Shutdown Fullcast - Please Welcome Speaker of the House MicroMachines Johnson

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

SHOW NOTES One thing you can’t ever do is give us a football player with a toothsome name We have a question for Kirby An update from the classroom of Professor “Plum” Surber 🎶 LOOKIN’ AT THE SCHEDULE TIME 🔂 Jason previews a desolate Week 3 Watch Grid We briefly and unfortunately remember who is coaching UAB now Spencer attempts a word problem with disastrous results Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks! 🌞CONSUME🌝 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown You are listening to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. If you want another one, too bad! this is the one that you get. I am joined as always by Ryan Nanny Jason Kirk. You're Ryan Nanny?

Holly Anderson and on the ones and two's Michael server. Ryan, you sound handsome. Ryan always sounds handsome. I wanted to go ahead and introduce you to a couple of facts that you may not have known. I'm Spencer Hall. I'm Spencer Hall. I'm Spencer Hall.

not important. I'm Spencer Hall. I'm Spencer Hall. I'm Farticus. No, I'm Spencer Hall. If we switched bodies, how long do you think it would take for one of us to beg out of it? Like, how long do you think we could go? I'm older than you? It would be you. You'd be like, oh, God. We have to go back. Oh, no. Boy, everything hurts this tummy. It's wild. Brian, I'm like a year older than you, but I slept on the wrong side like two weeks ago and I still can't move my shoulder above like here above a right angle. Okay.

Which is itself is not as good as Spencer dislocating his shoulder by falling asleep on his stomach in a beam bag. Droms, yes, that's important. Spencer, I'm going to say it right here on this podcast. If we are ever in some sort of freak accident together where your body is dying,

my body is fine, my brain is dead, you can put your brain in my body. That's okay. Oh, buddy, that's fine. Now we're talking about crang again. We should offer this up to Jamie Lee Curtis for services rendered. Yeah. I wouldn't wish this on you, though.

You'd be like... I'll be dead. I won't care. No, no, no. But like, if it's the other way around and you're like, oh, my soul needs a new vehicle to occupy, my last dying thoughts are going to be like, dead inside!

No, condemned! Yeah. Choose the afterlife. Even in death we must serve. I'm picking one of the dogs instead. Turning myself. into a college football servitor so I can get these takes off for eternity.

Brother. Gamecock Dreadnought. Speaking of GameCot Dreadnought, did you know that there's a South Carolina player? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, yeah? Did we say the Coors Light thing? Do the goddamn Coors Light thing.

We'll do the Coors Light thing. This episode is brought to you by Coors Light. Don't you know it's made to chill, you sheep fuck? Mountain cold refreshment. And as Holly just reminded us, made to chill. there is a South Carolina football player on the defensive line named Tonka Hemingway

Just remember the most important Hemingway Literally the most boy name possible Correct Kian S. Mas masculino No one. Tonka Hemingway is it This is the franchise Definitely the most important Hemingway in the history of the southeastern United States

Definitely the best writer because he does have bars, by the way, because he was asked what's the most hostile road environment that he'd ever encountered in the SEC and Tonka Hemingway responded with Texas A&M they definitely get after it. Also, Tennessee gets pretty loud. Tonka Hemingway's rival, of course, Nerf Faulkner. He's at Ole Miss, right?

I say this drum contains 50 gently applied dots. Talk has said these two things And I want you to know how short I've lost my turf you later Power Wheels O'Connor I shall sublimate my love For my cousin

Forbidden by the Mores of the time By engaging in mock combat With my fellow compadres All they are sleeping on Florida's contribution Truck Nuts Fernandez I don't know that he's not on the roster currently Okay, it's a

Transfer portal He's in the transfer portal He's got a double name So he's Southern It's truck hyphen nuts Yeah, he's in the portal But everyone of Florida Forbes is like They're gonna steal it

Oh God, Billy's lost it I saw something this year That I've never seen before I don't know how I've never seen this before I haven't been going to Val Navy since the 80s But I saw truck nuts hanging off a boat So boat nuts Yeah

Aquanuts I assume that they're flotational I like this because That's what nuts do Yeah They aren't about tub yeah boats are classically uh boats are classically gendered as female but gender is a construct so have we got and what do boats i'm sorry what do boats leave when they pass through the water

wake yeah oh the boats are woke yeah boats it's a very woke ball navy woke boat boat nuts the woke val navy is coming for our boat genders the val navy has gone woke heard it here first It's because they should have called it wokeboarding. I don't even do that anymore. Because you know what they say when you skip from one side of the boat to the other, that's where it turns you. When you cross the ski ropes,

that's when it turns you. That's why. I got my transam to tell my woke boat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, bloody. Yeah. Anyway, you were saying something, I'm sure. This is how short.

Nintendo Twain. I like that you can actually name South Carolina names. Nintendo Twain is like a Texas tech receiver, right? He's got to be, but he's on the verge of transfer. And they're like, God damn, we lost Nintendo Twain. The problem in the Nintendo Twain is his real name is Sega Longhorn Clemens. Ugh.

Dude, Sega Longhorn Clemens is going to be like the most fire Austin defense attorney with really wild ads. A Yukon Husky in King Arthur's Court. Don't let his own Atari hear you say that. I got a D-E-Y out in Lockhart, but Sega Clemens got me off that, man. Hook him. And this will end the little commercial,

Sega. Sega! That would be a baller stadium cheer when somebody's, like, when somebody's lining up to kick, and the whole stadium's just going, Sega! By the way, this is historically a franchise South Carolina that's given us names like Captain Munerling.

A franchise? Yes. A call him a franchise. franchise, baby. Chedevian County only recently passed from these falls. NFC. East stalwart. The South Carolina Gamecocks. They're more NFC South by quality. Come on. South's great look this year. All the important South teams won.

This is a franchise that currently has on the roster O'Donnell Fortune. Sure. Yeah. Just Captain Munnerland, historically speaking. The quarterback's name is Spencer Rattler. We sleep on that a lot. Yeah, we don't even think of Jedevi and Clowny as an unusual name anymore because he's just becomes such a part of the landscape. That's a wild-ass name. Django Extra Steve Taney Hill, right?

Like, just some wild-ass names from the state of South Carolina. Tonka Hemingway way up there. But this is how short Georgia is on motivational shit that Kirby was told this in a press conference, some little snitchin-ass question, right? Like, oh, here's what South Carolina said. said Georgia wasn't loud. No, they didn't. They said Texas A&M

and Tennessee were loud. George is a different kind of loud. It's like annoyingly loud. They said Steph Curry can't shoot. Oh. They said Charlie Brown has hose. Yeah. No, he didn't, Ryan.

No, he didn't. That's not true. Somebody asked Kirby Smart what he thinks about Charlie Brown having hose or not. He's like looking on his roster to see. Which player are they disrespecting? I don't have anyone named Charles Brown.

But whichever player I have that you're referring to, I assure you you're incorrect. May not be the weak to bring that up to Kirby. So, and Kirby said, well, I hope this is a challenge to, you know, the dog faithful to get out there at 3.30 and to be loud, you know, because Tonka said something. Tonka didn't, you got to mind that you're going to take two left turns to make that turn right you got a you through both stop signs yeah yeah well through both stop signs down

a one way to make that conclusion they're gonna win the fucking national title beyond stage talking about Hemingway wrote entire books about how quiet we are all quiet in Athens is the name of the book he wrote nobody in american literature believed in us I think you all are looking at this the wrong way I think I think Kirby is embracing this as a challenge like I bet the coaches have a bet they're like hey Kirby I bet you can't find some bullshit bulletin board material this he's like, watch this! I'll take a comment that had nothing

to do with our school and make it Georgia-centric baby! Is this how like the writing staff on the West Wing used to make bets on who could work the dumbest phrase into a script? Yes, exactly, yes. Aaron Sorkin is on staff at Georgia. This is how we got an episode of television named the Steampipe Trunk distribution venue.

We're running the walk-and-talk office. You know who'd win that contest in the Georgia staff? It's must champ, right? You used the phrase fart closet in a press conference. Kirby's like, we're crap. I'm so fart closet and proud of you, boys. Yeah. Never said I couldn't use it as an adjective.

See if you can get that in with a, in someone in with the scrum, and Mouschamp just yells out fart closet for no reason. Tell you what, our third down offense was stinkier than a fart closet. He's probably said that. Stingier than a fart closet and a Methodist barbecue. He's bad. It was bad. That's pretty much the way.

It's just saying they're very mayo based. um before we get into this afternoon's agenda play my music play the music podcast business podcast business what's that business podcast business podcast business and it's herein yeah give us money for the stuff that we make and we've got a lot of it to go over that's that's the worst part he has musical record I always clap on the two um where should we begin There's so, gentle listeners, if you are returning to the full cast for the first time or for the first time in a little while, we have so many things that we do besides this ramshackle podcast.

Spencer and Holly, why don't, why don't you all go first with your group projects? Our group project is a newsletter we call Channel 6. Because that is its name. That is correct. Channel 6 is our bi-weekly newsletter. That's right. Two things a week that you get for. subscribing one of them is free one of them is paid the full glorious paid access to channel six

and all of the content it provides including during the college football season the top whatever has all of our seasonal openers has our features and whatever else we care to throw it down your way we just for three thousand we just disgorged three thousand words of feelings about passing of jimmy buffett if that's your thing that is correct we just hand that out okay but if you subscribe to all of it um you can do so at channel dash six dot ghost.io. That's channel dash 6.govst.I.O. Like the moon of Jupiter. You also have another podcast back, yes? That is true. I also do DNF, which is a podcast for those of you inclined to the Formula One system of existence, i.e. a four-wheeled existence done with

Jessica Spatana on Metalark Media's own podcast channel. That is a DNF. You can find it wherever you get your podcast. We'll be talking about Singapore here. Look at mine at Target. Yeah. Yep. Whenever they got Bogo, that's what I do.

Get that bogo. Pick you up a DNF. Jason, what do you got going on? Let's see here. So it might sound weird for me to recommend yet another podcast in addition to this one and Spencer's and Jess's during football season, but there's only one college football podcast, so it's not like I'm actually adding anything to your listening plate because there's only one college football podcast taking up your time this time of year

anyway. Vacation Bible School podcast is a show I do with my wife in which we are working our way through the Bible. We've made it through the Book of Samuel just about. And it's been very fun to see the number of listeners who have come along from this show and given that one a shot and found it to be like a lot more fun than it sounds and a lot more um educational at least for me than it sounds um we've had a very funny array of guests from ryan and numerous other people in sports media uh spencer and holly we have scheduled for um episodes down the road um but additionally like actual academics and people from uh did you did you hear that including including that very dog no you said the dog was responding because you said

we have Spencer and Holly scheduled for absence down the road and there was this huge thunderclap outside. Oh, okay. Lord, it's, we've learned humility. I consider that approval. But yeah, it's a fun show, I promise. Additionally, a thing I have coming up that I have mentioned will be posted at

shutdownfulbooks.com. It'll also be at other places, Amazon, your local bookstore, so on and so forth. I have a novel coming out. that I'm waiting on a few more things to fall into place before revealing details. I might have cover art to share at some point in the next few weeks.

And really, once that happens, then I will probably just start spamming details all over the place. But for now, you can sign up at my substack, jasonkirk.fye, home of the very free weekly college football watchgris as well as shutdownfulbooks.com to be the first to know.

You should definitely state to shut down full books, the internet's only book publisher, which Jason has just gone and invented, because that's the kind of entrepreneurship, that we encourage here in our shutdownful cast laboratory. Ryan, business. I have a newsletter I'm doing with Homefield Apparel called Buried Treasure. The one that is coming out next week is about multiple arsons at. Idaho and Washington State in 1970, and how they forced, a little bit of a spoiler, forced Washington State to not play at home and Idaho to play their home games at a partially burned down Washington State Stadium. Kick a ass.

It's called football. Makes love sense. I, I, hmm, server and I work, the press box and one of the main grandstands. Okay. Like 10,000 seats. It was a lot. Cerber and I work on a podcast in an alternate universe where there is no shutdown forecast, and so it has to be the podcast that is the single college football podcast in existence. It's called We're Not All Like This.

The TCU episode came out today. Again, not in our timeline, but in the alternative timeline, where Spencer is a Supreme Court justice somehow. And super corrupt, just like nakedly wild, literally nakedly. corrupt so i'm a supreme court justice hey yeah yeah um and server are we talking about your professorship is that a thing we're discussing these days we haven't asked you about it on this show yeah i wonder how this is going um you know i was talking to to connor the other day about this ryan you were there um about like he said you know it's basically a pushover which lets people do anything i'm trying to avoid doing that but i and i think i talked a big game with connor and he's

going to listen to this and be like yeah he said he was going to crack down on these students turning in stuff late and i and i'm not i have there's like two people with a week late assignment and i emailed them today and i was like hey you can turn this in so you can get some credit i'm not a hard ass i'm learning very quickly that i'm a push over uh but i'm having a lot of fun and i've got a really talented group i got a really talented group of kids um they're like really cool and I'm excited to watch them get better because I kind of have a cool spot of like seeing them when they don't really know anything and they come in and almost everyone in my class this is their first time in college and I don't know I'm rambling anyway the the thing I'll say the only other thing I'll say is like I really believe in the community college system and I think it's great and I'm happy to be participating in it hell yeah what is your sartorial style as a professor um I think think like I don't know I do a lot of like standing up at in like and talking about my experience as it relates to the text because I am kind of like I'm teaching something that's like you're

supposed to hit these points to get it because everything every audio video thing in the state is the same so it is there is some like structure to it but I'm trying to just kind of not be a robot but I don't know if I'm doing a good job yet or not but like they're grasping the concept they're grasping the concept their work that they submitted hasn't sucked so but that's a testament to them too probably okay those who have submitted their work those who haven't if you're listening hey if you're listening to the forecast you haven't submitted professor server's assignment what the fuck it's video journal too it's not going to be difficult answer the 10 questions in the text um i think you should make spencer do some of these assignments going forward but that's a separate

discussion one more item what does make mean okay That's bringing back a lot of fun memories. Generally. In the NFL, there is no margin for error. One mistake can change the outcome of the game. Science proves quality sleep can help boost reaction time, recovery time, and overall athletic performance. As the official sleep wellness partner of the NFL, sleep numbers mission is to provide players

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Sleep number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL. See Store for details. One more item for podcast business. Let's say you wanted to wallow in human misery, and by that I mean attend. It's Florida, Tennessee week. I'm actually talking about the backyard brawl. I'm not ready to talk about that. This year, Pittsburgh and West Virginia are playing in Morgantown.

The loser is guaranteed to have as many bad feelings possible about their head coach who they hate. Like, there is no way out of this. There is no honorable, exciting game where one side says, you know what? Our loser of a coach, he's pretty good. And we like him and we want to keep him here. Now, you go to gametime.co and you say, all right, I'm seeing cheapest tickets here, $165 each, right? What if I could

told you, we can get you those for $1.45. You know how you do that? You download the GameTime app. You create an account. You use code fullcast. And you got $20 extra to use off your first purchase. What can you put that towards? I don't know.

A message plane that circles around the stadium with some extremely profane message about the head coach that you hate. gravel that you could pour Was you see the one at Alastico that was not profane No It was deeply mean No

It said be likable Ron I can't I just assume that his mother sent that I'm trying The nice thing about game time You don't have to stress out About trying to buy tickets Try to go find the best price

Go figure out You know who you go get them from last minute Game time is fast easy and it can be the smoothest part of your backyard brawl. Because all the rest of it's going to be miserable. Game time will be the one thing. That's not. That's it.

That's podcast business for the week. This is where we should play the podcast business song backwards. Don't cover it all of our listeners. Don't do it, Spencer. Don't do it. To the dark arts. I don't know if I can. I just started to process it in my mind and just saw I just saw plaid. No, don't event horizon this podcast.

You can at least, you can at least go, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ha. You're not me to-you-he-h. Can I offer one other thing before we get into discussing, well, potentially discussing football? I don't know if that's what we're going to do. No, Ryan. Okay, no matter much.

No, but please do. All right, I got an email from Brenton. I don't know if he wants us to use his last name. That's not a real name. You know what? I don't know how anonymous you want to be with a name like Brinton. Try, hey, Breton, tip number one, your name's Tonka now. Look at that.

We just upgraded you. All right. Brenton mentioned that we talked about Dak Prescott's Daffy Dug leg tattoo in the most recent forecast after dark. We sure did. Spoiler. Cowboys fucking dumb drunk of the Giants. Yay!

I asked if Daffy Duck was hard and I got my answer. You got your answer. It's the fat leg, giving him all his power. Brenton decided, before hearing about this tattoo, that he's going to get his first tattoo, and then it's going to be Muppet themed. He's not completely sure what it should be, and wants to know what Muppet he should get tattooed on his body.

Quote, if it helps, and I hope that it does not, I am a Penn State fan. So I want to throw that to y'all and see what guidance you can offer. This is where I wish we had buzzers because I would be slaying my hand down on the desk so hard and just yelling, sweetums! full back piece of swedoms sweetms is pretty strong

i mean animal feels like a good choice what about sweetums riding the Penn State nitty kitty that would be good all right so you are a Penn State fan without knowing anything about this gentleman I do want to put him in a Penn State

kind of mode so in terms of the Muppet that most represents the values of most Penn State fans that I know it admire right like if I were to say who is the Treblah of Muppets of Muppets Loki it might be Rolf Rolf is a strong suggestion okay I would also want to say Rizzo the rat is I thought you were going to say Lou Zeeland for some reason no I mean a little too Idland King Prawn Lou's got a lot of effort you know I feel like Penn State's kind of effortlessly weird when they're weird, you know?

If you're into thon girls, I would suggest Camilla. She's got like a big thon kind of energy. Yeah. James Franklin just misused another time out. I think the Muppet who most represents Penn State fans online during a Penn State game is Beaker. Just sort of like freaking out and shrieking in no particular direction, but like back the very next week, no matter how weird or bad it got. Just there he is.

I like that one. I like that one because Beaker's actually at his funniest when he's calm. Because I like when Beaker's just in the background attempting to be normal and he's like, and you're like, is fucking Beaker in this meeting? I like that. Who is the Bunsen? Who's the Bunsen of the Big Ten? Gosh.

Minnesota. Is it James Franklin himself? And Beakers, like, what are you doing to us? Y'all, I hate, I mean, I love the Michigan fan base in general, but it's Sam the Eagle. Come on. For Michigan? Yeah, because there's a proper way of doing things. And I'm reading my bound volumes.

Yeah, definitely. Is Bunsen Purdue? Bunsen is Purdue? It is. Because, you know, they're alleged for, they're alleged to be like great engineers and scientists, but I ain't no shit they've done. Right? They did a big old drum that one time.

They got a big, yeah. They do. They will that thing out and they say, here's my latest experiment. A phenomenally large drum. Yeah. The phenomenally large drum. I could totally seem to be running a gorilla detector. A somewhat above average sized drum.

Beaker's in it for some reason. Also, suspicious amount of cornfields around that campus, they could hide a gorilla. They could. Who will know? This gorilla detector will help. Yeah, so I think we've got a pretty, that's a pretty good. Beaker's a solid one. I think that Bunts and Honey do is definitely per due.

I do think you should start calling your biceps Statler and Waldorf, whether or not you get the tattoos, though. Do you first. Yeah. Stadler and Waldorf is also a very, very, very good one. I think as a show, we've inspired a surprisingly low number of tattoos, especially considering the amount that you've gotten. Sweetums is a really good, really good answer.

though, to be clear. Yeah. Because his head, he looks like a pom-pom. Yeah. Oh, man, what if it's just like a row of shakers laid out in the student section, but it's all like Sweetham's face on a stick?

That's pretty metal, right? Yeah. How about a second-tier character, Bobo the Bear, described as composing, yet easily amused and befuddled? Yeah, and he's got a

briefcase sometimes for no reason. He's also a business bear. Which, again, nothing funnier than a Muppet in a business situation, right? Where you're like, is Bobo actually opening Excel? That's really the entire Big Ten. Is Bobo the Bear? Easily amused business bears. Muppets trying to look like they're doing business.

Yeah, also Bobo the Bear is always the one who's like, I don't know, we're going to break a rule. Well, maybe we shouldn't break a rule. Sure. Who's Dr. Teeth? so you need a real incredible amount of style yeah you need to be outlandish we're already out of the big ten it's the LSU's Dr. Teeth come on not king prong wait king prong can be too late strong that's pretty strong

Flattering colors, too, for his, for his complexion. Yeah. That little sea foam. Pepe's pretty charming, too, right? Oh, I love my Sherry. Tonka, I hope that helped. I hope you are well on your tattoo journey now. His name's Tonka.

I'm going to call him Tonka. His legally binding advice. Yankee Tonka. Pencil Tonka. He is dandy. You know the sax player Zoot? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

that's got to be what's a team with no memory that never ever remember you know what that's south carolina they just keep showing up to the stadium and they're too high to remember how bad they are hey man we're here again you know you've never won anything what yeah south carolina is either zood or janus uh yeah i can see janus being a south Carolina fan for sure we're just to do Muppet voices for the rest of the hour I'm cool with that I am totally fine I think that's right I think that's what about Fraggle Rock then oh there's a lot of boobers in the Big Ten it's like the boobber Wembley axis I will tell you I don't know exactly how to assign the schools but everyone in the pack 12 was a

fraggle because they all just they're all red they made no plans they're all red it's the I-diving conference, right? Yeah. Yeah. They made no plans. No, I think the back 12 are the dozers and the Big 12 are the Fragles. They're just like, oh, just come along and this looks cool.

Thanks, man. And the fucking dews are like, you're fucking kidding me. But really it's the dozers fault because it's like you should do, why are you doing this? Yeah, look, a Cincinnati, whee. Maybe the Big 12 can be the yep, yep, yep, yep. It's like you want to join our conference, yep. Oh, the best.

The greatest aliens. Do you want to go over here, yep. Yep, yep, yep. The greatest Muppets of all time, yes, get them to the Big 12. I think the Big 12 could also be the count, count, one count, where it's just like, 15, 16, 23 teams, ah, uh, uh, uh. Pack 12 are all crazy hairy this year, right? Like, be a shame if you lost to the Pac-12 team and the conference that doesn't exist. Aha!

No, Pac-12 is old school snuffelopagus, where it's like, he's not real. You're just imagining him. Washington State the drunk snuffle up against us why is it putting its trunk in the beer cave hey did you see

sorry to pivot immediately to football but did you see Arkansas's offense they're going to start running the spread more no yeah it's called

pigs in space I wish I had a sound bar with the dunk noise I didn't we move the chimes down here hit the chimes just know that at my

heart i'm shack holding the camcorder at the dunk contest just like oh shit but really are they because i'm concerned for kj's sorry no this pastor's very serious jason sorry to do that to you that's not it's not yeah pigs in space can't hurt you yeah i didn't i don't want to talk about the cc this week you why you literally led by talking about south carolina georgia that's the first thing you talked about there's no better time to talk about it. You know, South Carolina is not the only Zoot in this cast, okay? Okay.

What, man? What are we talking about? For the record, the dog just crawled under the couch and is only showing her nose. I know, maybe. Sorry, move. I know.

What do you want to talk about then? I do want to talk about, like, the schedule. I do. Oh, it's time for looking at the schedule. It's time for looking at a screen. Net the schedule. Reading up the internet for money.

Reading the schedules. Off the internet, never reading schedules. So the weeknight sucks, straight to Saturday. We get paid so much for this. Yeah, I think that's funny. Watch grid conductor. What are we in for? Is Utah State Air Force going to be maybe fun?

No. Well, I mean, anything's a maybe, but I'm not betting on it. Okay. Being fun. Okay. Watch grid weather, man. What's our forecast? Saturday.

I can't, I can't, I can't believe you're skipping past the ACC Reunion game of Virginia at Maryland. How dare you? Reunion. What does that mean? What does that mean reunion? Oh, yeah. That's great point. Fantastic point.

Maryland would have to leave first. I think it's, hold on, I'm going to check. Oh, no. I don't know. Game time, I apologize if I'm getting this wrong. It is possible if you use your game time discount. count on this game, you will get paid to go to Virginia

out of Maryland. That's a good sign. You know what? I'd do it for some some like Utt's crab flavored chips. I would. If you were like, hey man, we'll give you a free ticket and some Utt's chips. I'll be like, well, you've always been a man of high editorial standards.

What? Is this, do you think this is Roger's scheme for RoadRodge is going to these games and each time he's making like four dollars off game time oh my god he's just he's just coming up with a new wow it's why he goes to 40 games a week he's like woohoo made a hundred and sixty bucks

yeah could Georgia Southern maybe I was just thinking okay okay okay Georgia Southern 's heading in terms of like an alternate timeline we told you that like two years ago we tell you that Clay Hilton and Luke Fickle are meeting and

we tell you to guess what schools they're both coaching. Right. Wouldn't have guessed it in a million years. This is an alternate timeline Rose Bowl. 100%. I think what we're trying to do is carry over Georgia Southern's giant killing from a game where they really didn't kill a giant.

They kind of just killed a normal size fella. What? In Nebraska last year? That's just murder. Yeah, that's just murder. Regular murder. But now Georgia Southern wasn't that like they lost a coastal by four. They beat JMU and JMU was damn good last year.

a different Georgia Southern. Yeah, and they're off to a fine start this year. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I, I'm not saying, oh, definitely put the upset on right now. Wisconsin might be a little, I would be silky after last week if I were at Wisconsin because good night. Wisconsin is just up and down and still figuring out.

That's all, you know. It can't really run the ball. Can't run the ball. 90 yards against Washington State. No, this is still my people's-heisman team. I have high hopes for this Wisconsin. I do too, but I think that's. Georgia Southern.

A prepared Georgia Southern team is not a team I would want to face in week three. Sure. This sounds like a pesky game with the possibility to become infected. How about that? Yeah. I'll say it looks much more competitive than it would have a week or two ago. Yeah. Okay.

That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Georgia Southern, by the way, coming off. To the point where I possibly would take the Georgia Southern plus 19. 19. Okay. Amen.

All right. Hey, that Georgia Southern coming off of a 49, 35, defeat of Trent Dilfer. He won a Super Bowl. That's what he looks like. I love that the UAB is completely transparent. Their hiring process is basically like, let's Colorado hired Deon and everyone liked it.

Let's find a former player who works anywhere in New York college football. You. The funniest comparison of that was like, the thing I don't, not everybody forgot, but like it wasn't just we hired Dion. And it was like, and also all these recruits that are cut. Trent Dilfer didn't have any fucking recruits to bring with him.

It was just Trent Dilfer. He brought like a best boy. Yeah. What do you, what do you bring with you? Golf. I have a lot of youth golf balls. I have a bunch of elite 11 gear. Yeah, right.

I'm willing to bring snacks. You're in! Do you think he's willing to bring snacks? Not good ones. Uh-oh. Like the, the, the, the first you like the flat. nature's miracle granola bars. Yeah, the ones that are real hard to chew.

Yeah, the ones that look like flywood. I'm a soft spot in my heart for those. Come on over, Delf. What, really? Such a weird dude. Dilf. I know. Dilf.

That's what I call him. Does your mouth just like to fight? Yes. Okay. The Dulf of Birmingham. Dad, I'd like to fire. Hate you. I hate you so much.

So this Saturday is going to be one where you do a little exploring where you go in with a flexible plan, so to speak. Because we have no ranked, ranked. There are no ranked ranked games, right? I mean, you've heard the games we've started with, folks. Like, this is the noon spot where, like, I can, could I talk you into LSU, Mississippi State, over K-State, Mizzou? Maybe, but why would I try that hard to do so? Like, just hop around a little bit. Like, I'm just going to tell you, I have Louisville, Indiana, and Iowa State, Ohio.

as maybe watch games. That's how grim it is to start off your Saturday. Could I interest you in a potential post-game coach hug-off? It would have to involve probably, like, submission moves and devastating aerial feats. Because guess who North Carolina is hosting? Oh, no. Guess. I looked.

Who do you want to see Back try and get a neck hold on after last week? I just saw. Is it PJ Fleck? It is PJ. It is now. Look at that. We joked last week about Lane learning Krav Maga. PJ is Krav Maga.

Krav Maga. Kravagga the man. Yeah. Don't try choking PJ Fleck. I don't actually know if he's Jewish. I just mean he probably knows a shit ton of Krav Maga. Yeah, this is what, this is not only, this is one of those weird out-of-conference games that really snuck up on me.

I would not remember if I looked at it four times. But Minnesota is going to North Carolina. North Carolina, which has committed to play only the wildest fucking games thus far. That's a wild schedule on that part. Yeah, I love it. That's great. I love that they took a coach who does not enjoy these kind of games at all and put it through this schedule, right? Like Mac was like, I actually really appreciated what Mack said after the game.

And I feel like he got unfairly dragged for it. And I'm all for unfairly dragging Mac Brown. But he had a point. I don't want you to invite what to invite me back, right? Like, yeah, we should play. I don't want to play these games anymore. This isn't fun. I, my main issue with it is it's like, if they schedule this for, if they, if App State and

UNC are like four years from now, we're going to do this again. Mac Brown's not going to be there, is he? You don't know that. No, he's not going to. Oh, God. What is he is. You don't know that. Christ.

He sucked so much blood. He's 72. So are we referring to him saying, basically. it's NC State's turn to play these guys. Yeah, which is technically true as the completely fair. I thought it was very like that's the first thing he's ever said that I thought was funny. I think App State has

Clemson coming up on in a future schedule as well. I think it's next year or the year after. Yeah, something like that. That's the last, I think I'm pretty sure that's the last time they're on the schedule for Clemson for Steve. But they did for whatever reason. They scheduled them twice. Welcome to hell. Carolina and

App State are playing this very weekend. That's, that that might be a game I will watch. um it is very much nc states and duke's fucking turn though and like wake forest owes appalachian state a game as well because wake forest wake forest ran away yeah like in the early 2000s they were like we're not going to play y'all anymore because uh-uh no uh-uh and they honestly like wake should redeem themselves by playing Appalachian State because I'm pretty sure the last time they lost. I think App State has a like, hold on, I'm going to, I just was looking at this the other day. I'm going to find it.

So they have like their little future football schedules part of the website, but then at the bottom, just load you piece of shit. Yes. So they play, here's who we got. next year at Clemson, year after that, home against NC State, year after that, at NC State, 2027 at South Carolina, nobody in 28, 29, or 30, 2033, home against South Carolina, and then another road game in 2034. And at the bottom, TBD, three games versus Wake Forest, one in Boone, two in Winston-Salem. Like, there is some sort of literal contractual IOU that they're just sitting on.

I hope they just drop it on Wake and they're like, 2026, you got to play us three times, brother, twice at your place, once in ours. Now that we know it could all be done after the BYU Coastal Carolina Instant Classic of the COVID season, they should be at some point in the contract after several or however many years of backing out on it, you should be able to spring these games on a team with 72 hours notice. You thought you had a buy week? Oh, you're playing out of state, buddy? I'm like, we'll come to you.

So that you could just ring the bell and insta challenge anyone? I think teams should be able to do this, right? I think that's what should happen the week after the week of the conference championship games. That should be the rest of the schedule. For people who aren't in the conference championship. Well, like, in wrestling, you have to run over with the binder and open it up and get them to.

sign the contract for the match before the ref can ring the bell chasing a university presidents with golf carts around campus well imagine somebody coming to Mac and he's just not going to sign it right like Mac Brown signed this challenge he's like not doing it nope or like in boxing

I got a dental appointment in boxing or MMA if you're like oh you know here's this bout that we scheduled but one guy got hurt and now we got to fill it in like we should have the same thing where if we get to the end of the season and we're like oh damn we're really hoping hopeful that this is going to be like a top 10

matchup but one of these teams lost four games we should be able to swap in like another top 10 team just be like all right that's the bout now instead ah that's called the Florida Clause we thought these guys are going to be top top top nobody no go look historic that's an outdated clause historically

historically over the last 30 years no team has underperformed in terms of preseason projections as you do I don't think that's true Texas A&M still exists nobody's ever put like texas am like until what are you talking about let's see

until recently this is a very recent oh my god it's just like when you did that one episode and you had the wrong year of schedules open what is right all right old man i am correct

okay show your word AP preseason rankings number six number six number 13 number 12 a few years before that there's number seven there's a number eight all right but look at And look at where the post is.

2011, preseason 8, post season 0. Yeah. So all those were since 2011. Meanwhile, here are Florida's top 10 preseason rankings. 8, 8.10. It's A&M. It's A&M. It is A&M. Spencer, A&M has been ranked.

I just listed. Since 2011, twice as many preseason top 10s. A&M has been ranked in the top 10 four times in the preseason. They have only finished ranked in the final top 25 one of those years

hold on I've got this hold it this is that hold on I will find it stay on target I will find it Florida's Florida's last AP preseason rankings eight finished 13th not bad eight finished six they improved

like yes Florida is a lot of things but they are not like constantly overrated by the national media are not sorry dude like you are so so persecuted what are you looking what are you possibly looking at

that bad. Hold on. Your problems are not that bad. I've only seen two national championships as an adult world. Florida's problems are bad. It's just this isn't one of them. Florida's problems is that everybody knows they're bad. Damn, Napier is turning all of you all into Clemson fans.

From 16 to unranked. Okay. Eight to unranked. My data is, this is what I was remembered. My dad is. My dad is a bit old. It could use some updating. Okay, but in a 2017 article from 538.

Oh, Jesus. Get the 5.30. Get the fuck out. Hold on. This is what I was remembering over the past two decades going back to, I could finish. You could hear me out. You're supposed to be the smart one. I am.

Nate Silver. This is what I was remembering. Mods. 2017. Mazurously post-2017. What, oh, you all made to quote 2023, Nate Silver? Please. Stat, Kanye at this point,

I'm not hearing it. We don't want any Nate Silver. Yeah. That the teams that had historically over the past two decades prior to this, which teams had, which teams had underperform? How many titles did you win in those two decades?

Okay. And the teams, okay. And you know what? We all went because we were all wrong. Uh-uh-uh. But we were also all right. Oh, my God. No, no.

The team most, in a piece of satisfying news, the team that had underperformed the most, 70% of the time worse than their preseason ranking was Notre Dame. Notre Dame was number one in that respect. The second was Texas. Third was Florida State. Fourth was Penn State. And tied fifth, Florida. Six years ago.

yeah okay so i would love to i would love to update these numbers so i'm in no way endeavoring it said the past two decades right yeah also also 20 years versus a sample size of 27 years also in those which is 50% more in those 20 years three national titles plus let's update it since 2017 again as noted you would have an unranked to a top 10 a top 10 to a top 10 to a top 10 to a top 13, like since then things are, Florida's been what it's expected to be almost every single year since then. We have been much more predictable. We are just.

Ryan's right. Florida has problems. This is not one of them. Florida's problem this week is they got to play Tennessee. No, no. We don't have to talk about it, but we should acknowledge that it is happening. This is the kind of can that Tennessee loses. This is the kind of, okay.

Oh, here we go. I'm going to say, I'm going to get out of the way. This is for my. No, no, no. I'm going to say this, I'm going to get out of the way. I'm going to say, no. I'm going to say this and I'm going to get out of the way. This is for my buddy, Big Orange Matt.

Since when has it mattered in the Tennessee Florida game, whether or not Florida is good? Past couple of years. It's not that I'm saying Florida is good, is that I'm saying that Florida being good has largely in the past been immaterial to the outcome of many Tennessee, Florida. So you heard it from Holly.

They're coming out in the sackcloth orange this game. If Tennessee loses. I'm not poor enough in us. Did you see what we just did last week? If Tennessee loses to Florida, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. You know what I am going to do instead? I'm going to share with you a delightful set of numbers.

This concerns the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. Oh, God. Yep. That's where we're at. Why? The team we can all agree is poor. and the listenership just drops off the face of the fucking earth. Ruckers is third in the nation at time of possession, averaging over 36 minutes a game.

Do you know where they are in yards per play? Third? One hundred and fifth. So that's less. That's so much nothing. Ruckers has this amazing ability to just like get the ball and just do nothing. nothing with it. The nibbler!

The nibbler! They're vibing. They're out of the deck. What do they have at Rutgers? Porches, stoops, decks. Ruckers is hosting Virginia Tech this week. And I think like Virginia Tech's going to be in trouble

because they're only going to get like five possessions and they're going to be fucked. This is the tectonic plates offense. This is the thing that used to move the space shuttle to the launch pad, right? Three miles an hour and it burns 20,000 gallons of gas a second. it's like whatever the opposite of the like seven seconds or less suns were like this is like ruckers dribbles up into the front court the 23 and a half seconds or holds and holds and holds and then

tries to get you to foul with one second left so that they can then burn more clock after they in Virginia basketball yeah Virginia Wisconsin basketball finally melded but football wise but they're two and oh this shit's working It is working, but man, this is, they go to the ATM and they get $10 out, right? Not even that they get like $5.47. You have a service charge of $3 on this interaction. I know. I don't care.

I don't care. Wop, got to go back for another 10. The subway five for five costs $5.47 and that's exactly what I want to get. So we've basically gotten to the point of calling this the Gracciano driver does not carry change. Offense. I love it. What's in the truck? Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Nothing. You could kill me, but it wouldn't make either of it. You wouldn't, it wouldn't profit you at all, brother. So, yeah. Do you know what you'd actually get? Marcia? Here's this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one of the greatest, greatest non-conference rivalries ever continues at 730 Eastern. By the way, that's BYU at Arkansas. That's right, BYU at Arkansas.

Happening again for reasons no one can explain. The battle of teams who have made Texas look stupid. That's a tournament right there. Mm-hmm. Speaking of rivalries, Nebraska welcomes back NIU. Mike Gundy's Allegiances are torn in half as he has to face USA

That'd be South Alabama But still This is a civil war A civil war type game The best game In the seventh slot might be Other than Pitt, West Virginia Of course, that might be

JMU Troy Any JMU Troy in the chat? I'm a little interested in Syracuse Purdue Mostly because I think like Syracuse has it working on offense, like maybe. And if Syracuse can get back to that thing where they're like, yep, we just, we drop 50 points. Sometimes it's not enough, but that's what we drop.

That will at least be entertaining since they still have to play Clemson, UNC, and Florida State this year. Y'all, I want to go back to Pitt, West Virginia for just a second. Okay. Because I need to talk about Pitt's offense. I need to talk about Pittsburgh. Do you? No, I need to talk about Pitz Pass. Is offense the right word?

Offense? Yeah, there it is. Offense might be the more correct word. That is what Pat and Arduzzi takes, yes. Because remember after having Kenny Pickett and the most dynamic offense in school history, Pat Narduzzi could not fucking wait to get rid of it? Like, oh, God. We don't want to do that again, so they didn't.

And he went and hired the offensive coordinator from Boston College. And they went and they got a transfer a quarterback who I believe is also from Boston College. But yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But he, I feel like he wasn't bad at Boston College. Am I misremembering that? He was at Boston College. It's difficult to tell. Okay. Okay. There's no excuse. There's no excuse for being at Boston College. I forgot he was at Notre Dame before this, too. Wow, what a journey. Okay. So here are a couple of of facts from what you might see. This is the journey of a man slowly shedding Catholicism, Notre Dame

to Boston College to Pitt. This is what you might see from the mind of Frank Signetti and the arm of Phil Jercovich, who Phil, as someone pointed out, yes, that is a Phil under the age of 30. He is alone. He is the Highlander among his peers. Congratulations.

Phil Jercovich. All of this happened against Cincinnati, okay? And there's nothing to say that it won't happen even more under West Virginia at Pitt. It's from Alex Kershner, who you might know

from the NFL podcast Split Zone Duo. Pitt had a white out. Weird. Yeah, Bub Means. Bub Means got 11 targets against Cincinnati. They threw the ball in his direction

11 times. He got zero catches. Zero. Most of this, yeah. So much of this game feels like Pitt was just like, oh, you want to pass more, eh?

All right, smoke the whole goddamn box. It's worse. I'm going to read you Phil Jerkovic's line, which is incredible, incredible. He was 10 for 32 for 179 yards and three touchdowns. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? based on week one that's an NFL line right there like he's right up that's better than Joe burrow's

numbers hey zero interceptions a little tidier than Josh Allen that's right for sure finish the game unlike Aaron Rogers wow wow quitter is that what you're saying yeah is that is that the take yeah also also rushing yards you go oh man well they must have really been like knocking it out on the ground. Nope. Not at all, dog. 83 yards. They had 83 yards. It's not like they were like, well, we're going to recommit ourselves to defense first ground and pound football. No, y'all. They committed themselves to like bad by design. And you go, well, maybe surely this means one of those Iowa type things where you created offense so bad it made the defense thrive. Nope, they lost 2721.

No, and they gave up 216 rushing yards to Cincinnati. Yeah, there. It's going to be a rough pit year. It's going to be a rough pit year, but if they got to play West Virginia, and you want to give Neil Brown a little bit of desperately needed hope. What is the over under on this game? He said, cursedly. This may be the way to do it.

50.5. It's quite a few. Quite a few. I mean, I think that's reflective of like, oh, neither of these defenses inspire a lot of confidence. Like, there's going to be a broken play touchdown in this game, for sure. Well, I mean, you know Phil Jerkfich is going to be airing it out, baby. I watched him underthrow a deep ball so badly that the wide receiver had to come back to it like it was a punt. Like, the TV's backed up or like.

Hey, he caught that one, though. did me he caught it for like a 20 yard gain yeah man how many games do you think pat arduzzi is coached at pit so so many a lot it's way more than i thought it was uh let's see is he coached over 50 right a hundred and five what a hundred and five how many do you remember like seven maybe two Clemson, Miami last year's backyard brawl

I feel like there was a silly bowl game that we really enjoyed a couple of this Kenny Pickett games there's and there's definitely a Penn State game

that I mostly remember for I don't know James Franklin did something ridiculous that we all hated but they won anyway yeah it's probably like a Penn State game

yeah it's probably like five or six FCS game of the week Sacramento State Stanford not yet convinced that Stanford is all that much better Sacramento State is

formidable, imposing, dangerous so Big Sky supremacists that's our best opportunity this week