Shutdown Fullcast - Indiana's Gonna Win the Football Game

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

--Cajun Aquaman controls all the crawdads --A review of the weekend of special teams wonders, aka The Night of the Punter --INDIANA WON THE FOOTBALL GAME, THAT HAPPENED --Jim and Dan called a Michigan game and our dads got into a fight --A celebratory reading of Kentucky's amazing box score --Proposed: The Wisconsin Marathon (with post-race beers and brats, of course) --Holly dares the Donner Party to email her with complaints Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Podcast. Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. And as always, the cicadas. Our co-hosts the cicadas and other various nightlife. There's something in the background there that sounds like some sort of like howling mayhem. Do you hear it?

So on my recording device, I've just figured out which nozzle it is that controls my personal volume. And my personal volume also includes the creatures of the night. Sing for me, my angels. Now they come and go at my whim. That is the, that is the, that is the malefluous voice of my co-host. Jason Kirk, Jason Kirk, how are we tonight with, with all of your wilderness friends?

Well, Spencer, that's nice of you to ask, and I think my answer is. Dominion over all living things. He's like Aquaman, but for bugs. What a terrible, terrible superhero that would be, and but for everybody. oh okay so like not ant man but oh i get it yeah literally the aquaman's power to control fish but you control like beetles yeah roaches are crawdad subject to aquaman's powers i think borderline i would think i mean i think that's like this is where we need godfrey that's like that's like gulf man right like because i don't i don't know if aquaman can control

rivers and shit by day he's todd gulfan a mild mannered oil and gas baron Aquaman, Rivers, and Lakes. See, Great Lakes Man is my favorite concept for Aquaman, because Great Lakes Man's like, oh, I got some walleye, got some pike. As far as I can tell, Aquaman's river and lake jurisdiction sort of comes and goes, depending on the needs of the story. I mean, he could probably figure it out a golf-type creature. If you could control all the snapping turtles, you would be a terrifying human being.

Just imagine being able to control like Croddads at full run. In a creek? Where's Creekman? I want the powers of Creekman. Listen, if he can control craw dads, that man is public enemy number one of Louisiana. Crawdaddy. There.

Cajal wasn't hard at all. So I googled Creek Man, and what I got is a wall of Google images that looks like knockoff Aquaman. It's a dude with long hair, beard, covered in tats, who, if I just glanced, I would say, oh, this guy is trying to be super tatted.

Aquaman, but his name is Creek Man. What are the odds of that? I wonder if that's just a destiny thing. Creek Man's got some extremely problematic opinions. That's just what I'm guessing. He's probably not politically aligned with Aquaman. That's what I'm saying. He's like, a little bit of pollution's fine. Make you stronger. Make the crawdad bigger.

Holly, you are joining us tonight. Yeah, hey, thanks guys. Good to be on the show. Yeah. How are you? I don't have dominion over all living things, but other than that, I have no complaints at this time. We'll work on that. By what, making me talk about my football team? Do you think you can hurt me?

I said living things. Oh, you should have gotten to me earlier, man, if you wanted to hurt me. The half dead would not be included. This is not the first time we've said this on this show, but Tennessee football is like a third-degree burn. And yes, I know where I speak. I can see that my flesh is charred and pulling away from the bones, but nothing hurts. So it was a great weekend for Tennessee football and for many other teams. obviously but i do feel like we have one enduring one salient theme to cover for the weekend that was

you promised me you were going to read the kentucky box score aloud i will read the kentucky box score aloud like a bedtime story it is on here and i will read it to you but there are marvels this was a weekend of revelation marvel and wonder we just came from dc so that's correct dumb comics but instead we're going to be covering things that I think might even be too fantastic for the comic world Jason it was a special teams weekend that's right it's so ordinarily a football weekend we could consider it a team's weekend because there are many teams playing dozens and dozens of teams in fact this weekend more teams than usual as of late we'll get to that but not just for sheer quantity was to say

special teams weekend in fact it was the acts of the special teams themselves that was truly special uh spencer you have dubbed this knight of the punter night of the punter night of the punter night though i think that encompasses more than just punters right oh yeah but night of the punter rhymes yeah it's like a reference to you know an old movie it's it rhymes it's some splits on duo shit don't worry about it yeah night of the punter and also of the kicker and the morning of the punter and the kicker and it's it's really an all-inclusive special team just go with it just go with it y'all listeners certainly feels like the twilight of several things doesn't it it's it feels like it feels like it feels like the twilight of me

ever watching penn state again without thinking of don't you threaten me with a good time a very specific noise and that would be the noise of the missed field goal in the second quarter when at the very end of the half and did they not have they never watched an Alabama football game that's what I have a question on because if you don't know which congratulations yeah it is 177 going into the half Indiana is leading if you've been asleep for the past 48 hours let me tell you something Indiana is leading and there's a plot twist at the end brother but we'll get to that in a second There is one second on the clock that James Franklin has fought for.

And because, again, he's never watched Alabama play football and doesn't know what a curse it is to ask for that one second. And Indiana has fumbled giving Penn State the ball and a shot at a 25-yard field goal attempt, which they take and miss, but not just miss. I've never thought I could heard a field goal being described as missed with gusto. I don't really know quite what to tell you about what this exact noise is. I'm going to try to play it as loudly on my computer as I possibly can, so you can hear it.

It is a gunshot. It sounds like... That sounds like a celebratory canon. It sounds like one of the canons in the 1812 overture. It sounds so... You could stop mashing your face into the keyboard, and we could... ask our producer if perhaps we could get some audio from this game that's technology okay too much okay i'd rather beam it straight from the internet through three mics i'm just a guest

the it is the worst field goal attempt i have ever seen not by missing but by enthusiasm of not making it at all i really thought the goddamn upright was going to fall off it made the best noise If you're listening FS1 and you actually miced the football and then put microphones inside the uprights, right? Like there's probably some PA somewhere who is like, yo, dude, listen, you got to put the mic in the upright because, yo, if it hits, it's going to be banging. It's going to sound like the end of the world, dude. It's going to sound like a truck hitting a garage made of other garages. Like it's going to sound awesome. And that PA when that happened was like, I told you.

Oh, my God, I told you. If you've ever backed not disastrously fast, but a little too confidently into a big concrete upright in a parking garage, you know this noise. Yeah. If you've ever heard the noise of a very closely miced garbage can hit on a wrestling program, that is this noise. Now, when a team misses this badly and with this much enthusiasm, last time, because I thought, I have heard a noise this decided. before. Mizzou, South Carolina, overtime, 2013. If you'll remember, South Carolina is about to lose Missouri, or about to tie and go to another overtime on the road against Mizzou, and Mizzou absolutely hammers the attempt against the left upright, always the left upright. And the noise it made was

melodious. It was like, bong! It was like it hit Big Ben itself. That was the last time I heard field goal is good. Ah, what a delightful thing. And instantly I thought there's no way Penn States winning the game after doinking a shot that hard. This is all by way of saying the entire point of the story is not just that missed field goals that hit the upright and making a tremendous funk are amusing, but that I'm brilliant and I see things before they happen. Jason, the night of the punter was not just limited to this. What else did we have? Oh my gosh, where to begin? So we have four items on here in terms of special teams treasures and the number four is a key number because within our four we have an additional four the rice owls attempted a field goal

fairly normal thing not that they don't attempt all that many of them because they usually aren't in range of one but they did attempt one and it too produced a doink not as loud at first as the Penn State doy. However, it was able to multiply. It added to its number with a second. What it lacked in quality, it made up in quantity. That's right. It wasn't a cannon blast.

It was a three-round burst, but not just three, four, four-round burst. This is like a gatling gun of field goal attempt. Yeah. Did it go crossbar? No, it went, it went upright, upright, cross-bar, do I have that right? It went from, if you are watching from the mind's eye looking from the end zone out towards the field.

Or from your television. Yeah, from your television, from the angle it was broadcast from right behind, right? Like if you're the net, it went left upright, crossbar, right, up right, crossbar, and then short, bounced onto the field and short. Now, at this point, we have to dredge up perhaps the oldest bit of full cast lore. we have ever had to drag up from the lake of our collective memory predating I think even the notion of the full cast itself was this an edsbs live rule might have been yeah that and this was i believe you were the author of this rule it was me or dug or me and dug in some combination that came up with this but yeah we had a set of we had a very early version of how would you

change this game back in the halcyon days of the early aughts and our contention was this that if you hit if you kick the ball and you hit both uprights and the crossbar you win the game yeah it's like the golden it would make game it's like a snitch rule it would make things more interesting like teams like rice could just camp out uh in field goal territory should they be lucky enough to get that far and just bring in the best trick shot kickers they could because it's way easier uh to get a ball into a very large open space than you get it into a pole let alone three poles let alone three poles plus one bonus hit i had one suggestion you have to call it it's like a pool shot oh i like that you got to call it ahead of time

and then then you can get the 10 points of the instant win whatever you like right i think if you hit four i think if you hit three it should be four if you hit all four you instantly win the game which if you if you hit four call it or not That is a, that's a conference championship. Because nobody's ever done that before. And also, who cares who wins this conference? I'm sorry. You can say that?

Like, what, Rice's Sunbelt, correct? Oh, wow, no. No, I got it wrong. Yeah, so now we have shifted the Conference USA legions who were upset with me. Now you have taken them onto yourself. So, thank you. Team player.

Team players. So, yeah, who cares? Conference USA, that's fine. Conference USA fans would probably be like, yeah, give it to them. That's spectacular. Like, what is the collective Conference USA mindset? Like, you know, like, there's like 10 people who root for the SEC these days. Like 10 years ago, it was thousands and thousands.

And now there's just a few dorks left who do it. And I feel like ironic ACC fandom is a thing. And like Big 10 fandom is, that is big, boisterous. swelling but like you know conference you like the mac or the sunbelt you could be a mac hive you know you could be a sunbelt fan we certainly have been in certain years conference USA that has got to be the one that is least likely to attract a conference specific homer yeah because even the american you know even if it's fandom that is set up not so much as rooting for one thing as is in opposition to just a general power structure

that's probably where you're going to draw most of like the rooting for the underdog for the underdog's sake crowd right yeah because the aAC fan they have it in their head that like whichever one of us makes it makes it out of this hole is going to you know drag the rest of us up out of it can i we're so close i was going to ask is the american conference the one that is the most listen son whatever you have to do to get out of this town do it because the bottom here is real low once you're down there it's hard to claw back out. Oh, yeah, that's Cincinnati as hell. And I think it's, I think the mindset is like, you know, as soon as one of us makes it out, that's the path. You know, and then we'll just follow that. And then there's kind of a mountain west thing where it's like, now we're good. There's only

room for two conferences here and we're the second best, so we're good. Yeah, please, here, have a seat. We're going to be skiing in three months. In three months, we will have forgotten all about this and we'll be skiing. We have another one on this list that I think is

absolutely magnificent that I will I'm going to ask because I only saw the play and it was I was gobsmacked when I saw the replay and that would be the Texas Tech punt where if I have this

correctly punting from one end zone clear through to the other almost yeah it was officially an 87 yard punt but in terms of actual distance traveled it was God.

Yeah, so he launches it from about the five, and it goes over the West Virginia return man's head and bounces into the end zone, keeps bouncing. I would guess it went at least 110 yards before it stops rolling. The all-time record for this is going to be difficult at the top because the all-time official records from 1950, it was 99 yards by Nevada, I believe.

But just in terms of actual ground covered, I mean I love it's not a huge wind I mean total coverage on this punt is over 100 yards yeah right the thing the thing rolls off camera the ball

the ball literally I appreciate it making a graceful exit like the ball could still be rolling for all we know it's like a fucking cartoon tumbled hey Lubbock's real flat it could go a long way somebody in New Mexico is like I saw the ball a rambling

just kept on going over the horizon They say it still roams these planes 30 years later Just tips into the rocky mountains and then kind of just rocks back and rests in place Well hey there little fella Need some water

And then yeah And then like some like Paul Bunyan punter picks it up and blasts it right back Johnny Coaching Tree Oh my God Austin McNamara Outstanding work Young man that's incredible

not often by the way for for the eight to nine sickos I know who are all about punting and by eight to nine I mean Robbie Calland specifically people who when they see the big punts just you know it's a special spark lights up in their eyes because they're deranged this this was for you and this is this goes beyond like the the Big Ten punting fan because like Big Ten fans you appreciate puns but you like it because no points are being scored we're referring to people who specifically like punting yeah yeah this was yeah sickos sickos yeah disease disease perverts all of them finally there was uh finally there was in the boise state game a punt that um i didn't really think i was going to uh ever see which is the rare punt to the direct back of the skull of the upman like the quad doink but with people yeah yeah this was if you could you could not have done this on purpose right like it's just not possible but they uh boisey's punter just blasted to the back of the dude's head and it went boom back the other way so he too kicked it into an end zone not not the one you want to kick it into and not necessarily his entirely his fault

but i just want to know what the sensation was in that young man's head when he felt a football impact the back of his head and he had to be like oh it has like the sopranos finale yeah oh no god because he may not know where the ball went but wherever it went it was bad everything at that moment uh happening was very very much bad i think this concludes the night of the punter i think we have been i think we paid enough respect to our our beefy flexible talented boys in special teams I made that sound way more erotic than I had to no no I appreciate it I mean we're talking about punning

so it's it's difficult to it's difficult to capture the full eroticism anyway and you know I wanted to see if we could sort of combine a couple of things tonight is this

are you you know what just keep talking you'll see where I'm going with this. God, I hope not. Because if you don't know, our sponsor is Homefield. That's right. Bring the crickets. Oh, Jesus Christ. Vincent's got an ad read.

It's not really an ad read. Ryan, where are you? It's not really an ad read. Ryan's off tonight. Yeah, this is a problem. It's not really an ad read, but it kind of is because what happened this week, Danielle? We flipped the script.

We are on our way to eight Windyana that is correct to dream of Nine Windiana not logistically possible this year the schedule itself it's only eight games all you got to do is cut the neck out of those

nine Windiana shirt to turn them upside down and wear them like a six Indiana tube top or take a Sharpie you could just take that eight kind of or nine and just kind of I'm using the Sharpie to make mine into an inch Deanna shirt y'all we can do 11 Windiana here oh hell yes 8 and no

Big Ten Championship playoff semifinal national championship I was going to say why go small Aim high like Boise's punter should have done How about we then

Indiana then joins the FCS Spring Ball League Let's go for 20 Wendiana Okay And then they play in the NBA 21 Deanna And then By the time that shit ends

Let's just count all of that as the same season Let's go for 32 to Indiana. Infinity Deanna. Yeah. It would only be fitting after a century of futility that Indiana football went on like a 70 game winning streak.

Ain't been futile in this heart. Hey, they'd be downright futile. And the cruelty they showed to their subjects. Like Ohio State. You heard us, Buckeyes. It's on. That is correct. This weekend, Indiana won a football game.

So that's technically a home field ad by itself if Indiana wins a football game. Sorry, Connor. No, he's not. No, he is not. He's hung over, but not sorry. No, not one bit. Nor is anyone else who is an Indiana football fan. Which constitutes, I think at this point, most of the national media.

I'm going to start. Completely in the tank for Indiana football. Yeah, we're feeding this conspiracy. What conspiracy? operating behind the scenes to pivot Indiana from regional power to college football super power very very far behind the scenes after all if we're going to be accused year after year week after week uh of doing everything we can to lift up your team's enemies uh and put down your team's allies by god we ought to actually try it one year i was overjoyed this was this was in a weekend of a lot of blowouts like there were a lot of extremely lopsided games that did not necessarily provide the anticipated or even an acceptable amount of entertainment right there was like alabam and clemson both played in blowouts just nothing interesting happening there whatsoever

the super weapon it gained power still charging yeah it gained a lot a lot of charge a lot of friction there that builds up charge it's like the black panther suit the more punishment that you dole into pit the more it will release on someone later now which someone so instead of instead of the black panther suit it's the sky blue panther pit panthers that's right actually no they were wearing the trash bag uniforms yeah humble gritty football team yeah pit looked like stormtroopers at zumba class and notre dame looked like pit at practice with shiny hats yeah I mean I mean mean i will say this they were more like the lack panthers this weekend i did it i did it um but they will they're they're still charging and they will go off on somebody that was 45 to 3

so it obviously wasn't this weekend but i'm saying in terms of actual competitive football in terms of suspense in terms of drama i'm not even joking like like normally we would go oh yeah Indiana Penn State. Best football game of the weekend. No, for real, y'all. Indiana Penn State was the best football game this weekend. Yeah, this was a bar and burner. Well, Indiana Penn State, I mean, I feel like that often is.

I count, let's see, 2016, 2018, and 2019, this game was, had some high drama. There was an onside kick two years ago. Indiana led in 2016. Like, this is when I count, so I have, let's see, 19 games. over the last one, two, three, four, five, six years when Indiana has had some sort of a realistic chance to beat a top 10, top 20 team, whether it was a late lead or whatever. 19. And Penn State features in here several times, and it has finally happened. Do either of you remember the genesis of our particular collective fascination with Indiana, like which game it was?

because I don't, other than a vague recollection that it was like somewhere in the 2014-15 range. 2014 is the first year I have on here. Indiana, Ohio State that year, Indiana led number six Ohio State by six points in the second half, and then they lost by 15, and then basically the same thing happened, or they were leading Michigan State in the second quarter

and then lost by 40 points. 2015 was the year really took off, because that was like every year. That was by then, Indiana having the internet nickname Chaos Team was pretty entrenched. And that was the year where it even came down to their bowl game against Duke, the field goal that was pretty... That's the one I'm thinking of.

Yeah, it was pretty clearly maybe good. And if we'd had jimbo lasers on top of those uprights, then perhaps we could have seen that Indiana did actually deserve that victory. That's a copyright. That's a copyright. I'm already wealthy, but I'm going to protect my money. Yeah. Call them jimbo lasers.

Yeah, I did, I did, sir, I did. But yeah, so this has been six years of agony for the Hoosiers. And what was it? What was the streak? Actually, I have it. So, FAPE losses against top 10 teams, 41. And, you know, over the last half decades, most of them were agonizing. Longest such streak ever by a big 10 team.

Obviously, it doesn't really, yeah. And Rutgers, but. And you should know. name ever first name what so indiana you should know completely on script in this game by getting an early lead despite having absolutely nothing in terms of offense they uh still finished with a a total of 211 yards of offense as a team and that's counting overtime this counting o t because this game did go into o t so uh i during this game when Indiana had 87 yards in the first half and was somehow winning and like it wasn't even a bullshit turnovers thing because both teams had turnovers. I was messing around on sports

reference to find the last time a team finished with under 200 yards and more than 400 yards and allowed more than 400 yards and won anyway. And the biggest disparity I could find on there this millennium was 2004 Oregon losing despite outgaining a team by 300 yards the team it outgained was of course Indiana I will also say that before the final drive and OT they had 111 yards of offense so so through through the magic of field position turnovers timely defensive of play and all around just WTFness in all directions, despite being outgained 488 to 211. On the final, going into the fourth, they were still in the game.

And then the script for Indiana, as Connor, Homefield's boss himself and diehard Indiana fan, said, hey, this is what's going to happen. They're going to get a late score. we're going to blow it that's the script that's what he said before life decided to renew a faith that had never paid off for him because that's what indiana did indiana went and scored a touchdown to go up 2120 and then scored again to go up 2820 uh and then for some reason michael pennix junior remembered how to pass the football completing five passes on the final drive of the game getting them to

to 26, 28, and then converting the two-pointer to make it 28-28 on that final drive had like three circus catches, at least. It was just one of those drives where everybody decided they were going to catch anything thrown in their direction whatsoever. Kind of beautiful. And that 75 yards. The drive was also preceded by Penn State accidentally scoring a touchdown. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The point at which. Penn State, kind of, which, you know, it looked like there was a little bit of a miscommunication. The player on the way in was clearly looking back at the sideline,

like, shouldn't I be taking a, you know, like, it seemed like a communication thing. You could see, you could see the wheels. Indiana signals touched. Yeah, you could see, like, maybe this should have made it a lot clearer what was supposed to happen. But Indiana was on it.

It being a communication thing does not take away from the fact that it was very funny. Yeah, you can see him go like, it like kind of flinched like oh i'm not making fun of them at all because they were clearly trying to do what they were supposed to be doing there but that didn't happen and the fact that it didn't was very funny can i also say that and i'm sorry jason the falcons really bailed everyone on penn state out on this by doing it in a professional game today the scoring when you clearly when the defense wanted you to score because yeah indiana was relieved that pen state went ahead and scored an extent of the game, they weren't cheering like the Detroit Lions were.

The Detroit Lions defense was cheering when Todd Gurley scored today. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there are no needs for apologies here. I am delighted to get the chance to talk about how stupid my favorite football team is. Also, did the professional football player in question also do the exact same cycle of, huh? Oh, no. Well, like, the thing is, as Roger posted, we know Todd Gurley knows this. rule or this strategy because twice in his professional career he has done the thing where he's

like gone down at the one to preserve the lead and not give the other team the ball like he knows the smart thing to do he just kind of tripped and then he falls down and he's laying on the goal line and he's just motionless like if I stay here if they don't ever roll me over they'll never know where the ball is like Todd Gurley had the right idea he just you know physically couldn't pull it off um With Penn State, it was more just like no one talked about this. But in Penn State, my favorite part of it is if you watch it, Indiana number 31 is at the 8-yard line, as Penn State's guy, is at the two.

And you can see Indiana number 31 just start sprinting because he realizes, I'm going to go shove that dude into the end zone. Yeah. And he gets to the... You can actually see the light bulb go on. You can see his feet. You can see his feet. You're like, Sonic the Hedgehog, like, oh, shit, this is going to rule. I'm going to shove him into the end zone.

Yeah. Yeah. And as he gets there, he's the first one to hold up the hand to signal touchdown. So, like, yeah, Indiana number 31 was on the fucking ball. Yeah. And it worked. It worked. And at this point, Penn State goes from one.

They don't go for two. I remember, so, so in the, in the Discord, we got a bunch of smart folks in there. And Spencer and I were like, what the fuck are you doing? And all of our smart friends, you know, are saying like, no, actually, this is the right move. and I don't know something we may perhaps perhaps going for one was a smart move but uh somehow we we sense that no this is this is an indiana football game there is no such thing is smart here you better go for two yeah I didn't really I don't get the reasoning for doing that maybe because I am not one of the smart people and also this was this is a disagreement on like a philosophical level

right this is one of people asking did you guys not do the math and you asking did you not do the reading right like okay sure However, this is an Indiana football game, and it is also James Franklin, Penn State team in a late game situation, which can be kind of freewheeling? For such a notorious micromanager, yeah. Yeah, it can be a little dodgy in terms of how it gets executed, not in the sense of, oh, he goes for it on fourth down, but sometimes, sometimes James Franklin just likes to freestyle on it. sometimes just likes to you know do a little improv with the numbers at the end of the game it's happened before

and based on this it's going to happen again so I don't know analytically sure go ahead make it an eight point lead if there's one thing I love it's freestyling from the guy whose idea of freestyling is to put oat milk on his coffee instead of almond milk delicious

live it that's why they'll never succeed the big ten I think maybe my thing is I just think everyone should always go for two and then we wouldn't have to think about it yeah what's the overall optimal strategy galaxy brain this so they get to o t and penn state scores a touchdown on the first possession of overtime or on the they score one and then um indiana scores and when indiana scores they decide to go for two i will point out that for any other team going for two at home um not the call but wisely Tom Allen again being the person who did the reading and not the math said no hell no we're Indiana we're ended this now we got I'm scared let's keep them scared I mean to me the logic of it is like all right all our guys are three stars all their guys are four stars let's have this come down to one play instead of ten plays the longer we're out here the more we die that's basically the

approach and i love it um and then michael pennix enters the end zone on a two-point conversion with there is no controversy no i can't stand like of all the things that i've gotten so completely over there are two things one people and i've mentioned this people who take screenshots that you put up and go, hey, charge your phone, dude. I'm like, you're dull and persistent. The worst two things. Like, that's, that's, I hate that. The second thing. You should charge your phone. I should. The second thing I absolutely despise strangers doing is trying to argue an official's decision with me. Because, because I know other people, one, might say, oh, I had nothing to do with that call. You can shut them down really quickly by saying that they're right and that you will

correct it immediately. Yeah, one, I can't do anything. about it too. No, but just tell them you can. Yeah, but fundamentally what people need understand is I don't care. Like, I really don't like, if official makes a wrong call, I'm like, oh, cool, good. That's more chaos. I hope you're mad.

It's a better story. I love this. That's great. Go later's. Yeah. Are you angry? Did it set something on fire? Is this a great injustice to you? Total stranger. Invested in a football team that I really don't care about? Awesome. That's cool. I can't do anything about it anyway.

if you're making you know if you're putting your whole ass on the internet well life's life's better for me keep doing it spencer's really easy to anger online you can reach him on twitter at edsbs at 38 godfrey so like and also we're talking about a very cool thing here like this wasn't some shit where it's like very prestigious boring did the where there enough wide receivers on the line you know like this wasn't boring shit or like or like what did the guy get off the field in time before this ball snapped like like No, this was the coolest fucking thing you've ever seen. Like, instantly within 15 minutes,

there are like five competing Sistine Chapel photoshopps, you know? And that's a good sign that you've really done something athletic if that happens. That's also like the officials would have upheld that call no matter what the call in the field was because there was no way of determining whether they were right or wrong based on the visual evidence available. Okay. And of all of the things I hate Of all the mistakes that you made Of all the decisions you could have possibly made in that game

To come down to a single very difficult to call officiating thing And to get mad over that No Get mad over three turnovers Get mad over letting Indiana win when they had Again, 211 yards of offense That's not on the officials That's on you

Don't ever let it come down to the rules also Indiana tried harder Indiana's been trying hard for a long time and Penn State come on this stupid shit was going to happen at some point you do this every year you might as well get out of the way

also it was a good call got the ball across the spot was good as we often say yeah spot was good and actually if you don't like the calls too bad because it's forever now ha ha

shits at Zales yeah I have a lot of sympathy for officials too because god damn they have to to do with college football fans you know and they have to do this being on tv has changed you they have to do this in real time that was good you have to work in you have to work in the SEC bought me off i was actually giving you an opportunity to promo the show because i think you have

yet to say that i'm on thinking out loud every monday night on the SEC network at 7 p.m. Easter with my co-hosts richard johnson alissa lang and brandon boykin the Georgia legend himself you should tune in DVR it record series if you will but only if you like SEC plans but only if you like absolute yes SEC plants like myself that's um there that was good thank you that was excellent I know so yay Indiana 1 doesn't matter what the officials say Indiana 1 Indiana 1 you can take it up with 38 Godfrey if you don't like call or God Or God, yeah. What you call God and talk about that?

He loves this stuff. I don't. Jason, what else happened? Did we want to do the home field ad? Because we were talking about Indiana? That was the home field ad? That was the home field ad. Do we want to save that for Thursday?

We'll save that for when Ryan can do it. Yes, we'll save that for. I was just going by the document. That's all. No, we'll save that for the Wednesday. Wait, there's a document? There is a document. Yeah.

I got a document. Yeah, you're shared on it. All right. Well, it's time to yell about the Big Ten then. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Nebraska got football back. How'd you like that?

Hang on, hang on. Hang on. We're heading out to the lonesome Midwestern prairies, so I'm going to bring in the creatures again. Okay, bring them in. Need some like Swift, Jan Stevens playing. I'm so sad God is dead and I'm cold

That'd be pretty good if I'd do that Like max volume and like dog walks by Farts or something That's it That's gonna happen at some point That would again That would also be very big 10 That would be

Had too much cheese Dog fart football This dog's just dog's been hitting the pro alone Hey you guys sound like Dan and Jim Dan and Jim had a really good weekend Our two beloved football uncles I have to say listening to them was extremely soothing The first Deirdorf and Brandstadter broadcast of Michigan football this year

A triumphant victory Over the Minnesota Golden Gophers For the Michigan Wolverines Called by Dan Deirdorf and Jim Brandstatter Calling from an empty Michigan Stadium this is my favorite setup of any broadcast team in the nation ever that the game was in Minnesota and they're like we're going to call it in the stadium which one michigans the game's not there so we know where all of our stuff is yeah that's where i left my headphones

that's where we're going to record it there it was awesome they watched the game on like a big they watched the game on like an enormous tv had their spotters and everything honestly it looks ideal looked awesome right they're just like yeah this is my house the stadium well how sure are we that they don't live there not entirely you know where I

land on this I think they have twin beds set up in the back like Burton Ernie why would they call it the big house if it's not a big house it's got bathrooms it's got chairs I could see a Michigan grad being like they couldn't call it that if it was a lie could they

yeah it's on the syllabus yeah That's it. Legally, they just couldn't do it. That's Michigan law. Michigan, by the way. Michigan. Absolutely.

Michigan plastered the gopher's 49-24. Joe Milton looked good. That's Pahokee's own, man. That offense actually looks kind of like it was supposed to look with Shea Patterson, and it never really took off. But yeah, it's not like Minnesota didn't have their guys looking good. It's just Michigan absolutely destroyed them. Including a big man touchdown when a free rusher obliterated Tanner Morgan.

He coughed the ball up directly to the hands of it on rushing linemen. Just probably the most, like the most beautiful play not involving a punter or a kicker this weekend was probably that strip sack fumble touchdown of Tanner Morgan. of Minnesota. But yeah, they looked awesome. And Dan and Jim were thrilled, even though at the end they did bicker a little bit. They did have a dispute.

That was adorable. That was. About what? And they did discuss. They were discussing the concept of what is or is not a rhetorical question. And then it led into one of them deciding that it was okay to let off steam at the end of a game and kind of take your foot off the break. and Jim, I believe, arguing

that they're still coaching to be done and then they got completely distracted right after the snap with like one minute left in the game of saying, Jim Harbaugh is not wearing khakis. Do you think this is a trend? He's got, I think those are Lulu Lemon pants.

They decided it was Lulu Lemon pants for men, which frankly horrifies me on Jim Harbaugh's behalf. Oh, they're cozy. They're super-loon. They make them to fit you? Yeah. Lulu, yes.

Oh shit. Lulu Le Menn. Is it French? Yeah. He was wearing Lulu lemon pants. We trust them with our fries. That's, yeah, it was, I really felt like, you know,

was college football back? It was still weird, but having, having Jim and Dan, having Jim and Dan, at one point Dan saying, I'm not speaking to you. When an old man,

man says to another old man i'm not speaking to you oh that's when the conversation's gotten really really sublime track time oh yeah we did get a sack time too it was we got three in a row at one point yeah oh what else one of them said we had said we have a firm grasp on the hand of the little brown jug they actually had two separate arguments during the game over what did or did not cost a rhetorical question wow now that i think about michigan is back that's like a actually kind of a complicated argument yeah you know that that's like they had time because again the shalacking yeah shellac time chalak time uh this was also the weekend where uh Nebraska did get what they asked for they got big 10 football boy boy did they got a whole lot of it they also uh

my favorite part of this game was uh let's see I forget what the exact score was at the time it was here we go 3814 in the with about 18 minutes to go and Nebraska to culminate a 72 yard drive boots a 22 yard field goal well they said they want a big 10 football back so after all that all after all that football uh Scott Frost decided okay whoa whoa it's easy there so that's a football hey Jason did they score after that they went on to lose uh 52 17 yeah it's his it's Well, Ohio State did. Ah. Yeah.

Ohio State kept scoring. Yeah, Ohio State, Ohio State, uh, Ohio State, uh, Ohio State wanted to play. Yeah. Justin Fields missed one pass. How many did he throw? 21. He was 20 for 21. And the one pass they missed was a well-thrown touchdown that was, uh, broken up by a

DB submarineing the wide receiver in the end zone and banging his shoulders and head against the turf. dislodging the ball otherwise an easy td for ohio state and he's 21 of 21 on the day i think he'll get over it seems fine they looked awesome this is not me going oh so surely this will come down to michigan ohio state because i don't think that michigan fans can really take that in terms of a cardiac load or stress on their nervous system but but i'm going to go ahead and do that because you're going to do it anyway because you had a good weekend i know what you need michigan fans you need this to be complicated by existential dread so there you go just going to put that bee in your bonnet

be seven just cruising into the ohio state game with with no hope no hope i secretly hope well not just that they got to get past rutgers rutgers is on a god damn this was a great weekend for Michigan football. Undefeated Rutgers? Michigan State had seven turnovers. I think, so Michigan State, I feel like your problem is you tried to beat the team from

New Jersey with a quarterback named Rocky Lombardi. That's a double aging if I've ever seen one. Sleeper Cell? Yeah. And I think he only threw two picks, so only two of the turnovers were his fault, but

Yeah, but they also... the other five. Well, they hit the other five and the other two turnovers on downs. So really, if you go one up fourth, nine with like effectively nine turnovers, nine drives that ended with, here, take the ball. So you can't exactly call them turnovers, but they're not exactly contesting the giving the ball over, are they? They're giveovers.

They're giveovers. So, yeah, nine possessions in that game. It's actually kind of a miracle given all that. that the score wasn't more lopsided. That's what makes me think like, oh, well, Michigan State, you know, they're probably not that bad. Ruckers probably isn't this good.

Well, fortunately, records have a very normal time next week because they're playing ranked Indiana. What is this game going to look like? Let's see, Indiana, this is their highest ranking since, Jesus, 1993. Oh, this is not good.

This is done. No, what could happen? What do you mean? Here's a sentence. All right, here's a sentence. If Indiana beats Rutgers, this will be their highest ranking since 1998. 1988. There.

Self-styled entrepreneur and self-employed gentleman, Indiana, has just won the lottery. What shall become of his winnings? If Indiana can push this into the top 10, that'll be the first time since 1969. God, let's just get Indiana into the top 10. And then after that, like, it's all gravy. We got Rutgers and then Michigan. If you can do those two, you might be in. I'd vote for it.

You can somehow beat Michigan. And you know Michigan fans, like, every single year they circled it. Somebody sent around a survey of Michigan fans from the off season when it was like, what is the scariest trap game? And they all said Indiana. Well, how much scarier is it now? So there we go. I think we've supplied Michigan fans with like ample dread.

they're feeling much better now this is this is by the way nothing but nothing but good for indiana right because now michigan's like oh we got to take them seriously as opposed to like oh yeah we're going to laugh them off maybe we should take them seriously guys they're going to be like no stick them seriously in the back of their head they're like still indiana i feel like when michigan takes something seriously it's like all like all in their head and like fumbling and sweating and you know stammering and got it like works its way all the way back around to like oh god it's indiana got to get got to pass this test jesus like the like the thing that will actually carry them through is the mental edge at all like they'll make plenty of mistakes

it'll just be the fact that like all of the guys on michigan run a tenth of a second faster than the guys on indiana like i didn't even want to score that touchdown something me wanted to embrace failure and humble myself before everything that I had considered an expectation or a standard, but I'm just faster. I mean, that is what happened to Penn State. They did try it and not square that touched up.

I think at one point Penn State really did go like, oh God, oh God, this is Indiana, we're going to lose to them. Like that went through their head. That had to be an exhilarating moment, a painful one, but an exhilarating one. It was like when Florida finally lost to Kentucky. The thought was, the host is really happening

kind of like pooping your pants you're like okay this is this is real now you mean putting your pants like after a certain amount of time like there's a reason like Florida loses Kentucky for the first time in 25 years or whatever and then pooping your pants

for the first time in 25 years or whatever oh yeah you're like well time is a big factor here right yeah it is but either way you're like I mean it's not as bad as I thought it would be it's not as bad as I remember it being yeah but however it's still very bad there needs to be a word for that which is it comes up a lot on this show again there are there are reasons they're mostly legumes and sugar free uh sugar free sweetners oh right the sugar free memento's incident how could i forget sorbitol is a demon when i wrestle with it i lose speaking of wrestling with just in the show there speaking of wrestling with demons that you lose to I just wanted to mention one thing.

Northwestern beat Maryland by 40 points. Northwestern, who had trouble scoring like four points last year. They scored 43 against Maryland. And I am just taking this opportunity to say, I don't think Maryland's going to win another football game this year. I think this is 0 at 8.

They're... Shots fired at Alex Kersner. They're real bad. This is a very bad football team. like a stunningly bad football team. I feel like Alex has successfully re-emerged as a pit fan, you know? Like, yeah, we know where you went to school, but. Yeah.

We don't hold that against you, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, in my mind, it's funny. I always think of Alex as a pit fan, even though I know Maryland fan. But, I mean, come on. It's fine. I mean, y'all won't hold my school against me. Well, I mean, we're all pit fans.

This is true. this does unitas yeah so well well we hold florida against you and ryan all the time we're we're consequence free pit fans which i love because we can just go like pit got blasted you guys you guys were pit uncles we're having all the fun and as soon as things go wrong we're like oh hey your baby's crying pit is actually our child like the way you want to be for your child when you're like hey listen man i'll bet on you even if you never win a race like we mean that with pit yeah well we've done this with pit for years and we anticipate doing it for many years to come i love i love you even if you never even if

even though i think you mean even though you never make it not even if i think it's because you never make it there we go yeah yeah but yeah that's that's that's that's all i wanted to say maril's not winning because man they are they gave up 31 first downs to northwestern they turn the ball over four times and even if they scored touchdowns all all four of those they still lose tragically in this god absolutely horrendous they're going to get killed by rutgers that might be real we might have done that the only other big thing the only other big 10th thing i wanted to mention is this that i watched the wisconsin illinois game on thursday night james laurinitis james laurinitis is a great color commentator he's real good at his job even though yeah he does look like a scandinavian detective

actually that's a pretty cool look you know he just also looks like a scandinavian detective but he looked but yeah he's he's he's awesome like on the big 10 network he's like baby he's baby speleman i have one big 10 network of trust yes i think it's real weird that uh j leeman has grown up here now grow it back out or at least have the american flag tie i know right yeah it just it feels like they've sanded down his edges and that's that's not the the fluffy haired prince we fell in love with yeah also uh grammar he's okay test a positive he has one positive test for covid 19 that's wisconsin's quarterback and just like well wisconsin is a quarterback and he's immediately positive for covid 19 god how'd that happen

hmm what else we got well we have alvern um which I know Auburn won. Is that the right word for that, what Auburn did this weekend? Auburn scored more points. Auburn accepted terms of disengagement. Okay. Again, speaking...

This is fair. Speaking of... Is it like... It was like a... I think you know it... I think Auburn settled its case out of court. Nolo? Did Auburn...

plea nolo? Because that's what I feel like... Auburn's investigation is ongoing. Because late in this game, Auburn, an Auburn returner,

the ball hits his hand. Like, I don't, there's no other way to interpret the hand actually bouncing and shaking as the ball flies by than the ball hit his hand on the way to the end zone

and a recovery that would have given an old miss a score is instead a touchback is that fair to say i think yeah it like hit dudes pinky yeah like based on the the internet zeprooters i didn't see it live but yeah uh everyone who is very mad about this um was very fixated on the pinky yeah this which auburn this is auburn benefiting from a call in case you don't believe all of our talk of the realities of Auburn Jesus who again is very real and loves not you not you loves Auburn loves exactly one thing yeah he loves Auburn football actually because Auburn Jesus not really there for basketball all the time sometimes sometimes sometimes so I mean I feel like Ole Miss

the complaints sort of went out the window soon as he gave a 58 yard touchdown pass with one minute to go yeah along with a two-pointer like once that happens I'm not really worried about the pinky all that much. All teams seemingly remain the same forever. And just in terms of their basic nature, Auburn itself will get a call that benefits them and is perhaps not accurate or accurately called. But that's okay because Old Miss will lose all grounds for said complaint

by making a huge mistake just seconds later. Which I think is pretty neighborly of them. Also, all things considered. Also by squandering time management on the last drive so badly that Lane Kiffin finished with a timeout in the pocket. Yeah, yeah, it was a... Can I redeem this for store credit? Listen, the electrical bills. Electric bills late.

It's a little heavy this week. Can I give you a timeout for it? Maybe some gift certificate. Just trying to use it at Sharper Image. Yeah, I need one of those massage chairs. the i also would say this too that old mrs coach probably has like a brook stone endowment right like a sky mall endowment sky mall's probably closer yeah yeah i'm thinking also like maybe billy reed just makes your shirts right so lane kiffin has all these shirts that he's not wearing because he's

like i got all these old miss baseball shirts i'm just going to wear these because you'll notice people are like oh that's so cool like lane kiffin wears old miss baseball jersey's come coming off the bus and i'm like y'all that was clean it was clean it was free and it was clean he gets all these that man doesn't have a wife that was the clean shirt look at all of like you look at a lot of coaches and they're like man they're wearing some really cool gear and you're like yeah that's it's because it was clean you think they've cultivated a look have you met these guys yeah no no no no they did not cultivate a look they got that in a box and they've been living out of it for the past week. I believe Matt Ruhle not only cultivated look, but has brought it back. He's wearing the

smocket. No, that was his wife. Didn't we determine that his wife picked that out? Or did she make him stop wearing it? I forget. It's back. It's back. Yeah. He's loose. Yeah, he's got a teal smocket. Teal, teal tactical combat smock. I have not seen this for myself, and I'm so excited to lay eyes on it. Yeah, it's amazing. He's like a commandant in the pastel army. he's like someone trying to camouflage himself by hiding in the 1990s like a south beach x-ray tech you won't be able to find me in a mall i'm laying on coastal carolina's turf yeah he's practically infysical um one more thing for that Auburn game by the way everyone's saying oh man

bow necks really played with it himself and he's fixed it was old miss i mean yeah he had a clean game but if you think this is if you think this is a corner that's been turned. Here's a corner. Yeah, call someone who cares. I mean, each week, the key is this. The bonus key is this. Each week, he generates interesting content.

This week, that content was giving Ole Miss a 58-yard touchdown with a minute to go. Next week, who knows what it'll be? A couple weeks ago, it was inventing the backward spike. It's very fitting for a guy whose name sounds like an app. Also, how are we talking about him

and not a running back named Tank? who's good Tank Bigsby's awesome didn't I bring him up last week yes wasn't I told that he was unremarkable I was incorrect in saying anything close to that

so a correction has been issued and an apology made to me not your tank to you personally apologize to Tank I apologize to Tank always always err on the side of apologizing to the fella named Tank

that just seems like a good policy you apologize to Tank Mr. Tank I'm so sorry. Yeah, just keep running him. This is up there with Jupiter. Get off that swing set. You apologize to tank right now.

You apologize to tank. I want to give you a number, an over or an under. You can play along if you already know the answer. Because I just want to say this out loud. Kentucky, did they run over or under 45 total offensive plays against Missouri? I know this already, so I'm going to give us to Jason. Jason, 45, 45, over under. Will you put the answer in the show notes?

Did I? So I will pretend, I don't know then, and I'll say, surely it was over. Jason, it was under. Oh, shit. Yeah, they went way under. As in not under that total, because Kentucky ran 36 plays of offense. that's like that's down there it's like a perfect game in baseball you know like one one pitch swing out you know pitch swing out here's the sick thing you could do a 27 play baseball game here's the part where i pay off holly by reading sitting patiently through that bullshit a couple weeks ago that's right which i told y'all was going to happen yep which made me sit through it anyway yep uh i'm going to read the kentucky get a little puny I'm going to read the Kentucky box score.

This is bombed my soul. Thank you. Okay, because by the way, Mizzou won 20 to 10. When I read the box score, you're going to say, how do Mizzou not win 500 to 3? It's actually kind of a miracle that Kentucky kept this to 2010, because first downs. Kentucky had eight. Mizzu had 26.

Third down efficiency. Kentucky went two for nine, and honestly, I'm surprised. that seems high considering how bad they were on offense passing Kentucky had 47 yards of passing that's that's 4-7 surely this was an army or navy s display of passing as a utility of last resort for a rush first offense that's just piling up yardage no no no no they had 98 yards rushing 98 that is correct they averaged 3.6 yards a pass 3.6

6 this is fine when tennessee is spotting you 17 points that would be fine but missou wasn't missou was mozoo was doing fine they had counterfeitlock had 201 yards passing and they had 220 yards rushing because uh roundtree was a monster who just had like 37 carries for 3.4 yards each. So in other words, he was averaging about as much as Kentucky was per pass, per rush. He was a absolute force for Missouri. By the way, you surely go, oh man, maybe Kentucky had trouble with penalties. No, a clean game, man.

They had one penalty for 10 yards. And they had one turnover. That was it. And they were somehow at 1710 late in this game. or there were at 10, 1710 with just one score between them and Missou somehow in the fourth quarter. War them out for you, Missou, you're welcome.

That's not the crowning joke. They were clearly so, they were so foot sore and weary with their trampling of the Rocky mountains that the plains of Missouri proved too

lofty to scale? even i don't believe this i got one more thing it's the crown jeweled this box score go right ahead time of possession oh no kentucky had the ball for 16 minutes and 50 seconds out of 60 oh no oh no in my opinion that's suboptimal missou is my favorite team this week because after kentucky just like like slowly force fed everyone absolute garbage football as part of the game plan like oh yeah we're gonna slow this down we're gonna give you so much terrible offense you won't be able we're gonna

run the clock mazoo was like oh really oh really oh that's cool we're gonna do the same to you we're gonna hold the ball for 43 minutes for it dare you do something how many minutes was that 1650 for Kentucky 4,310 It looks like Illinois takes the crown this week with 1632 time of possession Against Wisconsin

They had the ball for a quarter How'd that game go? Well, all of the numbers Affirm that That's That's the cross-fit offense Listen, it's a short workout Illinois is on the high high intensity interval offense they are cool good job guys

all right got on the field got off all right keep the intensity high 30 seconds on 30 seconds off yeah this is the Tabata offense oh yeah it's high intensity Illinois offense there we go and meanwhile Wisconsin is like oh we're just warmed up we can do this all day well you got about an hour warm up and then there's the post warm up and then you're going to start the workout and then you're going to need to cool down. Yeah, they've got the old man workout. They're just over there on the foam roller like, about another 10 minutes on this baby. Got a real stubborn one in there.

Oh, yeah, ooh, that's a knot. Illinois's like, give me the ball, give the ball, got a punt, got a punt. Three reps and then go. No higher than three reps. Three reps, and then you punt. That's it. That's it. Maybe four reps, you know, we don't want to do this for size.

We don't want to get too swall. This is about maximal impact. Illinois, your cardio is looking spectacular. Listen, as long as we don't go over a mile and a half, you're golden dog. You're great. Meanwhile, Wisconsin's over there like, I was thinking about doing a 50-mileer. You know, first 10 is really just walking. A stretch.

That would be, yeah, you've got to do a Wisconsin marathon where just everyone walks. everyone walks Wisconsin Marathon is an amazing concept Like Can we do that Wisconsin like Oh we're gonna do

The Christmas Day Marathon Everyone just walks 26 miles It takes hours and hours That's the thing Is I think they could be like Wisconsin Amble

Yeah At mile 12 Gonna break out Into a light Shuffle There's a sausage stand Yeah

That's a light shuffle To the sausage There's volunteers On the sideline Thorne like Dixie cups of Lil Smokeies Yeah

I'm seeing you You, it sort of crests the hill, the sausage stand, and everyone like, just, you see the crowd just pick up the pace, you know. The game, they're like, where's Illinois? They're like, they quit three hours ago. They only did this for like 10 minutes. I'm picturing like a ground level camera that just captures like hundreds and hundreds of pairs of slightly scuffed white new balances. Yeah. Who, boy, these dudes support the foot, though, don't they?

So good. I didn't even know they still made British Knights Wisconsin Marathon It's in May Burger King Oh my God Back to Burger King again What does this keep happening

Whoever left When is the Wisconsin Marathon Jason I scrolled past it It's in May It's in Kenosha That means that all of the people training for it have to run through the winter oh no yeah yeah i mean yeah you'd need to start like by february in wisconsin that's that means there's people who are like i'm not used to running in non-snow shoes

like that's real in some parts of wisconsin right it's people running in snow shoes or if this is the wisconsin marathon a gentle amble here we go wisconsin marathon finisher goodies all right I'll register since we'll receive an awesome Wisconsin Marathon technical shirt Goody Bag the cheesiest finisher medal on the planet and access to our post-race brots and beers party Yes there it is I just walk 26 miles now it's time for my treat

Let's get some tubed meats fellas My death by intestinal tors hey no your body needs protein to replenish how much not that much about 26 miles worth yes it's measured in the link no it's time to hit the links he means you know they say if you pulled your intestines out it would go around the earth

and back that's how many brats i'm going to eat god i bet wisconsin people taste delicious fine smoky after 26 miles of yeah of brining yeah that's it I'm so hungry I'm going to eat Ted over here

I mean I'm really going to eat you Ted I'd be an honor Hey there's a reason they called it the Donner party Is that our ending That's our ending Oh please no I'm going to get emails No From who

From the Donners? okay that's the ending