Shutdown Fullcast - Next Grandma Up

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

It is time to be concerned about Ryan's emotional processingWhat do Interstellar, Little Giants, and Grave of the Fireflies have in common?The Legend of Cookie ManSpencer identifies the true fast food restaurant of Saudi ArabiaAn important discussion about Michael Jordan winning Luc Longley's clothingFullcast theme song arranged and performed by Michael SitlerCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz: https://linktr.ee/killerantzListen to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Godfrey, which is not a college football show because a second simply cannot exist, at falconscottproductions.comCheck out Jason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other work: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/DID YOU KNOW: Holly and Spencer write a year-round newsletter, featuring football and also unfootball things, at https://channel-6.ghost.io/

I wanted to ask Ryan something immediately. This is the most important thing I have to ask anyone on this podcast. Is this about Coco? It is 100% about Coco, but we're just going to get right fucking to it. I've never actually been, like, thrown by any confession. Ryan has made before, even though I may have pretended otherwise, this threw me. All things are possible. Nothing is shocking.

And yet, and yet, I read this today at my grown age and went, I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't like, what? I don't want to overse- I don't want to oversell it, you know? I don't want to podcast this where you're like, how could you? Just do that thing. No, but like, I genuinely don't understand it.

Okay. Yeah. So, ask the question. Ask the question. This is in the, this is in the context of a conversation online with a friend of the program,

Jane Kosten, it is. And she insisted that that centers, while nice, might not make her as emotional as another movie, which is comparable in terms of box office. That would be Coco, the Pixar film Coco and Ryan

in response publicly and honestly let's praise your truth here Ryan you're living you're doing you brave so brave so brave he also volunteered this information probably knowing what would happen

when he did yes but he did it pats off and he said Jane I'm a little worried to put this out there again respect but Coco doesn't make me sad

at all? Question mark. Yeah. Goes up at the end to indicate that he said, question mark? Yeah, I guess this makes sense. Like, when you have instantly belonged in every room you've ever walked into, I can see how you might emerge. Is that the vibe I give off like I belong in all the times at all the place?

Okay, I'm bad news for you. Like, I finally, no, I think I, no, I'm saying, I think I finally get it. You have had, you have had an innate and verifiable. tangible, backed up by reality, sense of belonging at every stage in your life and with every member of your own family. I am going to connect you with my therapist at some point. You too can't have that. Yes. Okay. So yes, that is the thing that I said. What is your question that you have off of that state? Ryan, do I strike you as a crier? This is not a trap. This is not a trap. You strike me as a, you strike me as a, I am crying because I found something very moving,

not necessarily because I found it like deeply sad or, or tragic. Is maybe, okay, because is that maybe the pivot point here? Is that maybe the fulcrum? Because, like, he did not say he did not find the end of Coco unmoving. I don't know what emotion is moving through me when little dude bust through the door there at the end to, to his great ground. Like, I'm pretty sure

I turned to whoever I saw this movie with and we were like, do you get it? This is why the movie is named Coco because it's actually

all this is about Coco. And I'm not sure if I was sad in that moment, but I was big something. And this may surprise you, I'm not a crier. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, that, no, I think that tracks. I can't get through the, I can't, look, I've got tears in my eyes thinking about the end of that movie. Spencer, what do you want to, how do you want to frame this? I wanted to, first of all, I wanted to say, congratulations on your emotional honesty. I think it's important in an ocean of content that wants your tears, that you don't owe it to everything. Right? You don't. You really don't, okay?

Additionally, you back this up in your emotional resume by saying that you found the ending of Moana to be very moving. I'm not oh God and you, but I'm going to try to parse this out, I would say that therapy-wise, emotionally, this means that you find this act of restoration or of redemption to be far more moving than one of remembrance. is that is like one of is that fair to say uh sure let's start there um i think so we'll start with cocoa my thing with cocoa is i i have feelings i've seen cocoa a lot cocoa is the first animated film no my oldest saw we have watched it a million times we have watched the hollywood bowl concert of it a million times if there is cocoa content it has been consumed in our house voraciously But I mostly just find it happy.

Like, I think, I think the problem is that I think the end of Coco is, like, really heartwarming and really upbeat. And it doesn't make me, so, so when people say, like, oh, it makes me sad, I'm like, I don't think anything about the ending of Coco is sad at all. Ryan, she might be forgotten forever. I get that. They're dangling our hearts in their clenched fists over the edge of an abyss into nothingness. For whatever reason, that sort of, like, tension. didn't hold for me. Like, I, I guess I didn't buy into the, the idea that this wouldn't work.

It always felt like it was going to go this way. I will also say, this is just happy that it didn't. This is less a critique, but it's more of a note on the Coco universe. It does make Skeleton World seem okay. It's like, I don't know, it's like, crazy mall. I think that's part of why I'm not sad by Coco is that, like, it's a movie obviously about death and how

are mortal notions of it and it's super a beat like it's super like oh this is a good thing there's a way in which the living and the dead are connected like it's it's a movie that is not in any way

sad about the concept of death I don't think anybody's disputing that yeah so so that I guess I feel like I was never primed to feel sad. Right, right. But, okay, so you know what, never mind. Spencer, I liked your theory about great-grandma, about Coco. Yeah. Your Ryan theory.

The Ryan theory. Yeah. So, do you want me to ask? No, I mean the theory about the skeleton army, sorry. Also, yes, that Ryan was watching the end, and they're like, ah, Coco's now in the happy skeleton theme part you get to go to, right? It's pretty great. It's pretty good. Everyone there is having big times. You get concerts, right? Now, my other thing though is this, apparently remembrance is the thing that will keep you alive in skeleton Disneyland, right? Yes. So if you are alive in Skeleton Disney World. If you die,

if it doesn't, you go to Skeleton Six Flags. If you're right, you go to one of the real bootlegs, you go to like Six Flags Grand Rapids is where you end up, right? Grand Rapids is lovely. The Six Flags Grand Rapids would not be. Babe, Six Flags here is like the worst one. How dare you? You end up in Gatlinburg. Hey! Hey! Said it? I'll say it again.

Listen, if heaven ain't like China Knife Bazaar, I ain't going. But like... Heaven is a world without throwing stars. That's merch right there. There we go. Hell is a world without throwing stars. There we go. All we do is make money.

Okay. But my theory there being that there are certain things that you just know sell it. You're just like, nah, that's just not my thing. That's not making it past the guards. Right? Yeah. Everyone has one of these. There's something that you're supposed to find super emotional that you do not.

That it just, like, for you, it would be Coco. What it really is is this. Here, we'll put all cards on the table here. The thing that can consistently get me, stick me in the ribs, is a parent having to deal with the loss or potential loss of a child. That is the thing that fucks me up. for personal reasons that we don't have to get into here, I haven't lost the child, just to be clear.

Well, I think it's pretty understandable. You have young kids. Yes, but like to lay it out a little bit, my daughter had surgery when she was four days old. To 36 hours before that, I sat on a hospital couch with my wife being ready for the doctor to come tell us that our daughter was dead. So, like, I've gone through this and some like personally traumatic ways.

Are you telling me that stuck with you? It has. So anything that's about confronting I guess, like, death going out of order, that will fuck with me. And because Coco is not about that, Coco is about like the orderly transition of generations, I don't find it. It doesn't make me sad.

It checks all your emotional boxes. That's right. That's right. I'm like, oh, yes. The remembrance is a reinforcement of, like, how the generations are supposed to connect to one another. She was next. Yeah.

Get the box, bring up. Get her out of here. Next man up. We got all these kids coming in. On to Skeleton, Cincinnati. Moving along. Sorry, we need some cap space. You've got to get on.

I mean, this is how it works. Oh, that's right. No, that's right. They got the new baby coming in. That's right. Sorry, I only got so many helmets. This team has a roster. 53 of them.

She's moving on to like the Champions Tour of Flats. I mean, what's how good it is? She's graduating to Aragorn's Army of the Dead. Yeah, she's up there with, oh, man, I just, I know Fred Couples isn't dead, but she's, she's, he will be. You know what, moving along, Fred Couples? I'm not going to finish that thought. You know how many, like, 13-year-old prodigy golfers there are? Yeah.

Clear a space, bro. Coco, too. It's a joke. I am not wishing harm on Freddie Couples. Coco, too, better have Fred Cupples in the afterlife. God, and I swear to. God, if this ends up being one of the news items that breaks on Wednesday, an hour before

the show comes out. That's powerful. If Fred Couples perishes at any time soon, then I like that Holly picked a golfer who's like, kind of old to be. To be that old. He's 65. To have that old. I saw Freddie Couples on the course like a year and a half

ago. He's in great shape. He's like a great Yeah, he could go low if he wanted to. He's just in chill mode. I was, I was following. the golf metaphor, and I'm like, yeah, she's up there with Fred Couples in the sky, and then I realized that's not where Fred Couples is at all. Swing and Granny. He might be in a plane, was what Holly meant. Is he a, like, shit, my dad's going to kill me.

Is Fred Couples the Daywalker? Is that who you're telling us that he can move between realms? You know, it's been a long time since we had, it's about time since the movie went absolutely nowhere that we, that we move on from our Anthony Mackey celebrity feud. so let's let's fire this one up I would watch a remake of Blade in which Fred Couples golfer

is half human half vampire Hey Chris Christopherson is gone Somebody doesn't step in His name isn't blade It's slice Slice Slice Welcome to the shutdown full cast.

You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Skeleton Hall. I am joined as always by Ryan Bones, Nanny. I've never seen Up, so don't ask me about it. Never seen it. Oh, you've never cried about Up. I guess that's true. We got another story here.

Spencer, tell them where you watched Up, against the advice of all your friends. Not Up. No, I watched Finding Nemo. no it was up oh i watched up immediately after i had a child no no no pregnant with your first okay yeah so yeah the watch baby was not there yet yeah that's a great everybody told you not to watch up and you did it anyway great time to watch a movie which starts with an extended nightmare about unfulfilled dreams and fantasies colliding with real life obligations don't want that um fantastic i also watched finding i watched finding nemo on a plane immediately after my first born came along.

That was a mistake as well. In that canon, I am going to submit the road, which I believe, I think I read the whole thing while laying next to my kid as she was sitting, or she was sleeping in her bed, and I read the whole thing, and it was just like, wow, this is a terrible idea. Just a terrible idea. Why did I do this? And it's just like, I've been doing this for like six hours. We ain't stopping.

Hell no. Looking down at your child going, well, I guess I'm going to. have to eat you now. I took all the long rest of the wrong lessons from that book. Very, very small baby. It would not have been worth it. Like an ordeal land. Yeah. So you've got to watch Die Hard after you have a kid. Has nothing like no relation, really.

Is Die Hard a parenting movie? Die Hard is a parenting Christmas movie. It is actually a Christmas Mother's Day. Officer Winslow is Bruce Willis' dad. Yeah. Oh, we can do this. We could start this online argument for Father's Day. We could just plant it. Yeah. Let's seed the clouds

now. Jokes on you. Dads have to remember when Father's Day is. If it was on, dads to remember it, that holiday would be gone in two years. Last people to know about Father's Day. That would be an answer. We're going out to lunch for what? Yeah.

Huh? I don't want to go. I got to go. I don't get to go home after church golfs on. Fred Couples is playing. Probably. Can we go somewhere over the bar? I got to watch Freddie Couples.

God. To be, man. No. Fuck them up, Fred. Before I make a live golf joke, everybody subscribe to Phantom Island. Hey, thank you. Oh, God, that's another shit. Fred Couples is not on Phantom Island.

Spencer, you can introduce the rest of the host. Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael Server on the ones and twos. By the way, the movie that I know sell in any way possible because somebody told me it was good once, and I thought they were insane ever since, is Jerry McGuire. have no idea why anybody gives a shit about that movie or finds any part of it moving at all. People cry to it. People find that movie really romantic. I don't remember it.

I don't, I saw it forever ago. They find it very inspirational and romantic and quirky. And I was like, this movie is fucking insane. That's up there. Man, if I had a top five list, I have never thought of this until this moment, but if I had a top five list of like red flag movies, somebody told me they were romantic, it doesn't make Mount Rushmore, but it's close. it's no garden state it's a movie that asks you to care deeply about the Arizona Cardinals and that's

a warning flag to the game of it I mean granted I am emotionally invested in NFL transactions so that's in and of itself but if I want NFL romance I'm going to watch draft day right that guy forget his name no matter no matter what

I've never seen draft day just to be clear it is my head canon that Kevin Costner drafts a team full of talking animals and that's the twist nobody correct me I can hear like... It's almost that good. There's like five hardcore draft day fans out there

who are like, yeah! There we go, sir! Six! My whole server is one of them. Why can't a giraffe play special teams? Who is he? He works for the Browns in that movie? Yeah.

That's how you know it's fiction. Boy. Because someone works for them. Because someone who doesn't know anything about football works for them. Has anybody but me seen Horizon? Speaking of Kevin Costa. She's called Horizon? It's Kevin Costner's 17-hour

Lonesome Dove Oh, I thought you've been a football movie called Horizon I was like, never heard of it It's about Andre Arisen That'd be an awesome movie Would watch I think so like I mean I don't know

I usually just sort of like I'll get a good sniffle going The most reliable is It's a very funny one And I get why it's like Sort of specific is Interstellar It's just like there are exact moments

where I'm like, it's not going to get me this time. Holy shit, it did it again. And I'm not like, oh, you're not going to break me. Like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, but Interstellar's a girl dad movie. It got me yet again. Yeah, it's a girl dad movie. You've got a real smart science inclined daughter.

It's a girl dad movie and it's a space movie. Those are like if you, those are my two things. If you combine those two things. You're not part of this family. That guy too. Crying how much I hate Casey Affle. I mean, listen, who among us? that's uh i think that's a good one that's a good one i think uh i think i'm not one who's i'm

like a cryer i'll cry it like almost any goddamn movie i've cried at some of the dumbest movies imaginable i'd be surprised to learn this about you oh yeah no i cried all kinds of i cried today i was watching old twilight zone i mean yeah which one though nothing in the dark nothing in the dark it's the one with robber redford go watch it you'll you'll see why Spoil it. Yeah, I'll spoil it. This is 60 years old? Spoil it.

Yeah, I'll spoil it. He's death. He's death. Oh, man. And he's super handsome. Oh, we lost the hot guy. Yeah, like Rod Soiling was like, yeah, I'm going to have death in a story. And he's going to be devastatingly attractive.

You're welcome, ladies. I think the trigger for me is this, well, as far as absolutely no one is animals in peril. Mm. Given the work. that I do outside of my actual job. This should surprise actually no one, but I have this I have this hook in my head. The hook for me that I cannot surpass

is that the thing that is deeply unfair about animals being imperable, and I mean this could be like kit bull. This could be like an animated short, and I will be in a puddle on the floor. Because the thing that strikes me about that is being ultimately unfair is that you cannot make them understand.

And therefore, you know, like children eventually If a young person is in peril, they can eventually be made to understand why that happened, what the situation was. And you can't do that with critters. And that has always struck me as blatantly unfair. Perhaps this is why I wish for Draft Day to have talking animals. And they are all safe the entire time. Yep, everybody's fine.

All the animals are getting large contracts and endorsement deals. There's another category that I just thought about. It is the like the scene, the page, the whatever that you can't even think about. You only have to see it. Are you doing where the redfern grows? I'm talking about the end of Iron Giant, in fact. Ah, no, no. There's a whole, there's a whole, they made a whole plot line in Ted Lassow, a show designed to make people our age cry, whether or not it succeeds is a discussion for another episode.

But there's a whole plot line in Ted Lassow about how Iron Giant makes them cry. Yeah, even the show about, even the show about how it's okay to cry. that the show itself should make people cry also aspires to another yeah yeah I got one more category and that is a child learns hard lesson about life if there is a story that has the kid learning about what life is really like like 400 blows by true foe like 100% nerd oh yeah no big big old nerd movie I was about to pull out nostalgia for the light but you beat me to the criterion closet sling blade sling blade is another one where you're like

little kid like the little kid scenes in that man destroy me absolutely you cried at Slingblade oh yeah yeah yeah same all right yeah the scenes where the little kid is involved right he's actually seeing like how messed up the adults lives are who who buddy

I got one for you there moonlight moonlight is the last one I'm going to add one to that genre the Florida project oh definitely definitely yeah oh now we're now we're Just in a genre, yeah. Yeah, if you expose, if you get like. If noted Florida Gator fan, Barry Jenkins is involved, I'm weeping.

Empire of the Sun. Empire of the Sun is another one where you're like, there's this kid out there and he's just got to figure things out. And it's really, really like engrossing, but also you're like, I need to take a break. Let's also hit him with Forbidden Love. Let's go with Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Moonstruck. Yeah.

Do you know when I cry? Do you know when I cry? I just realized I think I have a trigger for people standing on the ground and looking up at space and being like, talk to me. Because the first thing I thought of of like a scene that makes me cry that probably doesn't make people cry is when the astronomers are just out in the middle of the desert surrounded by fuck nothing and nostalgia for the light and they're looking up. But the old guy looking up at the moon in Moonstruck just fucking wrecks me.

you know let's go with parts of contact as well oh dude that's that dude that's another girl dad movie kills me I'm I'm yeah I'm I'm I'm with you Jason on the other end of that spectrum because I'm a my dad is the most important person to me and that's a

oh that's a feelings point so about football Kindergarten cop no it's got hot rod God's got some serious shit going on. Hot Rod, those are tears of joy, eventually. Hard earned, hard-earned tears of joy.

Hey, I cry at Pacific Rim when they see Gypsy Danger rebuilt, so, you know, maybe I'm not the best judge of what's cryable. Guardians 3. Dude, the end of Guardians 2. Yeah, come on. Water works. That song is a chisload. The song has like four times in it where it's like, this movie is way too stupid to be hidden like this. Using that Cat Stevens song is a cheat code.

That even made it past your father's and son's radar. Oh, the end of Guardians' teeth. Yeah, I was caught completely off guard. You play the opening notes of that Cat's Stephen's song, and I am liquefying like the wet senator in X-Men. Because sometimes we will watch something together, and if it has a fathers and sons thing, I will be like crying or completely messed up,

and you'll be like, her father's and sons. So this is Holly's Coco, old guys. got to go. Right, right. Old guys got to go. Yes. I, except unless they remind me of my dad. Unless they have a daughter. Yeah. If it's a son, it's like, next man up. Next man. Here's your papers.

Hope you sign on with the Jets. You know, after we're recording this before the end of Andor, I'm going to watch Rogue One after this. That's going to be an experience. That's going to fuck me up. I am entering a situation of real peril where I'm going to have to bottle this up because we're recording this on Tuesday afternoon.

It's like 2.30 p.m. Eastern right now. I am, and or finale begins in six and a half or five and a half hours. I am leaving town first thing tomorrow morning and going on a three-day trip with a dear friend of mine who has not been able to start this season of Andor yet. And so whatever happens tonight, I'm going to have to contain that within my myself for until like Saturday morning. Jason, I might be calling you at 3 a. Yeah, I'm really sorry.

Got to talk to somebody about this shit. Give me a call at 3 a.m. Soon as I was math to know, okay, so I was 9, we start at midnight, we take a break and then we start Rogue 1. Yeah, it'll be 3 a.m. Okay. I did want to, um, we have one other, of course, football note to talk about,

um, which has been added to the agenda today. nerd some nerd gave us an agenda I'm sorry I just saw this I just flipped over to the show notes and saw that the intro is titled Movies that do not make Ryan cry Yes

And we covered that Wait we forgot Marley and Me does not make Ryan cry Haven't seen I don't know we were going to ask Have it said go ahead run through him Most is I haven't seen Can I tell my Marley and Me story? Sure

This is you probably can't find this anymore Because it was on defamer which means it has been lost to link rot and malignant neglect, but right around the time Marley and Me was hitting, and I don't remember if it came out at Christmas, but it was, or if it was just about Christmas. In Hollywood,

there was one of those big, like, building, side of the building covering ads with Marley and Me. No, it was a bus stop. Okay. And just like one of those big, like, 10 foot high Marley and Me posters, and somebody in black spray paint did me forever a public service, because I'm not familiar with the content

other than dog movie. And somebody just in black spray paint diagonally across the middle of the poster just wrote, the dog dies. And thank you. Whoever that crylon Zorro is out there, you saved me personally a lot of heartache. I've never seen that movie, and I never will.

I haven't seen it either. The dog is alive if I haven't seen it. I'm just looking through Letterbox. I think the funniest movie so far that I've seen to cry to would be Pouti Teng. Yeah? I'm not sure how we top that one. Are you looking at a list of emotional movies

and somebody put Pouti Teng? No, no one did that. But that is a good idea. I should start a list. Movies that will definitely make you cry and sneak Pudy Teng in there. Yeah. Just to make sure that somebody's actually read it?

Real quick. We've already covered up, which you have not seen. Grave of the Fireflies. I haven't seen it. That's hardcore mode right there. Don't. I'll just get to, don't. Oh, it's a work of art.

Don't. I am scientifically curious if it would make Ryan cry. Okay. If it doesn't, it'll make you feel very bad. I always feel pretty bad, so that's fine. No, you don't. You haven't watched Grave of the Firefly. You will unlock a new level of feel bad.

Yeah. You'll be like, ooh, new gear, cool. That button on my dashboard does. Grave of the Firefly is sad. Oh, it's all Nerfs. Skill Tree expanded. Yeah. Is there a common question for the room?

Is there a common movie trope that allegedly makes other people cry that just does not hit for you? I have a specific movie in mind here, but I want to see if anybody else has the same. What is the example? I've got a family full of educators. I have many dear friends who are educators. It is a profession that I personally admire very much. They should be paid like astronauts. movies where there's like an educational triumph at the end.

Mr. Holland's Opus type, right? Fuck that shit, no. I don't because, and maybe that is because in being around and growing up with so many teachers, I am watching Mr. Holland's opus at the end, and I'm wondering how many of those kids have accidentally sneezed into that guy's open mouth like while he was trying to teach them to play the saxophone.

Yeah, sure. Or whatever, you know? Yeah. No, never seen an inspiring teacher story I care about. The stand and delivers, the great, great movies, great scenes, you know, whatever. But the big rousing educational moment, the O Captain, My Captain moment at the end, does not hit my feelings for some reason. Dude, I will tell you how little I'm affected by that. Compare it to, I got emotional watching The Last Dance, starring the most psychotic athlete ever born Michael Jordan.

That we were all in a state at that time. True, true. I would like to go back to that week of internet and just live that week online again. Can we make this a national festival where we all just sit down and watch the last dance again? Everyone stay inside by yourself. When I went inside by yourself, emotionally damaged.

My favorite memory from that week is that I took so many screencaps of the last dance that my phone tried to add MJ as a contact. I'm just sitting there on the couch crying like, why are they fucking Scotty Pimmett's summer off? Are you telling? So somebody could call you and it would say maybe Michael George. No, no, it was like, let's not go back to the maybe Hitler thing.

If a bald guy calls. I was going through my pictures and it was, you know, where every once in a while, Ryan, you're new to the blue bubbles. So this may not, this may not. Oh, no, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Okay, so, but it was like, it was like, would you like to add this person and it's MJ smirking at the iPad? So I was, I went to a, I went to a Pearl Jam show with many other dads recently

and the show opened with the song that they're, Were there a lot of dads there? There were many. Well, now there are granddads there. Oh, dad. Oh, there's a lot of dads. But they opened the show. Belatedly realized that we could have robbed every brewery in Atlanta.

Yeah, every microbrewery. Yeah. God. The new balance outlet is taking it. I bet you can pick pocket some thick wallet set of Pearl Jam Costs. Yeah, but what if you get like Godfrey's wallet? You could detonate the explosive RF.

FID chip in the base of every Hoka by simple pressing this, and it could have killed like 15,000 people. But I was at the show and the first song was present tense which is the show, the song that they closed the last dance with somewhat in Congress. Oh, okay. I thought you meant this song was literally written in

present tense or something. Yeah, that's, yeah. It is. It's deep. The song is like, right now I'm singing. Yeah. Stuff is happening. So I'm standing on stage. let's talk about Michael Jordan and it started playing and my first thought wasn't oh cool

my first thought wasn't oh cool I'm at a Pearl Gym show mine was man the last dance was so good MJ so awesome just thinking cool stuff about Michael Jordan in the first two minutes

of a Pearl Jam normal millennial Gen X mindset it's just like man that's like MJ's so cool this is why I'm not excited

that he's coming to television like just leave us with that I'm going to hand you a bottle of tequila and point you to the blackjack room sir I don't want to hear anything from you those eyes better be bloodshot yeah better be bloodshot

you better look awful buddy better look like you've been awake for four days in a suit nobody's worn since 1993 you're wearing Andre the Giants clothes and look like you slept in them I want to see you in the work casual wear of 2004.

I stole Luke Longley's suitcase and now I live out of it. It's like I beat Luke Longley in a bet. Now he's nude forever. And I won his clothes and he's like, but Michael these won't fit you and I'm like, ha ha, fuck you, Luke Longley. I'm wearing him anyway.

Get the fuck off my plane. But sir, we're flying right now. I said, and I kick Luke Longley off my plane. I want to see you pulling up to the Indiana Caesars in the coolest, cleanest Pontiac Sunfire ever made. Blasting nothing

But the hottest smooth jazz tunes Ripped straight from the weather channel In 1991 Head banging So like Yeah You know You'll line up on this

But Yeah I'm in sports ownership now Really what? NASCAR I'm gonna tell you which one of the Marcell's brothers is a bitch It's went

In this shit Korea More like bitch Korea Y'all ain't up on this B.B. Wynens Long way down, Liam I got secret whinens You don't even know about I got WW Wynens

I made it all the way down the list Four four Wynens What do you know about that? Oh, shit, we went into the numbers Oh, they went five whining Greek letters Wing beans winens What you know about

Theta winans I hear they're coming out With final whinens And the best Top 10 moment in that documentary for me is when he's like, yeah, listen to this shit and he hands it over to his teammates and they're like, what?

And it's the song playing in the LeBron Rebron meme. Seamless transition to... I'm glad we agree that we all cried at the last dance. You know, one other, Holly, since you mentioned the Girl Dad thing,

I think that might illuminate our disagreement on Logan, I think even without that element, it would still be, you know, as a lifelong X-Men fan, it would be like probably my favorite two-per-movie. But I think that element pushes it just way over the top for me.

I'm not sure, and I know that we have not really ever just, like, sat down and gone letterbox for a letterbox, but I cannot remember a movie in a, in a franchise or in a lane that we're both really into that we are so far apart on in an opinion because I cannot fucking stand. I will tell you every single

every single time sports movies work they just always they always work they at least moves me sports movies make you cry I think there's the thing is sports movies always work there is a scene in fucking facing the giants that will give you an emotion I guarantee it I've cried it every season of Shorsi

at least once facing the Giants is the worst shit I've ever seen and there's one moment where you're like holy shit this kid did this athletic feet he's gonna do it got me and you're like fuck I'm pissed off that this got me I cried at little giants like three weeks part. The kid crawls 100 yards or whatever. Shit, yeah.

Wait, Cerber, what part of little giants made you cry? The annexation of Puerto Rico. Yeah. Okay. They beat those fucking assholes. It's so cool. No one said they could. They were like, you're a bunch of fucking nerds.

You all suck. And then she's like, call me Icebox. Like, it's fucking awesome. I'm going to say something that I mean without irony. And I think it has. to do with a lot of factors that I won't go into because this is not blue sky and I don't want to be boring and pedantic

but she's the man does not nearly get the credit it deserves. There is... In this place in the canon. Amanda Bind is acting her ass off. Mm-hmm. And everyone else is doing their jobs. It's solid.

There's some, it's, I mean, it's, sorry, I was about to uncork the even more unbearable monologue about how it's 12th night, but I won't. It was in that era when like every movie had to have a like, oh, you could show, the substitute teacher could show this one. Do you know the weird thing about all those teen movies that were redoing Shakespeare for a minute is that most of them are fucking bangers.

Yeah. Those 10 things I hate about you? My kid watched, she was locked in on 10 things for like three months. And every time it was like, sure. Everybody in it is so fucking good. What's his name from Arles in it is the dad? Like, they're, even the, like, stray adults in 10 things I have about you is the dude from Arles, Allison fucking Janney. What was the teen version of a fellow that we made?

Oh, no. It's O. It was called O. It's O. That really happened. Julia Seals set up a, she was in all the Shakespeare's. Do you want Juilliard? Sorry.

Watch me attain an 84% success rate on Let's Dance. That's what Julia Stiles tryout is. Like, that would have gotten you like an S-tier, maybe. There ended up being a lot of Julie styles dancing content. And it's like, all right. Hey, man. Find another white girl, man. That very same, I agree, that very same pipeline did give us Channing Tatum via step

up to the streets. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah. It's worth it in the end. Like, even sports movies where you know what's going to happen, where they are cinematic representations of a true story, where you know the goddamn end, will still, like, Like, Rush? I know Nikki Loud is going to catch fire.

We've seen the film. This movie is a sports movie thing, and I did not think of either magic, of any of the Magic Mike movies. Oh. I mean, I think that, Spencer, you just said, is a fine argument against spoilers culture. Don't tell me, I can't know, it's ruined if I know. No, it's fucking not. It's, like, follow the journey.

Pay attention to what's happening. How do you get there? All this shit still matters. Saving this segment for tomorrow when I accidentally spoil and or on the plane. Let's test this out. So Andor is Palpatine's grandfather. Oh, I can't believe Bix turned out to be Ray's mom. That's crazy.

Ray is Palpatine. Yeah, what would be the funniest verb to put after, unfortunately Palpatine blanked for this one? Unfortunately, Palpatine shredded. What if he dies in the end of Andor? And we've had... We learned all along that New Hope Palpatine is Palpatine, too. And then Palpatine 3

Multiple Like Gallagher and Gallagher 2? In the past week Over Like Avril Levine Over the second season of Andor Just being a retcon Of the third Star Wars trilogy

And just wiping it out of existence I'm like you know what that's fine Liquid metal T-1000 Palpatine Oscar Isaac and John Boyega are in love On a Faraway planet somewhere That's fine Yeah that's fine We'll never hear of them

They're having a great time up Lactose intolerant Palpatine farty palpit you want this smelly palpatine he does look like he smells terrible what would you trade to be able to shoot lightning out of your fingers instead of farting

wait wait do I have full control over it or is it like farting where it's like sometimes I got lightning has got to come out to I sneeze that lightning came out of my finger I got to run to the restroom I really don't want that to happen. Actually, that's a better question. Would you trade it straight up,

only it's like farting and sometimes it's voluntary and sometimes it's not? And you do it in your sleep? No. You got lightning firing out of your sleep. I woke up in my TV's fried again. There's a hole in all my blankets.

You know what, never mind. I got dogs. This is a problem. Yeah, it's a big problem. Hey, I know it's chocolate Tuesday, but I can't come, you guys. We're full of dogs and it looks like a damp thunderstorm.

looks like one of those little balls you touch the cubes you touch the lighting yeah yeah what if it was harmless lightning but it just made your hair stand up on your head i fall asleep on a plane and i kill 226 people the plane the plane gets like eight feet the day after thanksgiving really is black friday but not for any of the reasons it used to be yeah that would make the popfyes in the concourse like a basically an accessory to murder since they are the ones who handed me the biscuit I remembered who I was. I'm glad we had this talk.

I'm still worthy. I'm still gassy. Strongest adventure. If we be gassy. Point breaking wind. I'm glad we had this talk. Yeah. So Spencer, what's next in your agenda?

Yeah, speaking of farting. Did we get through anything? Yeah, no, we're a point two. There's an entire bit after this. That's what I said about my lightning farts. We're just moving past Thor God of fart lightning, is what we are doing. Does the lightning...

I'm not fond of what follows. Does the length of the lightning reflect the length of the fart? Oh, yeah. I think the length of the fart is reflected in the power of the lightning. The intensity of the lightning. If it's just like a little... Or it could be a mighty bolt worthy of... The calm assurance with with Jason.

just explain that. Yeah. Sure. He's a man of science. It's all just magic systems. Terrific. Charging. Okay.

Ring of Jesus fire. I want you to know. I'm currently charging. So President Dog Shit has a McDonald's truck. Speaking of farts. Wait, is this a setup or is this a thing? Folks. No, President Dog shit has a real-life McDonald's trailer.

Following him around in Saudi Arabia. So does McDonald's. Very natural. Yes, Ryan. Is, all right. Oh, hang on. He's on to something. No, I just want to, I just want to understand the provenance of this.

This is not the president's personal, like, Burger Force One that follows him from country to country. Why does he not have one by now? It probably is now. Let's just give it to him. In the April, or some Taco Bells, or was that just a commercial? Jason is going where I'm going with this. This was something the Saudi royal family cooked up for the president. But they're definitely going to give it to him, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're going to see that dumb-ass thing. Like, every time there's a fucking motorcade, like the traffic's blocked off because he's like going to the fucking Super Bowl. You can see that dumb-ass thing. Because he brought his on McDonald's. Yeah. And by the way, there's probably like, consider this,

there's probably like eight Filipino or Sri Lankan workers who are actually doing. the work inside the McDonald's wagon, right? They're just going to be tooted around the world. Oh, yeah, they don't, they have lost their citizenship and their freedom. They are now people without a country. I feel so bad for them. Yeah. Someone should help them.

I will make it a platform of whoever gets selected next that we make all of the American citizens as an apology for what they're about to go through. Open it and let them out of the McDonald's trailer. Absolutely. Yeah. Let them out now. Wait, what's back up. What's happening?

I thought we were talking about the plane. No. so it gets dumber oh cool okay shit I love this because like with the fighter jet every time it happens I have to say again or again again yeah yeah so first of all

they got the plane and then the Saudis were like you fools this is not the way to this man's heart we know something he likes even more then okay explain the McDonald's thing to me in a minute but if you're like if you're a spy master for a foreign

occasionally adversarial cause 9-11 power right now are you a kind of kicking back and in cruise control mode because we are doing more damage to ourselves on the world stage than you could in a career or be are you mad because you take real pride in the craftsmanship of your work and these idiots are just doing it yourself and you're like that that takes a lot of preparation yeah we're just tweeting it out. Yeah, yeah, that. I think I'm saying to my boss.

Do foreign spies have that? He just tweeted it out energy. Well, right now I'm just telling my boss, like, my plans are working, as you can see. Yeah. All of my schemes are coming to fruition. Yes. It is what makes the plane a little bit unnecessary. Are we not calling it money plane?

Okay, we can call it money plane. It's good. Kelsey Grammer's on it. Edge is the pilot. Money plane at Berger's right. Joey Lawrence is one. I'll put Vince Vaughn up there. There is some element of like, people are like, oh, okay, well, you know, listening devices could be hidden on board,

and this, that, the other. And I'm like, what for? What's he going to say that he doesn't say in public? Contrary to the secretary of defense's assumptions. Real questions. Our obsequent is not clean to the kid. Real question. Has the price of intelligence on the world stage bottomed out because literally like, fucking Fiji can put a listening device in there or whatever?

Yeah. No offense to the spy master. Masters of Fiji. And, like, other world leaders are just saying what they're going to do, right? Putin's like, I will kill you. It's like, yeah, he's going to kill you. I wonder what this button does. But if you just, like, go to Mar-a-Lago and eat a plate of, like, cold shrimp next to the president,

he'll probably tell you what you want to know, right? Sure. So there's Moneyplane, and now there is also Burger Mobile, which is whichever country is in. Mobile McDonald's location. Burger Train. Wait, they took McDonald's. So they took McDonald's to his Saudi visit? So the Saudis made a wagon that follows him around, and it is a mobile McDonald's.

How, yeah, it's, it's basically a transformer? Like, it looks like a transformer tractor trailer, but it's, it turns into a McDonald's, is what I'm saying. I feel like I'm experiencing a series of failures of imagination, because that's one that I feel like we should have thought of a while ago, or at least should have been spit out in the random event generator, and it's kind of crazy that it hasn't been before now. Yeah. Like, this is one where, man, if it was an A-tier fast food establishment, I'm like, that's so fucking cool. But because it's fucking McDonald's, it's like, God, what a parody of America this is. Also, as a matter of, how objectionable.

As a matter of operational security, if you were saying, I don't know, I'll just pick a randomly active about it group at random, the Houthis. If you're like, well, which one is his? You're like, it's the one with the McDonald's truck going. along behind it. But that's the thing. I don't think, I don't think any, is there less interest maybe

than there used to be in, a U.S. president right now? Because again, he's doing their work. Is he paradoxically safer on the world stage than any U.S. president in history?

He's our man on the inside. Yes. Yeah. I also need, I need you to know that this is a grave insult, too. because if they really loved him, they would choose the fast food restaurant closest to their god,

which is Hardee's. I was going to say Hardee's, and I don't know why. The fast food franchise, which has the most locations within range of Mecca is hard. Really? No, go look. There are Hardee's shockingly close to the Kaba.

Well, that's why I don't fully understand the mobile McDonald's. Like, there are 441 McDonald's locations in the Kingdom of. Saudi Arabia. Yeah, but this one is gilded probably. I've, man. But yeah, it's definitely coming home

with him. Oh, yeah. That's... Because it combines two things he loves. McDonald's, and it's a truck. And laziness. Like, you tell me he can get it his big burger time. I'm loving it. Make me a burger. God.

Yeah, this thing is going, like, it'll end up in his fucking, in the fucking presidential library. It'll be, it'll be on like the steps of presidential library. It's his bookmobile. Does he have a library from the first half? Yeah.

Yeah. Just leave it somewhere in the street. But just like, how mad are you if you're an enemy of the United States right now and you've trained your whole life to be a sniper and you're like, they want me to what? Yeah. They're just like, you know. Trump takes my craft.

Real loss of purpose. Yeah. Or even a shit, even if you're an ally. How bad does, like, M.I.6 feel right now? If you are the mobile McDonald's for President Fancy Man, Fancy Man, do you need, like, what is your strategy? Are you like, we know his order and we have that ready at all times? Or do you need to be prepared for a curveball where Donald Trump is like,

oh, this guy's got to try a filet a fish? I hate him, but he's going to love him. You're like, fuck, we didn't. No, he doesn't want those. He has tried one McDonald's meal. ever. It is the only thing he's ever eaten. If you're with him, you're going to eat it. Like, hasn't had

an original thought in about 40 years. Yeah, sure. So, yeah. I'm just glad we're bringing real New York cuisine to the world stage. It's good to finally show off what New York's richest and classiest people really enjoy. This is the, I will say, this is, there, and there are a lot

of examples. This is the most what an eight-year-old would want as president thing. I want a McDonald's truck that follows me everywhere. makes me anything, whatever I want it. So, like, if you were a normal human being, okay, that would, and you would have, if you were a normal eight-year-old, that's a great vision, right? But as an adult, if you become known for certain things, you pick up on it and go, ooh,

that's a bad sign. Like our friend Wes, who went to Payway so often that in the back, when he appeared at Payway, the chef, okay, the cook. No, it's so much worse, Ryan. Is Payway like Panda Express? He would always get a cookie with his, yeah, he would always get a cookie with his meal. So when he showed up to Payway, the chef would yell back, Hey, cookie man!

It's not good. It's not a good indicator of your personal health. First of all, when the guy at Payway knows you, second, when he's got a name for you, third, when that name is Cookie Man, right? Longtime listeners will remember Wes as the guy, the only white guy we know who's ever been racially profiled when he was pulling up to, why are all the West stories about drive-thru? When he pulled up to the sonic drive-thru window and the guy started to hand his breakfast burrito out the window,

took one look at him, reached into the bag, pulled the salsa packets out and threw ketchup in, and handed it to him. Bruttle. Holly, here's the upside if you are in SpyCraft on the world stage. You now have an irresistible target. Like, Fast and the Furious,

style. Like, if you can successfully hijack. We have heist at the Burger Moeel. If you can, like, either heist it or, like, they open it up one morning and they're like, oh, my God, they took everything. It's empty. The Burger Mobile has been compromised. Burger Mobleau has fallen.

I'm going to get McFlurry on the Declaration of Independence. That would destabilize that would destabilize the United States. America's precious symbols. One of them has been compromised and yeah are the golden arches

made of real gold this guy apart from you know the the genocide and all that other good stuff that he's propping up

which genocide yes I think the thing that bothers me the most about this guy is he's so literal sure like literally

I have to imagine they have slapped real golden arches on these thing you know that's his favorite fucking part but you can

I think you can play into that like listen If these tariff talks don't go your way, China, hijack this thing and dump it in the ocean on live television that loses mine. Are you kidding me? Then Diesel has the chance to do like the second funniest thing ever. That's right. The only time anyone ever saw him cry. No!

Not Burger Train! Roseburger!