Shutdown Fullcast - Jurassic Peptides / Cody Campbell vs. Actual Grown-Ups

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Gronk as labor iconCoyote Negroni SeasonSorsby Industries Scorned(sby)Our opponents don't want to build thunder mountainsHere's what bothers us about the Waffle House memeWorld Cup auras we find pleasingShut Up, AlexiThe three words Spencer uses to short-circuit Internet cultureHoly shit it's Killer Antz album launch dayMusic rage bait, here fishy fishy fishiesThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 29 (twenty-nine!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through June 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch sold through the Shutdown Fullstore will be donated to the Transgender Resource Center of New MexicoShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Christian AshlockDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s other show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz (new album out now!)

It's still going and it's still three nil. Your prediction, your prediction about this cheap as hat trick is looking strong. It's all he does. It's all he does is score meaningless goals. That man, that man's entire career is just like a fart, just a fart in the breeze, man. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of, well, this is hurtful to serve. I don't mean it this way.

but a lot of like putting up numbers in the mid-a-a-a-fc east kind of oh look at look yeah but like i don't i don't want to discount what ricky did but i'll discount what like i'll discount with like chris chamberlain did sure sure okay randy mcmichael like i'll give you like that's an overachiever as evidenced by his time with the chargers i think it would be like putting up huge numbers in the AFC East, but losing the AFC East. Sure. Like, yeah. Still describing the dolphins.

When did they put up huge numbers? The Dolphs? The Dolphs? The early mid-Ots. Early mid-Ox. They put up huge numbers. So he is, so Ronaldo, who we're talking about is the wild cat dolphins.

You are talking about, I'm going to get, I'm going to get on everyone's ass here. That is Cristiano Ronaldo or CR7. That is not Ronaldo. Terry Henri. Terry Henri will correct you. say the real this is the most insulting fucking thing so accurate it's some it's when it's when terry henri only the most popular sport in the planet and a player who gets way too

much credit i don't care about the miami dolphins i don't yeah but terry on re said the real rinaldo so so this is christiano rinaldo he's just he's just a asshole yeah anyway so he's like putting up huge numbers at the time when the goat exists elsewhere doing superior things to what he's doing yes so he's like the wildcat dolphins. Yeah. Except they were actually cool. Yeah.

Like, that's, that's a good point. But they, like, they did beat the Patriots that one year. He did beat Messi, like once.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Then after that, it's just a long series of Davy Duckings. Right. Yeah. And the dolphins won some games that one time.

Just that time. And now they're just too old to exist, really. Yeah. They don't really move like they did when, uh, in the years gone by. It's because of what we've done to the seas.

How can we expect the dolphins to drive? Look what we've done. Yeah, the same sea that Portugal is on. Mm-hmm. Only C I see is Cristiano Ronaldo, who I give a C for his effort. Yeah, it's mid. It is what it is. It's mid-ass soccer player.

I have a controversial thing to say. Hmm. I think it's good that Rinaldo is not even close to his playing shape. Nope. That's not the Rinaldo I was talking about. Oh, you mean? I followed your rules. Oh, you mean Big Bubba.

You mean Big Bubba, you mean Uncle Ronnie. Yeah. I think it's, I think. Some other guy. Who's this other guy? Ronaldo. Brazilian soccer legend, Ronaldo. Okay, one of the one name guys.

Okay. I think it's good. I think it's fine that Ronaldo has like, quote unquote, let himself go. Because I think it is useful for us as regular people to understand like, yeah, athletes don't just like emerge from the rock that way. It requires incredible amounts of training and diet. Like, I think it is useful when, or on the other side, when you see, like, Joe Thomas or an offensive lineman retire, and then they're like, they're just, like, 75 pounds skinnier within two months. And they're like, yeah, man, I'm not eating 6,000 calories a day anymore.

I bought a bike. I think these are useful reminders that, like, the athletes that we see, even though they have bodies like ours, they don't really have bodies like ours. They're not built, like, it doesn't work that way. I mean, when you think, yeah. Well, like, it's honestly, it's reliable because you think back to the time in your life, whenever it was that you were in the best shape of your life, and then you think about what happened like a week after you stopped working out four times a day. Right.

And you were like, fuck, this is so much work. Just like, you don't ever get to keep it. It's usefully humanizing. In the same way, I'm glad that Gronk basically looks the same because I feel like gronk is the accepted, like, yeah, I don't, I don't, the best thing that any NFL player has ever done is when gronk scammed the bucks during covid work do you remember this story during covid workouts the bucks were and all teams they were everybody was doing offseason workouts remotely so basically the bucks were like all right you have to tape yourself doing these you know running the shuttle

or i don't know who the fuck knows and they were like tape yourself send it in and that way we can like keep track and make sure that you're doing your workouts what gronk did if memory serves he like let's say you have to do four workouts in a week. Gronk would get up on Monday. He'd go do a workout and then he would change into another outfit. And on Monday, just like shortly thereafter, he'd do the Tuesday workout. And he would do this, he would knock them all out on Monday in different outfits and then stagger sending them in so that the bucks were like, yeah, grog's doing all his workouts.

That's fucking great. But in fact, Grog was just fucking off for three days. because he could. And that's why he's a hero of labor. I would argue he did all four workouts. He did do all four workouts. It's not the way they want it. So what a what a fucking mutant.

It should count more than he did it on Monday. That's right. That's Garfield rules. Also what a fucking mutant that four NFL grade workouts, which I remind you, not light work. Yeah. Probably pretty nasty. Sure.

He did four. Got all my work. I work done on Monday, boss. Why should I have to come in? That strikes him as the easy way to do it, is to do the fucking labors of Gronk all at once. And then like, no, I could sit by the pool all the rest of the week. Yeah.

I don't smart at him. Did you? But I, like, I fully believe that Gronk's life and his diet and all that, I bet it's not that different from broadcaster, gronk to play or Gron. And I bet it'll be that way forever. Yeah, because Gronk will still be like, today's a day. I work out for 13 hours.

And then I don't and it's like dog, you're still working out two hours a day like all total. And then it's pizza day. Yeah. Right. You need pizza day to survive after working out for literally an entire day. You have not saved yourself any work. This is where, listen, this is where soccer was so ahead of the game because Diego Maradona was like, I'm going to work out so that I can do cocaine. Yeah.

And then I'm going to do cocaine so I can play soccer. And then I'm going to play soccer so I can buy more cocaine. and then the cycle starts again. Do you think golfers are mad at Tiger Woods? Because for years, golf was like, yep, eat whatever you want and smoke. And we're all, hey man, nobody's out here to look good. That's fine. I saw your tummy.

It's cool. We're having a good time. And then Tiger Woods comes along and he's like, Navy SEAL workout. Storve yourself. They're like, come on, man, you fucking ruin it. I mean, at first Tiger was like, what if, what if we acted like? acted like athletes who were playing a sport and they're like oh move the T's back he's this is unfair mom he's trying so we're just here to walk around man racism let's say some

racism at him that's and then he does all the Navy SEAL shit and then Bryson comes along and they're like all right that too far too far all right all right that guy's too much that guy's not fun he's doing it for YouTube that's different I want everybody remember there were people in professional galt who very seriously said you know tiger he's just not flexible enough he's got too much muscle that's there were guys who were like he's too like average fat asses like hmm his get off could he's too he's too stiff he can't read a defense yeah I can beat tiger off the dribble you'll see there were guys and he had a free throw there were guys in who were saying the same things that people said about Bob Devani and Nebraska when they started lifting paint cans in a barn,

saying like, I don't know, man, if you lift weights, probably just get real slow, probably just get real, you'll just be, you can't move, you can, you're not, you're not athletic. If you're not the strong character, you get to be the fast character. It's like, no, that's, that's the opposite of how reality works. Strong is fast. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, I mean, like, we all know that the strongest things on Earth are construction equipment, right? That's what's slow as hell. You know? Like it's not moving fast. Construction.

Turn it on a corner. Follows video game rules. That's right. Yeah. Plus, what if they can't swim? I can address this question. I mean, when they emerge from the rock. Sure.

Yeah. I'd be bad. I think that coyote's doing. What coyote? You get to tell them. Do I get to tell them? Mm-hmm. So this was last month, and I really thought,

that I would get a chance to work it into the show, and I don't think I ever did. But they found a coyote on, this sounds like some real J. Linner shit. Folks, did you hear about this coyote that they found on Alcatraz Island? They found a coyote on Alcatraz Island. Coyotes don't live on Alcatraz Island,

which means, dot, dot, dot, a lone coyote swam to Alcatraz in waters famed for thwarting prison escapes It's like, if you've ever done, this may startle some people. I used to do a little bit of open water swimming. Swimming a mile in open water is way, way different from swimming, from swimming a mile at a pool. This coyote, they think, swam from Angel Island, which is two miles away. What?

Okay. Yeah. I want to offer a couple alternative theories. Yeah. Number one, animorphs are real. Okay. Okay. Number two, somehow.

this island has become a hyper aggressive place of of Darwinism and of evolution. And single-celled organisms have evolved into coyotes or one coyote at an amazing and disturbing rate. Well, Ryan, I'm so glad you said that because there was a follow-up story to this. Let me pull up the San Francisco standard. Wiley Coyote who swam to Alcatraz gets quote much fatter on prison island diet Subhead officials are monitoring if the canine is preying on the island's seabirds You think?

Hmm This coyote basically swam to an animal crossing island that was full of fruit trees and otherwise uninhabited in coyote terms He swam to a goddamn buffet This is the Associated Press update in May He looked like a drowned rat when he ended up on the island. And when we saw him, he looks healthy and so beautiful. He looked like he'd been eating well.

Yeah. This puts in biology field notes, been eating good. He looks like he did all his workouts on Monday. I want to go back to one theory, by the way, the animorph theory. Ryan, I think if it is an animorph, this is perfectly in keeping from what I have heard of the life of single men in San Francisco. I didn't say about animorphs. Yeah.

The story, that too. The stories I get. I'm something of a scientist myself. If a woman from San Francisco was like, yeah, a dude ghosted me. And I asked what he was doing. And he said, oh, I turned into a coyote and I swam to Alcatraz. I would 100% believe it. That is, that is completely in keeping.

Sure. Hashtag degrony season. Like, how do we know? How do we know we haven't come up? with some sort of peptide that turns you in? I don't, listen, I read a mannimal's piece. I still don't really know what peptides are. I would read a whole other piece about the reporting of that piece.

100%. 100%. Do I know what peptides are? Still not real sure. Still not real. But like, I would buy that there is a peptide that, like, can turn you into a coyote. But maybe we don't. But here's the problem.

Then the coyote can't operate the peptide delivery mechanism to turn a itself back into human. I mean, it's Peptide, Ryan. Have we considered that it's in the ocean? Whoa. Roll pep-tide. All right. Somebody squat on.

That's just tied and Pepsi. Oh, somebody gets into it. That has to already. I used to drink that all the time. I was going to say we'll be beaten to this, but maybe not because nobody has set up the true jelly roll subreddit. I'm a little surprised. Give it time.

Maybe Reddit's suppressing it at the behest of the false jelly roll. The false jelly roll. Jelly roll, the impostore. Anyway. Yeah. Listen, if that coyote can swim to Akitraz and then put on a few pounds, Ronaldo can do the same thing. And we can celebrate both of them for their greatness and for basking in their accomplishments

when they don't need to be great anymore. I don't think he can move that far anymore. Yeah. I don't know if he can walk a mile in his current state. He's two bronze. He's too tall. Like an idol. He's a graven idol.

So I think. In discussions of these things that are attempting across the ocean, folks, and I tell you about something that won't float, that'll be Brendan Sorsby entering the NFL supplemental draft. That shit is high and dry as was slid across our desk just moments before we press record. The NFL sent a gigantic letter. Some NFL lawyer sent a large letter, and honestly, it's worth a whole thing's worth to read to the Sorsby.

industries about like, hey, man, listen, you apply to the supplemental draft, like right before the closing bell. And it says it says just three business days, as if they couldn't have figured this out if they'd wanted to, but I don't blame them for not wanting to. And they're like, you kind of just said you want to play in the NFL, but you didn't tell us anything about this whole, the NCAA found you ineligible thing. So we had to search public reporting on what had gone wrong and we discovered. And then like, the whole thing gets described in a way where it's like, yeah, this is as crazy. as it sounds like if you've been you know on college football internet for a month a you thought the whole thing was crazy and b you were kind of um desensitized to parts of it so when like an NFL lawyer the NCAA goes to court and and when they read out loud in court

how this thing's working you can just see judges going the fuck it's like you hear you see this nfl lawyer saying like okay so at three different universities you did this and this and this and then you uh sued the NCAA to try to become legal and then you uh you uh you uh sued the NCAA to try to become legal and then came running to us. When you put it like that, isn't it great when you put it like that? And it's like, it all boils down to like, yeah, you do Donald's gambling stuff and you can't come run into us. So just enter the regular draft.

And like, no, I don't think the NFL is morally concerned about whatever. But also they don't want to encourage players like, yeah, you could just bail on whatever and just come sprint to the NFL. I get it. Which they would if he were better. I think there is a, there is. is this scenario in which he is good enough that they that the three business days thing they don't lean on and they say all right we'll work with you send us this documentation or whatever um great there are also the NFL gets to play dumb where they get to be like well this is the first right yeah yeah that's the funnest part of it as the as if the NFL's lawyer hadn't had like what the fuck else are you doing in June other than having meetings about what do we do if this kid applies to the supplemental draft they knew all about him but they're having a post like to play dumb and also they get to be the adults in the

which, whoa. Yeah, and they are. That's the comedy of it. They are. That's weird. Like, this is the, this is. Muscle confusion. Cody Campbell world running into like old money, right?

Not morally correct money. Old money. Like running into, which, hey, this sounds like Texas Tech playing Texas. In a variety of sports. But like, it's just like, it's reading this whole thing is just comedy. Because like, at this point in hindsight, how else was this ever going to end? man um like like tech was going to try to burn it protect as a shorthand for cody campbell was going to burn every bridge it possibly could and then the nfl was going to say you keep that

shit down there man oh and they're still they're still going this is this is not we thought we were done we will never fucking escape this story uh because about five minutes before we hit record today i did see it flashed by on the timeline that uh the attorneys geoffrey castler yeah are saying that this violates the cba and i got to tell you all something. I'm not going to fucking read the CBA on a Tuesday afternoon to figure out what they mean. I'm just going to wait to find out how we are still fucking going to have to keep talking about this. I mean, keep it coming. I am the guy. I'll take all you got. Man, I hadn't thought about this. You know what? I just turned on a dime. I'm back in this story.

I'm back in. You know why? You have gone, they're about to go from confronting NCAA lawyers to confronting the NFL's lawyers. While also the same group of overall people confronting the Big 12's lawyers. And the Big 12's lawyers are also adults. Yeah. It's also like when this was about can Brendan Sorsby play college football, I understood it from the perspective of what he wants is valuable and high profile. Like the idea that you're going to be the starting quarterback for a team that people are picking to win its conference and go to the college football playoff and has a roster that they can maybe like theoretically make some noise and you're making a lot of money to do this.

Like I understood like, okay, the thing you are pulling for is super valuable and super shiny. But in this case, what Brendan Sorsby is going to, I guess, sue the NFL and the PA over is, hey, I want to make rookie money to be the third. quarterback for insert team here to Cleveland right right yeah yeah in our like we did we did a story on the site this morning where um I think it was Nick Baumgartner who's like who's gonna pick him and the words Browns or Jets appear in the pair of the pair of the bandus squad and I'm gonna take you to court if you don't let me the Browns have like four bad quarterbacks and you're going to be fifth man that it's it's it's but like now a lot of the luster when you're sort of like what what's say care and it's like

to not to be so anonymous on the Jets that they don't even print a jersey for you. What's funny about this letter is that, you know, it is the most lawyer kind of letter, which is to say that lawyers love to tell you that actually you're wrong and you're wrong in four different ways. It would have sufficed for the NFL to just put one reason, to just say like, it's up to us. We've decided we're not going to do it.

We'll see you in 2027. There are sub paragraphs here. You know what they all they did that nobody else has, done and I hate what this is starting to sound like coming from me because this sounds like I'm like rooting for the NFL which Jesus Christ no I just mean this is like I feel like I'm watching a video game battle and you have beaten the NCAA lawyers which anybody can do yeah and you know I mean the NCAA lawyers that's tutorial mode man but also the NFL is the first as far as I'm aware the first person or institution to say

any of this process, that playing in the NFL is a privilege. Yeah, that's the thing. They get to grandstand all they want because they're the first line of defense against the gambling player seeing the field. I do as a tardy American take offense with the, you filed this only three days before deadline. Bitch. That's early.

I filed it before the deadline. I mean, like, I stand with you completely on that. That's my favorite part of the letter though, where they say like, you didn't include any of the NCAA investigation material in there is funny in two different ways. A, the idea that the NFL is not talking to the NCAA about this. And they, they, you know, oh, I don't, I don't know. We're Mariah Carey giffing the NCAA investigators when, hey, if you subscribe to our Patreon, you can hear about how, um, this has gone in another direction before Terrell Pryor.

But B, it's completely believable that, Cody Campbell spent all this money. And for some reason, I completely buy the idea of him submitting a petition to the NFL for the supplemental draft. It's basically just a hand turkey. Yeah. Yeah. Like, okay. I believe that without question.

My guy wants in. And like at this point. And that usually works for him. At this point, I don't really know who is on the team of trying to get him into the NFL. Because like Campbell sees this shot down and he's like, oh, time to sue 8,000 people to get him back on Texas. Tex roster. Or time to find my next pony to back. I also like I am I find I find myself generally and I use this I really want to emphasize that it's

generally sympathetic to like the Kesslers and heightners of the world in that I think the decision of the decision to attack the NCAA structure as unjust and immoral and and illegal in the sense that players aren't bargaining for it is something that generally I am supportive of the tactics I don't always agree with the choices I don't always agree with but overall I tend to be on their side. The idea that like and now it's time to go after the NFL for the supplemental draft, again, the air just all goes out of, Mike, this is, there is nothing about the supplemental draft where I'm like, yes, a justice must be here. We have to make this right. This is where to do it. Yeah. Are you going to win? One exception to this. Okay. There is one, there is one, there is one

Colonel of Justice one drumbeat that we do get to keep banging for as long as this story goes. And I think it's important for everybody to hear and for everybody to internalize and for everybody to think about why this might be. He still never bet on a Scott Satterfield team to win. That's true. That's true. And neither will I. I see with my salmon for it. I won't bet on Cincinnati. Sounds like someone has no faith in Michigan 2026 men's basketball. I was saying about that earlier, how, like, NFL, do you even know this kid is currently being sued by his previous school? Like, Jason, if it's not the letter, how could they know? How could they possibly know?

Like, NFL lawyer is doing this, and I get it, it's effective, it's extremely effective, this playing dumb thing, it's great schick, it's great courtroom bit, it works fine. Also, did he have that bullet in the chamber of, like, kid, you're being sued by your previous school? Why don't you resolve all of this stuff before you apply? When I read this, I just saw the opener as Dear Late Paperwork Gambling Man, comma. Like, that's it. The entire thing is addressed to late paperwork gambling. If you would only apply yourself. Incomplete paperwork.

Like, technically the lateness perhaps could have been mitigated. Like, if he'd applied three weeks ago, perhaps the NFL could have said, can you send us documentation on this whole? you are currently the biggest story in non-NFL football because you're fighting to not be suspended for all your gambling just get a morsel a crumb of context here but with three days it's like oh thank god not our problem NFL's like world comes on dude I'm trying to watch world come on man this was sent from the hamptons I would love to see the postmark on wherever this is this is totally this is you're you're You're totally right that this is the most FedEx in Ibiza.

It is the most old money flex I've ever seen in my life, the NFL to basically be like, brah-law, I'm not answering this. I'm in Maine. I'm at Kenny Bungabong Fort. Ibitha was completely the wrong read there. We have been contacted by someone in Lubbock. What is that?

It does create this image of the NFL as like a big giant that right after the seventh round is concluded, lies down and it's like, and now I will sleep. Doesn't wake up until preseason. It's like, one more than what have I missed? Do you summon me for Princeton Sorsby? Who pronounces Texas?

Do you remember how Carl Urban pronounces Texas in the, in Thor Ragnarok? Texas. This is everybody reading this on the NFL's end. A letter from Houston? Texas. Somebody needs some supplementals, all right? Well, that's the welcome. That man's 20 minutes of cold up?

That man's throat. We tried to cold start that one, boys. Oh, damn. Do some more sound effects. All right. We'll try it again. No. No, no, no, no, no.

No. I had to get one off. You didn't get to redo it. Okay, Mr. NFL lawyer. I'm sorry, you're 27 minutes late for the intro. That was the intro. You're listening to the shutdown full cast. I'm Spencer Hall.

Thank you. I am joined, as always, by Jason Kirk. Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and Michael, server on the ones and twos. This is the summer of the World Cup, which I'm very happy about. But I need to go and let you know that there is a myth that we need to dispel. If you are a foreign tourist, if you are somebody who is touring the United States for the first time, enjoying your stay here, we hope you are, despite everything, which apparently people are. Everybody seems to be having a smashing time at the World Cup.

This is because people like to hang out, people like drinking, people like hanging around, people who are drinking just enough. They like people who give them food. That's a big thing. When they go, man, how's it all going to work? And my answer is always, people will give you food, and then you'll have a good time. That's it. Also, you'll see some stuff where you go, hey, that's different than where I live.

For instance, everyone who is in Kansas City got to learn about American severe Armageddon weather. Very entertaining to me that they're like, so you have a shelter for thunderstorms? Yes. Yeah, we do. How bad could it be? It's kind of like the air conditioning argument again.

Did you see the lightning map, the global lightning map where it's like lightning strikes? It's like where does lightning hit the hardest? It's like the Sahara and all of North America. It was like, why do they have so many lightning delays? It's like, well, we got that real ass lightning here. I went down kind of a meteorological rabbit hole. with this last night. We have, I guess this makes sense because college football, a surprising number

of actual meteorologists in the listenership, and a couple of them gave me just frankly a sarcastic amount of supplemental reading on this. But the easiest way to explain why we have all this weather in ways that Europe and Asia and Africa do not is the Americas lack an east-west mountain range to break up the collision of Arctic air and tropical air. And when they meet in the middle, they get fighty. So we need a belt? We don't have a belt on? Pretty much. Yeah.

Yeah, we need a belt. We've got the dry fit polo up top, and we have the just stretchy enough for church khakis on the bottom, and we got to keep them apart. What we need is a free kick wall. I guess we need a cummerbund. A cummerbund? Yeah. A cinch?

It's more of a sash. can we build wait can we build that mountain you know what my opponent doesn't want us this is one of the new WPA yeah my opponent doesn't want us to build that mountain can we call it lightning mountain

the lightning rain thunder range the lightning range with Mount Thunder oh I could get elected on this that's awesome right Kansas isn't doing shit we need

we need to yeah we need to build the mountains A little perpendicular add-on. It's America's extended cab. That's what we're doing here. Wow. Who doesn't want the extended cab?

We're a big country. We need a big truck. It's time to make this country ram tough. Put a cummins in this bitch. For too long, the great planes have been a Toyota Tursel. But if you watch. Wait a second. When you drive a Toyota?

because you're America. Yeah. It's time. It's time to do this shit. We need to do it. You can rearrange Ramstrong to say storm rang. That's good. Or Storm narg, but that's not as good.

Yeah, my opponent doesn't want us to have this. My opponent doesn't want us to be great. My opponent wants Kansas to be flat. Like you remember for a while ago there was that thing about like, what if we built a river across the United States, east to west? This is just that but mountain. Yeah, where are we going to get the dirt? My uncle, he knows the guy.

I think it works if your promise is to, well, it's tough. Are people going to want to get the mountain? Are they going to want their opponents to be buried beneath the mountain? Because you can't just go around, like, you have to be specific on where the mountain's going to go. So you have to lie to everyone about where it'll be. I got, man, I was already 100% on board with this. And after you just, you just said the magic words. bury your opponents beneath the mountain and all right i'm looking at i'm looking at bordering states

that would want to be separated by our mountain range that spans the entire east west we're naming this after you for a reason does kansas way nice does kansas want to be separated from nebraska or oklahoma for instance i mean Missouri that's the problem can we do a little dogleg there you think like a you kind of bonus bonus range bonus range yeah we need a massive i think seeing as kansas is the state most known for tornadoes just build a wall a mountain all around it literally the truck stop at this like what if we build like the QT of America just like right there and that way we can just put walls all about Kansas I think yeah I think this will work I think northern mostly I think we got to biceck some

states northern California in southern California it's time we're driving them out is already they got plenty mountains over there yep Illinois you don't need a north you don't need to all be one state. Mount range comes straight through you for sure. Pennsylvania. Illinois needs something, man. Same shit. Yeah. I think the solution is mountain across the top of North Dakota.

Mountain across Canada? I mean, they got a lot of them. Okay. They got room. So, but now we're putting the mountain in the Great Lakes? You know, we're going to put the mountain over the Great Lakes. It's going to hover. It's got an arch.

No, it doesn't need to cover the lake. entire border. We'll just make that great grottoes. We'll have grottoes underneath for activities. Our biggest wind weakness is that huge flat area. So we don't need continuous chain of mountain from coast to coast. Not really. Well, now I'm out.

Now I'm out. Now I'm not voting for Spencer. If we're not building mega mountain. Okay. How about mountain across all of Panama? There. Full continent covered by mountain. That's the least amount of work I can give you while still fulfilling the

the work order. What if we turned the Gulf of Mexico into a mountain instead? I don't think that accomplishes anything. I think we need to turn the Gulf of Mexico into a huge heat exchanger. So we're going to dig the asteroid that killed dinosaurs out of the Gulf of Mexico

and then drop it back in and see what happens. Right, right. And the dinosaurs will come back. I think, hey, we pull it out, dinosaurs come back. We'll be a family again. Man, there are people in the Chinese government who are listening to this and they're like, yeah, man.

is awesome. I think a lot about whoever's been assigned to surveil this podcast for the CIA. Because like the assumption is asteroid hits water, then boom, there's a huge cloud and the dinosaurs all suffocate and whatever. No, no, no, actually it turns out the asteroid is like, it holds the essences of the dinosaurs within it. We must free them. That's right. It's got the cork on the bottle. Ryan, that's the peptides. They all the Jurassic peptides are in there. Jurassic peptides back. It just moisturized them. They're just like, damn, T-Rex, you're looking silky. Looking good.

The more ashy T-Rex. We're bringing back T-Rex, folks. That's it. Again, America needs ambitions. Our opponent doesn't want us to bring the T-Rex back. Oh, our mountain stretching coast to coast will be populated with dinosaurs, to be clear. Yeah. Because where else would they go?

Yeah, because otherwise, we got to put them in the cloud. We got to put it in the cloud, folks. You don't want to talk about the World Cup. Speaking of grand national projects, I did want to get to the point that Jason had made earlier this week. And I thought it was an interesting one, that there are a number of misamperhitchens about Americans that have been disposed. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So this came about because, like, the tourists discovering America in mass thing has been cool and wonderful and great, and like seeing people come together from all over is like as always once again and forever the single biggest antidote to the things that we are lied to about ourselves and about each other we all love the same stuff and america has a lot of cool stuff no matter how much america sucks um it's still great to be here and uh the you know the things the things that are cool are going to outlast the things that are uncool so like seeing people discover our various low-class institutions has been wonderful and fall in love with all of our unhealthy, loud stuff that is, you know, basically the same as all there. One of the chief themes of this, by the way, is that they're like, man, what an irresponsible way to live. This is awesome. Yeah.

And I mean, you know, I think to some extent that's like, you know, this class of person is everywhere. It's universal. It's nothing that we have like more of. We're just kind of don't know to be embarrassed about a lot of it. do we do have more of and and maybe more than some places but not more than others i didn't mean proportionally i meant it's it's it's kind of the same thing that you run into when discussing the it just to pull up another european versus american trope that gets hashed up a lot online you're like oh americans have never been to another country bitch you can drive from france to germany

for lunch it's we do have more of these people because it's a volume it's a volume it's a volume play. We have more of these by volume because this country is large and there's a lot of people. Like there's a ton of discussions that take place in the America versus Europe sphere that don't account for the fact that this country is just fucking big. It sounds like I'm oversimplifying, but there's just, it does just mean more. Yeah. I mean, that's a big factor. And like, Europe itself has a lot of these, we're so much better than America in cultural ways. hangups that they're wrong about. And I think a lot of other countries are less likely to put on airs in that way. I think it's what I'm referring to when I say this class person is universal and

worldwide. But a number of the institutions that are getting the spotlight include like, you know, Buckees and Waffle House and so forth. And that, the last one, was the one that brought up something for me, which is for a number of years online, it's been a meme that like if you go to Waffle House, you're going to get in a fight. There's going to be fights, fights, fights, fights. that Waffle House knows how to fight. And like, I get it. It's funny. We've probably referred to it at some point on here.

I don't know. Probably in eight years ago, we probably talked about there's some videos of my throwing a chair at Waffle House. Whatever, I get it. But like, it's such a weirdly pervasive meme. Like, first of all, anybody who's ever actually been to a Waffle House, there's a very low percentage chance that you actually saw a fight. I have been to Waffle House hundreds of times.

Urban, suburban, everywhere, all across the South. I have never seen if I have taken part of, with a, me and my dumb ass buddies in high school, we had like this dude who was like dropping out of the CIA who was just hung out with us, he'd show up drunk and we would like cook up schemes to go steal paintings from art galleries that we never actually saw through, but I'm pretty convinced we could have, right?

I've seen a dude making his own chain mail armor from scratch head to toe over the course of a month while sitting at a Waffle House, but I've never seen a fight, right? And when I say that, I know someone is gonna reply oh well you haven't been to my part of the country because we're real crazy around here like dog do you know where the fuck i'm from i promise we have as many crazy people as you do i have seen fights at fucking gas stations i've seen fights in church i've been in a fight at church like i'm gonna

talk about like it is it is not so like something we're oh you you got to beaver in this part of florida that's where the crazy people no crazy people everywhere crazy people everywhere and everything that is open until 3 a.m. is the same as everywhere else that is open to 3 a.m. a fight at 3 a.m. The Waffle Houseness has nothing to do. Everyone at Waffle House is actually really nice. At least chill. Doesn't want problems.

Doesn't want drama. Doesn't want fucked with. If you start some shit, somebody will say like, hey, man, calm down. Why don't you go outside? That's as violent as it's going to get, man. I think there is one reason why Waffle House gets this reputation. It has nothing to do with the clientele and it has nothing to do. Everything you're saying is 100% right.

But by accident. Waffle House has created an incredible filming environment for fracuses and fights. Much more so, like think about, take Cracker Barrel, for instance. Okay, if there's a fight in a Cracker Barrel, Cracker Barrel much more dimly lit, kitchen is completely separated, so staff is not getting involved in the same way. And the restaurant is broken up. There's the little fake walls in between. It's all separated.

So you're not necessarily going to have it. But the Waffle House is communal. It's all for every, like, is all visible at all times. Even the walls of the Waffle House are like, they're all windows. Cracker Barrel, it's a completely different thing. Like, shutters on the wind, you know, not. And I think that is probably why, or at least part of why Waffle House has developed this reputation, because if you are in a Waffle House where something happens, as they happen to all kinds of places,

the circumstances land themselves. Yes, and they lend themselves more to like, phone out, get in a video of this immediately. And you don't get that opportunity in other casual dining establishments. I will completely agree that a Waffle House is laid out more like a Tekken board than those restaurants are.

That is undeniable. There is a clear stretch of land. Two people could battle over it. Sure. And there is a lot going on in the background. There's level. There's actually the street fighter two, the people in Las Vegas betting on the fight,

you could absolutely have all that background scenery and participation and so forth. I get it. To me, the meme, the reason it bothers me, really, is like, it feels like so, ah, ha, ha, that's where poor people hang out. That's where people of color hang out late at night in big cities down south, where everyone down south is dumb and poor, and all they do is fight and scrap. Like, it is so, like, safari, the meme that everyone goes there to fight all day,

and it's so lawless. And, like, first of all, it's a complete opposite of the environment at almost literally any you go there and spare me the little jokey retort about will not here no yes there too um i just i just really it really bristles me and for whatever reason um seeing it talked about during the world cup sort of brought it home for me wow this really bothers me so much that like that notion that um you know a certain gathering place that i have always found to be wonderful and reverent is actually um this that you know just this brawl all the time um because it's a place where it's a place where it's people who aren't like most posters hang out, I guess.

I've seen several fights at Walfa House as well. Just recuse myself from that part. But I will say this. I mean, I'm not saying they don't happen. It's not the place where I've seen the most fights. Well, now I have to ask. Where is the place where you've seen the most fights? The place where I have seen the most fights is at my first job in Atlanta, which

was working at not Einstein's bagels, but Einstein's, which was part of this like sort of gay-owned super LGBTQ friendly consortium of restaurants in Midtown Atlanta. And you would think that's not the place where you would see fights. Bullshit. Oh my God. I saw, I saw some shops get wrecked. I saw R. Mader D like the guy head of house. I looked out one night and he was beating a dude unconscious in the street. Like, hold on, I got to take care of this. I'm like, okay, cool. I don't know what this is, but I'm going to go file these dishes back here, right?

So just go dump the dishes, right? Come back out. And he's just tuning a dude up in the middle of Juniper. Just like, I mean, cars going around him, not honking. That's how you know that everyone was familiar with this because they're like, oh, yeah, you know, sometimes you got to tune a dude up in the middle of a street in downtown Atlanta. That was the place I saw the most fights. When I was working there, I saw four different fights.

And they were all, by the way, bangers. I do not mean one hit or quitters. I do not mean like kind of two dudes who can't fight Bridget Jones Diary kind of fight style thing. No, I mean hauling ass. I mean doing work. Like I saw it was the only place I've ever seen someone get hit in the face, like square on like, bam. And you know how in a UFC fight? You'll see that.

And the guy kind of goes, oh yeah, yeah, all right. Now it's time. Now I'm awake. That's the only time in real life. I've seen someone get hit full flush in the face and charge up and go, oh, okay, we're good. Now I'm ready. Let's go. Yeah.

I thought we were fighting, but we fight and fighting. Like, it's, yeah, yeah. That's the only place I've seen a fight. I've never been in one and I'm not aware of one, but I think it would be really fun to get into a fight at an IKEA. I think all the fights on IKEA that take place are internal. Emotional, 100%. But, like, thinking about it from a just like the space available to you and the number of things like, listen, is a Billy Book case technically breakaway material like made for stage fighting? No, but it's pretty close.

Like a lot of the IKEA shit, you could throw somebody. There's a movie that does this. Like the concluding fight of Mr. and Mrs. Smith basically takes place not in an IKEA, but in what's pretty clearly an IKEA derivative. Oh, that's right. I forgot about it. Like, fight in an IKEA. what backrooms is about. That's the first thing I've heard that makes me think, like, oh, I should see backrooms.

It is a great movie for anyone who, like, loses stuff, who, like, you walk around your house and you're like, oh, shit, that's where my pile of fucked up chairs is. All right, that's where I put that guy. Listen, if you're going to knock my ass out, and if I'm in a fight, by the way, I'm losing. If you're going to do that, what better ending to the. fight then to be K-Oed and wake up on a delightful and reasonably priced mattress. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got to be like, man, somebody knocked me out. Damn, this thing's comfy. I just like that you could run from section to section and next thing, you know, bam, I'm whipping cheap picture frames at you. Bam, I've got light bulbs and throwing at you one by one.

And, uh-oh, now we're in this. I just think it'd be fun. That's a little plaque up when you're done. Here's how I beat your ass in 400 square feet. Yeah. Yeah, I fully, I hope everyone who goes to Waffle House has a lovely time. And if you want to see a fight, I hope you see a fight. And nobody gets hurt in the course of that fight.

It's another layer of the jelly roll thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It reminds me so much of the way people talk about jailroll. Well, they do the, like, this is music for a certain kind of poor person thing. Like, there's already music for those people. Why are you slandering those people by saying they listen to jelly roll? Like, it's music for people who want to.

It's music for LARPERS. Yeah, I've seen it described as like the J.D. Vance thing. It's a rich guy's idea of what a poor guy is. And to me, that is like whenever anyone does the, this is music for a guy at divorce court, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Like, okay, you're talking about now a rich person's idea of what poor people listen to. I don't know who jelly roll fans are. I'm sure it's a range of people like anything else. But for me, it all feels like punching down. It's music. It's music for people who like mozzarella sticks with their taco bell. I think the thing is our jelly roll, clearly for everyone.

But the false telly roll is who I'm afraid to. Surma, I think you're describing Jack in the Box customers. Hell no, I never touched Jack in the Box. That sneaky some bitch will come out when you least expect him. However, when I was in the box, I had a friend named Jack. I was Jack. They don't let you Jack in the box. There I was in the box.

You get extra time for that. I was in the box. 35 days for jack in the box. That's what they told me. Without knowing anything about him still, never having heard his voice or any of his songs or him speak, I do feel like Jelly Roll is one of those guys who can be absolutely bowled over by like a scarecrow.

Sure. Yeah, like, oh, he is scary. Brother. Like, I do feel like, if you popped a balloon near him, I don't think it would go well. I think he likes surprises. There is the thing where you go, okay, it's punching down. However, if I cite any of this from personal experience, because I saw it, you know,

that would be like the jelly roll thing as I, when you go, this is like family court music, right? I need some place to silo all this. I need some place to silo if you follow murder, Brian, on any of the social media platforms. All the brines I know are murder brines. who does the guy's podcast. He does a very good job of describing and siloing all of these. It may sound sometimes like he's just reading comments from Reddit, and he is. But he's also a genius because he's very good at pinholeing a specific type of dude. Like a specific, hey man, what's your deal kind of going on? He's very good at making you say, oh, that kind of guy,

right? That dude. And I feel like there's a jelly roll dude. And maybe the jelly roll dude really has been through some shit in his life. To me, the jelly roll dude that I would like to make fun of is this guy. The one who's like, yeah, man. I think the distinction is this. It's for people who want other people to know slash think that they've been through some shit in their life. When, when you've really been through some shit in your life, you know ain't shit ain't funny about that. To be clear, I have no idea what this dude even sings about.

So I have no, absolutely no clue. Trucks! Okay, got you there. And the thing is also, I don't believe that any of the people who have come up with this. taxonomy have any idea themselves i think they just look at this guy and they're like it looks nasty therefore nasty people like him i think it would be i think for me it would be this i'm looking for the guy who's like yeah man i've been through some shit you're like what'd you do like what you've been through he's like yeah yeah so i went through a divorce and you're like oh yeah divorce was hard

man what's up what would cause that he's like yeah i was having sex with like 19 20 25 30 different women outside of my marriage yes thank you i was gambling away you know so It's people who have been some shit that they've totally brought upon themselves. Like where you go, hey, listen, you got my sympathies for the general human condition and the beast inside that rages and does not sleep at 3 a.m. However, brother. This is music for the well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my action set. Yeah, when you put on your pro wrestling music, that's like, hey, this song speaks to my pain. It's like, my pain.

I mean. I mean, yeah, that's true. But what was the source of that pain? you're like yeah i was doing meth and flying commercial flights for a living and uh didn't go real well hul kogan i hear voices just like the viper there's so much music for those people i guess is my point yeah there's so much music for and by those people yeah like so many the best musicians grew up poor and made like horrific mistakes between age like 16 and 29 right that is oftentimes the thing that drives somebody to art and music is yes are that

those kind of decisions. I swear I'm not trying to do a unified theory here, but the Waffle House thing is also a math problem. It is also an America's math problem. And, okay, listen, I'm going to say the words the Atlanta child murders, and y'all just have to go with me because I swear I'm not trying to do. I'm not trying to do a bit. Okay.

All right. The Atlanta child murders are talked about a lot of times in this part of the country. as the dividing line between your parents let you ride bikes outside 18 hours a day and your parents did not. And what you're looking at there is a math problem. Crime is down in this country, right? Murder rates are down in this country. Violent crime is down in this country. And what has changed over the past few decades is our ability to act.

access the news. You would not have heard about kids in Montana, you know, getting, getting kidnapped, about, about, you know, a toddler in Buffalo who got hit by a truck. I'm not saying these things don't matter. Don't yell at me. But when you hear about these things on first on 24-hour cable news, thank you, Ted, and then later on the internet and now beam to your phone every day, when you hear about every crime, across a vast country that I really don't think you can get this is another one of my hobby horses that I will not hop up on but I do not think you can understand truly the scope and scale of this country until you drive across it several times but you hear about all these it you hear about say Waffle House fights happening out of how many Waffle House fights happening out of how many cities in how many states in the country but you're hearing about all of them in your phone and that gives them a sense of immediacy right it puts it right here in front of you and it makes it feel like it's not all happening to you necessarily but where you are and when in fact you're just looking at you're looking at incredibly concentrated sample of a huge pool of data and i recognize that i am on the shutdown forecast saying think about all the

waffle house fights that don't happen but yeah this is this is this is this is america is a math problem america is a huge math problem and And when deciding what is or is not common or everyday happenings here, a lot of people, even people who've lived here their entire lives, even people whose job it is to tell people better, don't have a sense of scale. They're doing, you know, they're doing the math wrong. Can I take that a little bit further? Oh, maybe?

Yeah. So I think the other phenomenon that this is reflected in is, the concept of Florida man. Yeah. Correct. But that has also swung in an interesting way in the last, I don't know, five or 10 years where I feel like we have, for a long time, especially online, it was like, Florida man was the character.

What is Florida man up to now? What alligator rassland smuggling activity has Florida man got himself into? But it was very much confined to Florida. That sort of pulled a little bit. You were like, hmm, Arizona's got some Florida man. Oh, Ohio's got some Florida. Indiana's got some Florida. And I think that's heartwarming, frankly.

But I think in the last five or ten years, we have come to this kind of silent agreement, but somewhat chilling agreement, that it's all Florida. Yeah. The entire United States is what I'm saying. And I'll take it 10,000 steps further because everywhere is Florida. That is my entire thesis. I'm not sure that Vatican City is Florida. That's the one place on Florida.

first of all and they tried to conquer the fucking world. It might be Disney. We got a bunch of gold shit. Let's spray it on everything in sight. That guy's got a huge hat. He must be the best guy. That's Florida. Listen, there was a Pope beaten to death on the steps for fucking someone's wife. Yeah, let's dig up

a fucking dead guy and put him on trial. Everywhere is Italy. Sure. Yeah. I mean, honestly I would argue everywhere has always been Florida. I'm going to be the one person here is just like, no, Florida. is a worst place and it's filled with dumber people. That just sounds-

filled with stupider people with worse incentive. I do. No, I stand on that shit. I will stand on that shit till the day I fuck and die. It's a dumber place. The people are worse and they have worse incentives. But I think there is a fair tension to draw here

where I think everyone is right, where everywhere is Florida, but also Florida is different. Like, I think that's one of the challenges of being a human in the world, is trying to recognize, like, how am I alike and different from everyone else? How is everybody else alike and different from everyone?

It's a really complicated thing to do, but I agree. I think the general thing we're maybe working towards here is reducing things down to simple answers on either side does not actually help you understand the truth any better. I think my thing is I will always, no matter the context, argue people are like 90% the same, maybe more. And that goes if we're talking about like people from various classes of countries coming here and realizing like, oh shit, we all like music and food and sports, just as expected.

Or if it's this college football fan base is so different from that college football fan base. Guess what? No, they're not. Like, okay, maybe this one, it's more of an engineering school. That one's more of an ag school. And so they're like different in these five ways. Otherwise, they're the same fucking people, right? This, you know, the more you look at different groups of people across the country, more you realize, like,

Y'all are mostly the same. You have different terminology, but mostly the same. And I will always err on that side is where I will always come down. It's my favorite game day poster, the one with the outline of Alabama and the outline of Mississippi next to each other. And it says your state's backwards. And it doesn't actually specify on the sign which state they're talking about. What if we did that but replace one of them with New York?

Yes. Because that's what I'm saying. Parts of upstate New York are nodding real hard. It's also tough. I mean, my unifying theory is that everywhere is Kentucky, but that's a different book. That works, too. But that requires, I think, people to have a common understanding of Kentucky. And I'm not even sure we have that.

That's why that's the second book. I think it works even better that way because I'm like, everywhere is mysterious. There we go. Because we're all the same, I'm going to do my best Mac Brown invitation. I'm going to leave right now. Bye, y'all. God, just always. Look at him.

Take it off. Just practice for when he leaves this later. Oh, he's gone. Shit. Just getting out of here. Just go leave. like you always do. Bye.

Good God. The other World Cup thing I think is extremely funny is that we have positive reports on everybody. Germans love Texas, which they always have. Go look at their courthouses. It's the Koreans in Mexico that are doing it for me, man. Koreans in Mexico, brothers forever, right? It's so pure. It is super pure.

I enjoy the street celebrations from those, though, because those are spontaneous. Do you know what I love about that particular one? It's, you see, I talked about this a little bit earlier, but you see all these Korean fans online going like, man, I'm in Mexico right now and I don't ever want to go home. And then you see the Mexicans and the Fred's replying like, yeah, man, I've been looking at Korea. And if I was in Korea, I wouldn't want to leave. And I feel like this is equally true on both sides. Like that feels like a perfect, I cannot explain it. I cannot do the math on it.

That feels like a perfect cultural exchange to me. It is. It is when there's a perfectly equal number of people who want to leave and go. Just have an exchange program. Come up with a World Cup visa. After you go there for the World Cup, you got a year. Go back and forth freely. And then after that, you can look at other conventional means of either emigrating or heading over.

But yeah. Speaking of exchange programs, I, based on childhood travelers, folks, it's not looking good for my Swedes. It's not looking good for my secondary rooting interest based on my time as a Swedish exchange student. What's happening? They're not good. They're not good.

They're not good to soccer. They're not. Everyone's fallen in love with Norway's uniforms and the Dutch have that stupid orange and, my poor Swedes. Well, this is what Sweden gets for having a conscience about Nordic pillaging. That's it. Zlatan looks fucking hot on TV and he's cool as shit. Yeah, I think he is sort of the, you don't get to be cool at everything, you know.

It's like you got him like dunking on Lawless to the point where Lawless just leaves TV and then... Yeah, we know, we know, don't yell at us. He had to go to Portland. We know, whatever. He was crying in the car. He was crying in the car on the way there. Yeah. Send me to Portland. I hate him, I hate him. I hate him. Get him away from the handsome man.

It's absolutely what's. Man, this was so fun to watch because the lawless thing is broken contained, by the way. I've had two major core breaches happen in the last like 48 hours, which the first was my extremely non-sporty primary group chat. Like most of my friends in the real world do not do sports for a living or otherwise. And I think on like last Thursday, they were like, what the fuck? going on with this American guy on Fox and over the weekend an even greater wall fell as my parents were like hey what's happening with this guy on Fox and it's it's broken through to the Normies it's so beautiful and it's also it's just a

better resolution than we could have than we could have ever hoped for for this situation because we just we can roll into podcast business if we didn't worry about offending too many people Spencer and I just finished writing about this it went up this morning. But it was something we didn't really work out until yesterday, kind of in our heads, that all of Alexi's lanes are closed off to him now. You know, he, his playing days are done, obviously, which happens to us all. He is on the outs as a U.S. men's national team insider. After all that nonsense with will they or won't they fire their coach, no, they will not. And now he is out in the cold. And he's not a good analyst. So he's being out

in the studio by his own desk. But now, thanks to the presence of Zlatan, he's not even the good heel on the show. There's nowhere for him to go. Yeah, he also, he's next to Zlatan. Let me go ahead. Jason, how familiar you with Slathan Ibrahimovich? I mean, I know his bit.

Slatown is a fucking lot. What do you think his bit is? I want to be clear on this. He loves himself a lot, and he is highly confident in his ability at anything and everything. That is correct. That is correct. Yeah, that's pretty good situation. He is referred to himself in the third person to the extreme that he once was like,

hey, man, he was answering a question. He goes, you'll have to ask God. And the reporter was like, I have to ask God. And he goes, yes, you're standing right next to him. Yeah, that's, Zlatan is everything you want in a caricature of a soccer player. He is the guy who refers to himself in the third person. He is the guy who has an enormous portrait of his own feet. at the opening like in the foyer of his mansion and when asked why he will be like that is how i make my money

that's those feet bought this mansion right he is at one time zlatan got uh transferred uh he got loaned he had to like leave his apartment much at the time i believe was in stockholm so he had to jet he had to go and um at the time in his own autobiography which i highly recommend i am slatang because the ghost writer on that stuck his broke his whole foot off in that. Like put his whole ass into that. It is a great book. It is. It also does not dispel any of the myths that I am talking about here. There is no reading I am Zlatan and going, ah, you know what? What a different, more thoughtful person than I thought. Nope, nope. It's like 180 pages up. You know who rocks? Zlatan. Zlatan is very good. Um, as Latan had got transferred and he was playing call the duty

because in the autobiography he talks about- Like if Wario got swole. Right. Like, while Luigi with an amazing, like, if Wario got his macros under control. Right. CrossFit Wario, I think is a good way. Yeah, Waloichi's a completely different energy. He's not Luigi. Yeah. I think we can all agree on that.

He got transferred and he was playing Call of Duty and he just, like, dropped the game and left. And he didn't get back to his apartment until like, I want to say like a month later, maybe six weeks later. He got back. He left his fucking TV on. He left the PlayStation on. Like, it's just sitting there on for, for like a month straight. That's Laton. Zlatan is like, Zlatan asked for a Ferrari when he wanted to be signed,

and he got a Ferrari because he explained, a Ferrari needs a Ferrari. And by signing Zlatan, you now have one. Yeah. And Lawless can't compete with that. No. He can't compete with that at all. No. You know?

And, you know, there was the, I'm sure that what they had planned, and I do not think Fox did this on purpose, no matter what they would not have. They are so stingy with their market share. They do not license. Fox doesn't license clips to other networks until, I think the rules this year are the clips can't be longer than two minutes. And not only can other networks not show clips of the World Cup while the game is going on on Fox,

they cannot air those clips until Fox's own post-game coverage is over. So I do not for one second believe that Fox intentionally placed this powder kit. around like what had been their, you know, their reliable show pony talent. But I think kind of what everybody thought going into this was, Spencer Heat Check me here was, oh, Rebecca's going to steer, Rebecca Lowe's going to steer and kind of keep things together. Alexi will orate from the middle,

and then we're putting Tierraun and Zlatan in there to fight. And no, what you have instead is a block. awesome beautiful friendship between the other three who have like such legitimate chemistry that I swear if whoever is running the 2028 Olympics doesn't pluck up Rebecca, Terry and Zlatan, and just there's your soccer show right there. You're done. Your work for 2028 is done. They have developed, they have been forged in a crucible of hating the shit out of this man. Yeah. And like the thing that I did not, the biggest surprise for me, this entire World Cup has not been. on the field, well, the possible exception of my beloved Cabo Verde Blue Sharks. It has been Tyrion Rie and Zlatan becoming besties. Like, performative Instagram besties. Yeah. The dudes.

Like bonded by showing how much they do not like the other guy. Correct. It's also, like, yeah, they get along, but also they are emphasizing how well they get along. Yeah, like they were supposed. to be the grumpy dog cool cat pairing. And no, no, it's all cats united against one dog. There's a thing that's happening here, too, that Lullis was a player in Europe for a Sariatin. He did that.

deserves respect for that. This much respect. I'm holding my fingers. Yeah, I was going to say, no, no. No, no. I mean, like, as an, like, you did it, right? Then, sure. Yeah.

Back then. Then is doing a lot of work. And on the other hand, you have these two guys who are at the desk who are incredible. Like you have these two guys who like as players were another level. They're my two favorite barso strikers and it's not even close. It's they're, yeah, they're nuts, right? And at multiple levels and at multiple teams, right? Particularly with Salaton because Salatan being God, God has dominion overall teams.

Yeah, he played everywhere. Thierry played like, Henri played like Arsenal, Barcelona and then like in New York, right? Right. Yeah. Like classic. One other place. Yeah, like classic onry is Arsenal. Right. Yeah, yeah. He went Arsenal, bar so then like back to Arsenal. Yeah. It seems like, yeah. I think he retired. Do you retire with Arsenal? I don't know. I don't know. I remember he went to New York. He went to that he was like one of those guys that went to the MLS because he was getting paid big time. Yeah. You get paid big time. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. But those two are just another tier. This is, by the way, I can steer this back to college football and want to for a reason. Because look at game day. If you want to see, everybody needs a lane in terms of how you work on TV, right? And I know this because I'm bad at TV, but I've done it. And I know what being bad at TV is.

And when it does, it doesn't work. And everyone needs a lane. Who said you're bad at TV? The market. Okay, dude. But if you look at... Fuck them. That's right.

Capitalism's wrong. Citation needed, but okay. But if you look at it, like, everybody needs a lane, you know? And there are times I know on game day where if it comes down to a point of discussion, there's Nick Saban. Who's the greatest coach of all time sitting there like he's a normal person. It's just weird. Still weird to me, right? That you're like, I have an opinion about football.

Maybe I could ask the greatest coach of all time next to me. What's up, dude? And then there's Desmond Howard, who's a Heisman trophy winner, just sitting there. And you go, well, in terms of cred, I'm kind of out. So what's my lane, right? You have Pat McAfee, and I don't know what Pat McAfee does. He speaks static, and he's very enthusiastic. There's a lot of people who just want this invitation of a sporting experience.

I get that. They just want somebody who's just excited. It's just excited. That's what, that's all he is, right? you have consummate professional professional Reese and then you have Kirk and I think Kirk is like in a

Lawless has no lanes Kirk still has a lane I'm just increasingly unclear on what it is and I think he knows that like I think like you've seen him become crankier over the years Is that Like he thinks he's his job is grumpy man

But he's not a curmudgeon Like you have to have some sort of Like the curmudgeon I think his curmudgeon lane Is being taken by the coach next to him. Yeah, he could be a curmudgeon with frosted tips. They're grumpy about different stuff though.

Yeah, but like, usually, usually. What do you have to be, what do you have to be to be a successful curmudgeon? You have to have some humor and some charisma and you have to be willing to be the butt of the joke, right, from time to time. That's what a good curmudgeon needs, right? They need to be kind of, and they need to be frankly a little like so curmudgeonly and so about their takes that they seem a little insane and they know it's a little crazy, right? Roy Keene, Roy Keene, hey, server, do you watch, do you watch Roy Keene's podcast or listeners

podcast? I've been seeing some clips from it lately. Yes. Okay. Roy Keene, perfect example. Roy Keene is a dick, okay? He is an absolute dick, but you have to know this about Roy Keen. He knows that. Right? He knows that and he'll say things like, like, he'll bring up a 30-year-old breakup that affected Gary Lineker's career and he'll be like, oh, come on, come on, that was, you being a bit of a baby. He's like, it was a seven-year relationship. That was my whole life. And I just, destroyed it. I had a life outside soccer. And Keane's like, you had a life outside soccer loser.

Like that's he's he's open about that. I feel like Kirk is kind of in a weird lane where he's grimudgeonly without the charm. Right. And without the sort of real zest for it. And increasingly like his lanes are being hemmed off. Right. Like other people are sort of encroaching on what he thinks is his territory. And the people doing it, he can't push back on.

Kirk Herb Street can't really push back on Nick Sabin. Like that's not how it works. I am mostly not going to argue that Kirk Herb Street is like enjoyable TV or for me in any. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do see like him attempting to move toward not just like, I mean, Saban, from that perspective, I think you're right. I think he is great at the crank roll because he is willing to be the butt of the joke, for one thing. And he has the credibility to complain about most of the things he complains about. Not the Congress stuff, blah, blah, blah.

Whereas Herb Street, I think, you know, for a long time he's moving toward like I'm the spokesperson. of the sport, voice of the sport, basically the commissioner. That's what he's going for. And that's weird. John Madden without swag. You know what I mean? Yeah, and like Madden wouldn't, I don't, I can't speak for a dead Minnesotan. But we're talking about spoke people of two different things and people with their own style.

Like Madden's idea of spokesman is like, this is awesome. That's his whole take. You want to talk about boundless enthusiasm, right? like he was an enthusiast and I will state that like this one thing Pat McAfee's good at he's very good at being enthusiastic right Madden had the know-how behind that and he had the enthusiasm and at times a willingness to be like I don't care about that not not something that's in my purview and I don't know if herbst I don't think Herbstre has that no no I'm not talking about what he's good at I'm only talking about what he's going for yeah Yeah, if that's what he's going for, I don't think he's hitting it. Just my, my two cents as a trained media observer and participant. I don't think.

I agree. Yeah, I don't think he's got it. You know what we do have, though? We've got some podcast business to cover. We do. We got to do it quick, too. Podcast business. What's that business?

Podcast business. It's a business. Let's do business now. We're going to get me. We're going to get the 80-minute mark time to tell you all about homefield apparel.com. Let's see. What schools do we talk about? Let's talk about Cincinnati.

Fuck yeah. Cincinnati, a school that is going to get some money on Brandon Sorsby at some point. Half bear the other half cat, but not like that. And does not have to deal with any of his shit ever again. Cincinnati, you're looking clean. You're looking fantastic. There's all sorts of grumpy cat-like animals. in the Cincinnati collection,

homefield apparel.com that I'm looking at for, I don't know, the first time in years, I don't know. I don't know. I look at this website frequently as listeners know, but this is one page that I had spent too long not looking at. Let's just put it that way. Additionally, home field apparel, I have to say, this is the time to shop.

This is the time to do it, because fall's gonna happen. Avoid the crunch, get in. It's time to gear up, all right? It's June. I know you're like, oh man, summer it's so long it is not time is marching forward the reaper behind you right the cold embrace of winter to come you need to get cozy yeah you need to get cozy now is what i'm saying or while you're doing that you could also like buy a shirt for the entire rest of the summer that is between now and then so do

both it's very soft do both yeah do but listen do both times are wasted you're gonna you're gonna be so darn hot if you don't if you don't have any shirts to wear in the summer and then so cold shortly after that i think the Cincinnati item that is most standing out to me uh where to go i'm going back to it now uh we're going pear caddy here in Cincinnati and it looks like a drawing of a you know again whatever this animal is i've never really bothered to figure that out it looks like a drawing of that that is part ape um that smells like popcorn it's very important to note that the bin tarang smells like popcorn. Is that a real thing?

That is a real thing. Okay, I believe you. Homefieldapparel.com, where you can get shirts, coats. No matter the season, you can prepare for the upcoming season. I mean, they're all upcoming, so prepare for all of them. Homefieldapparel.com, by four orders today. I would like to go ahead and remind everybody that the dulcet tones of everyone you're listening to, you can get as much as you want of these voices and this content,

talking about all kinds of different bonus material. additional stuff. How much do you love us? You love us enough to go to patreon.com slash shutdown forecast because we do have a Patreon. For just $4 a month, you can get access to bonus episodes like, oh, you know, talking about amateurism. We do that shit. That's legit. That's serious. Learn yourself something. You can also get the boundless enthusiasm of me talking about for all mankind or Jason going off on the X-Men for the better part of, I think that's a nine-hour podcast. podcast, it felt like two. Yes, definitely.

Yeah. We have something similar additionally upcoming. It is Michael Serber's turn. And some of you are already probably guessing the content of that one. You're right. And it was very fun. Yeah. So $4.8.com slash shutdown forecast.

Listen, learn. Love. I thought you were going to say or die. Listen and die eventually. Yeah. Listen and die eventually. You're going to die anyway, so fuck it. Die while listening.

I don't think that's happened yet that we know of. Listen. Never say never. Folks, if you have ever died while listening to our podcast, sound off. Yeah. Let us know in the comments, King. Full cast flatlined, yeah. That's right.

I'm big of flatlining. It's just the thing I do. The ultimate shutdown. How full was my cast after I shut down? Just as every comic book is somebody's first. First, every fullcast is somebody's last. Yeah, that's a great way of thinking of it. That's right.

The shutdown forecast. You'll be rid of us someday. I know that we are not, A, genuinely upset about this, or B, going to drag this forever. But it does get funnier the more, I think, about it, that we're in year 70,000 of this free, long, weekly, never taking breaks. except when we all get fired because of a global plague

college football show and the fact that there's even one person who's like, hey man, I don't like it when you guys talk about the things you do to make a living on this free show. It gets funnier the more I think about it. It's like what we were doing earlier when you talk about

what Soresby's actually doing. Just like, hey man, quit trying to make a living in the middle of this free show you're giving me. I mean, you know, you're free to do that. This is my, this is my favorite thing. Like the entire... It's still funny. I'm sorry.

I'm not even doing the... I'm funny, but I'm mad. No, it's genuinely hilarious. It's where you can short circuit the entire culture of the internet by being like this. I don't care. Suck my dick. There you go. Try that.

Doesn't matter. That thing you said, doesn't matter. I don't care. Suck my dick. Enjoy it or don't. Yeah. We're going to do it anyway. $4.8.org.

$4.8.com slash shutdown fullcast. Sorry about our need for shelter. I don't care. Suck my dick. I want to actually, before we do anything else, I want to jump to this. Big, big weekend. There's only one of us who's ever, like, put out an album.

Okay. This is the year, listen, we got several years going here, okay? You're Joel Anderson. That's happening. Okay. Year of Michael Serber. Year of Michael Serber and Killer Ants. That has happened.

Because not only is Michael Serber getting his own dedicated, uh, Patreon episode, his own special interest. Dude, the band put out a whole damn album talk your shit son whole damn thing got a whole 10 song record for you the songs are already out but there's seven new ones that you haven't heard yet um you're listening to this you're a day late get on yeah you you missed release day you've you know what suck my dick um please

please please please don't care she said suck my dick no please listen to this please listen to this record uh it's available in multiple places um kindest rock star please suck what's crazy is you guys I do need to say thank you because mostly the shutdown full cast readers are responsible for the fact that this album before it even came out with the three singles that we put out as like 10,000 streams already and that's because of yeah look at y'all thank you for

listening to our stuff and supporting my stuff as well as other people on the show I hope you enjoy the record I hope you like it I do have CDs I've reached out to a couple people who reached out to me I will I will mail you a CD it'll be 20 bucks, 15 bucks for the CD, $5 to mail it. Just read out to me on Blue Sky. I'll hitch up in DMs. Don't have Hartzell mail them.

Hartzell will not be mailing these. There won't be CDs when they arrive for you. But it's called Of Course for the Wasteland. It's on Spotify. It's on Ben Camp. It's on title. It's on Apple Music. It's on iTunes.

It's on YouTube music. It's on all of our Instagrams right now. If any of you are privy to us. Yeah. Fuck with me. Come check it out. It's really cool. Additionally, if you happen to be in North Carolina,

we're having an album release show where you can buy a CD in person. This Friday, June 26th, show starts at 8. There's a really cool thing happening before in Bailey Park called Park Hanks and this band called Cosmic Collective is playing. Have they ever popped up on your Instagram algorithm, Spencer? No, they're not. I think you would fuck with these dudes super hard.

Like, they're right up your alley. They're like sort of like freaky funk. They're really cool. So they're playing from like six to eight in the park. Go see them at Park Hanks. That's free. And then walk like a block down the street to Fair Witness Fancy drinks and come. and come see us with Darling Hiss and Orp Patrol.

Fair Witness Fancy Drinks is a tremendous bar name. And it's a really cool. It's an awesome space. I encourage you to go there for our show. And if you're like, ah, you know, the show vibe is not really my thing. It's a really like fancy cocktail bar on one half of it.

And they've got the whole sidewalk with picnic table. So like you could come to our show and just like chill out there and listen to the music and not have like an indie rock show experience while one is going on inside as well. which I think is pretty cool. So if maybe you're not like the typical stand in a sweaty room, but you want to come share support for the band, that's a way to do that. But yeah, thank you for listening to our music.

I don't know, but it is fancy. Let's find out. All right, so there, year of Michael Server. Year of Server. Listen, every day, every month, every year is a great time to subscribe to Channel 6, the newsletter that Holly and I write $10 a month for two. things a week today in your inbox or available to click directly on that pretty link you can read about how alexi lala sucks like how it sucks and how you know that kind of matters even though i'm

watching everything on telemundo it's it's the culmination of a long series of a long series of a long series of moves that have turned this dude into like now what is a nationally renowned like punching bag and deserved enough of a punching bag i mean we should say this you can be like, hey, does that mean we should feel sorry for him now? Too metaphorical a punching bag. Too metaphorical a punching bag, we say. But you can read all about that. All right, a channel dash 6.ghost.io.

That is the website for our newsletter. Subscribe. I wrote the good parts. Yes, yes, she did write the good parts. That's usually true. You can also get our free newsletter by signing up there. You don't have to pay $10 a month for that. It'd be cool if you did, though.

We'd like that. It's worth it. again channel dash 6.ghost.io channel 6 10 bucks a month for two things a week. Hey Jason, what you got? So the until Saturday newsletter at work, which is a college football newsletter that I'm going to be honest man, it is almost always on topic. Like it's kind of the opposite of this show in the sense of like it it doesn't veer all that often. But I did fear a little bit today. It's mostly like at work we're the athletic, I should say.

We are doing a series on 90s college football this week in light of the 1994 World Cup being the most recent in this country. And the first thing I did for this week was spinning off of a bunch of that. And I closed it with a question, a music question, which was what was the best three album debut by any musical act ever? like albums one, two, and three, not their best three albums, their best three to open their career. And it felt like a 90s-related question to me because my answer to that, of course, is Outcast.

And I know a lot of smart asses will say like, oh, Nirvana, because all three of their albums were their first three albums. And Olivia Rodriguez is actually the one who made me think of this question because her first three are all officially bangers, and she's a 20-something who is also from the 80s and 90s. So anyway, I threw that in and I say all that to say I'm getting responses in my inbox throughout this, which it is not a surprise to learn more and more about who my readers are.

I'm just saying Pearl Jam is winning the public vote so far. And I don't care. Godfrey, stop emailing Jason. I'm going to be quite honest with you. I don't know what they sound like. I know people say, Nickelback and Creed are ripoffs of Pearl Jam. That is all the information I need on what they sound like. I could not tell you a Pearl Jam song.

It's cool is great. I never will. But this is more information about my readers. All information is valuable. I do not judge the sort of thing. It's more like, okay, now we know that. And knowing is half the battle. Server, you know my answer, by the, right?

Wait, what is your answer? Is it Dan? No, no, no, no. I think you know mine. Because we share this affection for the full cast of rock bands. I don't know it. What is it? That would be let it bleed,

sticky fingers in Exxon. Oh, but that's not their first three, though. That's the thing. Oh, you want that? First three. Yeah, it has to be like first three. I was thinking, for me, like, Dinosaur Jr. pops out. This might not be popular because a lot of people don't like Pablo Honey, but like Radiohead

with Pablo Honey, the Bins, and then OK computer. You've been three very different, very different bands there. You are, but I like all those records. That's the thing. I think the Bens is severely underrated, especially. But, um, like, it's, it's fine. I love that question. Very different things like that.

Yeah, that's a great question, Jason. Metallica, people say Metallica, obviously. Sure. Ramones, like, all those punk bands, like the Clash, oh, the Clash are the one, I think. Clash is a very strong one. Yeah, that's the one for me now that I think about it. That's also their best three.

Yeah. If I had to pick, like, a classic rock band, undoubtedly it would be a clash. Yeah. And Led Zeppelin's pretty strong. One, two. The strong, strong one? Yeah, that's pretty nasty, man.

this is a difficult question that's going to be guile me for the rest of the after well reply to until saturday at theathletic.com and uh i will tally it'd be pretty fun if i included quotes quotes by y'all i think it's it you make great points of you have to email me first you make great points on the 90s thing i think that's because i think that's like the last time that was consistently being done because as i think of bands i'm sorry i'm going more back to like the 70s of like yep their first three were bangers yeah but like it kind of cuts all often like, I don't know, 98, 99 where like, there's always a misstep in the first three.

Yeah, like, like Olivia pulling it off just felt so rare for that reason that I thought back, like, how often is? And it's like, you kind of have to go back. Because like with so many, so many acts of every genre, the second album is so rushed, you know? Yep. And then the third is an overcompensation. And then maybe by the fourth thing, you know what I mean? Yep. Yep. That's, I think, the classic cycle, like 70% of bands, that's what happens, it feels like. The answer is the prodigy. Yeah, that's a good one too. Vampire Weekend comes to mind as well. I know. Really strong all three. I fully, no,

I fully respect that answer. I think that's strong as hell. And then there's other acts where it's like, it took them a while to get going. Like if you count, you know, all of Kendrick's various projects, it's like,

Kendrick wasn't Kendrick for a while. Yeah. Yeah. No, he was, he was wobbly. Wobbly. You know, I just thought tears for fears.

I would actually put tears for fears up there. Yep. because holy fuck can i tell you my honest first thought randy travis oh that's yeah i'll think sleep on storms of life dwight yokem twice oh man holy crap let me look at what dwight's first if we get to the country there's a couple dudes yeah yeah i got because albums you don't typically tend to think of of country as albums right right like yeah and you really put out like five years worth of material before he puts out he put out an lp i think george straight is making a strong case. Yeah, George Strait, I've got all of his early stuff on vinyl. They all,

they all go so hard. But then there's guys like George Jones who lock in and like 10 years into their career. Or Willie, where you're like, he puts out 20 albums before he does like shotgun Willie, right? Holly, can you prepare a sound effect because I just got the Dave Matthews band email? Someone finally, yes. You know what? Yeah, I live your truth. You know what? I don't mind Dave. Under the table and dreaming is good. I haven't read the email yet is, oh, man, I got to date myself. I'm pretty sure I, like, skipped out of on-campus lunch to buy live at Red Rocks. Sturgel.

Sturgle, too. That's okay. I came around. Oh, they'll be astergill. That's underrated. That's, that's another person. It's sort of like, yeah, I know I'd like it. I've just never got into it.

But I assume I'll get lots of Sturgle responses. Jason, I haven't read it yet. Did Carly Ray make your list? She would not make mine because her, before Kiss, you had a couple albums that are kind of, just like you know like it's okay it's cute and then kiss is the one are you talking about we're talking about first three yeah first three album run yes it's more common it's much more common as you start especially when you start thinking of the greats like spencer's dead on with stones the jimmy miller years while i know that for a fact that we have a ton of of screaming pearl jam fans

in our uh in our mentions right now i'm speaking to you from the past go pick up the new olivia just do it just listen to me for once in your miserable lives. Yeah, she ribs. You'll fix that. I'd see her live. It's worth whatever you gotta pay. Like, I,

it's the top three live experience. She's the one, man. Like, among this generation of young musicians, like, she's the one. Yeah. Tame's like, 23 or something. It's ridiculous.

Yeah. I'll say Tame and Pala too. Oh, God, yes. Yeah. I think that concludes podcast business. Tadda. So I think we're 90-something minutes in,

and we have a Patreon thing to do, so let's punt World Cup college football to next week again. Yes. It'll still be happening. This is also my favorite thing about what's going on with Alexi, is that there's four more weeks of watching this happen to him. It'll be worse. Oh, I got the best email so far.

Ever heard of the Beatles? Oh, Jason, can I write back? No. But here's me, here's me, here's me though, Beatles lovers saying like, yeah, but they're not the ones.

Like the first three aren't great. And also there's too much parity between like, what are their first three records? Are we going just UK releases? Are we doing US? This is the problem with the stones too. Like the first three, there's some filler in there.

Now, if we want to get into 60s, if we want to get to like revolver, or excuse me, Robbers Soul Revolver, Sergeant Pepper as a run, I'll fucking talk to you. But that's not their first three.

Oh, the Beatles. Yeah, I love them. They wrote my favorite Wilson Pickett song. like Wilson Pickett might be on there on the list Oh shit you're right

Because those dudes Those dudes were all greatest hits Like the first three Little Richard's album Little Richard LPs Are fucking phenomenal Because they're all just greatest hits albums From like putting out a single every month

Yo I just got the best reply so far Somebody dropped off Lion L Richie I'm like all right Okay No no Okay Oh hollow notes Holin notes

I don't mind it I don't mind it Case to be made. Lionel on the grocery store speakers got me through many an hour. Jason, who's the youngest person on your team who could write back to the Beatles guy? I'll get Alex to do it. Get Alex to do it. It's diabolical.

No, listen, I'll hear Lionel Richie out. Yeah. Yeah, I don't mind that at all. Yeah.