Shutdown Fullcast - Nightmare Coaching Carousel Draft

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

!!! LIVE SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT !!! Homefield Apparel's Can't Miss Kickoff Tour Presented by Modelo is rumbling to Myrtle Beach, just in time for Halloween, and all audible crewmates on the good ship Shutdown Fullcast will be on hand (nautical term) to celebrate. Join us TONIGHT, Wednesday, October 29, at 7:00 PM, and wear your most inscrutable Halloween costume. Get details and buy your tickets hereMeanwhile, in the episode itself: French heist updates! Yes, multiple heists. No, besides that oneWe're taking a whack at the early-blooming hell-carousel of the 2025 college football coaching hire/fire cycle by drafting new hires to fill the top 10 available jobs. But there's a twist!Yes, we are aware it is technically still OctoberThis episode produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme arranged and performed by Trey McClureDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it's notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason's critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band Killer Antz and his new show PodcasterinoNow through December 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to Trans Ohio. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase exclusive PTKU Blue Sharks gear and other Fullcast-branded loot

A long time on this show, we would Google Scott Leffler once a year and realize he's still a head coach at the same place. I know where Scott Leffler is. He's fucking killing it with the birds, baby. Yeah, that's right. What? He's the quarterback. He's the quarterback's coach of the Super Bowl MVP again. He's imparting all of that Tom Brady knowledge into Jalen hurts his mind.

His tutelage includes an eight-time Super Bowl winner, another Super Bowl winner, a Heisman trophy winner A Met The Jacksonville Jaguars tied in I blame you for this information escaping me I'm sorry

Yeah I should have brought it up Jaylenerts put up a perfect passer rating two weeks ago And that should have been like Scott Leffler baby He's cooking he needed a little while But he's cooking Like it's the Eagles offense was

A little struggleatious for like a month there And I was like the Leffler effect But now see who's laughing now you merely needed to understand the mechanism before he could bring it under his control I did just check Brian Van Gorder is still at that one high school

not the other high school the second high school he's back at the first high school I believe he's got about six more resume lines and Al Golden is back in the NFL I love that Scott Leffler is a better NFL coach than Bill Belichick is a college That's fucked up.

I love it when they reverse the polarity. Like Bill Callahan's one of the greatest offensive line coaches in the history of the NFL. He goes to Nebraska and they're like, moron, fool, don't. I like that Matt Patricia is a better 2020's coach than Bill Belichick. Matt Patricia is on my list. Matt Patricia's got some flowers for Algernon thing going on. I do. He probably should be.

I debated, honest to God, I debated putting Matt Patricia off. my list today because I was like, is this too high of a quality pick for this exercise? I mean, shit, UNC, you know who I'd be looking into if I was here. Oh, oh, I just, listen, I'm not getting into the game yet, but wouldn't it be demented if Dave Doran got fired and NC State hired Matt Patricia? Wow. The idea of Dave Doran not being at NC State is like... That is weird.

It's like the same as like... They hang on to guys for a lot for stuff. Yeah. Once you're in Raleigh, it's got a gravity to it. What if like Ohio Formula 4-Loco Zin's and a steady dye to Bob Evans' term Matt Patricia into like limitless Matt Patricia? He's more machine now than man. Yeah. Well, he's as, as is mentioned about him, he got a really difficult college degree a long time ago. So all that brain power has finally been unlocked. Maybe he's maybe he looks like that he looks really dumb. dumb. It's okay. Some people just look dumb. Some people look dumb. He doesn't look smart. But once he's in proximity to a university,

he becomes like Will Ferrell and old school. This is the Matt Patricia Relativity theorem. God, I love old NC State coach names. Hunk Anderson. Please call me that for the rest of the show. Hunk Anderson followed by, according to sports reference, no coach for three years, followed by Doc Newton, followed by Beattie Feathers.

Fuck yeah. We get really bored in the off season. Our next game is going to be real or fake 1890s coach name. And before that, you had a Clipper Smith. You had a Gus to Bell, a Buck Shaw. And lots of years with no coaches. Just NC State, the lost boys for long stretches.

I thought we had some good ones because if you started your program before 1900, you have some great ones. I thought Tennessee was the gold standard there in my head. Like, we have a Zora Clevenger and like a Lex stone, but no, this is way better. Every school that's been around for like 100 years has a bunch of things. We have a Sacks. We had a Sacks Crawford in 1904.

Right before Lou Holtz, there's one year of Al Michaels. And I'm like, I know it's not that Al Mike, but it could be. But it could be. at that time in 1970 was like what was 36 26 he was in Hawaii yeah he was born in 1984 you decide how old he was 27 okay thank you good yeah he was young chipper that's like a a GA interim taken over the program church you know how I know this is an insane coaching cycle and we discuss the ways in which it is in which then the ways in which it is not on our patreon show last night free life insurance.

But when the normies start to notice, and again, it is not November yet, and the normies are already ready noticing this is a weird cycle. I'm just going to read you a Wall Street Journal headline from this afternoon, just the headline. All the college football coaches are getting fired. That is the Wall Street Journal headline.

Hopefully, hopefully. That's, you know what? Purge year. That's what we need. We need purge year. Does everybody fire your coach? National Ohio State? Yep, you two.

I know, oh, Ryan Day won the national. Who cares? They can hire that. They're fine with that as punishment for what he did last year. We know. We saw. Listen, this is what I want. I want college football coaches to become as interchangeable scandal ridden and fly by night as international soccer coaches.

That's what I want. I want to go from. They're not already? No, it's, no. It's because they stay too long, right? you're not fly by night until we have a coach go yeah i was there for three days and they took my passport and didn't pay me so i fled the country that's what we need we need somebody to be like i had to flee chapel hill because unc took my passport that's what i want

so we uh on the subject of this as holly noted we talked a lot about this in our brian kelly emergency fired podcast on our patreon uh an additional number that i'm putting in the newsletter is uh so we currently have 10 um firings That I've happened. It's 11 now, isn't it? Wait, what happened? By my latest count, it was 10. Did you count Stanford?

Wait, did that happen? No, no. I didn't count Stanford. For this, I'm only counting in-season firings. We have a game on the full coaching cycle. That's how long Stanford's been without a coach, really. Kent State has also been open since before the season. Sure, that's true.

This is the highest number of pre-November firings, probably ever. The previous high was seven in 2022. and there was a 6-21, and there have been a few fives, a five in 2015. I'm not going to go look up like 1936 or 1902, but I am guessing. Scarlet fever or something. Who knows? I mean, there were years back then where it was like, oh, it's September the 80th. We probably ought to start the season.

You know, like, so I'm pretty confident this is the most pre-November firings ever. Like, it takes a lot for me to say this is the craziest blah, blah, blah, blah in college football history, but I'm pretty sure this one is. Yeah, you're usually the one pulling back on. the reins on that sentiment like we we kind of we kind of gallop out we this is fun and jason has jason typically comes in with the facts so if you're new to the show please take please take these these like soberly delivered sentiments as a dire warning of the situation where all of which all of which is amplified by the fact that the one the one party that's still holding its powder is is auburn universe

Auburn's like, nah, no, let's not be patient, reserved, steadfast, deliberative.

More data is needed. No, it'll listen to us. This is hasty. You know what we say in Auburn? Data is king. We believe in Auburn trust the science,

as we all know. There's a lot of data in the Liddicus. It's fine. Sorry, I just realized I got to add Shelley Meyer to my list. Urban can't do it,

but. There's a lot, like, seriously, this is the Royal Rumble where they're like, who's last? But, like, Auburn! Auburn's coming in the ring!

And, yeah, by the math, that means they're in the best, best position. That's not how it works here, though. That's not how it works at all. This is more of a scrimp. This is more of a money-in-the-bank ladder match. First one to grab it gets it. And grab it means grab Lane Kiffin. Oh, no.

Now, there's a guy who's been grabbed many times. Hmm. Who? Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Can we get that in a bienvenu, please? Bienvenu! I'll just feel as appropriate. I don't quite know how it says.

The sole podcast of college football in the internet. Perfect. I'm a special role. With Jesson Kirk. Holy Anderson. Ryan Nani. God, that's a fun one. Ryan, Danny!

And Michelle Sabre! That's even better. God damn. Yeah, this is the internet's only heist podcast. We do have two very urgent updates before we get to college football business

about our side hustle, which is stealing jewels from the Louvre. We have an update. on the Louvre robbery. And I had a little note that I wanted to really highlight here. Two people have been arrested, sadly, over the theft of jails. You can prove nothing.

Free the homies. Where were they arrested? Here's the fun thing. They were arrested at Shaldigal Airport. Come on. And they, yeah, come on. These guys, these guys who definitely did it. There are this...

They're... France is surrounded by water. One of the trains goes under the water. One of the trains goes under the water. You've got land borders that are famously porous. We spent half of our mid-season episode last week, like, just buttering you guys up in the French way. And now we find you didn't even have a cigarette boat to escape in. I bet they wanted to be caught.

Maybe it's a seduction. This was, listen, you could have dressed up as a great Pyrenees, just put on a big white bathrobe and crawled into Spain. But no, you decided to try to go via the airport. One of the suspects was going to go to Algeria and the other one was going to go to Mali, not really questioning whether it was safer to carry pockets full of jewels to Mali or hang out in France. But you know what? I'm not a jewel thief, as far as you know.

This is the part that I wanted to highlight that I thought was absolutely astonishing about this update, is this. The Louvre has transferred some of its most precious jewels to the Bank of France following the heist. They will now be stored in the bank's most secure. Why are they telling us this? Below the ground floor of the elegant headquarters in central Paris. Why are you giving me a roadmap? You know what? Remember when we said, are they falling in love with the police?

This is the police saying, hey, we love you too. Come see us. You'll never guess the combination. It is my birthday, and I will not tell you what it is. You'll need an upside down ladder. I will not tell you unless you give me a kiss. Oh, no, they brought a slide. We are fucked.

So, Spencer, I asked you for a heist update segment in this episode. That's not why. Okay. There has been another French museum robbery at a complete other French museum. Oh, no! Since we last spoke. Now, the Louvre, by the way, was the second major French museum robbery this month, I think within the past month. The Paris's Natural History Museum was robbed of six gold nuggets worth about 1.5 million pounds.

So, you know, the Louvre was, you know, that was like the opening act for, I'm not saying the same people did it. I would never snitch on jewel fees, but. This is a BBC report from, I believe, Friday. You remember how they robbed the chamber of Apollo or whatever at the Louvre? Yes. We have a new robbery at, oh, dear God. Maison de Lumiere or House of Enlightenment, a museum dedicated to French philosopher Denis Diderot.

Jesus God, y'all. Everybody has a museum. Has been robbed of 2,000 gold and... It's like a honky-talking national. Onky-tonk! Has been robbed of around 2,000 gold and silver coins during a raid at another French museum that apparently occurred hours after the jewel robbery.

But this is my favorite part. Two favorite parts. First, the coins were selected with great expertise, according to a statement from French media, from the local authority. So the romance between Cat and... Mouse continues in France. Second of all, how did they spot the theft?

When the House of Enlightenment opened on Tuesday, workers noticed a smashed display case and raised the alarm. Allure. But you was the big. Why are American athletes going to great lengths to participate in rigged poker games and betting shenanigans when you could simply go to France and take what you want? Dream team's got to be bored. Most of the 92 Dream Team has to be bored right now, statistically.

Like each one. Terry Roge here's tall as hell. Yeah. He should have robbed France instead of gambling. He would have only needed a two-story ladder. Just like, listen, like Stephen Adams, I know you've had a dramatic off-season. Wouldn't you be happier boosting one of us through a window of a French museum? That would be so much better.

Additionally, by the way, we all need our own museums in France. This is what we need. Because, you know, there's like a museum to Tony Parker in France. It's Tony Parcour, I think, in France. Yes, Tony Parker. They've got that, and they're like, yes, this is Eva Longoria. This is a picture of the woman. This is Tony's mistress who is not Eva Longoria.

And everyone is like, what a professional. So accomplished. So organized. The Tim Duncan Museum. Tim Duncan Museum is just like a Coles. No, there is not a Tim Duncan Museum. By the way, we also have an additional quote. this BBC report from art detective. Oh my God. Do you get, did we get the name of the art detective in the

Louvre story? I think, I don't remember. I feel like the Dutch, the Dutch person. I think this is a different one because I feel like this is British, A, because of his name, B, because this is so perfect that I don't think it could possibly even translated. The art detective quoted in this BBC story about the robbery at the House of Enlightenment is named Arthur Brand. Art Brand. Are you kidding me? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Security is clearly a problem for many cultural institutions, he said. Guys, should we be art detectives? I think we should be art thieves who are art detectives.

The perfect cry. What if we split up so that half of us are thieves, half are detectives and server is a wildcard. And the French, yeah, and the French police are in the love with us. One more quote from this BBC story. I'm so sorry, but it is too good. speaking publicly for the first time since the heist the Looves director

Laurence de Cars as in C-A-R-S-C-R-S cars so director This is my son Lawrence de Cars too Told French

Senators Wednesday that the CCTV around the Louvre's perimeter was weak and aging trash talk and he added we failed these jewels are men to

emotional leave museums I love what a put on this is too Because they love this The cops are like Oh no, do not leave the camera pointed the wrong way This is France's version of the Kentucky Houseboat Party in our maritime disasters episode The whole thing has a feel of like

Is all of France just one big game of among us Where they're like, ah, it is you I've got you The art thief In every French Spacecraft there is an art thief Ryan, you mentioned, Ryan, you mentioned the tunnel that the, you mentioned the, you know, the channel that the TejV can go through. I mean, what is that really, but, you know, one of the, an inner space tube airlock situation.

That's true. Yeah. Dude, the first thing I'm doing, if I'm a French detective, I'm falling in love with the thief. That's the first thing. That's a good idea, buddy. I'm, like, looking around when they're like, are you looking for clues? And I'm like, do he's sold? Just like picking up a discarded gullawa butt and just sniffing it and then like a single tier.

Ah, this is a man of taste, a tender lover. Anyway, I don't want to take up a second entire October episode with Heistock, but this seemed important, so thank you for bearing with it. It's so important. Remember, there's... Tune in next week when there's another one. Prop at this rate, yeah. Qualifications for being a French detective must be hard-bitten, but secretly romantic.

And depressed. Yes. Also, you need a degree. and the ability to run a mile in, you know, 15 minutes after smoking. Well, smoking. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The next item on our,

the next item on our agenda is about a different kind of thief. Brian Kelly. Thief of heart, oh, no. Thief of spleens? Time. Money, for sure. Time. No, he earned that.

He earned every, have not, every dime, every single dime. Well, how many dimes is a question? How is it? Could be 50 million. Could be five. 500 million dimes. He does love dimes.

It really does depend on how much of that pie out they're able to squirrel out. So far, by the way, a day after the news of his firing came out, it's still negotiated, which means that technically we're still in a hostage situation with Brian. Because he's still drawing his salary, right? Right. Just to be clear, we are recording this on Monday evening for anyone who's quibbling with any facts that might have changed by the time you hear this. That's what you come here for. And you would think in a normal situation, in a normal, you know, multi-10 million-dollar buyout situation that, you know, well, the lawyers will settle this and it'll get to something that is insane that we're going to all think of as reasonable.

and but is Brian Kelly who just fucked up the meeting that he entered with his boss saying hey we don't want to fire you but so yeah I feel like there's at least a I don't feel like it's unreasonable to suggest there's a chance he somehow fucks up the buyout yeah kudos to Scott for putting himself in a position to be like hmm it looks really bad if we have to pay this 50 plus million buyout people love the 35 I'll look like a genius if it's a $35 million. From the brain of the guy who thought Brian Kelly

was good to hire in the first place, yeah. From the architect, the architect of the 70 million dollar Jimbo buyout. We got to call him the architect, yeah.

Don't forget, this is the man who probably is now thinking he's like, got to pump those numbers. Scott Building Fund, Woodward. Like, how did Brian Kelly skate

with 90 million dollars? You're like, Scott Woodward, he just, he just kept negotiating up. For moron. on LSU, Got Woodward, Brian Kelly, and all

things the state of Louisiana, see our new Patreon episode. That's right. We talk about it a lot. It's free life insurance. Yeah, but so, there's your update. Is Brian Kelly currently in the country? I don't know. I wouldn't be. I'd be skating.

I hate when Famo Lee fights. Famolese are hard, it's true. Families are so difficult. By the way, a number of people have come out and spoke in Brian Kelly's defense. What? And I'm sorry.

And also. You had me for a second. Yeah. Which is more than Brian Kelly can say. Nobody has this back. He's got assistance all over the fucking place. He does.

Like he's got a substantial tree of assistance. I haven't heard any of them be like, oh, it's real shame. It's tough profession. Nobody said. Brian Kelly had hose, they said. Are they going to have him do the game day set, like, bear your soul fit? Like, will that even work?

I'm praying for this for one reason only. There's at least one sports morning television game, game, pregame director who despises Brian Kelly and they might still be working. And the only reason I remember this is the time they put him on, A, being interviewed by Maria Taylor, who is two feet taller than him easily. And B, by having them both sit for the interview, but having them sit in those little high top chairs so you can see his little legs just dangling down. I want this visual one more time before he goes slinking back into whatever dumpster full of de blooms he crawled out of to get here. I want Nick Saven to look Brian Kelly in the eye and try not to laugh while he says, listen, LSU is a hard place. to win. Not everyone,

not everyone can be less miles than Ed Orcheron. You know, we so rarely in his, in his new position of, of, you know, having to be kind of the mayor emeritus of the sport. We don't really get to see Nick be directly church biddyish to another person,

even though we all know he has that capacity. That's a beautiful opportunity right there. I just want to hear the crowd. They're like, everybody, give it up for Brian Kelly. How would Pat McAfee handle Brian Kelly? Hey, buddy, you turn funny colors.

Me too. You think there's something wrong with your dick? Just watching the two of them have an awkward off. Yeah, that'd be exactly. Allegedly. Like a bomb pops in. I've never seen it. We're both an alarming color in entirely different places.

Oh, yeah. This is, I'm still enjoying this. It's been 24 hours and I'm still pretty happy. We deserve a treat. So are LSU fans. Oh my God. Yeah. Notice, by the way, no, I've seen by the most no trepidation for the next hire.

We are not living for tomorrow. Like, this is still like, who fucking cares? That's where we come in today. Yeah. Not all tomorrow's are promised. Not all tomorrow's are promised. promising, which we will get to, because we wanted to play a little game here called fourth choice, all right?

Because one of the things that we were thinking about is, you know, everybody has their first choice. Everybody has their first choice for a coach, somebody who's going to come in and instantly be successful and be the archetype for everything this program wants to be. They're going to win championships. They're going to get recruiting classes. They're going to pick nothing but the brightest. stars out of the NIL portal constellation and make them part of their world.

Everybody thinks they're going to get that. So, yeah, this little game is going to be, and the game part is, I guess, very, very on our system. But we are not going to give you your first choice. You do not get the first pick because we all know you have the same first pick. It's Lane Kiffin. You can't all have Lane Kiffin. People have tried that. you instead you're going to get the uh we're going to we we we're trying to look at some lists we've

all taken a look at some lists and you're going to get your fourth choice and you're going to be picking an order um because some of you're going to end up disappointed with who you hire like like it feels good to get rid of the get rid of the bum you didn't like but guess what you're going to you're going to have to bring in a new bum and it might not even be your favorite bum so first up lane not that kind of new bum these are uh i just have to put in. There's going to be in sort of order of prestige. And, you know, if you're offended about where your school ends up in the order, again,

the whole point of this is to make you feel very bad about being in this coaching market, along with every other school in the country. LSU, you do get first pick. So you get that. Are you going to get your first choice? No, because you're not getting Lane Kiffin. Who do you get, though? Because let's say you went for some, you take a second big swing.

That's a no and a third big swing. And oops, you fuck that up. Again, all of these things happen to schools every single year. So you get your fourth choice. Who is LSU's fourth choice that they are going to hire? And sometimes this works out, by the way. Famously, you know, Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, not Harold did as slam dunk hires when they were brought in.

Not sure they were fourth choices. I'm trying to. No, no, no, no, no. Fourth choice is, that's, well, that's, Jeremy Pruitt was worse than a fourth choice, and he stuck around for multiple games. That's right. And, no, why, I'm not. talking about link i'm talking about nick the first time oh yeah yeah so ls u in 2025 their fourth

choice will be i have brent key on fourth for fourth choice for fourth choice that's i mean if they go kiffin first and if i have kiffin i have joe brady second and i have john somerall third i don't know if they will do the two lane like i don't know if john somerall should be third on list because I don't know if they'll just be like, we cannot, we won't stoop to the two lanes. Okay. So you're getting to Brent, but it's a high floor for their entire searching pool is what you're saying. Okay. Yes. Yeah, I had a difficult time getting to a bad coach with this one. That's not true of all of these. But I figured I was like, oh man, if we get to the fourth choice, because my first three were also Ryan's, but I was like, if they get to their fourth choice, this is going to be somebody who's still

really respectable and good, but that everyone, I wanted the fourth choice to feel like this. Huh? Right? Like, do what? Actually, do what is very particular here because do what is something I grew up saying because I grew up in Tennessee, specifically middle Tennessee, which is why my fourth choice for the LSU job was Clark Lee. Yeah, because I thought like maybe once you get to the fourth choice, it's a lot like trying to decide what to eat, right? You're like, oh, just make some eggs. You know who's, you know who's eggs?

Clarkly. You're getting, yeah, you're getting girl dinner for breakfast. Yeah, girl dinner of coach picks. Solid, good. Got your macros. But what that means is that neither of us have put James Franklin into the fourth spot. That they would eat, they would go somewhere other than Franklin if they got down. I don't have Franklin any, as anybody's, as anybody's fourth choice, because I don't think he'll fall that far on anybody's list.

Can I also say this? If LSU hired James Franklin, LSU fans would threaten to kill themselves. But... I do that anyway. I think, like, at this point, it would be like, okay, we're not excited about this, and we need you to know that it's only going to last three years, but it's still better. Which is why I had Mike Shanahan. Oh, my God. Because Scott Woodward is easily impressed by stupid shit.

Hold on. So it's... It's $20 million offer to Mike Shanahan. NFL experience. You are saying 70-something-year-old Mike Shanahan, not Kyle Shanahan. No, Mike. Okay. 73-year-old Mike Shanahan, who has not coached in 12 years.

I set out on WIF for LSU specifically under the premise that Scott Woodward has learned nothing from this experience. So Holly is very much role-playing here. I think Holly's actually made. the most realistic. Inhabiting more characters. You think Mike Shannon is the most... I feel like, like, Brian Kelly was such a... LSU is such a...

You know, we talk about cultural fit, and LSU is such a place where maybe more than anything else in the country, a culture... Bama's maybe like 1A there. But cultural fit is so essential at LSU specifically, and it was so thoroughly discarded in this hire, which tells me that Scott Woodward, who was not, you know, who was not new to that part of the country at the time, just discounts it

completely. So I was, I'm like, what if he learns, what if, suppose he, I didn't do this with every hire on this list, to be clear, but just with this one, I'm like, suppose he learned less than nothing from this entire thing. What would that look like? I think the train of thought is correct. He will have a bad idea, and his idea will be big splash. That will be his idea. throw lots of someone's money. Like, I really do think he might throw all that money. I started with Matt Patricia, basically, and I was like, okay, what is the dark side Matt Patricia pick here?

I guess my thinking is, yeah, maybe. He will be overruled here if, um, and like the, the like, uh, higher the opposite of the X thing will take hold. But I think you're completely right in the AD's thinking. Yeah, I'm not as fanciful with the rest of these. Don't worry about, but I had a very specific train of thought on this one. I got a bit that's a good one because my stomach. cramped a little when you said it.

I've realized as we're playing this game, some additional rules have revealed themselves that I will reveal to you as... The lore! As time allows. But I got to say that the case for Clark Lee, like Brent Key leaving his alma mater, I think it's going to take a lot.

LSU is a job of the tier to do it. Like, I don't think Florida was, but LSU might be. Yeah, there's Mama Call and then there's like God Call. Yeah, just for that, I think Clark Lee feels most realistic here, though, Mike Shanahan is, of course, a close, close second. I also think I think LSU fans weirdly might find Clark Lee trustful because he doesn't have hair. They're like, he can't hide anything up there. Yeah, the last asshole had hair.

And look how that worked out. Yeah. Cayu is canonically Cajun. Cahue. So that is one job filled. And honestly, if they hire Clark Lee, we'll all be like, okay. Are they bringing Diego Pavia for year nine? Because if not, I'm a little worried.

If they are, I feel fine. Next job on the list is Penn State. So we're saying, you know, Matt Ruhl turns down his alma mater, blah, blah, blah. Right. And they wind up with choice four. I will go first. In this case, I had to go through maybe some less flattering choices here. And I got to a good one.

Okay. Like, I think this would actually be a fucking great hire. Okay. Oh, I didn't think that's what we were doing at all. No, I mean, I kind of role played a little bit here. I was like, okay, what would, you know, what would this AD do? And I think Penn State is like, they're not that creative because their first chance, their first shot was, was, uh, my rules, it's called, Ben's Pennsylvania, it's literally we have, it's literally we have, we're beach house buddies.

That's, that's right. That's the entirety of why. there guys who were who were around for paterno remember him yeah right it's it's hey i just saw a taco bell commercial we should eat taco bell that is valid right so they went matt rule was pick one matt campbell was two because his name was matt sure right because i just assumed the person in charge is like oh mats are good and matt campbell's like no i'm gonna die at iowa state you're gonna have to entomb me in a ziggurat of my own design um you guys to bury me with Rocco Bict.

We're going to eternity together. So Matt Campbell stayed. I kind of just needed to plug on the third one. So I was like, who coached in Pennsylvania for like 10 minutes once? And I was like, Mani Diaz? Right. He was on a couple of lists. He's on some lists. That's not a lot. He's on some list.

So that's not crazy. Right? So then I was like, okay, they're not creative. They're too big to be creative or interesting. But that's not bad. They would go, well, who's successful now? And they'd be like, Indiana's good. Oh, I know where this is going. Yeah, what did they do?

They hired JMU's coach. Yeah. So fourth choice actually ended up being kind of a banger. Great fucking choice. God damn, great choice. Also, I think his name would just resonate with him. The minute they were like, Bob Chesney, they're like, hell of the guy. And a Chesney?

Slide me the fuck up. So he's number three on my list for Penn State. He's not their fourth choice. I had Matt Rule, but let's. say he says, nope, I love what we're doing at Nebraska. We're getting to Bulls two years in a row. We're doing things people thought were never possible with Cuskers. I had Mike Elko as number two, because I think there will be somebody who's like, yeah, this is a better job. If we're going to show it, oh, he didn't want it. Okay. We're richer than Texas A lot. I think Bob Chesney would

be Zag 3. And then that's where I had Joe Brady going. I had Joe Brady going to Penn State, a similar like mama called ish thing also fun because that means Joe Brady in my example turn down LSU to go get the Penn State job instead so hot it's too hot down there Mm-hmm Holly did you have anyone to add for Penn State?

Dan Mullen Shit shit no I'm not I am not saying that as a as a slam I kind of had Penn State not flipping against type here and going going to get it at least not in personality wise like and going to get another another a brash dude and i had i won't walk through the list

the rest of the list i had in the interest of keeping this like less than a three hour episode but i didn't put a lot of effort into this one because i we all know where this is going but i'm not sure it would be a bad move either that's a great move yeah no He's from Pennsylvania. He's coached a lot around there when you look at what he did at Florida compared to what everyone else in the past almost two decades is done in Florida. He did a really good job, UNLV's 6 and 1. His Mississippi State experience was outstanding. It's like compared like compared to Mississippi State. And the knock on at any other point in history. Well, and the big knock on Dan Mullen is he's, you know, as Spencer will tell you about the process

down there, he's, he's unpleasant in the room. Not an issue at Penn State. Is he bringing Todd Grantham? I hope so. Okay. All right. This wasn't entirely charitable on my part, but I really hope so. Gotcha. In the timeline that I am constructing, which does not need to be considered canon, but

is the one that I am assembling. Dan Mullen is the new head coach at Penn State. That's great. Spencer, I think your Bob Chasney recommendation for Penn State, they should have listened. I think that's a fantastic choice. That's a hammered, man. He's basically Signetti. Like, he's won everywhere, including.

like, not just JMU. But Dan Mullen is still a strong higher. He hasn't won at UNLV. He hasn't won at UNLV. Dan Mullen is still, if you wind up with Dan Mullen, you did fine, I think. Okay. Next up, speaking of Dan Mullen, which means he's off the table for you, Florida. Florida's up next.

Oh, no. I will go first yet again because I had as the, my order is, yeah, okay, Lane. We're not getting lane. Eli drinkwitz. Okay, Eli decides that he doesn't like water and wants to stay as far away from it as possible. He doesn't like drink. Dominant and determinism isn't real.

Eli drink water. Yeah. It's called irony. Yeah. Drinkless. And then Alex Golish is like, no, no, I'm holding out for the University of North Florida job so I can unlock the jewels to become the directional king of Florida.

So he turns that down. So that's how I get the fourth pick, which I think would be all right. It's Jedfish. Jedfish ends up as the fourth pick. He plays tennis. Florida's pool is pretty. Yeah, he plays tennis. He's got how we rose from powers.

He had a famous roommate. Sure. Nominative determinism as I discussed is in your favor here. Because Ron DeSantis will be involved in this search. Yeah. Also, Jed, very Florida name. Extremely Florida name. Yes.

So Jetfish. Almost is Floridian is mine. Once again, you have, your fourth pick is my third pick. I went Lane, Eli, Jedfish. And then I had Rhett Lashley as fourth for this job for Florida. You think they pull him out of SMU? This is, I guess this is a conversation for a more like real world centered, centered conversation. But I'm not really sure based on money and resources that, you know, despite conference placement, there are very few.

jobs in the country, I feel like that would be even a lateral move for Rhett Lashley right now. This would be one of them. This would be one of them. But like I'm, I feel like he's going to be a hard sell to pull out of there. Well, but the name of the game is fourth choice. You can't say my fourth choice. Turned him down. So, now it's fifth choice.

Yeah, it's fifth choice for Florida. Fourth choice, Nick Sabin. Listen, I might be, I might be being a little bit mean here because this is the Florida pick, which. is reflected in my choice after they whiff on first lane and second john summerall i actually had eli drinkwood's third on my list there but you know they they florida has had the appearance of a defensive minded coach without having an actual defensive minded coach uh for too many years now so i do think they play against schematic type and go get a a defensive coach i also think they go and get a real

mean son of a bitch. And also, I don't want Florida to have a coach that will work out in any way, shape, or form ever, which is why you're going home with one Alex Grinch. Shit. Oh, you hired the wrong Alex G. Where is Alex Grinch right now? Can you tell me? Yes, I can. Can you? Ryan, he's right up the road. He's the defensive coordinator at UCF. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. If they hired him. You see the Vinton, don't you? I would strap dynamite to my face and go on Twitch. Not for any of the usual reasons.

Yeah. Subscribe or only full cast video edition. Spencer straps a dynamite best to himself. All right. All right. I can get on board with this higher. He has experience in the state. In one circumstance.

Introductory press conference. They're Scott Strickland. He's like, we're very excited to welcome coach Grinch as the head coach of your Florida Gators. He will be making $42,000 a year and the rest of it is going into NIL and assistant coaches. He's making $42,000 and he has to coach history class.

The players just walk by and be like, broke bitch, good morning. If he is, if he is purely there in a figurehead position, that's fine. If they hire him as a gym teacher. Yes. So it is God.

That one, yeah. I thought you knew where he was. right now. I thought this will land immediately. No, I had forgotten. Once you said it, I remember, but I had forgotten. Okay, now, you sound so defeated that now I feel bad, which is weird. I didn't, I didn't. If, if, if, uh, if you were down to not fourth choice, but four hundredth choice, would you hire Alex Grinchpin? No. Yes. Yes. Four hundredth? Really? If we're that far, somebody has to do it. Well, yeah. That's not true. Okay, so listen, how many, how many? I guess NC State's history proof that's not the

FCS coaches we have right now, 136. Take every active FBS coach, both of their coordinators. Don't even throw in all the special team coordinators. One of whom is Alex Grinch. Well, listen, and throw in everybody who was fired in, say, 2023 and 2024. You can get to 400 pretty easily before you get to somebody who want to get to a room with less than Alex Grinch.

Every FCS coach, every, like, I want this for you, Rex Ryan, Rob Ryan, the ghost of buddy Ryan. Any of the Ryan brothers would thrive in that job. I'm not even sure I'm joking. Doug Barone. What on it? Ryan, go out on this limb with me for approximately eight seconds.

I don't like this. The head coach, Florida head coach Rex Ryan. You know what? It's a fucking fun year. Do it for the content. Those veneers against that color scheme, yes. Everybody wears sandals here. It's great.

You know, a photo shoot. I want Rex Ryan a noon kickoff. that's it in a Hawaiian shirt dude we just need Hawaiian shirts come on we just need

nine points boys just nine points so we got this thing cinched up we're just gonna go nine and seven and sneak into the wild card it's not

we're gonna we're gonna go with Rett Lashley there thank you thank you Christ speaking of of a school that has hired from SMU before.

Oh, God, it's Arkansas. Now, if you want to talk about a school that very plausibly could be on its fourth option, and at that point, like, oh, please, I hope he says yes, or doesn't have a massive scandal in the next eight minutes. So, when y'all were putting together your fourth choice list, did you include interims on the possibilities for any of them? Okay, I did not. Well, I did for this one specifically because I maintain that the funniest possible scenario

here, which is also not that far-fetched, is that they want to hire Bobby at the end of the year, and he takes a bigger job. Auburn. Auburn. Let's let Holly go first. Oh, you think, well, I think Bobby might be no further down Florida's list than third. Bobby Petrino? Yeah.

Yeah. You don't. Arkansas? What's happening here? Arkansas list? Was the whole concept of this episode just messed with Ryan's head? dude do you think I'm the problem or do you know do you know who's in charge at your school I don't think we're talking we're talking we're talking Arkansas now

Ron DeSantis is involved in that search Ryan okay we're on to Arkansas Aaron Trump might be on your search list who's who's God damn it who is on your Arkansas list assuming that Bobby Petrino is first and in my universe takes a another takes another job this is the job I was thinking of of when I said they were going to try and swing for Rhett Lashley. And he has, if I were him, I don't even think Arkansas is a lateral move from SMU at this point. It's, it's, and, you know, Arkansas's one of those schools that's going to be, they have money,

but it's going to be forever hemmed in by geography. It's always been hard to get players to go there. It's kind of like Mississippi State in that respect. It's always going to be hard to get players to go there, like harder. Also, Florida just hired him. Also, right, also that money or not. the third the third guy I had on my list

was I had them going for Eli Drinkwood's here and he opts to stay at Missou so I in my head I have Arkansas whiffing on Bobby Rhett and Rhett and Eli both stay at Missou everybody else is

snatching up coaches willy-nilly in Arkansas starting to feel like they get left at the cakewalk so they turn to the cradle of coaches right in their very own state and say you know what? It's been a while since we had

Butch Jones on the SEC network. Shit fire. I mean, I'm playing Fantasmagoria here, but not that far

out of the road. So that's one candidate. Can anyone bail out Arkansas here? Can anyone salvage this? This is much

less interesting than that. I had Rhett Lashley first. I had John Summerall second on the list who, who I think would be second on their list, but I don't think... I also think he'd be dumb to leave Tulane for this job.

I think, yes, I think he would either get an SEC job he liked better, or he would say, I'm good, I'll wait. And here's the other thing, too, that we didn't really get into in the Hogronomicon, because there was so much, there was so much, like, there was so much actual stuff to get to. There was so much plot that we didn't have time really to get to the story of Arkansas. It's in the, we've discussed similar ways of this around, like, the South Carolina coaches of the fact. Arkansas is a hard place to win at it is like you know

like despite we talked about some of that yeah yeah but like I just want to underline that when I'm saying like this is why I think it's very realistic Arkansas ends up at their you know at their fourth choice it's not I'm not saying it as a slam I'm saying there are there are factors that there are like geographical factors and and like you know population density factors at Arkansas that I'm not sure you're going to be able to overcome with NIL money when there are so many other big fish in the pool already.

So then I had Ryan Silverfield, third. You think we should reward him after what he's done at Memphis? Ryan, dang. Well, he's, he's not getting this job. Oh, right. Because I'm, because Alex Golish I had as the fourth choice here. I think, that'd be a good higher. I think USF to Arkansas would be, it would be a, like, that's where you're like, yeah,

things are going well in South Florida, but I can't assume it'll stay that way. I think I'm not, I'm not, I'm not being. condescending like i think i think whoever does get golish is like i i think he's great we sure miss him that is he's spent a lot of time in that sort of general part of the world from like oklahoma through illinois and also he's from russia where they have a lot of trees one there's you know it's it's a it's a bigger it's a bigger program right now but you know he's he's coached at tennessee where they also have some of the same challenges as far as the amount of players you're able to pull from in-state versus having to recruit nationally.

Yeah. Thank you for putting the vision of Jerry Jones being like, Are you loyal to the United States? Terry, are you? Listen, we bleed red, but not that type of red. Oh, my God. And I'm just thinking about a bunch of soldiers lined up in hog helmets singing the Russian national anthem.

Oh, yes. Do we, woo pig, siles. Nah, I can't get there. I have a truly, truly wild fourth choice for Arkansas, and it's based entirely on meddling and some timing. Wow, like a hall. Okay. So I had, I had them whiffing on, on Petrino because he goes to coach.

I don't know. I don't know. It's going to happen. Or it has some sort of a scandal or something. Miami Dolphins. Like to be clear, when we're doing this, you know, it won't always be like, this coach turned your school down. It might be like he lied on his resume.

You know, like that, that type of shit is happening. It is fun to think about the idea of a scandal that could derail Bobby Petrino with this point. This is him falling off of a motorcycle again with a new mistress. Run it back. At the intro presser. Can it be a jet ski this time? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He has beached. Yeah. And then hits a motorcycle, ironically enough. Yeah. So he does that again. because, you know, it got good to him.

Play the hits. That's right, man. That man loves two things. Ass and auto accidents. At the same damn time. At the same damn time. Falling up my bike with bad bitches at the same damn time. One from the woodpile at the same damn time.

So that goes sideways. So much like the bike and the ass. Sometimes I just look at it. a woodpile and I start feeling all warm and nostalgic inside. So that goes bad. Then they try to get Eli and Eli's like, fuck it. Yeah, he's not doing it because he's like, that's closer to water.

Yeah. There's sharks in there. That's why Eli feels an affinity for Spencer. They can't slam. Shark and saw. Shark and saw. Yeah, his agent doesn't want him to take the gig because he knows it'll just go tits up real fast.

So he's like shark and saw. Yeah. Hey, listen. Listen, if you're cringing at this at home, you're lucky we've gotten this far into this many mentions of Bobby Petrino, and nobody's done the voice yet because we are goddamn professionals. That's right. So then they go for Rhett Lashley, and Rett Lashley's like... Hired! Already at Florida. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

He's at Florida. So, yeah. He was served choice, but... Yeah. So he's out, right? They can't get him. Because apparently Gainesville has, like, I don't know. He has kids and he's in Dallas, so I assume he goes to some sort of, like, militant, insolence.

same Christian high school that cost $900,000 a year. It's closer to Disney. You can wear jeans to church. They, they learn, yeah, they're, they're using it. So, they have to go to choice four. And choice four in this case should be Alex Golish, but Jerry Jones is involved. So we need a, we need like a real, what, what, CAA is jangling a set of keys in front of him at this point, right? Yeah, I've got it.

What is the little boo-boo on this keychain? Kellyn Moore. Right now, Kellyn Moore is one in five. He's one in five and he's going to be a total fucking washout because he's the Saints head coach, right? And they're going to fire him. It's not his fault.

It's sanks suck. Dude, I, that would be good for them. See, no, this is my thing. It would be like the most like, oh, God, we're hiring this like bum. And Jerry Jones would be like, we're getting an NFL guy. And everybody's like, oh, fuck, Jerry, you fucked up. And then Kellyn Moore would actually, I think, end up being pretty good. You know, you know who would buy into this, like, and who was a large contingent of their fan base is Cowboys fans.

That's right. Can I tweak this ever so slightly? I would love it. I like the theory. Yeah. I like the aim. It's not NFC East focused enough for Jerry. Make it Cliff Kingsbury, and I'm sold.

Wow. God. He's handsome. Yeah, you, you, you, uh, you, uh, you, you, uh, you hurt the Washington football team. Yep. Yep. Um, you continue to have no, you continue to have no defense whatsoever. You stabilize the, hang on, you destabilize the, hang on, you destabilize the Washington football team and Ron Rivera quits in disgust and takes the Florida job. There, Ryan, I fixed it for you.

I have bad news about Ron Rivera, but that's, what? Just go with it. Folks, the new head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, Cliff Kingsbury. Yeah. Dude, I kind of, I love that. I love that. I think, Spencer, you had the right idea, and the NFCE's tweak, I think, got us there. Yes, I love this idea, by the way. I also like that things are going really well for Cliff Kingsbury right now. Time to fuck that up by taking the Arkansas job. I mean, the amount of money is going to need to be Jerry Jones size to get back into

this shit. Not just get back into this shit, but to get back into the Arkansas deep end of this shit. He'll just be doing that press conference. He'll be like, you know what we did? I went down there and I reached in and I got me, and they're like, no, don't say it. I mean, Jerry's just going to straight up say it. Oh, Lord, I had to pay him a whole lot of money. Way more than I should have, more than he's worth. God damn it, Jerry, you can't say any of this. There's no way he can live up to it. Anyways, y'all have a great family here on his plant. Well, probably, hell, we're probably going fire him in three years. I did actually forget where Ron Rivera is now, which

I hate, because, A, because it means Ryan has got one back on me in our never-ending feud, but also it means I have not spent nearly enough time imagining Ron Rivera having workplace conversations with a certain assistance on Justin Wilcox's staff.

With the assembly that Justin Wilcox is put together. Dude, can you imagine like... Beasles Brigade over there. I really hope Ron Rivera's become so I hope he's got the shingles vaccine. I hope he's so, like, anarchy-pilled at this point. I hope Ron Rivera is, like, you walk into Berkeley

and, like, you're like, hey, Ron, what's up? He's like, yeah, it's good. I'm really excited about the roster. Have we considered how collective action is really the only thing that's going to save us from the tyranny of techno-fascists, then it won't be like, Ron, my man. Antifa team, Ron Rivera. It really is kind of funny,

might be the word for it, that all the conservatives in Berkeley are on Cal's football staff. speaking of the university system of California UCLA is up next on our list they cannot hire Dan Mullen because he has been taken along with these others that we have mentioned I'll go first this time Jed Fish first choice not coming Will Stein

second choice not coming third choice bad choice if he choice at Orgeron not coming going to Oregon State. Fourth choice. This is a name I've seen on some lists. And I think could work in the sense of like, hey, we might be able to get, hey, I found this guy on Facebook Marketplace.

We can get it for free right now. Jonathan Smith. Jonathan Smith. This is a rescue mission. Get him out of this. Quietly. Yeah. I think if Jonathan's, I think if UCLA was like, hey, we'll take a Jonathan Smith off

your hands. You don't have to pay. They'd be like, please. thank you he is not good for our house and our children bad with cats so that's my fourth choice he looks like he's fine with cats jonathan smith honestly from a humanitarian angle i kind of feel like we have to go oh they don't they've already played UCLA this year they lost to them of course so they yeah they could have just send him home on the plane but the kindest tarmac yeah who else we got for you

There's one thing UCLA is, and that is kind of dumb about football and impressed with money, can I interest you in a Jim Knowles? Here's why I like it. It's the kind of hire that would make everyone who cares about UCLA football fucking furious yet again at the athletic. They're like, what are you doing? What kind of dumb donkey shit are you off? There is a, man, I am not going to blow this up, and I'm sure he's not listening. There is a long, long, long ago former UCLA colleague of ours who has recently reconnected with me on another social media platform. And I'm almost positive he doesn't remember who I am, but I did have them in mind just a little bit.

Can UCLA afford his $3 million salary? This is a great question. That's a very fair question. Okay, we can settle for the fifth choice I had on my list, which is Troy Calhoun. No, no, he's in as your fourth choice recommendation. We'll see if, we'll see what Spencer's bringing. Troy Calhoun is my fifth choice on every single list, by the way, because this is probably funny to nobody but Godfrey, who doesn't listen to this show. But Troy Calhoun once upon the time was famous for putting himself up for every job everywhere, every season.

Getting nothing. Getting absolutely nothing in return. And now he's just stuck in his lonely tower. Yeah. Yeah, another dude who kind of everybody just can't stand for some reason. Well, listen, if another one of you, if one of you guys takes another one of my fourth choices, I'm going to have to bump him up. So he might make another appearance. So I really was like, okay, UCLA doesn't make good decisions.

That was basically my default state when considering these. And I accidentally ended up with a good decision, which is this. figured that they would go for they would try to hire not skipper they would get new isle yeah they would they would try to get jerry new he has you feel like he'll be fourth no i didn't think he'd be fourth i said he'd be first they would go after the really bad idea uh then they would go after a retread so i kind of this space just has NFL retread in there like ah jeff fisher whatever um even though he went to u s naturally of course sure sure

oh god i can actually see that yeah and this guy where's jack del rio this screams jack del rio doesn't it jack del rio might be in prison for january 6th he is the head coach of the paris musketeers of the europe jack del rio rob the louvre he's very tall what a fake what if you want to

I wanted to come up with a fake football team. I coach Paris. What are they called? What's your name? Jack, Jack of the River. Yeah, I'm from America.

My name is Jack Del Rio. That's not real. Has he been among us this entire time? So, all right. So he's your NFL coach who's not taking the job. So he's second, who's third.

NFL job. NFL coach who's not taking the job. I had Jonathan Smith this third. Wow. And Jonathan Smith was like, and Jonathan Smith was like, nah, I don't want to do that I want to go to someplace more stable

like Oregon State and then the fourth choice was one that they accidentally made because I figured they would want to hire a guy who'd beaten them so they go and get Jason Eck I love that we had parallel thought in this sort of

yeah that now mind you that would be getting making a pretty clear yeah that would be making a pretty good decision you keep having schools stumbling into good decisions Spencer I think due to your commitment to trying to get Jason Eck a job. I'm going to go ahead and approve that one.

Jason Eck, UCLA coach. Bang, gaveled. I had Tim Plow in there, too, but I was like, that's too good a call because he's very young and very promising. But he has no connection to UCLA, other than he's in the state of California. So that was a good hire. I mean, there's no real duds in here. Fourth choice is the way to go.

Cliff's going to be miserable at Arkansas, but. Ah, wait to hear my Virginia Tech answer. Ryan. I hear, oh, wait, no. It's time for bad ideas because Oklahoma State is next. Oh, boy. All right, I'll rip the band-aid here. A little bit bigger than a band-aid.

I'll take the gauze pad off your sucking chest wound. I have Zach Robinson in this spot. I have Zach Robinson as a just like. As fourth choice? As fourth choice, yeah. That is the Falcons O.C. who has been shut out and other stuff this season. Yeah, it's been qualified. You've been hanging out with God.

highly i have been hanging out with godfrey a lot that's true um i had g j kinney as choice one i had i had colin client as choice two um and i had uh jim noles is choice three actually for this one uh and then i had zach robinson which would be a like which would be so transparently a man man wasn't it cool we were in high school we used to do all the cool is shit let's do that let's get back together again now everything hurts now so that is a that is a plausible hire that gosh don't look at how his professional

team is doing correct cowboys fans not his fault in my head I had not entirely it's but I mean whatever I had both Ed Ogeron and Major Applewhite turning Oklahoma State down and then a protract and then a protract

It's fucked up there. No, I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong. It's fucked up there. And then I had a long dalliance for them with Brian Harsen that ultimately did not come to fruition. But it's Oklahoma State. And I only have the past two coaches to go on. But that's a lot of history to suggest that they're going to make a personality higher. But a personality hire in the terms of Oklahoma State personality tire and they want to score points.

Tom Herman Come on down Oh I really thought You were about To pull the groomers Ripcord here I don't feel like

That's out of the question I don't have to be there I don't have John Gruden Anywhere on my list Because I find the concept disgusting even as a joke Tom Herman Currently

Taking a break After his bad Two-year stint at FAU Yeah Ready Gonna be ready I have at Oklahoma State my top three were G.J. Kinney, Eric Morris, and Zach Robinson, actually. I had Robinson at three, which means I'm going to go back and get somebody with some Oklahoma State experience.

We're going to go back and get somebody who has some head coaching experience. It's Mike Gundy, ladies and gentlemen. He's back. You know, it's not that far off, right? Kale Gundy? Nope. Former offensive. coordinator former Oklahoma State offensive coordinator and current Nebraska offensive coordinator Dana Holgerson oh that's right yeah wow sure I've seen that on

list too that is a name that has been floated he's gonna he's gonna he's forum and everything I was gonna say he's gonna live in Tulsa but his heart's gonna be in still water yeah and he just popped it out when I need it He just popped that shit in, like, Iron Man. I think it's kind of convenient, actually, yeah. You got to leach all the copper out of it. How do you get copper in your heart? Don't worry about it.

It was a long night. Jarvis, what should I do next? You're just talking to a tall boy, dude. Yeah, that's why it's called Jarvis. Yeah, but it's talking back, if you know what I mean, brother. Jarvis, play with my balls. Jarvis, Google, no fault, no paper. I love you, man. Jarvis, I love you, man.

Jarvis is liking to clean a Christ-like figure. Jarvis, what the fuck is Tulum? Well, I feel pretty confident Jason's going to pick Dana Holger's in this job. Honestly, honestly, um... Jason, who'd you have? I didn't fail at any list. That's the beauty of being the decider. Ryan enchanted me with the idea

of the Falcons firing someone It's fair That is the piece of canon that I'm adding in here He gets fired and then picked up by it. And then Dana Holgerson comes to Atlanta Run the offense thing I would love that We have so many strip clubs, sir

You would love it here Absolutely love it, a vibrant community There goes your entire paycheck every week There is a certain segment of the population here that would find Dana extremely appealing. Some of them are listeners. Up next, there was promise of a hideous pick for Virginia Tech. Oh, yeah.

All right. Spencer, let's yield the floor to you. All right. Okay. So, Shane Bamer, that shit falls through. He falls right back into the loving arms. So you have him as one. One.

Okay, gotcha. He's at one. and then at at two i am going to i kind of have a general NFL retread spot there right like you know what i mean some right sure yeah same says the guy back to jack delria once again back to jackdell you know some NFL jerk off like goes in there right check of all the open jobs might be the least suitable place for a guy used to the NFL yeah there's some there's some there's some NFL teams that are not in major metropolises, but not as not major metropolis as Blacksburg. Like Josh McDaniels is like, I can back and turn Virginia Tech into a winner.

I think Jim Tom Sulla could do some good work. God, yes. Jim Tom Sula doesn't, let's not inflict that on him. Let's just keep him in like, you know, European football greatness, which is what he's actually made for and does really well. So who's third after NFL? guy X. I thought they were going to, then they would be like, I don't know, Mike Vick. He's not really doing, he's not having a great year as a head coach and he has no experience.

So that would get axed pretty quickly. So they would land on somebody who has extensive coaching experience, has been good at a, not necessarily a power four level, but had sort of some challenges developmentally. And who really, you know, he's got a lot of experience is what I'm saying. That's, I'm going to keep coming back to that. And he's available. So that's why my number four pick for Virginia Tech was Billy Napier. Indeed, rude.

Indeed, indeed very rude. I'm not going to, why would I offer a fourth pick after? Go ahead. Yep. I agree. I have a, rubber stamped. I have a question for the commish. Is it, is it canon in our universe right now that Edo is indeed in Corvallis?

Um, sure. Yeah, let's just go ahead and slap that. I did not. They were, they were, they were, they were further down the list. Let's put it that way. But we'll go ahead and approve that. I do think somehow they jumped in line. I actually think that's a great spot for him because he could live as a cryptid. Like he could be. Yeah. Yeah. However, he was my fourth choice for this spot, which as the prophecy foretold 10 minutes ago, brings me to Troy Callow. Okay. Okay. Nope, Napier all day. There were two votes for Billy Napier. I mean, I don't hate it, man. Like, it's this weird thing with him where it's like, oh, other than his entire Florida tenure, I think it's a great higher. I mean, look at it this way. Virginia took football at its peak, didn't score. Sure.

But the one tricky bit about this, if you think Florida fans were mad about like, oh, you can't get special teams right? private shit of Virginia Tech. You had 12 guys on the field for a part return? What if, I mean, the stereotype of Virginia Tech is they were only good at special teams? That was not the case. They were just awesome at special teams. But what if now they are only good at special teams? That's, that

great. That shows growth on Billy Napier's part, too. Yeah, that would be improvement. Exactly. Okay, now that Oregon State is filled, not that they were ahead of Stanford, but Stanford is the last of our initial round, and then we will have a very brief lightning round. Can I, can I, um, can I take the floor here?

Mm-hmm. Stanford job has been talked about almost none on the internet. Like, trying to do research to be like, what Stanford's list look like is sort of like, ah, you have other things to do with your time? The internet suggests you go outside. Is that because, do we think that's because the entirety of their list rests within the noggin of Andrew Luck? I think that's part of it.

I think that's correct. And it's a large noggin, so. Yes. Yes. So, so here's who I've got. Here's the three who aren't. taking the job. Number one, Jeff Monkin, a name that has been thrown out by some. We can't waste him on Stanford. No, he's not going. Uh, my number two is Cliff Kingsbury. Yikes. Taken. Already taken off

the board. Number three. By an equal academic institution. Mama will call. Tavida Pritchard will hang up. He will say, no, I'm not taking this job. Tavit of Pritchard has gone no contact. That leads me to a name that I have seen on lists and is real because he interviewed for this job the last time it was open when Troy Taylor got it. Jason Garrett is your fourth choice. Fuck you. Oh my God. That is meaner than anything. How dare, retroactively, how dare you yell at any of us for any of our previous?

Spencer just sprinkling NFL retread here. Jason Garrett has been connected to this job before and he is the prince that was promised. I would describe your expression right now as stricken. What a Stanford-ass-looking man. Yeah. First of all, he's a Princeton man. Throw it through. Uh-huh.

I think I have a very... I want to even the game so I can do the voice again. I actually, I had a terrible suggestion for Stanford, like a punitively bad one. In some ways. I think actually a better result. Let me go first because yours will be bad. This is where I thought Matt Patricia might get squirled off to. I thought, no, really, I thought Andrew Luck,

I thought Andrew Luck, based on, you know, based on Matt Patricia's particular skill set and, you know, the type of bodies that Stanford likes to operate with, I thought Andrew Luck might back up a truck of war crimes money and, and pluck him out. I also don't think it'd be a bad move. I don't, that's, that's not, that's not terrible. I, I, I thought they would want a,

They would want an available coach with extensive experience, having success at a private school with high academic standards. Oh, so you're giving them Pat. Are you giving them Pat Fitzgerald? Worse. What? Oh, okay. Of course. Yeah.

So Pat's from Chicago. So like, he's not going to coach in like Palo Alto. He's going to like, you know, he's like, he's like, he's like, he just do. there's like the listen black water what do you mean i can't get cake on my hot dog black water is basically a company town for parts of palo alto i think pat could feel right at home it's not the pinkertons but you know no like pat it's the kind of like i think you'll understand what i mean by this term midwestern butt wad who's like california should be warm and yeah i want to get cake of my hot dog except this is cake with jalapeno's because they got

the Mexican food there. Okay. So who, just who are you? What? What? Who is it? Brian Kelly. Oh, God. Ryan, I think you and I have both committed crimes in these suggestions. Very different ones. They can afford

him. Look at your range. I wish the commission I wish the commission all the luck handling this with tongs behind a biohazard seal. Can I, hold on. I need to check something real quick. While you're checking something can i express gratitude that godfrey finally dropped on phantom island today the one that we've all been circling in conversation and haven't actually been able to report out because at this point it is just gossip but the uh the the the very surprisingly few dominoes

that have to fall to get cayland to board a USC you'll have to listen to the episode to find which is tantalizing at this point. What I was checking is Stanford plays Notre Dame this year, but they don't have them on the schedule beyond that. Yeah. Which is a shame. Boy, this is a tough one. This partly hinges on LSU's lawyers, right?

Because if they can maintain the offset that will force Brian Kelly to keep working in order to get his buyout, he's got to apply for some gig. yeah and as frank rike has demonstrated there is no more some gig than stanford yeah the number of the number of like this is a team that i want to remind everybody currently has a situation ship as a head coach matt patricia taking this job would be the part that would feel like fiction to me um not for war crimes money brian kelly nah i mean oh higher states got war crimes and money That's fair. The, the, the, the, God, this really is a really hard one because they're too deeply

dislikable ideas. And I can see the pathway to both of them. I'm going to go Jason Garrett because there's an NFL connection and Andrew Luck's going to think like NFL stuff. But like I, uh, my heart was with the Brian Kelly. I'm voting for Jason Garrett because as Ryan says, he looks Stanford. Man, imagine, imagine how mad Brian Kelly is when he gets passed over for the Stanford job by Jason Well, we have opportunities still available for him because going through the power conferences plus Oregon State, we have opened up two additional power conference jobs.

The first name that the three of you say will be the new coach at Vanderbilt. Mike Stoops. Jesus. Is now at Vanderbilt. Note Mark Stoops remains at Kentucky. Yep. That's time. I feel like I just caught sand and a kale salad.

You know, like, you're like, ah! Because these hires, this type of shit, this is like, oh, God, it's signing it, right? This is like, we got, uh, you. This is, this is, oh, 10-M stoops, we didn't know, we didn't know. You're the last two people at the dance. Get, pair up and get out of here. Um, you're grabbing. Brian Kelly.

Brian Kelly. Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, I was hoping that would happen. That's, that's not a compliment. Howdy, yowl. Woof. Howdy. more lightning more

that's it that has concluded the power conference is first half of the coaching carousel by the way like you hear all that and you want to join this shit like all right Auburn

Auburn you're up all these names are gone Brian Kelly's already taken you can't take Brian Kelly you can't take Jason Garrett you can't take Brian Larson back Keep in mind in the middle of all this way I got a chip Kelly

jerk All right I'll add I'll add Auburn, Chip Kelly. There, we're done. In the middle of all this, we have Ed Oregon. Ed Oregon State. With the chainsaw. He sounds like a chainsaw.

Ed, you've got the safety on that thing. Safety. Should we do business? Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. It's a business. Podcast business.

We're going to. the beach. Go to Myrtle Beach is going to be real fun and maybe we're going to have some costumes. So, folks,

by the time you hear this, we will be a number of hours away from a Wednesday night show in Myrtle Beach. Tickets are available. We've posted

the link on everywhere. It's Homefield Can't Miss kickoff tour brought to you by Modelo. You get 20% off at the homefield pop-up shop. You get a free Modello. If you're a Patreon booster,

you tell us there, you DM us there. You get an additional free modello and a homefield Coozy. There is a is a Halloween costume contest with $500 home field gift certificate. It's on the beach, literally on the beach, where your costumes, bring a blanket,

bring a beach ball, bring some spooky stories. I think that's most of this stuff. Lucy Rodin's there. Jack DeLongcham is also going to be there. College baseball's preeminent media presence will be with us as well. Bang! I like that we have like a college baseball-themed chaperone for this show. It's appropriate for Middle Beach, I think.

Additionally, another business you heard us mentioned the Patreon about half a dozen times. That's right, folks. We've been putting up a lot of episodes this year because the coaching carousel that we have been discussing keeps meriting emergency episodes. We have three of those so far. In addition to after dark recordings, in addition to other bonus episodes on there, we're putting up a lot of stuff. I think Holly did the count the other night. It was a large one. It's our 16th episode, if I have this right, since less than three.

three months since we launched this thing. That's quite a few. That's, I mean, that's got a bit over like 20 hours, folks. I think if we'd known this is going to be this kind of carousel, we might have charged slightly more, but too bad, you should benefit from this. Take advantage of our foolishness. You can, as always, also pay more than $4 a month. There is a pay if you want option available in Patreon.

We do love joke scores. And we should find out somebody to celebrate those sometime soon. We also do have 16 of you who are mega boosters, meaning you give more than $100. 16? 16, 16 mega boosters. We put this up as a joke, and 16 of you took us up on that, and this is very funny and delightful. Would you get in return for that? You get the status of being a mega booster. Thank you. That's right. Thanks to all of that.

And like, look at all the power LSU boosters get, right? LSU mega boosters just got to say, fuck that guy. Get him off my TV, and it happens. They're going to get together and fire me from the show. You got to force him out. We've pulled our resources. Yeah. And we want Spencer replaced. with Jason Garrett.

We've plateaued. You have to put Rex Ryan in his spot. That would be a better podcast. This program is plateaued. Be like, We've hit our ceiling. We want Ed Ogeron in here. Hey, Rex, can you give us just a tight five on Prime John of Michael's?

Oh, my God. Player in her prime. Am I going to be upset when I find out who that is? you know no what i just what are you talking about even if you don't know who she has if rick's ryan's talking about her never mind thank you i got it yeah yes the shut down fullcast patreon a worthy investment that's for your ears that's for your ears now what if you say hey you know i i want content in a written form i want to go ahead and read all of the glowing golden words that you have to offer spencer or holly uh hey guess what you could subscribe

to the channel six newsletter. That's right. Channel dash six dot ghost.io. That is the URL for our twice weekly newsletter. You get two things a week during the season. Right now, top whatever, just dropped that today, the day of recording where we summarized not only everything that was happening in the weekend, but kind of where we're at in the season and beyond. I also managed to pick out my nemesis for the year. That would be the Daisy Sour Cream commercial. I refuse to do a dollop, right? Because I think it's insane to dip your hamburger into sour cream. But that's just because I'm a red-blooded-

They'd be dipping all type of shit in sour cream that I didn't have thought anyone would dip in it. Like it's the old country, right? Like it's like it's 1970s Bulgaria. They're like, we produce sour cream and weird concrete. That's the only thing this country produces. Yeah. You can subscribe two things a week.

You get to hang out with us before games on Saturday. We do a little pre-game chat. And we're averaging more than two things a week with free newsletters and other material that we provide. So $10 a month for two things a week. That's all in promise that we have not broken in, dang, four years, Holly? Yeah, we are well into year five at this point. Yeah. Channel 6. It's incredible. You should give it money. Hey, what if I wanted to read another college football newsletter? What if I wanted A free one. What free one?

Yeah, if I just want a free one? Well, all the savings that you have accrued by only paying $4 for our Patreon, you can subscribe to the Until Saturday newsletter for free. It goes out to about 700,000 people. No big deal. It's the biggest college football newsletter in the world. It's written by me. And Alex, once per week, which we get like complimentary emails who are like,

I don't even know where one of you guys ends and the other begins, but I love you both. Like every Sunday we get an email. like that. And so we've decided to just sort of write as if we're a hive mind on Sundays. Yeah, it's free. Read hell is a world without you. Outstanding novel.

And you know what? Man, what if I just want some like slamming tunes? What if I just want like America's greatest rock band? That's where I come in, Spencer. Yes, it is. I could use a great rock band. You can listen to Killer Ants on all the things on Friday. you can buy our records on band camp and make sure that no one gets the money except for us.

Other than that, yeah, Phantom Island, I help put that out every week. I've got a podcast called Podcast Serino that I was thinking today about really wanting to put an episode about out, but now this, I might cut this out of the show. It's about the feeling of never-ending dread throughout. Why is that on your mind? I know, right? crazy. So, but I don't know if I'm going to put that out because it might make everybody sad, but I might record it. That being said, I am responsible for like seven, eight, nine, 10 different things a week. So I haven't been putting anything out on that one, but I would like

for you to subscribe to it. So just find podcast you know, subscribe to it. And then when we stop, you know, firing coaches every fucking week, uh, then I'll have a little bit more time to do something on there. And I think it will be a fun, uh, place to put content. So yeah, Killer Ants, Phantom Island. Show, and subscribing to Podcasterino, all help me as well as Hand in the Dirt. If you haven't listened to that yet,

it's pretty stupid, but pretty fun. Yeah, Holly is on our very next. It is not a stupid one, in fact. Do not hold that I'm on it against them. It's a very, it's a fun one. I think you should plug Podcasterino by, like, suggesting that you might do more jelly roll on there.

God, yes. Yeah. Do you have to or not? Just sort of like tease that you might. I didn't think that we would ever. top your Kirby locker room speech for like stuff that made sheer volume of people beg for a more server on the show but this did it yeah I've been so I've got a lot of stupid voices and that was another idea I had for an episode of just like workshopping all

the voices and getting some feedback on which ones were worth it I like that um can you have a debate among your voices yeah yeah like we should all we should all if I could get jessy ventura and Donald Trump and jelly roll and stone cold Steve Austin and Al Gore in a room together on my podcast. It would sound like me doing those voices. My goal is to get you to do an EP is jelly roll. Yeah, it's, I don't really care to hear the actual jelly roll at this point. I just want you to do more of what you're doing.

I will never know what real jelly roll sounds like. No, and I'm fine with that. I live in this world now. I would like to apologize for my blown out voice on After Dark for those that listened last week. It started to turn very much into Stone Cold, and I'm better than that. so apologies but I have a list here I've been taking notes on jelly roll

like I have a set list a jelly roll set list some of them have already broken out but somewhat I want to shout out at 7,000 moon pies for saying I saw Elvis in a potato chip once but hearing it in the server jelly roll voice but some notes that I've made are love truck Martin short of Otica Davra

blown quitted trefts turns out Hogwarts is in Arkansas and that was just a football league in Cinecula and then I have a list of drugs that he I do that, or like make other drugs out of. Fritos, Doritos, Comet Cleaner, Giddy Up 409 Cleaner, and Gane. So these are just things I'm workshopping. And this is a free episode of Fullcast.

So just you never know when on one of these 10 other things that I'm involved with, one of those things might pop out. Thank you for letting us inside. Letting us inside your process. This is, it's like seeing the rough notes. I'm planning on having a day alone in the hotel on Tuesday in Myrtle Beach to just continue to flesh that out. Can I give you another one?

Can I give you another one? Sure. Yeah, I'll be happy to put down. Purple Fabuloso and Topical Dental Novocaine. Yeah, there you go. Purple Fabuloso is a good one. That's actually my favorite flavor. Listen, on a hot summer day, tall glass ice, fabuloso.

Advertised is great, but it's actually raspberry. Yeah. And a sprig of rosemary in there, so refreshing. And I think that concludes podcast business. Let's look at the schedule real quick. So, my God. You're hearing this Wednesday, which means last night, Kennesaw State became bowl eligible.

That's right, because they would have beaten U-TEP. That's what happens. By the way, James Madison at Texas State, that was also a great game. I'm just going to call it crazy. Texas State managed to win or managed to pull ahead in the fourth quarter, but then James Madison had to come back, because Bob Cheson needs the shit in a 38, 35.

Wow. Boy, if I'm right. Bang. Bang. Be nutty. Wednesday is your conference USA night. Missouri State is unstoppable on Wednesday nights. So there you go.

Thursday night, we of course will be at Marshall Coastal Carolina, the night after our Myrtle Beach show that you can attend. Scroll back 5 to 10 minutes for information on that. Tulane UTSA is also a decent game. Have that on your second screen because, of course, you will be attending Marshall Coastal Carolina with us. That's right. um in addition to that kind of a weird week like i know we always say yes well we can this year it keeps being true well this is this was one of the most challenging watch grids i've ever assembled let me put it that way it goes up in the until saturday newsletter and it's it's pretty now

for anyone who doesn't know that so you can yell at me about how it's pretty lost your edge man this was this was tough like Memphis rice i think is like it's a big spread but like it's worth keeping an eye on. Like, there's a lot of G5 stuff where it's like, okay, one, like, there's only one head to head between those contenders on Saturday, but like Memphis Rice, that could be really important. Unc. Syracuse, every UNC game now is Bill Belichick loses miserably rather than getting blown out. So that's fun. Saturday, okay, this was very clearly supposed to be Penn State, Ohio State Day. A lot of stuff cleared out for that. Well, now we have a bit of a content vacuum because, like, okay, Vandy, Texas, that's big.

Miami going to SMU, that could be important. You know, Navy, North Texas. Yes, that's important. Coach, I hope you have the boys tuned up for an undefeated team coming to town. But other than that, the noon slate, the noon E.T is, I mean, it's going to be great, to be clear. We'll say it a thousand times. Every Saturday is good. But it's not one that's going to set ratings records.

I'll tell you, listen, when it comes to the table, you'll be like, what did we order? But it'll still be pretty tasting. Yeah. What is this shit? I love it. I will also state that this is the week. I've decided that this is the ACC week because every game feels like an ACC game.

It doesn't matter. We've been saying it's like three weeks in a row now. We have taken the ACC coastal crab bucket and nationalized it. Yeah. Like Rutgers, Illinois, ACC game. Yeah. That's an ACC game. Yeah.

Like if you were to read it with a Geiger counter, it would be identical. Louisville at Virginia Tech, extremely ACC, ACC. So ACC, it's on the CW. that's right Texas Tech and Kansas State feels kind of

ACC-ish yeah Kansas State is 4 and 4 that's ACC improved a vastly improved Kansas State figuring some things

out improved what over two weeks ago that you mean yes okay improved over the start of the year

Indiana Maryland feels ACC in a lot of ways yeah except Indiana is really good at football yeah the results will be

the usual slaughter. Georgia, Florida. George is favored by only a touchdown. Also, it feels like an ACC game. Once again, Florida will be a touchdown underdog until the end of time. Forever, Charlie Brown, just out of reach. That's fine.

That's fine. Don't watch it. Notre Dame Boston College. Dear God, don't watch that. Yeah. USC at Nebraska? Is one of the bigger games. That's how weird this day is.

It is one of the five biggest games. games going on here. If I was actually going to give you a game that was going to be the most competitive one of the day, one that I am pretty sure is going to be quality top to bottom, Cincinnati at Utah. That's where we're at. Yeah, that's one of the late-nighters. Yes. Utah coming off of, I don't really know what to describe there.

This was, as soon as I left after dark, I look up and it's 40 to nothing at the end of the first half over Colorado. And Utah is spiking the ball so they can kick a field goal to go into the half up 43. So that's how Utah's rolling in. They're up to number seven in SP Plus. These are my Utes once again. Yes.

Against future LSU coach, Scott Satterfield. That's right. Because Sinci is 7 and 1 at this point and undefeated in the Big 12, I believe. Yes. Also, earlier in the day, you have either Mark Stoops or Hugh Free's losing. Oklahoma, Tennessee is the big obvious, big game.

It's other than Texas Fandy. Georgia Tech going to NC State could be interesting. Every Georgia Tech game is interesting because they always win by three points. And, yeah, otherwise, it's like, oh, shit, Virginia Cal is pretty important. It is. And then, like, just tons and tons of G5 stuff

that's, like, there's a big favorite, but not guaranteed. Yeah. So, oddball week, but you do get to see, in the SEC, at least, a clash of teams where there is a truly legendary quarterback who is changing the way we understand the position and is hype matches reality matches the hype. And on the other side of that field will be Arch Manning. If he plays.