Shutdown Fullcast - James Et Jim

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Is Notre Dame just Fat Navy? The gang takes genuine offense on behalf of BYU and Cincinnati It’s not a real rivalry game if you’re not psychotic with anxiety beforehand; anyway, here’s Georgia-South Carolina This IS the internet’s only Texas volleyball podcast DO IT AGAIN ELIJAH, ASCEND THE THRONE OF HEAVEN AND CLAIM YOUR CROWN OF IMMORTALITY  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Especially because the whole time I was like, oh, we get to close on Michigan. Yeah, see? Yeah. Yeah, that was my schedule is a lie. Rearrange it as you see fit. No, that was my popsicle hidden in the fridge. I was like, yeah, I get that at the end of the day. It's melted.

You had it in the fridge. God damn it. I'm James Franklin when it comes to time management and popsicles. Now it's just juice. Thanks, sir, for there's a cold open for you. Damn full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. Lucky you.

You might want another one, but you don't need another one because you got us. Joining me this week, as always, is co-host Jason Kirk. Jason. I wanted to ask you a question. Yes, please. what's the most Christian type of pizza a man could order the holiest the most devout because I have one answer okay well the Lord did a lot with just a small number of fishes didn't he so I've never had anchovy pizza but we could put anchovy pizza right up

there I can give you another fish pizza that's pretty common but it's not in the common in the United States. Okay, all right, all right, good, yeah. Let's broaden the horizons. It'll horrify you. Okay. That would be tuna and peas. Peas.

Tuna and peas? Uh-huh. I guess, Holly, you're appalled by the idea of tuna and peas pizza? That's extraordinarily upsetting, yeah. Yeah, it's very common. Thanks, guys. Glad to be on the show. It's very common in Chinese pizza huts on the buffet.

Well, now I'm racist. I wish you'd told me that first. That would just make me hate everything. that would surpass like like and i've had it by the way i tried it and i will tell you that um it's really better when they've got the trifecta of tuna and i mean tuna out of a can i don't mean slices of delicious hi-hi tuna i mean shredded gray tuna and peas but when they put a little corn on it i'm not going to say it's hidden i'm not going to say it's hidden but it's within distance of being acceptable this is this is very um bachelor oh it's no really like you

you you walk in and it really does feel like you're like wow a sad bachelor runs this pizza hut buffet and tai chung tai nan or taiwan like yeah are there any like you know cheetos is it like uh no it's not no it's not it's not it's not stoner chinese pizza hut there's They're not just like... It's put some shrimp chips and some like, you know, silkworms on there. So it's just assorted canned goods, pizza. Yeah. I have had a pizza in Sweden that had potato slices,

what appeared to be just cooked white rice sprinkled all over the whole thing, and like Russian dressing. Oh. It was vile. It was absolutely vile. Okay. It was absolutely vile. I was about to hop on and it wasn't bad, right?

You're like, no, it was terrible. You could tell from the texture. that these were like the kind of baby potatoes that are in a can because they had that kind of like kind of little slimy salty brine thing on and they were they were thin sliced but like not super thin slice like slice like a buffalo mozzarella so it was like these these pizza coins and a layer of like cooked white rice and just thousand island dressing drizzled over the top of it and other places are bad i guess is i didn't think we'd view it. you're into xenophobia, but I guess 2020 finally got us at last.

Finally. Yeah, don't pizza abroad, I guess, well, except in Italy. I guess you could probably get good pizza in Italy. It's possible. You can ask Alex Kirchner. I hear they do a really good version of New York pizza in Italy. Ooh, ooh, okay. Is it like, okay, is it like Brooklyn-style pizza?

Because that's what I'm looking for when I go to Italy. So in Italy, what they do is that. They send a big boat to New York City and they fill it up with New York City water and they take it back to Italy. That's what makes it special. Where is Ryan here to stump for Sabaros when we need him? Yeah, Ryan's out. So we're going to talk Italy and New York. Perfect.

Miss our special New York boy. Sadly, I do not believe there is a pizza hut in Italy. Oh, horse shit. We need to spread the good word. Wait, so do you reckon they just like close their borders to a. American pizzerias. To be clear, that's a good idea. But I want to know if, like,

Yum Brands has tried to infiltrate through parachute drops. So not only are they bad at food over there in Italy. They don't got no architecture. They're bad at business. No permit. No permit. They got no culture, if you ask me. Don't you all eat kale?

How do you get your green vegetables? If you dropped an entire pizza hut, I mean, air dropped it into the middle of, like, of, like, Florence, Italy. Little Caesars doesn't have pizza in Italy either. Oh. No, this is a crime. Because you know what, do you know what Italians would do? They'd be like, you're the pizza. She is hot. And she is ready.

Is she good, Giuseppe? No. I mean, it's named after. It's named after Italy. I mean, it's named after a guy. It's named after a guy. It's named after a guy. I mean, think about it. It's named after a guy Italians killed. So it's probably not real welcome.

But, I mean, that's a sign of affection, right? He's the most Italian guy ever. We loved him enough to kill him. That's how much we liked him. Yeah. I'm now conducting the most cursed Google search I've ever conducted in the history of the shutdown forecast, which is really saying something. Are you doing Hungry Howie's international locations? Yes, I am.

Jesus. Let's see, C.C.'s pizza. Your computer is going to shut down out of a lot. protest it's just going to die wait hungry howies has a blog about our top 10 pizza destinations in the world and they oh wow they're listing they're listing places in italy but one of the places they list is new haven oh no there's a famous there's a famous pizza joint new haven i don't care that's still yale it is yale there could be nothing good or tasty about yale pizza in edmonton canada hungry howies you cannot be trusted i mean they're hungry they'll eat anything by definition

I feel like they're deliberately trying to obscure whether or not they have international locations. It's not called choosy Howeys. It's called Hungry Howies. I didn't know Hungry Howies was outside Florida until the Little Caesar's Bowl took over the Lions Stadium. And Hungry Howeys had a contract with the Lions so you couldn't serve Little Caesar's pizza at the Little Caesar's Bowl. Did someone commit a serious act of civil disobedience by bringing one? one in in their shirt, just like a whole hot and ready, like, I see you little Caesar. I can't believe we didn't ask that father and son duo who offered to be our Detroit Bowl

correspondents and would sneak competing pizza in. I will say, we've really missed opportunities because having gone to Detroit fairly recently for the shutdown full cast live show last year, it would have been a blast. It would have been fun. So here's a really good map, Papa Johns. Oh, no. I'm seeing Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Mongolia. Papa John's in Saudi Arabia checks a lot of boxes for both parties.

Can you answer me this? Peru, Philippines. Is there a Papa Johns in Russia? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got a big old red. I don't know how many there are, but there's a big old, big old red Russia. Which means that they're, that Papa John's in the heads of at least one Russian is Father Ivan's, which is the best name for a pizza place. I have ever heard.

Sounds so welcoming. It is. It's Papa Ivins. It's Daddy Ivins. Come here, get a pizza and get killed. How about Panama, Papa Johns?

How festive does that sound? Panama Johns. You could just pick it up like going through the canal, right? Just reach off the ship. They've got out like a 20-foot-long boom. Egypt, Morocco.

Papa John is all over the place. This is one of our biggest. exports how about that this will be my this will be my goal to find the most remote Papa John's location in the world and then have Thanksgiving there ever's space camp there's somebody so like yeah you want the garlic butter according to the map there are two off the coast of Madagascar I don't know how accurate this map is but yeah there they're little red dots out there out there in the ocean amongst the cartoon animals

Oh, my God, there's Papa John Seasteads. That's what you're seeing. It looks like there's one in Cyprus. It's the penguins from the movie Madagascar franchising. That's what it is. Yeah. I started the whole long pizza conversation as a way of getting to this. I need to interrupt here with a note from our producer, Michael Cerber,

who sends me an article from January 2020. Domino's announced plans to open more than 800 stores in Italy. Yes. This is real. I appreciate that they're using World War II tactics in just blanketing Italy with fake pizza. I like it. Italy is good at a lot of things. Making killer food, birthing my ancestors. What it is not good at is having a lot of American pizza chains, but Domino's is here to change all that. Whether Italians like it or not, that is the spirit. Just like the Battle of Anzio, too. We're just going to take the beaches of Italy. and push

crappy pizza ovens and pre-made crusts God, it's really got a hurt in Italy to be betrayed by both pizza and Domino's. Oh shit. Domino's Pizza Italia in Milano has four stars. I mean, it's still pizza. Way one. I'm going to read the Google reviews.

Oh, my God. Never mind. We got to talk about something else because the very first review, the guy dinged the domino's a star because the delivery guys in Italy couldn't speak English. I... Come on, Daniel. They want the authentic American experience is what they want.

Come on, Daniel. I respect stupid online restaurant reviews so much when they're just openly moronic and just live in their truth, right? Like, yeah, I hated this ice cream place because they didn't have steak. So, like... There's three people complaining in the first 10 Google reviews that the staff doesn't speak English. It's a pizza place.

Come on. Yeah. One complaining that there's no air conditioning. Come on, man. Is the idea that when America exports a fast food restaurant that we also send people to staff it? Oh, yeah. Like it's an embassy. Yeah.

I wanted to get on the subject of pizza. And which one was the most question? I got to follow down the rabbit hole because this guy says the dominoes in Milan doesn't have air conditioning. you go right ahead also i was uh i spoke incorrectly mongolia does not have a papa johns yet that's oh that's the only thing i don't like about them they are completely surrounded though by papa john's country well man gangas con pizza would be the most amazing franchise ever it's coming to you if you're riding over the plains there really is a lot of if you look at like mongolian uh like business names yeah yeah there's so much stuff named after the cons the horde yeah

They know when they had the center of the world stage, and they will remind you of it. I am betting that there's a Genghis Khan internet cafe somewhere in Al-Batar. I would bet there's a hundred. What else you're going to call it? I want to be the most rampaging, patriotic, Mongolian business around. The guy who complained that the Dominoes and Milan didn't have air conditioning was from Germany, and thus we can toss out his opinion. Yeah, there is, by the way, the, yeah, that, wow, there's, yes, sir, there is a Genghis Khan internet cafe.

Okay, the map was too close together, and for a second, I thought there was a Chili-themed hostel in the middle of the Czech Republic. Why not? They got to have those, they need one of those in our Athens. I bet UGA would love that shit. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Um, the most Christian way to get your pizza, I believe can be answered by, um, we don't exactly have a reader. Why are we talking about this?

We don't exactly have a reader question tonight, um, but more a, a comment and an observation and a visual aid. Uh, this comes from at Catherine Brock. What's up, Catherine? Thank you for asking us this question. What does this mean? Any guesses? And then tags all of us. And the picture is of a.

little sort of standee with a laminated sign that says, in large letters, ask for your pizza, Dabo style, in quotes. Well, I assume it's got a really thin crust. And, you know, I never figured that guy for a vegetarian, but I think Dabo would be the first to tell you that all lives matter. So can't have any meat on that? No, no, I mean, a thick blanket of green and black olives all over the. the pizza yeah yeah all live all live i'm sorry jason i know you got it i had to say it directly at

spencer's face four or five times i need a minute because i'm soaking that in much like the napkins uh soak up the confessed sins yeah i don't know what debo style pizza is i know that in one of my favorite things that that i've ever read about dabbo it's that when the heisman was going on and dabbo was in new york oh yeah he wouldn't fold it yeah dabbo uh said also by the way he would not eat this came from uh artichoke basile's pizza in chelsea uh said told hannah storm that he would not eat anything with the word choke in it and opted for pepperoni which that's some deep coach brain right there that's some serious coach brain going on i ain't anything i'm not eating anything with choke in it also that he would not fold it and just started eating it like uh you

know a yokel like how i eat it and eat the crusts that's too much too many carbs no i just he strikes me as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off kind of guy? Yeah. Which,

no disrespect. That's a fine sandwich. I think whatever kind of pizza Tabbo style, the mind just,

the mind reels, whatever that could mean. But whatever it is, I mind recoils. The mind does a lot of things at the thought of requesting your food to be more like Davo.

But I think the thing is it will upset your stomach and your stomach will remain upset for like a whole whole weeks yeah and you know and and to the point where you're like seriously still how right i was if dabbo had run a pizzeria in medieval times a job that i know we all agree he'd be well suited for we would say his pizza is heavily laced with the bodily humor of collar

especially at the moment i was thinking that maybe eating debaubo style would be taking a scorching hot piece of pizza and trying to eat it while running down a hill that might be one way to do it another way more recently and more relevant to the recent history of Clemson football would be that in order to get your pizza dabo style you have to drive down to Tallahassee with the fever and then watch Mike Norville throw it out a window and onto the street I believe we've answered Catherine's question yeah yeah hey we got a we we got a week of football here y'all look at this we got now for now as of as of uh tuesday night recording there are games scheduled please don't tempt the thing that's there is a whole mess of games uh first one i the first one i wanted to know was un c notre dame uh which i have decided to call notre dame fat navy because um unc's you know like navy they're talented they're very well put together team they're just fatter that's it

They got fatter guys, fatter and slightly faster somehow. Football's a weird sport. Fattster. Fatster. Yeah, they got a ram, just like Navy, right? They play in blue, slightly different blue, but whatever, right? That's, you know, they have... Oh, so UNC is fat Navy.

Yeah, UNC's Fat Navy. Okay, so Navy, we could say, like, right, Navy, they're named after their jerseys, right? That would be silly, but we could say that. So UNC, maybe we could just call them powder. Yeah, that'd be fine. Powder Notre Dame. And this is a game, by the way, where at UNC still a really good football team. Excellent football team, Sam Hal, outstanding quarterback.

Probably, is he better than, like, what they faced with Clemson? I probably wouldn't go that far. I don't know. He's the back. Not him by itself, at least. No, no, no. But still an outstanding team that Notre Dame's going to have to get past. Again, Notre Dame is actually going to have an outstanding strength of schedule, thanks to the ACC.

Just let him hang. Just, yeah, man, come on. It's a weird year. Why don't you just chip in for groceries? In the playoff rankings, UNC might have been the team that took the biggest jump from the AP, I think. They went up a big old six spots up to 19. So Notre Dame beats this team. They're going to stay ranked and the Irish are going to have a whole lot of quality wins on here

since it's the time of year when that shit matters. Yeah, this feels like a game where UNC will, you know, hang around for three quarters. And then Ian Book will just decide that it's time to distance yourself from lesser competition. But it's there if you're going like, well, what's a big game? UNC Notre Dame is a big game because Notre Dame is a big game. because Notre Dame is so far up in the playoff rankings. Well, I mean, the spread on this one's only five, so it's not expected to be any type of blowout.

I have a spread question. Is it about pub cheese? No, it is not about pub cheese. I don't even know, how is this? As a non-cheese eater, I don't even know what pub cheese is. I honestly really don't either. We need a Wisconsinian or a Minnesotian, perhaps, to weigh up on this. Yeah, how drunk do you have to be to order cheese at a bar?

So I think it being described as a spread, I feel like it's just a community thing. Just behind the bar, there's a big old vat of cheese, and you just dip your arm into it like a poo bear. See, you said community, and I was like, oh, big wheel of cheese. Everybody just gets their knife and takes a hunk of it. I had it together until he said like a poo bear. Just get you a big old arm full of cheese. That's it. Hold on, Janet.

I got to get an arm full of cheese. For the road. Oh, there's a hair in there. That's how Northwestern, with all of their nerd wiles, outsmarted Wisconsin, just put a big old tub of cheese in the tunnel. And all the players are like, I got to go get some arm cheese. I got a. I can't.

They did the thing, you know, the story about how you trap a monkey. You hide food inside a coconut, right? Yeah, with Wisconsin. It's just a barrel with cheese in it. Now they got their, oh, my arm, my darn arm is stuck in this barrel. Beryl of cheese. It feels real warm in there. Oh, I wish my head was stuck in there instead of my arm.

It's cold. It's so cold, but, you know, it's warm here by the cheese. Gather around the cheese, a crackling hearth of cheese. The Wisconsinite who first saw a Texan dip a nacho into it must have been like, I'm scared. So scared right now. Corn and cheese. Corn and cheese. It can't be bad.

Jeez, it's got to be good. I don't know. Fella, I got to ask, why the heck did you stick something in the cheese that wasn't your face? Or your arm. Huh? Just putting a beerstein in there like, no, no, no, it works. It works. Watch.

Because one problem I see with your method is when you eat the chip, you're eating something that's not cheese. Now, I recognize it's covered in cheese, so you're getting the cheese. But you're taking up room in your tummy with something that's not cheese. cheese. You see, that's your mistake. Wouldn't you be eating your arm made a corn there? See my point? You got to go get another one. But that's corn fed. That's good meat. Oh, dear.

Maybe I could dip a Nebraska in there. Yeah, you got to save your darn corn so you can feed the cows so they can make cheese. Can't be frivolous with it. Waste your darned corn. Jesus, dumbass cowboys. I was going to ask a line

base question. Are you familiar with the line and our beloved Pittsburgh Panthers going up against Clemson. Last I look it was creeping up on four T-Ds. We are at, we are currently at... In favor of Clemson. We're at 24.

We're at 24. Hey, that means it's coming down. You know what that means? That means folks heard her dabbo daffy ducking up a storm and they brought that number down a little bit. That man's distracted. That's, that's 24 points.

That's what eight Pat Narduzzi field goals? Listen, there's going to have to kick so many field. Kickers exhausted already. Can I tell you something real stupid? Stretching out. Bringing the backup kicker. Can I tell you where we are at this point in this week? I was trying to get the math wrong and I accidentally said the right.

You got it right? I was trying to make a joke and I was like, get it? Eight field goals? Because that's three times eight. Fuck. I made. the dumb joke right yeah that 20 it's a 20 foe 20 foe which if i had all of the money in the world i would totally get this on pit covering totally now watch me suffer worse bad beat of all

time by some sort of insanity where can he picket is trying to get back in the game and they throw a pick six with six seconds left or something oh happily or i can't stop during the voice Or more likely when Pat and Artizzi tries to kick a field goal down nine and is like with 30 seconds left and it's like, we had to do it. And it gets blocked and they return it for a TV or something. But yeah, 24. Yeah, the line started 26 and a half. So the public believes in Pitt. That always goes well.

They've been listening to too much forecast. Yeah. We're too popular folks. Sorry. please stop praying for us yeah that's yeah we are already immune to tasers please stop praying for us

let me become too powerful Pat Narduzzi's grown a full beard something's gone very wrong I I also would like to in looking at this and games where I really want it to be closer than it's going to be

LSU Texas A&M now there is some some development Developing news around Texas A&M, that being, where do they stand, Jason, in the playoff rankings as of right now? Well, they're number five because they have to stay ahead of Florida for now, because Florida has to stay of Cincinnati because, you, Cincinnati, they're not a power team, ew. So A&M's just guaranteed the five spot for now, which means you can talk yourself into, ooh, they might get to play Alabama again. Hooray. Wouldn't that be fun?

What a reward. What a treat. God, can you think of a less rewarding playoff matchup for those who have already seen this game happen than watching, oh, here's Alabama, completely manhandling A&M to a 28 point loss? Yeah, I mean, what would, imagine if it came down to A&M or Cincinnati, right? Say Cincinnati's 12 and 0, and you can either put them in or an A&M team that didn't even win its division and was not competitive against Alabama. What would have to be wrong with your brain

to not give Cincinnati the spot? You know what I mean? I mean, that's why, like, okay, I put BYU in the four spot. Yeah, they got a, in the five spot, yeah. The committee, as they have done an act of violence against the LDS Church by ranking BYU down at 15.

Behind three or four two lost teams. That's absurd. Get that shit out of my sight. What are they supposed to do? do like what what who has gone farther in these challenging times than the b yu cougars who's got who's got a better quarterback if you're going okay well i got a game and we got four quarters and i got one guy to play it i don't know how many more people i would choose above zach wilson like b yu because he has a cool swaggy headband b yu's three spots behind oklahoma would you pick

Oklahoma to beat BayYU right now? No. No. I sure wouldn't. I know which one of those teams has a defense. It ain't Oklahoma. They're behind Northwestern, which has scored about six points this year. They're behind Georgia. It's been blown out twice. I will tell the stat again,

and I will keep saying it until it expires upon the receipt of a new set of Northwestern statistics this week from their game. And it is this, that in the third quarter, against Wisconsin, the success rate for the Northwestern offensive was zero. No, thank you. He's like the boring Joker.

I'm going to become the Joker, and I'm going to clock in and send RSVPs and do things rationally. He drives everyone around him. Is it Calendar Man? I don't know what Calendar Man does. I just know he exists. Yeah.

But he drives everyone around him absolutely insane by being completely predictable and never veering from the path no matter what. absolutely maddening yeah northwestern northwestern being this high and surpassing their own u.s news and world report ranking is wrong yeah that's got to be bitter sweet it does it does and and i'm sure that there are those at northwestern who when northwestern inevitably loses because they're not that good um they are going to let out a sigh of relief that the world is restored the world is spinning on

axis again and they can say, hey, we're actually a really good school. We just have a football problem. We finally solved that whole football thing. Now watch me go be a functionary who ends up running a writer's room, but not contributing much because I went to Northwestern. Have I ever told you guys about my buddy from high school who ended up on the ultimate Frisbee team at Northwestern? No. Is that not Roger Sherman? Oh my God, there's two of them. Jesus. No, I didn't go to high school with Roger. I'm not that young. Oh, right, right, high school.

I forgot that part. I just heard the ultimate Frisbee part. I have a friend who's a brilliant, what do you call the dudes who in an engineer nanobots? Like a neuro engineer? I don't even know the name of his job. Nano engineer. Anyway, he did his master's at Georgia Tech

and his graduation project there was something truly amazing, like implanting microscopic wires into the limb, into prosthetic limbs to give amputees like sense of touch on their prosthetic limbs. It was something like super awesome like this. He gets up to Northwestern. He joins the Intermural Sports Leagues.

And do you know what the nickname they put on the back of his jersey is? Hmm. Stay school. Wow. I hope he beat them all over. I hope he bullied them mercilessly. Because he could. LSU, by the way, coming in this game.

looking like I mean I don't think LSU is going to I don't really want to give you the I mean I want to give you the false bill of goods here but LSU is just looking kind of average kind of like there's not a lot of hope

I really wanted to sell this to you and say oh yeah man a lot of big things happening there's a lot of big things happening at LSU how many of them involve the field football yeah not a lot there not a lot super going on yeah it's to do with abject horror uh re-humanity yeah but like

in terms of actual hope on this field oh no no tj i mean like t j finley's playing all right it's played pretty well but they had to scrape it out to beat arkansas 2724 you say oh there's a lot of good lSU teams that have had to really push it in terms in terms of terms of trying to beat Arkansas. I don't know. The weirdest thing for me about that game is that LSU holds the ball for 42 minutes and they only win by three points. They completely dominated this game.

And yet somehow in those 18 minutes, Arkansas managed to put the fear of God in them. In just 18 minutes. Yeah, pigs are fast. So, I mean, yeah, A&M, you got the big nice number. Sure, you beat Florida. But I mean, number five, I don't know. Like, it's hard to believe in LSU at all, sure. Right.

But. The line here, by the way, 14. 14, A&M by 14. It's a sizable number. That is a size of, like, I, I don't know, like, LSU can only get better. An A&M, given it, this, they can only get worse. That's kind of where I sort of talk myself into. Wait, when do y'all got a fire?

plane. Yeah, that's overhead here. Yeah. It's probably Jimbo heard his talking shit. So one of his

one of his reconnaissance outfits. I'll send my friend, I'll send my friend that I time traveled to go get, Baron von Rick Toffin. I was going to say

who's the first coach who's going to have their own fleet of like surveillance drones at high school games. It's probably already A&M, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Because I can afford that. Yeah. I got that. I bought me a time machine. The uneducated mind would say Stanford, but I don't think they're interested enough in football. Yeah, time travel isn't profitable. Stanford's not looking into that.

Stanford recruits like eight guys per year. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, this is. You can get that done with three, four helicopters. Or one triplane. I'll send you a triplane with a crazy German to your house because I'm Jimbo Fisher. How surprised do you think Jimbo was to learn that triplane didn't mean three planes?

That's it. Try a plane Yeah, I like to try a plane Get on it and try it It's like a trips formation But with planes, right? I have Speaking up by the way

Jimbo's rich Jimbo is rich And folks Wouldn't you like to be rich too Wouldn't you like to be as rich as Jimbo Fisher? Well Can I keep my own hair? Can't do that

We got that going for us We all got better hair than Jimbo Fisher better natural hair at least acorns is the country's leading saving and investing app i have started an account on here and let me tell you i put in just like ten dollars and i have already made seven cents what happens here is you put in your your spare change from purchases from weekly uh weekly deposits what have you and it goes into a magic portal and more money comes out They say it's called investing. I don't know.

Sounds like futuristic technology to me. Yeah. I don't know what to make of it, but I plan to keep going. You can, you can, no expertise required, obviously, because I've made seven cents on it. And I'm not smart enough to make seven cents. Otherwise, you can visit acorns.com slash fullcast to claim a $5 starting bonus. Takes under three minutes to set up, start investing and saving in the background of life. Yeah, it's, it's like a phone game.

everybody likes to look at the phone see lines go up numbers go up and the number going up here is the amount of money that is being sent into the magical portal so I'm just going to keep this up until I am as rich as Jimbo

7 cents is roughly that's just a few decimal points off from what he makes every year so I feel like this app is uniquely suited for us because it seems to be very much like a slow cooker for your finances or like a set it and forget it situation.

Yeah. I am extremely good at putting money someplace and then forgetting I've done that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like a roll of hundreds in the freezer that lives in your phone. It's very much the, you know, a grandfather with a sock of quarters, right? My granddad did that.

He kept all his spare change in a sock, right? And then it double as a weapon, right? I was going to say, did your grandfather like beating some ass, Jason? This was his home defense He's blind in one eye Because when he was a kid He was opening a Coke bottle With a knife

And you know Pachalpong and he's got goo Coming out of his eyeball So he couldn't have a pistol at home So even though he'd been a police officer But yeah he did have the So Wait wait wait wait wait wait

That's right That's right That's right He was a cop What do you mean? He was a cop with a gun That's right Just like Oden, right.

Not to make him too Googlable, but can you tell us your grandfather's first name only? It's either James or William, they were interchangeable. One-eyed Officer Jim. Officer Jimmy, Officer one-night Jimmy. My grandfather's name was Oden. Yeah. Oh, you mean one-eyed officer Jimmy, not bow-legged officer Jimmy. Yeah, he's around back with the car.

Acorns.com slash full cast. claim your $5 bonus. When you sign up, make several cents per day. Next thing you know, you'll be making several dollars per day. Then you'll fill up enough socks of quarters to beat Loki's ass at the end of time. Oh, now I'm motivated. Now I have a new life goal. Beat Loki's ass with a sock full of quarters.

Prevent Ragnarok by beating Loki's ass. All right, Tom, get ready to get Hiddlestoned. No? I got all the cents you need right here, foolish God. This takes us, by the way, discussion of pennies on the dollar and things adding up. You know who probably could have used acorns? You know who probably should have been thinking about money that they were going to have to spend? That's correct.

The South Carolina Gamecocks. So glad you had that obvious answer. Because now Georgia and South Carolina are going to be meeting with a literal headless chicken on one side line. That's right. This is the Mike Bobo. The what? The Mike Bobo.

Say it again. Mike Bobo. There we are. Interim coach Mike Bobo. Get the Bobo. Late of the University of Georgia both as a player and as a former assistant on Mark Ritzstaff. Yes. R.I.P. Mike Bobo.

Late in the sense of, okay. Sorry. The late Mike Pobo. leaves behind 47 children. He has many children in real life. The much maligned Georgia assistant, Mike Bobo, who was blamed for every problem.

Fire Bobo. Yeah. Lo and behold, he leaves and like, oh no, that's just the way things are for y'all. It wasn't just getting rid of this one guy who had good offenses, by the way. Yeah. House on fire, man. When that man got a hole

of Aaron Murray and the no huddle, who! Nearly beat Alabama. in the SEC championship game. I'm going to remind everybody that's happened to Georgia on several occasions. Yes. What has happened since? They did that again. They did that again.

But on a bigger stage, huh? Mike Bobo never lost a national title game for him. Listen, Mike Bobo and Aaron Murray had the decorum and the respect to lose that game in regulation and not extend the hopes forward and lose to, as you might have forgotten,

a freshman thrown into the game in the second house. The sportsman's way. Yeah, I don't know. This guy hasn't started. Here, let's see what's up. Surely he can beat Georgia in a big game. You know, I'm not a football coach, but hey, y'all, watch this.

Doesn't seem to be an incredibly sustainable strategy for on-field success. I just want to note one more time that after that happened to Georgia, a year later the exact opposite happened in the SEC championship those two quarterbacks changed places again

with the same outcome that's incredible Georgia it bears repeating you are incredible as in you defy credulity Georgia all we have to do

we're not calling you poor all you have to do describe things that happen to Georgia you don't have to embellish or add a joke or anything and it's incredible Georgia, the manor house that always burns down every year. I would like to set aside some time in the off season if we're all still alive

to just read a list of things that have happened to Georgia with perhaps some soothing background music and just laugh heartily. The master's music. Okay. All right. If Masters is back in the spring, this is what we're doing. Oh, no, that's totally what we're doing. The Masters episode is just reading terrible things that's happened to Georgia.

How about we do this? Say the Charity Bowl, Georgia, if you're not number one, this is what's going to happen. If you don't at least pass Georgia Tech for the first time, you stingy, miserable shit. You better win your state for once.

I love, by the way, that Georgia, when you start listing these things that we've been doing this long enough and are familiar enough with enough Georgia fans. There's like half a generation of shit, now that we have covered well it's like you get a second hand understanding of how painful it is you're like hmm though i did not suffer that personally that is a good one yeah oh yeah

that's a delicious one like oh that looks like it stings can i touch it yeah it's the wildest thing is having a toe in the water by being an atlanta falcons fan right and like i see all of them and they're also they're they're they're also braves fans that's incredible and like they don't care they don't care about the hawks you know and like the hawks don't really break your heart or anything you know the hawks don't really matter here but like a falcons dogs braves fan is a person that i that's that's that blows my mind i don't know how you do that it's like being it's like being a fan of michigan football 12 months a year instead of four months a year right like it's like if michigan played 52 games a year right now the triple pistons lions michigan fan I don't I don't know if you can I don't know if you can be killed I really don't Penn State Eagles fans

no no no because like even then there's some mediocrity and actually the Eagles might win their division so yeah like don't ask about the numbers that still might happen but like the Pistons as far as I know just judging from Twitter they went out and signed a bunch of hat racks

they went out and spent like a hundred million dollars on hat racks As I understand it, NBA free agency was like all the Pistons players just left. There are no more Pistons, right? Like that was the effect I got. I haven't looked too closely into the situation. Oh, I didn't know they could do that. That's neat.

No, I think they were dropping like $500 million on like Mason Plumley. I think basically the Pistons went on auto draft for free agent signings. That combined with the Detroit Lions under Matt Patricia imploding and one of the worst years in Michigan history. Yeah, there's a lot going on, and you can't be killed, not with conventional weaponry, if you're that fan. Challenge accepted, says Michigan State. Yeah. So, by the way, this Georgia South Carolina game, I'm just calling it, it's not canon because it is not 140 degrees on the field. It is not.

Classic Georgia, South Carolina happens in September, and it happens when it is a hundred. No later than week two. Yep. Both teams have to look like absolute trash. Georgia has to have one superstar receiver, have a 300-yard game, and then get suspended for no good reason before the end of the season. Right, right. And it's got to be the most physically uncomfortable environment in the SEC. So this game is probably going to be in the 70s.

It's not canon. I disagree with all of this because this is rivalry weekend. Georgia's playing their number one rival. No, he's right. He's right. I'm not laughing. This is correct. Finally, playing their true rival because isn't the heart of rivalry not, I don't know,

we'll see we're going to measure up and we're going to see where as good as they are. No, real rivalry is about, oh God, the agony of potentially losing this game to this craptacular collection of lesser talents is going to make me psychotic with anxiety. rivalry is about you look at the schedule and you think what is the one team on here i would at least like to lose to i have a theory that i discussed with ryan in the off season and i can't remember if we've run this by you guys uh right ryan and i have slightly competing parallel versions of this theory regarding south carolina as a football team but is south carolina the team that you least want to play while simultaneously posing the least actual threat yeah yeah because

it's just going to whatever if they managed to get one over on you it will be in the most confounding way possible like you will not understand how this game was won by south carolina if you lose to them sure you got they're the purdue kansas state right like every conference has one of these yeah like they're they're the most how team that when you lose to them you're like how like if georgia loses to kentucky or vandy fine y'all have one maybe it was a crazy year. Maybe something happened. Florida, there's been a whole stretches of the history of that rivalry where Florida's taken a whole decade without blinking and vice versa. That's just happened. That's fine. Tennessee, there's some agony there, but you know, it's gone both

ways. South Carolina? I hate to bring the NFL into this, but do you all remember when Peyton Manning was at the peak of his laser rocket arm efficiency powers? And every once in a while, would run up against a Philip Rivers team that would just make him look like an absolute dick-tripping moron that he did have those like those random four interception games where just the big brain was overloading

and it would just have a seizure or somebody where Peyton was basically like listen I've got this 36 page equation that has gotten me to make this decision and the charge and Jeff Saturday would be like what? Yeah huh shit fumble

God damn it, Donald Sean Merriman just crashing through Donald Brown did nothing wrong I hate math Peyton Iowa State Texas That's a football game Oh it is Technically it is because

Who's in first place in the Big 12 Head into the championship Like seven teams Like the whole Big 12 has two losses I think It's true. Iowa State, though, catbird seed, I believe. They are lofty. I will also say this,

that Iowa State somehow against Texas is not favored in this game. How? If anyone has watched Texas play this year, would you take them over Iowa State just looking at it? Nope. I would not. And yet. I mean, they get the

they get the home advantage in Austin and the crowd should be about as fired up and loud as usual. Oh yeah. Does Texas have a paradoxical home field advantage this year because their home environment is not really altered in any way? Interesting. We were born in the silence. I mean, yeah, a point, sure, whatever. That's basically saying

if it was the other place, it would be a point in, you know, point for a issue. I mean, it's a basketball school. Volleyball school? What kind of school is? Texas now they do have a good good volleyball team don't they I feel like it feel like that's the thing it seems confident I've decided that they do and that's what's important yeah this is all by the way another installment in the Matt Campbell sweepstakes because Michigan fans

I will tell you the best idea I've heard and the worst idea I've heard for replacing Jim Harbaugh at Michigan the best idea I've heard is Matt Campbell because eventually Matt Campbell has to pull that rip cord and get out of that He cannot stay, but want to stay in names this long. Gene Chiswick got Auburn by winning like two games in the year, three games when he came to Iowa State. And even Gene Chisick was like, out!

Later! Texas does have a prolific championship-winning volleyball team coached by the fantastically named Jarrett Elliott. Yeah, three, three national titles, four national title runner-ups, and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, two, good God. Texas volleyball won the big 12 in, they have four and a last, 1997. They have five at the last. Stop, let me read this. You got it.

Clearly, I've got it. Avert your eyes. 1997 2007 2007 2008 2009 2011 2012 2013 2013 2014 2015 2015 2015

2017 2018 2018 and 2019 2019 eat shit Mac Brown this is what a championship looks like no wonder they keep kicking a coaches out so fast Tom Herman take notes man

I catch y'all be more like your sister's over in the volleyball program huh need an increase in your allowance I'm done broke boys welcome to the internet's only big 12 volleyball podcast i would love it if we found out by public records request that texas volleyball coach was making 40 million dollars here i would appreciate this it turns out that's where all the money's going yeah yeah well spent though look at all these

championships i mean what that's like seven out of the last 10 yeah eight out of the last 10 this is money that is getting results unlike some people the volleyball coach pays Tom Herman out of her allowance like yeah I don't know we'll let little Tommy have you know three meal this year yeah if the football team manages to go to the you know Texas bowl that's good for volleyball recruiting yeah that's the whole oh my god we cracked the code you're like man why is Texas athletics so weird and you're like it's because it's actually all centered around volleyball whoa um you don't want to talk about the Iron Bowl not I want to talk about what's after the Iron Bowl I mean let's breeze let's breeze through this thing I

okay there's one there's one thing there's one specter here that's looming and I'm not talking about Alabama blazing through the Iron Bowl and then face planting into the dirt against Arkansas which would be hilarious

let us you know when you take a sip of wine you're supposed to kind of roll it around in your mouth for a second and get a real sense of it and let it waft up through your sinuses and into your nose and or you know when you suck on one of those little strawberry candies that come in the wrapper that looks like a strawberry yeah and you're kind of rolling it around in your mouth and you're getting the artificial strawberry coating all over the inside of your mouth let's sit for a moment in this fashion with the notion of bo necks beating alabama how does that feel uh what are some words it's got a real

bouquet of shadenfreude mixed with a kind of glee at the kind of resulting chaos uh there's also there's also notes of deep appreciation of the absurdity of bow nicks beating alabama if I went back and looked at all of the quarterbacks who have beaten Alabama, he would definitely be in the like bottom three of what? So I just looked this up. Most people agree the weirdest quarterbacks who have beaten Nick Saban. I would be Stephen Garcia. Man, I think Nick Marshall, like Nick Marshall.

No, it's Garcia. That's a converted DB, dude. Nick Marshall had Jesus Christ on his side. Stephen Garcia is a facsimile of. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Now, Stephen Garcia, the year that he beat Alabama, uh,

pastor rating against FBS teams ranked number 19th. Not bad. That was a stacked year. Kellan Moore, Cam Newton, Andrew Luck, right? That's a, that's a stiff field. Aaron Murray, Colin Kaepernick, he was pretty good. He was a head of RG3 there. Jesus.

Goodness. So, uh, this year, Bo Nix, scrolling, scrolling down there at 60th. So, yeah. If our guy Bo, which I love Bo, I do not want to make fun of Bo Necks. He is entertaining and that's all that matters to me. But yes, if they were to pull this off,

yeah. I mean, yeah, Nick Marshall, like, sure, okay, convert a DB, but that was with all of Magic Auburn bullshit on their side. And he was doing shit that was revolutionary at the time, right? Oh, they were doing, they were doing RPO's. They were doing RPR reads. They were doing shit that Nick

Saban had been like dreading for years right are gonna let them just throw down the field and you're just not gonna be able to tackle them down there and they're gonna cheat yeah whereas Boenix doesn't really have that that rabbit in the hat so

yeah I and Bama's gonna win by three touchdowns there's also there's also this that the right tackle and left tackle all the offensive line that went out against the Tennessee game so you want to say hey is Tennessee made an impact yeah absolutely what a fucking waste man they absolutely kneecapped why do you even play those guys against tennessee come on

yeah like that alec jackson at left tackles out as is right tackle broderia's ham that's this is the true heartbreak i'm just going to say this okay yeah tank bigsby is probable for the game he like melzon's big in that like i i think he can play brodarius ham if he's out I don't really care about any particular evaluations of Rodarius Ham's talent or ability. If you don't have someone named Broderius Ham on the field in the Iron Bowl, you're at a disadvantage, statistically speaking. There's no reason to play this. Yeah. Alabama does take one strong advantage into the Iron Bowl, which is that they trounced Auburn in the home field apparel, big news.

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through Cyber Monday, November 30th. Back to the show. Outstanding work. Thank you. I agree. I'm really something. Egg bowl! I really only have one thing to request of the Egg Bowl and it's this, that Elijah Moore do it again. Do it again. Do it, do it, do it. You're having a monster season.

Do it again. Cap it off. We dare you. We support you. And Kiffin might join in. He really might. He really, really might. Yeah. No, he would, by the way.

This is, this is, I think, we're finally going to get what we want out of this season because the egg bowl in this case is going to be exactly what we wanted. Remember, by the way, that Elijah Moore, yeah, he did raise the leg last year. Do you know what he's done to redeem and or cash in on? He had nothing to redeem. But how's 150 yards a game suit you? On, oh, nothing, just about over 10 catches a game. Devante Smith has become the most productive wide receiver in the history of the conference. Devante Smith has 129 yards per game.

He has 903 total on the season. Elijah Moore has 154. He's already at 1,000 yards for the season in a shortened. In seven games, he is averaging 14.2 far yards per catch. He has scored eight touchdowns. Devante Smith has 10. All I'm saying is, whatever you may wrong-headedly think Elijah Moore had to make up for coming into this season, nah, he is sitting on so much credit right now.

Spend it, spend it, young man. The world is your urinal. yeah in addition to that or your fire hydrant the world is your fire hydrant the conference is also old missus urinal in disrespect that they have

no i ain't urinal that's hernal they have the most first my father just took control of my vocal cords and spoke to me from 200 miles away they have the most first downs of any team in the conference they have the most fourth down conversion attempts and they

also have the most third down conversions. Do you know what else they have? They also allow the most third down conversions. Old Miss is a perfect football team because they tell no lies and they promise nothing that they cannot deliver, which is this. They will be a vicious turnstile spitting out touchdowns in one direction while letting them in on the other. And they're about to face the Mississippi State team that has finally got a quarterback. And despite having, I think, 11 eligible players, I may be making that up but it sounds real to me

and almost beat Georgia almost beat Georgia and Will Rogers playing really well and distributing the ball as the air raid actually dictates like they had I think 13 different receivers

14 different receivers and they're very close loss to Georgia yeah this will be fun this will be a ridiculously fun game and something stupid will happen because it is the egg bowl

and because Matt Corral is playing I want to just say it one more time Elijah Moore we believe in you we support you the choice is yours Elijah Moore score a touchdown and poop in a litter box like kitty cat just stand there

and scrape away at the grass with your foot just paw and Paul and Paul and Paul if you want to do that thing where you drag your butt over the carpet right if you want to do the poop scoop we would also support that Elijah more poop like

a circus elephant. Yeah. How a little man walk behind you with a bucket and a shovel. Yeah. Lane will do that. Lynn will be like,

get it, get it. Lane himself may actually shit on the field. Lane shit on the field. Lane shit on the field challenge, coach. We've now turned Lane Kiffin into the Eric Andre of the SEC. I mean, is he not?

Is he not? Actually, he would shoot someone and turn around and then say, why would the Democrats do this? Let me in! that happened he got locked out of uh they they locked him out of usc locked him out of the bus he got left behind by bama at the stadium after a title game man yeah that's still my favorite um jason i'm going to turn this over to you because to close out the podcast tonight

we have we've been asking for it for weeks and it's here it happened we didn't think it would happen and yet they couldn't stop christmas from coming it came it came it's It's Penn State Michigan Week. So, yeah. Say it, Jason. Say the word. Every other game might be canceled. This one, I don't think.

I think this one is, there's no way we can avoid this game happening. Penn State, Michigan is on noon. At noon on ABC, with no other competition of note. The whole world can watch. Everyone can tune in to see Penn State possibly fall to 0 and 6. Michigan possibly kind of have to

fire Jim Harbaugh and yeah everyone's going to see it it's a wonderful holiday weekend so horrible I'm grateful for this I'm grateful for this on rushing train

oh you do not know how badly I want this to come down to a late game situation oh no why would you want that Oh, I want that so bad. I want that so bad so bad so I can watch James Franklin and Jim Harbaugh both take the clock and just take turns pooping on it. Okay, we've got a theme here that I wish we could get away from.

No, like just watching the two of them. Welcome to shit week. Shitt o'ween. Yeah, just watching like, just watch them take intentional safeties, right? For no reason. Like, yeah, there's minute 33 left in the clock. We had to take the intentional safety. no you didn't you were up by 12

I burned meanwhile James uh no is I feel like Jim is slightly more likely to be huddled in the corner of the game be like I burned all my timeouts to throw him off yeah I have a fourth one in my pocket

no you don't there's no such thing as a fourth timeout you don't know that in the weird in game situation James Franklin always comes across as the guy who's like never thought about this before right like oh I sort of assumed we'd be up by 25 right whereas Harbaugh is frazzled beyond belief. So they make the weird decisions for two very different reasons, right?

And yeah, please, let's get, I don't know if we want to go high scoring. Although maybe we do, yeah, let's go really high scoring. Just out of nowhere, we got a 45-42 thing going on, you know, just so everyone's completely uncomfortable. I'm willing to be arguing out of this by either of you or by the actual score. the thing that makes this game great to me in anticipation is that the score almost seems immaterial like there are so many

different ways this could be bad there so for the people involved there are many ways to lose for us the viewer no we're guaranteed nothing but magic here there is no outcome that

that will not be that will not bring joy to the hearts of millions nationwide let me i have i have one that i really want which won't happen i think and it's this i want james franklin to attempt a field goal as time expires to bring it to 27 26 what the oh spencer that's what i want i want him to send out the field goal team and everyone's like what it's like no no we're trying to get it onside and kick it

and they take too long that's what I want like down four they kick a field goal and Franklin's like shit that's three not four

at the handshake Harbaugh hits him with what's your deal what is any of our deals man Harba hits up with what's your deal and Franklin's like

I got a contract for next year how about you and Harbaugh's like I was just mad at you for disrespecting arithmetic