Shutdown Fullcast - Ludicrous Playoff Scenarios and Week 9, Reviewed

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

WARNING: This episode contains praise for the Ohio State Buckeyes, substantive discussion of Michigan-Notre Dame, a fair amount of Rose Bowl talk, and multiple examinations of how the Big Ten could get two teams into the Playoff. While there are other topics discussed, we must warn anyone who is not prepared to get this Midwestern about the journey ahead of them, which features a guest appearance from Ludicrous Playoff Scenario Seer Alex Kirshner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown fullcast this the internet's only college football podcast and even if it weren't if we were in a cabin in the woods on holiday with our fellow teen college football podcast well we would be the sole survivor in the slasher movie that was week nine yeah because we're not the sluts nope definitely not too homely too Dude, would rather be watching the game. Would rather be watching the game. Yeah, the game of Magic, the Gathering. Correct. Has anyone made a horror film where only the sluts live? Ooh. Then I just, hold on, TM, that's mine.

Okay. Delete this. I never said it. It was a lie. This is what a feminist looks like. Business plan. Oh, speaking of giving it up, easy. Oh, that's a segue,

y'all. I am so happy to be discussing week nine with y'all mostly because, yeah, Notre Dame lost. Notre Dame lost. I'm going to be talking about this for like two weeks. And not only they lose, they lost in what was like easily the meanest game I have seen all year in terms of how they got blown out,

what happened at the peripheries of that and the setting like there was nothing that really compares to watching Notre Dame get pounded into the ground while Michigan only throws four times in the first half four in the rain

in the rain and watching Michigan a team that cannot pass anyway just go okay cool we're going to take all of this frustration every last bit of the rancor we felt over how this season is turned out and what our expectations became when applied to reality. Yeah, I greatly enjoyed watching this. And not just because an offensive lineman from Michigan carried a Notre Dame defender out of bounds through the

sideline and then pancakeed him into the strip of, I guess what is that, half turf, like what would be the track on an old stadium? Right by the cheerleaders. Watching on mute, that was kind of a heartwarming scene. It was. It was beautiful. It was happy birthday. Yeah. Happy birthday to the ground.

Like, no, man, don't leave. We got a surprise party for you. It's over here. It's over here. You're dead. Let's go say hi to the cheerleaders. Yeah. Come on.

Kendra really likes you. For who you are. Not just because you're on the football team. Yeah. No. No. In this case, you don't want to let her know you're on that football team. You'll think less of you.

No, sir. 45, 14. And honestly, and I know, I always say this. Not that close. Not that close at all. I did a rude thing. I did math. Yeah?

What'd you do? Ew. So everybody, you know, the story of this game ostensibly is, hey, Michigan figured out when it's, when it's raining a whole lot, you should just run the ball, almost exclusively. Like, even of the passes, Shea Patterson threw in the first half, one of them, I guess this wasn't ruled a pass because it was backwards. Shea Patterson threw one of the worst, I guess, throwaways I've ever seen, a backwards lateral that fortunately went out of bounds because it was to no one. And it was one of the most panic, stupid decisions you'll see outside of several others that actually have. And I got to say, when you're talking about bad passes and panic decisions and you say Shay Patterson's worst, that's like a triple high jump. But to me the problem was not, yes, Notre Dame should have run the ball more.

Granted, but when they did, they were very bad at it. I counted, of the non-sac runs that they have in the first half, there were 14 attempts. They gained 24 yards, and they didn't have a single run longer than five yards. Michigan, on the other side of that, had 31 non-sack runs for 180 yards, but there are four big runs in there, like 20-plus yarders in there. take those away, Michigan's looking at 78 yards on 27 runs. It's only 2.8 yards of carry, but it's still a yard better than Notre Dame averaged. And I think in turn, that leads to this disturbing math stat in the first half. Michigan's average distance to gain on third down,

4.5 yards. Notre Dame's 7.2. Like, yes, Notre Dame probably should have run the ball more. but that is not like some guarantee that they would have found offense or success had they done it. The most, like, this is my last bit of math, I promise. The most confusing thing to me is, like, how did Michigan do this? This is not a running team that had had all that much success all year. They average 2.4 yards of carry against Army, 2.1 against Wisconsin, under four against Penn State, Iowa, and Rutgers. And then they go out here and they run for 5.3 yards against a Notre Dame team that had been pretty decent against the run.

Hadn't been like just getting killed or anything. I don't understand it, man. Well, you know what the problem was on both sides of the ball? Yeah. Is that Notre Dame was too wet. If only Notre Dame had had previous experience with games of this type that their coaching staff could draw from. to lead their team to stop laughing. Surely, it's just a shame

that they haven't been there before in the most, in the most literal and inescapable terms. Okay, I will say this isn't as funny, this wasn't as funny as the NC State loss in a hurricane. No, that was a lot funnier for like grass-based reason.

Horticulturally and meteorologically, that was a much funnier game. However, this one has the punch of being, you know, when you tell a joke, and you keep telling the joke and it gets unfunny and then it gets funny again. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Yeah, we're there.

Bring towels. Get more towels. So, Ryan, you have brought us some science. I am going to counter that with a little bit of faith. Faith, in fact, faith. No, there is no art on this podcast, to be clear.

Somebody drew the mothman for Holly once. That was art. artists for liberals sorry go ahead jason yeah we got art we got stained glass windows we got we got a big picture of jesus outside our stadium oh boy somebody's somebody's talking catholics here oh no actually if you want stained glass you can go to florida state because they have bobby bowden and stained glass again do they really i've never told a joke they have bobby bowden and stained glass so the cool thing about the catholic the cool thing about the catholic church is it has expanded universe lore right like we we have multiple catholics on here you can confirm this there's

all sorts of shit outside the book that is and jesus said to grand admiral thron sure basically yeah yeah whereas like where i come from it's like well we don't really we don't really talk about corinthians all that much it's a little bit it's a little bit too nice like even stuff that's in the book you kind of got to overlook but with y'all it's like oh yeah there was this dude in like the year 400 who like uh he saw a snake so how now he's like the saint of looking at snakes yeah that's so that's jake saint jake say yeah let's talk about saint adjutor from uh france he uh so the stories of his patronage uh very i'm gonna quote wikipedia for a little bit and then we'll get to what he's the patron saint of because it's pretty good uh some state

he was captured in the crusade uh forced tried to force him to abandon his faith when he refused to escape persecution by swimming back to France. That's a really far way. There he became a recluse, blah, blah, blah. There are legends that's super dramatic. There are legends that state he RPG leveled up to gain water powers. Like he was able to summon whirlpools

by throwing holy water. Like he's got spells and shit. Catholicism is great, man. The stuff y'all make up just to tack on. It is metal as hell. It's to sell medallions, man. We got to sell more medallions. So a juder is credited as the patron saint of swimmers, boaters, and drowning victims.

Wow. And I think Notre Dame needs to like access to this guy's powers. That's a weird thing to be like the patron saint of to be like, hey, I'm the patron saint of swimming and also very much not swimming. Yeah, being good and bad at swimming. Jacksonville's patron saint? Who's the patron for the jet skis? Is this guy the closest guy we have? Who's the patron saint of living in a shipping container after your wife kicks you out?

Hey, boat theft is boating, isn't it? Boat saint. I mean, you can't have boat theft without boating. Otherwise, that's just sitting on a barge. That's stationary. You've got to do some movement. Yeah, I don't know. My theory on this is this, that Michigan got really.

wet and really mad. And Notre Dame got wet and very sad because Michigan has had a very, very tough year. And Notre Dame has not. And that is all the difference. Also, Notre Dame didn't bring one towel. Not a single towel. Like just Brian Kelly screaming on the sidelines. Michigan fans offered them. So that was nice. They did. They threw them. See, that was what I was getting to. They tried to help them. Thank you. Oh, sure. When South Carolina fans do it, it's funny. When South Carolina fans do, it they're wasting good linen right when michigan fans do it i know they have better linens at home okay that's fair right i know that they understand they're like the thread count on these is much too low i should throw them at that notre dame football player of all the things you could throw at a football

player a towel kind of helpful actually it's like the least possible thing right side of the stadium you're egyptian right side of the stadium you're cotton let's go always the highest. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's in my blood. It's in my suit. The Michigan is in your suit. And it's mad. But man, this is one of those games where in the third and fourth quarter, and this is the last thing I'll say about it when the backups got in. Even the backups got mean. The backups were just slamming Notre Dame around because this is the only time. They're like, I mean, you see teams do this sometimes in blowouts where they go, I'm not really going to get a chance to just absolutely kick someone's ass for the rest of the year. It's going to be a fight.

So I might as well take it out on these guys. It's a bummer. The thing about nice sheets is that even if you have them, you can shit the bed. That's what Oklahoma did. I done messed up my credit again. I got involved in his Ponzi scheme in Kansas. Oklahoma took out that Bath and Body Works credit card. They say it only goes up to 15 grand, but I owe $75,000 to the people who make

strawberry hand cream no that's the bed bath and beyond credit code actually that would be worse man oh yeah who watched this game i did not me i don't feel great about it no actually i feel terrific about it i watched most of it and yeah this was this was not this was not fluky this just looked like kansas state i know they hired a different guy i know this is not bill schneider however when when when kansas state holds the ball for 40 minutes and and runs the ball for over 200 yards and gets timely turnovers and takes a generally outstanding offense and drags them into the muck and slows them down to the point of frustration and ultimately defeat.

Yeah, that's Kansas State. So I know this is typically applied to another Big 12 member, but Kansas State back! This is flawless. I can't tell if that's a complimenter. I think Kansas State is back. Like if you look at, they recovered, what, two of the games, three fumbles, got a tipped interception on a trick play. That's right.

Both of those set up short field touchdowns, saved by like a knee on an onside kick. That's all extremely K-State behavior. Also, they were out gained. Yeah. They were outgained by 3.8 yards per play. That is extremely Kansas State. And that's also extremely Oklahoma in a loss. Oklahoma, I looked their last one, two, three, their last five regular season losses, most of them, they've outgained the other team by more than a yard and a half per play.

You can also throw Army in there when it was five yards per play. Like Oklahoma plays soccer just doesn't put the bowl in the net, I guess. I was watching this and thinking, you know, this is classic Bill Snyder Depression era football, right? This is, oh no, don't throw those, don't throw those celery roots. out we can use those don't throw don't throw the chicken skin out okay you can use celery roots stop doing real things but not everyone does them lincoln riley's over here just like throw it throw it throw it in the trash don't we have compost don't you make stock lincoln riley don't you ever make delicious homemade chicken stock i'm sorry he's only into he's only into fast flash fries and

things that take under two to three minutes to cook this is like the h and m offense yeah yeah this is this is exactly this is efficient and i'm getting to my example of efficient by the way skyler thompson was their leading score on saturday and the 4841 upset of the sooners skyler thompson basically um this is this is a i fell into a barrel of coupons at the market line for his rushing 13 carries 39 yards i average three a carry his long was just 15 and he scored four TDs. Those are Mike Allstott and his prime numbers right there. A vulture, if I have ever seen one, in the red zone.

Why did Mike Allstott never have a steak restaurant? Alstatt's prime. How do you know he didn't? Hello? Hello, hello? Oh, a new guest is locked on. Speaking of steak, you know what goes with steak, freets. Hey, speaking of Tampa.

Mm-hmm. The biggest fan, we're joined now by Alex Kershner, easily the world's biggest Tampa fan, the city, not any of the teams that play there, who has never been. Being joined by Alex Kersner reminds us to remark for the first time this show that we work at Banner Society. We're doing great.

Banner Society.com. Alex, you've never been to Tampa, correct? No, someone has never sent me there to cover the Gasperiable. In fact, the people who haven't done that are all on this call. Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, I like that you just pronounced it with the total L in Spanish. You pronounce it as if the people who made the Gasparilla Bowl spoke Spanish or respected it enough. You turned it into a menu item.

It is. It is pronounced with the Elf. Oh, no. I only wish he had gone full Catalan with him. Gasparia. Can I get a cheese, Gasparia? No. No, that's root beer.

just giving it the Peggy Hill Spanish treatment I like it Yeah actually Ryan I was going to do this But Ryan's Peggy Hill it's better than mine Which causes me no small amount of shame Not doing it Alex Oh come on

You are here Alex Peggy! Peggy Hill Spanish To talk about weird playoff scenarios If you don't do it now everybody's going to bug you on Twitter The second they hear this Everybody bugs me on Twitter all the time anyway It doesn't matter Suit yourself

Alex you're here to bring us weird playoff scenarios um can i just pick from one of these and you can describe it would that work absolutely okay woke forest woke forest is one where folks you better stay on your toes because the wake forest demon deacons uh remain alive in the playoff hunt as we enter week 10 uh so the scenario here is is not too convoluted but you know a bit convoluted uh obviously it involves wake forest uh currently one loss, winning the rest of its games. That's going to include a win in divisional play against Clemson, which would be, you know, arguably the best win that anybody has to date.

That would give way exactly one good win, and that is their total number of good wins that they would have at that point, given the league that they play in. But they'd probably be two and O against the selection Sunday top 25. And Jason, correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I think that two and one or three in is like pretty normal and and wake would benefit because it's lost was to louisville which won't even be good enough to be in the top 25 um so they'll benefit from that i disagree with louisville could sneak in there actually but louisville's on a little bit of a they're good god that be terrific um but yeah if so let's say that wake does this because the acc um is going

to have possibly like nine six and six teams who can say um wake could have like nine or even 10 wins against bowl teams, which is something that the committee cares about, um, ostensibly and has supposedly valued in the past. Um, they'd have a win over like six and six or seven and five Utah state, which great for them. Congrats. Um, they'd still need some help. And that could happen if whoever loses Bam LSU, then loses again, which would take the SEC's two bid scenario, mostly out of play. Um, you would then also, you know, kind of along with that, you'd want Georgia, um, to lose to Florida. Oh, we already want that. But win the SEC championship. So then you'd have a two lost Georgia winning the SEC, but they'd have a loss to South Carolina and a loss to Florida. And

look, I mean, this is probably not going to happen. But imagine, imagine if we had a scenario where the SEC got no bids. I think you've already found something more far-fetched than Wake Forest making the playoff yeah yeah like two last Georgia makes it over one less but proceed proceed we'll proceed because you know let's let's say that that happens or really anything happens because you don't actually need the SEC to miss out I mean you could have just one SEC team in the field and you could have a situation where you had Ohio State one SEC team and then two of three of Wake Forest a one lost pack 12 champ which spoiler not going to happen and a one lost big 12 champ wake forest

in the field if that happens. It's week 10, and you could devise a realistic scenario, even one that doesn't require the SEC to miss out altogether. They would have Wake in the field. Spencer and Holly, I'm not going to ask Jason because he might know it, and I don't trust, he knows a lot of things, but you like me. Please, please finish that thought. Hold on.

Do either of you two know if Wake Forest is ranked and if so what they're ranked? And if you can get within two spots, I'll give it to you. uh 22 14 I have no idea what did Spencer say also also receiving votes 14 okay

Spencer's way off they're 23 so Holly I said 22 yeah they're clearly the 14th best team in the nation Holly Holly you step over here with Jason and Alex on the good people who know things Spencer you stay with me on the dumb

on the dumb table dumb island I think no I think you're the Wake Forest believers that's right It's not called friend island. I think you're literally in Wake Forest. Okay. Alex, give me Winnesota.

Winnesota, is simple. Minnesota involves Minnesota winning all of its games. I have gone through this. I think that there's probably nothing else that does it for our good gopher lads. Are you saying that Minnesota are the winners of our discontent? Yes. Yes, that is honest because if they went out, I mean, you know, I think it's not many people would disagree that a 13 and no Big Ten champ is in, you know, let's pretend that Minnesota lost to Penn State in a couple of weeks, but then- Let's also find the people who think a 13-and-0 Big Ten team should not be in the playoff because I want them on the show. Yeah, and they do. Yeah, I mean, oh, no, I'm positive they exist. I just want to party with them.

The interesting question is if you could have a 12-1 Minnesota that won the Big Ten, thereby probably beating Ohio State, but lost to Penn State this week or in two weeks. I'm curious what you guys think about it. I think, no, that's not going to do it. You might be able to devise a scenario where it does kind of along the lines of what we just did, but probably not because that's going to give that Minnesota team. exactly one really nice win maybe two but wisconsin could be like an eight and 14 like wisconsin might not be let's focus on the weird here 13 and no minnesota that's our goal

we're not budging let's let's let's do that let's have that be the path i suspect alex has an unspoken desire here to see penn state fans suffer uh and in this he and i are of course aligned so i mean i always i always hope nothing for the best for my brethren from central Pennsylvania. Oh, my mistake. Yeah. The closest corollary here is probably, what, 2015, Iowa? I was actually thinking about 2016 Wisconsin, which went into the Big Ten championship

against a white hot Penn State, 12 and 0, but hadn't played anybody of consequence. A lot of people would have been furious if they'd made the playoff, but, you know, they wind up losing to Penn State and that, you know, obviously 12 and 1st out of championship was not going to get them with their schedule. I think that this Minnesota team might be similar to that. Their best win in that scenario would be a pretty good win. It would be a win against a Penn State team that's going 11. Listen, man.

This Illinois win just keeps looking better and better. Yeah, man, that's a bowl win. Yeah, come on. You beat Ohio State and Penn State here in. Let's settle on. You've got to be 13 and 0, probably, if you're Minnesota. Because why would we want to dream about anything else? To be clear, if they beat Ohio State and Penn State,

like we will start the PJ Flex should get the Michigan job no no you know how this works right if they beat Ohio State in the Big Ten championship game right and that's who they would be playing correct most likely right so yeah um no that was just idiot me making sure I wasn't putting two people in the same division like this okay so oh I thought you meant Ohio State might lose a bunch of games so Ohio State wins the legends division yeah the which is easy to remember via the acronym Procissivative if that happens

they fire Ryan Day and they hire PJ Fleck on the spot that's what Ohio State would do and if not on the spot then in a week and you know who's taking that both of them they would just because

somebody in Ohio State's going listen do we have to watch the long slow Mark Helferching of Ryan Day here no we're just going to go ahead skip to the next step we're going to hire the guy who beat us with no one

like absolutely no one that would be like you could not name a player on minnesota right now tanner morgan johnson maybe maybe sorry did you say johnson yes julian helman they have a johnson you think you think you think i'm being evasive they they have a johnson they have a johnson Both of these things can be true. Yeah, that's it. If PJ Fleck wins that game, is this Ohio State team? Yeah, there's absolutely no way

they won't just go ahead and hire him. Alex, give me pony up, literally. So pony up is my favorite scenario here where SMU just extorts somebody on the committee and requires them to literally pony up. I think that they've got the reach to do that. And if there's anything that's ever going to get a G5, school into the playoff, then it's some Dallas oil baron.

It's a combination of grift and graft, our two favorite. Barry Alvarez doesn't want release. I don't know. So, App State does not have the money for it. Alex, who's your, who's your mark here? That's of the people who are not currently working anywhere. You have it, you have a Texas man in R.C. Slocum. Ronnie Lott, Frank Beamer.

I'm, yeah, I was going to let's let's, we're saying we already know that Frank Beamer has extremely erotic eyes. Are you asking which members of the committee are the most blackmailable or extortable? Yes. We're looking into entering a business arrangement. Oh, it's Gary Barta. No, it's easy. It's Iowa's Eleanor director Gary Barta.

That's the pony up scenario is that SMU gets an inside person. It's probably going to be an inside man. Let's be frank, given the numbers at play here. I believe there is one woman. Also, women are too smart to fall for this. Absolutely. Both in terms of intelligence and numbers, the men are the most likely to be the subject of this operation.

Thank you, Alex. And they could do it. Ab state does not have the resources to mount a campaign like this, but S&U absolutely does. They could ask Gerald Ford. And I don't mean the president. I mean their other Gerald Ford, who their stadiums named after.

Did you guys just hear Alex make a business decision, like we say, when a quarterback runs out of bounds, but on a podcast? So could Appstate instead of, like, SMU has the carrot, could Appstate, like, subtly threatened to assassinate someone if they don't make it? Yeah, that's more of a kid. That's more of a kidnap your family. It's like, it's like, yeah, yeah.

Suttly threatened to execute anyone? I mean, come on, this is Dallas after all. I also assume that's why Frank. I also assume that's why Frank Beamer's on the committee. So that if Appstate tries that, he's like, I know every inch of these mountains. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to stick. Stick with me, boys. We're not going to get caught in the woods by App State. We can rank them 13th. Arkansas State's athletic director. On the committee in case any of the committee members' wives be tending to on these long times.

No comment on that. Arkansas State's athletic director is on the committee. And I believe that they presumably make some trips to Boone. Boone could, you know, App State could threaten to kind of have like a militia situation there where they kind of don't let him leave. I think Arkansas State finds it rude if you don't greet them with the militia situation Yeah, they're like what? You think it wouldn't take a militia? You'd think you can take us with civil forces? Like when the two,

when App and ASU get together, there's like a formal gathering of militias. Like instead of marching bands, you know, like the militias do attribute to each other at halftime. Yeah, probably so. Alex, I cannot spell this one out because you got punny with it. B.A.E. Baylor.

I don't get it. Where Baylor is your bay, and they make the playoff. That's a scenario. So obviously winning out is going to do it. But I think in Baylor's case, you could devise a situation where Baylor loses a game and still makes the playoff, which is silly on the surface. But I think it works. So they beat Oklahoma. They make their loss a close one to someone manageable, like a.

Texas or a TCU. You then beat Oklahoma. That's right, Texas. You've now been equated to TCU. Yes. I mean, that's... Hey, Texas. You're still a decent loss.

That's actually a compliment given what happened this week. Yes, correct. Beat Oklahoma again. That's two wins against Oklahoma in like, you know, a month. That leaves you at 12 and 1 with what I have figured would be about a 5 and 1 record against ball teams. and three in one or so against the top 25 if they lose. Because let's say that they lose to Texas, then Texas will just be ranked number 23 because that's just how it goes.

Correct. TCU conceivably could move up. It'd be like three and one against the top 25 on Selection Sunday. The SEC finds a way to be just one team. Oregon and Utah both lose, which totally, you know, we just kind of should assume that would happen. and boom you've got it um you've you've said make four enough spots um for a 12 and one big 12 champion baler to be in the field um and i think that that is fine um can i ask let me let me let me let me ask you a pointed question how confident are you that undefeated baylor would make the playoff

100 percent is that is that a shared opinion on this on this podcast no uh no although i do think there would, I do think it would be context dependent. Like I, I think that, I think that there would be a level of skepticism surrounding even an undefeated Big 12 champ, but I also think the level of that skepticism would depend on what was happening in the other better regarded leagues. That's fair. Is that fair? That's a fair, like, context specific answer, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry for introducing context onto the show. It will not happen again. Never again. If you have a 13 and no big 12 champ, I will take any odds that that team is in. Okay.

I will be the only person to Riverside it because I have seen time and time again how people in charge of the sport will simply say that doesn't count. This is kind of where. If they don't want it to. This is kind of where my head was going. And to be clear, it's not that I think a 13 and 0 Big 12 champ generally. It's more like 13 and O Baylor. Yeah. If you said Texas, if you said.

oh you even if you said like west virginia not this year obviously um oklahoma state i don't i don't i don't i feel like baylor is maybe still out of that mentally with some of the committee but i don't know i could that could be totally wrong and i think holly's right it depends more on like what is the big 12 look like at that point what are the other conferences oh yeah like like if if it's between if it's between baler who nobody wants in or wait or god forbid or an undefeated Wake Forest, and what, an 11-1 Alabama or an 11-1 Ohio State? Yeah. If it's any of the other marquee teams who always win the championship in this sport with one loss, they lose.

It'll be, oh, what great controversy. This is what makes the sport great. It doesn't. But, yeah. Because ultimately, and this is like, no offense, but you are who you are, like, what kind of national hell is bail are going to raise if they don't get into the conversation who in 2019 is going to feel bad for them well and we might not get to see that but if you want to see what that like i'm not making a value judgment i'm just saying what i think is going to happen no i agree and if you want to see that

same reaction then uh look to seven and five liberty not getting picked for like the cure bowl or something like that and you'll get the same kind of outrage but that's just because they don't believe in cancer um let's see we still have um leaders and legends give me this one god can you imagine Hugh Freeze in a bowl that involves breasts like just for one second just having Hugh Freeze talk about how this is an issue near and dear to his heart like the nipple anyway carry on here's sports that's woman's cancer that we're talking about leaders and legends leaders and legends is a scenario that that really excites me as an alum from a big 10 university and a long time one at that a lifetime big 10 fan absolutely where the big 10 is your two bid league and the SEC is not and nobody else is the way that this would happen is that penn state and Ohio state both went out aside from their game so one of them is 13 and no and the other is 11 and 1 with a high quality loss, the kind of loss that would make Texas proud.

Whoever wins the LSU Bama game wins out, so you have your SEC and your Bicton champ, but the loser of LSU Bama drops another. This would be maybe Bama losing the Iron Bowl or LSU losing to A&M because who the hell knows what that is going to be in any given year, even when LSU is way better. So you found a way for the SEC to be a one-bit conference. You have your Pat 12 Oregon and Utah's both losing, which, again, feels like something that is absolutely going to happen. Baylor beats Oklahoma, so Oklahoma's done, but then Baylor loses to somebody else, anybody

else. And then you have kind of a, you know, you might be looking at a 12-1 Baylor, but they don't have two great wins. They only have the one over Oklahoma. And then I think that if that happens, correct me if I'm wrong, but you would have your seating would be like Bama or LSU would be one. The Penn State, Ohio State winner would be two. Clemson would be three.

And then the Penn State, Ohio State loser would be four. I think that that is doable if the Big 12, Act 12 cooperate. Am I wrong on that? I mean, does anybody see any reason why that couldn't happen? It's feasible, sure. Yeah, I mean. I mean, I think we've demonstrated, I mean, obviously we've demonstrated the SEC you can pull this off.

And the Big Ten is, I think, just as good about having a wide range of team quality that allows for having, you know, several top ten type teams. So, sure. Like, we've, like, we had a year not long ago where if we'd gone to five, the Big Ten would have gotten multiple in. This is just one step further. My only question is going to be, if the commencement. cares about, like, two teams from the same division.

I don't, and I don't know that they will, but that seems like the only potential hiccough. I don't believe they would. I don't think they would, but also, like, sometimes the committee just decides to come up with new things they care about. It's all arbitrary, and none of it is actually explained, but, like, there is no reason to this point why they would care, I guess we could say. Right. yeah all right this is none of it's explained from week to week i should say Alex i believe this is the last of your scenarios the most ambitious crossover event in history absolutely two SEC teams two big 10 teams

absolutely in play right now no matter anybody here's here's how we get there Penn State beats Ohio State and goes undefeated obviously Penn State is in Ohio State otherwise wins out gets its customary win against Michigan and it's only L is to a 13 in Opin State. It's going to be very, very hard. Just in general, you know, we've seen 11 and one Ohio State teams make the playoff without a conference championship before. I think that anybody with eyes would acknowledge that this is a top four team.

So you'd kind of have a bit of a conflict, maybe, between most deserving and top. But let's continue. Clemson loses the ACC championship game. Perhaps a hitting happens there. And there's 12 and 1 with another 2016 Wisconsin-type resume, right? Clemson hasn't played anybody. I think we all agree that if they go undefeated, they're in, but let's pretend that they lose to some coastal team in the championship game.

Clemson is 12 and 1. Forget Clemson in this scenario. Oregon and Utah both lose. Keeps coming up. Probably going to happen. Baylor loses somewhere. Oklahoma loses again. So you do not have an undefeated Big 12 champion. I think that in this scenario, you could easily argue for Bama 1, let's say they beat LSU, Penn State 2, they beat Ohio State, LSU 3, Ohio State 4. You have with the delighted cheering of the folks who will televise the playoffs.

We don't accuse anybody of impropriety here. No, we just say it. Which members of the committee are most bribable? Most extortable. It's not slander if you're stupid.

Alex, do you then have Ohio State fans doing their annual the TV corporations are biased against us because we're ranked number four here, things? Yes, yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. You do. Our favorite, our favorite conspiracy theory every single year. Absolutely. You probably, you could honestly add in, I mean, this could go all the way to the top. You could have like the White House furious that someone has tried to take 21st century Fox out of a Penn State game. You know, if the seating doesn't work out, you're just trying to

take Fox's best property and give that to ESPN. I mean, there's, There's a lot of opportunities here. Can I make this scenario weirder for you and you tell me if I've broken it or not? Absolutely. Does it work if either Penn State or Ohio State makes it to the Big Ten Championship undefeated? So does Minnesota. Minnesota wins. That's a great time.

Then my best guess would be that whoever loses to Minnesota in the Big Ten Championship is out. And whoever, and whoever, I mean, this is what. it's funny right like i now we're having fun i would think that like let's say that penn state beats ohio state um and then goes to india and loses to minnesota yeah if you think one loss ohio state is getting that spot over penn state yeah right because one of them lost one of them lost to minnesota and wow well and so there's a lot going on there no no i'm with alex this is great i mean like that would be the funnier thing for sure so oh yeah but but I think the committee typically goes more by who you beat than who you lost to.

Yes, I agree. But that's if things are even. If they say, well, this is a perfect chance to just agree, Ohio State is better than Penn State, then that's what they go with. But if that happens, is the Big Ten getting two teams in, is the Big Ten getting two teams in if one of them is an undefeated Minnesota and the other is a one loss Penn State Ohio State. Yeah, in this scenario, yeah, I would say so. And, I mean, you can even make it really easy for yourself if you see Ohio, like, let's taking Ohio State being the team that's in the Big Ten Championship because the committee has shown in previous years that Ohio State getting embarrassed by some mediocre Big Ten West team

is grounds for them to be dismissed. So you would just have that again. I mean, I guess it might depend on how close the game is, but. I mostly like that in this example where Minnesota has gone undefeated and won the Big Ten championship. To you, they are still some mediocre Big Ten West team. Somebody's been listening to PAPN. That's, that's Bud Heliot's music. And we want to do, I want to be on record as saying that Minnesota is great, and we respect them. Well, they're great from a, yeah, they're fun. They're fine. They're fun.

Ryan gave me an analogy that I used in the top, whatever this week, on Baner Society, which is a college football website where they are they are kind of on a role at the blackjack table right now and nobody thinks that they are you know going to become a pro gambler or even make enough money to make like a car payment but that money is theirs until they hit on 17 until they hit on 17 and bust which will probably happen um but for now is like has never stood on 17 in his life and does not intend to start now son um These are horrifying scenarios. These are all bad.

These are all bad. They're wonderful. And I still maintain my rebuttal to all of these is that the committee would say, but what if not? I mean, yeah, because that's what they actually do. But what if not? The most pernicious way this can play out is Minnesota goes undefeated, wins the big 10 title game,

and they still take one loss Ohio State and Penn State and not Minnesota. Which they could do. I do treasure Alex, though, for bringing to mind the image of someone trying to blackmail Frank Beamer and what his reaction would be like. Yeah, it's pretty good. You know what the, okay, for one second, bear with me. You know what the committee could bring up, though. They specifically do mention that they take key injuries into account. If you listen to P.A. P.N. at any point over the last couple weeks, you might be astonished to learn, I know I was, at.

And again, I'm not denigrating Minnesota football because no undefeated seasons happen without a big measure of luck. It is very hard to go undefeated, which is why so few teams do it. And so even fewer teams do it several years in a row. Go look at the number of teams Minnesota has played so far this season who are on their second or third string quarterback. It's like five. It'll gobble you. It's so many teams. It's the majority of their schedule.

I will not stand this slander. And by the way, no, listen, this isn't slander. I am saying that this is, I'm saying take this into account if they run into an L that you maybe can't explain on that side of the ball a little further down the line. But also, shit like this happens every year. Teams get bounces or teams don't. And these bounces are so significant that, I mean, look how many undefeated seasons we actually end up with, regardless of all the handwringing everybody does right around this

time of year. about the number of undefuted teams we have. Also, yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry again for speaking since, and I will try to stop. Great joy in all of this, by the way, is go ahead, in your mind, role play as bowl reps.

Oh, man, the deal. God, we were born a decade too late. The deals that you were able to pull off the scrap pile of this particular car crash of a playoff scenario? Oh, man. We were all born like a decade too late, except for Spencer, to get really good, grift opportunities. The best part about

bowl reps in the current setup is like if you're the fucking sugar bowl rep your teams are assigned to you. You do nothing. You basically plan lunches and dinners. You play very nice. Very nice. You're a junketeer. They're like pastels. You probably

have a lot of pastels. If you're any team in the top like 10 bowls, you do basically nothing. But you still travel. You still go to these games. Oh, sure, sure. I think, you know, I've seen them three times, but I think I need to see a fourth Hawaii home game just to make sure.

Get out there, you know, a week early. Make sure I really have an understanding of them. The Citrus Bowl reps are here again in Hawaii. The Pinstripe Bowl reps are here again. The Pinstripe Bowl at the LSU Banna game in 2011 is still my favorite bowl rep encounter in the wild. Alex, before we let you go, please pick one of your scenarios that you think would cause maximum angst and anguish nationwide well i think

it's the most ambitious crossover event in history really it's it's not the one where smu bribes someone i mean i think that the internet you keep saying when smu bribes someone right that might be a little too on the nose sorry i can't say that no i'm just saying you're you're acting like smu bribes haven't happened already and i find that confusing The only problem with the SMU bribe scenario is there will be Houston counter bribes Because Tillman Fertita is not about the SMU getting the playoffs Tillman's got some other things on his mind about now I think the SMU one do people really get mad that's cute that's just SMU being

I think that's the SMU we love Um no SMU like do you remember UCF if SMU just waltzes into the playoff off one of the eighth season are you kidding me no oh are you telling me UCF fans would be mad, wow, I can't imagine. That would be very different. Yeah, UCF fans might get annoying online. Pinch me. 80,000 students, yeah. Right. 80,000 UCF alone. That's a lot of Florida fans and FSU fans, yeah. As eight SMU alone. Okay. So you think the group, the group text that has every UCF fan would just be a blaze. You think double big 10. God, there's a lot of Android. Double big 10, double SEC is the one. I think that is the one because that, that is the one that is the one that

gets you the farthest into like MSNBCSPN. That's also my personal goddamn nightmare because just every news coverage of it is going to be stupid no matter what. Like you're not even going to, you're not even going to be able to watch coverage of the teams that you like. My sneaky pick is the Wake Forest example because everybody is already like, listen, if Clemson doesn't get it, the ACC doesn't deserve a bid. And if Wake Forest broke, Wake Forest might.

you broke that I think that would cause like that is where you would see the second best team of the big 10 the pack 12 champ maybe a big 12 team that gets like you would see everybody turn their guns and say fuck you how dare wake forest take this spot from us oh yeah literal guns literal actual guns yeah could you imagine what would happen if like the recession hit and there were no bankers around because Wake Forest was in the playoff that night. Like, who would be in the offices in Charlotte that night to make sure that, like, they can properly foreclose on people's homes. There'd be a nationwide Bofa shortage.

Also, Duke grads. That's true. That'd be their moment to shine. It'd be basketball season, so they're out too. Oh, shit. Oh, God. This is how the revolution happens. Wake Forest, do it for everyone.

Okay, Alex, we have to dismiss you from the podcast now, because otherwise you'll be tainted by our work. You're just making too much sense, Alex. Thank you guys for having me. It's a true pleasure as always. We love you. We'll see you at Gathparia. Gasparia!

Gasparia! That would be Alex Kirchner. Did excellent work on the top whatever this week. Always does excellent work. But you know, this week was the top whatever, which you can read off bannerssociety.com. Thank you. Jesus.

Yes. Our home website and your home for college football community, news, insight, culture, ethos. All those things. I was going to say, are you out of nouns? I'm out of, yeah, ran out of TV. That finally happened. Real estate. Your home for real estate.

Brooms. 1023, ran out of nouns. But yeah, that's out of Scarsioner. follow him, read him, love him, as we do. I think this takes us back to Ohio State being the best team that we talked about because they would be one in the nightmare scenario of two Big Ten teams and two SEC teams. Correct? Yeah.

You say potato, I say telekinesis. So Ohio State processing Wisconsin into a fine paste, obviously lost a lot of luster after Wisconsin dropped a game to the. surging Elinai. But Ohio State's defense is

fucking insane, man. They never, in the first half, the Wisconsin defense actually played pretty

well. They held Ohio State to three punts and a 49-yard field goal on their first four

possessions. The offense never crossed the 50 in the first half. Ohio State's defense, as we record this

podcast, is number one in S&P Plus, tackles for a loss per game, yards per play allowed, red zone scoring percentage

and in eight games they have given up a grand total of six touchdowns to the opposing offense is that good that seems good it's very fucking like they are because like

I hesitate to say this because they play in the Big Ten the national conversation about their defense is much less muted than it would be if they played in I think either the A.C. or the SEC, this is, this defense is horrifying to play.

Is, is, is sacking, is getting four sacks in a game good in college? It's extremely good. Yeah. Are you doing extremely good in the language of that hot air balloon tweet? Yes. Is that, is that good? Yeah, is Malik Harrison good? Yeah, he's good.

Everyone on this, everyone on this defense is outstanding. Chase Young will be the one who I think is, you know, the next endumical and sue in terms of this person's probably going to finish third in the Heisman because at this pace it will be hard not to give him votes for an award which has since time eternal largely gone to offensive players he is an offensive player by the way and i sometimes you things just get juxtaposed in a way to really accidentally tell you something really important about something uh one of these is is i was watching

if you don't follow brian baldinger baldinger on twitter I do as of today for one reason. Yes, that's right. First of all, he's an NFL analyst who has an impressive greenhouse set up. And I, like, he's got the peppers, he's got the herbs going. This is not a little joke. He's got an enormous greenhouse full of events. No, and he breaks it down like he's talking about film.

He takes his phone around. He goes, yeah, got the greenhouse going. Got a little midnight rider by the almonds. The way he says snow drops. And he got the snow drops here, getting the herbs set up. Yeah. He's a fantastic follow, but he also. breaks down film and one of the things that baldinga broke down was a play where a screen is the obvious

call and is happening and a defensive end in the NFL does not get back to break it up pretty simple right just saying this is unexcusable this is not what you do at the NFL level right this might happen in college but on the whole the defensive end is supposed to get back and bust up that play by himself. In the NFL, the defensive end is expected to bust up a screenplay single-handedly, not the expectation in college. Guess what I watched Chase Young do like twice against Wisconsin in situations where they called screens on third and long? Yeah, Chase Young completely destroyed the play before it, before like pre-snap knew what was happening and went over and blew up the play himself with ease. Not like, oh man, what an amazing play, but like, oh, that was routine.

It's terrifying how good he is. Ohio State, and this is, I'm stealing this straight from PAPN, because I think God has put it best. Ohio State is so good at this point that they make you question whether the team they have just destroyed was ever good. That happened when they beat Cincinnati, 420. That happened in this game. They won 387.

Like, if they beat, if they crush Penn State, the same thing will happen. We'll say, well, Penn State was never, and, like, it is very hard to step away and say, like, wait, if this keeps happening, that probably means more about Ohio State than it does about their opposition. If they keep making everybody look totally fucking, and that's the thing is they look totally fucking clueless. Nebraska is not a great or even that good college football team, but Ohio State made them look like they barely understood what football was. Indiana is having a pretty good season and Ohio State still beat them by 41 fucking points. Like, this team is just utterly fucking terrifying right now. It's great.

And it's great that Michigan coming off a big win against Notre Dame probably starts to think that maybe they can win that game. I don't think that's true at all. They know better. They know better. They don't. No. They absolutely know better.

You say right now, hey, Michigan fans. How are you feeling about Ohio State? They'll say, leave us alone. Let us have a moment of happiness, please. Yeah, Ohio State has I would say eight out of every Michigan.

Yeah. Eight out of every ten. Eight out of every ten Michigan fans. How many Michigan fans do you all actually know in real life? I don't know any. Jane. Oh, I thought we were talking about Minnesota. What was I doing? The answer is playing Super Mario Bros.

three but the yeah Minnesota's confident about Ohio State they're like let us at those bastards we'll kick their asses yeah I was that's why I was confused for a second because I can't tell those beautiful states apart we can take this out in post right yeah Ohio State does kind of have the Bama problem Bama runs into this every year Bama's played no one it's like well they've they've ruined everyone right there is no like yeah it certainly looks like they've played no one after they're done with them The answer to me is clear about the difference between Ohio State this year and Ohio State last year. Got rid of some dead weight, didn't they?

Let's hire that guy as a head coach again. Yeah, they lost 200 pounds of unsightly gristle. What does Greg Gianno qualify on as the meat scale? Gristle. Gristle? Yeah. And Urban Meyer. Urban Meyer, definitely.

Sinew. He's marrow. Yeah, definitely. So, yeah, that's evident. Evidently, what was holding them back was their coaching. There we go. Done. Ryan Day, by the way, can't entertain that compliment at all, right?

Like, I guess you're just a better coach than her in my. No, no, no. Yes. Yes, keep saying that. Keep saying it. He's real normal looking for an Ohio and. For now. He's kind of rosy.

It's like the Santa. No, but he looks like a person. He kind of has that rosy look of like Dorothy during the color. the color segments of Wizard of Oz. No, it's like the Santa Claus. He's just going to start looking more and more like Woody Hayes or something monstrous. Ryan, you're saying he looks like a Turner classic colorized movie, like where they go back and take a black and white movie. Yes, yes.

Yeah, I think so. The next item that I really wanted to talk about was this, that the Big 12, this Bud Elliott. just pointed out, went full crab and bucket on Saturday. All the crabs, one bucket. In the same. No one getting out. All the favorites lost. Baylor won.

How did Baylor win? Baylor didn't play football on Saturday. How did you all have Baylor in charge of things? Someone should look into this. And also, we're not going to forget about how Kansas managed to win a game. And they literally won a game by losing it for a second. And then getting... It was the most successful blocked kick for the kicking team ever?

Please describe it because I will screw it up. So with about, I don't know, let's say like 13, 20 seconds left, Kansas is lining up for a makeable but not particularly close field goal that will win the game for them if they make it. The field goal is blocked. the one of the members of the defending team takes the ball starts to run with it you know because it's a live ball and wants to see if he can get um texas tech in position to maybe win the football game with a vehicle with their own he attempts to lateral it and i say attempts because it's not even clear like who he was going for if there was somebody there or whatever Kansas ends up recovering the ball, Jason, I don't know, it's like 10, 15 yards closer than where they had it previously.

Yep. And now they have almost no... There is still time left on the clock. There's two or three seconds. So Kansas now, by kicking a field goal that got blocked, gets a chance at a closer field goal, which they make and win the game. And I think we were all hoping at this point that Les Miles said, Time to fake it.

Gotta throw. It's basically one of those old NCAA mini games where they're like recreate this great ending and some of them are like scored 21 points and blah blah blah. This would be the one you just be like, I can't fucking do it. How? Like, yeah, I give up. This achievement will remain locked because I cannot, I cannot like get my own blocked kickback? Yeah. It was good because this happened around the same time that Duke threw themselves

out of at least game-tying, if not game-winning position against UNC because they had a half-back do the Tebow jump pass and he basically threw it right to a defensive lineman, I think, maybe a linebacker. There was a lot of stupid that all coalesced in one moment. And I love when that happens on a Saturday. It's like everybody, everybody just short-circuited. just for like five minutes. Speaking of short-circuiting and I don't know, maybe not having your wiring up to code.

That also seems like a valid transition here. Hey, let's talk about Auburn. Ooh, wee. Yeah. You got some dry rot. Or how's this? I think maybe considering Bo Nix's age and his inexperience,

you might have tried to build on that concrete before it's set properly. Might have lit a little way. But there was a dude in the Banner Society Slack, and I won't call this person out by name. And I actually don't know if they're male or female, so I shouldn't assume. It was a guy. It's a dude. Okay.

Ladies are dudes, too. This is absolutely true. That's good point. But this was a dude. We do a Slack on Saturday. You can sign up for it. Look for it on Twitter. Of course, we don't have a clean link for it.

Are you new here? And after LSU won this game was going on and on about, you know, Auburn has this great defense, and they're blowing it with this garbage offense, and they can't win these games, and they just spend all their time beaten up on the Mississippies. And all that is true. And at the same time, none of it is surprising. Like, there is nothing on Bo Nix's resume this year that suggests, yes, he will go up against LSU and have a great day. This is the same dude who had five yards of passing attempt against A&M, 5.6.5.6.5.5. six against Tulane. Like, he's had two good passing games this year. Mississippi State and Arkansas. Every other game. Win, loss, no matter what, like, mediocre at best.

They don't have a second rushing threat outside Boobie Whitlow. So I'm like, I find it very odd that everybody, that some, not everybody, that some people are freaking out about like, oh, Auburn, disappointing, not living up to expectations. Auburn before the season was going to, Vegas had them winning eight games. And they are like squarely on pace to do that. They might even overachieve slightly. So like I sincerely, I understand that the defense is great and it's frustrating to see a great defense that the offense literally cannot help.

But I don't really understand this level of freak out this year. I think we're so used to Auburn being a team that we are all wildly wrong about that we feel that we have to. That we've been cheated when we're not. to be the case every year. Sometimes Auburn is just fine. This year Auburn is fine. Auburn has a freshman quarterback, a really good defense.

They covered against LSU. They're, you know, they're, uh, they could, they could finish. They'll probably finish as like a top 15 type team. Auburn is fine. Also, by the way, Auburn fans, when are you excited or worried about offense? What's been less relevant to your program success than offense, right? Well, the one year it happened, you just had like a dynamic. player running the single wing.

The rest of the time, it's the same thing you've always been. Three fat guys, a bunch of fast other defenders, right? And then like a running back. And special teams luck, which consistent over 50 years to a point that almost undermines our claim that you are one of the least predictable teams in college football. And the ability to most of the time not get caught at your shit because you're big enough to have money, but small enough to circle the wagons when you need to. an efficient mafia in other words i'm sorry family it's a family yeah so like also by the way

if in case like we all sleep on this by the way because it's a conference game and everybody gets real bent uh over conference games being these kind of like you know particularly when it's lSU and Auburn and they have a history which doesn't quite transcend into rivalry but is definitely something in terms of uh respected and sometimes uh angry foe yeah this was a really good shot at what is one of the best teams, one of the best, like, what, three or four teams in college football at this point? This is a hell of a shot.

On the road, in Baton Rouge, and you lost by three points. Like, as far as I'm concerned, man, you have performed Florida in that respect. It was the best defensive effort anybody has put up against LSU this year, like not even that close. Yeah, no, they did what.

They did what nobody else has done, which is they hopped on short routes. They pressured Joe Burroughs, Sacked him, I believe, three times. Accidentally bumped him to the ground once, Derek Brown, in passing him, somebody said... Joe Burrow had the best response to this. Joe Burrow did have the best response because Joe Burrow, Derek Brown, bumped into him. Inadvertently, like, did not look like a cheap shot after the play.

Someone accused him of flopping, and on Twitter, Burrow took to the internet and said, you know, like, y'all, it's not that he's a flop. It's just that he's a much larger human being than I am. which is accurate there's just there's a lot of there's a lot he threw I don't think it was a cheap shot I think he threw a shoulder but also it's a football game yeah he's gonna get a shoulder thrown at him he's gonna get a little shoulder thrown at him but when Derek I don't think it was anything untoward is what I'm saying it's like a beef shoulder yeah it's gonna it's gonna bump you especially if you are a solid but not Derek Brown sized Joe Burrow yeah so yeah I'm like I mean you can complain about this but one You're going to have to deal with it because they don't revise scores after the game. And two, it's a pretty good effort, man. They do revise the scores of some Auburn games, but not in obvious paper. Not at this stage.

It's been a little while as well. Can we talk about teams that are actually, let's say, not quite what they were expected to be? Yes. I went and compared the preseason poll, the AP poll, to the current Massey Composite Computer Ratings. Here are teams that are 10 or more spots worse. Sorry, did you say 10? 10 or more spots worse than they were expected to be. We're going to start with Notre Dame.

Oh, boy. Where were they preseason? So I actually, I didn't write down either of the rankings that drew down total spots. I think Notre Dame was like, it's cool. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up. I'll keep it on. 11, we have a tie.

Washington is 11 spots worse than they're predicted to be which that feels about right this one was kind of surprising Georgia the computers are not at all impressed with Georgia computers really like Georgia most of the time usually it's like

sure I guess there's a number of five team Michigan State 16 lower than expected here we have a tie two best friends total coincidence Texas A&M and Texas both 19 spots I called it I called it.

Oh my God, you did. Everybody got mad. Which the really fun part about this is, like, this is the AP poll. The Aggies were like 12th or something like that. They were. They were 12th, exactly. Texas was like ninth. And everyone was like, that is way too fucking high.

Pretty much everyone that I know of took the under on Texas's win total and is sitting pretty there. Whereas the Aggies were expected like seven and five. And yet, you know, they've basically tumbled to the same. spot tied at 24, Washington State and Stanford. These are the two big ones. Let's talk about Spencer's specific preseason, bold prediction, though, where he said that both Texas and Texas A&M will disappoint.

Yeah, this is in our story of the season, this was mine that we would have the Lone Star letdown. The Lone Star letdown, by the way, on a scale of one improbable to five. Holy shit, call my lawyer. We're at four, which is the dog will, the dog won't hunt rating, because I'm on track in terms of the story,

but they're not on track in terms of either team living up to the immense amount of mental energy and actual capital invested in their bloated and moderately successful football programs. I think that's accurate in every way with the Longhorns because for some reason the win total, everyone was like 10 and 2 making the playoff. Who would predict Texas to go 10 and 2?

Not us. Like that was the expectation A&M, it's like, shit, if they make it to the end of the season, that's fine. For some reason, they were 12th in the poll. I don't know about that. I think we're talking about micro disappointment versus macro disappointment. What the Aggies are in macro disappointment is consistent

that they are basically one of the nation's most eight and five teams across their entire history. Well, it's also like they're an expensive eight and five team. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing that makes it a little spicier this year. Texas, we're used to profligate waste from Texas, right? Like, they're just like, yeah, hell, I don't know.

We left a valve open and we released a Tom Herman. It's crazy. Yeah, if we're talking over the course of like a decade, then, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Nebraska is 37 spots worse than its preseason ranking. All right, so there are two teams you haven't named that I think maybe are going to be on here, or I'll be surprised if they're not. There's a big one.

Okay. Syracuse. Yeah, that's the one I was going to say. Who's your other one? Michigan's the other one, I would have thought. They were ranked seventh. Maybe they're having a job. The computers like Michigan.

They're 13th in the Massey. So they've fallen by six, not too bad. They can climb back up and then get killed by Ohio State. Syracuse. Preseason 22. 67 spots lower than that in the computers. Syracuse is actually bad. Meanwhile, the two most.

underrated teams to begin the season, Penn State, and Auburn. In the top 25. Okay. Oh, okay. Right. Only within the top 25. So, like, that's kind of overlooking teams that might be in the top 25 now but didn't start there.

Okay. Because I had later in here, I had, I wanted to ask you, which ACC thing is more surprising, Syracuse, 22, because they went 10 and 3 last year, and they're 3 and 5 now, or Louisville, who went two and ten last year, and is five and three now. I'm more surprised at Louisville. I thought that was going to be more of a, like, I thought that was going to be more of a, you know, like a demo job. I thought they were going to have to strip the walls, right? I thought there would at least be a year.

Before they got competitive at all, right? Especially because they were switching from, you know, whatever Petrino was doing to a very different style. offense right and oh and they were also switching styles on defense in terms of having one that's good right so you know and also coaching in terms of having one so really this was this was a complete switch but satterfield has moved much faster so that's more surprising to me especially because and i said it half jokingly eric dungy really meant a lot to that team not just in terms of his intrinsic talent but what he was in context like the way they play and that's I'm yeah I yeah they're bad but it's not completely surprising so I'm kind of a I'm kind of a general

dino babers enthusiast ever since uh Tennessee beat bowling green in supremely unfair fashion and I really enjoyed the manner in which he chewed out the roughs but I haven't been following the travails of syracuse that closely is there anything else like weird roster wise that's going on there besides dungy I just ask you guys to talk about syracuse football and I'm sorry I must be having a they haven't they haven't been able to do that's going to do so much they haven't they haven't been able to run the ball at all. Yeah. Like, I mean, they finally, they're starting to figure out ways to do it, but if you watch

them early on in ACC play, they just, they just did not know how to get first downs. Yeah, they're averaging, in a way. They're averaging three yards of carry. So, yeah. So that's suboptimal. Like, they are, yeah, they can still hit some of the big plays, but they have no little plays whatsoever. Yeah.

And the defense is still bad. All right. That'll do it. The defense's actually improved, but. they're just not playing with the same margins they're kind of just being normal syracuse yeah this is normal syracuse you know i think they're probably like this is probably like well when you lose a player who poured grape soda on himself for a school

project you can't help and i again only half joking right eric dungy completely committed to the cause in every possible way um sticking with the theme of surprise you see L.A. remains alive to win the back to itself. You know, you explained this to me prior to this. I still, I've seen the math, and I've seen how it could work, and I still do not believe that it is possible. So did you see Chip Kelly? So somebody pointed this out to Chip Kelly, and they use the phrase, like, that he, that they control their own destiny. And this is the answer he gave. No, to be honest. The question was, if he told his team they control

their destiny in the South. Their response was, no, to be honest with you. Grammatically, destiny is a predetermined set of events, and if it's a predetermined set of events, you can't control it. Think about that one. Oh, God, he's... Calvinist.

Listen. Chip Kelly. Chip Kelly is one of the worst interviews you can find out there in terms of major college tech coaches. That's a fucking gym. Nebraska's giving him

a run for their money now. regard like like does that oh does that mean like difficult to interview because like everything he says that means just yeah yeah he's uh he he he is he don't he don't want to talk to you so so to recap UCLA started the season with losses to Cincinnati San Diego State and Oklahoma all of which are top 25 teams um their in conference losses have come to Arizona and Oregon State and their wins have come over Wazoo, Stanford, and Arizona State. This team makes zero fucking sense. And that is why it's entirely possible

that they can win the Pact 12 South. Entirely possible. They're only, they're one game behind Utah and USC, neither of whom they have played yet. If UCLA were to win the Pact 12 and go to the Rose Bowl, which would mean finally playing in a full home stadium, full-ish. You're assuming a lot there, but yeah.

I'm assuming a lot of Penn State fans. Yeah. This would be, this would be the fifth time UCLA has made the Rose Bowl with four or more losses. Including as recently as 1993. Sorry, Arizona fans.

I would actually love to see how the committee takes into account, well, you know, this fan baseball travel and this. Like, is UCLA viewed as an audience liability in the Rose Bowl? Luckily for them. Do they have to automatically pair them

with only the most enthusiastic big 10 teams. Fortunately for them, that would be like an auto bid, which, and fortunately you'd have a big 10 team to fill up the rest of the stadium. But like, yeah, if you did have to take that into account. Dude, if we got a, if we got a UCLA Minnesota Rose Bowl, that whole stadium is go first. I am dibsing this now for the Chip Kelly PJ Fleck press conference.

Oh, yeah. Which will be like, you've ever seen a YouTube video with like a very small dog in a very old cat. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It will be, it would, say it's time of possession

in that dominated by PJ Fleck. The best part is there is, it's not even out of the realm possibility right now that a six-lost

UCLA team makes the Rose Bowl. Fuck yes. Thank you, God. I was so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. What, 13, Wisconsin,

whichever it was, shows up as the Big Ten rep. No, Illinois does. Or if they don't. the team that finished eight and six? 2009 Illinois would like a word. Yeah, or if they don't get that bid, does every

member of that Wisconsin team just pop champagne? Right? Like, oh, the title still ours. Oh, thank God. It's almost eight. You were saying that Chip Kelly is an awful interview. Right? I mean, he's an awful person.

Okay, so he's consistent. In the way that robots are bad at being in the way that's like C3Pio is an awful person. Also, this is not a complaint. It's their job to coach football. It's not their job to talk to us. And also, I don't trust people who don't think I'm funny. So that's just like a foible of mine.

But Chip Kelly is a deeply unpleasant human being. So like asking him any question that includes the word destiny, that's pretty much a guaranteed eye roll. You were also saying that Nebraska makes this difficult, Scott Frost their head coach. not the easiest interview. Oh, that's a different kind of not easy interview. Correct. Did you hear what he was, did he hear what he was cranky about this week? Yes, because he was saying that you shouldn't wear a hoodie to Minnesota and places like that because you were, um, he used to get beaten up for where, or not he, the royal he. Yeah, saying that players would be made fun of or beaten up for wearing hoodies on the field

prior to the Wisconsin game or a Minnesota game, right? If it was cold, he was basically, uh, Stealing Valor from people who live in cold places because he lives in Nebraska. It's not that cool. What was Scott Frost wearing when he gave this quote? A hoodie? Good question. One, one, he was wearing a hoodie. Endors.

Indoors. Yep. And two, I wanted to say. It only could have been better if he was also wearing sunglasses. I wanted to say that if you think the cold makes you noble, then 37 below is pretty cold, ain't it, Scott? I'm also confused as to like what he's referring at. Did you go back to the Chip Kelly interview thing just to set that entire thing up to make that temperature? I did.

I did because I've heard it ever since you said 30. What a journey. You said 37 spots below. I'm amazing. You held one thing in your head for that one. That was like an hour long plot. Yeah, just to get to that. 37, 37 below, Scott. Steve Martin calls this an icebox joke.

I'm confused as to which game Scott Frost is even referring to because we'll go with 97. Here were the road games that Nebraska played from October on. They played in Waco, Lawrence, Columbia, Boulder. Okay, that one might have been cold. And that's it. Was it possibly like a high school game? Like one of those state versus state things? I guess.

And like 96, they played Lubbock, Norman, Ames. Like, where are these cold? weather games he's talking about. I'm saying he's full shit, okay? He did originally play at Stanford, which also does not play Minnesota. That also does not contain weather of any kind.

He survived the frozen hills of Stanford. Excuse me, I paid too much money to be cold. Is his real name Scott Frost is what I'm asking? Or did he change it in some sort of weird cold weather branding that just never took off? Best game of the day, by the way, ended at 1.30 in the morning. Scott Seisman. Sorry, go ahead.

That would be Wazoo, Oregon, where I have seen this happen. Wazoo is one of the few teams I can actually say this about. I think I've seen at least four games in my life where they scored with a minute or less on the clock. And I thought, too soon. Too soon! Yeah, we all love making those jokes, but sometimes. Sometimes those jokes are real for a reason. Not a joke, because Wazoo scored with about a minute left to take the lead,

and Oregon could have won it with a field goal. Well, as it turns out, they did win it with a field goal. I always complain when people do the scored too soon thing, like when they're not just joking, you know, like when they seriously raise that as a concern. I didn't this time because I know. Nope, nope, just saw it coming. I help my tongue on this one. You've also jumped over the part where Wazoo even had the ball to score the game winning.

The go-ahead touchdown, rather. Oh, yes. Because Oregon punted from the Washington State 33. Yeah. Yeah, punted from the 33. But it all worked out, Ryan, so nobody has to learn a lesson or change any of their behaviors. That's the most important thing.

That's Holly's message. I didn't learn anything from this. What was it I actually said? I don't even remember what I had been doing. I was like standing on the top shelf of a ladder on one foot in flip-flops. And I got down and I said, nothing bad happened. And that means I don't have to learn a line. lesson. That's right, Mario Cristobal, and Mike Leach, because you're not going to learn because

nothing ever changes. Also, by the way, I don't get this thing where you're obviously doomed and you're going to lose by a field goal and you're not just letting the other team score so you can put your best unit, your offense back in the field. I never understood, like, well, maybe they'll miss up. They're not going to mess up the kick. I know we go, oh, college kickers. There's like a 75% chance they're going to make the kick. Whereas you probably stand at that point with everybody fatigued didn't, you know, you scoring at will, you could get down the field in 40 seconds. Let them score. If they're not going to run out of bounds.

It worked down for Memphis. Every team that plays Memphis turns into Memphis. All of them. It's contagious. Spencer, you want to talk about Tulsa anyway. I just wanted to note that Tulsa, which had been extremely non-explosive on the year, against Memphis, Tulsa had gains of 31, 32, 36, 40. Memphis is less a football team and more a kind of performance virus. Everybody becomes them.

I think it's like acting next to a ham, right? You're like, man, why aren't you being so theatrical? You're like, I don't know. I just feel like I need to be over the top. Because Brian Dennyhees here. That's why. Memphis, the Brian Dennyhee of teams. So here's what happened at the end of that game, by the way.

Tulsa, Tulsa just stays in this thing, even though they went down 14-0 early, and they're trailing for almost the entire game. And then finally in the fourth quarter, they come back and grab the lead, which is just such a nice story. Because, you know, Tulsa's had kind of a rough season. They're 0-4 in the conference after this game. They're 0-3 coming in. And they get the lead, and this is why you should never try, because they get the lead. Memphis comes back and scores, and the break is 4241, and Tulsa does everything they're supposed to do, right? They get the ball with about four and a half minutes left.

They go on a 13 play Odyssey down the field, nipping efficiently towards a potential. Like milking clock the way you're supposed to. Milking clock the way you're supposed to, Kansas State. And getting down the field, getting in the position for a chip shot field. I believe a 29-yarder for the win and they yank it left just yeah

just yank it left and then like everyone in Memphis celebrates why are you celebrating are you the guy who like because they're Brian Denny would celebrate oh yeah let's go to the bar I was in cocoon

cocoon this was also like an hour after had announced SMU Memphis will be the primetime game. That was nearly derailed by Tulsa. And Memphis was like, oh shit, we got to put on our best clothes. Two and six Tulsa is like, man, how fast can bonobos deliver? Also, the ABC

Saturday Night games are now sponsored by Bass Pro Shops, so Memphis by 30. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, by 3,000. By the way, this is also, I think, a very difficult game for Memphis because SMU is already Memphis. This is effectively a Memphis versus Memphis game. Wow, we got a Super Memphis. Yes.

Folks, I think that was very Jim Cantore of you, right? Like, oh my God, did you hear that Super Memphis going off? Spencer, how many yards of offense did Cal have? Ocho Trace, 8.3 and 83. God damn it. Ocho Trace, that's 11. Which is about the same. Hey, listen

Somebody is listening to this Instead of studying for a Spanish exam And now they're going to fuck it up because of you And Alex, to be fair Yeah Hey, to be fair, I didn't go to These two August academic institutions The University of California at Berkeley

Or Yeah, they're August institutions Not October institutions That's correct And Cal certainly not October one I know they have some injuries on offense. Man, they looked, they looked trash.

I mean, everyone goes, yeah, man, Utah's defense was incredible. Okay, okay, it's true, it's true. We've long lauded the large, angry Utah defense that USC, of course, just threw down the field with a terrifying ease, bordering on point shaping, right? But Cal, obviously, not as gifted as USC. got in here and put up, put up the eight three. They put up, Utah is doing that thing where the USC game was the very bad public breakup for them. And now they're like putting a, now they're working out a lot and putting a lot of workout photos on Instagram.

Really working on myself right now? Yeah. So Kyle Whittingham is going even harder on his calves. Yes. Yes. My favorite thing about this game is that Utah entered ranked, I think, 12th in defensive SP Plus by, annihilating a Power 5 team. Not bad. Power 5

5 team. They jumped all the way to 11th in defensive as people as the way. The computer basically looked at that like, sure, that's pretty good. I mean, it did know that it was the Cal offense. Right, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. It's like, oh, you held Cal to 83? That's pretty

good. Like where the algorithm goes, enact Cal protocol. Yeah, that bumps it down from Incredible to I wanted to end the review on a it's a non-college note but not entirely because he was mentored by John Ward at the University of Tennessee driving home because I did hear him one of the themes for this year's I've been trying to listen to as many local broadcast as possible after hearing Dirdorf and Brandstatter to change my life by the way Dierdorf and Brandstetter in a game where Michigan again only through four times and a half in the rain were ecstatic about the results of Saturday night. By the way, do you know who they had in the booth as an interview during Saturday's game?

Who? One of the astronauts from that All-Michigan astronaut crew. Wow. So space isn't real, is it? Evac time! Yeah. Oh, God, dude. So I listened on the way back to Mike Keith, who is the play-by-play announcer for the

I think I have yelled about before. If you asked, yeah, the guy, because Mike Keith... Because he used to be a Knoxville guy. Yeah, and we used to talk about how Mike Keith would sound excited for things that were not, in fact, exciting or good, right? No, he is the most relentlessly cheerful in the face of any available facts human being that has ever been involved with professional sports. And no one, by the way, has less reason to be cheerful about football than somebody who is going to have to describe the actions of the Tennessee Titans. years for years on a weekly basis right and yet this man will call a penalty like something great just happened right like and it's a holding penalty holding titans holding titans yeah i listened to him

today call a game against the buccaneers which for the record how to go the titans won it was a back and forth affair but mike evans of the tampa bay buccaneers had himself today i think he was like uh the former aggie was like 170 yards in the first half alone it's just eviscerating them but the descriptions by mike keith and his color man were the most chipper generous things i've ever heard right like oh god he is just he's just got out the butcher knife and has taken us knuckle by knuckle isn't he look at that he's just gutting us like a fish well i mean good for him what an outstanding player he is i guess that's a real defensive challenge there but you know what i'm sure dean peas will fix that at the half this again this again despite years of experience with

the tight that nothing good will happen might keep legitimately sounding like it could happen right like oh you know what i mean i don't know i think you know the boys get back into it we uh you know kneecap mike evans maybe lock him in a you know some sort of cell well like i don't i don't want to say that he's a sunshine pumper that's not what i'm meaning to imply i mean that he's telling you what's happening he's just saying it real real cheerfully yeah i listened to him go ryan tanyhill sacked he sacked on the play who was who was the buck's receiver who blew up today it was mike evans okay and he was like he was talking about mike evans like he was a titan like or as though he were a homer announcer from mike he was like just a monster day for evans out

there like charity tour people who don't deserve charity he's like oh man james west Just what, what an amazing play there. Excellent job. You're like, yeah, dude, he just threw like a 40-yard TD against your team. Just great. Awesome. All experience is worth celebrating. Man, that might be his thing, but he has always been like this.

And it's just so funny. Yeah. Because it is so, I mean, you guys all know Tennesseans. This is not our thing. My house is on fire. It's very hot. The box driving, the box driving into the train, power zone that's trained for all your heating and air conditioning needs they're uh they're the

ones you want to call when things get hot and speaking of hot right now the box drops of jupiter we just can't seem to connect out there wow your house melts more than it burns that's surprising to me holding titans