Shutdown Fullcast - Let Us All Agree That Week 12 Is Over - Week 12 Review

Episode Date: November 19, 2018

Spencer does not do a British accent on this episode, but he does do a Australianish accent and a surprisingly impressive impression of the Dog Woof setting on a Casio keyboard. Other topics include: 1:38 - Spencer starts an inadvertent future war with Glenn Close 4:38 - A tale of herculean cricketer beer drinking on an international flight 8:00 - Spencer starts a second inadvertent future war with Daniel Day-Lewis 12:19 - Jason reveals the STARTLING TRUTH behind SoCon Saturday 17:58 - Ron Zook to Ohio State/USC/Illinois? 22:45 - 2016 Rutgers vs. 2018 Rutgers, A Terrible Trivia Game 29:51 - An actual discussion of Clay Helton, it seems 33:23 - SPENCER HALL, THE HUMAN DOG SETTING ON A CASIO KEYBOARD 35:36 - Thank you for nothing, Syracuse 40:46 - Kneel before your Chicken King 45:34 - Let Les coach against Texas! 47:05 - FCS Playoff Time!!! 55:35 - Let’s imagine a world where FBS uses a 24 team playoff Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown full cast oh man it is it is Thanksgiving week just after so-con week those are the two greatest American holidays the first so-con Saturday when SEC teams all unite in you know taking an easy one y'all phoning it in In order to buy them a new gym. That's America's greatest holiday. Even Vanderbilt gets in on the act. This includes Arkansas, yeah. Yeah.

Arkansas's athletic program is now funded. That's good. At Vanderbilt, Vanderbilt, you know, yeah, a little shady, but hey, the important thing is you got a little money back into the struggling Ole Miss athletic. Oh, this is weird. Somebody else is paying Ole Miss athletes. The aristocrats, literally. It's good, because you know how Vanity is about. saving money.

Coupon clippers. That's how you get as rich as a Commodore. I'm not tipping. A wait room. Now, let me go check Craigslist. More like a W-A-I-T room, because you're going to be waiting for me to spend money

on this football program. Doing pull-ups on trees in the park is free. Listen, it's cutting edge. Wait, does Vanderbilt believe in public parks? I was just going to say that, yeah. Doing pull-ups on trees. in the private park is free. Doing pull-ups on Vandis type of trees

is actually not free. The Commodore's Glenn is now open to select young athletes. And friends of the Commodore. Man, if you ever been in a Glenn in your life, I don't ever want to talk to you. Uh, Watkins Glen. Hell yeah.

Take it back. There's one good Glenn. Also, Glenn Burns. Greatest meteorologist of all time. Yeah. And a third one, Glenn Campbell, the Rhinestone Cowboy himself, okay? Glenn Close has done some good work. No, no.

What do you mean, no? No, I'm convinced that people have face blindness, and they're like, get Meryl Streep, and they just put Glenn Close in there. Wow. That's... That's... That's right. Somehow you got the hotter Glenn take than I did.

I did. Glenn Close fight me. Glenn Close would whip your ass. She would. I've seen fatal attraction. That woman can fight. She's got a left hook. I don't have that.

I don't think that's really the takeaway from that movie, but okay. You know what 101 Dalmatians is about trying to rack up perfect peltz. Yeah, this is like my friend who watched leaving Las Vegas. His takeaway was, dude, that guy can drink. He said it awestruck, like, yeah. What a party with him. He seems, it's lit. He seems awesome.

That guy's like, that guy's like an athlete, but for drinking. Here's the Malcolm, he saw it from the Malcolm Gladwell perspective, right? Oh, 10,000 hours. That guy's, that guy's achieving perfection. What is the, like, Rocky of drinking? Leaving Las Vegas. Okay. Durn, turdun, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Well, it's that or the story of, the Wade Boggs flight, which I assume both of you are generally familiar with? Well, the idea was that on a single flight, right, that Wade Boggs, the third baseman for the Boston Red Sox, right, drank how many beers in a cross-country flight? The number is all over the place, but he has, he most recently, I think, told Charlie Day, who many people say I sound like and is on it's always sunny in Philadelphia he told him the number was 107

yeah one we don't have to parse that he says 107 right he says 107 some some estimates have it more in the 60 range but it's it's nobody just nobody has ever said it's below 50

and it may go as high as 100 because I'm going to rely on the empirical and I say that word properly with the E-capitalized accuracy of Australian cricketeers because the record, their record, was on a Qantas flight from, I believe, Perth to Heathrow to take the entire Australian men's cricket team to the ashes in 1989, David Boone, who looks exactly like what you think a guy who can drink 50 beers effortlessly does, kind of beefy, played cricket, not a cardio case. Did you say David Byrne?

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is not my drink cart. No, David Boone, Dave, Dave, Dave Boone. Founder of Boone's farm. If anyone could thrive on Boone's farm, it would be David Boone, okay? gigantic walrus mustache all right David Boone accurately accounted by his teammates

consumed 52 beers in a drinking contest with a teammate from Sydney to London they drank the they got the stewardess to line up the beers in a drink cart that stayed stationed by David Boone's seat on the plane Qantas is an amazing airline

could you just bring the drink cart love just just put it right here would you would you chap just just right here no certainly sir yes put it right by a seat and uh the record previous record was 46 and boone eclips that easily at 52 this is the kicker though david boone had to do a press conference immediately afterwards he walked off the plane after consuming 52 beers on a flight have you been drunk on a real long flight it's awful It's terrible. It's like being drunk in one of those crawl through cat tunnels.

It is, except it's even more full of germs. Except it's dry, and you're already disoriented from flying from, again, Sydney to London, all right? And then David Boone consumed 52 beers. This is basically a space program all by itself. Like, the physics of that alone are staggering. Yeah, but he, the physics and the biochemistry going on is amazing. But he finished 52 of them, had to do a press conference. And when he got off, when people asked him questions, his teammates will go, well, you know, Dave's been working really hard on this.

And what he thinks is, because David Boone could not talk. That's good. That's supportive. Yeah. When somebody asked, by the way, he consumed 897 milliliters of pure alcohol within those 52. beers, by the way. A doctor in the Medical Journal of Australia was asked about anyone else trying

to drink more than 52 beers on a flight. And he said end I quote, with the inevitably shorter times to London, the next record breaker may arrive dead on time. It is well known that alcohol can have very serious toxic effects on the heart muscle, resulting in cardiac

arrest. Who is this Australian guy who's talking? What I like is that he's just doing Chris Hemsworth. That's all he's doing. Oh, my God. That's all I'm doing. It is.

What you're doing. Yeah. He is. He's just doing Hemsworth when, like, Hemsworth gets a little lazy as Thor. Yeah. Before we started recording, Spencer did say, wait, I don't know if you, I forget if you guys were off of this, that he never, he could never respect an actor or an actress who has never gotten jacked for a role.

It's true. It's true. And I asked, what about Jack A. Harry? Jacked every single role. It's in her name. Take that. Judy Dench? That's right.

You've done nothing. Did Judy Dench ever get swall? No. Did Olivier ever get swall? Who? I'm sorry. I've never heard of him. Oh, this is another chance for a Daniel Day Lewis drag.

That's right. Has Daniel Day Lewis ever gotten jacked for a role? The answer is no. No, he became a cobbler. He didn't have to make shoes. His roles are all based in the 1800s before they had weights, though. Yeah, but, you know, he could have worked at a quarry. Was he jacked in last of the Mohican?

actually he was pretty jacked and last the mohican yeah okay so shut the fuck up i'm gonna find out wearing a bunch of buckskin how could you even also he's in a isn't he's in a movie that's literally called the boxer yeah but judy dinch would whip your ass too well yep yeah but she never got jacked for a roll maybe she never needed a role she just naturally fit though yeah but like i guess it doesn't count yeah actually now i'm really glad you pointed that that out to me because last the mohicans it's a really, really great movie. Just want to point out we are in the heart of college football season. Yes, sorry.

And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, but, but the fact that we're having this conversation, this deep, says a lot about what happened. Yeah, it's not our, we're, we're being fairly representative of what took place this weekend. We're, we're really not, uh, burying the lead here. There was, there was, there was, what, one upset in the top 25? One, uh, one of significance, yeah. I think there was only one overall, wasn't there? I mean, I know other top 25 teams lost, but they lost to higher-rank teams.

West Virginia losing to Oklahoma State was the only upset, upset, right? Did I miss one? Yeah, that was the big one. Let me double check real quick. Boston College lost to Florida State. Does anyone care? No, no.

I mean, it does matter because now Florida State's going to be in Florida, so they can maintain their bowl out, their bull streak. Ohio State tried as hard as possible to lose to Maryland. They really did. They put a lot of effort into trying to lose to Maryland. Citadel came so close, so close to becoming the first team to have a lead against Bama in the second half. And they duffed it. She kind of didn't.

That was the sad part. Yeah. Like as soon as soon as the Bama came out for the second half, it was like, okay, I guess we start playing football now. No, yeah, yeah, for the rest of the game, but Citadel recovered a fumble early in the second half, made a field goal, but they had a false start on the third. Oh, yeah, you're right. No, you're right. And when they tried again, they missed.

Yeah, and then they missed the field goal. They would have had a 1310 lead. Spencer, you've got an opinion about Bama scheduling this time of year, don't you? I do. They do this on purpose. It's all part of a conspiracy that they do the Socon Saturday move in order to look terrible. Preferably against a triple option team,

Now, Citadel prior to the scheduling, was not a triple option team. I believe injury dictated a scheme change. Which, that's actually pretty cool that Citadel was like, yeah, you know, like, whatever, man. We'll just run the, we'll just run the bone. We'll just run the triple option after running pro style. Whatever, whatever, we got a backup who played up in Marietta. He was like a two-star QB who was never, yeah, just run him into the teeth of Bama's defense. Imagine that. You got to hear that.

So, hey, buddy, yeah, in two weeks, we're going to, we're going to play Alabama, and you're the starter. Oh, cool, cool, cool. So, what was the game plan? We're going to try to run some slant, some crossers? Actually, we're just going to, you're going to run keepers. You're going to run head first into Quinn and Williams. That's what we're going to do. You know, you know the whole phrase, throwing a wrench into the gears? Well, you're the wrench. So technically Citadel, they have been a triple option team. But I do agree that Bama does this intentionally just so Nick Saban has something to scream about. And here is the proof.

Socon Saturday as a thing. What year did it begin? 2007. Go back, run the history before then, before the Iron Bowl, Bama and Auburn typically did not play FCS teams. Bama started this in that year. when Nick Saban took over and played ULM. Of course, ULM 1, giving Nick Saban something to scream about for the next decade. And Urban Meyer contributed to this as well, of course, and didn't he have a great Saturday?

Didn't he look like he was having fun out there? Yeah. Definitely in the spirit of Socon football. Yeah. He looked like he was having to defend a triple option all by himself. Clutching his stomach and falling down on the side. sidelines and pain not falling down going to his knees

slumping gnashing wailing wars and rumors of wars I mean y'all have toddlers you tell me oh yeah he's gassy that's all that was I've seen that before that's a gassy baby Herb's got to poop so bad it's because he ate all that fucking pizza

you gotta get you gotta lie him down and get somebody to bicycle his legs. That's going to help. Curl him up in a little ball so he can pass. So can we run a little chronology here, okay? Sure. Just a little chronology of the overall Urban Meyer story for

this year. Oh, Jesus. Okay. This is going to be a little? Okay. Yeah, no, just for this year. Okay. That would be that would be he was suspended to start the season and first three

first three games he was suspended for the Zach Smith scandal case hullabaloo etc then then then then

on October I want to say 28th he told reporters that he had an arachnoid cyst in his head. Which makes it sound like it's full of spiders, which I would absolutely believe. Yeah, same. This was the same thing that in 2014,

he was warned by his doctors to, you know, about screaming, blowing the whistle, kind of stressful things that place a lot of pressure in the head, the blood vessels in the head. This is, comes out around, around then. Right? And then when does the Bammelmeier piece come out where he starts to talk about this? Like two days. It happened like, you remember when we were trying to, because I remember we did a podcast about, you know, at what point in the season will the piece drop about, well, Urban's considering stepping away. And it happened that week. Yeah. I thought all this happened before they lost to Purdue, though. It did. It did. But.

Okay. But yeah, opening up... Which makes it funnier, frankly. Yeah, no, this is around the same time. So he talks to reporters about it, but he also does a piece with Hamil of Yahoo Sports. That's October 30th. So it's all around the same time. And it evidently hasn't gotten any better.

And the stress is not wearing any better on him. He's done. There's no... Like, how? Like, the minute... First of all, the minute he was suspended. That relationship is ruined. Right?

because there's no way there's no way anybody who's paid that much money and given that much power thinks anything is their fault not one chance it's not how money and power work does not if anyone did it'd be a really

rare human otherwise he doesn't think any of this is his fault second the health issues which have dogged him since 1998 okay 2014 okay now now 2018 have now under stress gotten so bad and the stress is exacerbated to the point where he's considering

quitting coaching the Ohio State University football team where it just the future is not definite didn't say quit didn't say resign said that I don't know we're going to figure out how to deal with these in the future seeing this before that's happened before you know what I think's going to happen go on you already know what I think's going to happen I do I would like you to say it out loud two years off Notre Dame job yep That's what's going to happen. Does this mean, by the way, does some skepticism about the timing and release of this mean that Urban Myers' health issues are not real?

No, no. They could be very well real, and maybe stress-related. I don't know. I'm not a doctor, and that's great. You don't want me to be a doctor. Be a terrible, terrible physician. Because I'd probably just prescribe laudanum. I've been playing a lot.

I do. I've been playing a lot of Red Dead Redemption. I probably just give you a can of beans. Put some beans and yarrow root on. it it'll be fine but do i think that this is also timed perfectly to coincide with an inevitable and reasonable exit from ohio state that was probably done the instant the zach smith thing happened yeah yeah because you know who's not going to take the fall for urban mire in any respect the ohio state university who can win with anyone else they can plug someone else in

there and they can still crank out 10 games. Ron Zuck. Hey. Ron Prince. Hey, listen, take his name in vain at your own risk because Illinois lost 65 to zero at home on senior night this past weekend. And who was the last coach who did anything with them? Jason, were you on talking about the achievements of Ron Zook at Illinois relative to the

rest of their history? We were chatting about it amongst ourselves the other night. Like, if they had just kept him and he just kept puttering along at seven and six, I think Illinois fans would take that reality right now. Like, if you go back, I think it was Illinois's two bowl wins of this millennium, both came in Zook seasons. I don't know what more there is to say there. You should go higher around Zook right now, Illinois.

And? You still have Lovie Smith, though. this recording, to be clear. Lovie Smith still has a job. We don't have to be clear. You should go higher Ron Zuck. Who's to say Lovey's got to go anywhere?

Unless USC gets him first. Unless USC snatches him up first. Oh, Bidding War. Zuck Bidding War. I'm sorry, by the way. It was 63 to 0. Don't want to make it any worse than it already

is. Yeah, 63 to 0. They had 82 passing yards. They're not a triple option team. Maybe they should be. Maybe they're missing their calling.

Ron Zook, run the triple option. Have you noticed this, by the way, that this is a pattern in college football media this year that everyone's finally caught on. They're like, maybe you're not really a good football program. You should just run the option. I love it. It's like the belly putter of offenses, right? Well, hey buddy.

Hey, buddy. You want us to put the bumpers on? It's okay. Bowling should be fun. I mean, I feel like the thing that if you are a Kansas or an Arkansas, those two words rhyme according to Les Miles, new head coach at Kansas. It's 21 minutes in. We're just not mentioning that.

You are not going to win your conference. You're just not going to win your conference. The best thing you can hope for is making a bowl and pissing off the best team in your conference. If you're Kansas, all you can hope for is to piss off Oklahoma. You know what Oklahoma really fucking hates? the triple option evidence people paid $60 to watch pay-per-view as Army took Oklahoma to overtime just I mean yeah I know it hasn't been awesome at Georgia Tech but there are other circumstances there I think every conference should have one triple option team that just infuriates everyone and and there are circumstances where it has been awesome at Georgia Tech it hasn't you know it's gone up and down they went to two orange bowls they went one in one in orange bowls that's that's that Over the last, what, five decades, that's a pretty good mark for Georgia Tech. Overall, they'd take it, right?

I do like this, though, because I think it's a very realistic thing where you go, hey, you know, maybe you should just wear the same pair of pants and the same shirt every day. Not because you're steep jobs, but because you're not going to do better than that. Just keep doing it. This is the outfit that looks good on you. Your trip. What about? Nope. I said this is the outfit.

your triple option will be between these three pairs of khakis and these three shirts you don't buy anything else like the Pax 12 North had Mike Leach and a pure flex bone team all the defense coordinators are just leave we're on strike look this it's got to suck though because in the second quarter when you've given up 178 yards rushing and you're trying to explain to a teary defensive end look all you have to do is pick one

just pick one just pick a guy and run at him that's a serious dad moment like don't run in the street just stop sometimes no never never but the linemen keep jumping at my knees

I know he jumps at your knees never You gotta push him away from you. Like he's a rabbit dog. Since we're sort of on the topic of Big Ten sadness, can I play a very sad game with both of you? Let's go. With all three of you, rather?

I already had Tennessee, Missouri. Oh, God, I wasn't even going to bring up that game. Missouri's really good. Let's move past that and not feel anything. Derek Dooley's Revenge. Sorry. 2018 Rutgers versus 2016 Rutgers. 2016 Rutgers finished 2 and 10.

0 and 9 in conference play. 2018 Rutgers currently 1 in 10, 0 and 8. I know you don't actually do versus, but man, it would be fun to watch those teams play. I'm going to be a little sick right now. 2016 Rutgers was the team that could barely get a first down against Michigan, repeatedly got shut out. And 2018 Rutgers, if you know nothing about them, hey, congrats on you.

You know, self-care. So I'm going to, we're going to go through a few stats, and I want y'all to guess which of these rut rutt-ruggers is? Rut, rut-goy. Rutt-guy. Rut-guy. Rutt-Gay. Which Rutt-Gay.

Which Rutt-Guray is the worst team at this statistic. Let's start with which team had fewer points per game. current 2018 Rutgers or 2016 2018 That's correct Wow 2018 records scores 13.8 points a game 2016 records all the way up at 15.7

Turnover margin Which team's worse? 2018 or 2016 records? 2016 2016 records actually wasn't terrible at this minus 5 2018 records minus 13 just cruising along um third down conversion rate which team's worse 2018 records or 2016 Rutgers anything offense i'm taking 2018 across the board yeah

2018 Rutgers is actually uh yeah they're they're a little they're a little better at this they're at 32.7 percent third down conversion rate 2016 Rutgers down at 30 point seven. Last one. Penalties per game. Who was the sloppy? Who is the sloppier Rucker? 2018. 2018 Ruckers is worse. 6.1 penalties

a game against 5.3. Good Lord. This is, this is the, right now, the first year and the most recent year of Chris Ashes' tenure at Ruckers. It's all come full circle. Ashes to ashes, garbage to garbage.

Asch to ashes, rut to rut. GER, GERD and grer. I would like to, speaking of design. This is Ash to Ash in the, what is the movie about drugs? The one. Muppet Babies? The movie about drugs that, where it's everyone does way too much drugs. Requium for a dream.

Recreum for a dream, yeah, Ash to Alley. That's what that makes me think of when we talk about Rutgers. Yeah. We just need one. big score great now now somebody's going to find

a Muppet Baby's clip to put ass to ass over so they had a lot as a record's themed

oh god the the other disaster and there were a couple of outright disasters

one of them being USC this week USC did not schedule a SOCON team no unlike those

braid pack 12 teams they actually played somebody this week don't look too deep

in their schedules don't you have fools should have taken a week off come on get with the leisurely life be laid back you should have flown out Wofford yeah you could have just had what you could have just had the Citadel

and you played any number of excellently mascotted teams from the University of California system you got your banana slugs you got your couchos yeah you could have brought you could have brought you know UC San Diego in there come on what's day I don't know

what Davis but they got meat, they'll bring you some fresh sausage. Yeah, see? Fools. Instead, you decided to play UCLA, a team with nothing to lose but the game. And obviously, given their record, they don't care too much about losing the games

this year. However, would you like to name the running back who in the history of USC UCLA gained the most yards in a single game? Think back carefully before you answer any of this because you're talking about

UCLA and USC in particular long really glamorous pedigree of outstanding running backs including including OJ Simpson I thought you were going to lead with Reggie Bush I thought you were going to lead with Reggie Bush

no I went to the guy I went to the guy who didn't commit murder right okay unlike Reggie Bush who murdered amateurism okay I'll say I'll say Cream Abdul-Jabbar I'll say Chip Kelly's son Jason's close

Someone named Kelly Because the person who has the most rushing yards of any single player in this entire rivalry Is Joshua Kelly who had 40 carries in 289 yards And two TDs against USC USC at one point had a nice lead in this game And in the fourth quarter that evaporated Like so much rainfall Listen listen USC you only got one game left

It's against Undefeated Notre Dame Just do this shit Go triple option, man Just go triple option Put JT Daniel out there And be like Son, it's got to be a QB keeper

Is it going to hurt? You know, glory and pain They coexist in the same circuit See, that's the tricky thing though Is Notre Dame practices For that shit all the time Yeah, but not against USC They don't

Oh, okay They don't know that West Coast Triple Option What don't they do what Duke did in their game and pull the best play I've ever seen, which is the fake quick kick. David Cutcliffe, you bastard.

Would, like, do that on every drive? No, no, make that their base offense. Like, I don't know if they're bad. See if they'll fall for it again. You might have to audible out of it into an actual quick kick. You can do any number of fakes off that.

Fake quick kick, pitch, pass. fake lift just do what somebody does so they're cycling through the controls right on a controller in NCAA right like fake pitch juke spin oh man I read out of time and I just picked a play shit

shit oh no we're running past three ask corch court says court says free kick yeah that's that's bad that's 100% bad

and this means that now we get to sit here and wonder if they're going to fire Clay Helton. And this is, of course, a question of luxury because if you look, what's Clay Helton's record as head coach? Pretty good. It's not that bad. Pretty good. Dude, it's really, it's really. He's like, he's like five, somebody pointed this out earlier today. He's like five games or so worse than Brian Kelly at Notre Dame.

He's 32. He's 32 and 16. He has two top 12 finishes, and this year has a shitload of injuries and lost a top 10 draft pick at QB. It has a, yeah. Fire his ass! Has a freshman starting QB, people at USC.

He's a high school right quarterback. Yeah. And people at USC are like, fire his ass. Get out of here. Also, he's got the fourth most talented roster in all the college for recruiting rankings. But yeah. Five and six in.

Great, roll out the guillotine. Because if you can identify Clay Helton and eventually through the help of DNA evidence, they will. Somebody's getting fire. I mean, look, look, they're the only blemish on Wazoo schedule, right? Doesn't that count for something? Plucky upstart, USC. Against established power, Wazoo.

Time USC knocked Washington State out of the playoff. And that was all they had come. all year long. This is confession time. I really didn't get electrified or giddy about anything that happened on Saturday until the Wazoo Arizona game. Yeah. Well, no, you were, you were, you were, uh, you had feelings. These weren't good about Vandy and, uh, Old Miss going to over. No reason that should have happened. The audience should be able to reject, like, if everyone in the stadium, like, they should do like, everybody. Please vote. Please, please, please vote on your, on your, on your cell phone now for overtime or

end in tie. Oh, end in tie is won. Overwhelmingly. Shall we continue? No. No. No. Hell no. Please don't. It's not even to beat traffic. This is a vandy game.

It flows out of here evenly and nicely with a very small crowd that's manageable given our traffic capabilities. No, we just don't want to sit out here any longer. That would be great if you could be to it. old miss vandy the saddest part of this is at the time it was the only competitive game going on we looked up and and bill said there is one game in single digits right now and it's the least important game of the entire year it involves oh oh miss first of all this this is good point this is a good point in the podcast point out certain imitator college football podcast may have

told you that this week had hidden promise had diamonds in the rough and if you listen to those charlatans with at traditionally NFL shows you were fooled but if you listen to your good friends here at the only college football podcast you knew better we told you fair ohio state looked like shit and that was funny that was deeply funny it was deeply funny to listen to greg mackle right whose stock as an announcer has depreciated significantly over the course of the season uh friend of the pod tom the graph referred to him yesterday as quarterback cassio I think that doesn't get a description as any My favorite part was when he praised Urban Meyer's accountability

using that word Spencer, that was a really good dog Cassio I spent a lot of time with the dog Cassio, okay? You can't do accents for shit, but you did a great dog Cassio. Yeah. Okay, ready, ready? Bo pooh-bo-bo-chee, bo-bo-bo-po-bo-chee. I do a decent, I do a crap-awsy accent, but I do a good Hemsworth.

That was a pretty good Thor as a Cassio, doc. Yeah, see, that's everything, it's all my accents. It's Chris Hemsworth as Thor. most amusing thing that I heard, though, on Saturday was half time of the Michigan State Nebraska game, which I think went into the half three zero, where, and I don't remember who was on the call for this game, but they're like, and this is the first time Nebraska's been shut out at home since last year. I was like, oh man, that, that, uh, that felt like he was to have some weight to it. It just sort of landed

with a thud. This is the history being made here. This is the first time my son's been sent home since last week. This is the first time this Big Ten game has gone to 15 points since last week. I love that though, man. Later on the Scott Frosters game, they'll be like,

you remember that shit? Remember when we had to beat him 9, 6? Worked. Worked, didn't it? Count it. the board says W Scott Frost Month Bitches We're getting a whole season

Frostmas On the liturgical calendar It's between Osborneia And Devania The other one To give you an idea Of what a disappointing kind of Saturday this was

It's not that Syracuse Didn't lose to Notre Dame That's fine you could lose to Notre Dame it's that Syracuse had to kick a sad field goal to avoid being skunked by Notre Dame because at that point yeah they hadn't they hadn't just get skunked

just get skunked just get skunked dude don't kick it like if you're Syracuse all you're here for is to score a bunch of points yeah like what we wanted out of Syracuse was like 40 to 30 or something like that not what was it 36 to 3 if you had to if you had to a lot 39 points between the two teams

as a final score of this game this was not the arrangement that you wanted those 39 points to come in, right? Can you give me change for that? How about 363? No, no. I don't want any of that.

It's just that Notre Dame's so damn efficient with Ian Book. They are. They're efficient and on defense. They're real mean, get after it and their defensive line is like a serious blocking issue for any offense.

Yeah, it's just bad. They're very difficult to face right now. You don't want much to do it. with them. It's very odd that we're going to get to the end of the season and Notre Dame is going to say, well, no, we don't play a conference championship game, but look at the good teams we played like Michigan and Pitt and Northwestern and Syracuse. Those are probably the four best wins they have right. And USC is not going to change that. Right. Yeah, they had USC, Florida state on the schedule and

Stanford they had Stanford and Virginia Tech on the schedule too Notre Dame's entire schedule is flipped upside down yeah Vanderbilt you were exactly what you were supposed to be thank you thank you Vanderbilt your constance is to be admired the ball state that came

within 8 of Notre Dame it is it is still bad I just I just really feel like pointing that out frequently I did like Notre Dame's uniforms though the Yankees thing not not really aesthetically and I don't really subscribe to the sentiment behind it. But I like it when, I guess I like it when the heel just identifies as the heel.

Sure. Just openly embraces. Yeah, we're awful. Fuck us. The Notre Dame Wells Fargo uniforms. We're very sorry to have betrayed your trust in 2012. Please believe in us again. When we started over 100 years ago, a little upstart out on the West.

Yeah. i just go ahead i can saudi arabia fighting irish yeah facebook dot com fighting irish yes it's just noterdame doing the joint you know hey we don't kill journalists uniforms sponsored by the house of sod and notre dame football yeah just go ahead come out just brand the uniforms with like the most evil corporations people countries whatever do it all come out looking like not cool bad guy stuff no no no no no you You want Lame, like, you want Notre Dame sponsored by Walmart. Like, you're not, Monsanto basically means my saint.

So it works. Yeah, exactly. You're not, you're not, you're not, like, Dgeneration X. Bad guys. You're like, you're like in-gen. Hey, we made some, hey, we made some dinosaurs. We made some money. Whatever.

Fuck off. Listen, the, fuck you. You don't have dinosaurs or money. Why am I going to listen to this guy? Don't make me like that. them because the Notre Dame Jurassic Park like uniforms would be amazing because they'd be like, which dinosaur

did you bring back? And you're like, Notre Dame winning something. It's the rarest dinosaur of all. We can't go back that far actually. If we're going with movie corporations, it's really Whalenutani. It's all like, no, we believe in exploration and serving the greater good.

And also we're going to weaponize the fuck out of these days. Are you kidding me? More importantly, in South Bend's stadium, no one can hear you scream. It's very quiet. Because you're not. Yeah. Because no one's screaming.

Also. Because you don't actually give a shit. That, that, no, no, we're just here to, we're just here to observe greatness. Just here to observe. The, the other recipient of that, by the way, Michigan received a fright at the hands of Indiana. Remember, God hates Indiana. And God hates Indiana football, especially, right? He hates the whole state.

But, man. He despises Indiana football. Had a lead at the half, as is custom. When facing either Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State, or Wisconsin, Indiana is guaranteed to lead each of those teams at the half and then lose by a touchdown or more. Yeah, Wisconsin, by the way, also massive comeback against Purdue. Purdue looked like the worm had turned properly for them against Wisconsin.

It had not Wisconsin piled up 24 points. in the second half, too. I just, I'm realizing we've totally omitted a game of great national importance. Hale to Spencer, our chicken king. Woo! He is, he is all that is right and good. He knows more than we do, and that is why we bring him offerings of chicken fried and crispy. Long may he live, though not long, because of all the chicken he's worth it.

Who's a friend of big cats? Not you, Ryan. Not you, Jason. You know who Big Cow loves? Big Cow loves me, because I'm loyal, all right? You know what you don't understand? Big Cow pays in cash. They come in.

I realize something else disturbing. If Texas beats Kansas, and they probably will, Texas will be nine and three. Who was right all along? see how they got there and it was right all along and if you didn't see michel herman she was wearing an okay cool hookum t-shirt good hair too great hair okay cool hookum so go to michelherman dot com she's selling those t-shirts hell i'd probably buy one right now especially because i'm like the ultimate own because this comes from zack smith uh trying to get herman in infidelitus trouble, right?

Yeah. And it's his wife who gives the ultimate rejection to that. Yeah. Because either she, A, doesn't believe him because it didn't happen, or B, Dick 2Bom, sorry, y'all. Still got this. Still got this pretty pony. He's right here. Texas is paying him a lot of money.

I have a... Just for the record, you should not be a couple's counselor. To be fair, she's got like nine different compilments. It was a flag. Texas beats Iowa State 24-10 because Iowa State can't stay consistently having good things that can only reach them sometimes

still pretty good though man I don't know I was Iowa State I'm looking at 5 and 3 in conferences Not a legend that anyone had an affair with Clay Hilton No I've said Clay Hilton is everyone And therefore he's one of the Tom Hermans I'm not I didn't lose to UCLA

Don't blame me for that shit Okay wait you're Tom Herman Fuck So everyone is only either Tom Herman or Clay Hilton. No, everyone is both. All white men are Tom Herman and Clay Hilton. No, there are seven distinct

avatars to Tom Herman. Clay Hilton is one of a thousand indistinct people. Sure. All right. So Tom Herman is basically all the bosses you have to beat in Mega Man where they're just slight variations.

Right. Tom Herman is the gang in Game of Thrones who actually none of y'all watch that shit. No, no. I do on the internet This is where I have This is where I'm like Man, I can't believe what they did last night on Game of Thrones

Because I read Twitter I gather some people got their heads cut off Oh man, these gifts were crazy Are you actually know the plot behind them Someone explained it to me A Dragon Ada zombie This show is great I hadn't sure not interested

I digested it in the most efficient form, y'all. I'm here. This is amazing. Am I going to watch the finale after not watching an episode for like six seasons? 100% yes. Yeah, man, hell yeah. I'm a full two and a half years behind. I'm just going to clock in for the very ending.

I know. Pretend I know what's happening. Do you know what that means? I'm like, no, but it's crazy. This is a lot of people in the Big 12 championship game, too. Absolutely. The Big 12 is our finest conference. Because, again, Oklahoma State, nothing to play for.

Maybe you just let West Virginia buy. Screw y'all. You get over here. No, man, I'm clean. I'm clean. I get this ankle monitor off tomorrow. It's all good. I'm just going to go out and have a beer. It's fine.

That's cute. You think you're going to get away with that? Yeah. Wait, wait. If Texas wins... So Texas is the only team that has locked a spot in the Big 12 championship game, right? Yeah. The winner of OUWW.

gets the other spot, right? Texas just has to beat Kansas. I think even if they lose they're in. Maybe not. Texas does have to beat Kansas. They do? Well, all right, let's assume that happens. Yeah, it's not guaranteed that it happens. No.

Based on recent history. Fair. And Puka ripping off like 250 yards rushing a game now. Wait, can less just coach that game? There's no rule against it. Right? There isn't. Like, just let him go. that game I mean what's coaching going to be for him at this point right he's just going to come in and clap

I think Kansas could use that somebody has to clap in that stadium not true but you know it'd be nice it could be like oh man that's my dad it's my new dad it's less I think they would take it as mockery especially the way especially the way less claps hey he's making fun of us he's clapping all stupid

we've seen that before that man is making pancakes at us I mean you'd be thinking about pancakes in a little Kansas football game right you're like pancakes do sound good speaking of the big 12 I just wouldn't point out Oklahoma

gave up 40 points to Kansas so I think the key is just to pretend you're facing Oklahoma's defense I think they need to fire Mike Stoops I don't want to talk about Kansas anymore can you you you want to talk about the fcs didn't you the fcs bracket is out folks and it's it's just weird to me that even college football fans we have an entire half you do you do it in cassio dog voice or nothing you're allowed you're allowed one noise

bru roo roo perfect so we have this whole entire half of division one that has like the playoff setup that everyone says they want but nobody pays attention to it wait but but it can't be that many more than four teams right it's probably only six

higher eight eight would be the highest you could possibly go with the playoff without infringing but nowhere near on valuable school time

could it be or maybe maybe it's a 16 team playoff hell no we get we had we devote even less time to school than that Fuck school

Fuck school We're here to play football 24 teams And guess what Guess what? The Ivy League Doesn't even get to play Because fuck school

That's right Here's the best part The same The same organization Oversees both of these The same one that's like Ooh gosh You know

Gotta move slowly with the playoff A lot of things to consider Oh over there Don't worry about them Yeah they're making Flamethrows in the backyard But you you don't run with scissors That's what FSI

I don't know. I think it's even better than that. Because, like, the NCAA runs FCS, and the top level is just the TV consortium conglomerate. Like, the NCAA is the shield, you know, where it's like, we care deeply about academics and also letting young men play five football games in December. The last of which will be in Frisco. Whereas the TV level is the one saying, like, oh, no, we care way too deeply about academics to put them on TV. They're, like, both fucked up in different directions.

Yeah, FCS. by the way, it does stand for fuck school. It's at big F, little you, big C, K, big ass. Fuck church and school. Fuck, fuck school, yeah. We're playing on Sunday, too. Yeah, and they do, like, FCS does nutty things, right? They do like, hey,

you know, I don't know, we got Sam Houston State. Where are they going to play? I don't know, we'll truck them all the way up to Montana in the middle of a fucking blizzard to play a playoff game. They're going to play in Prague. Fuck you. Pray, Prague, Oklahoma, to be specific. Right.

You play play play off games on campus sites? Shouldn't you play them at the The Advocare, Alamo Fiesta, Ford Fiesta. We're going to play them in Fargo, bitch, on a Wednesday. We're going to play it at Drew Breeze's big backyard. We're playing in motherfucking Bozeman. They do. Like, I love that.

Montana one year, they had, uh, it was like a dead drop blizzard. I mean, like, like big foot wide snowflakes falling in like rapid succession, like a near white out conditions. And the announcer comes on and goes, welcome to the stadium at the mouth of Hellgate Canyon I was like Fuck yes man You're telling me you'd rather watch the Orange Bowl

Our playoffs are trash I'm trying to tell you So I wanted real quick to run through this bracket Not just because my team has a top four seed And just lay out some predictions Just so we spend at least a few minutes per year Talking about half a division one Can I get two volunteers

Me sure sure okay um let's do uh let's do let's do spencer i'll give you one half of the bracket and then i'll give ryan another okay okay uh spencer give me uh montana i'm gonna run through teams i'm not gonna give you records seeds anything like that you're just picking a winner okay all right montana state hosting incarnate word oh montana state got this yeah uh let's see jm u hosting delaware jm u smoked them blue hens peaked like eight years ago Towson hosting Duquesne. You know what?

I bought weed from somebody at Towson wants. Towson all the way. All right. We're going home chalk. Wofford hosting Elon. Never betting against Wofford. Terry is all the way.

Excellent. All right. Ryan, Nichols State is hosting San Diego. Who you got? I like Nichols there. The Colons. Northern Iowa is hosting Lamar.

This guy named Lamar. Hey, y'all, I'm Lamar. Lamar's seen some shit, all right? He won't talk about it, but he's seen it. Give me more. Lamar. I like, Lamar, I like that it's Lamar Cardinals because that kind of was Louisville for the past two years, wasn't it? Mm-hmm.

Just a guy named Lamar. Just, it's Lamar and the Cardinals. Jack State hosting ETSU. Jacksonville State is a lie, so I will take ETSU. ETSU, founded by Phil Fulmer. South East Missouri State Bears hosting the Stony Brook Sea Wolves. God, Stony Brook is... Nah, I got to go South East Missouri State.

All right. Next, Spencer, North Dakota State versus Montana State. Oh. I got to go. Come on. Come on. It's North Dakota State. I'm putting them through.

Okay. JMU is headed to Colgate. Oh, JMU by far. uh south dakota state hosts tauson jack rabbits please okay over your plug yeah over my plug yeah no i'm sorry the swole last jack rabbits go okay uh and then we have a a flex bone battle kennessee state hosts wafford kennesaw state planconia is real that's true uh let's see ryan you got eastern washington on the blood turf hosting the nichols kernels a bit of a travel for nichols so I guess I'm going to go eastern Washington.

Next we have UC Davis. Oh, there's Davis. My good meat school. By the way, they are the Aggies. Oh, that's a little on the nose. The UC Davis Agies. I'm changing that. They're now the UC Davis Butchers, and I'm picking them over Lamar.

Okay, the Butchers beat Lamar. And then we have the Maine Black Bears hosting Phil Farmer's ETSU. Maine is an SEC school, and Phil Fulmer is not, so Maine. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then Weber State hosts Simo. Uh, give me Simo. Damn. All right. Okay, so now we have, now we're into the big boys. This is the big stuff here.

Spencer, you have the hardest pick on the whole board. You have JMU traveling to the motherfucking wood chipper North Dakota State. Yeah, JMU is not pulling that off. I'm going ahead and betting on NDSU. Yeah, that was actually, that actually wasn't hard. Um, South Dakota State. see, this would be at Kennesaw, no less. Kennesaw. Damn, okay.

Shit, we got to go to North Dakota State. Ryan, let's see. UC Davis is traveling to the blood turf, VEW. Keep, I'll roll with blood. Let's keep going, blood. And Maine hosts the Southeast Missouri State Bears, Battle of the Bears. Bear off. Can see more people going.

No, I got to go Maine. Superior Bear experience All right Spencer Kennesize Day is traveling to Fargo To get murdered How bad will it be? You know what? In an upset

Upset it's within 25 No it's going to be an issue I'm not betting against the gorilla here And also I would never bet against The Bison Smart Ryan who are you putting up against the bison EWU or Maine

God you know what it's more interesting to say Maine so that's what I'm going with okay so there's your folks there's your official prediction North Dakota State versus Maine and I think you know what happens at that point far flung far flung locals North Dakota State Maine is the perfect matchup of I have a cousin there I've never met in Frisco Texas playing in beautiful Frisco do you like Do you like Dallas, but hate the buildings or anything interesting? Would you like to be a little colder and a little icier?

Sure, Frisco. Do you want just like a sense, do you want it like the LaCroix version of Dallas? Just it's like a whiff. A whiff. Just a whiff of Arlington. So, yeah, that was the five minutes of FCS talking of the year. Man, we should probably just go super hard on this and cover every single game, right? God, I'm real glad we don't have anything.

like this for our precious FBS college football. Ah, it'd be a shame if we had 24 teams playing for the national title at this point because that would include, I don't know. Pitt? Teams like UCF? Pitt? I don't know.

Yeah, probably. Pitt that'd have to put Pitt in. Can you imagine, by the way, the problem, the very, very deep problem of having a 24-team playoff with everyone that we know is involved and having Wazoo loose in that? And I mean a problem both ways.

Wazoo wouldn't know what was going to happen. Neither would anyone else. But on the wrong night, get that, man. You can get sideways on you. Real quick. You would have a conference champ auto bids, which means you would have such teams as perhaps UAB would be in the playoff. You might get yourself an app state in there,

get you a Utah state. Somebody's got to win the Mac, I guess. Yeah, you would get, like among other, others you're going to get your conference USA champion correct you're going to get you're going to get you're going to get you're going to get you're going to get invites like so for instance if you go ahead look to the standings and go oh well who would get into a 24 team playoff questions more really kind of like who wouldn't you know anybody seriously out there sort of thinking boy you know who I'd really like to face I'd love to face Georgia Tech I'd love to face a pure triple option team in a playoff that'd be great would you would you rather to play Utah State? No. I want no part of that. Okay. Okay. None. Shit, if you want triple option, Army

Army's 23rd in the April. Army nearly beat Oklahoma, y'all. That's Oklahoma's best win. But Army, why not? To this point, do you want anything to do with Army, do you want anything to do with Buffalo? I don't. Not a damn thing. None. Or Fresno.

Yeah, this is This would be terrible. And great. We should immediately do it because if Brokow School can get people to Fargo in the middle of, like, December, yeah. There's no excuse. You can go ahead and do it. I mean, yes, it would devalue the regular season on the one hand. On the other hand, yeah, man, let's let LSU play Utah.

Why not? Just see what happens. On the other other hand, how much more value can this regular season lose? Not much, man. what you're going to trade in for this pelt is one star it hasn't been that great this season is a is a poor you know poor possum pelt poor squirrel pelt poor squirrel pelt