Shutdown Fullcast - Introducing the BVP Award - Week 8, Reviewed

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Holly, Jason, and Spencer come to you bearing the following tidings (I'm not totally sure what tidings are but I am also too lazy to look): - Behold our SOONER SCHOONER CHAOS POWERS - Some early nominees for the 2019 BVP, given to college football's most college football player - ILLINOIS LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO - Butts - Now you know a single thing about Ball State! - Tell a friend to attend our live show in Jacksonville Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. Oh, it's some review show for what I'm going to call weak cheeks. Weak cheeks. Yes, cheek weak. Because, you know, we got not one, but two of those Heisman grade cheeks on display. You guys know how we're slightly famous on this show for speaking things into existence? Uh-huh. It happened.

you remember a couple weeks ago when we were talking no no this was just last week when we were talking about whether south carolina or georgia was the peach state yeah louisiana making a strong case putting the produce out there um we also spoke something else into existence i don't know what you're talking about oh oh saturday was national period day thank you for bringing it up and speaking of crimson horrors so this sooner schooner uh if you don't know that is the wagon that Oklahoma trots out speaking of butts speaking of butts if you don't know you weren't listening to the show last week this is partly your fault uh boomer and sooner one one word for each cheek and in between the magic that makes it all happen uh the the sooner schooner is the wagon that Oklahoma has traditionally trotted out you said that already for scores and um it it sort of veers around and from time to time i'd say once every 20 years somebody takes a corner too tight and the whole thing just falls over like it does in oregon trail you know in oregon trail when it's like oh the wagon tipped over and it killed little

you lost dorsey yeah whatever you named you lost mersey dope whatever you named your child right which usually for me it was like butina B-U-T-T-I-N-A and But-T-T-I-N-A and But-T-Rick was always the sun for me. More butt content. So yeah, on Friday as part of our Blood Week series, we reviewed how in 1993 this happened in a game, in a loss against Colorado. And how many hours later?

Like 20? Less than 24. Yeah. Because this episode came out on Friday afternoon and this incident took place on Saturday afternoon. yeah this this this this mascot i guess you call it a mascot mascot mascot device i mean what do you call what do you call the rambling wreck i guess i think that is a mascot a mascot conveyance but this feels like a thing pulled by mascots yeah the mascots aren't the mascots the people

i thought they were the horses does oklahoma have a plush mascot they have they have yeah they have a horse and they have like a cartoon horse that they use for some things interesting Yeah. So the horses stole the land. Yeah, it was all their fault. They just dragged us to the land. What were we supposed to do?

Interesting. We were stranded by horses. Some pushy-ass equine manifest destiny. No, they just let us all with this. They pull. Oh, I'm sorry. They pull. Manifest destiny.

See, Ryan's not here, but he is. Well, we did speak it into existence because, dang, it's a sooner, schooner. It's a good day for Oklahoma's football team, but man, it was a bad day for the, sooner schooner. So a year after we saw a pretty stout fella being dragged behind the schooner, we have this. And based on OU's statement, I think what we've learned is you're supposed to have several pretty stout fellas in the back, specifically on the left side. Yeah, for ballast.

Yeah. So when you take that corner, you want that weight to counter. And OU statement basically implied, you know, everybody back there was a little bit light, didn't have enough butts back. there to hold down the schooner we also uh in 1985 this thing went and veered onto the field during a game uh in between a field goal that was called back due to penalty and the actual field goal so it's out there on the field and players from the opposing team are like kicking at it while it's rumbling past and also there on get there yeah yeah also there were reports of uh in 2016 someone mentioned a game against baler when people were falling out of the schooner but there's no visuals of that one.

So this thing is perilous, man. Stay the fuck away from this thing. There are numerous things about the sooner-skinder I find really amusing. One, that this doesn't happen more often because it's 2019, and let's be honest, we don't have any reason to be good at waggoning.

There's nobody who should be good at wagging. I don't know. This would never happen at Texas A&M. No, no, there would be a major in it. They would be, no, I was going to say they would pay someone to do it for them. Jimbo, get out there. You just beat Old Miss by only a touchdown.

Why don't you go drive the wagon, too? Make them earn your keep around here, son. All right, I'll be out there. I'll do it. Watch it. Jim Borrella. The other thing about the wagon that I love is that against UT Chattanooga, when they scored, I believe, 70 points before the middle of the third quarter,

the sooner schooner stopped going out. Like, they're just like, no. Horses are tired. They're schoonered out. The horses are tired. That horse bit me I told it to get back out there and it bit me Horses said no man

We're union We've done We've done enough for today If you want any more You got to bring it up with the committee Okay Because we ain't going to back out there Are these Yankee horses now?

Yeah they are All union horses turn into a longshoreman From Massifiquil Yeah all right That's how it works So that happened We predicted it If you would like anything else to happen

Write it down on a note and send it to us. Sometimes it will go the way you think. CF hat meet. Yeah. Yeah, we got to be careful. Someone did request that we get UMass into a bowl game, and I'm like, okay, we're really testing the limits of the powers here, buddy.

Sir, what kind of sorcerer do you think I am? It's out of the question for this year, but next year, also out of the question. Yeah, I am just a petty magician. You know, like when you ask Charlotte the spider to spell terrific the way a goose spells it, that's getting UMass into a bowl. We're gonna mess up and like get UMass like close to a bowl. I think that's the limit of our powers. Shit, we got UMass bowl band.

Yeah, got to be more specific with the intonation on these spells. This is how we wound up with hat meat. We do have before anything begins, we do have some. Quite literal. Podcast business. What's that business? podcast business podcast business

what's that business it's the business it's business with the podcast yeah um we have a live podcast coming

the podcast business dick just dropping randomly like Jason's just saying what we're all thinking like Jason's just like Jason's playing a Casio Cassio talk It would be really fun to simulate that one episode we did Where we were all

The tracks came in all unsinked And see if we could make people think Oh shit it happened again Just by being bad That's right But you're being bad See I came in there Let's doing it nice

Oh God However will I simulate the experience Of being talked over by you Spencer How? Indeed Just wait. The joke here is that I talk over everyone. Patriarchy. Hey, Jason, we got a live forecast coming up, do we not?

Dick. We do. It is November 1st in the large city of Jacksonville. Large city of Jacksonville. I think that's how you describe it. You can't say like the beautiful city, you know. It certainly is capacious. The incredibly wide city of Jacksonville.

And in order to make sure that we... and in order to make sure that we have room for all of us in it we are having this in a strip mall highway at a place that specializes in table tennis. Yeah, it's a ping pong club. That sounds

so much classier than strip mall or... Well, this was Ryan's idea, so of course it's going to be the joint. I wanted to have it at a Christian laser tag arena, but I was brutally overruled. This will be the night before Florida, Georgia should be scenes should be excitement if if if we can have rowdiness from a

from a from a from a from a belka ball adjacent crowd surely Florida Georgia can bring it so I think that we should really begin to hint at the following things being there to get a strong Georgia turnout all right um it's a bar one it's a bar two, your pastor probably won't be there, probably. Your pastor probably is on St. Simons, though, so get away from him. That's right. It's going to see you drinking a light beer. Also, he's been making eyes at your wife, and you know it.

Good Lord. You know what? And if she hasn't been, like, obvious about turning it down, why don't you just go out, make her think about what it's like when you're not around by going to a ping pong club with a bunch of Florida fans? Yeah. Huh? That'll teach you.

Susan? I say bring them both. Bring your wife and her pastor boyfriend. Sparks fly. That's right. Because that's three, that's three tickets, not just two. I like it. You can get those tickets speaking of which by traveling to any of the following earls. That is earls as in the internet word, not as in Jason's middle Christian name. 24 snakes.com, 25 snakes.com, or 26 snakes.com, because you just can't be too careful. podcast business completed it's over

dick tonight we that is not the whole show that is not the whole show we do actually have to talk about some football that's the end no

um Jason this week we introduced the Bradley van pelt award on banner society.com is that where we work our mother's site where we work our community are people

banner society dot com banner said BupuBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBan Our Society. Dick. Dick. It started as the Butts show. How did we, we need to get back to the butts instead of. Speaking of, speaking of robust butts and sheer power.

Ro the Butt. The Bradley Van Pelt Award is my proposed solution towards correcting the college football landscape's lack of an award which celebrates a player's college footballness. that can be defined in any number of broadways i do think if you had to if you had to go ahead and say like what does this award signify how is it not just a makeup for the heisman how is it not just a that guy award um it's this if i told you if i told you that we just wanted to give an award for the most college football type college football player of that year who was actually good and also indicative of so many of the things

that make this great sport great and great on its own merits, by the way. We don't care what happens in the NFL. We really don't. We can't, right? No, have you seen where we live? We absolutely cannot pay attention to the NFL. Cannot happen.

I don't need that negativity in my life. When I tell you Dan Quinn's coaching mentor was Pete Carroll, you go, oh, it should be good in the NFL. When I tell you his other coaching mentor was Will Must champ, all starts to make a little more sense, doesn't it? It is really unfair to hire a coach whose name can be slurred at Dank Quinn and then have him turn out like this.

I know. It is some bullshit. He's the most undank man alive. I know, right? The guy really likes the military. Man, he likes the military so much. He basically dresses like an armored personnel carrier. Dan Quinn, please go join the military.

I was going to say he coaches like an armored personnel carrier too, but without the charm. the bradley van pelt award recognizing the most college football type college football player to illustrate it i think it's it's easy to go ahead and select players from this weekend who i think embody what we talk about when we talk about the most bradley van pelt player uh possible for this year um bradley van pelt by the way starting quarterback for the Colorado State Rams around the year 2002, 2003, had long hair, wore a, or wrote a long board around campus, started at Michigan, but then was like, screw you, dad, and went to Ford Collins

and literally that because. Who was his dad? He was a legacy Michigan state quarterback who, when a reporter in Michigan brought it up on air in high school, said, oh, Bradley, are you going to go to Michigan State, you know, just like your dad. He asked this on live television? Yeah, he did. And then Bradley Van Pelt said, well, you know, I'm just going to look at my options and make up my own mind. And, you know, if my dad doesn't like it, he could shut his mouth. Legend. Bradley Van Pelt most known for not only his consistent play, his rushing ability, and his acceptable to good passing, I think is probably the best way to put it. He's probably most noted for being the Colorado State player who, in scoring a touch.

touchdown against the hated Colorado Buffaloes, took the ball and whipped it off the head, like threw it, spiked it off the head of the defender he dragged into the end zone during their rivalry game. God, what a hero. And not from far away either. No, no. He kind of just punched the guy in the head with the football. Yeah.

And the guy didn't even react. I think he didn't even understand what had happened. He was like, oh, a bird hit my helmet. Weird. Pelicans do nest here in the winter, though. what even is the appropriate reaction in that moment? I'm not sure I would know what to do. Like you think you're going to be,

it's like when we were talking about on banus society.com, that lady combat rolling off the sooner schooner when it hit the ground, you always like to think you're going to be prepared for when a moment like that happens to you. Almost no one ever actually is in real life. No, you're just like, what an incredibly dumb thing to have just happened.

It's probably the kind of thing where like three seconds later you call him something. like dork or something like that you know and you're like why did that come out my mom? Hey fuck you buddy oh shit he's all the way yeah I'd like to see you try that over oh you already did it's like a much less

agro version of what Will Must champ had to say to that ref after Saturday is this okay is this the most we have ever liked Wilmus champ yes I'm kind of into this I mean this is like I'm it's extremely funny when he

he's not my coach i like will must champ most when he is uh redneck doomed right like i like to most when he'd already been fired at florida and he's like when people would say well how do you think the games go to the go this week he's like well we're going to try real hard and if we don't win well what the hell they're going to do fire me again so i have a new theory about the referee walking like 40 yards away and tossing a flag because at first i was like i went through several stages of this right I was like, oh, the ref is legitimately scared that Will Mouschamp is going to beat him up. That was normal brain, right? Yeah.

Galaxy brain is, ah, the ref was performing anxiety and wanted people to remember what a dick, Wilmast champ is. So he, like, ran away. He's like, well, officer, I couldn't drop it over there. That man's a savage. The universe brain take on this is that. The ref did this on purpose because he knew it would make Wilmushchamp matter. And he was like, yeah, you can't touch me.

I'm overheat ear. I went and stood by mom and you can't hit me. The context. He knows Wilmuchamp needs glasses, so he probably can't even see him. Oh, shit, yeah. That great object just did something. Also, we're pretty sure at this point that Will Mustchamp has severe object permanence issues. Yeah, he might not have even remembered what was going on.

The context for this is that in the fourth quarter of South Carolina's loss to Florida, go Gators. The refs, the refs having a very, the rest had a- Oh, y'all eat Mill Must Chow? We did. What's that like? I can't relate. We lost him Will Must Chant for four years when he was our head coach. So, you know, it's good to finally turn that around.

But the refs had one. Life's funny. They had a long one on Saturday. It was a very long day for them. They made many, many, many mistakes, which is not why South Carolina lost. South Carolina lost because they're not as good a football team as Florida. They could have played eight quarters and it would have come out the same way. They could have played two and well, it would have come out tied.

But anyway, point being, well, must champ got a non-sportsman-like penalty for arguing one of, I don't know, eight or nine terrible calls against South Carolina in that game. and after the game said that it was gutless that the ref had not... That the ref had not dropped the flag at his feet, which... Jason, if you're the sassy...

If you're the sassy ref and you're dealing with coach testosterone replacement therapy. I'm a man. I'm flirty. Yeah. He'd get that wrong. What would should be like, I'm a man, I'm Dordy?

Doherty's not even a word, but he would say it. Jason, wouldn't we do? With the debate me. Yeah, debate. I'm right here, coward. Yeah, gutless. I call Will Must champ Big Shapiro.

What, how on earth do you, what is your most, what is your preferred method for throwing the flag at an agro meathead like Will Must Champ on the war path? After, by the way, I will put you in this role. You know you've made three or four woofers. You know you've blown three or four calls. How do you throw that on sports and the mic at him? Yeah, I mean, I think it's wise to create some distance. I think 40 yards is a sarcastic amount of distance. No, that's exactly what I think was happening.

Yeah. Yeah, that's so passive, it becomes aggressive, you know? Mm-hmm. Like he crossed the international passive aggressive date line and came all the way back up on the other side. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go climb a fucking mountain and then skydive off it and then getting a hot air balloon. and then throw the flag like okay we get it we get it he's a hot head that's what i do i'm still on the bugs bunny tip right where i prance away 90 yards

ain't i a stinker ain't i a stinker flag that's exactly what happened yeah i'm convinced us with the rifted because if you went up and you dropped it at his feet then then south carolina has a new coach today because their old one is in jail because their old ones in jail for breaking your jaw okay desecrating the flag that's right because that's not that when he's like you should have dropped it at my feet how do you think that would have gone well like really we would have we would have had Woody Hayes part two right and you would have played the part of Charlie Bowman, except you wouldn't have been wearing a helmet. You would have been a ref.

And Will Mustamp would have become, I think, the most celebrated coach in South Carolina history, because that's pretty much what South Carolina would want to do. What's more South Carolina than? Hey, fought a stupid battle. That wasn't worth it. Woody May's here. Sorry, Ryan's not here, so I have to do this shit. That was good.

It wasn't. That's the point. That's a good description of South Carolina football. Yeah. We were here and then we weren't. I would like to go ahead and get this back to the Bradley Van Pelt Award. To be clear, Will Mushchamp is not a Bradley Van Pelt award winner. No, no.

Underrated college player, admittedly, along with Kirby Smart, who is basically just Will Muss Champ on the right medication. He's basically just a really level Will Must champ. organized like if will muschamp had uh if will muschamp could use excel that's kirby smart right and had a better job let's go word mailchamp word not excel mailchamp mail champ kirby smart subscribe now because will muschamp gets gigs like florida and south carolina that you know take a a little bit of english and kirby smart just got the gimmee gig he got Georgia where you just have to say

let's recruit the state and win a bunch of stuff but really they kind of just coached the same way if you were talking about the Bradley Ben Pelt Award winner for Georgia by the way I think it's their kicker if I had to go

maybe like two years ago yeah I think he would have been the winner two years ago if it has to have a certain level of well this is kind of ironic with him if it has to have a level of hipsterness to it I realize he looks like the most hipster man alive it might be it might be a little too

like he's legitimately probably the best kicker in the country right don't yell at me whoever is passionate about their kicker don't do it dicker the kicker oh yeah that guy but Rodrigo I mean giving it to a kicker is sure I think all kickers are probably eligible

yeah especially like The most Bradley Van Pelt kicker I can remember is Florida's Matt Petrovich because he was an all-state linebacker as well as being a kicker but was a little undersized. So on return teams, he would also place kick. So he would do kickoffs and the returner would see the kicker ahead of him and think it was sweet and that it wasn't going to be real. And then Matt Petrovich would rattle his fillings and he would go, no, we're not doing that again. because it's bad when you get tackled by the kicker, it's worse when you get rocked. So if you had to do a 2019 Bradley Van Pelt type thing,

well, obviously let's go outside the SEC East because this is the least BVP friendly area of the sport, we can all agree. What's an, like, and it doesn't have to be like the guy you'd give it to right now because I think we're going to try and do a newsletter on this,

maybe this week on the read option, but like who's near the top of the list? With a bullet, number one is Hawaii's Cole McDonald. Right. Because Cole McDonald is, Cole McDonald is a special player. And I say that in every sense of the word and that he is, he's playing in a legit run-and-shoot offense,

so he will throw the ball 50 or 60 times a game. In those 50 to 60 attempts, there might be five touchdowns in there. there might also be five interceptions. That's entirely possible. It might be a couple of fumbles. There might be 100 yards rushing on any given night. There might be negative 17.

There's really no telling what you're going to get night to night, right? You just know you're going to get a lot of it, and it's all going to come from the arm of... Like CeCi's pizza. That's right. The cookout offense. Of a non-Hawaiian-born transfer who was, nevertheless grown his hair into dreads, gotten a tattoo of the state of Hawaii on his

person along with multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple other tattoos. And it's frantic. There's a lot of, when you get Cole McDonald, there's just going to be a lot of Cole McDonald, man. So, Spencer, let's talk again about speaking things into existence, and let's talk about what you said, oh, right around the start of the fourth quarter of the Hawaii. That's correct. I said, well, it's a fourth quarter. There's plenty of time.

you expressed like teary-eyed astonishment that Cole McDonald only had one turnover. That's right. That's right. So then- What happened after that? He committed two turnovers and still, by the way, fighting valiantly and throwing for a zillion yards and getting Hawaii into the red zone on two possessions before turning it over, including one interception that went off of a shoulder, hip, buttock, and then was kicked in the air by an Air Force. defender into the arms of another waiting Air Force defender who ran it back for a pick six. So I wasn't wrong about Cole McDonald throwing an interception and a touchdown. We did both. Also, we're not going to be able to do this play justice. Go watch it. Yeah. It was so dumb and beautiful. And Cole McDonald, just to top off how Cole McDonald's

the entire play was, almost caught the dude. He ran 60 to 70 yards back and almost caught him on the return before running out of steam, belly flopping, and missing on the tackle. But he left it all out there in the field. My favorite, my favorite player this year, hands down, statistics, performance, and wins and losses be damned. So Cole McDonald is number one with a bullet. I think a BVP factor that he aces is memorability, right? Like, if he's on the field, you notice. And you're, yeah, he was a crucial part of every play for better or worse, both as far as what happened.

happened and as far as being able to, you know, you're always aware of where he is. Always aware of what he's got going on. An impact player. What kind of impact? The kind that the NTSB has to document later, possibly. The good kind where Hawaii actually wins. Yeah, because remember, I believe they are two and one against the Pac-12 this season. Yeah.

Yeah. Which he was a part of, he was a big part of that, making that happen. he was he was a big part of uh of of of one and a half of those wins yeah what it's hey wouldn't have had them without him and that that that's that's that's facts y'all completely facts so yeah he's he's the leader so far are you are you eyeing anyone up so to me one other crucial factor here is like you say college footballness and yeah i think i have a guy who literally cannot be topped in that regard if we think about that like long-time service academy quarterback.

There is nothing more college football than that. There literally are not military service academies in the NFL, in my opinion. And it's not really a thing in high school outside of like Rotsie's. But like, you know, that Trent Steelman, Kenan Reynolds type, we have a guy right now, Malcolm Perry, who sort of fits that role. And I think he's even more college football than even those guys. started his college career as mostly a slot back

like the most college football of all positions 2016 as a freshman literally came out of the stands to take over at quarterback wasn't dressed out he'd been sick and he'd just played in the JV game the day prior this is like comically college football led the team to a victory over Fordham then spent the next two years like

starting at running back starting at quarterback playing kick returner um 2019 full-time quarterback and he's fucking killing it uh 12.2 yards per throw 6.4 per carry both of those are the best I can find for a Navy quarterback ever over the course of a full season obviously they'll probably go down but on pace to have one of the best years ever by a flex bone quarterback uh he's very fast he's not very big uh he was listed in high school is like a 4-4-5 guy that's probably pretty realistic um but i think you know i think you can keep up this sort of thing over the course of the season army navy should be a lot of fun i uh like to call this guy pat white water i like to call this guy jemelle holly waive

he's he's kind of a watery dancerer god damn like a like a steve-dore young oh my christ like a like a major harris no like a lieutenant commander harris that's what they call him in the navy it's equivalent to being a mayor i call him doug floy yeah okay no that's that's when i can't have a laugh back thank you malcolm perry bvp that's a good nominee i would also by the way nominate i mean remember these can be good players whenever organ plays i know we're Troy Dye is, their inside linebacker, not only because he's really good, but because he does things like leads the crowd and the shout dance while also leading the team of tackles.

In addition to that for the big game against Udub, which, you know, that's an underrated rivalry in terms of emotional intensity for the players, even if the fans aren't necessarily stabbing each other, right? Probably because weeds legal. So they're just like, they're just like, uh, I mean, we're going to have a good time at the game and everything, but like, I could stab you, but then I'd have warrants.

It sucks. Like, the SEC, it'd probably lose some of its edge with legal weed, you know? Or you'd just get really elaborate stabbing. It's probably what would happen. Just really slow stabbings. But I was, Troy Dye

played with a broken thumb for most of the game against Washington and still, had the wherewithal after Oregon beat Washington Soundly this weekend. And now it's a standing game if you watched it to throw the W down, right? Yeah. That's an M. Yeah, that's an M.

You all take it. He calls you Minnesota. He calls you mediocre. Bam! Your average. More like Washington. I'd also put Benito Jones from Old Miss on that because one. Oh, God, yes.

One, his name's Benito. Two, every time you see him on the field, you go, that is the most old-miss-looking defensive lineman. Like, big old gut, always sort of looming in the back, like one of the monsters in Doom on tackles. Like, if he flushed, like, Kellyn Monde on several occasions on Saturday night, I was like, what is that thing in the back? This Benito Jones, flushing him from the pocket, looking generally terrifying. Like, Old Miss always has one lineman who is the. the thing under the bed, right?

And Benito, when he's chasing you, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's using his actual vocational skills. That is correct, because Benito Jones, uh, is a cowman. He is a cattleman from rural Mississippi who in his, on his off days in his spare time, goes back to the family farm and frequently post pictures of him, you know, cow punching, not literally punching cows, because he would kill one if he did. Although he would have, he, he would have such was called for. Yeah, if it sassed him or said bad things about Ole Miss,

he would totally do that. The team, not the administration. Pretty sure Benino Jones has no love loss for the administration, just like everyone else that'll miss. But if any one of those cows sassed him about the team or his teammates, dang it, you have to let him have it. If one of those cows was like, roll tight, and he'd be like, I don't want to do this, but bam.

Cows got to learn. Cows, listen, man, cows got to get these hands. He's the Braun Strowman of Cattleman. Benito versus Bevo. So, yeah, Benito, Bonito Jones is also high on the list. I could not name anyone on Illinois except for Daniel Immortaba, Immortaba. Immortal baby. Immorten.

Daniel Immortal baby. Because I don't. Let's just come clean, by the way. Everybody in the national media was like, man, this Illinois story is great. It's the first Illinois story they've had all here. No one No, Lovie grew a beard Wait, was that last year?

It was last year, all right Might be two years ago But it really came into full plume This offseason Full resplendency Yeah But yeah, nobody could name anybody On Illinois

I didn't mean to even suggest For a moment That I might be disrespecting Lovey's beard for the record Thank God I think it's for a reason It towers above everything else Yeah

Until the Wisconsin game happened Yeah I like that they came and their ghost gang uniforms, as we've referred to them before, the idea that, like, modern high school recruits would be deeply impressed by Red Grange and, like, oh, yeah, we got to play for the school that produced that guy. We've been through this before.

Recruits like some really stupid shit because they're kids and kids are dumb, but, yeah, not that. Although Red Grange does sound like a SoundCloud rapper, doesn't he? Oh, he sounds like a Bay Area rapper, yeah. Yeah, Red Grange, man. These days, you can tell me any combination of words as a SoundCloud rapper, and I would believe you. Red Grange! But yeah, they, how closely did you watch this game?

I watched like the last three minutes. Yeah. Yeah, I parachuted into this game and still don't fully understand exactly how Illinois managed to do this. So, as I understand it, it was sort of a Georgia-South Carolina. thing where not so much tactically like you know we don't pass we don't pass more than three yard not so much that more strategically like Wisconsin just settled for a lot of field goals that type of shit um when probably should have showed a little bit more ambition like Wisconsin could have scored a lot more points than they did and Illinois sort of did the NFL thing here

brilliant NFL coaching by Lovey Smith of you know letting the other team not try all that hard why don't you do all the trying we'll be here in the fourth quarter spoken like a midill grad on a group project

I don't know like I've got a lot going on right now maybe we can just I'm under a lot of pressure that was a very good private school kid thank you yeah this was this was clearly an example of a team like when you look at the box score you go oh this is a coin flip this is just one team that was clearly not better than the other but holding and going yeah why don't you hold it up did you hear the illinois radio call afterwards i did

that was where that was where illinois color guy was uh doing the driscoll the coach driscoll thing and going Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Like, if you were being coached by the Navy Goat and the Navy Goat have been cursed with speech. Let's go! Let's go! Can you imagine having to call Illinois football, week in and week out?

This happens? Oh, the joy. Your brain would be broken for a week. You would never stop screaming. You'd go to, man, you'd show up with the Mapco and, like, the morning, right? You walk in to pay for your gas and get your topping. They'd be like, hey man, that's going to be 1863. And you'd be like, let's go. How was your day, honey? Let's go. Somebody driving around greater champagne or Banna.

But you repeat yourself. It's all greater now, brother. We just beat Wisconsin. Do you know what I pulled you over for? Let's go Imagine that duneer to Briss That guy That guy was a lineman He was actually on like Ron Zook's team That went to the Rose Bowl

A sentence I can say because it's true Oh gosh Yeah So he was there for the last good thing To happen at Illinois football And now he was here for this Let's go You wouldn't hold me down man

There are two things I've seen in college football where I know I would be incoherent for a week and giggling, that would kick six. Kick six would have, yeah. Or Fiesta Bowl, Boise State. You wouldn't have been able to tell me shit for a week about anything. They'd be like, sir, it's terminal.

Be like, let's go! Sir, this is a herpes. Woo! We're going to need to hold your son back a grade. Let's go! Hang on, my dog doesn't seem to... He's lived here for several years, and he seems to have forgotten he has a dog door,

so I'm going to go ahead. You know what you need to tell him? Let's go! I'll be right back. Let's go! Hi, hello. Hey, what's happening? Hey, dog is inside now.

But, by the way, that's the color announcer for Illinois radio is Martin O'Donnell. On Twitter, I was like, man, this color guy's gone. He's like, I'm still gone! Which means Martin O'Donnell probably woke up this morning, stretched. yawned and immediately started yelling again no plans to return uh speaking of extremely exciting long overdue outcomes uh releasing a lot of pent up emotion you'll love to see the little guy finally get one uh Texas defeated national champion les miles is kansas came down to the wire they pulled it out final play game winning field goal it's it's it's good to see

see it's good to see long time noted underdog tom herman who actually is it actually is like we've had for like three years now a meme about this guy that like plays down to bad teams plays up to good teams and is he just going to keep this locked in for his entire career it's fine it's fine i guess but i mean they played up to kansas but they won so if this is what works for him let's keep this going less miles by the way before for this game, fired his offensive coordinator the week before. Les Canning fired him in the games that Les Canning had served as offensive coordinator.

They had scored a total of 89 points in the two games that they have played since. Kansas has scored 93 points. One of the things in life that sucks hardest is when you realize you were the restrictor play. I don't know. Let's give it a little more time. Let's see.

Okay. I'm willing to accept a larger sample size. However, I'm willing to go, you know, that's a sign maybe like less, less kidding, by the way, not a young man. I'm just guessing this might be the sign where he's like, you know, I haven't really visited the golf courses in my area enough. I should become more familiar with them. So you're saying, in fact, in actuality, less was not more. So the reason I wanted to bring this game up is because Les Miles has now joined the weird coach garment club.

He has this shirt. It's a long, long shirt like the kind teenagers wore like 15 years ago. But in the white tea, the white tee era. yeah yeah but it has this gigantic side seam split like he's um from high rule or something i guess it's so he can dig in his pockets for grass i don't know loot but yeah so add him to the chiswick fleck rule club of coaches who wear garments that do not otherwise exist yeah matt rule matt rule is still the leader of the clubhouse in this because he has thrown tunics on top of a half hoodie.

Oh, I have an update on that. Oh, please. Yeah, I was watching, I don't know why I was doing this. I must have forgotten and started to do something else, but I was watching one of the Fox pregame shows on Saturday, and they were talking about Baylor, and they were showing a couple different shots of Matt Rule that were a little bit longer than those you could see during a typical game,

and y'all, that is a separate garment that he is, wearing over the shirt that is not a weirdly designed shirt that is absolutely like some kind of Nike penny situation nice that he has added to the shirt for a warmth retention of hydration I don't know what if it's a solar solar panel ooh I think it looks like a radiation vest but a very thin one maybe my other thought on the matter was that I Um, he does not like the way the Nike shirt shows his nips. Some dudes have real prominent nips, Justin Fuente, looking at you, bud. Uh, and that shiny fabric does not show them to good advantage.

And maybe Matt Ruhl was conscious of that. He did not choose a good solution for this, but I respect his awareness, his situational awareness. Well, at a Baptist university, perhaps like someone came to him and said, Oh my gosh, he has to cover up his sinful nips. Yeah. You're leading the ladies into temptation. As a brother in Christ, you should consider that and stop making chastity so difficult for your sisters in Christ. I'm going to stop saying nips now, but I am going to continue referring to him as Friar Truck.

Well, speaking of nipping away at a defense and of maintaining chastity and a reluctance score, I would like to share with you Jake Fromm's line. No. From Saturday night. Oh, dear. Jake Fromm against Kentucky, admittedly, all the falling conditions were true. Was Jake Fromm against Kentucky in a driving rain, part of the remnants of a tropical storm blowing through the area against Kentucky, a pretty decent defensive team in a defensive struggle in inclement weather? Jake Fromm's line on the night.

Nine for 12 for 35 yards. is that good well results are accurate it's accurate yeah that's right it's averaging like under four yards of completion for the night nine for 12 for 35 yards yeah now to show you

how bad this entire situation was the game Kentucky Georgia was zero zero going into the top of the third quarter, if you will. And Kentucky was down to their 30, their third. You know what? I'm going to go ahead and say this because I already started saying it. They were down to their 30th string quarterback. Lynn Bowden, Jr.

Again, is this somebody who was married to a Bowden at one point? Possibly. I don't know. They went two for 15 for 17 yards. because their third stringer their third stringer wasn't very good but yeah it was enough Jake Fromm averaged 2.9 yards

or a completion for Georgia 2.9 yards but hey it was 210 the board says W board says W they're going to fire Coley there's no way they can keep James Coley like they're going to get killed that their fan base will not have it

this is not by the way if you want to know how to turn the pressure up on yourself in a place where you got off to a real bold start, came up a little bit short, and then you hired a guy who's going to ensure that you literally keep coming up short on second and third down. Yeah, this is one way to do it, Kirby. Buddy, if I wanted to come up short, I'd stand next to my sister's boyfriend. I would have stayed at Alabama, right?

Right? He's a yoga teacher. Yeah. I don't have the energy tonight. Is this the kind of thing where, like, if we're all being honest, it doesn't really matter who the O.C. What part of your body made that noise? My jaw, it's fine.

Jesus Christ. Spencer, are you falling apart? Yeah? Yeah, I'm good. It's fine. Okay. Like, Kirby's a defensive guy. Is he really going to have, like, who's the O.C. who's going to come in?

And, oh, we're going to be winging the ball around or we're going to, you know. It's always going to look at least a little bit like this. A little bit. Yeah. I'm kind of with you on that. It's not going to be like this because it's not even like their run games working that well. That's where you'd come back and go, hey, you know, I know you like being conservative and run into ball control offense, but your second down runs are awful. They're absolutely, everyone knows it.

Like that's the worst part of like we're saying, okay, when you get fired and all of a sudden everything takes off, it sucks knowing you are the restrictor plate, right? I'm amenable to hey you just don't understand you know the philosophy no no no I get the philosophy it's when everybody says this dude sucks including former players that you kind of start to worry about it right and that he hasn't been great at every other position that he's had and that it's going to cost them games and has already cost them games because arguably their conservatism cost them in that South Carolina came sure because it's not like like this Florida offense is going to set any records and they still move the ball

like crazy on South Carolina. So what would you have done with somebody who actually wanted to win the game instead of just kill time? But don't we respect Georgia for just winning to kill time? Someone does? Yeah. Fuck you, time. That's right.

Take that. Is time Herschel? No, then I don't respect it. Time is our second most. important enemy after the moon. Could cost them another game this season, by the way. The run game is, I mean, the run game is fine. Like, it's actually really good. It just doesn't produce big plays.

It can give you lots and lots and lots of medium plays, which is what they want, I guess. But this is a very confusing team. They are a, that's the thing is that, like, what you are doing is actively confusing. it's not i get it when you're like oh man you're going to ruin the crockpot offense you're going to boil an opponent down that's not what this is right you're probably going to win most of your games on talent alone what are you going to do with the rest or what are you going to do in a game where everything just goes haywire for no reason like i don't know the south carolina game weird you got to play auburn soon i forgot about that as long as we

That's terrific. As long as we face teams that are... Auburn's a great football team. Our predictable and overmatched will be fine. Hey, look. Who's on the schedule next? Auburn. Yeah.

Turns out it's all going to be okay. Here's sports. The very, very fun thing, like, Georgia Auburn might be my favorite rivalry. Just the insane number of times they've wrecked each other. Yeah. Just the absolute ruination factor. There cannot be a rivalry that significantly. tops mutually

assured destruction more than this one. You were arguing, you argued in the top whatever this week that third Saturday and October just shouldn't be played. It's just taking off schedule, right? There's no need for it. No need for it, right? I see there's a definite need for

Georgia Auburn. I also think it's very important to clarify up front. This will benefit no one. Right. Like maybe not. But we want it. We want it. Yeah. Oh man, if you're the uninvested person watching this game, something very bad and inconvenient is going to happen for someone. And it's not you. And that's why it's great. Do we have anything more important

than Ball State to discuss? Of course not. So why would we? The hell kind of question is that? So I was looking at standings this week and looking ahead, as I do, and couldn't help but notice that your Mac favorite is Ball State after which like that never ever happens is this a is this a your MCM burn coming up do what never mind ask your daughter they kick they kick the shit out of Toledo which apparently everyone does these days apparently Toledo is terrible um but ball state looking great looking awesome they haven't won the conference since I think 1996 and And this morning, while thinking about Ball State University, I realized it was probably the first time of my life I'd ever thought about Ball State University,

which is weird. We cover college football. I should know a lot of stuff about Ball State. And I realize it's probably the FBS team I know the least about. So I wanted to try and come up with, like, let's find some really interesting fun facts about Ball State. Do you want me to get Pete Limbo on the podcast because I am capable of this? So, the history. history of ball state other than pete limbo's uh immense sexuality is whoa whoa whoa he said it

everyone knows it's true it's not that kind of relationship man we talk about gophers no i'm not talking about you and pete okay i'm talking about all of us and pete i respect his sensuality uh with other people right so ball state like by any measure the only season they've ever had that of worth noticing it all was 2008 that Nate Davis year when like they basically came two scoop and scores away from possibly going 14 and no and all that like other than that nothing has happened that's it nothing has happened um so yeah that was when I sort of realized like I know all there is to know about ball state football um I will tell you that they are so resource poor that limbo left to take a coordinator job at a P5 school uh Maryland at the time rather than remain

coach at Ball State. Also, do we know where he is now, by the way? Yes, he is at Memphis. And how is Memphis's special teams doing this year? Why don't you tell us? Doing spectacular, in fact, ranked number one in SB Plus, number two, and FPI and special teams. You've kept them in several games while they started slow, by the way.

Lembo the God, I'm just saying. One thing about Memphis, by the way, they kicked the shit out of Tulane this weekend, 4717, a good two-lane team. Another thing that you can say, because it is factual in the year 2019. In addition to that, running back Kenneth Gainwell had a night,

a knight quite unlike anything I can remember short of Reggie Bush versus Fresno State. Oh, what a night. Yeah, 104 carries, or 104 yards, 104 carries. They gave them all. Every last one of them in hurry.

Some gave all, indeed. He gained well. Oh, all games. some so I'm gained all 104 yards rushing and a TD there but on top of that he had 203 yards receiving on nine receptions like bangers like 20 yard average on all of them and two TDs just didn't like I need to go watch this I did not watch this game but like scroll past the box score eye popping bizarre all Also, the person who was covering him, whatever poor linebacker or safety that was,

just burn the tape. Don't go to practice. Don't when they're like, yeah, we're going to watch tape on Monday. You might. I'm going to be at home with artificially induced diarrhea. Whatever I have to do, I'll just drink a bunch of vizine so I don't have to watch this. Y'all tell me how it looked. Bad? Wow.

Also, Oprah's boyfriend went to Ball State. Stedman? Yeah. As did, the creator of the creator of Garfield, between the creator of Garfield and David Letterman, I think that's the full spectrum of comedy right there. Ball State is responsible for a very specific era in U.S. entertainment history. Yeah. That's interesting.

Like 1978 to 86. Architecture and like old guy media. Yeah. The two strengths. Also, Papa John. Did he go to Ball State? Yeah. They've got an answer for that.

Craitor. their baseball team plays on ball diamond that is my favorite new dumb field name that's like meadow field also are we familiar with the James Webb Space Telescope the it's kind of the super Hubble going into going into orbit in like two years I think and it'll basically be one of like humanity's crowning achievements

all right yeah so this will be this will be a great moment it'll be a great moment in human history there there's a build-up to this so ball state university was named after the ball brothers who were five tin can magnates from buffalo or something like that also also sound cloud rappers yes the ball brothers yeah they uh so one of their big breakthroughs was they pounced on a lap lapse patent for mason jars and their name is in fact on the side of mason jars to this day. There are those balls. Yeah, those are the balls.

Them ball boys. The ball boys moved from Buffalo to Muncie, Indiana in search of natural gas. They soon got busted up for being a jar monopoly. There was an antitrust case against them for dominating the containers market. Along the way, they poured so much money into the local educational economy. These were the philanthropic lords of Muncie. They kept the local university afloat. It became Ball State.

And eventually, the Free Masonic Ball Brothers and their bottle monopoly company got so huge that it got into so much other stuff that it now has a spacecraft manufacturing subsidiary that is part of this. It's one of the two, I think, along with Northrop Grumman, building the James Webb Space Telescope. one of the most amazing things humanity's ever made. We're going to stare into the eyes of God thanks to the ball boy brothers with their Mason jar patent slum lording and Freemason. And North or Roman, which ain't much better.

Yeah, yeah. I'll side with the ball brothers here, I guess, but it's pretty great. Look at you, Ball State. Dominating in everything but football, except for those two years. One. One.

One. why is it named is the james webb been named after jim webb the congressman uh that's probably that's probably james web ball okay because i don't know about that i was like jim web is that terrifying guy with the eyes real close to each other used to be republican democrat when he's running he was in the uh primaries and every time he talked he mentioned like i was in vietnam and i shot a man and watched the life drain from his eyes he didn't say that that happened while he was in vietnam no he said those two

thinks back to back. No, you're like, could you clarify when this happened, Jim? Unlike anyone else in this stage, I've choked a man until you can feel the very essence run out of it. Yeah, I hope that's it. We named our greatest achievement after a sort of PTSD'd out American politician. It'd be perfect. Speaking of PTSD, is there anything to say about Penn State, Michigan? Bernie Parmaly went to Ball State. Interesting. That's what we'll say about Penn State, Michigan. That's it. But KJ. Hamler is incredible.

Yeah, yeah, there's that, yeah. You know, Jim, you're like, wow, Jim Harbaugh lost on the road as an underdog, again. What is he like, I saw a stat flashed by on the Chiron. Is he one in one in nine versus AP top 10? Something like that, yeah. Particularly bad on the road as well. Well, that's the power of the whiteout. I'm glad we're talking about people being bad on the road

and having weird losses because it allows me to bring up Missouri among other teams man Missouri on the road and do they travel not by bus but like do they just did they take Uber do they travel in trunks do they are they running to games are they taking like overnighters

because both of their losses came on the road and they came against teams they have no business losing to they're both they're going really far like vandy missouri being in the middle of the country ironically anywhere you go is far man i don't know how far you have to go for wyoming to be better than you as as an SEC team that's how far that's a aunt that's an answer counselor sounds like we can now measure that I guess that is the answer, right? How far you got to go? Well, you got to go to altitude and you got to go all the way out to beautiful Laramie, Wyoming.

At least this far. Sorry about it. Yeah, they're real bad. In addition to that, like, Nevada is my favorite four and three team in the nation because Nevada has three losses. I got four wins. And I got three losses. Those three losses happened by a combined 155 points. So if Nevada loses, they're going to lose by 50.

50, which makes the question, like, if you're a Nevada player and it starts going sideways, are you just like, well, we'll reboot for next week. It's going to get ugly. Respect. Yeah, just, I don't know, conserve effort. Yeah, spend your points wisely. Ritculate splines, establish run. Recalculating. Just take a nap, y'all, because this is about to get real bad.

Also, in local... They're gearing up for a long, harsh winter there, so they're conserving energy. That's what is happening. We'll raid another dumpster next week and get ready for the winter. Bears take a nap.