Shutdown Fullcast - MY NAME IS CRYYYYYYYYPT

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

It’s the cryptocurrency episode! Spencer wants to invest $100 in bitcoin live on the air, and we may not be able to talk him out of it! The Vitruvian Man, updated for the modern age! (it’s Kid Rock, sorry) The four bodily humors, updated for the modern age! (one of them is Fritos, sorry) In honor of the NFL playoffs, the team goes looking for the best clam chowder in Tampa, sorry  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to United.com slash Australia to book your adventure. I do just want at one point for crypto to become, for somebody to go, hey, isn't this just a weird bank?

Yeah, but there are no banks. Yeah. This just goes with my pattern that all we're doing is reinventing things. For sure. Yeah. With crypto, you're basically inventing crime dollars. That's what crypto should really be called. Like, Bitcoin should just be called.

Crime dollars. Crime dollars. Well, if you ever go on, like, Coinbase. or any of these crypto, like, exchanges and just start scrolling down and reading the names of the other cryptocurrencies that people have invented. Can we start our own?

You could, but it's, I mean, some of the names are pretty silly, so. What would our cryptocurrency be called? Full cash. God damn, that was right there. That's pretty good. Never mind, that's it. Discussion ended.

Pitcoin. Yes. Oh my God, yes. Oh, that is so good. Oh, I'm so happy right now. Hi. Big Rai. It's me.

Hey, we're talking about crime. What crime? Well. Great. No, no, Ryan, that's very good. Very good. Smart. That's good.

We're talking about cryptocurrency. Bit crime. Bit crime. Bit crime. that's awesome you know you know why bit crimes a good crime to do impossible to explain to a jury like can you like imagine some fucking poor prosecutor making like 70 grand a year having to be like oh fuck i got to explain fucking cryptocurrency to a bunch of like blue hairs who were available for jury duty good fucking luck i mean i'm online like 25 hours a day and i'm online like 25 hours a day and i

I don't understand it. Like, I, I, I have Bitcoin. I don't, like, I would not have a fucking clue what to do with it. Like, I took it out of some gambling site, and it's just going to stay there until I put it back in. That's it. How could, how could it be stolen for you if you don't understand what it is? Jason, how, at the risk of getting you robbed, how many Bitcoin do you have? I don't know as far as percentage of one, or if I have,

multiples of it's in the three figures we'll just put it like doubt that's do do you not a significant amount do you have one bit coin i doubt it they got they're they're usually way more than that right i mean the actual one bitcoin right now is worth 32 000 okay yeah that's why i was asking i was like do you need an advisor i might have like i just got like 300 spencer i will hire you to manage my crypto uh my crypto accounts i think on the podcast tonight live i'll just spend a hundred dollars on cryptocurrency we'll just see where it goes jesus money money lines wait have you have you ever attempted this before do you know no i've never attempted this before oh fuck i could do this i could just like of all the stupid

things i've done think about how much bad football i've watched now but like have you have you like read a tutorial and all the steps and shit i you not not really cut really but my Jason, is this like me saying, like, I'm going to start a game of Siv. Just live on the show. Yes, yeah. Like, it's not like insert credit card number, get bitcoins. Like, no. You got to jump hoops and climb through tunnels.

And it's the most complicated shit in the world. And it's designed by nerds. We'll put it that way. Okay. Good. This sounds like compliance. I don't know. Like.

Oh, boy. Yeah. I'm ready. Let's go. Let's make billions. We still have to make rent. Is this our Bitcoin episode? Is that what's happening here? Bert coin. Bitcoin.

Jason suggested that we call our cryptocurrency Pitcoin. Sure. It's perfect. So is this our cold open or our episode? Unclear. welcome to the shutdown fullcast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast i'm spencer hall and i am a speculator that's right the money line only goes up and i'm just buying futures it's all i'm doing just just buying futures futures on what futures just buying futures of futures

futures futures that there will be a future i take those to like future perfect yeah i take um i take any grammatical tenses that you want involving the future future imperfect if you like blue perfect there's got to be really really nice odds on like they're not being a future like Whoever hits on that is going to, well, they're not going to be able to enjoy it. But they're going to walk away from the table with a big grin. We'd pay you in smug coin. I think that's just Bitcoin. Yeah, that is just Bitcoin.

We just pay you in smug coin, y'all. You get to feel real good before, you know, the old ones come and destroy us all. Go blue. Go blue. Super old ones. I think that's super old ones. You know what I was thinking about on this show each week? Spencer says, I'm Spencer Hall.

So there has got to be out there, at least one listener, who thinks all of us are Spencer Hall. Right? Oh, we're just aspects. Yeah, like we are, like it's a multiplicity situation, or it's like that movie where it's like all the people at the haunted house are all trying to kill each other or whatever, but they're all in the same head anyway,

know what's the what's the what's the night shaman one like that that's split is that the one I think yeah I think that might be no it's splice which is something in this one in in this one what gives it away is that they all realize they all have the same birthday mm so but we don't that's so I don't want to be Spencer I know I've said I'm I'm the Spencer girl well it's too late for that buddy God damn it because that's your job now at least you're the cute one hey thanks that's right

you're the adorable boyish Spencer don't make it worse you're Spencer as of 1913 oi what could go wrong with me life why were you in the trenches me life in British because he immigrated during World War I

1913 I wanted you I'm instantly how's this Ryan it's not does it say something really diseased about my brain that I was like oh where would ghost Ryan Spencer be I'm like oh about to be sent to the trenches 1914 there we go that's where you would be in 1940 that just you know what that's just called a good nap that's all that is you already has trench foot people want people want to say World War I was terrible but if you liked naps shit man you weren't going anywhere and you had to keep your head down anyway So, so let me get this straight. Naps, terrible weather, a lot of mud, and diarrhea.

That's right, World War I, it's an LSU home game. That sounds like a tailgate. Yeah, this just sounds like, that's all it was, one long tailgate, what, no air game? That's definitely an LSU. Also, like every, like, once a week, everyone gets super fucking fired up to go run across a truck, something terrible. We're going to beat BAM up. Also, no matter what happens, we're just prolonging the inevitable,

worse contest down the road. Yeah. Also, there's a very big, what is that smell? Yeah. Gas! Oh, no. Oh, Jethro's cooking.

Get your gas masks on. So there's an overlord that no one likes. He's throwing a corn dog grenade. This might be ACC because like mustard sauce, mustard gas. Sure. Oh, that's all it is.

It wasn't mustard gas. It was they couldn't stand the spice. share this just too hot for you and it's all the fault and it's all the fault of Woodrow Wilson that's right oh my god that's why well LSU is on LSU is on the French side right so yeah which they would retreat they would refuse to go out there I can't do it I had too much spice I got a stew going but you don't have to you could have just said like hey wake me up when we when we advance boom two week

nap yeah it's not like an LSU fan is going to declare him or herself a pacifist that's true also very World War I everyone's the enemy

who am I friends with no one really why are we doing this because a couple of rich guys hated each other that's because so there's so you start with you got the railroad time tables

right and like anyway all this shit was set up in like 1840 something and anyway we're here with the English who we hate what what kick this off an assassination was it preventable extremely did it matter not really they get a lot of shit and it's

entirely deserved but the Star Wars prequels got one big thing right in that everything that led to the central conflict was incredibly boring yeah and stupid yeah mm-hmm I think this is also yeah y'all are making fun of a trade federation I think this is also that's Brexit that's Brexit that's Brexit is what that is. Yeah. They didn't even know what they're voting for. There's people in that chamber are like, oh,

dude, I voted to shut down the Republic. I thought this was just a terrifying. I thought this was a fancy football league. Shit. But Uber and Lyft said that this would improve their business. Yeah. I just checked. Honestly,

but I just wanted to impress Ted Cruz. Okay, Jason, that's a little unrealistic. He's got to, he's the gun, There's got to be one guy in the entire Congress that, like, looks up to Ted Cruz. Oh, 100%. I'm going to be the next Ted Cruz. Actually, it's Marjorie.

It's Marjorie, right? Oh, God, it probably is. She's lady Ted Cruz. What's up, country crock? I want to call her country crock with the O removed from the first part of that. I just love that lady. And K and K. Oh, that's good because she is a crock.

Yeah, also. Like, that lady 25 years ago. Croco cunt. I can say it. I'm a lady. Yeah, you can. Also, we're talking like we're English. It's different over there.

That lady 20 years ago. At any rate, you can reach me at 38 Godfrey on Twitter. That lady 20 years ago, 25 years ago. Was in the kitchen where she belongs. Wow. Wow. What? The weird part is Marjorie would agree with you.

Thank you. I don't really want to deal with her cooking, though. There's no way. There's no way she seasons the damn thing. No. Yeah. Or if she does, it's like only one thing and it's a weird thing. Like, I put oregano in everything.

It's cool. She might be right at home in the Moon Crew Discord with their Gatorade cornbread. Soy sauce is a communist, is a communist seasoning. I don't use it. I don't use it on anything. Here's the stir fry. It's got ketchup. Yeah, she's probably one of those people who's like,

ketchup, which has no Asian roots whatsoever. None. Some of those people is like, we can heal you with food. You should eat this cooling food. What's it called? Fritos are a cool food. They cool the blood. They make me cool.

Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. Yeah, you mean the cool, ranch Doritos that your body's humors are a balance of the various Doritos. Oh, wait. Okay, what are the four, I assume that all the four of you know where this is coming into? Ryan would have been the only one that I would have guessed might not know what we're talking about because he does not play a lot of sieve but what are the four modern bodily humors one of which is obviously fritos what are the other three um let's see chill

monster energy chill like the liquid chill in your body yeah just chill yeah it just chill like it's chill oh okay no oh shit i'm low on chill i'm running low on chill i'm running low on chill would be the opposite of the ancient collars i think is chill is that that's a bahablast but there are there are other foods that that can enhance your innate chill if you need like I think cool ranch Doritos undoubtedly we can't have Doritos and Fritos both be a bodily humor one of them has to be like a sub humor well right I'm just saying these are foods that would enhance your chill I think your Doritos your duritos are your chill and your Baja Blast is your hype okay Baja blast does cure depression 100%. They couldn't put it on the bottle if it didn't. I feel like we're creating the Vitruvian man drawing, but it's Kid Rock for some reason. Can I tell you how much I love that his Twitter account was like, yeah, liberals, I'm going to get deep programmed.

Have a great weekend. And he posted it on Thursday morning. I'm a complex. I'm a complex program. It's going to take a while. Suck it liberals. I'm out. Hard work a blue collar guy. Out on Thursday morning.

Because I got PTO built up, bitch. If you have never done this, please Google Kid Rock's Detroit Mansion. Mm-hmm. It's on Zillow or it was. People from Detroit sitting there going, oh God, he's from Grand Rapids. Don't lump him in with us. Sorry, Michigan. You're all the same to me.

And you're all beautiful. Did I save it? That's nice. They know we're lying Well you also said I was pretty So that's their comparison No that's different You have very delicate features

That's true Also I think for this To be accurate Kid Rock would have to be beautiful Wow So they know we're lying there Wow Yeah so we have chill

That's like one of the four Essential bodily humors in this theory Chill and hype I like those two Yeah you need hype Like chill hype free dose And what's the fourth bodily humor is there a i ain't reading all that is that one i ain't read all that just is it just

t lDR just yeah just basically the or is it a version of respect to you but i'm different or is that baha glass guess i just grind that way guess i'm just built different just yeah sorry i built different that's my favorite and everything in the mirror sorry to this man if you search any form of social media and see a video of someone getting absolutely destroyed in a ski accident a fight a bike accident right like some sort of household event gone wrong there's always if there is if the number is larger than 20 comments there is someone in the comments who's like sorry man but i'm built different i just walk away from that yeah i roll i roll i'm fine oh yeah like like it's like two bears fighting you know and like uh no no I, I, uh, I'd probably just get him in an ankle lock. I guess I'm just built different. Yeah, I would simply use my mastery of nunchucks to remove myself from the situation. This is, this is really just a like cool dude version of I was studying the blade while you were, blank, blank, blank.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wait, so is the fourth humor I would simply. Ooh. Yeah, like, I'm, but remember. Like in all its forms. Yeah, like, remember y'all, I'm in the backseat. I'm in the backseat.

Well, it's well actually, broadly. Yeah. That's a terrible humor. That's just Michigan. It's a lot of people. It's actually humor. Michigan would be more upset than we are to find out that we describe them as a humor. Here's the unfortunate thing, Spencer, well actually applies equally to Ohio State and Michigan.

Yikes. Yep. Now they're mad at Ryan. Boy, that hurts. Now they're mad at Ryan. It's fine. anyway so there you have it you can cure disease with any of these elements it's true yeah if you you got too much built different you need a little more chill i mean that's basically diabetes

just bring it down with some baha blast which is not at all diabetes like there's some post apocalyptic alternate universe where ryan as a doctor in the remains of a hollowed out cvS and he's just prescribing things that he finds in that CVS that are not medication yeah because that got stolen first right like rollo hey here you go here you go bents it's a hundred dollars for three rolloes that'll cure you listen you got to put this five gum on it it'll draw the infection right out i'm not sick no just do it dude be cool that might be another humor too all right here i'm gonna crack open this etch of sketch and i want you to drink the contents wow

I'm going to put a poultice of these jellybellies and judah and this in style magazine what is an etchish sketch is it like sand what's in there now it's got to be it's got to be little beads iron fillings or something right meina what's in it manna what's in it all not I'm going to tweet her and see if she answers yeah just tweet it and see if she gets back to us by the end of the show so we can put I don't think she has anything going on tonight featuring special guest Mina Kimes okay me Atmeantimes, what's inside an EtcherSketch, this is for work. Did you say this is urgent? I didn't. But we'll see. But I want to see. Yeah.

Anyway. Brought to you, brought to you by Etchersketch a toy before toys were really cool. Y'all remember speaking spell? Sure. Yes. That was a toy. Yeah. type a word and it'll yell at you if you're wrong what fun yeah it's just you're just

you're just buying like a really barely articulate scold who couldn't even say the words that it was supposed to say yeah he can spell if you type the word greater all right g r e a t e r it would go grinter go that's not like you sound grinter like that's that's that's not right my god it's from Pittsburgh. I typed, I did, I typed Grinter into that thing so many times and it would go, no, Grinter. No, that's how it said it. No. Yeah. And they would say, no, yeah. People used to worry a lot less about the kinds of stern noises that children heard. Yeah, just Mario death sounds. Do you remember when you got the Simon pattern wrong? No, what was that noise? Like the Inception Brom, basically.

Yeah, kind of, but without, I guess, I think without AIDP off. I don't know, she might have been in there. Trapped forever. Nobody ever solved the full pattern. And so her soul is trapped in Simon forever. An evolution of Simon is the Boppet. Have you played with a Bopit? I hate those fucking things.

Okay. yeah the bopit fucking mina god damn it what did she say she said my feelings but that's not owned owned owned dominated you've been owned

this is why women are useless in sports media she's not going to listen to this no my god so inside an edge sketch for the record since

the most first just journalists in the world too afraid to look into this gonna have to tell everybody what's actually inside net to sketch they don't want you to know but i'm about to tell you wait what if somebody else tweets at her and says this is for work hmm i could try it because i don't want to you do it nobody will believe me they're like oh there's that crazy man ranting on the corner he says this what's inside net to sketch yeah because he's going to believe him okay just happy he's not nude today is he new today

this is great radio I'm telling I'm telling this is for the story this is for the public I would like to talk about something that's been bothering me if you don't mind sure so the I think I determined

it was the 2003 television show Man versus Beast Might have been too Is the show that you thought wasn't real I thought it was right I know it was real I remember watching it Spencer thought wasn't real One of y'all thought this was made

Oh, I watched it. I knew it was real. Yeah, I remember watching it as well. Never you mind. This is a 2003 Fox special where humans compete in physical challenges against animals. And I really only want to talk about the one that I think is most... It's not to the death. I checked.

That's true. The one that is most important to me in which Kobayashi, the famed and accomplished competitive eater, goes up in a hot dog eating. contest against a codiac bear and the the sort of like loose understand or not even loose understanding the official word on this it's on the fucking Wikipedia page is that the bear did not know it was in an eating competition and my thing is like how can you say that with confidence how can anybody say that the bear didn't know it was competing like it's so wildly disrespectful I mean is it possible

That bear is not a gladiator. Right. What if they did not say it in front of the bear just to... Here's the thing. If this had been the only time the bear did it, maybe I could see that happening. But they did a rehearsal. And I know that's true because Kobayashi claimed that he beat the bear in rehearsal. So maybe the first time through the bear didn't know it was a competition.

But when they opened that cage time too, when the lights are on, when the cameras are rolling, and the bear is like okay i've done this before at that point i think the bear knows it's a contest how reliable that's why the bear wins the second time around spoiler alert well how reliable is our narrator kobiashi could he be simply inventing a false wind over the bear that never happened in prelims yeah oh 100 like having having been around kobiashi and knowing his history absolutely dude could have been doing that either way like i just you know i get that people maybe we're we say that because the bear wasn't uh wasn't acting with sort of the focus and the speed that kobiashi was but like this in sports we see teams play down to each other all the time and we're not

you know if we see if we see Oklahoma play down to i don't know Texas we don't say like oh stupid Oklahoma didn't even know that they were in a competition of course they did they just like weren't giving it a hundred yeah the bear had a yeah it was a look-ahead game for the bear sure absolutely i'll buy that if you want to tell me the bear wasn't like giving his a game or the bear just like had it had an off competition that's fine but it's just like i i choose to believe and i there's nobody who can prove that this isn't the case that bear knew it was in a competition yeah bears like man i beat two lions last week i'm not I'm not going to get sick again.

I'm just going to do the bare minimum. Bare minimum here. See? Yeah. Hey. I don't know. It's just been bothering me. That's all.

For 18 years. Yeah, that's right. Well, tonight's a night of healing, buddy. I mean, at the time I was an English major at the University of Florida. I didn't have, like, a lot going on. Sure. I would be interested in the process of, like, insulating the bare, from the information like when they're discussing in front of the bear are they like turning and using

hand signs that the bear cannot see how do you put it in a soundproof booth yeah with big headphones how do you know because you yell the bear and the bear just like i can't hear i can't hear you like with bairts headphones um what if you just speak french well it's a podiac bear so it could be from can no that's probably a bad choice what if you speak romanian oh that's close to russia okay oh god damn it uh portuguese

uh Australian yeah or just get somebody from Maine so talking about the bear it's absolutely impenetrable I want you to know a couple of things about man versus beast yeah there were two of them

sure two which two they were two there were two episodes two installments of man versus beast so did they settle it

after that is it considered settled that's a good question we've decided that uh that you know that it's a bear community like this fucking guy we don't accept this yeah judge is biased see him walk around on two legs all the time bet he doesn't even itch himself on a tree how can you trust a man who doesn't itch himself on gary barda does itch himself on a tray for whatever it's worth still can't trust him yeah don't trust that man I'll should also know

that this is one of that there were several different competitions including yeah Kobayashi eating hot dogs in a contest against a bear who knew it was a competition

I think the bear just shows him up the bear just smokes him and is like yeah stun on him on none of the others does it specify that the animal doesn't know

right exactly right Oh, so why did this get the notation? Yeah. What is with this anti-Ercine slander? So it says a Navy SEAL want to race through an obstacle course against a chimpanzee, 44 people. Why wasn't it racing an actual seal? That's a missed opportunity.

Yeah. Well, I guess it would be swimming. Yeah, it should have been a swimming contest against a seal. A sumo wrestler also took a war against an orangutan. Like, yeah, but it does not specify that the orangutan. did not know what was happening the sumo wrestler i remember that one is happens fast like they're they basically are like they basically are like ready go and the sumo wrestler goes flying whoop i'm pretty i bet i can find that one on youtube uh the one that is the most fox to me is the

group of 44 dwarfs losing a race against the elephant to pull a dc 10 that's that's got the fox flavor to it yeah that's got that's got the most to it the other there's another thing you should know this makes sense it says here the little known fact the orangutan in question went to nc state yeah if i'd known that i would have bet on them right away they'll get you man they'll come out of nowhere the the show itself the first installment aired on the same night as the west wing arguably there arguably Arguably, this is aged better. If you ask me, what is a better, what gives you a better understanding of 2021 American

culture and politics, the West Wing, or man versus beast? It's not even a contest. Fuck off, Aaron Sorkin. It's like a man has to walk down hallway faster than a giraffe. Aaron Sorkin actually loves that show because it's called man versus beast. I'm remembering this because as source material, I did find an article. written by Robert Weintraub that has this that has Aaron Sorkin mauled by Fox as the headline for this slate article the disturbing appeal of man versus beast and it is a glorious reminder that not

only not only did they put the the bachelorette up against the west wing the bachelorette started whoop an ass but that's my second favorite headline from that era uh and it's next it's disappointingly not literal but this was i think the same year that the telegraph ran a headline that said American Pie actor Jason Biggs attacked by Gibraltar ape

way, way after Jason Biggs was famous yeah that's by the way the Navy SEAL the Navy SEAL after the chimpanzee after beating the chimpanzee and the obstacle course

about this count because it didn't compete against a seal sorry but it it taunted the chimpanzee how dare you even call yourself a seal by calling his foe a wannabe human wow oh my god that dude was first against the wall in caesar's reign that man has also done no research into google terms google search term chimpanzee destroys humans face that's never did it and that's probably good yeah it does want to be a human that's why it took the face This is orangutans make a return in man versus beast two, which I don't remember watching. This time they put a male gymnast up against the orangutanang, and all they ask them to do is, like, they basically give them one, like, pull-up bar, and they're just, the contest is who can hang on this the longest, and it's not even fucking close.

Can you hang? like at one point oh wait there's something called an illegal move yeah the male gymnast makes it six minutes 38 seconds and the orangutan is just like flipping around having a good old time just like fucking around like it could have gotten another half hour easy just taking just eating a sandwich with one arm up there

yeah man we're gonna go through commercial tonight folks pretty good i this is the other thing besides besides knowing this that aaron sorkin uh aaron sorka got wax by man talk about my problematic tv by man versus beast right just imagine like they come in they're like how many watch you i need to know what are the numbers how did they like it well yeah i'm sure they liked it erin but more people watched man versus beast Aaron Sorkin was doing an extraordinary amount of cocaine at this time, and I think it was probably not because of this, but I don't think it helped. I'll fight the chip. Put him up there.

Sarkin versus Beast. Let's go. The other thing that you should know is this, that the producer of the show is a guy named Brian Richardson, you'd think, oh, he's got certainly got like, you know, some sort of horrible bumfight style. controversial past no no this was his first job hey good for him this is this is his first big breakthrough in being a supervising producer fox came to him and said hey we're gonna let you produce a show thrilling it's great what is it it's a bunch of dwarves pulling a plane at the same time as an elephant pulling a plane he's like i'm gonna make it work and now after many many credits including the immortal a stint on the immortal pros versus joes this man

man, he's producing American Ninja Warrior. Yeah. That, that's tick-to-itiveness, y'all. So just in case you get some sort of offer like, hey, listen, we need you to produce a show about a man fighting dogs with his bare hands. It could lead to something pretty lasting. Something like American. He has bear hands?

Yeah. Yes, with bear hand. You have to take the hands off a bear. He also did 11 episodes of Hell's Kitchen, which I guarantee was more stressful than man versus beast. Oh, yeah. I'd much rather fight a bear than a bear than a bear. i mean i'm not going to get annoyed by the bear i'm just going to be like ah it's a bear it eats people i'm not going to be like you eat beans on toast how can i respect your food opinions

go ahead let it out i just did felt good felt good i can't respect i can't i can't respect the man telling me how to make scrambled eggs and he's like and then put beans on toast watch them on watch them on hot ones the man dies a thousand times has absolutely no stamina when it comes to heat sorry well yeah it's the mustard gas it's a chemical weapon no it's just tobasco sauce fine and that's our show that's the whole that's the whole show no it's not the whole show i mean this or talk about the tampa bay buccaneers so all right we do not i just have a rule and we do not have to discuss tom brady no one has to discuss they have 52 other players we already talked about people who can't stand the

mildest of foods yeah so that has been addressed i can't eat a tomato because it's a you know my my delicate system i don't know wiggle out of your copper pajamas and cry about it yeah go wiggle up to some fascist buddy you'll love it yeah tom's well i'm glad tom can get a win because Had to have been a rough couple of weeks for him. That's true. I think we planted the seeds to get us through more than enough of a full episode here. You know who else plants seeds?

We can get through a whole lot more than just an episode. We can get through the next 60 years if we play our cards right. Spencer, this is like watching a child do close-up magic for the first time. Did I tell you that Spencer is taking up cards? card tricks it's the fucking worst put a pause on that it's been a long we can't we can discuss that he started teaching himself card tricks from the internet and showing them to me i live in hell

he has serrano hands for hands i should go but actually spencer's going to go through a lot of cards here yeah so that's what i need to return yeah but thank you jason he will and spencer speaking of cards you got you got a new cards you got a new car Don't you from acorns.com? Nailed it. Did you get the fancy metal, heavy metal debit card? I should be getting that later this week, the heavy metal debit card. Should drop through your fingers a lot faster than the ace of hearts.

This is right here like Gambit. Not the first time we've compared him to Gambit on this show. Yeah, but you know what? That may look like magic, but really it's just planning ahead, isn't it, Jason? That's right, buddy, for only a nickels and dimes per day, plus whatever sweetener you want to throw in there, your savings account at acorns.com can bloom as you inch your way toward retirement. You can even go to acorns.com slash fullcast to get a $5 head start. And each time you log on to purchase new trick cards, magic, and other magical props,

disappearing rabbit disappearing rabbits dot com acorns will round up your purchase and throw that into the magical investment pile so now you got two kinds of magic at once it is i use the family plan as you all know uh my sons basically future barons at this point right the money line only goes up uh we have a tidy but gradually increasing amount of of money, just sort of socking away every week. Without me known, it's $25 here. $25 there with roundups. You know, they're both projected to have,

I don't know, about 22K in those accounts by the time they're done. And by the time it hits maturity, that's just by putting away a little bit, which you don't even feel. Just, it just goes away, bloop. Like a card. That's right, like a card out of my hand.

Whoa, where did it go? God. Definitely not where it's supposed to. Check behind, check behind, Check behind your ear. It's a trust fund. No, or it's a, or it's a tangelo that I've dropped because I was using it for another trick and forgot. But acorns wouldn't do that.

They'd pull off the floating car trick. I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys this. It's been like two weeks since this started. Or any of them hitting? Anyway, that's about as long as Spencer's been growing his acorns retirement account. Yeah. And one of those things is going well. And the other one is card tricks.

Have you mastered any? Are there any impressive ones? You know, you never master. You never master illusions, Jason. Uh-huh. So are you focusing more on the theater of it than the technical side? I'm working on not dropping the cards.

Is that theater? Is that? I think that's more of the technical side. Yeah. Can we get you a costume? Uh, buddy, I'm wearing one every day when I wake up. Okay. man who has it together it's my my name man versus beast magic show

spencer my spencer versus a penguin fucking smoke this bear couldn't even pick the cards up stupid ass bear doesn't even have thumbs beat him once I shuffle bear made Spencer disappear my that is bears do pull the coolest magic tricks don't they Where'd he go? Where'd he go? This man used to have a face. Where is it?

It's on that tree over there. Wow! Magic tricks are definitely all in grizzly, man. If you know what? If that's how I go, if they're like, yeah, yeah, his face slapped off by a Codiac bear, perfect. And what was the last thing Spencer said before he bled out? Abricadabra.

Was this your card? Prestige! Mr. Bear, was this your card? I guess it was. that'd be the meanest thing to do to a dying magician was this your card no that wasn't it that wasn't it why are you learning card tricks that's a great question ryan thank you like isn't there a bathroom you can clean or something thank you ryan that's another great question i have a long a boring answer you don't want to hear it i do okay so my entire like

nine to two is basically consumed with uh or eight to two is consumed with getting my younger son through classes yes and um when he's in class i can keep him on task for about three minutes before he has to be redirected so really i've got about two to three minutes of independent free time to do anything before he i don't know spill something throw something uh decides to look at YouTube when I've told them not to look at YouTube, that kind of thing. So I don't have much time. So the kind of thing where you're just bored. You don't have much time.

And you really want to do something. I was just like, I could sit here and I could shuffle cards. Okay. And I could just play solitaire. Well, that got boring after a while. So I thought, you know, and I didn't want to be on Twitter. It was like we'd just spend as little time on Twitter as possible, which I'm still terrible at. But I thought, oh, I don't know, I could learn a different way to shuffle.

Okay, you learn a couple different ways to shuffle. And you go, I could learn a card trick. You could do that like two minutes. This is called a gateway drug. Yeah. It was, it is a gateway drug. Because now he does magic. He does magic at me.

No, no, I just, I only like, I only like the old school hustling card tricks, you know? In a way, in a way, I think you're actually being a better parent. I refuse to learn the difference. Don't tell me. I think you're being a better parent by doing this because now, if your youngest gets distracted, He can just look over and be like, ah, shit, I better pay attention at school or also have to do bad close-up magic like dad. Well, I think, yeah.

I think what we're seeing here is there's the two paths here. There's the academic path and the Votech path, right? Like, you better, you better get good grades. You're going to wind up in the family business. Yeah. Paul and son's magic coat. Spencer, can I start calling you Dr. Mange? I was, I was actually going, I was actually.

going to ask to be called dishpan hands with a dz at the end that was going to be my street name my stage name dishpan hands look at a street name look how chap they are kids yeah call it call them dish yeah so yeah that's that's just like something i do to pass the time so thank you for mocking my craft i'm not mocking it you won't do it by yourself you make me me look at it I would be fine if you didn't make me engage emotionally with it I won't share my street sorcery with you anymore good was this all it took I've been sitting through this for two weeks asking you to stop well I only have one question is it about home field apparel is this your card damn it spencer it's not your card god the last time you did it it actually wasn't

and I was so happy. That's the best. Did you mess one up? That was the first one that I liked. I'd be the worst stunt driver because I always enjoy screwing it up more than getting it right. So, you know, it'd be like, hey, you slid the Ferrari under the semi, got it run over. I'd be like, yeah, it was cool, wasn't it? Is this your Ferrari?

Is this your Ferrari? It used to be. Is this your car? Is this your car? Is this your car? Is that your car over there? Close up magic. Sorry about that.

Oh, boy. I hope that's not your car. So things are good. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you guys about this. Things are great. I like the version of the quarantine bubble where I lived in my house by myself. That was a good version. It was an amazing version.

It was much better. But not very magical. No, not at all. I can say that. Yeah. You know, you would say, I think, you know, in your case, I think the cards were dealt. oh my god what it was why why we'll talk about the bucks if you make me bling gabbard's on the bucks did you know that he's going to the super is he could get blake gabbard's on the books playing gabbard's on the bucks

bling gabbards on the bucks hey that's kind of what acorns get you can i tell you so we're going to have a gabbard hennie super bowl that oh my christ did we not really talk enough did we didn't really talk about chad hennie deciding it was chad hennie time did we We didn't talk about Chad Hennie. Yeah, we did because you said Hennie Sons and then everyone got mad except for us. Okay, I just want to make sure we talked about that enough. No, we're good. Because there is still the chance that Chad Hennie could come in for.

We're good. No, we're good. This could happen again. I am fine. Yeah. Henny Gabbardt. Wow. Life's amazing.

It's pretty special. Because that could happen. God. Can you think of any place, by the way, that deserves this less. than Tampa Bay. New England. Yeah. New Orleans.

Yeah. I don't know. No, shut the fuck up. New Orleans has at least given me fun. They've at least contributed significantly to my life. I also think it would be pretty awesome if Tom Brady led the Bucks to the Super Bowl in Foxborough. Why didn't we set that up? I take it back.

This is very funny. You know, when you put it like that. Fuck. just tell of like all these Boston fans. You can just say, hey, Tampa's just like Boston, but hot. Mm. Go lift the air.

Sure. Yeah. It's like Vancouver, Florida. It's like if you put Vancouver on a low simmer for 80 years. It's what you get. What if food poisoning was weather? Yeah. Tampa. Mm.

Clam chowder's great. You got to try it. i actually love clam chowder sorry tampa clam chowder wait that's a thing nope it is now no no no one i would have believed this oh no i believe could have done something that shit the number of dairy-based foods in florida go oh boy um there's dairy and keelime pie does that count yeah that counts i guess that counts yeah you know Tampa chowder Oh, yeah. Be horrifying.

To be, to be completely transparent, I would have believed you without question if you had told me that someone had made that because this is the city that produced Beefo Brady's. Hold on. Best Clam Chowder, Tampa. Oh, no. Yes. Yes. Oh, no. Take us there.

No. There's a place. Is there a place called New England on Tampa Bay? uh there may be not familiar with that the one that the one that is number one on yelp is a restaurant i am familiar with called shells um oh i've been to shells yeah yeah okay i didn't know that was a chain i've been to a different one it's like a local chain i think yeah i think i think i've been to the one in like new smyrna i'm trying to see how far down this list you have to go before you get something that is clearly not a seafood restaurant right there's a place uh let's see ballast point park sure called a taste of boston

in tampa oh taste of boston sounds rough oh taste like i can really feel the busing riots bloom on my cigarettes and seasonal depression right there in the bouquet there is there is a place in and this will probably only mean something to Spencer. Spencer, there is a restaurant in Zephyr Hills called the Chowder House restaurant. The Chowder House rules. Oh, my God. Good night, you princes of Piscoe County.

God, you know what I... Man, you know what... Everything hurts. You broke me. That was it. You know what I want when it's 91 degrees outside and I have to walk across it? Hot dairy.

I want hot dairy and some corned beef. sure cabbage just stuff me with all that and then put me into a car that's basically the temperature of a toaster oven oh I want to feel so good about myself fuck taste of taste of boston come up with one city that markets worse than that this is beautiful I love everything about it taste of Boston because I Honestly, man, if you said taste of Jacksonville, I'm like, man, something's probably fried. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Taste of Jacksonville is like, here's a gun with the serial number filed off.

Yeah. Man, I'd rather eat that than Kurt Schilling's undershirt. I have found a Tampa restaurant that is even more Boston than taste of Boston. Wow. Is it Boston Market? It has a, it has clam chowder. The name of, it's, it's an Italian restaurant, all right? But the name of it is Sina, spelled the same as...

John? No! Yes! Yes. Listen, don't take, don't take Lyft or Uber there because you won't be able to see it. I keep going by the spot on the map. I'm going to make it worse. In these difficult times that we're still...

Okay, thank you. In these difficult times in which we still find ourselves, the Zephyr Hills Chowder House restaurant is open for to go or curbside Oh that's what Zephyr Hills is Just pour the chowder into my mouth

Yeah Go cup Splash me with it Just splits me with it Here's your camel back full of chowder brother good luck out there There this is like chowder flats Oh that's worse

Can you pour it right onto my PT cruiser I'm just going to drive by, pour the chowder on the hood. Chowder flats, I assume, is the Steinbeck short story. He couldn't get published. This is entirely too gross. No, that's grapes of wrath. Oh, shit. Tortillas delicious.

Chowder, questionable. But they do serve, you can buy chowder to go from this establishment. Chowder to go with it's 95 degrees in you're in Tampa. Give me a fucking bucket of your finest chowder. What chowder goes with like blueberry vape? That to me is the most Tampa question. Like, I don't know, I got blueberry vape. Hey, buddy, it's blue raspberry vape, okay?

It's different. I got white mystery vape, too, if you want it. The lowest rated chowder on Yelp, I have scrolled to page 24, the ugly grouper. The first two words of the top review are very safe. Again, you're telling me things that make me question the good thing you're a buried, right? My shirt about my very safe chowder is raising a lot of questions. Like, how, like, at one point was safety an issue with chowder? Now I'm worried.

What's also good about this Yelp search, maybe it's the same for you, Jason. The sponsor result I keep getting is Denny's, as if, As if Yelp is like, hey, buddy, you don't really want clam chatter in Tampa. Why don't you just go to Denny's and have something easy? Let's steer you back to shore. Mine's a little more adventurous because it keeps trying to get me to chronic tacos. Oh, okay. Well.

But if you go to Chronic Taco, you're going to end up at Denny's. Yeah, that's fair. The question, if Yelp is recommending Denny's, then Yelp is detected that you are probably drunk. That's what it is. There should be a breathalyzer on yelp. Because if you're searching Tampa Chowder, you're hammered. Yeah. You're in the midst of some kind of weird, I'm drunk or high, and I need this food specifically, which I get.

I get. I'm drunk or high specifically, and I need tots now. Call J. E.T. Wentworth. Or you're Irish from Boston because you're pining for the old. country in which case you well you're drunk you're also drunk right yeah this is this is why you take door dash a step further and you call drunk dash

are you drunk we'll tell you what food you want basically no I think yeah I think I think drunk dash lets you order whatever you want but then it's just like hey man we're bringing chicken fingers don't fucking worry drunk dash dot com just redirects

to denny's dot com and it doesn't give you healthy food but it does it does bring it down a notch for your protection. When you say, hey, I want a pizza and can you just put Twinkies on it? That'd be good. Just cook the Twinkies on the pizza. It's like, we're bringing you pizza.

It's fine. It's got double pepperoni. Here are three Pop-Tarts. So instead of the Twinkies, you could put like sweet potatoes on there and just say they're Twinkies, and then you are delivering the nation's drunk, healthy

food. What a service. That is a service. Tampa I've even invented a lot of businesses this year That's what you do That's what you do You take your

Stimmy You start a company Start another company Guess we're just built different Yeah sorry Sorry you don't have 37 companies All you need is $40 million in a dream That's all I did

I took a meeting with Jay Z And he told me to You told me to start a company I said, do I need a plan? He said, no. And here I am today. Spencer, here's another thing that will probably only need something to you. This also gave me a, like, sponsored ad result for a different link to the best clam chatter in Brandon.

Oh, Brandon, Florida? Yeah. That's, again, this is Yelp determining that you're drunk because they're like, you think you're in Tampa, but you're probably in Brandon. It's been a real long night. best clam chowder in lincoln nebraska red lobster that's right though because red lobster's going to say hey we got this out of a frozen envelope this is awesome to a pot so once you actually click through the top rated place with clam chowder in lincoln nebraska is called lead belly which i think you need in order to eat clam chowder in lincoln nebraska this fallouther mission is weird dad fair enough yeah I think I'd rather have astronaut clam chowder than that as that is that an option astronaut astronaut chowder the most

popular chowder Detroit Michigan it's the name of the place it's astronaut chowder I don't know a space food corn chowder was on Apollo 16 apparently in a packet with a spigot I blame I like any food that uses a spigot Buzz Let it run from the faucet into my mouth

Would you open the spigot Please There's some idiot spot That's doing drive through something But is doing it straight Like out of a spigot That people put their mouth on We'll find that out right

Like sure Yeah we do drive by chowder You just put your mouth right on the spigot we do it safe we space the cars out i got one of those sprayer backpacks you used to lay down pesticide i just pumped that up yeah we got a chowder hookah bar just big old tufts of chowder what is the show again what are we doing here uh i think we're here to talk about bitcoin yeah yeah this is a cryptocurrency we were here this is a cryptocurrency podcast this is a cryptocurrency This is your financial future.

I'm Mr. Hall. Can I, can I, can I give the listener a little, I'm Holly Anderson. Did we just Frankie Friday? You did. I'm Jason Kirk. There we go. I just want to give the listener a little background. This is, I think, the first episode we've done in some time where there is no, like, document of any sort that we're working off of.

So if, if you're wondering. why well you can fill in the blank from there because we didn't that's part of the reason yeah we didn't and that was largely because after getting dinner ready and doing everything

tonight let's be real let's tell the people what's going on yeah we played dominoes for like five hours today anything to keep him from his card tricks kind of but also it's never too young for children to learn violence yeah it's fair the children learn some stuff today once you get dinner and that done

kind of just be like oh we got to do a show that's fine i kind of thought we wanted like we're talking about cryptocurrency dodgy financials and things that you wouldn't consume my idea was to discuss the tennessee head coaching job i think this is much safer yeah i don't want to do that i don't want to do that i mean we'll just have to do it again in two years anyway wow Can we skip to the next one? Can we just send through this one? Yeah, next search. Yeah. Just begin it. Just start it.

Just be like, hey, we got a committee working. This is what they tried last time. We're going to hire Mike Leach. He's fired. We're going to hire Kevin Sumlin. He's fired. Mike Gunn, he fired. I was just hired, too. This is an Olympics-ass coaching search. Kevin Sumlin also canceled.

I would just totally cancel. I would just hire two coaches. Like just have them dual? Like Kevin Steele? Not quite. I'd actually be more explicit about it and just say like, okay, here's the press conference. And I don't know, we'll be like, hey, here's Matt Campbell. He's our new head coach.

We're all very excited. Here's James Franklin. He is the head coach of Matt. Campbell fucks up now we we we've already short-circuited yes it's it's a rule of two yes except in this example James Franklin his job is not to work on the staff it is not to do he he like he's totally hands off he is just sort of kept over here in a breaking breaking case of emergency like set up and that way if everybody like we don't have to do the whole stress of oh Tennessee is looking for a head coach no they don't they have the backup there he is just

We're prepping, we're prepping, y'all. I wonder literally what the dollar number you'd have to pay James Franklin to just hang out as a coach on standby. Like, if you paid him $50 million a year, he would say yes. He's been coming before. Yeah? Yeah, but you could pay Houston nut way less than that to do it. But now he can be coached in, like, freighting as in money. What about a scenario where you have, where you can do what coaches do to players, where you can basically call them off the best?

bench if the other if one's not getting it done like halfway through a game right let's say oregon has phil night up in the booth right and phil's like five thousand years old got his headset on and like mario cristobald's not getting it done he's like sorry man listen no we're just we're going to make a change going to make a change going to make a change you need to send in houston nutt used to not needs to get this done it just trade out are you just trying to find Houston not a job? Buddy. I'm just trying to help. I'm just trying to help.

I'm just trying to give everybody a little taste of that coach not guarantee and back-to-back New Year's bowls. Oh shit. You're talking about Tennessee. No, stop that. I think he'd win 10 games there. I don't know what happened to the next year. I can say that Houston Nut would win 10 games one year. I'm not telling you what's happening the year before or certainly not the year after. But you don't get, you're going to get a New Year's. What if I said I'm going to get you nine wins?

in a new year's day bowl here's the thing spencer you can say i think houston nut would win 10 games at tennessee because the universe will never test your hypothesis i you're just mad right now because i said everybody i told everybody you're doing magic also contractually contractually what i said illusions what i said contractually was this that he'd win 10 games i didn't say how many years it would take yeah i don't think he's hitting 10 wins like like two wins one year four wins the next year fired halfway through the next year he's not hit in 10 right on three wins sadly but that's still buying him a new boat bang that's what matters most yes a new to him boat yeah that's pre-owned certified lexas pre-owned certified boat certified pre-owned airboat that's what we're getting

this they don't even bother certifying pre-owned boats do they're just like yeah man it's been in the water i don't know what the fuck's up with this good luck boats the original cryptocurrency how much is it word coin who can say boat coin i'm putting it all in boat coin i would buy the shit out of bill dances cryptocurrency bill coin oh my bill coin oh my god bill coin would be amazing because bill coin like you know hey listen if you don't like it just throw it back just throw it back in the pool somebody else somebody else'll somebody else will catch it. That's how Bill Coin works.