Shutdown Fullcast - Instant Playoff Bracket React feat. the Anticrust

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

We'll get to the playoff bracket and its fallout, but not before we solve the problem of testing cosmetics on animalsFine, the bracket, whatever, we're all mad at the wrong thingsSitaKey shipping updateWhy do we keep acting like the playoff committee is smart when they keep putting Jeff Long on itLet's look at this next smattering of postseason football contests, why don't weNow through December 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to Trans Ohio. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by David CookDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it's notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason's critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band Killer Antz and his new show Podcasterino

What a weird concept lethal weapon is when you stop and think about it. Here's these two cops. One of them hates his job and is old, and one of them hates his life. Hates his job and is white. It wants to die. And one of them has a dead wife. One of them has a live wife. And it's kind of a comedy.

I think, I don't know. Is this funny? Saxophone. I love Shane Black so much. God damn. There are some fantastic moments in that, first of all, everyone who does casting in at least the first two movies when they have to get a bad guy they have this whole sack of actors in casting that are just I like that is a volumetric measurement

of actors we don't have these guys in movies anymore these ladies they just had a whole sack full of cretons they were like let's just get some people who look like they're like we don't we don't make gary bucci's anymore do we beat but horn yeah we don't make guys who say but horn anymore right but like you put it that way it's kind of tragic who is our generation's Gary Buse yeah I wonder. It's not Jake Busey. No, it's not. It's not Jake Bucy.

But they have this, like, everyone who's supposed to look stupid in that, you're like, damn, that's a stupid looking dude, right? Like, you could tell casting directors in the 80s just had moron. They're like, yeah, hold on, let me get out this philo facts. Yeah, where have the lugs gone? Where have the lugs, the morons, the Cretans? Where have the skeezoids? Where have they all gone?

A skeezoid. Yeah, I didn't watch the remake of Roadhouse with Jake Gyllenhaar. And I think that was a big, I think that was a big part of it is I was like, where, like, there's no Bubba's in this. There can't possibly be any Bubba's in this, either on the protagonist or the antagonist side. We need like a Sarah McLaughlin commercial. Like, for just 39 cents a day, you can restore this endangered species. Hey, Gawad! Well, like, the bartender who's skimming in that movie is a prime example of what I'm talking about because that guy, they're like, hey,

Go get your file full of big dumbass. Find big dumbass, right? And that guy is just like, you walk on the screen and you go, who, man, that's a big old dumbass. Yeah, galute casting by. Right. Yes. Have it to be like a specialty department.

No galutes were harmed in the film. Actually, three galutes were harmed in the filming of this. They all loved it. Yeah, like he's a boob, right? Yeah. Like, he's in. I wonder if that's the answer to like phasing out animal testing. Hmm.

Galutes? Lug testing. Lug testing. Tested on lugs. Yeah. Just the guy who is skimming from Roadhouse is like, well, lost my job at the bar, so I've got to go test cosmetics on my tender parts. It's 28.15 hour. Don't laugh.

You see the vision. Yeah. If I lived through the first three years, I get benefits. I'm stronger than a rabbit. This would be fine. I'm struggling. Thank you for reminding me of the best. I was caught up in a thread earlier of people asking for.

for specific kinds of gifts to take to their office white elephants swap and somebody's suggestion was like a baby rabbit? What? Give someone a burden for the holidays this Christmas.

No, wouldn't it be great if you unwrap it? It's like everybody's passing the big package around because the big package almost gets stolen and you pull it out at the end and it's like a parakeet in a cage. I like rabbit because that's the rabbit you were given during the Easter bad gifts. tournament.

Oh, I like, oh, you're re-gifting, and then you're like, shit, and now I've got to wait until Easter to get rid of this rabbit. Oh, the long game. Oh, I like that. Oh, I got a snake for my birthday. This is not going to go well. What's the worst? What do I have for the next year?

Five snakes. I'm going to put the word probable. Not realistic, but probable. What's the worst probable animal that you could be given as a wild elephant gift? Ferret. Ferret? Yeah, ferret. Yeah, ferret seems good.

I base this entirely on having had my brother's class ferret one time for a weekend in like 1991, a weekend that is still talked about with horror in our immediate family. Because there's like, there are animals that could bite you, which is all animals if they're in a bad mood. But ferret, you're going to smell like a ferret. Like even if you pull it out the box and you behold it and you put it back too bad, you smell like a ferret now. I'll throw, not necessarily because it's like, oh, the danger,

But I think if you gave someone a tropical fish, it's like, I'm now, especially if it was just in a bag, it's like, now I've committed you to an investment. No, now I've made you a murderer. That's what it is. Yeah. You're like, you're giving me an animal to kill. That's what you're doing. You have a choice here. Yeah.

I think giving me a plant is probably a good example of a gift that's basically like, I'd like. I'm trying to imagine who would hate you and plants enough. I'd make you a killer. Give Spencer a cactus. Yeah. I'll kill it. Yeah. I'll kill him dead.

I'm like Kurt Signetti waiting in the corner smoking, just being like, it's your time. Only one of us is making out of this room, cactus. We're like three episodes removed from you being genuinely personally offended at the notion that we said you couldn't keep a horse alive. I can keep a horse alive. I remember a horse. I'm going to forget a plan.

I think because like, yeah, because a horse will move to be like, oh, right, I should feed it. If the cactus could bite you, would you remember. 100%. I would argue a cactus can. I would argue that's what cactus is a right. Spencer sits on the cactus remembers to, I don't know, take it for a walk. But what we need is a Frankenstein animated cactus. I think in some ways it is a very useful summary of Spencer as a person and a friend and a co-worker to say Spencer is the kind of person that couldn't keep a cactus alive but could keep a horse alive.

I think that tells you a lot about Spencer and all his complexities, shall we say. Yeah, I think that's accurate. How you sunk into Tim Curry there. cheese pizza and space I think that's fair I think if a cactus really liked carrots I would remember

if I could feed a cactus sugar cubes yeah it is that'd be like you horrify me and yet compel me so how far so any plant eating a plant is cannibalism only if you're a plant yes because even Venus fly traps

They don't eat other plants. They eat flies. Unless you're the annihilation plants. Are those, do we think those are plants? Do they still qualify as plants? Thank you for. I think it's scarier. They cross all sorts of lines.

It's scarier if they are. Thank you for inventing the concept of annihilation pikes. Well, like, when she turns into a flower person, is she a person or flower? So, like, at that point, if she were to eat the carrot that had been rejected by the cactus. I was thinking like the initial, the initial, like, pre-body snatching plants. Unless they are made of snatched bodies of those who have come before. Listen, the mutant murder bears misunderstood.

I think the thing is certain ethical lines sort of break down in that specific, in that specific dome. Like, if Natalie Portman kills her silver alien reflection self. Folks, sound off in the comments. I can't really judge her for that. Folks, sound off in the comments on this, our playoff bracket, breakdown episode if you think the annihilation plants are plants or plants or people. Who would the annihilation plans put into the playoff next? Oh, Notre Dame. Yeah.

Not Notre Dame, but Notre Dame is haunting mirror image. I take it back. We would love Miami. This is actually, I think this is thematic. It's set in Florida. So. It is set in Florida. See?

We get it. You're hot and depressed. We love how quickly the, we love how quickly the Orange Bowl Stadium submitted to the elements. Everything's, everything is sweaty and weird. Annihilation. We think it's cool when your husband walks out. I hadn't thought about looking at best picture contenders for every year and being like, which, how many of these could double as the name of some insane fitness concern in Miami?

Because annihilation has to be up there. Annihilation gym. $1,500 a month. Mark Anthony's brother, Tim, goes here. Oppenheimer would be a hell of a gym. Oppenheimer's. Oppenheim. Okay, here we go.

Poor things, check. Zone of interest, check. American fiction, check. Anatomy of a fault. Check. Barbie, check. Boy in the heron. Yeah.

Godzilla minus one, obviously. Yeah. The holdovers, obviously. The last repair shop is a poignant name for a gym. I want to go back to the Offenheimer concept because I can pitch it right now. Okay. We're in the room. I got eight dumb rich guys.

Okay. And I'm like, hey, everybody. How I do it? HGHH is great, right? Yeah, we're all 58 and horny. Okay, cool. Now, here's what we're going to do. We're going to start Jim.

It's Obenheimer's. Okay, one, he's dead, can't sue us, all right? Two, we can misspell it. Nobody'll know because they're dumb. They don't know how to spell anyway. Three, when you're building muscle, what do you have to do? First, we rip the fibers apart with sheer force. That's right.

Fishing, fishing, fishin. And then through recovery and enhanced supplementation that we provide on site, fusion. And then what happens? Explosion. And what are all of these ultimately but core reactions? That's right. That's right. Because every day is training the core when you're at Oppenheimer.

This is all trademark, by the way. Now I have become yoked. Destroyer of shakes. Destroyer of curls. God, dear. Looking at the list of best picture winners, I think the best gym is dances with wolves. I'm on that wolf dancing workout.

Finally, I have something nice to say about crash. Just me and the homies, the wolves, go out in the woods and just dance. Sorry, I was thinking about how to make how green was my valley into a workout. How green. I'm lifting everything everywhere all at once, man. All the king's men? Driving Miss Daisy is a hard one. You know what's not a hard one?

Marty. Hey, you know what? Did you see that Marty workout? Yeah, yo, bro, got to get on that, Marty. So me and my, me and my bro, we, like, we hold each other accountable when it comes to, like, doing workouts, you know? We have a gentleman's agreement, 1947 Best Picture Winner. Oh, yeah, I'm completely off that. I'm on the Benher race now.

We just go out and kill horses. Ben him. I'm doing intermittent sleeping. It's called the Midnight Cowboy Routine. It's pretty awesome. I found the worst one. Oliver. Hey, bro.

It's not just on. Oliver. With the exclamation point. Bro, I noticed you checking out my squatting form. Can you tell me how green was my valley? There we go. There are some sick ones in here, though, right? Yeah, like Rocky.

The greatest show on earth. Check. All the king's men. No, I keep finding worse ones. Amadeus. Amadeus is when you're assigned a lift partner that you can't get rid of. The godfather would be the dumbest gym. That's the dumbest fucking gym.

You just sit around and eat pasta. I cannot find one that's better than dances with wolves. Dances with wolves. You know what? Although, okay, in retrospect, kind of amazed that we did not get a brave heart workout craze. Dude, the hurt locker is the sickest fucking thing for a gym. That's fucking wrong. That, hang on.

That has so. I love that. But ironically, right now, I am looking up. That has to already exist. Yeah. Problematic one. Twelve years of slave. But there are a lot of problems.

Come on, man. There are a lot of problematic ones on here. Dog, like, 20% of these, I'm like, I'm not going to mention that one. No. What separates Hurt Locker from every other gym? Our coaches and our community. Lead from the front. Practice what you peach?

What? Actions speak louder than words. And this is the exact reason why Hurt Locker Seaford will be exactly. the same. These are all in England. I think you can see where I'm going with this. My gym is going to have because Orange Theory and gyms like that take a lot of existing principles and then they kind of like speed them up and regimen ties them, right? They make them into this kind of like routine and it happens and it's fast and then you get out of there. Well, we're going to do like nine of those at once. It's going to be the most confusing workout. Staff's going to be like throwing medicine balls at you and like it's going to feel like hell. And that's why you need to come to my gym. I think the most confusing workout is bird manner, the unexpected virtue of ignorance.

Everything everywhere all at once. Oh. You're in a spin class, which is also a yoga class, which is also a lifted class. I already said that one. So now it's truly everything everywhere all that ones. Yeah. Hey, and afterwards, hot dogs. Yeah, that's right.

You go next door for hot dogs. Never heard of Kota. Yeah, there were a best picture from four years ago. Oh. Yeah, I don't. Not a sincere question. I'm never going to see it. Bro, I'm on that shape of water.

I'm just sort of... Listen. The shape of water is a fantastic... Just sort of getting fucked by a fish man. I'm doing a lot of lower body core workouts in here with my fish trainer. How do you work at your core? I get railed. I got a guy to recommend.

He's a big fish. You kind of love him. I get railed by a barracuda every night. Yeah. He's eight feet tall. Listen. Is Ciarmo's makeup call And I'm not mad about it at all

It should have been Pan's Labyrinth That whole movie is Girls have needs I do have one last suggestion though And it's this If you want the most desperate workout of all of them If you walked into your gym And your coach that day says

Hey we're doing a workout And you say what's it called And he points to something on the whiteboard That's 52 lines with a lot of you know like five times 10 sets and he says it's called the lost weekend leave yeah I see that shit I'm

departed yeah the dead is a pretty hardcore like the departant's a hardcore name for a gym because it's like you'll be so fit you'll die you'll die Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast.

I am Spencer Hall. Joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, Jason Kirk, and Michael Ray Server on the ones in twos. Welcome. Thank you for listening. We are going to talk about actual college football things now, which is, of course, how we start every show. And by actual college football things, I mean. Starting now. Yeah, I wanted to share some information from the AJC's Georgia Tech beat writer who was on the

Pop-Tarts bowl video conference. Some people don't want to play in the Pop-Tarts bowl. Couldn't be me. They don't want to take part in the transubstantiation of human souls to Pop-Tart flesh. I get it. That is actually the part that I'm sad. We're missing out. I know.

Wait, that's the direction you think it goes? I do. There are many theories. Okay. What do you think? No, I'm with Ryan. Shit. I think once Pop-Tarts enter the equation.

I mean, none of this is my terrain, but... Traditionally, of transubstantiation is bread and wine made flesh. You are positing that the anthropomorphized Pop-Tart is human-made pastry and filling. I just want to make sure I understand the direction you're pointing us towards. We're back to the annihilation question. Is it scary or if it's gone in the other direction and it's a pastry that has subsumed a human life? Well, because we're also in religious territory, I'm like, are you describing the devil? communion now in some way?

I think it is it is fine and cool that Spencer has invented a heresy. Heresies are awesome. But is that why Notre Dame didn't want to be in the Pop-Darts Bowl because they're like God will smite us because it's saints communion. I think they might be like this might even just be a methodical

issue. They might be disagreeing on protocol. They're like that's not how transomentary. Look I know I know I mean yeah that would be a super catholic thing to do. Famously sticklers for catechism I understand why they won't. I think it would be great if the Pop-Tarts Bowl was like, yeah, Notre Dame didn't want to come here because we are children of Satan and they fear our power.

BYU is like, fuck yeah, Sinesville. Pop-Tarts folks, we know you're listening. At least BYU is brave enough to fight Satan. That's right. We will meet Satan on the battlefield and we will run over his ass on third and four. Oh, Notre Dame is just scared to go up against the devil. Meanwhile, all the atheists of Georgia Tech are like, huh? That doesn't compute, literally.

This is why I didn't go to Auburn, man. I didn't want to deal with all this shit. Georgia Tech shows up and they're like, BYU, you're doing some crazy anime stuff. Do you think the difference between an Auburn and Georgia Tech engineering person is that at one point, there's this point in math where they're like, either God's not here or he is.

And Auburn's like, well, of course he is. We're not going to learn past this point. Auburn, the Auburn engineer is like, I can reconstruct the arc using the blueprints provided in Genesis. Pop-Tarts bowl, I'm reaching out to you with my mind and my voice right now. I want you to picture the poster. I want you to picture the Photoshop you're going to put on Instagram. Rosemary's pastry. Go ahead. Make it real. Don't do it. So like,

so year one, this was, year one, this was kill a pastry. Year two, it was choose which of two pastries to kill. Your three, it's going to be, choose which three pastries to kill. Yes. Yes. Next year. Oh, look at that. The Trinity? Oh, we're bringing the Trinity into this. Again, Notre Dame is soft They're scared of metal in these theological terrains So I think, Ryan, what you're suggesting is Pastry gives birth to a cursed pastry

A cursed antichrist Are you a bad enough dude to kill a baby Pop-Tart? The Antichrust Wow! Episode title The Antichrust, just there, pencil it in. The solution for all sin is to run Bear Bachmeier on QB Powers

straight into it. Put number 47 on it. Both these quarterbacks believe themselves to be fullbacks, so it's going to be an awesome game. We just let them run into each other the whole time. Yeah, I do feel like we wound up with objectively a more entertaining football contest. I think we ended up with a more entertaining contest in the sense of coach matchup, too, because I'm going to share this note.

God, Bear versus King is some medieval England type shit, isn't it? Yeah, this is from Ken's. Sugira, who is the long-time Tech Beat writer at the AJC. After stating his preference for Strawberry Pop-Tarts, Brent Key remained on the Pop-Tarts Bowl video conference.

When BYU... I know we have film prep. Give me a goddamn minute. He's locked the fuck in. I got to know whether I can trust... I'm calling him back. Can I trust Coach Sataki? I got to see which way he goes here. Gotta see what kind of them.

What kind of a man am I getting into a competition with? None of those toaster, struttle, motherfuckers, and South Bend bowed out. Because I know what my best friend Kirby Smart would say. As our longtime listener and coach Goss enthusiast, Katie Shook, pointed out earlier, Kirby is seething, watching Brent and Kalani begin their little bromance. I found me an even more square-shaped guy. But I got to know. are we compatible pop tart buddies

It's just two Well because yeah there's two in a sleeve Right It's just two Roblox figures Looking at each other You know it's like mashing the two Like mashing the two Lego men together Be like make them kiss

Click click click click click I gotta know Could we trade enormous sweatshirts or not Coach Sataki tell me what kind of pop tart you prefer If I hear the word We gotta start a coach A coach jersey swapping situation or they just exchange hoodies?

If I heard the word musely come out of your mouth, son. I will puke on this camera. So help me, fucking God. There's better be a fruit flavor. None of that's cinnamon shit. Brent Key remained on the Pop Tarts Bowl Coach's video conference when Kalani Sataki

spoke with media. Posting little emojis. And clicked on the clapping hands and party hat emojis when Sataki said strawberry was his favorite also. My dog! Strawberry! I knew it. I knew he had it in him.

he ain't been corrupted by the cookie man that's just how he knew just how to hurt kirby too my dog coach sotaki it's gonna be a pleasure to break pop tarts with you that's my dog i know it in my mind i know he thought oh that's a good man that's a good man that's a good man that's a dependable man man i can count on right there that's an honest man they're gonna have to extend the broadcast window because this handshake is just going to be a clash at midfew. What answer could Sataki have

given that would have gotten the thumbs down emoji rating? It's got to be brown sugar, cinnamon. Yeah. I just think the sugar end of the spectrum versus the cinnamon side, right? I was going to say

the wildberry ones with the purple and the neon blue, I feel like Brent would find that too showy. I was going to say that's not a working man's Pop-Tart. Anything of the newer varietals, I think what Brett Key really wanted was like, show me that you're an OG in this game.

Show me that you believe in the traditions of Pop-Tart. Don't be talking to me about thin-mints are delicious. I don't want a thin-min pop-tart. That's a different thing. Don't get me none of this stunt food shit. Oh, you got Doritos, Pop-Tarts. Get that shit out of out of here. Hot chicken pop-tart.

What are you talking about? Whoa. Yo. Yeah, man. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. If I ever heard an idea, continue to cook, all of you. Goal and Jr., come on. brother we need you we're going to split some hot chicken pop tarts all we're really doing when you

think about it is like flattening a cornish pasty and putting some national in the middle of it it's kind of a i'm embarrassed we haven't done this before that's right america's beef wellington has arrived oh i won't i want none of that shit i want straw berry strawberry normal normal football normal pop tarts that's it yeah so you're at the pop-tart restaurant you Brent Kee and Kalani Sataki. The waiter comes around, says, gentlemen, what would you like me to get prepared for you? And they both look up and say,

normal kind. I'll take a Pop-Tart regular. And black coffee. I want it cooked meaty. I do feel like... Little bit of A-1. On white bread, please.

Plastic knife. I just want to get inside Brent Key's head because I know in his head he's like, yeah. Second Generation Camaro, Strawberry Pop-Tart, 1997 Jennifer Aniston, the wamps, Wham blocks. Game Boy, no color, no, no, I need it in brown and slightly lighter brown. I need a big heavy brick I can barely see. If you can't find light, you're not ready to succeed. You're not ready to put the effort in. What we're positing here, and I think we're pretty close to it, is Brent Key is, like, whatever the first thing he likes in the category is?

Bang! I'm done! I'm taking no more submissions. The contest is closed. Like, I know, according to Brett, like the sub-tweet of this, like when you quote-tweet it, right? The original tweet here is the quote tweet is about how he's interviewed, like, there's like 38 different candidates for offensive coordinator. And I know that what he's done is that he's come up and he's like, these guys are all innovative. They have, you know, wrinkles and they do things a little bit differently.

But I know the last question on the interview is he's like, hey, one more thing. Power run is sick, right? Power run is just fucking sick, brother. It's like a single tier rolls down his teeth. They don't, they don't. They know. It's sort of a thing where, like, he just watches for hesitation, you know. If these OC candidates are like, yeah, it's one of the best.

What the fuck do you mean one of the best? I think I've heard enough good day. Yeah, that's right. said good day I just show him I just show him a gift of a pulling guard right

and if he can if he can stand up because his penis isn't so erect right he's like oh you're not you're not for this program

hey hey the real OC will stand up with an erect penis yeah it'll be like it's like that it's like that

saluting with your every every extension every way possible I saw that man straining his lulu lemons And I knew he was the one for the job That's the horniest man about a pulling guard I've ever seen

Welcome to the flats It ain't welcome to the flats We buzz together, let's go Yeah, there, that's the most important news Of the week. So that's the Georgia Tech coaching search And your Pop-Tarts Bowl preview, folks This is folks, yeah

Listen, we put the vitamin in a little bit of ham That's how we get you to eat it. What? Yeah. Pill pockets. Pill pockets. We put the vitamin in the ham that goes in the hot chicken. Yeah, we've had green pockets for far too long.

It's time for red pockets. I almost said pink pockets. Chicken cordon blue chew. That's what this is. Chicken cordon chew. Something to consider coaches. Like starburst, but it tastes like chicken. I thought you were suggesting chewing tobacco that.

It tasted like... I am now! It's gushers that gives you a boner. Listen. Hey, Ryan, gushers are bad. I've also been made aware by another listener about zen after dark flavors. So I don't even know what to do with that. Ryan, you can't fuck with my heart right now.

Is this real? Yes, it's 100%... After like... Zin after dark, made for the night. Like shit you would eat at 3 a.m.? Oh, like fourth meal zin. Like fridge pickle or what? It comes in three flavors.

Spiced cider, espresso martini, and mohito. Yeah, let me get some of that 3 a.m. espresso martini. I never knew this existed. I need caffeinated, alcoholic Zim like I need oxygenated. It's got to fuck up everything at once. This is great. Do you have asthma? I do now.

Zin, no blood. Other fucking side effects is like, yes. side effect blood evaporation side effects what you got you know in cloverfield when that girl just kind of explodes it's like that but cool yeah that but

that would really cool they got a price harper brandon's in now holy shit that's good you bunch of things you oh my god dude price Harper really put his shit through a soda street he just

make me a pool make me a swimming pool he just let someone carbonate his blood I feel so bubbly that's the aneurysms working buddy how'd you get the bends and sea level my dude how is it literally just tobacco juice

like oh my god you can sell athletes on anything if they think it'll make you better seriously because that guy he took a photo and showed everybody like yeah they changed my blood that's my blood that's my blood yeah i had my what we did we worked my blood out right we took

my blood to the gym that's right had to do some heavy squats yeah absolutely we've run it through the mouse trap game course and at the end of it's stronger than ever before because it's avoided all the various yeah it's understood it's agile blood now it's got AI in it because like it's learning how to avoid the mouse trap my it's got it's got it's got nano And furthermore, it's got crypto. AI blood is a scam that you have now spoken into existence and will happen. All we do. And we'll probably be Elizabeth Holmes, just to be clear.

She'll be back. 100%. Yeah. It's just me with like 10 athletes in the Atlanta area. And I just have the hatch on the top of the thing open and I'm putting colored baking sugar into it being like, these are the nanoparticles. And you could literally be like, no, for real, it's sugar, but also it's nano. Two weeks later, I'm telling them all their super diabetes is actually going to make them better athletes.

Yeah, you've got super diabetes now. You can't get regular diabetes. You're hypercotosis. You can't be stopped. That's right. You're shedding sugars visibly, like coughing clouds of powdered sugar. Dog, you look so kinetic right now. Yeah, you look so dynamic in Connecticut.

You're going to kill it. Your blood's ultraviolet. Yeah. So a free agent year. Then you can stop using my blood recycling machines. Just 12 months of this. Just 12 months. bro.

Just 12 months of microwaving your blood. Meanwhile, good old Brett Key just wants normal.

Just normal. Doc, give me some normal blood, please. If you came to me and you're like,

listen, I got evidence that Haynes King is on. What blood type is black coffee? Normal. No, I mean,

like, which, which actual blood type is a black coffee of blood? Not positive or negative. There we go. All right, all right.

Be flat. Yeah. If you came to me and you said, hey man, Haynes King is on like 80 different like PEDs. I wouldn't tell a fucking soul. They'd be like, what kind of journalistic integrity is that? And I'm like

the kind that is going to let that man live. I'm glad if he is. Yeah. What's going to get him through this? Because he probably needs it. Yeah. If any human being on this planet needs to be like shooting bat blood straight into their eyeball

so they can get through the next game, that's Haynes King. I bet we could sell Bryce Harper midaclorians. I bet we could do that. Yeah, that's not hard. I don't think that's hard. That's just relayed. That's just like relabeled Mountain Dew Code Red. Right? We just put Bryce Harper midaclorians and sell it for 15 bucks. I'm drinking 16 ounces of midaclorians with each meal.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm really tapping into the force these days. I can feel it flowing throughout me, connecting all all beings in the galaxy. I feel so like harmonized with kinetic as far as nano goes. Yeah, absolutely. I would have, yeah. I mean, I'm hitting 188 in the postseason,

but what would it have been without the mid-chlorians? I'll build it a 3-PO in the garage. It's going to be pretty sick. Functional anus, don't ask why. I had to put it up a three-po's sparring partner. He's a real bitch about it. He just does this whine and cry.

I built a 3-PO that boos me. They can simulate a road environment. That's it, yeah. But it can't boo. All it can do is just like heckle. Like me, me, me, you know? all it does is whine about how I'm playing I made a robot that's a hater

that's how much I believe in my grind now R2 there's a natural hater that's right R2 comes up squealing at you that'll really test your fortitude just Kirby smart 3PO you can ignore him yeah Kirby smart pointing at R2 D2 being like he doesn't believe in you

no that little trash can you ain't shit look at that fat little Rumba thinks you're a piece of of shit. That's it. Look how fucking low

that thing center gravity is. Hey, get over here. Let's suit this little thing up. Look at this little. He's wearing Kentucky colors and he's talking shit to you.

Can you believe that? Hey, listen, this picture of this elderly white man that you see here in black and white is Bertrand Arthur William Russell, a British logician and founder of analytical philosophy. And you know what he didn't believe in?

You? He didn't even know who you were. That's the kind of disrespect that he had for these dogs. All right? Yeah, he wrote Principia Mathematica. You know what he didn't write? your script your story dogs we're going to do this i'm going to see all of you eat okay you know who's

not eating bertrand russell he's dead you're dead for a minute so let's eat yeah so let's get out there and let's get out there and eat pop tarts that is what big dogs do specifically specifically regular pop tarts please miss um we should talk about the thing um the thing there were uh i want i want you to consider how much fun we've had before this we've had a lot of fun talking about whatever the fuck we wanted to that had nothing to do with the thing i want you to keep that in mind every show leading up to this one as we lead into the thing and i want you to measure how much fun we have talking about the thing that's all go ahead so listener you've still going to have fun you've been out of ten the whole time and now it's time to go no this

this will be fun too okay can we play like a demonic backwards version of the marching horn. Wow! Just us coming down. Yeah. So the Pop-Tarts Bowl was, per various reporting, originally going to be

BYU against Notre Dame. Notre Dame is not in any postseason game because Notre Dame has launched some sort of a crusade against every institution at once,

I think. ESPN ACC, so on and so forth. um because Notre Dame isn't in the playoff so transition I guess transition yeah that's this is this is leading to the notion that that for a very short time following Notre Dame's Miami leaping them for some reason for some no one no one really knows why no one really knows why to say so like all the people who did it Miami leaping Notre Dame was a thing that had been on the table for literally months.

And it was sort of like, okay, this could happen, right? Similar to in 2014 when Baylor and TCU swat places at the last moment as their schedules align. So, like, there is precedent for this weird shit where, like, the committee waits forever to flip one team and behind the team that had beaten it. But they did it during a week when neither of them played. And also, they did it on a week when Notre Dame's resume got stronger. because their win over Boise State had become a win over a conference champion. So, like, that part I get why they're upset about. And then, you know, Bama not falling, that is bullshit as well.

I really think, so two things here. One, I think the funny thing is I completely buy the conspiracy. No way to prove it. I completely buy the conspiracy theory that Duke caused all of this. Yes. Yes. Because Duke winning the ACC means the ACC is out of the playoff, and the committee's like, oh, shit.

Time to pull the We Remember Miami beat Notre Dame button so the ACC doesn't yell at us. And, oh, shit, now we're getting yelled at by Notre Dame. Ah, fuck. Well, we'll think about that later. So I completely buy that this whole thing was Duke's fault, unless, you know, someone comes out and proves otherwise, which they never will. But, so first of all, Duke, even more chaotic than we thought they would be. Like, we thought the Duke chaos was like, ha, ha, L-O-L, they'll get JMU in here. Oh, it's way bigger than that.

It's way more catastrophic than that. The other thing is, so this happens, it's announced a Bama's in, Notre Dame's out, and everyone is suddenly experiencing this weird sensation of like, I feel aggrieved on Notre Dame's behalf, the scorned underdog Notre Dame, right? And like, yeah, the Marcus Freeman era, this team is a lot harder to hate than it has been, but it's still Notre Dame. So, like, everyone sort of enters like, huh, well, shit, I guess I feel. bad for Notre Dame. And then immediately the next thing you know, Notre Dame's like, we don't

fuck the Pop-Tarts Bowl. The one thing everyone loves in the sport is the Pop-Tarts Bowl. And Notre Dame says, that is the thing. We don't, either you're with us or the Pop-Tarts Bowl. Okay, Notre Dame, back on the hate pile you go. And also, it would have been a game against BYU. And, like, that's a fucking bronze medal game right there. Like, that's a, like, whoever wins that can spend the whole off season. Ah, they didn't want us in the playoff. They were scared of us. That's the RG3 religious discrimination bowl for those of you not familiar with it. Yeah, whoever wins that RG3

will declare you're going to heaven. They also somehow turn this into, like there's the Pop-Tarts thing first and foremost. And like, let's be clear, the thing that really sucks about that is like, how could you take this away from Michael O'Jr? How could you take away the chance for Mike Oleg Jr.?

To see the team he fucking played for play for the pop? Like, what a perfect opportunity for that wonderful bear of a man. And you robbed him of it. That's bullshit. Number one. Number two, Bama is sitting there on a platter. Let's all talk shit about three loss Bama. Let's all talk shit about how we shouldn't have a three, like why is this three loss team in the playoff at all after they got their asses, after belt to ass happened to them on national television. And instead, Notre Dame's tactic is to say,

you know what? The ACC was mean to us. We don't think the ACC is a good business part. Like, it's such a boring strategy to take and also like nobody looks at the ACC right now if you think the ACC is fucking up nobody looks and says yeah they're not fighting hard enough for Notre Dame that's the problem with the ACs like that's crazy that's crazy that you would think this is the thing that will galvan yes people will look at the ACC and say why aren't you fighting harder for your partial business partner who could leave in a moment's notice why aren't why aren't doing that. It's just such a and the thing that really gets me

and the reason why I'm having trouble having too much fun with it is I resent the degree to which we are being forced to talk about two lost teams. That's the thing I really hate about the 12 team playoff at this point. I don't want to talk about a bunch of, like

college, maybe this is me, my college football conservatism coming out out of nowhere. I only want to talk about zero and one lost teams. honestly like I don't I don't think it's interesting at the championship level yes yes 100% yeah oh they're like I think Duke is really fun to talk about seven and five Duke I don't turn in like in like playoff context you only went like yes actual valid elite and and to be clear I don't mean I don't mean the thing like Danny canal and other people are saying that it's like fuck JMU and

Tulane why are they in here no like if the the only reason that we have ever justified the existence of a playoff in the first place or the expansion of it until we got to 12 teams was we are leaving people out we're leaving teams out who should have an opportunity to prove it on the field we are not giving the boise states the mountain west utahs the tcUs before they joined the big 12 like there are teams that should have an opportunity to play for national championship that aren't getting that opportunity Cincinnati making the 14 playoff great example of this whether or not they do anything with that opportunity is kind of immaterial it's the idea that if you can go through a season, certainly undefeated, and I would say even with one

loss at this point in college football, you deserve an opportunity to prove it. Two losses is where you really start to lose me. I understand LSU won the 2007 National Championship, and I'm going to tell you something, LSU. If we went back and said nobody won the title in 2007, I think that would be the most fitting thing for that season. I would be fine with that. and now that we're like it is offensive to me that any three lost team i don't care that they're bama i would say this if it was florida i don't want to see a three lost team in the playoff that's the NFL we already have lots of other places where you can where you can lose a bunch of games and play for a championship and that's fine that works in those sports this shit is boring

it's going to get when we go to 16 teams it's going to get worse because you know what we're going to start fighting over then which for auburn at 8th and four. That's right. Are you kidding? Are you fucking kidding me? Like, I don't want to hear all this shit about, well, the regular season. No.

Bama lost three games. I don't want to see their asses in the playoff. I don't. I could not possibly agree with you more. The, like, three losses. Two of them disgustingly bad. Yes. Losing to Florida State by one point would have been horrible.

You got your ass fucked up by Florida State. It sucks. Yep. And you did nothing, less than nothing, and you lost another game to an Oklahoma team that I don't even think I'm not exactly the greatest I don't even think Oklahoma I love my Sooners oh yeah an Oklahoma team that is going to disgust the general public I love my sooner but a lost a loss it's a bad loss but a game like like if we if we flipped just that result if Oklahoma had three losses and that was the third and

Bama had two losses we wouldn't put Oklahoma in the playoff right we wouldn't have done it no chance in the park of the world. I completely agree with you that in the context college football history, two losses is have a great bowl experience. Two losses is not will. You might be the best team in the country. So we'd better put you in the tournament to find out. Like, in my opinion, yeah, it is antithetical to college football history. Undefeated is sacred. One loss is special. Two losses is, I hope you enjoy the sugar bowl. I can get, like I recognize two loss, Ohio State won the national championship last year. And I will say the two lost team. team has to go through a difficult path. You have to play an extra game. You probably, you might

have to play on the road. I don't know. Like, that can go either way. Like, I'm not saying it's easy, but I can get to two. I would, like, if you just said, like, can we make a blanket rule that no three-loss teams get in? I think that would be fine. I think that would be fine and clear for everybody. And then I don't want to hear any whining about, like, well, this schedule, that schedule. No matter what your schedule is, if you lose three games, I don't see the case for you to play for a national championship i just don't and then there's the moping and like well i guess we won't schedule tough yes you fucking will yes you all of you this is do you want people to attend your games or not do you want people to watch your games or not and like and like like who's who said

like hey coaches mr adversity mr face hardship mr all that shit who's who said you need an easy path to the playoff do you want to be great or not like right like the playoff is for great teams teams that overcome a lot of shit. Oh, well, they said it's hard, so I guess we'll do the easy thing. Since fucking win, is that your whole deal? Your whole thing is do what's hard. I am very persuaded

by Notre Dame's case that they should not do anything that's not in their interests. I really am. Like, your absolute D-tier talk radio argument or they're like, I can't believe they do this to college football. They owe the bowls. They don't owe anyone fucking shit. They don't even owe the ACC, which is why it's

funny they're complaining about them, because the quote from Pete Bevaluqua's the athletic director there is or Pete Beavakua. Did I call him Beavalaqua? I'm going to call it Bevalakua. Pete B. Pete B.

Pete B said. My boy, P.B. We were mystified by the actions of the conference to attack their biggest really partner in football. Did you know this is the ACC? Do you know what they've done with their biggest teams?

All they do is mystifying. All they do is do mystifying things to undermine them. They undermine themselves. Anyone can get it. Don't think you're special. When you signed up with them, that's what you signed up for. You signed up for mystery.

It is also a conference of intrigue. It is also a incredible misreading generously to be like, ah, who holds the most sway over the playoff committee? That's right. The warlords at the Atlantic Atlantic Coast Conference. Those who move all levers of power. The ACC's social media manager. like this is what they're mad about a fucking tweet with a graphic that says this team beat that team do you know do you

know oh they ran the game on the acc network who in god's name is watching the acc network on a friday afternoon that's what you're crying people who want tactical gear most yeah people who want tactical gear and turbo diapers for them I need the turbo diapers for the emergency food that I'm sucking in my base right so I'm getting the AI diapers yo I saw him on the ACC network while I was watching anti-Noderm propaganda that changed my mind because I'm on the committee. They have certainly,

this is the best, this is so good, they have certainly done permanent damage to the relationship between the conference and Notre Dame. A quote that should be read

and heard in this exact voice, which is, hey, hey, I'm going to tell everyone that this circle, Kay, don't let you hang out anymore.

They don't let you hang out in front of it. This institution is a I will not be back that much is for certain. I'm going to go loiter in front of the QT, like a gentleman. Since when you can't smoke at the pump? Since when? Since when?

You have done permanent damage to our relationship. Permanent damage to the esteemed relationship I had with this circle cake. I got thrown out of Hooters, which did permanent damage to my investment portfolio. This is why I'm starting to think ADs are just fucking dumb. They're just fucking dumb. You can say anything you want. you ask for some checks and then we appoint a bunch of you to

run a playoff committee when you don't know ball they don't know ball right like the abs like we have one ball knower among the ADs it's Chris Alt he invented the pistol I'm pretty sure Chris Alt knows what he's doing everyone else Jeff Long is in there multiple times

Jeff Long is a fucking moron They keep Arkansas ADs I think have been hired Arkansas ADs have been on this thing I think three total times What about their coach hiring practices Suggests they know ball Like personally this man must have some skills I'm not aware of

Because look at who he fucking hired Look at what happened to that athletic department there He hired Brett Beelma Which was his only like not bad hire And do you know why he did it? Because he wrote him a letter Talking about how cool he was What a gullible fuck

If you're the playoff committee And you're like we got to get some people on here Who won't be conflicted out Arkansas AD is a pretty good way to go for frankly yeah that's shit you all be out before we even do the purse ranking like like you look over at the it's time to vote uh and and you look at the arkansas id like you're gonna need to recruit recuse yourself for many of your selections no i am not my team is two and seven like where's the good where's the good conspiracy theory there where is hunter you're a check specifically fucked over

notre dame because he's mad that notre dame embarrassed Arkansas at home where's that. Give me that. That's much more interesting than the ACC is a bad partner and we don't appreciate that. Yes, they are. They're the ACCC. They don't love themselves. You're the dummies who got in league with the ACC.

I'm hitching a ride. This guy smells like malt liquor. Think I better get in. But I can change him. Yeah, I can change him. This is not, and none of this is serious. Absolutely none of it. Like none of it is done with any serious intent, which is why

I can't get too mad about it because you're like, oh, yeah. So Miami leaves Notre Dame. Yeah, sure. Fuck it. Go ahead. Yeah, that's fine. Why not? You do whatever you want because this is an invitation.

It's not a playoff. My favorite talking point, and we do this every year now with the playoff, is there's this obsessive thing about like, but they will create precedent. My friend, what about living in 2025 college football or 2025, American legal system makes you think that precedent there is nothing the committee does that it's like, ah, well, now the future is bound. And now the destiny, no, none of it. According to Bolesby v. Marshall.

Right, right. It's abse, it's bonkers that people are like, ah, yes. Well, now scripture has been put down and we must adhere. No, none of it. Oh, my God. I beg one of you to, like, raise a four-year-old for a year. This is the whole, like, how did you put Notre Dame here and then put them here? Motherfucker, this is, like, how a grilled cheese is my kid's favorite food until it's not.

I hate grilled cheese. I had my son say to me the other day, I'm off bananas now. What are you talking about? We off that. We off bananas. What? I'm off bananas. This makes as much sense based on his past banana consumption.

as what the playoff committee decided to do. And you know what I did? That's cool. We're not buying bananas this week. Not a big deal. Notre Dame is bananas in this situation, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're off you.

That was a really cool three hours when Notre Dame was cool, though. That was really awesome. We were all waving Notre Dame flags, and then immediately, oh, took them down. And to be clear, this isn't like the players got to play more football. I don't care if you play more football. If you don't want to play any more football, that's cool. It's not like Pop-Tarts. It's paying you to play football.

Like, I don't give a shit. Like, Opt-out, Jeremiah Love opt-out, that's great. Whole team opt-out. Cool, awesome. My thing is, like, it's not going to go over well, first of all, because the Pop-Tarts. Michigan had a bunch of players sit out last year against Bama and still fucking beat him. It's fine. Sure, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You might win. But, like, yeah, it's just, it's Notre Dame. so first of all anything you do is going to be unpopular unless it's getting left out of the playoff because people only like it when you suffer um but like yeah the uh the the goodwill campaign it like if it took fsu months to to get to this point where it was like okay dog we're we're we're sick of feeling bad for you right like like ron desantis getting involved and then you're going to sue again the acc if you get left out of the playoff you get a yell at the acc it's

that's that's the only precedent here um it took FSU a long time to go from, oh, we feel bad for them to, okay, shut up. And it took Notre Dame just moments, instant. I do, can I, the one argument that I will, and it is an almost entirely irrational argument, you know, shocking is this, I am motivated by this, that when Notre Dame turns down a bowl game, part of me goes, don't you like to fight? It's like the Dragon Ball Theory of Law and jurisprudence here, right? Like, we like to train and fight. Why don't you like to train and fight, Notre Dame? You have another, you could have a fight with BYU. Arr, fight me. And they're like, no, I don't want to fight. You're like,

what kind of an anime is this? So in this scene, Notre Dame is like sitting on the hillside by the blossoms, looking out across the ocean and my fighting days are done. Yeah. What's wrong with you, brother? I have reached the end of my time. I will return to the farm. You must go on without me. BYU is sitting there like, why am I not good enough? Don't you want to, don't I look strong enough? Just smashing a boulder. BYU is like punching Notre Dame in the arm.

Fight me! Notre Dame is like, no. I will not fight you, brother. It's got little flurry lines right in the manga. Sweating like crazy. And then here comes Brank Key. I will take your challenge. I'm in an anime.

All my players read this shit, but I don't know what it is. Only cartoon I know is bugs. No, normal. Only the boy bunny, not the other one. That's a different buddy. That's a different, hey, that girl bunny, she's tough. She could play for my ball team anytime. Coach, that's the same bunny.

Huh? That's even cooler. Alternate uniform. Like, I usually don't like. Like, I do think that there are Brent Key-like programs all over the place where if on April 27th, someone said, would you like to fight? They'd get on the bus, right? Just like, yeah.

Vandy tried this. Vandy tried this. Yeah, Mandy tried to add a game. When Vandy was like, we might be left out of the playoff. We challenge everyone. Yeah. It's awesome. All you motherfuckers, if you're scared, don't show up in Nashville.

Like, I'm dumb, so it took me this long. It took this long to click. But I just realized the entire point of Georgia football has nothing to do with the football. Nothing. They're like, hey, would you like the legal way to line up and beat the shit out of somebody? Yeah, yeah. That's it. It's entirely relevant to the outcome of the game.

They'd like to win. They love to win. But the thing they really like is like, hey, you could hit someone as hard as you want, and the cops don't do anything. This is pretty much the argument for football. Right. A whole bunch of people are going to fight. A guy's going to throw a thing, and then you're going to fight over the thing.

Sometimes, if you're fast enough, you get to fight the guy before he throws it. I think it's Matt Light, who has said this on numerous podcasts, where he goes, why did you play football? And he goes, because I could do things that would get me arrested anywhere else out there. And it was totally legal. And every time Matt Light's on a podcast, they do something like, yeah, so anyway, we were at practice. And he hit me with a crowbar, like, right in the dick. And somebody's like, what the fuck? And he's like, yeah, football's awesome.

I loved it. It was great. It was good. If you want to home alone and you're like, oh, I want to be a wet bandit, football is for you. I could effortlessly tank this child's choice. If you watch Home Alone and you're like, I'm going to fuck that kid up. Sorry for the wet bandits, but I'm built different. Yeah.

Just go out, put a helmet on, man. They're ready for you whenever you're ready. I could easily overcome Kevin McAllister. Yeah. By the way, it is an invitational. And that's really the way you should always think about this playoff. It's an invitational. It's not science.

It's just it's an invitation. so we played at the end of the season, and then there's other bowl games. Some of it does look cool. I really look forward to watching Oklahoma put Alabama in the Cripler Cross. Nine to zero. Look, man, last year's Notre Dame team was a lot of fun to watch. And they should be thanking their lucky fucking stars that it's a 12-team playoff because I don't think a team that lost to NYU is getting in a 4-team playoff.

and they're certainly not playing in the BCS. Yeah, no, it ain't. Like, this is going to cut both ways for lots of teams. It just happened to be you this year. Yeah. Also, I'm not going to get that work to have. It'd be better than 12. Be better than 13.

100%. Like, Ryan, I do sympathize you're like, I don't want to talk about a two-lost team. I'm like, listen, y'all squabble over that last seat if you want. It's one of these top six. that's going to get it and they should and they should yeah and yes yes it's just oh my god as a person who was never in favor of big playoff like yeah access yes access i like every team should have a viable path to the thing but you know yeah we've said a million times the playoff doesn't always

need to be um however big like they're there are years 2011 we should have just handed the trophy to lSU and not had a title game i think that's what that was lSU's standpoint as well based on the way they played in that title game. The group of five spot, and in this case spots, I can defend as a, we are trying to maintain the, like, the cohesion of the whole sport. We're trying to make FBS still mean something, and we're trying to fight in some way against completely splitting this thing off into the big two and everybody else.

Notre Dame is fine in this, like, Notre Dame is not the fracture point about, like, if we don't stand for Notre Dame now, college football is in jeopardy it's just not no and that's like i guess that's my the last thing for me here is this that everyone who makes a historical argument about the import of bowl games fuck you there's like 9000 bull games and we only used to have eight you know if you're a real traditionalist or originalist about all of this you're going to be with me and be like bring back the blue bonnet bowl and there should only be eight of them and they should be played after we determine a champion

Eight Blue Bonnet bowls. Eight Blue Bonnet bowls. A copper bowl. Let's get those ones named after material assets. Blue Bonnet balls. They have like Greek letters attached to them so you know which one it is. So you're in Blue Bonnet Bowl Mark 5. That sounds bad ass.

Yeah, I'm in Blue Bonnet Alpha. Yeah. Meet me in Blue Bonnet. Omicron. And they all have extremely specific conference guys. Yes, 100%. That are completely irrevocable. Yep.

Right. And we have a televised bank where both of the coaches get absolutely blitzed and have to make speeches in front of people while eating strawberry pop tarts that's right hey this guy like strawberry pop tarts i like strawberry pop tarts we're having a baby together that's how this is working this is the same sport where b yu in part has a national championship because like five different teams were like fuck no we're not playing them in a bowl game make michigan do it instead michigan who sucks make shitty michigan do it and bo shem beckler whose michigan teams we're like yes more fights please we're like all right we're

Oh, no. We didn't get in a fight. We had to chase these guys around. That sucks. They don't want to fight. This is the Goku class of teams, right? Goku class teams. Michigan at all times, right?

You don't get hired as coach at Michigan unless you're like, would you rather win or have a good fight? They're like, fight! I think what I ultimately am frustrated by is that everybody looks, lots of people, I'm going to say everybody. Lots of people look at this and they're like, it doesn't make sense. and I don't like that it doesn't make sense. And what I wish I could just remind them all is it has never made sense.

At no point since we started playing this, since we said, yes, Rutgers Princeton, mostly kind of playing soccer in some ways, it has never made sense. And every effort, everything you don't like about what college football is becoming is in some way a push. push, part of the push to make it make more sense. So, like, I don't know why we're fighting this direction. It feels silly, and it feels against, like, the nonsensicalness is part of what makes it fun. And I think if you take that to heart, you'll stop feeling so up in arms over it. I think the flip side of that is that yelling about the nonsensicalness is also just as intrinsic. Great. Yes, sure. That's true.

So, like, I think as long as you're aware, you sound stupid when you argue about it. You are part of a long tradition. Yep. Yep. Yeah. We all gather around and yell at Obelisk. We hate Obelisk. Obelisk said that town better than this town.

Obelisk's so mean and so cold. Obelisk said our fourth quarter against this team was worse than their fourth quarter against a different team. Obelisk like wrong kind of barbecue. And you can join me in the side of the cold change of secrets inside the obelisk where I tell you there's no good way to end a season. There's no good way to end a season. I feel like we feel that way because trying to legislate our way towards a national champion in a sport where, as Godfrey would put it, Alabama is purported to be playing the same sport as Louisiana Monroe. is futile and dumb, and we shouldn't do it. And this is why I share the return to the invitational mentality,

because what do we, what do me ultimately want to do here? There will be no satisfaction, not really. Like, imagine we got all this right. Imagine standing there satisfied at this time of year, hands on hips and going, the computers got it right, and this is satisfying to us. No, that's not what we want to do at all. nobody's going to be you might be satisfied but you're not happy right you're not content what we

want to do is fight about it this sport is too regional it's too regional to determine a single champion it's too deep and too broad to determine a single national champion in a satisfying and sensical way i cannot let go of the idea and also anti big playoff here but the reason i'm anti big playoff is because I feel like we are legislating ourselves towards an outcome that we don't really want. It's also impossible, I would argue. Yeah. Because, and some of it is I agree with you that we are driven toward, like friction is what

drives the thing. And there, I think the pursuit of the frictionless playoff is impossible, is truly impossible. And I think that mostly comes down to the debate that we will never settle, which is, deserving versus best the thing that clouds all of it the thing that lets us say well is your 12 and no deserving or best is is bama's three losses deserving or best and and that's the part that we fundamentally cannot solve for me it's college football at the top level has all these vestigial traits to it that the lower levels did not have fcs on down they have huge playoff and it's pretty satisfactory.

Yes, people will argue about the very last spot. People will always argue. But it's not some shit. We're like, wow, our entire swath of the country was it even glanced at, right? So, like, you can have a big playoff, and yes, you'll have a million first-round blowouts, but North Dakota State might lose their opening game.

So, like, nothing is set in stone. But, like, big playoff is possible. Top-level college football. There are so many thousands of hurdles that have built up over the decades that get it to a little. a point where oh my god two champions from non-anointed conference conferences made it in they're the problem like jm you is your problem jm you fucked up your whole your whole thing a conference champion

um like if if if at the top level we're going to be so precious about protecting the big boys that we are scandalized by as many as two of the little guys getting a shot um then that to me is a sign that big playoff is never going to work because what you're going to want is 36 spots and 32 of them go to the SEC and the Big Ten. So like, big playoff can work, but it cannot work in a sport with the century of mindset that only the biggest teams deserve shots.

And let alone, and that, it wouldn't even work if we had an agreed upon definition of deserve, which we don't. We can't even get that far. I think if you say each conference champion makes it in and champion is determined by a coherent nationalized definition. ACC, you do not get to make up your own tiebreakers anymore. All right, we're yonk, we're taking that on it.

You do no longer have that privilege. There's one agreed upon way to determine each conference is champion. If you do that, then every team has a clear and coherent. and equal in its own way chance to make the tournament. But barring that, barring that big playoff will never, like,

quote fingers work. There are years when it'll feel satisfactory. Like last year, honestly, it was fine. But that's the only way to make big playoff work is to actually give every team basically the same rules on how to get there. I am just going to start. I'm just going to start doing what they do in the tour to France and start giving out special awards to the teams that are superlative in their own right.

Maybe not in terms of wins or losses, but in terms of performance. Like, I'm just going to give, like, you know, you get like the King of the Mountains jersey for being the best climber and you get like a jersey for being the best sprinter, the green jersey. I'm just going to do that for teams that are just like, you know, hey, this is the most kick-ass team. This here's the most frenetic team. Like whatever team is the fastest, like Texas Tech, you can. get the berserker's jersey like i've just seen you rip off 35 points in the first half against so many teams this year because your entire thing is just to end the game in 10 minutes i love that i love that georgia without a doubt gets uh georgia without a doubt just gets the we're just

here to fight like they do they just get the like parking lot hero award for the year because that team is uh as moneyed and as pedigreid as it is actually does play like kirby says they should they think they are right like wait nobody we count us out we're you know we're just a bunch of hard work in blue color five stars who are all making a lot of money doing this but they actually play like that right i would give oklahoma beautiful prettiest the prettiest football team the football the francis bacon painting as football team award the gorgeous gorgeous boys oh my god they're the there's a red dog dragons they are they're the they're the Daniel Plainview Award for I'm finished.

Aesthetic perfection. That is true because I don't want to watch them either. And there will be blood. Some of mine, some of yours. Who can say? Definitely some of John Mateers. You want to talk about a QB who's going to crash into some stuff. Speaking of somebody who deserves his own special award,

some guy who's going to go 11 for 44 with three picks and 42 yards rushing. And you're like, eight touchdowns. Yeah, and eight touchdowns. How did he do it? I don't know. I have no idea. Their field goal kicker had eight field goals every game. So that's what you're in for, Alabama.

Yeah. You sure you want to make the playoff? You're going to play Oklahoma. It's going to be nasty. You sure you're ready to see this much leg. Because Oklahoma's kicker is out there in hot pants, buddy. And he's going to be busy. Yeah, Tate Sandell, he's going to show you a little bit of thigh.

Then he's going to kick a 52-yarder in. like it's nothing clockwork and that'll be the only points those will be the only points that they get um hey you want to do a little business it's business time podcast business what's a business podcast business podcast business it's a business podcast business it's a business podcast business we're gonna sell some stuff it's December so you do buy stuff because we'll buy stuff we'll die woo Again, that field goal thud brought to you by the number one football team in the nation, Indiana, the team that goalpost wisely swatted away a Penn State field goal attempt that was in an Indiana game.

So every time you hear that, it's a little tribute to the best team in the nation. Hey, you know what? We rarely lead with this. I think the best team in the nation is the shutdown forecast, y'all. And the work that we do here is supported by our Patreon. That's patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast. You get so many things, so many bonus episodes. I think we're up to 75, 78 bonus episodes.

78,000 bonus episodes available only to subscribers who have given us $4 a month or more on the Patreon. You can always give more. y'all membership has flexible parameters but you know what for four bucks a month you get all of our bonus episodes you get the fullcast after dark delivered right to your inbox after we record it live following the big games of the day um yeah all that stuff available to you and more all of the things that we do here on the fullcast patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast how many bonus episodes have we given them since we launched this situation because again we had no idea what we were getting into with the coaching carousel.

Yeah, the coaching carousel got. I said something last week about getting to our 20th bonus episode, and that's when I realized I think we're past that already. Hang on. You guys talk about, talk amongst yourselves. I'm going to count. Just count it out loud. That'll be the audio.

Another great team currently celebrating a tremendous week for them as a culture, as a program, as a corporation, as a company, as a happening. That would be the good people at homefield apparel.com. I saw a TikTok from them that was their founder. 23 bonus episodes. This is relevant concluding most recently with Sundays after dark recording entitled The Indiana Hoosiers won the Big Ten championship. That is number one Indiana football.

What a beautiful phrase. I have just fact-checked this and that's apparently true because homefield apparel.com could not sell a t-shirt that said Big Ten champs 2025. if, in fact, the Indiana Hoosiers were not champions of the Big Ten. There are so many amazing things available on home field apparel. Tasteful, historically correct, and curated logos from the best periods in your program's history. They go to a tremendous length and put a lot of effort into picking the exact correct logo. My favorite, of course, has always been the Florida collection because they're the ones that got the sick

gator 1980 logo right where it looks like you know a gator and the u and the f or like the hemispheres of a globe of world dominated by florida which thrilling thought to me may be terrifying to everyone else the gator boy stay hot basketball shirt the bat the 85 baseball pullover which is to my mind the most florida thing ever go check it out take a look at it it is awe-inspiring so for all your needs not just dads i know typically we say Boy, you should get this for your dad if you don't know what you're going to get for your dad. Homefield's for everybody. Okay.

So get 20% back now. Go ahead. Homefield apparel.com is the website. Consume, enjoy. And go Hoosiers. My three mottoes and life. Next. Hey, oh, hey, Jason, what you got going on?

What if I want to, you know, read a little bit of stuff about college football? I have a newsletter. It's called until Saturday. It's about college football. We post two or three times a week. um i would also like to know it's really good by the way um i would also like to note that uh it's time of year when you buy stuff for people maybe you like to buy books for people i wrote a book that has a lot of really good reviews a lot of really good ratings it's called hell's world without you it's funny um it'll teach you some books server did the audio and you put in sound effects and guitar and stuff um so yeah you should you should buy it and read it's time of year when your football team is probably either done or winding down if it's noterdame it's already done and if it's noterdame i can teach you some things you don't know about religion because there's probably a lot of this frankly so yeah go buy that book for someone excellent i'd also have another thing i'd like to tell you about because uh maybe you want to read even more about college football maybe about life uh maybe you

would like to you know hey chat with holly and i on a saturday morning before the games or before any other significant event we're not doing that again until next year but we sometimes do these during the week that is it is a benefit we offer it is a benefit we offer subscribers to channel six the newsletter and media platform i'm not getting up on a saturday morning in january for this i love y'all dearly you might you never know might accidentally yeah sometimes you know we do all kinds of things we tell you how to hire a football oaf and properly address your need for management in the program sometimes we're doing as soon as season's over i would love this just a tiny little bit we have a a an audio series that we've been working on for a little bit that we're going to start

production on immediately as soon as pretty much as soon as the title game's over because we're up against some other deadlines but it's about Al Michaels and I'm just going to leave it there that makes it sound sinister it's not it's not no no but we're going to do a little something on Al Michaels we keep you

entertained that is is this a series inspired entirely by the segment on this podcast where we tried to imagine Al Michaels pronouncing the name of Marvel Universe's The Watcher in his own accent Maybe

Uatu With the ball Who ought to Did we take the pitch Did we take a pitch from that directly to a studio? Don't worry about it Channel dash 6.ghost.io That is channel dash 6.govost.io

Also available And any of our bios on any of our social media platforms Subscribe, enjoy. Oh, hey, server, what's up in your world? I should probably speak up. for Ryan who is facing perils unknown since there was a fire trail in his building

so he may need our support to relocate the offices of Falcon Scott in the meantime you could support his other work over at phantom island dot show that's his podcast that he does with Stephen Godfrey there's a free episode every week comes out on Wednesday

but also if you would like to become a paid supporter you'll get access to at least one extra show every week sometimes it come out on Friday maybe this is a little bit of a tease but there is no Friday episode this week. They put out both of their bonus episodes already if you're listening to this. Shit.

Yeah. Hell yeah. So give them a follow. Otherwise, we're getting ready to record episode 300 of Hand in the Dirt, a gardening podcast about football, a show I do with Michael Felder and Stephen Hartzell. Please don't hold that against me or Michael Felder. The show can be found on all the podcast platforms. We have a voicemail line.

you can call in and yell at us about stuff but yeah we're doing our Christmas episode soon so Felder hates Christmas I love Christmas Heart Soul also loves Christmas so there's a little bit of a family spirit fight thing that'll happen this month that everyone should be able to enjoy and then I'm a band called Killer Ants that has a show on December 20th at Gas Hill Drinkid Room

it's an ugly sweater party get prizes from foothills if you have a super ugly festive sweater also have a free Killer Ants shirt we'll be giving out prizes at that show and we'll be wearing ugly sweaters T's already picked mine out. It's three possums howling at a moon. The only other thing I guess I

have is a podcasterino which hasn't put out an episode in a while but probably will again so follow them. Follow that. Yeah. I think it's good to call your own podcast them. Yes. Like follow those guys. Follow them old show viewers

Follow that whole crew Follow them little shits I don't know them But I'm sure they do great stuff And they're also very handsome All right I think that concludes Podcast business

Thank you Woo Who Coming in hot This is the easiest segment We will do all year long Let's look at the schedule. You want to navigate the playoffs with only one remaining Dakota?

I mean... It doesn't sound that easy. Yeah, that is difficult. In terms of the... It's not the real playoffs. That's right. That sounds sarcastic. It's not.

No, it's not sarcastic at all. Absolutely not. We would never disrespect the FCS playoff, especially given all of the drama that it has given us so far. By the way, by the way, one remaining Dakota, two remaining Montana's just saying. That's right. because best conference.

It is the best conference of Big Sky. This remains a Big Sky Conference podcast. All respect to the Big Sky. In 35 years when the Big Sky Conference is the most popular conference in America, remember who the founders were in terms of the supporter squad. It was definitely us who found us.

It was definitely us, not people who've been going to Big Sky games, their whole lives. It's like, it's looking at the Final Eight in the FCS, we've got the Popes Villanova, our Montana's, the Illinois State that beat North Dakota State. Stone Cold Steve Austin is here.

Tarleton State is here. They showed up like eight seconds ago. And then UC Davis is learning like, we have a football program? So there's something for everyone here. Yeah, UC Davis's coach, you should check out the stash on him. That guy's got, man,

he's got an amazing mustache. Like the kind of mustache that I didn't think they made anymore. Like the kind of mustache that was like, yeah, I work at Martin Marietta and I can't tell you what I do with missiles, like that kind of, yeah, that kind of mustache. This is a really good joke if you know how long it's been since Martin Marietta existed. Yeah, yeah. This is pocket protector territory.

Yeah. It's not like the like, oh man, cool, you look like a renegade cop kind of mustache. You're like, no, man. This looks like a birth control mustache. Wait, birth control in which direction? You're not getting any ass if you have this mustache. O'Conn, fucking Trear. This man, no, this man is all about business.

He's like football only. Yeah, but how do you reckon he got here? And do you think he doesn't know that? He has to put, listen, I think this is the restrictor played on his sex drive, right? Like, he's... Interesting. Suit yourself. I disagree.

Flavor. Sounds like you're alone here, Spencer. Yeah, also if you... I've never considered flavor saver in that particular context before. Thank you, server. Yeah. Also, Tarlin State's coach. at least the offensive side man somebody's hiring those guys like is this still the home field ad yeah

this is 100% the home field ad okay yeah uh jason who you got uh montana montana state always always in forever hardly i i really stepping out of limb taking i'm taking the two favorites here but the howling void of montana montana state this is what we when dealing with the montana's it shouldn't be you know versus the field we should say versus the void yeah versus the void well what i'm taken is a uh game in a game even deeper into december in montana on tv and the teams fucking hate each other how fucking football is that man this is where we this is where we do brawl the wild too and we're not talking about getting the snow off the field we're talking about clearing enough of it off so that people can actually see because it'll be drift

It'll be like four feet of snow on the side. Bears will be there. Just like, yeah, it's cold, y'all. I need some warmth. Bears need to be there. Yeah, the bears are like, normally we're just here for the garbage. But honestly, I'm intrigued by this matchup. I really want to take a look at it.

Can we please come in? It's so cold out there. It's so cold, please. If you're cold, they're cold. Let them in. My favorite experience ever watching a football game was like in, I want to say it was 2007 or 2008 with all my friends, all my friends who were like band geeks

watching the Montana Appalachian State game in Montana and like all they could think about is like gosh man the band must be so cold look at them and I just thoughts for the band in those games this weekend thoughts and brains

putting a mouthpiece to your lips like negative 10 and it might just and feeling it stick just a little bit yeah oh that's football seems easier to me is the thing Speaking of phenomenal weather, our North Central boys, they got Bethel come into town in the D3, in the D3 quarterfinals now. Additionally, Wisconsin River Falls, Grisvenini wrote about them a few weeks ago.

This is the highest scoring offense in all of the NCAA playing in fucking Wisconsin. And I assume in some sort of snow hell, look, Jesus Christ, it's negative one degrees. It's negative one degree during this game. So the highest octane offense in all of the NCAA is going to play in negative one degree weather. How can you not watch D3 football, man? Their point totals are. Boys, if we wanted to watch D3 football, where might we do that? At this point, they're all on ESPN Plus from here on us.

Holy crap, they have been incinerating people. Good Lord. To keep warm. They got to. do we stay alive by burning your defense gotta go fast we're freeze brother oh that's amazing

yeah and then in fbs we have one game we got a pretty good army navy there's been some recent years where one or the other has been pretty bad which to be clear never matters because in this game both of them become exactly the same team with exactly

the same quality level if it's 10 and 2 versus 2 in 10 you won't be able to guess which of them is 2 and 10 but this year they both have winning records so cool cool um and yeah i mean shit they they pass more than they're supposed to um like there's a bit more receiving talent than usual but otherwise i'm going to predict it'll be an army navy game what is the total it is a lofty grandiose exorbitant uh luxurious 37.5 which is all Just like a touchdown more than usual. There's meat on the boat. Talk about inflation, folks.

Yeah. There's a, thanks Joe Biden. Like, it was only, I forget how many years ago, one, two, three, that the total got under 30. And it was like the coolest shit I'd ever seen in my life. Now we're all the way up to 38. And it feels like, whoa, slow, like to be clear, 38 is still tiny. But it's, but it's like, but it's like, Holy shit, that's a lot of points.

It is. It's been fun watching Navy actually pass a little bit, like watching Blake Horvath air it out. By airing it out, I mean, like, throwing 15 times a game. You know, 20 if we're really getting crazy. This game will be in Baltimore. Will the weather be hideous? Yes, yes, it will.

41 in gray. That is what you want for this. It is perfect Army Navy weather because we don't want snow. But we don't want it to be warm. We want it to be as close to a miserable cave with poor ventilation as possible. And that's what we've got. Yeah. You just want ugly, ugly, ugly pageantry is what you want.

In the bleak midwinter, complimentary. Yeah, caught me right. Yeah. Exactly. Doing brackets with my hands because podcasting is a visual medium. I want it to look like, I do want it to look like you need the coats. I want it to look like the only environment in which you would need coats that look like armies.

Yeah. There's also, there's Heisman stuff. And like, honestly, for the first time in like really forever, I'm like, yeah, I'll pay attention to the Heisman ceremony. Because it's like, this is the first time in, and I plan to look this up for the newsletter. The last year when there was actual like Heisman drama, right? It's like almost always we know the winner,

sometimes for like a month beforehand. And this time, there is a clear favorite, but still. it feels like the first year where when they open the envelope I would not be shocked if one of two and possibly three names get mentioned despite what the odds say so I'll probably sneak a peek at the Heisman thing the four finalists are Jeremiah Love

Fernando Mendoza Diego Pavia and Julian Sayan those are our four finalists and the award could in theory go to either of or any of them because i i can see an argument for all of them i can't i'm skirting there's a great argument for yeah like like saying has the longest odds but also like in a lot of years he would have won it handily in a lot of years he would have won it handily uh and that same could be said of Fernando mendoza who by far in terms of like team resume and that's a thing when you talk about players and awards you know you go okay well how much do you separate the individual

from the team. Fernando Mendoza, to my mind, is the one with San, who's like, that's almost a team vote when you talk about how you do it. And the award's supposed to go to the most outstanding player in college football. It's a really vague rubric that you're asked to work under. So how you interpret that determines a lot of how you're going to vote or even select these people. Which is why, by the way, like people go, well, we only do quarterbacks and running backs. Man, it's hard to find. it's hard to stand out a lot of the time even if you're super important on a on a defense or along the offensive line you know that's not saying we shouldn't do it but you kind of have to change how people watch the sport for that to really be the case

and in the meantime it's real easy to find the guy with the ball that's kind of how these things get decided it's not a conspiracy yeah I mean you know it'd be cool to see Jacob Rodriguez in there instead of Sane which I didn't realize sounds ridiculous because Sane completes about I think 300

percent of his passes, I believe is the correct number. I think that's correct, yeah. But still, yeah. I wouldn't have minded seeing Omar Cooper Jr. in there. I will reiterate for every award. The only true Heisman moment I saw this year involved him. Mm-hmm. Now, is he a Heisman candidate this year?

No. Don't care. But that catch at that moment. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He gave me, like, we said this in After Dark. What is it we were hollering? for year after year after year after year it's not in favor of or against any particular team

not even you florida state really not at this point because jesus you've given us enough but we want something different to happen and what omar cooper junior gave us this season was what we want most something we've never seen before yeah i'd never seen that shit yeah like 100% have not seen that shit but you know you could come back and be like hey man what about david bailey yeah that's the hardest part with texas tech like how did the fuck do you have a defense so good you have multiple heisman candidates yeah you have a defense so good like you have you can legitimately say at this point oh shit their past catching linebackers may have split the vote yeah like two of them in uh at work the heismans drop hole me and sam kahn every week we vote for

different texas tech line packers yeah you want to vote romello height and it's not and i'm laughing but like it's not like you guys were doing that as a bit. No. No. I mean, David, David Bailey is like a top three player in sacks and tackles for loss. David Paley is a walking impediment to your success as an offense. Yeah, having just spent, having just spent, you know, the past hour and a half or whatever, grousing about what the playoff committee has done.

Now that the, you know, now that the regular portion of the season is over, and I personally fold conference championships. And with that, I loved this season, man. I loved it. I had a really good time. Just over. Sorry, I found this season, and this is not me trying to, like, grind my foot on your four and eight record. I found this season overall just watching the national landscape extremely enjoyable.

Can I tell you something that will, some of you who might not have watched this game before some of you out there, something that will make this season even more enjoyable? enjoyable. Prairie View A&M. Hell yes. One of the lowliest teams in Division I won for a long, long time. They just won their first conference title since ninth, second conference title since 1964, Saturday at noon. They are in a national championship game in Atlanta, Georgia, the Celebration Bowl, annually

one of the best watches against South Carolina State. Prairie fucking View might go 11 and 3 with an HBCU national championship. And we're going to feel bad about a playoff ranking? No, we're going to celebrate the celebration ball. No. Also, FBS bowl season is starting. Boise State, Washington, something called the L.A. bowl is, like, after the Heisman thing. I've looked this up like 8,000 times, and I, for whatever reason, it's, I, like, my brain is refusing to accept that bowl season starts.

I think it did last year, too, but that was like one of the weird little, it was like one of the weird little, like, fucking Biloxi or whatever. But, like, this is a relatively big bowl game. starting after the highsman, whatever. The bowl season starts Saturday. Excuse me, that's the bucked up, L.A. Bowl. Bucked up. Yeah. So, you know, get out there, folks.

That's what we're saying. Stretch legs. There's a lot to look at.