Shutdown Fullcast - Hate Week Review: Never fight Kevin Faulk, dummy

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

In a stunning first for the Shutdown Fullcast, we spend 21 STRAIGHT MINUTES at the top of the show talking about a football game: LSU-A&M, which went to 7 overtimes, made for a bunch of silly numbers, and, oh yeah, gave us some real ill-advised fighting at the end of it. Other topics include! 7:04 - A brief digression to talk about French Stewart and his origins 22:20 - Egg Bowl scrappin’ featuring Wright Thompson reading play by play 26:09 - The Godfrey/Jason Arizona Chicken Bet reaches its fateful conclusion 30:13 - The freezing, bitter disappointment that was the Apple Cup 32:41 - Spencer and Ryan connect over the most painful game of Rivalry Week 36:15 - We don’t even stay on Ohio State/Michigan for a minute before getting distracted by Minnesota/Wisconsin, this podcast is well-organized and good 39:56 - Wake Forest-Duke: The Nerd Battle For Control Of Hell 45:06 - ***ALERT*** UConn Football Discussion ***Alert*** 52:05 - Pitt’s superweapon continues to charge 60:10 - The non-coaching change that we care most about  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown full cast y'all this is rivalry week recap and i want to start with something that happened i don't know after 7 o t because as the internet's only college football podcast it's important to discuss what happened immediately after the games and not what's in the games and let's be honest after 7 o t you don't really have a game you just kind of have a collection of random events that unfolded in front of you that happened to turn out one way or the other and somebody in theory has to come away with a win that's not what we're here to talk about no no no no no there's a lot i mean you can laugh at michigan y'all you want to laugh at michigan i'd love to yeah well that's gonna have to wait i'm spencer hall and what i want to talk about tonight is i want to talk about

the iron fist of Kevin Falk and the other iron parts of Kevin Falk there are many yeah and the dude in a Texas A&M shirt who almost caught a hullabaloo connect connect right to the solar plexus

and possibly the neck the throat at the hands of LSU director of player development and former LSU running back and former New England Patriot Kevin Falk yeah yeah that's what I

want to talk about now we have i think a consensus here we were all up for that game or did ryan had you already checked out by then didn't even realize it was happening had totally checked out i fell asleep ironically during the sixth overtime jason you were watching lsu texasan m to the end correct but i have seen the aftermath uh i caught up the next day man i watched the whole waii game to the end of course I watched LSU A&M to the end. You're an example to us all. Yes, the only one. Kids, be like Jason.

No, don't. It means not sleeping. Go to sleep, kids. Shut the fuck up. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. One of the, like, four things you need to know how to say to be a good parent-slash-uncle-slash-a-ant. Go to sleep.

Be careful. Finish your food. Actually, it's just three. That's basically this. I remember him as being so loving, and all you're doing is just giving basic human instructions. Don't poop there. Poop here, not there. Be careful.

This is the one part of pet parenting that I think crosses over well into actual parenting, along with what is that in your mouth? Spit it out. Spit it out, spit it out. At the end of the game, after Texas A&M wins in the seventh OT, in LSU For some reason Just forgets who plays what position

And starts giving every carry to Joe Burrow Not that it didn't work Shut down podcast mascot Joe Burrow That's right They also had a full back Fullback play wide receiver And a running back play quarterback to throw to him Yeah

LSU just started to They started to lose the plot The game got so long That like the tale of Genji dead characters came back without any explanation and no one really cared or asked too many questions about it, right?

The continuity, all the timelines came together around the fifth OT. Oh man, picture Coach O's saying, Rushimon. There's many different perspectives. They don't like it would sound like a sneeze. Roshamon. Rasmus!

Excuse you, coach. No, I'm talking Japanese cinema. Coach, what happened there with the field goal attempt as time was winding down that well we had to rush them on so had to hurry to kick up truth is subjective

what I wanted to get to was photos the video came out later but really the first thing that came out of this at the end of the game there was a scuffle between some LSU personnel and some Texas A&M sideline credentialed people

and I didn't pay attention to that at first because we'd already had one pretty funny game-ending brawl earlier that day in the form of UNC NC State. Yeah, good tussle. Like, rivalry weekend, had some good fracas happening, right? It's like, oh, another fight, no. We see you, Egg Bowl.

We see you everybody getting a warning, everybody getting a personal foul. Did that happen? Yeah. Let's not forget Kentucky Louisville. Yeah, Kentucky Louisville had a good dust up, right? I think on the opening kickoff. which that's sort of a tradition there

Florida Florida State even had an attempted flag planting which was How'd that go? It was cut short by anti-colonialist Dan Mullen We don't claim territory anymore As a nation state we exist as an idea Well that's Ron Zuxfield Why would you just why would you you you know

ruin it? That's true He has to mow it now So you're saying Dan Mullen disrespected the flag That is correct Dan Mullen protested the flag flag. That's right. Flag disrespect in Mississippi?

Hey, Florida did have to take a knee at the end of that game, right? Wow. Wow. Topical. So, all the way back around, this scuffle broke out. This was excellent reporting by Glenn Gilbo, who got to the bottom of this. A scuffle broke out, but before we knew any details, there was just a photo. And this photo is incredible because it was taken by, by Hillary Shinnock of The Advocate. It is a photo of Kevin Falk, not an unfit man.

What's Kevin Falk up to? Oh, well, Kevin Falk is about up to the dude's neck. He's got us, like, when you say catch these hands, he has delivered the hands to this young man. Still unidentified, by the way. We do not have a positive ID on the guy who I will just call said redneck. There are rumors, though, are there not? We'll get to that. We'll get to those. Okay. All right.

Sorry. He does bear a slight resemblance to a member of the Texas A&M staff. Just say I'm not saying connected to anything. But the phrase, catch these hands? Oh, Kevin Falk hath thrown them around the collar and neck area of this extremely stunned dude. Who instantly looks like, by the way, he's got his eyes closed. Somebody said he kind of looks like French Stewart. that is a real specific reference

but it's deep pull for 2018 yeah it's not inaccurate though it's not inaccurate if I just said kind of a countrified French steward French onion dip Stuart French dressing Stuart French dressing French French French Creole Stewart he is

he is clearly on the defensive here having made a very poor decision to start this fight and his face registers every degree of this emotion by the way Did we ever really explore why that dude was named French and no one ever bothered to interrogate that? Hold on, I'm going to work on that right now. You keep going.

Yeah, thank you. Get to the bottom of that. His first name is Milton. Oh, that's why. His middle name. All right, hold on. Who can do this to a baby? Wait, wait, wait.

According to Wikipedia, his first name is Milton. He has no middle name, and his last name is French Stuart with a baby. hyphen. So basically he's share or prince but French Stewart. I have fewer questions than I did at the outset.

Damn. I will say that. That's amazing. Aren't you glad you asked? We've learned so many things already tonight and we're about to learn a few more. I don't know how much we bumped up French Stewart's queue rating in the past 18 hours?

This is, this story starts by the way, according to Gilbeau's article. It starts when Texas A&M wide receivers coach Damien Craig. His team won this game, by the way, right? Was, quote, yelling and going up to LSU coaches, including head coach Ed O'Jeron. So what do we like?

That's the least surprising part. Because there's a reason Coach O' would have been mad at this point. Well, Coach O, if you missed it, Coach O was doused with celebratory Gatorade Like an hour before At the end of regulation That's right That's right

Before had to watch all seven overtimes So When I just came off in 6 OT They were tied So That's no problem, right? Mm-hmm So

Ed Ogeron Damien Craig walking up And trying to talk trashed Ed Ogeron It's clearly proof That there were Law enforcement officials there Because I don't think anyone does that without a cop within arms like grabbing distance right like we got police here

okay cool hey ed kiss my ass officer hiding behind him but that's not what happened nope nope nope what happened was wait wait we need to frame this because if we're not going to get into the salacious rumors circulating online as to the identity of this puncher but suffice to say that if these are true, then this falls into this particular chain of country catastrophe, this particular vein of storytelling that I love, because it's one of those things where when you're framing the story at the very outset, you can start by saying, well, it turns out. Which is how you know you've gotten the real redneck quotient up is whenever you go, hey, so it turns out. And I'll just read this here, straight from it.

Damien Craig is over there raising health, and Steve Kragthorpe, assistant for LSU, decides to walk over and, you know, move it along. Just going to move it along, right? Saying, hey, so this is Kragthorpe directly. I went up to Damien and said, hey, Damien, get out of here, you want, you don't need to be doing that, move along. And that's when I got hit. I mean, I got nailed.

He was a young guy. I'm 53. I'm not going to fight him. And here's the it turns out part. Because if you're that young guy, the one who made a very bad decision in deciding to fight and coming up against Kevin Falk,

who's from Cairn Crow, outside Lafayette, you don't want none. If you're that guy, this is when you get into redneck disaster territory because it's never just about one detail. No, it's always about the additional thing, right? Like, hey, so I went mudden. And it turns out it was a protected federal land reserve with a rare kind of turtle whose nest I disturbed with the wheels of my massive truck.

And now those charges are federal. That's the it turns out, right? The, oh, I thought it'd be funny to throw my cigarette in the window of a passing car. Not only was he a cop, he was the president. President cop. I threw a cigarette and it landed on President Cop. And now I'm in super jail for the rest of my life. Secret Service and shit

It turned Man Look at you Weaving these tales of fiction So effortlessly So definitely You have a real You have a real it turns out story

Don't you? Not for you but I do I do But it turns out factor Like a coworker of mine Who I've mentioned Or coworker of my brothers

And from West Virginia He has one of the best It Turns out stories ever Because it starts bad Remember the story Always starts bad As in well I got a DUI

Because I drove through a building And that's the harvins your word here the hey what happened to you well yeah that means there's two parts there's going to be a turn the it turns out it turns out it was a post office in this guy's case and those charges are federal the turn was also into a building yes through a building completely through a building that's what happened and then he got federal charges so about that turn it's about to come up here in the story okay because remember steve cragthorpe talking he says i'm a young guy he said he's a young guy i'm 53 i'm not going let's keep going

you might have remembered something about steve cragthorpe at this point but if you haven't i'm about to take you through it i have parkinson's but even if i didn't i haven't gotten in a fight since high school so that's that's all real bad because this guy this guy just punched steve cragthorpe who has parkinson's in his 53 it's not a good look are we done no no We're not even close to done. Not even close to done. I continue from Gilbo's article. Out of nowhere, I got nailed,

Craigthorpe said in a phone interview when he got back home Sunday afternoon. I didn't go down, but I clutched over. Where's that turn? Oh, put your signals on. There it comes. I was like, damn, he got me right in my pacemaker. Then it started fluttering like he jostled it.

That's right. The turn wasn't just that you got into a fight on the field by punching a 53-year-old guy with Parkinson's. No, man, you hit him right in the pacemaker, the one you didn't know he had. And you popped him right in there. Boy, he felt it. Also, since when is that a place to direct a punch? Right in the pace. I mean, unless you did it intentionally, which, that's scouting right there.

I think that means you got a heat-seeking fist. You detected the machinery. Choose target. I'll be first on the line against Skynet. I can tell the robots. I can smell him. Cyborg, Steve Kragthorpe. He was coming to kill us all!

I mean, really, he only kind of made Louisville sick for a couple of years. And then he was fine. He's not a very effective... He's a nice guy. He's not an effective Terminator. He'd be a terrible. Terminator. Look, he's polite. He's got Parkinson's this is not good. So yeah, popped him right in the pacemaker. And then, as if this wasn't bad enough. And remember, we were like, we're a good

four degrees of trouble down in here. He turns and he sees Kevin Falk. Who if you've seen any of these photos? The most recent of which features Kevin Falk being held back by an LSU player and his fist in the exact shape of the exact clench of the arthur beam right like he is about to bury this young man swall swall arthur yeah just swall arthur with the chip by the way with the gym shorts on under the khakis stay ready all-star kevin falk ready to just go it's like i don't know if it's got multiple rounds i'm ready to go take these khakis off and i'm good That is why LSU and Texas A&M, best new rivalry in college football. Thanks to this God-level redneck idiot who ended up being, I don't know,

three or four different memes by the end of Saturday night. It was. The framing is magnificent. This is this year's college football renaissance painting. Last year it was Tennessee Alabama. Tennessee's Elmer Shogne. This year, it's this kid. Yeah. So while we do not know the ID,

I can say he definitely does look like a prominent, the prominent Texas A&M Stafford. Looks a little bit, a little bit like, you know, maybe. They get it. A relation. They get it. Maybe. Not a direct, but, you know, close enough.

Moving on. Yeah. So, I don't know, like, what? We can't say that everyone's saying it's a Jimbo's nephew. What people are saying? I don't know, like, are we going to get sued by Jimbo or something? He's got the money, man. Like, like that is being widely reported.

Yeah, it's not like they have info horns, the information gathering. Yeah, we're off their radar, pretty sure. They're not rivaled. This podcast getting shut down by Jimbo Fisher's legal team. The best stuff they could have. That would be our finest achievement yet. And somehow Florida State would come rolling in. That counts as a win.

We're bull eligible now. Count it. So the reason I think that is important to mention is what happens after the dust up. When the young man nearly gets his head punched off by Kevin Falk, he immediately scampers off to find Jimbo to report what has happened. And makes a punching gesture, right? Like, hey, hey, Jimbo, I just punched a guy with Parkinson's. Uncle. Uncle Jimbo.

Hello. He's like, you can't use my name out here, you can't. That could be anyone. He must be talking to you, Damien. Not me. I have many people's uncle in a spiritual sense. Jimbo's, like, moment, by the way. He's talking to Rick Perry, not me.

I thought I'd gotten away from these people. I thought I'd gotten all the money I needed and built myself a new life as a member of this aristocracy. All of a sudden, this white trash just rolls up. You can leave the hills of West. Virginia, but... Can't take him nowhere. Should have taken the UCLA job. This shit does not

happen to UCLA. Oh, no. Ocontrere. I mean, Diddy throws a kettlebell at you, but at least that's classy and off the field. Right, that's way off the field. You get a celebrity throwing kettlebells at you.

Not at the goddamn head coach. That's just more like a rejected American gladiators event. So, I mean, I think hand in hand, the game matters a lot here. Tensions were high from, and it feels crazy to say that like the game was somehow taught by the event that happened after it, but it really was, at least on the internet, because this was quite possibly the craziest fucking football game in the history of football. We're talking the longest FBS game ever, the most points in an FBS game ever,

it went over the total by 100 points which has to be the biggest like the biggest if you took the under in this you're officially the worst gambler of all time I'm so excited for somebody to be either doing like bowl previews or season previews next year and look at either one of these defenses and just look at average

points scored on and it will be like well you know they really faded down the stretch there yeah if you use stupid math then this game will make you sound like a dumbass. You'll be out here saying like, oh, LSU, they have a below-average defense. It's sad to say. But they had the best quarterback in the conference. I wanted this game to go on so long.

I wanted this game to go on so long that Joe Borough put up 2,000 yards, and it's like, shit, I guess we got to send into New York now. Got to vote for him. He threw for 5,000 yards this year. He's a finalist. Can we give him the Maxwell Award just for one game? Kellenmon threw tons of touchdowns. He's got to have a ton of yardage.

Yeah, yeah, 280 yards. They got to seven. Like his line, don't look it up. I'm just going to quote it. Don't bother checking it. It's 23 TDs and 280 yards passing. Because as the game went on, the refs were increasingly tired of this shit, which the refs, you know, they helped the game go to overtime.

not to the degree that LSU fans thought at the time because like the big, big, big, bad call was actually a good call. The fourth down, the line was TV fucked up, not the refs, basically. But there was other stuff, too. The refs helped the game go to overtime. But once it got there, boy, did they regret that decision?

And it felt like with every period, the, you know, the OT you're supposed to start at the 25. It felt like it was just creeping closer and closer. So finally on A&M's winning drive, it was like the ball's near the end zone fine pass interference personal foul put it on the inch line we got to get out of here this it did sort of feel like at the end where you really want a game of monopoly to end and you just start giving your kids things right like oh look you got like nine hotels on that whoops I'm broke broke it's crazy how you won that the russians invested

ten billion dollars in your one million dollar property you and in you did it capitalism works i mean this happened and it eclipsed even the egg bowl which the egg bowl the egg bowl was lit egg bowl was fantastic in terms of a fight yeah but the egg bowl you knew would be that way and the game itself was not that good no it was deplorable it was awful despicable remember although the egg bowl did have the notable achievement not even texas an m lSU can claim this, not with their 7-0-Ts, not with all the records, not with the massive over, the over, right? Going 100 points over the over. It feels good to say that out loud, man. It's like, take it seriously. It's like hitting a line. That's astounding. But it did

have an achievement that not even Texas LSU could, you know, offer, which was, how on earth do you get players ejected on a play that never happened? That was the greatest thing that they ended up with, I believe, three players ejected on a single play where the quarterback who dove into a fight did not get ejected. Three other players did. And the play was then called back.

So in other words, you were ejected for nothing. Never happened. Still ejected, though. You're off the grid. You're off the grid now. government can't tax you. You're legally dead. I don't know how that reads in the play-by-play.

In like the sheets, not like the ESPN play-by-play, but in the sheets the hand-out in the press box. So we're saying Ole Miss participated in football that didn't matter? Old Miss fighting ghosts? Interesting. Four players ejected as their daddy's

watched on. The fathers and ghosts. The ghosts who were also being ejected for fighting each other. Makes me wonder if there's a corresponding voice to the old Miss Fathers and Son's voice. Ghost fight. No, that it's just, it's just completely opposite that, right?

Hi, how you doing? We're Mississippi State. Like, a voice with no gravitas whatsoever, right? We just did that at Rice Boy. The boys fight, the boys fought real hard, but in the entire nation if they didn't get their butts kick. You just sound like Jimbo. I just sound like

Ross Perot You sound like Jimbo put on like a 45, like when you put one of those records one of your child records on when you were a kid and slowed it down so Alvin of the chipmunks sounded normal Oh God, I just sound like David Cross

on Aquatine Hunger Force. Hey everybody! It sounds like Jimbo if you're like... Commence the jiggling! Coach, can you can you sound real fired up and excited for this recruiting

video? I think that's what you get out of Jimbo at that point. Hey, everybody, welcome with the Texas A&A video. They got to like, they're like, sorry, I'm glad to be here. We got a,

we got a chop and screw him so he sounds normal. Hey! It's a slow and low as I get. Jason, I have found the, I've found the play-by-play description, and I'm going to send it to you so that you can read it as, right Thompson,

if you don't mind. Wow, okay. Hold on. This is all, but if you want to know. Whenever you're ready. If you want to know, by the, that's that's my takeaway it's to texas a n lSU fight that's everything i want for college football and otherwise kind of mediocre to mass season men with parkinson's getting punched in a pacemaker

all you want out of a rivalry game all right please direct your complaints about this segment to at 38 godfrey yes i think i think he's haven't we done enough let's not talk about godfrey right now based on the results of this past weekend. Let's not talk about those. Okay, so real quick, this is all following a touchdown celebration for a touchdown that never happened. Penalty.

MS. unsportsmanlike conduct offsetting. Penalty MS. unsportsman-like conduct offsetting. Penalty OM unsportsman-like conduct offsetting. Penalty OM unsportsman-like conduct. offsetting unsportsman-like conduct penalties on all players on the field ejections number two, number three

and number six of MSU and number 38 of Ole Miss Jason we're just going to keep that rolling what did you want to talk about out of rivalry week well speaking of Gottfried we had a long bet on the

Territorial Cup on Arizona ASU he of course trusted in Herm Edwards I failed to trust in Herm Edwards and it was looking great at points in the season and then especially toward the end of the actual game between the two teams but then Herm pulled it out at the end

and now went 7 and 5, won the NFC West going to the wild card round I believe so that's that Godfrey and I are now two and two against each other you know what numbers herm needs Herm needs seven and five because that's what I got was it I think it was Matt Hinton that pointed out

they basically had the exact same season as the year prior like they tore down a house built a brand new house and it was actually the same house but because we all assumed it was going to be a total fucking shit show we not that's the secret

hire a coach that the media is going to be like what the fuck did you do and then when that coach is not that bad the media will also turn around and be like man look at them making it way to go your coach doesn't have to pour mouth his opponents if the higher is the poor mail see down also you're welcome

Arizona State for everything we did for you there is no thank you note coming yeah I believe by the way this features something which was the full Sumblin which was being up by 35 or something thereabouts and blowing it. Just full on blowing it.

And setting up for the most obvious call in football, which is with a college kicker like a 49-yard field goal. Just got a, no, no, get it in the middle of the field. It's perfect. It'd be great. No, no, no, kick it off the hash. College kickers work a lot better that way. Yeah.

Do you know how many one-score games, Arizona State played this year? Four. Nine. That's more. So more, more than that. Nine. What was their, now, what was their record in those nine games?

I would be interesting to see that. Let's see, they were... It has to be okay. Yeah, they were like 500 in them. They beat, let's see, they beat Arizona, UCLA, USC, for getting one, Michigan State. Those are the four wins. The close losses were to San Diego State, Washington, Colorado, Stanford, and Oregon.

So, four and five. So not that great, actually. We should just ignore that. Don't listen to that, Herm. Don't listen to that. I'm more just impressed with the ability to play that many close games. Like, that's hard. Did they just decide to have a year in which the disappointments were more marginal, right?

Like, you know what this program needs? less huge disappointment and more consistent small disappointments like most most teams you're most teams you're going to see saw back and forth right you're not really going to have like even arizona including this game had let's see one two three four five they had six one score games and they were all over the map as a team and herm is still out of here basically lap in them with nine. That's, that's, who God.

It's going to be rough when he takes, you know what that is? That's showmanship. That's 100% showmanship. Herm knows that you paid for this cable package or this seat in the stadium, and he's going to give you a shell

all the way to the end. I would like to point out that, yeah, the general theme of the week was that bully stayed bullies, the teams that were supposed to win for the most part, ended up winning, and that includes significant long streaks of just blinding bitter disappointment

by teams like, I don't know, Washington State, who in their best shot. I can't, no. If you want to know how doomed and how damned Washington State is as a program, it's our best shot to be Washington in a while. Let's do it. Massive Blizzard. Like, act of God. Nope.

well surely they adjusted and started like you know running the ball and maybe punting for field position that kind of mesh mesh let's see how many 35 throws to 24 runs is your total in the wintry slush yeah you know they ran it a lot more than they usually do that's that's pretty balanced in that weather this is their own weather meanwhile jake browning through 14 times perfect And punted, he punted once. How many of those runs were fumbles or sacks, is the question? I believe four. Okay. Three or four. So not too bad, but watching our special Boy Gardner, Minshu suffer so badly and throwing endless crossing routes, as Washington just dared them to do something.

Yeah, that was the most agonizing watch of the weekend. Even Michigan, you just thought, I don't know, man, you just signed up for, you signed up for ass kicking class today and you're learning you're learning all the steps of an ass kick it it didn't have the historical um connotations with it but the way west virginia lost to oklahoma was also pretty painful so the end of wazoo Washington the end of this game and tennessee's overtime lost to kansas and basketball all happened within like 15 minutes of each other i was going to say Tennessee was nowhere close to overtime with Vanderbilt so thank you I didn't I didn't watch that game and I don't actually know the

final score um I'm fine with that and that was the point at which I just went laid face down in bed with both my arms at my sides very quietly for a long time I'm glad this season is over don't tell me there's another week there's not exactly we did it exactly it's still though like I know that these were all these were all bitter disappointments that on paper made sense and to the eye were nothing but sadness but there's one game that...

Why are you like this? No, there's one game that just sticks out like a sore ass thom. Is it a Virginia Virginia Tech? You know, Ryan, you and I are in sync

tonight, and I like that. And the reason we're in sync is because we're both talking about agony, pain, and humiliation, our shared frequency. It's our love language.

Our love language is pain. And nothing was more painful than this. nothing the last time that UVA beat Virginia Tech was 2003

it's the last time and it's still the last time that UVA beat Virginia Tech because a 4 and 6 prior to this game hokey team rolled in

managed to you know hang around stay in the game got up on him and then suddenly UVA attained a 31-24 lead. It was 28-24 for a while. They tacked one on. 3124.

And naturally, what do you do? Go with what was working? Keep passing the ball a little bit? No, no, no, no. They were going to run it because that's what teams are supposed to do in the fourth quarter. And surely Virginia Tech, who'd been capable of doing nothing consistently throughout this game, would not, I don't know, pull a long completion out of its ass and stringed together a couple of plays to tie the game up,

convince everyone wearing any UVA apparel that they were damned from the start? No, that's exactly what happened. That's, that's person. I mean, it's not like all of Virginia Tech's defenders were gone and they entered the season with like five scholarship players. I don't understand what the problem is here. I actually played cornerback for a couple series in this game.

Yeah, you look great. Yeah, you did. It was good. You used the boundary as the defender. That was awesome. I don't know what those words mean, but thank you. Very cool. You were just trying to make plays, man.

And you know what? With Ryan Nanny playing quarterback, Virginia still couldn't beat Virginia Tech. They created a position for him, the nanny back. Nanny back. Yeah. There's a reason it rhymes with MEDAVAC. This was just ghastly.

It was so bad watching it happen because you could see it, you could see it like something falling off of the frit, off the top of the fridge, right? No! Somebody immediately beneath it. Move! You had Virginia getting up by, what was it, like, 14-0 or 10-0 or... Something like that.

Oh, the other array around. Then Virginia came back. Virginia Tech was up 14. Yeah. And then Virginia Tech went... And then Virginia Tech went... Yeah, it was a real back. Virginia had it.

Fuck up. Had it at least once or twice. It was, oh, it was. You had, this week you had Washington State. All right, it's finally your chance. Finally, you're gonna beat the bullies. You're gonna, you're gonna be the, you're gonna be the big boy now. Virginia, it's your best shot to beat Virginia Tech in years.

You're gonna do it. And I sort of feel like there was another team that that was the case for Michigan. I think that would apply. I think that would apply for Michigan. Michigan odds, man. I mean, West Virginia. Hey, remember how we were talking about all the points scored in A&M, LSU? Ohio State was very close to this point total, just with regulation.

Oh, did Ohio State play a game this weekend? No, they overcame great adversity and... We're not here to talk about Ohio State. Fuck them. Michigan, you gave up 62 points. To who? I don't know. Michigan responds as one.

To whom? To whom? After spending Friday night making fun of Oklahoma and West Virginia for giving up about that many points. Not that many, I don't think. Right? It's like every league, not just the NFL saw the attention of the Big 12 was getting and was like, well, we can do that shit. Michigan, your defense is worse than Oklahoma's. I know the one I know the one I'm thinking of

Where the last time that this particular team won and this rivalry Twitter wasn't around Which comes into play in that team's response on Twitter To that team because Wisconsin prior to the game God, this was a fun game Tweeted out oh you know No one's ever tweeted that Minnesota beat Wisconsin Because Twitter wasn't around the last time it happened

and after Minnesota came off the mat after a bad last month of the season came flying up revived and put Wisconsin in the camel clutch 3715 and now holding Paul Bunyan's axe yeah

the University of Minnesota responded with tweet tweet which is the most Midwestern nice stunt ever right who-hoo. Hey there. I think it gets even better. That tweet was like two years old. Yeah. I'm pretty sure.

They went back and dug up their receipts. Like if you at any point in the last 14 years have said some shit about Minnesota, guess what? Vengeance is ours, yeah. Oh, looky here, you know, just thinking about you. No, I'm just thinking about our deleted scene. Yeah, 3715. There were a lot bigger games going on at the moment, and I was watching this one because I was cranky. This was a really fun game.

It is, I just want to commend everybody here. I think the most insulting thing we've done to Michigan ever in this podcast is immediately start talking about Wisconsin football. Seven and five Wisconsin football. Seven and five, Wisconsin football. Moving on to bigger and better things. You have the division standings and see where that puts? where that puts Michigan, I'd be interested to... Michigan Rose all the way to second this year.

So a vast improvement for the plucky upstart Michigan football Wolverines. Yeah, you got a four on the AP exam. Is it a five? No. Oh, my... Ryan, I literally gasped when you said that. That is the most Michigan insult ever. You can't hear about the mic, but my mouth actually fell open

when you dared to say that. Oh, God. a foreign AP history no less Oh Can I tell you who Can I tell you who Failed an exam

Hard It's a real bad Segway but I want to get to this score Is this a Go ahead Yeah Just this That of all the games

I didn't think We're going to involve The kind of Salt the Earth Like Roman-style beat down Wake Force Beat Down

seven. Jesus. Like to the point where you're like, settle down Wake Forest. I do not know what happened in that. I don't know one does. It was a nerd freak out. It was like the nerd freaked out and the other nerd. You stop hitting yourself. You stop hitting yourself.

It was like the freak out in a Christmas story except it was two kids with glasses. I've seen this scene before. It was when I was living in the dorms at the University of Florida and one guy was like, so I'm just going to move these cannons here. and up you lost this game of risk

and the other guy flip the table instantly that's what it was for four quarters just big old nerdy wake forest this might be the rare instance of a basketball grudge bleeding over into football that's the only explanation or some kind

of lacrosse kerfuffle right this is the last time you fuck with us in the cross bro my favorite thing about this is Bill Connelly every Sunday morning he puts up sort of a review of how, kind of, of how his picks,

his S&P Plus picks did against what actually happened. And, like, it's a way to show that, like, oh, look at all the stuff that was really close. But then you can have fun looking at the ones that were not close. And he goes through different sections based on comparing the projected margin to the actual margin. And then it gets up to, you know, there's one section that's like games that were way off, you know,

as many as four touchdowns off the mark. And then, and then weight gets its own section titled, holy crap more than 60 points off the projected margin Duke was projected to win by 8 by a computer that usually beats Vegas

and yet Wake Forest won by 52 Bill calls it by far the biggest miss of the season this game is missing a really good branding opportunity between the demon deacon and the blue devil this should be the game for

dominion over hell itself and like the winners should get some real gnarled kind of bloody key and they're like yeah this is the this opens the gate to hell with this we can unleash the we can unleash the underworld onto the surface

and harvest souls Lucifer's key fob Yes Wake Forest does have those weird tunnels under the campus Lucifer we told you you have to get two factor authentication Wait it's about unleashing

sinister minions onto the earth and it involves Duke? That's wild. Crazy. I'm just saying, lean into the hell angle and this becomes a much more compelling game. Yeah, that's good, I agree. I'm all for making every rivalry trophy as metal as possible. Thank you. I would also, speaking of battles for the soul

that involve actual emotional stakes. Hey, BYU had a lead last night? How'd that go? Oh, no. Well, you know, all things on this mortal plane are but transitory. A lot of people had a lead last night. Kansas State had a lead last night. Mm-hmm.

How'd that go for him? They don't have it this morning. No, no, no, no. How about that BYU lead? That BYU lead? Evaparated. Life's funny. Gone.

27 to 7 was 16 minutes to go Jesus BYU leads in like every statistical category Utah piece of scrap iron in his hand is like, not today With Bronco gone Are they missing their signature cussedness

They might need Virginia doesn't seem to have it either No I don't know man Where'd that nut punchiness go? It's on a UPS truck Just circling. Y'all are forgetting. These are the new broods of the two coaches

whose teams inaugurated the Miami Beach Bowl with a brawl between BYU and fucking Memphis. This next year, no, next year's Commonwealth Cup is going to be lit. That's true. They're going to be heinous. Remember in that brawl, by the way, person who got hit from the blind side, a Memphis player

not a BYU you player no it was a Memphis player who was like that's filthy what are you doing the blind side you say yes oh god yeah that didn't now you're really just being mean to Godfrey at this point that didn't work

I would also I didn't mean to do that well that was an accidental stray oh god it also like at one point I believe before it slid the other way come on the full cast I believe that Oklahoma State came back and made it a game

and then it wasn't because you can't predict anything that Oklahoma State is going to do this year. They lost to the team that lost to Kansas. Good. Yeah. Can we talk about Yukon just for a second? Oh, damn. Just, just, just, just, just, this is all I want to do.

What kind of dream is that grand I'd say Randy Edsel would describe this game as? trigger warning please i want to i want to preface that total yardage is a garbage statistic and it doesn't mean anything but it's fun that said maybe that's how we should describe it not as a statistic but as like a unit of entertainment yeah that's fair so we're using we're talking about defense here Oregon state second worst defense in the nation in total yardage allowed 6,441 yards this season. How many more yards did Yukon, the worst team, allow? 600.

Beyond that 6,440, 6,4141. I'm going to go 600 to make. What is the delta, what is the delta between these two schools? 600 yards. I'm going to go seven, I'm going to say they allowed 7,000 yards. Okay. Jason? I don't know what delta means.

You live in Atlanta. well yeah there's clearly there's one delta i acknowledge holly do you want a hazard a guess uh i'm gonna undercut spencer and say uh no no 8500 yards okay you went way over but that's okay that's fine so did yukon's opponents 7409 yards almost almost 32 yards away from a full thousand yards more than the second worst team. This team allows 8.81 yards per play, which means that every time you have first and 10 against Yukon,

you can get holding on that first and 10, and you still should be able to pick up the first down with room to spare. All I'm hearing is outliers or innovators. My God. Almost four miles. It's 4.3 miles. 4.3 miles. That's awesome.

Like, I kind of want to flip this on its head. How did anyone ever punt against the Yukon? Actually, pull that up. I would like to see how much they did. Okay, so, so how, they were, they, they, they allowed the fewest, they forced the fewest punts in the nation this year, both per game and overall. 2.3 for 28 total puns this year. 2.3 per game? Yes, 2.3 punts per game.

Jesus, what? Kick returners' hands at cobwebs. There were, let's see, one, two, three, four games where Yukon only forced one punt. So if you played Yukon, you got to, for a day, pretend you're Oklahoma, basically. Oklahoma simulator. Well, Oklahoma's offense.

Oklahoma actually did play Yukon. yeah that happened that yeah it worked out about the rules are funny like they like these these rigged automatic bowl games sometimes we could use a little bit more flexibility example oklahoma yukon no that was great what are you talking about yeah it's very memorable you know yukon lost like two million dollars on that game because so they had to buy uh that was the fiesta tickets out right that was the fiesta bowl right yeah So, this is from talking to a colleague at work who has a Yukon affiliation, and for that reason, he or she shall remain completely anonymous.

They were really hoping to get the Orange Bowl. I forget who was in the Orange Bowl that year, but it was like another team that would have been, it would have made more sense for Yukon to play. But they get Oklahoma, they get Oklahoma, and they have to fly across the country, and because of all the tickets that they have to buy, the athletic department ends up losing, I think it's like $1.8 million in this piece by getting to a BCS ball. Money that they surely had lying around being Yukon football. A hundred percent.

Not a dime. Now we're talking about women's basketball funding Yukon football getting destroyed in front of nine people by Oklahoma. Can we pay it a nutmeg? Get some facts. Nice Connecticut pool. Thank you. So even if you,

use better numbers than just total yards, which are by themselves. They do tell the story quite well. Bill put up a post that was about using, like, good numbers to try and figure out how bad Yukon's record-setting defense is. And it was, even by the smartest stuff, the, I think, one of the two worst since Division 1 split. And even if you include teams that, like, were basically FCS teams mixed in with FBS teams, it's still right down there with the worst of those.

Basically, Yukon had an FCS defense at the FBS level. And respect to them, because they were paying Randy Edsel, his $2,000, $3,000 little chip-in bonuses throughout the season. Anyway, I think somebody tweet, is it Steve Berkowitz who does like the, he's just constantly got the contract details on deck, ready to dish out? Like, this rich guy got this much richer today. I think this one was like at the end of another humiliating blowout

to complete one of the worst seasons in football history Randy Edsel got $2,000 today for winning third down percentage battle it was something like that is Randy Edsel the greatest argument we have for paying players he has said that yeah that's the best part of it's the thing he knows oh my god what if this whole

Yukon season is performance art what if this is Randy Edsel's Look how shameful this is. Look how awful it is what I'm doing. Look upon your sport and weep. That Randy Edsel just takes that two grand. I imagine that he gets it like in an envelope, right? Ryan, put the sad husky on Osamandias.

Do it. The sad husky on Joker is setting a pile of money on fire. Do it. You're doing that right after this podcast. Oh, he's got that. No, with him in the nurse's uniform. Yeah. Hi. I think that's the one where he's walking away

and he clicks the fuse and the bomb doesn't go off He just shakes it I wanted to talk He just took over hospital from over again This is as good as segue as any to talk about super weapons That haven't gone off yet Charging Charging

The fully operational Oh there's a rumble The prophecy The prophecy is still alive Because More alive than ever more alive than ever because remember what did we say about Pitt before the season that they were going to be the ones that beat Clemson correct they're going to bag a legendary pelt

i don't know if we said that or not we said we said they were going to wreck somebody's playoff season texas is nine and three that's all that matters we made two predictions that was one this is the other don't look up the rest michigan definitely wasn't going to beat ohio state yeah we never said that never said that so this would be a good week to go back to our week one episodes and listen to us

no it's never a good week to go back to any episode so after the false dawn no because I actually do remember us cackling about how long Wisconsin had had Paul Bunyan's axe I don't know what possessed us to be talking about Minnesota Wisconsin

in God damn August that sounds like us yeah good job us Space Madness mostly the pit streak after the false dawn of a close loss to Notre Dame they beat Duke they beat UVA they beat Virginia Tech and beat is a real gentle term there for what they did at Virginia Tech who must be really good because they beat UVA

and a win over Wake Forest bully Wake Forest they did exactly what we said they would do the prophecy states that they would immediately collapse phone one in and embarrass themselves at Miami because they're spending this week and the next week charging up charging up because the most pit thing of all would be to back in in your Pittsburgh Steelers themed garbage truck I was going to say, you know, like P.T. Cruiser.

No. P. I call it Big Big because it's got a shitty turning radius and it's gray. And it's slow and smelly. Yeah. And the glove compartment's filled with fries. Well, that's just... That's the Pittsburgh DMV rule. Yeah, that's just for safety.

So hungry. I haven't eaten in 90 minutes. Oh, I thought he meant it was like crash insulation. Oh, Susan, we're trapped in a snowbank. Settled down. I'm stuck and terrific. Open the emergency fries. Oh, that's sad.

So what we have now with the super weapon fully charged and operational, and it's drawing down on big pretty Clemson, big pretty peaceful Clemson, which as, you know, as we have been envisioning for a full year now, if Pitt does this, Clemson really might be knocked out of the playoff. Like, they're super dominant and everything, and like they have a nice ranking, but they ain't beat a whole lot of good teams. Ain't him. Ain't him's good.

but like the strength of schedule numbers just are not very kind and with Ohio State suddenly jumping up Oklahoma hanging around Notre Dame already in Bam already in probably Clemson really could be knocked out of the playoff here and the other funny part is if Pitt were to win this pinch pit would clinch a bid to the Peach or Fiesta Bowl meaning we would have a repeat of Yukon going to the Fiesta Bowl basically except we'll go to that we will I We'll see Pitt fans in Arizona. Listen, if Pitt... Man, if Pitt is in the Peach Bowl.

If Pitt's in the Peach Bowl, we're doing something for it. If Pitt's in the Peach Bowl, we're there. Oh, my God, the Peach Pit. Hashtag Peach Pit. That's the rally and cry. And if it's the Fiesta Bowl, it's a Sarlac Pit. In Peach Pit 45. What, I would point this out, too, that Kenny Pied.

kicket, the starting quarterback for Pitt, has only thrown over 200 yards once. Also, if you make a tesseract out of his jersey, it says pit. Wow. But he's only thrown over 200 yards once. That was 316 against Wake Forest, right? I want to talk about my thing. Okay. Now, I want to go back.

I want to go back. Who is the last Pitt quarterback you remember? Nathan Peterman Yeah That's right Do you know why this is John Boyce came up to me in the office Like two weeks ago

And he was He asked me like Was Nathan Peterman anything in college Like how the hell did we get to this point And I was like well He was at Tennessee for a while And like was okay Nothing spectacular

Transfer to Pitt Again okay nothing spectacular But he was part of this huge win Over Clemson before, you know, all of the bilsing and more billsing and so much bilsing can I tell you the other very pit story behind this Nathan Pederman who of course

Still charging Nathan Peterman just takes longer to charge Which was this That in the 43-42 upset where Nathan Peterman was a god He came up to Narduzi in the office beforehand probably the probably by the way a 5128 loss at Miami was the week before the big upset of Clemson just saying history repeats itself can he pick it you're the new Nathan Peterman sorry you have to hand don't you put that devil on him no he has to handle the he has to hand over the Nathan Peterman mantle to somebody else in a year or two or it's his forever Jason for old time's sake can we get a good Nathan Peterman is a god I don't know if I have that one so that would feel

that would feel like blasphemy in a certain way we don't have to say what he's a god of so the best part of this story is Narduzi Peterman was hurting shoulder was messed up a little bit in Narduzi he said Coach I don't know if I can finish the season

I'm going to have to have the season ending get ready for the next level surgery and the coach calmly told his second year starter that there won't be a next level if he doesn't finish the year and finish it strong. This is all my way of saying that, one, Kenny Pickett's definitely going to throw for 900 yards against Clemson because if Jake Bentley can throw for 500,

just saying, it's probably going to happen. Two, Pat Narduzzi hates Nathan Peterman. Because he made him do that, And that's why we all talk about the Peter Man now. It's all patting our doosies' fault. Buffalo helped a lot. Let's not discount Buffalo's role in this. Wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for the dues.

Man, imagine there's probably somebody out there who is a Pitt and Bill's fan. And they were probably real excited for Nathan Peterman's first start in Buffalo. Like, oh, geez, Karen, I've seen this kid. kid he's got some special magic you watch he's like a magician he's like Siegfried and Roy is why we're doing voices again is this a combo pit buffalo

accent perter yeah we gotta get we gotta get Kersner on to just record a soundboard for us like a just a pit soundboard the Yins are a soundboard Surnbrard Sir Murchmerner

do we care about any of this weekend's coaching changes only one i care about one non-change clay helton no not that one not that one so cliff is out fedora is out clay hilton is in what we are here to talk about per sp nation exclusively mike sanford is out yeah mike sanford is also out i was i was i was going for just power five teams that our listeners have heard of but there's also western kentucky god charred godfrey i'm trying to be nice to you look what happened. I don't know. I don't know if this qualifies as a Power 5 that our listeners have heard of, but Illinois

not only kept Levy Smith after after they lost Northwestern and dropped a four and eight on the year. They gave them a two-year extension. I've seen that beard? It's the beard, man. Let's keep this thing growing. Look how authoritarian

that beard is. Everybody loves a strong man. You know, I bet this comes up. My theory, my working theory is that there's like one dish Lovey Smith can cook that's like Maybe it's like Oh man

Have you had Lovie Smith Have you had Coach Smith's lasagna? Oh my God It's the best Like you know Normally a lasagna to me It's just like lasagna But Coach Smith's

Fucking next level Yeah I know I know the team's terrible But like I got it We got to give him the extension So we can get more lasagna He's gonna keep going

I'm saying I'm saying Listen, I'm saying Illinois is run by Garfield. That's the most, that's actually the best explanation for Illinois athletics in general, that it's run by Garfield. That when they get in for the staff meeting on Mondays, right, like, hey, let's turn this thing around. Let's make it happen. Oh, Mondays. Oh, Mondays.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Illinois takes Mondays off. Let's hire Ron Zook. He reminds me an Odie. I hate that God. But he got you to a rose bowl Just gonna eat a whole lasagna in the pan I would say this for Illinois too

I respect giving him the two-year extension of that Because it's the it's the natural response It's the hey it's when you tell anybody like it's it's the internet thing right When you go hey that's a stupid idea Oh yeah well I'm gonna like it twice as much now that's it i bet somebody the ad was like shit i'm gonna keep lovy i'm just gonna keep him man they were like so what we're describing here is employing lovey smith to own the libs 100% that's fine all aboard yeah this is why northwestern is going to give pat fitzgerald like a 23 year

extension that was going to happen i mean we're he's not leaving so we need to report we need to we need to boost pfitz we need to we need to boost pfitz we need to help him out, right? Because he'll never have... Yeah, he'll never have a union to help him out, right? So we gotta be... Oh boy, I've heard that...

This is his name of program. Texas Tech! Super interested in Pat Fitzgerald. Yeah, Northwestern is noted for their space and rocketry programs. Why wouldn't he want to live on the moon? Did you know French Stewart was in Stargate? Wait, what?

Thank you.