Shutdown Fullcast - NFL Draft Special With Special Guest Python Wolf

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Why the NFL draft is Coachella for dadsThe 2026 EDSBS Charity Bowl is underway! More on that here.Washington is the winner of the Charity Bowl Getback Give-Back! Email suggestions for Spencer's $500 donation to [e-mail] we buy the Poinsettia Bowl y/nThe specific gravity of Conference USAWrestlemania was bad and that's why we're announcing our Saudi Arabian ska tourWhat is Texas A&M learning from the war in IranLet's draft some guysAlachua County sleeper cell, activateThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 28 (twenty-eight!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through June 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch sold through the Shutdown Fullstore will be donated to the Transgender Resource Center of New MexicoShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Corey CunninghamDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

Have you ever been to one of the outdoor drafts? I've been to one of the indoor drafts. And man, what a depressing experience that was. I haven't been in it like, look, man, I don't mean to. Oh, yeah. How many NFL drafts have you guys been to? I haven't met. Why would I go to the draft?

This is the thing I understand. Ask the question. Ask the question. I understand lots of like you should go to the draft. I don't understand why one would go to the draft. I don't get it at all. I happened to be in Nashville during the draft when it was there. Did not go.

did not have it was weird i didn't have the sense that anyone was in town for it even though like a million people were you know what i mean like didn't see like caravans of dudes and jerseys or whatever like it's it's like people get airlifted in for it or something i don't i don't understand the psychology of i think that's to watch a spreadsheet get filled but i think that's very literal by the way they do get airlifted in because the one in Vegas was exactly like that it was like they had piped in. You're like, wow, a Chargers fan in the wild. I don't mean a San Diego one. I mean like an L.A. Chargers fan. It has all the, it has all the information poverty of attending a live event. Like you're not getting, you, you don't have as much information as if

you just watched it on television. But you're not like, what is the coolest thing you can be like, oh, I was there when this happened? If a player punched Roger Goodell in the solar plexus, like then I'd be pissed I wasn't at that draft, admittedly. You know? ever know there it will happen right the only we're all waiting for it the only thing i could ever understand about like this is why you should go to the draft is when it was in new york every year and when you'd go as a jets fan to boo whatever the jets did like that i understood the the communal aspects of going and participating in a shaming ritual this is the one fun thing jets fans get to do all years i mean when i went hate each other publicly when i went there were just jets fans drinking

on the pavement outside. And that was pretty fun. I thought that was a great setup for them. It's like, I don't know, it feels like tailgating a surgeon's convention, but you're not a surgeon or something. It's like Coachella for dads. Like we're just gonna stand here, man, in our jerseys. Just stand here.

It's also weird now because like, all right, let's say you're going to this year's draft. You're going to, Does anybody give a shit about what the Steelers are doing in the draft this year? The most of the Steelers are doing the draft this year is not finding out if Aaron Rogers is playing quarterback or not. Steelers are going to do the same shit as ever. They're going to draft like, oh, that seems like a really competent linebacker. No one's ever going to score points in a Steelers uniform.

You know what I mean? Like, oh, you got a really good guard. That's it. That's all the Steelers are for. Thank you for reminding me that. The most recognizable trademark prompt in the audio universe of the NFL is in fact from Greece and is a non-cinematic track. It's not from Greece. I'm sorry.

They won't admit that it's from Greece is annoying. It's the same, but it's not from. Right. It's legally distinct. If you've never noticed this, I remind people of this once a year. Listen, I'll never be able to tell enough people about this. The NFL draft pick is in music that you hear on NFL Network every year is the first run of notes from Greece the musical.

The song is called It's Raining on Prom Night. And the lyrics are, I was deprived of a young girl's dream. So just think about that. every time you see Roger Goodell come out with his arms outstretched. Now, I do think we should, not we. I think Spencer should go to next year's NFL draft. Where is it, Ryan? Washington, D.C.

I'm open to wrong. If somebody... For a minute there, I was like, why would they have the draft there? Because I forgot they had a football team. Oh, that's unfortunate. Sorry. I am open to being wrong. somebody wants to write in or whatever and be like, hey, it's actually really fun to go to the NFL draft because you can do all, like, sure, I just don't know what those things might be.

I will say the one in Vegas was fun as hell. Why? What was fun about it that was different from any other time going to Las Vegas? Honestly, a bunch of NFL fans all in a really good mood. Okay. That is 100% valid. They were all in a very good mood. They were very excited.

They had that vibe of people who are in a place where entertainments have been set up for you. there's a concentration of people and there's just enough alcohol to keep everyone happy. So a bunch of people out there with stupid hats going, yay, and drinking beer. That's it. That's a quality experience. I'm saying it's like it's a B plus. It's like you would not regret going to the NFL draft in Vegas. Can't speak for anywhere else.

But the NFL draft in Vegas, quality time. Do you think it was more fun for you? You famously don't have an NFL team so you have no dog in this fight whatsoever. Do you think that was part of what was fun for? you is you were like, oh, look, everyone's having a good time and I don't really, this isn't really for me or of me or whatever. I think that may have helped. However, I don't think it, I don't think having a team was a factor for most of these people.

I will also say about 30% of them, it being Las Vegas, were Raiders fans. And Raiders fans, quality hang. This is, I'm tipping a little bit what we're going to do in this episode. I would like to go to a draft just a Jersey spot, just to see like what kind of, of weird obscure jerseys people can pull that you can be like oh man you got a bubby brister broncos damn look at you you're an o g that would be that would be worthwhile to me i saw a tony basile jaggs jersey not totally obscure but i think style stylish yeah yeah that was a good poll uh what else did i see i saw a i saw a pacman jones bengels jersey i would wear a curtis painter colts

jersey that's what i because because curtis painter is actually key to the draft as it turns out so i think it's on theme i would wear an anthony beckt jets jersey just so people would boo me wow yeah hold on we'll see how much of curtis painter jersey goes for on eight by continue call it call it i'm gonna say that the sucker goes for you think it's sub 100 or over 100 70 dollars not available fuck what priceless we were both wrong damn i I can get a Purdue jersey, but not a Colts one. Shit. Yeah.

Now, now time to find our new grail. New grail found Curtis Painter Colts jersey. Hey, if you have a Curtis painter, Colts jersey, hit me up. Yeah. You hit Penny up. All right. I want to, I want to really confuse people everywhere I go. But yeah, like I'm, I, I will speak fondly of the draft.

I don't really know why people go, but if you end up there, not a bad. time okay right it's it's if you fall into if you if you're walking down the road and you stumble into a pit and into the NFL draft congratulations it's going to be a pretty good time that's where they should put it when they go to buffalo they should do the buffalo draft in the the legendary you have to go down to find it did you see but speaking of collapse did you see our beloved buffalo uh galutes knocking down a uh a crowd barrier at the Sabres game celebration. No, I did not see.

So, just like people fell over at the little metal grade thing. Yes, yes. It was like 45 degrees outside because it's Buffalo in April and a bunch of shirtless dudes when the Sabres who were trailing to nothing in the third period with about eight minutes or seven minutes left, scored four goals in rapid succession to win that game and stun the Boston Bruins four three. Welcome to your NHL. broadcast. They showed a feed of live Sabres fans, right? Like a live feed of Sabers fans,

not a feed of live Sabers fans because that would imply there was a feed of dead Sabers fans, which that's pretty hardcore if you're dead and still showing up for Sabers games, respect. You could, if they're frozen solid, which they tend to be up there, it might take a while. Yeah, but you know, but you could do it. But it showed them and they were celebrating and they have one of those crowd barriers set up across the front and these guys, jumping up and down shirtless and 45 degree weather like yay and just knocked it over just just absolutely flopped and crush and crush the crowd barrier imagine lord of the rings but the oath breaker ghost army is all sabers dead savers fans instead go bills just like kind of kind of like slightly

overweight guys with mustache is from like 1983 yeah all beautiful all wonderful all wonderful all Beautiful. All named Ron. Yeah. Oh, there. Ron or Gary. Army of Ron. To the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast.

I am Spencer Hall. You are listening to me with the usual crew, Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and Michael Server on the ones and twos. I briefly thought you were going to say, I am Spencer Hall. you are and then the listener's name for some reason you are why why are you providing like are we gonna do a thousand we could freak out we could freak out one person right yeah exactly yeah yeah match you are matt yes hello matt to salvo statistically you are matt yes hello matt we are addressing this podcast to you and you alone. You and your sins cannot hide. No, Matt's have no sins this week. That's true. It is Charity Bowl Week. It's Charity Bowl Week

where Matt's purge themselves of sin and show their worth to the world once more. Through their wallets, yeah. Yeah. What do we call it? The analysis thereof, Holly, of Matt donations? Sabre Matrix. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Saber Matrix. I almost fumbled that. Did you hear it? I almost fumbled it again. I had faith. Yeah, advanced Sabre Matrix.

That's what this week is composed of. We have nothing but glory for everybody named Matt this week because damn, they're doing work in short. Right now, as of recording, it is Tuesday, April 21st at 2.17 p.m. and as of recording, if I hit refresh on this here meter, the EDSBS Charity Bowl, is currently at... $602,587. Tuesday afternoon. Get dunked on! Get ready to get dunked on!

Apparently... Stand your ass under the hoop. Not in your chin! Apparently I'm about to get boom-shack-a-locking. dunked or dunked on that's that's the two million mark right with you Sean Bradley looking ass you know like Sean Bradley I'm sorry for many reasons yes um yeah we're at $602,000 and of course the team that donates the most during the recording of this episode will receive an additional donation to charity which we will determine but yeah we're currently

you're currently on the clock. So retroactive. Yeah. Yeah. They are currently on the clock. Hang on. Okay. Go ahead.

It is. It's a long week. It is 2.18 p.m. on Tuesday, April 21st, Eastern Time. We started recording this show at 2 p.m. When we started recording this show, we had about $598,000 raised. Right now, we have $6,000. $2,000 raised. We are running a little game right now that we are calling the full cast get back give back, which is an extremely stupid name that I'm very proud of. And what we have done is

this, the EDSBS charitable, which is running all week at ADSbsbss Charity Bowl.com. Most of you probably already know about this, but then again, you know, Lou Holtz died. And some of you found that out from us. What? Yeah. So, EDSBS Charity Bowl.com is how you donate to our. our annual fundraising drive for New American Pathways, which benefits refugee resettlement here in Georgia. Moneycanon.org is where we have our live updating leaderboards

for which school is ahead. You can look at it by overall standings. You can look at it by conference standings. You can make your own custom rivalry boards and go head to head with your buddies, with your office, whatever. And we have a new game up right now at Moneycanon.org slash fullcast. How this is working right now.

We started a brand new leaderboard that was zeroed out at 2 p.m. today. The rest of the leaderboards are still functioning. Your overall score is still intact. Don't worry. But from 2 p.m. to whenever we stop recording today, whenever the show is, whichever team donates the most money during that amount of school, during that amount of school, I'm tired. During that amount of time, Spencer is going to give a $500 donation to a charitable organization

in the town of your school or team. If there's one thing we love about the Charity Bowl more than helping our newest and most vulnerable neighbors, it is personally hurting Spencer. So today we're going to hit him in the wallet. At the end of the show, we will click stop on this particular leaderboard. We will announce the winning school online. We will then consult with our listeners in that school to find a worthy organization. So you are on the clock. If you're hearing this now, you missed it.

But that's what's going on right now. And by the time you get this, I will have experienced the pain of donating to. Oh, we know you're not going to turn the donation around at 24 hours, dude. We'll get it by Friday. Friday is reasonable. Can I give you our very early top three? Yeah, because it's a walloping good one. All right.

I'm going to start with our bronze medalist. Louisiana Tech. Just like we drew it up. And with just over $2,000, but coming out strong. Just above them? celebrating finally being allowed to leave conference USA that's right as of by the way setting this up setting up these goddamn conference leaderboards I don't mind saying this now almost killed me this year because the final law the lawsuit for where Louisiana Tech was going to play football in a matter

of months was settled last week I was I think the day we were after we recorded this episode and I was just like are we going to have to put Louisiana Tech on its own board I'm really going to miss the like month long stretch of time when football schedules had like a 19 game schedule for Louisiana take including great Phantom Island episode by the way that might be my favorite Phantom item item item item item I'm going to miss that anyway Louisiana Tech in third place early strong showing second place you're not shocked to see them here although maybe you're shocked to see them in number two and not number one Michigan Wolverines and second place overall too that's weird and number one leading Michigan right now again it's early in the show with a total donation for the full cast get back

give back of four thousand three hundred sixty three dollars Washington huskies are okay okay yeah yeah yeah so we're off and running okay so a quality we'll have to donate to a a quality nonprofit in Seattle. That's fine. We could, we could do that if this score holds, right? I didn't. Let's not get ahead of them ourselves yet. People could get dramatic, but yeah, whoever wins, we're going to pick a community

organization, mutual aid funds, something. We will find something worthy of Spencer's money and your goodwill in the city where your team is located. And we'll make that happen. Yes, but a stunning effort by everyone so far. Like, it's stunning. It's this. I don't know, I don't know how we can keep this pace, but apparently we're just going to.

Yeah, we were logging off last night. And one of the last things I saw was John Boyce saying like, oh, hey, at this rate, if we keep going, we're going to hit half a million by midnight. We have to calculate the offline gifts that come in manually. So everything that doesn't come in via ADSBS charity bowl.com, there are people who send new American pathways at paper check this week. There are, you know, people who make bank transfers, our folks overseas have to, if we have listeners overseas and we have a few, they have to like donate via wire transfer, all that stuff. And we have to put all that in the scoreboard manually. And we do that like at the end of every day.

And it takes forever. And unbeknownst to us, we did, in fact, cross half a million at midnight. And I know that because I woke up and we were at like 523. Two things I want to add. If you're brand new, you have no idea what any of this is or how to do it. Go to EDSBSC Charitybowl.com. It's got all the details about what the charity bowl is, where the money goes to, the leaderboard, or at least the overall amount raised, and where to donate. Second thing, again, from our friend David Kavucci at Foyabal.

This came in last night when the donation total was at around just under $450,000. We were way past that by now. But at that time, David noted that the charity bowl has had at that point raised more money than the entire about the Sugar Bowl Foundation gave to charity last year when they gave $435,000 away with $74 million of net assets. To be fair, we also have $74 million in net assets. That's true. That's not true. Just another thing we do better than the Sugar Bowl. That's all.

Maybe this is, again, we've asked this question before, but we could start a bowl, right? It's not hard. There are no laws against it. There are no laws at all. No. Matt Brown's done this, yeah. We know we've done. But we could, yeah, we could absolutely do this.

I think at some point we saw it takes like 65 grand. Yeah, I think we could do that. Fascinating. Looking into it. Looking into it. concerning and looking into it. You know, the Poinsetti a bowl is back reportedly. Really?

Might be time to snatch it up. Wait, does it still have the same sponsor? All I know is the point setia bowl is reportedly back. God bless those character counts. I was going to go back a little bit, by the way. How much did Louisiana Tech have to pay to leave Conference USA? It was an amount. It was an appalling amount.

It was an amount. Well, the initial amount was, well, no, okay, damn. The initial, this is why I say that. The initial report was that it was over $8 million. But then that was walked back by people who were like, it's a lot, but it's not that much. But now I don't know that I've seen a final number anywhere. So Congress USA wanted $5.5 million.

Uh-huh. LaTech offered nowhere near that. It's somewhere in the middle. Okay. I think that's all we know. It's, yeah. Let's just say four. Four feel good?

Just say four for the fuck of it. The Ryan Nanny is reporting it is precisely $4 million based on his legal expertise. I'll probably be closer than the people who reported it was eight at least. So. I love how hard it is to escape conference USA. This is forever shit. Apparently not.

Like everyone else managed it. Somehow Latech had a hard time get you. Look at the Conference USA leader board or membership board throughout time, right? Like everyone has stopped by. I don't know why they're the only one susceptible to the gravity of Conference. If I recall correctly, it was also that, like, Latech just fucked up the math. And if they had filed their, if they had filed their exit notice like two weeks earlier, wouldn't have to pay like they rip this was a very big clerical error in the end it's also there

you know for years it was like okay you do your uh transition year and then you have your actual gear like that was how the fbs jump worked now all of a sudden fucking sacramento state is like dear god let us in immediately or whatever so i i maybe maybe that's the energy in every direction you leave you you know you do your tour of duty in conference USA because you're a school in fbs which means you at some point have been in conference USA like even armed me has been in Conference USA, but on the way out now, the new thing is, um, you, you, you, you can't wait because no one waits anymore. Nowadays, nobody wants to wait. The list of former full members of Conference USA is so long. Let's go. It's like, let's like one of those. Are there more members than

there are, are there more former members than there are states? It's, it's like one of those rock bands where they haven't had an original member since like 1983. So, so I will, from the armory. I will just do FBS teams because there are some that were full members, but not for football. So, but here we go. UAB, UCF, Cincinnati, ECU, FAU, Houston, Louisville, Marshall, Memphis, UNC, Charlotte, although I think that's a lot of non-football years. I don't know if we count that. North Texas, North Texas, Old Dominion, Rice, USF, SMU, Southern Miss, TCU.

Southern Miss had some non-football years too, but not quite in this Yeah, not the same way. UTSA, Tulane, and Tulsa. That's a big, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a super conference by itself. And this is, they also have now dozens of partial members still, right? Yes, yes. The number of schools on this, seriously, it, it, on a lot of browser sizes, like if you have, you're going to need to zoom it out is what I'm saying, to see the full Wiki membership

timeline on most resolutions. There are. It's a full screen. There are two sports that you can be an affiliate member in for Conference USA. Well, there are three, but two that I care about here. Beach volleyball and bowling. And Tulane is in for both of them. But that's it.

We're not doing shit beyond that with you again, Conference USA. We learned our lesson. I like that I like that you could be a member of like the Tulane Bowling. team and still get credit, right? Like, you're applying to, you're applying to, like, a top three law school, and they're like, what extracurriculars did you have? And you're like, I was a member of an FBF's bowling team. You're like, which one?

The Tulane bowling team? They're like, that's bullshit. Like, yeah. Count it. I like the ones that leave, like USF leaves Conference USA, then 20 years later need somewhere to put their volleyball program, crawling back to Kusa. Yeah, Vanderbilt. Oh, we're SEC.

We're so, nope, bowling programs in Kusa. Here it is. I mean, it's got to be dominating. Nebraska, joining the big ten. Oh, bowling with you as well. Let's see. You know, it's, for whatever reason, you can't find people arguing about which bowling conference is the best quite like you can. Damn.

This is how I get, man, this is how I get us. So Google AI, take it for what it's worth. Yeah, Kusa is the premier NCAA women's bowling conference. I mean, I believe it. Everyone's in it. And this is how I have a spectacular two-year reign as Kusa, like head of Kusa, Kusa president, whatever. Because I would 100% go Pete Weber on bowling, right?

You'd go all those bowling teams and be like, hey, listen, I need you all to be as extra as possible. Getting fights like it's NASCAR, throw hands, right? making like DX crotch chops the whole time, just do it. It's like they, as everyone filter, it makes their,

it makes their pilgrimage through Conference USA as dictated by NCAA. Everyone has to be there at some point. The thing you leave behind is your bowling program. They provide the launch point elsewhere throughout FBS. They're this portal entryway.

Yeah. But your bowling program must remain behind. That's what they keep. I'm keeping the bowling program. Do you know how you're reigning national champion is in bowling? I don't. It was. Yeah, Vanity was the last one I'd heard of.

Jackson Championship, as of like 10 days ago. You said Jacksonville State? Jacksonville State. Conference USA. Go Gamecox. Conference of Champions. That's beautiful. That's technically true, isn't it?

Almost every conference. is a conference of champions. You know, every conference has conference champions, so every conference is a conference of champions. I mean, like, granted, the PAC 12 is the only conference of champions, which you know what I mean? Does that hold for ACC? I feel like ACC's goals.

Yeah. Well, in football, they don't have a champion, really. You know, they just sort of, the season ends. And they're like, Duke is eight and seven. They're the champion. Duke's champion. I mean, let's be real here. Sure.

Wink, wink. Yeah, Duke won the ACC. I get it. Real funny. Real funny stuff. Also, you're doing this in front of server as if Clemson hasn't won national championships in the last 15. Come on. Come on.

I love it. Get the fuck out of Alabama. That's not hard Indiana. Yeah, you're right. No, I remember the 2010. Feels like yesterday to me, brother. Like pining for the first Trump administration. That's Clemson.

It's been a while since I wore Pam. It's made of bacon, but I still love them. Jellyroll, how was WrestleMania, by the way? I didn't watch it. I don't know. Fuck Pat McAfee. Am I right? Maybe.

Maybe. Give me a couple minutes. Might change that. That's a good, reliable cheap pop, jelly roll. You can't go wrong. Stick into that line. I love cheap pop. Fago, baby.

Mix it with some hot sauce. Thank you for body slamming Pat McAfee. I watched like five minutes of WrestleMania but I did see that. Jason, I have a question about WrestleMania by the way. Okay. Did you watch it?

In a sense. Yeah. Like me and my kid, we watch it every year. It's our thing. Or I should say it has been our thing. Like, WWE had its series finale. Like it ended two years ago. And now there's at WrestleMania 40,

which is great and wonderful. We attended in Philadelphia. And since then, it's been, like, you know, we watch it like a few hours a year. Because it's, it's really fucking bad. To be clear, most of its history was really fucking bad with a few brief moments of excellence. But, like, this weekend was like the most corporatized ads heavy thing we've ever sat through. Like somebody crunched the numbers and there were more, on Saturday, there were more minutes spent on promoting a Hulk Hogan documentary than there were on all the women's matches combined. and like my kid the main thing she's there for is the women's matches so i think she's pretty much

done with it forever um seempunk roman rain's main event was great but other than that it was it was bad man yeah every time i looked up it was a non-wrestler wrestling there was a bit of that like like when the highlight of the first day of it is like i'm i'm aware of this person but it's still you have to call him a person who goes by i i don't know i'm i'm aware of this person but it's still you have to call him a person who goes by I Show Speed, when the highlight of it is that guy jumping off a thing? Like, come on, man. I only have one- Yeah, he jumped far.

That's cool. I only have one WrestleMania metric as somebody who's, I've never watched any WrestleMania, not a vintage one, not like dipped in for one, just not a thing I've done. So my only way to tell whether WrestleMania is working or not is how much people on my timeline are talking about WrestleMania. And this year, it felt like there was very, like, I barely knew that wrestling. WrestleMania was even happening. And there were certainly years where people are like, too much dumb shit's happened or like this is going too long.

Like there are complaining WrestleMania years. This wasn't even that. Like there was there was just like a real absence of WrestleMania chatter that was like, oh no, that feels bad. That's not what they're going for. It was clearly juiceless building up to it for a variety of reasons, which included stuffing jelly roll and Bat MacCafee into the main event as if they were like a bigger deal than Cody Rhodes and Randy. Like, literally more people know who Randy Orton is. The Lincoln Douglas debate of our time, brother! Like, like, the company that owns WWE is like, we need celebrities in here.

Randy Orton is a bigger celebrity than Pat McAfee. Everyone knows the RKO meme. Like, you are degrading it by adding less famous people to it. You know, it's so fucking weird. And then, like, yeah, it's just, it's the equivalent of, like, AI slop wrestling. Like, it's, like, there's always, like, stupid shit going on, and there's always, like, gross shit and gross shit and gross. people around it but like it's just it was just fuck there's there's so little show to it you know it went like a four hour thing that two hours of it are ads and like me and my

kid were having a deliriously great time just like making fun of the whole thing but that's really not it's really not the business model um but yeah like so little chatter to the point where like at the end of the main event usually that's like the entire timeline right in an average else will mean a year and it was like most people are talking about hockey it's like, oh, God, that's not good. No offense to hockey, but usually it is not, it is not fret of mind on that night. Also,

it's going to get worse because next year since Saudi Arabia, meaning no one you know will be in attendance. It's going to kick off at like 1 p.m. And this is after they screwed New Orleans this year. They told New Orleans they would get it this year and they sent it back to Vegas and then didn't sell out the stadium

either night. So, like, there's talk of every other wrestling company doing a thing on those nights, like, while W.W. is taking Saudi money, just having like an AEW and friends event. Just gang up on them? Yeah. Which should be cool as shit.

And I hadn't thought about it. Does this mean they're going to bring in somebody to sing God bless America in Saudi Arabia? I mean, they've done a number of. Yeah, so it'll be Bryce and DeShambow, actually. They've done a bunch of Saudi events and like they're always so. But does the weird patriotism thing happen over there also? I don't think I've watched one of the overseas events. Yeah, I don't, I don't pay much attention to, like, pregame fanfare, I guess.

But, I mean, I would assume it's mostly the same shit. Like, it's weird because it's very, it's even more nostalgia pandery, which is kind of hard to believe over the regular product itself. And, like, they make all the women cover up, like, from, you know, their necks all the way to their wrists and their ankles. Like, and which that feels so, like, sweaty. you know we're in all that for wrestling um other than that it's pretty normal you know but like it's a half a planet away and paid for by even worse money than um vince McMahon's I guess but let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's think in for a moment there are so many things

when you talk about Vince McMahon where you're like it's like we're talking Satan right and then the bar is there and is it above or below. That's kind of like what you're waiting through whenever you look at any of the stuff. And to be clear, I'm not any kind of a fanboy. It's like, I love train wrecks. That's sort of why I observed this shit. So that's my answer, Spencer, on how wrestling.

Okay. It was visually a sub-Satan train wreck, but Satan himself is no longer involved, mostly. Can I tell you sub-Satan train wreck? wreck is now the new standard, right? That we evaluate all subsequent WrestleMania is by. I played bass for sub-Satan train wreck

in college. Yeah. I was looking up. I was looking up y'all's second album. I think y'all should go back to your Scott origins, personally. This is my opinion. Never.

Ryan, that's the one we're going to. We're going to Saudi Arabia. We're going to WrestleMania. Saudi Arabia. Scotty Arabia. Is that what you're saying? We're going to take Scott aside. We're going to be, because like, now that they don't have golf, like, they're getting rid of golf,

like they're going to keep like Bryson, but they're going to get rid of all the other golf or whatever. So like, the game-changing golf league is like, oh, sorry, I guess we're all scurry back to the PGA. But anyway, they're going to take all that money and invest in Scott instead. Which they should have done in the first place. The most stable resource of all. That's right. SCA. It never goes out of style.

Oil will fluctuate. SCA will always be steady. Trombone washing. Once again. What is in this case, sir? It's the greatest weapon of all, and I open it. It's a trombone. Why was he executed in Saudi Arabia?

Because he wouldn't stop playing SCA. It's the only way to make that shit shut up. Half of America. is like, oh, tragedy! And the other half is like, yeah, they probably should have killed it. Oh, thank God, we have less ska here because we sent it elsewhere. That is one of our most divisive issues as a nation, as you just say the word scoff. Beloved, garbage!

Half the room flinches. Half the room starts skanking quietly. You think anybody's ever skanked on the floor of the United Nations? Not yet, Ryan. I think it's time. I think it's time. I'm assuming whichever, like, island culture it was ripping off, you know, like, maybe they have. Sure, sure.

Which, which, in that sense, like, because, like, the whole thing feels like a rip off of various Caribbean cultures or whatever. You know what I mean? So, like, I don't know. White people don't come up with dances is what I'm saying. So, like, whatever they were ripping off, maybe that happened. We now go to the delegate from less than Jake. Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's my pinpoint Scott imitation. Yeah, I think we should go to Saudi Arabia, Ryan. This is how we do it. You two? You two are going? Yeah, it sounds good. And the thing I'm excited about for sure.

I'm glad I didn't get mixed up in it. Oh, you want to go, you want to go, Jason? No, no, no, no. You think this sounds like a bad idea? You said Ryan should go. That was, listen, you know a place is great. when Anthony Bourdain gets invited, goes, shoots a whole show there, and is like,

ah! Like, the end of the side, like, I think he made some jokes about Saudi Arabia in one season. Then they did a show the next season. And in that show, he really does give it the college try, and he gets the full tour. And even at the end, he's like, there's an elaborate way of saying,

eh, not my favorite place. Are you glad you went? Uh, they had a hardies. I think that's his like Anthony Mourteen's great takeaway on Saudi Arabia was they had a Hardee's. Shoot, man. We can we can put WrestleMania in any number of cities with the Hardees right here at home.

That's remember, Hardee's within walking distance of the actual Kaba shrine at Mecca. Three of them. Three of them walking distance. Go to Google map. Yeah, that's how you make the Stargate. Yeah. The Hartgate. God, yes, there.

Hardies, their logo is a little. red star in it yeah once they once they merged with carles they stole that ship from carl's too are they are they not the same company is it not they are now but they got they got it from curls junior when so they were like look at each other and like we could we could we could or we could work together and become the fifth biggest burger company in the United States and it be good we will recite the shahada and go on the hajah together the red it's like annihilation you can only tell by the glimmer in the eye right

like it's hardies because it has the eye of Carl it has the little glowing star and that's right that's how I know it ate Carl's that yeah they're one new being evil Kirby if yeah I actually want a quarterback what speaking of Kirby update for you on the forecast get back give back Georgia coming in 12th right now not looking likely to this round behind illustrious schools great at football including Maryland, Illinois, Penn State, and Iowa, but still up top and with a lead that still looks pretty comfortable so far. Washington still coasting out to a very strong showing right now. Damn, Big Ten, catch up with the Pack 12 when you ever get around to it.

That's right. That's a Pac-12 team. Shit. No, that's ours. We get the Clay-Steal Valor from there. No, you don't. Shut up. I am pro stealing valor when it comes to conference. I'm sorry, which is why I think Conference USA should still claim all of the teams that were in it.

Yeah, we do. All 72 teams that have been in Conference USA. I think it's built here. It's just nice to look around FBS and know that like every single school received the tutelage of Conference USA. We were the great rocket. Forged in fire. Launched them to success. You ever been to Rustin?

The ancestral homeland of all of FBS. Start shaming the schools who haven't been there be like Michigan, O&O in Conference USA, Conference Play. What are you scared of? You even left the Big Ten at one point, but did you go to Conference USA? Conference USA is kind of the big bang. You know what I mean? Try it for a year, you big babies.

Yeah, Conference USA. You're scared to go to New Mexico State? Huh? Like, people are like, oh, promotion relegation would never work in college. Conference USA would make it work. Conference USA would absolutely take the worst team in the SEC for a year. There is no relegation. Conference USA is all promotion.

Because you can't fall any further. That's right. That's right. You know, I mean, I guess you could. You could be UMass. Like, wherever they are is a relegation. They're just walking relegation. How has UMass never been a conference USA football?

They suck too much. We wouldn't take them. We have standards, Ryan. First of all, they can't bowl for shit. Hey, we got a, we got a substantial donation from a UMass donor who donated for every loss the program had ever suffered. Oh my God. That's the way to do it. Big number.

How much was that? Quite a bit. Yeah, it was quite a bit. We all said Indiana donor who did the same and I was like, gangster. Oh, God. That's even worse. I'm better. They basically, they broke it up actually into two.

it was a pretty great creative way to do it. They were like, here's every program loss we've ever suffered, right? Like, like, yeah, yeah, it's part of the story, our struggle. And it was like, yeah. And then every loss we've suffered over the last two years, and they threw in another two bucks. Like, that's like a fee, right?

Like that barely even covers the processing. I do love that, though. It is the most jelly roll donation I've ever seen. Like, brother, do you ever lost 714 games? I have Never again though Never No we're up now

We're eating that good Blessed shot Blessed hearties now Florida currently doubling Georgia up And more Yeah Yeah That's not how this usually goes

Overall or in the Overall In the In the mini game Not so much In the overall leaderboard Florida at number four behind PTKU, Michigan, and Penn State.

Yeah. I love, man, can I be serious for one moment? I love so many things about PTKU that are probably very obvious. One thing that I especially love about it is that there were years when we worried that this wouldn't continue to be fun because Michigan is so good at this. And while Michigan is home to our largest single donor for a streak of many years, many years now. If you in it is a woman by the way. This is a Michigan ma'am. And if you took her out of the standings, uh, Michigan, if you took her donation out of the standings, that she does

donate quite a bit, uh, Michigan would still win and because they have more people donating. Um, we, we ran the numbers yesterday after day one and something like 60% of the donations are, uh, under $100 this year and 92% of the donations are under 93% of the donations. of the donations are under $500. But the thing I love about PTKU is that in whether you are throwing in just to show your support of trans kids, whether you're throwing in for PTKU because you like sharks or because you don't have a college football team or because you don't like the way that your football team or your university is conducting itself, we have quite inadvertently built a juggernaut to compete with Michigan. And it's taking literally every other school.

coming together under the banner of PTQU to contend with Michigan. Anyway, I love PTKU for all the community-based reasons that it exists for a year-round, but this week I love it on like a purely feral competitive level. Just great work, everybody. Speaking of Conference USA, Kennesaw State is currently beating half of the SEC, most of the Big 12, including Kansas State, the false KSU. Is it time to play our game? Uh-oh.

What happened? Hello. Hello? Hello? Yes. Okay. Hello? Everything stopped for a second there.

Brian, earlier when you said, when you yelled the fifth largest burger chain, it kicked me off entirely. Sorry. No, I think that you are leveling psychic blasts through the microphone that are just so powerful. Big Buford Blast! Redneck silence. lock over here. But it's right with the fifth largest burger. Zap.

Zap. Go away. Get out of my head, Charles. Eat a burger, juggernaut. Anyway, what was your question? So hungry. I was going to ask you. No, never mind.

Do this voice for a while. Charles but making me eat bad. What are you? I don't even know what you're trying to do right now. I think you're doing. hungry juggernaut. Oh, okay. But it's kind of like Michael Clark Duncan's juggernaut for some reason.

Yeah, like if juggernaut were trying to eat clean, but Charles was like, eat fat boy. Which, which. I don't know any universe where juggernaut is like, you know what? I'm counting my macros. This is very 2000s juggernaut. Like he tries to tone it down a lot. I don't know if he goes so far that Charles is.

like, listen, brother, I need you eating that dirt. I need you eating junkie garbage again. You're too skinny. Yeah. Well, I mean, I could see him doing it just to antagonize him because I was assuming, I was assumed Professor X's a little more maligned than he's portrayed as, right? Oh, yeah, total day. Like, juggernauts.

Yeah, juggernauts like, yeah, man, I'm just trying to get a little more cut. And Charles was like, oh, oh, really, huh? Be ashamed if you wanted a burger. Someone is making a decision for themselves. Yeah. Well. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I tried to run off tackle in the astro plane. Get it to get a fat boy. Bulk up. That's right. No, don't eat chicken fries. We won't be moving you to tight end, asshole. Can't stop thinking about McBread. No.

To our point, like three minutes ago, one very interesting thing that's happening with the conference races right now, Kennesaw State, chief among them, obviously, is that in almost every conference race, the gap between one and two is huge. Like, I think the current smallest difference we have is in the Mac where Buffalo leads Bowling Green by, looks like a little, a little over $300.

But most of them are places like Conference USA, where Kennesaw, led by Jason, is leading Delaware. an inferior bird, the blue hen, by well over $1,000. And in the SEC, where just like in real life, and I decided earlier today this is because, you know, the cocktail party is being played in Atlanta this year. It's moving out of Jacksonville for two years. It's being played once in, not in Athens, but in Atlanta. And I've decided that Georgia is already prepared

for how inevitably they will embarrass themselves in front of Florida, because you know. We all agree, right, that no matter how good this year's Georgia team is, they're going to do something real fucking stupid at that game because it's here. They'll look dumb. They might win, but they'll look dumb. I think Georgia is just preparing themselves emotionally by getting embarrassed by a Georgia-based organization or by a Florida-based organization ahead of time.

Like, Florida is more than doubling up Georgia right now. Oh, we have the PAC 12 is also close. Boise E is, I'm sorry, we had a lead change in the PAC, 12. Oh, go ahead. It was Washington State when we started recording. Oregon State is now ahead of Wazoo. Oregon State is never historically a strong contender in the Charity Bowl. And Boise is ahead of both of them.

Folks, sound off in the comments. This is how you learn Boise States in the Pack 12. Very, very funny. Dude, we were putting, I have one more complaint about putting these conference leader boards together, which is that we were checking them at like 10.30 Sunday night. And we realized we still had four schools out of position. one of which like I just forgot that Army's not an independent before and the best part is I also forgot that Army was not an independent last year and nobody said anything it was on the wrong board for all of 2025 and nobody said shit because it felt right that's right that's right yeah this is and then that's what I thought that we really should have I thought about doing this and I just didn't want to put up with the hassle I kind of thought about just moving Maryland back to the ACC board where it belongs and leaving it there because I was as we know they never they never left the aces put auburn there too fuck it no why not they got a lake

never shut up about the fucking lake it's not even a good lake the lake conference the acc auburn if you're that mad uh you should donate about it pissed i think we'd piss minnesota off yeah sure yeah oh god arbor's okay auburn's currently trailing south carolina and old miss in the charity bowl. Jesus Christ. The natural order is correct. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. I watched that Auburn Kentucky game. This all makes sense.

By the way, Missouri, if you ever wonder why we complain about having you in the SEC, it's because A, we don't like you, but also you're at 13th in the charity bowl right now. You are ahead of Arkansas, Vandy, and Missy State. And Texas A&M, who you should really try and be more like, is in

fourth. God damn. Hormuz gets clogged and all that A&M money's got to go somewhere. Texas is in seventh. Texas is behind both Oklahoma and Texas A&M. That Aggie money's rolling in. Where's that Texas money, Austin? Where's it at? That's true.

You sound poor. Longhorn sound poor right now. They're over $1,000 behind Oklahoma. Broke. Save it up for that Sark buyout. Tennessee. Saving up for that Sark. Buy out.

I mean, I'm hearing Texas fans, they spent all their money on, on all those transfers, all those big transfers for Arch. Now they're broken, poor. I just love.

Their transfer wizened. I just love the idea of like five or six A&M like boosters all in their, uh, their cigar bunker right now. Just glued to the news with bourbon in their hand, like, whoo, keep it closed.

Yeah. By the way, and I'm not going to name his name. A&M would be much, much, much, much, much, much further up the leaderboard. We have a long-time, five-figure Texas A&M donor who flipped his donation to P.T.KU this year. And let's just say he has some, he falls under the I'm Not Happy with the way my university is conducting business this year. Type of donation flip. So you're a loss, Aggies, but you're still doing good. Tell you what, best friend I ever had, Iraqi Republican or the Iranian Republican National Guard.

Yeah, the Republican Guard, whatever you call them. Them fellas. Did they have a mascot? Hormus. Hormus. Probably eagles or lions. Yeah, they feel very, that feels very like, yeah, whatever team they're on, I'm on. That's right. Every, well, it says cheetah, also lion. Okay.

Two Tis I root for, A&M, and who's ever blocking the straight? That's who? Whoever's flying them little drones? Listen, they're blocking the straight so we can block the run lanes this fall, okay? With the biggest horses this little money can afford. Coach Elko, you think we ought to get some of them drones? I told my son Clayton with a K that Davy Crockett didn't die at the Alamo so he could go into e-sports.

But after I see what these drone pilots doing over there, I tell you what? I'm sick of this run defense. That's why I've planted mines all over Kyle Field. learning from them that's what that offense looked like against man they didn't know where right here's right shit we stepped on one what we planted heard a cruise ship got through it sounds like some of that shit they do in austin on sixth street who said mines i ain't claiming that that's yours i got nothing to do with that offense that's a colorado school of yorns the cars and beck has made it through how oh shit that's a

nice career path for him. I hadn't thought about that. You think he's thought about like just going up there being part of Iron Dome? He does always look a little bit ceasing. Yeah. That's true. You're like, man, we haven't, we've been under a barrage for three days. Not one of them's gone through. Like, Gunner Beck. I just as you flip an iron dome over and it's an iron bowl. You think there's anything there? I don't know. Let's work on that. If there was, I think Bruce Pearl would have been better. at it but so like i'm saying keep it closed you can reach stephen godfrey at 38 got no shit just get out his phone number it's fine whatever um yeah if you give it out um yeah if you give 50 000 during this far so you can reach stephen godfrey at 615 2 3 27500 that is 615 2 3 2 750000 that is 615 2 3 2 750 0 0

All right, Washington has crossed $6,000 donated during the full-cast, get-back, give-back. I do think it is probably time for us to play the game that has been appointed for this week. Yes. I love games. We did. I have this concept. I think it's going to be America's most popular game show, but we have to pilot it here, okay? So you're on the ground floor of this investment.

Congratulations, partners. We're going to do a thing the Internet's very, very good at. which is naming some guys. But I think this is competitive naming of guys, like what you do in naming some guys competitively. And I think it would work best in front of an audience. But we're going to have to do this living room style with y'all, which is you approach the mic,

and you were given so many rounds. We're going to do four today. Four rounds, different categories of naming a guy. Now, when you name a guy, we're not talking necessarily about a legend. We're not talking about a cult figure even. Talking about a guy. Are we talking about the best name?

It's got to be a good name. But it also has to be like, fuck yeah, that guy, right? You can't come up and just name a bizarre name because it won't have any oomph behind it. We need some trauma. You need to approach the mic. And you need to say, for instance,

not choosing this name, okay? But if we were to do vintage college football players, I would approach the mic dramatically. The crowd would go quiet. And in a hush, I would go Sam Shade And I would go

Oh my God And they'd be like Man, it's like seven points I'm the Jets fan So I would boo Yeah You How dare you do that

To Sam Shade But that is how Our version Of naming some guys We'll go And we have four rounds With four different categories

I think One thing is The criteria There Could be flexible Because, like, perhaps it's about naming the most guy, guy, or perhaps it is more about the name itself. Like the NFL draft, it's an art, not a science.

Is it about the naming, or is it about the guy? It's perhaps both or both or it depends. Yeah, they let the Vikings do this, so I feel like we're pretty qualified. So we've decided to do four rounds, the first round being, modern college football. What does modern mean? I guess we'll find out. Yeah, we did not consult on this with each other.

Do we have a draft order, Spencer? I'm one that I am going to make up on the spot. And since you asked Jason, we'll start with you. That's the start of it's raining on prom night. Yes. And what is that? The official NFL draft theme music. Okay.

Not the part that sounds like the pick is in. No. Because we don't want to confuse that. No. It's right after this. But we'll start with you, Jason, first. Okay, modern college football. Please bring your guy.

So I thought a lot about I could go, like, let me go dig for something obscure. Let me like really like show off how many different college football posts I've looked at over the last 10, 15, 20 years, which is, gosh, it might be a million at. this point. I decided instead to keep it really simple, to go for the name that if you tell it to someone and they're not a college football fan, it is the single name most likely to make them say that can't be real. I am selecting, of course, former Tyler Juko, Oklahoma, and ULM coach, or a player, General Booty. Yes. Nephew of John David. Strong. God damn. Nephew of Josh. Like, for me, I'm not going to try to overthink it, right? Like, there's no reason to show off.

Just take what the defense is giving you and what they're giving you is a home run. Best name available, best player available. That's incredible, yeah. This was even, you know, we were primed as a society by the ascendance of John David Booty. Yeah. Yeah, we thought that was something. And still, still new heights were achieved. Damn. That's impressive.

Yeah, that's far. That's going to be strong. The rest of the first round is going to have to live up to that. Ryan, Ryan, you are on the clock. Or naming a guy. So the one thing I didn't clarify beforehand is I wasn't sure where Modern versus Ancient College football begins. But I'm confident that may come in later. I'm confident this guy counts for Modern. My guy hails from Pennsylvania. He has more career pass. He played at Michigan State, played in 40 games from Michigan State. He has more career passing attempts than Kirk Cousins, more completions than Connor Cook.

He has more interceptions thrown in Michigan State than anybody. And he is the single season leader at Michigan State for passing attempts and for yards, which he set in 2003. Do you know of whom I speak? More completions than Connor Cook? Yeah, career. Is it Jeff Smoker? It's Jeff Smoker.

Oh, God, he did it again. Oh, my God. Look how he froze. Mm-hmm. Look how he froze on the screen. Yep. Jeff Smoker, unfortunate to be on the scene at a time before. Oh, my God.

Did everybody disappear? I hear you. Whoa. No, I got you. Server. Server fucked with me there for a second. Well, your face is stuck in a funny picture. I can't see it.

Ryan, you look like... Your face is frozen. Like the end of the show when the gang is driving the car off the cliff. Yeah, sure. Sure. Right. I'll put it in slack so you can't see it. You look like crying Charlie Brown.

Serber, you keep making full screen, but I just see me talking. It's just very confusing. Oh, wait, you're back. Okay. Oh, yeah. That's terrible. Boy. Anyway, Jeff Smoker in the early aughts, unfortunate to be caught in that time where it definitely was, hey, cigarettes were out. We weren't doing that. But we weren't on to vapes. So he had no natural place for a smoker to go.

That's tough. I didn't think about that. Yeah. But I think now we can embrace a Pennsylvania Michigan state legend named Jeff Smoker. Man. Like, man. Jeff Smoker's an incredible name. That's a king of the hill ass. name right that is yeah yeah also if you watched him play jeff smoker was awesome because he'd be ass for a quarter i mean like you're like how did he ever play this game and then like third quarter would come on you're like jeff smoker's unstoppable so yeah that's my that's my modern college football guy damn that's i i oh two for two here man this is impressive holly holly you are up hello i am this is a dangerously high profile pick for a remember some guys draft, but this is a situation where I feel like those of us in this room

will be much more inclined to say, oh yeah, that guy's way too famous than the layperson out on the street. If I were to ask you to name quarterbacks who were more famous in their career for the hits they took while quarterbacking than for their quarterbacking themselves, even though they were very good and would go on to the NFL. Who's your first name? Rudy Carpenter. Correct. Also, every Michigan State quarterback.

Sure, and I'm glad I didn't go that way because that would have been dangerously close to Ryan's pick. I am taking Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State quarterback from 2005 through 2008, who famously in his junior season, I believe started all 13 games for Arizona State and took 55 sacks, which no one but David Carr during his time with Houston is allowed to look over it and be like, I feel you, brother. The other thing that I love about Rudy Carpenter is that that was his junior season throughout his career, even heading into his senior season after the 55 sack season, Rudy Carpenter was an inveterate shit talker behind the line, which is awesome because his offensive line was terrible and he would still get up there, line up before center and just jaw at the

defense, who he knew were about to not his dick and through. And this did not, this did not shut him up in any way. He also, he also, I remember was famous for wearing pink socks, just a man of, a man of limitless self-confidence with with the talent to back it up, if not perhaps, The talent surrounding him, I am going to drop his NFL draft prospect headshot. Oh, I've seen it. I've seen it. It looks like, you know Max Martini is the guy who played the dad, half of the father and son, Yeager pilots in Pacific Rim?

Rudy Carpenter looks like he's 45 in this photo. And I don't think you can run all of that down to him being redheaded and being in Arizona for four years. Let's see. He looks like he has a pension and he works for. for the phone company. Oh my God. That's a BYU quarterback who took an extra mission. That's a D.O.

This guy can only jump 29 inches off the ground. That's a DUI headshot. To be fair, maybe they sacked him in midair. I don't mean that like Rudy Carpenter looks drunk. I just mean he looks tired. Yeah, I would be. You would be too. Also, again, he took 55 sacks as a junior and came back as a senior.

Like for all to talk about, like, like, oh, the NFL prospects are too old these days. Oh, they're all 25. Like, dog, this man is 36. Mm-hmm. That's, yeah, Rudy, when people say, when people look at like Bob Hope's All-Star, All-American show. Yeah, Rudy Carpenter is an outbrane out.

He's like, see what this guy looks like today. When they're like, man, everyone on Penn State in 1985 looks like they're 40. You're like, Rudy Carpenter looks 40 here, buddy. He probably looks younger now. Yeah, he's not getting sacked. Remember that he got, he talked such shit and got sacks so hard that during the holiday bowl, the entire Texas defense was going, Rudy, Rudy. I believe at one point, like, I think it was Clay Matthews in one of their, in one of their USC games, just straight up, like, pulls Rudy Carpenter down by the face mask and one of the more blatant face masks that I've ever seen. And no one around him on either team even looks irritated.

They're just like not Arizona State for pulling Rudy down, not USC for getting a penalty. They're just like, yeah, well, you put your hand near him. That happens. Full Johnny Knoxville quarterback. Yeah. Love that, dude. God, that is, that is so strong. That is so strong.

All right, I think we're going to go four for four here. Okay? All right. I think we're going to go four for four because I have selected a player who is of mythical proportions, literally, figuratively, and in terms of legacy. I didn't make this any harder. I took Jason's route. Didn't make this any harder than it had to be because there is so much in this man's name

and so much in his career and so much in his background. I'm going to choose a true South Alabama Viking. I am going to choose someone who has, I think, a name that represents Alabama so accurately and in so many different ways. I'm going to choose someone who, yes, is from the modern era because he was at Alabama from 2008 to 2010. Shouts out to Foley, Alabama. I'm going to choose Atlanta Falcons Great

and Alabama Crimson Tide Great in his full name. Quintoris Lopez, quote, Julio, unquote, Jones, Jr. What my God, what a name. Okay. Okay. Hmm. Flag.

This is where I feel like you have aimed too high. Yeah. You think I aim too high? I think this is, I think in the spirit of guy remembering. This is like everybody remembers that guy. Right. Like, yeah, I think it's like, if. So you think there should be some effort.

Well, I think part of. Not the point of guy remember. I think part of guy remembering is, oh man, I haven't thought about X since Y and it's like I haven't thought about Julio Jones in a week maybe especially coming you know Atlanta I mean as a lifelong Atlanta Falcons fan I think about Julio Jones every morning I think the good Lord for creating for for manifesting as Julio Jones during his time on earth yeah that is not who I thought you were that is not who I thought you were going to pick when you said who did you think I was going to

you had a South well you were talking about you were talking about South, you were talking about South, a product of South Alabama, and you said he had a great name. I thought you were talking about 2020 South Alabama punter Corliss Waitman. Obviously, that's where everyone's mind went. That's incredible.

I think even staying on this franchise. He got drafted by the Steelers. Staying on this franchise. He wasn't drafted. He went to the Steelers, though. And staying on guys who at least played in the state of Alabama, like Roddy White would have been a more, remember some guy. Also, Corley Waitman, also from Belgium.

So you get, you get to like, Colley's Whiteman. So, yeah, I got to, I got to say, so far your draft gets enough for me. I'm sorry? That's all right. You know what? Wow. The experts.

Waitman's still in the league. He's on the 49ers. Hey. The experts have spoken. That's fine. So, but, like, Spencer, if you were in a, let's remember some guys circle up. with the fellas.

I probably would have gotten a week, yeah. Would you like, would you turn to them and be like, be Jean Robinson? You'd be like, uh, Taylor Swift. Wait, I just realized that. There were some guys. Abe Lincoln. Spencer, I just realized this is your memento brain handicap, isn't it? Because this is like, you forget everything that's happened this morning.

All guys are new. Julio Jones is brand new and far away to you at the same time. Yeah, sure. Because you have like psychic astigmatism. That's true. Because you know my first pick was, I was like, I don't know if this is quite good enough. Captain Munnerland. That would have been better.

All right. Then, respectfully, can I, can I pull an anti-Malcite? Yeah, sure. Pretend you did that. Yeah. Because, like, first of all, we can't afford Julio Jones. No. All right.

Then I'm going to go back. We're going to go with Captain Munerlin. Great pick. Great pick, Spencer. That's a great pick. Serber are you. A good player, too. Yeah, I feel like there's a draft where the, the more recent.

sent the guy the lower profile he has to have been right like if you're if you're taking both a if you're taking both a recent player and one who was an NFL star you can't do that all right we'll go captain munerlin great pick it's going to draft like madonna in the next round right that's how'd you know god damn all right are we doing now do you get to go first now spencer yes if you can okay i'll go first now And I'm going to take Madonna off the board, who I had. She was a good ancient college football player. Fitz Lombardi. Yeah.

No, this is, I think I adhered to the letter of the law here. Now I just really want to know what your concept of remember some guys is, though. Well, here we go. We've got ancient college football, and I'm going to select Dick Bumpus. Dick Bumpus, a 1970, All-American Defense line from the Arkansas Razorbacks. Dick, that's B-U-M-P-A-S. My favorite part is it sounds like a misheard version of Dick Bucketis, right? Yeah.

This is like you chat GPT, Dick Butkus, and it comes up with this picture. Create an exact copy of Dick Butkus. That's not it. Yes, Dick Bumpus. And next in reverse order, I believe we have Ryan. No, it's Holly. It's true. It's Holly.

Okay, Holly. Didn't I go third? Are we serpentining? Yeah, we are. Yep. Oh, okay. Hang on. With the second pick of our 2026 mock draft a contraption of our own invention,

I have selected a standout member of the 1992 Alabama National Championship football team, wide receiver Prince Wimbly. Now, Prince Wembley is notable for a couple of reasons. first memorable name. This is even on a 1992 Alabama Crimson Tide Consensus Napal Championship team that included such other names as

Chris Mangum and Lamansky Hall. And some other folks you may have heard of like Davoswini and a George Teague. Anyway, on that staff, by the way, on Gene Salling staff that year, Mike DeBose, Ellis

Johnson, and Mal Moore. Among others. Wow. So anyway, but Prince Wembley, after his time at Alabama, played for kind of a guy remembering series of teams himself. He played for the Arena League and the CFL. But among the teams he played for, the Las Vegas Posse, the Birmingham Barracudas,

and the Memphis Pharaohs, which are very, like, guy remembering coded teams themselves. But anyway, I picked Prince because he is, the subject of one of my all-time favorite sporting headlines. This is in the Orlando Sun Sentinel, December 1992, David O'Brien. He's no introvert, this Prince of Tides. Wow. Sorry, sorry, I'm just going to read the little first part.

From their uniforms to their interviews to their touchdown celebrations or lack thereof. the rule in Alabama football has always been keep it bland. I like it when they just say this kind of thing. There have been exceptions, Joe Namath, Kenny Stabler, and it seems appropriate that perhaps the biggest current exception, the most outspoken and demonstrative of this Bama team, hails from Miami, home of the tide's swaggering sugar bowl opponents. Meet Prince Wembley, Alabama flanker,

and man of a thousand or so nicknames, though Prince is not one of them. them. It's his father's name. This man literally did a please. My father's name is Prince. Call me, our knave. Dr. Wembley. Squire.

Anyway, that's all. Prince Wembley. Strong. Very strong. All right. I may be verging into Spencer territory here because I'm going to give you a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

But I think this will probably work for purposes of college football. I'd like to take Florida Gator Jack Youngblood. I don't know if this isn't there for will allow it. I have not thought about this guy in a very long time. I think about him every morning. I kind of do, actually. I'm not sure I know he is.

Okay. So Jack Youngblood plays. So he's 76, which means Spencer grew up watching him. I went to class with him. Jack Youngblood played at Florida from 1968 to 1970 to give you a sense of where he was. He has been an NFL person to know who this is. He played for the Rams. He was a teammate.

Yeah, it was a teammate on the same line with Rosie Greer. I'm also deeply confused by there being a Florida Gator football player in the 70s. Yes. What? This is the first time hearing about any of this. So amongst his accomplishments, he was part of the team that was the unwitting test subjects for Gatorade. I do know who this is. And I'd like to read you this quote.

Dr. Cade began experimenting with Gatorade my freshman year. He tried to kill us all. That first stuff was lethal. It was thick like syrup and had an aftertaste. Then it started to look like milk. Then it started to look like milk. So then they made it neon yellow. If you told me this was that guy, I would have been like, oh, yeah.

Yeah. I would have been able to identify his name. Yeah. Jack Youngblood also in like true old school college football form. He kicked a career long 42-yard field goal that ended up being the margin of victory in his first collegiate game. Hey, Ryan, was he a kicker? No, he played defensive line. Sure.

So yeah, I would like to know. The longest scoring streak in all of college football. Still alive. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Also, his name was Jack Youngblood. So. And do we know anything about how he played a Super Bowl, Ryan?

Can you, can you, I'm going to, I know he had a, what was it he fractured? It was it his armor's leg. A leg. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah. He played a Super Bowl on a broken leg.

That is in a tradition of Jack Gungbug playing with missing parts. He did not believe it was necessary to have all of your bones to play a football game or even functional organs. There are stories of him in Florida of like, yeah, I don't know, Jack fell on a pipe and he's impaled on it. He got three sacks and seven tackles for loss. He's just a gamer. He's just a gamer that guy. Yeah. He had a consecutive games played streak in the NFL that lasted until 1984 when he had to sit out his first football game since he had been a collegiate player in 1970.

And it was because he'd ruptured a disc in his lower back two weeks earlier than that. Yeah. Jack Youngblood. the body debatable concept he shouldn't be alive yeah young blood but like everything else in him is gator great he was also he was also nominated for an Emmy for best supporting actor for his work in something called cat squad colon python python wolf what jack blunk young blood cat squad python you want to talk about metal gear shit that sounds like you activated a sleeper cell

Uh-huh. You just did. Me! That's an Alachua County sleeper cell activation code. Yeah. That's a summer soldier. His autobiography was just titled Blood. Fuck.

Is it possibly he's the coolest man ever born? Again, don't overthink it, man. What should I call my autobiography? Blood. I apologize to reverend. in Youngblood, I was unfamiliar with all aspects of your game. Like, he's in the pro football Hall of Fame, he's in the college football Hall of fame, he's in the, his name is in the Gators Ring of Honor. I think he's the first Florida player to have his number retired.

But none of it is for, none of it is for, none of it's for the important stuff. None of it's for Python Wolf, that's for sure. You know, Python Wolf was the sequel to Cat Squad with Jack Youngblood. Jack Youngblood was also in Cat Squad one. Oh my God. The entire Cat Squad averse. Wait, William Friedkin directed this? Yes, 100%.

Sick. It's all like, he plays a Secret Service agent who hated big cities like Washington, D.C. in New York and was banished to Alaska. This is spent, this is the original scores composed by Ennio Morricone. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Catsquals were hard. This is a TV movie. Did Enio McCorn?

Did Morricone have? have gambling debts that I did not know about. Yes. This is written by the same, this is the same brain trusted. Oh shit, Miguel Ferrear's in this. Yeah. At the age of like 56, he was the co-host of Walmart's Great Outdoors for four years. Yeah.

Whatever that means. This man did everything. I'm sorry. Morricone also composed the scorch two cat squad itself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was a big, big fan of craps. Okay. evidently because man he's doing some work this is the same brain trust that put together to live and die in L.A., man. Baby Bradley Whitford is in this first one. Brian, this is our best poll so far.

Thank you. I'm just reading this wiki page. There's so much other stuff. Yeah, it's a lot. Wait, wait, wait. The first Cat Squad was praised by critics? Listen, he got nominated. Holly, he got nominated for an Emmy for the sequel to Cat Squad.

I'm confused because I've never heard of this. And I love movies like this. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, it was Cat Squad was praised by critics for having an intelligent script. I get, like, I'm confused that there's a movie called Cat Squad Python Wolf that I don't own on VHS. It aired on NBC. Of course. Filming took place in Baja, California, and Montreal. I like how everybody is silhouetted in flames in on the cover of Python Wolf's VHS case,

but they make Deborah Van Valkenberg stand sideways so you can see your tits. That's right. That's crap. That's right. That's cinema right there. By the way, Jack Youngblood prior to the 1981 season, had emergency surgery to remove a hot dog sized blood clot from under his left arm. Might have been a hot dog. Wait, hot dog sized or shaped? Hot dog sized blood clot. Literally a hot dog.

Yeah. That is, okay, that's a unit of volume that I was not previously aware of. I bet. I bet you're going to think about Jack Youngblood a lot more after this segment. I am now. I'm going to go watch Python Wolf. This guy has been remembered. Hang on, I got to go find letterbox reviews for Python Wolf.

This is a third. Also, is he from Jackson? You fucking know he's from Jacksonville. Fuck Tim, Timo. What a man. And all to, whoa, whoa. I don't know anybody who's seen this movie. Boo.

And look, I'm sorry. When he was helping Merlin and Phil Olson with their summer camp in Logan, Utah, a fight in the parking lot of a bar resulted in young blood having a 44 stuck in his eye. And the trigger pulled. and fortunately the chamber was empty, although other chambers were not. Dude, he would have played with a missing eye. That's I was going to say. Jack Youngblood's like, it's another day. The only quote on his IMDB page where both of the Cat Squad movies have four out of ten star ratings, which is the sweet spot.

The only quote from Jack Youngblood is when asked in 1984 about his modeling contract, quote, football is something I'm into maybe six months of the year, but underwear. Well, that's day in, day out. What wisdom. What a guy. Jack Youngblood, come on the full cast. Maybe the greatest Florida gator of all times. I'm just going to say, by the way, early returns, Mel Kuiper Jr. has this as the number one class, Ryan, after this pick.

There is no way I can top. that pick, but I still have, I have a decent one. It's not going to compare, so don't get your hopes up. I feel like, I feel very much like the Jets right now, right? Let's not get our hopes up. We're picking for the future. However, there was a point when this upcoming guy was considered the greatest football player ever. He was the first professional football player. He was a three-time All-America. He was, for his time, he was massively powerful, which means he was six, three, two, ten. all right yeah we're talking about just like the biggest person that most people had ever seen we're going with uh Yale lineman pudge hefflefinger who uh 1888 through 1891 he was just like this monstrous figure right right like this is this is Trent the Trent Williams of his time at 210 pounds um also I want to talk about the way he was described uh this is a a I think

I think this was one of his assistant coaches described him as the freshman Heffelfinger looked like the most demure, gentle, self-effacing individual that could be imagined. His usual posture was head bowed, shoulders, stopped, eyes to the ground with no idea whatever of his marvelous power and natural nature-given ability. Like, apparently this massive, quote-finger's gigantic individual was just so gorgeous that he made his assistant coaches talk about him in the horniest ways that you just don't see any. more probably it's probably a good thing but um he went on to be cowl's first head coach uh he also coach lehigh in minnesota first pro football player um pudge heffle finger is there a picture of this man yeah yeah yeah you can gaze upon the beauty i'm i'm actually hesitant to do so like prepare yourself he looks like uh he looks like a 1800's channing tatum yeah he looks handsome no that's a handsome man you'd fuck this dude no it's a

big square head. But you know what this means though? When they're like, ah, to gaze upon him, that meant he looked amazing coming out of the shower. That meant that every coach was like, that's a sexy man. Look at that. He's got several teeth. He's got all 14 of his teeth. All 14 of government-approved teeth.

That's a provider. This is the time in college football when you were allowed to just punch people in the face, right? So like, wow, he's got most of his bones still. Actually, he was doing that. He was doing the face-maxing, the hammer-smashing and stuff. That's how he just jog got like, hey, bro, punch me in the face for three hours, and I'll be even more jizzled. I'll look even better, yeah. This is, this is a guy they're like,

yes, he hasn't had a single digit ripped off in farm equipment. You just got 1800s mogged. Yeah. What a pick, Jason. That's incredible. It's decent. I feel fine about it. No, I mean, that's good. He's no Jack Youngblood, but it's not going to be. Yeah. For the third round. He was the Jack Youngblood of his time. It was the 1800s Jack Youngblood. I'm comfortable with that. They didn't have cat squad at the time. So what was he supposed to do? The next round, we're pivoting away from college football. We're going with all sports in general. And again, I am going to follow the same tactic that led me to General Booty. Not going to overthink it. I'm going to go with a name that for my entire life, I have barely been able to

wrap my mind around this being real, this being a person. I'm still not entirely convinced. Dick Trickle. Come on down. Oh, man. Yeah, that's really good. That's really good. Fuck. His name's Dick Trickle. His name is Dick Trickle.

And, like, people just say that, like, it's okay to say, you know? Like, like, you could turn on the television, not even be looking for NASCAR and, like, just have someone saying that name to you. There was a time when you could watch NASCAR and hear them say, Dick Trickle in the lead. Now let's get under the pits with Jack. root. It's messed up. Real things that got uttered. Also, can I pause to give a

Southern accolade to Jason? I have been around NASCAR my entire life. We were very much a racing family growing up. I have never heard in all the various Southern accents that have entered and exited my life. I don't think I've ever heard anybody add an extra syllable to the front

half of NASCAR the way you just did. It was like NASCAR. And I just wanted to say I really admire that. I thought that was a two-syllable ceiling and you punched through that. Huh. I think I'm probably greatly embellishing it because it's not at all part of my mental vocabulary. So like to me it is like far more southern than I would be in that rural sense, you know what I mean? So to me it's like it's going to get an accent beyond the one that I might or might not have at any given time. It really worked though. I was I was very impressed by

that. that's the strong one Dick trickle Dick trickle Well now I feel derivative But so I went to baseball Because I feel like baseball If we're allowed to include nicknames

You've meant such a commanding lead You could say whatever you want at this point You're in gravy time man Give me 19th century Baseball pitcher Cannonball titcomb Cannonball was not his real name

It was Liddell Titcombe was his real less Nets. Yeah. Yep. You know, we do this so much. Why can't we ever just be like, Cannibal's my last,

like, why do we swap, why can we swap first names for whatever we want, but not family names? His mother. I don't really want to search it, but like is titcombe a bird or something?

That's titmouse. Unclear? No, titmouse is a bird. Yeah. No, wait, titmouse is a mouse. I mean, there might be a bird called a titcombe. There is a tit bird. I forget what it is.

Yep. I think it's just called tit. Most confusing, it seems that Cannonball has been... Oh, but the word derives from Tit Mouse. Sorry. It seems that Cannonball has been applied to him after his death. So he was never called Cannonball in life, but for some reason, they've decided to call him Cannonball in death, which is... Is that how he died? Very confused. Maybe. Let's see. Holly is next, correct, or is it me?

Yeah, hello. I have perhaps... the semantic opposite of these names. I have selected with my third round pick, Chinese women's tennis player Lee Na. Okay. Yeah. She was the first Chinese player to win a WTA tour title. She was the first to reach a major singles quarterfinal,

the first to reach a major singles final, and the first Chinese women's player in the top 10. I enjoyed following her early in my career because I was covering a lot of tennis at SB Nation. She was so funny when she, in these interviews, like it's when they're, when they're players who have a language barrier in interviews, like in these on-court interviews after major conferences, it can get super fucking awkward. And she always had this way of like just turning it, turning it into like something light and something funny.

And you know, the players are never the ones making it awkward. It's always like the journalist. But she had this one interview with Mary Carrillo where it was like, her English was very, her English is very good. Like, Lina's English is great. But it's almost like it, she, it was like she had to spend time figuring out what she wanted to say, you know, at say the French Open. And so it kind of removed a filter on what she would say.

and she would be like a little less diplomatic than a lot of other players would be. She had this one French Open match in 2011 against Francesca Giovanni. And she told Mary Carrillo after her, she was like, you know, Francesca's a little older than me, so I wanted to keep her running, which is just, it's very honest. It doesn't sound like, you know, it doesn't, it's not up there with football trash talk, but for tennis, this was wild. It's powerful, yeah. And she had one other great moment with Mary Carillo, who, after she won the French Open, and she raises the cup, and she's like, she's like happy and giddy.

And she's doing her post-trophy championship interview. And Mary Carillo goes, you'll never have to buy a drink in China. And she just kind of gives her this little blank look because they're like, that's an idiom, right? She doesn't know what that means. And so Mary tries again, and she goes, everyone's going to buy you drinks. And she goes, oh, yes, I think I will drink a lot. I love her so much. Anyway, thank you, Lena, for many, many years of watching you play just kick-ass tennis

and for making many Saturday morning news desk shifts of mine a lot more entertaining. Jason and I had similar paths. I did not choose. I was going to go between two NASCAR drivers, and I opted for Curtis Turner. Curtis Turner. Does anybody know anything about Curtis Turner? No.

Okay. One, you got to know he's from Floyd, Virginia. Ooh. Yeah. Two, his parents were bootleggers. Three. Three. Well, never caught with alcohol.

All right. he did get into I don't even know where Floyd Virginia is He did get into a gunfight And an escape from a military base Where he He was found at his dad's house With a bullet riddled car and 500 pounds of sugar

That he stole for a military base Can't prove shit He said it was to make apple butter Oh man this is This is nowhere Sylvania. The best I can do for, okay, the best I can do for Floyd, Virginia, Serber, you'll appreciate this. If you get up to Mount Airy and you just keep driving north and you hit Blacksburg, you've gone too far. Yeah. Like if you try, it's, this place is more into

Nowheresville than Fancy Gap, home of Frank Beamer. Yeah. What you got to know about him. One, his nickname was the blonde blizzard of Virginia. He was nicknamed Pops, but not because he was old, but because he would pop people on the racetrack with his car. Just an absolute OG. Yeah, just a guy who was one of the first guys that he was in the group that came up with the Daytona 500, basically racing at Daytona. There's a story about Curtis. what he tried to unionize NASCAR, got fucked over in the process, but still tried it.

He also, there's a story about Curtis that made me think he was cool forever, which is he was in the pits, and he had done a Dale Earnhardt, right, or Dale Earnhardt had done a Curtis Turner, had knocked a guy on the track and taken him out of the race, and he was in the pits working on his car, and the guy came up behind him with a wrench, seeking to knock him out with said wrench, and Curtis Turner reached into his suit, pulled out a pistol and said, hey, where are you going with that wrench? And the guy said, well, Curtis, I was just going to set it down right here for you. There you go, buddy.

He turned around and walked away. Also, Curtis Turner, because he was a race car driver, he didn't die racing in a car. He died flying a plane. That's right, with his buddy, Clarence King, the golfer in it. I love it not in consultation, two of you. you picked race car drivers. Curtis Turner's so cool. Also, he's named Curtis.

Curtis is just a badass name. So yeah, there's my guy. Curtis Turner. It's so cool to be a race car driver named Turner. You know what I mean? Literally. Talk about, talk about nominative determinism. Yeah.

Curtis Turner is one of the coolest dudes that people generally do not know about. Strong. All we go to round four. Final round. This is when it all comes down to this. Yes. This is going to be non-athletes is the theme of this round. Yes, non-athletes. And since we are going in reverse order, I'm going to make my brief. Rip torn. Damn. That's way too famous.

Rip-tor. No, rip-torn. I'm just name, fame, taking it. Rip-torn. You know what I need him for? Stuff. Is he like the 1,000th most famous actor? I mean, yeah, he might be. It's way higher than that. You think? Yes. Maybe it. Maybe it's. Okay, you're too old to have been in school when Dodgeball was like the beating heart of a generation of cinema. I am old enough to know that he beat up Norman Mailer on film with a hammer. That's Patches-O-Hulahan.

Yeah. So I'm going to select Rip Torn. All right. Great pick. All right. We're going to have an intergalactic kegher on our hands. We have a selection from, uh, right? Ryan, since he has had to depart, I am going to be announcing his pick for him.

All right. Don't fuck this up. I am not going to pick. I'm not going to fuck this up because, man, the legend, the man, the myth, the legend, he is selecting Luther Ronzoni, Vandross, Jr. Which if you did not know. Is that a different Luther Vandross? That is Luther Vandross's given name.

Okay, so there's not two. There's not two. The reason I ask will become apparent with my pick. So we're strongly emphasizing the middle name here. Luther Ronzoni, Van Dross. Luther Vandross also too famous for a guy remembering. But did we know the Ronzoni part? Wait, is he like a pasta sion?

He is not. Now, mind you, Luther Vandross, among his other accomplishments, was the founder of the first Patty Lapelle fan club. That's my favorite Luther. Was this after he was already famous or before? This is when he was in high school. Okay. Oh, that's way better.

It is way better. Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, Ryan has selected a powerful pick, Luther Ronzoni, Vandross, Jr. Solid. Solid. Holly. The reason I asked if this was a different Luther Vandross is because I have selected with my fourth pick,

Jonathan Richard McDaniel, known, and. an actor and rapper known by his stage name Lil Jay. This is not the same rapper, Lil Jay, who would later become young Jeasy and then Jeezie. This is Lil Jay who played Raven's boyfriend and later ex-husband on the Disney Channel shows That's So Raven and Raven's Home. Wow. Okay. This is a solid pick. Jason.

And finally, closing us down, a young man was born in 1916 in Runji, Texas. What? Wow. A town that is now 900 people. So imagine what it was like 100 years ago. The son of, of course, Floyd and Amanda King. The young man's name, as recorded on the census, was Pervert King.

Now later, a World War II draft registration card indicated his name might have been intended to be purvey king, like PVRVET. However, it is recorded that according to the documents, the U.S. Census documents, there was a young man in Runchy, Texas, named Pervert King. That's so much pressure. your people, Pervert King. That's so much pressure out of young man. The Charleston Pervert Kings. Imagine being a totally vanilla guy, you know what I mean?

I'm not really into all that. He never had to be on the apps. Pervert King never had to be on the apps. Everybody thinks I'm into all type of shit. Nope, nope, just pretty straight-laced. What are you looking for in a woman? Simple. Simple.

I ain't ready for all this despite my name. Come on and cuddle with the pervert game. You want to go on a very normal date? Hi, I'm Pervert King. Normal, I emphasize. I am the most normal. There are seven people in Rungey, Texas, and I am the most normal. Mama, daddy, I met somebody.

This is pervert. These are my four children. There's not even a good nickname out of that. This is purvey. Perv. My four children, pervert, racist, crime, and beefy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, his brother's name was Lloyd.

Lloyd King. Oh, come on. A normal name, right? Like, what are we going to call the second one? It's French. This is the dark side of letting one parent choose names for one child, and then the next one gets to pick one. Yeah, like mom went with Lloyd, normal, name. It's a name, right?

And dad's like, watch this. This is absolutely a dad selection. Dad said watch this in the delivery shanty or wherever they were delivered. Behold, the one who was prophesied. My apprentice. He has arrived to do nasty weird. The list of things he's into incomprehensible. That's an anime from like 1991.

again again metal gear it was is real pervert demon king they call them the pervert king hey man you want to come over to my house i got a 12 pack of surge we can just ride our bikes over there we can watch pervert demon king three hey my buddy's coming over cool his name's pervert king we'll invite his brother what's his name lloyd class we have a substitute teacher today Mr. King. What's your first name? We don't talk about that. No, you know how substitute teachers

like sometimes will let kids call them by their first name like to gain rapport? Right, yeah, because I'm a cool teacher. My name's Mr. King, you guys can call me pervert. Call me pervert. Call me pervert, he said. Coolest substitute teacher ever. Like we all just get to shout the word pervert.

We love this guy. Somebody dig up Herman Melville and tell him we found a better name for his dumb-ass book. call me pervert he was on the high seas looking for sperm and cuddles that's what the cuttlefish is the book is about it's whale facts and cuddles right it's not actually about that's no that's literally that is what the book is about it's about i'm so damn cold and lonely i'm not a pervert i just need snuggles yeah that's why they call it cuddlefish that's right and then when the intimacy comes too much

becomes too much. Ink. Disappear. Time to do something manly. I didn't spend all night. Cuddle in with the homies. Spencer, you were talking about a mostly useless superpower. I think that's the one I would want. I just want to be able to shoot ink.

It doesn't, it's not acid. It doesn't blind my enemies or anything unless I can hit him right in the eyes with it, Mario Kart style. I just want to be able to like shoot ink out of the palms of my hands. Yeah. And disappear. At any time. An unlimited amount of ink.

Or just stay there. Just shoot ink. You know, she's still here. Oh, yeah, I would not use this for disguise. Remember, kids, Moby Dick, a classic about snuggling with the bros at sea. That makes me so much better. It's fantastic. You're going to learn so much about whales and cuddling.

Whales and cuddling. If it was just a book of whale facts, I would have found it much better. It's like a third of me. It is a book of whale facts. There's other shit in there and I'm impatient. Not that much shit, to be honest. I don't care what happens of these people. Just give me the whale facts.

FACs. Show me the whale facts. Yeah. Show you the whale facts and then cuddling with the homies and see that's possible that my it's possible that the person whose idea of a good video game is let's go look at some fish has a different idea of what good entertainment means. No, no Herman Melville let's go look at the fish. He would have locked the fuck in on that game. You're telling me I don't have to write about them. I just get to I have a device full of fish. This is the most affection I've ever felt towards him.

Future's amazing. You know, I think it's time for podcast business. Oh, God. Yeah. Podcast business. What's a business? Podcast business. It's a business.

Podcast business. Cuddling with the homies on the high seas. We're all cuddling and got a blanket and we've got some well facts. So speaking of the high seas and the run. romance and knowledge that are both available for you out there if you take to them. I am obviously because Washington Huskies have been the smartest, bravest, and most moral university, based on the most recent update I've heard. I'm looking at Homefield Apparel.com, and I'm looking at Washington gear.

And holy shit, this is a great collection. You got the Bow-Down Puffy Hat. I just recently bought the Almost Heaven West Virginia Puffy Hat. This is a strong consideration as well. It's pretty aggressive if you're not to Washington. If you're around people who don't know what Washington University of Washington is. Also, the main thing I want to talk about is this sailgating shirt. Strong.

Very 80-style, almost a little bit vapor wave sailgating. Phenomenal shirt. And just so much more, so much more. This is, as folks, as always, is our usual segment, looking at homefield apparel.com for clothes we would like to own. Yeah, get you a sale. Listen, bow down. Wolf Wolf, get you some UW gear at homefield apparel.com. I also recently acquired the, they have a new Jackie Robinson collection.

Jackie Robinson was a college athlete for those who don't know. UCLA, he played every sport. He was good at all of them. All of them. He was one of the best college football players in the country. He was one of the best track athletes in the country. And then, oh, by the way, might have been the best second baseman ever. no big deal as a professional but like uh extremely good extremely cool UCLA Jackie

Robinson stuff new at homefield apparel.com I also got my kid you had another UGA thing because there's a lot of those next next our our patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast is our Patreon there are stuff there and I just want to throw this I just want to say this if you like that that 30 seconds where we started talking about an X-Men football lineup I haven't told this to anyone, but I have a complete X-Men starting 22. It's unimpeachable. No one could do it better. I have it written down. I don't know if we'll get to it. I don't know if we'll do that on our Patreon. But I have floated it at a time in a past and, you know, if it ever ends up anywhere, that's where it'll go. Patreon.com slash shutdown forecast. I would like to hear about this.

I'm just going to go ahead and put a vote in for that right now. Just to tantalize people. and also for my own edification because I have thoughts. Can you answer one question? Possibly. Possibly. Possibly. What side of the ball did you put Colossus on? That's an offensive line, man, without question.

Okay, okay. Interesting. He's a protector. He's not a violent guy by nature. He's just huge and strong. He's more a protector than an attacker. And also there are additional roster reasons why Colossus would be on the offensive line.

You want to pair him with people he would care the most about protecting. Hmm. Hmm. I see the psychological, the psychological manipulation. So you've got kitty back there in the slot. Sorry, I'm not giving stuff away. Kitty's are running back. Literally no one can tackle her.

Yep. Okay, good. That's it. You get two. That's it. That's it. Two's free. Understood.

You have to pay for the rest on the full cast Patreon, which you can join for. $4 a month. and receive bonus material. Unless you want to, you know, give us $1,000 a month or the, uh, what was our, $10 million tier? Yeah, uh, 70, $70 million. We will all retire. Yeah.

We'll give you the feed. Yeah, for the rest of our lives. You do it for 10 years and you skip a payment. We're taking it back over. That's right. We're back on the air. It's only fair. What, what, I would love that that if they stopped and we put an episode, they're like,

oh no. What the fuck? My card expired. Oh no, hold on. Let me get that back on there. Next, it's lightning around it. Channel 6.

That's channel dash 6. That is the newsletter that Holly and I put out. Two things a week for the low price of $10 a month. This week we're going to have a seminar where I'm going to help if you are an interested

future donor to the charity bowl. I will concierge service you. I will give you. a team based on your preferences, personality, and your general vibe. I will give it you a team to donate for, and perhaps who can say to root for and enjoy a relationship for the rest of your college football life if you are unaffiliated or looking for a new squad. I will do that for you on a channel 6 live webinar. Additionally, you'll get our free nudist letter on Friday if you sign up with your email. That's channel dash 6.ghost.io. Next.

I write a newsletter for the athletic. It's called Until Saturday. It's almost entirely about college football, though. Around this time of year, it's about this Oklahoma softball woman who's basically like Mecca Barry Bonds. She's going to hit roughly. The scientists are still trying to tabulate. She's going to hit about 80,000 home runs during her college career. So we're monitoring that situation.

Until Saturday is the name of the newsletter that's kind of about the NFL draft and kind of about college softball, but also sort of college football. additionally during the rest of Charity Bowl week if you are looking for a fun number with which to donate and maybe your school hasn't won a whole lot of stuff recently and you like some help digging up a historical number hit me up on blue sky and I'll get to it when I get to it we'll get it done before before the deadline but like you know if you want if you want a fun number I'll look up and suggest one I I got this idea from the Indiana fan who was looking up for their exact number of all-time lots

So, yeah, blue sky. Hit me up. Next. Hand in the dirt is a podcast I do. Listen to it. Phantom Island is a podcast I produce. You can get it for free in the middle of the week and you got to pay for the second one. That money goes to Ryan Nanny and Stephen Godfrey.

So I'm going to spend accordingly. Beyond that, Killer Ants is my band. We spell our name with a Z. We have a new song out this Friday call You Once Love Rock and Roll. Listen to it when it comes out. bang as for the um the the the this episode charity bowl component is uh is Washington is Washington the winner did someone take take let me check it is currently 4 p.m. on the dot Washington is ahead with six thousand one hundred and thirty four dollars donated in the last two

hours the next closest team Michigan has edged into third pass PTKU but Michigan is a distant second at three thousand eight hundred $745. Michigan, you will have to content yourself. It looks like with your current overall lead of board standings of $78,975. There you have it. Seattle, it is. All right. Washington fans, get at us. Let us know some great community organizations in and around Seattle. Let us know if you've got any mutual aid funds we should check out. And next week, we will tell you where we are making Spencer send money. I almost forgot. I said I would announce one more thing on the show. We had a website last year set up for our post-charity bowl screening of Goodfellas, which was called Spencer owes me 400 beers.org. This was named because Spencer promised to drink a beer for every $10,000 that we went

over the stretch goal a few years back and forgot. And at some point, somebody decided to add compound interest to that. And anyway, we decided that 400 was a fair number of beers for Spencer to buy for people. We, putting on a screening of Goodfellas on a weekend that a Marvel movie is opening or a DC movie is opening is very expensive, as it turns out. So Spencer had to spend $4,000 of his own money.

Yeah. To put on this Goodfellas screening last year. So we surveyed some local friends of ours by which, I mean, I put every Georgia fan I knew in a group chat and said, hey, guys, what is a fair market price for a beer? And the answers that I got were all between $5 and $8. So if we do the math there, and Georgia fans again, stay with me, this is math. And we divide the 400 beers that Spencer owed by, or sorry, we multiply it by the $5. Sorry, Tennessee education here, we get $2,000.

So if you say that a beer is $5, Spencer actually bought eight, Spencer actually bought 800 beers for everybody last year at Goodfellas. And if you say that a beer is $8 and then it gets, the math gets even funnier. Because that means that Spencer bought 500 beers. And so either way, I'm. I am here to declare as the self-appointed commissioner of how many beers you hold. Spencer, after however many years it's been, nobody really knows. Your debt is paid. You can now move on to forgetting to do the next Charity Bowl stretch goal.

I feel good about this. I think at this point the world owes Spencer beers. Yeah, I would, you know what? I'm going to lean into that, yeah. We are going to keep the website for the post-game Charity Bowl surprise as Spencer owes me 400 beers, however so. stay tuned for that. I am free.

Debt free, it feels so good. Won't you do it? You were really mad when you saw how much money that was going to cost. I just want people to know that, not because I'm happy that you were unhappy, but because people should know that you did sincerely, and the most literal sense of the word, pay for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, paid.

I hope to ask for it. But I did get to show Goodfellas to a bunch of people, so that was good. That was a fantastic time. Yeah. Hey, we have one, we're signing off here in a second, but Michigan did just cross the $4,000 mark. I am sorry, Michigan, you have still achieved only two-thirds of what Washington has achieved in this two-hour block. So yeah, Huskies, it's you.