Shutdown Fullcast - LIVE FROM SEC MEDIA DAYS (TECHNICALLY THIS IS TRUE)

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

We answer YOUR questions at* SEC Media Days!   *Surber’s in Hoover, it counts!   Invented in this episode: ARBY’S CHURCH!   Also invented in this episode: JEANS OLYMPICS!   A Ginuwine-themed detour that is NOT about Pony!   We celebrate the Fullcat’s birthday!   A harrowing tale from our first online store that was NOT our fault! Sorry, Carol!   A Sisqo story from 2017!   Mark Stoops Take Us To A Steakhouse Challenge!   Please rate and review our college football podcast   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to United.com slash Australia to book your adventure. Sorry.

That guy played goalie for Byron Munich, by the way, in like 1987, Memphis bladder pills. Memphis blather pills. With just one L? Yeah, with just one L. Blatterpills, Memphis. Blatterpills, Memphis. I'm going to get you a custom Byron jersey that says platterpills. Blatterpil.

B-O-A-D-R-P-I-L-S with. Yeah, you just watch. You buy that for me and I'll wear it. And some German dude will go like, oh, you know bladder pills. Second best goalie ever. welcome to the shutdown forecast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast if you want another one that's too bad you don't need one it's all you need we got you we have we have everything for you including um the greatest tribute possible that you can give

somebody which as my co-host jason kirk knows that would be What is the greatest tribute one can give someone? According to the show notes, it's Arby's. That's correct. That's what I'm just reading the assigned text, Spencer. Yes, that is written for me. That is correct. Like great Caesar down the promenade, he hired somebody to just stand behind him in the chariot and go,

we have the meets. Who did? Arbys. Arbys has always had the meats forever. is Arby's is a he It was two It was it's brothers That's what R and B

R&B stands for Yeah A lot of people think it stands for I'm not kidding People think it stands for roast beef But I'm going to pull it up here Yeah it was Forrest and Leroy Raffle

The Raffle brothers And that's what that's for RBs It's like you said Forrest and Leroy And I say why in this place called FLs But I thought you were going to say Romulus and Remus

like that to me that to me is like Arby's two brothers founding of great empires same story I thought you were gonna say rhythm and blues that's actually

I actually thought that was what Ryan was saying is like oh that is what it stands for Arby's the Arby's charts I didn't make the roast beef connection until I was fully like 30 do you think that's why I felt like adding that well like do you think that

they saw their name and thought about, this kind of means Arby. What else? You know, like nominative, nominative determinized their menu based on that. They were like, oh, we want to start a fish sandwich joint, but. Right.

Okay. What would, what would Grandma Jumoka have wanted us to do? So that combination of American dishes that only makes sense that is the peak of logic that is inevitable. Uncle Cheddar. here and that would be a roast beef sandwich and turnovers don't you want that isn't that the light thing you want in your belly when you're sitting in a car expending no energy is that you want a lot of shaved horse meat with a big turnover just dropped on top of it yeah because if you yeah honestly what are we supposed to say here you're thinking of it in terms of like this this car trip will be

uncomfortable. I'm thinking of it in terms of if my car breaks down like in a gully and I have to live in my car for four days. If I have already packed it full of Arby's, like that I have like I have prepper I have prepered myself. I have prepered my stomach with roast beef and turnover. Use Arby's to insulate your home. Correct. That's in Curly fries. Curly fries, the the due date on curly fries. It's like several decades. You can pick one of those up and it's still, it'll be cold, but it still feels somewhat edible. You think you have to return curly fries? That would actually explain some things. They do have a revenge. Arby's America's library. I think that's why they all, you know,

the curly fry itself is a symbol of return. It's not constantly. Holy shit. The great Ereboros strip. RB. Orrero burros. welcome to a robera reefsies you know i kind of had this exact thought this week there's a wendy's on our block and one of the marquee signs just says strawberry salad back for you and every time i drive by it i'm like don't you fucking threaten me wendy spencer for you spencer would you do our dean coonts wendies would you do our listeners a favor and explain why

you're bringing up Barbies? Well, an iconic photo of former South Carolina football coach Steve Sparrier late of the University of Florida is of him post-SEC media days in a suit, gray suit, red tie, unbuttoned, by the way, upper, like top button unbuttoned, tie loosened, right? Because as befits an entire generation of gentlemen, there was business time when the tie was up, and then the tie got loose. at least two inches to indicate that it was post work posing at an Arby's hand extended with

wraparound shades almost blue blocker looking shades if you remember blue blockers they're these enormous visored shades appropriately enough for Steve Spurrier his arm extended forwards the right arm with the drink at the soda machine and a massive thumbs up and grin given of the left arm giving the satisfaction that one can only give when you have slayed yet another SEC media days and gotten America's original Arboros and philosophically magnificent meat joint Arby's. So, yeah, him posted up with two players, by the way, in the back, or a family in the background. That's what I was referencing is the iconic Steve Spurier shot of him at Arby's. Now, why am I talking about this now?

Because I'm going to lay two things on you here, okay? One, Shane Beamer is the coach at South Carolina. I'm guessing at least 80% of you did not know that. Because did any of you immediately remember that Shane Beamer was the coach at South Carolina? No, and that's not why this next photo didn't land for me. Oh, okay, okay. That's interesting. Why didn't it land for you?

Why didn't what land for me? Well, the photo of Shane Beamer. doing the exact same pose, giving the exact same thumbs up at what I hope is the exact same Arby's with two South Carolina players in the background posing like the bystanders in the original photo. Players are adorable, first of all. Yeah, they do a great job. I couldn't pick Shane Beamer out of a lineup if my life depended on it. We might have an SEC Clay Hilton on our hands. Like I saw the photo and I immediately knew what it's supposed to be referencing, but I didn't know who that guy was. I think it might go even deeper because,

In this photo, the first time I saw it, I said, oh, Brian Harsen's doing a bit. In the shades, in the shade, shade. Looks like Brian Harsen in shades. Wow. Is one man coaching both teams? There's a little bit going on in the fit here where it kind of looks like he's wearing a suit that he borrowed from someone, which might make you think had he grown his hair out a little bit longer. Oh, Lane Kiffin's doing a bit.

he does have a bit he does have a very um boy at summer camp haircut i think we have a charmander situation Shane beamer brian harsson lane kiffin lane kiffin being the charzard who of course in the pokeymont show charzart is very difficult to wrangle like he's a heavy hitter he's a handful but my goodness does they actually get sick of charzart's shit from time to time so what we saw was just virginia tech or not virginia tech see i did it a fucking again was south carolina tweeting out without context, this photo of, this photo of Shane Beamer, but with no helpful identifying information. So I was like, like my honest actual first thought, I was like, is that their SID? Yeah. Because I, anyway, I'm looking forward to see. I might have to bump up my

Shane Beamer out of South Carolina by 2024 with a bag estimation. Because if we can't pick him out of people potentially associated with South Carolina football, let alone pick him out of the entire rest of his coaching brethren at media days, he might come burrow into the walls. And you know Franks taught that man to live above a drop ceiling. And you know how you do that? And you make it RBs.

Eat it late at night when nobody sees you and then you go back in the drop ceiling. All right, this might be a hit. This might be more of a hit depot conversation, that Spencer and I have had this argument not too long ago. And I'm going to extend my, my drive-through apostasy from Zaxby's over into Arby's. I will say an argument for Arby's when on a long, long, long, long interstate road trip

and limited to drive-through is that the stuff that you get in your sandwich is at least identifiably meat. You don't know what the fuck is in a burger. Yeah. I'll get that. Like Arby's. At least it's meat. I mean, I

people our age grew up with like, I don't know what Arby's did with their branding when we were growing up because everyone shits on it. I don't understand it. Like you say, it is food. It is clearly food,

which I know it's a low bar to clear in the fast food industry, but it's food. And like, you know, the, Burger King. The turkey wrap.

That's some food-ass food right there. It's not bad for you. It doesn't taste bad. Like I have, no real problem with Arby's and it is quite possible to eat quite decently there. Arby's also reliably and the one big change, this is if you're doing a highlights magazine edition of this photo, the one big thing that's changed is Steve Spurrier was in some sort of Pepsi-based

wormhole. I don't know where the fuck he would have had to stop after media days to get a Pepsi-based Arbys, but Arby's in my experience reliably has mellow yellow at the fountain. I think back when we could go inside the Arby's. I think the problem Arby's That's the saddest thing I've ever said Back in the house days of going inside the Arby's

Not for any of the usual reasons I can't enter the Arby's Right, right Not because of the court order But for all the Stephen King based reasons I can't enter the Arbyes I think the main problem with Arby's is that roast beef is such a

Such a specific thing to center your brand around That like there's a reason people are like Arby's has good curly fries or Arby's has like a good chicken wrap or whatever. That's all true. But the central item, the thing that they decided this is going to be our thing is roast beef. And roast beef just has a weird place in American culture. Like it's not a it's not a thing people eat all that often. It's not a thing people make all that often. It's like weird. It's that kind of like in between where it's like fancy but also kind of gross at the same time. It's like 80s. or 60s fancy, you should say.

Yeah, if I gave you the cue of summer day. Arby should sell Aspick, right? Yeah, like jello with meat in it. Yeah, like, you're totally right. Like, Arby's Whittler. That's why I think, that's why I think they've pivoted to. I made a hand gesture there and I'm so happy you all can't see it. I mean, listeners at home, all these people had to see it here on the call.

I think that's why they pivoted to we have the meats. don't worry about which ones we have other meat don't get bogged down right we have multiple kinds of meats because for a while in the 90s the only direction arbyes could go was would you like more roast beef and would you like shit on top of it that's it at one point they were like how would you like a full pound of roast meat with with moist cheddar cheese sauce on like no ladle of cheese a spurt of cheese I remember yeah this was

our rotation at our household was like yeah we're gonna get pizza once a week we're gonna get Taco Bell once a week and get the Arby's

five for five once a week and it's like we weren't living large but like I don't know me and my little sister we were happy with that yeah

I admire I admire Arby so much for actually exploring the envelope of how much beef Americans will not eat they finally hit that envelope they pushed it and they pushed it and it was finally somewhere like would you like a two pound meat sandwich like no no this is too much meat

but like the point the point at which they started expanding horizontally and not vertically it was like i rbys was a frequent stop for us in the 90s because like when i had to pick my brother up from football practice and i was on my way home from like ballet or whatever he would always want to go to Arby's because that is where he could get the most protein crammed into his body for his allowance. Sure. And at the time they had some kind of like very I remember being entirely acceptable like very 90s like chicken sandwich chicken salad sandwich situation. And yeah, I don't actually know where the great Arby's disconnect came. But I don't ever remember it being like particularly standout. in the pantheon of of fast foods as a 90s baby i will say this arby's is i would argue the fast food that most feels like as you're eating it you're going to choke and die every every bite of an arby's roast beef sandwich has that moment of like oh god this is the one so Brian that's what the mellow yellow is for and the cheese sauce that's what the jamoka shake is for to subdue

grandma jimbo the sandwich aimed of you right now there's a there's a there's an old Thor where Loki is disguised as a sandwich and somebody's about to eat it and fists pop out from the side and start walloping him, right? And that's what every Arby sandwich is. We have the fists. Yeah, it's going to punch back. Okay, so get ready. Spencer, can I ask you a question that you're not prepared for? Please. So the other day, you tweeted a tweet about jeans-based cage fighting? I think it was. And it made me wonder this. What is the sport that if somebody showed up to it wearing jeans, you would think, oh, shit, they must be very good at this. And what is the sport that if somebody showed up wearing jeans, you would think, oh, shit, they must be very bad at this?

Wimbledon. Which one? Yeah, which one? The first. Wimbledon. All right. So I'm assuming it's white jeans because it's Wimbledon. Oh, of course.

white jeans, red trainers. Okay, so if somebody showed up in white jeans at Wimbledon, you would think, holy shit, they must be fucking awesome. I don't actually know that Andre Agassi didn't do this. I can't say it. Yeah. Okay. What, no. What's the, what's the poll? Sorry to jump in. I just had that immediate

That's a good answer. That's a very good answer. Spencer, please continue. If I saw an Olympic swimmer roll up in a pair of jeans, like big, I don't mean little ones. I mean like the bag. If you shut up in junkos, right? If you showed up in a pair of juncos and got up on the podium, I'd be like, get out of the pool. It's already over.

I have a sub question. How do you, how did you decide which vowel to add after the jails? Yeah, I always thought it was jinkos. I have no idea. Yeah, I've heard it jinkos as well. Jankos, okay. I like Junkos because you get to say Junkos. Junkos. That's better. Made by John boys. What about Jankos? Because there's clearly something wrong with your pants. Jankos are off brand Jankos. Hands off my Junkos. this is a this is a legitimate we have the jinks

who is could we be seeing a brand resurrection for jinkos as Olympic training devices like instead of the weights that divers use to help them tread water just like it's a resistance parachute for your legs right right

okay so my question is Katie Ladecki is routinely finishing races half the pool ahead of her competition could she beat the rest of her competition on a global level wearing an enormous pair of

joncos? No. No, I think no, I think the answer is no. It's just too hard is too much. Now the question is could she beat one of us? Let's take Spencer out. Spencer can't swim. That's not fair. Spencer can walk. That's true. Along the edge of the pool.

Sure. Yeah, I think like an average swimmer. I think an average swimmer wearing a bathing suit would get smoked by Katie Ledecki wearing junkos. Now, the one where if somebody pulls up wearing jeans to this particular athletic event, and I am certain- If Spencer has a jet ski and Kaley-Lodecki is wearing jinkos. Ledecki by a length.

Okay. Yeah. Because I'm going to crash that jet ski. It's more hindrance than help, I think. Yeah, it really is. Don't be fooled. The sport where if somebody rolls up with a pair of jeans, and then I have to say oh wait by that same token water polo like what if the USC men's team comes

out and fucking jeans I would be terrified the whole time that they were going to drown like that would be too much for me they're going to drown you yeah I think if it's USC those guys they're going to come out in khakis and polos I think all polo all water polo players have to prolos now yes yeah that's actually what it was named for the shirt yeah now you all know the sport every podcast to somebody's first podcast so let's let's let's explain in the history of water below the sport where i go oh that person's going to die any skiing event especially across country no man have you ever seen you haven't been skiing enough man you haven't seen enough people skiing in jeans it's a scene especially out west i i know that there's a certain

level of expertise granted the western and or west virginian skier who shows up in jeans that person's going through all three catch fences on the third turn of the downhill that's what's happening Why are you looking at me? That person is blowing out both ACLs and flying off the mountain. That is what's going to happen. We need to do winter sports disaster so I can talk about falling off a ski lift because I was having a spitting contest. It sounds like you won, though. I mean, the sport where jeans most improves your aptitude, of course, would be pro wrestling.

Stone Cold John Zina. Yeah. I arrest my case. I think cycling is the one where if somebody showed up in jeans, I'd be like, oh, my, just, just, just the chafing alone like i would be most worried for that person i would not think they were great at what that's an android like i would think that this is a person whose lower body has been replaced with some sort of mechanical situation i would start a fire i would like one one of the lesser basketball teams in the olympics this year to play the united states oh like us Canada yes Canada or australia come out

playing jeans yes i think that would be great to just go out and be like we have no illusions of winning a month. But we're going to wear jeans so you can't feel good about it. That's like the Eastern Europeans showing up in target jeans that they found smoking. No, I want to watch some, I want to watch some former Yugoslav Republic, you know, just pick one. I want to watch them compete in the warmups that they never take off because they're like track suit. Right. We just beat you in an Adidas track suit.

Oh, in their track hurdles. Oh, God. Oh. The stretching. Okay, wait, hear me out. Hear me out. Yeah. Combination of rhythmic gymnastics and hurdles where, like, the genes are your prop,

and you have to get them to flare out over the hurdle. You're describing Jason. I'm basically inventing people dressage. Okay. I don't think that's okay. People chase. And I don't have a good reason for this. It's entirely psychological.

people chase is what we should call the most dangerous game when we finally get it to the olympics if somebody showed up for um fencing wearing jeans i'd be like they must they're really fucking good at fencing that's john claude van dam they're really fucking good at fencing don't yeah kickboxing a kickboxer in jeans like don't be fooled buddy those are actionable real world skills like some bennydick cumberbatch looking dude rolls up to the fencing Olympians like what I guess what I'm saying is we should have a whole I know this is the thought we're all having as the Olympics are going super well right before they get going we should have the Olympics in normal athletic wear and we should have jeans Olympics where we do all of the same

events but you do them in jeans just to see how that goes can um what about bodybuilding no more of a grotesque bodybuilding bodybuilding and jeans be fucking great well because you're graded on how do you look we can't see what if your genes are in the way I want to see how good those jeans out of these jeans turn around let's see those jeans

yes pop out of them jeans and instead of the national anthem we replace it with those jeans I was just thinking oh I've got it I was just thinking of somebody hands over hearts and those jeans

hands over butts yes excuse me I was just thinking of somebody running a full triathlon and a pair of heavy ass swimming, biking, and running. Yeah. Like that final leg.

Swimming first. Swimming first and then running. Ryan is right and that it's totally situational because bi-athlet in jeans, that is terrifying. That's terrifying. But triathlet, you just, I just want, I want you to imagine the last stretch, exposed, sun streaked road, some dude shirtless just in the bib, but with the jeans dragon on them. And you hear the announcer go, yeah, you know, Tom, I think those jeans are really killing them right now. I just, I really want the swimming.

and then the running, because, like, that's a fucking nightmare in any garment. It's like, you all know, we have all experienced the thing of trying to put on jeans after swimming, right? Like jeans in a post-lake situation or a sweaty locker room. And what if they're, what if you have to put on the jeans, like even if you were just swimming normally and then you had to put on a pair of jeans and run? Well, sure, because you wouldn't want to wear your Olympics. You wouldn't want to wear your swimming jeans to run. You'd need to switch to your running jeans. That's how I'd prep.

That's how I'd prep for my UFC fight, by the way, in the locker room beforehand. Somebody would go, let me get your legs. And they'd get my legs wet. And they'd go, put on these jeans. Put on the fight of my life. Oiling your legs so you can get the tightest jeans. I have three words. Jeans high dive.

Because you're going to watch somebody do the high dive and then you're going to watch them climb the high dive with wet jeans on. I'm so heavy. That's the Ginko's one because like it might form a parachute and then you're wrestling against you know, breeze. You've gone sideways.

Reorient. It would sound like you drop the car into the water. You've blown into the crowd. You hate to see that. Well, it was minimal splash. at least. I was trying to think of ones where like I'm pretty sure they already compete in jeans like

curling and archery. And then I realize there's one that doesn't match at all, but for some reason inspires an inexplicable terror in me. Like Ryan, you're right. This creates like a lizard brain level fear. If I saw somebody like step up to the starting line and get ready for, I have two here, I get ready for either speed skating or trampoline. Yep.

Yep. Like, especially if the trampoliner is a dude. Oh, 100%. Yeah. You're not coming back from that. I am assuming whoever is speed skating in jeans is also smoking while doing it. In Dutch. They could totally do that.

I, um... Oh, rowing. Rowing combines, like, the constant motion of cycling with the water element. Somebody would just quit due to testicle torque, right? They would just be like, oh, he's been the squeeze. He hit the squeeze, boys. He's out. Okay, we're actually going to, this is something I wanted to talk about later in the show.

But Thomas Kaiser, Thomas D. Kaiser on Twitter raised the notion of what might happen if we were asked to counterprogram the Olympics. And I think he just answered that question. so thank you Thomas but the tweet itself I thought was very thought provoking because he said they won't cancel it this late but I'd fucking laugh my ass off if NBC has to come up with 19 days of alternate content

to the 2020 Summer jeans Olympiad 2020 so if that happens NBC we have solved the problems for you we will just need a large just buy one mall and we'll be good and genuine one mall

we like holly mentioned we will need genuine to perform the opening ceremonies okay wait sorry last one last one jean's olympics because i forgot it was an olympic sport now surfing love fucking love it like point break proves jean surfing is the ultimate surfing also crime yeah also i think you suffer a large demurred oh the waves took his jeans yep that's gonna I would feel a lot safer personally doing a luge or a bobsled type situation. It's protective, yeah. Yeah, I should, I would do that in just like a gene onesie. That might actually be a value ad.

Gene's ice hockey. Fuck, the 80s vibes on that are Canada. Can you imagine, again, we go back to like the Eastern Bloc, if like the Slovak women's team comes out and they're all wearing like carpenter cargo pants. Yeah, I just, I just, I just put my stick. I would quit. I would lay down and quit. Holly, I think you just invented the women. winter version. So the summer, our summer Olympics are jeans. Winter is cargs. All sports and

cargo. You can wear cargo shorts. You can wear cargo shorts if you want to decrease the fabric, but your legs are going to be a little chilly. But you have to level the playing field by having hammer loops on both sides of your body that your opponent can grab in any sport. It just and hammers. It's just very hard for anybody to tell me that we are bad at business when we have just developed the Gene Olympics so easily. We've made a lot of business models this year. A full 100 year plan for the Olympics right here. You know what?

It's been a well since I've sung it. So I think it's time because speaking of business. Podcast business. Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. It's a business. And it's wearing jeans.

Oh, God, they're so hot. I can't breathe. I don't want to be here. I want to do it. you let you might ha we got that tiger's jeans bitch

we got a birthday in the house it's it's the full cat's birthday I don't know naturally we need him around he's never he's not here when we want him no and he'll be here at the minute we try to do a tender he's not always here like you call

heard the bell so the full cat and his sister podcast ain't played nobody are 11 today congratulations to them both And if you would like to celebrate this, I can think personally of no better way than visiting pre-owned aeroboats.com and purchasing a fine coffee or other beverage mug with the full cat's face on it. Lovingly made for you by Ryan Nanny. Jason and Spencer, I'm going to throw a little bit of a curveball at you because while the two of you were enjoying a fine weekend with your families in various parts of our great nation.

Ryan had a little business incident over the weekend with the full cast store that I bore witness to. And no, it's not the misprinted Mid-South Airlines mugs. It's something different. And I'm going to have Ryan tell you guys about our little weekend business adventure with the full cast merch store. Again, available at pre-owned airboats.com. I'm going to see if I can find the exact email that I received. All right. So I'm going to run it back a little bit.

I'm good. No, I've got it right here. I'm good. Oh, oh, welcome. Welcome. This is a, this is an email I received from a listener named Scott. And I want to emphasize that this is not a bit. This is real. No, no. This is a real thing. It is also really the cat's birthday. This is the email. Hello, shut down full store. I am disappointed to report that the Mid-South Airlines mug I ordered from the full store was not delivered. Instead, I received a bottle of some type of prescription pills that appear to be intended for a lady who lives in Memphis. This reader lives in Oxford, Mississippi. The pills and a receipt were in the package with the shutdown full store return address on the label. I attach the photos of the package and its contents below. Please tell me what I should do to fix this mix up. The pills. First of all, we checked. The pills are bladder medication. They are bladder medication. And indeed, this listener received through some baffling capitalist expression of the full cast hate some ladies bladder pills instead of a coffee mug.

Memphis bladder pills. I don't know how this happened. We have, we are, we are working on alleviating the situation by providing our, our friend Scott, a new, not a new mug, because again, he received prescription bills for somebody else. And I didn't even know it was a thing we could order. I didn't know that was possible. I just. I missed the pharma portal on the shutdown full store. I guess what I'm saying is think of your purchase on the full store as kind of a random object generator.

Are you most likely going to get a sticker, a postcard, a mugs, something like that that's on the store? Yes. Statistically, yes. So far. But you might get pills. That's what I'm doing. Add to each item, likeliest item is.

All we have on sale are loot boxes. I just, we haven't even had this store open for a week. And within that time frame, somebody already got shipped, somebody else's pills. From Memphis. This woman in Memphis has received a mug

that makes no sense, I would assume. her name's carol hi carroll we're real sorry about this for what's happened i don't so yeah um if and and we don't know if this was a usPS mislabeling if there was a barcode that was miskin or if our fulfiller is sharing like a shipping facility sure with with somebody else all by way of saying if y'all get something weird with our return address on it take pictures and send it to us because we kind of want to see where this goes please unless it's narcotics I will also say

not to narc them out when I told the Fulfiller that this had happened Their first response was Oh, we'll send him a new mug And I was like And what of the prescription pills? Also, you never sent them an old mug

But proceed There was a gun in my mug Oh, we'll send you a new mug I just Also happened to Memphis The universe has given me so many signs That I should stop doing this show And everything is associated with it

And I refuse to listen No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to ask you, this is non-ritorical. This is non-ritorical. Yeah. What is bad about what has just happened? Nothing for us. Yeah.

Sorry about Carol's bladder. You're right. They'll fix Carol's situation. I hope so. Just look at it. Well, I mean, look, they're sending a new mug, so they're sending new pills as well, right? I hope so. I don't know.

That guy, that guy played goalie for Byron Mutualie. By the way, in like 1987, Memphis bladder pills. Memphis bladder pills. With just one L. Yeah, with just one L. Flatterpils, Memphis. Blatterpils, Memphis with the same for a Munich. I'm going to get you a custom

Bayern jersey that says platterpills. Blatter pills. B-O-A-D-R-P-I-L-S with. Yeah, you just watch. You buy that for me and I'll wear it. And some German dude will go like, ah, you know bladder pills. It's the best best only ever.

Anyway, welcome to our business. meeting i just i wanted you guys to find out about this where i could see both of your faces wow i just but ryan called you were gone ryan calls me he's like it's like there's a fuck up from the forecast store and it wasn't even my fault mhm hey listen pre pre owned airboats dot com go ahead get yourself a mug who knows what might show up maybe a mug almost statistically you're likely to get what you ordered. Yep. I would also I mean, this is about as effective a health care plan

as anyone has the full cast. This is maybe the greatest possible demonstration of us never having told a joke on this show. Yeah. I wanted to go ahead also while we're tooting our own horn. I believe we have crossed the 3 million listens mark from since we switched to IMG

Learfield. That is 3 million downloads in less than one year. We can't be bought if you're interested in that yeah so thanks everybody especially hey thank you surfer we don't get thank you enough uh the numerology at this moment which is uh on on the evening of early evening of tuesday july 20th is three million 33 000 one one one wow i like that's solid so that's that's one trinity for each of us and then uh an additional trinity uh at the end that's another three yeah i believe we also have uh various uh patrion subscriptions uh we've got a lot

of we've you know we've it's enough time that we've we've spent enough time making up a lot of business models and now we finally made some businesses and i say finally because uh you and i were last as usual uh but congrats to us if we were on time by the time y'all get this episode you should be able if you are subscribed at 26 next com you should be able to read a delightful piece from spencer on show hey otani who is a baseball player that i'm aware of yeah he hits dingers and that's all that matters just whops the hell out of the ball just a just an absolute absolute slammer and uh you can subscribe to that at channel six link is in uh my bio on twitter holly's bio is at channel dash six dot goes dot i oh it is subscription

you got a pay and you should because it's good shit uh speaking of paying for good shit. Jason, I'm feeling the faith. I'm feeling the fire. We got a fresh VBS episode up in the last week. Did we not? Yeah, we did. So first on the on the Patreon front, let us remind the listener of the Moon Crew Patreon, which leads to the Discord where basically everything that we do and several of our friends do, we gather there to commune and discuss. It'll be extra, extra fun when sports get back rolling. I say acknowledging there are sports happening right now. You know, we're talking about jeans Olympics and college football. But really, people in there talk about sports all day long, like so much soccer talk and

car talk, so forth. But yeah, that's that's $3 a month for a social network that I would say is better than Twitter. I like barely ever look at Twitter these days and it's pretty awesome, I've got to say. Also, the Vacation Bible School podcast, we have a Patreon of our own. We have started a monthly book club on there. We gather on zoom maybe discord but there are invites in there um we just read jesus and john wayne by christian cobestume a book about how toxic christian masculinity has been going for a century and uh basically explains everything about this country um then we're going to do a little pallet cleanser or something a little lighter and happier next time around there's some other stuff on that

patreon as well um a few a few exclusive episodes to go along with our main canon free episodes uh Yeah, I think those are my only two Patrons. Can I encourage people to also check out the Split Zone Duo, Patreon? Not be, listen. Those plucky kids. Listen, content, I'm not here to talk about the content. What I am here to talk about is how. That's good because it's inexcusable.

They're getting close to a thousand, a thousand patrons. I need them to hit that number so that from then on, Alex and Richard can be out of touch media elites who don't, understand what the rest of us are going, are dealing with, and are not really in tune with college football. Then it'll just be like, Godfrey keeps having kids. So y'all better subscribe to this thing. Here's, here's these New York, D.C. fat cats coming in trying to tell you about college football when they're, you know, just living off their tens of thousands of dollars. So please go subscribe to a CD so we can make that a reality. Thank you. That's pretty good.

being a fat cat sounds like a pretty good life work for garfield i will only describe fat cats as actual fat cats look at this fat cat with this plush fur on his little snuggled tree that he sleeps in all day it's much better than being a lean cat dreaming dreaming of rats we have a lean cat she's she's outside like 23 hours a day she like pops in for like a snack and a snuggle and then she's back to work we see her you got a barn cat Oh, she goes all over the neighborhood We'll see her like two streets over that way She's claimed the whole neighborhood She's tiny and paranoid So nothing is ever going to catch her So that's one plus She takes murder on the road

That's how aggressive she is Yeah I mean so I'm just One word in defense of lean cats Is they can escape anything I guess That's fair That's a good point That and

I think we've covered Everything there is is to cover as far as uh as far as internal podcast business this is a very successful segment well done um we have a lot of business we do it's a lot of business y'all we got what we got we got we got peanut butter jelly sandwiches to buy and make for for for the kids we got you know treats to make for fat cats everybody no shame in that's me sending a fat cat high five to server through the chat i assume i assume spencer has just revealed that his budget process is consists of peanut butter jelly bread give up business model give up on all my family is dying yeah

Spencer makes a solid dad lunch actually I am master of the dad lunch I've been eating lunch with the nephews while it just didn't like the short order the short order shit like he's always got like a quality fruit and veggie chop side like fruit veggie chop side sandwich done with like you got put a little something extra on the sandwich right it's a peanut butter and jelly you toast it right sure use the You use the good jelly. You make sure that it's cut on the diagonal if they like that, right? You position it just so on the plate. So it doesn't look haphazard.

It looks like somebody cared to make you your low effort lunch. It's what you wanted. You wanted a low effort lunch, but I gave it to you with the utmost care and precision. That's what the dad liked. The airlines won't do that. The airlines won't do that. No way.

You don't want a LaGuardia lunch. That to me, lunch is a failure if it looks like something you need at LaGuardia. maybe eating LaGuardia is the mistake in the first place Going to LaGuardia Going to LaGuardia existing Going anywhere that LaGuardia either connects to in any way Yeah, I know somebody who was on a flight this week

And came back for SEC Media Days Which is Please imagine Sam Pittman in Paradise Imagine the Arkansas coach robust Probably a good ruddy you know the color of a cured ham out there on the beach zero sunscreen on not a care in the world and posting that yeah he found the swimming hogs of the Bahamas man that looks soothing as hell I would love to go swim with some pigs the swimming hogs you know I think they're the what

the pigs do is they swim out to the boats and get treats shallow water some paddle pigs by the way of course hogs being indestructible creatures excellent swimmers buoyant and superb swimmers who kind of just turned the nose up like a snorkel and just go for it. Like, as if they weren't unkillable enough. They could just swim for like miles through the water.

Oh, yeah. When the floods come, the pigs will survive. Pigs will survive everything, right? They'll survive everything except an SEC West schedule. By right. It's hurtful. It's hurtful. It's mean. Yeah, but

with the hashtag, turn that damn jukebox on, which I'm pretty sure this is the only time that this has been used. Yeah, the only time, the only person to use it is, is Sam Pittman or in Arkansas guy. So that's their official hashtag. They are beautiful, robust looking hogs. Though honestly, these hogs look healthier and better taking care of that a lot of people I know. Sam Pittman is in this picture. He's hard to see, but he's there. And his skin appears to be made of footballs. No, that's what we want to see. That's what we like. You know, he is the ultimate, no, he is the ultimate coach

because he has actually made a football. Yeah, literally a football guy. Coach Sam pigskin. Like, I think this is what, if you took the Ninja Turtle's shells off? Oh, see, I recognize the, I recognize the wife to the left of him as a person because she's got a hat on. Sure. But he just kind of looks like a large statue.

He could be mistaken for like a rock. Or a graven idols. Yes. Well, I think on first viewing, you think, Oh, Arkansas has a new commitment. So he went on Google and he typed pigs near beach. Big beach. No, that's not what happened. No.

Yeah, no. He swam with the pigs, which I just looked up how the pigs got there. And the official story from the Bahamas itself is that maybe there was a shipwreck. Let's talk about the Bahamas writing Muppet Treasure Island into actual human history. That's right. That's right. sometimes they dress up in costumes and sing cabin fever this boat had pigs and dim curry this makes me realize that when arkansas has a spread offense what they're using is pigs in space fuck they really were not that they ever do that but i got nothing my mind's just blown the other thing somebody brought to our attention which i believe deserves that attention is that cisco uh revealed this was broken cave man

Yes, broken caveman. On Twitter who asked for this breakdown. Yeah, we're going to talk about it because when asked about the real life inspiration for the thong song, which to my mind, maybe a top 10 American song ever in the American song book. It's like Cole Porter, Willie Nelson. Why just American? And Cisco. It's right there.

And KV sent us a clip of, I believe. This was 2017. Oh, we're coming up on the anniversary. Okay. We're coming up on the anniversary. This is an in style in 2017. When Claire Stern asked, is there a real life inspiration behind the thong song? And then Cisco giving the inspiration said, and man, what a scene setter. It was a cold winter's night. It laughs. Well, that's because you haven't let the dragon out. I don't remember if it was wintertime or not. What? But I had a date with a young lady. And I must have done something right over the course of dinner because I got treated to a more intimate gathering later on. We started to get all hot and heavy. She got undressed and lo and behold, I see something I'd never seen before, this article of clothing. It was one of the most glorious things I'd ever seen in my life.

I was like, what are you wearing? And she said, oh, this old thing, it's a thong. I think that was when my hair turned blonde. It was like in the Ten Commandments when Moses went to go see the burning bush and came back down and his head was silver. I don't remember the rest of the night because I was under the spell of said material. I was shell-shocked. Sounds like a transform of experience. More Sisko. She already had the cake, but she put the icing on it with the thong. That cemented it. I immediately went home to start writing the song. I called my boys up. I saw something

yesterday. Gather around. I'll tell you. Please, I just want to take a second and point out that Cisco saw a butt and then called everybody to tell him he had seen a butt. He called a meeting. I'm sure Cisco had seen a butt before. Can you get on a Zoom call so we can discuss the butt? I assume he's younger when this happened, right? Yes.

Okay. I mean, do you remember, do you gentlemen remember at what age you became cognizant of thongs? Well, there was a song about them. Yeah, I suspect it was not prior to the thong. Oh, has Cisco moved the generational needle on this for millennials? I think Cisco actually had a big bang effect where I can't remember a universe before them

like Cisco happened and now I can't remember them not existing I think I was probably what year of the song come out like 97 or something yeah okay yeah so I certainly never seen one in real life by then 9899 is what it says everybody leaned in and I told them

there's this new underwear girls are wearing and it's called a thong it was like the fellowship of the ring everybody was like we gotta go out and hunt for the one thong they literally left in that moment like that's the break like they all just left

so according to this what Cisco is describing perhaps in his I'm not sure his Tolkien aptitude perhaps in his mind what he is describing is Frodo's fellowship but hunting for the ring is the task of the Nazgul sent by Sauron

So what we have here is witch king Cisco leading the hunt for the ring. Who fells the witch king, of course, is Aowen and a thong, I assume, beneath her battle armor. Because what's the whole point of her felling the witch king? She am no man. Yes, to fulfill the prophecy. Not that dudes can't wear thongs. Well, sure. As Cisco reveals in this interview himself, he was, he was, there was some challenge for some show.

He had to wear a man cany. And he said, yes, I did it. So Cisco himself approves of the male thong. It's an excellent time for the full catch show up. As the defeated witch king does as well beneath his scary black cloak. This also tracks because the thong song charted number one in the U.S. and in the U.K. on the R&B charts. The only other country where it hit number one, New Zealand.

See? There we go. What is the purpose of donning a thong but to slay? It only hit 20 in Italy, which shows you how aggressively horny Italy is. It's not even fresh. It's not even supposed to the top. Oh, this is a kid song. I don't want to listen to this.

We would need to play this at the Starbucks. Jesus, what is it, my first communion? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's, I just imagine the top 10 Italian songs on any Italian pop charter all contain the word nude. All of them. Can you confirm? I will not. I refuse to do this.

The conclusion of the story is a few days later, my cousin kid burst through the door. I thought there was a fire or somebody got hit by a car and he was like, I was at this girl last night. Guess what she gave me?

And I quote, that thong for fog, thong, thong. We burst out laughing. Then we laughed all the way to the bank. For the record, gave it to him. As a trophy?

The momentum. Yeah, here you go. You know what I did? You know what I bet they did? I bet they just traded, right? Oh, like soccer players like exchanging jerseys. Good game. I will give you these boxer shorts.

They're Tommy Hill figures. I guarantee if it was 97. Oh, this is Joe Boxer. If there's Cisco, they're like gold lace boxers. Come on now. I have Drew Hill boxers. These are rush hour boxers. For pre-owned airboats, we have Drew Hill Boxers available.

If you order them, you'll receive. Mid-South Airlines mug, unfortunately. Can we make Broken Arrow the movie boxers? Yes. Song Song did not win the Grammy for Best Male R&B vocal performance. Well, clearly it should have won the Oscar, is the point. Because it was beaten by DeAngelo,

untitled. That's fair. That's fair. Although I will tell you. As long as it's being kept in the extended full cast universe. Yeah, I can't really, I can't really think of a vocal performance that I could describe as ready to fight God

more than the thong song. Cisco sings it like he is about to like an anime theme where they're about to fight an entire planet. That's the way Cisco sings that song. I have never been more convinced of anyone's passion for anything. Like they're like, oh yeah, man.

Like what about Pavarotti doing like Nessadurva? And I'm like second place. Second place to Cisco's passion for the thong. He describes the experience as like Moses coming down from Sinai. So when Moses was on Sinai, of course, God says, all right, I'm going to, you're going to take a look at me for real. You're going to see me for real.

You can't look at my face, though. So I'm going to turn around. So I think Cisco was correct that Moses did see that thong, thong, thong up there on Mount Sinai. I saw God's butt cheeks. It's in the Bible. Look it up. Well, this is a good time.

Well, think about the lyrics, right? The lyrics that do not consist of the word thong, there's a couple of them. You know, this thing, right? here right is letting all the ladies know but also everybody else you know that so letting all the ladies know what guys talk about because you know there were no lady apostles so we're saying it's now biblically accurate that the lord was wearing testaments here and i'm sorry i need more vacation bible school there's ladies ladies preach all throughout the bible the problem is man wrote it

but continue right well what are the commandments after all but a direction towards the finer things in life. Sure. As in the opening stanza of the thong song. So now I'm picturing the Lord meeting Moses, showing him his thong, and also showing him his comfy home field apparel sweatshirt. There you go. God, nail the dismount!

Because you know what? You're saying, hey, home field apparel didn't exist in pre-biblical times. Through God, all things are possible. How can you say God wasn't wearing the light blue two-lane hoodie? when he met with Moses. How is God going to stay snugly before the sun, asshole? That's right. That's right. Well, time is an illusion as Einstein taught us,

which God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So if it's created today, yes, God has it back then. You know what else is the same yesterday, today, today, and forever? Tennessee football. My baby blue market hoodie after. Tennessee football, year after year. She was having such a good time. She's mad. She's so mad, but it's relevant.

You can't get bad because it's relevant. But that's why I'm going to take it. As a Tennessee native, I'll go ahead and tell everybody that, yes, the next in a sweep of SEC East teams, who have finally seen the light and signed on to home field apparel, is the University of Tennessee volunteers. I have an exciting note from the website.

The Tennessee is already added in the shop drop down. You click on it, it says 404 page not found. That makes sense because they're not actually. available yet. However, what a metaphor for Tennessee Volunteers Football. They're kind of here, but not really. And also trouble in

Atlanta. Also, 404, 4-4, that's kind of a 500 record. Yeah. Four and four and S.C. Actually, that'd be pretty good. As I was fucking saying, the other thing that is the saying yesterday, today, and forever is my baby blue Marquette hoodie after it's been through the wash 10 or

12 times. Still snugly. Extremely comfortable. Ryan. Sorry. But Holly, you and I, you and I have seen a little preview of what's coming out for the Tennessee stuff. We spoke of this a few weeks ago on the show. The Lady Valsh shirt in this collection is the one that Ryan texted me as I was driving back from a rafting trip. And I almost drove off the road. Don't look at your phone when you're driving unless it involves home field apparel. You'll be protected in the event of any motor vehicular crashes by the snugliness of the sweatshirt flee surrounding you. Ryan is on this call. and he's my attorney, so I can say that. That's right. Homefield Airbag.com.

You can get 20% off your first purchase at Homefield Apparel when you use offer code fullcast. They don't just have Tennessee. They've got Kentucky. They've got Vanderbilt. They've got Missouri. Yeah, all the lesser luminaries of the SEC East. If you want to be an SEC East weirdo, is what I'm saying.

If you want to be a confusing SEC East fan, home field apparel has you hooked up you can even like i don't know you could probably colorably claim san diego state is in the cc east right yeah you're gonna need a red and black about to be supplanted as my favorite charcoal crew neck and when you all see this tennessee sweatshirt that drops on saturday you will understand what i mean i mean i think you're going to need a red and black cc east team in there at some point like sure being the last cc east team to join the home field collective what's about getting a 404 so I mean, the SEC East teams.

40 years between national titles. Tennessee, Kentucky, Vanderbilt, Missouri, San Diego State, UCF. That's the SEC East, right there. Speaking of which, did y'all see, did you all see Kirby today at Media Days talking about the vaccine? Oh, no. I know, I know that. I got a quote from Tony Barnhart here saying that Kirby said 85% of his team is fully vaccinated and we are not going to stop here for once we are hoping that Georgia finishes the goddamn drill on this one

also really surprised to see Kirby submitting to basic medical care like in a good way as long as they don't touch his hair that's the main thing no danger there this is for me this is for me and my good friend fantastic same where do you want the needle not in my hair that's not my hair don't touch my hair they told they told Kirby they were like hey man you need to take a shot. And he's like, no, we're running it. We're running it. Run it in my arm.

No, we'd never want to take a, we'd never want to take a shot down field. I did see, I did see this, and it is my favorite quote for Media Day so far. That was a really good joke, and it was about butts, and you just trampled on it. That was good.

Teamwork! Acorns.com. I was going to wait for a segue. Folks, if you'd like to take a shot at retiring before age 200, then you might want to look into acorns.com slash forecast, the website at which you can go to begin establishing your own savings thing with a $5 booster pack. Boy, that'll go far by the time you retire at age 200.

Who knows how many. $5 will turn into a lot over the next 100-something years. So how it works is nickels and dimes off your purchases go into your little investment pile and market magic happens. And you can also set it to manually put money in there. Mine is over, good gracious, it's over $800. I could retire right now for several days. I got to check my, let's check my Acorns account. I haven't done this on the show in a minute.

As I am on the family plan, I will go ahead and give you the update on how much. Oh my gosh. I got 4.51.63 in my acorn in my moderately aggressive acorns portfolio. My son, my younger son has somehow now leapt a grand total of $40, no, $50. $50 is ahead. What? Yeah. Yeah. He's now left. What is happening? I embezzlement. The kids just really good at embezzlement. We all have to have a skill. It's amazing what happens when you give an eight-year-old unfa-old unfa-old.

fettered access to your smartphone. We need to chart this. Can we chart this to see if it's going exponentially? Because I feel like it is. Like it's like the industrial revolution, earth temperature chart, right? At this point, in a month from now,

it's going to be $7,000 ahead. How'd that happen? And no one's doing anything about it. Just run away rampant. As far as I know, the best investment by percentage that I should give you in terms of growth would be to just hand my eight-year-old son your money.

What's it going to do with it? I don't know, but it just, the money line keeps going up. Spencer's younger said to the moon. That's easy. Take that, Bezos. I'm going to the moon. Little diamond hands. Yeah, so AQUIS.com family plan, get one of your own,

and you too can watch and see which one of your children is best of financial crimes. Trying to imagine your child rapping. It's like a wealthy rapper. It's like diamonds on my neck, diamonds on my grill. What is your favorite airport? Can I tell you about the great Brazilian air disaster? And how many people did it kill? Bang!

Yes. Record it. We are. So. Anyway, it's been like 75 minutes. So let's get around to the show. We have. Let's conclude pre-show.

Superba you want to play the theme song right? Sure. Time for podcast business too. Jeet Olympics was worth it. All right? Gene's Limbix was important. It was.

It was. This is way better than what we were going to do, which is pretend we're at media days. I'm going to explain the mother boxes now. This will take 45 minutes. God damn it. Mother box. It's not fair to use that voice when we all have headphones on.

So the SEC Media Today's questions. We asked the listeners what you wanted asked at SEC Media Days. Which, to be clear, we're not at. No, we're not at that. And all we know about that is that his internet doesn't work. So so far, we're doing better. He's waiting like a month to know, which else. And his room appears to have two beds.

Very sexy. Oh, pro-hidden-the-dirt pot. No, this was a lengthy, no, this was a lengthy hand-in-the-dirt argument over the pro-move of getting double beds on the road so you have like a bed to put all your stuff on or for feldre calls it an eating bed like that's the activity room and then you go to your bedroom across the hall well but more importantly then you throw all the pillows from the the the stuff bed onto the sleeping bed and wow a little fort oh no i would do the opposite i'm not a big pillows fan so i would distribute pillows freely server is now redistribing

he's doing this live on the podcast he's really done still one to go got it server's got stuck into his pants and everything

man what a pro the the pro move for me would be to have two beds keep your luggage on the rack or on the table

and then in the middle of the night when things get a little bit hot because I'm a hot sleeper so when things get a little bit hot just pop into the cold

bed over there I got a cold when I can pop right over there bed number two I've done that This sounds like you're something that is taken out of the oven and then immediately chilled like a pie or an aspec. No, you don't put an aspec in the oven.

Or maybe like when you blanch vegetables and you're like plunge it into an ice bag. We've already, we've got a cold stock this cauliflower. Like a, yeah, like a steak. You got to let me rinse. You got a good blanche. You do kind of look like you've been parboiled. Thank you. But we asked you what you want to ask.

Suvee and Spencer Hall. woo pigs that's every day it's every day here it's hot y'all I did want to I picked this one first because it is it is to me the essence of the simple

question that you actually would want asked but that is just silly enough for us to make stuff up off of and it is this it is from Fago Unchained said would be fascinated to know how each coach takes their stake thank you thank you for a short simple well composed

question Mainly because I can't answer this about Shane Beamer because we don't know where he is or what he looks like. Nope. Absolutely no clue. Also, I do know he eats meat, though, but I'm not sure what kind of meat because he eats at Arpies. Neither is he because again. See, there, I just fell into the Arby slander trap again for no reason. I believe Kirby Smart.

That's well done. There is no way that man does not take his meat near boiled. Just. Is there a chance they're all either rare or? scalded? I mean, who eats it rare? That's the thing. Not medium rare.

Because medium rare is like, you know, they teach you like, eat your steak medium rare. Eat your state medium rare. Who's they? They, the Council of Men. Like, they're just like, hey, you should eat your state medium rare. That's the manly thing to do. Whereas if you're not just taking directions from the Council of Dunn, you're like, well, I should try all of them and then see which one I like as opposed to.

No, no, no. Get a martini and you get a steak. Do any of you understand what he's talking about? I in a in a clumsy way yes I get what he is saying about how there is like a certain masculine oriented pressure to be like listen if you don't if your steak's not like your steak should look like the queen of hearts in there god damn it yeah I do get that now I see I get my steak preferences from my mother who my grandfather used to tease by saying like Nancy I'll just wave yours over the grill a couple times because she likes like rare, rare, rare, rare, rare. So I was, I'm unaware of steak done this as a masculine construct, I guess. It's bloody. Yeah.

So on the one hand, you got, you have the bloody beef and like football guys could like that. On the other, you have, you know, it's, it's not cooked, been through a lot of stuff. And that's mainly too, right? Like medium, we don't do things medium here at this program, right? We want to be rare. We want to be rare like champions are. Dan Mullen is going to want a brick. of steak, I think. But we also want to do things well done. Oh, this is confusing. Yeah,

no, this is very confusing for the football guy. I'm going to run down the list of SEC coaches one at a time. And you guys are going to, because I think, I suspect Jason is right. And we have like a bloody or brick crowd here. Because what are these guys, if not living in extreme? So I'm going to go down the list of the coaches. And you guys each give me your snap decision on brick or bloody. How's that? Okay. All right. all right uh sam pitman arkansas razorbacks ryan bloody jason bloody spencer yeah rare all right uh auburn tigers we're gonna serpentine jason um brian harsson he's from way out there uh so i'm gonna go bloody as well that's a lot of state country yeah spencer bloody ryan i agree yeah bloody all right dan mullen spencer Brick Brick Brian

Brick Brick Brick Like that man Yeah no no no He has like in addition To being from New England I thought I was making it up

When I said the Sabaro's in the Hoover Gallery It was Dan Mullen's Sabaro No It's brick and I guarantee you He's like it takes longer to chew And that's better value The Sabarro's gone What pillars of our civilization remain

You're fine He's only there for four days a year Now Dan Mullen's on the hot seat Yeah Dan Mullen Because that's how he gets well done that's right he's from new england and also he's been sleep deprived for 35 years going you know so yeah he's he can't taste anything all right kirby smart brick brick brick

oh okay this one can go one of two ways but again i suspect it's an extreme mark stoops he seems like a steakhouse dude to me yeah and i just say that because he's kind of ruddy he just seems like the guys guys like i don't want to lexington is kind of indian Minneapolis, yeah, and that it is a state house and he's from Ohio.

So I'm going to, I'm going to go bloody. I think it's a bloody. I think it's small steak, but bloody, yes. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I'm leaning brick, but I, okay. I am also leaning brick. Oh, okay. Like,

I feel like he's like, hey, Mark Stoves, take us to his steakhouse. Prove it. Serber, have y'all interviewed Mark Stobs yet?

Oh, she dared to ask her her question over the Wi-Fi. It's like a no. yeah um edo bloodier brick this might be the hardest one yeah no because they give the tiger a raw steak and so he's i'm not gonna i'm as tough as that tiger i'm not worried of the bloody people but i mean louisiana's like they like to blackened stuff and this good i don't i don't know i mean

like bloody is bloody fits the vibe more but there there are complications all right here's one without complications. Here's two in a row without complications. Kiffin. Chicken fingers. Yeah. He's the guy who when it goes around the table. They're like, I want the porter house. Well, I want the porter house. And Kiffin's like,

oh, I'd like the chicken. The nachos. For the table? No. Do you guys have the tacos? The coconut shrimp appetizer? Let me just get like five of those. Do you guys have tater tots? Yeah. You guys have the tater skins. I want dessert.

first he might be like can she bring him to me that girl over there could she be and you transform me to her table i'm going to sit at the bar swinging his little legs you know he's a california dude too but i bet he finds i bet he's the guy who finds what is what is what says more california than a tg i friday's attitude yeah that's it i want it my way so go ahead give me the give me the kids meal i know i want the loaded potato skins yeah He's also the coach most likely to have an embarrassing vegan phase. And I don't think being vegan's embarrassing. But like a vegan as in like vaguely white supremacist wellness cult?

Like vegan as in for one day to impress a woman. But vocally he'll be like, yeah, I'm vegan. And three days later, he'll be eating a hamburger. And you're like, what happened late? Luckily like, I am vegan to impress you. Oh, yeah. Yes. No, but what if he thinks vegan is a verb?

Like, hey, man, are you vegan today? I'm vegan all day I'm vegan all day I'm vegan all day oh ain't nothing but pizza for breakfast so I'm vegan it for lunch I'm having a broccoli with my burger

Lane actually strikes me as one of those guys who like has an uncanny ability to tell when you've given him like cauliflower rice so Lane Lane talked about eating at media days he said he is he apparently

he says he's lost weight or people said he's lost weight I don't know which And yeah, that's how we knew he has a girlfriend He does the former thing And they and they asked So he's passing along secondhand And people told me I lose by last week

He says he's just stopped He says he stopped eating And he won't start again Until his defense starts playing well Oh shit It's gonna get thin Oh wow Gypsy cursed himself

Yeah that's awesome Damn it Congratulations Lane I actually didn't think you had that in you I thought I did think he could do to himself Gypsy curse Yeah Accident accidental

accidental self-jipsy curse. He's trying to set up a Roku remote and he just does it. He cheated on the gypsy, I think. That's right, that's right. I'd also like to share a tidbit on Edo from attending SEC Media Days. Edo asked for a piece of gum from the pack we had on our table, chewed it twice, then spit it out and put it in the wrapper on the table. Is that how he brushes his teeth? I was guessing.

That's it. Now it's my gum. Nobody else gets his gum. This is another list of questions. I want to ask every coach it. You know, there's that one reporter who's writing about one thing. So they ask the same coach,

like the same question. You have to hear it 14 goddamn times. Coach, what do you think gum is for? Yeah. Coach, what do you think gum is made of? That's the question.

I wanted to coach staff to answer. Yeah. Oh, also adding to this story, he took two pieces for the, road. Oh, he's marking territory with this. No, he's trying to make sure you can get back to his room. I found my gumball.

I need to find the next one. Look, convention centers are large and they all look alike on the inside. He's just making sure he can find his way back. Now that this borrows closed, I can't find anything here. Because I get hungry. One minute from now. All right. Who's the next coach? We have to stake judge. Fortunately,

it's Mike Leach, so it shouldn't take long. Bloody. Fire is invented by the government. Yeah. Yeah, bloody. That's right. I still can't believe this guy's name is Eliya Drinkwits I don't know what did they eat on the Oregon Trail it's brick that's a bloody name but look at the man he looks

that that's a brick-eaten man that's a brick covered with cheese that's a bloody ass name but all right Shane Beamer whoever that is roast beef yeah we I think we're pretty on record is roast beef yeah you're correct Josh Heipel That's a tough one man

That's tough But I'm Oklahoma Yeah Yeah I was thinking his origins may His origins may betray a beef taste Bloody But I'm gonna say bloody

But he sends it back And he's like Whoa whoa whoa I think he's picking up brick tendencies as he ages Yeah Isn't the Peyton restaurant Is that a steakhouse I don't know

The one that I worked in Yeah. I'm guessing it leans brick in terms of clientele. Oh, no way. I know. Chop steak. Yeah. This is a hamburger steak, man.

Yep. Because it's like I really want a burger, but I know that I should be fancier than this, but I'm not. Maybe a chicken fried. Maybe a chicken fried. All right. Jimbo. How did the rich live? I need I need 17 people to cook it for me

I hate tuna I don't beat for the poor people I broke boys I eat this out of the water I eat bottle-nosed dolphin that's how rich I am These weirdos around here They eat cow What's that what's that made me Orto-Lon I'm over here eating Ornolon

I got rare birds stranded wine Oh I had them cloned cow California condors so then I could eat it. I made one of them living octopuses. I don't even like it. I ordered it, send it back. I ain't human flesh. Stop me.

My own. Buy more. I would actually totally buy either Jimbo or Mike Leach only eating octopus and dolphins because they only eat animals that might be smarter than we are. Sure. Yeah. They absorb their powers.

Yeah, let's take the smarts. Also, I got an ink sack now. Look at me. Boy, son of my own checks. He's mad at the ref, mad at the ref, just squirts away. What can you do if you're the official? I think you have to throw the flag at that point.

I can't see the flag. I can't see the flag. There's a cloud ink now. Look at that. I can't say anything. All right? That's how he propels himself down the field. Like he has to scorch to move.

Back and forth, leaving a trail. Instead of a get back coach, there's a guy with a mob. put him in a jar for his own good he's intelligent enough to open it from the inside they wheel him around in a glass cube jimbo fisher ink sack why does tattoo finish that on google yep you're gonna get a jimbo tap no results for jimbo fisher ink sack well not now not yet give it time not yet um oh right Clark Lee didn't see you down there Brick. I think bloody. He's a fancy lad, didn't he? I don't.

I can see him going either way. Hmm. All right. Let's look at the career. Oh. This guy played at Vanderbilt. Yeah. What's your case?

But spend time in South Dakota. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I think that time at Notre Dame. Notre Dame. Notre Dame. All right, Brick. Yeah.

It switched. over to Brick. I might also make him a hamburger steak guy. Okay, brick, but he asks for like mushrooms on it, right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I need lots of put the lobster on there, right? Little surf and turf for old Clark.

Instead of salad, can I get lobster? Jesus Christ, Cargley is 11 months younger than, or 10 months younger than me. Help. Help me onto this ice flow. Yeah, you got much better hair. Thank you. I agree. have we gone through all of our coaches there no that was the yeah that was that concludes our

first answer for SEC media days we are 90 minutes into the program did we hit sabin because sabin has been around since before oh shit how did i skip him he's been around since before cooking was invented didn't see him that's the way he likes it and also cooking takes time we don't like things we'll see below my sight line yeah perhaps Sabin's Sabin brings his food to the state He's like, that's fine. Y'all order whatever you want. I skipped him at the very start. I started with Sam Pittman because I had pigs on the brain.

He brings this turkey salad to the steakhouse. Put this on a plate. Y'all talking about whatever bullshit you're going to talk about. I'll be gone in four minutes and eight seconds. I'll pay the corking fee for this oatmeal cream pie. Just put it on the plate. Cut the crust off. Got to recruit.

Got to go recruit. That goddamn dinner cost me 26 minutes of recruiter. I will skip and I will skip and go to this question from John Kurtz. which I have, I asked this question because I have, I want this one answer, all right. This is great. I would actually ask this every day. Coach, I'm curious. You must have some players that are good at football.

Can you just talk about that? That's first of all, great question. Like, great question without the answer problem. But I want, I want one coach to just be up there and be like, no, no, we don't have a single good player. I'm on this microphone. This is actually where I really miss Spurrier. Yeah, I would like, well, I want one person show up. Just one good player.

That's all I want. I don't have good players. Shane Beamer says, no, I'm the head football coach at the University of South Carolina. So I like this as the first question because most coaches do the filibuster thing

where they're like, oh, fuck, I got to talk for half an hour. Well, I'll show them. I'll spend 20 minutes reciting my roster. So you listen to that for 20 minutes, get the injury status and the GPA and the real proud of our quarterback, made some handcrafted butterflies for his mom

and so on and so forth. Then the first question is, coach do you have any football players didn't i just okay let me repeat my monologue and then i'm out of here yeah i would um i would refuse to answer like i would i would claim that it was sort of like it's illegal for you to ask me that yes that's a hippo violation that's right no no no a hippo violation is what jimbo is committing uh when he goes hunting but i get away with it You just pay enough money. They'll let you shoot anything.

A hippa is a lady hippo. It costs more to shoot them. That's a hippus. All right. You want to round out with one more because I got one more that we should probably ask all of them. I have that one more. I do want to ask that one, which is from at Kivbot. Yeah?

Or we could do what Spencer wants to do. Was that the one you wanted? I'll ask this one, sure. Okay, yeah. Sorry. At Kivbott. When are your children's birthdays? fuck this is a mean one that's a hippa violation that's a FERPA violation fathers uh fathers really

here here there's a way to make this question even meaner birth when is birth order no when are your children's birthdays and what did you get them for their last birthday no no when are your children's birthdays and how old are they or add the add the grade they'll just be they'll just be throwing darts at that point they want to have a clue. Not a goddamn clue. I think they can give you like, well, we got the one in elementary school. We got the other real proud of college college age. Yeah. We got the tall one smells terrible.

Like I, yeah, I want the one. Of course, there's the boy. Now you talk about a real guy. This fellow. I want to get them talking about them long enough to where they fall into like film cadence. You're like, yeah, you know, she's got. she's you know she's not walking yet but we like her wingspan you know we like where it's at it mostly it's all about decision making and and it's not there right now it's just not not there

with not there with the youngest the middle and the other one it's not however many other there are talking about it looks like frantically scanning the crowd yeah wife was like four right no no his wife's got the hands folded like yeah oh Spencer Spencer's left us Yeah he dropped his headphone You know that screws in Right to the headset

You could just screw it in Keep secrets from Spencer on three Okay one two three We're all laughing Ha ha ha ha ha he doesn't know We're laughing about Yeah Hey when are your kids' birthdays

I do know them I'll write them down for you Just to show I know I don't know what they are Yeah I do know when they are I'm fortunate By the way

Like one factor I have the month I think I can name the month No no no I know their birthdays And that's like That is one of those Confident It is and that is one of those things

Where you go Okay I cannot forget that I cannot Which to tell you this I remember both of my kids' birthdays For real I do not forget them I forgot my mom's birthday last year

By how much Was it like next day Or was it like next month It was the next week I missed it by a week. Now, it's better because I did not forget that a bird that happened. I had the wrong date. Look, I had the wrong date.

I think what you have to do in that circumstance is show up at her house, naked, covered in petroleum jelly, and insist that you have been time traveling. And this is the only way you could get back to our timeline. What? What if you had a coma? You're in a coma. I mean, there are records of that is the problem. Like somebody's going to say like, maybe if the doctors you go to, but I don't know, maybe some of

those don't trust institutions as much as you do. I'll tell you this. I've got a home coma. Yeah, it's a state, it's a state homa. It's the, it's the only organic way you can do it. Yeah. That's all right. Sure. All right. My brother once called me and we were, my brother once called me and my younger brother and we were grown adults when this happened, like out of college, grown adults. And to ask me when my mom's birthday and I told him it was, It was tomorrow. It was the next day. I said, okay.

And he hung up and he forgot the next day. I'm just saying, which is the closest we've ever cut it. If you show up nude covered in petroleum jelly, grab your mother by the shoulders and scream, what year is it? The last thing she's going to think about is that you forgot her birthday last week.

This is me and this is my mother, Ryan. Why wouldn't this be something that could happen anyway? Right? Like, my mom would not be surprised. She'd be like, what are you? Like, is this a bit? What's going on? And it is a bit.

That's the thing. Yeah. Then you say, it was. Happy birthday. I spent a whole month preparing this for you. Also, what is the time travel has to happen nude?

I bet that doesn't. I bet the engineers are just lining people up for that. And they're like, you gotta be nude for this. Gotta be nude. You gotta eat a lot of chili. What? Gotta eat like a distending amount of chili is what a trail of shit throughout

space time. You have to take. a really weird posture like make a strange face and take a stress position so that when you pop up in that world you're naked and going right right just squat go ahead and squat bend over please we're going to transport you now step into the machine which has a has a twister board on the bottom pay no attention to that now take your right hand put it on the red and Ryan do you remember the voice that accompanied the credits the opening credit song to the 90s television program slider one that goes sliders that one

yeah slide slide slide naked and greased throughout time just like we enter the world