Shutdown Fullcast - NBA Eastern Conference Finals Recap And Haters’ Picnic

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

SHOW NOTES But first: Free The Italian Killer Bear, he is needed at the railroad Where do this year’s NBA playoffs fit within the wider galaxy of the Hating Economy Which division almanac forecasts a bumper crop of disrespect in 2023 for league frontrunners? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am a noted Boston sports hater, but I will forever be mad that they... Business is booming. Fuck yeah, brother. Brother, brother. You guys, I don't have enough stonked memes. My pores have shrunk. It's been a solid month of Boston. Signs of aging have been eliminated from my face.

My hair is healthier. I shouldn't say month of Boston, Boston hitting. That would imply the Bruins made it further than they did. Ooh. Yeah. If you are a person who thinks the NBA is real. rigged. Eastern Conference finals

Hard month. Our fucking masterwork. No, I think you're like, oh man, the writers are really getting into it this year on Eastern Conference finals. Look what the writer strike does. We got Denver and Miami in the finals. This is just like when they made, this is just like

when they made Jesse Fleming's a murderer. Let's go with Colorado's tallest Serbian versus a team almost eliminated by the Hawks. Oh my God, this was written by A. Written by AI or written by one of those little lottery ping pong ball hoppers?

It's, uh, Celtics are going to come back from 3-0 to force game 7 at home. Is it close? No, man, they just get broken stopped. It sure isn't just. I think the writer's

Who played really well? The guy they're going to give like $300 million next year? No, he was bad. Did they finally decide that they should stop shooting terrible threes? Absolutely not. No. Keep them. coming i love our NBA podcast does their entire city have as much dog as jimmy butler's

thumb toe no afraid not like that they chose one of the markets involved in this i and this is my least favorite form of dialogue which is the oh what about the ratings what about the markets well okay here's what's what's about them Miami they're like yeah Miami's not a great TV town no everyone's going to be watching the game it's just that nobody's nobody in that town's like yeah you're not going to measure what I watch on my screen that's not happening right right this is a town where nothing shall be measured properly there will be no data I'm watching this on the TV in my exhibit built car so you can't track it I got my phone and that's screaming to my cousin's fridge and we're all surrounding it and it's pretty dope so good scene this is a different rapper though

it's my exhibit it's like John Cena's cousin correct I love the giant TV market of fucking Boston. You're not big, Boston. You're not big. You think you're big. You get a lot of fucking attention. That's not the same thing. Listen, if podcasts were ratings.

That's true. Listen. Not this one. Easy. Boston free listenership. Shout out to our eight Boston listeners. It's time for America to lock in to an NBA finals where Yokinz just shoves his big ass into Miami Defenders. This is his incredible jump shot.

Dude, it's like watching a horse play basketball. That's why it's called horse. But a horse is so good. A horse who loves horses, no less. He does. Canonically loves them. Oh, man. A slam don't.

Oh, my God. You guys, we've been waiting for this. This finals is just going to be Jimmy Butler punching Yokek, and he doesn't care. He's the horse girl successor to Gingis Khan. It's been right there. I Genghis had Serbia, right? At one point?

You know, I'm not going to say that at one point Genghis didn't have anything. If you were like, yeah, Genghis had Cleveland. I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Genghis Khan owned Cleveland. Oh, oh. Oh. Oh.

Welcome to the shutdown Welcome to the shutdown full cast. are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and on the ones and two is Michael Ray Surber. I have a question for you. Has there ever been a bet? The Italian bear that is potentially going to be freed from bear prison. I really appreciate your... They put smoky in the pokey, y'all.

It's a yes or no question. It's a yes or no question. Is it about that Italian bear or not? No, but it is now, Ryan. I would love to talk about the Italian bear that's getting out of bear jail. So, if I have all the facts right, there was

a bear who attacked a jogger in northern Italy in April. Jogger died, and they captured what they suspected was that the jogger was in the woods where bears live just this wasn't just like oh no this bear is out like roaming the streets of venice or some shit that would be interesting as well um they captured this bear but then uh a local administrative court gave this bear whose

name is jj4 like it's a robot like it's a star wars robot okay gave it a stay of execution because there has been an argument that they have the wrong bear. Wow. That like the bite marks or something are inconsistent with the, with this kind of bear. That it, that this, I think this bear is female and they're like, no, this, these bite marks would be from a male. So there's like a whole fucking CSI situation going on with a brown bear. Are they going to produce a body from the body farm and have the accused? to bite it?

They should. I guess the answer is, of course, they're not, because they don't have our resources. Maybe they should have a volunteer. Like, the corpse, this is against the law. We cannot do that. But maybe Giuseppe, you could let him handle the leg. But I have, this was, I last saw an update on this in May,

in early May, and I haven't heard anything. So maybe just like the Italian bear court moves slow. The heck you say. Because otherwise Averinating animal in an Italian court It's taking its sweet fucking time Do you think there's a bear Do you think there's an Italian bear prison

Or do you think Italy's just like Ah put a bear in a regular prison set? How slow is a bear that smokes? Is that what the coliseums for? Is that where they store the bears these days? I think that is what it's more, yeah That's right Well, I know where the bear lives when it's not in jail

With its parents That's 100% guarantee It's tradition It's tradition What? Why don't you'll be close to Find a nice girl. She's a nice lady. Yeah, you find a nice bear lady.

He's staying at home learning the noodle recipe. Two things this bear loves. Family, racist chance at soccer games. I can't get enough of them. Racist against polar bears, I guess. He can't even really say them, but he feels them. You can see it. Yeah, right, right.

I think if they've framed the bear, right? What kind of compensation do you provide to the bear once it winds its 15 to 16 year path through the Italian court system? I mean, it's already getting a pension, right? It's going to get a pension. From its factory job. It's going to get more vacation time than you've ever gotten. Yeah, this bear was a railroad employee for 17 years. Oh, Jesus.

You didn't say it was a railroad. This is a railroad bear. You cannot fire his sons. The Italian railroad. It's a small country. What else is there to do? You don't need more railroads. You got enough.

They're so good, too. I'm sure they're famously efficient and on time. We have no room to talk. I'm not going to talk. Listen, you can get a decent cup of coffee and only be 45 minutes late on an Italian train. We don't have trains. That beats our ass. We don't have any trains at all.

Do we have bear court? We don't listen. I mean, Gatlinburg has police. Yeah. All of the things, yeah. I try this bear in the street. Judge Catfish, if you'd like to weigh in. Please contact us.

Hold on, let me arrange this tea time. Judge Catfish is game. Short game's been good this week. Throw your pistol. Draw, damn it. Ryan, do you remember your Judge Catfish voice? Because it was like three seconds' long, it was absolutely minted.

I wish I did. I don't. It was like, how do you plead? We can talk, like, all the things Italy's beaten our ass at. They've got Bearcourt. That's a short list. They've got, oh, it's a long list. Handsome police.

Hands old. No, wait, is it, which one? Spain. Okay, no, that's Spain. I mean, Italy, too, sure. We'll give them. No, but there's one country that it was like. The hot cops.

Yeah, like, distractingly handsome police. Italy is on the list. That's fine. Yeah. They beat our ass in terms. of being bout it as soccer fans for better or worse you go hey they're about it they they sing a lot and they they carry flares to games what are they singing well that's the part where they don't have us because you don't want to know what they're singing you're like well they're really into this

what are they saying and you're like oh no no no all the flesh slipped off my skull you don't want to know i think that's a wash like we care about more about more sports than they do they just put all their caring into one sport. So I could buy that. We're more diversified in terms of our care. In lots of ways, yes. Yeah, they have Italy as better food. I think we can agree on that.

Ryan, you've been there. Import our pizza hut or dominoes or whichever it was. That's true. And then they had to reject it because they're too good. They're like, this will ruin the Italian food ecosystem. Children cannot be exposed to this. They will disregard the old ways. Signore, I'm eating six, seven dinners at month.

Dominoes. She ruined me. I thought he was Little Caesars. It turns out in stature he's dominating my life. It is both hot and ready. If we really want to fuck with Italy, I think we just got to send Totinos over there. Not even restaurant pizza.

What have we said about chemical warfare in the Geneva Accords? Brother, how do you say 99 cents a pop in Italian? In Italian. We eat this. We heard y'all like parties. Just send them video of ourselves actually eating those. They look so happy. They're sitting on their couch.

They're starving children in America eating Tatinos. Finish your supper. School cafeteria, pizza plank. Like, yeah. Oh, boy. The Stoufers plank? Yeah. I'll eat those?

Yeah. Cry about it. You can't stop me. Italy, I can't help but notice that your pizza place is open and closed, but did you know that when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime? Checkmate, Italy. Just going back in time to tell Julius Caesar,

yeah, so there's a restaurant named after you. What an honor. It's everywhere. It's known for the cheapest stuff. Everyone knows your name. Hand a bagel bite to an Italian. They're like, right, this isn't bad, what's the crust?

And you're like, it's Jewish bread. They're like, what? Whoa! Oh, God. So you're saying they've diminutized me. So you're saying bagel bites are the two-state solution. Mama-mea made pizza rolls. Answer the question.

Anyway, free JJ4. The bear who did nothing wrong. That's JJ-Quatro. J-G-C-C-C-C-C-Tro. And give him. some stevie bees do they just as compensation they're just gonna hand them a dumpster

and they're like no hand of an American dumpster give the bear one of one of those like big bottles of wine like the what are the biggest ones called the jeroboam yeah give them a jeroboam of

kianti with like the wicker around it that might be the bear's full name just be like Jeroboam Jesus the 4th Jeroboam was Jail bear That's what it stands for Jail Jeroboam quattro

It'll say the bear will be like What's the 4 for? The number of times I cut that jogger Oh shit! Is it Baraboom or Jerobarum? Yes. Yes. Thank you.

Yes is the answer there. But you didn't want to talk about the Italian jogging bear wrongfully accused. No, no, that's not that's not what we were you're doing for. We would never want to talk about that. I apologize.

No. The biggest is the Melchizedek. Go on. The biggest wine bottle. How big is that? How many MLs? How big is that compared to a Missusla? It's $3,000.

It breaks the chart here. I guess it's 10,000. Okay. It's way bigger than Methuselah. Let me see this here, wine bottle. That's the only other one. Jesus Christ. He's a little bit later. That's a preteen of wine. I'm going to call that one the right, Thompson.

What does it have a stupid fucking hat on? It's big enough you can put a hat on it. That's what I was saying. Like you could actually put like a decent size fedora on the bitch. Put a pork point. Put a pork tie hat on the wine. This is, oh my God, this is a, this is not a wine bottle. This is a friend. This is a companion in the Victorian ladies. This is accompanying Daisy Miller's grandmother to the Colise of the sketch. Here's my R2D2 of wine.

It's got me rolling around on the floor, sticking my finger in light sockets. Cussing at a tall gold. It's got me puking up weapons. Why did we make a droid that only runs on rot-gut wine? I threw up dagable water for like two days. It's got me fighting a weird frog and nose karate. Beat myself up in a cave. What do you mean?

It's got me like strapped to the side of a starship with no protection whatsoever. You're thinking about that they just slap a droid on the back of Mitt Romney's dog. My friend stuffed me inside a dead. My friend stuff me inside a dead llama. Yeah, what do we do? It was warm in here. It wasn't even cold in June. I'll sleep it off.

He is the dog. That's a group. What is your contribution of the Star Wars universe? Yeah, I wrote the droid that runs all wine. It was short-lived. Wildly popular among three people. I wanted to talk about the haters' economy and about Hayton. because I

last night the Celtics lost and I don't really have like a consistent I'm a situational hater okay because the situation to me dictates the proper level of hate but last night last night in terms of the script

it was impossible not to feel the power flowing from your fingers when you consider what actually happened in this series because three games down they come back and tie it 3-3 a franchise with

some of the worst isn't even like I don't want to use a term like that like fans who just unlikely is just not not unlikable not unlike it just well shit chalk and cheese just not you know my people

at all just doesn't feel like it the Celtics specifically Celtics fans okay Celtics fans right like they are they are a weird like i want to get this very right i don't think celtics fans are the same as lakers fans because celtics fans are occasionally actually from boston whereas lakers fans who knows who knows there are end tables that are lakers fans big foss this is a lakers fan big fos who grew up in makin georgia and is uGA through and through and is a massive lakers fan And you're just like, how did that happen?

And I don't know. I pretty much know how you became a Boston Celtics fan, right? You might actually be from Boston. Probability is real high. Not super pleasant to be around in terms of social media or actual presence, right? Just not, especially because they are, as Lakers fan, George Foster pointed out on Twitter this morning, a franchise that in many ways is not too different than the New York Knicks over the past 30 years. a horrifying thought but one that does not have its one that doesn't lack its

accuracies like there are correlations there yeah are you saying that is part of the reason they're so unpleasant to be around is they feel they deserve to be the thing that the Celtics were long long long ago there might be some entitlement there you know and I think also their high-profile celebrity fans have not necessarily done them any favors in terms of overall presence in terms of who are we rooting again against. For instance, Texas, it's kind of fun to make, it's kind of fun to make fun of you and hate on you a little bit because I know Matthew McConaughey's right there with an inspirational speech, right? Just beating on a bongo going, turnovers. Adversity. The all-new Lincoln

turnover. The all-new Lincoln turnover. Yeah. It's back. Lincoln. It's the car that only flips. See that bull in the road? I'm going to run into it. It's going to destroy this car. The bull's not there. yeah the bull's not there but Texas like you know their high profile fans have not exactly helped in terms of making them not an easy target but that's nothing compared to

what Boston has in many respects and they do believe that they are still a great franchise and it's always way easier to hate on those people because there is a little bit of entitlement there like you know hey kiss the ring what ring has has

yeah like the Miami Heat have been a more successful franchise over the past 20 years, which is the like long-term thing that you could say with this is to go. Yeah, you shouldn't be surprised. The heat went more often than you do. Yeah. Well, they exist in a weird like, and until Foss brought this up, I forgot that like, oh yeah, there is a weird thing where like they have sort of just gotten caught up in the run the Patriots had, the run the Red Sox had, where it's just like Boston just winning titles. And it's like, yeah, I guess that's true. How many Celtics titles is that

in that group? It's just the one. Just the one. Just the one that was so shocking. The most famous quote about it is anything is possible. Yes. Even the Celtics winning a title. If you use your imagination is conceivable. I mean, it was. There's also a weird thing with that Celtics team where like everyone who has spun off of it either is like devoid of like nobody is like oh kevin garnett classic celtic like kevin kg is just kg i don't think anybody like really has any big attachment to him ray allen moved on and went and played for the heat um paul pierce mostly like paul pierce is like nobody's like yeah man that's that's that's that's legend paul pierce They're like, that's the guy that got fired on Instagram, Paul Pierce.

It's either that's the guy who got fired on Instagram. That's the guy who pooped his pants. Or that's the guy who, was it? Jalen Rose was like, let me on television give you the detailed explanation about why you are not nearly as good to Scotty Pippiner, whoever it was. Like dressed him down. You can't let a man with that haircut talk to you like that. On the tier of celebrity, he got Daffy ducked. He's the guy who's always like, I belong on the marquee.

And then the coach was docked. Rivers, who has just, like, infuriated four different fan bases at this point. Yeah, what a legacy. Like, there is no, there is nobody from that Celtics run that, like, KG is probably the most popular and well-liked person, but it's not in any way like, oh, yeah, because he was a Celtic. Yeah, well, I mean, I would assume, like, I feel like I've seen some reference to him having a bit more kinship with Minnesota than with Boston, even, you know, despite leaving and all that. I mean, even the way in which he left was basically Minnesota being like, this sucks here.

And we would like, like, we want you to have greater possibilities in your career. Yeah, that Minnesota, who of course also did that with current NBA finals participant and Eastern Conference MVP Jimmy Butler in a very different way of manner of leaving. Who hasn't gotten rid of Jimmy Butler and insisted that Jimmy Butler was the problem, frankly? She saw that clip of him just with a wine glass in hand in this really loud floral print shirt on going, it's Jimmy Butler Day, bitches. How would the hater of you have felt if Boston had won game seven? I would immediately roll it over to Denver because this is what a hater does. You wouldn't have, would you have, would you have, would you have,

have enjoyed any of the haterness of Miami blowing a 3-0 lead. I think you still have this. You still have this. You have, look at what Boston had to do to beat an eight seed. Correct. And now they're going to get stomped anyway. That's where you're at is you say,

if they had pulled it off, Hater 101, you would have immediately gone, well, look at what you had to do. And now you have to fight Ruffles the magical basketball horse. Right?

now you have to go and combat the Serbian Clydesdale and you're gonna get fucking waxed you did all that just to face fucking Minotaur on two had two weeks rest

right you had to go universally beloved it took you seven games to put down Eric Spolstra's cast a football manager I found you in Iceland power forwards

you know like like Eric Spolster does this, like the Heat just do this thing where they just go through the garbage pile and they're like, that's a perfectly good flatten screen. You could get that working again. And they beat your ass with it. The Heat are every Big Ten West team who thinks they're going to make a national title run, except it works. Right. We got one five star and a million two stars. We're good to go. They're very Wisconsin in that respect of like, what are you going to do?

I was just thinking this reminded me of Melvin Gordon. Yeah, what are we going to do? Just run our play. Just hit you in the face. Although he did have a line. Melvin Gordon had a line, so I guess I shouldn't. What are you going to do? Toughness. What are you going to do? Apply toughness.

You have anything to say to us that isn't an adverb. Who's going to beat your ass? A guy named Duncan who played at Exeter is going to fucking tear you anewan. Caleb Martin who went to Nevada. Duncan Robinson had a block of somebody's three, right? Yeah, I think he bought Jalen Brown. I did not know. Caleb Martin was cut by the fucking hornets.

I did not know that Oberlin was an NBA. Yeah. Yeah, that's all Eric's bolster is just over here being like, hey, listen, this kitchen runs on margins. You get that out of the trash. We're putting it in an entree. The biggest winner of this series is Bam Edibio, who doesn't have to live with. Hey, Al Horford fucking stuffed you at the rim at game six as you do this series.

No, game six never happened. I don't remember that shit at all. Game six is not important. No. I do love that too because the one guy on the Celtics, who I really like is Derek White. Like, Derek White's awesome. And he got to do the thing that was cool. And then they lost anyway.

It's a perfect world for me right now in terms of potential heteration. But I didn't have to do the rollover into the nuggets where you're like, well, look what you had to do to struggle to get here. And now you're going to get destroyed by Nikola Yokic. No. Now, now it's all free now. I don't have to hate anything. Also, so now you can both appreciate the Denver Clydesdale while also refusing to give the nuggets any credit for winning. You beat an eight seed.

Oh, yeah, nothing. I also appreciate that we are doing the, this is the first playing team to make the finals or whatever, ignoring that he fucking lost to the Hawks. Yeah, and like first play-in team feels insane Because like you could have the play-in could have been around for 50 years And they'd still be the first playing team to do this Right, right, right I'm sorry, is this now, by the way, NBA shadow champions, the Atlanta Hawks if the heat win?

Yes, I said a few weeks ago we need to hang a fucking banner Eastern Conference transitive champions I mean, damn, put something up there There's got to be something other there It's a lot of empty wall The fucking widespread panic attendance record and the L-E-E-D-certified Green Stadium banner from that's it. That's all we got.

Go ahead, put it up there. Jimmy Butler's daddies. Just put it right up there. And the heat were losing to the Bulls in the last game that they played in the play in the play in turnoff. Yeah. With like four minutes to play. And just like got hot late and managed to pull it out.

But, like, the team that almost lost to the fucking Bulls season of the finals. Do you think there are multiple Bulls fans who are like, it could have been us. Yes, yes, 100%. There are. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I mean, looking at the Easter conference, it's like, sure, why not?

Yeah. You know what, man. Okay, so I'm guessing you became a Bulls fan in your childhood. Is that correct, Cerber? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Probably around in 1997. Well, I mean, I was born in 1989. Like, I only knew Michael Jordan as the coolest motherfucker to ever walk there.

It would be much funnier if Cerber was like, no, in the last four years, the gritty bad Bulls teams have really... I were like, Tom Tibido, man. There's just something about that for the other basketball. No, I will say, I will say, like, I was naturally a Bulls fan because of that, just liking Michael Jordan being from the Carolinas, so taking pride in the fact that he was, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't really watch any NBA basketball for a very long time. I was much more in a college basketball but then like when Derek Rose got

to the Bulls I did very much get back into it and was like no this is my squad I do like this team I have always played with them on the games but they only had Elton Brand and they sucked so this this does rule and I did taste that bit of six they won 62

games one year but yeah like so to a certain extent but almost all Bulls fans are like me Bulls fans because like cowboys fans right like yeah they want a bunch at one time they want stuff and i like winning so that's why i root for that team i can almost feel good yeah it's fine like i think that's when you pick a with like if you pick an ePL team you eventually decide do i want to root for the team

that's like oh they've been relegated to the fourth they've been relegated to the nando's division they're now four tiers down because that's that's happens you know you're like maybe i'll root for Blackpool and then you watch a Blackpool game and you go I'm not going to root for Blackpool this is not a good idea but I get that I mean I like you want to be happy like I don't know why people are Lakers fans other than winning like it just seems like a very very weird thing to

So that as soon as the season ends you can fire out all the Jersey photos shops you've prepared of every free agent and not even a free agent It's so good Yeah it's basically being a Lakers friend in the offseason and it's basically like getting your associates in graphic design. But a Lakers fan's offseason is like, now the fun begins.

But you're also, if you're a Lakers fan, just from a math perspective, you're like, all right, we will probably win one title a decade. Probably. Like that's just how it will work. Yeah. Like that's not the worst thing to sign up for. It's not. You get to use Photoshop a lot.

I'm sure there's Lakers fans out there currently putting Victor Wambanjama in a Lakers jersey, even though he's not going to the Lakers. Just like, make it happen, Polinka. Make it happen. LeBron. Come on, LeBron. I know that he's going to San Antonio, but what if you just talk to him? Yeah.

What if he did? We train Anthony Davis and a shitload of our tacos, which are much better than Texas's tacos. Damn. You got to do it. That's got to be the Taco Cup, that rivalry right there. That is, by the way, an argument to be made by a Lakers fan. who lives in like um like north dakota they're like yeah our tacos are much better whose

yeah yeah of course of course wimby wants to come here to hollywood says the person in north dakota yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know lake show lake show like many tanka listen that's where the name originated from all right god as in the great ones from the ancestral from the ancestral from the ancestral homeland Please, God, if I just, if we could get the real O.G. Lakers fans who's like, George Micahin, baby, yeah. Shot clock ruined the game. That part is true.

It's a game of possessions. Yeah, that part is true. It's a chess match. Where you only have rooks. Long straight lines. Cutting is for cheaters. Chess was ruined when they introduced the night. It's with all this. I'm here and I'm there, shit.

The night is the pick and roll of cheats. Yes. I hate it. I like basketball played by confused alligators. Why is everyone running sideways? I can't. Sport is too much athleticism. Nobody needs to see all that. But they did lose, and they lost in like a fashion that I could not have scripted better

because they did not lose by two points. They did not lose by six. They lost by many points. It was not valorous. it was not uh they did not leave on their shields they did not collapse after two quarters they did not collapse after three quarters it was done they came out and it was fried that bitch was that bitch was done it was well done it was torched from the go it was never really like oh maybe they'll get into this nope nope just brick city all day long couldn't have scripted it better like nothing

nothing could have gone better than that game in terms of how badly it went for them in terms of the hater economy right I believe with the

the greatest most passionate most knowledgeable fan base in all of sports the hallowed arena in which they play all the history and the ghosts

I believe they lost three home games in this series they lost it at home I mean it's a bad sports town as everyone now I did see like five people stand up and clap for them afterwards and I was like, I don't know if I would have had the strength.

It's like a couple of courtsides who are like, yeah, good. That's our team. We should clap for them. And I think that's what you should do if you're a good person. Man, I don't know if I have the strength. Like, Jason, you've watched your team commit with another Boston sports franchise. The gold standard for the worst. Would you have if you had been at the Super Bowl stood up and clapped for them?

I was not able to stand, so no. My thing is, this Boston meltdown happened after a far worse one just a few weeks ago when the greatest regular season team in the history of hockey lost to a create a team called the Florida Panthers. That's fucking incredible. The fakeest sounding team in all the pros bars beat quite possibly the best hockey team ever. Who also barely made the fucking playoffs. By doing the exact same shit, what do we do? Hard.

So if we get Heat win the finals, Panthers win the cup, Ron DeSantis is winning the presidency, right? Pretty much. Yeah. Okay, cool. The canes are going four and eight, yep. Yep, all right. Yeah, in that by these rules, you have to look like a total loser before you win.

And that man is completely the first part of the step. He's powering up. That dude has got He's getting shelled by the hawks right now Yeah he's getting shillacked Everybody on the message board is like I don't know who we need to trade for I don't know what we need to do

You know Do we do we need Roger Stone at small The tip the two What do we need? He'll wear his fucking hat Yeah He'll put on a he'll have a dumb hat He'll wear his top hat on the court

Where is Urban Meyer sunglasses yeah I this is this leads to my what I wanted to talk about today which is like all that was intro that was all set up well I mean this is this is

part of explanation of the message where you go like that this is a Star Wars film and everything you've seen before this is just the sex scroll and now we've been down to our first planet this episode

war here comes scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scrolls there comes the Star Destroyer and only And only now are we looking in at a giant spaceship Descending on a planet You're like swiping through the scroll

Rinn-a-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- The orchestra Pause to take a piss break in the middle of the scroll This is still better than attack of the clone Loram Ipsen Paragraphs at a time I'm sorry, Spencer, what did you want to talk about today? Which is the worst in the prequel, one or two? Two. Two.

Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably two's worse. I think two is the worst, but one is the most upsetting. Well, yeah, because that's when you knew, oh, no, these aren't going to be good. Maybe that's it, maybe that's it. Maybe it's like wasting the, like, the new cool villain and, like, two is just bad. I don't know, you get to see him cut in half.

That's so is pretty dope. And he does come back. He does come back despite being halved pretty bad. Yeah. He's the heat. He's the heat. That's true. He's red and black and everything.

Yeah. It also continues my favorite running gag in all of Star Wars, which is Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Man of Peace, mutilating people horribly. Yeah. It's like, oh, it's just uncivilized to fight, and I don't want that. And he's like taking limbs, cutting people in half, maiming people for life, absolutely destroying people's, like, bodies. Yeah.

I also can't remember most of what happens in two, but with at least, at least with one, I can be like, pod racing. That's what's in one is pod racing. Nintendo 64 pod racing games for that for that alone it is pardoned yeah I'm and I think the third one is actually okay the third one's good third one's got some heat literally yeah the third one's good because because if you go through all of the steps the incoherent steps of people with really inscrutable motivations and really really stupid plots because there's like 23 different points where you go if someone just talk to this person this would be done don't you all have

cell phones like this would be over um but then when you get to like the actual fight you're like okay the fight's pretty good all the all the fighty fighty is pretty good also uh anakin like walks in and you're like oh my gosh the series is so candy ass and you're like no he just killed a bunch of toddlers yeah yeah yeah like they were like yeah we heard you shit talking candy ass franchise no way we're the ones who are going to actually be like Anakin won't kill the kids yeah I know he's he's gonna kill all the kids is this what you wanted to talk about it is I really wanted to get straight to that I wanted to talk about Italian bears, and I wanted to talk about Anakin.

I wonder how long we can delay the... God, if Anakin had gotten waxed by one of those four-year-olds... If one of those kids was the one... If one of those kids had just been like, no, not today. Not today, motherfucker. Not even, not even, like, Jedi waxed, just, like, got him right in the kidney. Like, if they moved really quickly, and it's, like, three of them got an ankle, you know? Yeah.

And he, yeah. they could have they could have incapacitated him I think yeah if he'd been distracted if he'd been distracted momentarily like oh are you playing roblox shit ow he's allergic to bees and then it's just like fuck yeah like the one thing a Jedi can't stand is being bitten right some three-year-old clamp down on him like a pit bull ow wow wow ow ow ow wow wow no not even the force can deal with biting I wanted to just lift the hood a little bit on, like, you know, confessions of haterdom personally, you know, in the sports world.

Wait, are we starting now? What's happening? No, we've been talking about. Oh, we have started. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Like Boston, to me, is definitely one of the consistent ones where you go, who do you like to see lose and, like, it fills you with a real joy?

I don't want to diminish that. It's real joy. Like, last night, I was like, I'm so thrilled. I'm so happy. Because you can't be happy for your team all the time, because most of the time your team does not win. that is just the necessity of things so how do you find joy most of the time everyone's team loses yeah that's just yeah we're here for real talk here on the full case welcome to modern

capitalism yeah it's a zero-sum game and only one team wins it sounds beyond zero it sounds worse than zero negative sum welcome to sports here's your here's your pass to monday raw and a copy of the communist manifesto um it's summer major league base Baseball's in full swing, and there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on Major League Baseball games. And that's game time.co. That's right, game time.co. I'm looking at the app right now, and I'm picking out America's team, really. The Kansas City Royals. And at Kaufman Stadium, just in a couple days, there's tickets available for $16. And then, well, I don't want to up the stakes too much here. But let's go to next week. It looks like they're playing the Chicago White Sox. there are tickets available right now for $3.

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off. Download game time today. last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed but i wanted to like boston for me is like like to confess the playbook you go like well who who do you hate and who makes you happiest and and admit that it makes you happy i will confess it makes me really happy when certain teams lose all the time and sometimes teams that i don't even necessarily hate if you lose in a particularly disastrous way and you're an otherwise you know milk toast franchise i'm going to think that's funny every single time. And I will get the Mel Brooks quote right because it needs proper tribute and because as Holly pointed out when we were talking about this, he writes in cadence. All right.

But the definition of comedy, right? I will find it here. I was going to say, is he going to fuck it up right? Nope. No, I'm going to read it straight off the fucking screen, Ryan. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. That's, which is why you watch sports. I maintain it's like way more people like, no, no, no, you watch sports for positive reasons. I'm like, uh, I might be positive about it. That doesn't mean what happened was positive. It is, it is, it is, it is, there are multiple, there are lots of reasons to watch sports,

but it is one of the more, uh, well, it has been one of the more socially acceptable places where you can be an unrepentator. I shouldn't say that. You're cheerful. it's a lift it's like you know it's definitely it definitely like it'll brighten a day

you know like for about two hours last night after the Celtics lost I was pretty geeked I was pretty happy I was like no this made my day better I'm happy now

just thinking about it yeah a little bit if I am watching college football there are certain moments and certain teams where

you know if they lose it's a pretty good day I don't even hate Alabama, but if they lose, that's funny. That's funny as hell. If Georgia loses, whenever that happens again, which doesn't seem to be a thing that happens very often. But when they lose again, always going to be hilarious. I think my favorite, even more than Alabama, which when they lose, of course, it's an apocalyptic event, but Bama fans, like, by and large, they get very internal about it.

We have sinned, right? What can we do to ensure we never feel this bad ever again? When Ohio State fans lose, they take it out on the rest of the world, which is far more entertaining. Everyone is against us. The Big Ten is conspiring against its biggest property. ESPN is conspiring against its biggest partner, on and on and on and on. An Ohio State loss, a football season is not complete without it. Football is just better when Ohio State is bad, which never happens.

Can I fine point this for you? Jason, please write that column at the start of the season when all of the Notre Dame and USC columns are coming out. Yeah, Ohio State. I think college football is better when Ohio State is really, really good, but not great. Right. When Ohio State, number five forever. In the new era, also number five forever. Just a great place to be.

It also kind of hell. Yeah, they hate it. They hate it. it's it's the absolute best and they do not handle it well ever ever like and you know what I don't ever want a fan base who handles loss as well it's not entertaining hello who does um you know what I'm I can't believe I'm gonna say this probably because they've gotten used to it Notre Dame they're like I don't get people in my mentions or I don't get people like they just they've seemed to they seem to they seem to

I don't? I don't. But maybe that's me because they know not to. I think they expect it and also they have, they being like they're bad fans because they do have good fans. Their bad fans have sort of set up this will if we lose. It's because we are better people. We haven't stooped to their level.

Which is big ten. Which is big ten as hell and that should hurt a little bit. We carry the blameless veil of Catholicism. Yeah, that's very, that's very public school of you, Notre Dame. Yeah, that's... Notre Dame is also in a weird spot where, like, most of their big-ticket rivalries or, like, recurring rivalries have lost a lot of... Like, Stanford Notre Dame is not a thing anybody has cared about in a while. USC Notre Dame has lost a lot of what it used to be.

Like, we've had maybe a couple good ones recently, but USC has had such a down track for a long time. Notre Dame, you know, Boston College, this is technically a thing, but like, no. They tried to make the Navy rivalry. They tried to get that some juice for a few years there by losing to Navy several times. Yeah, yeah. You know, thank you for your service, Notre Dame. That was really nice. What it is in a weird way is Notre Dame has become what it has tried to avoid fully embracing,

and that's an ACC team, where it's just sort of like, yep, sometimes you lose, and it's not that funny or calamitous when you do. Like, that's, Notre Dame is like a supercharged NC State at this point. Yeah, like, oh, look, they're playing Virginia Tech for the fourth time this year. Right, right, right. And they beat them three times and lost once. Notre Dame's Maserati. That's a Dodge.

That's a Dodge. There's a different badge on it, but that's still a Dodge. Which is fine. Oh, Dodge. It's a fit. Yeah, if you just take the parts away, that's still a dodge. You just paint more for it. So are we saying it is less fun to hate Notre Dame than it used to be? Because I certainly think that. Like, I've talked about it on here. I realized when Brian Kelly left, I just hated Brian Kelly. I don't give it shit about Notre Dame. Like, Notre Dame hasn't been a bully in the entire time I have watched college football.

Yeah, Marcus Freeman has not made it easy to continue. No, and you know, you could get personally biased, too, because now I have a number of friends who are to Notre Dame, and you're like, I don't really want to make you too sad. I want to make you like this sad, but I don't really want you like big sad. I mean, there's a small grudge against them forever for their ushers, but nothing. Yeah, that's more goofy than anything. Like, part of it is, like, why the Celtics losing in the way that they did is emotionally satisfying in an unhealthy way is because, like, Like, the Celtics... It's incredibly healthy, man.

My teeth are whiter. It's fair. My nails are strong. The Celtics, despite only having the one title in this run, like, they've been to the finals a bunch. They have, like, they are a good team. They are a team that at the start of next year, people are going to be like, yep, like, some people will pick them to win the East, or they'll at least be, you know, one of the

top... They'll be one of three teams that people are like, yeah, these are who you should watch for in the East. And the longer you go without being powerful in that way, the less satisfying, like, because what you're talking about is expectation meaning reality. And Notre Dame hasn't lost a game in a long time that fits that definitely. Like mostly it's like, okay, they lost a playoff game where everybody knew that they were pretty overmatched or like they were the fourth seat in and it was like,

they deserve to be there, but they're not like at the same caliber. It has been a while, like, I remember when Notre Dame lost to USF at home, that was some dark shit. Skip Holtz took his team from Tampa into his dad's old workplace and fucked them up. Like the closest one I can think of that probably meets this criteria, the most satisfying Notre Dame loss that I remember chronologically is the NC State game played in the middle of a hurricane where they decided. the throat of all, like, 48 times or some shit? Mm-hmm. Like, that was funny, because that was hubris on display. That was, like, you think you're so smart and talented that you can ignore the weather.

I've got something here. And I, I, it does, it's probably really hard to find at this point, but I had a Twitter thread at one point that was just a Saturday prompt that was, uh, please describe your favorite Notre Dame loss. Okay. And in the way that Notre Dame fandom, Cowboys fandom, you know, transcends regionality, appreciating their losses also appeared to be kind of universal because everybody's got a favorite Notre Dame loss. Even Notre Dame fans had a favorite Notre Dame loss. It's one of my favorite afternoons on the Internet in recorded history. I think jumping high on my list was last year when they lost to Marshall, a superior.

Yeah, we might need to redo. We lost to Marshall last year. We might need to redo that. I've always been particularly partial to Ram Vila coming across the line like a goddamn cruise missile. There is a lot about that Notre Dame start of the year with that. It's good that Notre Dame did that in the first month and not the last month. Let's put it that way. It is narratively helpful for Marcus Freeman in the Notre Dame football program that it won't know.

Progress. Yeah, because almost lost to Cal is not some shit you want to do November. I guess maybe the thing is like I don't know if I've ever in my life like actually interacted with a shitty Notre Dame fan other than like some idiot on the internet. They're on message boards. They're not even on Twitter that much. Like most Notre Dame fans on Twitter are mostly fine. They're all on their own message boards. Yeah. Yeah. Which is where they have a right to be. You know, you're like, you're a fucking moron. You're like, yeah, but I'm on fucking moron.com.com. it says they're right the title

Rock's favorite idiot dot com that's where I'm at so you know like you're not in my yard you're in your own stupid yard you're on stupid town Holly cut herself off and now I really want to know yes she did

yeah nope it's all right go ahead no okay can we commit a felony you say there I think there is also a subcategory of teams where it's funny to watch them lose because they'll do it in a predictable way. And by that I mean Penn State.

I don't necessarily need Penn State to lose because I don't like Penn State's had it too good for too long or some shit. It's more like I know what that will look like and I know what the reaction will be. You know it'll be 17 to 15. Yes. It's the same reason Home Alone is satisfied. fine, because I'm like, oh, these fucking adults can't fucking figure out what to do. Here comes a paint can.

There comes a paint can. Why'd the offense call paint can? Knowing good and well, they would be struck with a paint can. I actually do think Penn State has it too good. This is the haters episode. Don't look at you like that. How can anyone in the big team have it too good, though?

Because, like, the minute any one of those thoughts, three, and sometimes four, gets an inch above the edge of the bucket. They will lose. The old guy with the shovel shows up. It's too much. Stay down. Yeah. Yeah.

The Michigan, Ohio State is the old guy with the shovel from home alone, because at the end of the day, no matter who's managed to get a hold of whom, he's going to come along and knock them out. That's for Penn State. You remember that time Penn State won a big-time championship? That's the thing that happened That didn't happen It just didn't fucking matter

I don't remember that They said we like In my opinion This other team instead Washington we choose This seems far fetched We choose Not paint can

Yeah we choose Yeah that's when Penn State fans I think I'm unfairly biased Because of the ones that I interact with most I know that Oh they're great the ones we know are great Right. But, you know, that's generally, like, you're going to self-select those.

It's not like, yeah, I know this guy for years and I hate him and I continue to hang out with them, you know? Treblah, my personal accountant. My confidant and personal advisor, Ben Treblah Gazzara. That's my guy. But, like, fan base-wise, whenever I, I, the variety of hating specific to Penn State for me is this, is that I, the way James Franklin fails is funny. The way James Franklin fails is absolutely hilarious. It is, he is in many respects, a seven-year-old who has been given the keys to a car, understands that the road is where the wheels are supposed to go and everything else is negotiable.

That's him at the end of the game. That's him in terms of the way his teams play. He does way better than you think the seven-year-old would do, which is generally true, right? Like you see stories like, seven-year-old drives on highway, and you're like, well, he got all the highway. That's amazing. He's single than everything. Great recruiter, so he got in the car in the first place. Everything else after that, right?

You're like, the seven-year-old got a Ferrari. Let's see where it goes. Also, let's start this up, by the way. It's going to be even funnier this year because I don't know if you've been following one of the boomlets in preseason discussion is, Penn State's got a pretty impressive roster. Oh, yeah. They do. They do.

100%. Yeah, they should win almost every game. So, this is a really good year for inevitable disrespect to be a theme for one of the Big Tenies. This is like a haters' almanac, 100 year storm. Yeah. Yeah. Because like Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State all have like good cases to make for, we're really good. And this could be our year.

And that can only be true for one of them. That's how this year works. It's how every year works in the big jenny. You're going to get kneecapped, dude. That's your neighborhood. And then Minnesota strolls along, Wednesday, fuck you. Life's better over here, you idiots.

God, I hope that happens. That Minnesota, with everyone exactly at 3.5 stars, right? Like, everybody, like in Minnesota, the most mid-roster of all time, in terms of the midpoint of potential talent. Let's just put it all at like two and a half to three stars somewhere in there and they come along and win the big tent. That would be the funniest time.

PJ's going to show up to the season missing an ear and insist that it's always been like that. Why are you asking questions? What? This is, I had a bungee cord ripped my ear off. Or like, what if the... He sold his ears for charity. Yeah, I did it's for a well-known charity called Ears for Tots.

You haven't heard of it? Fadgo started it. Maybe you've heard of it. Yeah. Van Gogh the boat So what if you have Big Ten East's top three While they're pummeling each other

Here comes Wisconsin with its new race car offense Yep yep Sprint away with the title Yep I will laugh if they get out there Wisconsin wants points It's crazy If they're winded in the second quarter

I'm gonna laugh Wisconsin's gonna attempt offense I can't wait to see it We've been doing nothing but conditioning guys so full of cheese I wanted to also in terms of like teams that are very very fun to hate situational matters I think more than anything else

many kind of absolutes Texas A&M right now you have to fine grain it it's very funny like the entire dynamic of money plus Jimbo equals this is so goddamn fun It is never, never unfunny. It's tricky because I don't find personally that individual Texas A&M losses are satisfying. It is the aggregate.

It's aggregate. It is the dissolution of the season that is satisfying. It is, it is watching, it is watching somebody fall down the stairs into a bucket of dirty water, tumble down the hit. Like, it's the whole thing. It's having another tab open with the oil and gas prices in it. Right, because, like, I can only remember three A&M games from last year, and one of them they won, the Arkansas game. But other than that, it's just Miami and App State.

And they played Florida, and I know Florida won, and I just, I don't remember shit about it. They are a delight because I think they're very relatable, because in week one, much like the first week of your year, they're like, I got goals, I got things to happen. Right, right. And they're like, suffered a big L in week. week three okay we're gonna regroup we'll get this we'll get to the champion we'll get to the

conference championship all our goals are still on the table so all our goals are still and then gradually one by one all of the goals fall off the table and it's like well they get smaller all right we're at a different table it's like when you've completely fucked a day and at three p.m you're like I'm gonna get pants on I'm gonna get pants that's where A&M is A&M's always like okay we're gonna I'm gonna cook dinner I'm gonna cook dinner right 8 p.m. I lost to Auburn, I poop my pants. Yeah, I lost to Auburn, and now DoorDash is open. We're just going to just get Mexican again.

God damn. Beat LSU! We have Mexican food. We beat LSU. What did you do? I'm playing Zelda, and I'm eating Mexican food. The day ended with soap a PS, which is... Yeah, exactly.

You somehow fucked around to beat LSU. Got some churos, baby. That's all that matters. I love that. I find, like, I'm going to laugh at it, especially Jimbo because, I don't know, feel safe. You can laugh at the guy who's making $75 million guaranteed. That's why he gets, that's why he pays, you know, like, you can make fun of all you want. And he's still like, I got nine ranches.

Like, that's, you can't get away from that. You can also, like, there's nothing funnier than somebody who's very unhappy about the thing that's happening, but also won't do anything about it. Like, it's, if you saw somebody driving. down the road with their emergency break on just smoke pouring out of their end you were like hey and they were so mad and you were like hey release the emergency no god damn it this is my car you know what i bet we'll make this slightly less tragic comic the addition of bobby petrino is the first offensive coordinator jimbo fisher's ever really had to like trust it's going to be fine

it's going to be good yeah it's going to be really i love the description of bobby trino as like This is what everyone says about him. Everyone says, no, you got to say, he's a brilliant offensive mind, but, and I'm like, tell me when his last good offense was at the FBS level.

It's been a few years. Like, I'm not at the, he got to hand it to him point. We have a second run of data at Louisville. Yeah. Yeah, we saw, we saw recently. He left the power conference level. We all remember.

He's got to re-prove himself, in my opinion, before I'm going to say, well, he fucking sucks, but he's good at his job. because he hasn't been for a while. I would be, granted, Missouri State was awesome. I would be very good at my job if I had Lamar Jackson at Quarterfaxe. Sure.

We've seen this. Until Ed Oliver showed up. Yes. Until Ed Oliver, that usually happened in college, to be fair, which everything was fine, and then Ed Oliver showed up. And then at Oliver showed up. Yeah. So that's, like, if you want to know the specific, like, okay, what do you enjoy watching

about, you know, like, where's the good, like, hater meat there? You're like, oh, all of it is on the, phone and it is all centered around the fact that there is so much money going into such a mediocre product that for me is the entire comedy of a and m everyone told you this was a bad investment and you just wanted to you wanted nothing more than to say you spent more money on football than texas did everyone told you not to do that and you did and it sucks so you'll notice texas spends a lot of money and they suck right therefore if we don't Double down on what our total non-rivals suck at.

I think there's something beautiful about that. I think there's something beautiful about looking at Texas and be like, the problem is they're cheap. Those broke motherfuckers don't like football enough. They don't care enough that they're bad. We have been doing the wrong thing. We'll do the wrong thing harder. No, it's Xerxes rolling up to Sparta and being like,

why are y'all eating broth? Meanwhile, Arkansas is paying their coaching staff and, like, pork sandwiches. And we love them. We love them. We just think they're great. The sandwiches are good as hell. And that's a program with some Yehu tendencies. If you want to know, like, Arkansas could be right there.

If they were like, if they just, if Jerry... Speaking of coaches that we need to prove aren't shit. Yeah. Jerry could just, you know, Yehu out. And he could just be like, hey, you know, we need to do. do spend more money that could happen they have you know they have that conversation and jerry's like just as soon as we win one one more super bowl you guys just wait we're so close and our and i'm gonna get you race this is just as soon as this girl makes the paddard arkansas athletic department is like god fucking

damn it we're gonna oh jesus what if we just start with you know obviously we believe you'll win another super yeah yeah yeah but what if we start with like a small investment when you win A playoff game. A division game. Maybe. Would that be cool? Oh, listen, I'm telling you, they're straight on to Jerry and the will.

They're like, listen. He's like, when the Cowboys win one, I'm really going to start writing the big checks. And they're like, you thought about bequeathing. You thought about, you know, the tax benefits of this for you and your family? I wonder if Jerry Jones is aware that he'll die, though.

Like, does he believe in it? Does Jerry Jones have a will? I'm going to have to ask Don't. Can you convince Jerry? I don't have to ask. Tell him, I just mean, get him to admit that it'll likely happen. One of two things will happen. Jerry Jones will have his consciousness uploaded to a sex robot, or he does, or.

A sex robot. A real handsome boy. He can fuck. Or Jerry Jones will die penniless, having invested all his money into sex robot consciousness uploading. Dot biz. Jerry Jones's own sex robot. Why does this look like Tony Romo? Never mind.

Now I fuck me. Finally found a partner who's my true equal. Me? God damn, you look rich. Except you're not because it took all my money to create you. No, that's, he's rich in assets. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm taking my sex robot to Tao. We're going to have a great night out on the town. I think in terms of. of, I don't, in FBS, I don't think there are any teams I hate except Liberty. And in the rest of the division, I don't think there are any teams I hate except the Ivy League. Academic equals all there, schools I've just named. But in terms of schools, I like it when they lose. The current iteration of Iowa, I love so many Iowa fans, I have family in Iowa, but it is awesome when your team plays perfect defense and loses.

It's just great. I watch that shit every Saturday. It's so futile. It just feels so hopeless because they're like, yeah. It's so peaceful. Once you resign yourself to it, it's like you enter perfect stasis. You sort of just count the minutes until you enter the situation in which the punt will land at the one. The other defense will punt to midfield.

The punt will land at the one. And it's this, it's, and you just black out, look up, the game is over. It was awesome. They lost. They put up eight yards. it's great I don't hate him though some guy named Chad

had three sacks you know like that's that's an Iowa football game but I love I I love like I think you talk about

I think I agree like I don't know if I hate a team like unilaterally I don't know if I hate a team situations where I enjoy watching teams lose though multiple many

and like and they constantly change based on the context and they constantly change based on circumstance i love watching this i love watching this i love watching this i love watching this i know their fans are like we just need to score one more we need to get the defense back out there so we can score it's not like it's not like yeah man we need like eight three-pointers and we're back into this they're like we need a free throw and we can't hit the backboard we need to dribble past midfield and it's part of the design it's supposed to be that way.

It's like it's like honestly every Iowa team is like a video game that got released six months too early that they eventually have to come out and be like, Blizzard Studios is very sorry about the quality of this but we're going to get some patches.

And they never do. They just drop the next one. November patch, yeah. Kirk and the devs just need more time but there's one new in eight months. They're going to do all this shit over again. I love that they're bringing in a lot of talent and there's reason to believe the offense will, like, pretty radically improve, and it might finish, like, 80th?

Yeah. Radical improvement would be scoring three more points. They're like, well, they were in, like, eight one-score games. They're always an eight-one-score games. Every game is a one-score game. Every game is a one-score game. And they didn't get the score. You designed this entire system where nothing's supposed to fucking happen.

Well, defense is happening. No, it's not. Lots of it. There's tons of defense out there, but you can't win games past a certain threshold with it. It's beautiful. It's all designed to just get Kirk Farron's paychecks. That's all it's designed to do.

But maybe not the other parents, because the other parents is currently totally unsupervised as his actual, quote-unquote, boss, Gary Barta is leaving. something so i guess what that means is something uh something might happen at iowa probably which is a foreboding things happening at iowa i i feel like you and i smitherto are too close to this but i suspect it's very funny when florida loses it's very funny no it's it's it's fucking hilarious when florida loses especially because we put up some like we put up some really like We've made some good comedy over the past, like, 15 years. Yeah, this must be a fucking laugh riot over the last, like, 10 years.

The LSU series alone is a Looney Tune series. Sure. Right? Sometimes in the other direction, but most often at our expense. The funniest part, when Florida loses, and their bowl game was a great example of this. There's an internal fight that happens, and this happened when Florida lost Oregon State, where if Florida's losing and getting shut out, that's the important part.

An internal debate erupts amongst Florida fans, which is should you, down four touchdowns, should you kick a field goal to extend Florida's extremely dumbass, score, never been, haven't been shut out in like 400 games or whatever streak? The most consistent offense in all of football. A streak that we should remind you, listener, is only intact because Florida scored two points against Florida State

like 2014 or 2015 or some shit. Count them. So you get this debate where it's like, should we nakedly attempt a field goal that does not actually put us back in the game? It is just a save face about this dumb thing that only we care about. Or should we try to be good at football again,

even though we haven't done that all game? And that's pretty delightful. I do enjoy when you get to watch that sort of, up a lot. Just be consistent. Also, some real proudly delusional fans who really overestimate the anticipated landing point for every single

team that goes out every year. Like, hey, we're Florida. We're not supposed to lose those. And yet. I don't think Florida fans register as more delusional than anybody else really. I think this is one where

perhaps you take too close. I think the state, I think the state as a group does. I don't think Florida fans stand out amongst their state peers in that regard. The one truly special thing to me about this situation is indeed Big Three Twitter. That is... Yes. Yes. It is the one like rivalry internet thing that's actually special. Like everyone thinks their rivalry is like superheated. It's not. You need to look up what's happening when two of the three big three schools are losing. Look at that shit on a Saturday and learn something.

Especially if the third is on a buy, that's the best best. They're invincible or if they've already won, right? Like Miami beat NC State at noon. On Thursday or something. Yeah, Thursday night, yeah. Like 1710. They're in the state, bitch. They're in the clubhouse, yeah.

It is surreal. Hate her ass golf shit, isn't it? it absolutely is you're just sitting in the clubhouse with a cold beverage watching florida state cough up a lead to wake yeah yeah watching in terms of in terms of like uniquely special hater shit that is the one like like everyone i know i just said this but seriously everyone thinks like our rivalry so special so heated so tough i'm sure it is it's second at best what what it really is is that we we we need to get back to the place where, and there are several schools that did this, but we need

to get back to the place in like, I don't know, the 50s and shit, where a team would come out and they'd look at themselves and say at the start of the season, we're not going to win the national championship. We are not that good. But we are going to play our rival on Thanksgiving. And we are putting everything into that. Like, we don't care. George Tech used to be great for this. George Tech used to be great for this. I feel like Auburn did this at one point there's a pack 12 does this inadvertently it's just that sometimes they do it to a overn true uh i think there's a pack 12 school maybe organ state did this at one point or one of the washington schools i don't remember exactly but like i i think we need fuck bowl eligibility

fuck like having good no just like go out and say if if you are georgia tech this year just say like our only goal is to be georgia that's the only thing we're trying to do we don't care about losing to Virginia and do like who who the fuck cares all we want to do is get all we want to do is get to Thanksgiving and beat Georgia maybe aim a little lower just this once I'm not

saying it will work but I'm saying it's at least more interesting like if ACCC media days Georgia Tech's contingent showed up and said like yeah we don't can fuck about the conference schedule this year we just want to make Georgia look as bad as possible we just want

we just want Georgia to be unhappy at halftime that's it that's good yeah that's all we care about yeah or if you just did something like you signed 30 semi-pro players to unverified scholarships yeah two weeks prior to the game yes and then no it got vacated three years later who fucking cares who fucking cares yeah george out of the playoff yeah yeah our group our group of 28 year old men uh all of whom have side jobs and cfl experience yeah no fucking shit these guys don't know calculus Is that Doug Flutty out there? Yeah, man.

He's fucking slinging it. Yeah, he's on the test. Chad Kelly? Chad Kelly's like, I'm back bitch! I did it! The giant killer in the house. Again, this will happen.

We just said it. It's going to happen. Yep.