Shutdown Fullcast - I WANT THE HOPE DIAMOND OF CHICKEN SANDWICHES (or, CHICKEN ORB)

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

 - Hey y’all, Les Miles got fired in the middle of this show, and we pivoted about as adeptly as you might expect.   - Which American fast food chain serves a CHICKEN SANDWICH AS A SIDE ITEM AT BREAKFAST, but NOT IN AMERICA?  - What color y’all reckon Prince Philip’s blood is? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I got distracted in the middle of that quiz by this story that says the queen has been receiving regular infusions of her own blood. Yes. Like, not as, like, a medical procedure specifically. Like, this is just a normal thing that she does. Super Soldier program. Like, I told you, she's deadlifting. Like, are they trying to create, like, a super concentrated queen? I don't know.

It's like when you get that double concentrated tomato paper. but queen is this how like all is this how all these fuckers live to be a hundred and twenty probably but if you're constantly like cranked on sherry i'm sorry it was the phrase that threw me the queen is regularly quote topped off with her own blood yes she's running low i'm telling you man your majesty you're about a court low i i feel like i compare everything to the emperor and warhammer This is the new most emperor in Warhammer thing I've ever heard. Isn't it just like Sherry, though? It should just like, like, that's what her blood's got to be like.

Yeah, but it's her sherry, though. It's her sherry. It's queen-infused sherry. Queen Elizabeth Nanobots. The queen is a snake. The queen is a still. Yeah, just tap her, man. It's fine.

Welcome to the shutdowns. you are listening to the internet's only royal blood transfusion podcast i mean we do talk about college football too sometimes nope it's royal blood only i would prefer not i would prefer to stick to the first thing you mentioned there royal blood transfusion yeah yeah yeah i don't think it would be good if you gave me my own blood back like if you just top me off like that's not what if they What if they clean it? I'll bite. No,

I'll bite. Why not? I don't know. I don't think, given what's in my bloodstream on a given day, I want any more of that. Why's there's so much cord in here?

Jesus Christ. How is this chunky? It smells like carousine? We found five Legos and not small ones. They're going to run it through a strainer. That's true. They put your blood in a Brita filter. They're going to shake it real.

They pick up the bag and it's just sunflower seeds. That means there's one part of Ryan's brain that is 100% dude because he thought, you can put it through a Brita filter. You don't put anything through a Brita filter and it's clean. Anything. It's like, dudes are like, yeah, you just put, you just put like cheap vodka through a Brita filter. It's just like expensive vodka. You're just like swish it over a campfire and that's good. I put vinegar through it and I got wine.

This is basically the miracles that Jesus did, but in my kitchen. Yeah. but with booze. Now there's a guy who put his blood in you. That's right. Oh shit.

That's, I don't, apparently the queen's just, just out here. Topped off. Topped off. Their own blood. Oi! Feeling a pint low.

Where do they keep the blood? Are you telling me there's a blood fridge in Buckingham Palace? I think, are there clone queens? Are there clone queens that they have to bleed? Actually, yeah, never mind.

Please, yes. Like, in Moon, the movie Moon, you know, where the whole basement is full of clones. I was going to say the first Blade film, but yours works too. Any movie with clones. Well, let's go with the Moon because then the whole moon is nothing but clones of the Queen. And whenever we send these rockets up, it's all a work. It's all a work. When Elon Musk sends a rocket up and when they pretend it's blowing up, no.

It really gets to the moon. They pump it full of Queen blood. yeah and then they fire it back and it lands in buckingham palace see now i don't ever have to see the movie i just that's what it's about i want to know who first came up with this idea did somebody's proposes to the queen or was she like what hey guys so what if the story is the the story that i they're the news alert that just flashed across my phone and derailed me completely from the quiz was that i guess i get this it says the queen and uh her husband and prince charles all travel with uh with supplies of their own blood which i guess i get

because if you get into some kind of fatal accident not not fatal accident if you get into some kind of life-threatening accident on the road you don't want to have to hunt around for a blood donor sure it's like i guess i guess i get being like super ultra but that but you're talking about something for emergency use this is just so yeah that was no that was the framing of the story and the news alert is like has like the these people travel with a flyer of their own blood comma the queen is regularly quote topped off with her own blood i want to be clear i think if spencer got topped off with his own blood he'd immediately get sick like he'd immediately get diarrhea it's like yeah i mean let's flip this though yeah what if you are a doctor and in an emergency right you know the royals are like right there okay and um and there's a random emergency like oh god this man needs blood who's a donor who matches and someone goes well prince phillips blood matches him there is he has no blood that's a terrible example it's just no but like you're not you're declining it right there are people who

you're like hey what color do you think prince phillips blood is is it like gray yeah it's probably it's probably it's probably just like ashes it's probably the color of shivis regal or like coal slurry yeah i'm thinking whatever whiskey mixed with like coffee grounds would look like it's mostly teeth yeah like that's not if you're a doctor they're like but we could give him philip's blood you're like no no no don't do that i just like that the queen has our own um mad max blood bag to do nothing but sit around. I hope it's a handmaiden too that

that has to carry the blood that there's like a shield maiden with just like a cooler pack. You know so when people come and they kneel before her and she does the thing with the sword don't trust that buddy. She's taking your blood.

Yeah but she might be below a pint. That's why it's called pints. Oh God, that's why they're stuck with Imperial well this time. The prophecy. It's real. Yeah.

I just think there's... Yeah, elite... I get that, though, because, like, a leader of blood, that just feels like a lot. Somebody just just to walk around carrying that,

like, what do you do? That's eight hours of carrying the queen's blood around. That's what I do. She doesn't do anything. It's not like... I have a master's degree

in political science. This lady's blood doping. And not doing sports. But she also, like, You say she's not doing anything. Oh, my God. H-R-H? H-G-H.

She's the Lance Armstrong of sitting. Wait, she's the English. She's the English Pope, though. She's the head of the church. Pope-dope. Listen, if there's one thing I know about English people, they love rhyming headlines. It's true.

The power rhyming has over them is inexplicable. You guys got to watch Ted Lassau. I watched one episode. I'm getting there. Okay. You need to stick with it. I will. I just, I haven't.

I had to watch Fast Six first. Oh. This is the only acceptable excuse. Okay, well, you're getting to the end of where you have to watch that series anyway. It's time, folks, it's time for a fast update. Okay. First of all, my wife is furious with what they've done to Han. Thank you.

Welcome to the party, Caitlin. Between breaking up, the couple she liked. best with with hans joselle and then revealing how how han han han actually dies in Tokyo drift just furious um other than that i got to say i like i didn't like six as much as five we have five oh no five five is the peak yeah okay okay six and seven are still pretty good they're no five i mean six does have the tank coming out of the like being born on the highway they got a tank How many takes do you think he wanted to do of guys they got a tank? But I don't think anything will be...

Well, I really wish... Maybe they did this. I would love to see the MythBusters of what would actually happen if Vin Diesel forcibly ejected himself from his car to catch Michelle Rodriguez mid-air to redirect her into another car. Is this where we give you some bloodbats, by the way? I think MythBusters is down,

but like... Their bodies would liquefy, right? This movie series is why Mythbusters called it quits. Yeah, that's probably right. Yeah. That's probably fair. Because they were like, they rewrote science because all of these things actually happened. So now that you're on the Justice for Hahn committee,

yeah. Welcome, by the way. I'm really excited for movie eight. Okay. Yeah, no. I mean, yeah. There's some shit coming up that you're going to fucking hate. The other part I like that's a show.

And you should. The other part I liked about six, and then we can move on, is that it starts with this, like, montage of, like, little snippets of... Oh, yeah, you're going to get those from now on, the previously on Fast and Furious. But it's hilarious because it's like... They don't even necessarily pick the important ones for that movie. They're just like, I hear some cool scenes. I think it's because they got to six, and they're like, fuck, still no... We have resurrected this entire franchise, and still nobody will watch the fourth movie.

Like Fast 11, it's like previously on. And it's just like boobs. Previously on the Fast series. Some techno. Yep. Yep. Yep. I did see.

My favorite thing in this is Letty in a tank, which I think was not part of the original script. But Michelle Rodriguez just, you know, one day just decided she needed to drive a tank. They're like, go with it. Go with it. Let me tell you what else. Gina Carano, terrible fucking actress.

Horrible. Because when you stand out as like a wooden actor in the fucking fast, the furious franchise, you're bad. You are straight up terrible. And everybody hates her ass now because of all the other horrible shit she did. Fastheads have known. I remember she did that haywire movie, right? It was like a born type thing or whatever. And I remember watching that like, wow, this would be really cool.

if she'd done like an acting class. And that was like 10 years ago. Oh man. She did not ever do any acting classes. She is just like, and especially because they pair her with the rock for most of the movie, who is like so charismatic and like is so this is like, is living and breathing his character aggressively.

And it's just like he might as well be doing it next to a cardboard cut out of Tiger Woods. The movie would not be that different. Yeah, I so respect. I so respect the... Then she has to try to outact baby Yoda. Yeah, it's not great. That's...

Gina Carano eventually found her level, which is, hey, I think we can make you work in a Star Wars third level subsidiary. Buddy, I have some news. Yeah. She did not work in that. She's still a bad actor. Her job was walking around with a huge gun,

and she was horrible at that too. Perfect, perfect level. Perfect level. We'll just keep her that. Did she have to talk? She had to talk. Oh, damn. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, yeah.

I love, by the way, like the rock in every role, I absolutely respect his complete and obvious desire to never, ever, ever, ever be broke again. Every time that man comes on screen, you're like, the rent will be paid. There will be, there will be fancy shoes in the, closet because the rock is never going broke again they give him they give him fast and furious dialogue and he's like shakespeare he's a wrestler going to read this like shakespeare he's also

he's also the only one whose fight scenes are really that watchable like most of the fight scenes are fine or whatever but like when the rock is throwing somebody into a wall that's great oh yeah like that is like the physicality yeah because the rock is never going broken again he's like what you only throw myself through this wall I will throw myself through this wall because I am never going broke again ever I know that like the addition of the rock to the

franchise was met with mixed emotions when it first happened no he was great sorry that man that man has sold it all I think all the mixed emotions were felt by Vin Diesel yes correct yeah who's still

the best game you can play There's still a better actor than Gina Corona. The best game you can play with this franchise from five on is whenever Vin Diesel and the Rock have a scene together, try to figure out like how they made the height look the same. Like figure out like, oh, he's got to be standing on Apple boxes or like at the end. I think it's at the end of this one. It's Vin's so that you think they probably had to come up with something that wasn't just like you're standing on a box because he would not even acknowledge that. Right. So like at the end of six when they're all back in L.A.

They're making movies on two levels. They not only have to make a movie that looks like Vin is as tall as the rock. They have to make a set where Vin feels as tall as the rock. So the last scene they have together in Six is in the driveway of the like old house in East L.A. that they've gone back to. And they're standing at different parts of the driveway so that Vin can be like on the upslope. It's hilarious. And they're probably both pasted in from two different shots.

I think this was the point where they couldn't compare to look at each other. They're so close to Gimliing him, right? They're so close to doing some kind of hobbit. Grooting him.

Yeah, they're so close to do some kind of forced perspective, right? They're like, oh, we Hobbit. Yeah, they're so close to doing that. I would watch that cut. I would watch the cut of these movies where Vin Diesel is obviously

a foot and a half shorter than the rock. I mean, you know why they hate it. each other? Vince like, I'm Mr. Cool. And the Rock's like, I am selling. I will be compelling and assertive and masculine. And Vince like, oh, just keep it cool. The Rock's not going to keep it cool.

Rock's not going to hide effort. Rock's going to be like, I am reporting for duty. Because I am a soldier. He went to the U. Just count it. It's military service. He went to the University of Miami. Defending America from enemies aquatic.

Domestic and domestic. Dependent. Defending America from enemies who lack swag. Domestic and imported. Yeah, from the swaggerless. And also depending from domestic enemies and foreign beer.

That's right. But yeah, that's the... Yeah, listen, just calibrate, pace yourselves regarding Han rage. Okay. The atrocities to which they submit him have not yet ended. Okay, good to know.

But seven's pretty good too. seven's really dumb seven i'm looking forward to seven's big seven's big dumb and big five seven is the end of it for me big stupid yeah seven seven is yeah seven is when stupid is at an all time high and actual dumb has not yet arrived i i think seven seven's peak tyrese right like it's probably the best yeah i would argue nah too fast is peak tyrese you think too fast is peak tyrese okay well he's like half the movie for two yeah now they got like 80 people in the family. Yeah, this is like seven is extremely important in my ludicrous is smart, Tyrese's stupid theory.

Sure. Which is that at every moment you can take what Ludacris is doing. And it is 10 times smarter than whatever Tyrese is doing on Instagram. Like, Tyrese is on Instagram, like yelling at a 16 year old for calling him a loser. And Ludacris is learning to fly planes. because ludicrous is smart and Tyrese is very dumb they are both richer than me

and more famous than I will ever be but I think it is clear to everyone that if the universe has two rules it is that ludicrous is smart and Tyrese is very dumb so who in the fast family is doing the most acting because I don't feel like anyone is

like the whole franchise just like be yourselves with these cars right like the rock is being just mad rock like no rock the rock you watch his videos and he's he's that guy just smiling more no but i feel like everyone there is just being themselves dialed up a little bit this is my favorite kind of movie though where there's a bunch of people who are like hey let's

put on a movie sure right right well the answer to who's trying the hardest is jena carano and that's what makes it sad i don't know if i mean trying the hardest i just mean like every single person is just who's farthest from type doing their own personality. Yeah. And that's great. Definitely not Jason Statham. He's playing, yeah, he's playing Jason Statham.

That's it. It's me. What are you doing? Oi. I'm ending every sentence with a question mark, aren't I? Oh, God damn it. We did it again. Yeah, it's broken.

Sorry it's happening. The person who's playing most against type? Yeah, I don't know. They're all doing them, you know? I feel like the rock actually thinks he is that guy, though. Right? Like, he walks out of the set. That's who he's going to be.

That's just cop rock. Like, there's three rocks, and this is cop rock. And sometimes he's like goofy rock. Kid-friendly rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and sometimes he's... The tooth fairy rock. Escape from which mountain rock.

Yeah, yeah. Or Jumanji rock. And then there's like adventure rock. We forget that Vin Diesel had a phase like that, too. Like, didn't he do a movie where he had to? act with a duck he's done a lot of weird shit like he had like a um a mafia lawyer movie forever ago which was like what yes it's called find me guilty i remember watching it and like toward the end i'm like holy shit this is not great but i'm really touched holly go go

go look it up just so you can see the fucking terrible hairpiece he has for this yes it's it's truly awful. He looks like a, like a 1982 Chicago Bulls coach or something. That type of hairpiece. Yeah. Pitch Black was pretty good. Oh, I saw Pitch Black in theaters.

But these are all, like, that'll, pitch black also feels like this is, like, who Vin Diesel thinks he is in space. Yeah. But then he does, like, just a little weird shit. Or like the, um, the behind the scenes

of Guardians. Have you seen this? He's recording Groot's lines. This man walks in on stilts because he feels more authentic being the height of Groot. Wait, what? Yes. Look it up. Him recording Groot's lines and he doesn't just walk in and say, I am Groot.

And then they manipulate it. He lays down like 200 different versions of I am Groot while standing on stilts so he can feel tall like Groot, which is probably how they make him as tall as the rock. He's not making this up. He's not making this up. At all. I forget if, I forget if I'm making up.

Guys, he wore the stilts to the European premiere of one of the movies. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. He wore the stilts. So you'd be as tall as the rock. Listen, listen, I'm going to put, I'm going to put it, hold on. I'm going to drop it to you all once I can find wherever the hell are. While you're looking for that, there's one other thing that I don't know if I'm making up this part or not, but like for international versions of Guardians.

Oh, that video I have seen where he has to do it in all the languages. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, so I grout. Look at that fucking picture. That video is delightful. Okay, hold on. It's in the Discord.

Oh, my God. Wait, wait, let me see. Christ almighty. Okay, when you said stilts, I thought you meant... No, those are proper. I guess I had a different idea of what constitutes... Sure. Nowadays.

Like, I thought, like, he was walking around on a pair of wooden stilts. Yes, like an old... I mean carnival. Historius type Yeah, that is right. But he wears to the premiere with a shirt that says, I am Groot.

In case, yeah, by the way, going to the premiere, whenever else is in a suit and a T-shirt that says, I am Groot. Vin Diesel, everybody. I... Just for contrast,

find me what Bradley Cooper wore to the film. I hope, like, everything, that every red carpet interview he's done for these movies, he only responds, I am Groot.

I hope that's the only thing he'll say in an interview. connected to any of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He might. He really might. Bradley Cooper wore a... If I were Bradley Cooper, I would also wear a T-shirt that says, I am group.

He wore a... Just to see what happens. Oh, God, he wore a leather jacket. Was... Oh, no, it's a collarless leather jacket. Oh, fuck, dude. I don't know anything of Bradley Cooper, but my suspicions are not good.

Let's get you a collarless leather jacket. Let's just see what happens. happens. Oh, yeah, it's happening. I won't wear it. It's going to be like suvading him, Ryan. You know what you'd look like? You'd look like one of those, uh, one of those henchmen that young Indiana Jones like flips off a circus train at the beginning of Last Crusade. Yeah, you would do that. Get out of Eric. Hey kid, give me that. Ah! It's you. I have I have one more Vin Diesel note that's important, which is this. Just remember that in triple x at one point and this is from jack kennedy on twitter which i have this saved because

i thought it was i thought it's john kennedy yes still bumping um yeah this is from him he points out that yeah vin diesel at one point is drinking a sobi life water with toty hawk after pulling off a stunt where he says dick you've just entered the zander zone wow yeah yeah yeah there was no quality control 2002 none whole just took yeah because now things are great took the whole year off is he talking to his dick

might yeah dick you've entered the zander you've entered the dick zone does that mean you're horny I'm unclear we have the movies called triple X folks what did you expect

um did you hear this folks we're uh we are done we're done roasting vend diesel because i wouldn't say roasting i would say it was lovedly appreciating yeah because we could roast because i watched holly do a really great job and an actual roast uh a michigan roast yeah a fellow named uh john bacon who i am told writes books of some kind not familiar with them nobody reads them that was the point made by many of the attendees of the roast yeah but you did it you did a great job it was a roast for charity on this past saturday night it was like the uh charity bull spring game yeah a little warm up in that a bunch of michigan people asked me to help them raise money and i was

like well yeah i can't ever say no to you guys uh when it comes to that no including the scler brothers who were cool as hell yeah they were they were the uh they were the uh they were the uh they were the emcees yeah and you're now like bffs of them my my close personal friends the sclarbrose yeah no but i will be on their show this wednesday so i guess that'll be the day after this episode comes out and in a rare reversal for only spencer will know how funny this is but they're like tell spencer we'd love to have him on sometime too i'm like well this is backwards from how this usually goes i did crashed your party and they said thank you for bringing the unabomber and they would know yeah that's it who knows who knows the unabomber better than a michigan man spencer crashed

the party by screaming from the other side of the room that the grapes of wrath was 25 pages shorter than john bacon's book about the rich rodriguez area which is true which is an excellent point you can sum up the perils also they both suck both of the books suck you can sum up the perils and sorrows of the dust bowl or you can cover one year and the the Michigan football program yeah to which the response by the way was this yeah because they're both books about depression big depressions okay we had I think we had a point with this that we did we did which is this that oh right the charity bowl's coming up that's true that's true we are we are getting together the 2000 and 21 edition of the charity bowl this is to say the first

frantic emails have gone out this week it's very exciting time it is we're going to be doing it again for new american pathways we're going to do it in our traditional time slot this year and not hold off till august like we had to last year and we'll see how it goes but just you know this is more just putting a bug in your ear saying hey just you know if you've if you've got that stimulus check coming and you uh maybe maybe want to set some of that aside if you are lucky enough to be able to have money to set aside uh think of think of your friends and New American Pathways and think of all your rivals that you get to call poor and or cheap in the name of good cause. If Mammon was kind to you this year, if you managed to have diamond hands and hold on to a couple of quality stonks that might have paid off a little bit.

Hey, share the wealth. Just keep that in mind. Charity Bowl coming up. Don't get it. Yeah. I wanted to talk about something that we've had on the docket for a minute. it which is Ryan did you find this burger first the Japanese burger I believe so yeah I believe he did which is

I have a theory that we as Americans because they just assume we're already in the bag fast food's given up on us we get none of the innovations we get none of the good shit fast food companies take us for granted because we're fat and lazy

I have a right I have a really alarming thing to report on this but please go ahead. Okay. Do you just want to go ahead and get there? No, no, no, no. I want you to, I want you to get there. Well, now I'm going to be worried the whole time.

I know, like, I'm going to be like, ha, ha, this actually killed a man. I'm feeling, no. No, it's fine. It's not that. Okay, it's that. You're going to come right up. You don't hear this dog snoring, by the way.

No. Is that coming through at all? Oh, good. So Burger King, Japan is releasing something called the strong, magma mind you it's not called the strong magma burger nope just the strong magma what is it it is uh a one pound beef burger one pound not a quarter pound no we're not doing any fractions how do you even cook that

in a fast food kitchen in any reasonable amount of time how many patties does it how many patties does it have? Four. That's right. That is that's out. We're looking at four patties. All right. With some sort of evil, strong magma sauce.

Some sort of volcanic hell juice that they sprinkle on this burger. Volcanic hell juice. Which does appear to be given a pretty conventional bun. And with carrots. Are these sliced carrots? Are they pickled? Pickled? I don't...

Yeah, I don't know. The mysteries of the strong magma burger are many. They're tongue depressors, is what they are. Those are actually coins. You have to eat them for luck. But yeah, the strong magma burger, I'm so mad because this is another country, Americaing harder than we America. It distresses me.

They have, they have, they have, they have, Burger King Japan has dubbed this burger, the quote, spiciest meat wall. Gosh, I hope so. So I think legally that meets you can build a dwelling out of this burger. It tests really well, especially in earthquake tests. It's crazy. That's, I'm so mad. God, first of all, they took my nickname. spiciest meatball second

I want this thing I can order without cheese strong magma yeah I want to eat something called the strong magma burger is it going to be different than eating just a bunch of

like meat and hamburgers irresponsibly in installments no not really but what am I going to be able to say it is the five year mortgage of hamburgers so like are you

on the subject of Americaing what Which countries do we actually out America? England. England, definitely, after this. Anybody else? Although, wait. Is England?

No, never mind. I'm not going to touch that here. Do we out of? No way, I'll do it. Is England out Americaing America by making a famous couple flee here because it will be less racist? valid point I think that just means they're like shitty America

which is saying a lot I think on the subject of out Americaing we're like saying they're achieving the things we think we're good at and they're not and they're not bragging about and England doesn't do a goddamn thing of note or value whatsoever American or otherwise

they did produce Ted Lassow which both of you have you yet to watch how much credit does England get for that i think i think ted lasso gets the credit and he is from kansas so um okay you are australia are you australia are you australia might be americaing harder than australia but then again are they australia it's hard to tell they didn't they didn't have that much covid we are we are not out american in australia they're bugs out america america i don't know guys like they they They did, like, actual COVID lockdowns.

Is anybody screaming at an Australian Walmart cashier that, like, masks are an illegal government plot? That's not very America. I think the general Australia lack of caring about anything probably went ahead and helped if COVID lockdown because they're like, yeah, you got to stay home. They're like, all right, fine. And also, come on, man, they got a degree of difficulty thing there. They're America on varsity difficulty with big ass ocean. Yeah. Like, how hard is it to stay healthy when you don't touch anything?

You're right. They're just a gigantic Arkansas. They don't have enough people. But everything in Australia is engineered to kill you in the flora and fauna. So you want to stay inside? Oh. Well, like, oh, fuck, nuclear scorpions have COVID. Well, okay, okay, I was going to stay inside anyway.

Can I share my alarming discovery? So you are familiar with the Burger King. um surfboard chicken sandwich right classic yeah oh yeah no the classic the uh the washboard so that's what okay i didn't know it had a name yeah i don't know what the name of it is i just know it's this chicken sandwich that is an oval like a sub sandwich or something

yeah it was part it was the part of the it's the soul of the chicken by that i mean s o'le the shoe shaped part of the chicken table yes um but The bun that they use for this chicken sandwich in America and in Canada because I checked, that's the only menu item it's used for, right? You never see them experiment with other items using that bun. So what you do is you pull up and you say, I need a long burger. So here's the thing. In other countries, that's true.

You can get a long burger? If you go to a Netherlands Burger King, you can get an extra long chili cheese burger, which is, by my count, three burger patties, chili cheese sauce. About three burger patties across? Yes. Yes. Like sort of half stacked each other, like their, like they're layered like subway bologna? Like Homer Simpson eating donuts? Correct.

Yeah. Correct. With chili cheese sauce and halepiece. on top on the long bun. If you go to Burger King in Chile, you can get the Italian chicken king, which

is again the long chicken sandwich, but this one has guacamole, tomatoes, and mayonnaise. Italian delights all three. If you go to Burger King Myanmar, you can get the long cheesy onion beef

which is just two giant patties topped with nach cheese sauce, mayo, mustard, pickles, and fresh onions. If you go to Burger King, New Zealand, they've got several choices, including the Hawaiian BK chicken, which is the chicken patch sandwich, with bacon, lettuce, and pineapple. You can even go to Jolly Old England. Oh, shit. And get a double vegan bean burger on the long chicken sandwich.

But in America, you can. just get the chicken sandwich and nowhere else everywhere else this is part of the burger king's culinary palette that he uses to paint terrifying masterpieces in america it's just for the one thing why can't i go to burger king a place i don't want to go to ever and get four hamburger patties stacked up like their poker chips that fell over Because our quality of life is, is crap. It's trash. Because America is a fucking lie.

I mean, in a lot of ways. American exceptionalism is just bullshit. Well, like, even with this shit, we think we're so cool and, like, you know, we think like, oh, we're unhealthy. But, like, dude, fucking everybody is. Okay. Like, way worse things. America is a lie we tell ourselves, but Burger King should have been a truth.

Yeah. You know what? McDonald's, I'm going to tell you this. We also expect McDonald's of lying to us anyway. And you're right, you know, because they've given up on us. the ice cream machine is never ever functional something I actually encountered in the wild it's like online joke

like oh ha ha ice cream machine's broken it never works at McDonald's no actually had that happen this week I was trying to get ice cream for the kids somebody made a fucking map of McDonald's ice cream machines that are broken and the map is well lit with reports coming in

in Hong Kong you can get a whopper with a fucking hash brown on it oh I'm listen I'm about to like, because I've, I've encountered, yes, but you haven't been, I encountered this personally, and it's completely true. McDonald's in New Zealand has everything. McDonald's in New Zealand is a revelation. Sure.

I'm just going to, at breakfast, at breakfast, like, oh, okay, man, we can get breakfast all the time now. Yeah, I guess what you can't get. You can't get the massive McMuffin. The massive McMuffin designed per McDonald's New Zealand's website, which you can't get because, you're in crap whole America for when one McMuffin isn't enough our massive McMuffin has

a rasher of bacon a freshly cracked free range egg a slice of cheese and two sausage paddies two how do we live like this? Oh shit y'all less is gone oh yeah yeah

God by the way that's following up The McMuffin, the massive McMuffin combo meal where you get a massive McMuffin and a bacon and egg McMuffin and a hash brown and a small hot chocolate and a, God. The hot chocolate is within the rest of this? It's separate. But you know what? It's New Zealand.

They probably let you do that because they believe in freedom and working for you, the customer. They haven't just given up on you like American McDonald's. Is that the biggest thing that they have at McDonald's in New Zealand for breakfast? No, they have the big Breckie beef burger with bacon, egg, cheese, a hash brown on it, barbecue sauce, and a 100% New Zealand beef quarter patty, quarter pound patty. Oh man, now I'm hungry. All on a bun. Look at that thing.

Look at that. Look at the majesty. Oh, God, now I'm not hungry now that I looked at it. Hi, folks. Jason Kirk here for Acorns. Did you know you can go to Acorns.com slash Vulcast to get a starting boost on your personal investment account on your phone? that's right you can

here's another thing you might not know at some point in this episode we're going to I don't know if it happened already or if it's yet to come we're going to discuss which Nicholas Cage movies

are the best fits for the British royal family I would like to announce I have found the best title for a Nicholas Cage movie that happens to pair up with that situation it's coming out in 2021

it's called Prisoners of the Ghostland who nailed it coach There's also National Treasure There's also Trapped in Paradise There's a pivotal moment There's also Lord of War

Been a while since they've been a Lord of War There's somebody on Twitter talking about like Oh you don't cross the UK like this And they're literally at 0 and 5 against Iceland Want to bet? Lots of people have crossed Hey listen Iceland Iceland runs a very complicated offense

all right it's hard to prep for it they got nine people and they're all squirrelly acorns dot com slash full cast I was gonna say you know who could have used the acorns app Nicholas Cage disagree what would he what the fuck would he do with it what are you saying the solution to Nick Cage is that he had more money that man would head he'd have it at negative he'd be on it looking at like how do I buy skulls there isn't a me okay well we all been there but there's a pivotal moment in national treasure two book of secrets where nicholas cage has to pretend to be doesn't have to pretend uh chooses to pretend as a ruse chooses

to pretend to be english for like 90 seconds uh just go go watch it okay okay you don't need to watch any other part of this movie although i wish you would because the national treasure movies are batshit and very good fun and only i like them and i'm fine with this but Just go watch the part in the movie where Nicholas Cage pretends to be a limey for a minute. And, yeah, that is all I will say. I am not saying that his troubles would have been entirely prevented because if you're not familiar with Nicholas Cage's financial life, it's a turbulent one. Oh, I'm not actually. He's bought several skeletons, hasn't he?

Yeah. This man buys castles. oh i thought when jason was like looking for skulls that he was just no i think that's a thing this man buys anything yes he buys anything does he want to buy a podcast at one point probably at one point he owned 15 different residences around the world he owned a couple of shrunken pygmy heads and octopus he built a nine foot tall pyramid uh shaped tomb in new orleans that was for lisa marie right For him. Oh, never mind.

Yeah, just, you know, just booking it ahead of time. And he paid $150,000 for a Superman comic. And he bought a 70 million-year-old dinosaur skull, a T-Rex skull, that he spent an insane amount of money on and then had to give back to the nation of Mongolia because it was stolen. This is like if Godfrey came into money and was single. This may just be Godfrey coming into money, period. Might still do this. But yeah, he had to give it back to Mongolia because it had been taken illegally from the nation of Mongolia.

That's a Tyrannosaurus-Batar skeleton. Do you know the other person bidding on this skeleton who drove up the price to $276,000? Leonardo DiCaprio in case you wonder who the other dumbass in the room is. The last person I heard who was this bad at handling large sums of money was Jeff Long. You can't spell Leonardo DiCaprio without acorn. I'm just saying, considering the spending spree he was on, the savings he could have had from those roundups on acorns, probably would have come in handy.

All right, I'm seeing it now. The roundups, yes, yeah, all right, got it. Because the way, of course, Acorns works, if you spend seven. $70 million and $4. Buddy, that is $0.96 in your investment account. That'll be 97 cents before too long. And you say, like, well, $70 million, that's a lot of a purchase. If you do that enough, yeah, it adds up.

Nicholas Cage blew $150 million. You don't think you want all those little roundups off of blowing it. You don't think you want a roundup off the purchase of a castle? There's definitely, I agree that there has been one point where Nicholas Cage has been like, fuck I could use $400 right now when he sees a cool skull he sees a cool skull I'm $400 short for this skull and I want

it so bad I just think if you see something heavy metal debit card people are asking a lot of questions about my this skull is not stolen shirt that are answered by my shirt yeah like I just want to go ahead and think if you're like oh hey maybe I don't need to buy

the La Lari House in New Orleans, especially if I'm never going to be there. Yeah, guess what? You want the roundup from that, okay? Acorn's going to have helped from that. Do you want to buy for 450 grand, the late Shaw of Iran's Lamborghini Murah?

Yeah, okay, okay, cool, cool. You know, you go ahead and do that, but you want the roundup off that, don't you? Does he buy anything normal? Is he ever, like, I don't know? 150 grand on the pet octopus. That sounds like a quality octopus. Ryan, he can't afford size.

It better be. Yeah, you're right. I could buy a lot of bombus. Also. Yeah, he also bought the first Superman, which everybody knows what happens in that one already, Nick. What do you mean he bought the first Superman? I guarantee you he thought he was literally buying the first Superman. He wanted to play Superman.

Yeah. He blew 150 mil. I'd want the roundups off that. mean he bought the first Superman? The first comic. Oh, okay. No, he did phrase it confusingly. Context is important. And it would be funny if the octopus

strangled the first Superman to death. Drowned him. No, by one week, this water. Buddy, that's an hour seven of the Snyder cat. Or if the aquaman. Or if the octopus was the one who stole the Mongolian Tyrannosaurus direct skull in the first

place. Look, man, I thought it was cool. I thought it was cool. Now, the octopus is French, probably. If you're going to be out there just throwing money willy-nilly on expensive lame comics and Octopi, get the round-ups, get acorns, have a little money left after you've blown it all. Yeah. All right, cool. Somehow.

If you are listening to this podcast and you are a fan of mustaches, cartoon guns, tortillas, bats, bats. uh those are probably the main ones good news texas tech gear is now available at homefield apparel dot com the world's finest and arguably only purveyor of comfortable and high quality collegiate merchandise we're talking shirts we're talking crunex we're talking a handful of baseball teas i know they've got a good two lane one there um they're also you know now i think think they've cornered the market on certain non, well, I guess all animals are non-surfing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen, I know we already, listen, I need to tell you who the interim head coach is at Kansas. Mike to board? Yes, it is. Yep, it's Mike.

Great job, Jeff Long. Anyway, Ryan, continue talking about smart things you can do with money, unlike Jeff Lott. Yeah, I think Homefield's now got the market cornered on surfing animals on clothes. They've got the two-lane pelican. They've got the the surf in Zat at this point.

Four-lane pelican. I have proposed that they have the two-lane green wave surfing because I like the sort of meta-messaging of that. I don't think they have a surfing cowboy for Texas. tech, but like, give it time. They're always adding, you know, new options at new schools, new options for schools that they already have. We're all big fans of everything Homefield

makes. They do whatever we say, and they are in our thrall, more or less, but we'll still extend to you, the customer, this offer of 20% off your first order when you go to homefield apparel.com and use the offer code fullcast. And then, yeah, tell us who you want us to yell at Connor to go get or make, and we'll go get or make that. I will tell you this, by the way. I'm really, really feeling the Texas Tech red Texas outline shirt, the double T because it is, because you know what, the design is this. It's already got Texas on it. So it's like, yeah, screw you.

Here's Texas. And then they've got a T, which, oh, traditionally the logo of what, the Texas Longhorns. No, there's two of them. Screw you. We got two T's over Texas. That's all the Texas. Ta-t-ta! I am concerned at some point...

He's speaking of Texas, Paul Wall got vaccinated. Hey! I am concerned at some point a full-cast listener will be wearing a guns-up shirt and the now-limited-ed-ed-ed-duty-due-crimes beanie. And immediately be arrested for that. And I'm sorry ahead of time, but also not my fault. Legally not my fault. Yeah. Spencer, I have to go back to board.

King briefly and I'm sorry I hate to split us apart like this you you always go back to burger king this is a menu item in Burger King New Zealand called the breakfast of champions the subhead start the day the right way here is what you get when you order the breakfast of champions one bacon and egg muffin small hash little like tater Todd bites um one regular hot drink of your choice and an entire chicken sandwich yes Man, we, like, we're so proud we have cookout where it's like, oh, you can get a chicken case, it's a side item, and they're fucking dunking on us with, oh, you can get a whole meal. Just casually here's the chicken surfboard for breakfast, you piece and shit.

I like this battle that has emerged between international McDonald's and international Burger King. Sure. I mean, this is why burger, like, first of all, Burger King, great job on the advertising for International Women's Day. Just fucking bang up job there. Just lean into what you're good at, which is absurd food that shouldn't be consumed by humans. Wait, what happened? Oh, they're the ones that they did this both in tweet form and in print advertisement form.

Also, a lot of people had to think it was a good idea. Yeah, this was the UK account, I believe. That, let's say again, England is the only place that sucks. Fair. It starts with this. women belong in the kitchen oh I get it and then the next

and then the next tweet is like and the next tweet is like if they want to of course women could do anything and it's just a fucking shit show from there and it's like oh god guys just fucking terrible

idea we hear you that's got to be the first thing we've heard you we hear you And we're listening. I'm not done, though. I know that.

I know. I'm not done because New Zealand, like, it made me so mad when I was there. Like, just so mad to see this because my country, my country has forsaken me. And they've moved on. They've given up on the United States because this is what they give New Zealand. Just for burgers. Yeah, you have your standard menu line of Big Mac quarter powder, double quarter powder, hamburger, all those normal kind of things.

And then you have the boss. They have a hamburger called the boss. They have a double Big Mac with four patties. How does that even work? You just double stack them and be like, I have a crack at it, mate. There. Double Big Mac. They have a double Big Mac.

They have something called the Almighty Texan barbecue burger. God damn it. That's American harder than we America. Two patties, double the cheese, bacon. caramelized onions, barbecue sauce, and mayonnaise and a chili chive bun. It's back and it's all mighty. Don't even know what that is.

Oh, you mean chili like peppers, not chili like... Yeah. Shit, maybe you do mean chili like that. How the fuck are I know. Yeah, give it time. They'll get on it before we will in this country. It sucks. They have a burger called the Sailors Double Beef.

They have the Kiwi Burger, which has egg and a slice of beet on it, which is way better than you think it should be. No, it's not. No, it's really good. No, I don't know. The Kiwi Burger rules. And you can only get it at McDonald's dealing.

Because you'd always like to know, why did my burger make me poop red? Some of us do wonder that, Ryan. I'm not taking food advice from the guy who runs quailing from a grilled cheese. And as if insult to injury here, the double McChicken sandwich. You can't go to any McDonald's in the United States and be like, can you put two chicken patties? I bet you could. I think that's the one where I think if you had the right attitude and caught the right person on the right day, you could make that happen.

You think they're going to pull that with the double filet of fish? No. You can get that every day in New Zealand, Ryan. Man, I was going to keep playing our cute little plural nouns game and say it's filet's a fish. And then I realized that filet's a fish sounds like. I think you're also right. It sounds like a Bay Area SoundCloud rapper. Yeah, that's true.

Like, it just, the, the name just sounds like you're shooting lasers out of a keyboard. Well, you can get your double SoundCloud rapper burger every single day in New Zealand. You can't get it here at all. Is it, um, is like the mic rib? Is that just stay a year-round another? I've never had a mic rib. I don't really, I can't imagine it's worth the hype, but. No, it's like a Pringles, but for pig, right?

I don't want that. I don't know, but like, are we the, are we the only country they tell the lie to about how it used to go away? no we're just like they just give us their worst specialty sandwich they're like yeah america here choke on this and we're like oh it's amazing we deserve this so good and we always will mama was right it's just like god you know it really troubles me we've all seen the like i assume at this point we've all seen the um the pink goo that chicken mcnuggets are made of oh yeah we've seen that I'll put Spencer's blood. Yes.

But, like, there is no viral video of, like, here's how a McRib is made. Because that's how horrifying it must be. It must be so bad that people like... Yeah, refinery 29 saw that shit and was like, oh. Shut it down. Shut it the fuck down. I think you could take pictures of the McRib factory, but then somebody would, like, shoot a dart into your neck. Spencer, McRibs are not made.

They are gross. grown. They are born. They are hatched. They are harvested. You have to fight a dragon like in that Marine Corps ad. It's the stuff you cut off of the dragon? Yeah, it's a scale.

That's dragon gristle. It's the scale of the fattest dragon in the land. The only dragon that died of heart disease. It's just sitting there shedding McRibbs. But yeah, yeah, that's what we get in America. We don't get all the good stuff. We don't get the stuff that, like, tiny little isolated New Zealand gets, where McDonald's, by the way, is doing triple backflips every day.

Four shows a day to packed houses. I have a solution to this. It's a very, like, Atlanta-inspired solution. So the world of Coke has, or at least did years ago, I haven't been there in probably 20 years at least, had that room towards the end. where you could try Coke products from around the world.

Oh, this is where everybody gets tricked by Beverly. Yes, and you can try, like, here's leachy soda. And here's, you know, shit, you cannot find even in, you know, like international grocery stores in the U.S. You're just, it's the shit that is not available to you. And you can try a little bit of it. Why don't we have, like, one of these

for McDonald's and for Burger King? and for anybody else so that if you want to you can go to Kansas City or whatever and be like I went to the world of McDonald's and I paid $100 for the tasting menu of death

yeah why isn't this a thing now this is a business idea we got to cut this out of the program because they're lazy I guess or because we don't deserve it we're going to show up anyway that's why they're like hey you could have a good idea

orders and demand to see oh okay i've tried this before with great effect you need to gather a bunch of young people and give them all like some kind of coordinated blazer situation and fancy name tags yeah and then you show up at one of these places and you tell them that you have a bunch of students that just won a model you and then you demand to be shown the international items because quote it's on our itinerary and you point to your clipboard right you have an itinerary that you have made and it just has the magma burger

the strong this is how this is how this was their reward for doing all that diplomacy sure yeah I just I just want a Burger King chicken sandwich that is as tall as it is long it's a cube You're describing a cube.

A cube of ovals. Oh, my God. I want the hope. I want the hope diamond of chicken sandwiches. It's just going to be so tall and so long. Yeah. Can you give me a Burger King chicken sandwich where the plank is oriented the wrong way? I just want a Burger King chicken sandwich shape like a door.

Jason, would you take the chicken out of the burger and just eat it like an apple? I think you'd like cut it like a cake. find the baby it's my birthday it's burger king cake whose birthday is next who's birthday is next on this show

Spencer's is before Ryan's Jason when is your birthday it'll be after them okay no let's trust them Jason's trying to get out of this okay Spencer's birthday we're going to make you an enormous orb of chicken

chicken orb this is the other thing too by the way that like if Burger King had done this in the United States and they had said hey we're going to market this burger what are you going to call it they'll be like we'll call it the big burger in Japan they're like no we need a story this is the strong magma burger it was fortunate the fires of hell itself it was it was it was this burger was the son of a god and the village this village murdered the god and the son is furious and he will destroy the villagers in his burger form one day until a wandering archer

wins his love and convinces him he's going to fuck that burger you know what is going to buy the burger so they'll have sex

with the archer buy the burger so they will have enchanted warrior sex to save the village whereas ours yeah it would be like

eat it that's it that's all the Lord if your truck could eat a burger this would be it God we're so fucking dumb

we're so dumb, they don't give us lower. They don't even have to try. No. No. Because we settle. Years ago. To be fair, to be fair, we are the ones who have been eating Burger King for decades.

And Burger King itself is probably shocked at that. I like the impossible Wopper. I have done that several times. It's a Burger King burger that is not a burger. The plant-based one, right? Yeah. You know what happened with that. when they rolled it out in New York.

No. So there are all these, like people, you know, people in New York will use seamless or the other food delivery services, Uber Eats, to get like Burger King and McDonald's shit because people don't have cars. And at one point when they first rolled it out, people who don't, like, vegans and vegetarians were trying to order the impossible burger. but there was a problem where like it wasn't yet available at those burgers king and so they were just like well we'll just give them a regular whopper instead and so they sent out like dozens of just heavy beef woppers to people who hadn't eaten meat in years and who's the thing if your body this is great if your body hasn't had any meat in like 10 years and then you throw a fucking burger king wopper into it oh my god the gears stuff like They're like, wow, this tastes really realistic.

And then they're like, oh, fuck. This was realistic. Yeah, yeah, it was not good. Now I remember why I'm vegetarian. There you don't. And now I'm a werewolf. I think this is how the queen gets her blood jolts. Burger King handles the Queen's blood charges.

Burger King. Yes, blasterful of burger. That's right. Oh, yeah. The Burger King is. true heir to the throne i think we all know it's not charles no please look at the two who is the real commander of man actually the throne belongs to tyler perry now right that's that's correct yeah that is kind like i mean if you're the one literally uh housing and caring

for members of the royal family who are you but the king yeah that's hey listen who bought their own house it wasn't the queen no it's tyler perry who's who's out here Who's out here running, like, International Rescue Missions for Exiled Royals, Tyler Perry? I just, somebody needs to mod Tyler Perry into Crusader Kings and just get it done. I mean, the Queen should have terrible credit, right? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. She should have ghastly credit.

What are you going to use as security? Okay, you got a drafty old house and rights to all of the dolphins in English waters. Wait, what? Yeah, she owns all the dolphins in English waters. Yep, like some of... England has dolphins? Yeah. They're real salty.

Like if one wanders through. Yeah. Yeah, if one wanders through, boop, that's the queen's dolphin. All the rights to do what? Whatever she wants with them. Oh, shit. Bleed them. Yeah.

Now, if the queen was living off dolphin blood, that would make more sense. So listen, she's got a bunch of, like, jewels they stole from other places. Yep. She's got some, she's got a dolphin and she's got like a sketchy old house. She's basically a Miami like. She's Nicholas Cage is what you're describing. But she wasn't even in Conair. That's true.

Oh my gosh, she didn't even give that much to the world. Nicholas Cage gave us knowing, okay? And he's really good in it. And you know who didn't do that? The queen. The useless queen.