Shutdown Fullcast - Mike Gundy’s Mail-In Ballad

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

 - Aw shucks it’s just li’l ole Dabo, tryin’ to shove a camel through the eye of a needle again! Ain’t he cute, folks?  - Please lift our brother Matt Leinart up in your thoughts while he braves as many as several weeks without a trip to the Burbank Cheesecake Factory  - Rutgers and Michigan star in, “Valentino Ambrosio Imbroglio.” Ten stars.   - Where were YOU when you realized every morsel of happiness you experienced this weekend emanated from the Big Ten? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. It is Thanksgiving week For many of you This means entertaining children Who will be out of school And in your house

Where they've probably been for the past seven to eight months anyway And then entertaining them for another week straight So really There is no time There is no calendar But for others It's going to be a time Of celebrating Thanksgiving

Like nothing is different Like nothing happened this is my way of saying I think that's how Davos Winnie will celebrate it because it's not a pandemic we just have to be positive you know dabbo's an old-fashioned guy and he's going to celebrate Thanksgiving

the old-fashioned way by traveling down to visit a team named after a Native American tribe bringing with him an infectious disease no tradition like a new tradition the quote from Debo Swinney regarding the cancellation of or the postponement.

They've already rescheduled this game. Correct, Jason? Clemson FSU? I don't, not that I have seen. I think they've said they intend to. Wait, Dabbo's throwing a fucking tantrum over a game that's being rescheduled. It's not even canceled.

I haven't seen any rescheduling. Notice. It's not official, but I'm double-checking. I mean, I don't know what. But they both have, they both have 12-12 open, so. Yeah, I mean, I don't see any reason to reschedule. This feels like a lip service rescheduling. Like we've seen several times this year where it's like, yeah, we'll put, we'll get something on the books.

And that was even before all this. So now it's like there's doubly no reason for this game to happen now. So here's the quote. And this comes from the athletics, Clemson Football Reporter, Grace Rainer in this case. Davos Winnie is really upset. quote this game was not canceled because of COVID COVID was just an

excuse to cancel the game end quote says FSU administration forfeited the game if Florida State wants to play Clemson they can home to Death Valley he says or they can pay for Clemson's travel oh yeah because Clemson's

poor I like Dabba worrying about Clemson's finances there like we're going to have to do a special collection over at New Spring. What an experience that'll be, unlike anything that's ever happened in that building before. Just have to pass the plate.

Like what is Clemson's single-based expense is Dabbeau? And he's worried about Clemson's expenses. That's funny, I guess. Is it, is it, is he worried they're not going to be able to pay him? He's just being a very lawful steward.

The thing I also, there are many things about this that I do not understand one that Debo was not excited to finally bring Christianity to the heathen acres of Leon County and Tallahassee

they're like these people they don't have any civilization just got a football stadium they got a Guthrie's state capital looks like penis or middle finger either way it's very representative of the state of

Florida, and of the, I guess, heathen ideal that Leon County has to represent to Davoswene's gentle Christian eyes. But that he was upset about this, and also that you're going to get this up in arms about things that will not happen. They won't. Nobody, you agreed on these protocols before the game. Your medical staff said they were violated, and you have a disagreement. it, but the conference is going to make you play these games.

TV is going to make you play these games. They're not going to move it to Death Valley because that doesn't happen. They're not going to pay for Clemson's travel because that's not going to happen either. I really don't think Debo understands what's going on at Florida State if he thinks they have any extra money to throw around. They don't. I know they're paying, what, one and a half coaches right now, two? maybe if you count it and Florida State does not have the kind of booster program

that can just throw money around willy-nilly unlike some extremely muddied universities like oh I don't know picking one at random South Carolina just decided to pay a $13 million buyout to one Will Must Jam who short gets those big contracts yeah none of that's happening

okay that's our show good job everybody That's it. It's just, it's just, um, we're up to what? Like, we're closing in on probably a hundred games that have been canceled or postponed this season in FBS. FCS largely has not played at all. Um, you know, and you think back on like what other programs have, like, what their seasons have looked like.

Houston, what, had a month of delays. and false starts before they even played their first game. Charlotte and Georgia Tech both, it feels like, have not played in like three weeks or something. Stanford had its starting quarterback held out of a game for what turned out to be a false positive. Wisconsin started the year 1 and O and had to sit out a couple weeks after.

Like, if there is one common thread here, It is that, yeah, everybody who decides to play this year is going to do so under very tenuous and very fragile circumstances, and that means games are going to get moved. That means, like, Cal is going to find out on 36 hours notice that they're playing UCLA. What particularly sucks in this case is that Davoswini likes to fashion himself as a leader. in many senses of the word, for the sport, for his personal beliefs, for his team. And whenever he has these opportunities to, like, say something or do something that might suggest awareness of perspective beyond, like, what is happening to me and what is happening to my team and what is making me unhappy about it, he just, like, fucking whiffs every

time. And that's, and like, frankly, that sucks because, you know, it doesn't have to be that way. He doesn't, he, there's no, like, there's nothing to gain from essentially saying Florida State canceled a football game in bad faith. He's, he's accusing another team in his own conference of ducking, of ducking Clemson without like any strong evidence for it. Like, at best case, he doesn't agree with their call. And it's, he's a good thing. And, he's a good thing. And, he's it's like what a fucking shameful example like you're if if the whole point of being a college football coach other than the obscene amount of money you make is that you're supposed to be a leader and an example and show young men like how to be and how to act with davis winning just

like only only delivers on like very specific parts of it and it's not like hey sometimes bad things are going to happen to you and you're not going to and you're going to think it's unfair And you have to, I don't know, turn the other cheek. Wouldn't that be interesting? Like, it's mostly disappointing at this point because it doesn't have to be this way. He could just say, there is a way to say, we thought this game should have happened, we felt prepared, Florida State didn't. We understand that, like, given the circumstances, this kind of thing is going to happen.

If we can play them again, we'll play them again. If not, we'll all move on. Like, how is that going to put him in a worse position? I mean, I just, like, why would anyone want to... So you got to leave Florida five hours early. That's always good. Who doesn't want to do that, right? Sure.

Like, get out of Florida free card. And, like, who needed this game? Who needed to see Clemson beat Florida State by 35 points? To risk an injury to Trevor Lawrence, he's going to be in there for two drives, sure. But still, you know, and Clemson doesn't need playoff rankings help. No one needed this game. And all it is is, you know... so i i i will probably be hearing about this for years that's the that's the thing like clumson

and fashu fans are going to argue but i'm bringing this up you know years from now because of you know a disagreement on on on on how one player's uh medical status was handled fantastic would you would you consider nick saban to be a reasonable person i wouldn't there's nothing reasonable about the way that dude does anything at times it at times you know reasonable like a calculator right one of the times that this is how bizarre the situation has gotten that um when lSU and alabama a big marquee game on the schedule was postponed due to this in public nick saban said um yeah i mean that's cool like this kind of stuff is going to happen in this year in this season when you're not

not, when Nick Saban's being more reasonable than you about things, I'm not saying it's a 100% one-for-one correlation with check yourself, but it's definitely a flashing light. It's an indicator that maybe you've gone too far afield in the name of having football brain, of having coach brain, is when even Nick Saban is like, ah, you know, that, that's not the way I would have handled it. so like last year dabbo's thing was um he had this big lie going all year long about the media doesn't believe in us right and like you know the media that had you at what number two number three whatever the entire season um and so this year it's going to be you know clemson you know say

loses the title game to bam ohio state whoever it's going to be well if we'd gotten those extra reps in against florida state this wouldn't have happened right yeah yeah yeah That's it. That's going to be gnawing. It's like, where did we miss? Where were we not optimal? Where did we miss a rep? It's a good thing that manufacturing grievances

isn't a larger metaphor for anything else going on in the country. Anyway. Speaking of somebody who definitely deserves your prayers. Joe Burrow. Joe Perl. I thought you're going to say Matt Lineart. No.

Matt Liner's going through it, brother. Holly's already got that per circle fire. Yeah, Matt Liner, who decided on Twitter an hour ago, say, well, before our taping said that, you know, hey, L.A. just closed all dining, indoor, outdoors for three weeks. Can't wait to move out of this awful place. Double space, ridiculous, end period. It's a double space. That's intriguing. I think that, does that mean his lawyer type that tweet? That does mean his lawyer typed that tweet. He's using deposition style. Yeah, that's Rudy Giuliani's new job is tweeting for Matt Linnert.

Oh, God. That would be amazing. I mean, why not? You got Urban Meyer and apparently Matt Linerd's of the same mindset in that booth, right? Sure. Throw Rudy in there as well.

The Max Q. The Q is strong in that room. Big Q. Saturday. It's a conspiracy that I can't get my Southwest Egg Rolls from Chili's. I mean, how did they launch that? How did Fox launch their pregame show? It was ESPN's obsessed with the SEC.

We're here to bring you the, you know, the Big Ten storm is coming. We're going to bring you the facts from overlooked Middle America. Like, they went hard on the Big Ten versus the SEC stuff. They did. Naturally, the powerful... And who better to represent that than Matt Leinert? Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush.

Yeah, the powerful elites of the SEC. Humble farmers, Matt Liner and Reggie Bush. I'm a margarita farmer. Does Reggie Busch just be like, hey, thanks for the handoff and just handoffs and just disappears at the end of every broadcast there? Like, what? You're going to hang around and talk to Erb? No. Reggie's out.

I don't think that conversation lasts very long. Joel Clyde is probably like, hey, you want to go get something to eat? Reggie's like, nah. I got a thing I got to get to right now. Yeah, he's going through it. I said he could go get served in the Rose Bowl anytime but you know I would

they still yeah they keep his number they got his number yeah that's true but yeah Matt Liner prayers buddy going for it and you know

actual actual thoughts and happy happy thoughts and well wishes to Joe Burrow who messed up his knee uh yeah So here's how bad it's going for our beloved collective son, Joe Burrow.

I found out the news looking at the trending column on Twitter where I saw Joe Burrow trending with. You know how it says trending with and it has like related terms. It said Joe Burrow trending with Matt Ryan. And I was like, oh shit. That bad, huh? And then clicked and it was even worse somehow. That's never good. when you're in a trending pair with Matt Ryan

and things are going worse for you than for Matt Ryan. Yeah, you hope it's just like, oh, Joe Burrow bought a very bad pair of jeans. This MFer looks like Matt Ryan. Just out there looking like a walking, crate and barrel, that man. Yeah, the NFL ruins everything. That's what I remember. It happened at FedEx Field where, you know,

nothing good has ever happened ever. And it happened because they were playing Washington. And it happened because our beautiful son, Joe Burrow had his first extremely bad day. You can call them their whole name, the whole name now, Washington football team. Washington football team. Wooft. Wooft. The waft.

The waft. Work from toilet. That's what it stands for. Now that's 2020. Oh, working from just the Washington football team working from the toilet for the past 25. five years um these are all very very dark mean things to start a podcast with so i think we can shift into something that is qualifiably and quantifiably hilarious because these are uncertain times as you will hear and in uncertain times i think we as americans can all agree on one thing which is

this everything about the big ten is absolutely hilarious everything this weekend everything about the big ten was funny like not not an unfuny thing in there Ryan did you watch Michigan Rutgers um I watched the part that mattered I watched overtime I watched the last Rutgers drive and I watched uh overtime and there were several overtimes there were there were what do we go to three overtimes yeah that's a lot Michigan yeah And that was, I know, listen, I know Rutgers was leading this game before, earlier, and in a different universe, Rutgers wins this game outright in regulation, certainly had a chance to win in overtime. I don't, I'm not that upset about it, in part because, um, because of this game I got to share with Holly, the name of Rutgers kicker. and i hope holly it has cemented itself into your brain

i can provide it for you okay that be valentino ambrosio that is right ambrosio valentino ambrosio goralami valentino ambrosio the kicker for Rutgers who really does come from the soccer team

that is where he comes from as if the idea of Michigan Rutgers being an overtime wasn't funny enough because I believe it was just three short years ago that Michigan beat Rutgers 780 last year it was 52 zero I'm pretty sure yeah yeah so two years ago actually

yeah it was it was 78 zero and then it was in the 50s and we've cut that down to a regression rate of you are tied with Rutgers going into OT after you were up eight. So the last six Michigan Rutgers games, 49, 16, 78, nothing, 35, 14, 42, 52, 52, nothing, and 48, 42 in triple overtime, where'd that come from? Rutgers scored the game-tying touchdown, I believe, on fourth down, and then scored a two-point conversion that looked like absolute disaster

like it looked like it had no chance of working but it did and then they really should have won this game in the first overtime they really should because Michigan comes out gets the ball first misses a field goal

and then Rutgers Rutgers decides to like play it extremely safe they they like run two kind of plays it's like a short run up the middle they try a little swing pass out at the side that loses the meager yards

that the short run up to the middle accomplished. And then they center the ball on third down. They just like don't even try to gain any yards. And of course, the kicker narrowly misses. And they have to extend the game. But yeah, yeah. Mind you, Rutgers had a sick play. They had a sick TD play.

Oh, immediately after they miss the field. Well, yeah. You know, that means. that they had a sick TD play in the first over time when all they had to do was score. Instead, they decided to rely on shaky kicker and then immediately trotted out the, oh, we can score when we want to.

He had been a good kicker that game, but just generally speaking, don't say, like, let's let it rest on, like, a 45-yard field. Well, it's college football. You're not new here. Well, I mean, Greg Shiano's not new year. Greg Shiano is an NFL head coach, so I think he was used to having Martin Gramatica.

Sure, yep. Yeah, it was just so much Rutgers football that Michigan fans had to watch. And now, now Michigan fans have to, like, be like, well, I guess the program is trending up. technically that counts as forward progress three overtime winning on the road in an incredibly empty stadium against Rutgers great job guys that is funny

and it's not the only funny because like we said everything in the Big Ten was funny Illinois Illinois managed to once again thank Nebraska for bringing college football back which remember they did single-handedly

yeah they thank them by beating them 41-23 you ask well what would be funnier was it in Lincoln yeah it was in Lincoln y'all ah oh god that's

and then and then posted about it on the school Twitter account Oh, did they? The exact message that Spencer just conferred And then deleted it And well, you know, probably never know exactly why

But amidst some foul crying By at least one member of the Nebraska beatwritership About the lack of classiness And they're going to tattle to Lovie Smith about Making fun of the Huskers Their valiant effort to restore football Also I'm looking at at this box score and um adrian martina is still in the league yeah had a very efficient had a very

efficient day too yeah he was their better passer i see him as throwing four of them yes but he did and one of them one of them turned out really well yeah so maybe i don't know you might want to think about that because i've seen luke mccaffrey throw a pass and it's not very pretty it doesn't tend to go the right way either there's more comedy oh way more comedy than Nebraska taking another rich prize for bringing back football

no there was more thanking to go around for years of competition and tight games the Iowa Hawkeyes decided to reward Penn State with their fifth loss of the season a 41-21 defeat how funny was it

oh oh it's good because Penn State is 0.5. Did I mention their 0.5? Jason, there are new historical highs or lows associated with this, correct? Yes, this sets several records. One is, someone said it's the first

0 and 5 start for Penn State ever. But the number that we've been tracking here is they have become the first ever top 10 team to go 0 in 5. And they are now a 3.5 point, underdog in their next game. So 0 and 6, some would say likely, but that would mean giving Michigan a likely win. That feels bold. But yeah, 0 and 5 is in the books. The record is clenched. And it'll be really difficult at the top, because this is hard to do these days. Like, it's partly a fluke

of scheduling, but still, you lost five games. Yeah, 5. 0 and 5. And as someone helpfully tweeted out at 12.01 a.m. on Sunday morning, just after midnight. This is Penn State, Michigan week. That's right. As soon as the game ended, the Moon Crew Twitter account made sure to trumpet the fact that we have now entered. I really want to look this up, figure out a way to calculate it. This is got to be a top 10 sickos game of all time. Like, ever, ever. You know, this could be. the veritable end of the Harbaugh era, right? This could be Penn State top 10 to 0 and 6, staring down 0 and 8.

Like the winningest. Is Michigan? I can never keep track, Michigan or Notre Dame, which one is the winningest? But either way, you know, two of the 10 best programs ever in this predicament. This is a whole new levels of sicko. Here is a fun number.

So Penn State has, Penn State has played five games so far. Southern Miss has played nine games so far, and Southern Miss, I believe, is on their third head coach of the season. Southern Miss has not had a great year by any stretch, so it's not like we're comparing a really successful team to a really unsuccessful team. They're two and seven right now.

In nine games, Southern Miss has turned the ball over 13 times. state in five games has equaled that tied impressive the efficiency with which pen state just gives the ball away it's not just that they're bad it's that they're a focused kind of bad yeah that's impressive the other thing that Penn state is doing that is in some ways a kindness is they're like bad right out the gate they're like you don't even have to pay that much attention to a Penn State game and you can look up and you'd be like, oh, down 17, all right, well, good to know. Like, they really, they don't sort of like keep you on the hook.

You don't get to half time thinking like, well, you know, we're right in this, just a field, it's like, oh, shit, we're going to have to, God damn it. Well, they do this amazing thing because against Indiana and Nebraska, they played the better game but didn't have more points. Yes. This is never to take away anything from our beloved Hoosiers, who have earned everything they've scraped for in their lives and then some. But this game was not that.

This game, they just got their asses whipped. Yeah. I mean, noble comebacks aside because they tried. Real hard. I wanted to cover this, that were we done with Big Ten hilarity? No. No, no, no. There's more.

There's more. Purdue and Minnesota ended on the worst call I've ever seen. This is the one thing that I think breaks your rule, because it's not, this was so incredibly not funny. Oh, it's funny. It's funny in all of the different ways in which I think Jeff Brom is going to later have some kind of petty property damaged base vengeance on this ref. Sure.

Yeah, because, especially by the way, this game decided by a craptacular, insanely bad call on an offensive pass interference any game that gets decided on OPI is instantly fishy because who calls OPI

Unless it happens against the Saints then it's fine then it's hilarious yeah right and if it happens against Purdue in a game that they were struggling like hell to win at the at the buzzer

then it becomes comes a just dark comedy just macab let's say it is always funny if it happens to drew breeze teams who are black and gold right then we're covered wow see there's there's a pattern here yeah um this is by the way produce quarterback in this game is jack plumber no relation to he's tall kind of moves like jake had an amazing night going 35 for 42 kind of had a little bit of swagger about him kind of looked a lot like jake plumber no relation i don't believe anyone who tells me this but apparently he's no relation do you think he could be jake plumber i think uh it might have been uh j arnold who suggests we call him jack the snack

plumber he is a snack though because he looked great and he threw the game-winning t d but it was taken away by again the worst call i have ever seen and that is not an exaggeration like just terrible awful no good very bad call for a minute it looked like jeff brougham was going to get out of blackjack and take care of it on the field if this had been a high school game it would have been the kind with like yeah you need to get out of here you need to drive yeah you need to leave dade county right now because they've already set your car on fire yeah just as as bad as bad an outcome as you could possibly imagine in giving minnesota there second win of the season.

I got one more. One more in the Big Ten comedy rankings here. And that would be Wisconsin Northwestern because Northwestern won this game with a success rate in the third quarter of zero percent. What did Northwestern's offense do in the third quarter officially? Nothing. Take up time. That's all they did. Exist.

Waste. They just sat there and they just burned oxygen. They park the bus, baby. This is like, this is a. a soccer match consume the northwestern entropy yeah just sitting there watching the lake man i i wish they had like kicked the ball out of bounds a bunch just to like kill time i wish they had had the trainer come out with the fake spray and spray it on somebody's butt Ruff holds up a big, you know, seven at the end.

Plus two. Wisconsin scored with 5.14 left in the first quarter. Graham Mertz pass for a touchdown. That was the last time they scored any points. Any at all. They just kept it rolling. It's kept it going. Yeah.

whole lot just straight zeros the rest of the time clean sheet baby clean sheet this is a 177 game in the year 2020 really shouldn't happen and yet here we are i like that we had two two big ten matchups of undefeated teams and indiana lost theirs close like a game that for for a stretch was not close but they battled back and had the ball and like could have tied things up didn't work out and they dropped three spots in the ranking they they dropped from nine to twelve and that's like pretty reasonable. And Wisconsin, you know, played Northwestern, who's now 5 and O, who, who, you know, deserves, must be paid some attention and played a, God, clean is not the word I want to use, but, but a, they played a game, and Wisconsin, for losing a close game to an undefeated team, dropped eight spots all the way from 10 to 18, just like, get out of here, Wisconsin. We were counting on you. Now we're going to have to watch Northwestern play Ohio State.

Thanks a lot, you jerks. So Northwestern has veritably clinched the West and is winning in the playoff. Northwestern is win-in-in national champ. Let's put it like that. Wow. Let's just call it what it is. And you've seen their remaining schedule. Yeah, they'll be favored in three of their four games, so one upset away from the playoff.

Let me list all the teams that Northwestern ranks ahead of in yards per play. UMass, Kansas, Utah State, Cal, Syracuse, WKU, UNLV. They're below FIU Temple. They're below Mississippi State. Yikes. That's not, um, it's fine. Sure. You know.

I have a note here that says Ryan invented a game just to make Spencer mad and he didn't even warn him first. So did Holly leave leave? Because I do, I would like her for this game if she's, but if she's gone, that's okay. Are you willing to play the game to make me mad, Holly? Ryan wants to know. Are you willing to play the game that's going to make me mad? Because

yes, you would have to put your headphones back on. Holly you can you can just you can just I mostly want you to enjoy the game from the sideline I think you'll be I think Holly will be good at this game Spencer will not it's a game specifically for Spencer but I think Holly will appreciate it my my wife Caitlin helped me come up with this Spencer I'm going to list the title and a one sentence summary of three musicals one of them is fake and you have to identify the fake musical. This has nothing to do with college football. It's just to make you mad. Okay. Yeah, I'm good. Let's go. Okay. The theme for this week, because yes, I will be doing this

every week, no matter how much people hate it, is presidents. And we're going to start with musical number one. The title of this musical is The Lincoln Logs. Here's the summary. In this musical, two historians spend the night in the boyhood home of Abraham Lincoln, where they are visited by the ghost of the former president for several discussions on democracy, justice, and the soul of America. It's musical number one. Musical number two, Teddy and Alice. That's the title.

The summary. The musical focuses on President Theodore Roosevelt's relationship with his feisty daughter, Alice, who smokes, dresses provocatively, and speaks her mind about foreign policy issues in an era when modest young. ladies are seen and not heard and the third musical the title is assassins set in a sinister carnival game this musical portrays a group of historical figures who attempted successfully or not to assassinate presidents of the united states and explores what their presence in american history says about the ideals of their country spencer which of these three musicals is not real

so i know assassins is real okay he i'm sorry he had me to blame for that yes i i okay that's cool and a which is funny because that's the craziest sounding one no it's it's fucking great is the problem sure it's yeah that's not what anybody wants to i even i and and that's a sonheim so wow he's got this is going to be okay good this is going to be a tougher a tougher task for me going forward than I thought that's fine. The subject matter has come up a lot this year. So, you know. Okay.

So that leaves Teddy and Alice are the Lincoln Logs. I think Teddy and Alice is real. So I'm going to say the Lincoln Logs is fake. Spencer, you have successfully completed this week in Name the Fake Musical. The Lincoln Logs is a musical I made up. There is really a musical that didn't last that long called Teddy and Alice, all about Teddy Roosevelt's bad relationship with his daughter, who, was just too mouthy for the time.

Oh, you would have totally guessed assassins if you didn't know about it. That's okay, though. There are stupider musicals I will regale you with in future weeks. He already knows about Carousel. That's fine.

But thank you. That is helpful. I will make sure to leave it off the list. Yep. And Holly, we'll talk about this later, obviously. Oh, obviously. At length. One might say that Ryan's planting seeds. Take it a nut.

letting it hit the ground and sprout up in the future to confound me and possibly fall on me pinning me to the earth It's also that this is the world's only musical theater podcast But sorry, go ahead

You were doing anything I was doing a segue That's a great segue I would have guessed Lincoln's logs Because that sounds so ridiculous Like singing about democracy I guess

Or like even talking about democracy Or like acknowledging You thought the musical about the assassins seemed more likely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's what I was thinking, all right? I was thinking, if I was playing this game, I would have thought Lincoln's logs,

that's so ridiculous, that has to be real, right? That's the head fake thing. Oh, I see. But I would have fallen for it, right? And maybe it's just that I'm like, oh, assassins, that sounds badass. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the one I just want to be real.

Speaking of wanting things to be real, Money is a thing that we would all like to be real. This program is brought to you by Acorns, the country's leading saving and investing app, an app that lets you tuck away a few nickels and dimes over time, slowly grow. For those of us who used to have 401Ks, this is the next best thing, man.

It's a 401k on your phone that actually works. It's helped over 8 million people save and invest in the background of life. You can set it up to automatically throw a few bucks in there on a weekly, monthly, whatever basis. Connect to various... Let's scroll through here. We got eBay, Uber, Eats, Walmart, Chevron, wherever you go. You can earn back a few bucks from each purchase.

No expertise required. Different portfolios. You can say, I want my one-to-five-year plan. I want my 50-year plan. Yeah, man. Acorns. Visit Acorns.com slash fullcast. To claim your $5 bonus when you sign up.

It takes under three minutes to start investing and saving. In the background of life, there are also plans where you can get your kid going. You can get a heavy metal debit card with the big plan. The Rock uses it. I don't know what more you need. It's kind of like creating a secret treasure for yourself. Where, like, one day you'll wake up and be like, what? What mysterious benefactor left me?

Wahoo? Yeah, I'll tell you what I have. Nicholas Cage, did you find this? I have $10.1.1 in here right now. Damn. I'm going to buy the Declaration of Independence. So I got $5 from the Fulcast sign up. I got $5 weekly recurring deposit from myself.

And also that one cent is in there from, I guess I bought one thing. Don't buy a lot of stuff. Don't really go anywhere. That also saves money. Not going anywhere. You're doing that now. We're going to start a free app called Not Going Anywhere. Let's Twitter.

Acorns.com slash full cast. That was an excellent ad read. I would like to discuss, by the way, what the media is afraid to talk about, which is Oklahoma State's triumphant weekend. I know that you might have seen in the mainstream media. You might have seen what the elites want you to see. which is that in the game we know is Bedlam, the usual outcome, which is Oklahoma winning, and poor Oklahoma State, just trying to keep up and not quite getting there.

Well, that happened again. That's what the elites want you to see. But over at OAN and the Gundy News Network, it's a valiant victory being taken. As Oklahoma State again liberates the territory in the name of Cowboys and Free News Network, freedom by defeating the Oklahoma Sooners. Stop the steal.

Stop this. Stop this. Stop the count. OU was up allegedly, according to MSNBC, 21-0 early on, right? Mm-hmm. But no, Mike Gundy, he saw there weren't any signatures on those points, right? Only legal points. He said we got to audit those points, then we got to hand count them, then we got to run those points back through the machine, run through the machine again, the faithless scorekeeper will

decide to do what's right for the big 12 yeah then we'll throw it to the the house of football where yeah the the Heisman House legislature where we can surely count on Barry Sanders

to do the right thing yeah and then it's going to go all the way up to Bill Hancock right he's the Supreme Court I guess he's going to go to Fansville yeah Supreme Court of Fansville it'll go to Fansville

it'll go to Fansville where Brian Bosworth is the bailiff. And the judge and the appellate judge, he is the whole law. The judge is Reese Davis, right? Oh, yeah, that's right. It's an efficient system, is what you're saying. Unlike ours, multiple judges. No, no, no, no. Make them all Reese Davis.

It'll be fine. Nine Reese Davises. I just, did Oklahoma State know that, like, that this game was important? I remember I remember at several points Mike Gundy just punting when they were within like yeah when they were within like

two and a half scores roughly like if you're just in punt now we'd rather not one of one of the weird the thing that was to me like particularly unusual was

Oklahoma State got the ball back with 34 seconds left in the in the first half and like they had they had kicked a couple of field goals to close it from a 20 point game to a 14 point game and with 34 seconds like yeah they're at their own 16 so it's not like super high likelihood but like I don't know you think you would like maybe try something you've got a little you've made a little bit of progress you can like try something to get you to midfield

and see if you have some options and they just ran they just like ran the ball once and went into the half and that's it and like they they were going to get the ball first in the in the in the third quarter like i know that they lost their starting quarterback um spencer uh spencer sanders early in this or in the middle of this game so like that i'm sure that had something to do with it But it was just like, it felt weird watching an Oklahoma State team that could basically punch a ticket to the Big 12 championship game and beat their, you know, in-state rival and do all these other things, like kind of just say nah. I mean, shit, they punted from Oklahoma territory in the fourth quarter. They had a third and eight. They had fourth and eight on the Oklahoma 39.

And they took a delay of game and then punted with like 12 minutes to play down 21 points. Like, what the, I don't, I, it's weird. It's very weird. I guess it's, it's disappointing to see a proud O-A-N man like Mike Gundy mail it in. The president warned us, no mailing. Yeah, don't, he said don't mail it in, but did you listen? This was, by the way, the most Q game of the week because there were two Spencers. There's the false Spencer, then there was the true Spencer.

Is it weird seeing other Spencers for you? It's weird seeing two athletic Spencers, yes. Okay. One other, I can assume, was a mistake. But I see two, and I'm like, I feel shorted. No, that's where it all went. Like, all the, all the attribute points for Spencer's got spent on others. That's really unfair, because I'm wondering where my...

attribute points went beard it's just max out beard on this one what else are we going to give it nothing else absolutely nothing beard

bob Dylan hate that's it crank of both to 50 that's all he's got send him into battle with that it'll be great Ryan I just searched since we're on the subject of

other Spencers. I just searched Nanny and it appears you are the most famous. You're the first, you came up before the wiki page itself. That's good. I, um, I'm really, there's a lot of soccer players with the name. Sure. There's, there's a very famous one who just has one N, N-A-N. No, that doesn't count. Okay. See, Portuguese? I think so, yeah. Yeah, I think he was part of the golden generation that never won anything. That sounds like, that does sound like that.

me um don't compare yourself to the portuguese men's national team don't no no don't do that but i love pork that's a disservice and cork and serving my rice with olives in it no matter what i'm doing but no don't do that to yourself okay yeah um speaking of speaking of suspicious substitutions i want to know what georgia way that wasn't bad that really wasn't bad thank you i want i want to know what on earth georgia was doing starting anyone else other than the j t daniels at quarterback because the last time any quarterback through for 300 yards and 4 t ds in a game at georgia it was 2013 j t daniels did it yes against mississippi state but in a game where they needed him to against mississippi state because will rogers in the mississippi state

offense somehow moving the ball a little bit against Georgia. I think J.T. Daniels looked at the schedule and said, yep, those three games at the end, that those are the ones I want to play. Because it's Mississippi State, Vandy, and I forget the last one. South Carolina? Yes, that's right. Yes. How can I forget?

So then is he doing the four-year redshirt year thing? maybe no everyone red shirts this year yeah that's right that's right huh no i think he just said he was hurt right he was hurt for the first he was hurt just to start to start the year i think he got better and i think he said i don't know about i don't know about playing these these like maybe good cc teams that mississippi state team what do they got 40 40 dudes 38 they got eight they got eight players oh yeah i think that sounds like a great first start for me thank you coach yeah i don't know because he looked awesome he looked fantastic cool i'm gonna go ahead and just i i you know i love to see a georgia with expectations

he's gonna throw for two thousand yards these last three games it's gonna get everybody real excited for next year that's what i want i want georgia thinking about next year what i'm super excited go ahead if you end up playing in a bowl game just uh and it actually happens, just go off, get thrilled, get excited. Nothing bad comes out of that. George's got Clemson, that's going to be a big win for the dogs. Then they got, you know, out of the West, they get Arkansas. That's a win.

I'm sorry, can we go ahead and stake what's going to happen with Georgia and Clemson right now? Yes. Ryan and I have already talked about this. Yes. Ryan, you want to lay it out? Sure. Speak it into existence. Really feel it.

to start the 2021 season Georgia is going to beat Clemson they're going to have a successful SEC campaign they're going to make the play off they're going to play Clemson in the first round and they're going to get absolutely trashed by Georgia Clemson is going to absolutely trash Georgia yeah yes in the first round yes in the first round in the semifinal yeah it's going to be a one-four matchup Georgia's going to be feeling great and they're going to get the doors blown off. Correct. Yep.

By Clemson. The same Clemson team that they successfully beat in week one. I like the semifinal aspect because if it's the final, that means Clemson has won a game. They've defeated, you know, the number two seed and like, oh, you got to look out for Clemson. No. Little old number four, you already beat them. Little old number four already got them. Yep.

That's George's 2021. Also the champion. Georgia, you're going to the playoff next year. It's important to set manageable goals. It does also make it the most college football game possible because it would be a playoff game featuring who's the best in the world at this sport. Somebody from Atlanta, right, from Athens, or somebody from Clemson, two towns, which are 10 seconds apart. Yep. Globally speaking.

I like so that game, the first round is being played Bank of America Stadium. And then the second round would be, oh shit. It looks like that would be a peach bowl. Uh-oh. Oh, Ryan, you're definitely right now. So that would be peach. Oh, no, wait. Sorry, I think I have it wrong.

Next year is an orange cotton year. Okay. So Georgia would be hosting Clemson in the orange bowl. Okay. I'll also take it. Yeah, maybe we can switch it around. Um, yeah, this is all happening. Um, did anyone have to catch any of Iowa State, Kansas State?

No. No. No. You didn't need to. You really didn't need to because, because Iowa State's in the lead in the big 12. And they could win the conference. And they beat Kansas State 45 nothing. 45 nothing.

I know Alabama beat Kentucky 63. And that's impressive. But they're Alabama. Iowa State pretty sure the last time the Iowa State per Reese Davis the last time

that they won anything was as a member of the Missouri Valley Conference in 1913 want to say somewhere around there 1912 1912 yeah

and that was a conference because I looked Oh their last conference title their last conference title was 1912 the 1912 Iowa State Cyclones tied Nebraska

for the Missouri Valley Conference Championship. Both teams went 2 and 0 in conference play. Iowa State's two conference wins came over Missouri. They beat them 290 and Drake,

who they beat 23 to 3. Does Iowa State... Do they have a banner for this? Please say they do. They probably have something for this. It is also worth noting that um naturally they lost to iowa this year 20 to seven was that by the way was that what they were being coached by telegram by walter camp that that iowa team no no iowa state i was

the iowa state and georgia um no this is i the coach of walter can't manage to draw two paychecks at the same time once no uh this the coach of iowa state this year uh was a man named Clyde Williams, who was an all-American football player as a player at the University of Iowa, and he is in both schools Hall of Fame. So really, this conference championship technically belongs to Iowa as well. So we should name the El Asico trophy after this man. After this dude? To honor him.

I'm looking around Iowa State Stadium, and I'm not seeing a big old 19, 1912. Yeah, 1912. I'm not saying a big 1912 anywhere. No? I really want, is this, by the way, Matt Campbell has been, Matt Campbell is the most dangerous man and is living the most dangerously of any coach in America because he hasn't pulled the rip court

on being successful at Iowa State yet. That's what you do, right? Oh, he has stayed at this casino table for too long, yes. And he's up. Oh, he's way up. but the probability curve is right there and is ready to cave in on him at any minute yeah except it probably won't this

I don't know maybe it won't that feels very weird to say but this might I mean we thought what two three years ago was a good time to cash out but I mean this might be a really good time like it he might have played this perfectly you know last year they go seven and six you know they lost two straight bowl

games who cares but like the the upward trend was not continuing and yet it might be just steady enough that uh might be a real nice job opening up a couple states to the east not to get all not to get all split zone duo godfrey on you but what what job is going to open up that if you were matt campbell you would say yes i would rather go there like it's not like he's not getting paid reasonably well at Iowa State. So, like, what is the, what job that is going to open do you look at and say, like, yes, that would be the one to take? So per USAT's database, he is currently making 3.7. Jim Carball is making.

Eight. Yeah, but he has to go play. He has to go play. He has to go play triple overtime games against Rutgers. that age is yeah yeah but remember whenever we're talking about uh coaches changing jobs we always do the brain thing where we're like wow if he could do this at an iowa state just imagine what yeah yeah right which is how we talk ourselves into every hire to begin with right because like every hire is going to be better than it was at the smaller place i don't know if i'm matt campbell

i'm like yeah let's let's let's uh let's see if we can push just a four five six point whatever yeah I agree. I don't see right now the job that would be like, oh, yeah, definitely go take. No, not at all. Like, would you be like, oh, I'll take $6 million to go be the coach of South Carolina? Fuck that. No, God, no. No.

I mean, Michigan, yeah. It'd be real hard to turn down Michigan. That's the one that I think. It shouldn't be. Why is that? What is so great about being the head coach? Michigan you get six million dollars okay that's that's fine but like if like let's assume he can get that gap closer at iowa state like yes he's not gonna he's not going to get it all the way

but like at some point i don't know i don't see the appeal do you understand he does not think he is not that dude that is not how this works if somebody if michigan comes to him says oh yes yes i'm not saying, yes, I'm not saying Matt Campbell wouldn't do it, but what I'm saying is why is coaching at Michigan so much better than coaching at Iowa State? I can hear myself saying it and I know it sounds a little crazy, but I'm seriously asking, like, sell me, what is the pitch? So like Michigan, what's your big problem? You got to play Ohio State and you got to play Penn State, such as it is, right? And you got to play Rutgers. That fucking sucks. But like, all right, Ohio State, they're going to recruit, you know, maybe as many as 10 spots ahead of you.

Iowa State, you got to play Oklahoma and Texas. And yes, Iowa State's beating Oklahoma, you know, sample sizes. Oklahoma is going to recruit 20, 30, 40 spots ahead of you. To me, that's the argument. Oh, you're going to be able to get to do it. It's easy to look at what Harbaugh's done, and he's fallen short and to think, like, oh, Michigan can never close that gap. Well, I mean, like, there's nothing like, there are no magical boundaries there

that, you know, mean every coach with these players is going to have these results. and like Iowa State, if you stay there, they're always going to find the way to wrap it out of a hat, you know, upset wins over Oklahoma. You know what I mean? Like the gap is just closer. That's the other thing. You're like Matt Campbell's just thinking about dudes he can get in the door.

And whatever you want to say about Michigan's various structural challenges as an institution, Michigan still gets dudes in the door. And Matt Campbell, when you come to him and say, hey, we're going to give you double your current salary. we'll give you the full power of the institutional weight of the University of Michigan. We will give you all of the recruiting that you have never had. Never. Not at Toledo, not at Iowa State.

And we will give you a fair shake because we know you've been at Iowa State for five years. You're here for the long haul. We gave this buffoon Jim Harbaugh a very long time to prove his case, and he didn't. buffoon it's a good word yeah and it's the appropriate one because even at his best when he's really good at his job jim harball mad buffoonish in kind of every single way even when he's good and then there's you matt campbell we'll give you this is like that's like there's only about seven or eight jobs in college football like that so from his and he's never by the way he's not going to think like oh all the obstacles it's not how these dudes think no yes you're right you're right i think two things one is 1913 right iowa state's greatest every year was before i might have been before my grandfather was born um whereas michigan has i've seen a michigan national title split nebraska settled down um i've seen michigan on the verge of two others granted the spot was good um

but like iowa state has been i think they finished one season ranked in our lifetimes yeah That doesn't go for Spencer, of course. But the other thing is, thinking of Scott Frost, right? We're like, oh, Scott Frost, went 13 at O UCF. Just imagine what he can do with Big Ten talent. Well, right? So, like, it doesn't always work out like that. It doesn't always work out that raising the ceiling raises the floor as well.

But if I told you, hey, you want somebody who can compete as an underdog, even if that was the assumption, which will not be the assumption, by anybody in charge of Michigan or anyone writing the checks, they will not accept that role. but if they did in the back of their head you would say well who would we go get oh i don't know i might go get the guy who at iowa state managed to beat oklahoma managed to beat texas that's i hear all that but i see like the example i always go back to is chris peterson who stayed and stayed and stayed and it's not like usc didn't try to go get him and it's not like

texas didn't try to go get him and he waited until he took a job that like felt good like was a good fit for him and also had like a manageable path to it like if if if nothing else jim harbaugh has shown that the expectations at a michigan are very very very very high because it's not rich rod it's not brady hoke it's not like holy shit i mean this year accepted worth like struggling to get seven eight wins like michigan teams have largely performed they just have not like checked the last box and that is fatal here is the very funny thing if he takes the michigan job though entirely speculative admittedly guess who michigan plays in 2025 out on the road and then 2026 at home is that iowa state the oklahoma suitors

oh hey guys coming back around hey oh they'd be so pissed so here's what we'll do all right So Pat and Arduzzi takes the Michigan job. Excuse me, sorry. Which means Matt Campbell could finally get his dream job. At Pitt? That's right. He played one year at Pitt. So there we go.

This is what I assume what Ryan was trying to serve Matt Campbell for us for. I'm much, listen, I'm much happier with that outcome for myself, for Matt Campbell, for everything. And because Pat Narduzzi is not head coach in Michigan. and it's hard to imagine anything funnier holy cry why aren't you trying to kill people you're trying to get people killed

you're talking to me no oh no I'm talking to jason we know why holly's trying to get people killed and the people is you I know but the

so like narduzi at michigan just even saying that is really shaving seconds of people's lifespans as they hear it, because I cannot think of a worse intro than here's former Michigan State defensive coordinator and current slightly above 500 pit coach Pat and Arduzzi. Pitt Short Order Cook.

Here's the guy responsible for like five of your least favorite moments from the last decade. Here to provide some more of them. Here's the guy who can't figure out that seven is more than three. That's what I want. I want Analytics, Michigan, Twitter to meet Pat Narduzzi in their living room. Like, oh, God, he's in my suit. He's in the building. Have you ever been to, like, a very crappy motel where they just, like, put objects?

They didn't fix the holes in the wall. They just put objects over them. That's Pat Narduzzi and offense. I feel like, I don't worry about it. That said, Pat Marduzzi just fucking put it on Virginia Tech. You know who wishes he had not jumped to a power? R5 job just fucking Fuente that's who never leave Memphis never leave Memphis how's that gone for everyone who's left Memphis the whole point of a pyramid is that you're not supposed to

leave yeah that's true uh Fuente should have stayed norval iida Aida's not going to be appearing on the musical list oh no he already knows about that one I know another insane one that if you told me about without knowing about it'd be like no way. Oh, there's actually a fact about IEDA that I didn't tell you when telling you how IEDA ends. And to be clear, I'm talking about the Elton John Tim Rice Aida. I told you how that IEDA ends, right? Friends, you can look it up at home. This version of IEDA is not based on the original opera Aida. This version of Aida in which the lovers end by being buried alive in a pyramid is based on a children's book. Hell yeah.

What's going on? Wait, wait. I spell I-E-A-I-D-A? I know her. I know her. She works at the huddle house. Ayada. Get over here.

In the musical, do they actually show the collapse on stage? Like, is it a... Oh, no, it's not a collapse. They're entombed in a pyramid. But did they show it? Do they show like the doors? Oh, yeah.

That slowly slides shut over the last song. So is there an embalming song? No, they're not dead. They're buried alive. Okay. But they're not embalming. They're not embalmed alive. They're not embalmed life.

No, that would be awesome. I would actually love a really jaunty march as someone's brains are pulled up to their nose with a long brass hook. So now we're getting out the hook and we're pulling out the brains. Stop it. No, he's beyond. It's all right. I got it. I deserve every bad thing that happens to me.

In retrospect, I can't tell if I'm questioning whether Iowa State, whether Michigan is a significantly better job than Iowa State because I believe it or because my brain is just conditioned. to say and do things that make Michigan fans really mad. I don't even know if I made that choice or if my brain was like, yeah, do it and sound serious and they'll be so pissed. I liked it because it felt like an obvious question that you still have to work to answer, right? Sure.

You know, like sometimes it's good to just challenge those things that, you know, should this be an obvious answer? Well, and you see this with a lot of college football coaching searches and a lot of things in college football anyway that the people who write all the checks

are people with money who never get told that any of their ideas are bad so when they float something it's just taken as you know just an idea

to throw around so someone in Michigan and I want to be in the room when this happens they will say you know Jeff Ross will just go like heard good things about this Hugh Freeze guy

you and I you and I both as people who cover the sport know 3,000 things more about Hugh Freeze than billionaire Jeff Ross, right? I don't know. Jeff Ross spends times in Miami.

He might have bumped into it. That says really bad things about him. I mean, we know the fall whales hang out in Miami. There are photos. The best thing about that fall whale in Miami photo in Miami, he looks so happy. It's him and live, and he's like, it's where I belong, baby, in the club.

Let me ask one more difficult question. Would you leave the Iowa State job for the UCLA job? No. Yeah, man. I'd love to live in L.A. Who wouldn't want to do that? Go work at the Rose Bowl in front of 8,000 people every week? That's awesome.

Yeah, I'd do that. They got a good flea market at the Rose Bowl, so. Sure. Play a little golf around the stadium. Sure, yeah. There's a little bike trail. It would be real cool to go from Ames to L.A. because in Ames, I imagine everybody's like,

hey, there's the football coach who's a friend of mine because I see him on the TV and I can discuss things with him to go into L.A. where people are like, you see what? Right. Chip, who? I would fucking love if Chip Kelly

just, like, pieced out in the middle of a game. It just went and started hitting golf balls. I'd love him for that. Or if he hit golf balls from the sideline? Sure. Why not? Yeah, I'm going to hit it over. It's a lob wedge.

safe, shut up. Yeah, Sh angles, baby, it's just angles. Just lay the club face, shut up. Yeah,

there's nobody up there. Nobody here. He's right. Nobody cares. Third down, whatever. I don't know. Draw.

Draw. I'm sorry, you were talking about Hugh Freeze. But if they, but like somebody will float, like some rich person in the room at Michigan

will go, what about this Hugh Freeze guy I hear about because the rest of their life is clogged with like percentages and interest rates and all sorts of various market info and the new carpet samples that they have for their fourth house and everything else that clogs the brain of somebody who has too much money and not enough time and they will have heard the name Hugh Freeze and they will float it like it is not the funniest and worst idea that they've ever had in their life. This is how it's going to happen. This is how it's going to happen. So Hugh is his middle name. His first name is Danny. He's Danny Hugh Freeze, Jr. So he's going to quietly send a resume as Daniel Freeze the second. Yeah.

And they're going to see that and they're going to be like, well, my lawyer's name is Daniel. Let's take a look at this. Oh, well, quite the resume. That's how he's going to do it. Hugh Freeze has like a paper trail on the internet. Daniel Freeze the second? I'm going to Google that right now. No, no, no, no.

D.H. Freeze, the second. D.H. Freeze. All right. D.H. Freeze. Two. Oh, yeah. Don't Google that. Never mind. No. There's like... The first result is terrible.

Yeah. There's a murder thing. But, yeah. So go back to Daniel. Come back to Daniel. Sure. Daniel freeze. The second.

Freeze. The second. Yeah, just LinkedIn. It's fine. LinkedIn is like Michigan porn This is perfect Is he from the gross point freezes

Absolutely Gross point Oh that's good Yeah I mean Fries he must be from the UP He's gritty He's gritty

I heard his grandfather invented the walk-in freezer That's where the name comes from He comes from money I just see like Hugh Freeze introduced at the University of Michigan He wouldn't even stop at the podium He'd just keep walking

Right, it'd be like Hugh Freeze And he'd get one look at the reporters And just keep walking Just be like Just give me the buy out I'm done Imagine

Imagine the fucking book they're gonna write After he goes eight and four That book's called one and out Oh you're no You're missing though The name The name allows for such brilliant wordplay, right?

Freeze warning, one year at the University of Michigan. God. Or the triumphant victory over Illinois. Hell freezes over. How Hugh Fries orchestrated Michigan's

greatest victory over Indiana. How Hugh Fries stopped a losing straight to the Hoosiers. Listen, you Philistines, you hypocrites, you listen to me and you hear it because you know

true in your heart. It would be a disaster in a lot of other ways. It would impugn the integrity of the University of Michigan. It would be horrible. It would be giving money to somebody who I think deserves no more money. It would be bad and it would have a negative impact for everyone involved. But you know what would happen if you freeze with the coach at the University of Michigan? Do you know what would happen if you gave him two years? He'd beat Ohio State. I don't know how it would happen, but it would happen. That man beat Alabama twice. I need to get a hand job in Sussain Marie. Who hasn't been there?

Damn. Hugh, if you're listening to this, Holly is my boss. Godfrey is her boss. And Alex Kirchner is his boss. So please just go straight to Alex with all your complaints. And I am the athletic director at the University of Illinois. And I sent that tweet. I thought you were the governor.

I'm also the governor. Thank you.