current season, whose name is Montoya. I didn't watch the American version of Temptation Island,

so I couldn't tell you exactly, like, how it worked. But I do know on the Spanish Temptation Island, based on these clips. Wait, wait, did they reboot that show or has it been going this entire time? Hold on. That's what that started when we were in high school. Yes, I don't, I think there was an American reboot at some point. Spanish Temptation Island appears to have started in 20, it has been around for seven seasons.

is what this says. So it hasn't been gone since the original started. There are two things that you should know. One, there seems to be some setting where one partner sits on the beach with the host. The host is a woman with blonde hair who makes this person watch videotape of their partner engaging with somebody else on the show. Can you define engaging? Okay, so yes.

Number one, the clips I have seen have included a, what's clearly a blowjob in a pool. There we go. And we were just engaging. What is clearly aggressive, aggressive, like, frenetic sex. Like, full penetration.

Like, it is under a sheet. So you're not specifically seeing it. Hunching. Yes. Some like strong sexual action. Getting that chart beat. I want to back up a little bit here. When I said they're watching Montoya in this case, the contestant, is watching videotape of this incident.

He is in fact watching a live video feed. So in the inciting clip that kicks all this off, Montoya racing. This is down the beach to the house where the coitus is currently happening and starts bellowing from the top of his lungs until his partner emerges mid-sex to see what all of the looms is about. Wait, what do you mean mid-sex? As, like, does she come out, like, piggybacking? You're right. I guess it's more of Coitus interruptus. so if you've ever seen a horse costume it's like that but without the costume correct correct

there's something about the word cordis that makes this seem worse and not better even though you were trying to be genteel um i think that's interesting this this this has this has turned into like a multi-episode thing where now this woman has had to watch the same thing happen with Montoya under the sheets. Again, just. I think these kids are going to make it. Like they keep re-airing the highlight? No, she goes or it keeps happening.

Is it like that Titans preseason video where they just keep going, da-da-da-da-da. No, she has had the experience of watching Montoya aggressively sex some other woman on the show. Like they owe each other money, right? like yeah right right and like here's how does that never mind here's the thing i really have never understood i don't think there's a prize on temptation island i don't think you can win anything i don't think it's like if you stay together at the end of temptation island will give you $50,000 if you fuck the most people on temptation island will also give you $50,000 i think it's

just a show like i hesitate to paint with the broad brush here but if i learn that my application to Temptation Island had been accepted, I would take that as definitive proof that I was a broken person. Or that you were about to meet a lot of new people. That I was going to make a lot of friends. So what is the premise of Temptation Island? Does everybody go in coupled up? Yes.

Okay. Yes. And I can tell you from the Wikipedia page, then in the first season of the American version, I think there were four couples, one couple immediately got removed from the island because the producers found out they had children and they were like, no, we're not doing...

Even we, Fox in the late 90s, early 2000s, have a limit. See, with Love Island, everybody comes in single and they have removed people before when they found out they had boyfriends. Oh, okay, okay. Temptation Island, very different, camel of fish, as it were. But also, all of the clips,

from the show are in Spanish. And I have not seen a single clip where anyone has provided closed captioning in English or any translation whatsoever. That's all right. That's why we could just put the disaster what a bad idea audio over it. So the core experience

is just watching two people who supposedly love each other. Oh my God, this is like the first nine results for Montoya. Yes! Yes! Yes! I just typed Montoya into Google with me. nothing else and have one, two, three, four, five, six. Good gal.

So you're trying to say that, you're trying to say that they ran, that this lady ran down the beach. Wait, this was the third time this happened to him? De ha, they are a se le an amor. He, he collapses to his knees and onto the beach multiple times just like scream at the gods. That's the thing. He, he, he, he, he actually. it away as if like Zeus himself has come down and fucked his girlfriend when he signed up from Temptation Island. Wait, wait, is this, is this a mononym?

Is this a guy who's on a, a love reality show with a mononym? Well, yeah, he's like a soccer player. He should have a cuck jersey, right? Okay, so this is the, he has to wear the red jersey for the week. This is the independent, so I don't think it was. translated from Spanish, but it reads like it was translated directly from Spanish, even though it's a British paper.

Love struck Montoya has been hit once again by the pangs of devastation, as his lover Anita was shown cheating on him for a third time with the shrimp Manuel. Damn. I hope it looks like Pepe the Muppet.

Oh my God. Okay. Guys, this is our revenge on all those people who clog up our timelines with bachelorset. Whenever that happens during the year, we are now Spanish Temptation Island fans. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to figure out what's going on here.

Although, can you imagine watching it and you're like, the first time. He ripped open his shirt. Yeah. The first time you're like, oh, no, that sucks. So sorry. But the second time you're like, The passionate Spaniard took matters into his own hands. This reads like it was translated from Spanish in like an app.

Again, this is a British newspaper. The third time you're rolling, right? The third time you're laughing your ass off. Third time you're like, okay. This is funny. Oh, my God. Okay, hang on, I got to show you guys this picture. All right.

It's not the sex picture. I believe the next time that he, that she had sex with the contestant, because he had run away, and I think he, like, threw an iPad into the ocean. Yeah, he throws an iPad across the beach at one point. Okay, here's the photo. He was not allowed to watch the live stream, but all of his friends on the show watched it, and he had to experience. from their reaction, what was happening?

He wasn't allowed to watch. He wasn't allowed to watch. He wasn't allowed to have an iPad. You've got to learn. No screen time. It's bad for you. This is like... This is exactly what we need to get us

through eight months without football. Uh-huh. I'm sorry, at the third, it's just a running gag, right? If you're on Toya's friend and the producer, you're like, here's an iPad. You're like, oh, it's time to watch his girl get railed again. All right. he's a flamenco singer apparently oh lord um there's a quote from a contestant that says the whole bedroom sounded like oppenheimer

wow which which part that's a great question the senate hearing it sounded like Albert Einstein muttering it's just sounded like shoes being thrown into a lake The squelching will be of extraordinary magnitude. I just felt it was important. Serber's just shaking his head. Since none of you had been along for the Montoya ride, so to speak, to bring it up here. Oh, we're here now. Oh, my God. Okay. There's a quote from, Spencer, there's a quote from Maya in here, from Love Island Maya.

Yeah. Maya, who is the current Love Island host, is quoted at the very end saying they would never allow this on UK TV. Y'all, this is really saying something, because the reason that we watch UK Love Island and not U.S. Love Island in the first place is that on UK Love Island, they are allowed to smoke and swear. Well, on Spanish reality television, you're allowed to do a lot more. At one point during, I think, Montoya's run to the villa, two other cast members who aren't involved in this pop up from a jacuzzi as like sort of like mere cats to be like, that's all this question. But they're fully nude. Like, they're just absolutely nude in this jacuzzi.

Where to street. Somos Nicos. Spanish Temptation Island. I would worry. The elaborate setup of Montoya. on a three-episode arc where they go, Montoya,

we're going to take you all the way around the world, and we're going to take you to the top of Mount Everest. And he's like, oh my God, I went to Everest, and I went to Tibet,

and I went to the holiest site Mount Kailash, and I went to the temple, and I met the llama, and he handed me an iPad, and it was my girl getting railed in a temple. I had to run over there

and be like, no! Okay, this is apparently viral enough that, like, Cosmo has a how-to-V-Pen, Temptation Island's thing article. Just a serious. of long-running gags that lead to, oh no,

I keep, sorry, the NFL theme is stuck there now. The injury theme would really work well, too, I think. No, you know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about

the Titans preseason video, the schedule release video where they went on Broadway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey, if they did that to me with Jalen Hurts, that'd be all right. Which up until this point

was the meanest thing I've ever seen. Montoya. Montoya, the universal utility cuck. Oh my God. This is amazing. He's just running around this set, putting out fires, fires of passion. And every time he manages to quench one, another has already emerged. Shouts out to this girl, though, who's like, what am I doing right now?

What are you doing right now? Holly, did you see what the inciting incident was that led this woman to say? No, did you see what the Spanish name is? Go ahead. La Isla de las Tentasiones. Oh, they're in the DR. I've been there. We're the same.

Stars. They're just like us. Anyway, Spencer, can we hit a little podcast music now? No, wait. Ryan, what was the inciting incident? Oh, oh, sorry. Montoya's partner, I think her name is Anita, watched another contestant give Montoya

what was described as a steamy lap dance. So she had sex with someone else. his revenge. And then he kicked, oh, apparently at one point he went into the ocean and splashed around in distress. Yeah. I, when, if you watch this clip, when he takes off for a minute, I really thought he was just going to run directly into the ocean. Like, just be like, no, I am one with the scene now. Wait a second.

Okay, I'm, I'm on Instagram for the first time. This man is too old to be doing this. Yeah. How old is this guy? I think he's 30, but he looks like a wet. He looks older. Okay. Buddy, you're too old for this shit.

Yeah. Go home and be a family man. He's trying. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I can't get from the curb to my door without her falling on a dick. And I got a whole app for it on my fucking iPad. I get a notification.

I respect this lady so much because it's like she's got the butt brain that a dinosaur has. It's like, I don't appreciate that the rules of Spanish Temptation Island are You have to watch this It's live, it's live, but you better be on good behavior You better not act out when you see this happen I'm like three seasons behind on Love Island And this is just motivating me to catch up

If I was on toy, I'm not buying a single shirt that isn't a pearl snap button Because I'm going to be throwing my shirt open and screaming In any moment in the day Don't you want the buttons to pop? New Jersey.com. How to watch Spanish Temptation Island from anywhere. Thank you, NJ.com. I will say.

The other thought I had when I saw him take off is like, I would rip a hamstring in two. If I took off full speed, barefoot down the beach and that speed. Oh, it would have, oh, it'd be like a sniper took me down. You'd watch my ass collapse. Oh, my, he's just having to watch this dude, lick this girl in the mouth. Yeah. How'd you tear your ACL?

I was running for love! For love! Agedario's ACL three times. She's very passionate. So am I. All right, Spencer, can you hit us with that podcast business? So, to continue the theme, with a little royalty-free salsa music.

Podcast business, what's that business? podcast business Definitely singing with you butt It's a business Do you think we should just retweet this clip without Context from the full cast account? Yes

Yeah You do whatever we want I think that's a good choice Let's go ahead and start with the game Let's go ahead and play a little game of more or less brought to you by our sponsor Prize Picks

I'm deciding who I want to play Spencer, you're going to be the contestants today. All right, I'm ready. All right. As you can guess, these are all about the Super Bowl and specifically the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl. I'm going to give you a prompt. I'm going to give you two people that go with a prompt,

and you're going to tell me which one of them had more. There's no less in this because all the Eagles did was more. That's true. Who has more career passing attempts in the Super Bowl? Kenny Pickett or Dan Marino Marino made one That's correct So I'm gonna say Marino

Dan Marino did in fact Have 50 passing attempts Wait are they speeding up this sex footage Because they look like gerbils I don't think so I think that is like close Maybe one point two Maybe

Dan Marino had 50 passing attempts I hope she stretched Kenny Pickett had one Kenny Pickett only needed one to win a Super Bowl ranked Dan Marino has none. I'm sorry, this is not person. I'm not taking the same. Okay, all right. He's flicking me off.

Next is the question. Wait, the people who pop up from the hot tub, one of them is just a naked woman? Correct. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, I'm watching the clip now. I think the man is naked as well. Spencer, who has more career Super Bowl rushing yards?

Jalen Hertz or Marshawn Lynch? So, So, Marshawn played in two, Hertz played in two. Marshawn set a record for QB rushing, or not, I'm sorry, Hertz set a record for QB rushing yards in this Super Bowl. Correct. I do not know how Marshawn did in the other, in the two that he played in, though. I know he didn't get one yard. That's not his fault.

That's not his fault. It's not his fault. He would have done it. Yeah. That would be a, that would be a tush push now, by the way, if we ran out of play now. So just, let's set up for a first. How many posts did I have to scroll down before this clip before I found somebody comparing it to the Lakers Mavericks trade?

Three. All right. Jalen Hertz or Marshawn Lynch? More rushing yards in Super Bowls. I'm going to see Jalen. Jalen Hertz has one more yard. 142 of them. Marshawn Lynch has 141. Exactly one, huh?

They're both one. Exactly one yard. They're both wonderful and we love them. Spencer, who has made more field goals in the Super Bowl, all that they have participated in? Jake Elliott or Adam Vinatieri? You know, this feels tricky, but I'm going to say, I'm going to say Jake Elliott. Jake Elliott has made nine field goals in the Super Bowl, including four to defeat the Kansas City Chiefs. He has never missed.

a field goal in the Super Bowl and has the highest number of attempts without a miss. Spencer, who has more career playoff rushing yards? Any playoff game? Saquan Barclay or Walter Payton? Oh, Saquan Barclay. It's Walter Payton. Damn. These are not all pro-Eagles arguments here.

Walter Payton, 632 career playoff rushing yards, Saquan Barclay, 613. And last, who has more playoff wins as a head coach, Spencer? Nick Seriani or John Gruden? More playoff wins, Nick Seriani. I'm going to say, this is, fuck, Nick Seriani. Nick Seriani has six playoffs. John Gruden has five. John Gruden has five.

Fuck off forever, John Gruden. Eat shit, deny God, go Eagle. You've done nothing with your life. that was of course the championship edition of more or less sponsored by prize fix spencer wait oh my gosh thank you so much michael surber what timing uh i just want everyone to know that that time and server if you don't leave this in the opening i asked you to set a timer for 4426 i believe it was from the welcome until now correct right from the butt that is the amount of football minutes and seconds that elapsed in the Super Bowl before the Chiefs scored

a fucking point. That's what you listened to all that shit about Montoya and everything. And during all of that time, the Kansas City Chiefs had zero points on the scoreboard, barely got it in before the end of the third quarter. That's all. Yeah. You know what they should have done? More?

More points? They should have done more points. And they should have run their game. Instead, they tried to pass their game. Only three rushing attempts in the first half. And that's how I know that they didn't run their game. That's how I know the Chiefs weren't going to be a prize pick this past week in the big game. Cooper and Gene had a prize pick.

I'll tell you what. Boy, more did he. You know who did get ran three times? Ew. Wait a second. Mi'amor! No! I like that it's set up like a Jesus joke,

but it's actually a Tentatian Island joke. She denied him three times. Or didn't. The big guy was off screen for like 17 years. Who knows? Who knows, man? It's true. But hey, you might...

Even Montoya could win him. a thousand times there's money on prize picks. That's right. You might think Temptation Island

is the best way to get action. No, the best way to get action for the 30 states is prize picks. If you want real money sports action,

that will not break your Corazon. That's right. Prize picks. They put their members first, unlike some people. It sounds like

I need to put several members first. I was going to say, I think some people Temptation Island are definitely putting members first. Some people on that island are definitely shouting more. It might be a member's only situation. Some people on that island are already like prize picks

because they were about quick and easy deposit into your account this sports season. There is one guy shouting less. Everyone else is shouting more. Manos. That's right. If you, like some of us, had Philadelphia to just do more of everything defensive. and thus causing less of everything for the Kansas City Chiefs. Guess what?

You were a winner. That's right. Like some of us, he says, pointing at himself. Yeah, you could have done that. You could have done that by downloading the app today using the code. Well, no, you would have had to download it in the past. Yes. But you know what?

You can do that. You could do so many other different things. Go back. Until you download the app. Go back and download it then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you can use the code. fullcast to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup again you could go download the app today use the code fullcast securely and safely with real loyalty to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup prize fix run your game uh we also hear to extol the virtues of homefield peril dot com Jason Kirk is that a Kennesaw state sweatshirt I'm afraid it is this is my uh You know, in this time of year, you sort of have your daily driver garment. Just like, yeah, I'm not going outside.

I am dressed. I am be clothed. Equipping standard gear. This has become my... This is your default uniform? This is my... Do we each have a default home field thing that's like I don't want to think about clothes, so this is what... I know what mine is.

Do you all have one of the overall? The Hawaii hoodie. Yeah. Yeah. Mine is the Florida Gator City Okay, okay Is it the rainbowy one? Yes, the rainbowy one, correct.

Holly, do you have one? The powder blue Marquette basketball hoodie. Wow, powerful. Serbs? I mean, I have like 37 home field shirts just kind of all of them. I don't really discriminate. They all are amazing.

That's fair. This is why server is the best business person of all of us. Because it's just the home-filled shirt is the go-to shirt. He would never, he would never do us like Anita. Never betray a single school. You can, you can acquire doing this like Anita. Yeah.

Wow. Don't tell Clemson. My daughter's a tramp. You can acquire all of the. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, riding in cars with Montoya. No! That's a joke for precisely two people. You're welcome.

That's bespoke is what it is. You can acquire your own home field default gear, whatever it is. When you go to homefield apparel.com, use offer code forecast. You get 20% off your first order. The brand continues to come out with new stuff like all the time. Refreshes of schools. new schools getting picked up like who who even knows what's what's barreling down at this point like again eventually one day you might just like drive to drive to work in your your homefield sonata

who's to say yo i got that i get that limited edition homefield sonata it's just a big metal version of sparty's head and it gets surprisingly good gas mileage for it. I need this. I want this dog. Listen, Hopefield, we don't even need extra money

for this terrible idea. Just make sure Spencer gets one of the first ones off the line. What would you rather look like a dipshit driving? A cyber truck or a giant car version of a mascot head?

The mascot head. Right? Right? Like, hey, yeah, can you pull Purdue around for me, please?

Yeah, that's fine. Which one is it? It's the one that looks like madness. Not Providence, though. That's the other one. That's the other one that looks like madness. That's again, offer code fullcast, 20% off your first order. Homefield apparel.com, longtime friends and sponsors of this program.

Is there any other podcast business we should get to? I know Serber, you have some killer ants business, do you not? We put out a song called You Know Me. at the beginning of the month. We're playing at the Flatiron on March 8th in Greensboro, in Greensboro and North Carolina with the old one, too, who it's kind of cool. I played a show with the old one,

two in my old band in like 2010. So it's like 15 years later, which is insane. And then we're playing the next weekend at Monster Cade and Winston Salem with Blue Thing, who were abducted by aliens and the auxiliary from the triangle. And yeah, stream, you know me. Thanks.

Spencer and Holly, what's going on at Channel 6 these days. So glad you asked. We're going to go ahead and begin our survey of the state of college football by a conference. In other words, is your team a hot mess? That's going to be coming out. We're going to determine who's feeling good and who might be feeling good, but it's still a hot mess. This series has a name.

Yes, it's the Hot Mess Index. There we go. Yes. That's what I was going to guess. We're going to be doing the Hot Mess Index right soon here on Channel 6. We're for just $10 a month. You can get two things a week from us, from us. That includes our little newsletter TRL where we tell you, you know,

what we've been doing in the off season, what to watch, what to read. Speaking of what to read, I think Jason has some podcast business. Huh? So numerous people on this recording have newsletters. They're all great and good. You've just heard about one of them. And folks, there is yet another one. I am now the author of

Until Saturday The Athletics Free College Football Newsletter and I emphasize free not because free makes it superior to other college football newsletters but because when I say

The Athletic someone feels like they have to reply telling me whether they subscribe to that side or not I don't subscribe to that isn't I don't judge you either way this newsletter is free and we're going to do college football news twice a week

news and stuff I mean I ended this one with a gif of Sequin shotguning a beer so like It's still, you know, we're going to have some fun out here. But only until Saturday. Only until Saturday when we do not send the newsletter, and that is so sad. And, yeah, the, the, if you Google it, you'll find it until Saturday newsletter. We have our sign-up pages.

It's under, it's under construction. I like that the title has a faint air of menace. Until Saturday, then. Until Saturday. Or longing. Yeah. Yeah. You know.

Until Saturday. There it go. Porrake! All right. Play us out of podcast business, please, Spencer. Doesn't really match the salsa. That's fine. I wasn't going to pull up royalty-free salsa again.

That's okay. You've done your best. Free salsa. You've done everything I think you can. That's true. Yeah. that is uh we've exhausted the limits of spencer's capabilities and we're done yeah yeah um i did want to go i did want to review uh an important piece of news here uh well over an hour into this podcast

which is this um it's not even 59 minutes into this shh shh oh a minute oh no no no no you said well over an hour you monster don't you son of a bitch 10 nine nine eight So now well over an hour Spencer's about to be right We're still not We're not over We're not over We're not over

We are well over an hour If you've been playing this podcast At 0.5 speeds Spencer is correct You're all awarded Blue Sky PowerPoints If server has edited More than like a word

I am also wrong All right What do you want to bring up? I would like to bring this up Seven days into this podcast A dandy yes 358,000 years. Day 3 of our 36-mile journey.

I mean, considering how many takes we do, how much practice we do. Yeah, yeah. Walk through alone. God. The writer's room. Join me in the cosmos spaceship of the mind.

We journey... Not you, Nick Cage. Fuck you. You stay on Earth. It's of the mind, though. It's not actually in space. Have we thought if you just saw Nick Cage in space, you'd start laughing. You feel like,

you're putting in the movie. You did it, man. Like you're on the moon, you're like, oh, shit, I'm so lonely. And then who should appear, but none other than Nick Gage. Nick Gage, just casually vaping outside of a space suit. Nick Cage.

Hey, guys. Don't you need a helmet. You want the full cage. See any good bones up here? They had to tell him that for the Spider-Man, like, for his detective role in the Spider-Verse where they're like, he's doing the lines. And the guy's like, it's not quite right.

And he goes, oh, you want the full cage. Yeah, man. The best part is that Nicholas Cage knows he's Nicholas Cage. Yeah. We paid $9. We went to full cage. It's true. You'll pay for the full cage, but you'll only need the edge.

So speaking of danger. Ohio State has to hire a new defensive coordinator because Knowles went to Penn State. uh because james franklin's just gonna james franklin's just gonna do whatever you want him to do's we forgot oh that's true oh man they're still two in ten they are still yeah but we forgot to celebrate yesterday true happy happy happy two and eleven did you guys happy did you know that uh florida state day was also the oh god um i'm not gonna say the number anniversary of edsbs yeah wow that's up. I will state the number.

I'm ready. I wasn't there yet. I'm very young. Yes. Oh, God, I forgot to tell you something. I'm sorry, I'm derailing now. So yesterday, day before yesterday, if you're listening to this on time,

is the 20th anniversary of the first EDSBSBs post. Somewhat creepily, I came along nine months later. So thank you, Spencer, for carrying me in your body. You're welcome. I, every once in a while, just go check in on Stranko just to see what he's doing. Because people always ask whatever happened to that guy. And I know that we don't talk about that because he had a job that was so

IRL serious at the time that we didn't even want to make a joke about it. Do you know he has EDSVS in his bio at work? That's beautiful. It's on the company website. my heart is so full for those who may not follow us on social media there's a very weird thing happening uh there's a very we have an ex-comment an ex-frequenter of the commentary attacking john cracker author of into thin air why over uh alleged inaccuracies which of course are not the kind of thing this is just one of those guys who's like you didn't say that

it was a mountain you called it everest so that's an inaccuracy this was the first This guy I ever knew who had like an antiquities screen name and was the first like the first lesson I learned of like, oh, stay the fuck away from those guys. Yeah. Why, why into thin air is the thing I don't understand? Well, this guy does have an, this guy has an interest in Everest. He has allegedly summited it. Okay. Wait, wait, the commenter has?

Yes, allegedly. And I will say this by the way, in pure YouTube detective mode, he's allegedly summited. I didn't see it happen I wasn't there I wasn't there I can't verify this is what I'm saying how can we know anyone was born

I may not be even talking I could be AI do your own research is what I'm saying yeah and this guy that's the guy but John Crackauer did something to him that I think is the most the best and worst of the internet

all at once even though John Crackar is not particularly online usually if you follow John Crackauer on an average Monday. He's like, I got up at 3 a.m. so I could climb a mountain. You know,

then I snowboarded down and he's like 70. He is doing a point by point rebuttal that he introduced with. This is part one of eight. And the first part's like, like 10,000 words. And I thought,

you know, that's the heart of a poster. The heart of a poster, he's like, yeah, this is my eight part rebuttal. It's going to take 80,000 words. I'm going to have to listen to all of it. Anyway, EDSPS in the news.

That's what the guy said. Happy anniversary, everybody. Happy anniversary, buddy. Sorry about the mess. Sorry about the untold horrors. Yeah, sorry about that. Hey, Strenko was at least trying to fix him there for a minute. That's true.

Yeah. Still is, I assume. Speaking of untold horrors, the books! The reigning national champions have to replace a defensive coordinator, their defensive coordinator left for Penn State. because, again, James Franklin will sign whatever check you want him to do. This is, say this, it's funny,

and I'm going to make fun of him for that, that, you know, people are like, could be better on this. And James is like, we're trying to get better on this. Like, he is the restaurant that is like, we have improved the quality of the bread after many complaints.

And then they're like, put the meatballs. He's dominoes. That's some Dave Brandon shit. Yeah. It is serious Dave Brandon shit. Yeah. Okay. And that worked out great.

But that means Ohio State has to hire a new guy, and the new guy for a while was going to be the defensive line coach for the chiefs. But that is not the name I saw come up as a name of interest, as a potential target for the open position. Wow, Godfrey leaves split zone duo, and now you're taking over the Scoops report. Okay, all right. Here we go. Here we go. I'm going to read some numbers to you.

But the name is Matt Patricia. Is there another one? Good start. Nope. It's a good start. It sure is it. Huh. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Patty Maddie. Matt Patricia. The former Detroit Lions head coach, the fail son of the Belichick tree. Yeah. They're evidently like, mm-hmm. That's our guy. That's our fella.

It's one guy that they're definitely talking to, which means that they will have replaced it with a guy who, was fired, just do the math, by the way, fired from the Eagles and what happens the next season to the Eagles, they win the Super Bowl. With a kick-ass defense, yes. He was not only fired, he was like fired after, he wasn't the original defensive coordinator for the Eagles in 2023. He was the fill-in, and they, like, got worse somehow.

Significantly worse. No matter how many pencils he put behind his ear, that defense kept declining in terms of quality and coordination, which is interesting to me at the pro level, because when I see that happen at the college level, you go, that's the problem I need some time. He's doing a lot of teaching. When that happens at the pro level, I'm like, oh, they hate you.

They're just like, oh, yeah, fuck this. I don't know. This guy sucks. You can tell Matt Patricia sucks because his Wikipedia, like, it has some actual, like, capital B bad stuff in it. But it also is also. It is also full of just like, Patricia, I'm paraphrasing here, Patricia was known it as being a constant dick who everyone hated all the time.

Like, it's all, it's all cited, it's all reference, but somebody took the time to go through Matt Patricia's Wikipedia page and just be like, everyone hates this man, wherever he goes and thinks he's a dip, shit. Can I just say, by the way, it's... SuperScript, 22. My favorite is when you get this, when you get, um, when you get, um, when you get, when you get he's in 2021 is reported that Matt Patricia would be returning to the Patriots in a variety of roles the exact roles were not specified god this was this was part of the problem last

time right yeah uh-huh they had all sorts of shit uh here's my favorite with the 2018 season concluded this is for the Detroit Lions players held a mimosa party in the locker room and were openly discussing that they were celebrating having a break from Patricia how awesome is it how awesome is it that a bunch of extremely ferocious high test stroke guys are like

how are we celebrating boys somebody's like only way we can mimosis it gets worse under Patricia the Lions posted a six and ten record in 2018 and had a dismal 312 and one season in 2019

both marked a regression from Patricia's predecessor Jim called well hey called what was all right there's so many knives in this drawer.

They're all going into that, Patricia. He's big. He's big. There's plenty of room for knives. Yeah. Yeah. During an all-team meeting, Patricia called up a social media post and told, I believe, Darius Slay, yeah, Darius Slay to stop performing Fallatio on a wide receiver from another team.

Correct. During an all-team meeting. Hey, Darius Slay just won a fucking Super Bowl. Also, how have the Lions been? since they fired Matt Patricia. So they're really good, Ryan? They're really good, and they're having a good time? Great time.

Awesome. They're really happy that he's gone. Yeah. They have like six healthy guys at any one time, and they're still much happier without him. Man. Yeah, they've become infinitely happier without this horrible man associated.

They would rather all of them as a team be unable to walk than have to look at this guy ever again. The Belichick coaching tree is the tree that grows into your sewer line. This is, you know, I kind of see, I kind of see the reasoning behind it. I mean, this is, this is a type of experience with coaching players who are going to be

financially incentivized to leave you at any time. Yeah. I would like to read, sorry, no, we're not just supposed to read Wikipedia, although sometimes it's fun. Here's the most haunting sentence. that start. You're right. Here's the most honing sentence on Matt Patricia's Wikipedia page. It's from the early coaching career section section. After graduating, Patricia received an offer to maintain nuclear submarines and aircraft carriers, but decided to return to football. Thank God. Oh, my God. We were so close. Look at what we were on the precipice of. So he's never been in defense. Football is quarantining so many minds Who could be doing

I mean To extend Holly's point The literal department of defense It's like Yeah The Belichette coaching tree I love if you listen to any Josh McDaniels

Offensive coordinator of the Patriots like three times At this point Every time he discusses the Patriots It always sounds like the guy who's, you know, senior class in high school was the coolest and he's done nothing since because Josh McDaniels would be like, so what about working for Belichick?

And he's like, don't even talk to me about that. You're not even on the level of the class of 16. You're not even... You guys didn't even do a senior prank. With him, it's like the class of 03 and the class of 12 and the class of 24. Yeah, that man is locked into his... He's pulled up at the lunchroom in a seabring.

Yeah. He's locked. He's locked into getting a five on his AP history exam and getting 5,000 tickets that Chuck E. Jays wants. Like, that's Josh McDaniels for life. For real. It interviews, he's like, yeah, I won't even talk about that. That's how special it is to me. You're like, dude, your eyes are too close together, and you've been fired like 400 times.

They're the only people who hire you back. Remind your one-time University of Florida head coach candidate, Judge McDaniels. We call ourselves SEAL Team 6 because we're going for touchdowns. Yeah. Did he say that? No. Oh, he would have. I would have believed this without question.

You know, when Steel Team 6 happened, I was in my second. No, he was coaching the Broncos at the time. Probably. No, but he is 100% one of those guys who would be like, I thought about taking a flight the week before 9-11 and changed my mind. I can't remember. So this is a very personal day for me. There's only one NFL head coach who actually said that out loud.

And it's Dan Quinn. Remember, Dan Quinn, thank you for your almost service to our country. We've got to get him into the AFC East, so he's, because that feels like we're assembling all the 9-11 coaches. Oh, hey, Pete Carroll's back? Yeah, unfortunately not there, but. His boss is Tom Brady, count it. Pete Carroll was with the Patriots at a point, so pre-9-11, though. What did Pete know?

I think Pete Carroll was a Patriot in a Metal Gear since. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. In the sense that he's built with nanomachines? No, in the sense the metal gear mod where you just run around in a van playing dice. Maybe we took the wrong thing from that profile is what you're saying. He had such a gambling problem that he had to drive around.

Oh, I forgot one other thing about the Super Bowl that I do need to get out here. It's actually pretty important. Some people listen to this show with... children. A phenomenon I don't entirely understand, but I'm going to, like, actively advise you. If you have particularly young children, don't let them listen to this next part. Yeah, everything before now has been fine. Everything before this is fine. Show them the Montoya clip.

I'm making fun of this. This is, you know, that every once in a while, that prompt post, moving around, like, what's your most conservative coded belief? Mine is that people who let their children, their minor children, listen to this show, are fucking deranged. What is wrong with you? Stop it. All right. But if you do,

don't let them listen to this next part. You have been warned explicitly. All the Spanish dick hopping didn't do it for you. They're still here. All the previous explicitly

was fine. No. This is the point. My daughter lost a tooth during the Super Bowl. Okay. In this sort of like

fevered. Did she take a charge? large or? No, she just, it was loose and she took it out herself. What number tooth is this? Oh, my God. This is probably like 15 or, yeah. Okay, so she's a pro.

Yeah. In the fevered excitement of the Eagles winning the Super Bowl, we neglected to, we did put the tooth under the pillow. We neglected to swap it out for the reward. Yeah, because the tooth fairy gets hangover just like everybody else. Canotically, we have told her because she came home from school the next day, and the reward had been placed, and it included a note from the tooth fairy that said, I'm sorry I didn't come last night. I was too excited watching the Philadelphia Eagles, who I root for. So no. No, this is good.

You know? Like, whatever you do in your house is your business, and I'm not telling you the tooth fairy has to be an Eagles fan everywhere. But in our house, this is true. And if you come to my house or encounter my daughter, I need you to, like, accept this unquestioningly. be cool yeah like just be cool about it also she's when she's like did you know about this we have to be like yeah oh yeah just be like yes obviously the tooth fairy is needles you know this could be helpful for another demographic of our show audience too

because there are as we have learned a number of people who do not watch football at all yeah and who listen to this show and if you if this is you and you're in this quadrant can i just say that just trust us if there's an NFL fan base out there that is going to have a cash-based business involving children's teeth, it's Philly. I'll give me 10 bucks. I'll give you 10 bucks for the tooth. There. Now you know a little bit of lore. I've got a tooth guy. Yeah. He's good. I know we never do the Philly accent, but we can't do the Philly accent. Nobody can do the Philly accent. Our Pittsburgh accent gets us in enough trouble.

I think now all accents are Philly accents. Now that they have claimed. dominion over this land yeah yeah that's right they did it that's right and again didn't he to blitz not one time just single time just constantly made life well why would they he kept falling down by himself that's true yeah just looked like absolute dog shit it's one of those times when you feel really good about being a college football fan when you see jalen Carter and you can do the Leonardo decaprio pointing thing you're like that's jalen Carter he's a good football player I will say here is how you know Pat Mahomes continues on the pathway to is he the greatest of all time status

after this Super Bowl plenty of people feel like well look at the help he has around him which is some Tom Brady shit if I ever heard yeah he can't do everything yes he's a magician with powers beyond our mortal understanding but you got to give the left tackle you kidding me. Right, because any other yeller is his team lost. Bum. Bum, piece of shit. Jailen hurts

only one because all these good pieces around. What's Patrick Mollum's supposed to do? I think I was about to say that that's how Philly fans would be towards Patrick Mahomes and then I realize that's not true because Philly only runs in two gears, which is I got to murder that guy.

I can't get him out of my city. I got to go um i got to go give his kids a weird disease to get him out of the city you know yeah i will say with with a few key mostly divisional exception my vibe on philly fans is that it's fuck the eagles i hate the fucking eagles i want to die that's right it's the fucking eagles like that's it's not a lot of your team doesn't really have a lot to do with it win or lose it's just about it's it's very self-centered in a way right it is it is it is it's it's very self-centered in a way right How does it feel to root for a team coached by Italian Ryan Day? First of all, this is how I learned Ryan Day is not Italian.

That's rough. I don't know. I'm just guessing. So for me. Extra Italian. Without looking, I'm going to say Lithuanian. Okay. That seems fair.

Oh, man, I'm going to pull up some fucked up shit if I start searching Ryan Day ethnicity. So here's the only, here's the only discot. You're going to pick up some real pure. Google. Exclude message board results from the search. My only tweak on that, because it's not a correction. Ryan Day has always felt like a weird personality fit for Ohio State. And I do believe that Nick Seriani would also be like, yeah, fuck the Eagles.

These guys fucking suck. Maybe that's the Italian difference. Like, Day is sort of at times, it feels like he is either not a fit or trying really hard to be a fit. he won the title so he gives a shit whereas seriani is um you know cussing at the crowd they hate him he hates them and then next thing you know he wins the title they love him probably still hate him oh 100% like let's be clear it's still fuck nick syriani thank you for the super bowl fire fire mike boon holezer the onion the onion's headline on that was nick seriani at press conference fuck you eagle fans I hate all of you I hate every fucking one of

Yes. And that's... I'm just going to read you one subject line. What do we know about Ryan Day's family? Too much. I'm not reading you anything. I'm not reading you anything else that I see. After this season, I can say there's too much information out there.

Yeah, that's a good point. Thank you, AI overview. Ryan Day is of white ethnicity. They've never ever gotten this right before. That's some real... Handmaid's Tale shit. Good morning, of White. I could, there's got to be

an Ohio State message board where I can find something that's like Yeah, he's like a secret slav. No, this is like, this is like their, what's the thing where the race, what's the thing where the races measure the skull? Phrenology? Yeah, yeah, they've got like a, they've got like,

you know how like Texags has the oil and gas board? Ohio State's got like the phrenology board. What kind of last name is? Day. Yeah. I don't know. I legitimately don't know. What's he hiding in the sun?

It sounds fake. Like, sounds like Witsack. Sounds like, no, it sounds like he's lazy out there in the sun. He's got that Witsack beard. On spring break mentality. He does have a Witsk beard. Who sprayed that beard on him? It's a Fed's beard.

Yeah. If I wanted a beard sprayed on me, I would have gone to Florida State. He's Kazakh. He's got Soviet habits. I'm telling you, he looks Lithuanian. I'm basing this only on my personal cousins, but he looks Lithuanian. Oh, wait, one more thing. Mm-hmm.

People have been asking me about the jacket. the penny jacket to be specific, and I decided to go back and look, and I want to be clear that what I'm about to reveal is not me taking any credit, but I do think the jacket might be a charmed object, and this is why. I went back and looked. I purchased the jacket on November 7th, 2021, which happened to be the same day that the Eagles, I believe, lost to the Chargers. I did not get it in my possession until November 12th, 2021. A couple of pieces of context here. One. This is when, like, whether the Eagles are good and whether Jalen Hurt should be the quarterback was very much up in the air, did not seem like a clear answer on either.

Number two, I realized that I purchased this while my wife was like eight and a half months pregnant with our second child, which means I bounded upstairs while she was just, please get this big, fucking Irish boy out of me, and was like, look at the jacket. body says Benny. How are you feeling today on me? A little bit of mirth. A laughter is the best medicine. I got a cool jacket. Since I inquired the jacket. Laughter's an epidural, really. The Philadelphia Eagles have a record of 51 and 17, including the postseason. That's pretty fucking good. That's all. Like, I do think this jacket is special. I don't think I'm special. I do think the jacket is pretty So the jacket existed before you found it, I'm guessing, I can't confirm.

But it needed a host. Yes, that's right. Yes. Yes, the Philly symbiote bound to my body. You are the Eddie Brock of... Brian, Eddie. I need you to throw a banner. I need you to climb this telephone pole.

Call it a bomb threat to the Kansas City Chief. Green Venom. Gretum, please. Venom but green. Let's see. Get a garbage truck. I need you. Food for the birds.

Someone has combined, someone on the internet has combined venom and flubber. That's what we're looking for. Throw up on a child, Eddie. You deserve it. He looks delicious. Accept the blessings.

Yeah, it's because of venom. He eats kids. He's a cool. guy, big birds fan.