Shutdown Fullcast - Hogs Out For The Holy War

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

SHOW NOTES Brett Favre = secret feminist?? The Scott Frost Firing Timeline, imagined Ryan has an objectively correct theory about Bob Stoops on Cameo A reader shares a piece of Betty White lore we guarantee you won't find anywhere else Week 2 rankings plummets and rockets Justice for Kansas, for once A perilous journey beyond 26 snakes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Y'all, I'm looking at the look on the boy's face here. He's alive. Like, like, I just know the... For the first time, Rob Springer! I just picture the kids doing one of these. Or it's like the giff of the boy looking at the computer and then... They're both doing... He's doing that.

He's like, I saw tits today. Boops. Oh, you want to talk about progress? Here's somebody else in this comments. remember when we were in the must a girl took off her shirt she was still wearing a bra the fans all around her booed her until she was so embarrassed she left the stands i guess we as fans need to decide what we'll put up with yes ma'am i guess they have decided progress is progress is a beautiful thing were they booing or were they boobs

You play-by-play announcer. They're actually saying booze. This is amazing. Oh, yeah. I can just see the director in the truck, right? Like, yeah, I got a couple of crowd shots. Yeah, don't get that. Wait, who's working camera three?

Horny Dan. No, no. Why did we put Horny Dan on the group? No. We brought up to Utah. We thought it was safe. Well, the problem is we tried Hornie Dan on the mascots last week, and that was way worse than that. This woman has 72,000 followers.

Yeah. She's a mean white lady on Instagram. Yeah. She gave her job as YouTube advocate, so I knew this was going to be an adventure, but I hadn't actually checked her social. Does it mean advocating for YouTube? The unfair criticisms against YouTube.

She's a God and family advocate. She's God's attorney. What? Her YouTube Bible lists here is God and Family advocate. She's God's paralegal. Full cast. What do you get that one?

I think that was a nine out of ten. I think it was above average. Why do you ask us and then give yourself your own rating? Like it doesn't give us a chance to... Now, if I say it's an eight, I'm an asshole. You're biasing the judges. This isn't thinking out loud. Mondays at seven on the SEC Network, Spencer.

That's correct with my co-host, Richard Johnson. Available, follow series, DVR. No, that's just me setting the baseline so that Ryan does look bad, right? Ryan's already thinking of a rating that he's going to do. And I immediately sidetrack that. that that is how I win. That's the collaborative effort of podcasting right here, ladies I'm just glad that we've all realized that talking about the thing is funnier than the thing.

That's definitely always the case. I don't even know what the thing is anymore. Welcome to the internet's only college football podcast. I'm glad I could answer that question. I am Spencer Hall joining me as always. Ryan Nanny from Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, I have a question for you, Ryan. Did you eat today?

Yeah, I ate today, Spencer. Okay, good. That was all I wanted to ask. That's it. Did you have a kind of, did you have some bread with it? I had a peanut better sandwich at lunch. Okay. On bread, not on a biscuit, if that's what you're wondering.

I wasn't going to mention, you know, biscuits at all. But now that you did? I brought you lunch. Why is Nashville so biscuit specific to you? Yeah, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've been wondering this for a couple months now. He just wants to do that stupid fucking voice. Is that all it is?

Yes. No, no, no, no. Yes, he just wants to do the stupid fucking voice. It's not, it's not that. I just, you know, I would, I said this, I'll say it, I'll say it, I'll say it in writing. I'll say it out loud. I would rather you go back to Ricky Jervase doing black mirror than ever hear your biscuit voice ever again.

I'm so. Ask me as. As Ricky Jervis. Ask me as Ricky Jervase if I had a biscuit today. You have to ask it in the have I triggered you voice. Yeah. What if your biscuit was a cell phone? Well, he's right.

That is much better. Yeah. It doesn't even hurt now. And what if the government had both of them right here? Also joining us. This is like almost Michael Cainey. You're trending. Yeah, it's got to go more, um, it's got to go more like, they don't want me to ask you this.

I've been doing a lot of, I've been doing a lot of Warhammer with the kids. So like the orc voice is bleeding over, right? Yeah, with the kids, not by myself talking to models. Are you a big character voice guy? Absolutely. Kids love that. 100% if you're going to, if you're playing, you got to, yeah, you got to swap out. You got to do a voice.

Do you do a British voice? I will tell you that. He does a really good Hagrid. Yeah, I do a really good Hagrid. The orcs are very, um, if you ate a biscuit in it. Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he'll talks, all talk like chimney sweeps. So, the actual fit.

I do kind of, I know we've sort of long ago decided that any movie about ancient, uh, white culture, like ancient Romans, whatever, you're going to use an English accent for. I do think it would be funny if we use like a stereotypical Italian accent for it instead. Yes. I would, I would really like to see these movies about like, gladiator. Gators and shit, and they're all like, hey, we are about to die, salute you. We could put all over platin more of them then, and I think that's a net positive for everyone. Yes, yeah, three musketeers. Everybody's in a fucking English, it's very funny that we were like,

oh, who should play Cardinal Richelieu, the most English-accented man in the world, Tim Curry. Tim Curry should play every villain, though, to be fair. Yes. Prime Tim Curry. Yeah. When he popped up in Red Alert, I was like, I have a news item specific to the interest of this podcast.

About Tim Curry? No. No, I got worried. I'm glad it's not about Tim Curry. Investigators have seized 27 antiquities from the Metropolitan Museum of Art over the last six months. And they're going to be repatriated

to their countries and whatnot. But international art crafts, is fashionable again. The Manhattan District Attorney's Office has obtained nine warrants to seize objects from the Met since 2017. That's the best. I'm so excited.

There's a terracotta drinking cup called a Kylix from Greece. It is valued at $1.2 million. So this is all going back to like the golden age of heisting, right? The Met purchased it in 1979 from a gallery in Italy, who began dealing in antiquities in the 70s and was first investigated by the Italian

government for illegal practices in 2001. And apparently, like, nine items on display in the Met were bought from this guy and were all smuggled. Excellent. This is the best part because it's literally like a New York. I know a guy thinks, except the guy is the Met. Yeah, I know a guy who gets you some Greek antiquities. It's the Met. If anybody's in New York and goes to the Met a lot, Tell us what the plaques that they put up, say, like, in place of where these used to be. Do they just rotate stuff in? We stole this. Cambodian officials, meanwhile, are pressing the Met to return antiquities that they believe were looted.

I'm betting they're correct. Anyway, so we're, we're, there's something about repatriation that thrills me just as much as a good heist movie because it's like reverse looting. We should have a movie about art interpul. I agree. Arturpole? Interpottery? Interpart. There it is.

There it is. Anyway, sorry, I had to get our weekly Hobby Lobby recommended allowance in there. Hobby Lobby and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Two institutions that are exactly the same. We're here to steal the antiquities of ancient Sumeria. The Hobby Lobby Gala. That's what I need to see. Oh.

You remember that part when Harry met Sally when they go on a date to Hobby Lobby? You remember that, of course. Sorry, the only Harry we recognize on this podcast is Harry Styles, but not in a good way. I am also now remembering the children's book. I think it's from the mix-up files of Mrs. Bezley, Frankweiler. The central premise of which is a child runs away from home and successfully sleeps in the Met without the Met knowing for like a month. like I don't know what I don't know what like

YA books are like now but I hope there is bat shit as the ones like between that and hatchet it was it was a lot of like hey man shit's gonna get real you better be you better be ready to survive out there in the world without your stupid parents

that's pretty much the starting premise of every YA book is like yeah parents are fake the reverse read on all of this is that children beholding the adult world are like, yeah, this is all going to fall apart. You guys are really irresponsible and no one's in charge. I'm going to end up living on my own side of a mountain, literally. That is the premise and title of a very popular YA book at one point.

So yeah. I want to go back to one point, by the way, why do people in the future, like when we do movies about the future, why do they never have Southern accents? Like, can you have it? Like, I want to see a movie about the future. Why everybody has. Oh, let's let's prove the rule by no. putting the exception, the expanse, where everyone on Mars has a Texas accent.

Because as soon as Mars is colonized, everyone in Texas says, whee, I bet there's oil up there. Plus, Mississippi can't participate in the future because all their money's going to illegal volleyball facilities. Okay, I'm concerned that this makes Brett Farv a secret feminist. I know that's wrong. I think it's not a secret. I'm worried about it. Yeah.

That disguise is thorough. Like, is this reparations? to ladies? You should be his lawyer. His lawyer to date has been like, Brett Favre has done nothing and whatever he did it wasn't wrong. And instead, Brett Favre should be saying like, yes, it was fraud, but it was

to break the cycle of misogyny. That I perpetuated. That I participate in. But only I, as one of the participants of this system, can help dismantle it. I had to do it in order to gain credibility with the patriarchy that I am now dismantling. That's right. That's right.

What's Ted DiBiasey's defense? Because we should remember. Money. Just in case you weren't, yeah. I'm the million dollar man. What was I supposed to do? You can't name me the million dollar man and expect me not to take the million dollars. Nominative determinism is not fraud.

In fact, it's a disability, and I would like to claim it as such under the ADA. Telling the million dollar man He can't take the million dollars It's a HIPAA violation for you to ask To see my bank accounts Nobody said the million dollar man Wanted to be the million dollar man Fly casual man

What happened to free will? Oh, did you guys see the The dude who just walked onto the field In the LSU game? Yes The most casual streaker I've ever seen Like he was ambling Just enjoyed a nice day

admiring the fescue that's what he was doing I mean he got taken away but even while being taken away he was clearly very vibes forward it wasn't a field stormer he was like a field sun shower he just strolled I think he took the field with as much passion and decisiveness and commitment as Brian Kelly himself

he looked like Brian Kelly during a crucial fourth quarter moment just sort of standing there I'm looking at the video that Seth Lewis had posted and even while he's being even while he's being escorted away it kind of looks like he's saying to the security guards like oh you can really feel fall in the air

huh? Yeah Jim man it's nice right like September right man? Y'all we're so close to hoodies and shorts weather what temperature do you think is hoodies and shorts weather as soon as it hits 65 I'm like that's all the excuse I need

yeah man it's also important because it's also like it's boots and shorts weather for the girls my right bro i love it when the ladies wear those big hats you know when it's christian autumn and they wear their big christian hats i don't know why this is his voice but it is it absolutely is because like he can't have a passionate voice you know no no he's he's all he's all about vibes like i oh by the way i noticed too this is a i've seen this with a a couple of different streakers and or fieldstormers. After numerous videos of bystanders and or security absolutely leveling field stormers or

streakers, there's a new approach of the minute they get close to you, you put out the hands and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not ended up. I'm not ended up in that video. I'm good. You can go ahead and just take it. Watching the video, it's like, how long did this go on? Like, did they just stand there pointing their palms at each other? like having a battle of like a care bear stare like who's who's gonna who's gonna like talk

the other guy into like hey let'll be in my mind palace we can all walk away here but what if we don't walk away you guys hungry i could eat i hope that was a moment for brian kelly too in case he's doubt and he doubts he's walked into an entirely different situation than coaching cincinnati or notre dame that at lSU there's just a guy who will chill as hell walk onto a field full of 22 very large muscular angry men and just you know vibe yeah if you rush the field at notre dame 60,000 people would scream sit down at here that guy's being loud his footfalls are troubling me i like um brian kelly our second most cop head coach behind pat fitzgerald having to deal with a situation in which people just stroll around on his field

wherever they want total breakdown of flow and word and also Tiger Stadium is the stadium most notoriously broken into by drunk students. Like there was a while where on one of various blogs, I forget, I think it was SB Nation, where we had a LSU field break-ins tracker. I think Richard Johnson was rating them, star rating them each time. Weren't they frequently like breaking golf carts and shit? Oh, yeah, golf cart. That's instant five-star.

You get a vehicle into Tiger Stadium. Yeah. Man, they're literally on Brian Kelly's lawn. It's got to be so rough for him. somebody's violating property laws returns on capital or below index return no i was you know i the homeowners association will hear of this no i say i was going to be rough on him but he's also got to be kind of kind of comfy happy because in this yard the homeowners association is the cops that's got to make him feel kind of snugly that's true

it's going great in bed rush super excited. It's going to be awesome. Mississippi State comes down and it's going to be super fun and not so last night just an LSU related note so Richard and I had to do a segment on the show where we picked whether Texas A&M

was going to win or lose things and we were kind of shocked that we were getting toward the end and Texas A&M was winning more games than we thought they were going to win and we really hadn't rehearsed it ahead of time so we were both kind of we were both kind of mortified that this had happened but the final game on the schedule is LSU we looked at it we're like so that's a win for Texas A&M like simultaneously no discussion just like yeah yeah for maximum chaos let's have Texas A&M shit the bed for a whole

season and then immediately clean up against Brian Kelly's first team at LSU Jimbo and Brian Kelly in Thanksgiving week who do they who do they have leading like in a couple of weeks leading up to that game well they have UMass so It's probably dumb. Things aren't that bad. Yeah, things aren't that bad yet. But let's see who else they have. Oh, they got Auburn before that.

Yeah, so listen. That's who you want. That's who you want when you want dependable results is you want to have Auburn waiting on the calendar. And Florida. So there, the last four games, there's a guaranteed win in UMass

and the mixture of Florida, A&M, and Old Miss is the Yeah, an old miss prior to that That's beautiful Yeah I'm just gonna be quiet And just see what happens

Like I don't feel the need to really comment On Texas A&M at this point Just like stand to the side And watch an appreciation The volume will come The volume will come regardless of whether we're We're helping it along It's like watching an adult

Try to do something that you know they can't do You know where you're like like okay you're gonna you're gonna fix this yourself huh all right i'm just gonna stand over here so like like not a kid so you don't you know like if it's a kid you're like oh they're gonna hurt themselves them to step in yes yes but if it's an adult on the ladder that's way too tall yep they'll probably be fine you're just like you know what learn by doing a and m that's what you're gonna do you're gonna learn by doing hey you guys want to listen to a voicemail i would love to we got some voicemails here at 704 Soulcast

Hail to rot the sun god I just want to say on a personal note as the person who is coming through all these I really appreciate the number of you who are calling in just to tell us how your Tahoe is running and the number of you who are calling in just to see how everybody's day is going

thank you I appreciate this Mikey in Memphis area code 804 server can we hear that one hi this is Mike and Memphis first time, long time. I don't know if y'all are aware of this, but Virginia, like the University of Virginia Cavaliers, has a traveling trophy with Florida State and has been in possession of it since

2019. Just kind of wanted your thoughts on that. Bye. I've never heard of this. Yeah. I'm pulling this up now. I think it started in the 90s when Virginia, like, immediately won it. It was called the Jefferson Epps.

trophy. And it was created in 1995 and named after Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Jefferson's grandson, who was a two-time mayor of Tallahassee. Like, what a hamphist. What a hamphistic way to put two people together. Oh, okay.

Thomas Jefferson, yeah, racist racist slave-owning president, but president nonetheless. And a guy who was mayor of Tallahassee. Like, these two things are not the same. I don't care that they're related. What is the trophy? Uh, it is a pitcher.

It is a, yes. Kind of silver pewter pitcher on top of a hexagonal wood base. Just celebrating two people who as far as I know weren't in love and basketball. It is, the base of it is made out of a tree that used to be the largest tree on the grounds of UVA, But now it's dead. It suffered a fatal tree disease, and they were like, well, this isn't a cursed object to turn into a trophy, surely.

Did it say fatal tree disease? Yes. On Wikipedia, it says fatal tree disease. That's so not specific. An Alabama fan had been nearby. Yeah, so by the way, Epps in this case, a statue was placed. And then the statue later became controversial. because Epps, the half of the trophy's namesake,

had a history of expanding slave ownership. Ah, that's the connection. Yeah, just to boost as cotton numbers. The family business. Hmm. Yeah, I'm sorry, yes, small business owner. Look at that little apple nestled right there next to the base of the tree. Here's the worst part about this.

So the Wikipedia page on this trophy lists like Epps' history of expanding slave ownership and supporting the Confederacy and organizing night watches to catch slaves in the streets of territorial Tallahassee. Here's the fun sentence. The original thin blue line. Despite this history, FSU students voted by a large margin,

72% to 28% to keep the statue in 2016. Despite is the word that I would quibble with there. 2016, huh? Mm-hmm. Despite. I don't feel like you get to have that and, unconquered statue you you kind of need to make a choice or or can I add can I add you're really here in both sides might I add the the actual stained glass portrait of Bobby

Bowden in the stadium but that's just funny people yeah people think that's like that's like when you get to that's self-parity that's fine that's like when you get to Bowser's castle and he's got a stained glass in himself you know Bobby Bowser that just that just Listen, you know who else has a lot of kids that are a lot of useful kids? You know who has a lot of kids that are easy to defeat in level one? Yeah. Excuse me, Wendy Cooper is an absolute Mario Kart ace. When did you know you were going to conquer the game and beat him?

Well, he appointed his son, offensive coordinator. His son just sort of hops around. Sorry, Jeff Bowser sounds so natural in the mouth. Yeah, Jeff Bouser sounds like a 90s Braves pitcher who smoked on the mound. I'm going to go with... I think you be more specific. Ludwig von Bowden is my personal favorite.

Every time I see Isaiah Bowser for Northwestern, I make the same noise every time. They're like, that's Bowser on the carry. And I quietly, to myself on the couch, go, row. I think this makes me... I think this makes Miami Mario in this example, which obviously fits. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah, we're Mario because we're giving people pipe. That's right. Yeah, yeah, good. What is that supposed to be? What voice is that supposed to be? Dane County, baby. It's Bob Hoskins as Mario Mario in the film Super Mario. I got this plant I really like makes me put on my white suit and then it gets hot.

Then I throw fire at anyone. At anyone. I just spit, I start spitting fire. Spit hot fire. That's what I do. Why are you doing this, lady? Fucking hot lady. It's a miss hot ma'am.

Listen. It's what we do. Yeah. She got kidnapped. You got to admit that's realistic. Yeah, I broke into the wrong. I broke into the wrong house again. She wasn't there.

I don't need my, my only sidekicks my fucking fitted. and my brother And you know If you're short on coins I know a guy Level 3, 2 You just go I know a lot about

Shrooms as well Good ones, bad ones All Shrooms He's winding down By tuning up his car With a giant parachute On the back So my haters

Can watch me float past Sometimes a big Now I want this This is a problem I was skeptical of this at first, Ryan. I'm buying into it now. Yep. 100%. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Also,

this makes Florida Wario, which is really... You wish. No. I wish. God. You pushed your luck there. Thank you, Jason. Wario's the best. Auburn's Warrior. We all know it.

Who is? Auburn is Wario. Come on. Auburn. It's facts. All they care of It's ruining. They're all they care about ruining something.

Except then the meme is I've lost, but at what cost? Yeah. Yeah. God. Like, we're all counting. We're all counting on Penn State beating them

this coming weekend. I forgot that. Who's we? I'm not. I'm not counting on that. No, I'm not counting on that. I'm not counting on that at all. Okay.

All right. What's funnier? It's definitely funnier if Auburn wins that game. It's pretty funny. either way. No, I don't know, man. Make the case, Ryan.

What is funny about Penn State beating Auburn? Penn State is a better team than Auburn with a more stable situation. Auburn lost. Auburn losing is always funny. It's pretty funny. But James Franklin is like a counterweight to funny. Here's what I want you to think. If Penn State beats Auburn, they will do so in a way where you're like, well,

I don't agree with every decision they made, but ultimately, like, they were more talented and better organized, and it's fine. If Auburn beats Penn State, I want you to think about what Penn State did in that world, and I want you to think about what Penn State Twitter is going to do in that world. That's why it's funnier. I think these are the same thing.

I think this is the same team with different logos. One of them doesn't have any, because they're both. That's maybe the most insulting possible. Penn State is unlicensed Auburn? Who's an insult? Which side? Both. Who's matter at that comparison? I don't even know.

offered on their meds? Yeah. Not many. Here's the thing. Penn State is offering with somebody to blame. Penn State is operant on the wrong meds. Okay, maybe the meds is like an antiviral or something.

Who's Penn State? Oh, Ohio State? Currently. Okay. Yeah, currently. Yeah, I mean, they get a bullshit win by two points every four years. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Something like a blocked punt. Yeah. This makes sense. I will argue. Red team, blue team.

See, Penn State could actually, like, has someone to blame because they'll be like, Sean Clifford, right? If Auburn... Rose Bowl player of the week, week one. If Auburn loses, it's Boe Nix. This is actually great because imagine looking at fans of either team

and going, you're just like them. Penn State is just secular Auburn. I'm going to try this. No, it's so disturbing to me because they will blame Sean Clifford. But there's no one to point to it, Auburn, who you're like, oh, it happened because of that guy.

right? Paul Bryant. Paul Bryant. Paul Bryant. And Paul Bryant. Oh, God. I blame Gus at this point. Yeah. I think we still got a little meat left on that bone. Yeah. Don't throw that away. We can still go there if we want. And we will. We will. Tupperville. Um, yeah, I am, I am looking forward to that happening either way. Hey, you have a voicemail. Can you play, this will get me to what I want to talk about next. Can you play the voicemail from Clancy? Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's hear from 402, Clancy from Nebraska. Hey, this is Clancy from Nebraska. I thought we were going to be good this year,

and it turns out we're not. That's all I got. Good little red. And your voicemail. I feel bad. Can we play that one more time? One more time. Hey, this is Clancy from Nebraska.

I thought we were going to be good this year, and it turns out we're not. That's all I got. Sorry. I'm sorry, Clancy, your size are funny. That's a great voice. I've never heard of pure distillation of the fan existential crisis, which is I thought we were going to be good. So I have a reveal at this point. This voicemail was sent to us on August 27th before.

Oh, my God. And then things got worse. This is a stray left over from after the Northwestern game. Clancy, buddy, we hope you're all right. Yeah, man. It'll be okay. If you want to give us an update, just let us know your, let us know your breathing regular and getting lots of fluids. There's just so much more Nebraska football to play.

There's so much left. I know they fired Scott Frost, and so that feels like the end in some... But this is kind of like USC last year, where it's sort of like, oh, yeah, you still have to play the remaining nine. I regret to inform you these nine games still have to be played in some... Yeah, we're going to look up in two months. Like, oh, yeah, they still need a coach. You still have to play Oklahoma. That's still a thing.

Yeah, and you fired the guy two weeks early. It would have saved you $8 million if you wait, or whatever. Plug in the correct numbers. And why'd you do that? Well, probably so you can take some air out of Oklahoma's upcoming demolition of you. Oh, yeah, it doesn't matter. They beat our backup coach, who cares? Now that I've said that, some crazy bullshit will happen in this game.

So let me cover my bases with that. Spencer, you said this was going to get you to something you wanted to talk about. Yeah, which is, yeah, Nebraska, because I know people crave Nebraska talk. Like watching a magician at work Citation needed Where's he going with this? I know Master orator

Well what I was going to go with is this Who wants a house The topic brought up by that guy We've all done video But I just want to put out There's one current television professional On this call That's right

It's like it's like What have heard happily was sleepy so what I was going to say is somebody needs to buy if you want a house with a full panic room and bunker in the Lincoln Nebraska area okay if you need that it's available okay and I'll bet it's huge I'll bet it's huge because no coach to me is Scott Frost House has a panic room I'm just betting I'm just throwing that out there okay because no coach to me when he got fired immediately was like Soros! Like no dude is more

cu-pilled than this guy, like above urban Meyer levels of I really like. Where would you put it in relation to like Shelley Meyer levels? Shelly's close. Shelly is cute. Now Spencer, is this

based on vibes or what? You're not supposed to say that, Jason. Yeah, this is just vibes. This is just my guess. But look at him. Look at like look at the overall vibe. But look at who he follows. Places, yeah.

Listen, central Florida. I'm including you, Oregon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. As you should. As you should. The home of Clive and Bundy. Yeah.

You absolutely should include Oregon in this. But I feel really confident saying that there is no coach who has a larger collection of fearsome weaponry he should not own or be allowed to own than Scott. Nebraska didn't have much weaponry. I wouldn't have much weaponry. To wing cans of corn at him from the sideline. I think we Look at him too He looks like Todd from Breaking Bad

He really does If this is true It's even more astonishing That they fired him on 9-11 Like you know he's already In a conspiratorial dude on that day That's what I was thinking George Bush fired me

That's how I know This was a firing done with malice Because it's not like All right So if it was just another AD It would be something different It would be like There's a professional AD

and he just wants to get it done and it's that no trev played for nebraska right and he knows how much nine 11 means to these people it's not like he deferred to authority they're like well he weren't played for this program no he's a former player he's fighting for the identity of the program and believes that he screwed it up so he's going to be the one who's like how can i what can i do to achieve maximal like circuit overload in scott frost and it's like i could fire him at exactly the hour like i want to go back and look i'm like did he fire him when the first tower Don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaking of Treve Alberps, I want to note a quote he gave shortly after firing Scott Frost. Mr. Ad, why'd you do this? And Trev Alberp's former, I keep saying, coming out burps. I don't mean to say that. I like it. I think you should lead into it. Trev Al Burps. They said, Mr. Al Burps.

Why did you do this? And he said, the former Nebraska football player said, we needed to inject something. to give them confidence. Nebraska just needed an injection. That's, I mean, historically speaking, that's pretty much the case, isn't it? The more Nebraska gets injections, the better they are at football. So this should work pretty great. And Trev Alberts.

It's so fun to say. Try it. Trev Alberps. Yeah, that's pretty good. I'm just glad my professionalism is contagious. Alpermsonsfield. This makes it even better that he kind of looks like the captain on pigs in space from old mother. He totally does.

Captain Alberts. He looks like Zap Branigan from Futurama. It sounds so Star Wars. Do you know what I love about that quote to you is that this is a form of speech that is supposed to be, you know, that is supposed to be polite, that is supposed to be removed. But what he's actually saying are, we needed an injection of vitamin, not you. Yes, it's, it's, we think this will show the players we believe in them so much. much that we spent an extra $8 million to get you out early. Plus $8 million worth of steroids.

Yeah, also that. I can't wait. Just one cycle of Nebraska. Just one cycle. You and me. Is I got a question that we haven't asked yet because we didn't think Nebraska was $8 million mad and it turns out they were? The question that we were going to ask when they were still considering firing Scott

Frost. for whom? Who on earth do you go get now? And I know we say this a lot, but look at everything that's happened. Look who they just brought in. Look who is the AD. For what?

What is your plan? Treval burps. AD trival burps. Oh, are we going to burpee Alvarez? We're going to burpi Alvarez this baby. All right. I, like, the best answer is, we have no fucking clue based on how the last like two or three years of coaching hires have gone

right richard said this on twitter like if if sitting coaches at sitting and also like very well established coaches at oklahoma and notre dame will leave for other jobs like you can't really put anybody off the table at this point no the most haunting one is what godfrey gotfrey's put it out there the most haunting one is irvin mire like that to me is Christ. That to me is the one where the further he got into it and the more he discussed how likely this was to emerge as a candidacy, the more, like, the louder than background music got, right? Like, the, the, the Hans Zimmer, like, the background music is I've never going to dance again. Yeah. Yeah. Like, they'll, they'll call Bill Belichick, won't they? I mean, you got to at least call. Like, I don't, I'm not saying that's going to happen, and I'm certainly not saying I know anything indicating that's going to happen. happen, but like... Ryan Nand. Report. At this point,

at this point, like, Nebraska, everybody already thinks you're like a little touched. Who, like, lean into it. Just go ahead and like be as as batshit as you want to be. Yeah.

Go get used to the nut. I mean, look up everything. Politic openly. Politic openly. And just be like, yeah, we're good. We're just, Treve Alberts should come out. I'll bet.

He should go on Game Day. He should go to Boone. He should go on Game Day. And he should hold up a novelty check and be like, this is for Nick Saban. Nick Saban, come coach Nebraska. And just like, put it out there. You're thinking small man. Condi Rice.

You know. Stanford's own? If we're going to get a war criminal, let's get a war criminal. A war criminal never abandoned Stanford like that. Let's get a war criminal. No, yeah, that's true. If we're going to hire somebody on 9-11, let's hire she needs to avenge what director alberts did on nine eleven just just laughing thinking about

the immense psychological spiral the only the only thing i i feel at all confident about vis-a-vis the nebraska head coaching search is it's going to get at least three other head coaches extensions and raises that you're just like what what why why is that how is that happening, and that's great. This is where Brian Harsen comes out and says he has no interest in the Nebraska job. Who is the funniest coach who's going to get a pay raise off of this, off of the like, I don't know. Heardy loves Lincoln.

Uh, PJ. If this happened to Marcus Freeman after starting Owen 2, that would be pretty good. Ooh, that's rich. PJ Fleck is being floated for this job, too. So Holly's not, Holly, Holly's on something there. Hey, I had to listen to a reporter I like personally very much talk yesterday about how he was nigh positive that Matt Campbell was going to take the job. Is that even a lateral move at this point from, I'm not, I'm not talking about like the scope and resources of Iowa State's program next to

Nebraska's program. I'm talking about quality of life for what Matt Campbell is built for himself at Ames. Like, how is your life improved by taking this job? Money's pretty cool, but otherwise, yeah. Cornel. You know how to run for president, you need like, excuse me you need like a dangerous level of self-belief you need you need to have the level of self-belief that says i should be in charge of an entire country and not just any country the united states i should like ultimately whoever takes this job needs that level of insane self-confidence like to say yes not only can i i will fix nebraska you've got that smile that tells me this is going someplace?

No, no, I just like, I just like that's all these questions about like cultural fit, recruiting chops, no, you just need somebody crazy enough to think that they can fix Nebraska. That's the right mindset. I think my favorite rumor is Mark Stoops. It's been said many,

many times. Because Iowa and Nebraska are the same things. Like, just imagine going from a place where going eight and four is every year. makes you beloved and makes John Calipari shit himself and going to a place where eight and four gets you fired apparently. All right, but here's, here's, here's recently, it's been a while, but.

Here's a scenario I'd like to embrace. Nebraska announces in a very unusual move that Mark Stoops will take the job, but they're going to let him coach out the rest of the year at Kentucky, and Kentucky's fine with this. Iowa continues its season In two months, let's say Kirk Ferrence announces he's done He's stepping down

And Brian is not getting the job And Iowa swoops in And like TCU going to the Big East But never showing up Iowa poaches Mark Stoops Nebraska head coach Before he's even coached a game there That is some sick shit

That would that would Yeah That's what I want to see on Nebraska has to counter with Mike Yeah You definitely don't have to. You wanted a stoops. Yeah, you're going to get a stoops.

I would argue. Has he at Alabama? Kirk Farrant's coming out and lobbying against the higher of his own son. He's the linebacker's coach for his brother at Kentucky. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Man, that smacks of being like you have to take your brother if you're going to the pool.

It really does. I would not. You can only go to the skating rink if you take your brother. Kirk Ferrence is not going to get Brian that job because he's not like he'll list his dad as a reference and then when he calls he'll be like don't hire this guy I've never heard of him I have no son yeah no sorry that man is that man is a fraud and a liar you could give people on cameo to say anything I'm kind of surprised this hasn't happened before or at least more often Bob now Bob

I'm going with Bob new well I'm going to answer first of all question one does Bob give a fuck no no also are all these people connected by by Iowa including Bob yes yes yeah Bob knew did Bob no I'd say chances are 98% Bob new because everybody's like oh they tricked him they tricked Bob

and to say in this thing and I'm like no Bob's a smart guy Bob do I bet it was in the queue and he bumped it to the top he's like oh this is a good one he's like you think Bob stoops Bob stoops who oversaw

some of the best offenses in football history likes seeing the final scores posted by his alma mater yeah Bob knows 70 points Bob doesn't like seven Bob Bob took a tumbler full of tequila

and said let's fire up Kalia he called up his close friend Cedric the entertainer and said, watch this show. I have decided I will cause problems. Kevin Hart sitting just out of frame. Because there's the other thing. Because unless Bob Stoops has mangled his finances in a way that's truly incomprehensible, which might be true.

Bob Stobs doesn't need to be on can't, like, of the people who are on cameo, Bob Stoops is not one of those that you're like, oh, I get why he's doing that. I mean, he's working in the XFL. So you're saying he's on there. There might have been a bad real estate. Stars shit. I choose to believe that, yes. For the pleasure of starting shit.

Okay. Yes. Like Dave Wanstead is on Cameo because it's like, oh, you put all your money in sandwiches, Dave. No, Dave Wanstead is on Cameo because he genuinely believes that we do not know enough about sandwiches and he feels that it is his sovereign duty to pass this stuff along. And Cameo is just going to put the greatest amount of resources, i.e. his brain cells, where they are needed the most. It's that. And I also believe that Dave Wonstett is of that specific kind of boomery mentality where $50 is magic, no matter, oh, you'll get me $50. Dude, what kind of shit are you talking?

$50 is magic, motherfucker. There's that boomer mentality. If you hit me, no, if you handed me $50 cash, if I gave you $50 cash, do you know what in your head you'd think? You'd be like, I could buy a new toy with this. That never goes away. Folks, on your birthday, Spencer will send you a check for $5. It won't clear, but I will send it. Wow.

That's a lot of money. Look at Ryan big money bags. Ryan, big dollars. I just saying, just missing $50. Coastal elite. As usual. Cumberland River goes to elite.

Yeah. Oh, just out on that river boat in Blunt County. Me and my big biscuit mansion over here. just sitting there with all the ladies going oh big biscuit roll him again i'm sorry holly i made him do it that time that's on me that one's my fault but it was in a riverboat gambling scenario where he was being cheered on don't mention my favorite things just to get you out of trouble oh he's hot tonight yeah he knew is the point wants to on cameo because he likes mixing it up.

I guarantee you he would put it that way, right? I like Holly's sandwich theory that Dave Wanstead can make any cameo about sandwiches. Have you ever seen a Dave Wanstead cameo that's not about sandwiches? I haven't. That's why he... That's why he can't be on TV too much. He'll just redirect every conversation to sandwiches. Although I would watch CNN's election report with Dave Wanstead.

Him and the touchscreen, man. That's all we want. down parts of a sandwich. If you're still in line and subway, stay in line. They have to serve you. I'm kidding. Just because they can't call it fish doesn't mean you shouldn't eat it. It's good. Just go down there. Get you one of them not fish sandwiches.

You're not better than this. Support local art. Hey, we got another voicemail. Let's give a shot. Server, server, can we hear? Can we hear from 770 who did not leave his name? Hey, guys.

I'm on the way to work, and I just thought you would want to know that I almost wrecked my truck because during your celebrity first pitch discussion, I just kept imagining like Betty White going in there and like hanging one high and then just getting fucking smoked

by Bryce Harper because I just feel like that's who would do it and like that's how we lost Betty White like after all the things that woman survived to get smoked by 102 mile an hour line drive to the chest anyway

bye goodness it's probably for the probably for the best no name was attached to that. Thank you, Area Code 770, which is parts in Atlanta. You can't slander the dead. Unless you live in Scotland, apparently.

In which case, you can be arrested for slandering the dead. Man. There's one dead. You can slander. That's right. Apparently, in this case, Betty White. Andrew Jackson. Saying she wouldn't have a glove up.

I bet Betty White would have caught that. She's not getting caught sleeping. She's going to catch that ball. I am glad somebody just... We all agree that Bryce Harper would throw on an old lady though right yeah yeah he's swinging he's letting it happen yeah it's summer major league baseball's in full swing and there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on major league baseball games and that's game time dot co that's right game time dot c oh i'm looking at the app right

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I'm going to continue to make fun of Jimbo Fisher for like, I think you can get like a good month out of this. We've already talked about A&M. I have to insist that we not, no, I have to insist on. No, we don't have to talk about A&M. I'm talking about Jimbo. Making fun of what? Like, they're going to keep losing football games.

Of course we can keep making fun of them. Of course we can. Like, they're going to do that and the fact that this is the most. I think you will end up getting like the worst return per win of any coach in history if we look at the numbers. If we look at the numbers, really? No, no, I just want to like quantify it. Okay. Like get it down to a fine number, right?

I'm not saying this is going to happen. But if you wanted to set Miami up for the most demoralizing circumstance in which they could lose to A&M, oh no. It's if they do it right after App State beats A&M. like if you if you are looking for the one-two punch this is how it happens that's brutal i'm not saying it will but if you were just like hey how can i set a trap for miami fans who are feeling good about their team and probably more specifically their team in the acc as a whole

which has been a very confusing conference so far not that it is no no this is it this is it because like it's still a ranked team we can talk about the rankings that's a whole separate uh god i love i love the rankings because there's this the stupidest thing in the world but draft kings this is this is how this is how you do that yeah no it's this is there are so many confusing like we two is supposed to be sleepy it wasn't week three, if you look ahead, it's supposed to be sleepy, it won't be. There are so many things on here that could go so very wrong, right?

Like, Nebraska and Curses among Curses, if their interim coach manages to actually take those one-score games. This is my greatest fear, by the way, that they have so many one-score games on their schedule, and if they fire the head coach, and it turns out to be the problem, I will laugh my ass off that Scott Frost was actually worth a negative of three to seven points per game

just by being there. that's that's when you're like because the whole time i kept thinking you fired somebody for seven and a half million dollars men are too emotional to coach or run football like i just kept hearing holly say that right like should we let men coach football they're so dramatic so dramatic so emotional spending eight million dollars when you could have just waited three weeks to do it that is the most like toddler-ass decision right like do you want a cookie now or two later they're like cookie now like that's essentially Nebraska the marshmallow experiment has been widely divided you know what it has been widely debunked except in my house where this works every damn time okay I'm willing to accept

the anecdotal evidence of my own experience oh you don't mean on your children you mean you yes yes me I fail the marshmallow experiment every time and so did Nebraska right but if they get

if they do something like they win some of these one score games they're like oh no maybe we should maybe we should let the interim have it poison absolute poison like don't even start to think about that. Georgia at South Carolina, I feel like whatever you say about that is going to be wrong, right?

If you're like, well, South Carolina is going to blow them out. I'm like, no, Spitzer Ratlo will probably throw like two crazy touchdowns. No one else would even think about trying. It'll also throw five picks. Like if you want to see a quarterback throw five picks, brother, Georgia, South Carolina might be the one. That might be the one you want to line up for if you're in for the full henig. If you want to see somebody just throw. Oh, have we seen a full henig?

since we saw the original end? I believe so, but not one as, not one that was like the prime time game. Not one that was like on national television and is the only thing for everyone to watch. Ancient ones among you will remember Mississippi State's Michael Hennegg throwing six? Yeah, Michael Anagie, yeah, he threw six.

Which I have always loved because what do you say to him after four? Keep going, man. I'm not, no, this isn't a joke. What do you say to him after four? You don't. It's like a pitcher throwing a no hitter, but the opposite. You just don't say anything.

Just look at him and go, you can't unthrow it. You can't unthrow the fourth. So get out there and throw the fifth. Just go, keep going, man. You can't throw your fifth interception without throwing the first four. You stand on the shoulders of failure giants.

We've got to make a live, laugh, love pleck that says that exact thing. So our buddy Ace and Bender pointed out something to me recently that's deeply funny in the direction of Notre Dame. Notre Dame on their roster, Notre Dame is going through a quarterback change because Tyler Buckner is injured and is going to miss an extended period. Not sex.

Not rooting for anybody to get injured. But the interesting thing is that Notre Dame, I have never seen another school do this. On their official roster, they have heights and weights listed, but they have, like, an astonishing amount of precision attached to the heights. Like, one punter on the roster

is listed as at 5, 10, and 5.8s inches. Oh, boy. And I say this because Drew Pine, who's now the new starter, is listed as at 5.11 and a half, which is just like... What? Like, the fact that you can't just say like, yep, here's our six foot tall quarterback, standing tall back there, slinging the, nope.

I know what, I mean, we've discussed this before, but I know the deal. He said he was six feet tall at once and somebody's like, no, bro, no, line up, line up, let's go. No, but if you say you're five, no, no, no, let's now, now. If you say you're five, eleven and a half, you're five nine. Possibly. I think I'm doing the conversion math in my head, but I'm pretty sure that's right. I agree with that. Are you saying that basically like Tinder profiles equal roster listings, right?

This is so much dating profile trutherism on the roster here. If you say, I'm trying to remember the sliding scale. If you say you're 58, you're 55. The shortest player on the roster is a kicker who's, or no, there's a long snapper's listed at 5.7. There's a kicker who's listed at 57 and 3 8s. And it's like, God, you couldn't even give them the house. Is this the NFL Combine? Why do we need to put this 19-year-old's business on blast like that?

Yeah, yeah. It's just astonishingly specific. I love it. Just put it all out there, man. Hemorrhoids. Freckles. Yeah, freckles. Weird bowl.

Just put those out there if you're going to get that precise. Sort by skin tags. It's a tummy ache when he eats after six. It's got IBS. It's a superpower. Last time peed the bed. Wow, three weeks ago. Look at that.

Well, that goes for Notre Dame's whole team. This is also how I came to realize that Ron Paulus, the third, is a quarterback. Oh, no. On this roster. No relation, right? Correct. Okay. They just, Ron Powell's Labs can't stop making the new Ron Powell's.

Just keeps dropping them. There is a game on the schedule. I want to draw attention. too. It includes the number one scoring team in the country. It includes the four games combined that these two teams have played. Three have gone to overtime. The high scoring team, they have won both their games by multiple scores each, despite playing one in overtime. One of the games of the week, Kansas Houston. Oh! Sorry, it's what the math says, what the card says. Kansas Houston is a good football game.

And there is absolutely nothing objectively better for at least half of it once Penn State Auburn ends. So Kansas Houston, just be aware, be advised. Watch grid is grim this week. Oh, no. I know Houston. I'm excited to watch Kansas Jayhawks. I know Houston's not ranked anymore. But would a Kansas win crack them into the rankings at 3 and now at this point?

It could. How close are they? I mean There are two There are two Kansases getting votes There's R and state are getting votes No votes God damn

Voters are just blind They just can't believe what happened Not a single vote for Kansas You got fucking Oregon ranked But not Kansas All right we're starting a campaign A campaign let's go Why is A&M ranked

Get Kansas in there That's that's very wrong I think, so here's, the thing that should probably have LSU fans the most worried is that Florida State is not ranked despite being two and O and beating LSU. Think about what that means. See, that makes perfect sense to me. Think about what that means that they're like, yeah, you know who should stay ranked? One in one Oregon who got fucking blasted off the map by Georgia.

Two and O, two and O, uh, FSU who went to Louisiana and beat LSU? No, not worth it. There's just so much inertia to the rankings. Like, pollsters don't like to like, ah, fuck all these teams. Put some new teams in there. You must slide this team down X number of spots. But fuck that.

Start over. Start from scratch every single week. When you log in, they shouldn't let you look at your previous weeks. Yeah, exactly. I will say, it does make it much funnier when they do shit, like drop Texas A&M 18 spots. Like, that to me is actually funnier than dropping them out. Oh, God, that's a real number right there.

Good Lord. Just enough spots, yes, sir, welcome back. I just know, as if it was, like, they have, I don't think I've ever seen down 18, like the little arrow being like, fuck this particular spot. It's not the biggest either. Biggest ever. Michigan had a minus 21 plus. I mean, Notre Dame dropped, I guess, 18, we would call it. That's amazing.

Because when you drop straight out of the rankings, you don't get the arrow and number. You just don't get any of it. But there's 0 and 2 Notre Dame with 23 votes in Kansas with none. How is this fair? Justice for Kansas football. Just for fucking Kansas. A&M, I just looked this up. A&M dropping 18 spots is the second largest drop by a team that remained ranked.

Teams have fallen from higher all the way out of the rankings. this in 2009 Cal or the farthest anyone has ever dropped with people still for some reason putting him in the top 25 we still let him in the rich man's club but we put him in a big chair that said poorest rich man that's what this is we made him sit behind Pittsburgh yeah he has to wear a talpat but tis broken tis floppy this is exciting and disambulated week four uh 2009 Cal and Ole Miss dropped 18, 17 spots and stayed ranked. Stayed ranked. I don't even know who left the rankings. This shit's hard to do.

Wait. That's not okay. There might be even more. That's incredible. Jason's eyes just started to glow. I don't know if you got it. Honestly, the coach's poll is working. Like in the AP poll, they're in the 24th.

The coaches poll left them at 22nd. The coach's pole has that even more inertia where it's like, you want to move them more than two spots. That'll expend way too many of my calories for the day. Do you want, I have a show, while you look at that, I have. I'm not scrolling this Excel sheet that far. Fuck you. I barely know how to work it. I've never heard of half these fucking teams.

I bet that is half of why there's, there's like, pole inertia. that the people who fill these out, they're just like, oh, God, this drop-down menu. Oh, Jesus, Chris. No, absolutely not. No, I live in the fucking morning. I'm like, I'm talking, I'm tired. Oh, no, what did I do?

I live in Albania. I just want to be done with this. Yeah, we make fun of the coaches poll for never, for not having coaches fill it out. But I think the most egregious offenses on it are committed by coaches actually filling it out themselves. Like when they do fill it out themselves, that's the problem. Yeah, yeah.

Because the SIDs know what's up. Do you think, There are any coaches who do their own taxes? Oh, um... Dana for sure. You were saying that Bob Stoves is on cameo. So based on that information, I'm going to say that Bob does his own taxes

and he's made some mistakes. Now, when you say due taxes... Sure. Sure. It doesn't necessarily imply pay taxes, right? It doesn't imply file, no. Okay, okay. No.

Dana Holgerson is a sovereign citizen. Just like the Pope. Yeah, Dana... Dana just writes down a number on a piece of paper. It's like 73 bucks. And he sends it in. And the IRS has 23 of those in a backlog. And they're like, we'll get to whatever that bullshit is.

When we have enough people to investigate it, Dana's like, I do it every year. It's great. Oh, my God. Sorry, we got a, hey, we got a reader mail I want to read. Yeah. From Eli Pretzel. Hello, Mr. Pretzel. Ms. Prezell.

I'm sorry. Hello, Ms. Pretzel. Was trying to find. shut down fullcast merch store and thought it was 29 snakes.com. It's not. Now, we own 24, 25, and

26 snakes.com. I've never really ventured further up the scale to see what's happening at 29. 29 snakes. We are a Bay Area Ball Python snake breeder. We are back, baby. After two years off, we are officially

back in business. This year we let our son take control of breeding, and he came up with some fun combos and morphs. I am reading this next sentence verbatim. We cannot wait to see what pops out of these eggs. Same.

I feel like you should know. I feel like if you're a snake breeder, you should have a high degree. It should not be like those fucking pills you drop in the tub when you're four. And they're like, what foam animal will this be? It shouldn't be question mark. Folks, we are not

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Just snakes for the love of the game. Just bread snakes on an amateur basis for college credit. I guess? Like, why'd you stop? I don't like even more snakes. I don't like professional stakes. I like when the snake handler is not getting paid. It's more enjoyable

Here's another AP fun fact A new record this week All this is from college polearchive.com Texas jumping from 98th to 21st After almost beating Alabama Is the biggest jump By fucking far of any team that ever lost Usually you have a really good showing against number one

Maybe you go up a spot despite losing Texas vaulted There's nobody else in the list In the last decade who's done it more than two spots. Texas jumped 77 spots after a lot. You ever wonder if we're too powerful proclaiming Texas back

you know. We, the internet? No, us. Specifically? Yeah. If we are, the Texas knows us money. Texas probably owes a lot of people money. They just seem like they're not good at paying. You don't get rich by paying people, you owe what they're owed.

You get rich by paying them in horses. That's what I learned. I'm trying to pay some over the horse. Jason, I'd like to congratulate your alma mater on being the only team in the FCS coach's poll to be ranked despite being 0-2. Yeah, see, that's lazy as fuck. Best 0-N-2 team in the country.

That's just they started 11th, so they can't fall that far. I think we have like nine points on the year. That's fucking lazy. They did, like, yes, they had to play Cincinnati. Cincinnati is a very good football team. totally get it. But they also lost to Samford, who I don't think is ranked at this point. And they didn't lose that game particularly close. I mean, it was a 10-point game, so close-ish, but it's just like, all right, cool. I'm glad that polls are broken at every level.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes me feel better. And at lower levels, you're going to find even more, like, low information voting, let's say. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, if it's D3, it's like, I really don't know who wants. win that game. I'm just going to guess. I have a stat for you, Jason, but I need to ask you a question first. As a quarterback this year, how many completions of over 15 yards through the air do you have? I don't have any yet. Okay. So in an officially sanctioned game. Okay, that's cool. So you and Bryce Young have something in common. Wow. Bryce Young hasn't completed a path.

that traveled 15 yards through the air this season. He's in the vauntedly defensive SEC. He's the only quarterback who hasn't done that. He's 0 for six on those attempts, and only two of those attempts were outside the hashes. So if you wanted like a literal illustration of how Alabama doesn't have wide receivers this year that can go further than 10 yards, that's it.

Two games, dude doesn't have it at all. Well, poor fucking ULM is going to experience several of those. Like, not only is this the get-right game, not only is ULM woefully under-resourced to an absurd degree, even against, like, Vanderbilt, let alone Alabama. Nick Sabin personally hates ULM and said this week that he remembers when he lost to them, even though, as Ryan pointed out,

no one at the entire university was there at the time. There might be a history professor or something. That doesn't fucking matter. The man who was coaching ULM at that point now runs a religious charity at Orlando. He's completely out of football. Yeah, well, Sabin's coming for it. Yeah, that's it. Sabin's going to play in the damn citrus bowl just to see that guy again.

So, Bama has, despite its unprecedented success over the last, fuck, what? 20, 15, 15 years, ish. Bama fans are not hesitant to turn on a coordinator that they don't like. If, if, if, if ULM hangs around in a low-scoring half, what will happen to Bill O'Brien at this point? Bill O'Brien already, you know, not like the most beloved man. on football internet. How come?

Where to begin? Hey, you know what? Do you want to talk about Bill O'Brien the confusing GM who hates himself or Bill O'Brien the in-game decision-maker who hates everyone else? I might start to see his name come up

associated with that Nebraska job. That's what I think. Now I'm going to say, no, no, no. Follow me, follow me. When? what other coach has gone to a troubled program been the tweener coach who in two three years turned them around

and yes injected some much needed stability into that program and who's done it twice? We can laugh at a lot of things Bill O'Brien yeah no who is the only sane person in the building at Penn State and the Houston Texans it is when he was in Penn State he was very nice to me one time when the full cat interrupted an interview we were doing I don't want to thanks Bill I don't want to totally discount his Penn State years, but it is telling that the only years where people have, like, glowing

things to say about Bill O'Brien as a coach were the years with the lowest possible expectations. The absolute floor. Perfect. Like, every other time when it's been like, all right, Bill, we would like to see progress and growth, he's like, no matter what, Bill's going to get you average. That's what he's going for. If you were way fucking below average, he's your guy. are you astonished that your boyfriend

didn't just throw garbage on the ground when he was done with it. Bill O'Brien, new boyfriend. You are dating Bill O'Brien. He's your Bob friend. Yeah, because the guy before you, he brought that bar all the way down to the floor in the basement, right?

If you're astonished... Scott Frost has his panic room. Where Scott Frost is sitting in his panic room scrolling some of the most horrifying websites known to mankind. Bill Bryant, I don't know what the internet is, Nebraska. Wouldn't you prefer that? Look at that handsome chin. Look at that handsome chin and send that man a DM.

Can't believe turd al burpsk fired me. That Scott Frost Group chat's got to be lit. It's got to be so good. Who is in the chat? Alex Jones. Jesse Plemons, Brock Lesner, all the guys who look like Scott Frost. It's just a collection. of gigantic to-y-looking white guys.

It's a collection of that guy. Lena Dunham for some reason. Sometimes I feel like you guys are making fun of me. Yeah, yeah, we are. Hey, let's call the voicemail. Yeah. Can we hear from 479 server? Hey, this is Kent Cottle, aka Pyr George, on Twitter.

I said I have a call to let people know as a long-time Arkansas fan. Yes, you are correct. The old coal beer that Sam Pittman is enjoying after the game is a hams. The reason isn't to facilitate a

whole hog half-hams joke. Why not? The reason is and my apologies if this causes undue yiffing and screeching with the college football furry cognizanty. But the reason is that you can superimpose the old

70s, hands, beer bear mascot over any still photo or video of Sam Pittman with his voice included. And no one would even know that it was a bit. They were made for each other. Go hogs. Thanks for all you do. I didn't get to the, I didn't get to the furry part. I'm going to, by the way, I'm going to, in the chat, share a link to that image. You judge it live. Okay. okay oh shit fire hold on video server leave this in that's what I do yeah because I'm the professional

that's what I do the Bill O'Brien of podcasting all right while we're waiting on Spencer did you guys hear that University of Utah police are investigating reports that two female students wore body paint in lieu of tops to the Utes football game

at Rice Eccles Stadium on Saturday Yes, I actively need to investigate this thoroughly. Witnesses said the body paint was applied to depict t-shirts. That's what the security guards just let them walk by, which is great. Like, what a way to say that you've never seen tits before. Johnson. I don't know. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Okay. All right. Hang on. Sorry, sorry. One fan, okay, okay. One fan YouTube influencer Malia Johnson. I'm so glad that she told you that was her job.

Posted on Instagram that security personnel allowed two topless girls to enter the stadium gate. Our first reaction is to create like a wall or shield in front of our children so they can't see it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Johnson, who has had season tickets to U football for 20 years, said she and her husband were excited. decided to take their children, ages 10 and 13, to their first game. But the experience soured after they saw the two young women. She said, I would like to hear from the kids. Yeah, no, they were like, the game was awesome.

The 13-year-old likely disagrees. Okay. Sorry, this is the best part. The pain on the young women's backs was applied in a very haphazard manner, Johnson said. Oh, we hate a sloppy costume. This is via chaos. That's her actual problem. You ever tried to paint your own back?

That's right. I believe I have found the Instagram post from this woman in question. This actually isn't illegal, by the way. Yeah, no, it's totally illegal. This is from her Instagram account. This is the caption. There were two, all caps, topless girls. At the Utah football game.

This is the first time bringing my two kids to the game, so excited. No one seemed to stop them. No one did anything with an exclamation point, exclamation at. And then is this literally what our world is. coming to it. Well, yeah, they're in a physical form. So, yeah, this is... Utah State Code is silent on whether body paint is considered a body covering. Yeah. We can't even go to a family-friendly college football game. Ma'am, ma'am. I'm going to stop you right there.

Family-friendly college football game, always a negotiable term. Okay. Well, I mean, I think there is a lot of loaded assumption about what family-friendly means. This seems incredibly friendly to me. Mm-hmm. Okay. It appears, by the way, this couple has... Girls, just two girls ready to feed babies? What's wrong with you, Malia? Yeah.

It appears that would this be okay? Would you be okay with this at your team stadium? Yes. Especially with your kids there? Okay, well, we were asking about, did the kids enjoy it? It appears they have two kids. I'm just going to show, I'm going to send you the Instagram post and question. I know which one of the kids really enjoyed this.

Oh, boy. It looks like both of them thought of it. It was pretty funny. That's what they're thinking about here. This is not actually a picture where you want to, yeah, everybody looks real happy in this picture. Notice that dad has mirrored shades on also. Yes, yes, dear, I agree.

It's appalling. Just appalling what society has come to. I need a follow up comment from Super Mom Britt. Sounds like I'm writing a letter to the U. We can't bring in our own food, but we can go topless. That sounds like a good deal. She spells that we can go topples. Also, if you're lactating, you can't bring your own food, it turns out.

All right. Oh, yeah, so much food, yeah. So this team, I am, I am disappointed. College is for widening your definition of what is and is not food. I am disappointed that Utah is not playing BYU this year, because I would really love if the Utah student section was like, that's it. It's all tits out for the BYU. Man, listen, the Utah student section, which is a.

I'm trying to think of a place where they would have less luck of catching two topless girls. You're not going to find a place more unified and more hive-minded. This is a compliment than the Utah student section. They are going to circle the wagons around these girls. They are in great sec. We're going hogs out for the holy war. This is for everyone. Coming into the world is God made me.

Every time we get a sack on third down, pull that sack out. hang brain for every touchdown we hang on them this is that smithers image with him at the strip club and they're like no what i really love is the amount of investigative resource that this is we're investigating brother that's too many syllables already does it actually mean utah's like yes well fine we have our top minds are on it

we will spare no expense were these the breaths that you saw no those weren't the ones is this the assignment you give to your best cop or your worst okay and taking from the common protest logic

if they can't arrest us all how many topless people can you actually arrest in a stadium in a given day it's like Thomas Crown affair right you turn around there's like nip nip I think the fact that The Philadelphia Eagles jail only houses, I don't know, 10, 20 people. That's probably the number.

That's mostly for topless men, to be clear. Well, sure, but Holly just said people. So, like, if Philly can't do more than 10 or 20, that's got to be the upper limit. Yeah, far be it for me to say that dudes cannot also show their nips. Let them out. Nipples and nipple. This is what happens when Utah plays one road game in Florida. One.

Next to eat out. In the never coming back. It's all. Oh, you don't need shirts? This is why we're boycotting Disney. No, I learned a lot about my football team and I learned a lot about myself this weekend. Of all the schools where I thought this might happen, Utah is bottom, bottom 20. Easy out of all 130 schools, like, bottom tier.

It's also great because BYU can use this for negative recruiting, but it won't work. What, like Spencer, the least likely for someone to do it or someone to complain? Someone to do it. Someone to do it. The BYU recruiting angle on this is hilarious, though. There's a boomerang effect when you get out of college in some of these households and get out in the world the first time that I don't think you're taking into account here.

I think there's a level of, we are not BYU. Watch me prove it. To consider here. Yeah, don't go to Utah. You might see nudity. Yeah, and I think Utah is like people associate us with BYU. where they keep their shirts on. You know what we should do?

Oh, so this is brand. We should not wear shirts. Yeah. Salt Lake Tiddies.