Shutdown Fullcast - Our 2019 Mock Draft, with Lessons for Kyle

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

Harry Lyles Jr. joins us for a very serious and analytical 2019 NFL Mock Draft, because we definitely know all of the team needs in this Draft and have ground as much tape as humanly possible to identify breakout stars and busts. We would never make a bunch of dumb joke picks that left one of the best players completely skipped over in the first round while a kicker got taken in the top 15. And we definitely would not forget who plays for the Miami Dolphins! That's not this show, because this show is about SERIOUS FOOTBALL SERIOUSNESS.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown full cast yeah the dogs are barking quite literally the dogs of war the dogs of war go browns that's right you know who doesn't you know who doesn't need help in the draft this year the browns that's right wait what i know it's messed up they might be good That is fucked up. No, they'll miss it up. Don't worry. Well, it's mainly because they don't have any first round picks. Right.

There's nothing to help. These are technicalities. And that's how you avoid all tax liability. That's right. You can't inherit anything. Can't be taxed as a capital gain. Right? The government just scrolls through the first round.

And they say, okay, Denver Broncos paid their taxes, Buffalo bills. They're getting money back because they got nothing. This is why Belichick trades down That's right The third round is his offshore fund GM Wesley GM Wesley Snipes says this is a great move What are the odds that Bill Belichick

Is so New England That he's actually invested in Japanese whaling concerns For my ancestors The whole UDFA period is owned by Amazon.com It's for the love of the spermaceti I assure you the what spermaceti look it up at any moment i will not at any moment bill bellichick is just seconds away from like pulling out a harpoon and being like back to the sea man hey uh if you if you aren't a

coward and you're listening to this at work google spermaceti s p e r m a c eti on your work computer do it right now if you don't do it coward speaking of work we have a friend from work joining us tonight. His name's Harry Liles Jr. He covers sports. Is it really work? Yeah, you can bill for this. Yeah,

so, you know, I technically probably be shooting a ton of shots right here, so we have them on the record, but, you know, Ryan's a good guy, so I won't do that. I'm not going to do that. Also, yeah, this is definitely the podcast of record for Espionation and entirety. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, of

course, you know, once we say it on here, it's uh you know it's law it's legal so welcome to sports business podcast it's not it's not theft if it's over 500 pounds and you can haul it out yourself any object oh i'm still in an anchylosaurus so you can kidnap most people and it's it's legal completely legal as long as you're doing it

under your own power okay no simple machines to assist i don't want to see you out here just abducting people with pulleys and levers. Tonight the role of Spencer is being played by Jose Canseco. I got thoughts. Twitter. Yeah, thank you for joining us, Harry.

Tonight, you're going to be helping us with I dare say our annual tradition, something nobody has ever thought of. People could. Help is a funny word. We can say that, and we'll see how it goes. Given the existing level of NFL expertise on this podcast already, help is the right word.

I wish I could say I agree with that. Well, hold on. I can prove that that's not true. Everybody picture in your mind the defining play of last year's NFL season, including the postseason. Just in your mind, think of the one play that you're like, yep, that's the one that we'll all remember. The season that most recently ended?

The season that most recently ended. Yes. Does everybody have one in their head? No. Yes. You don't have one, Jason? I don't. Jason, you got one.

Should I? Yes. Oh, I do now. Spencer, do you have one? I was just thinking about, I'm sorry, I was distracted thinking about Bama using a kicker as a lead blocker. Okay. That's what? Accurate.

Harry, I realized the one you're referring to, it just hadn't actually ever left my mind. Spencer and Holly, do you have an NFL play in your head? Did the Saints lose in a painful fashion? That's the one that comes to mind for me. See? That's all you need to know about the NFL. Yep, that's it. Just letting the Rams go to the Super Bowl when a guy was...

If there's one thing we're used to on this program, it's arguing that the spot was good. That's right. We're very good at this. They got robbed. The better team didn't go to the Super Bowl. That's actually probably true. Oh, I thought we're referring to Drewby's getting the ball in overtime.

I'm going to immediately throw in a pit. You know, Jason, now that you mention it, that's now what I will associate with this. I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were referring to one of the like seven mis-officiating moments during the regulation. Oh, it's too bad. You can't go back and correct those. They're just there forever. Got to deal with them.

Got to live with it. It'd be like blowing a lead. That would be, especially in a Super Bowl. You just can't recover from it. The other NFL thing. you could take away from last. The other NFL thing you could take away from last season is the part where the Ravens were like,

I don't know, quarterback controversy. And then Lamar Jackson played like two games. They were like, fuck off, Joe Flacco, see you for it. My favorite part of this was in their playoff game. When Lamar started,

things were going pretty rough. And like, all of Twitter is just shitting on Lamar Jackson. Like, oh, forget it. Forget it. He's done. But then the comeback. starts and you see some tweets getting deleted like I had I had the column open of verified

users with Lamar Jackson's name just just itching to retweet these folks soon as he pulls off this comeback that's that's what I remember of the Lamar Jackson rookie year he came really close to do it fortunately the Denver Broncos exist and John Elway will always buy your boat always are is it is it a particularly tall vessel does it look like a boat. That's the thing is that John Elway wouldn't actually have to see it floating in water. Right. He would just go, what a mighty clipper ship that is.

What a mighty steed of the seas. So that's a shipping container, but look at the shine. Yeah, no. Does that thing, does it have a hole in the bottom? It's very tall. Oh, because his team is the Broncos. Yeah.

I got you. Yeah. No, he, he'll take all your he'll take all your leavings as long as those left-over. there's six, four, or over. Harry, have we missed any other major NFL moments that we should remember? I've heard two instances of Saints failure, so no, I think we've got to cover. I have one, by the way. Of course are about what brings this together.

I want to put this in the proper frame because about, what was it, two or three weeks into the, no, no, about six weeks into the season, the Rams and the Chiefs got together to play like a Big 12 game. correct right and then everyone decided they liked good football they're like oh man it's a new NFL fast forward to the Super Bowl gosh I have I have never felt so conflicted because this Super Bowl was the first one that I've ever been to and I was like wow this is great I'm at the Super Bowl and then after the first quarter I was like man this fucking sucks I remember occasional appears on this program Pablo and Bimani were at the game and at one point Pablo said he turned a bow and said, you know what I could use right now?

Some commercials. That's actually true. That's what many of us felt. Congratulations. Michigan State, Illinois. The NFL's going to be just like Texas Tech, Arizona State, guys. I lived through several Michigan State Bowl games. Did you live, really?

Yeah, it was a Rose Bowl. Oh. And Grunk retired. That's the other thing. The most important person in Patriots franchise history, gronk retired the dynasty's done yeah so the reason we are talking NFL despite not being podcast ain't played nobody is that we are doing our annual uh the world's only mock draft podcast ain't pick nobody they they don't do a mock draft so fuck them um we've divvied up teams we'll be

playing each of us will be playing general manager for somewhere between uh four and seven teams depending on how the picks broke down. And we'll get started on that in second. But first, I believe we have some podcast business. Podcast business. Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business.

Podcast business. Business. Time is podcast, business, business. Harry, thank you for joining us. Our very normal sports podcasts. Listen, I'm a fan. So this is perfect. Oh, God.

Why? So first, Spencer and Holly, why don't y'all stun on them real quick? The ADASPS Charity Bowl 2019 concluded at 11.59 p.m. on Saturday night and the grand total for all donations for a week of solid rivalry-enhanced, goading, teasing, outright shaming, and boasting came to $183,000. dollars. Woo! Record. Record.

Like... Record doesn't quite cover it. No. No, it raised more money than like all of our fundraisers put together. This was, this was, this is the year the fundraiser was like, my rap career is taking off. People are buying my albums, damn it. See, we're going to talk about USC. Yeah.

See? Yeah, Michigan won again. Love you, Michigan. Go blue. They won again, but just outstanding performances by everyone involved. I could not be prouder of everyone from Virginia, Virginia Tech, Texas, Texas, A&F, Florida. It's an outstanding performance. Some rivals, some not.

Some rivals, some not. I mean, we just had like rogue donations from West Ham floating in there. That's fine. That's fine. We had more, Rutgers hockey had more donations than Rutgers football. Yeah, but as is just. Yeah, by the way, Rutgers fans, completely unapologetic about that. Like, yeah, what have they done for us?

To which we say, fair point. No, fair point. It's your fandom, you decide what to do with it, okay? If that's, if you want to put your own team on probation emotionally, they've done something to earn that, haven't they? That's right. But just an immense thank you for everyone who donated. It doesn't really cover it, but just an unqualified success.

inadequate emotional outpourings are really what this show is all about anyway. I'm hugging all of you. It's awkward and you're just going to have to deal with it. Have you decided what your personal stretch thing is going to be? Spence just got a stretch. Well, we are going to, the lighting round on Friday, just in terms of podcast business and things that we will be doing, we have started at least thinking about where to have a live show in beautiful Ann Arbor, Michigan.

That's right. if you wanted us to come so damn badly, you could have out-donated your brothers in blue, but you didn't. Nope. Not going there. That's fine. Sorry, Ipsilani.

It's not happening. The double A. We're going double A, y'all. We're going to be going to Ann Arbor for a live show. That's about all I know at this point. Not exactly sure when it's going to happen. Not exactly sure where it's going to be. Like a drifter.

We were born to go to Michigan? Yeah. Oh, okay. Sure. Expect us. So on that note, if you have a recommendation for a venue, either posted on our Reddit or tweet it at the fullcast account, I'll keep track.

I'll make a spreadsheet or something. Yeah, at Jason. No. Well, you can, but the forecast account will do. Wait. That's the time when you stop adding me again. Spencer, are you going to get a Michigan tattoo during this live show? Not stop that.

You can just stop thinking of bad, painful ideas? Because they're coming all right. They're coming all right. Spencer do cardio. Just get a treadmill. Oh, God. Spencer's got to run during the whole show. Trudge for dollars.

The trudge for, exactly. It's more of a trundle. Can he keep going? Spencer, Spencer jogs. Oh, wait, wait. Spencer learns to swim. Oh. Are you going to put me in an infinity pool on stage?

With swimmys, yes. I'm a lifeguard. That's how many, by the way, in a crowd full of Michigan people, they're all licensed life. All of them. That's like in the fourth grade curriculum there. Yeah. They're like, it only makes sense.

Why wouldn't you be a registered lifeguard? Can we do a show at Lake Ann Arbor? I'm sure that's a lake. Sure. The Ann Arbor Beach. We can make one, right? We can make our own. Nobody says we can't.

Yeah, we'll tear a form. We can make a lake. And we'll, okay, okay. And Spencer has to show up in an old-timey bathing suit. What makes you think I don't have one already? I didn't say you don't. I just said you have to show up in one. You can't stop me from showing up in one.

Wait, what is the old-timey bathing suit and tail? You know the kind that has, like, it's straps all the way around. It's basically like a onesie but shorts. Yeah, yeah. Gross. Okay. Look, you're going to see the curvature of his butt. You just don't.

And you shall be grateful for it. I'm upset. Welcome to Start Talk Live. Yeah. You say, you say thank you. Harry, thank you again for doing this night. Listen, I'm just trying to help out. If we're really trying to see the curvature of Spencer's ass,

do we need to go to the gym this week, dude? Are we good? No, no. No, I mean, I've been trying to, you know, focus on like, you know, like vacation training, right? Like a little more cardio. I probably need to go ahead and put in some squat work. So, yeah, we need to hit it.

Harry, you got to get that thing chiseled by the time of the live show. Lift and separation. Spring, summertime, skies out, thighs out. Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad you understand this. we have um is there any other further podcast business or go we move on to uh yeah that's that's good so just to recap just a recap fundraiser blazing success michigan wins again uh an arver live show

sometime between you know now and like the wisconsin game and uh and spencer's butt oh wait can i do a quick shout out please shout out to lSU for reinstating your basketball coach who had not talked to you the NCAA for a month, but you hadn't fired him somehow for that, on a Sunday at 5.30 in the evening, the day of the Game of Thrones premiere. Just fucking amazing news dumping. Top-notch news dumping. I love it. Yeah. You know who didn't snitch? Will Wade. In between Tiger Woods winning the Masters and the Game of Thrones. That's right. Winner sports media members going to be totally occupied. We've got the perfect window. Yeah, everyone who is mad about NCAA crimes is, like, passed out crying drunk.

And then they leaked Avengers today just to make sure. Yeah, apparently Avengers leaked on Twitter. There's somebody saying, like, don't look on Twitter right now. So I'm like, I think I'm going to look on Twitter right now. Yeah, yeah. That LSU, like, news dump is great because I'm literally just finding that out right now. See? See?

People come here for sports news. I mostly like that in I read the press release and they were like well he finally talked to us so we're good what the how could you just not cooperate with a school NCAA investigation just a parole officer kind of yeah remember that remember that final four participant Auburn coached by Bruce Pearl Bruce Pearl when he was told to talk about the case at all with Auburn officials said no yeah like the NCAA was like we'd like to talk to you and he said no And they're like, well, maybe you'd like to talk to Auburn officials. And he's like, I'm not talking to anyone. No one. That man should still be our conversation. Do you know what's free? Not talking.

Hey, we keep coming back to Caitlin. Yeah, you know, saying nothing. It costs you nothing. It costs you nothing. To stay quiet. To stay quiet. I actually had, Ryan, I actually had a full cast donor during the conference call right in and say that he was donating in your wife's honor

because he felt that the it costs you nothing to be quiet philosophy had severely it's not severely had significantly improved his relationship by just opening his mouth and then saying no I would not see this good with relationships good at work

good on the witness stand I like that Caitlin is basically a mafiosa here right she's like hey you're saying nothing that's free doesn't cost anything huh is that what she sounds like. That's exactly what Caleb sounds like. She's gonna find you. She's gonna find you. I'm gonna be the She lives in New York. That's what everyone sounds like. No, that's what everyone in New York sounds like after two weeks in town. You know y'all were born in the same town, right? Yeah, but she lived in New York

for two weeks. I didn't. Let's draft. Ryan Nanny is now on the clock. The only rules here are if anyone picks someone who has been previously selected, that person has to live tweet a what? rule. Yes, this is a Spencer rule. The last time we drafted, not only picked a player who had already been picked, but picked a player that he had already picked. Player was not dead.

Okay. To my credit. So, if you do this, if you take, this applies everybody, even though it's the Spencer rule. If you take somebody who's already off the board, you have to live tweet an entire Dolphins game sometime this upcoming season. Agreed?

What are the dolphins? we'll get there We will find out on Spencer's feed at some point in November Who has the dolphins in this draft? Spencer is the dolphins even better I have the dolphins I'm already there

He's all in All right so I'm running the draft board Could someone find a on the clock jingle By chance like a soundboard thing? I'm playing Mario Kart I will hold on I will I have to continue a theme this week

okay i'm just going to go ahead and select a song so uh let me go find that crickets thing okay you're got time you're not picking until eighth okay um Ryan's on the clock no I got I got I got a theme you go ahead okay okay um is it the Miami Vice theme no it is not the Miami Vice thing oh I know what it is okay yeah you know what it is um the Arizona Cardinals select with the first pick of the 2019 full cast mock draft yes a quarterback yes somebody who uh was very exciting in big 12 play and yes i'm talking about will greer quarterback west virginia wow wow strong strong i don't care that it's not the pick anybody thinks they're supposed to make i don't care that it's not the pick that might be smartest it's just important

neither do the cardinals it's just it's important to start the draft with confusion because it makes you look like you know something other people don't yeah you knew that i was going to take him for the Jets. Yep, sure did. Rude. All right, so. Disruption. Did you only give me teams that need quarterbacks? That was sweet.

So next on the clock, we have the San Francisco 49ers. The GM is Jason. And they are on the clock. So loud. Jesus. Perfect. So I'm picking for the 49ers who are coach Kyle Shinehan, a man who needs to learn how to run the fucking ball.

which means I am going to be selecting Kentucky running back Benny Snell who was number two among this class running backs in carries last year his team was 5 and O until they gave him fewer than 20 carries in a game so always feed Benny Snell just hand him the ball a lot it's a good lesson Kyle Shanahan that's not personally motivated at all that's our episode title it's a good lesson Kyle it's a good lesson Kyle love the pick for no reason it all right yeah Kyle so

having selected Benny Snell the New York Jets with GM Holly Anderson on the clock with that wait you have to let me see the draft board don't play that song again I will play that song again it's just happening

looking for the best player available I'm not looking for the best player available because I'm picking for the Jets hmm are you trying to I'm sorry Where are my manners? Drew Locke.

Good, good. A white quarterback whose last name is Locke. You're welcome. Oh man, he needs, come on. He needs the music. Come on. That's Drew Locke.

Love it. Missouri Tigers. That's right. I love the vision of Jets fans in Nashville, booing. This is what it's actually going to sound like. Also, the drafts in Nashville. The draft is in Nashville.

Are they trying to, like, attract professional sports teams to Nashville? They don't have any of those. Yeah, they're going to try and get one. I hear El Sondido. I think that's actually way better for the Jets. On the clock now is Ryan Nanny, GM of the Sumtown Raiders. All right. So I have, as the Raiders, I have three first round picks.

I have the fourth pick, the 24th, and the 27th. I have, I have several trades I'm open to, and I'm going to go through it, but I have to go through them in the following order to figure out if anybody wants them. Holly, I will trade you all three of my first rounders for Patrick Mahomes since you run the chiefs. Absolutely not. Okay. Spencer, no. Can you let me fucking finish? Can you let him be a man of principal? Nope, shops closed. Sorry. all right harry no you're just trying to get someone to do more work no i this yeah yeah i'm sorry i'll don't listen to your little offer let's hear it your little offer harry i will trade you the 24th pick for matt ryan oh now you're playing with his feelings that's just that's man that's spiteful no damn it

Also, I don't want to catch Oakland. Ed Oliver, Houston defensive lineman. Wow. Shit. Oh. Damn. He was supposed to fall. Yeah, he was.

And you know what? I might not have taken him if I had been in a better mood, but he was there. Oh, we should have played nice here. Oh, no. Should have negotiated with terrorists. This is exactly like doing business with John Gruden. Listen to this, listen to this threat. Now Oakland's going to be good at things.

or Las Vegas You don't know Las yet wherever they're playing I don't know hey listen Ed Oliver is going to be available for trade in like three years based on John Gruden's process So it's fine

Do you like that the Raiders As a franchise Really do kind of have the like Well feds are catching up Better move Better flip this Better put everything on a truck And see where we land boys

It is very red dead too Now that I've started playing it It is oh my God John Gruden has a plan Pack up, boys, we got to move! He just needs money. He just needs time for his system to work. He just needs...

I just need $10 million a year. Or this bus will explode. Guarantine. Oh, wait, that was Santa Monica. That's fine. Khalil, he didn't want to be here, did he? Yeah. Oh.

Oh, my God. Based on that sound, it's Tampa Bay's time. on the clock yeah wow jason you're the gm of the tampon bay buccaneers i'll be selecting for uh for ryan's native people yep i uh i originally had planned to pick drew lock here for reasons that unfortunately i will never be able to explain instead i think we're going to go we're going to have a run on yaha energy i'm going devon white of ls u.s u. oh hell yeah we got back to back horsemen great wait what good is yaha energy going to do in Tampa they got pirate yehaw energy now

yeah pirate cowboys Florida's the second largest producer of cattle Red Dead spoiler alert that is chapter 4 that's true Harry you are about to make your first selection as the New York Giants the New York Football Giants are on the clock

oh man that's something well shoot if it isn't one thing that I am the New York Giants GM like my expectations are already low that combined with the fact that I am the only minority GM here any pick I make is going to be met with more criticism than others so with that said I would like to replace O'Dell Beckham Jr. with Georgia State's own Penny Hart. Let me see if he is. He is on the board. Here's the thing, Harry, any move you make with the Giants that's not quarterback is either all he believes in Eli like this guy or. He's not good enough to move on from Eli. He's a chump. Hey, can we sidebar for a second?

I know that's unlike us, but can you just imagine, I mean, if we all had real jobs, Ryan kind of does sometimes, but can you imagine going through your day in which every aspect of your job, no matter what you did, was read as a public verdict on Eli Manning? I live that way every day. Yeah. Well, yeah, you are in New York. Yep. That's true. What did you do to support Eli today, Ryan?

Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. I know it. I know it. You're a traitor. I ordered my macchiato this morning with extra cloud foam because I think Eli's soft and fluffy and made of egg whites. Oh, God. I'm the state buff marshmallow quarterback. I got my kids. You know what? I got my kids to school on time this morning just like a pass from Eli Manning. I support you, Eli. Lies. I mean, barely. It was like a minute.

on the clock the jacksonville jaguars the jaggs gammed by are we doing sports radio voice it's jagsonville so we're doing the voice i like i like jags because it's basically like a drunk guy saying jad jigs you are you are on the clock so this pick is cursed right like no matter who i take here i'm duming that person to something bad, right? Yeah, that's why I picked Drew Lott. They're going to Jacksonville, so yeah. All right, Nick Bosa, step on up. Yeah.

I need to go somewhere I can say what's really all my mom. Well, all right. Here you go. My man. I'll do it. I quote Nick Bosa. I might be going to San Francisco. No, you're not.

Most emphatically, no. Oh, but they got a water in harbor. Yeah. Yeah, now the most progressive person you know is Fred Durst. I did it all for Medicare. Yeah, for Medicare, yeah. The Georgia game, you think Nick Bose is going to get arrested at. All of them.

Fair. I'll just say how many home dates did they have. Finish the drill. Were you singing, I did it all for the Medicare? Yeah. That's progressive Fred Durst. Wow. Oh, man, an entire vape shop-based economy.

You're going to love it, Nick. You're going to love it. Speaking of vape shop-based economies, the lions are on the board. The Lions with the GM Spencer Hall. I really appreciate you guys actually putting the players over so I can see who's been picked. That's very helpful. It's not going to save you because you're going to look at that middle column

and think that that's the list of players. I originally did the middle column in red and then players in blue, but now the blue is moving over. So I really hope this throws you off. Maybe. Considering his existence previously as an Ohio State quarterback, who I think was from the Maryland area, you know, there's only so many miles that you can put on a Matt Stafford before the wear and tear starts to show. And Detroit football ultimately breaks everyone, right? Not bad.

Barry got out. yeah but they all get out but they're changed the only way to get out is to quit it's like the end of the hobbit right where they're like yeah let's go to the bar and have a couple drinks and they take one beer and they're like

oh my friends are dead go lions and just like the lions at the end of the movie they don't have a ring where is Randy Shannon so with that in mind I'm tempted to go ahead and make the franchise high as QB pick to try to replace. However, being Detroit, I'm just going to get a really big

dude who might hurt people and I don't know. Maybe the ball come out. Maybe we'll score on accident. You know, maybe, maybe stuff will happen. And that's why, that's why I'm going to go ahead and take Josh Allen from Kentucky. Huh, talented football player named Josh Allen. That's certainly a first. World's greatest Josh Allen going to Detroit. Amazing. That's quite a swerve, Spencer. Well, it is, you know, I could, I could have made Dwayne Haskins' life even more miserable by condemning him to Detroit after playing for Ohio State fans all these years. But you know what? My heart really, I don't have the cruelty in my heart tonight.

But don't you want to see the Matt Stafford Dwayne Haskins' foot race? I do, but at the same time, if the same time, what about, oh, you're a lion now is going to dissuade Josh Allen. He played for Kentucky. What misery? What dismal football? Yeah, that's even the same crime family. Yeah, come on. It's like, the Dixie Mafia has a, like, just a root extending right there. It's all culturally, yeah, and spiritually, it's all related.

Kentucky's not really, Dixie. Is there a slower quarterback than Matt Stafford? Because that's where I want Dwayne Haskins. I want the slowest quarterback room possible. Does the statue of Tim Tebow count? Hey, does that thing have eligibility? Oh, can the Pats get, uh, Dwayne Haskins? Haskins Brady. They probably will. Yeah, they probably, yeah, everybody will. mess up.

Damn it. Harry's on the clock. Oh God, Harry has the bills. Well, you know, I have... Good luck fixing it. I had two players in thought here. One was the Josh Allen of the actual American people, the American people.

Well, you know, we won't get into that. Anyways, my backup here is based on what we believe for perhaps like 23 minutes. I think it was on like a freaking Wednesday where we thought Antonio Brown was being traded to the bills. And he was like, no, hold on a second. I'm definitely not going up there in that cold like y'all are tripping. And we are going to take Marquise Brown, Oklahoma, his, what is that, his nephew, his cousin.

Either way, they're getting a Brown. That's related. The prophecy. It's fulfilled. Now, does he expect the ball to be thrown to him? I hope not This podcast is all about managing expectations Just considering they have the lesser of the Josh Allen's

Not from a running back perspective How does he feel about end arounds? How does he feel about blocking on end arounds? Yeah, can he block? We're going to find out But we're going with Marquis Brewery. Great, great pick. Oh man, we have

now I really hope Holly's playing a character here because she's the GM she is the GM of the Denver Broncos picking 10th all my teeth are normal size Holly you're John Elway I would just like to know can I can I interject here Holly as somebody who lightly studies the NFL

I would just like to say I feel like as long as you want to keep your job as the GM of the Broncos that John Elway would like you to draft a quarterback that is going to be certain will be worse than him, so he will go to his grave as the greatest quarterback in Brock. I can't believe I blew my Drew Locke pick so early. Now, hold on.

Let's review who some of those quarterbacks are recently. Case Keenham. Paxton Lynch. Brock Osweiler. Trevor Simeon. Peyton Manning with no neck. Peyton Manning with... It worked out fine.

Kyle Orton. Tim Tebow, Chris Sims, J. Cutler, Jake Plummer, Danny Cannell for a couple games. It's getting dark here. I'll stop there. I'll take Jake Stim. It is. Yeah, no, man. Jake, Jake Plummer? No, this is Jarrett Stidim. This is Jared Stim. Wow.

Love it. Man. Holding tradition. Honestly, inspired. Fucking inspired. I'll do something nice with the next pick, I promise. Oh, the next pick is my pick, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

I'm only 6-2. Only 6. We can stretch them. His spine will decompress at elevation. Yeah, 6-3. Easy 6-3 there. Yeah. And in cleats, it's like 6-4.

Oh, God. He's basically 6-8. Is he wearing heels? Probably. Up next, the Cincinnati Bingle. Man, I said I would do something nice with my next pick, and my next pick is the best. okay um okay uh actually you know what do you know who i don't think hasn't been picked i said i would do something nice and i see devon bush from michigan still on the board and

michigan did a lot of good things for us this week uh let's let's let's keep devon bush let's keep devon bush close to home and send him to cincinnati also it's Cincinnati, they could probably use a linebacker. It's probably a good guess. This is also the honorary Jane Koston pick, right? Yeah. Yes. Actually, do you know that's what was in my head probably when I was thinking about it?

A double Jane Koston shot there. Picking at 12, we have the Green Bay Packers, GMed by Jason Kirk. All right, so here's a thought exercise. Let's take the defining traits of Aaron Rock. And the defining traits of Brett Farr, at least the safer work ones, and let's combine them to create the ultimate Packers quarterback. A Venn diagram of the perfect Packers quarterback. We need a guy who's from Mississippi. We also need a guys from the West Coast.

We need a pretty chill dude most of the time. But also an asshole. Who has a lot of friends? He has a mustache so he looks like an asshole. So through a ton of passes in college, has been to a lot of colleges. Hates the media. loves copper bracelets. Gardner Minchew is the...

Wow. Luckily, Aaron Rogers will not have a problem with that at all because he's a very cool human being who enjoys the company of others. Not sensitive. Definitely not sensitive. No. Who's a very good coworker? He will not be bothered by this extremely jolly, literal bandit.

The best part is there's a small but not none chance that Aaron Rogers will hear about this podcast and talk shit about us being like yeah that's fine great that would be awesome for the brand yeah can i we all hate our families too i love one i love this about this pick that minshu would be ruined by our football well minchu would show up and be like i'm gonna get in that ass here you better watch it man oh yeah he went into like midchew day one and be like just competing baby it just shows up by the way we're running five wide now. He's going to do the Percy with Urban on the sidelines and like slap Aaron Rogers on the

ass. Hey, Aaron. Don't call me by my first name. All right, Aaron. You know, this guy. This guy. Okay, Jordan's brother. I know. He would totally steal Aaron. He would totally still Aaron Rogers kind of like slightly above low... What's Chris Harrison really like?

He would. He would seem like that slightly above lowbrow kind of like old school sense of humor. No, he's going to go full white goodman. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. man. I love what you're doing. Hey. You're going to see that whole playbook, right? Oh, my God. He's going to be Brad Pitt and burn after reading.

Yes. I'm going to wear your number two. That cool? Awesome. It's like we're brothers. I hate you. Slowly replacing every photo in the facility of one with him and his arm around. He's got a single white female Aaron Rogers. No, this is actually inspired by a friend of mine who's a deep sociopath, who's sister. and I should emphasize is this is a man who's two years older than me, which means he's pushing 40. His sister, who was, I think, a year behind me in school, started dating a guy who it only took a couple people to remark upon it before everyone noticed how much the sister's boyfriend kind of looked like the brother. And instead of ignoring this, like a decent human being would, he got the boyfriend in on the schemes, and they began to,

wearing matching outfits to all family functions just to upset the sister. I'm thinking kind of that type of strat. They are still dating for some goddamn reason. Spencer, please pick. What? Spencer, please pick for the dolphins. Somehow that will be grosser, less gross.

I'm sorry, you don't like pranks, buddy. Oh, the Miami Dolphins have so many needs going into this draft. And I as their GM, I really want to address them. Did you just Google Miami draft me? I did. Which, to be fair, is what the dolphins might actually do when they're pick-coms up. Like I said, I'm trying to play the role accurately here, okay? I like how you could put any year, and it's probably about the same.

Yeah, yep. Fucking Stella Adler-ass mock draft. I have a method. So our very own SB Nation draft needs, according to the Miami Dolphins would be. you know defensive end they really need a defensive end this is a great year to need a defensive end even though we've already

taken Josh Allen and Ed Oliver off the board we really need one we really need one and you know what I'm going to pick considering we need a tight end did I say it out loud I did T.J. Hawkinson from Iowa

come on down God an end is an end right I don't know that's like yeah That's 1920s football. You play end. Do you know who your quarterback is? No.

Okay. Just checking. Let me give you three guesses. Who do you think the quarterback is in the Miami Dolphins right now? Doesn't matter. Okay. That's actually a very Dolphins answer as well. Shit.

Is it still Ryan Tannahill? No. Why not? I believe if memory serves Ryan Tannahill is now the backup in Tennessee. Listen, even white people can only get so many chances. No, my question really was. why did the Dolphins think they're better than Ryan Tannett? Hey, you know, y'all, y'all are flapping your gums.

I could be on a boat. It doesn't matter. I'm the Dolphins' GM. No one knows who I am. I'm unaccountable. Has T.J. Hockens never seen a boat before. Yes. Okay, he has now.

What does T.J. stand for. Hold on. Tommy, Tommy Lee Jones. Buddy, he's from Iowa. It stands for T.J. The Tommy Lee is one word Wait, wait, it might be Thomas Jr. It seriously might be Thomas Jr.

Is it Thomas Jr? Because I'm saying that it's two jobs Because he's going to be working overtime for the Miami Dolphins. I hate you. That doesn't even make sense. He's a salaried employee. I don't have to understand anything. I'm the GM of the Dolphins.

So you're only using him in overtime? Nothing matters. You're going to go to like one overtime game. Dolphins did be the Patriots last year. It is. That's the other NFL Mommy, you should remember. Also featuring Gronk, whoops.

That's true. It was. So this is really set up nicely for the Atlanta Falcons at 14. You know, it really is my pick. And Jason, I think we can both agree that if we got Quinn and Williams, I mean, we would just be, you know, close off.

That's certainly not possible, right? He's certainly not still available. Tight hands are valuable. And he's there here in our draft. And as attractive as that is, Jason, please don't forget, we're losing the most valuable Bryant, the greatest Bryant that's honestly ever played professional sports, Matt. So with that said, I'm going to get a deep cut here,

and I'm going to draft John Barron the second, kicker out of San Diego State. Wow. We find this guy on our board. Scroll, scroll. Scroll. That is John. Is he the highest rated kicker?

I don't, I don't even know. We're just going to scroll until you saw a kicker. The name's not, you know, he's got frozen pizzas named after him, so we'll go with it. That's fair. That's very, right? He'll be a red baron. Sensible pick. Either that or, either that or he's named after frozen pizza.

It's named after the night he was conceived, but. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. No, he had, he had character flaws that we as a. No, that's one of those kids whose parents named him after the position he was conceived in the World War I flying ace Look it up kids On a work computer

I would also be remiss if I did not point out that John Barron is one of Donald Trump's pseudonyms Well Well aren't you lucky this is John Barron the second It's completely different San Diego Trump Yes San Diego Trump is he have puka shells

But everything else is the same Still wearing a suit but with puka shells He walks around barefoot with his tiny little feet Wait, are his feet small too? I mean, they got to be. Why else would he have never showed them? Got to be. If you wear shoes every day, you got something to hide.

Have we ever had a president who wore like cookout sandals? We need, oh God, we need one. I mean, I'm sure Barack Obama did at some point. I mean, yeah, no. The people see that. Yeah. That somebody's going to come out, right? Like one of the NBA players, like, you know, it came out that Joe Kim,

Noah actually was dumb enough to actually defend the president when they played basketball. Like NBA players would be like, oh, hey, good job, Prez. And Barack Obama. No, you're playing basketball. You defend your guy. They went past that. Barack Obama made some comment about Joe Kim Noah's goofy shooting style, which, to be fair, was that. And all the other guys on the court were like, Joe Kim just let it slow a man.

He's like, no, you ain't scoring a point, talk. This ain't happening. And Joe Kim Noah was enough of a beautiful. idiot, go Gators, to actually shut Obama down. It's called checks and balances. It's something. Everybody else got the gag, and Joe Kim No, it's like, no, no. Posse comitat ass. God, perfect, perfect segue to talk about Washington, D.C.'s beloved team. Oh, Jesus Christ. Washington, D.C.'s football team.

Captain by Holland. Pro football franchise club. There's nobody on the board who I actually, like, hate this year. So I was trying to find the most in a fit. I was trying to find the player who Washington and their just wonderful organization will find the least reason to object to on paper because then maybe that player will get at least a moment's piece at the start of his career. And I appreciate you guys keeping giving me the teams that need quarterbacks because that's about as many games as I watched last year.

And then I said, hey, Duke's got a quarterback in the draft. don't they why don't we send him to washington's beloved football team daniel jones really sorry about this uh but you could have gone to business school god this i that's a good call though this is he's a quarterback from duke what the hell are they going to get mad about i mean here's what's what's going to happen right he's a coach on the field i know what's going to happen but ryan go ahead i mean he's a david cutcliffe coach quarterback so i feel bad about this however in looking through our draft, there is not a single pick that I can

not, I shouldn't say this, but there are very few picks where I say like, oh, that seems likely. This one feels, I have a very good feeling about. Yeah. I have a very good feeling that Holly has nailed this. Which, sorry, Daniel. Also, this is what's going to happen.

They're going to go seven and nine, but with a couple of really encouraging wins and everyone's going to love Daniel Jones because, I don't know, he'll throw like eight really convincing play action passes and they'll they'll like renegotiate and they'll want to like sign him and like give him way too much money

and then he'll he'll just he'll just Washington out. Do you think Dan Snyder looks like Papa John if he were a virgin? Ew. Wait, which parts of Papa John's face or body do you think have been altered bisexual intercourse?

I was about to say that's a big assumption that Papa John has ever had sex. Oh, boy. No, it is not, sir. No, it is not. No, it is not. That guy owns a Camara. Yeah. They dated for three semesters. She went to another school.

Listen, is it good sex? No. But if you're associated with Louisville athletics in any way? Is it buttery? Yeah. That's a fair point. You have had sex. Yeah.

Is it acceptable when you're drunk and available? I like it. He knew Bobby Petrino, so he caught some strays. At 16, the Carolina. By the way, do we want to guess where Daniel Jones ranked in passer rank ranking among FBS quarterbacks last year? 65th. 36th? And he's probably going to be a top 20 pick.

This isn't even a joke. Yeah, he's a quarterback from Duke. Yeah, good, good luck. All right. At 16, we got the Carolina Panthers. Rao! Rao! Rao!

Rao! Rao! Meow! Meow! Miao! They should just have Stephen Tyler as they're mascot uh i'm going to i'm going to perform an act of mercy here all right i'm going to do something that's like years and years and years overdue i'm against someone to protect cam

man seriously i want somebody big and mean will beat people up for cam and that's why i'm going give you juan taylor because i know juan taylor he's very mean he's very big and very mean and very good in past protection. Don't you have a Javon Taylor's story? No. Who am I thinking of? Okay. Yeah. Jowon Taylor, I'm going to send you to Carolina

because I'm really tired of everybody beating Cam up real bad. And that's not because I like, especially super love Cam Newton. That's just because I don't like seeing anybody's ass beaten that bad, either after the whistle or without a single flag. You said this right after I finished talking about Dan Snyder. A single flag being. thrown in his defense. Juan might throw them

for you. Like if he throws one, I don't know what the refs will do. They'll be like, I don't know. He threw it. He might do the Penn State Christian Hackenberg sack and pick up a ref and throw the ref. Yeah, if necessary, you know. Put whatever you need to between you the quarterback and the pass rusher.

Okay. It might be a kiosk. Yeah, might be a kiosk. Might be a piece of utility pipe that he just pulls up from the field like he's the whole. It might be a parabolic mic. That's fine. It's Charlotte. Might be Bank of America, just an entire Bank of America. That's a bofa.

We can all get behind. Joanne Taylor, go do good things. Please take... That's unnecessary. It's just simply unnecessary. That's how we're announcing that he's on the clock for the Giants again. It's perfect.

Now, wow, 17th pick and the Giants need somebody to replace Eli Manning. They do? No, I thought you have faith in Eli, no. We've got Kyler Murray and Dwayne Haskins on the board. Not only do we have two great quarterbacks, but they're both black.

I love it. You love to see it. But you know what? I'm still not feeling quite satisfied for trying to make up for trading Odell Beckham Jr. to the Browns, which is why we're going to draft a wide receiver. And it's going to be A.J. Brown. Wow. Okay.

We're going with a man with the, you know, the two-letter first name except that it's not going to be D.K., it's going to be A.J. I really thought you were going to go D.K., just because you're going to be like, dude, you see all his muscle? Oh, my God. You see all the muscles?

Oh, no, no. We couldn't do that. Bro, I got to get on that DK. Metcalf workout. I saw, I saw, he basically eats metrics. I've seen him. How much fucking cap and gall is this guy eat? That's what D.K. actually stands for, Decapulah. Also, deli killer.

Also, to be clear, to be clear, if we are at pick 17 in the draft and Kyler Murray is on the board, nah, he went to play baseball. He's gone. No, I just like, the reason I had to goler Murray yet is because I didn't like any of the chance that I'm drafted for. Back-to-back picks for Harry here. He is now a commandeering. the mighty Viking war vessel of the Minnesota football franchise. Now, Harry, what do the Vikings want to do? Listen, the Vikings want another wide receiver

that is going to upset the Saints in the NFC championship. So what we're going to do is go back to the old Miss drawing board here, and we're going to take D.K. Metcalfe. Wow. Because we want to upset them once again. So yes, he will be the new Stefan Biggs

with all those, you know, he's got what a 32 pack of abs and you know can curl a thousand pounds so yeah we're gonna go with him that seems like a safe pick why not that's good he's a guy who likes not wearing a shirt that's perfect for minnesota yeah that means he's tough that means he's tough yeah i mean sure me good football guy who's who's who's throwing to basically a glorified slot receiver is that kirk cousins yeah Yeah, it's going to be great. Listen, he just has to hit him once. That's it.

Even his name suggests that you don't really like him. See your brother? Nah, just cousin. I believe I am on the clock next. Tennessee's son. Yes, from my native, from my hometown Tennessee Titans. Nashville's proudest boy. What we watch when the preads and the balls are on.

And maybe Vanderbilt Depending on the year Vanderbilt Baseball Or bowling If the PGA tour's not on And I don't have to go hunting with my dad What is good on Netflix? Yeah

Tennessee Titans Middle Tennessee's 14th hottest entertainment option On any given Sunday I am their GM I got a pick for him are you know what I'm going to do I'm Mike Tyson this bitch you're gonna skip it

let's sleep at the clock go Titans I can believe there's an MTSC player that high on the board you don't want to send him to Nashville oh listen he'll get to Nashville on his own eventually he just won't be playing so to be clear when you say Mike Tyson this pick

you're going to let Holly pick and then at some point you're just going to jump in and shout what your pick is no no no remember Mike Tyson Mike Tice for the Vikings actually let the clock expire on the pick. Yeah, I know, but that's, but yeah, they get, you still get to make the pick. You just get jumped in line. You don't lose the goddamn pick. Yeah.

Which, to be clear, you should. You really should, but no. Of all the one job days at a day that is called the NFL draft. No, I'm not going to repeat. I'm not going to repeat a pick this year, but I figure I might as well sleep through one. So here we go. It's not as fun if you do this. We'll check in with the Titans to see if they want to cash in the pick yet. To see if the 19th pick has been made or not great.

On the clock are the Steelers led by Holly Anderson. See, I feel like this is steering me to pick a quarterback again, which I'm getting bored with, although obviously they need some leadership in that locker room. And do you know who I feel like... I'm sorry, Jerry Tillerie is on the board, and picture Alex Kersner saying that in his Jinser accent. Jerry...

Jerry Turry... Dray-Turry. Jirley-Tur-L. I'm trying to, I'm trying to scroll through these available players here and think of someone who could maybe, you know, take Ben Rathesberger in hand, you know, give him the firm talking to that he needs about being a good teammate. And really just kind of take some leadership of that locker room

that has clearly been bereft of it for so long. I'm going to go with Christian Wilkins. Good. Who I'm pretty convinced could beat up Ben Rothlisberger, and we'll want to before too long. Would that be hard? No. Like Ben Rothersberger can't fight, can't he? It would be difficult to beat up one of those enormous custom bean bag chairs, because, like, where is your fist going?

It's just going to sink in. It just takes a while to knock him over. Yeah, it's like a, it's like fighting a weble with a triple blood alcohol limit. All right. all right so the titans have lumbered to life oh welcome back we had to go we had to go to biscuit love by god that's dashville's music it sucks well there's pick up trucks truck trucks truck shorts dirt my girl in a jail shirt cute beach shorts truck truck shorts beach cuteie yeah that's my dog and that's my girl Let's put a trap beat on it and then complain when a black person does it a decade later.

And that's my girl, dog. Her name is dog, girl. She went to jeans school. Yeah, Tennessee Titans lumbering to life with that gene school degree. Isn't that Indiana? Yeah, that's right. Oh, man, we might, you know, there's been so much negligence so far in the draft that even with missing around, I think we still might have some really good players on the board.

That's why. We should have a music podcast. Yeah. Or is that just this podcast? Yeah. But yeah, let's have Spencer sing more. Thanks. You're going to be great.

You literally did this to yourself. You did. You did. I don't think that's true. Let's see. I think one thing that Tennessee needs is a tight end. And that's why we're just going to go ahead and draft another. I thought you were going to say rural hospitals.

Nope. don't definitely don't need those uh that's why we're going to go ahead and draft montes sweat mtsu's own that's right montes sweat we're just going to take him from yeah he's our tied end we're just putting them all right because you've decided all ends all ends are interchangeable remember uh yeah montes sweat because man after after starkville national is just going to be like moving to to Tokyo Oh, I read that wrong. I thought he was from Middle Tennessee State.

Let's see. Oh, okay. Next up are the Seahawks. Now that the Titans are off the board. Bad hair name? That's Pete Carroll's music. So as we know, the Seahawks are the most run-establishing team in all of football. I tried to find it.

There's an account out there that matches a Pete Carroll tweet. with drill tweets and they're all about establishing the run and it's very good it's very well done so try and find it good luck I couldn't

there was a 538 article a few months ago about how going rush rush pass on first down second down third down how that's like one of the least effective things to do in the modern NFL and see how Seattle does it more than anyone and they're not even good at it

meanwhile Russell Wilson might want to leave meaning they'd have to run even more So we got it, we got to, we got to, we got to nudge these folks back toward modernity. We need Seattle to actually pass the ball. Russell Wilson is an amazing quarterback. We need him actually throwing. So here's the solution. Hunter Renfro.

Hear me out. Hear me out why he's the perfect wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks. He has actually, with a championship on the line, caught a goal line touchdown. That's hurtful. also like the Seahawks are killed just get back to the Super Bowl at this point so apologies in advance to young Brian Floyd he's here Brian Floyd he's on the podcast so he's real mad yeah he heard this happening he's not happy but that anger it will be silent man how many 283 jokes have we made on here right

why I don't feel that for anybody yeah what does that mean what's 283 on the clock are the Baltimore Ravens the Baltimore Ravens with the 22nd pick GMed by Harry Liles Jr. Oh God, okay. Well, you know, the Ravens always known for that signature defense. And while I don't necessarily care to make smart picks,

it just also happens that Greedy Williams has a great name and would also be a great pick right here. So we're going to go with Greedy. that's a really good rave in like a millennial that's a good raven's pick man that's another that's another accent i'd like to hear the baltimore that's a very that's a very baltimore that's a very baltimore that's a good baltimore group of vowels there greedy williams garardi griority griority the houston texans at 23 gmmed by ryan uh yeha Go Oil Go, as read my favorite charity vulgar nation this week.

Debo Samuel. Why not? Debo Samuel. That's it. I don't have a reason. Just Debo. I think it's a Houston friendly first name. Yeah, it feels, it feels, it feels, it does feel right.

It feels like a match as well, yeah. Also, you have my favorite NFL thing, which is the unholy combination of a Clemson quarterback, throwing to a South Carolina wide receiver. Also, you now have a Debo and a nuke, correct? We're going to call that play agitation between the farmers. Led by a bill. That would be the Oakland Raiders at 24 next. The pick arriving B at the Chicago Bears.

Ryan is also the GM of the Oakland Raiders. Okay. Previously selected Ed Oliver to this franchise. Spencer, can I make my draft offer to you now? My trade offer to you now. In my guys as the next pick I have, the Indianapolis Colts. and Jim Ursay behind the scenes. Man, I'm just open for anything.

All right, so I will give you pick 24. I will give you pick 24 and 27. I will give you all the rest of my picks if you sit back from the mic by a full foot. Let's rock. Not better. For Andrew Luck. How many picks?

Pick 24 and 27. Wait, which one of us has to take Andrew Luck? I get Andrew Luck and Spencer gets... Andrew Luck's going to Vegas. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He's going to gamble like $8. No, that's a blackjack switch man. I can't wait to see the black hole.

I'm really honored to see Circus alone. You know what? Because I'm playing loose and free here, like Jim Ursay. Yeah, baby. Let's do it. Thank you. Hey, Ryan, can you, can everyone open a list of all the currently running Circus Sale shows, and we can all say them in Andrew Luch's? Sure, sure. Do you want just the Vegas ones or all of them? them. All the Vegas ones.

Okay. Let's not take too much time. Let's see. Geez, I guess I better draft the quarterback. I just traded mine away. Luckily, you have three of the next four picks now. The Beatles love. The Beatles love.

The Beatles love. They had better. Better step it up and get this done. Curious, cabinet of curiosities. Later, nerd. And he's going to rock with a cool guy. Tired to you playing exotic board games. On the clock are the Indianapolis Colts get used to this.

With this pick. I win. I think we're going to take... Jim Ursay would get married at the draft. He won. That's why he's going to take Dwayne Haskins. Sweene Haskins and Charlene, this very nice dealer from Tunica, he met on a riverboat. She can go on down, too.

My name is Donna. Whatever, Charlene. I'm not a blackjack dealer. I like how you traded post-surgery, Andrew Luck, and got slower at quarterback. Speed's a relative thing. Black Shore is funny sometimes. Yeah, I want to go ahead, and we're going to get Dwayne Haskins there. You know, because he's basically Andrew Luck.

Same quarterback. Sure. I just like everybody who is still on the board when you made that trade, seeing all the Indianapolis ahead of them, like, oh, God. I need to, like, fabricate a scandal. This is the worst road trip ever. Jesus. Let's see.

Next up, I'm on the clock for a brief break in the Indianapolis action, and an Indiana intermission, if you will. I have the Eagles who need a new backup quarterback, because Nick Foles, of course, is now with the... Jacksonville Jaguars. See, we're learning. Jacksonville Jaguars, who paid him a lot of money, and he's still Nick Foles.

So as is canon, a Philly backup quarterback, you're going to need to come in and win playoff games because Carson Wins doesn't do those. It would be nice if he reminded people of Carson wins, right? So let's go with East and Stick. Played at the same college, has won tons of playoff games already, because at his level, there are playoff games.

James, a little smaller, more efficient as a passer in college. Better runner in college. So now we just got North Dakota State all the way down. Spencer's looking at MMQB again. He's trying to do this for real. I'm going to do it wrong for real. Stupid idiot. I'm going to do it wrong for real.

Wait, so you're being Jim Ursay doing research? And it's not on like pills. Or porn. Could be porn. Pills porn. The least is loose. With the next two. Picks. What if we did? Okay, listen, what if Nashville metastasized northward and we got like Indiana

country music and it was like pills, jeans, shorts, truck? Listen, I bet you I could find just some of that. Just give me like 30 minutes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got Indiana expert. Yeah. I could find you that. No problem. That definitely exists. Please just remember the next time NFL media is like tutting a player for Instagram living someone, please remember the beast is loose. please remember that a goddamn owner put a picture

as our Indiana expert what do you think the fans are lobbying Jim Mersay for with these next two picks it's honestly it's tough to say because there are many type of Indiana folks if you will I think they're probably pulling for Noah fan have you ever heard an Indiana

I was the point to say I mean you know you can't go wrong there is you know any any um you know just really just thick burly country white boys uh you know you can't go wrong i mean if you drafted the second coming of dallas clark uh you know you're you're sure to iowa yeah yeah on the board mm-hmm is a tight end from iowa again we cannot say this enough named phant phant the beast is loose we're going to play and we're going to take Nikiel Harry from Arizona State. Oh, God damn it. That's right.

We're just going to make the tallest, biggest team. You just made so many people upset south of Indianapolis. I did. He's like a tight end at wide receiver. It's not. Okay. But we're going to play him like an edge rusher at Furnum. On the clock, the Indianapolis Colts.

I'm back! I'm burned. I lived, bitch. This was such a good idea. Oh, this was such a good idea. Thank you, magic eight ball. Um, can you, no, never mind. Don't be more specific.

No, thank you. I'm going to go ahead, and I'm going to pick. Uh, with a Rubik's cube that he's been feeding. With our seventh first round draft pick. Cleland Farrell from Clemson. All right. That's right. Cleland Farrell.

Is it because his name's Cleland? Because it's Farrell. He's a Farrell. Also Colin Farrell's an excellent actor and a close friend. Jim Ursay absolutely would attempt to draft Colin Farrell, but only in character as Bullseye from the Ben Affleck Daredevil movie. I love Miami Vice. He was loose in that movie.

Wait, I thought I was drafting guys to play me in the movie. Alexander was so interesting. Colin Farrell's a fine actor Go Colts Spencer somehow is still on the goddamn Boyle I'm going to point out Quinn and Williams

and Kyler Murray are both available We're very good at this Oh yeah No man watch this Chargers lining up We're hiring we're hiring Phillips Replacing right now Kyleor Murray to the Chargers

Wow Okay To the Padre Now are you drafting him Because he's a great quarterback Or is that because he's as tall As his oldest child Philip is he's just

going to slip him right into the River's brood. Hey man, you babysit? Oh my God, he's going to be a Rivers family sleeper agent. Yeah, he's going to be an au pair. Listen, we only pay $20 an hour but you can have whatever you want out of the garage fridge. Garage fridge only. Great. I wish the third garage

fridge. Slipped a couple of bud lights in there, I know they don't have local media out there, but has anyone ever gone grocery shopping with whoever buys groceries for them? Oh, that's a Costco trip, 100%. I want to know how garage fridges they have. have. Yeah. They probably just live in a Costco at this point. Costco is still in business because of the Rivers family. Yeah. I really

want the Rivers family though. Like I want, I don't want it now. I want it when all of those kids like particularly the large, you know, like how many sons does he have? 12. I don't know. I don't know. He's got like when all of those sons hit like football caloric age, right? Like when they really, when they go home. You're going to hire a separate baby center to just make peanut butter in jelly sandwiches for eight hours a day and do nothing else. No, send them to New Zealand like that terrible tourist family. Feed us!

Send them to New Zealand to be raised or send them to New Zealand to fight people. I just, I think it'll look like those videos of, you know, like Chinese tiger reserves when they just have a guy on a wire throwing chicken like into the cage and they're like, leaping up, yeah, it'll look like that.

And now if you'll turn your attention towards, throwing bagel bites into the Rivers Boy cage. The Rivers Boys are testing the, testing the fence for weaknesses. What happens to the goat? Is he going to eat the goat? No, that's too ethnic for Philip. Next on the clock. Like and subscribe to our college football podcast.

29, the Kansas City Chiefs, being jammed by Holly. Oh. Okay. they've lost a little bit of their baldness and since they are automatically a Tennessee feeder school, we don't have that many players in the draft. I'm going to send Shy Tuttle from Tennessee over to Kansas City because I feel like that boy, after what he went through at UT, could use a lot of ribs for a long time. And I hope that he is happy in his nest of ribs that he makes in his locker. House made of ribs. Can't go wrong playing for Casey? also he's an enormous man named shy they'll love him beautiful

I keep making sentimental picks I'm sorry but Kansas City basically became like the protein that Tennessee does not have in its own state and with the 30th pick we are going with the Green Bay Packers this picks Green Bay Packers via Saints does that mean that the Saints had something and then toward the end they they lost it that's wild unprecedented so previously with my Packers pick i selected i i i sort of mess with erin rogers a little bit i picked i put another quarterback in the room with him this time we're going to trade him we're going to trade erin rogers for trade him to spencer colts are open for business baby the beast is still loose please send him to any

let's do this erin rogers i hope you're listening to this i know you are with a 30th pick the green Bay Packers select. Tiree Jackson, Buffalo quarterback. Now Aaron Rogers is like the third tallest guy in the quarterback room. He's very sensitive about his height. He's about to be real sensitive about his height. He's now being loomed over. No, no, no. Brandy, like enough brandy and he'll actually start to grow again.

Please, sir. Let him sleep in the brandy cave. It'll be good for his bones. They destroy Aaron Rogers' mind project, helmed by Jason Kirk. The Los Angeles Rams are the 31st pick being helmed by GM Ryan Nane. So this is a little bit of a reach, admittedly, but Rutgers had the worst scoring offense in FBS last year, averaged 13.5 points per game. the Rams would have been thrilled with 13.5 points in the Super Bowl. And so I am taking the only Rutgers offensive player that we have on our board at all.

I'm double checking to make that sure. Make sure that's right. Yes. Jerome Washington, Rutgers tight end. That is a Wittsack name. Thanks. Still scrolling. Yeah, you're going to want to Apple off this one just to be clear.

He appears in our spreadsheet in row 536. But there is a name row, so there is a label row, so he's only ranked 535. Thank you to CBS Sports for ranking 540 NFL prospects, just so we could get one Rutgers offense player. 32nd pick and the final pick of the first round. Can we, hey, can we get the main SB Nation account to post this draft board? Yeah, yeah, we'll do that on the day of the actual draft. Yeah, is our final. Sure.

And tell them to at Ezra Klein. The New England Patriots picked 32nd. Nobody's going to pick that up, huh? GM by Harry Liles Jr. Listen, this was randomized. I think it's just honestly perfect how I ended up not only with the last pick, but with the Patriots pick.

You're our Vanessa Williams, man. No, no reason. But, you know, I kind of had my eyes on one Hunter Renfro but he was picked yeah careful you don't want to watch you don't want to watch Dolphins game buddy for no reason and I'm not going to pick him

I would love to have picked Hunter Renfro but honestly there is a player on the board out of the 540 names that we've got on this list and there are 540 oh and that man is 6 foot 3 210 pound Brody Oliver out of the Colorado

school of minds. Wow. Brody. It could be an undrafted free agent who gets cut and ends up working out of Walgreens by like June. But no, we're going to skip all that underdog crap. We're going to get Brady another, you know, just great white wide receiver in the first round. Because if, God damn it, we were going to pick him in the seventh, imagine how great he'll be in the first. Brody's a game

He's been working down in the mines Brady Brody Sorry, what accent was that? Don't worry about it Yeah, that's it was It was. It was. It was. It was Boston for about 0.2 seconds

And then it got Australia Boston, Australian for beer But that's why he's tough He's been down in the minds But like to be To be going to games in Boston If they're all like, Oi! So still on the board,

Quinn and Williams Quite arguably the best place in the draft. We're very good at football. Yep. No, no, no. I think this means that we don't want bad things to happen to him or to Dexter Lars. No, we like it. I'm sorry again to Christian Wilkins. What did Quinn Williams major in? I think

that's what we're hinting at here. Let's see. I don't know. We learned a lot tonight. Did we? Yeah, we did. We did. I learned that Spencer knows the MMQB URLs by heart. It's true. That's four whole letters more than I would have thought he was capable of holding an

It's really only three, so... Shit. Yeah. I learned that Harry is an excellent GM. Because he picked, he picked a San Diego State kicker for the Falcons, which, about right. That's pick him with your heart, head, and spleen. I learned that beach, cutie, truck, cutey, beach beer. Excuse me, that's a Pills, Jean Shorts truck.

Do you guys want to take this out with a little bit more country singing? I learned that Jason absolutely. hates Aaron Rogers and wants to break his soul in psyche. No, no, I'm just, I'm just... No, no, Aaron Rogers is a tough man, right? This is a therapy project. Yeah.

Aaron Rogers is Jason's personal therapy beanbag. But he's just going to cut open and crawl inside, like a ton ton. I don't know who up Quinn and Williams Major did. I learned that Ben Rathesberger can't fight. Debate us, you coward. I did learn one more

thing tonight. The beast is loose!