Shutdown Fullcast - Harsin’ Around

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

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This is the Internet's only college football podcast. Congratulations, you found us. And now you don't need another one. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by my co-hosts across from me at this table in Atlanta, Georgia. Holly Anderson, say hello, Holly. Good afternoon, brothers. In beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia, just to the north of us,

sitting in a sun-dappled outdoor area, as always, is Jason Kirk. Hello, Jason. What do you think college football would be like if no one had ever started a podcast about it? Like, just the airwaves silent. Can you imagine? It'd be a dark place, frankly. What a tragedy that would be. Like, it would be like the quantum light thing where we, no one knows whether it's observed or not, you know?

Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what it would be, but it would definitely be something lesser. We would have fewer, we would have a smaller family, all right? You would not nearly have as many uncles to celebrate. Correct. As in, there are things to talk about today. I want to be very clear, we actually have some college football content.

And by college football content, I mean, university human resources investigations content. because it's a big sport it encompasses a lot. And sometimes it encompasses international standoffs between coaches on vacation and universities seeking to investigate and or potentially fire that coach. Who knows? By the time you hear the dulcet tones of myself talking about all of this, this may have happened.

However, this is also, like the Fast and Furious franchise, a show about family. And specifically today about uncles, We need to tell you about a full-cast uncle who may have ascended to the ranks of greatest full-cast uncle of all time. Holly, fill him in. I'm going to pass this off to Cerber, who is the first person who alerted us to our new Uncle Lawrence. Serber, Serber, you pass it to me, and then I'll pass it to Spencer and Spencer. Spencer will pass it to you.

Okay, I would like to pass it to Jason now. Take it away, Spencer. and over to holly this is rugby we're just throwing the ball sideway ball movement get a good shot keep moving the ball too get a good shot five passes five passes server take it away okay can I shoot the ball yeah shoot it okay you got the green light okay yeah uh sniper so I was watching Jeopardy um last night as one does thank you Mona that's I'd hardly talk on this podcast but appreciate you making your voice heard be quiet honey hey hush honey okay so

So I'm watching Jeopardy last night. There's a gentleman, fine mustache, tremendous suit. Looks like a villain from an Agatha Christie novel. And he's doing well. And then they get, you know, after single Jeopardy, they interview the contestants. And he said, this guy is from, he's a nursing student and stay at home uncle. Which I think, what was that? Evunculus domus is the scientific term?

at which point we all locked into focus on this guy. Yes. And so then the next words out of Mayam's mouth were that he was from East Bend, North Carolina, which is my hometown. There's less than like 1,200 people in East Bend were very small. Stephen Hartzell, my co-host on Hand in the Dirt, tried to give me shit about it wasn't that cool because he's from Atlanta and people go on Jeopardy all the time. But this is cool. People don't go on Jeopardy from my hometown.

So stay at home uncle. Hartzell on Jeopardy all the time. Yeah, from East Bend, North Carolina, my hometown. This is awesome. So I post about it. I'm like, this guy's great. He's from my hometown. He's doing awesome.

My friend James, who's also from East Bend, knows this cat. And message him like, hey, my friend Mike is on Twitter talking about you and a bunch people are making fun of you and loving you at the same. We're not making fun of you. We're loving you in a very special way. That's correct. Wanting to be you. Wanting to be you.

Yes, we're all looking up to you. And he goes, oh, really? You could tell him I listen to the full cast. And also, I'm related to Holly through the Andersons via Tiger Jim from Spartanburg who went down to Rome, Georgia. Holly, take it away. This is a long, long, long ago bit of full cast lore, but I have an ancestor named Tiger Jim with a Y. Tiger Jim, as in the river, if you're from South Carolina. who was assassinated by Tories in Spartanburg.

It's, I don't know, 16, whatever. Anyway, hey, cousin. Hey, hey, cousin, Lawrence. And if we need any more bolstering to this guy belonging with it, squarely within our universe, a loser user Lily at one eclectic mom has sent a photo of Lawrence blowing a conch shell at a beach wedding, wearing a black suit shirt with the sleeves ripped off and board shorts. Nice.

So to be clear, this is Tiger spelled William Blake style. Yeah. Yeah. And so, Lawrence, come on the show. Yeah, Lawrence Long. This is the most exciting thing that's happened to us in years. Also, Lawrence Long shouts up to you for allowing and raising the profile of Forsyth Tech Community College. As a Forsythe Tech Community College nursing student, he got the shout out from Forsyth Tech itself on Twitter.

This Forsyth Tech Community College Nursing student just won his first night on Jeopardy. Congrats to you. We're so proud of you and thrilled. You've made Forsyth Tech your place of promise. Holy shit. I'm a fellow alma mater. I'm a, he's from my alma mater. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. How far apart were you two in age or whatever? I think he, I think he's a little bit older than I am, but I also will add, I'm a huge fan. This guy goes by Skip, which is an underutilized nickname. It just gets better and better. Yeah, he goes by Skip. What's up, Skip.

Yeah. What's up, Uncle Skip? Lawrence. Skip, Long. So can we all call him Uncle Skip now? Yes. I think if you're a stay-at-home uncle, you're an uncle to the world. Yeah, you're all of our uncle. This is fantastic.

Lawrence, welcome to the lore. welcome to the shutdown full cast family you're already in my family why is it this particular branch of cousins that keep that keep leaching that is a colorful branch of your family every time yeah because everyone else

is like you know responsible they do things that are fairly conventional and then the Tiger Gym branch of the family for Holly she's always like hey I found out that one of my guys was an amateur test pilot you're like what's an amateur test pilot you're like funny story aviation enthusiast

if I can keep this at beach weddings for just a second we also have an update via user Josh Friedman Josh Friedman Big Ten Champion at a destination wedding for a friend who is ex-special forces and several of his friends are former green berets y'all can see where this is going

other friends who did not serve had an innocuous breath holding contest in the hotel pool. Sure. One army dude was a former scuba rescuer slash free diver who held

his breath for almost five minutes and blew everyone else out of the water, pun intended. This proceeded to devolve into army dudes trying to swim the length of the pool underwater and then ultimately into a massive game of not

chicken fights but rather chicken structure building with multiple orders of people on other people's shoulders in order to build some sort of human pyramid. When it ultimately collapsed, we found out an army medic who was on the bottom rung, caught a foot to the eye, and we'll be sporting an intense shiner for the rest of the wedding. Ceremony is tonight. It all culminated with all of the men at the pool chanting dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes. Fighting soldier from the sky.

He included a photo of the... I would call this a human yurt. Here, I'm gonna put this... I'm gonna drop this in the chat here. Y'all, what do you see what do you think of this? What do we call the structure? It's maybe a man silo. Synchronized duting.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, no. Oh, no. I only just now saw the video that they added. That's... I'm not gonna share that. That's not... That's not appropriate for families.

What is... Oh, boy. Yeah, I didn't see that part before. Oh, now. Is that the groom? Now, it's time to take it. Well, if it's the groom, congratulations to the bride. Yes.

Now that there's, oh, boy. Yeah. Anyway, here's another story about beaches. Thank you to everyone, alert reader, who has written in to inform us that they arrested the boats. At last. Crystal Serenity and Crystal Symphony cruise ships have been seized by U.S. Marshals in the behind. Hamas.

Did we want the boats arrested? You know what? I do. I feel like my neighborhood is safer, knowing that the boats have been arrested. Their only crime was failing to fail, was failing to pay $4.6 million in fuel bills. Blue Lives Matter, Spencer Hall,

arresting boats left and right. I'm sorry. At this case, I have to back the blue. You mean, yeah, I'm back in the original blue, buddy. The ocean. The freedom of the seas. back in the big blue sea right here the passengers sorry a key sentence here from the otherwise i wouldn't read from it new york post the passengers some of whom expected to cruise on to

california were ferried to fort lauderdale and then left to fend for themselves that's that's that's how fort lauderdale works wait how do you cruise from the bahamas to california very carefully. I know that you, I know that the Panama Canal is a thing. I know. But is that a common thing? Or did they go, are they going all around? Is cruising all the way around South America a thing? I don't think so because you have to go around Kate Horn and that's, that's not fun. Right. That's why I was confused. This does not look like an ice boat. I see water slides. Anyway, uh, how are you guys going? That's all the news I have.

thank you readers that is uh that's that's that's about all the news i have jason do you have any further news items um according to the internet that's just you know i don't really ever been get my news elsewhere from the internet uh grand theft auto six is finally coming around uh they used to make these things every like five minutes used to be a new one but this last one they've milked it well um 13 year olds established like crypto businesses on there whatever and Like, that's kept their company afloat for like 10 years.

But they're actually going to try and make a new one. And there's some speculation and whispering and hoping and so forth about which city might be depicted, maybe which groups of cities. And, you know, there's lots of good ideas. Those are some bad ideas. I want to propose somewhere like Atlanta or Houston. Maybe L.A. realistic. Just like, yeah, it's a car game, but you're just going to get out of your car and walk around.

right like or i think all of the cars in houston should go very slowly they should be there's that very large stereos and go very slowly that atmosphere should be gelatinous that in houston the cars are slow whether there's traffic or not yeah like like when the police chase you you're all going 15 miles an hour the police chase you and uh they they catch you and pull over the side of the road then you have to pop uh pop the trunks and like pose next to the popped up trunks and Yeah, I've thought about, when you say Houston, it does remind me of the only police chase I've ever watched in Houston, an internet clip where it was a guy running from the cops in Houston and he turns. And first of all, you can tell it is about 8 in the morning in this clip and it is about 9,000 degrees already. And it's only going to get worse.

This guy is running on foot away from the cops and he turns up the hill of an on ramp to one interstate or an. another in Houston. That's only like 36 possible interstates. I'm sure you can find it. And he turns up the slight, and I'm talking like maybe 15 foot of incline hill to get up. And everyone is so winded and so out of shape during the chase that they all slowed to like a half step. Like, they're all running in half time. And the minute I saw that, I thought GTA 6 in Houston would be incredible. I just went realistic GTA Houston. Yeah. Like the, um, which one of was it was it uh I think it was I think it was the LA one that had like pretty realistic like your guys gonna if he runs around a lot you know he's gonna get good at

running around if he eats a lot you can get good at eating but like do that in Houston right it's like man he's so good at sweating sweat sweat level 100 yeah that that and every single chase you can hear the cops have the realistic dialogue of go this is just go so out of breath just stop dude stop no one wants this and and like honestly the the sports in that city are like it's like already the kind of shit you would hear like on a gta like sports radio talk station where it's like completely fake sounding stories right like yeah the local baseball team won the world series and then was banned from baseball or the NFL team is run by a youth pastor like yeah and like man

there's just a rich rich environment for uh it's not you don't even satire satirize it just Houston as it is I think you could do Houston I think the only football one I'd want to see would be Madison Wisconsin because the number of rando mpc behaviors you could program in would be astonishing right the conversations you walk past yeah yeah so I got a I got a deer in the back of my car you mean uh your your trunk no no in the back seat a deer a deer is my car Yeah, deer is my car I'm Odin I ride a deer to work

Yeah Yeah Like nude rollerblader On Main Street Nude rollerblader Yeah Drunk off his ass Okay

Yeah Yeah That's like you could totally Have that behavior I think Madison would be You got like the The sounds that MPCs make Because like you're going to be bumping into people a lot right

That's how these games work Yeah Ah geez Geez Hey, fuck you. Oh, my fault, sorry. They don't, they don't ever actually cussing you. You're plowing people over and they're apologizing to you.

That's why you can't do like GTA, Toronto, because they'd just be people like, oh, sorry. No, too bad. Oh, geez. Yeah, you, uh, we're going to give you a one star wanted level if you don't, if you don't yeah, yeah, we'll come after you and then we'll put you in jail for six hours. Well, you'll be written up. Yeah, we'll deport you to America.

You don't want that. Oh, shit. No, God. No, please. Yeah, yeah, that's the sixth star. The six star won a level in GTA Canada. You got to leave. Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry. You have to go to the nicest city in America. No. You have been, yeah, you are now rich in America. Fuck. Yeah. Good luck. Get a paper cut.

It cost you $9,000 in the ER. No. No. I wanted, the one I had nominated for it, we had to go a bit abroad and to our neighbors to the south, not the north. I wanted to do Mexico City because Mexico City's insane.

Like, you don't really have to, like, I've always wanted to have a GTM mission that ended at an ancient pyramid. That would be fantastic. In addition to whatever Lucha Libre subplots and storylines and missions I can build in, and the fact that there would be vintage Volkswagen bugs all over the road,

I am 100% in favor of that. Additionally, the radio stations for a Mexico City GTA would be banging. So let's do a like GTA NAFTA pipeline, right? Yeah. Toronto, Madison, Mexico City. And you do it like Vice City where they just crammed them all together and they're like 10 minutes apart. That's what we're going to do. And then there's like, you know, you sort of condense entire countries into the lands in between.

So like all of America is just like, oh, that building. That's New Orleans, you know. There is one city that we've forgotten a mainstay for full cast lore. That would be, I cannot imagine anything better than ramping a car off the side of the Memphis pyramid. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be pretty special. Additionally, you want to talk about MPC dialogue? MPC dialogue for Memphis would be amazing.

Bang? Main. Oh, here for it. It would be absolutely gorgeous. The one city that would be the John Boy's version of GTA, right? Like, GTA nowhere. GTA Indianapolis. But it's so efficient, though.

The game's fucking easy because it's already solved. It's already the perfectly designed city. Like, my work here is done. How could there any, there is nothing, there are no missions. Why would you do a stunt that'd be unsafe? I'm here for my mission. You should leave. because we don't need your help.

Everything's already fine. It's 8 a.m. and I am on time. Welcome to TTA, Indianapolis. It's like your patch downloading. Here it is. It's done. It's done. Oh, goodness. Yeah. I like Memphis.

I like that you'd have the West Memphis, right? You unlock that across the river like, oh shit. I got to go talk to the, I got to go talk to the bootleg fireworks, Baron. He's got a mission for me. And then there's like the entire game. Characters have built it up. Like, don't cross the river, whatever you do. Maine?

Just throwing that in at the end. Don't go over there. Exactly. Would you like to eat? Here is barbecue. Okay. Next stop. Would you like to eat?

Here is more barbecue. Which kind of ribs would you like? Character has become very bloated. That's your guys name is ribs. Yeah. What's up? Ribs. With two bees.

And has a dog named Ribs with a Z. Yeah, your final mission is escape from Biloxi. Escape from Biloxi. Escape two, Biloxi. Escape two. Come on, brother. The beau ravage is no one's prison. Let's find freedom here.

Oh, yeah. We do have we do have one speaking of speaking of escape speaking of speaking of crime and punishment speaking of

weird little southern towns speaking of yeah speaking of exciting franchises that are mostly about disaster yeah and mayhem Auburn football you know when you fall off your hearse

you should just get back on to it that's right or maybe let that horse just sail off into the sunset or maybe investigate and see what people are saying about him let's see if you can find a way to address the situation in the form of a change of employment status this is apparently what Auburn football has going on right now with Brian Harsen

A hars is worth more than riches never looked to gift hars in the marth yeah I'm out of horse metaphors I do know this that it is currently February... It is February 8th at 5.10 p.m. right now

when we're recording this and... Hars sense. God damn it. The prospects of Brian Harsen being employed... Ah, harsen feathers. Yeah. Those prospects are very... I'll tell you what.

Auburn, it might not be a one harson town for long. Stop like a bunch of hars radishish Stop stop all that harsen around Fuck him and the harsen he wrote in on That's kind of the story as I gather it at least He's getting hars fucked Could say him that they bet on a lame They bet on a lame horse

In this particular race Wild harsons couldn't drag me away From Mexico From My favorite My favorite thing about this in a situation, that sucks for some people. Is it Brian Harsen's refusal to leave Mexico? It's his refusal to come back for vacation?

Nope. Auburn H.R. has no jurisdiction down here. They might. No, I guarantee you, in his big lummixie brain, that's exactly what he thought. They said, hey, we need you to come back here. And he's like, hey, I'm in Mexico. Sorry, sorry, muchacho. My law is don't apply to me here. He thinks the out-of-office message on his email is legally binding? Yeah, I'm sorry. I just got to stay here until late July, then it'll be fall camp, and then I'll show up.

The little flag in my martini has a fringe on it, and by admiralty law, that means I don't have to obey you. I'm a diplomat, quite frankly. That means I got immunity, which is a concept I'm very bullish on, if you're familiar with my previous work. That only worked in Louisiana. He didn't come back, wouldn't come back like, no, dog, I'm on vacay. You talk to me on this here phone. I ain't moving from this beach or beach bar. It's a swim up bar probably, right?

He feels like a swim up bar kind of guy. So yeah, he's not, he's not moving from his vacation or interrupting it to deal with. The career-threatening, uh, investigation, internal investigation into accusations of all kinds of stuff the internet has some pretty salacious guesses but the thing that have consistently heard from those who have posted about

on among other platforms Instagram from players who have transferred is that he just treats people like shit it seems to be if you want to know what this boils down to set on top of everything else Brian Harsen's done and the situation that he's entered apparently treats players like crap

would you like to buy that a little bit further than that because I would. Sure. It sounds like a lot of what goes on at most football programs has been going on at Auburn, which doesn't make it okay, but it sure does make it easy to fire you when they want to. There is that.

Additionally. A whole bunch of stuff that would not be within earshot of the administration, especially the parts coming from the players, had Auburn been winning. Am I saying the players wouldn't be complaining had they been winning? No, I'm saying the players wouldn't be complaining had they been winning? No, I'm saying the things. the administration would not care if they had been winning.

Now, we wrote about this for Channel 6, but additionally, the other... What's Channel 6? That would be our newsletter that you could subscribe to. You can go to the link in My Bio or Holly's bio to subscribe. $10 a month, ka-ching, more, like, we will give you more stuff than you will shake a stick at for... As long as you don't have more than two sticks. That is true. If you have two sticks, then you can shake one at each thing we provide you a week.

but the thing I wrote about is that, you know, players won't get enough push all by themselves because they don't have enough representation or power to do so. However, you know who could do that within the community? Coaches, because five coaches have just up and left from his staff. You know who's somebody I wouldn't piss off if I were at Auburn for any reason? Cadillac Williams. Seems like a bad idea. I would probably try not to run a foul of Cadillac Williams, which I don't know if that's particularly difficult to do, but I would not personally enrage Cadillac Williams.

Yeah. I would not socially snub Bo Jackson's charity events. I think those are important people. Just my opinion. Additionally, there seems to be a split in who manages to get pissed off and who has been silent in this whole thing between coaches who are with Harsson at Boise. and between people who were at Auburn. Speaking of people who are now at neither, Derek Mason left Auburn to go work for Mike Gundy.

Derek Mason. I've heard enough. Derek Mason, who was the head coach at Vanderbilt, who has seen some shit. He's seen rivers. Yep. has left Auburn taking what I heard on split zone to be nigh on a multiple sixes of thousands of sixes of figures of thousands of dollars pay cut to go work in

still water man sounds like Brian Harsson's got by the way also had a really good defense last year so he's also probably going to regress just statistically this year So not only is he working for Mike Gundy making a whole bunch less money, but the unit's probably going to fall off because, like, through no fault of Derek Mason's own, a fine coach and a fine defensive coordinator, but it's very hard to sustain that kind of production statistically year to year. They're probably going to fall off a little bit this year. Oh, just, sorry, people hurting Derek Mason, who was a grown man and perfectly capable of defending himself. I'm just like, for what fucking, for whose fucking purpose? Uh-huh. Like, he's not like a wounded bird, but it's like, I don't know, it's like kicking a statue of Santa Claus. Why?

Why? Not that the predecessor necessarily had the greatest people skills. In fact, more to that point, Gus Mal's on a football robot by all accounts. A nice football robot, but just somebody with no interest outside of football, not the sort of person who would be able to. I think what you're talking about here is a crucial difference, though, because you're talking about an indifference to the glad-handy part of the job and an active antipathy is the glad-handy part of the job, I think is a crucial distinction here.

I mean, everybody likes to be told they're a little bit special. And that's something that football coaches, when the time comes, who manage to succeed and stay at places, they can do that. They can give you just a little bit of sunshine, just enough to keep that flower going, right? To keep the plants alive for a little bit. coaches are good at that unless they're not unless they're brian harson and yeah the sad thing about

all this is that we wouldn't be talking about it if they'd gone 10 and 2 no they did not go 10 and 2 they dropped their last 5 they dropped their last 5 in painful fashion and I am not super caught up on anything like particularly behind the scenesy at Auburn you know we we're plugged in ish there but not you know as plugged in as you know some fellows at split zone duo who have a podcast that you should check out but again i haven't heard of anything going on at auburn that was particularly egregious compared to what goes on at other schools but he did that while losing and while not just not taking the opportunity the the title of our channel six piece was the brian harsen stop hitting yourself challenge he he has done so much of this to

himself, which I kind of, that kind of makes me respect the stay in Mexico thing even more. He's like, I'm going to continue doing this to myself. Yeah, which you'd like to hire 100% butthead. Not 30% butthead, not 75%, but you will be getting a 100% slice of butthead if you hire Brian Harsen. And by that, I mean somebody who will butt heads with everyone around him without really considering the context. In addition to that, we'll do that on things where he cannot possibly gain like that to me is like when you cause problems for no particular reason other than to cause a problem for instance vaccination yeah I'm not going to pity you yes Holly hey Auburn's a super fun quarterback who entered the transfer portal what's his name

Bo Nix who's he named for again he'd be named for Bo Jackson okay cool just just check yeah so basically Basically, the most Auburn player college football has produced in terms of bloodline and namesake combined in quite some time no longer likes playing for playing for a lot. Yeah, like this is a rhetorical device, but if you were trying to fuck it up at Auburn, I can't imagine doing a more thorough job of it than this in more different columns than this. Yeah. Also. Like the only thing that I know that he didn't do is insult the turf. management crew.

Oh, we don't know that. I mean, he might have by now. Yeah. We'll find out that's what triggered this whole thing. Not any kind of salacious. Not any kind of sexy scandal. Maybe it develops that he's staying in Mexico for his own protection because of what he said about the turf.

You're like, that son of a bitch talked about our grass. I better hope he never comes back. We're going to find him. You can just see like the, it's like the signal fire. the beacons of Ministers go up across the country like Mississippi State's ground crew just all of a sudden rises up like he said what and Texas

A&M's ground crew is like he said what they'll find him. That's why they got chain it I just got chills just thinking about it. Are those like it's like the charcoal grills firing up Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm yeah. The fucking Auburn Grass Mafia. It's a flatbed John Deere.

The Auburn Grass Mafia is going down to Mexico to drag his ass back up here. That's why he's staying on the beach. He's sad. Stand on the beach because there's no grass. You know, he's on the beach. I have no power over him. Yeah, yeah.

No grass jurisdiction. You have no power here. There is no grass. He's right. We can't go on that. God damn it. I'm scared to touch that ground. It's not covered by.

Beautiful, green Auburn grass. No power here, Gandalf the grass. My mower is just going to run the hell out. Just going to get stuck. I can't risk that. This bad boy mowers I have paid for. What is Auburn Gandalf's horse's name? Auburn Gandalf.

Randy. Alabama's is just Shadow Fax because of the fax machine It's just ranted I mean Brian Harsons is not Shadow Facts with a CTS at the end there because he's doing his own research

That does sound like a website That he'd frequent Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait pray go Shadow Facts Shadow Antifax Gandalf Antio What do you see after that?

Oh my God and what did he do but come back to us at the turn of the tide. Mm-hmm. Also, he's white. That's a big... That's a big factor there. I mean, I don't know. Gandalf literally did his own research for like fucking 30 years.

Hang on. Can you imagine what a fucking pain in the ass, Gandalf, must have been like, hang on, I got to go talk to my moths. Basically, man, I don't want to hear you... I don't want to hear shit about I did my own research unless you're Gandalf, okay? Because I know he did his own research. You looked at a fucking Instagram screenshot. out of a wiki page that doesn't exist.

Gandalf did his own research. You know what, Gandalf also produced at the end that I haven't seen any out of you? That's right, war eagles. Wow. I'm legit moved. Ad read. Homefield apparel.

Homefield.com has Auburn stuff, unlike Brian Harson, who will soon have to return all of his, probably. So if you're Brian Harsen and you're need of Auburn stuff to replace the Auburn stuff you have to give away as soon as you're collected by the Auburn Grass

Mafia and brought to justice, you should visit homefield apparel.com. And plus, you can upgrade from Auburn football clothes to Auburn basketball clothes. Much better. Boom. You're now Brian Harsen associated with the number one team. Who

saw that coming? Speaking of great birds of prey, also you could get the brand new South Carolina Gamecock collection, which is... It's sick. Flames. Absolutely sick. It is nothing but the most flame-roasted of birds.

Delicious rotisserie logos on every single shirt. Honestly, like, that may be one of my top five in terms of overall quality and fearsome chickens. If you've been holding out as at least one dear reader of ours has been this entire time waiting for Homefield to drop your school and your school is South Carolina. If you're a South Carolina fan, you have a lot to celebrate this year. Offer code full cast will get you 20% off your first. order of Homefield's soft cotton collegiate apparel mostly for the upper body at homefield apparel.com you know what you know whose people I really really like the most during this Auburn saga and I love them I love y'all but the swath of

people who up until like 36 hours ago were insisting y'all are making such a big deal about Auburn and I'm not doing the voice of any one of these people I'm just doing a squeaky voice and y'all remember tennessee had a coach search that was kind of nasty y'all y'all see what oregon am i interested no no i love y'all first of all i don't uh i don't take the comparison between auburn to tennessee to be a truthful one because uh tennessee is always going to have some there's always going to be some jocularity with it i will refer to you to the fullcast episode of tennessee group text hell when we do this stuff uh it is at least involves winging bags full of groceries He's at a former coach as he exits the field of play.

No, Auburn, you're like this all the time. This is kind of what you do. Bruce Pearl is your basketball coach. Did you know? Bruce Pearl is your beacon of stability. Yeah. Bruce Pearl is your, yeah, what Jason said. I don't have a better metaphor.

Bruce Pearl from his personal account tweeting out support for politicians who are like, more people should die. I'm here to kill the bastards. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't say he was a good person. I said he was a beacon of stability. He's a good basketball coach, who I wish would return to Tennessee. I think with, is it the Tennessee can go from zero to ten at any moment,

whereas Auburn is, will always be a seven or eight. Auburn's just like hovering at a simmering boil of eight. There's also just like a spirit of not fun, but like puckishness that comes with, that comes with the Tennessee one. and Auburn Auburn is just all it's just all wrapped up in Jesus all the time but not that Jesus

like the Chip and Joanna Jesus I feel like with Tennessee there's a sense that like we all get to marvel at the damage from afar like oh look at this insane thing that is happening in this specific place on the map or as Auburn it's like

this could sprawl and Auburn keeps calling you for it like Tennessee is the one you read about it on Instagram next day and Auburn's the one that keeps calling you for bail yeah I think I think Jason and Holly are both right because you're distinctly worried about Auburn's mess like washing up on your shores. Like an NFL coaching scandal where you go, hey, we got some bad emails between three guys at the Washington football team.

And that turns into Oakland's coach got fired. Like the butterfly effect is real. And I think people are terrified that Auburn, like for some reason, if Brian Harsen gets fired, then the athletic director at Tulane will get fired. right and there's i think there's also the the well not to repeat a word but the sprawl factor of it like tennessee i guess it feels like this isolated mountain um the kingdom uh you know and going through it stuff whereas like here shit auburn's basically on our state they have access to numerous airports like it you can't we can't keep a handle on these people they could break contain in any direction

auburn's basically in columbus which is technically in georgia which is like not even two hours from here. It's not safe. Yeah, we got to move. We got to get out of here. No, you know what we got to do. A moat. We got to make Bruce Pearl happy

that perhaps not in the direction he was first suggesting. We got to build that wall. You know what else we got to do is we got to plan for our retirement at acorns.com slash fullcast. If we enter that into a web browser, we'll get a $5 starting point.

if we're thinking about retirement then we're probably using Netscape Navigator that should work but for those of us who are no longer on that on a younger person's browser should work as well and then once you have that and you download the app you set it up so that whenever you buy stuff money goes in and gets invested in things that money get invested in and then you retire makes sense yep my own portfolio is the line has just gone up it's just up and up modestly But up. Additionally, you can go ahead and do the early option for the family. Get some kids in there right now. The current account balance for my children. Hold and steady at around $52 for as a lead for the younger child. So no, we have not been embezzling, even though they have been begging me to spend more money on Warhammer. My answer, I am investing so that we can purchase more Warhammer in the future. We're establishing a continuous Warhammer purchase. strategy for the kids thanks to acorns.com continuous warhammer purchasing strategy or

comps that's Welsh for police that and also for uncle acorns.com slash fullcast it's not an offer code you have to type those letters into your browser stop asking us why it's not working the problem is you acorns.com slash forecast um Spencer I would like for you to share a warhammer update because you and Jason had teased a little bit at the end of the year of, hey, is this the year we get into Warhammer? And you're creating like a Warhammer plunge pool

as near as I can see. Jason, I do not regret to inform you that the joke has again morphed into reality. Oh, who was? This is, yeah, I've worked. Who saw that coming? Worked my way into a shoot and shot my way into a work. Oh, darn it.

I love the planned worked my way into a shoot. so yeah this was this was unintentional to this degree and I think my story backing up uh will figure it why so Warhammer is a tabletop uh no I don't I refuse to learn this okay it's a game it's a tabletop game

involving models those models have to be assembled by the person who buys them and they they if you want they come with a paint scheme and you can paint them this sounds like the nerdiest shit ever and uh listener it is It is deep nerddom.

In fact, some of you right now are breaking out in hives and how utterly uncool this is. I don't think so. While you're listening to the full cast, I don't know. Listen, look at your, look at yourself in the mirror, pal. You're not cool enough to break out and hives over this. Yeah, the models don't have to be painted by the person who bought them. You are doing all the work for your children because you're a sucker.

Yes, they do some of the priming work and some of the base work, but yes. Sure they do. But I... This is also when we had to teach Spencer that you have to. have to ventilate the room that you have model glue open in or i mean it is an option if you want you're right that's an option it smells good here's this in my house you need to ventilate the room that has the model glue open in it so i bought some stuff from my kid and if you don't know the way the game works is basically two armies two factions fighting each other i bought my kid a pretty

nice banging army right but which one uh he's listen he's 11 so he plays the guard okay he plays I know I know I know I get yeah the Astro Militarum he plays right they got cool tanks and shit won't judge yeah yeah yeah vehicles vehicles guy okay okay yeah see at least he didn't choose

the Altari right he's a vehicle's guy but he's also kind of a wuss so my son chose the Astro Militaram he chose the guard so he's got a bunch of soldiers about a bunch of cool shit right kind of an ape shit on it because you know you're like oh that's cool I get him that

oh I get him on that so I went overboard if this has been up to the younger more militant son this might have been a highly different army like true as in a lot of military oh yeah yeah then you're gonna get the fucking uh poison zombies and shit well my younger kid plays the tau because he likes to know okay that's why so again vehicles right vehicles at least they're at least they're not the sort of like goody two shoes want to be back the blue like space marine people right um at least they're not that kind of nerd not law and order nerds, but big canon nerds. So, I bought him a bunch of stuff.

I thought, oh, okay, I did a good job. I just added the hell out. Went hard. Maybe spent a little too much money. But that's okay. That's okay. We're doing all right. We're going to do this.

And then I thought to myself, Jason, who is he going to be playing with this big fearsome army I just bought him? Who's he playing Warhammer with? It sounds like iron needs to sharpen iron. This really was a thought process. that you went through in real time as though unaware of what you were doing. It was remarkable to watch.

Uh-huh. So he was playing old dad. Who's the answer? Next thing you know. Which necessitated the purchase of. So I had to buy an army for myself. Yeah. And I'd gone pretty hard on him.

But, you know, Daddy wasn't going to get smoked either. You're the one doing all the funding here. Sorry. If I'm the one writing the checks, I'm going to get myself a pretty flossy little Army too. So when I looked up, I was like, I can't spend

any more money for the next six months. Done! Done! Ship it! Who are you rolling with? I'm going to let you guess. Let's see here. I'm going to guess it's the orcs.

That is, one shot, one kill. You are correct. Based on personality. I chose the faction where they're like, aiming. Aiming is for Wooses. Aiming is for the cowardly. Believing in your aim. Believing. Yeah, letting letting God decide where the bullets go. Oh my God, are they live, laugh, loving this? They are. The orcs are extremely, uh, fuck it, Julio Jones down there somewhere.

They are! The future belongs to those who believe in the trajectory of their bullets. They are, they are the most four-verts of faction in this game. Fuck it. Fork. They really are. the ones they're like they're like when they have everyone else has like 30 different unique stratagems they can do the orcs have like seven and they're all basically like everyone run

forward seven seven varieties of forverts they are the most they are the most utah uts team because they pretty much are like do we have a quarterback yes he's also a battering ram like that's we throw him at you we throw him at you we throw him at you what like what are your actual weapons things no one else can get to work because they only work because we believe in them shit yeah did you actually invent anything on your own no because all orc technology is tech all technology orc technology your car is our car shit everyone else gave up on and we threw it at you the orcs because they would they would be their socks

They would be like, your socks are my socks. That's neat. All I had to do is cut your legs off to get them. And now, look, I have them. So comfy. Yes. So I had to buy myself a big old orc army. And folks, that is, the lesson is, the dad's not going to lose easy.

All right. You're going to bleed. This is probably like at Warhammer HQ. They probably have like entire departments about like, listen, just get the kid in there. And then the parents realize, no, I can't let my kid beat me. And we just made two sales I know they have entire This is an operation that has a name

Wherever they are They have entire departments that are like Don't get mom in there Get dad in there Because dad's because dad's dumb Yeah also Mom might be like It's his game

Just I'm involved Here it's fine Dad's gonna be like A game And mom's gonna be like I'm gonna read the instruction manual And learn how to play very well And dad's gonna be like

fuck that got bigger tank also dad's going to be the one who really fails to understand price elasticity where they go this tank costs $75 that's pretty substantial but I did get that for him this one costs 95 and that's better buy an 80 for me yeah better get that one and match it

yeah how much better it'll be imagine how much more durable and long lasting this investment will be the hours of fun that we will have playing it I've pro rated it and if we get 38 hours out of it

then it's cheaper than me taking them to literally anywhere else yeah that's true yeah just think of how many movies we don't have to buy tickets to now oh shit have you all

have we all seen jackass yet we're supposed to go tonight yes okay how was it has been seen tremendous it was phenomenal so many penises

we'll have to discuss this next week I guess the the human penis can do something that I never ever I'd have guessed it I know I know what you're yeah server knows exactly what I'm talking about that was shocking it's the most astounding thing I've ever seen the human body do and I have seen not in real life but I have seen a penis that has been so pierced that it had like they could like put a rod through the middle of it mm-hmm this shit is crazier than that yeah I'm glad I I cannot wait. Yeah.

I'm glad I showed you my penis so that you could relate that on this. Upsetting. Did you all see Moonfall? That's the one I haven't seen yet. So we were supposed to go last night, but I'm trying to buy a house right now. And we had a last minute house errand that interfered with the double feature. So Moonfall has been pushed to later in the week. It's just, I love that both these movies came out like, you know, it's like the Oscar announcements today.

And it's like, all right, here's all the good, get this shit out of the way, because here comes, you know, next year's head-to-head for best picture. Much better. I am. Moon-ass. Moon-ass. We're going to pierce the moon. That's all I wanted.

What is the moon after all, but the scrode of heaven? I feel like that's the thing hanging from Orion. Ryan's belt. Oh, yeah. It was like, are we sure that's a sword? That's a weird place for sword. I think, I'm the constellation of Ryan,

and welcome to jackass. I'm Orion's balls. I know Eric Andre's in it. Are there any other, like, cameos that I need to know about that are not apparently? Machine Gun Kelly is in it, and seems to believe he's a better athlete than Steve-o,

which was a surprising thing for him to believe. He weighs seven pounds. There's a girl jackass now, and I was reading, and I forget her name, but it's, you know, just Google it, but like there is a, Rachel. Yes, there was like an oral history or whatever, where one of the directors was like,

yeah, she's tough to get footage out of because she's so brave, she doesn't appear scared of anything. She has a, like, she has a hard time, like, selling where it's like some of the best stuff is like oh look at that guy he's going to pass out you know um there is uh yeah no other big camey hasn't come to mind but yeah it's it's it's wonderful and it's like it's so good 20 years later somebody had the point that like this this is the kind of nostalgia we need where everyone involved still gives a shit still you know still loves this shit still loves each other uh and like yeah

and like looking at this like very seriously like oh shit johnny knoxville's one of like my like best male role models as a young person and like just straight up yeah totally sincerely without like without even smart assery yeah that's that's that's true the guy i broke his penis ramping a motorcycle he took he took the hardest bump of anyone in this movie too which was surprising at his age don't you take east tennessee's only non-nolly exploits the guy who literally has gray hair takes the hardest fucking bump and the guy who needs at least the thing I loved about Jackass Forever is that you know when a lot of things when they try and bring in like new blood it never really works I left that movie yesterday being like I can't wait to see what these new people like to spin off yeah I was like they need to put the show back on MTV immediately with these new cast members like I was so energized to just see them do shit. Yeah.

The future is in good hands. Yes. If they announce right now, like Jackass, second generation next year. Yes, let's go. I'm in. Totally. Righteous. Knoxville, by the way, in addition to taking the hardest bump in that movie and being

completely committed is also just as gloriously mean to people, right? From what I understand, because there was never, hey, you're my friend. We'll hug it out. This will be great. It'll be like, no, you're my friend. So I'll pour honey on you and then open a door and let a bear come into the room. And then we'll hug it out. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll hug it out after that. Did you see him prank two of the new cast members on Howie Mandel's podcast? No. Like, you can look it up to get the full experience, but essentially there's two new cast members, and they're doing the Howie Mandel podcast, and it's being broadcast live, like on YouTube. And Knoxville pranks them by, like, calling to say, hey, we, Paramount said we couldn't do any promo today except for this one thing I do. You were

fucking us right now. Like he had and he had both cast members thinking like their careers were over and that Paramount was going to fire them for breaking like this rule and literally it's funny that you mentioned that the girls

never seems afraid, Rachel because she like the guy that's there is so freaked out. He gets up he's like fuck, fuck. And she just sits there the entire time. Doesn't move and she's like well i'm just going to stay nothing could happen to me right i need the i need the i need the promo he is really mean uh i i also adore that it's been so long that people who were secondary characters are now primary and well known and have their own lore right like for

instance dave england i adore dave england uh dave england is also evidently the worst human on the cast when he's drunk. Like, he's so drunk that people are like, yeah, do anything to him. We have no pity. He's such an asshole when he's drunk that we have no problem the next day, absolutely torturing him on set. Also, I believe it's his Twitter bio that says, The Poop Guy from Jackass.

Something like that. The guy who goes boom, boom in the van. That's what you do. Or, or Aaron McGaney, who is the gentleman, you may remember, had a tooth pulled out by a Lamborghini. in one episode in the last movie yeah he's

considered by the cast like he's profoundly annoying and won't shut up so by the time that they put him onto you know the electric chair or whatever else they have set up for him

they're all wearing to go they're all like yeah we're completely ready to tase Aaron he gets absolute shit in this movie yeah I think he on on whole he gets the worst of it

and this is not new like every person who worked on the movie shaved their pubs and glued them to his face and a previous film like that happened like they literally one of them had crabs oh god this is again in a loving uh katie weaver wrote a loving profile about jackass in the new york times i highly recommend you read it because she says jazz there's a second There's a what's called the New Yorker Euro step where you have the second major section of a longer piece and it starts off with something that has nothing to do

ostensibly with the thing that's written about in the first but then it comes back around to it. And the opening to that is jazz is considered to be the first original American art form. It goes on for a second. Then it's like, the second would be jackass. Yes. Which I'm like, yes, this is correct.

This is all completely correct. I hope they all make a billion dollars in retire so Johnny Knoxville can stop giving himself concussions for an amusement. It would be nice if they retire at some point. I think you can rest now, Johnny. Yeah. And bad, bad, bad, bad, good news and bad news. Jackass Forever is number one in the nation right now.

Good, good. In terms of box office, the bad news is that that's largely coming out of the potential triumph of moonfall. which is thus far an epic disaster it's a bit calm down it's supposed to be an epic disaster it's not called the success movie is it yeah as christopher nolan intended christopher nolan director of moonfall mr. mr. nolan's moonfall where it's like the moon's going in six directions at once and shit I text myself watching moonfall on my phone to David Lynch I'm going to put

Moonfall on my Game Boy color and send it to Christopher Nolan Harkening back to a previous episode Let's get Terrence Malick's jackass Seven hours Zoomed-in footage On a penis On a penis

With the wind Fluttering it When I touch my tongue to the taser I think about the power of God Feeling my entire body through the organ he gave me to sing his praises my mouth that's that's what i want terran's malics jackass the thin red dick