Shutdown Fullcast - Pants Confessions

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

Los Homely Boys got together in person to talk about the important social issue of the day: Dan Mullen's billowy pants. Per Fullcast statute, there is also some discussion of the Bible and Star Wars, both of which, again, are related to pants. Don't worry, though - we've made our own individual fashion choices that didn't pan out, and so did a couple SPECIAL TEMPORARY GUESTS!  Also! If you haven't yet, please take the Vox Media Podcast Newtork audience survey! It takes no more than five minutes, and it really helps out the show. You can find that survey here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/3X6WMNF Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Oh man, it's so good. It's so real. It is so epic because, yeah, no, no, no. Usually we just have one person in the room, right? Maybe two. We got all three of us in the same place, boys. Well, we technically.

I mean, we don't have Holly, but I'm trying to like that. You said all three of us boys. We do have all the boys. That's true. All the boys are back in town. Twitter likes that song. I think technically. to the size of the hallway we are in technically this room could have thousands of people in it

just to set the stage for you folks we are at the end of the world's longest hallway that the type little wayne would refer to as one in which you can shit all day and i'm seriously like the hotel frowns upon that just for the record they would never know is the thing we could we could i don't think we're going to i barely think we're going to get to the end of this podcast without somebody coming over and saying excuse me sirs you can't podcast here what are you doing here you saw the no podcast sign we could fit south carolina's losing streak to kentucky in this hallway well that's hurtful oh damn right it is kentucky's a good football team it'd take a little a little nudging little you say why kick people when they're down i say when's the better time

that's the that's where they are that's where my feet are they're closer to my feet I'm being green My carbon footprint is lower When my footprint is closer to their head Yeah So this marks week two Since Jason created a spreadsheet of potential topics This week though I did look at it

It's blank So this is the one week Yeah yeah congratulations everybody Teacher doesn't know what we're doing in class today Time to watch a movie What was your default, like, movie that your teachers, like, showed the most that you remember? Or at least your most negligent teacher. Have I mentioned this on here?

I was briefly a teacher. No, what? Yeah, I was an English education for a while. Yeah. And there was a day when I was, like, doing the student teacher thing in middle school. And there was a day when a teacher said, all right, you're running the show today, which I'm like, I got this. I get along with these kids, great. I've told this on here.

I played the video once the history of Georgia public broadcasting played it again I put it the third time at this point this was said this before I'll say it again my favorite words I ever uttered to children please rap quietly amongst yourself they were rapping too loudly

in this classroom we are all for the creative arts it's just the volume sure at this this point in Atlanta music history we're getting too crunk I had an AP psychology teacher who played Sibble a lot. Wow.

Yeah. Sala Field's a wonderful actress, but I don't need to watch Sybil that many times. Man, I had an AP history teacher who. Glory? Man. Yeah, glories a goat, too. Many times I've seen Carrie L. was his body thrown into a sandpit, like 40 times. I could not be a teacher because I would be too tempted to, like, teach, I don't know, like European history and be like, yeah, we're watching

the print says right this happened all of this happened it'll be it'll be a dbq don't worry you should study this my wife had a literature teacher in high school who in teaching english literature said hey you know we could read em forrester's room with a view or we could watch or we could watch die hard have you ever seen sudden impact no they decided to watch the movie room with a view have you seen the movie room of view. No. No.

No. It contains about two minutes of uninterrupted male frontal nudity. Sure. I mean, pinwheeling helicopter. Yeah. We did watch a movie in, I watched a movie in law school. Yeah. Yeah.

And I like went to a legit law school and we watched body heat. Whoa. Yeah. For what purpose? For property class because it's all, the like, the key turn in body heat is about this obscure property, I think it's property, I'm probably getting this wrong, uh, rule called the rule against

perpetuities. And it's this complex like English civil law concept. And instead we watched this like I think it's De Palma. It is Brian De Palma. This Brian DePaulma like, yeah, let's see. Let's see William Hurd's butt.

It contains some grown person love making scenes. Yeah. Yeah. And we watched it in like, and you know, it's a big class. So it's like 150 people's stadium seating watching fucking this softcore film from 1984 or something. Yeah, I thought it was because William Hurt broke a window into the house. And I'm like, well, that's property. That's property damage.

This is the only way I could damage it. No. Right. Have you ever had something broken? No. No. Watch. William Hurt's going to.

There you go. We will now watch this entire film. And it was just to make one. It was just like the professor being like, yep, trolled. you guess how much this cost your parents idiots he'll be in debt over this for just this moment

we were taken because I was a really sweet warm-hearted child we were taken by the principal to see the Pistol Pete Marevich movie for inspiration because I think the principal who is a little short guy definitely like Pistol Pete Marevich because he's like

that guy does things the right way out of basketball except the whole movie is about how he's his basketball is the wrong way for his time. Right, right, exactly. Like, he's against the grain, right? Except, yeah. Yeah, and because I was a charming child. He was like, so, hey, everybody, how's this?

You know, like, was it good? And I was like, ah, it's okay. I thought it was a little overacted. Dude, principal got hurt. He's like, well, we'll see if we take you to another movie. Best story, three years later, he was arrested for, like, serious marijuana possession. Aw. I know, so this dude was just getting high.

He's like, I'm a little piece. Take these kids and show him what greatness is. Do teachers still show movies in class? Yeah. Or are they just like, you have a phone. You're watching a movie right now. Oh, no. What am I supposed to do?

There's a movie on here if the current one isn't doing it for you. Yeah. You know how hard it is to get to kindergarten without like basically teaching kids like at least a small cinematic studies class? Right. Listen, no. It's more like church, I think. Could you turn in your hymnals, aka your tablets? Right.

To the YouTube that, you know, I would prefer you be watching. rather than the one you're watching right now. This should be an option of football games, though. It's like 28-7 in the fourth quarter. Put on Starship Troopers. The whole student section gets tablets. Oh, you put a movie on the Jumbo Trond. We just give you the option.

You look down and like head coach is like trying not to look. He's like, oh man, they're going to, oh, Neil Patrick Harris is great in this. I love this showers. See, I would like to know more. Yeah. The humans are actually the village. This is Highland's.

play on American imperialism. Coach is giving you the little like this bump. Yeah, I mean, there's games where I would have taken that, right? Like 62, 24, Florida, Nebraska. You could have put anything on the screen. You could have put like pride and prejudice and I would have been like, man,

Mr. Darcy is a whole snack. He's a... Look at that. That wouldn't have made sense at the time. It would have. People would have been confused by... You would have invented the term a whole snack. Are you a cannibal? A vampire?

Sir. It was the Florida. What are you saying that he's animal? That is absurd. Why would you say that about another man? You want to talk about Dan Mullen's pants? Brother, do I? All right, so this is a visual podcast.

Pants are difficult. They're difficult. That's your lead? That's my, yeah. All right, let's talk about life's challenges. Well, for billions of years, pants were not even invented yet. Not even a considerable. That was how the Lord truly punished Adam.

Yes. You'll have to find pants that look good on your weird body. He never wore pants. Adam? Yeah. Just fig leafed it? According to all the imagery, which I assume is research. That's true.

That's true. They just carried animals to cover parts. They're like, I'll take you, Kiwi. Old Testament Instagram. The King of the Hill, where Hank Hill has to choose between a Texas flag or a cactus. To cover himself, he uses the cactus in order to avoid defiling the Texas flag. Yeah, that's, you know, because, you know, Big Cow would not approve of that. Right. Right. But the...

So who is the first person in the Bible to wear pants? Noah? I'll look this up for you. All right. I'm just steering you right into Noah. You don't have to. It's fine. I would tell you that in the future, we will not wear pants as well. This is in Revelation. If you believe my version of the future, the Earthwind and Fire.

fire future, right? Like Don Cheadle and Boogie Nights. Right. That everybody will be wearing flowing space robes. Trousers in light. Right. Obie 1. It did Obi-1 wear pants? Unclear. Unclear. Unclear. You don't know what's up under there. That's right. No. The first mention of pants in the Bible is Exodus 2842 and make thou for them linen trousers. Wow. To cover the naked flesh there from the loins. I think those are caprice. Man, you know, you know on that journey across the desert chafing like crazy. Lots and Lots of linen trousers. So Tom Ford would approve.

You'd be like, don't wear shorts. Yeah. They did it in Exodus. You can do it here. Pharaoh was an old Miss fan. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendigo went into the fire. Their trousers were not singed.

They got them tactical trousers. Shadrack, would you get those on Instagram? What is that? Uniclo? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I don't know. I get all these weird ads for like assault rifle.

But these pants just. You know, these pants just looked right. I mean, literally, like, like, they told us to do something, so we said, hell no, you're going to have to throw us in the fire. Like, that is tactical khaki type behavior. It is, yeah. Look at them, roll. Look at them.

I bought them because they're singed proof. Yeah. This thing didn't even torch my Yetty. Look at it. Pulled it out of the fires of hell, and my drink is still cold. These pants unsinged. Bird and Bush can't touch this. Speaking of can't touch this.

Yeah, no, the pants are big. The pants are big. Dan Mullen caught in a photograph, a casual photograph, signing a football, being an otherwise responsible public figure in a citizen, right? Sitting there, signing a football wearing the rest of his outfit. He's got like a sport coat, and he's got like, you know, like a, it is actually cool. He's got a sport coat, but he's got a blue shirt with kind of a liner, and he's got his head tilted down. So it kind of looks like he's got an ascot on.

And I was like, he really should do that. Right. right like what college football coach has ever stunted with an ascot none i've never even seen it schnelly never did it that's a possibility that feels like the one maybe i mean the ivy league has basically been unsupervised since 1977 it's true yeah it could happen they've gone feral somebody could have stumbled into a tactical ascot i think it's also entirely possible Dana Holderson has accidentally worn someone else's underwear

as an ascot. They say it's pretty fashionable in France. I got what now? Uh-oh. I'm going to ask what? I almost got my ass caught, but I got out of there. Anyway, stay in school, kids.

Thanks for having me. This is the Tulsa Tuxedo. A pair of fruit of the looms worn as an ascot with a piano jacket like it was the jacket that has the piano keys on the lapel

this is called tutica formal yeah wagering I ain't got nothing else to lose might as well look good yeah

that's the pants are the real story though because we'll include a photo for reference at one point we won't we say this

and we know one medium or another I will I'll just post it with the pants and a link to the podcast. That's it. It's going on Pinterest.

I'm going to, go ahead, keep trying. I want to find out, like, if you search Dan Mullen pants, how many embarrassing images there are. Dan Mullen pants. Okay. So, Dan Mullen, if you search them, you will see a picture of Dan Mullen wearing a pair of khakis that, I don't really want to dodge the obvious reference. They're Jordan-esque.

They're billowy. They are to go with. Yeah, to go with a pair of shoes. Oh, man. Are those fours? I don't recall. I didn't recall the shoes. He's got a pair of Jordan's on.

I forget which particular pair they are. But they are a billowy pair of pants, which the comparisons are, one, every single terrible pair of pants. Michael Jordan has ever worn. Right. Right. I would say they're like Tuberville 99s. Like, they're that bad.

So I have a theory. It's just come to me now. That's where the best theories arise. Right. When you're watching Body Heat and NYU Law School. I think Dan Mullen buys pants, knowing that his weight is going to fluctuate by 10 to 15 pounds over the course of the year. In his ankles? I think it's more of a thigh thing.

I think it's more of a thigh and a waist thing, and he's like, the rest I don't care about. Brother tailoring. Tailoring, okay? He's not going to get that. He's not going to get bad. He has money for that. You get somebody else to do that. This is a stuff.

systematic failure of protection. Who loves this man? Someone has to love this man enough to be like, do not wear the Kevin Smith pumping gas one hundredths, okay? And you know what I mean, the Kevin Smith picture where he's got the enormous jorts on.

Sure. Right. They're so huge that they go all the way down to his ankles. These jeans lead to Narnia. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you don't, nobody, like there's a breakdown of the relationships in your life and your self maintenance if you let this happen to you.

okay I I have the self-awareness not to wear those pants but have you always no okay but but when I didn't have it I had no money and I was much younger right Dan Mullen has money he is not young take care of this man somebody intervene because he's he's wearing like like he's wearing the zoosuit riot pants I had a sweater vest phase in high school man let's talk about it that there's not a lot to say more other than that Time to come clean. We all have... You lived in Florida.

I lived in Florida. I had the barrel body that I have now. Yeah. And I thought, you know what? Let's really draw attention to that. And be uncomfortable. It's especially good because you can't just like... You have to wear something under the sweater vest, obviously.

So now it's like, oh, good. Now it's bunching in weird ways. This is good. I mean, we... I'm entering my... sexual prime. I'm worried about the size of my penis, so I'm going to wear cod pieces. The cod piece is really how I want to, like, hide this.

It was unfortunate. Now, you had a confession pregame. Oh, man. So the original topic, which was thrown around for about four seconds during our five-second planning meeting was pants confessions. And I think I would go straight to my biggest pants phase, which was not even jeans. We can go worse. I don't even know really what the material would be,

but if you tune in to watch Jeff Hardy wrestle and you see just the large black hot topic pants, I was responsible for supporting that movement at a point in high school. Yeah, just the type of pants where, you know the thing about the joke about, like, is that a man, or is it two toddlers stacked on top of each other in a trench coat

trying to sneak into a thing. It's that, but width. With, why? Do you have four toddlers, you know, two toddlers each. Do you have holstered toddlers? Contributing to your width. So you looked like the dancing sort of dusts. Well, it's like when a child tries to draw somebody and you're like, oh, those proportions aren't. No.

You look like the dancing dust brooms, the Beauty and the Beast, you know, be our guest scene, right? Try the grapes, Suzanne. The idea I had to go. along with this was we're going to wear like real slim t-shirts like so it looked worse yeah we're gonna look like

like you're like you're fucking hey look at me I'm Guernica but clothes look at me I look like a brats right like I look like someone some cartoon he put the pants slider to 10 and the shirt slider to zero

I had no points left just on shirts Chit-ch-ch-ch-sat radio I was caught in between a lot of different musical genres at that time But Florida has also Florida never has stylish head coaches No, this was another disturbing pre-game discussion actually Florida Gators specifically

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no Because Breyer has some polos that With the truck graphics on the front he had the gator print blue gator print because alligators are blue right right yeah that's a fucking they are if you tattoo them that's hey you don't know those aren't tattoos

Steve spur could be covered in terrifying tattoos at this point actually we would we would know we would not true that's true we are all actually probably Steve spurger's dermatologist hey y'all time to worship the red dragon all right get in here

behold me look at me it takes a village to monitor ball coaches. It does. You know, so I hope somebody's emailed them, been like, he got a new mole on your shoulder. All right. Thanks. Yeah, thank you. That's for a guy. They're like, like, there are coaches who never took their shirts off like, like, Bobby, Bobbub. Yeah. That is. Oh, no, he shower. He showered in a polo. Yeah, no. Bobby Bowden has

never nude. Yeah. Yeah. Same Jimbo. Jimbo's not. No. Jimbo's like, you get out of here. I need my privacy. I'm rich. You're poor. Rich folks only in this nudity. Jimbo is either a never nude or like home and instantly nude. You know? Yeah, just for comfort reasons. Just like, oh, get all this off me. Now, I think this raises questions about the must champ Jimbo beach house. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Because are we both immediately ditching everything but the drawers? I have a, no, I have a, I have a, have we have hangups about seeing, seeing a. No, I have a theory about must champ. Okay. That must champ, uh, the shirt never. comes off. Pants, totally. This is Winnie the Pooh in it.

He's winning the Pooh. Think about it. He's kind of built like Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. No, this is a staget. It's like a very violent Winnie the Pooh. Come on. The problem of theirs, of course, that has win in it. Yeah. That's, sorry. I know he won the whatever bowl. Do you know what I think they did? Someone please ask Wilmotchamp. Actually, let's not talk about bowls. I'm sorry. Does Wilmuchamp has to have one non-football area that he like

knows a little something. about, right? We know it's not Star Wars. A hobby of passion. Right. Or just, oh, you know, right. I think it would probably be the music of like Florida, Georgia line. Monster trucks. Monster trucks. It's possible

he is from Gainesville. I mean, Japanese chewable candies. Love a leachy. Don't bring in, don't bring Haribo in here. That's entry level. And not like pounding him by the handful, but really, really, really. Slaver and the textures. You got to analyze this stuff. Yeah, but like Florida coaches have been like

Will Must Chip was actually the most stylish of any of the last, Jesus. Like, yeah, no, that's, it's, but all right, I will say this. One, Will went to flat fronts, okay? There was a problem in coaching across the board, but particularly in the SEC, where deep pleats, as I call them, the Tuberville 99, right? The billowy deep pleats, right? They lasted way longer than they did in Jen Pop. Way longer.

Like, they carried over, like, you could not kill them, all right? Like, people rag on, like, Charlie Wise for wearing, like, deep pleats and, like, know, 07. Okay, first of all, he's a big man. You got to pick up or down, right? You got to wear the pants super low and kind of look like a big toddler or you got to wear him super high and he went, he went, he went, he went robotic. He went robotic, like Governor Pappy, right? He went like up high. You got to pick one or the other, right? I'll get the chaos I'm rolled yet. At least there was a reason. Like he's a big dude. He had a reason for the struggle. Okay. Tommy Tuberville, that was an unforced error, right? He could have abandoned those,

no, he stuck with the deep pleats long after. Mustamp switched and switched early. Okay, he went flat fronts early Always had a nice pair of kicks He did, he like a good pair of shoes He also had a sweater vest face You may recall That was the respectable citizen muschamp Where he's like, I can't throw a fit

If I've restrained my torso That was very much the like Mom made me wear this for picture day I seem to recall Muschamp with like a wristband Like a sweat band Like maybe even elbow band type thing Like he has a coordinator Yeah he definitely had like an elbow

Okay maybe that's what makes the visual in my mind But you know what also realized he's a polo guy like just stuck with it like okay polo is my thing I'm gonna stick with the polo I appreciate I think he had like you know what it was like his defenses all right

it was coherent right there was a system it was generally like you know everybody knew their assignments and it generally all went well together he didn't even have like a sort of like dumb ass looking bowl cut like I don't know his successor like he didn't at no point could I look at Will Must Hamman go

that was done by a floby no no it was all it was like the same super cut same super cut but like you know it was a good fundamental it's a solid fundamental give me the will yeah like kirby your name is will you get this wanted to look like this you're just pointing at you sir like my theory is that kirby cuts his own hair and that's why it looks like that like while driving yeah well yeah he puts the range bucket on his head he just cuts everything puts the visor on and then he cuts around it yeah it's either that or the range that's what it's for yeah

It's like Tracin. Coaches are like monks, and that's why I have this haircut. Yeah, but then, like, Jim McAway came along, and Jim McAway just looked like a man who was, you know, like, just struggling to put his clothes on. Our theory, like, we were talking, that he just had too much to do. Yeah.

By, like, yeah, by, like, year three. Yes. Yes. Like, Jason, have you ever experienced the phenomenon where you're more organized than both of us, but you start the day, and you're just like, I have too many things to do and I am paralyzed by the sheer, I like can't even do the

first one because it feels useless. That's a human thing. I think that was the last year and a half at Florida. He was just, well, got to recruit all these players. So it doesn't matter, you know, why would I start with one? I think you had the problem of the robot. You're like, I have to teach the robot to read. Well,

here's a dictionary. What's a dictionary? Right. Well, I need to look at the definition for it. Yeah. What about, uh, Zuck? He was fit, at You know what, Zook was, but he was pleats, he was team deep pleads. Yeah, but that was the early 2000s. But frankly, he was so rocked up that like the pleats, he was just like, oh, it's too ripped for the pleats. There's a whole, there's a whole time period, like late 90s, early 2000s where coaches were not stylish, but nobody else was either.

Yeah. So it didn't matter. Yeah, I mean, we don't get like, we don't get to make fun of, we don't get to make fun of football players quite as much because generally, especially in our wing of the sport, you see them in workout shorts and, and usually, like, fresh either out of the shower where they're wearing like you know like coach said I got to wear a suit right or you're seeing them coming off the field right after practice where they've got like what you're wearing right like well they got on slides a pair of shorts and a hoodie and I got on a hoodie we both worked hard yeah and we definitely both look the same and between us we ran a lot today it would appear I too am in like that's you don't get to make fun of them like

Like, you make fun of, like, you know, the infamous 2000-N-B-A class, right? We were talking about, like, people with $20 million in the bank versus college students. Yeah, and you're talking about Darius Miles with, like, you know, like pants, billowy pants, sagging and double and triplicate, right, like over his shoes in a suit, right? That's, we don't get to do that very often. You do get to do that with coaches. Sometimes with broadcast people, like, you know, Danny Connell had his Bond villain phase where, you know, he wore a troll neck.

I think with athletes, the exception of something like the 2003 NBA. draft. Right. Like that is the type of pant we're talking about here for a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the deep, the deep huge pant, which is what makes the mullin thing so shocking that, like, that's a gag. People should know about that gag, but like most coaches, he is so focused that I am sure at one point he thought maybe, oh, these pants are a little big, just a little.

But they're workable. They work, no, I'll get it. I'll wear, you know what? I'll wear two shirts. This is what happened. Yeah. He thought, I'll wear a sport coat and it'll be fine. Put a coat on it

Just put a coat on it Look sharp in a coat That'll be fine It's like it's like flipping a house With a new roof I just gotta you know Dress it up a little bit Yeah

I picture him sort of like all day long He's just making little comments About like that's a little windy in here Isn't it? Yeah It's a very It's a very dentist who forgot He was invited to your wedding

Is it like a draft like low Like low in the room Sort of around my knees He just looked like he's about to tee off At like the 1922 British Open though. Yes. Every time I walk, I just feel a draft.

I don't know why. I'm middle tom. I'm here to compete with my ghost catty. I think I'll learn about racism, unclear. Unclear. For some reason, I don't know. I'm not sure what movie this is anymore. Yeah, that's like, yeah, we need to help Dan, is the point.

We need to help him. We need to help him now because those pants, This pants are going to get, like, unless he walks in, maybe this is some sort of like roast me thing, right? To, like, get in. Because Florida actually, I think, does best when we have robotic or weird recruiters, right? Remember, like Spurger was a terrible recruiter, which is awful. He walked in and be like, well, you wanted to retire.

Well, you want to play here or not? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Bus leaving, son. There's an Arby's like half mile from here. That's all I got. Yeah, like, you ever had the Jumoka? I don't know what it is.

It's delicious. He used to come, like, that was. like James Bates will tell you that like his thing was you know hey most people work their whole lives to retire down here right you can come down here when you're 18 like do you want to come down and be an old man do you want to be old be awesome kids a day past sea world

yeah and Irvin Meyer like the recruiting stories for Urban were never like never like man he was so charming they're like this weird obsessus man came to my house yes and stared at me for five minutes and told me what a good person I was would you like to be part of history's greatest machine

are you texting another person while talking to me Yes. Are you texting me? Yes. I just want to make sure. Yes. Yeah. And then like, you know,

and maybe Mullen's thing as he walks in the house and he's just like, yeah, man, roast me. Torch me. It might be all a long play for the glow up later on. Oh, oh, he's trying to get on Queer Eye. Yeah. That's what it is. Because that would be great for her.

That'd be fucking phenomenal. Because then, you know, parents would be like, oh, I saw. I saw him on queer the things they did I cried Yeah it's for the moms So hard Yeah yeah yeah and like the dads who are like

You know sensitive enough to sort of just be like Yeah I'll watch a show about to blow up Yeah That's fine I'll just learn that word About glowing up Yeah feelings are okay now I just picture a bunch of linemen like sitting on the couch crying

Like that's so beautiful He'll play for that man His father never took care of himself And that's why he inherited That's where Dan Mullen comes in That's right He thinks work is gonna take everything okay and it won't

it won't when Lyman cry you cry like size proportionally like when Taco Fall when UCF released this video of all of them crying after Duke beat them Taco Falls crying I'm like oh I can't handle this I can't physically like that like a six foot five

guy cries this was like proportionately so much more The emotions tumble downhill They fall if you will Yeah into a taco of emotions That sounds pretty good. Yeah. The only other thing I wanted to discuss that was even remotely football-related was...

We've done a great job talking about football. Did we get a Spencer fashion confession this time around? I wore a band-ed collar. I think that's the worst thing I've... Were you a blackjack dealer? No. Okay. No.

I was not at the time a blackjack dealer. That's the job you were dressing for. I was, and I didn't get it. So, like, I failed on two fronts. Here, yeah, I wore a banded collar sometime in the night. 90s. And I remember doing it and thinking, I was like, I kind of looked like, this is either really great or, or it's not, or the opposite of that. Yeah, I looked, you know, and like, I, at the time, like, I was pretty fat. So, like, it was pretty much like, welcome to the island of Dr. Moreau.

Right. Yeah. It was not good. I look like. It was real bad. Like, I put it on and it was one of those things where you put it on and seconds later, you're like, oh, I can't go home. the machine from the fly with a prom rental store. It was a bad decision on my part. What color was it? It was white.

Okay. Because I was really worried you were going to say like it was cream. Silk or crimson? Yeah. Like a satinine red, billowy like. Yeah. Yeah, it was Shabli. Yeah.

Burgundy, Philistine. And we went to the melting pot and it was a great date. I dry humped in that pendant collar. I'll have you know. After that, that's when you say, and now I pass it on to you. May it bring you as much good fortune as it brought me.

Your father wanted you to have this. If you don't give it away in seven days, you will die. Your father wanted you to have this. He died at the melting pot. He died at the melting pot. His hand caught fire. And never boned together.

You were the chosen one. You hear like light yacht rock playing from the speakers No, let it happen It has to happen this way Prophecy of the melting pot in Gainville Darth Vader was created in a fondue planet He was a delicious fondue planet Leave him in for another minute

Yeah Man that's such a What a revelation I'm so happy about this, yeah He couldn't handle fondue. That's basically like the whole, you know, George Lucas loves fondue as well. Yeah, he got so rich. He probably did that for a year.

Yeah, I'm really into cooking. Like, just fondue mostly. Like, what is the most meddlesome food of all fondue? Yes. Like, every single thing is micromanaged. Right. Boy. Yeah, it's either that.

It's either that or a rotted shark. This movie I made 20 years ago. maybe I could just stick it back in for a couple of minutes. It would be so good if I could eliminate everyone else from this meal so that I was just doing everything. Melton cheese is the CGI of the food, so it makes everything better. You need more. You need more of it.

I was trying to think, I think my favorite recent coaching thing, though, is the dry fit, because now you just give, like, now you just finally Gary Patterson could be happy in one, like, thing of clothing, right? Yes. Because what did he do before dry fit? Gary just just what year you want yeah I don't know man you got to go back pretty far but I bet it was dire 98 maybe does that feel right yeah I don't know man it had to be rough you know like he never owned a big dog t-shirt because no he did no right he owned 12 it was a sleep

shirt big frog I'm so he never like he couldn't own cool t-shirts no because by third period that thing is done. No. Yeah, he probably had some Mossimo. Yeah. It's a little thing you think. Yeah.

I don't know. It was a little time. I mean, you think he got like that, that stylish for Texas. In his private life. In his private life. In his private life.

When it was Gary after Dark. When it was Gary, when it was no longer Coach P. But when it was Gary after Dark. Yeah. So Google is, I'm on my phone. I can't figure out how to search

for a specific year, but I am seeing a lot of polo. No, man, I bet he's got a dry-fit couch. Just goes home and hits the dry-fit, which, by the way, like, as a sweaty human myself, I was like, I'm going to dry-fit couch. Don't do this. No, that's the shutdown full-cast branded dry-fit couch. Come on. All right.

Planet's only getting hotter. All right. We'll sell it. You're going to need a dry-fit couch. It's fine. That's good. We can brand them too, man. come on like an aggie

no we can't drive it as a turn like that's a branded term they have an eye in it yeah they have a stupid motherfucker we're gonna hit him with a why and a two T's right to drive 50

yeah we gotta hit you know why because we hit it hard yeah it doesn't make no our copyright argument is but you gotta hit it hard and that's what makes it different like the vanilla ice school of lawyer It's completely different. We added a second T.

It goes dry fit, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. It has an extra beat. It's a fucking horror movie sound effect. No, you get a skirt on it. Oh, my God. Is somebody going to try to make a, like, serious, Oscar bait-worthy vanilla ice biopic? Oh, please. Yeah.

No, I'm all for this, you know. Cocaine's. Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel, Dan Lewis. The role you were born to play. I worked on this dance for six months. Shaving the lines in his head.

I recreated the entirety of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, just so I could experience that moment. The ooze. The ooze. A frame film, a film within a film. That's right. That's right. That's right.

This is the worst movie ever made. Speaking of large pants, by the way. Vanilla ice. Early 90s rappers. Yeah. Yeah. You got some pretty large pants. The pants got awful huge.

I was trying to think like in terms of fashion, right? In terms of like pants and absolute negligence, like what the worst is. Has a college coach ever just given up and worn shorts on the sideline? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think the one that comes to mind is Pat Fitzgerald. And from his perspective, that's not giving up. That's like, hey, look at these calves, right? Yeah.

Right. He should be wearing shorts. right? Oh, yeah. Still shaped like a linebacker. If it's more the alternate reason for wearing shorts, which is like, blah, I hadn't do that. I don't have any clean parents. I'm not thinking of that one at this time. That seems like more a Pro Bowl kind of thing.

I want Belichick to finally come out after one year and just a garbage bag. Andy Reed and shorts. Are you like trying to cut weight for, no. No, no, I just was busy week. No, I do love to wrestle, though. Let me be clear. Andy Reed bike shorts I'll click that

Oh oh is he wearing like the coach shorts Is that domain available? Yeah Purges Here is an 80s photo of Andy Reed Oh good Oh my god Podcasts

Podcasts for a visual medium What a powerful man Goodness that's some that's some Stay fair turkey legs there Look at that sign in the background It says El Paso Disposal This is an ad for El Paso Disposal I'm buying, whatever they're selling.

Look at those hams, man. That's amazing. All right. Yeah. No, the only other thing that, like, I wanted to discuss this week at all was my favorite phrase I read all week, which was Wilton Spate talking about the Michigan offense. We won't stay on football too long. No, that's fine. Wilton Spate and aggressively like James Bond movie, nobody saw a villain name.

Yeah, exactly. What's he going to do? He has an app. What's going to do? It will hack the web He plans to Wilton The Spate All of it, yeah

He's putting diamonds in the water supply Why? Because it's cool Because Pierce Prosden signed a six-picture deal That's why And we can't do a greatest hits album We've taken two action scenes out

Because he's gained too much weight to do them Die another day Was supposed to be Diet another day That was like that was the joke on set was that like it was diet another day because they'd take his tucks out. Why is Tyrese playing Wilton Spate? Because kids love Tyrese.

That's why. Well, they had fat bond. They did. Well, yeah, he was a little indulgent. You know, I think you've got to be pretty lean to fit in those things, right? And notice, by the way, like, that's why the later Bond movies are very car based. Yeah. What if the car could do more things?

Well, they were car. They were car based because Brosnan was carb based at that point. I just thought maybe I'm a, I'm a hacker now. A door of a work from home bond. I do more stationary stuff now. Do do do do do do get on the elliptical. Hello, 00. We got you this standing desk.

More like seven double O. That, but Wilton spate, Bond villain. God damn it. I think of every stupid. Come in, 007. His name is Wilton Spate. What's he doing?

He's going to hack the world. Mm. Hacking the world. With what? The Zoon. It's going to put mini-disc players in all. What? This is awesome.

This is incredible. This feels like a lot of product placement. It is. Sony's a wonderful company. Remember, we're going to take this bond who we had to take in his tuxes because he wouldn't stop eating like a normal person

and we're going to replace it with Daniel Craig. How are you going to stop Wilton Spate with another Sony product? With a disc man. What's the name of the robot? Asimo. We're going to stop it with Asimov! My weapon!

Falling downstairs. The quote in the paper from from Michigan. Say it again. Say it again. From Wilton State. The feed. That bastard. Bond and be careful.

You'll never get away with it, Spate. Now what like very silly hat does he wear? A tricorner. Yeah. In the year 2019, just wearing a tricorn. Does he have a boat? Does he have a boat? No. No. He has an ice.

Island, of course. Yeah. In the Great Lakes. He's got an island and Lake Superior. Yeah, but no boat. He doesn't do that. No. But Wilton Spate said that the Michigan offense under the new coaching staff because they

completely cleaned house on that side was going to be unleashed. And I love the idea of unleashing Michigan. Like what was going to get like, what were their plays? Dude, that's the perfect Bond, like 2008 Bondville. What's he, what's his plan? He's going to unleash. the Michigan offense, James. Pure Michigan. That's pure Michigan.

Nobody can take that. Hello, I'm scientist Donna Derricko. We have to stop him. He's attempting to download a car. It's going to 3D print Lloyd car. Heavens, that sounds dignified. But yeah, there was going to unleash that, like, what was going to get Michigan really hype, right?

Like, what were Michigan solutions to things, right? Like, the neoliberal offense. Oh, my God. Going to give, like, perfectly useless health care solutions, like $250 savings accounts for cancer. Yeah, you can go to the dentist. Policy. Once. They're in the policy formation.

It's amazing. You can't score a touchdown until you've hit your deductible. We talked about this. That would explain a lot. Run, discuss Stalingrad. Oh, God. They're unstoppable. That's amazing.

How about, can we run the Harbaugh's second place in division offense? No, no, that's unheard of. It's theoretically impossible. No, we don't, yeah, we're a history school. Please. We don't discuss things that haven't happened. Source? Question mark, question mark, question mark.

So we've been joined by some other folks who were not, uh, didn't sign up participate in this podcast. So they can choose. Brian Floyd, of course, is here. Did any of us sign up to participate? Like, if you ask, like we're taking it back to the beginning.

If you ask me how this, I don't know. The game, no, the game shows us. I can tell you one day, one day Spencer said, uh,

should we, should we just press record? And, and then, like, then there was a podcast. And then one day you were on. And we didn't know if we could use your name or not.

Because you were still a Twitter thing. Didn't keep us from using your name. Every single episode. episode we'd be like Ryan oh no I think one time I said like what did Ryan the other gentleman on the podcast say something like this is why it would be really stressful to be Alfred because I'd constantly be like well Bruce Batman doesn't live here who's who's that who I don't don't know who that is so so so for you folks who've just now joined us our topic for the evening, it's completely different, of course,

than the one we had discussed at the other end of the hall. To be fair, it's a very long haul. What we have ended up discussing, thanks inspired by Dan Mullen, is... Wilton Spade! Wond villain and fashion disasters with our own, specifically pants, preferably pants. So if any of you have any pants confessions,

you'd like to bring up from your younger days, of course, two of you are still young. Could be an alternate piece of clothing if the pants are not. I picked my sweater vest. in high school. Just have this in mind. Yeah, but shameful thing that is all a fantastic audio. This is sort of audio for those of you who just tuned in halfway through.

Here, I'm going to pass the mic, and you don't have to tell your name. You don't have to tell us anything. Just give us your worst sartorial moment. Can it be like a serial, sartorial moment? Like when you did more than once. Right. Yeah, that's fine. You could do a phase.

Yeah. When I was a little kid, I had. But wait, define that. How little? 22. Let's be, let's be. Let's be deliberately nebulous about that. Okay.

I had an issue where any time I would wear khaki pants, I would go to the bathroom. I was a little kid. And then I'd be like, I'd come out from the bathroom. I'd be like a little bit of a kind of like dark spot on my pants. Uh-huh. After, you know, I was a little kid. Yeah, no, you're a little kid. I was a little kid.

I couldn't have been older than, you know, seven. 17. Okay, yeah. Now, are these, these are specific khakis? We were, we said. a choice you made about how to dress, and you're about to tell a piss story. Was it just a feel for you?

No, is it just to feel like, I'm so comfortable in these casual slacks that I'm being too casual. I think that might have been it. Yeah, I was seven or eight. Yeah, you just couldn't handle the cackies. You couldn't handle the comfort. Right.

So I think I had to go for more of a cover-up type of pant. You know, you had to go with like some dark slacks. No, no, no. At the time I was nine, I was doing it. No, no, no. I had a college. I had a college roommate who could not wear like his most comfortable pajama pants

when he was real drunk because he would just be himself. He was just like, it was so good. I just can't, yeah. I used to wear my shorts like Jodicey. Close to me. Let the record show Brian Floyd just fell off a cup and is now rolling on the floor.

Did you wear a leather vest with no shirt? Were you KC or jojowing it? It was more jojojo and we could. couldn't afford a leather anything so okay man that's it yeah I just like don't have a great not after not after that you know just unfortunately honestly honestly it was the calm with which he said it I mean the way Bill said that I'm like I'm maybe pulled it off yeah we're doing this in Oklahoma can I just add oh Damn, that is incredible.

I also had a vocal shirt at one point. Damn. I also like Richard walking into a discussion of bad fashion and saying, sorry, I got nothing. You had to, like, put some effort into a choir of vocal shirt. They weren't, like, easily acquired. No, no, no, you couldn't just pick one of those up, man. No. Anyway. That's, man, that is incredible.

Yeah, I've had a lot of confusion about who I am and what I should be in life. But now I'm comfortable. That explains this podcast, actually. Spate! You're trying to say the confusion is ongoing. Yes. Yeah. He's going to give everyone jodicy paths.

And they make them coach at Florida. Help him, James. I'm just going to order a new pants on this computer. I'm stationary now. I'll postmates a gun. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. This app will allow you to do anything, Bond.

You can send people ice cream on the air. I get the sense that I think I've seen like two or three James Bond movies, but I get the sense they sort of happen in every decade at once. Well, it's, I think what happens with that franchise in particular is they start like, this is a serious, like, spy movie. And then they're sort of like, well, let's make it a little silly. A little silly. Okay.

Now he has, now he has a cotton candy submarine. Why not? And then they have to go all the, the pendulum has to swing all the way back to be like. Time to hire a new guy. He'll be the dark, gritty bond. And they're like, all we're giving you is a police baton and the inability to love. Those are your two tools. Good luck, 007.

But don't worry, it'll be fun. Yeah. They kind of have to also go on to like, you know, whether he's a fun drunk or a mean drunk, they're like, this cruel man gets drunk and shoots people. And then he drinks more, right? And then later it's like, uh-huh, he's not accountable. Yeah. And then later it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-do-d-do-d-do-d-d-a.

So what a great lesson about alcoholism. Yeah, just keep at it. Right. it's also a weird the recent bond movies are a weird statement on like getting a job because to get a license to kill

you have to kill first so it's very much like this is an entry level position this is an entry level position where you have to have three years experience you're like but I don't so I have to commit unlicensed skills

yeah yeah as a lawyer when does the license to kill expire like we have to re-up Yeah, you just go to the DMV and, you know, Yeah, 100% Make an appointment, that's always, I don't, that was, Are there degrees?

Is it like license to slap? Can you get that? Because I really, like, I'm not going to go through all the qualifications. Please, I have way too short an attention. How else would they do slapers only? Yeah, see? That's true. That's what I'm saying.

Like, the license to slap, that's all I want, right? Like, if James Bond only had the power to deliver unholy slap. I also feel I also feel like the license to kill probably needs a little more like if you have a license to drive yeah you have that doesn't mean you can just like go to the airport and be like

give me that plane my license there have to be some limits on this right oh okay we all have a license to kill an aunt right yeah but you know what like not a person aunt you know in Germany like the license to kill would be an eight year like process and study and like license and boards right but like the license to kill in Mississippi. It'd be like, hey man, you just go down to the gas station. Two hundred dollars, no

background. Yeah, no background check. The judge is like, well, what that some bitch say to you? Oh my God, I would watch Mississippi Bond. And your villain is, let me guess again, a catfish. Wilton Spate!