Shutdown Fullcast - Pat Narduzzi's Reverse Football Machine?

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

SHOW NOTESHey, we've got a show today, if you're reading this todayUpdate on the lost Arctic exploration of 1845Snack reviewsSheep crime newsSpencer gives a math quizGames of Week 6, previewed in loving detailShutdown Fullcast theme song arranged and performed by Wes HuntJason's free CFB Watch Grid newsletter and other stuff: https://www.jasonkirk.fyi/Find Holly and Spencer writing and chirping at channel-6.ghost.ioListen to Ryan's other, less harrowing podcasts, We're Not All Like This and Buried Treasure, and check out his new project at assigned.substack.comPurchase only the finest Fullcast gear at sunny preownedairboats.com

Some very important news this week. This is definitely breaking college football news. And by college football news, I mean Arctic Expedition of the 19th century or the 19th century news. Hello, Brian Phillips. Yes. This week came out that there's definitive proof that there was cannibalism on the Franklin expedition. If you've watched the terror, then you're familiar with this story. everyone dies and it sucks

and the Inuit kind of just watch these British officers. They're like, yeah, we saw them, they were all starving and fucked up and stuff. It was wild. Anyway, I found a really good seal. It smelled crazy. Yeah, they said, I bet it smelled crazy in there. Anyway, I was hunting this seal, and it was a really good

seal, and I ate it, and we're thriving out here. And these guys, who, they seem to be having a real bad time. Anyway, they came up with a research team out of the University of Waterloo. was able to positively identify all of the remains and that, yeah, we found these guys. And it turns out they did have a really bad fucking time.

They had a terrible, terrible time. But then, then somebody went a little bit further and decided to, yes, art historian Fabian Teteru decided to look into the remains and found that, with the help of some forensic scientists that yeah yeah turns out totally eating each other which led me to the thought if we were all stranded and I'm the one who died right you have full permission to eat me right if you got to do that for survival thanks buddy you're going to be kind of tough you think like relatively yeah like tough compared to average human meat I don't know

I think he'd be the toughest meat of the four of us He's all grisly It's true I'm gonna be delicious I'm a little marbled I'm reasonably marbled All right You know

I guess we'll find out Skirt steak I'm saying like like I'm not You don't want to serve me like a straight up You're more of a braze A fillet Yeah braze me Go ahead

But I give you permission Because Brothers and Sissac sisters, I won't know. And I'd want to, you know, like, I could be useful for the first time in my life. You could just go ahead and I could help you guys out in a bad time. Do you think they do something with the head? Like, is it weird to carve off pieces of your buddy when you can still see his face?

Especially if he died smiling. I think that at that point, it's like, if they're smiling, then it's like, oh, look, see, this is approved. Right? Oh, blessings. Yeah. Look, Jerry enjoys this. That's why I'm going to try to die with a thumbs up, right? Do this as hard as I can.

So when they're eating me. Just always have that. This is sort of a, whenever, train yourself so that whenever peril strikes, you automatically, you know, habitually jolt the thumbs up. You can train yourself to get to the point where it's like, I'm in a car wreck and I'm flying approvingly. so when the ash and magma hit herculaneum and pompeii it rose people in place and the one dude was jerking off yeah yeah there's the one guy who is caught in a pose that

looks a lot like jerking off there will be haters who will say well i mean that's a common pose or you know they could have just been random nope i assume when the world ended he was like i gotta get to it he's like i got 20 seconds he got 20 seconds he's like hey dude watch this yeah yeah i bet you i can yeah they don't show the guy next to him who's like oh oh i got it yeah because because um critics don't make the history books only those who dare to dream will be remembered i got to think about octavia down at the tannery she's so hot i mean she's probably literally pretty hot right now because we're in herculane because the tanary is closer to pump yeah um but imagine if you find your

yourself, if somebody finds in the wreckage of the modern Herculaneum of Pompeii, they find your figure, and you're sitting there just giving a big old thumbs up, right? You're like, what was the civilization like? It's full of dudes who rock. Everyone was really happy. Or they were happy about their demise. They were like, hell yes. It's time. Everyone approved something. Yeah. But in this case, I approve you guys eating me. I'm not saying it's going to be the best experience. I'm not saying I've had my, I'm not saying that this particular piece of produce has

been on the best diet. The farmers might have slipped and just let me eat some Doritos. That's, that's happened. I would love meat that was redolent of Doritos. Faint taste faintly of Doritos. Actually, it'd be disappointed if you're like, wow, he ate a really healthy diet. God. Yeah, no, we don't want that. I think now that you have issued disapproval, as soon as you go, you will like disappear in a puff of cloud and two huge stakes will be there floating Oh yeah Because video can all that health

Yeah yeah that's wow 50 hit points right there Yeah no Jason you have Before you guys do that You have to take a pixelated sword or hammer And hit my corpse right go Make sure you're defeated Or if we don't do that

You'll just blink blink disappear And all your resources are gone That's right First we need to loot your corpse Find some lore that the designers embedded in your pants for some reason. Who knows why? There's a note from a spaceship full of skeletons

who died a thousand years ago in your pants. But, I mean, that does seem like the kind of thing you'd just misplace if you had it. I would. I would. If your body, if this is Red Dead too and they're looting your body, right? They're like, you have, well, you vanquished the varmint, Jason Kirk.

You found him. Search body. What are they finding in your pockets? Well, the thing is Red Dead is so realistic about it. It's like, wow, I got in this massive shootout with seven guys, and I got 18 cents and two bullets for a gun that I don't even use, right? Like, if this shit happens in Diablo, it's like, wow, I have unlocked the golden amulet of such and such, of the night, of the whatever, of so forth.

And it's like, wow, it's worth all the money, but Red Dead is much dingier about this. However, having said that, I mean, I don't know, if you loot my corpse, Um, you, you will gain some, some, you'll get some, like, um, plus minus food where, like, buff slash debuff, you know, it comes at a cost, right? You're, you're going to have to eat some weird junk food that will, like, you know, you'll, uh, maybe it'll give you a speed boost, but you'll be, um, highly susceptible to poison damage, you know, that kind of shit where it's like a tradeoff. Yeah. I don't ever use that shit in games, but, um, in real life, I sure do. that's one thing I hadn't considered is what the Oreo Coke Zero might take filtered through human flesh I think uh so like primarily my focus is um the Cheeto family

yeah so Jason what do you think about the what do you think about the simply white Cheeto uh evolution they're fine yeah um yeah it's a solid snack it's um nothing thing that feels like a big stunt so you know it's just sort of like I'm having sandwiches so I'll pair this with it and it's not like stevo would be so proud of me for eating this you know so therefore it lacks that factor what about the jalapeno chito those are solid um they're they're you know they're they're high up there the uh Cajun cheddar is is just topping my boards for this season it's do I mean this football season or this fashion season yes yes yes Listen, the FEI, the FEI ranking for Cajun Cheddar Cheetos, it's astronomical.

Chitos, sponsor us. We'll make you proud. Yeah, about that. This has worked before. Hey, let's get it working again. I think, by the way, if you loot my corpse, it would just be like, receipt, receipt, lint, receipt. Receipts can be valuable, so. $2.

If you don't turn a minute tax time. I'm basically a giant fire hazard walking around at all times anyway What if yours contain, like in some games It's like you have found blue dye And now you can change your shirt blue And that would represent your extensive library of Warhammer paint It would be like contrast paint You have unlocked black Templar

Yeah I think also maybe the straight orc straight orc in there you're like what does this do and they're like it gives you a plus one on nothing

gives you a plus actually if it were a game it would be like plus one on repelling women that would be aw which could be useful

if the if like the final boss is a woman and you're not ready for that that battle yet right a video game

where a mission would be like you need women to stay as far away from you if you're like being hunted by lady sephphoroff

yeah you're emitting libertarian vibes You have a lot of opinions about Joe Rogan Not opinions, no, you have Joe Rogan's opinions there Yeah, there we go Choose dialogue option What is the age of consent? God.

Which state? Yeah, if you know And have thoughts on which are most apt And Little computer indicator at the bottom is like Women are fleeing the scene the stage is yours take whatever you like i have some news yeah uh this was sent into us i'm so proud of y'all multiple people sent this into us via several different channels

the first time i saw it was uh in my email from reader carl it is regrettably a new york times But I think that we will all agree that it is worth it. Also, it is an Alexandra Petrie story. So we're going to give it. It's due. An 81-year-old Montana rancher was sentenced to six months in prison for running a scheme in which he used parts from protected wildlife to create a giant hybrid species of wild sheep

to sell at premium prices in the U.S., prosecutors said. He made a Franken sheep. He made a golem. The man, Arthur Shoebarth of Vaughn, illegally used tissue from a Marco Polo sheep from Central Asia, and the testicles of a big horn sheep native to the rocker. mountains to make large hybrids of sheep that he could sell at high prices to shooting preserves particularly in Texas federal prosecutors said in a news release so so for the purposes of shooting

the the um abomination needed large testicles details are scarce okay in this news story but I encourage everyone to read it. New sheep dropping. Yo, man, he's got this new sheep. Now, here's, now, there is a mystery. There is a mystery here a little bit. There is one area, a side quest that I wish, that I wish the times I pursued in this story.

And it is a quote from Mr. Schubarth's lawyer. This is reported from the Associated Press. I'm sorry. Jason Holden, Mr. Schubarth's lawyer, had said that cloning the giant sheep hunted in Kyrgyzstan in 2013 had ruined his client's life, reputation, and family. I think this

has broken him, Mr. Holden said. I think so. The streets needed it. I had to drop this sheep. Can't you just see him like on Instagram being like, you're not up on these? Like, I was so close to perfecting the fucked up sheep.

Now what tripped him up, by the way? Paperwork. His scheme was uncovered by the authorities after they learned that he was using forged veterinary inspection certificates to move prohibited sheep in and out of Montana. This is what I bring to the college football podcast. Thank you. I love show and tell. It sounds like somebody should have put a fence around Montana.

You know, if you didn't want him to go out of state, should have kept them home. Build the wall in Montana. And with that, we're ready to start the show. Sorry. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to, thank you, to the internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall.

It is coming up on the middle of the week. And as always, we are here with Holly Anderson, Chasing Kirk. This time we got Douglas Reyes-Seron on the weekday ones and twos. And Ryan Annie is off doing some dad stuff. Hey, y'all notice something about our producers? Okay. We have a Michael Ray Cerber during the week in normal times. And we have a Doug Reyes-Sarone on the weekends.

Ray? Reyes? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now, you know both of these names. You know the origin word of both of these names is king, right? Right. Okay. A pair of kings on the ones and twos. There's only one at a time.

Yeah. Yeah. We need different variations of this for everybody. I love that for us, personally. That's all. Yeah. We need an aristocratic English version of the producer. Like, Jonathan Raymond Wilkes-Barre, Knottberg. Shire. Shire of Lee.

Thank you for adding, for threading Pennsylvania through there. Mm-hmm. Looks like that. The state of kings. I'm Pennsylvania nobility, you know, from Wilkesbury, the Duke of Wilkesbury. I went to a new dentist the other week, and she's originally from India, and I saw the, you know, I walked in, I saw a diploma on her wall. It said Carnegie Mellon. And I've got family who went to Carnegie Mellon.

And I was like, oh, you went to Carnegie Mellon? She's like, yeah, yeah. And I said, is your family, you know, I'm like, is your family from Pennsylvania? She said, no, I moved here from India to go to school. And it took me a second. And then I stopped. And without really thinking about it, because I don't know what she thought of the city. Her experience there, the words fell out of my mouth.

Your first experience with America was Pittsburgh. That's right. And she said, and she said, just as quickly, she came back. And she said, yeah, you know, I thought I spoke English when I got. here and her English is immaculate but she's like they dumped me they dumped me in Pittsburgh and I'm like I doubt a lot of things about my ed she's like I doubted a lot of things about my education for a minute when I got to Pennsylvania I would like to go down to the store what dad hey Danny this lady wants to know what a store is yeah actually

we know somebody actually we all collectively know somebody who's first experience as a new American was Pittsburgh said it was delightful it has nothing that has how does this happen to multiple people we know it's listen three rivers all all roads and waters lead yeah to pit that's really what they see the sequels I just love that this is um this is a nice segue this is a nice segue because I did want to talk about Pitt and other teams because this is coming up, I believe, into week six of the college football season, which, as we have stated, as we have stated previously, is progressing exactly on time. This is the exact number of days that it should be.

I have no trouble believing that it is, in fact, week seven of the college football season. Frankly, I'm surprised it took this long to get here. Yep. This many days. Week seven. Oh, it got here. It got here so fast. Nope.

Nope. This is exactly as fast as it should be. Do not attempt to speed or slow anything. In addition to that, we're not even through the second or third cycle of whether Dion Sanders is a good college football coach. We're going to get three, four, five, six more cycles of that. Do we have to do that first? No, this is not what we're going to be talking about. Okay. Hey, Spencer, what month is it? It is October. It is October 1st, which makes it October. and spooky season and I think the first real prime month of college football and most importantly it is or that's an outlying opinion wow it is october so wow damn happy october to all of you how does one how does one observe in your faith bad puns and a lot of taking pictures of miniatures that don't get a whole lot of faves on social media okay so it's always October then yes it's always listen it's always worked over in this house it's like dickens said of christmas you honor it in your heart and you keep it all the year but i wanted to go ahead and go over

uh we've got to the point where we have a robust data set or at least a really interesting data set it's it's robust it's just you know there's some funny growths on it and they are sturdy growth but there's a lot of them and they're in weird places did you play kents did you For everybody composing an email to me right now, I know it's not week seven. I was trying to trip Spencer up and he didn't bite. Nope. Because I don't think he heard me. I did.

I did not bite that time. Okay. It is a robust data set. We're going into week six. Okay. Sorry, I'm trying to serve for both me and Ryan here. Yes, we are going into week six. Where's Ryan?

He's doing some dad stuff. Hmm. Doing dad stuff. This is the most cyclical podcast episode. so have you heard about antarctica we can go ahead and tell you about it wait what you can go ahead and eat me if you need to remember just a reminder thanks buddy man i'm spencer that's weird you're welcome and welcome oh sorry i listen if you wonder whether i'm trying to beat fluff puff puff peaks again the answer is yes um i wish you all the luck in god damn it i wish you all the luck

in the world, especially because I'm about to distract you by asking you statistical questions about the Tennessee volunteers. I've lost 12 lives since this episode started. The Tennessee volunteers. I am reviewing some of the numbers. It's fun sometimes to just say, hey man, let's just let the numbers talk to us, man. Let's just let the data speak. And what I'm looking at here is a bunch of numbers off the BCF Toys site, which is sort of a Brian Fremot-esque production Esk. Yes.

It's got his name in it. It does have his name on it. Compiling various stats from around college football. Like any stats, you should always take them with sort of a grain of salt. They tell the story. Like any stat? Yeah, they're going to tell like... Numbers never lie.

Numbers never lie. Give us the hard truth. All right. Is that okay? Let me rephrase. Let's marry some numbers. words for the first time ever i will read numbers to you thank you papa read numbers to me papa so i wanted to go ahead and ask i'll ask a question you know we'll start with we'll start with jason since

since i want to ease holly into some questions about tennessee looking at offensive points per drive offensive points per drive who's first tennessee or navy It was Ole Miss. Then what happened? But it's not Ole Miss anymore. You invited a stoops. I know Navy and Tennessee are both very high. Navy is probably having fewer drives, I'm going to guess, so Navy.

Navy might be passing more than Tennessee at this rate. Right now in terms of offensive points per drive, Just raw points per drive. It's Navy. Navy is first overall in terms of points per drive. They've been ridiculously efficient. How do we feel about a mandatory viewing Army Navy game that is also taking place at FedEx Field?

How do we feel about Army Navy Round 1 being the AAC title game crammed into a full Saturday? And then the following week, the spotlight of saluting the troops is just round two with even lower scoring because they've already played each other love it i think that's awesome yeah no i do think that's awesome wait where is refresh me where is the aAC title game are they still doing campuses it's home and home so yeah it just finally we get these army navy games where they deserve to be but yeah that's that's just a little a little curiosity when i go when i was sort of looking through and going it's tend to see what i think it is which holly's familiar with my my opinion

This year's Tennessee team. I don't know if Jason so much is. I'd share it pretty much. Yeah, which is that they are not an offense first team. They have a good offense. I think that opinion is based in reality. Yeah, I think we're going to drive that home a little bit here. By the way, side diversion talking about Ole Miss no longer being number one.

Don't know if you saw Mark Stoops, when somebody in his press conference said, hey, they're not calling you conservative anymore. Don't worry. Mark Stoops replied with, yeah, maybe I was a. dumb ass I put the statue up name the field after a man that's

greatest coach in Kentucky history right there speaking of number one real quick can I detours for something interesting I saw in the polls sure they are especially for this point in the year

AP and coach's poll are very very closely aligned But there's something interesting happening at the very top where three, four, and five in both polls are Ohio State, Tennessee and Georgia, with Ohio State receiving a handful of first place votes in both polls. Alabama is ahead by a good margin of first place votes in the AP top 25, and Texas is ahead by a substantial margin in the coaches poll. And usually the ones are closer together. I think that would be the coach's poll is usually slower to react. So the AP is just firing Bama up there. Well, some of the people who voted in the coaches are the SIDs.

Yes. Sorry. Are the mascots. They need to see a bit more from the tide before they react. Anyway, I just thought that separation was interesting. Carry on. That is interesting, though, because I know they're slower to react. But at the same time, if you did watch Alabama and you wanted to have some doubts about them, you could do that.

There is an NFL podcast called Split Zone Duo that actually made a compelling case over the week that Georgia is the one who came out of that game with more, with a better learning experience about themselves than did Alabama. So, you know, opinions vary. Yeah, they learned that they're not as good as Alabama. I think, yeah, that's the, there we go. Whoever loses gains more knowledge about themselves. So by that knowledge, you know, like Kent State, Kenesaw State. Hey, Kennesaw State, best university in the country. That's what I'm hearing.

That is kind of, that's kind of a life rule, really, when you go, hey, that guy has a lot of knowledge. You mean, oh, he's fucked up a lot. Yeah, I want to have learned nothing. That's it. You're like, what is he? He's like the world's luckiest man. He's never had to learn a thing. I'd rather be Alabama knowing nothing.

about myself that does sound like a blissful kind of ignorance self-knowledge zero bank account billions ah dream uh Tennessee is 11th by the way in offensive points per drive in the nation um continue we keep pulling up yeah I there's there's more on that all right higher ranking in defensive points per drive okay defensive points for drive Ohio State or Tennessee oh i haven't watched enough ohio state to have a clue about that jason what would you think uh ohio state they're um yeah they've been arguably the best defense uh even like adjusted for opponents so again this is defensive points per drive right it's tennessee currently first in the nation ohio state fourth fourth which i was very surprised by um but

But then again, they did play Kent State and NC State. Not that Ohio State's been like going through a murderer's row, but still, I know. Ohio State's number one in pretty much every piece of statistical analysis you would like to look at. And except for one, and we'll get to which one that they are not number one in, and which is shocking number one, is currently sitting atop the pole. But they play Michigan State. That's really it. Is Michigan State their best game at this point? For now.

For now. I mean, again, this is no shade. This is no slander against Ohio State. We can do that and we'll do that later. But because it's fun and they all get real mad about that. Because it's a value judgment, not just like an acknowledgement of a statistical fact when you do that against Ohio State.

Because you know how much the universe is really rooted against Ohio State and given them so little to work with? That underdog program will succeed one day, I promise. Next, Ohio State's fourth, by the way, defensive points per drive. All right, net points per drive, okay? Spencer, what's that? N-P-D. I'm going to read it just so I don't fuck it up, because I will totally do that.

Stupid, dumb baby. Stupid. It's net points per drive. It's the difference between the points scored per offensive drive and points allowed per offensive drive. and points allowed per opponent offensive drive on non-garbage regulation drives in FBS versus FBS games.

So we filtered out FBS versus FCS. Is this still viafromo? Yes, garbage time. Okay. So, net points per drive. Higher ranking. Indiana or Oregon? Indiana.

You have leaned into it and you are correct. Indiana is eighth. Oregon's 16th. Indiana. Yeah. It's not like Oregon is like ninth. Oregon's 16th relative to Indiana's eighth. Now, doubling down, are you going to continue to ride with Indiana for a total net points for drive?

Or LSU. Why would you make us do that? Indiana, please. Yeah. That is correct. LSU is in 24th. But I did get, and looking at that and going, what the fuck is going on with L. you. They're first an overall

offensive efficiency. What the fuck? Yeah, an FI, yeah. They're pretty close overall to the same team as last year without quite as many spectacular plays at quarterback. Yeah. So if you

want some statistical grist for your fuck Brian Kelly mill, I am giving it to you. What a disgusting mill that would be. Oh, we're down at the fuck Brian Kelly Mill all day. We just sit there. What do you do? I think Brian Kelly would serve society well as a nutritious paste.

I could feed it the livestock to make giant sheep. All day long, I just mine hatred for Brian Kelly. I'd be short, though. They'd come out with those weird little legs. It's weird. Brian Kelly works there, too. He hates Brian Kelly as much as any of us. That explains a lot.

So, yeah, just know that LSU first at all offensive FI, but somehow you know 20 24th overall in the net points per drive which means it's the same team I love how that happens is that good it's okay it's not great that's what you that's what you went and stole him away from Notre Dame for is for this yeah you did all again worst thing you can say you did all of this on purpose also like a lot of years you've got the same team. There's different names on the jersey. But you got the same team with the same

problems. Congratulations. Is this fall in line with your people don't change? No one changes everyone makes the same mistakes over and over again. Yep. That's true when it comes to Brian Kelly without question. It is. It is.

Next. Next. This is my favorite or a second favorite note here. Are you going to continue riding with Indiana? Again, eighth in net points per drive. Or are you going to switch tracks and get with the triple and go with Army? Are they higher or lower than Indiana? Indiana. Army. Jason is correct. God, Diamond Hands, Indiana betrays me. Thank you for, thank you for your service, Jason, in respecting these troops. Troop respecter who also

moved Navy. Fourth, they are fourth in net points per drive. Armies, Army statistical profile through week five and into week six it's pretty nice it's pretty clean so I started looking at the real purpose of this and where I got sidetracked was I was looking at undefeated teams and going

okay the records are all nice statistically though we want to go ahead and start looking for who might be in the ballroom but doesn't have the credit rating to be sitting down at the big tables, right? Like, who has gotten this far into the Magic the Gathering tournament and is about to be blown

out by the real turbo nerds, okay? I love that as a metaphor. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, who are the casuals? We're trying to find the casuals here. Who believes the meta will save them? Yeah, exactly. Ah, here we go.

Let's find the orc player at the table who's just been rolling out. You like Spider-Sypio, name three of their albums. Correct. We're going to find the real one. ones who's the undefeated team with the worst defensive yards per play georgia no whoops so there's a lot of undefeated teams there are there are a lot of undefeated team with the worst liberty you were real close because i believe i believe they are 70 through 68th somewhere in there disgusting um but they're not the worst they're not i'm sorry they're not they're not

the most economical, Jason. Yes, in terms of defensive attentions. There is one guy who will not be underbid. One contractor who thinks that the floor is fine with just mesh and you don't need rebar. Hell, it looks fine without the mesh. We'll just pour it in there and see if the concrete looks fine. There's one contractor in college football

who will do the job for less. I call it a diagnostic pour. Well, king of the diegown. diagnostic poor in the unlicensed backyard contraption is Greg Shiano, who 100% did not build that deck to code. But it looks great. It looks great. Rutgers currently 73rd in the nation in defensive yards per play. Now give me the undefeated team with the worst total yards per play aggregate, right? If you take offense and defense. Yeah. And you make them a composite. So who is the undefeited team with the worst total yards per play liberty again you're very close it's also rudgers

that's right you like the deck so much he built you a pool has that thing even i don't know does it hold water is it refreshing on a hot day are they like underwater yardage wise but undefeated they're not quite but it's close god that's disgusting new rutgers record is also the team with the worst total yards per play who has an undefeated record some people would say ah this makes me like them more and i don't know what this is i gotta start watching this shit they're playing nebraska this week that's gonna be awful they're the guy of war they're the guy of warren buffets block who's like hope hey day come soon they're the guy at the table who's like i'm all in they're like oh god it's all gone it's all gone yeah

If you want to know who might be already up past their bedtime, it's Rutgers. Do we hope that you are sent to bed early? Absolutely not, Rutgers. Eat the candy, run around the house, continue to be the eight-year-old at the adults party. We love it. This is great. So they're 44th in SB Plus, which means they're below such teams as two-and-three Virginia Tech, three-and-two Arkansas, two-and-two Florida, two-and-three Auburn.

Yep. This is my way of saying. This is fucking awesome. Do you know what you pay Greg Shio? Because seriously, this is what you pay coaching for, right? Because you could have this same collection of players. And you could be much, much worse than this, okay? You could easily be two and three.

Are you? No, because somebody is sitting there going, I need you to make three plays, guys. They are one spot ahead of one in four, Kansas. And it's not like Kansas is there because of their many years of astounding football achievements. Kansas was Rutgers for a long, long time. But Kansas has been arguably more Redkers than Rutgers. And yet, however, Kansas at 1 and 4 would be, it would be basically a pick-em

if Rutgers and Kansas played, despite their records. That's great. I love it. I absolutely love it. That's kind of the fun part about looking at the stats and going, what kind of undefeated are you? Then you take a look at it and you go, oh we're not extending alone

to Rutgers this is probably an off-season project or maybe it's an in-season project because you don't have that many undefeated in the off-season but I love the idea of creating like an anthropological taxonomy of like an Audubon guide

of what kind of undefeated are you like you're bird watching and you're like oh look honey that's BYU they are not far off by the way either in terms of in terms of living on a prayer though that is a Rutgers vibe not a BYU vibe.

It's also a BYU vibe, I think. Yes. That is where they find common ground. There's living on a prayer and there's living on a prayer. Living and living. Got it. Living on prayer is BYU. Got it.

Okay. Right. And a Costco card. Living on a prayer and a cost card. All right. We have a couple more. Then I shall be done with this exercise. I wanted to do two of the more.

nerdy but traditional ones okay because what is football general neelan told me it's a game of field position so who is the best aggregate field position in terms of you start right and you hold the opponent to the to the to the least territory possible gris grind and grit football what team is first you said ground and grit football and i would have said us until you said that is it Miami is it Rutgers I wanted it to be Rutgers so bad how the fuck else are they doing this

listen that's the wild part is I'm pretty sure Rutgers is decent at this I didn't write it town but I don't think they're like astonishingly good at it you're like I don't Greg I don't know how you're doing this he's like yeah I lost 40 pounds by just eating ice cream and chips you're like the fuck

it's UNLV UNLV is first. Yo. I thought that was surprising, but second is the one that really blew my mind because the second team in terms of best overall field position on offense and defense is Oklahoma. Wait, you said undefeated. Oh, no, I just, UNLV overall. Yes, Oklahoma's not.

I was just shocked with looking at it and going, oh, Oklahoma, like, I finally answered the question. What does Oklahoma do well? They do the most boring old school shit well, which is be over there, and then be over there that's they they show up somewhere without like advancing the ball literally land thieves literally land thieves yes they're literally they're just move blocking the opponent that's all they're doing just like no we get to start here because because we have a piece of paper if 90% of the job is showing up Oklahoma is doing 90% of the job because they're showing up in the right place more all more than almost anyone else

in college football. Unfortunately, there is another 10%. There is another 10%. But also, the best undefeated team, the best undefeated team with the worst starting field position on average. And this takes us full circle to this discussion. What team, who's currently 4 and 0, has had the worst starting field position,

i.e., the basic fundamentals of the game, something a coach who stresses nothing but that, defense and punting would be outraged if his team were even 80th, much less, much worse than 100th in this category. A hundredth? Worse. They are 120th. Please tell me it's Penn State. It's better than that, Holly.

It's pit. Pat Nartuzzi's team is 4-0 and they're 120th in the nation, meaning they have pulled all four. from deep in the murky ass of their own territory. Just way back. Just every time Pitt's done anything, they've been like, ah, fuck, we just landed here. You're looking to see, by the way, Pitt is still not in the top 25.

Also, they're significantly better at offense than defense. It's just, the dews just despises this team. Everything that he's wanted to do intentionally with this team, it's gone the other way. My life's work. What does it have been of it? This accidental offensive genius. I can't stop them from scoring.

He is having the Costanza season where if he wants a defensive team, he should try to get them to score because then they'll get a really good defense. Everything that he's doing is working opposite. Also, now they get to play UNC's defense. So sorry, sorry, Pat, who comes some more. I bet UNC's punter has an amazing game. It's like, it started every drive on the two? also the highest ranked team with the worst record at overall field position the highest ranked team

it's northwestern two and two and number eight overall meaning that like a lot of northwestern grads you know they're like i got all the right paperwork and i'm still two and two i disagree i think northwestern has the best field position in the country because it is in the middle of a middle of a lake yeah that's true we just wait to look it's cold jason i can't wait Lake effect. I've heard the term lake effect. Maybe you haven't. Mm-hmm.

You need to lake effect some bitches. I don't know. What is the... Okay. Last note, and it's a brief one. Who is number one in terms of special teams efficiency? Again, the part of the game that's supposed to be fundamental. It's a third phase of the game.

No one ever thinks of it. Special teams. The Chicago Bears. Is this a undefeated team? Oh, so not undefeated teams then Oh, no, not an undefeated team Our boy, Tori Taylor though Man, we tried to tell him

But my God, should be offensive rookie of the year If Jaden Daniels can't hold on Got his own highlight reel From the Bear's social media team Yeah, he's all they got, man As far as like advancing the ball goes Which team? Very much defeated This is an extremely defeated team

It's number one The best special teams team is also bad special teams best special teams team in the nation right now in terms of overall efficiency and punting and kicking is it florida state holly you're a genius it is florida state any of the meager success that they have had anything that can be considered good football is all on the sainted toes of their kicker punter and the rest of their return and uh kick teams yeah they are wow somebody's holding it down to tallahassee Give that man, Mike Norville's salary.

I just look, they are also number one in SP Plus special teams. So this is across the board. Across the board. Incredible job by that team, finding cheap yardage that their offense can then squander. Does this mean, by the way? They went to the outlets. If they just ran the wing tea,

if they just went like they didn't pass again, would they go 500 the rest of the season? A pun on first down. You're really good at special teams. Lean into your strengths. I'm saying. Run fake. You're like, we can't stop it.

They run a fake punt every play. How do we make them run? How do we make them throw the ball? They won't stop punting. Yes. Yes. I am overjoyed. I think it is now, by the way, time.

We've gotten far enough into this that we can go ahead and do a little special segment we like to do here. Called, more or less, brought to you by our sponsor. Prize picks. Prize picks. Ryan has, thankfully, by the way, gave us this. He set it up. He can't do it, but I can go ahead and provide the excitement for this week. Okay.

And remember, all you need to do is you need to answer more or less. More. Very good. Very good. Thank you. Do I win? Okay. You win my eternal love and admiration.

Cash value. zero comes with meat get my carcass according to the most recent tally at sports reference Mike Gundy has 169 career wins all as head coach at Oklahoma State

Lane Kiffin has 100 spread across four different schools there are nine active coaches who have more than Lane but less than Gundy again Mike Gundy has 169

Lane Kiffin has 100 Your window is between those two Can you name five of them Who have more than Lane But less than Gundy Oh More than Lane but less than Gundy Kyle Whittingham

That is correct But 166 wins Kyle Whittingham Has more Because like Gundy is Perilously close to being to being the dean of active coaches right now, right? So I'm trying to think about guys

who might be like his close contemporaries in terms of when they joined. Yeah. Oh, God. That would put like Dave Doran in that list, wouldn't it? It would. He has more than Lane Kiffin. Wow.

And less than Mike Gundy with 107 wins. I'm impressed. I'm impressed so far. Oh, more. Continue. Mark Stoops. I am sorry. Mark Stoops is not on this list.

He is nearing... Rude. He's nearing 80. He currently has 76 wins. You forget that... You forget that he has coached much of his time at Kentucky, which required three to four years of absolutely eating shit before getting winning records.

Who else is a life? for more than what? More than 100. I say this like I know the coaches at the 100 would work. Less than 160 years. Troy Calhoun. Troy Calhoun is absolutely on this list. Bang.

With 131 wins, he has more than Lane Kiffin. Is this like a penalty shootout? Do I only get one more guess because I missed one? We can do one more guess. Holly, I think you have equaled me in respecting the troops with that, I guess. Thank you. I think you appreciate that. Been here on one time. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Troops, Neo-Modololo. An astonishing pull with four out of five now. Tadau. Yes, an 80%. On this curve, we'll give you an A for that. Neumadalolo has 112 wins, more than 100. How many coaches have been here for longer than Gundy at this point? Is it just Kirk?

So. Where is Brian Kelly? So. Oh, right, right. Brian Kelly is fascinating. Brian Kelly currently has. let's see how many wins he has God he might have more than Gundy at this point

170 he has a hundred and seventy wins overall and there he will stay if you want to know what God thinks of wins kids just look at who he gives him to additionally guys who have in that window

we did not mention Bronco Mendenhall who has 136 we did not mention Rich Rod who has 128 We did not mention Canny Game Manager and noted Continental Geological Feature Brett Beelma

at 119. Three less at 116 is the opposite of everything I just said. James Franklin. James Franklin has 116 wins. You don't think James Franklin is a geological feature? Just skull-wise.

It's true. He could be a butte. I think he's a butte. Bird is more of a mesa. I think he's been more butt recently, Frank. And then with 104 wins, Gus Malzon. Gustavo has 104 wins. I think you booked it beautifully.

Thank you for playing this week's edition of of more. More. More, more, more. Less. More or less. Prize picks. Brought you by prize picks. Hey, guys.

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$50 instantly when you play just $5. That's code full cast on prize picks to get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It is guaranteed. Prize picks run your game more. I'm switching to Endless Ocean. Hmm. Now. One more thing. If you're hearing this on Wednesday, October the 2nd, and you are in the vicinity of Birmingham, Alabama.

Remember that you can show up at our live event Thursday, October 3rd in Birmingham, Alabama. If you're hearing this the morning of, you can hustle on by. Do you have lunch plans? Those tickets are available pre-owned airboats. And there will be a forecast-adjacent hangouts at the venue afterward. Am I guaranteeing every single member of our crew will embrace you? No, I'm not saying any of that. I'm just saying some of your fellow attendees and so forth

and possibly other people as well. Who knows? There will be a space. Who will be in it? Only one way to find out. Got to show up. Birmingham, Alabama. I always like Birmingham because it does give our Mid-South Airlines vibes

a real good check, right? like we do Raleigh to Birmingham to our next live show, which will be in a casino in Tunica. That's not a formal. Yeah, Birmingham sounds real legit and uppity. Part of the world. It does sound legit. Apart from Atlanta and perhaps Ann Arbor, Birmingham is where I feel we are most at home doing a show. I think it is a home game.

I think we're more welcome than Trent Dilfer there, right? We might be there longer than him, yes. That's true. That's true. We will be coaching the UAB football program is what we're saying. I know where the offices are. I can just stick my head in there and be like, hey, Trent. Yeah.

Bear Jr. says you're fired. It's just Jason and I calling, Jason and I calling plays. What's the call coach? More. More. Sure. What do y'all want to do? Yeah.

On defense. On defense. Less. It's a simple game. On field position. You won two games in your first year, coach. How'd you do that? Grote special teams.

Florida State Special Teams. That's it. That's who we hired to run the entire show, Florida State Special Teams. That's why we punted for 4,800 passing yards last year. How? Muscle confusion. That's the answer. I think it's time we look at the schedule.

Sorry, I was thinking about Trent Dilfer's Wheaties box and opening it up and just finding a little note that said, oops, all skull. Let's see here. Thursday, Texas State, Troy, Sam Houston, U-Tep. Okay. This is available on your television. Yes, one could do that if one wanted. Friday.

Jackson State, Kansas State, there's probably no need to observe that. Syracuse UNLV. That's an interesting. Now that's something. That's something there. Is this a conference game? By that time, it will be, yes.

Because UNLV will have usurped the Pac-12 and taken it to the ACC. Additionally, Kyle McCord, quarterback for Syracuse, could be playing for UNLV by the end of this game. Maybe, for the right price. Make me an offer, buddy. Let's see what we got. It is, like, this is a battle of exciting transfer quarterbacks.

How did they get to those statuses? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. See her Barry and Levant every time. That ain't your problem. Don't worry about it. Yeah, you know, otherwise Michigan State Oregon conference game, which conference, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which conference.

It doesn't matter. There's a quirk of ESPN scoreboard, which is the one I'm currently looking at, that when you look at Saturday's games, the first one listed is not chronologically that. They just felt the need. They felt that this was so important that they put it up top. I suspect it's because of their lofty number four ranking. But for some reason, the first game I'm seeing is ahead of all. others, Tennessee, Arkansas. That's it. The god of ESPN

is like, hogs balls. So it's like unmoored in time. It gives it 7.30. It's a 7.30. But number one in your heart, chronologically, it will be played at noon, even if it's 7.30 p.m. The time, the Fayetteville time warp has occurred again. If you haven't watched Taylin Green,

the first-year starter for the Arkansas Razor bags. You were in for a treat. What kind of treat? Not the kind that necessarily is enjoyed by Arkansas fans all the time. He's been really cool and he's done some cool stuff. He also sometimes likes to give the ball to the other team and run around when he shouldn't and escape clean pockets. So he's a freshman. Yeah. On the other side, there's another freshman who does that and is absolutely awesome and will only improve. That's true of both of them, but Nico, I've seen Nico do some things already that in this offense are, it's going to be special, like if he can string it all together.

There is one thing to watch, which is Tennessee having two tackles on the offensive line who are not perhaps at full strength. Fortunately, Arkansas is not known for stocking their lines. with large smashy men, so this should pose no problem whatsoever. Did you know, I think this is true, at least according to what I looked at, that Tennessee, Alabama has never been a top five, all top five game before? No, you're right. When they played in, when they played in 2022, for example, I think Tennessee was six.

Yeah. And Bama was like third. This year we might be looking at a one and three, one and four type thing. Gross. You know. Provided. Provided the Vols can make it to that point. At the same time as that 730 game will be big nude between UCLA and Penn State.

This is a conference game. Also, Missou and Texas A&M, that is not a conference game. I will not. Even Big Money Garbers! That's not your conference game. That's just like, that's your opinion. You can read the following three games, and somebody from the year 2000 would be the unfrozen caveman looking at us going, what are you doing if I said, a big 10 matchup between UCLA Penn?

and state, happening at the same time as an SEC matchup between Missouri and Texas A&M, followed by an ACC matchup of SMU and Louisville. Also, Purdue, Wisconsin. Purdue's still playing football? Why? That's it. What? Purdue exists.

Good for them. Good for them. Well, what does that say about the resilience of the human spirit? A lot. A lot, damn it. Barnacles, for example. The C.W. Game, Wake Forest, NC State, Game of the decade, all the, the Wake is doomed because NC State is a full, full super,

you can't say Scion, I don't think they can afford all that, but you know, you know, like knockoff, full knockoff cyan, whatever. I'm going to give this, this is the full mid-Carolina classic of the, like, year on the CW, Wake Forest, NC State. There's practically, if you put these two in the middle of an empty field, a cookout shall sprout from the sidelines. Like, just it has to come up. on the spot this is carolina's hell this is more carolina than any unc game ever played yeah that's

that's for sure yeah um iowa ohio state to this i cannot believe on it well so like the total for this is 44 and a half i assume that means ohio state scoring 44 and a half because like yeah these teams are who they have been like they sure iowa's adjusted things a bit but overall if if all you know about this is iowa ohio ohio state yes you have a complete picture of what this game should be so don't watch that watch watch Auburn Georgia where you freeze is extremely likely to fall to two and four as he faces the angriest team in the country that is better than his even if it's happy

we also have as I mentioned field position kings northwestern against the best team in football against the best team in football the Indiana Hoosiers something's got to give is it where you play where is where you put the ball or what you then do with it that matters most. Indiana's like, we're going to the beach. It's a beach vacation.

See, Kirk said Matti probably will be like, fuck that stadium. It sucks. We're going to throw those bleachers into the lake. I hate them. From what we've heard from how it's constructed from people who've been there, that would not be difficult. It wouldn't take the whole team to do that. Kurtzignetti's like, my team could demolish the entire stadium.

And the structural engineers are like, we wish you would. we wish before someone gets hurt hey man they won't even have to pay to demolish this at the uh whenever construction is complete just get like a spartak moscow game staged in there hell stick out and out on craigslist to be like hey man anybody needs some uh if i need some scrap just come get it you guys okay so in endless ocean you can have creatures that like swim with you because they come to trust you or whatever and i just had a black tip reef shark come swim with me and i've never had a shark swimming before and that's pretty cool but i wondered what happened if you hit the select button on the Homeris American Lobster, which is the American Lobster.

And right now, the lobster, I was like, how's a lobster going to swim with me? By jumping on my back. Oh. I am piggyback swimming a 46.3 centimeter American lobster. This is the greatest game ever made. Speaking of swimming through life with a lobster on your back, Old Miss. That is their mascot, I think. That is their mascot.

Yeah, what time is it? It's at 3.30 p.m. old miss will be playing south carolina just let him it's also also it is almost 3 30 p.m it is almost 3.30 p.m. old miss at south carolina you wanted to do the schedule

yeah i'm going to put i'm going to put this out here that um you know what's going to happen in this game because i don't i have no clue south carolina buddy that plus old miss old miss is like it's not quite Schrodinger's team it's like because you know like the the closed box is emitting absolutely no

clues one way or the other as to the the liveliness or deaditude of the cat inside Ole Miss is like if you had a Schrodinger's box that was real loud and there's all kinds of noises coming from it all I know about South Carolina is they beat the shed out of Kentucky therefore they're all pretty good yeah the Lenora sellers is back this week after missing time to injury um so if you you like your quarterback's large rambling and the spectacled you can go ahead and tune in and watch lenore's sellers um south carolina for my money is everything that people i think assume old misses which is the absolute chaos team oh yeah yeah yeah this is this is this is the team that because of their active pass rush and the ability to bust like 60 yarders in the run game is the team that could look like the

worst team in the world on first down and then the best team in the world on second and then on third roll the dice buddy who knows what you're going to be getting uh Alabama's going to vanderbilt in most years that would be not even worth a moment's glance but at least sneak a peek this time around for a minute or two because you know Vanderbilt fields a football program at this time this might be the end of it but still they do a matchup that would be a classic in any other year, but it's 2024, Clemson at Florida

State. Anyway, you know, classic covers a number of characteristics. It does. Classic, like, outdated, maybe. Classic special teams, you're going to see some fucking special teams. Broadcast in

Latin, that would also be classic. Another game that should be broadcast in Latin, Michigan at Washington. If you just want to see Michigan take its face punching road show over to Pacific time and have face punching road show. So like these two, they're like, hey, you guys, you guys remember a few months ago when we were in the title game? Well, wasn't that cool? Wasn't that way better than this? Because we won't be back there anytime soon. That's for sure. Washington's favorite. Really? Yeah. That does not

feel right yeah i i think people are a bit too low on michigan but the fundamentals the fundamentals are very good they do not have a second story yet but but the basement in the ground floor very sturdy uh USC minnesota that is not a conference game um wait nope you're right there there are many theories UCF florida now that no that Spencer's not here it's time to talk about the florida Oh, thank God. This matchup lost some luster, but still for the kingship of North Central Florida, which is not the part you want, really. It's a quick drive.

Sure. Duke Georgia Tech, that's something. This, man, here is a Georgia Tech game that I am sorry to miss. Wow, yeah. Because I want to see this Duke football team in person. What a pair of phrases. But the Tennessee game is on at noon. because of the time thing, so.

Spiritually, yeah. Maybe that'll work. Which Duke and Georgia Tech is playing at night, but on a Saturday, which is also disorienting. Yeah, they're supposed to play, like, in the middle of rush hour when they play. Yeah. There should be a 6 p.m. kick on a Wednesday. They need to do what the Braves did and play a hastily arranged Monday lunchtime game.

Hey, how'd that work out? That one went poorly, but they kept... Oh, shit. Sorry. I was trying to do the good. thing but they kept going and then it got fine all right uh Miami Cal uh which is a college game day game um this is oh this is so fucked up but yes I'm going to declare this celebrate the Cal algorithm of our lives the best nickname that I've seen for this and I don't know who to attribute but I've seen it in a few places is coke versus woke oh we love that so

I hope there's a trophy and uh yeah it's pretty it feels pretty rare for I mean I I guess this is the biggest game of the day. There's no real clear standout otherwise. This one has like gawk factor to it. And it feels pretty rare for like the main attraction to be on so late. So yeah, enjoy that. Sleepy. We're going to get sleepy, Herbie.

And Texas Tech, Arizona. Launching around the same time as forecast after dark. Yeah, let's, ooh, ooh, just watching Arizona football for an hour and a half with all your friends on LinkedIn on a Saturday night when people ask what you were doing this weekend. you will always be able to look back. Speaking of look back, that's what Florida State does. After every successful special team's excursion. Say why? Why did we bother with anything but this?

Colorado State, Oregon State on the CW. Round it up. Great. I may even say, what a weird week. But what a weird week. You know what I think I know what it is. It's the fact that we're into conference play, but the state of conferences now

does not make that more orienting. Yeah, that's part of it. And it's also, like, I don't know, the early octoberness, it's college football doesn't really know what to put in this spot. It's always a bit of a lull before the bigger games. And they do start coming within the next couple weeks.

The really big shit starts happening. But I don't know. We're still like ratcheting up at the start of the roller coaster. It feels like realignment confusion has sort of covered over a lot of the usual. will lull because all the shit that does feel kind of eh is at least fucked up enough to point at confusedly um like if if if instead of UCLA Penn State it was uh pick a shitty big 10 West team uh Penn State no one would care at all right but UCLA Penn State is at least

um raises the eyebrow I guess yeah it's like um it's fusion cuisine sure like oh you brought me a recess cup with caviar on it. It's probably bad, but you'll remember it.