Shutdown Fullcast - Michigan Must Defend Our Borders Now

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

Like Hugh Freeze, Spencer's "out sick" for this episode, so Holly, Jason, and Ryan get to dissect Week 2, from LSU's fireworks stand offense to Hawaii controlling the Pac-12 to which OTHER old Tennessee coaches should take over for Jeremy Pruitt to P.J. Fleck getting enough video game cash to buy something other than the default outfit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You lost it. You went too big. I tried to take off like a Southwest plane. Yeah. And just kind of pull the stick all the way back from the runway. Yeah. Now I know how it feels like to be on a Southwest plane in my throat. This team is all about effort.

Effort is all that matters. Not execution, to be clear. Right, right. Yeah. Whatever you do, do it with whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your utmost. You know, the Bible verse. For the Lord. Yeah.

Speaking of Lord's, our Lord is sick. Lord's, I don't want to call him our Lord. He's kind of like a fumbling, dottering gentry, right? He's, he, I view him more as if, like, Cupid got really old. Oh, God, man. no that gives him a bow and arrow that's true that's way too much power but it's it's got a tip on the end it's not that dangerous oh it's got a big squishy tip on the end just like spencer you know you know why he's you know why he's laid up sick it's because his beloved his beloved

texas longhorns and his beloved texas a and m aggies oh it's just too much texas pain for one night yeah we're going to have a lot of football feelings to air out uh this coming Thursday night at our live show in Houston. What's that you say? Live show in Houston? Yeah. We're going to a British pub in Houston. Spencer's probably going to do his accent.

Tickets are still available. They're $25 to get in the door. Did we say it's 45 if you want to get a shirt as well, I believe? If it's 45, include your t-shirt size in there, and we will get you an extremely comfy tribal and banner society t-shirt from our pals at Homefield of Farrell. We'll probably, I would

imagine we'll have some tickets available at the door for those what want them, but maybe don't take the chance. Listen, given how long it took us to set up non-in-person ticket sales, I wouldn't fucking bet on it. I wouldn't bet on anything. If I wanted to

attend, I'd buy my ticket right now. Right. Because This is a perilous situation. Business. Guys, imagine how much trouble we go to for how little reward when setting up just a podcast recording. Now imagine us trying to set up online credit card processing. Yeah. Get your tickets in advance.

We wanted to have these tickets for sale a month ago. Instead, we settled for like six days early, you know, six days ahead of the show. Because that's all we can get. it. So, you know, I don't know. If you want to come, then you should buy a ticket. You know how to get it. The bar, I will say, is very good. They host a lot of local metal shows, which is why they were recommended to us, because we are an extremely metal outfit ourselves. It's 18 and up. They dropped the 21 and up just for us. If you want to be like the dad at our Michigan show and bring your teen uh sorry he's got he's got to age it up a little bit before this one uh because

we just or get a good fake yeah yeah yeah we don't know what fake IDs look like we might be running the door here who knows um we will also announce the next two live shows maybe three but at least two i i think probably this week we definitely won't announce where uh specifically like where the venue is because nope we don't have that planned yet but we will announce what cities they're going to be in what dates we're looking at and that won't change because we can't handle more than one variable at a time let's be honest so you're saying we're going to well you're saying we're going to try the bold venture of having more than six days notice listen at i started trying to plot the houston show out what six weeks out yeah and we

ended up with tickets for sale six days out through the fault of no one on this call and I'm not shading Spencer it's not his fault either um so yeah I'm going to start plotting our October show tomorrow and our November show and our November show and our two and our oh I almost spoiled it I see he did our secret December double header God so much pot look how much podcast business gets done when Spencer's not here do you think this podcast would be amazing and efficient and totally what we want it to be, if Spencer was just never on it? I should have put him in a hospital bed and wheeled him in here. Yeah.

I can't believe I didn't think of that until right now. Damn. Of course, he is actually sick, so that's how you can tell him apart. Also, he would never sit in a dentist chair. Oh, did we ever get confirmation that Hugh Freeze actually did that? No. We, uh, late Saturday night, everyone was tweeting the Liberty account, like, show us the coach in the dentist chair you freaks give us the image and they wouldn't do it makes you

suspicious doesn't it it does uh what is faith but the absence of things not seen that's true wow wait did i say that i said that backwards right close enough faith in the evidence of shit yeah yeah you all get it will i that's that's just the king james version I can't help my reason. I feel we must start this recap episode by letting Jason brag on his sweet boy, his son, the impressive gunslinger, better known as Joe Burrow. Number one in passive rating and completion percentage among quarterbacks with at least 45 throws to this point in the season. Tied for number one in touchdown to interception ratio. nine to one number two in total passing yards against fb s teams number two in yards per game

against power five teams tied for number one in total touchdown six straight games completing at least 62 percent of his passes the ls u fighting bingle baby tiger's offense is number two in s and p plus joe burrow heisman favorite how many how many passing hours does joe burrow have at this point like 900 i didn't write down numbers just facts facts facts Acts only. Okay. Because, um... Maybe 800.

Like a thousand? I feel reasonably good that he's gonna, he's gonna break the single season record. What is LSU's record? Like, is it like 1700? I'm gonna guess Mettenberger. So, so I'll give you the number. The number is 3,347 passing yards in a single season. It's either Mettenberger or a Russell, right?

Incorrect. Wow. Metenberger is third on this list. Jimarcus Russell is second. it. Holly, you want a hazard a guess? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Perfect.

It is like Spencer's here. Sorry, can I tell you what I was doing? Sure. I was applying the like 70s disco a chorus line filter to your sad falls husky to put it up in our Instagram stories. No, I appreciate you doing that. No, that's good too.

It looks amazing. I'm going to send it to you. guys right now. That's a better use of time than anything we got going on here. If Wikipedia is correct, Rohan Davy is the single season. What? Yeah. Wow.

How long would it have taken us to guess him? You would have had to work a little bit. My favorite part is that Danny Etling is ninth on this list. Shit, yeah. Well, yeah, he's a good quarterback. Apparently the ninth best in LSU history from a single season perspective. Yeah. So Marcus Russell is tied with Matt Mock for most passing touchdowns in a single season.

Well, all those records are being shattered as we on a weekly basis. It kind of feels that way. Yep. As always, as always, what starts. It's, as comedy just turns into a documentary here on this program. We don't tell lies because we're not smart enough to, basically. Now that's, now that's a lawyer you can trust. Yeah, man, he looked fucking great against Texas.

I didn't, I didn't expect that at all. I mean, I expected him to look good. Why are we all surprised at the vaunted LSU offense? well i mean i think it's just because hey why do you think they're called airboats i mean i know we've never seen a big 12 defense get shredded like that before but it was still it was still pretty cool to see yeah um decent props to texas's offense as well for keeping them in the game um against the defense that looked like it was like was still pretty terrifying and, um, I don't know, Texas, if you have, if you have cloning ability, maybe just go ahead and get

Sam Ellinger clone right now because there were several points in that game where I was like, oh, he's going to die. This is the, this is the part where they're going to rupture him. He, uh, yeah, he, uh, he enjoys physical combat. That much is clear. Speaking of combat, Michigan, new defender of our nation's border. Like, it's their duty now? Yeah. If you beat Army, you got to take their post. Okay.

And Michigan is the one school where they're like, we've been looking forward to this for a long time, right? Like, I have some military theory to apply. Good, good. I have some documents here. I would like to shout out the local Michigan broadcast, the radio play-by-play guys, who according to alert Twitter user, ERM,

that's at IRM stream on Twitter Apparently kept calling Army's team The Army Once again We speak of Michigan Fighting the Troops And it just manifests into existence

Think about Think about how could be There's like a war of the world scenario there Where somebody who hasn't been paying it He's just listening to the radio And he's like I knew it

This is why I knew the government was going to come for us. They're starting with Michigan football. Here comes the Army. The Army chewing up terrain as it plows over the Michigan boys. I do like that Army's brand of, shall we say, clock metabolism is so ingrained at this point that when they got the ball back with, I want to say, a little under three minutes left in the game, I was really like, I don't know if they will have. enough time left to get set up for a fee to get into field goal position which would have given

them the chance to when they i was almost correct i came very close to me and like yeah sorry just ran out of time you know this this big this big cruise ship needs sign to turn that's what m r u stand for minutes ready to eat you were basically right because they had to pass which meant that drive was all fucked up right right yeah like if if they'd been allowed to run like seven running plays instead of that one pass would have been totally fine. Please look out on the internet for salty Michigan fans who want to talk to you about fumble luck and the almost certainly bad whistle that brought back a Michigan touchdown. Please remind them that Michigan needed two overtimes.

Oh, now Michigan wants to talk about a whistle. Michigan needed two overtimes to beat Army, needed a fake punt, and needed in the end, I think, the turnover. were even 3-3, so, like, y'all can just calm down. A lot of people want to compare this to the Oklahoma Army game last year. This is different because, A, it was out in full view of everyone. Thank you, Fox. And B, because, like, Army didn't, this was not the best Army game any of us have ever seen

them play. This was not like, oh, man, Army got. It's definitely my favorite Army game that I've ever seen. seen them play it's way up there but it was not like there were there were plenty of mistakes plenty of times where army was not doing the things they were supposed to do um and like oklahoma basically i think if if memory serves oklahoma scored on almost every drive if not every drive against army last year that was not the case from micha sprinted up and down the field right right and michigan whereas michigan did not i mean like does

Jason, you were talking, I think, in our Slack about the inability to block by Michigan. Yeah, man. Like, they couldn't handle these fucking, like, no army players, no army defensive linemen are going to be drafted. Michigan State and Ohio State and Wisconsin. Well, yeah, that's true. They were, they were. No, no, okay, don't, don't, don't, don't even. No, they all, they also won't.

be drafted they're already in the volunteer service i said don't email me i know what the army is unlike some fox announcers who kept using submarine metaphors i swear that was on purpose though like there's no that's my problem did they know what the army is gus johnson was using a few too many nautical metaphors where i'm like okay he's doing this on purpose because there's another one as well but like yeah i mean mich is he doing it to tweak people or is he like this is army adjacent just like college football is adjacent to the NFL, what we'd really rather be talking about. I'd tweet people with it. Like when Army threw that pick on the goal line, I'd be like, oh, they really tossed Michigan

a life preserver there. Just be a total asshole. I'm sure the Army has life preservers. I doubt the Army just lets people drown because we're like, nope, we don't touch water. You're lost. You're in the blue stuff. Blue stuff is lava. Yeah, the Navy basically exists due to the Flores Lava Treaty of 1812.

Army looks at the map and says, blue. You don't go in there Only green and brown for me Yuck Yuck! Yuck! You had an Army man A cup of water and he's like Get that out of my sight.

Dumps it on the floor. I eat butter. Sik trash! Give me milk! You think you could have used some milk? Army, they got a bunch of dudes who literally have weight limits and have to wake up and run like 75 miles every morning. And like, you know, they're going to

They're going to work like designing fucking bridges and Michigan can't block them. I mean, you know, granted, every big 10 player designs bridges, of course, because they're all genius engineers. But these are bridges that are going to be bombed, right? So it's a different kind of bridge. When you're doing that, you're not supposed to be a good at pass rushing as well. That's three skills. You're supposed to only have two. No, is Michigan is, listen, let's tell a clue about for a second.

Is Michigan bad? I don't think Michigan is bad. I think Michigan is, I think Michigan, God's honest truth, I think between the offensive line and Shea Patterson, I don't think they actually trust their offense to do that much. Like, look, I am not a smart football person, but if you go back and watch clips of this game, it feels like Shea Patterson never moves to the second read. He always just goes to- I never saw him progress once. It's, he doesn't even, like, pretend to.

He doesn't even do that thing where he's like, okay, I'm going to look here and I'm not going to throw that pass, but I'm going to do that to move a safety or hold a linebacker. Like, it's, it's very much, I haven't played Madden in a while. I feel like I remember these plays. I'm just going to throw it to these receivers based on what the, like. But we respect that, right? I, it's not, it's, we respect it, but we're not trying to win a big 10 title. we're barely trying to get a podcast out at this point i feel like we could win a big 10 title yeah yeah i just like i've been to indianapolis more recently i like the part where

ryan was like i don't think they're bad they just have problems like a quarterback on offensive line well look i i think on defense the defensive side of it i'm willing to sort of wave away because playing playing army sucks everybody knows that and they they got stops when they needed to it's not like they were consistently just getting bowled over, and they did get fucked on the one defense played fine. Fumble return, and they made a goal line stand. Like, these things happened. So put that to one side.

I don't know. What is, what is, what is, what was exciting that Michigan did on offense? Fumble a lot and sometimes recover it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That was, that added a certain zest. Okay.

Proceedings. I was in favor of that as a viewer. It was particularly. it's unfortunate from a neutral perspective that this was happening at the same time Ohio State was playing Cincinnati, a team that we all, like we thought, or maybe just those of us who want weird things to happen thought, oh, that's going to be a test that, you know, Cincinnati very highly ranked defense last year, looked very comfortable against UCLA week one. UCLA sucks, but that's a separate conversation. And Ohio State had no problem at all. None. Sure. Like, if you look at this schedule, you say, oh, both Michigan and Ohio State will get some exercise. Right. But Army got all the exercise. Took a constitutional.

Yeah. I... Which I'm pretty sure is an Army ship. Shout out Rod Gilmore. The good news is it doesn't really matter. All you technically had to do was win this game, Michigan. And I was saying about this today, we've had seasons. where at this point in the year, or even a couple weeks later, we're like, wow, Michigan looks fucking sharp. Their defense is just tenacious and their offense does what it needs to do. It's not like in those seasons that pans out. So I am willing to entertain some twisted, dumb-ass logic that Michigan-looking iffy now maybe means good things down the line. I'm not a smart

man. You shouldn't trust me with your money. I hope Bankoff's not listening to this. Nebraska, Colorado. Except when it comes to buying podcast tickets. All right, guys, I've done everything I can. Nebraska, Colorado. Nebraska, Colorado. This game ruled, first of all. Speaking of manifesting things into the real,

we spent a good bit of time last week, both on our website, bannersociety.com, or a football website.com, and on this here podcast, talking about the time Colorado just created this rivalry out of want to, just walked right up and spit in the big old Nebraska Husker's Eye. And then they invited Nebraska to play them in Boulder, and Nebraska took over Colorado's home stadium.

And that just meant that there were that many more red-clad sad Huskers streaming for the exits when what happened happened. Colorado came back from 17 down in one in a number. overtime is what happened how how how how how late were they down 17 that's like until the fourth quarter basically like uh we're in the uh the the top whatever in the read option which goes out every sunday morning subscribe to our newsletter uh i think spencer wrote that portion about how colorado was uh exemplified just trying enough only when you have only only only when you have to right like saving all your effort for when you need it.

Nebraska tuckered itself out. It really is like censors here, even though he's not. The turning point, which we have an article on this at our website as well, was it kind of got overlooked, which was kind of funny. The flea flicker, Colorado's 90 something yard, 96 whatever yard flea flicker touchdown from the end zone, which I have never seen that before. We couldn't find another example of that happening. a deeply crazy thing to even try. Yeah, if you know of a longer one, email compliance at bannerssociety.com, because I want to see it. Yeah, like we sent out the call.

The longest one we could find was UNC did like an 89-yarder. This was considerably longer than that. And it worked. We found, and Alex's article, he found the Cleveland Browns tried one. Yeah. Into, back into their own end zone. And RG3 throws a pick into triple coverage. It did not go for a touchdown.

of course it was the browns um but yeah this ended up being uh kind of the turning point and it ended up really mattering like they probably would not have won if they didn't have the insane goal to throw the ball backward into their own end zone um and yeah we should remember that play so let's remember that play as as we have online i didn't see anything about the the metal cups and the mayhem they did or did not cause. Did anybody else? I think that means there were no survivors. Yeah.

Oh, excellent. That certainly is what seems to have happened based on the Nebraska Twitter I observed last night. This was bizarrely maybe the most normal thing that happened in the Pact 12th? Yeah. No, no. Having been awake for the dead-ass end of Pact 12 play last night, I can't confirm. Did you stay awake for Cal Washington? I'm pretty sure I did, yeah.

Wow. Don't be like me. That shit ended at, what, 5 a.m.? Yeah, something like that. Spectacular. Time had ceased to have meaning at that point for me. That's so. That's fucked up.

All right. So, some normal things. That's fucked up that it happened to you. To be clear. Not that you didn't. It's more just like you were... Sorry I let you go to sleep to be with your child, dix. No, I think it's not...

I'm not blaming you, but it's sort of like when you read about a roller coaster getting stuck in a loop and you're like oh man they're up there for six hours upside down that fucking blows that was your experience um some normal things happen in the pack 12 this week utah one even though they struggled a little bit early organ and washington state won blah blah blah hawaii beat a pack 12 opponent that's becoming normal at this point but the rest of It's just like nonsense garbage. Did any of our, of our little squad take Hawaii beating two Pack 12 opponents? I don't think we, I don't think we listed it as an option, but it definitely was like after they beat Arizona.

Yeah. It wasn't officially an option, but I think we did say that if they, if, like, Spencer gets an unofficial bonus point for each addition. Yeah, it's, I think it was only a one pointer, so. I don't know Like what to y'all is more confusing Cal beating Washington or USC thumping Stanford? We'll put UCLA losing and home to San Diego State to the side because like

I forgot about that. No that's that's normal San Diego State San Diego State is guaranteed one pack 12 win per season and yep As somebody who watched So Rocky Long has a way Yeah Has a way about him

I didn't watch the Cal Washington or the Sanford U.S.C. games. So you two just tell me which of these I should be more, I should understand more. And the other one, you should just be like, oh, man, world's a fucked up place. Sorry. The Cal Washington game, I kind of feel like you have to toss out due to circumstances. I'm willing to revisit this from confirmation in the data set later down the line. But there was just too much weird shit going on. You kind of have to take that one with a dear lick of salt.

opinion. Jason, what do you think? I think Cal Washington, for one thing, you have such similar teams that you're going to have such a small data set worth of plays within the football game. Like, you know, neither team is going to be taking 100 snaps on offense and all that. You know, a couple of bounces can decide the thing. And then you add in Washington's home advantage being whittled down to like, I think they said 10,000 fans, right? Like, once you add in the insane three-hour weather delay and Chris Peterson having to come out like a wrestling promo to say, hey, everybody, come back in the stadium, please, please.

Like, Washington's Home Advantage was basically gone other than, you know, Cal had, I don't know, been awake a long time. Do you know how many plays Cal ran in this game? Seven. 56, 56. So, so more, more than that. That's, that's, that's, that's a, that's, that's, so if you.

place so alarmingly few plays but both of these teams the goal is to do as little football as possible and cow proved better at that yeah that's a really good point the USC Stanford to me that's the one that it's not just surprising today right right like that's surprising going back to the shit like the end of last season because USC is going to start three and three at best was a thing that everyone just locked in and then they lost their starting quarterback and now they're 2 and 0 and we'll probably be favored

in most of their next three or four games until they go to Notre Dame and then nothing all that difficult after that what's you happen if they beat Notre Dame yeah I mean like yeah USC getting to 5 and 1 and then you know 9 and 3 not at all impossible and what I'm trying to do

is hype them up so that you know then we can get back on course well how have we how have we somehow turned into like in the span of i don't know by the end of september USC could have gone from that thing you were saying before this season to like oh we have to talk about them in the playoff because they beat stanford utah and washington or or they could just like win one of those games and start like if they beat Utah I the it feels dumb to say any conference is done but it will be a very hard case to make at that point that unless USC is the team I guess I don't know this is fucking I mean I would bet on USC making the playoff before I'd bet on Utah making a playoff that's so disrespectful I know how insane that sounds

Listen, I like Utah. It's nothing against Utah, but is Utah? It is definitely against Utah. Are you going to tell me Utah is going to go 13 and 0? Come on. USC at least has the talent to do something like that. I realize how elitist this sounds and like how big of a failure USC is. And like, it's not going to happen.

But like Utah's not going to go 13 and O. Here's, all right, if they beat Idaho State and U.S. Okay. I know. If they beat Idaho State and if they get out of the, if they, if they, if they, if they not who's disrespecting Utah. If they beat USC and they're undefeated, their remaining games, uh, they have three road games left. They, those are on the road against Oregon State, Washington, and Arizona. The remaining home games are Wazoo, Arizona State, Cal, UCLA, and Colorado. Sure. I like, okay. What the hell? What is wrong with 10 and 2? There's nothing wrong with it.

It just feels very strange. I was what the hell in the universe. Okay, Jason, who would you take at this point to go undefeated? Utah, Maryland. Utah. I like that I at least pushed you a little bit. Thank you. I mean, I'm not the Utah hater.

I'm aware. Listen, I know as soon as this episode goes out, my Twitter mentions are going to be just a cesspool of reminding me which conference they're in, and it's power affiliation. They're in a power conference. Utah is in a power conference, unlike BYU, a nonpower, which means Tennessee has lost to multiple nonpowers for the first time since 1958 because BYU is a nonpower and Utah is a power. However, I realize I'm now again in trouble with BYU's metal Santa Dad, not a guy I want to anger. I'm really just stepping in it all over. But the state of Utah, I love it. Weber State, Utah State, Southern Utah, the Thunderbirds.

Best state in the country. Wow. Can we remind everybody for the record that Holly doesn't care about these Tennessee. Like, you're not going to tweak Holly with these Tennessee losses. As we reviewed last week, if you really want to make me mad, ask me if I'm doing okay. like I would be on the floor crying after a Tennessee football loss. Once again, I've seen my own quarterback run into his own goalpost and knock himself to the ground during an SEC championship game.

You can't kill me. The other way to make Holly Mad is suggest that she's not real West Virginia. Man, okay, listen. I went through a lot yesterday. There were things I was prepared to put up with, and there were things I was not prepared to put up with, Don Yeah

My grandfather's name was Don by the way And he would have slapped The shit out of you Don All grandfathers did At a certain point In American history

It was a good time to slap Go ears Those times have changed Slapping generation Just be over here Laying down credentials One after the other If anybody fucking needs anything

Anyway Let's go back to the important thing Yeah no You can't Tennessee football Can't hurt me I kind of have a harkening back to a similar discussion that we had early in the morning yesterday at work,

I don't really know, much as I don't know why yesterday's USF loss was the one that got people insane. I'm not quite sure, apart from the stupidity of that one play, you know the one, why people are super worked up now about Tennessee football, except maybe did you not see last week? Why is this worse? can either of you name the five teams the five power five teams i should say who as of right now Utah is a power five are oh and two are oh and two cow no no no oh and two Tennessee yeah the other one yep um Georgia Tech no

is it Florida State no Florida State no Florida State narrowly avoided being on this list. I'm so angry about that. Oregon State. Oregon State. Oh, no, not Kansas. Kansas won. I hear teeth sucking.

Is this going to upset us? No. No. UCLA, we've already talked about them. All right. Them, yeah. Two others on here. Miami and Vanderbilt.

Oh, God, damn. I bring that up for two reasons. One, the state of Tennessee has two power five programs. they're both O and two. O and two in admittedly very different ways. Memphis just holding it down out there. You know, Vanderbilt. Vanderbill O'N2 because they opened with Georgia.

Terrible idea. Should have gotten out of that. Should have faked an illness, whatever it took. And then... Yeah, they should have gotten their dad to write a doctor's note. And then played Angry Purdue, although it's really... It's really gratifying to me that Vanderbilt found a way to lose to a team where

the quarterback at one point lined up behind the guard instead of the center and the center snapped the ball all the same. It's called misdirection, Ryan. Wow. Miami, on the other hand,

they had to face a national championship winning head coach. That's true. That's a really good point. Yeah, I just want Miami fans to know that you're on this list with Oregon State, UCLA, Vanderbilt, and the Tennessee team that everybody is a guest by. Outstanding.

Just think about that. Have a great day. So on Tennessee, the Phil Fulmer taking over the program idea, which... What a great thing to have up on our site this week. Is it even an idea at this point? Well, I'm referring to it. What excellent foresight on the part of someone. I'm referring to it as an idea because it goes back a month or so.

when we first started talking about, like, hey, Godfrey, you should write this. Right. And, like, it eventually went up on our subreddit because, hey, dear podcast reader, you are going to have to subscribe to us on every social media platform except Facebook. It's like, we did this on purpose. But, like, it goes up. And then Tennessee loses to BYU, and it's like, shit, is the former thing even far enough? Like, so, like, I had the idea today, like, can we get,

Johnny Majors to take the job? Can we go back even further? Wow. If he can lead a sort of like campaign of, he's what, 80, he's 85? He's 84. That's fine. That's fine. All fine.

His last, his last coaching job coached Pitt in 1996 to a four and seven record. Ah, interesting. That might be good for Tennessee this year. Wow Although I will say That pit team started one-on-one So See?

Momentum is what it's all Wouldn't you take that? Yeah Who was before that? Bill Battle Mm-hmm Doug Dickie, Boyden, Jim McCorme Heathsula's still alive

Neeland, Neeland, Neeland really came in a moment. He's definitely dead, but he might be encased in a living statue. I mean, Neeland left and returned what twice just like jesus so who's to say a third isn't in the cards what about zora clevenger oh that's my favorite name uh j d depree let's give that guy a shot none of i'm not hearing you say deuce gruden what if this trends listen the grudens have enough problems

over the last few days like like what someone had a tweet like this is why i love college football No, Antonio Brown. Yeah. We have, do you know how many dumber things we have than Antonio Brown? Well, if the point is that, like, oh, college football doesn't have, like, attention, attention hogs who may make questionable choices, like, A, look through the last, like, go through the Heisman list for the last 10 years and see how many you can pick out there. b remember that miami's head coach literally took another job did the press conference and then took the miami like please don't do this please we're all we're all done every yeah if it's people who do all kind of shenanigans to get out of contracts they don't like that's every college football

coach every three years interviewed for every mall opening ever, ever, every hot topic, every baby gap manager position. He's interviewed for all of them just to let Oklahoma State know, hey, this could always turn, always. We have, we have entire universities who do this shit, like, just to join other groups of universities. The only, like, the only difference between college football and the NFL. is that Jimmy Sexton would have gotten

the son quicker, basically. And I will say the video production quality is not usually as good in college football. Yeah, we don't have, man. That is the one thing I will give them. Whoever did the, uh, our players have to resort to like Twitter teens with recruiting edits with a Z in their,

in their avies, you know? Yeah. That's who we have. doing our visuals. This was this was an entire step up. I want to apply to be one of the like nine people hovering Antonio Brown all times with a camera. He's got like a fucking cloud of drone cameras around him. Yeah, I'm picturing it all being done by robots. It's pretty great. Yeah. Let's talk about the Big Ten championship and how it's definitely going to be Maryland versus Wisconsin. Maryland of course, the country's best offense is 71 points per game. That is of course,

as Bill Connolly reminded us frequently until his untimely demise. The most important stat is points. Facing Wisconsin, the country's best defense at 0.0 points per game. Country's best defense yet to give up many points and probably not going to do so for a while because their upcoming opponents include Kent State, Michigan, Illinois, Northwestern. Just through Michigan. Like, so we tweeted this out from the account, like, so who's going to, to score on uh who's going to score on wisconsin next you know first and most of the reply is

breezed past michigan to say kent state it's like michigan yep that's another goose egg it'll definitely be kent state so either way something's got to give here folks uh maryland uh mike locksley with the unstoppable engine that is the speedy turtle versus Wisconsin, the impenetrable wall of cheese colliding in Indianapolis. It's a big splattery mess. There was a, I forget who it was,

but somebody had posted a tweet basically saying that Maryland had not had a quarterback passed for 300 yards in a game since October, I think it was 2013. until they just just, until they just, yeah. I mean, look, Wisconsin, on the other hand, unstoppable. The immovablest object. Elsewhere in the Big Ten West.

So this was one of the dominant distractions of late Saturday night. Minnesota is continuing its stupid journey through teams. you don't want to play after going to overtime against a Dakota State was now going to overtime against Fresno State in Fresno, you stupid morons. But what everyone was distracted by was PJ Flex fucking create a player wardrobe. Like, not even, it's more like... I didn't even notice the pants until today.

These are like the things you unlock in a Tiger Woods golf game. It's like the shit you unlock when you're a level, two and you're just like oh i got something new i better wear it like do you want to wear no but it's not default that's that's it this bizarre like every garment he wears is like boutique one of a kind like there's an article about these dudes who are making a poncho for young thug and like it took him a week and they had to go through this whole process and they're like oh my god i hope he wears it he puts it on for like 10 minutes and he's like okay that's the end of the poncho that is p j fleck every single thing he wears no one will ever wear a garment like this again

We had a lot of people in our mentions arguing that it was a quarter zip. It may have begun life as a quarter zip and didn't Dean contain a quarter zip. However, it was cut like a fucking tabbered like he was about to go larping in the woods after this. That shit was a tunic. Yeah. The best, I did ask via Banner Society Twitter, where you should all be following us, like and subscribe, what this fabric item was wrapped around his body. And the best answer I got was the reader who said tactical smock.

And the problem we have now is that they beat Fresno State in the most uproarious fashion. And now it's his lucky tactical smock. And we're going to have to look at that thing a lot. He'll find something weird. And he always pairs these with like pants. They look to me like some kind of martial arts pants. They look like the pants that Robert Downey Jr. wears as Iron Man to fit over his Iron Man boots. It's like the bootcut yoga pants.

No, at one point this year, he wore culots, I swear to God. When I first tuned in, I thought he was wearing caprize, because these things ride up his leg constantly. Put all this in the context of European golfer, who has a great one day at the Masters and then falls out of contention, and that's the look. You've got the look right there. Yeah.

Like, it's Esper Parnevik as fuck. It's a compelling argument. Yeah, man. FSU were obliged to note that you didn't. You did as your... I don't remember if this was a thing they made for social media or a thing somebody just got a picture of in the facility, but there's this image that's like,

find a way to beat Louisiana Monroe. And it's clearly like just you rotate the name of the opponent, whatever. But it was an accurate portrayal of what Florida State's day would look like against, like, in many ways, a carbon copy of the Boise State game. Just so stupid. Find a way to hope they miss an extra point. And they did. They did. And they did.

As we also said in this week's top whatever, which you can find on the website, or in the newsletter if you subscribe to it. Yeah, just go. Just, if you're the underdog, go for these, please. Don't take extra points. Don't settle for field goals. Don't pass up fourth and short from reasonable parts of the field. Like, just throw haymakers. It's not worth it to extend the game and let the team that's better than you on paper.

and probably playing at home, get more chances for the math to work. Just like, don't, please. Just try to win. Yeah. You have the depth of disadvantage. That'd be new. The longer the game goes on,

the more of their good players they get to play. And nobody's going to be pissed at you if it doesn't work, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, like coaches who are scared to be great, this is the one time when you're allowed to fuck up when you go for two and it doesn't work that's a free mistake like if you're on the other side of this

if you're Willie Tagger Jim Harbaugh and you are the one who makes that bold move and it fucks up like yeah you're gonna hear it and that's just how it is because like your fans are gonna think you shouldn't have been in a position to have to try to do that against an inferior opponent in the first place they're gonna be pissed that you couldn't pull it off they're gonna be pissed that you didn't have

faith in blah blah blah blah blah blah but if you're not in that position yeah go ahead it's not your money double down i don't care what the cards say it's not your money it's not your you will be employed by a different university within two years anyway who cares try to win right catacrees cat says storm the paracades of hell god damn it u lm i mean then there's the other side of the coin where you are a again a national championship winning

coach who is locked in a battle with a tough opponent but you accidentally left all your weapons at home and by weapons I mean timeout timeouts of course we're talking about Les Miles who burned all of his timeouts

in the second half against Coastal Carolina early early early in the fourth quarter like with with 13 plus minutes left in a game that they were where

Kansas scored on their first possession and never again throughout the rest of the goddamn game Les Miles just He has no choice right Like less Miles Either you use all of your timeouts

As fast as possible Or you use none of them He's like, it's like a dog that gets into the kitchen when you're making Thanksgiving dinner. It's like, boy, he really didn't pace himself eating the entire fucking turkey, did he? No, because that's not how Beethoven works. He just eats the whole goddamn turkey as fast as possible. He's going to throw it up later. You know that, right?

I have the power to control time. I don't know why I would, uh, why I would put a restrictor plate on that power. I choose to Oh, power's gone So, yeah, Les Miles Lost to the Coast of Carolina Chanticleers Things have taken a turn

In the grand scheme It's not unusual for Kansas Is unusual for Les Miles Just so stupid I love it I love it He's true to himself He is

Unless either of you all have Any other games You want to head on I feel like we have one big game we have to talk about. That's really a preview. What's that? Elasico!

Beep, be, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I actually want to start with a angry rant here against the Associated Press and the voters who participate. What happened, Ryan? And their bullshit poll. They had the opportunity to give us a ranked on both sides. El Asico Iowa State entered the preseason

ranked won their first game of the year in week one. Doesn't matter how or who they played. They did win was off week two and somehow tumbled in the rankings out altogether. And now we've been deprived of a thing

that, to the best of my knowledge, Jason Holly, correct me if I'm wrong, we have never had a game between Iowa and Iowa State where both teams were ranked at the time. Is that correct? I'm looking this up All right I got to ask us this shit ahead of time, ma'am The wiki for this rivalry is unhelpful

Yes, so I did some manual searching First of all, it's important to note that It's actually not that hard to It's a manual searching So according to sports reference Iowa State has only been ranked once ever against Iowa and that was in 1978

Okay Yes, it's never happened Um, Iowa, it's easy because Iowa States only been ranked in the AP poll 50, 50 times total. That's not 50 years. That's 50 weeks over the entirety of their existence as a program that has played since 1895. But they just fucked, like, they just straight up fucked us here. They did. Washington gets this, Washington gets this day.

Washington gets to stay ranked at one and one. Fuck that. Yeah, fuck that. Yeah. I think that, I think that is kind of... I think that shows that everyone was sleepy. Yeah, they just, they clocked out too early. Couldn't handle it. If you can't, if you can't, you know, if you can't wait to turn in your ballot in the morning,

you're not in football season shape yet. It's just, it's frustrating because, A, Iowa State is literally the first in other receiving votes. So they're 26th. And that's what I'm calling them. Oh, fuck, we're that close. Now I'm mad, too. Yeah. It's especially funny because the team they're just ahead of by one point is Cal.

Cal can't get fucking ranked. Who beat number 23. God. Also, just we're not going to talk about it. UNC being, UNC not being ranked at this point is kind of odd and stupid, arguably. Agist? I think it's Aegist. That's what it is.

That's what it is. They just, they love these young Tom Hermans more than the beloved Mac Browns and their ancient wisdom that they have to share. The Associated Press, famously skewing Young. Yeah. No, I'm just, I'm absolutely livid. Well, so like that sucks. But the main thing here is Ames Day El Asico, the greatest Iowa, Iowa state

rivalry in the entire country is getting the spotlight, the biggest spotlight of a college football weekend, it is beating out dozens of other college football games that people will watch. Don't look at which those are because that might make it slightly less impressive. There are just tons of excellent games that's beating. Just trust me. And like, that's awesome. This is one of our favorite rivalries because it's terrible. There are other choices where ranked teams are playing on ranked teams, for instance.

Y'all still there? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I was waiting. Oh, no, those aren't, like Jason said, those aren't important. It's about Aims. Yeah, like, fuck, fuck TCU, Purdue.

That's not, that's not game day material. Next weekend is very strange, very, very strange. change. El Asico deserves this. I think it's important to note that, A, as to get everybody prepped, this is technically the most potentially blood week a week can be, because you have no ranked teams playing each other, and therefore you have maximum potential for whether or not these games are going to pan out that way, just in terms of, like, who has the most to lose at the table? It's everyone this week.

So that's good. We could, yeah, we could, technically we could have 25 ranked teams losing to unranked teams. For the record, that would be my favorite week in college football forever. It's bad for, bad for the team I root for, but fine with it. Take one for the good of everyone. We have a, if you're going to Ames to attend, which I'm sure everyone is, we have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, reader posted on the full cast subreddit under the handle i taste of despair an ames tourist guide uh ames is a nice enough town that you can forget its congressional representative is a full-blown

nazi i doubt that will be covered on game day it's a college town in midsize city so it's got a plethora of bars cool everyone loves most popular place to grab a bite is hickory park definitely overrated but the other barbecue options are trash the ice cream is fantastic great plains is a place for pizza around forever. Also, Ames has great water. Hmm. We'll get to the, we'll sit on that. Holly, I know, I know. Just wait on it. That's all I'm going to say. I'm going to wait on this because I feel like I need Spencer here for backup because no one's

going to believe me. That's it. This is a teaser, folks. Yeah, yeah. We have, we have things to say about Ames water. I have an Ames water story. that I will hang on to for the moment. Do y'all know about Bush Latte? Is that a player or a drink? Yeah, is that, so this is beer, beer coffee? I was going to say, oh yeah, he had like 80 yards last week.

So in the, in the Reddit, in the aforementioned Reddit, it's either that one or another one about Iowa State. We have many conversations about Iowa State on the full cast subreddit. There is a reference to Bush Latte, which is just Bush Light. in a new can that implies may specifically says

drinking for breakfast it's the coolest oh wow and it is a it's a it's just I just thought you should know that that's a real thing especially because Bush Light is I guess strongly associated

with Iowa State for reasons that I don't fully comprehend sure Sure. What is there to fully comprehend? I mean, that that makes perfect sense to me. Yeah, on this show, not a goddamn thing. Well, they have great water, or do they?

We'll find out.