Shutdown Fullcast - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Notes - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK - IT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK - Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Shutdown Fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. joint as always by Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and two's the one and only Michael Server. We have made it. We have passed through week zero. We are now definitively within sight of the maws of college football, actual college football. Are you going to say the beer thing? I am.

I was going to say that. This was going to happen right after that, which is that this episode is brought to you by Coors Light, Mountain Cold Refreshment Made to Chill. You're going to the mountain soon, aren't you? I am. I will be with insight

of those very Rocky Mountains themselves as of tomorrow night because I will be in beautiful Salt Lake City, Utah for the Florida Gators going over the Rocky Mountains. Just deciding to go ahead and see this beautiful country

for the first time in, I'll say program history. I don't care. Don't look it up. They don't ever travel. Finally, your cosplaying as a Utah man comes to some use. Exactly. We have to be very specific about what type of Utah man that is.

No, I am not the well-trimmed, beheaded settler with the family coming over. No, I'm the prospector who's like, get up the land! You're the creature encountered by the settlers that they invent legends about things like that. That is correct.

We're going for the look of the gentleman in Red Dead Redemption 2, who you meet in the bar and who was the old prospector and says things like, it got so cold, we had to eat turds. And it takes like 900 punches to knock him out. Yeah. That's more the Utah man look that we are going for here. Please don't eat turds. Please don't eat turds. That goes for you, too, listener.

Don't eat turds. Don't eat turts. This episode brought to you by not eating turds. Don't eat turds.com. Yeah. Hey, can we play part two of this game that we started. a couple weeks ago on the show, which several people were like, oh, they forgot. No.

Jason was out and we were being polite. We didn't forget. We only forget most of the stuff on the show, not all of it. But can we do part of it? We've never forgotten anything. We'll get back to all of it. You'll see. Even our mistakes are... Even our mistakes are portals to discovery. That's right. A quick score update. Somebody brought up to me that, in fact,

Cliff Kingsbury is not the quarterbacks coach at USC. he is a general assistant who happens to be focused on quarterbacks. I did not take away Holly and Spencer, you had gotten full marks for that. I'm not taking away points for you for that. Oh, good because of torture shit.

Server, you had gotten only two points for that, but I bumped you up and I gave you a third point for that. And before we get in, I'm going to tell you right now what you're going to do at these points. So to catch up on where the standings are, Holly has 22 and a half points. Spencer has 19. Jason has 22.

server has 16. The way that this is going to work, and I'm going to paste this into our chat right now, you are going to spend these points on your playoff teams. You're going to spend them according to the chart I have just given you. I'll read it out here. You can spend nine points on any one of the following, Georgia, Michigan, Ohio State, or Alabama. You can spend seven points on USC, LSU, Penn State, Texas, Clemson, or FSU. Five points on Notre Dame, Oregon, Oklahoma, Washington, Tennessee, or Utah, three points on Wisconsin, Texas, A&M, North Carolina, or Tulane, and one point on any other team. But before we get to that, I want to give you all a chance for bonus points if you are interested. I have created questions tailor-made to each of you that get you the possibility of three more points.

There is no subjectivity here. You're going to see why, and I'm going to go get a pen real quick. Oh, no, I have one right here. We're good. Serber, you're up first. There's so much pressure that I'm supposed to know this. Serber. Can you name, and you don't have to do it in order, the three Clemson players who have the highest single-season sack total in school history?

Um, I'm going to say, Dequan Bowers, Gaines Adams, And, um, man, uh, Ricky Sapp. No, that's not it. I panicked on the third one. You don't have to, you can change it. I'll let you change it. It's not Ricky Sap.

It's, it's, uh, Shaq Lawson. Is that it? You got one. Oh, shit. You got Dequan Bowers. Vic Beasley. Is Vic Beasley? Yeah, okay.

Keith Adams is first. Oh. Yeah, yeah, that peach It was the Peach Bowl year I think that he was He had like 13 or something Yeah, something like that All right, so you've got 17 points

It's all bonus, it's all good Spencer, you're next Oh no Which three Florida quarterbacks Have thrown for the most yards In a season in school history Kyle Trask Danny Werkel

Hmm Of course it's Kyle Trask That's easy to remember because it's so fucking weird It is It's a very weird one And I'll say Rex Grossman Wow You got all three

Motherfucker Do you know the order? I'm not going to give you points for it I think Trask is number one Trask is number one Yeah and then I think it goes And then I think it goes Grossman Worfell

That is correct Yeah Holly Give him a point for that for the order All right Yeah that's fine Spencer you get 20 you have 23 points Congrats

Damn right Holly who are the three players with the most career rushing yards, not single season, career rushing yards in Tennessee history? Russian yards, career? Career, yeah. Travis Henry is first. Aryan Foster is second.

Third. Oh. This has got to be before my time, too. James Stewart Nailed it Him nailed it in order Is that the order? That is the order

It's Henry Foster James Stewart I could remember I knew the first two for sure I always want to think that the third one is Travis Stevens But he didn't get up there Pretty good Weirdly if you want to feel bitter

About this era of Tennessee football I also know that in the top ten Despite not spending His famously not spending his entire career With the Falls Is Jalen Hurd Oh well Huh, well, Jason, Jason, your question is about the Atlanta Falcons.

Okay, thank you. I'll be honest, I cannot name three players from my alma mater. Which three Falcons have the most receiving touchdowns in their Atlanta careers in franchise history? Roddy White, Julio Jones, Terrence Mathis. Wow, no problems at all. God damn. order as well. Okay. Great. Smart as shit. Great. Okay. So now,

Holly, you're in first at 26 and a half points. Jason, you have 26 points. Spencer, you have 23. Serber, you have 17. The way this is going to work. So embarrassed. It's okay. I think yours was the hard. Yours was hard because it was defense. For saying that. It was defense is harder.

Also, you don't have as many championships to remember as Spencer and I do, so. Also, how do you remember a name? Keith Adams? That's like one of those, like, No one should have expected anybody named Keith to be that good at football. That's right. You do have more championships to remember than the Falcons do, though. I didn't bring that up.

It's so many NFC South championships. Actually, we don't. It's like three. Kings of the South! NFC. West, though, that's another like two. Yeah. All right. So how this is going to work, Serber, there is a benefit to being at the bottom of this list.

You're going to get first pick. And once you pick somebody, the other three can't take it. So this is not. Not everybody can spend nine points on Georgia. If you want Georgia, server, you have 17 points. You can go get Georgia. You can go get whoever you want. And we're going to go in that reverse order the same way.

So it's going to go. It's going to go server Spencer, Jason Holly, server Spencer, Jason Holly, until you each have four playoff teams. Well, we're serpentine and Paul. This is, because I want to give Serber a leg up here. Serpent die. Serpent say got no legs. So Serber, you're up first. Give me your first playoff team, please.

Man, I don't like anybody this year. LSU. Honestly. No, I like it. On our budget. There's an unlikable team. Serber, you have 10 points left to spend. We'll get there for you.

Spencer. 23 points to spend. How do you want to start at the playoff store? At the playoff store. I will select. I'm going to be dumb. Georgia. I'll take Georgia.

How is that dumb? Dumb obvious. Dumb obvious, not dumb clueless. The point is not to be canny. Yeah. We did that last year and that's how we ended up with playoff decks that included Wyoming and Liberty. Hey, didn't one of us have Tulane out there. Tulane was close.

Yeah, that's true. One of us was very close. Yeah. Yeah. Jason, you have 26 points. Where would you like to begin? In the spirit of Spencer, let's just take what's there. I'm taking Michigan.

Okay. Strong. Holly, I think that sigh is you realizing that you could take Ohio State or Alabama. It sure is, right. I'm thinking. So you don't have to. You can take somebody else on this list, but it is your interest. Oh.

oh no i took ohio state to be clear sorry oh okay that's that's what that's no you were absolutely right that was that was the sound sorry okay okay all right great server you have 10 points left if you want well i guess we would we would run into a problem there but yeah i guess you can't take alabama because then you don't have enough points to fill out your playoff team but lots of choices What if there's a... Second COVID season. Three team playoff is an interesting proposition. I mean, we have that that one year, right?

Yeah. I will take Washington. Washington? Because I do like Michael Pennix a lot. That's a fun choice. Okay. So, where you've got two teams and five points left.

Jason... No, I'm sorry. Spencer, you're on list with 14 points where are you going let's see I am going to go ahead and take I'm going to take oh god I'm going to kick myself this I want to take Florida State off the board you're making the playoff that you would personally hate most you know that right I know okay that you're just trying to like earn a victory over Utah You know, like self-sacrifice. I'm abasing myself before the sport.

Jason, you have 17 points. Where would you like to spend your next set? So 17. Hmm. So 17. Okay, yeah. I think it's time to go a little bit budget here. I only need 10 wins with this team to get in.

Give me Notre Dame. Okay. Because I've already got one banked, and I'm fine. Losing to Ohio State. Oh, I see someone took free parking. Someone took Svalbard. Smart. Wait, so wait, who's left now?

Of the nine-point teams, Alabama is left. Of the seven-point teams, USC, Penn State, Texas, Clemson. Of the five-point teams, Oregon, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah. Everybody else is still on the board. And, Holly, you are up next with 17.5 points to spend. Utah, please. Utah for Holly

Okay Serber You are down to five points And you need to spend them on two teams Um Wait, how? He's going to have some unused points He has to pick a free baller, okay

Yeah, he'll get a, he'll get any other team You get North Dakota State Yes South Dakota State Erasure I don't want any of these three-point teams Can I move Can I move back in the can I trade back in the draft For points?

Can Serber take three? I don't need to take points Can server get three one-point teams And look at some teams I mean yeah like he could just He could just go grab up some conferences here Like he could go grab Iowa Server here's what I'm willing to offer you

I'll let you Take a five-point team but then Spencer gets to choose your last team. I won't do you wrong. I can choose one of these five-point teams. Wait, if he won't do Spencer wrong, then what is it? Spencer promises not to do you wrong,

then what is the part of this? I think we need to remember that Spencer's saying he won't do you wrong and Spencer accidentally doing you wrong. He did just say Iowa. This is supposed to be to come with some peril. Well, I mean, I'm just thinking about it. I like, LSU. What if we hit randomizer?

Let's just hit randomizer. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay, I'll let you do that. Yes, we'll do a randomizer, and you, but you can get a five-point team here. I have LSU, Washington. Fucking, okay. I'll take, I'll take, I'll take Tennessee, makes the playoff too.

Okay, okay. Out of the SEC. All right. Wonderful, love it. Spencer. Cursed. Holly, cursed. I didn't ask you a goddamn thing.

Spencer, you have seven points. Where would you like to begin? I have seven points and I need two teams, correct? Yeah, correct. Okay, interesting. I am going to go ahead and, oh man, this is difficult. This is very difficult, but I am going to go ahead and take with three points, the dark horse. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Whoop! Oh, my God. Holy shit. Such an asshole. All right. Wow. Wow. Aggie up.

All right. Value pick. I got to say that definitely does fit the definition of a three-point team. Boy. Jason, you have 12 points. Twelve. All right. Well, let's see.

So available in the Sevens is USC, Penn State, Texas, Clemson. I have that right? Yep. Correct. And Oregon and Oklahoma are the five-point teams left. Give me USC This is This is such an

This is such an irritating year In terms of prospects I realize we have to score 80 points a game But we might Listen, you have very canally selected Two teams that are 1 and O Like you have Just following the numbers

That's right Make us a graphic for Instagram So I will I will Stop the count this was data god Jason Kirk also Jason's

flu game so that's right eat shit Bill Connolly that's right you can't be a real insider until you put your insides on the outside

let's see the number one status wins yeah that's right number one status you know what the number two stat is it's wins again once again

number two stat is losses Ryan that's right that's that's the that's the number last stat all right Holly you have 12 and a half points

I do love that we're conspiring all of us to shut Alabama out of the playoff entirely we can't afford them yeah I can't afford them too pricey sorry Nick I could take a seven point team and a five point team I don't like any of the seven point teams sure I like Oregon but we all know what that does

to a body in the postseason and besides I have Utah there's no way in fuck I'm riding with Oklahoma so the 9 point the 7 point and the 5 point teams are all off my board um

you want a Wisconsin I want Wisconsin and I want North Carolina State okay wow hold on hold on you're getting one pick here got to call in Russell Wilson

to see if you're allowed to take two is Wisconsin who you want this round um see I don't really like one of any of these teams. Okay. Sorry, doors closed.

All these two team play out of Ohio State and Utah is locked. We're full. It's called a Rose Bowl. Urban Meyer will be there weeping open. From just one eye, it'll be weird.

It makes me think of those things. Urban Myers fluids are flowing. The other ones is turquy. Oh no. God damn. Urban's wet again. Yeah. I see careens into the stands.

He lost hydraulic control. Old Rudder, gone. I mean, really, what am I supposed to do here? Whatever you want. What teams did I already pick? You have picked Ohio State and Utah. So I actually can't pick Wisconsin, or I don't want to. Well, then you're covering your bases.

You're hedging Ohio State. Yeah. I guess I could pick a team from the SEC. let's take old miss okay all right holly's going to take old mess with one point

that's a good value they were selling these by the cash register they only cost five cents this is my pickled egg pick my cast kitchen pickled egg selection all right um serber

pickled egg bowl you chose the randomizer I have taken the 133 fbs teams this year and I did Google's random number generator and I got number 48 and I placed these in alphabetical order on sports reference.

Ooh, that's a rough one. Ooh. Do you want to know who sports reference has given you as your last playoff team? Yes. Yes, I do. Kansas State. That's better.

The one I was looking at at Kent State, so that's actually a really, really good poll. Yeah. All right, I'm here for that. okay um sorry i'm making playoff uh graphics you're all right so servers playoff is ls u washington tennessee kansas state that's dope it's not bad yeah that's pretty cool it's it's it's fun that yeah the season is very very colorful um all right Spencer.

Wait, did the Clemson fan pull on all orange and purple playoff? I believe he did. By sheer randomness. Incredible. He's like shot the moon on a color wheel. You know what? God's playing. God's plan.

Most importantly, the South Carolina hater avoided any team with red. That's right. Yes. Meanwhile, actual Clemson is unclaimed. Spencer, you have four points left. I will offer the randomizer to anyone who wants it for no point. No, I'm going to take... I'm going to leave points on the board by taking a one-point team not listed here,

the actual Pact 12th, the actual Pact 12 champion, which will be in its final year of existence, Oregon State. Oregon State. That's right. Okay. I would like some of my six points in exchange for serving me. On like a spiritual level. Jason, you have five points left. With them, you can get Oregon or Oklahoma.

or any of the three-point teams or any other team out there. This is definitely the year two pack 12 teams make it. Bo Nix at the helm. Yeah, I feel fine about Oregon for five. All right, all right. So, to recap, Spencers, Holly, I haven't forgotten you. I just forgot to read Spencer's first. Spencer's playoff is Georgia, Florida State, Texas A&M, and Oregon State.

brilliant I just it's like a Pavlovian Texas A&M just gonna laugh because what's the funniest thing in the world is for Bobby Petrino

to get a job off of this and for him to take it and leave and then they go into the playoff and Jimbo has to call plays all of a sudden they score two points a game I just like that

you couldn't commit to the bit Georgia Florida State A&M like there is a through line there that is about your personal dissatisfaction and then you went Oregon State the team that absolutely pants the gate

in the Las Vegas poll. Oh, well, there is that. We forget that happened. Didn't get shut out though, baby. Woo! All right. Jason's playoff is Michigan, USC,

Notre Dame and Oregon. That's all big 10 teams. Yeah. It's America's Conference. All right, Holly, you have lots of points left. You can get Alabama. If you want, you can get any of the seven-point teams left, which are Penn State, Texas, and Clemson.

Gross. You can get Oklahoma. You can get Wisconsin, UNC, or Tulane. You can do the randomizer. You can get a one-point team of your choice. It's really all up to you. I believe I am going to take North Carolina State. Why not?

Okay. All right. She's stuck to her guns. Okay. So, Holly's playoff. Ohio State. Utah. old mess

NC State fine so does the the reader at home get the top for unclaimed teams I am not going to subject the readers

to the same limitations the readers can spend and I'll put these I'll tweet out the list of points and all that you can spend your points however you want readers if you want you don't have to

not take teams that we took but if you do want to have to stick with if we want the readers as a whole to be stuck with the the remaining top four that playoff would look like Alabama Penn State Texas and Clemson cursed plausible I don't love it I don't like the James Franklin element there I love it I mean I like it who wouldn't want that are we trying Jason is Jason is taking

the ah what a spectacle I'm here to see this seems unlikely if if Alabama and Penn State Texas and Clemson all make the playoff, how will all four of them insist that they have been the most disrespected? How will this possibly happen? Penn State, because that's actually factual. We will be making fun of them the whole time.

I'm doing my part. Like, that would be real. Because we'll be like, James Franklin will have called like 20 timeouts. Clemson will be like, nobody even remembered who we are. They don't even remember that we have a football team. Texas will be like, we may, we may

jackets that say you don't love us. The conference that we tried to kill every day for the past 70 years doesn't want us to win. So we left. And Nick Saban won't bring anybody to the playoff media day because we'll just be like

we don't even have any players. Not a goddamn football player on this team. Thanks to you. Part of the national distrust in the media that you suggest otherwise. Because you you, you, you, you fellas out there with your microphones and your camcorders, you took all their players away

because you won't take pictures of them. I know your devils are just doing your job. They had souls. They had souls until the lack of photographs took them. That's right. Folks, I'm going to read out their addresses here on the air. I don't know if you know this, but these reporters

have stolen the souls of our football players. Of our football boys. Which may or may not be here in evidence all right that's our playoff congrats

this is already a more promising playoff set than we had last year got some real progress I feel very good about the fact

that you know what I'm pretty happy that we don't have Alabama Penn State Texas or Clemson

like I think that's gonna make a lot of people mad and they should be mad and you know what that's disrespect Ryan

we're feeding the beast I would say I'm proud of us because are ground floor haters for all of these programs desperately seeking hate. Servers making graphics. Yeah, except you picked Florida State.

That's legit, like, no, I don't want to hear it. I'm going to go now. Okay, you guys have a good rest of the show. All right. I need to, what was Holly? I need to, I need to remember Hollies. Oh, okay, sorry. Sorry.

Holly's top, Holly's 14th playoff is Ohio State, Utah, Utah, Ole Miss, and NC State. Perfect. Thank you. Holly, I expect two teams that will definitely lose three stupid games. And you can decide which two they are. Nothing to say that doesn't get them into the playoff. I think that's our most NCAA 14 bracket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And then Dave Doran gets the Cowboys job? Let's say Cowboys job. Nope. No, no, the Bama job. Stay and put. That's right. He always stays.

What's it going to do, leave? Before I go, I will say, I was listening to an old hand in the dirt, and Hartzell reminded me of a thing that I had completely forgotten, which is that two years ago, Justin Wilcox turned down the Oregon job to stay at Cal, and Dan Lannan got that job instead. And that looks very stupid in that respect. Wait, okay.

Sorry, one of these is wrong. Which one? Reject. Who had Michigan? I did. Jason has Michigan. What were your four? Those are right.

Those are right? You did have USC. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. We got this out. Oh, wow. What a good, man. This is from the college football NCAA 14 thing that they made.

So it's just really easy to make the graphic. That's how Desmond Howard does it. That's very humble of you, Serber. In the NFL, there is no margin for error. One mistake can change the outcome of the game. Science proves quality, can help boost reaction time, recovery time, and overall athletic performance. As the official sleep wellness partner of the NFL, sleep number's mission is to provide

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Only at a Sleep Number Store or Sleep Number.com. Sleep Number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL, C Store for details. I wanted to, I did want to discuss something. I wanted to just mention a story that I find heartwarming because it combines two of my great loves, which are stumbling into a movie I didn't know I was going to watch and the ACC. And that is because...

You do say that all the time. I do. I do. I guess you left the ACC. It's true. Everybody knows that about me. I adore the ACC. because ESPN will televise ACC football games

in movie theaters throughout the season along with the New Year 6 bowls and the college football playoff which seems like a fascinating choice to me as a pairing to go did you see all of the prequels that were very weird plotless aimless often dramatic for no reason confused

and then a completely different cast comes in at the end for the end game trilogy that's what this would be but I am overjoyed at the fact that they were like you know who's going in the movie theaters that's right Wake Forest yes I may

we have a particular experience on this show with watching college sports in a theater and that would be when we were in Las Vegas the year they kicked Phantom of the Opera out of the Paris casino for like a week to play March Madness on four hanging movie screens

in this giant theater and I remember that being a delightful time is it possible we will enjoy this I think we could I'm going to try it look I will definitely give this a run so can we run through these ACC football games

that will be in theaters for some reason and try to pick out a few real winners on this schedule. Yes. In theaters for some reason is a really good phrase. Like, for instance, week one, LSU, Florida State, no, no, that's not what we're looking for here. Let me try and interest you in week to Charleston Southern at Clemson. Are you getting in the car and driving a distance

and handing someone money and then sitting down in a room that you have to stay in for three and a half hours and then you have to drive back home in order to watch Charleston Southern at Clemson. It's at noon, by the way. I don't come on this show to consider my life choices.

How much popcorn do you need to get through Charleston's Southern Clemson? That's a shitload of popcorn. I'm subloated. I'm so painfully bloated Oh my God I've got my week's worth of salt And it's not even the third quarter

I'm gonna need Just keep the Sour Patch kids coming I'm just gonna need so many So many Get a double Just Werner Hertzog being Put my Coke Zero in a dirty glass Just Werner Herzog watching it going

This Pointless Cruelty Is he sold for abundance of violence The following week You could double down on that experience With say VMI NC State Or you could experience Northwestern at Duke. You could...

In a theater. You and your family. Get the $40 family pack. Or $80 if you want water. This will be especially bitter for Northwestern fans. It'll be the first time a trip to the theater has really betrayed them. Week four. How about Army Syracuse?

Can I talk you into that? No, they'd be over too quickly. Boston College Louisville, I think. Boston College Louisville. Week four is not bad. Week four is really not bad. Week five. Bowling Green Georgia Tech.

Any interest? Any interest in that? Any interest in going out in public and saying, I'll take one ticket for Bowling Green Georgia Tech, please. What movie? If I bring back our long ago device of, hey, look at this perfectly preserved dead bird on the sidewalk. Yes.

but now we're just back to Herzog. Yeah, what is a movie that was actually worse than that that you saw in the theater? Is there a movie worse than Bowling Green Georgia Tech? The most I've disliked a movie in the theater was, it was Sylvester Stallone as like an IndyCar driver who's like, I forget the name of it. This is a dumbass action movie, which usually I love those, but this was just too dumbass. And he was like driving his indie car around a city chasing people or something. they probably had a name like car

I don't know Fast No that's too cool That's the most Most unhappy I've been in the theater That I can recall Rapid I will remember this

This is not a film podcast So we did not remember this But I was the unhappiest I've ever been in the theater The Crucible Oh Grand Torino Yeah Not to be confused with Grand Turismo

Grand Torino No, no, no, I take it back It was actually more recently than that It was Slow West Hmm, that sounds exciting Driven Driven is the name of that movie Yeah, that movie sucks

Get it? Yeah By the way, his character name Which Jason, I'm shocked you don't remember it Because I'm sure the script is I'm sure the script is that distinct and profound His name is Joe the Hummer Tanto

I might need to revisit this film Maybe it was underappreciated in its time It also starred Kip Pardue And Till Schweiger And Gina Gershahn These are made up Auto-generated names

Most of them Week 6 William and Mary Virginia I'm not showing my face in public and asking for that. Don't judge me. I have needs. Then we get into like conference game season. It's,

it still feels insane the idea of like Boston College Georgia Tech for two, please. But I mean like, I don't know, pit wake for us. That would be really fucking dumb. You know, there are worse things you could see.

And like, I don't know, any combination of conference games, you can sort of talk yourself. stuff into. There's Campbell, North Carolina. Yeah, I'm not sure that we, I'm not sure how picky we get to be when there's a boat Dracula movie in theaters right now.

Is there? Yeah, it's, yeah, yeah. Well, why isn't it called boat Dracula? We're at that level. I'm not watching that either. I would like to skip straight to the sequel and call it it direct to cruise control. And put it

on like Lanier. only 15 dead during the filming that's actually how you kill dracula yeah no vampire movies until they bring back morbius again this time we promise we'll go yeah if you're a movie executive listening to this right now we are sincere rerun it run it back run it back back again how about let's say um you you go out you do your black friday shopping right uh it's busy day you stop in take a load off and you watch Miami Boston College. Nice three-hour break after you've been hustling and busts. I guess that's what people do on Black Friday shopping.

I don't know. I don't go outside that day. So maybe that's not that bad of an experience. But the next day, the next day, the biggest Saturday in the entire college football regular season, let's say you decide to spend three and a half hours and you have to watch the entire thing or you're not getting your money's worth. Georgia at Georgia Tech, you're just going to, you're just going to, you're just, going to wait for that to end. You're going to sit down and it's going to start playing

and then it's just going to keep playing. I saw 8mm. That's, I guess that's what this is, this is the film that 8mm is about. Yeah. A lot more millimeters. I would go back and watch William and Mary Virginia. That's the one that we watch because William and Mary might win that game. That's true. That is one of the best games on here. And finally, against more be a style to boost into like it having an art house resurrection after the season is over. Yeah, they got to run FAUClumson back. We'll watch it this time. If I told you there was a friend of the podcast who had given his esteemed garbage reading to Virginia football. If I said garbage when I asked about them, then I'm just assuming they could lose any game on the schedule.

Who, Spencer? Oh, no one. I like when you can give it away with the accent But if he said they are Then they are It's garbage The ACC championship is also funny They're bigger things going

It's usually at the same time as the Big Ten Championship Like Overture There's a chance it's a bigger deal I guess Not really though No no there's not Oh what heights will hit Oh God here they're

Yeah, it's Pitt. Yeah. Because, like, I mean, I don't know. If you get FSU Clemson, then the other one is Ohio State, Purdue, or whatever the fuck, the West trots out. There's a chance. This is the right move. God, please let it be Pitt. But he's like, clearly this is a Clemson, Florida State Affair this year.

Pit, pit lurking in the shadows with a tire iron. I think we are writing a musical. You fuckers, do you like 1410? Do you like watching 1310? Do you like watching 13-9 games, son? The answer is no. But too bad. It's there anyway.

Too bad. Pits there anyway. So, yeah, I don't know why this exists or what it's about, but thank you for whoever put this together for putting it together. It is week one. So we already have a weather-related disturbance and a new measure of meteorological strength that I think we can just. used to sum up any possible storm incursion into your football festivities.

Already things are being moved around in the Gulf for the first one this year. Holly, I find this term disturbing. What is the term? Sorry, I didn't come up with it. Yeah, it's not yours. But what are we talking about in terms of measuring tropical storm strength here and hurricane strength? J.D. Rudd, who is an actual, honest-to-god meteorologist, who is apparently from Mynott, shout out My Not.

Hurricane Franklin, which is not the hurricane that is currently approaching Florida. It is, as of Tuesday, just hanging out out in the Atlantic, punching stuff around. But J.D. Rudd noticed on Twitter yesterday that the satellite impression is almost precisely the size, of four Ohio's snuggled up in the ocean and presumably screaming to be talked about. Do not

come to me with stories of dire conditions in the Gulf and or Atlantic unless you are prepared to describe to me the size of said meteorological beast in a scale of Ohio's. Is this a four Ohio storm?

I'm concerned. Five. Brother, I can smell the drag hard noir from Here, get moving. It's a six-booker. Is Ohio the choice for the unit of measurement because it is gray and angry? I think that's a good start. Having something inland is supposed to make it more relatable to us landlocked. Yeah, also because it takes forever to drive across Ohio.

It's not quite as exhausting as driving across Pennsylvania, but it's far more intense. Is Ohio an iconic landlock state shape? Shape, yeah. I mean, everybody kind of knows it's like a little badge, right? It's like a badge. Which state has the most mysterious shape? One of those little squiggly northeastern ones, right? Because everything out west is a block.

Because it's like maybe New Hampshire. I can't tell you what we're out. I feel like those are just inverted, though. Like if you know one is a little bit taller up top and, you know, and then it's a 50-50. West Virginia is actually the most messed up one. Yeah, well, like, maybe it's Maryland, because like, even if you remember how, if you remember, you know, the degree of its fucked up goodness, if you try to draw it, you're, there's no way you could remember all that shit. Yeah. Right, right.

But I think that is the iconic thing about it. I would also, I'm going to throw in a nominee, a nomination for Michigan because Michigan has, uh, the equatorial Guinea. thing, the Malaysian thing, where they go, here's Michigan, and then here's other Michigan, right? Yeah. The part that we sometimes have to send troops to rain in, right? The wild and willy park, yeah. Yeah.

So maybe then it's Alaska because there's so many little parts that who could remember, all those little islands dangling off? There's islands in Alaska where you can't go because there's unexploded ordinance from World War II. right what do you mean can't i think we should send a number of podcasters there what are we going to do with this island well we've incentivized it uh there's a tax rebate for podcasters if they want to go there so yeah uh four oh hi was big that um do we know if that is unusual in any way if uh if if like three or five are more the norm or anything like that We're going to have to go back and see historically, right?

Biggest hurricane ever. Okay, good, yeah. By size. We have to do by size, okay? Thank you, Weather Tiger, for the headline Hot Gulf Summer. Let's see, we have to do a little math here. Typhoon tip, diameter of 1,380 miles. Okay.

It's total, it's a total, let's see, it's diameter. Okay, so that's like many Ohio's. The Ohio State's width is 220 miles, so we're looking at a six or seven Ohioer. It's a six or, goddamn. That's so much Bob Evans. That's the whole Mac, six Ohio's. You get hit with that six or seven Ohio one, and there's just a dangerous amount of sausage flying through the air. Breakfast sausage.

huh so yeah all right there we go i feel better excellent um do you want to actually look do you actually want to look i know i was just about i was just about to suggest it do you want to do let's let's do it let's go there's a football schedule we're going to look at it i know a segment that we have done for many years now I mean we're the only college football podcast so no one else has ever thought to do it but we're going to look at

so Thursday night we've already discussed Florida Utah I love it. There's a bunch of other small stuff going on Nebraska and Minnesota baby uh huh uh huh

go on do you want to see the power of Matt rules culture meet the power of PJ Flex culture. This is a bacterial battle. So milky. Like, yeah, all the, that Big Ten Midwesterness of a six Ohio hurricane, that's nothing compared to whatever fucked up trophy these two teams play for that's made of fake butter.

The butter statues are fake, as we learned. I want to recommend NC State Yukon. NC State's going to Yukon. Why are you going to Yukon, first of all? Did you lose something there? It's like running for president. You got to start there. They don't want a playoff, dude.

But like Yukon, as we know, assertively mediocre last year. And nobody is more assertively mediocre than NC State. So like, man, whoever wins this. God damn. I'm ready to call it. That's the most six and six team in the country. I'm excited for this one.

Yeah, I would say that this is, if you're not going to watch Florida, Utah, like some of us are going to do, then that's probably the pick. Nebraska, Minnesota. I can't fathom what's going to happen in that game. I really can't, like none. It just seems like I have no read on either one of those teams yet.

And other than Nebraska, it will be bad. They will be bad because your one under-Met rule is typically the tear-down year. So, yeah, whole team with the drywall ripped out. That's what they're going to look like. So, Spencer, this is probably your first time watching your team be unveiled in the game that everyone is watching together as the actual debut of the season. I hope I won't have cell phone reception. Yeah, I hope I don't have cell phone reception.

That's really what I hope that there will be, that I won't be able to see all of the horrible things that people are posting about how we're doing, because I suspect it's going to be a very rough ride. Utah's very big, very mean, very strong. they're going to be at home and we have gram bert's in his first start mistakes will be made uh one undercard game southern utah irsona state southern utah is decent in arizona state is um speaking of tear downs good lord um probably number two in the country in terms of roster flipping overhaul so anything anything could happen in the thursday late nighter

yeah except going to a bowl game that can't happen for Arizona state brief podcast business if you'd like to hear about the dread of the Arizona a state football fan you could download this week's episode of we're not all like this featuring ryan nanny there we go excellent plug podcast business concluded um let's see uh friday no no no i'll um i'll i'll glance at louisville georgia tech all and also an interesting thing happening here is uh miami of ohio is facing miami of florida um and i think if miami of florida cover than they're hereby known as Miami of Florida. Yeah, this was, by the way, Brett Gabbert of Miami went ahead and said that we will show

them that the real Miami is in Oxford, Ohio. Son, I love it. I love it. Why wouldn't you say that? If you're wrong, everybody's going to forget it in two weeks. If you're right, you're going to look like a genius. Go ahead. Talk your shit.

And everyone will agree. I will also do a podcast business the watch grid as thank you all for mentioning last week in my absence is on my substack this year Jason Kirk.FYI for free and yeah I'm heck I'm looking at it right now as we go through as we go through these games we're talking about it right now

we're talking about it right now to use a John Boyce quote from like 18,000 years ago that I still think about once a month. Saturday. It's big nude Saturday. Yeah, the big, the big, dumb game thwomping you in the face that last week, week zero, they were trying to call the biggest opener in college football history. The stupid game, it's going to be terrible, awful.

Colorado TCU, yeah, that's the game to watch. It's interesting. Dion Sanders is fascinating. He's doing ridiculous things that you should glance at because who the heck knows. Also, Jason? Don't try to be too cool about it. The game everyone talks about is the game to watch. You and I have something in common with Dion Sanders.

Neither of us know who's playing for Colorado. None. Do you want to know a coach who's going to do more? Hey, 86. Hey, hey, 42. That's going to be Dion Sanders because he won't know shit. And neither will you because there's like 50 new people on that team. more than 50

that's more than 50 no it's over 50 it's over 80 total oh my god they have 10 players from last year's team do they just have the keys yeah yeah like I don't know

those two guys they couldn't find or something I don't know how they're gonna get everybody like to the bus on time people aren't gonna know where to go yeah we couldn't give it we couldn't get them to give up the parking passes so we just kept them on the roster let's see we also have um brian ferrence against 25 points that battle begins utah state is the code name for 25 points uh bill see's numbers have Iowa unloading 37 on

them so so brian ferrance evidently had a uh pretty hot date night the other night good for our boy um east carolina number two michigan i don't know who's coaching michigan it doesn't matter it does not don't talk yourself into it stop stop don't matter it's doesn't matter. Hey, upset alert. UMass at Auburn. That's a red hot UMass. That's right.

That's right. Like the hottest UMass team in FCS history. Ever. Yeah. Going against an unproven Auburn team. Listen, hold on to your tricorn hats. It's about to get sexy in Opelika. I like when there's a turnover.

Have you seen their turnover? Jane gag. Have you seen their turnover gag? The tricorn hat. The coat gag? Yeah. You know, when they have a tricor hat they put on

and the guy kind of like, Pimp walked it out. It was beautiful. So that'll be two and OU mass after this weekend. Mm-hmm. Everyone agrees. Yeah, see. Jacksonville State.

Additionally continues its undefeated run. Extreme under Carter that I am observing a little bit would be equally undefeated Mercer. against number 22 Ole Miss, ever chaotic Ole Miss and competent Mercer. I'm not going to call for an upset. I'm just going to say, take a peek at it. Let it simmer, if you will. I am observing maybe the first quarter, quarter and a half of Ohio State at Indiana,

just because. Just because you've got to see who's kicking. I have to see who's kicking for Indiana, the ultimate drama. They won't even put a name on the jersey. Jersey when they run them out. It's just Delta. It's just Greek letters that you only see in calculus right across the back. He's wearing a robe, like a Nazgul.

Yeah. The mystery kicker of Bloomington. I have to see that. And then of slightly lesser. I'm sorry. That was awful. I'll do better. I won't.

No, you won't. It's great. I love it. Hey, I also want to see, yeah, I want to see Kamakort and see, you know, just, just kick the tires on that thing, because I'm sure he'll be real productive of good. You just kind of want to see it. He'll be throwing to his high school teammate, Marvin Harrison. A fact, you will hear no less than 30 times during that broadcast. No relation. Marvin, Marvin Harrison, a guy who has really established that name. Yeah, they established that name as a dominant receiver's name. First guy to do that ever.

First time I've ever heard of anyone by that. I'm going to, I'm going to, I mean, we all know how that game's going to go. Indiana is going to be up seven and nothing, right? Yep. We'll be really excited for a suspiciously long time. Yeah, and then it's 63 to 7. Next thing you know. Yeah.

At that point, no matter, honestly, maybe no matter what else is going on, I'm taking a look at Air Raid, Wisconsin. I know what they've said. I know we're still going to run the ball. We promise, we swear, we swear, we're not. We're still Lutherans. I get it. I get it. I want to see Airway at Wisconsin.

There's a bit of a podcast business here. We gave Wisconsin our pre-we're creating kind of a team-based version of the People's Heisman Award over at Channel 6 this season. And we gave Wisconsin our pre-season nod for this award because of all the commonate factors of state of Wisconsin, culture of Wisconsin, and what the hell is Luke fickle going to do with this bunch of big rowdies? Can I? Very excited.

Yes, available at Channel 6. I suggest you sign up because I think it's great. Where can they do that? They can do that at channel-6.ghost.io. Channel-6.orgost.comio. I wanted to ask Holly this. Beating Virginia by 63 points is going to be fun no matter what, right? Yeah.

yeah y'all go you'll go kick their teeth in like if this is it's week one there's going to be some squirrels in the engine it's fine everybody knows that when you put it on the dino you got to go ahead and get the squirrels out of the engine

because they're in there it's been in the barn all winter the spread on this game like I I was honestly I'm not a gambler hey Jason what's the spread on that game brother's four touchdowns

and I was still looking at it like this does not feel you know yay but this does not feel like a weak one spread to me can I ask you a spread just to compare Ohio State at Indiana which could be equally laughable in my mind what's the spread there

it's right around there I know I don't have to pull up in front of me but yeah it's it's 30 it's pretty bad when you're you're the Indiana. Let's just put it that way. Yeah. You never look up and find yourself

who's your adjacent. Might be kind of, might be a slightly deceptive result because I don't think there's anybody who can cover all those Joe Milton boom bombs and I don't care because it's going to be a blast to watch. Spencer, are you still the head coach at North Texas?

You know, it's part of my busy schedule that I make sure that the young men of the North Texas football program are prepared to play every week and put on their best for the good people of Denton. Okay. You got the Cal Golden Bears come into town. No one knows which conference they might be in. Yeah, we're going to beat shit out of them. I don't care where they're coming from. Okay. But they're coming from the west or the east? If they're from the nerd conference on the east coast or from the weird

conference on the west, you know, we're still going to stone cold stone. That's good. This metal slate of this schedule is just, gosh, we're hoping some weird. shit happens because whew I know it's a fine time to take a walk outside it is it is although I'm going to go ahead put up the weird score I'm going to go ahead and take a draft on weird score of the week weird

scoring wafer to pit yeah I love it yeah that's going to be one of those games where at halftime you'll feel like it's 10 10 Wofford pit right it won't be at the end of the game but like if any team can fuck around and just put a game into like if any team can fuck around and not put the whole thing into gear

it's pit it's part of the design Not an error. You've had our duse. You just try to get that thing into gear on a hill. Like, ah, Pittsburgh's so hilly. Yeah. Don't panic, but it will look weird for a long time because that's pit football in week one.

For the second week in a row, if you are not one of the people who happen to have the Pac-12 network, I have never been, then you will not be getting a look at the reigning Heisman trophy winner. USC Nevada is again on the secret network that I have never seen live in person I have and like I'm pretty sure that that streak's going to hold up all the way to the end not that I've

tried I've just never seen it other than like you know bootleg feeds of like look at this Arizona bullshit it's kind of a shit not that we would try to watch this either not that not that not that we have ever watched it as well but I would say that if we did we'd find that it's a good crew it's a really excellent production I'm sure it's awesome yeah And no one can watch it. I'm sure it's great. Yeah. What I will watch is UTSA Houston.

Ooh, that's rowdy. Yeah. The hunter has become the hunted. Houston is now the team someone else can take down. I mean, honestly, any game involving a Big 12 team this year. Yeah. Because they're all, you know, they're all at least decent. All Big 12 games are recommended, I think.

Can I get a high comedy temperature test for the potential of North Carolina versus South Carolina? Surfer already gave this way last week, but let's hear it again. I think South Carolina is going to stomp a fucking hole in UNC.

That is based on billboards, correct? Yep, totally based on billboards and the song Sandstorm. Yeah, if you're going to, do you want your, do you want your week one husband winner? Spencer Rattler in this game

could be a very strong week one Heisman winner because this just feels like the kind of game where in a let's just say like a free jazz defense like UNC runs you know like we've tried that at UNT but UNC is the masters of the free jazz defense right like you don't need

a safety man you just they'll pick it up I say this is a courtesy because I know we most of us probably watch the Orange Bowl it's the Orange Bowl Tennessee Clemson we saw Clemson and just complete inability to score at all, right? Yeah, Holly and I watched it and didn't talk during the game. And then what happened? I, well, I tried to talk. We tried to. I don't really, I don't really remember. You were very upset. I was upset. But that being, what you said to me after?

No, I don't. What did I say? That's good. The, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the reason I bring this up is because no one watched the ACC championship game, because why would you? And the perfect cure for, that terrible like inability to score offense was unc like they they have nothing nothing to threaten anyone with they they have nothing at all sounds great turn in prime time on abc to watch helpless mac brown flail about he's not he's not going to be helpless drake may is going to throw for you know 4 000 yards this year and they'll probably score 48 points a game just the issue is like not letting the other team score 51. Yeah.

So that's that preseason, week one Heism, going to Spencer Rattler for the eight TDs he's going to throw in this game against North Carolina. Undercard game, how about Texas Tech, Wyoming? Wyoming? Yeah. Always, you know, competent, relatively competent. And Texas Tech is a team that a lot of people are a little bit curious about this year. So if they go from, I think the winner of this gets the rights to Mars, just based on their personal.

So just love it, whereabouts. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This game is Mars versus Mars. How will they know? And then late night, Northern Arizona, Arizona. Yep, sure. Sam Houston, BYU. I'll take that as well.

and then we have a Coastal Carolina UCLA game Coastal Carolina really will play anybody just absolutely anybody anywhere anytime yeah if you want to watch

if you want to watch a game where both people will be doing a whole lot in terms of play design and pre-snap and then forfeiting a lot of that effort by what actually happens after the snap

I'm just going to go ahead and guess it's coastal at UCLA that feels a lot that feels a lot like ooh fancy stuff Ho! Ha! Interception! For those who have asked, I know it was mentioned at least the last week or two about full cast after dark, we're going to try something that's about as far as we can commit.

Like we said last week, follow us on, follow the four of us on Twitter and on Blue Sky, and we will have an announcement when it's ready to go, but we're going to do a thing. Definitely doing a thing. And listen, no matter what happens, we will have a recorded. format of the podcast available Sunday so if you're not able to catch it live we will have a recording for you yes

this Sunday in fact there are four college football games I find all of them of interest to one degree or another Northwestern Rutgers because what the fuck is Northwestern going to be this year versus what the fuck is Rutgers

ever Jackson State FamU high quality FCS game and then our Oregon State beavers. Holding down the mid-afternoon spot usually given by Fox to NFL's America's Patriot game of the America on CBS, but

Oregon State, San Jose State, our beavers. Spotlight all to themselves, kind of. Actual good nightcap, the Florida State versus LSU in Orlando. Yeah, the only, like actual week one, like for a few years there we got sort of spoiled with like the top 10 week one games, whatever. This is the only actual headliner other than whatever Deon's trotting out of the week. This is a zero entry pool where we can just kind of meander on in

and get our feet wet a millimeter at a time. This game also last year was a total debacle. So hopefully it is no more competent. well if that isn't if that isn't you know like messy enough for you on monday there's clumson at duke nope no thanks i think i'll turn in the labor day game is always really funny because like a lot of people watch it it sounds important it's monday night football it's the labor day game surely it's a big deal like it's like a trap for casuals and then this is what we give them. And then you get ACC football.

Live from Wallace Way Stadium. Wow, Clemson Stadium is really small. That's our Clemson. That's not their stadium. It's Riley Lender for Duke. Duh, da, da, da.