Shutdown Fullcast - OLD MAN COACH HARD

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Not a lot to talk about following Week 1 but we’ll try our bestNow through September 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch will be donated to Mid-South Trans Nation. Visit preownedairboats.com to find the finest Blue Sharks gear and other Fullcast-related itemsThis episode was produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme song arranged and performed by Corey CunninghamSubscribe to our new $4 Patreon for more Fullcast stuff big and small, including After Dark episodes each CFB weekendCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz and his new show, PodcasterinoListen to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Jason's critically praised novel and other workDID YOU KNOW: Spencer also writes Channel 6, his own year-round newsletter, which is mostly about football unless it's notVisit HOMEFIELDAPPAREL DOT COM for all your comfy vintage oh-fficially licensed collegiate apparel needs

I think we all agree that everything Rudy Giuliani said happened about his car accident is like above board, no reason to question it. Rendering aid, these are just things that make sense. These are things that definitely are true and we're not saying in any way that they're untrue. Whatever happened on that highway was, yep, just as Rudy Giuliani's business partner said. Would it interrupt you too badly to ask what the things he said happened were? Because I only scrolled past the screenshot. Sure. Let me find, let me find.

the statement i need to know what completely reliable witness rudy juliani said yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh okay finding things on the internet is fucking impossibly are you getting the a i i'm getting the a i'm getting that and i'm just getting like yeah i'm just getting like a lot of a lot of right here it why don't you go to juliani on angel fire google ai is telling you rudy juliani allowed 48 points to the tc u horned frogs last night all right here we go uh official statement for immediate release on the evening of august 30th 2025 in new hampshire mayor juliani was involved in a motor vehicle accident really love that we're calling him there like he's a coach who hasn't been in the NFL in 27 years great prior to the incident he was flagged down by a woman who was the

victim of a domestic violence incident mayor juliani immediately rendered assistance and contacted 911 he remained on scene until responding officers arrived to ensure her safety following this while traveling on the highway, Mayor Giuliani's vehicle was struck from behind at high speed. He was transferred, transported to a nearby trauma center where he was diagnosed with a fractured thoracic vertebrae, multiple lacerations and contusions as well as injuries to his left arm and lower leg. His business partner and medical provider were promptly contacted and arrived at the hospital to oversee his care. All this, very Batman, very Batman so far. At this time, no further updates are available, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. So,

That's what was issued by the head of Mayor Giuliani security on August 31st. Okay. So obviously this is all exactly as it said. We're not questioning in any ways. Yep. 100% beat per beat. But if one were to speculate recklessly and irresponsibly, I assume the three of you have all seen the documentary face off. I recall that one.

Yeah. So it's interesting that this accident lines up when the time, and by the time this comes out, I think President Trump will have made a public appearance since, since we're, or in the middle of us speaking, maybe. But this accident lines up with the time in which everybody was like, gosh, President Trump hasn't made any public appearances. Like, where is he? Is he dead? Is he a zombie? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Is it possible that Donald Trump died, but in fact they are face-offing him with Rudy Giuliani, put his corpse into the car, and now Rudy Giuliani's internal body will be covered with Donald Trump's face and the little voice thing, and that's how Donald Trump will continue to, air quote, live because of successful face officer?

I think the way we'll be able to tell, thank you, the way we'll be able to test this theory will be like, you know, if when Trump speaks, it's like really weird and it's like, it sounds like a two, two different people are battling for control of his vocals and like, and it's really hard to tell what he's talking about. If it doesn't have that trademark Donald Trump smooth talking. Yeah, I mean, like we're used to him being like really lucid and coherent, you know? So, like, if he's not, I'm going to think you're right. Sure. And probably if his hair looks fucked up. Oh, yeah. Like, imagine having to comb someone else's hair.

You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Like, you're going to, it's going to go in crazy directions. So, like, Rudy has never combed Trump's hair before that we know of. Yeah. It's possible that's happened. But if he's, if, if the Donald Trump, we see is fixated on, I don't know, crime that happened in the 90s in New York.

Yeah. Gosh, probably Rudy at that point, right? I mean, that was his wheelhouse. I think, like, additionally, if he's, like, really weirdly shapen and walks weird and, like, his arms kind of, like, hang behind his torso a little bit. And, like, like, the kids from weapons, but walking slowly. Yeah, like, that would be, to me, an indication that, I mean, it would be hard to pilot someone else's body, right? Like, we see this in any movie about a mech pilot hopping in for the first time.

So if you are Rudy Giuliani and you are the crang within the Trump form, Yeah, you're going to stand weird, you know, you're going to, like, jut your torso. You're going to be horrible at golf. They're going to have to cheat at golf for you. Additionally, I've heard that as part of this process, the one body part that they cannot port over is the hand. So, like, it would have to have Rudy's tiny, skinny, bony, wretch hands on Trump's massive frame. It's going to look out of place. Yeah, yeah.

You know, Rudy, bit of a horn dog. so wouldn't be surprised if your new president trump a little bit little bit inappropriate who's to say if if trump commits adultery we'll know it's Rudy because Trump would never do that yeah right family man Donald Trump no he's been married to the same woman for 50 years as well and you know Rudy Giuliani constantly getting dumb jobs for his dumb son that he doesn't deserve so if that starts happening with Trump's kids you that's again you know like okay something is off here this is not the president that we know to be so responsible and so unlike Rudy Giuliani he's been face-offed I mean if anything suspicious happens if just anything we if the country if weird stuff's going on you know like yesterday there's a video of someone throwing bags of shit out of the White House I don't know if it was literal shit or not seems like Rudy stuff to me seems like something Rudy would do not not not the actual president no no no who is now with it in Rudy

body. They don't even have to do that. Could have a job. It would just be who is this shambling wreck of corpse flesh, barely clinging to the surface of the earth and water. Yeah, thank you, Mr. President. Thank you, sir. Yes, sir. Mumbling incoherently about things that happened 40 years ago as his body parts slowly slough off. You know, it's very sad what Bet Midler said to me in 1987. That could be Rudy or Trump. There's no way to know. Sure. Who's this dark souls intro boss that I behold before me. His arm is a dragon

and there's two of him and the skinny one so many flies. Meener. Yep, that's right. But it smells worse. Just throw an axe at him once. Fight done.

So again, definitely not again, I don't believe any of this is real. Be irresponsible to report it. But it's interesting to wonder what a face off is real and Rudy John, Giuliani is the president now.

He wanted to be. We do know he has wanted to be. Yeah, sure. And I don't believe that he would pursue it dishonestly. I just mean, like, we know he was up to the challenge before, because why else would America's mayor ask for the job if he didn't know he could do it? Yeah, I mean, it's taken away from his busy time traversing the highways of New Hampshire, helping domestic violence.

Right. As we know, he is a certified EMT. and this is slash superhero you know when you tell a line you just throw a detail that's just it's just too much detail right like yeah so i was there uh helping helping a woman a domestic violence victim yeah that's what i was it was 12 baby ducklings yeah that i was it it was it 243 it was it 240 exactly 30 minutes later i was hit by a truck I remember it vividly. These are crack lies.

This is totally like guy knocking on your door at 3M. You open it and he's like, I need to use your phone. It's your president. This guy's just Rudy Giuliani. You are neither of those people. I'm both of them. John. Oh God, John Wu pops his head in from the back.

Like, don't make me, don't make me get out the dubs. I'll release them all over the scene. right now. Oh, the slow motion doves. All right, you guys come in. You can use my phone. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast.

I am Spencer Hall today. I am joined by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk. And on the ones that two, Michael Serber. We are here to talk about a few things, just not even 18 hours, 16 hours, after Bill Belichick's stunning debut as a college football coach college football is easy that's what we've learned

all you need to do is coach for 20 years like Sunny Dykes take over a couple programs recruit a little bit and you can defeat a legendary NFL coach who decided to pick up the game on a lark at the age of 73 it's just that simple you can beat it by 34 points

that's something that TCU can do pick up the game you can get you can get made fun of by the brain rot geniuses behind tCU's media all of their social media accounts not just one of them but every single one of them will take a highly customized dump on your head in different formats across all your facebook's twitter's instagrams blue skies whatever the things you call instaface because you are 7000 years old yeah no i'm not i'm not going to worry about that stuff guess who worries about that stuff tc you worried about it. They made some banger brain rot about this one. When you are inhabiting, when you at age 73, mind you are inhabiting a world of 20-year-olds

and I'm not just referring to your personal life, those 20-year-olds are going to post about you. And this is what they're going to post. The weirdest shit you've ever seen in your life, you are going to think you are halfway to the upper room when you behold what TCU is posting about you after having chat 34 point scoring margin upon you. I do like, Spencer, you said, pick up the game. really does feel like how it went. Like he walked in like, oh, what the fuck is this? Oh, I could play this.

Yeah, let me put a quarter in. Oh, no, I'm getting my ass kicked. Oh, this looks easy, but, oh, shit. He looked like a dad playing Super Smash Bros. Got off one good combo. The rest of the time got his ass kicked right off the screen. What the fuck? It was not even letting me play.

The number of times they flashed over, and he was saying, what the fuck are we doing? Like, you could just mumbling. Hey, stayed cool, though. Stayed cool all the whole time. Yeah, he didn't have sleeves. Didn't let him, didn't let him see him sweat. Because the sweatshirt covering it all up.

Because he had the sweatshirt covering up the fact that that that man was flop sweating. His anger was evaporating all of his sweat instantly. Got his wandering Ronan of a son with his literal top knot. He looks like, honestly, he looked like a full metal alchemist character. Like he looked like, he looked like, the buff butcher. the beefy Western butcher and they flashed him and he's got the top knot

you know they put a goddamn dog in the booth they were so bored they put a headset if you didn't watch it I don't just mean like oh let's bring the dog in for a minute they were like let the dog do work

they were all these adults in the booth were giggling about like let's give a dog job. That's more fun. I wish the dog had started talking. I wish the dog had been Burr, you see those coverage bust

here. You can tell there's no there's no cohesion in the secondary for you and see and that's all the coaching stuff. Woof woof, I don't blame the Falcons for passing on this shit. Bow wow. I like the

more the more stentorian take that the dog would get the mic and be like all right everybody, it's the fourth corner. It's like sweet sweet golden retriever you expect Like, oh, both teams are trying hard. No, you can't get this fucking garbage off the field. I'm sick of this shit.

Yeah, just him is like the frustrated Italian announcer who takes over only an Italian to, like, sing the miseries of A.C. Milan, right? He's like, oh, que bruta! Senore! Seniors! For a bit of a touchdown for you and see! Oh, a touchdown! The videos of like fucking up Italian cooking in front of an Italian. Like dumping American cheese into pasta in front of...

Stunat! Brought Michael Jordan here to watch this shit. Yeah. And watch Michael Jordan leave. According to... I don't know if the Blue Sky Post is real because Michael Jordan's tail number, it appears to be private.

But at the same time, that's fine. I believe he didn't stick around for that. I want to believe. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking about this was with Godfrey today. And it's like, okay, obviously a lot of comparisons to the Colorado game. But that game was made a big deal, first of all, because Fox put it on Big Noon.

And Dionne and Colorado were part of it. But also, if I remember correctly, TCU was made an equal part of that. They were just, they, it was their first game since playing in the national championship. It was sort of a question of like, okay, what are they going to do? It was a home game for TCU. you. And Colorado had not yet really unleashed the like, oh, we're super popular. Like, this was not the game where they were like, here's Michael Irvin and a bunch of Miami guys for some reason. They waited until they won some games. And then they leaned very

hard into like, okay, we need to capitalize on this. UNC did all that shit before they'd even scored a point. The other big difference is the Dion hype thing was in large part, here's former number one recruit Travis Hunter who plays both sides of the ball here's Stradour and who was amazing in that T-C like here is three exciting as far as we know

players in addition to Dion UNC within about eight minutes it was like oh right there's a reason Bill was on all the advertisements for this game no offense to any of the 70 new players Michael Lombardi brought in

but most people I ain't heard of these guys it would be great to black box that though like if you said okay take bellichick off and unc basically did this come and see football as coached by grandpa old man old man is here old man coach hard old man acc old man it's also like if it's like uh come see dion it's to be oh i bet his team's gonna do some flashy shit right sure come see belichick they're going along snap proficiently no they can't even not really that that's the one thing he cares about they can't even do that didn't even do that didn't

knew any cool fullback shit none of that no age back no i'm glad you brought up snapping the insanity of in 2025 a power four team the announcer saying yeah he talked about that uh with us in the zoom call they're a little worried about the shotgun like it's 2025 a coach you had tom brady in the shotgun for a whole season 18 years ago i learned the shotgun in one week when i was 12

What the hell are y'all doing all year? I mean, there's a reason the air raid uses it, right? They're like, air raid's like, hey, what do you do? What's the proper footwork? I need to know. They're like, just stand there, dude. Here, just stand there, catch it. Throw the fucking ball.

I wonder if, like, Bill and them came down from the NFL, and they're like, in our 7,000 of practice, we're going to start installing snap. It's like, no, dog, you get eight minutes of practice. That's the college office. Get fucking to it. You're not installed yet. Oops. It's too late.

Kick off. Yeah, that came out in 2-1 personnel. It did very well on it in their first drive, but they came out in 2-1 personnel, and I thought, oh, here comes. Big boy, folks. We'll bring it back. We'll bring it back 2-1. Like, for about 30 seconds, I was like, yeah, maybe they figured this shit out.

Nobody else, nobody works out of twin tights anymore. This is great. This could be innovative, and they scored. I'm like, that's awesome. And then the next play, TCU was like, gap fill. Done over. No adjustments. We had no adjustments for that.

What else you got? Well, that's it. That's it. Got one move. And like, like, at least theoretical. part of this is like Bill's gonna do so well at UNC that he'll make all those NFL guys

jealous that they didn't see how beautiful and smart. He wasn't instead Sunny Dykes is like blah nuts on your face what like it's hard like yeah this absolutely transparently this wasn't like Jim Haribal like I'm going to go down and restore my alma mater yes this wasn't

Pete Carroll like I'm going to go give a whole Pete Carroll's worth of a shit about USC this was ah fuck it I'll take this stupid job to show the NFL what they're missing, and then they'll beg me to come back. No, you're going to suck at it because you don't care about it. Like, you should have just taken a D2 job or something. To be fair.

That would have been, yeah. That would have been like, okay, Bill Belichick wants to do this for its own measure, not UNC decided for the first time and forever. Like, what if we got a bag together for football, and what if we lit it on fire? Like Bill Belichick coaching some D3, Massachusetts yacht, team that they you know they haven't won anything in 85 years that's cool coaching like scramble football somewhere oh yeah fucking love it go to an academy go to merchant marine football i don't know if they need a job they need a coach but surely they

could a defensive coordinator or something but like oh god man y'all are stuck with this for a long time oh you started like a year you know a season because like if bill leaves there's steve fuck uh yeah steve samurai samurai steve and like he's a ronan doesn't work for anybody because he got fired everyone assumes the plan is for steve to step up steve's side of the ball is the side that fucked up the most hey but it's mostly bill's side of the ball to be clear that's at least consistent with unc's traditions over the last 15 years that's the thing that's the thing like that looked like a defense that could give up 70 to jms you i'll tell you what i remember all the times in the past six years the

mac brown era where unc just had like astoundingly bad defense right well even in that even in that that big old shootout against jm u it was still a shootout right it wasn't a blowout mac brown didn't get blown out a lot he lost a you know a handful of 20-point games there was one 29 pointer against clemson that was the worst it ever got this is already worse than that like tc u's not clemson and 34's not 29 and it should have been 55 but tCU downed it at the jesus fuck man dude the the saddest stat i found was i was comparing belich to herm edwards Because coming into this, Herm Edwards was kind of the comp, right? Like college coach coming down, doesn't give a fuck, thinks it's easy.

All time. NFL, great. NFL legend. Herm actually did a pretty good job, all right? I'm not saying they should have kept him, but Herm did a pretty good job. 66 and 60 off the top, no, 26 and 20 off the top of my head is the record. I was like, damn. I was like, damn.

I was like, don't fall asleep. And I'm like, God, Harry Medward just been at ASU for like nine years. I think I was conflating it with Max's record. But it was roughly 26 and 20. the worst loss he had was an 18-pointer to Utah. Utah's really good. A lot of Herm's losses are really close. 18 points. Belichick's almost doubled that in game one. They better hope TCU is just fucking amazing.

TCU might be. They got a really good quarterback. They're a really good coach. They were really solid last year, but holy shit, man. Yeah. I mean, the offense looked impressive. The defense, okay, the defense looked good. I don't really know how my data is there just because I saw a common theme though in week one right more common here I'm just going to lean on that like I have some strong indicators pretty sure both Ohio State and Texas is defenses very good pretty I feel pretty confident in that do I feel confident after watching UNC miss a zillion tackles and watch the offensive line crumble under simple stunts and pressure

am I sure that TCU's defense is really good? They just don't do this in the NFL, Spencer. These things don't happen at the pro football level. I don't take a three-star running back and jam it down your throat as an air raid team. I know TCU runs the ball like a lot. They're not. This is the first time they'd had a 100-yard rusher in a year. This is the first time they've gone for over 200 as a team since 2020.

It's not their thing. It's not. It's a compliment. It's not a standard main thing. day thing for them, yeah. It's like choking on the asparagus is at a steak restaurant. It is. It is. It's like

an M.M.A guy knocking you out rather than choking you out. Right? If you just hit you with some weird cat flail punch and you just fold. That's what this is like. There are so many embarrassing things about this. Like, it's in addition

to Bill Belichick having to do the press conference underneath an inexplicably arranged. arch of blue and white balloons a homecoming which somebody dug up the photos Mac had been they'd been putting that up for Mac last year too it looks so much sillier with Belichick especially when he's the saddest he's ever been in his entire life realizing he has to do this shit for three more months welcome to prom under this sea magical night for you and your friends there is no smoking inside or outside of the gym.

Oh, well, I'll be your guide to depression prom. Do your job. I'm stuck here for three months and so are you. We're on to Charlotte. You're on to Charlotte. You could have put, I would say almost anyone else in this job, and we probably wouldn't have cared that they got, we would have said like, yep, it's game one, year one, the wheels had sort of fallen off at the end of Mac, they have all this turn.

turnover you know okay it's a long rebuild but and as everyone else has pointed out but because they put so much of it on bill and like football modoc is here and it's right and like honestly the tip point for me is as soon as Michael Lombardi calls them calls them the 33rd NFL team that's when I'm like brother you better fucking rock that's the one that goes two and 15 dude is your subjags That's what you're telling me. You're not quite Jets. This is what happened. You already built that team.

The Browns are 33rd. I'm going to build the Browns, too. That's what you're saying. Almost Brown. Not so cheesy. We're the Brown's second division club. It's amazing because that's what happens when you hire all your boys. They talk all the shit without your authorization, right?

But Lombardi's doing the fucking coaches show. Like, this is a statement from the throne of UNC as far, whatever Lombardi says. That's good for him, though. Like, that's what he should be doing is he should be doing the podcasting. And that's it. Like, that's, what should you be doing? Dropping a hot podcast. That's what Bill could have been doing.

Bill could have spent this entire. He doesn't need this money. He could have just been doing podcasts. Bill's got Michael Lombardi out here is the Paul Heyman who's wrong. I got a prediction, not a spoiler for you. We're going to get our asses kicked. you're gonna cry tears of joy from how bad you beat my ass like god damn dude you got you got casual people on the internet being like i guess i got to pay attention to the unc charlotte

game yeah man i can't take anything for granted i mean when they announced this hulu show i was like oh god i'm out on that i'm back in now people are already like oh looking forward to the scott Frost showdown in a few weeks. What the fuck? What have you got your something to do? The duel with the minds. You made LT leave the game in the third quarter. Do you know how dangerous that is? There's no telling what he went and did. If Bill Belcher gets

putting a coaching chokehold by Scott Frost, he should just walk off that fucking are you kidding me? This is the man who quit the Jets after a day. So, Dave Doran, finish him off. Oh, you don't think, you don't think every offensive coordinator on the planet is like, ooh, let me get a 35 point lead. Let me run this flea flicker when I'm up by 21.

Justin Wilcox is like, I know how to save this job, beat the shit out of Bill Belichick. I mean, you want that head. You want that pelt, right? Yeah, like, granted everyone else did, but I did too. Eight Super Bowls, man. Those big transitive Super Bowls for me. And this is not, this is not like, I'm going to paint with a broad brush here, and I may regret it, but whatever. This is not like Nebraska, where you can bring in somebody and they can suffer through a bad year, but Nebraska fans are like, fuck it, we ride.

Like, we are serious. These folks rode out in the third. Yeah, like, and I'm not even here to criticize them for it, but UNC fans, there are obviously some football fans who are going to feel that way, but most are going to be like, fuck, this sucks, not doing this. You kidding me? so you're going to be fucking struggling with Stanford with 8,000 people in attendance? This is what you've done with your legacy. Yeah.

And I mean, you know, like there's just always a thing you have to say after week one. Like, it could get better. It could get significantly better. And then maybe they would lose the TCU by 10? I don't know. This is like if Garth Brooks did Chris Gaines now. That's what it's like. That's a good idea.

I think that's a good idea. In clothes that were exactly the same size. size as they were in the 90s yeah he could bring it back there is there is max johnson looked pretty good in relief of gos sure i did he looked and i want to say that more for max johnson's i take zero from that i took i take this it's very cool that after mangling his leg and learning to walk again max johnson went out there and threw some strikes yes that's that's great that's real good for him happy about that do i think it means that everyone's going to learn how to do things no

In fact, I think the staff is going to learn less. There is no time to learn. You don't forget shit? No, they're going to devolve. Because if you think this is a bottom, no, remember, there's always a lower spot. Do you think they'll steer out of, they'll steer the wrong way and be like, more complexity, added playbook, more. Learn more children. I think they have so many things to relearn that even the introduction of simple inputs at this time will cause the ship.

to go wildly out of control. For instance, they have to fix tackling. Last night, TCU called like 20 plays that were throw to the flat, see if you can tackle. And it wasn't like one guy missing the tackle, like two, sometimes three guys missing the tackle, meaning this is what you should have worked on and learned in the off season. You just couldn't, you just couldn't like fold this into like two o'clock on Saturday. You had to do it all by your lonesome on a holiday night. And on a spot when, like, NFL fans are already like, this is when I watch football, I'm going to pay attention to this. Like, so many people who don't care about UNC watch this.

Oh, boy. Yeah. He did look like, that did look like a solid audition for the Falcons. I mean, as we've noted on this program, we'll take anybody. Every coach has to do a stint here. so yeah come on so a 75 year old Bill Belichick advertised as old man

come watch old man coach so fucking old so old it was so bad I did not even see any Jordan jokes I saw like maybe one or two they barely even showed her unless it was when I was like not looking at the screen like they were like oh this is far more fascinating than any of the celebs in the crowd she was in the booth with like Randy Moss who I know Randy was like my man this sucks

These guys look These guys look like shit Rough day for your grandpa, huh? It was so bad that the easiest distractible joke could not be made So loud was the crashing noise on the field So high were the flames It rendered that storyline irrelevant

Yeah It rendered it completely irrelevant It did, it went back to this Man, do you know how to do? this like that really is like it very much yeah the main thing is like fuck all that other shit look how bad this team is unc you are the 2024 fSU of 2025 it was it was so bad it made everyone into a responsible sports fan for a moment because it immediately was like listen we need to talk about how you can't do this job yeah you're not producing a product it wasn't a blame her it

was a blame you dog yeah you fucked up you fucked this up yeah we should be talking about the we should be talking about the easy dumb guy distraction instead you lost so badly even dumb guys are like hey wait i would have many points i wasn't very clear i'm a misogynist but i don't think that has anything to do with what's going on in here as a cave man i cannot blame jordan for 560 yards So mediocre I put misogyny to side Pick up heavy burden of

fact. That guy's so bad at this she might have helped. Think about how bad it would have been if she hadn't made sure he showed up to practice. Football worse than equality. Speaking of casual misogyny and not so casual misogyny, I find myself playing a very stupid game that I would like Spencer to help me with.

Again, this is not a saw game. This is just the amusement thing I did my spare time this morning. I realized, and I don't really, I can't really explain how my brain got here. I realized that it's very fun to say Kenny Powers quotes in Bell Belichick's voice. So Spencer, if you'll indulge me, I'm going to drop into our chat. I have five of them I'm gonna drop them one at a time and if you wouldn't mind

I'd like you to read these in your best Bill Belichick if you don't mind Here's the first one I've been blessed with many things In this life An arm like a damn rocket A cock like a Burmese python

And The mind of a fucking scientist All right Here's your next one Oh what do I know I know that one of them had Their own personal stylist and one of the shot lists their shit from fashion bug.

That's what I know. Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give you a couple short and sweet ones here. Well, why give 100% when 35% will get you paid and late? Boy, that one's relevant. That one's super relevant. Okay.

One more for you? I play real sports, not trying to be the best of exercising. again that's pretty apt as well right last one running stretching physical conditioning these are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges baseball player faces i heard that bullshit thrown at me all my damn life i mean you know what kenny powers says fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless Thanks Welcome to Charlotte Thank you That's a really good Bill There's a lot of little nuances in there

Yeah just like The little waivers in it Anytime you're bored during your day Just imagine Bill Belichick saying Not trying to be the best at exercising And you'll really have it He sometimes perks up for a minute And then it just goes away

Right he's like Thinking about punting I forgot about punting moment of joy when I was nine gone we did too much fucking punning I don't too much I feel like when Bart had to smoke all the cigarettes well I hate football I don't like football anymore I don't think he likes football at all can you please he's the ultimate NFL coach he's like I want to identify the first problem with my football stupid fucking game I mean as far as I can tell him is not all the plays went wrong

That's when the first play was fine, and then everything was bad after that. Meanwhile, if you look at the postgame footage, there's Sunny Dikes doing TCUs like, Zinky Ziki, Zika, Ra, R, Ra, Zia, Gah, Baga, Baga, Baga. Sunny Degg's walking off the field leg. Y'all talked about the other team a whole lot, didn't you? Strut, Strut, Strut, Strut, Strut, Strut, Strip, Strip, Strip, what are you going to go do now? I'm going to go text a 19-year-old. Who's going to transfer?

From UNC. Yeah, from UNC. I got recruits to poach. Hey, Hey, we have fun over here. Over there in the humdrum. Humdrumville. Gassed, listen, just gassed up on 30-year-old air raid concepts and hullabaloo.

Love him so much. It's good. You got your ass beat by a clown. That's awesome. I don't mean a sports clown. I mean an actual football clown. More joy. Most college football coaches are.

Like, one of the big 12 teams that is truly. what we think of as big 12 team you lost to that which you know lots of teams have but still not that badly do you think last night bill belchick thought for a second he's like god no i know my nick was so mad and nick quit your best friend quit your best friend said this shit sucks don't do this shit anymore and you said ah it'll be fine i know i've never tried it but surely i'll like it more than he did he's lazy and stupid not like me for two for for for three decades this shit is done all right give dad the controller for three seconds for three decades at four different spots and nick saven was the angriest man on the planet because his subordinates

could not do one fucking thing he told them right well i'm sorry perfectly not right perfectly in wins he was that way what he was famously matter and wins than losses you need to know that there are a series of wistfully soundtrack tick talks right now that are nothing but Nick Saban screaming at people in 35 point wins and they're like got to bring it back got to get it back to this can you imagine the darkness that will wash over this man's soul if they pull out a miracle to beat NC State for their fourth win of the season if everyone's going fucking nuts because they won on the world and he's like hooray we're four and knock NC State out of the conference title you know so therefore it is a big win yes yes and for him he's

This is going to be like, Jesus Christ. I want that to be the sixth win because I want him to have to do this shit for another four weeks. We have to play Navy, but that's who I really love. Maybe Navy will adopt me. Then he'd go to Navy, and he'd be like, oh, goddamn America. Since I've had it with this country. Some of the most beautiful shit I've ever seen. Look at what you're doing.

That's awesome. Now I'm coaching. If he coached them, he's just going to be like, let it fall down. Who care? I don't need a military. I'm stuck here doing it. I mean, it's bullshit anyway. We're going to start running a Navy's offense.

I'm going to install it this morning. See the Dolphins. If the dolphins need a secondary coach, I'll take the team of my. I don't do anything. Just get me out of here, please. Here's your fucking green juice, Jordan. She tastes awful. Jordon, please get me out of here.

Tell Steve to wake up. You can't. He can't keep sleeping in the garden. Jordan, tell Steve this is his job, please. I mean, Jesus Christ, look at him. Look a fucking Ronan. Tell my samurai son to go ahead and kill me. Tell him to go find a job in a parking lot.

What jobs are those? Whatever. Tell Steve Belichick go become a drug dealer? Yeah, that's it. You know what? there's a job out there somewhere. I don't have to find it for him anymore. Based on how he handled TCU's defense, he's good at handing out highs. And a traffic cop, just saw him waving guys forward once you take seven yards.

Yeah. You know, maybe make him a bartender because he's handing out yak. if only had the strength you know look how much football talk we've done on this show thanks to Bill that's how we love football people say

oh you guys ignore football until a minute 57 look who's brought the feeling back who's brought that real ball this is a hardcore gridiron X's and O's program now I hope somewhere Bill Belichick's like no this show used to be my escape

they used to be the four 48 minutes per week when I didn't think about football. But instead, they're reviewing my failures. He's just got like the Cape Cod newspaper and there's some article there about a lobster man who got his arm ripped off and died when it got caught in a trap and he's like, yeah, that's a lucky

guy. What a lucky guy. It's all over now. Jordan, please. Feed me to the lobsters now. I'm ready to go. I think I'd be a great mer man. He would be, though. I can't explain why.

It's just a good merman. It's there. It is. Oh, man. Yeah. You know what? He's brought back real ball. You know what else he's brought back, you know,

in the spirit of doing your job? A little bit of business. Time to do our job. Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. Doing business. Podcast business.

Craving a sweet death. That's Bill of Jackie staring at the sea and looking it and saying, why don't you take me? my favorite book's the awakening no there's a lady who had the right there is a crowd game found the gap ran straight for the sea unlike us

Kate's feet were chopping doing my best year oh boy Oh, yeah, Bill Belichick would look at The Awakening as a footwork. Yeah. When you're, when you got that wash coming at you, you know, those, those chop blocks coming at you. That's right. You just got to proceed through them.

That's good. You know, she just got her elbow in. You got to get inside position. What do you think about the, what do you think about the themes of feminine? The what now? Well, you know, when you're filtering through that static toward your goal, you just got to find a way to shed those blocks into the depth of the sea. so that you don't have to think anymore. That's high literature,

much like the content you'll find on the Channel 6 newsletter. That's right, Channel 6 newsletter produced by myself and Holly Anderson. We are already in peak mid-season form. If you go to channel dash 6.ghost.io, that is the URL. It isn't either one of our social media bios.

Okay, just it's all over the place. For $10 a month, we will give you two things. the first edition of the top whatever where we rank the teams that we want to rank, guess it was top. That'd be TCU. Yeah, because they helped bring real ball back. Were they playing the real ball?

No, UNC was playing the real ball. Frustrating, ineffective, stubborn, two tight ends, cloud of dust, another cloud of dust, maybe an explosion or two, injuries, real football, losing by 34. That's the kind of insight that you can get. only on the channel 6 newsletter but we again we'll give you two magnificent things and a pregame chat on saturdays an invention of our own no one has ever joined hands before the games i mean on saturday and now that a morning talk about what that lee corso is gone i think you two are picking up the mantle like it's it's y'all now we'll be placing the head of the

mascot on indicating which team we believe will win you should do the body he get He did the head. He will adorn himself with the shoes. That's right. Put the body on your head. Put the body on your head. Become some sort of like anti-human sentiment. He is the upside-down power frogs.

We will take two halves of the mascot and join them, right? You'll have to figure out. It's clavarian. The demented beast. Like some misassembled shrine of the silver monkey. An animal from the book of Daniel has been selected. And the island of Dr. Moritz. If this doesn't sound like a business pitch, I don't know what is.

Again, that's the channel 6 newsletter, channel dash 6.ghost.io. That's 6 the number available on ghost. You can also read either one of our fine openers. Holly absolutely slayed hers. Bloom, are you planning about? Why don't we watch this fine sport? I found it very moving. I believe you will as well.

Again, Channel 6, two things a week for just $10. I also have something else to sell you. One more thing. I'm going to double up this week. Spencer's getting rid of a lawnmower. I am. No, I'm not cutting grass. I'm kicking some ass.

That's right here on this here, shut down, forecast. That's right. We have a Patreon. And you, you could be a member of said Patreon. There are so many ways that you can support this podcast and ensure that we pay our producers and keep the content flowing.

Two levels, and I love both of them, that's right. You can, one, give us four bucks a month for the very thing that you are hearing. Brought to you really only by one sort of grandfathered-in sponsor and an excellent one at that, we'll get to them. $4 a month. If you're like, oh, hey, we'd love to pay more and support you a little bit more,

you can customize that number all you want. right do you want to give us uh you know six dollars and 90 cents because that's a nice number it's a little 2004 internety but we'll take it that those checks cash fun fact fun fact the first person to uh begin giving us 69 dollars a month was a lady so everyone who said um that jokes for dudes only nice try mm-mm takes two ladies are jokers too yeah you can do the four a month or you could be a mega booster now you might want to know what do you get for your four dollars a month that's different than the hundred dollars you get not bill belichick that's for one that goddamn thing bill bill bill mr. status and you are not responsible for unccc

hiring bill bella check yeah congratulations you didn't do that shit you know you probably would have hired john somer who's you know two lane team absolutely hammered northwester for it's like defended the city of new orleans against evinston illinois you could have had that Yeah, you could have had that by, you know, some of 23 to 3 that felt, oh, so much worse. But you didn't do that. Instead, you were like, hey, I'm going to give my money to the best football team I know, the shutdown forecast. That's right. You'll get podcast episodes.

You'll get deep dives. Hey, we're going to do a bonus episode right after that, right after this. You'll get to listen to that. You will be a part of that. And then for $100, you get all that and you give us $100. It's a great deal. Yeah, you get nothing in addition. as of right now

thank you to the 6,000 of you who have joined with it has been not yet a month since we launched this thing. It's literally refreshing another one of you showed up. I see that hand. That's Bill. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

to the 16 mega boosters that we have on board. One of you has joined fairly recently. Two of you have joined fairly recently. Thank you. Thank you both. Also, if you're a mega booster, I'll say things like this. Go canes. Because I know one of these I know you're out there. I'm not doing that.

No, I just, but that's a Spencer-only deal. Hey, reverse psychology. Join me here. Okay, all right, fine. Whatever. Nothing bad can happen to you, Cainz. You beat Notre Dame, surely. That is a complete and thorough test of your football capabilities.

Mario Cristobal, off the hook. Take that monkey. Throw it off your back. Take the monkey. Sell it. Take some of that money. Give it to the shutdown forecast. Give us the monkey.

I would like to know more about the legality of monkey sales before I advise this. Give us the monkey. If this is South Florida, you're right. It's fine. What are you talking about? It's fine. I took him to my monkey guy. Says he's good.

Show me in the Constitution versus I can't sell a monkey. Show me! Thank you. I am through selling the things that I am going to sell the full cast and Channel 6. All right. I'll sell Phantom Island. Phantom Island. Phantom Island, a podcast you can listen to, the same place you're listening to this podcast. We have one free episode a week on Wednesdays. We have one partially pay-willed episode a week on Fridays.

What will those episodes be? Well, the day you're listening to this is the same day that Stephen Godfrey and I are reviewing the championships of the bubble. And trying to uncover why does everyone think the Lakers are bullshit for winning that one NBA title? Why specifically the Lakers? I have what I think is a reasonable answer to it. although I will admit some of it is just that a lot of people fucking hate the lakers that was going to be my guess that is a part of it but like a lot of people also hate the lightning and a lot of people people hate the dodgers like the lakers are not alone in being

hated but I think we had we landed on what I found to be at least a reasonably satisfying answer for why everybody just loves dunking on that particular title on Friday if you sign up at phantom island dot show you can listen to a new episode of We're not all like this about the Seattle Seahawks. Is Meena Kimes on the episode? Yes, Mina Kimes is on the episode. Why? Because Meena Kimes is nice and says yes to almost any media requests, it turns out.

But she also is on with a couple of other fun guests to explain what it is like, rooting for the Seattle Seahawks and the incalculable, I don't know, maybe not psychic damage. Maybe it's psychic strengthening that being Seahawks fan. What doesn't die become strong? or um the most fun part of that episode i will say is that boy all seahawks fans still love pete they're not mad at pete in the slightest no you can't say you can't stay you can't stay mad at pete you know what pete is pete's like the worst dog you've ever had where you're like oh i love marley i love marley so much what did you do he fucked up my program after winning two titles and just left god i miss him come back yeah yeah like what a what a lovable what a lovable what a lovable

of a man that is i hope i hope he realizes confusing amounts of success with the las vegas raiders anyway that's all at phantom island phantom island dot show if you want to sign up and support us today uh i need to tell you as the garage door is opening and closing beneath me right now hope you can hear it i would like to send you some emails as well subscribe to channel six also subscribe to the until saturday newsletter it is free by free i mean free by free i mean once again I don't need to know all the websites who do or don't subscribe to. I mean, you can subscribe to this newsletter for free.

It is the home of the watch grid. The watch grid has been redesigned. Yes, I have sold out and gone corporate. You can blame me. I'm the one who decided it should be pretty. Some of raise questions about, like, why doesn't have horizontal and vertical lines on it because some of them are invisible.

Why don't you leave Zohran Mom Donnie alone, Jason? It's a grid because I called it a grid. How about that? You know what I mean? Like, I am the grid master. I am the grid above all. Like, I decided it's a grid. that's why it's a great.

Alex Kershner is with us on Sunday mornings. You're getting a little bit of forecast and a little bit of split zone in your email inbox, first thing in the morning on Sundays, and also Tuesdays and Thursdays. Putting together some little stats right now about fourth down conversions, attempts so far this season. They're up, noticeably. And today I pretty much just shot on Bill Belichick in Alabama. So, I mean, clearly, you like hearing people say bad things about Bill Belichick. So come and get that in your inbox, too.

Spencer, who's the lucky sponsor that you mentioned that lives on in this new and exciting era? The only capitalist we led into this commune. That's right. The only one of the running dogs that we did not put up against the wall and dispatch with the people's justice. That's right. The only bourgeois pigs that we successfully reformed. Again, this is an advertisement for this company, right? Yeah.

Wait, no, they're outfifters of the revolution. They're good comrades and members of the revolution, Ryan. If we don't offer redemption with our methods, what are we put a totalitarian state? They've confessed. In the Battle of Indianapolis, they indeed led us inside the walls. That's right. And now the good communards of home field apparel. Thank you.

That's all this. are sponsoring this episode as our struggle commences across the frozen wastelands we will be clad in the warmest and most attractivest and softest um authentic college apparel known to the revolution we are hard but yeah well yeah i certainly are server's gone that's it It was like, you said, what? You heard it. Hard. Everything's hard.

College football is hard as hell. College football's really hard. You will note, Bill Balli-Chek not wearing home field apparel on the sideline. Looking like shit, playing like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what UNC hasn't tried? Putting a coach in home field apparel. Maybe that would work.

Think about that, UNC. I think it looks great. And they would play a lot better. You're confusing the athletes. When you do the Jordan brand thing, you confuse the athletes as to what's important. Okay? This whimsical ram on my shirt is really.

I think they're responding well to it. We got to just keep grinding with this ram. You know what Michael Jordan's not doing in the jump mat logo? Tackling. It's really cute. Not tackling a goddamn person. What did you think would happen? it's not cute it's not cute homefield apparel homefield apparel put on a sweatshirt and hey oh look at that

you have a better college coaching record than bill bell check immediately wow you just did you could get listen you could get the unc carolina blue puff ink trucker hat yeah right that instantly changed the vibe puffy hats look really great yeah right yeah you can you can think about julius peppers and wear your hark the sound u nc t from homefield player was a that's right there is a there is an entire north carolina platinum pass box that you could have you can i mean you could have oh my gosh how many thousands of these things instead of bill bellichick and and they have these from many other schools as well who oh yeah were wise enough to not hire yeah oh that's the nice thing is you can be a you can be a school without bill belichick and

home field you can live the you can live the you can live everything you can you can't have it all it turns out this is the only way you think like surely tc u doesn't of course cc u gets home field apparel god win over bill belg they are living amazing amazing that's homefield apparel dot com also uh uncccc fan's uh home field apparel has uh gear for other sports your your athletic department still has those that's the good news right seeing men's hoops women's hoops you have lots of other sports as well sorry i said it was hard you can get into a playing with Michael Jordan in your brand new UNC hoops t-shirt you probably

I don't think Michael Jordan's good how well do you play cards yeah that's the thing you can walk in there and be like hey Michael I bet I can beat you at Pygau and he'd be like but get in this plane you can get in this plane you son of a bitch you can lose $4,000 playing

tonk with Michael Jordan that talk is back wow his voice would be like hey Mike don't do it don't do it that's bait and he's like fuck you man hey bitch get over here get in this plane put on this nice home field apparel michael give you over under over under uh i'll give you a 35 points plus for the heels what do you got yeah we're playing scatigories junior buyin's five grand and later that night when you charles oakley and charles parkley are collected 54 million dollars down by playing

each other the three of you the three of you are all in the hole somehow you're playing war and you're somehow all in the hole in the back room at aria and you're having the greatest night of your life it's one on one and go fish and we're both broke now how did this happen sir when the bank has sent a SWAT team after you for what you've done to your credit you've got to stop gambling the fuck and Michael Jordan has his arm around you and it's like you're a broke bitch you're like this the best night of my life you're my best never going to be shit Thank you, sir. I need these big pants with pockets to hold all your money.

Then you'll be glad you're not well-tailored. Are we so, okay, this is still the whole school, man. He takes your pants and you reveal homefield joggers. And he's like, oh, we better keep playing. You'd be like, man, I've lost 83 hands straight to Michael Jordan. He's like saying, I can't say it can't be 84. bam totally nothing uh hey you know what we get to do now first of all we get to conclude podcast business good thank you for closing that tag that in the

there's something listen there's somebody whose brain was itching like oh man they're they're got to do the i don't know if they're still selling stuff to me or not i wasn't sure to be honest we've seen hey listen for a minute there we were getting pretty anti-capitalist if i'm going to be honest that's crazy we wouldn't do that I didn't mean any of that. What we can do now is we can look at a schedule. It is time to look at a schedule. Spencer, real quick, I just want to know, how's your program?

Well, listen, we had a tough little week here. Played a great team. Played a team that honestly is the standard bear for where we want to be. What team was that? That would be Tulane. Oh, wow. We played too late. And Coach, you got a great program there.

I mean, really, thank you, coach. We came out, thought we were ready, had a great, I'm going to say what coaches always said for this, before they get their ass into them. Had a great week of practice. Thought we, thought we were real. I could tell. Well, yeah, I thought we were ready. And frankly, made some strategic decisions, some X-Mexas and those decisions that I'd take back if we had to do them all over again. I got down 27-0 to two lane in the first half.

But, you know, rallied. We came back 2714. I'm not happy with throwing as many interceptions as we did. But if you're going to throw four, you might as well throw five. I don't want you losing your confidence. That's right. When was that the buzzer? It's on the stat sheet, but I'm not.

There are four solid interceptions in there. I'm still giving my DB shit for the yards they gave up. They don't get, they don't get credit for that fifth. Your DBs were trouble to you. Your linebackers, however, you don't need DBs. Your linebackers are all nine feet tall. Yeah, we, we stripped those fellows out. yeah we were trying to feather passes over and um they were kind of more bricks yeah they were going

straight to the hands of in fact one of your linebackers had two interceptions all by himself um great game great game just great programming you got there um i'm real happy of the fight that my boy displayed but um they've seen the standard we got to grow to meet it well i'll tell you what the standard is that missou program i fell short fell short against oh josh's mazoo who's they're they're going to win this pack 12 man we all know it we all know it you had a week of learning of what you're saying we both have we held the standard i'm aiming for that holiday bowl now coach listen we're just we're just trying to get to shreveport that's really what we're trying to do aren't we all aren't we all in the grand scheme yeah no belichick might go there

if he plays his cards right to be clear this is how bellichick becomes completely shreveport pilled it's a great town turns out it's actually really he's not going to do any bowl week activities oh we're going to take the fucking mayo on his head Can't get out of that shit This is what the people want No, I think This is what Lombardy's for Get his ass in there

Let him get soaked We don't want to see that guy Get Mayo on his head I just retired your head coach now Go get up there Steve, go get go climbing the mess Steve go get me Oh wait I forgot that happens if you win the Mayo Bowl

This isn't a concern never mind So The Thursday schedule is Cowboys Eagles. We get to watch the Dallas Cowboys. We get to watch the Dallas Cowboys who, mind you, have given away their best player. No, that's addition.

That's the least valuable defender, 26-year-old annual perennial potential DPOI. Gave away their best player and then said, well, but you know, we couldn't use these graphics to get other players. What? What are talking about? We need a defensive tackle

because our defensive line wasn't very good. You just gave away the best. Yeah, yeah, you never know. We might be able to draft the next Michael Parsons with all these picks we got. So watching the Cowboys will be fun. Just, just fun. And then college football's on Friday. And it's a JMU to Louisville.

Huh? Pretty big spread, but you see the word JMU? You think, oh, that might be something. I like points. I like points, and I think we'll get points. I think in a sort of offense impoverished landscape at the moment, a game like James

Madison at Louisville, broad expanses of unexplored territory. I think we might get it. You ain't getting that in western Illinois Northwestern. No. That's tasteful football right there. EWU, Boise, red versus redfield versus blue field. I hope they

play a half at each. That'd be nice too. One or the other. Can they just stitch it together so half of its red and half? half of it's blue, right? You've entered the cool zone. Every 10-yard section, different. You've entered the hot yard.

Every yard. A gradient. Yeah. And then we can have a big argument on the internet about whether the field's red or blue, right? It's purple. No, you must pick it. Shut up. Moving on to Saturday.

Let's see. Fellas? It's a special noon slate. Well, Iowa, Iowa State. always good to watch there it is there it is always good to watch there's both teams undefeated I think there's I think there's enough at noon to be excited about between between that and Baylor Baylor SMU I think there's yeah I feel good about like the amount of just this is what a noon slate is supposed to look like yeah Ohio State Texas is not

really supposed to be at noon noon noon is really supposed to ease you into it noon noon noon is for Baylor SMU on the the the God blessed CW noon is for some of the people who usually watch these games aren't quite on the timeline yet right like they don't really clock in until three four five six that's fine I think I mean Jason

Kennesaw State's got the big game on the noon slate right I mean we almost beat Wake Forest should have beat Wake Forest server your hometown your town got lucky there quite frankly I know my team your beloved demon deacons

but But KSU, Indiana. Yeah, Homefield, we're coming for you. We're going to take all your shirts. I'm going to bookmark one game as the obvious. I'm trying to figure out what to call this. It's the game that you see on the scoreboard, take a screen cap of, post, and go, hmm, or, oh, oh.

And then it doesn't last. Central Michigan at Pittsburgh. There you go. Cool. Yeah. That just feels, is Pitt going to be ready? No. Is Pitt ever ready?

pit will not be this is this feels like a game where central michigan is going to come in like god's blazing and pittsburg at two p.m's going to be like oh shit we're going to score some points like this game will end up being like 27 to like nine but it will have been like nine zero with three minutes left in the third that's what this feels like i also think what will overshadow elassico for the game that has NFL fans being like oh disgusting how could they let you this air will be at least one quarter of Illinois Duke. I think there will be one quarter of Illinois Duke where NFL fans are like, oh, how can they sell this to children? It's poison. Yeah. And where if you were watching it with them, you go, that's a pretty valid point.

You're like, but I don't care. Yeah. I don't care. Illinois, if you didn't watch Duke last week. I think it will be fucking lit. I think it will be, I think it will be good, but I think it will have a quarter where it just looks like a fucking mess. That's, I'm not saying the whole game. I think we'll have one quarter like that the mess complimentary yeah and iowa iowa state will probably be a little more coherent than we're used to it oh yeah then legitimate good game yeah that's we do not call it we do not call it elassico because it is bad it is often bad we do not call both of these statements are true this is a great rivalry it is sometimes a shit game because these two teams the point is they bring out the worst in each other i don't it feels very

disorienting to have a iowa state ranked iowa unranked game i'm sure it has happened it just doesn't feel like the way this usually goes oh dude we didn't mention oh my god oh my god we didn't mention my favorite thing at noon i think this is the game of the day only because of what it is it's my favorite phenomenon it is the acc non-conference conference conference game that's right virginia and NC State playing an ACC rivalry. Is it going to count for anything in the conference? No. They just missed each other.

They just wanted to talk. They're just Toshiro Mifune and Lee Marvin on the phone with each other. Are they even speaking the same language? No, they're not. They're thousands of miles away. Drunk speaking different languages. But they love each other and they're together. That's what matters.

ACC really does this a lot. I love the ACC non-conference conference game. ACC, why are you the ones who do this the most? Can they do, can, like, legally can they use the logo? Can it pop up on the screen? Like, ACC football, but not. It can appear for each team, but not. It can appear for each team separately, but not for the joint venture.

Does that make sense? Powers combined. I want to see this, like, Boston College Cal, a non-ACCC, ACC. Well, it was just convenient scheduling, you know, like, we already, we're very familiar with them. close. I want this to bite the ACC in the ass one year when like there's a tiebreaker that needs to happen amongst teams who technically have not played each

other in conference, but they did play each other like Virginia NC State. I need that tiebreaker to be not the game that they actually fucking played. And like it turned let's see, the maddest team is the one that gets screwed by it not

counting as a conference game. That's right. Which is usually FSU. Also man, keep on on Chandler Morris. as his former coach at north texas boy can spin it did really well against coastal carolina uh last week had a pair of t d he's 19 27 he's good he's a legit good passer and 31 years old yes he's 38 years old but uh you know we don't practice age as him here let's see here the middle slate is who there's going to be some there's going to be some these there's a lot of these middle games that don't eat happen. There's a potential

banger. There's only one game that matters in the metal slate. Would that be Dan Lennon calling Oklahoma State broke? Nope. Nope. No. Are you thinking about the one that's actually involved an armed conflict? Yep. Yep. Kansas at Missouri. Yep. Among the unranked games, that is without question, the spotlight.

This is the most, like, if you would like to know what it felt like when lots of college football felt like, I would rather lose every game in the season, but when one, this one, Kansas Missou is it. Kansas Missou is the most, like, both of these

teams and fan bases are just fucking furious about the idea of losing to this team that they haven't played in forever. It's also two relatively mild-mannered fan bases who for one matchup and one match-up only turn into absolute psychopaths.

And I mean that. They'll do things like making jokes about people getting murdered. Yeah. Like, ha, ha, ha. John Brown got your great, great, great, grandfather's head off, which is pretty funny, actually, because he was up to some shit. I assume that guy's heard. Yeah. Yeah, but also, fantastic QB matchup here. I don't know. Something I have heard from multiple college football fans who got an eye full of Missouri was, I didn't know Bo Probula was that fast. Yeah, you know, as someone who just lost to

Missou in the video game, I can confirm. It's fast. That white boy can scoot. simulated Bo Probula I haven't faced him in real life but I faced him in the simulator Yeah I haven't seen Bovic in the machine I can confirm Yes but additionally

A rebuilt and Successfully thus far Jalen Daniels who is I believe at this point the touchdown passing leader In the nation For Total TD's thrown This is an awesome QB matchup

if you just want to watch two teams sort of just like throw roar shock patterns at each other like it's going to be great yeah this is this is i will be locked in on kansas missou and merely checking in on other games in this in this stretch of the schedule it's in two in two time slots so far that's we got like legit rivalries that are also good games i one more middle slot game to check in on uh usf your gators have usf who uh byron brown brown is fire on bound is not fun who just beat the hell out of boise state you already had arguably the country's hard to schedule and then one of your more or less automatic wins became team that destroys boise state how are you feeling about this well like i said i'll be watching kansas

museum i will be sweating i will be sweating every moment of this unfortunately because i didn't i haven't really seen florida play i saw them scrimmage against long island university it was not particularly impressive given the like competition there's a lot of things they need to cinch up especially offensively because apparently unless we're sandbagging for this game we're still running

the same eight plays but wouldn't this be like look obviously I'm not rooting for it to happen but wouldn't it be nice for Alabama Florida went out and farted away lost to USF? This is the gentlemanly thing to do here's my tribute to the great program at Alabama

thank you Billy. It would take a lot of heat off them. It's at Florida. That's what's going to suck if Byron Brown does this, which Byron Brown, I don't know if you saw, he had a play that didn't count against Boise, which was like a 30-yard scramble where he absolutely fucking trucked a dude. Yeah, we got to get our weight up because that's 230 pounds coming downhill from the quarterback spot and he can pass. There will be, there will be at least one drive in this game that has Spencer saying, fuck it, fire everyone. No, no, not that. There'll be one. where I'm like I don't need to live I'll have that Eagles fan thing where I'm like

if you need me I'm going to be hanging myself in the garage go birds walking into the fucking ocean that's what I'm doing just me and Bill being like this is a dream isn't it dying in your car yeah hold my hand there hold my hand to ensure we have proper proper spacing our way into the ocean think about it I'm going to stick this wire into the cigarette lighter and it's really going to charge this thing up but you've got to hold my hand so the current gets both of us

I would hate for it to only get one there's a lot of in-state stuff this week like a handful of rivalries but just a lot of Arkansas Arkansas State I'm sure there's a lot of people who care about that very deeply Middle Tennessee Wisconsin of course that'd be great for Butch to beat Arkansas

that would be so good oh boy it'd be really really Arizona State, Mississippi State. You know, that one, a lot of beef there. Long, long history there. I'll tell you what, Army at Kansas State, someone's going to figure something out. Oof, somebody's going to be really mad. If you want to watch Army run for 400 yards, Kansas State's defense is confused.

It's probably the word. I would gently suggest that they are confused and need clarification on some important roles and schemes. That seems to be a problem with Kansas State, considering that they very nearly lost this past weekend to inferior competition. Not inferior by much, though. Three points. I'd like to point out the cultural clash

of an in-state game, probably not on many's radar, because it's only being broadcast on ESPN Plus. That is East Carolina and Campbell. East Carolina is our party school in the state of North Carolina. It's a school where I actually had friends whose parents said,

yeah, they won't let me go there. Campbell, on the other hand, is a Baptist college. And they both share the distinction of tricking students into thinking they're going to school kind of near the beach, because, but they're still both two hours from the beach.

ECU is going to fucking destroy them, which is kind of cool. But that's an interesting one for state of North Carolina. Love that. There is, on the evening slate, a legit important one, one that I really can't wait to see because it's like, it's quality up and down the roster, but I think it is a, like, serious heat check for both. teams Michigan at Oklahoma because Oklahoma kind of a late-blooming Jason tell me if this is right as industry insider kind of a late-blooming like like favorite in a lot of

ways yeah I mean people kind of slept in Oklahoma and then for some reason in June or July it was like I don't know I think part of it was everyone saw okay they're bringing in Washington State's offense that's pretty good you know pair that with a Brent Venable's defense, and you probably have something there. And then everyone just sort of forgot about it until people started looking at more and more of the computer ratings and realizing, like, wait, OU's like 16th in all the ratings, right? Like, you know, including the ones that account for transfers and whatever.

And, like, I don't know, I've been, like, relatively high on OU all off season, and, like, I put them in my playoff. And, like, yeah, it has been kind of fun to see people realize, like, oh, wait, that that thing that sounded good in January, It actually is probably good. And, you know, we're probably about to see very soon how good it is so far. Also, game two for Bryce Underwood is a freshman quarterback, five stars. Obviously, shockingly talented if you watch some of the throws that he made in a limited,

but still, like, you know, relatively demanding game plan last week, watching him on the road at Oklahoma against Britt Venable's wing ding defense where he's not going to understand any of the runes that are being thrown at him complex coverages weird fakes charms and hexes yeah you're like god he should

is that a cover 12 yeah like just some of the things that Brett Venable throws defensive coordinator Loki on the other side right that that paired with some actual like retooled horsepower along the defensive line if they get any kind of pass rush

Bryce Underwood is going to have a very tough exam and game two on the road in a place that you picture it with me norman oklahoma like late late late summer early fall sunshine blasting some of the drunken rednecks you have ever met in your life like inches from your ear just not a pleasant place it's also this is a first ever regular season meeting um they've only played once in a bowl yeah we're these are two of the top five programs ever and they've ever played in the regular season.

So this is special. Additionally, Sharon Moore's alma mater, and he is not taking his suspension. He, like, altered the suspension around this game. So you get to also that. You get to talk about, like, you know, why is Michigan's coach? So you get to talk about Michigan's crimes, basically.

And everyone likes doing it. That's, this. Dare land thieves. There's a lot of crime here. You're right. You're right. ULM Alabama, that is a fierce series. Bama needs this one.

They have lost to this program before. ULM rolling in at 1 and 0 against the O in one tide. The spread is 36.5, but Kaelan DeBoer has lost four. Four times is a 14 point favorite. Do that math. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Four times 14 is more than 36. So ULM, the undefeated program here.

That's going to be a stiff test for the tide. We'll see if they can get it right for once against the Warhawks. As again noted, they have failed that test before. The CW has a full day, a full slate ending with San Diego State Wazoo. That sounds crazy. I'll have all of that that you got. This is a nice after dark slate. It is, yeah, and you can probably keep one eye on most games.

Oh, yeah. Not necessarily both. Flip around the quad box. Yeah. Occasionally, you will look up again. go, oh, the Forever War, Arizona State at Mississippi State. That's right. They're still doing that. One of the strangest back and forth, home and homes, Arizona State at Mississippi State. I don't know why we're here, but I hate you. Yeah, don't know why we're here, but it's all uncomfortable.

If the SEC is going to do that whole like, hey, when the schedule changes, you got to have a power. Like, Mississippi State might as well make Arizona State their like permanent non-conference opponent, right? Yeah, just latch onto them. yeah I love that too it's so dry I hate it here it's so wet I hate it here I hate the devil I love the devil we're cat people this is a dog huh and then of course Vanderbilt tries to continue its winning streak over Virginia Tech at 730s turn on the east of roll boy boy if it's uh these are two teams with a lot of effort

that's what i have to say these are two effort effortful teams i love that yeah these are these are two scrappers if we want to watch if we want to watch two guys with short arms fight i didn't build a virgin check you see la got fucking pummeled by utah and i think there is a good amount of that that you can just interpret as boy utah looks like they might be very good this year i would like to see what their offense can do against you and lv because the answer so would they i hope the answer is something because if they can't against a unlv defense that has been at times fairly porous early in the season it is going to be a miserable miserably long season for the brutes if you can't score on unlv you can't score yeah yeah um additionally uh i am aliava was sacked four

times and pressure 10 times gone man i think tennessee got the better end of that trade i'm just i mean got a suspicion how's this they were so bad in terms of past protection that it was damn near impossible to figure out what what the play was capable well yeah like it was just like oh man nico's like nico's sucking he looks terrible and you're like dude completing a 11 out of 22, considering the protections that he had, maybe an achievement, we'll see, it's early. Yeah. But, like, also, it's real, it's real hard to,

it's real hard to get more attempts when Utah was, say it with me, by the way, 14 for 16 on third down. You're goddamn right. You're goddamn right. Devin Dampeer is awesome. Every time they needed a first down, Devin Dampeer was like, bet, blah, blah, blah. What I really like about that is the 16,

because it's like Utah was like, we want more third downs because we'll win them. Fuck you. Oh, we converted and there was a penalty. We accept even if we don't have to. Second and two, kneel. Listen,

they had 31st downs. They held the ball for 37 minutes and 28 seconds. I love it. It's beautiful. UCLA football, the portion sizes, and it's so bad. Right? There's so little of it.

Boy, like, they were the stump and Utah was the grinder. Yeah. And now Utah's got like one of these Castellano style quarterbacks. He was like, ball fake, ball fake. Out of the way. First down. Like, right stick, right stick. Yeah, right stick.

Left stick. Duke, duke. Yeah, like, Devin Dampere is so cool if you watch him. But if I played him, I might jump head first off my deck afterwards. Like, I don't ever want to do that again. And I know one way to ensure that's going to happen. Just to follow Coach Belichick To the watery

Depths Forever sleep Solitude of the sea I'm safe there I hear the call of the sirens I wish they'd shut the fuck up I too will molt