Shutdown Fullcast - Peahead Walker Presents: Smuckles vs. Wolfman

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

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This is where we discuss the difference between perfect football programs and ones that probably should be monitored for lack of performance. Like Cal, Cal's trying. They always try. They always do shit real hard. And they're a perfect football program because all of the most college football things happen to them, right? Like, be funny if you built your stadium on a fault line, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

It'd be funny if your team could never have a good offense and a good defense at the same time, right? You're like, yeah, hilarious. That's us. It'd be funny if you have like five pro bowlers and know all Americans. We just need to be paid. That's it. We only respond to cash. Sweet Luca.

It'd be funny if you joined Boston College's conference. Yeah, right? Like, they're having everything college flight. What? Do you want sort of an absurd and potentially meaningless conference switch? Dang. Done. That's happened to you too.

Do you want to forever more route all your sports? travel through SMU. Yes. That'd be great. Cal's natural rival, S&U. Yeah, this is everything

that could happen college football-wise to a team is happening to Cal. Whereas Temple, I feel like, and this is not me, this is not slander,

this is fact, there have been times in Temple's athletic history where they were like, we'll just take the check. Yeah. What's you going to do with it? Nothing.

Yeah. I mean, and that's, that's fine. That's right. I didn't be. It's okay. Not everyone has to try hard. In fact, it seems to be going okay for them that they're not. They're still here. The check's still clear, man. The checks, still clear. Such as they are clear. Such as they might not be what they once were. Nor will they ever be again, you know. But we don't really, I will write this at one point. I do want to celebrate Cal's entire history as a football. program because they have had nothing but the funniest thing like consider this they not only are the most absurdest football program in the best and worst senses of the word they have had the most

nonsensical great games like they had they had the one right they find themselves in a lot of situations they're they're Ryan Gosling in any action vehicle right

lots of falling and shrieking I don't think I can die Also their defense looks like his most of the time They do Their defense looks like that If you looked at a football program and it said I don't think I can die It would probably be Cal

At any point I think the funniest thing about them is 100 years ago they were awesome And yeah Virtually nothing since Like yeah there are a few little spikes About 15 years ago But that's about it

They have a great They have you know When you think of their greatest players there are players with quirk a certain amount of individuality one might say you know sure you get Marshawn Lynch in there as as you know

one of their greatest players that to me is like he is universal Cal that's everything that Cal football is there's some coach names on this list for Cal ever since the highs of their national championship era a century

you go we have a nibs price a stub alison of course pappy waldorf uh there's marv levy random marv levy i don't know you could tell me anybody had coached cow and like the san diego chargers i would believe you you know you could be like oh you know steve marriucci was the coach there you'd be like kind of okay niners and mediocre lions coach sure man sure i believe that he was in fact Correct. Correct. Offensive coordinator, 1991. Yeah.

He was a cow, and I'd be like, of course. You could tell me, you could be like, hey, did you know that once libertarian candidate Gary Johnson was their defensive coordinator? I'd be like, sure. Also, the mooch was, for some reason it wasn't showing up on sports reference when I looked, but one year indeed as Cal's head coach, six and six. See? And of course, and that's the other thing is that you have to go six.

six. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast This is... Okay, but here's the thing about the golden bachelor. The internet's only college football podcast. You were saying about the golden bachelor. I'm going to let you do it.

If you want to run with it, you go right ahead. No, seriously, we've exhausted everything I know about it. A lot of people really enjoy the golden bachelor. I'm in hell. There are no reality shows that are based on a submarine that I can find. And I think that's a missed opportunity. Sorry, you're getting Das Boot. You're going to have to climb the torpedo tube now.

No! They shoot you out of it. What are we doing on today's episode? I do want to mention how funny it is that Clay Travis's outkick has attempted to cover women's sports and found itself not invited at all or allowed to enter the WNBA drafts

coverage. I personally find that pretty funny that they're just too small to cover the WNBA. I think it's still outside. I think it's woke to enforce a deadline that was very clearly

laid out personally. Like today is Tuesday, April 16th, and the WNBA won't let me cover the draft that's already happened. Why, why, why must the march of time be so biased against me, right way political commentator, Ryan, Annie? Ryan, you've asked the question and you've provided yourself the answer.

What is it clocks are there to do, wake you up? Oh, my God. Damn. So, to doubt. And suffrage in the United States was, what, 1917? Is that what I'm seeing here? I feel like that bunch would be a lot more in favor of women's suffrage in the United States, because that shit was racist as hell. I'm saying 1920 looks like so I think outkick in Outk's mind it's 1919 when you know no women regardless of race are able to vote so having said that if if that's correct then they were 105 years ahead of the the deadline

you know just make up some concept like man time I'm sorry masculine the masculine concept of time is different it's discriminatory that's what MST actually stands for like every Everybody here, I assume, has applied for a credential for a sporting event. Yeah, we're fucking bloggers. Of course we've been denied for credentials. Right. And like you applied too late is one of the easiest ways to get blocked, to get shut down. Listen, here's the thing about applying for credentials. Nobody actually wants media at their event.

Nobody. You want broadcast media. You don't want other media. You don't actually want people to come to your event. If there's any excuse to keep additional people out of covering your event, especially at this level, they're going to do it. They don't want us there. It's a little bit like a child's birthday party where you're like, I have to throw this and I have to put out invitations. But if I could put a you must RSVP by this point or you're not getting in on a child's without a fight, sure, I would do that.

I think you should do that. The velvet rope is up. I'm sorry. You didn't apply for your credentials. to the gymnastics birthday batches this is this is for your house elder's seventh birthday waiting to happen no fucking way you're getting in this bounce house buddy's right yeah you got bounce house has a bouncer you got the fake earpiece in oh wow like no no i'm sorry mr mr pickle says you can't come in what if the red carpet walkway to get into the event is itself inflatable so the bouncer can jump

up and literally bounce you off of it yeah that'd be sick like what is more likely that you are being discriminated against for your political views because even though you applied late or that somebody was like one last person I have to worry about good fucking rins I would love to have less work to do that's it could be many things at once like it could be like hey you know the easy way to not have to deal with this fucking guy 100% there's a fulcrum there's a fulcrum here there is the stage of a sports league or event or team at which they need the media more than the media needs them and that is when you get invites and you know you get the good coffee and you know everybody everybody gets a tour and a souvenir lander

and whatnot the second that and this is not a value judgment this is how the world works the second that fulcrum tilts towards the media needing to be there more than you needing the media coverage to draw an audience buddy they don't want you there what's what's fucked up And by you, I mean, any of us. What's fucked up or maybe just silly upon reflection is that this kind of works out for everybody involved. And it kind of makes me wonder if this wasn't intentional on the part of a certain party. You have hit upon my theory. Yep.

Like, because now Outkick gets to be like, look at the women excluding us from their, look at the exclusion happening. Look at the silencing happening to freedom in America. Like none of it's sincere. Just, you know, fuck on. But also, fans of- Send your kids to private school and then show up at public school meetings claiming about how their curriculums woke. Fuck you, fuck everything

you stand for. You don't give a shit, you need your ass kick. At the same time, though, Factority to pull out in the air there, Spencer. Fans of the WNBA get to be like, fuck yeah, like, they didn't let out kick show up. When it's entirely possible, it was just like, you applied late and we don't let people who apply late who aren't like

our TV partners. So everybody kind of gets to like crow about the things. thing they want to crow about over what could entirely have been a like no fucko read read your calendar right this is this is actually my this is my current theory on this everybody wins besides how were how was anyone supposed to know after the past three weeks or so when the wmba draft might be taking place like do you think clay Travis would rather talk about sports or rather talk about clay Travis oh god because this is this is very clearly going in one direction

well this is my favorite this is my favorite school of media is the show that only talks about the show i know i'm saying that but it is my favorite like hey welcome to this show uh we're going to talk about what we do what we do here is so good like i just love the community i love everything this community does like i love that that's great that's great hey hey ryan how are you feeling today you living good ryan's so cool i love that sounds like hand in the dirt no no no hand in the dirt is I have found a point of minutia And I have a very strong Opinion about this

Like somebody will be like Yeah, Big Penz are trash Felder would be like, I don't think that at all And the Hartzl's like, I will jump through the phone No, no Hartzl's like I wasn't paying attention What happened? Yeah, what happened? I was trying to put Hartzell over.

Come on, man. He's the Spencer in the wrestling world of hand in the dirt I am Hartzels forever beleaguered manager Just trying to keep him out. out of his own way. Like, ultimately, I'm convinced that what people want out of, like, 50% of entertainment is to be told what they think and given a little bit of, like, community that affirms themselves.

That's it. And I think there's a lot of, like, sports content that does that, right? Like, you know, you feel good about the juice. Yeah, I like the juice. Yeah, you always like the juice. Like, I'm convinced that's like, oh, J. Simpson. Are you talking about O.J. Simpson? I'll be honest.

I feel a little bit better out of it. Did you all see the Huffman trust, express condolences to OJ's family? Yeah. As a Heisman voter, I got to say, yo! Can y'all be a little more specific about what you mean by family? Which ones? Was there an asterisk by family? Pardon?

I can't. I can't. Nope, can't. I'm not even, and I'm not even approaching this from the, I won't even take the Alex Kersner flaming soapbox of if Reggie Bush died. tomorrow they wouldn't say a word that's true which that is true but i'm not even there yet i'm stuck all the way back on condolences to his family all right so you were talking about how the full cast is a shared community where everybody agrees o j simpson is awesome i think is what you were trying to argue

that's you know what that is you know what bro that is on the mount rush more we do need some more monuments that have multiple faces on them. Like, it can't just be Mount Rushmore. We need more things that we can say, like, what if we blow up Mount Rushmore and put some good faces on it? I have been for blowing up Mount Rushmore for years, and I know that the good men and women of the United States military stand behind me on this, because they would want nothing more than to blow up Mount Rushmore.

Than to blow up anything. Yeah, yeah. How much fun that would be for them? Yeah. Because it probably, it's Colorado. It's not Colorado. It's the Mountain West. It'd probably be the Air Force.

They never get to do anything fun. Yeah. Like, do you know how psyched they were? You think those guys at Morad get to do shit? Yeah, do you know how psyched that dude in the F-22 was to register its first combat kill and blow up a balloon? Other people are like, oh-oh, F-22 is only blowing up a balloon. Do you know what that pilot's like? Yeah, I fucked that balloon up.

Took that shit down. That's what I did. Do you know what they would say if you gave them out Rushmore? I bought that balloon's mom a nice dinner and then didn't call her. At Applebee's the official barn girl of the NFL. That's right. That's right. Are you picturing like, um, more.

more like a grotesque menagerie type statues with like oh my god it's got faces coming out of its armpits and stuff and then that could be the thing that we use to to rank our favorite seven whatever's yeah what about the wall of faces in that one game of throne season sure yeah then you need like your top 200 that's a long episode yeah who do you put on your your mount your mount Rush Gore of faces. Who's on your Easter Island? Yeah. In order of biggest head, well, we got to let Spencer go first there.

I take the skull throat of Billy Mays for 500. So it looks like there are 1,403 Easter Island statues. Okay. Okay, so what happens? Every current NFL player. People pick Dale Earnhardt. We got enough statues to go around.

All right. Yeah. I put this on Twitter today, but my baby brother who's had the same job for four years because he works in the government is like me in that he is ready to leave this job at any moment because he has seen some shit in his line of work and after four years of work he has taken so much ribbing from his colleagues about not having there's there's no plants in his office there's a big deal for him to have like a fan on his desk there's nothing on the walls there's no i can't even see a pen

in this picture that he sent me. He was finally tired of it. He's like, all right, I'm going to put up a picture. And not hung on the wall, but leaning on a window sill in one corner of his office where it can be easily grabbed at a moment's notice and taken away forever is a framed 8 by 10 autographed photo of Dealer and Hart. That's perfect.

Yeah. Like, I think if you are the kind of person who doesn't want to decorate an office because you don't want to have to pack it up one day. The answer is to decorate it with stuff that you will be fine walking away from in a moment's notice and that the next person to get the office will have to be like, why did you have this thing here? I've been at this game. I've had this moment at a game where I showed up to watch one football game and then an entirely different game broke out. And my peak example of this was,

was to go watch Lamar Jackson, okay, a game that both Holly and I were at that Lamar Jackson was supposed to have this grand sort of like crowning Heisman performance against the University of Houston. In the press box before the game, in an act of astonishing SID hubris on the road, they were passing out little like Lamar Jackson propaganda. Holly, what were they? They were like, it wasn't like a comic book, but it was like little pamphlets. Like a zine. Yeah. You got like a Lamar Jackson zine. And it was supposed to be, it was supposed to be everything that you, you know, all your little facts that you were going to take back and write in your column.

Would you like to talk about SID Hubris, by the way? You want to talk about credentials? Do you know why we were there to see Lamar Jackson in Houston? Why? Because I think I was working at ESPN when I first tried to get credentialed at Louisville to come see Teddy Bridgewater. And I was told by their SID, who I think is still there today, you can come to Media Day. Ah. So we went to Houston.

This was November of 2016. And instead of the Lamar Jackson fiesta that we were promised. we saw a great game but what we saw was Ed Oliver's coming out party a brutal coming out party the reason we started talking about this

is because we've been to a bunch of these yeah like the first one that came to my mind was the Baylor Oklahoma State game where you were stuck outside in 20 degree driving wind yeah where people were buying turkey legs to hold

them to stay warm, like, so they could have, uh, this was in 2013. And Baylor still had some like BCS aspirations. And they were, I think at the time like fourth in the BCS. And in the season, this was like our last, this is for some reason the last chance we could get to see Baylor in person. It wasn't at Baylor. So we went to Stillwater. Yeah. And then at which point, Oklahoma State sprang out of the bushes and was like, gotcha, bitch. Yeah. Uh, this was petty was a Bryce Petty on Baylor's first drive at the game was a yard shy of pay dirt like he was so close to scoring and then he stumbled like on nothing just like Baylor was going to take the lead they were going to go up and Bryce Petty tripped on air and he fell and two plays later Shocklinwood fumbles and Oklahoma State gets the ball and it is a route from that point forward Oklahoma State ended up beating them 49-17. You know what?

We've told a press box story about that Louisville game too before, just to make this whole story even messier. This is the game where it was me and then you. Sam Khan was on your other side. And then on the other side of Sam Khan was some beat writer from Louisville, whose name I do not remember. And I'm sorry about that because he made everyone's night. because every time

something was going wrong for Louisville he would sit there and dictate out loud for the rest of us what Todd Grantham was about to do and he was right every time this is the one where he's like you can see Grantham

Leon on the sideline and this guy leans back in his seat and he's like oh here comes the A gap blitz and yep emotional blitz emotional blitz emotional blitz emotional blitz I'm really sorry I don't remember who this was, but, sir, you're a prophet. No, the emotional blitz was not a joke. This was a guy who could call Todd Grantham's plays by the book.

Like, and if Houston gained like a yard, it would be like, oh, yeah, hold on. Here comes the double A gap. And they would come double A gap and Houston would just like throw over the middle or they would throw a screen or they would run a draw away from it. Yeah. And he didn't, he wasn't excited. He wasn't like he was narrating. It was, he sounded so tired. It was the, it was the, it was the, the, the, the.

carriage of a man who has to deal with Todd Grantham on a weekly basis at work. 100%. I hope he's thriving wherever he is now that Todd Grantham doesn't work there anymore. Yeah, but I feel like I've been to an inordinate number of those. Like, no, not just upsets, but games where like you showed up and you go, hi, I have this job. Games are like the whole capital end narrative flipped, right? Yeah, yeah. Like games that came in predetermined, not just like, oh, I don't know.

Can I give you an example and you tell me? I'm trying to think of other ones that I've been to. Those are definitely the top two. But the Bama and Notre Dame title game comes to mind. I'm having a hard time. Because, all right, how's this? That game was such a complete ass kicking that the only thing I remember is the tweet that Jason frequently shares, which is Steve Bannon, like, tweeting out, wake up the echoes.

Call down the thunder. See, I remember you tweeting, Barry him deep and Pat, the dirt, Nick, and like the second quarter. Is the idea that it's not just a surprise, not just an upset, but both teams are appearing as if they are other teams entirely? Yes, or otherwise shocked. See, a number of appearances by Kansas State and the Big 12th title came over the years where the other team goes in and goes, yeah, we're here to finish up a perfect season.

This is just going to be a layup. we're on the oh fuck and like kansas state ends up beating them like 3628 like that that happened to that and not to pick on them but you know that has happened to tCU as well but that's happened to oklahoma there was the the the darren sprolls classic this is basically the entirety of the tennessee florida rivalry for most of the odds yeah with the team sometimes changing positions yeah gaffney hello chabar gaffney baby let's see well no we we were we were both at the Gaffney game. We were both at the rain game. Yeah. Are we harbensers?

Are you a super surfer? It's either a silver surfer or the or the cursed albatross that somebody kills. The implication is the silver surfer can swim. So no. Ah, never mind. It's not called. No, he's not called the silver swimmer. How's he got on the surfboard then? The surfboard is in space. It's not on water. Are you telling me this is the silver surfer can't surf? I've never seen it.

All I see is in flying through space. See, irony is a literary device, Ryan. And the irony is that the silver surfer can't surf. I just got so tired. Surfing the World Wide Web. In the NFL, there is no margin for error. One mistake can change the outcome of the game. Science proves quality sleep can help boost reaction time, recovery time,

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I'm sorry you know what you should thank you bring this up now you should thank Nick Saban for this you should it led it led to nothing but good things for Clemson I guess I could thank Nick Saban but I mean you really got to thank

Jim Grob at Wakeport because it was just about the fact that he used to just kick Tommy Bowden's ass all the fucking time. Let's remember some guys. You guys remember Grobmentum? I remember when Jim Grob,

like Baylor was so desperate that they were like, Jim Grob was like, I want a boat. Would you guys just pay me to come in and take care of your fucked up program for a minute? And they were like,

yeah, go ahead. Sure. I'll be your coach for like eight games. He came in as a temp. Work. Man, I thought I had this down to a post, but it actually turns out

we had a Tommy Bowden, got a bitch mentality tag. The 2008 game is when, uh, like they'd gotten C.J. Spiller and Clemson was like, okay, this is this is the year. They're going to fix this. Yeah, we're going to fix this shit. Clemson's finally going to. It was the year following the all-time C.J. Spiller highlight of him and All-Purple against Georgia Tech making that stupid juke move. And then like being the fastest human that existed besides Chacobie Ford, who was also on his team. Correct.

Jim Grob appears to be one of two coaches in Wake Forest sister. who's beaten Clemson three times. The other was Peahead Walker in the 40s. Peahed Walker at one point beat Clemson six straight years from 1943 until 1947. That doesn't math right. Top search result for Peahead Walker's name that is not Wikipedia. Wake Forest's greatest football coach was a con artist. You hear that, South Carolina?

Get on Wake Forest level. That's what I take away from that. Can't do what Wake does. What was Peahead's con? I must know. Well, let's see. According to the North Carolina rabbit hole.com. Thank you.

What up, Jeremy? Thank you, Jeremy Markovic. Shouts out to a friend of the program, Jeremy Markovic. He lied a lot. Sometimes he brought this players. That's the summary. A known smoker, drinker, and cussar, who was also rumored to the enjoy of the company of women

who were not as lawfully wedded wife, according to Mitchell, whose book entitled Peahead is worth reading in full. That put him in odds with the Baptist to ran Wake Forest at the time. Injuries didn't register as important to him. I can't believe there's not a white whiskey

named after him at this point. He seems like he should have like a distillery in a converted t-shirt warehouse named after him at this point. He also supposedly, so he was trying to get a highly prized recruit from Pennsylvania. And he drove him,

He picked him, this was back in the days of trains, train travel being predominant. So, uh, he, this guy named Bill George, who was six foot four. Bill George. He, according to this, he picked him up, he picked him up at the Raleigh train station, drove him to Duke University and drove by the stadium and was like, someday you will play here. And George was fucking sold. Then George got to wake and was like, where are all the pretty buildings? and apparently

he had Walker told him they're on the West Campus that's for upperclassmen this is East Campus This is the gotcha bitch A couple years It appears he was also a pro baseball player during his football coaching

career as well as a basketball coach And a baseball coach All of that four He's man had four jobs at once Yeah Hey beat Clemson six times In a row He also bribed his team to play

in the 1946 Gator Bowl they didn't want to go they took a team vote and he begged this is great everything I learn about this man

only makes me admire him more Wake needs to get back to this this tradition oh the oh and Cerber do you know who Wake Forest beat in the Gator Bowl that they had to bribe the players

to go in who was that South Carolina maybe who fucking yep that's Right. You suck. Also, the con artist in Jeremy's headline comes from the Birmingham News Herald's obituary of Peahead.

All Peahead was a real con artist. Do you know how much of a con artist he has to be for that to lead your own bit? Fucking Heismundress is not your offering condolences. All OJ was a real running back. You got to hand it to him, the ball that is. Oh, P. Head. Oh, listen. Old P. Head obviously needs greater consideration in terms of being a historically important presence in college football.

Because, God, damn. Is he our butterfly effect originator? Is he our keymaker? Could we like just decide? that college hedge coaches, once they've hit a certain number of years, they get a stupid old-timey name. Like, Dabo, you're good. You're good, buddy. Yeah. Dembo, check.

Major Applewhite? Okay, yes, you're... Yeah, you're clear. Lane, yeah. Lane, maybe you're in. But all the rest of you fellas. As long as they're going to keep rhyming that shit with train, he's good. Garlic bulb, Farrens. That's his name. Point of order.

Mac? Oh, yeah. Mike Gundy, you're now lumpy Gundy No, no, I got Mac You ready? Here we go Fiddle legs

Old sweet Pickles Brown Yeah, there you You gotta either take something Okay, I think it's the game You take something you could buy At a Cracker Barrel Or you take something

that you find on the wall At a Cracker Barrel And you combine that with a body part Sure It's old tin pan sternum Chiswick Cracker Barrel Store Let's see here Oh, gift certificate feet Whittingham.

Hey, I wouldn't dare give Kyle Whittingham a nickname. My God, do you know how that? Can we talk for a second about, first of all, I'm in a good mood about Kyle's because Kyle's are wrecking shit in the charity bowl this week. But can you imagine what kind of fortitude it has to have taken? We all know we don't want to fight that man. But Kyle Whittingham grew to this level of stature and strength while being named Kyle his entire ass life.

Yeah, but there was a time when being Kyle was, I think, pretty sweet. Well, like, 1990. I think probably being Kyle in the 70s and into the 80s was probably a pretty fucking awesome deal. I don't know, man. There's just something about

this is probably colored by that one public experience I had, but there's just something about the name that sounds like a hex. Kyle. I mean, he was born in the 50s. This was a cutting edge name at the time. Yeah. Yeah. It felt different he's a blaklin it was is he like a mid-century braiden maybe yeah he is a kyle was the mid-century but that kind of proves my point this is this is a name that takes some living up to right isn't kyle

isn't kyle the name of the soldier who impregnates sarah conner and the terminator wow chile yes yes so in other words i think we've established the peak of kyle's like 1984 okay that's fair i have to accept that's when yeah that's when being a kyle peaked You save the world. You saved the world with your dick. Congratulations, Kyle. Thank you, thank you, sir, for your service.

Yeah. Even though she did all the work. He did enough, brother. He did enough work. Listen, all gave, Kyle gave some, and some gave Kyle. Kyle gave just enough. That's it.

The Terminators have to go back at time. You have to destroy this man's dick. Yes. Forget Sarah. out Kyle's Jimmy. Old Thunderlip Stoops. Oh! Which one is that, though?

Which one is that, though? Well, there's only one who's currently a head coach. God, I hear you. It just feels much more Bob. I think so. I'm going to go through. He can come back and coach for it. We got a name Mark Stoops something out of Donkey Kong country.

Oh, MindCart, Mike Stoops. That's good. That's good. That's good. Oh, Mike. MindCart, Mike. MindCart Stoop. let's see um Troy Calhoun has been coaching since 2007 I think he qualifies for

nickname oh yeah I'm gonna call I'm gonna call him uh Troy heart no that's that's true it's too dragon isks hmm I was gonna call him Troy big country Calhoun big countries already used yeah well I mean medium country Calhoun yes that's good that's good that's medium Calhoun. Medium country Calhoun. You know those Air Force polo shirts. That's a beautiful fit, unlike those Air Force polo shirts. Did you know there are only five FBS head coaching tenures that are older than this podcast?

Oh my God. And we have named all of them already. Oh, my God. I'm going to give Army. We got to start. We got to do that like Liza Manelli outlives, but for the podcast. I mean, we'll never outlive Farron's, but I'm going to call him

Jeff Citimony Monkin. So just lose the Jeff then. City Money Monkin. The city is West Point. That looks like, that has Michael Jackson Cook, City Money Monkum. Yeah.

It's like, are you saying cinnamon-y monkey? I don't understand. Yes, cinnamon monkey. Cinema monkey. I love this game. Jeff. Daddy Rich Monkey Daddy Rich

Whoa You only get one You only get one of these names None of them are sticking We're giving them like five Remember if you have five nicknames You don't have any Jeff, oh

So he's just Jeff No what if we What if we throw a He's got a one syllable first name So what if we give him a The in the middle Like Jeff The Anvil Monken

The Anvil I'm just calling him Anvil Munkin then Yeah Like what I want Is on the sports reference page Just nickname as if it was a birth name. Or like a rare bird of the area.

Like give them a water. They can also be a waterfowl. Old wallaby Closson. For Dave Doran, I want to go super old school. You know, like dudes used to be like J.B. Doran. Yeah. Or like J.B. Ears Whitworth is an example.

You know? Shit, I can't believe we already used cinnamon teal. Dave the Mule Doren Mule Doren There's more there No no man There's a there's a joke there that you're abandoning immediately That you need to go back to because mules kick

That's right And Dave Doren, as we all know is a puncher On the CW You come around you're going to encounter a scrappy, ornery son of a gun That sounds like That sounds like Mule Doran to me. Genuine out-of-character question.

Has it been announced slash are we aware of what football content the CW might have for us next year? Are they continuing on with all of the league shuffling that's going? I think they're expanding, right? Like was that a one-year? I really don't know. Or if I did, I've forgotten. Is that a one-year treater? Do we get more of it?

Because we have been promised polo shirts. by those people. The latest I saw was that the Pact 12 Tribulation Force, Oregon State, and Washington State are possibly becoming CW teams. Yes. And I would love nothing more. This actually is kind of, this is a really interesting, this is a really interesting comeback because in the days before the ascendancy of the Big Ten

Network when I first moved to California, and you would go to ABC at 9. and try to watch a big 10 game that was taking place on the East Coast as often as not with no apparent pattern to it the ABC affiliate at noon might be showing the sweet life of Zach and Cody

instead of football We get to watch Cal football on the CW This is an entirely new level of college football So yeah, the ACCC network has ended up with Cal and Stanford via had no influence of their own, not because they don't have the power, just because they're more like The Watcher.

They don't meddle and interfere. They have Cowell and Stanford and they have Oregon State and Washington State. Quite a collection for the East Coast Network. This is, I can't wait. I haven't really sort of even thought forward to the 2024 season. I just got excited about it. The idea of Cal versus. Wake Forest on the CW.

I feel like Dion's various nicknames already work. Like, I don't know about neon because we're going old-timey. There's something about neon that invokes 80s, though. Like, I kind of, I hear neon and I think like bar signs. What about Argonne? We're going to go, we're going to go like 1880s. I think if you go prime, just prime, Prime Sanders. What about you give him a dance, like two-step?

Two-step Sanders. Okay, yeah We could play into Like it's kind of, it's kind of western even Ooh Yeah, yeah How about Brett? I want to

I want to go back And revise my Dave door nickname And change him to Dave Square Dance and Doran So Square Dance Doran Square Dance Doran How about Hammerhead Bilema Hammer everything

Hammerhead's pretty good Yeah Hammer bottom Hammer Thorham Hammer Thorax Beel old hammering ass beelima well well i was going to say hammer pants but that's a different thing and now we're back to beyond somehow that's good i like it hammer pants beelima that's it that's the one for me when did he he was in college around that time right yeah you know he wore him you know that man can

dance in a way uh in college in uh 1992 that's right yep yep that means that at one point bret beelma is undoubtedly if it was 92 that man has undoubtedly danced to ewe's debutt that's happened this means probably done that in the last month he calls it de brett he's like this song is about me belema was out there before games muttering to himself please brett don't hurt him they look god now i'm picturing him as though he's hmm not the first time really that I pictured him as the rock monster from the never-ending story, being like, they looked like nice, strong hands, before he's devoured by the nothing. How about Greg Shiano? Hmm.

Sandwiches. Silver Spoon Shiano. I'm glad that we're clearly on the same page that some illiteration is called for here. I'm feeling something judicial, something. You know, like the senator. I like Greg the judge. Greg, the judge, Chiano.

So just Judge Shiano. No, Greg. There's no Greg anymore. The judge. Judge Shiano. Judge Chiano. Be like, was he ever a judge? Nah.

That feels very Jersey to me, though. Who are we? Decide who isn't is not a judge. That's true. Only God can make a judge. Yeah, only God can me judge. Eliad Drinkwitz might be on the list of you're already good. Also, he's way too annoying to live to an old age.

Somebody's going to get him. Yeah, if you got to give him a nickname, by the way, quicklime. He will be like, quick lime, quick, named after. Quick lime, drink wits. Yeah. Quicklime, named after what his peers are going to pour over him after they bury him in a shallow grave for running his goddamn mouth one too many times. I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about other coaches.

Yeah. Brian Kelly feels like there's a lot to work with there. Oh. Oh, well, oh, Jesus, I almost said Killer Kelly. Brian the Super Kelly, because really, what conjures the Brian Kelly experience more up than an angry superintendent who doesn't want to fix your toilet? How about Brian the soup, Kelly? Yep. Landlord Kelly?

Brian Kelly to me needs some sort of like Dick Tracy nickname. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you need, what's one? Dick, Kelly. Like Marbles Kelly, if that was his name. Marble Mouth Kelly. But what's a very pithy, what's a very pithy phrase that is like, this guy has definitely burned down multiple orphanages. Smuckles.

Matches. Matches. I'm not saying it makes sense. But Brian Smuckles. That motherfuckers are smuckles if I've ever seen one. Look at old smuggles. With his smuggles ass. I'm afraid that one's going to stick.

Old Steve Lover Kelly. Man, week one, I'm pointing at the screen and I'm saying, holy shit. smuckles. You see what smuckles dialed up there? What if we went the tiny route and we called him like snuggles? Smuggles is too good at this point. No, come on. I think I fucked up and ended it. Sorry. Like, I don't even care about any of the other nicknames we've generated. Only smuckles, Kelly. Smuggles. Say, like, the point of this exercise was to get to one that we feel passionate enough to remember tomorrow. And smuckles is it. With a

They're like, damn, Smuckles is all kind of heated over there. Is he Smuckles Kelly or is he just Smuckles? Oh, my God. We finally named the color of his face. This motherfucker's a Pokemon now. He is his father. Mega Smuckles. Smuckles EX.

Poor of a big old baby. Smuckles is evolving. No, he's not. Look at that man when he's purple and blaming an 18 year old for his problems. That's, yeah. Smuggles tried moving his best player away from the ball. It's not very effective. Oh.

And there's like a three, there's three women leaning into a silver mic hanging from a cable in the background. That's smuggles. Smuckles. God. Look at you. It has a real like, it has a real like dollar store Heathcliff kind of quality. Like a scampy cat.

I'm sorry. You've said dollar store Heathcliff and now we have to name a mungo. maybe um that can be someone else though this one sticks this is that's that's somebody else but we need we need to bestow i feel like there always needs to be like a mungo and a gus in the rotation oh we have a gus oh but like a different one we need a different one like gus i don't feel like gus his name really fits him he does not look or act like a gus he's not jolly or italian so now i want to find gus gus shiano then Let's see.

Josh Heipel, can he be our mermal then if we're going to cartoon cats? I was, you know what? I was, somebody's got to, somebody has to have the nickname Sacklunch. I don't know who it is. Somebody's got to be Nicknames Sack Lunch. Wait, hang on, hang on. This is, this is, this is, this is alliteration too. Sack lunch, Starkegonne Bemer?

Sackland Shane Beamer? How about because he might have to be, at his own lunch very soon if Alex Kirchner succeeds in fighting him. Sack lunch, Silverfield. Yeah, he's got to be on the move. Alex, Alex, he'll get you one of these days. He'll be encountered by Alex Kirshner, a killer Kirshner, I believe.

Somebody devoting, oh, y'all, I've got it. Smuckles. Mungo Jim McElwain. Yeah, that's canon. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That's better than his old thing. That's better than anything else we would associate

with you, you shark fucking freak. shark fucker it's an offense to my family that you've named me mongo oh you want to go back to the old one sir no no mongo's fine this is great easy we can do anything we can basically do anything to jim now because he's like stop that

we're like okay we'll go back to the old way he's like I'm thinking about going back to the old me when I felt sharks I'm like it's got to go back to the old me oh lord I'm relapsing it's mackleway and with a gun on his naked hip pumping that poor shark

I need to go World War I style for this one I'm just going to call that's it the Houston Cougars own head coach Willie the Kaiser Fritz Kaiser Fritz Oh we need a

We need a heneralissimo Wow Who's the least likely Henner Elysimo Rhett Lashley So like the least Italian? I was just thinking like the least likely

Global South dictator Let's see Clay Helton Penner Alicimo Helton Pete Limbo Thank you Pete Back in the game Pete who listens to this program

Pete we've given you an incredible A really cool military hat Arener Alissimo of Buffalo A chest full of military medals He's going to like that I don't know why he should have pictures of his cats on them and a cigar

Yeah Pete Limbo is a real life cat daddy Some of you might not know this I'm gonna go on feel alone here And just say that it should be Sharon big waffles more Yeah This also sounds like

You're gonna need a big breakfast To deal with those boosters This sounds like an entire order you're placing Big Waffles, how many? More? More, that's right I think we already said this But Willie Fritz is good as red, right?

There's no improving that yeah well i i i can't go with the kaiser uh so yeah willie fritz is there i'm going to go with this jed the doctor fish so just maybe maybe maybe just doc fish not doctor's doctor different doc fish i can get i can get closer with dr fish feels a little too like you feel like he should perform like procedures i'm not totally confident a 37th wu tang member or something No, what if it's like Jedfish, DDS? The dent. No, but we might have to save the dentist for somebody else.

Because I feel like there is. Is there anybody left in active coaching who were scared enough to name the dentist? Because I can't think of anyone. Can we go dentist Dickert? Yeah. Yeah, we could make up somebody to be afraid of. How about Clark, the dentist Lee? I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid of him. No, but the dentist. carries like a sinister air to it that Clark Lee cannot match. Like I would I would put that on Whittingham and that's Dentist Venables. He does not look like that. Okay, that's appropriate for a different reason. His whole face

his teeth. But that's like that's like Turkish veneers though. That doesn't feel very American. Hmm. I think Ricky Ronnie is fine. Oh, wait, wait. Vittles Venables. Yeah. Hold on.

and let me say it, the old prospector voice. Venus Vanibles. Okay. Really, we need to go back to cookie and run all these by cookie at the camp. And get him his good cup and he'll do it. Who's going to be cookie out of this bunch? I nominate Jeff Trailer. Cookie trailer.

Jeff, Jeff Cookie trailer. Yeah. Oh, y'all, we haven't done Kirby. Kirby's, oh, no. Maybe kind of works as is, though, is the problem. But it's associated with so much jollity via his cartoon form. That's the funny part. Yeah.

If you told Kirby Smart, you can have, like, laser powers. You just have to swallow somebody who had, like, he would do that. That's how ruthless a recruiter he is. If the actual powers of Kirby were real, he would adopt them 100%. Do you think Kirby on the recruiting trail is, has been has entered the first part of a sentence and tried to anticipate the demand at the end of it incorrectly like has you know well coach if you want me to go to georgia you and then like kirby's like stripping off naked in the like living yeah because that's big that's big

give yourself a nickname energy and i kind of feel like he's tried to give himself many nicknames over the course of his life that have not stuck like if you want to know because he would have been right of this he's he's in that top gun one generation there's a thousand percent chance kirby smart insisted that everybody around him call him Ice Man. I'm Ghost Rider. Call me Magic Man. It can't be Ice Man because I keep forgetting Casey Closson did that in real life.

I'm Dr. Strange. Call me, call me that. So it looks like here's an ESPN article that says at one point they called him Smart the Dart. It was terrible. No. No, they didn't. Yeah, they didn't call him that. That's all I see. You know who is built like a Dick Tracy villain that we have not yet nicknamed Barry Odom

That's true Barry the Undertaker Odom I was trying to go with a Barry Except is Undertaker too evocative of other things I think it's too taken At this point everybody Everybody enjoy our production meeting

I would go with I think Kirby and Will both need nicknames So it'd be Kirby It'd be like Kirby Kirby The Breeze Kirby the Breeze smart Breeze and moon dance We need

There we go We also need to grab up Every coach who's named Joe And convert them into a Joey something Like we need like Joey bananas Morehead Yeah Joey pants Yeah

Jim the nose Mora I have a very difficult one to throw at you Which is this And I say this Because we were talking about Is it Bronco Mendon Hall? No.

He's good thinking about that one. Okay. James Franklin. I don't think I can come up with something mean enough. I think I want to call him, for some reason, I want to call him Dollar Bill. Jimmy Dollar Bill Franklin. Jimmy. No, it's got to be, it has to be some.

How about TikTok? Yeah. TikTok Franklin. Wolfman. What's a few levels. I'm trying to come up with something. to do with time. Oh, man is so nonsense.

That's kind of, hmm. It's either got to be completely ironic. It doesn't fit the school. He's not particularly hairy. That's what makes it really good. Exactly. That's what Dr. His head is smooth like the moon.

So just imagine the opposite. That's why he's so jittery at the end of night games. The wolves are coming. It's happening. The change. The change is coming. We gotta get the fuck out of here. No,

I'm not calling a time out. I'll transform from 10-0 to 10-and-2 before you know it. All the scientists tell them it happened again. In terms of actual practical use, I want to anticipate all of us are watching Penn State, which is ground to a 19 to 15 halt. Sometimes late in the fourth quarter to go with me, Ryan. If you're telling me, Gus Johnson gets to me like,

And there's there's Franklin And there he is And when he does that And it's 1915 And for some reason As the 15

James Franklin Takes a delay a game And an intentional Like safety In his own end zone Okay With no timeouts left At that point

If one of us If one of us calls the other And goes Oh You're gonna lose your shit Wolf It's a bad wolf

It's a bad Wolfman Bad dog Bad tricks. He's burned all his timeouts. Why do you think they put Happy Valley where it's so hard to get to? Meth with the wolf, you get the fangs. A wolf don't call timeouts.

James, that's a poor pelt. Ooh, it's the fourth quarter. The change is coming over him. Here he comes. The leader of the pack. Wolfman and smuggles are the only two of going to run. That's fine. Listen, all we need of those two.

It's Wolfman, it smuckles next on Fox. Man, can you imagine the Penn State LSU Outback Bowl next year if we get it? It'll be a playoff game, buddy. It's going to be a first round playoff game. You guys know where Penn State opens this year, right? No. Oh, okay. Wolfman in the mountain.

I mean, there's some real Wolfman out there, so he'll fit. There's some wolves rolling in them fog. Wolfman be my man. Drew Allers averaging Drew Allers averaging 340 yards passing a game It's time to run the ball 52 times We're sobbing right now We've killed him

What's our record going to be 10 and 2 guess the 2? Penn State Always dangerous In a night game When everyone knows they're on the verge being eaten. That's why he doesn't look in mirrors.

He would see the moon in the mirror. That's not that animal. I think I got a side of Spencer on this. That's not that animal. Ahroo. We are now wolves. Welcome to Beaver Stadium. Home of the Wolf Band.

Hey, James. What's your favorite bowl? Hey, listen, what, what is, what is a contract extension, if not a form of a curse that's delivered over time and in phases, yeah. Oh, okay, you've launched me into a high, okay, I have a new hyper idea. Mm-hmm. He needs, he's so mild-mannered. He needs one of those, like, universal classic monsters names, like The Exorcist. Mm-hmm.

Bride of Frankenstein Now everything's Josh the mummy's curse hypo I think I think Gus's voice really Really enables us to decide Here we go let me try it let me try it Smuckles Kelly Okay wait

We brought this up very briefly But I want to rule on it here Is that a mononym Because I think it could work as one Smuckles Is it just smuckles I think it'll work either way But you know what

Let's test drive it. Let's test drive it. Let's just see. Because I hear smuckles. And instead of Kelly, I want to say the clown. And here it comes. Leading the LSU Tigers onto the field. None other than smuggles.

Yeah. It is better as. That's actually really hard to do. That's actually really hard to do in that, in that intro voice because you can't draw out the first syllable. It's just a hiss. There we go. Smuggles.

Smackles. Smackles. Smackle. Smackle. Everybody throwing just sealed jars of jam at his head. He loves it. He survives on fruit pectin. It gives him powers.

Will he then? Should he battle the Wolfman? Should the cops stop them from throwing those? This is Louisiana. It's Napoleonic law. You can throw jars at people. Gus Johnson covers the mic

who smuckles I'm just saying words why was I told to say these words I'm just fucking saying words you don't put down the gun Joel clatt just doing calm commentary no selling all of it

Joel clad just lind scattering left and right as smuckles makes the field well it should be an exciting day here in Ben State he does some of the most he does some of the most you know and oh

and that is just an enormous amount of blood later on on ABC this evening at 830 he does the most concentrated analysis because he receives no interruption from any of it right it's just Joel out there being like they got a three by one set that places a lot of stress

on the safety here do I stop keep going yeah right you are Joel we got to do some business we do a charity bowl business podcast business podcast business what's a business

podcast business we're raising some funds and some money and the wolf fans here and smuggles also here we're not raised by wolves we're raising wolves and no more raising

canes we're raising wolves over here yeah with the sauce. He's going to go seven and five. Yeah. Just Gus Johnson randomly chiming in with with the sauce for no reason. The wolf's hour. The wedding gal. No, I don't really want to talk about anything else but this, even though I know we have to talk about other things. It's all I want to talk about. It is business time. It is 100% business time because it is the week of the EDSBS charity

bowl, the Charitabundi Bowl. We are raising money for New American Pathways. We are by the time you hear this in the middle. We will be in the middle eight, if you will, of this particular football game. A crucial period.

If you are within the sound of my voice, you are going to go to your computer. Or your phone. The wolfman compels you. Oh my God. And you... No, no, no.

We've raised $27,000 since we started recording the show. That's right, and we're going to raise another $27,000 right now. The Wolfman doesn't compel any... What is this? God damn it. We have this great character and you're just... You know he doesn't watch... Brian, you do not know Wolfman lore. The Wolfman is not focused enough to compel...

The Wolfman can't even compel himself to do anything. That's a different one is. He's a creature of pure animal lust. You're thinking of Wolfman. This is, and bottomless charity, Ryan, and bottomless charity, which is why the Wolfman is going to rip your fucking throat out. You don't, pants off for the Charity Bowl. If you don't donate right now. It is a divisive creature.

To the Charity Bowl, which is what you fucking need to do. And State is wrecking shop, by the way. They are. Of course they are. They are not a historical power. At the end of our, at the end of our first day, They were in second place to Michigan. Now, the bad news is they're behind Michigan by $140,000.

The good news is they're ahead of third place, Georgia, by $30,000. Penn State, not a historical power in the charity bowl, but a couple years ago, like, we finally got a generation of thawn kids who listened to the show, and they have harnessed that energy and gone buck wild. I'm not saying it will happen, and I don't think it will, but there is one person who could bridge that gap, who we know has the money to bridge that gap. back out. It's the Wolfman, James Franklin. James Franklin, if you're listening to this, pick yourself

in your naked form off the forest floor where you found yourself this morning. What did you do? There's corpses all around you and you've donated $300,000 to the EDSVS Charity Bowl. What's that under your nails? It's generosity. You're going to feed anyway. You might as well contribute to charity at the same time. Wolfman. Where'd all his money go? wolves don't have pockets give us all your money yes you can't carry it anyway like mitigate your curse

serve humanity not as a dish but as a donor for a worthy cause that actually could still be really sinister depending on the read it really could James Franklin give us your organs of money yes our goal initial goal was $500,000 but the wolf man By the time you hear this tomorrow, we may be blown past that at this rate.

It is Wednesday at 3.30 and we are at 428,000. What is wrong with you people? Tuesday. Love y'all. Jesus Christ. See, that's why. Yeah. Just to put things in perspective, we were really excited yesterday morning because we might hit 100,000 by lunch, which would have been a record.

And then we went over 300,000 last night. Oh, you guys, this is incredible. But yes. And I don't know if you're, I don't know if you guys are following the news. But there's a shit ton of displaced people. And there's about to be a lot more. So help us help them. Let's create some new neighbors.

And they might become Georgia Tech fans, true. But we have to take that risk. Or that opportunity, yes. Donate, donate, if you will. It will be going on through the end of the week. And as always, yes, counting donations to the weekend. This might be the first year ever that we don't have to run it through the weekend to hit a stretch goal. Yes, but we are still, we are still shooting. Now for 500,000, but well beyond with all proceeds going to New American Pathways.

It is the one week of year where I don't feel like a huge piece of shit. So thank you. and also write a check. That's it. Thank you and give us more money. Have you decided upon this year's lie? I have not decided on this year's lie, right? Do you want to tell everybody how you're working on last year's lie?

I am working on last year's lie, which is playing golf and a pair of junkos. I am, I am. We are not doing this again. We are not fucking doing this again. Oh, but junko, junko is a good nickname. Junko Niamatololo. Junko Niamatololo. retroactive ruling that

part of the rule of Spencer playing golf and Jinkos is that he cannot fucking pronounce them the way he's been pronouncing. And Junko Napier drops to 3 and 8 on the air. Oh my God, a time traveler. I think it's Jim Nance golf voice for Junko

Junko Napier. Oh my. And a two-footer from Junko. Not Junko's best day. It's not clearing his cuffs. What a privilege to be here watching Junko go three and eight. just that tree

but it's like got six inches of jean's leg peeking out at the bottom of it just kind of puddles on the ground um yes so you're working on last year's line you haven't I yes I'm I'm working on last year's lie well don't do that yet

because I've had a foul up with the guy we're gonna work it out fuck not my problem no really not my problem for once not my fault owl and thall I know, I know But we're going to work it out

And we will actually have Wait the LaGrange guy Yes He's he was like yeah So I'll return the call I'll give you my private number Holly This has this has been a remarkably unspectacular

A remarkably unsuccessful approach On the Lebrane I have run into a me So Yeah It's fun to watch it happen to you Thanks Link fight and Shadow Link is hard as shit

I get it, man. I get it. It is. Thank you. I don't ask for sympathy, just your patience. Oh, you're not getting it. So good. Yeah, good.

So, but yes. To make all this Eldridge commentary clear, Spencer is trying to put together a golf outing this summer to make up for last year's charity bowl. Yes. It's not going well. But there will be an EDSBSBS golf out. So join us in 2026 for the EDSBSBS 2030. bowl golf class. Ideally, very, very eventually,

I would like to stage a actual, we're trying to put on this year as kind of a warm up outing, but the eventual thing we would like to have is a bunch of our charity bowl donors come play golf with us someplace nice after the bowl,

hopefully staged in concert with our buddies at no laying up. But it turns out that all that shit takes more than six weeks of planning, which is how long ago we got this idea. Yes. So that is that that that lie is edging closer and closer to the truth.

I will keep you all posted. We still have not selected this year's stretch goal because we're not there yet. There's no need to. But I will say that I have ceded the mantle of being the one who gets to decide what that stretch goal is. Because one of you geniuses took it to our. Reddit. And they already have like 17 ideas that are so much meaner than anything I can ever come up with.

I don't know why we didn't think of that earlier. My favorite is making you go to a dead concert and an additional dead concert. An additional dead concert for every other 100,000 that we raise. Wow. I think that's a great idea. Oh, that's ass. Yeah. Yeah, that's why it's, yeah, it's supposed to hurt.

This is an act of revenge by them. They were already some of them quite unhappy about a specific. criticisms of people got really upset. I've never, that's the most genuinely upset people I've ever seen about anything we've ever said on the show. I had no idea we had Venn diagram overlap until Spencer. I didn't know we had

people that old. Spencer, they're playing the sphere, dead in company, playing in Las Vegas. I'll go just to go to the sphere. I don't want to go to the bed. I think you should go. I thought you guys were chill, nice people. No, you didn't. No, man. Widespread

Panics full of Georgia fans. So many dates in this summer, too. What would be nicer than to spend July 4th? I'll be out of the country. Can't do it. That's fine. They have all of June and most of May and other. So booked.

No, you got nothing. You're fucking going to this. They got John Mayer. What? Yeah. Wait, but his songs have drums. I don't get it. These don't, I guess.

He gets to make a tar face. You know whose body is a Wonderland? The Wolfman's. That's right. How much hair can possibly fit on? Damn, these tickets are not cheap. You don't have a problem. The punishment continues.

I have no possible frame of, I don't think I could guess within hundreds of dollars what you're talking about. So can you give me a representative sample? All right, I'm going to look. This is Thursday, May 30th. 7.30 show. At the sphere. The, the cheapest get at the sphere.

The cheapest getting ticket I can fire for you right now is $182 all the way in the back. If you want to say, no, but that's where I would want to be. How far away can I be above the smell? I want to be as far away from this as possible. You have a couple problems because you have the smell that rolls in a cloud above the floor, but then you have the smell that wafts. Okay. I can get you in row 22 of Section 406 for $182.

Can you get me further away than that? No, I can't. Is there a row 23? Here's the thing about the sphere. You find the middle of the center of it and you draw a radius and that's as far away as this is how you use math in real life kids. You draw a radius from the center of the sphere and that's as far away as you can get. The sphere is very helpful in that. This is what geography class is for geometry classes for.

This is all it was for is to keep you away from the Grateful Dead. I would stay out all night. the roulette wheel. I would take the strongest edible available at a Las Vegas dispensary, get into row 22, have a psychotic episode, and fall asleep. I think this is exactly what every dead fan of Vegas is doing. Yeah, I think you're going to fit in really well. I think you are canonically one of them.

I am increasingly convinced this is going to be a stretch goal. It can't be good for you. This is how you know it's a good stretch goal because Spencer fucking hates. We're so upset. Let us remind you that once again, we gave you the option of simply buying beers for people at our live show and you looked at us like we were fucking

stupid. Now look at you. I was looking into a mirror. Who's fucking stupid now? You're going to have fun. You're going to have fun to be it going to Denko at the sphere by yourself. That's at a fucking four-hour concert.

That's the other rule too. We're going to come with you, but we're not coming in. Oh, just we're just monitoring the doors to make sure you stay in there. Yeah, like we're taking a child to get on an airplane to do solo cross country. Here's the tag we put on you. Oh, God.

Just write Thompson and Bill Walton on either side of me. This is just the music of innocence. Bill Walt being like, The grandeur, the majesty of John Mayer, playing 423 pointless notes with that stupid face. Spencer, you better not go back on the Reddit, buddy. Your public enemy number one over there. Oh, 43-minute version of Darkstar, played in front of...

There's 28 Angry Deadheads and one Zionist who is furious that I made a joke about Bruce Pearl droning Arbys. It's not a good place right now. Was it the Blue Kentucky Arbys? All right, folks. So raise money so Spencer can go go see D. company at the sphere. The flower children still dance. The funniest way to do this would be to make it so that Spencer has to fly to Las

Vegas and doesn't have enough time to do anything except going to. He has to go in completely sober. Hey, what if you do it like a week's school starts so he has to leave immediately after and come back and do the school run? I'm just trying to pack it all in. I'm like running into a casino and putting 100 on Black, then running back out so I don't miss the show. This man's going to have to

raw dog a grateful dead show. Atlanta public schools calendar. How many legal substances can I do in Las Vegas? Well, on the plane, because we're going to have a driver pick you up at the airport, take you directly

there. Yes, hello, airport NGNs. I need weed. They could do it. I'm McCarrid, yes. they could. No, they could totally do that at McCarran. Yeah. Please, I'm not going to a dead show if I can't enjoy the one good thing about a dead concert, which is that I might be so high, I won't remember it. He sent Spencer to a dead concert with carrots and hummus, and that's it. Okay. What was your favorite song? And I'll be like, oh, it was Uncle Bucket's two-stepery. I think this is a good post. I went to a Grateful Dead show completely sober the entire time. You went to baseball high, go to Dead Coast. This is that beautiful opposite of your Colorado post. Yeah, it's a total opposite of 2010's vice.

Oh, yeah. Just going things totally square, right? Do we have anything else that we've missed about the charity bowl besides torturing me with sobriety and the Grateful Dead at the same time? Oh, my life is so hard. Ryan is announcing that he's leaving, I think. That's it. That's his business. Serber, do you have any business?

No, you can always go listen to my music. My band name's called Killer Ants, and we have Z in there. Bruce. Hey, you can follow Hand in the Dirt at Hit D-Pod on all the circles. Not to mention there's a thing. Yeah, do we? The big announcement that's coming out soon. And we, when is that?

Or when do we get to talk about that? I haven't, I haven't been told we can talk about it yet. Jason Kirk, do you have any ongoing business in your crusade to take over every corner of the literary world? Well, yes. In fact, thank you for asking, Spencer. So first, Wednesday, April, 24. fourth. That is one week after the release of this episode. At the University of Alabama, America's greatest university, as far as I'm concerned,

7 p.m. Central in the English building room 301, doing a free book, signing, reading, Q&A, whatever, with Bama professors Mike Altman and Van Newell. I'll have books available for sale. And yeah, we're doing a hangout event afterward. So come see us on campus and then find out where that event is. How about that? And secondly, I'm going to clear up two misconceptions people have about the Bible. In case anyone doesn't know, I co-host a podcast with my wife, Emily, about biblical misconceptions. It's called Vacation Bible School. First misconception.

So, you know how the internet likes to say, biblically accurate angels are actually the wheelie eyeball beings from the memes? So it's true that those wheelie eyeball things appear in the sky in the book of Ezekiel, a really fucking weird book. But it's not true that those are the only angels that are biblically accurate. even setting aside post-biblical lore by John Milton and Rabbi Maimonides, his first full cast mention, and whoever, the list of things in the Bible that qualify as angels includes everything from other stuff just as weird as the wheelie eyeball beings to things

that look just like humans standing there, basically just a humanoid figure, which is kind of what the depiction of angels that the biblically accurate angel meme is a reaction against. Second misconception. You have heard that the lesson of Sodom and Gamora being destroyed is that God is homophobic. That has nothing to do with the story. Returning to the book of Ezekiel, we get a prophet turning to the camera and explaining that Sodom fell because Sodom was greedy and inhospitable. But you don't even need Ezekiel to explain it to you to get it. The story of Sodom explains itself very clearly. The story of Sodom, a story in which a mob intends to inflict violence on a group of newcomers, is immediately preceded by a story in which

Abraham demonstrates his righteousness by welcoming a group of people. Who were those people who were welcomed by the righteous Abraham and shunned by the wicked Sodom? The story reveals they weren't just people, but in fact messengers from God. We've heard from right-wing Christian politicians that immigrants are bad people in one way or another. But the New Testament's epistle to the Hebrews tells us, take care of immigrants as if immigrants are direct representatives of the divine. and according to Genesis chapter 18, the Abraham story, right before the Sodom story, immigrants are biblically accurate angels.

Therefore, those who donate to the charity bowl are on the side of not just human images of God, but also the wheelie eyeball creatures Ezekiel saw when he was stoned out of his mind. How awesome does that sound? While those who do not donate to the charity bowl are sitting on the side and watching right next to Liberty University. Thank you.