Shutdown Fullcast - PORTAL WIVES: Do Who's Best For Bama

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

We did try to tell y'all what a kicked Bama hive is like. In case you didn't heed our warnings, you're about to find out Why you shouldn't play Settlers of Catan with Will Muschamp The one coach we'd all allow to date our moms How 9WINDIANA became the cradle of championships  A call for Ohio State opinions we definitely will not live to regret Who will be the first 12-team playoff program to fire its coach? For no reason at all, a history of ten-win Alabama football teams, and how everything worked out just fine for all of them What will NCAA enforcement make of New Bama, and does it matter one bit? Counting states that suffer life without Bass Pro Shops Community service project: let’s fix Ross Bjork’s wiki page Today’s theme song was arranged and performed by Wes Hunt Visit preownedairboats dot com with all haste Visit SHUT DOWN FULL BOOKS DOT COM  for exclusive literary revelations  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If we go to the 12th team playoff, which we are, and we get wildly uncompetitive games like Dolphins Chief, like Eagles, Bucks, like Cowboys Packers, people will just scream about it. But the NFL, it's just like, yeah, man, sometimes some jock shit teams make the playoffs. It's fine. We just have all come to Thursday. The only thing you can do is laugh at him. That's it. You can't complain about the structure. You just laugh. This is kind of a corollary of we do the same thing with college basketball when, like, George Mason makes a run for the title. No one's like, these piss ants shouldn't be there. No. Like, we love it when this shit had, you know, oh, Florida Gulf Coast, we love y'all.

Yep, yep, yep. And, yeah. Yep. Okay. Do you know who is making this absolutely worth our while, though? Never mind. We should start the show because this is the thing I want to talk about. I think we have, but yeah.

Okay, cool. It's what who can say, really? Listener, even we don't know when the show is. Really, really. We'll find out if Serber believes the show. That's right. That's right. In that case, it has.

Only, only through his perfect judgment, can we just say if the show has begun or not. Okay. So you know how we were kind of disappointed that Bama wrapped up the coaching search so fast because we were so excited to see Bama Twitter during a coaching search? Mm-hmm. All is not lost because we have Bama Twitter during a portal era in which they may possibly be at a slight disadvantage. This produced the following Twitter thread.

yesterday that I am going to, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to share it, but I'm going to, I'm going to read from it first. This is a Bama Twitter enthusiast living crimson. I'm going to read this verbatim. For smart and Sarkesian to be so thankful to say, then they're worse than vultures about eating the Bama team. Only Kiffin has exhibited class. So, down bad. Now, to be fair, to be fair, the first. response is from another Bama fan, Hello Crimson, Cleo, who says they're trying to win, L.O.L. This isn't tidly winks. But our pal living crimson fires right back with, no,

they're systematically trying to dismantle Sabin's program and undermine the new regime because they fear competition. Kirby, like, listen, however you want to fail about Georgia, I think Kirby's been very open about trying to do that since day one.

Didn't Kirby learn everything he knew from Saban? Kirby showed up in Georgia and was like, all right, here's all the pictures they don't want you to see recruits. Here's what they really think of you, but I know, I'm Kirby smart. I'm not going to read you all of this thread, but within about five hours, it got to the point where another Bama fan was postulating that Kiffin was hanging back because he knew that if he poached from I'm trying to parse this as best I can, as near as I can tell this guy is postulating, not me, that Kiffin is hanging back, because if he poaches from Alabama, all the boosters whose wives he slept with will tell on him, which led to the reply from Jay Short for Jay, they should be more mad at their wives. Women come and go, football is forever. Do the best for Bama. Spencer, shout welcome now, please. when we said you guys were we tried to tell y'all what these people were like

and I feel like even we may have undershot I feel like I just heard the argument do who's best for Bama watch out Welcome Welcome to the shutdown Bullcast Because women

Come and go But football is forever What's best for family College football's been around for 150 plus years, right? How many women are that old? Very few. That's right. And I think they're French.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sustained by cigarettes. Listener, if you're not caught up, major coaching news to announce. Will Mustchamp has stepped down to an analyst position at Georgia to spend more time with his family. I think that's what we're, that's what we're all here to talk about. Dynasty done. With his, with a family, an unspecified family. Yeah, but his family is on the roster.

Not Kirby's family, but. Listener with your family. Well, Mastcham's coming over. He wants to play board games and he's a very bad sport. Which board games? Does he, they got to be real straightforward ones. I don't think, I think Will Mushchamp doesn't, can't see hexagons. Like, if you try to put Kattan in front of him, it just his, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's,

has the opposite of B vision like he only sees in rectangles I just want bricks give me them bricks Longest road Longest road run the ball That's the longest road Biggest army that's recruiting I can't do a much

I'll trade away all my sheep They're not tough, they're fluffy I don't want to I just want to hear more I just want to hear well most of them say You know Like That's not you know

Reverse I don't believe in reverse That's east and west We only go north and south We only look forwards Man you know when you get hit We'll must chant with the draw four It gets real dicey after

We call draw four on third to 18 That's what we call One Two Shit Yeah I drew a four once On a board When I was scheming up

Four three defense I these are coaching changes and I need everyone to know something that they're coming from somewhere they're all coming from somewhere I need to know that really history is best understood you know it would be best understood looking forward but we only have the option to look back and sometimes it takes a while to realize when we've passed something of great import I think in this case it's taken us five years like when you pass the rest stop and you stays 300 miles to next rest stop. Exactly. Exactly. You're like, ah! Or, you know, hey, the next Buckees isn't for like 220 miles. What am I going to do about my needs for corn syrup installed in a bunch of different

I need to poop and I need jerky. I need them bad. It's the poop jerky cycle. I consume and then I poop and then I need to consume more so that I can go back to the place where I poop that I buy the jerky at. Oh, Buckees. so clever the the the the point that i'm saying that we passed was in 2019 okay because you're gonna talk about indiana are you god damn right we are everything comes back great of the championships baby all right go ahead um it's about bama how are we not supposed to talk about bama no it's one i just i just i just i just i just wanted i i'm glad i knew where this was going okay that yeah to bloomington that there are certain moments in history where

there's a collection of talent in one place that later becomes so influential and so important. And so just creates an impact well beyond anything you could have anticipated. And really, I think we should have because in 2019, Indiana won eight games, which on the curve of anyone else's football team on a level slightly above Indiana's historically, that's like winning 14 games. 14 yeah like that's like any other team winning a national title indiana probably i think should go back and retroactively claim a national title for eight games in 2019 yeah we support that yeah the motion is passed uh Alabama in addition to hiring caylin devour from the university of washington who

coming off an undefeated regular season in a pack 12 championship and the only loss coming in the playoff championship game now the new head coach at alabama has hired whom whom that's right kane womack kane walmock i'm gonna go womick that's that's a program category coach program this is a program class destroyer yes a program class destroyer kane walmick from south alabama has been hired as defensive coordinator i might have to take back everything i said about kailin de bourne not being a cultural fit because he definitely understands where he's at He looked around and he goes, who were these WWE yokels going to buy?

And they were like a man named Kane. The demon Kane is here. I also like, Kane Walmack also works as a NASCAR name if you need it to. It kind of, it fits the Venn diagram neatly. Here we have a coach who I think Caleb by heritage is a group of guys coach, right?

He has spent some time on the West Coast. where he became what do they say out there like tighten it family or whatever right like they have their own version of it and now he is here in program territory

and he looked around and he hired the the programist coach that he could I love these I love these coach bokeemones that were constructing yeah if you don't know

Kane Wong I think West Coast Pacific Northwest feels like a found family to me kind of thing yeah the Goonies or whatever I'm just going to give you

Kane's entire program as NFL expert Stephen Godfrey is fond of saying football coach-ass football coach right coach ass football coach I mean they got that from us but okay sure but I'm going to give you this how program is he okay we could do this how program is he how coach as coach is he I'm telling you one first of all the name Kane Womack all right not Womack I'm going to call him Kane Womack Kane Womack uh Cain Womack first of all spelled with Walt Mack spelled Kamex spelled Cate A-A-N-E just like the monster man

whose family died in the funeral home he accidentally burned down okay So one That's yeah That's that's canon He's the first of all that

Two he was the coach at South Alabama He's so fucking Alabama That North Alabama it was like No no fuck that Too close to Tennessee Might be tainted I'm gonna

go for the purest strain of Alabama. That's the South Alabama one. That's where all the Alabama drains down and you only get the most concentrated Alabama in the south, in the drainage portion. He's from redundant Alabama. He is. He is from the hairy buffalo

drink drain part like when you pour, make a drink out of everything that sits in the mats at the bar. He's at the most concentrated powerful part of Alabama. Yes. So two, his major point couldn't even coached

Alabama. He had to go to South Alabama first and now in order to expose them to the mainstream, they got to pipe him in through regular Alabama, through Alabama heavy, right? Three, all of the following places are on his resume. Are you ready? One, started. U.T. Martin. No, back up.

Back up. Oh, I'm sorry. Playing career. Give me his playing career. We'll give you the playing career. That's correct. First of all, he went in high school. I'm going to back all the way up, okay? All right. He went to high school. in Arkansas of all places he went to high school in Fayetteville

not Fayetteville went to high school in Fayetteville all right he played at Arkansas for who? Who was the coach at the time this is part of the lore I love Arkansas because no matter of the answer

it's funny yes I believe he played for Hausden Nut that's correct yes Houston thank you for New York citifying Haust and Dalai nut Yeah The Arkansas

Connections don't end though He got to start As a GA for Jack Crow The only man ever fired The day after he lost To the Citadel That's right

And where was that An Alabama-as-school Jacksonville State That's right He coached it Pre-FBS Jacksonville State All right He also

As a player He also transferred to Southern Miss Just a guess My resume ain't Southern enough. Hold on. I need to go to a school where it's in the moniker. Southern Miss. So he went to Southern Miss as well.

He coached at Ole Miss, okay? How burly a football coach is Kane Wilmock? That's right. He coached a defensive back called the Husky. He coached the fattest fast guy. That was his job in a defensive scheme. Then we'll ignore Eastern Illinois. That's the Alabama of Illinois.

We'll call it that. Then South Alabama, then arriving in 2018 through 2020 at what we're calling the birthplace, the crucible of coaches, Indiana University. Cradle of championships. Just a little victory baby there. He helped nurse that. Gross. Gross. So I'm just saying we're going to look.

Oh, there's more championships on that staff, though, by the way. Mike Hart is also on that staff. That's right. I would also say Bloomington as southern Indiana. That's also Alabama. I'll accept this. Yeah, I would, I would. It kind of shaped the same.

That's true. I would also buy anybody from Southern Indiana as effectively being from Alabama because if you've been to Southern Indiana, brother. That's Kentucky. Like, I don't know if Bloomington identifies as South Indiana, but it looks at the Southern, if it's not in the Southern, Indiana, it's on the border of

Southern Indiana. So I'm going to count it for the sake of our resume here. Yeah. Let's go ahead and count it. So just in case you're wondering whether Kail and DeBoer was going to come in with all these strange northwestern ways. Affoluting. Yeah.

Whether he was going to be like, hold on, I can't get to the meeting. I need a latte. No. You need to send a message down the hall. Put it in a fish's mouth and throw it. No. He's not doing any of that.

You can bet your ass he'll be eating little Debbie's. That's right. No question. Not like that man in Twitter was insinuating. But maybe. I think he was insinuating

Lane Kiff and ate a lot of Debbie's, if you know what I mean. For the program. Yeah. Come to the sip. The sip. what coach the man name is dog juice what am i supposed to do with this information tall drink of water called your wife that's right we're gonna get some emails gotta get some

emails that's all right i like to by the way that the guys like we've forgotten emails no because we send them all 38 godfrey i was gonna say jason and i check we get emails we get emails that are like responses to disasters episodes from a like four years ago. Yeah. Like, hey, you all just thought of a good one. We should collect all those at some point.

And do like a remnants. The odds and ends. The most out of time one. I have gotten a response to a column from like seven years prior. That's the best. It's when somebody's like, I just read this and I got thoughts. You're like,

I don't remember writing this. Yeah. It's like being old-timey. It's like that's how arguments worked in the middle ages and shit. Where it's like, I just heard what you said. said six years ago, about eight. When we have like the correspondence from like two older, you know, two older figures.

Yes, two like hated science rivals or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we have the sense that like all they did all day long was write letters to each other. But it's also like, well, no, we have all their correspondence. So like we have the entire record of their communications with the outside world. And it was like one feud and one forbidden affair. And that's it. But there was nothing going on.

on. So you really had to focus on the feud of the forbidden affair. They didn't have TikTok. They didn't have PlayStation. They didn't have shit. Imagine though the calculus the calculus back then when you're like somebody's like hey man like it is the song who says we're whack

has pretty much been important through most of human history right? Because inevitably somebody inevitably somebody in the course of history was approached and somebody said hey over there in Mesopotamia they said you were whack. And thus began

the inquiry, who's Edward whack? Right? The Lonely Island had it right. But before you responded, before you received a letter, right? Which, an important element of telling someone they were whack back in the day was sending them. Put, you had to put it, you had to write a letter and be like

and you had to be nice in the beginning of it. That was the fucked up thing. I had to make your own paper. Dear sir. Dear sir, I hope this letter finds you and your family well. However, I think you're a piece of shit I have established that you

should eat this shit respectfully respectfully I have enumerated your brother with Christ if you are dead please do not read this I had a really good time hop over the weekend actually I protested

the appearance of Tony Dungey on my television which I do every time he shows up he gone and it turns out that, like, I'm sure Tony Dungey would prefer to do. All of his bots go to bed at 8 p.m. Yeah. Because I woke up the next morning and I had all these responses from like 445.

And one of them took up with something I had done at Sports Illustrated, a job I left in 2013 to go to ESPN. Hell yeah. It started in 2011. So I'm like, buddy, I'm flattered you. I'm not even sure my name is still on that website anywhere. It's such a fucking disaster. I use the way back machine to get mad at you. Congratulations to you for finding anything anyone wrote 10 years ago on that website,

which has been through God knows how many upheaval since then. Yeah, like, I'm pretty sure a few years ago, I tried to find a post that you wrote at SI, and I literally couldn't. So I don't even know how. I don't think they're on it. How they're stumbling on stuff. I have one more regret about the Alabama coaching search wrapping up. And that is that I needed one more coach to do the social media brag about,

we're staying here we're not leaving and I needed it to be a real reach like I needed Dave Doran to be like really Billy Napier something at NC State I don't care who's interested me for any kind of job I don't know what every Steve Smith I'm going nowhere this is like Ryan Day just attacks another senior citizen via yes sure yes yeah like I really me Bill Parcells like everybody who did it was sort of like within the realm of possibility and I just needed, like, I needed PJ Fleck to be like, we're not, we're going down with the goddamn ship.

I'm not taking the Alabama job or the Cowboys job if it opens. You heard it here first. But once that Eagles job. That's fine. Fuck it. Let's talk, son. Or if somebody had come out and been like, I'm iffy. Yeah, that's hard by every year.

I'm Dave Doran and it'd be irresponsible not to have this phone call. Yeah. You know, I got to look out for me. Hey, fuck Diane. Just Ryan Day coming out and being like, is this working? Are you still into me? Am I still into you?

Come on. That is the weirdest vibe situation in terms of like quality of coaching versus reception of coaching. Yeah. I still don't. I recognize that I'm trying to parse what these people are like. And that that's a futile, a futile effort. But Ohio State fans call it.

call into the call into the full cast voicemail tell us like emotionally spiritually where you're at on the axis because it's it's hard to tell through all all the screaming mark stoop's live streaming most of it is coming from your coach mark stoop's live streaming from his hot tub with like you know eight women surrounded by age appropriate blondes age appropriate blondes all cuddling up to him and he's like brother do you think i'm going anywhere cats baby You know, if he did that, if he live streamed that, it would be the most supportive shit. They'd be like, hell yeah, coach. Get it. The heel. The heel is the key part. He'll yeah.

Hell, yeah. There's two wives, Matt Hill. Hey, my aunt's single. You want me to send her over? She's nice. You seem nice. She's lonely. I'd be cool with Mark Stoop dating my mom.

Yeah. If she wanted it. I'm Mark Stubbs, and I'm collecting every Suzanne in the state. Kentucky in the commonwealth Send them on down All of them Susan and Army are here to run

wild all over you too Where's the Sisycats? That's the marks do's promise Here we go Eight win Beat shit out of Louisville All right And then in addition to all of that

I am going to date Only the most age-appropriate Wholesome women of Kentucky All of them will have a delightful time And I will parade myself Around the campus In an outrageously Inappropriate sports car

They've purchased with yo or money. If you're a Kentucky, Suzanne, meet me at Texas Roadhouse. Demers on me. I like that. They got them roles. You know the rolls. Age appropriate and Suzanne. It's like, yeah, you already said they're Suzanne.

They are within the appropriate age bracket. So yes, I just wish we had had a few more coaches just come out and like really dispel that they were taking the Alabama job. That's all. What if they all did? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Jim Harbaugh should have done that, been like, I am not taking the Alabama job.

I do. Who did that? Who did that? Was it Lincoln Riley? Who said, like, no, I'm not taking the LSU job. Lincoln Riley said he wasn't taking the LSU job. That is exactly what happened. Yes.

Yeah. I am, it was very emphatic about it. And now everything's going great. Yeah, obviously, that was a really great coup for all of those programs involved. Everybody involved. Everybody involved is having a great time. I do, do you think Kail and DeBore asked. what happened who are you picking if i say no because i would want to know at that point i would love to know

who's next yeah because because of the people who were listed by the time we got down to like the final three on the list it was caleb in no particular order calend bore mike norvel who was one of the people who came out and said yes and yes tommy reese was the third name there was no other name being floated at that point there are other people you can come up with can i like pause it something interesting Yeah, yeah. And this was mostly from talking to our co-host, Brian Floyd over the weekend, who if you will let me get a word in edgewise here. Looking at the next couple years, you know, this was Washington's like all or nothing year, right?

And roster-wise, they're looking at a lot of rebuilding over the next couple of years. And the discussion that we had last week about this being a who wants to buy a boat job. and how I thought Tommy Reese should just be the guy because they're just going to fire whoever the next guy is in three years anyway. I think there's a safe argument to be made that Kaylon DeBoer is kind of taking a little bit more advanced version

of the Who Wants to Buy a Boat Job? Because what was the path we laid out for Tommy last week, right? Take this job, do it for three years, get fired, go to the NFL. And Kalin can do that and make more money to start. He starts at a higher floor. Yeah. I still think this is, I love the guy,

as a coach. It is not because it is not anything about him that makes me say this is a three year job. Like I think anybody would be lucky to last three years in this job because, well, you've seen what the hives like down there.

It's boiling and it's going to stay kicked for a minute. I also, he can buy a bigger boat. I have no idea. The problem with like the whole three year job for me is like, I have no idea what the expectations are at this point. Here's, this is a non-ritorical question. Do they?

I suspect Alabama's athletic department has some sense. I don't know if they're accurate, like, in terms of, like, what the boosters and the fans want. But, like, given everything that has changed in the last two to three years about the sport and about the conference, like, I don't know if you, if you go nine and three is that successful. Successor failure at Alabama. I honestly don't know the answer. Failure. Okay. Okay.

If you go nine and three in year one, is that failure. Failure. Yeah. I mean, that's failure in year one. I'm sorry, but yeah. It's not fireable, but yeah. Yeah, right. That's strike one.

I don't know if you get three strikes, though. Okay. I mean, it's funny because like, like with schedule changing, you know, Oklahoma at Oklahoma is coming on to replace a Mississippi school basically, right? So like, wow, that sucks. you got Georgia from the east. You're going to Wisconsin. You'll probably beat him, but, you know, that'll be a real hassle.

So, like, I mean, the schedule next year kind of sucks. You're going to LSU and to Tennessee. But you only got to be like 11th to make the playoff. So. But even how long until Alabama, how long until Bama fires a coach after they make the playoff? This is what I'm really excited to see because there's going to be, there's going to be programs who are perennially within, I mean, if you take it by numbers, Georgia, like, go back and look at where those Mark Rick teams finished.

How close were Mark Rick's last five Georgia teams to being in the top 12? I suspect almost all of them. I mean, I'll go look here. Yeah, let's go look for fun. Okay. So not including the year he got, not in the clear, he got fired. Their final finish in the AP rankings were nine, unranked, 5, 19, unranked, unranked, 13, 2, 23, 10, 7. So, like, kind of all over the plate. There is a mix here. If you put a, there is on there.

And I wonder if you, I think we might have to pull a median maybe for that to. Maybe, yeah. There's only, there's only one year in, in the Mark Drick reign where they don't hit an AP high point that would put them comfortably within. striking distance of a 12-team playoff. Is that the Independence Bull Year? It's the Liberty Bowl year. Yeah, yeah. So, like, if you give Mark Rick the expanded playoff,

he might have another title shot or two. Like, 2012, for instance, I think we all know Georgia deserved another crack at Bama, and that should have been the title game. Just for instance, you know, if you give Mark Rick that for his entire career, he probably gets a title shot in, what was it, 05, 02, maybe 07. So, like, the appearances alone is that enough to preserve him, which I think is the thing

that relates most to DeBore at Alabama. Like, is making the playoff almost always enough to keep you around as Alabama's coach? No. Or are we, yeah, are we? Because I'm not sure how much it would have changed the math for Rick to just make the playoff. Well, and sort of. Are we NFL-ify? We're NFLifying enough of the game.

Are we NFLifying in this way also? The other, the thing you're also. pulling at there is that, and this was true of Mark Crick as well, for so long, winning a conference title has been important, has remained important in the playoff era because the pathway to making the playoff without winning a conference title is incredibly narrow. Like, it has, it has been done. Alabama is a team that has done it without even playing in a conference title game. But, but broadly speaking, if you wanted to make the playoff, you really had to win the conference. Like, you were, you were putting a lot of hope into

other shit going right for you that was out of your control. I am curious now in the expanded playoff and the super conference era, if, like, if there are teams that, if that stops mattering as much as long as you still make the playoff, like, does, do, do, will people care as much about winning a conference title if it's like, well, there's still, there's still an easy spot in. And maybe there's an easy spot in, maybe there's a spot in where you also get an extra week of rest. Big 12 just talking about the

corner. What do people want from us? I mean, I think the easiest comp at this point is now going forward, FCS, where like, yeah, conference titles matter, but the instant you win when you're talking about what does this do for a playoff seating. Right.

Yeah. Right. So the, and I will say to Alabama's a bit more attuned to the value and virtue of a national title than some fan basis. Maybe more eager to claim it, maybe more historically willing to aim not only that high, but to consider it something worth achieving. And I'm just comparing that to something like Michigan

where they're a little happier with conference title and then let's see how the ball game goes. You know, not saying it's not as... Is that right? Not as important. Are they complacent? Are you calling them complacent? Not anymore.

No, no, no. Now they're in for a special kind of hell. Now you're down here with the rest of it. Yeah. But can we review what happens when you win 10 games in Alabama and what that means? Godless. Because a lot of coaches who aren't Nick Saban have done it. That's when you get a brick in your window.

Oh, so that always comes back to the God Bill Curry. So for those of you who are veteran Alabamaologists, welcome, we're going to go over some material. You already know by heart. However, for those. You can yell at us through your car or your podcasting. advice about the shit we're getting wrong and that's cool that's great that's great it's summer major league baseball is in full swing and there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on major league baseball games and that's game time dot co that's right game time dot c oh i'm looking at

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Bear Bryant on one side, Nick Saban on the other. And then in between, you have. can't melt Kevin Steel. Sorry, it just had to say that. In between, you do in fact have the Twin Towers.

Yeah. In between. Jet fuel can't melt giant eagles. In between, you have the Gooch of Alabama football. I mean,

almost exactly the midpoint between their retirement. Why did the Pentagon just send the Eagles to lower Manhattan? It does make you think. So this is the successor to Bear Bryant, Ray Perkins,

Ray Perkins and his final year, I'm just going to even, listen, I'm going to ignore everything to happen, before that we're just going to go to the last year okay to orient those of us outside the conference can you throw some years in here as well yeah sure 83 83 is ray perkins first year and it's middling it goes back and forth he goes how old were you uh i was uh 22

i'm pulled together real well right you look great you look fucking great you look awesome that's okay that's testament to the glue a lot of water and a lot of glue that's right a lot of water a lot of glue you got to keep the compound moist the power of prescription amphetamines. All three of these things have got me to this point. If you walk up to Spencer and you hit him with a Minecraft hammer enough, water and glue will be the elements that you obtain. You receive water, glue, and espresso.

He's basically an Italian horse. In so many ways, not the least of which is temperament. Including the part where all winds that I achieve on the track, probably undone by testing afterwards. Right. Just vacate. Please go ahead and regale us with the story of Ray Perkins. Speaking of vacated wins, Alabama football.

So Ray Perkins has a tumultuous tenure there. He gets four years. Not in the order that you think in terms of wins. He wins 8, 5, 9, and 10. 10 coming in the last year when you think, oh, turning things around. Got a bowl game win, you know, tied for second in the conference. And also, this is the 80s.

They weren't that insane yet. And still. I think the real. Still a little spoiled, right? Still coming off of that. I think you have to get to like this. And I'm, I was much,

much younger than you. So I'm going off from memories of radio. But I think you have to get to like 92 before they really start filing their own teeth to points in the stands. Yes. 10. There are 10 and 3 in Ray Perkins final year in 1986. Final, not because they fired him, but because he took another job,

he just left. He decided he'd rather go coach. He decided he would rather go coach the dark age Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That's Bucco Bruce Buccaneers with the the cremcicle orange and white helmets that died in Green Bay twice a year. That is who he decided was a better option than coaching Alabama. This leads to his successor, Bill Curry, Bill Curry, aka the nicest man in the world. Not like when we say Bill Hancock's the nicest man in the world. No.

But the actual nicest man. The actual nicest man in the world, Bill Curry. Bill Curry makes Mark Rick look like a stevedore. He's there for three. A good guy with good opinions. Yes. The rarest of birds. Yes.

The guy who, the guy during the Black Lives Matter protest, you said, no, we haven't done enough and I've failed and my generation failed. A guy who is as thoughtful and considerate and considering a person as you will get in this sport. He goes 10 and 2. in his third year, his last at Alabama, they're tied for first, okay? They're six and one in the conference. We're going to follow a pattern here.

He leaves. He goes and he takes... What happens before that? Before that, he receives a brick through the window of his office. At which point, his record is what? I believe that is... I believe at that point they had lost one game and then that was their second loss.

No, no, no, it was one loss. It was the one loss. I believe it was after the Auburn game. game tisk fucking tisk yes i will i will get that straight but they they won the cc that year right i'm sorry 88 88 is when he gets the brick through yes they were tied for first in the cc so they were tied so tad yeah whoa whoa whoa there's only room for one tied no this is when they were stunt this is when they were upset by old miss in 1988 when bill curry receives the brick to the window it's not auburn related and is an 88 which is the second year not as

final year, the third year, where at 10 and 2, Bill Curry decides, I'm going to take another job after winning 10 games. So the second coach in a row to win 10 games and then quit. Just leave and go take which job he pulls a reverse bear Bryant. He took the Kentucky job. So again, where is Alabama losing coaches to? The Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the lowest of their historical Lowes and Kentucky football, which again, pre-rich Brooks and pre-Marx Stoops, yeah, is like signing up

to get hit in the face every single day for the rest of your life. That's where Bill Curry decided. Very many Suzanne's back then. Yeah. Again, not Bill Curry's department, not his area of it. Tampa did, though. Tampa was crawling with Suzanne.

The Susans were freshly hatched. It's part of the Suzanne belt. Yeah. So then we keep going, okay? You get a guy, Gene Stallings who comes up next. And the Stallings era is kind of, kind of odd because there's a lot. Another nice man. Another, another nice man.

Another salt of the earth gentleman. Another guy who, I think. Go look up the Tuscalo. Gene Stall is still with us, by the way. Go look up what he got up to you in the aftermath of the Tuscaloosa tornadoes. It is one of the better stories associated with the program. Yeah, a respite, a guy who makes it seven years in Tuscaloosa wins a a shit ton of car dealerships.

Wins a championship, manages to achieve all of this without a whiff of scandal or impropriety. Don't fact check me on that at all because I'll be wrong. I'm focusing on the positive. Yes. Paul Feinbaum makes his bones

during the Gene Stalling's era, which is how you know it was totally clean and without scandal. He wins in his last year, he wins 10 games and then retires. Have you ever read the, have you ever read the quote from Wenji? Staling's retired.

This is an AL.com story from 2018, but I was looking for this quote. We were not on the same page and that's why I retired, said Stallings. I wasn't necessarily ready to quit coaching. I just wasn't going to coach under those conditions. Third in a row.

Third in a row, basically, that we can say, when they left, they were like, enough. I'm done. We have always lived in the, castle only one guy was like all stay on and it was the guy they absolutely did not want to stay that would be mike dubose who had two losing seasons i'm sorry he went 500 we'll count that as a

losing season in alabama three out of four seasons were either at 500 or losing even he managed to win 10 games he's just straight up fired so he's an aberration from the pattern here but in a way that i think compliments our overall point and then finally we get to i think Alabama's forgotten man not by us not at all there's two we have two left uh we have mike schula who is uh mike schula i'm not going i'm not going in chronological order here dennis franchone comes next dennis franchone what happened there uh dennis franchoni leaves to go where surely surely to another uh to an NFL gig uh yeah so to speak a team with professional values and that they have their own standing army uh dennis franchone last exactly two years at Alabama, two. He wins. Tell me if you've heard this before,

ten games in his final year before deciding to take the Texas A&M job. I know historically that this is made even funnier by Dennis Franchoni considering leaving Alabama for the Kansas job at the time. So not only was he just wanting out, he was so wanting out that he would consider, who's considering the Kansas job. And then finally we have Mike Shula who kind of gets some goodwill after winning 10 games he goes 6 and 6 and it's just kind of

it ain't working. And that's what leads us to Sabin. So to review one guy fired for being just a big old dummy. Okay, Mike DuBose, just a big old dumb boy. You know, it was kind of one of those like, God love him, but he's big old dumb boy situations. And then Mike Shula

fired for just kind of being mid. And then Everyone else talking about winning 10 games in your last year and leaving. So if you're going to get on my ass about being like, oh, nine and three isn't failure at Alabama, you can win 10 games. Look up and go, I'm gone. There is one through line we are leaving out here, which is a lot of these coaches. I'm willing to be out like Bryce too. Well, yeah, there's that. Mike Price didn't have a chance when 10 games.

Legally, I'm not. He had a chance. I think you mean Mike Price who's never done anything wrong and who if his attorneys are listening to this podcast. Let me just say, well done. Great career, sir. We already have out earlier that we don't know anything that Sports Illustrated has ever published. Nope.

Shula, Franchoni, Stallings. There's probably a couple others that I'm forgetting. A lot of these are coupled with, uh-oh, the NCAA is knocking. The NCAA is very unhappy with Alabama and is coming with scholarship restrictions and probation and this, that, the other. And like, for all

for all of its, for all the, like, groaning and insistence that something must be happening at Alabama, that cheating must be happening at a level heretofore, never before seen. There isn't that at the moment. Alabama is not, like, currently under the NCAA microscope. And I'm, that's the part I'm curious. Like, are we going? I don't know if we're going back to that in part because, like, the NCAA is not what it was. in the 80s and 90s.

There could be that, but like, I just, yeah, I, I, I think that sort of like impetus doesn't exist anymore for someone to be like, shit, I won 10 games and everyone's pissed and the NCAA is about to take 20 scholarships away from me. And I would argue that even if that isn't the case, even if they do turn their astigmatism saron gaze towards Tuscaloosa, that it might almost be immaterial. here's here's we say this a lot we say this a lot you know the the the the banners fly forever vacated ones don't matter bama has had vacated wins hit fairly recently can you remember when they were off the top of your head can you remember how long ago that was off the top of your

head i know nick had some vacated wins his first season that were connected to the textbook thing that predated him is that is that it i remember the textbook thing no nobody does yeah right it's Bama and it's Bama and the layperson I would be astonished if there were if there were half the people in a given focus group even of this audience who could name uh who could name Bama's most recent vacated ones which were not that long ago which is which is especially wild considering this was a school that pre Nick Sabin was constantly on the list for like this is this is who the NCAA is going to hammer next well part of the death penalty. was not their fault. No, it wasn't necessarily. And again, like, this is, this is, you know, when the NCAA was viewed in a much different public and congressional light. And, but like, that was the reputation for years was that this is the school that's going to get, that's going to fuck around too bad and get the hammer. Well, like, this is why I, and I don't mean to swat that down, but this is just like, even if that does happen, I'm not sure it's going to have any lasting impact on them.

Because even the NCAA of 10 years ago, the punishments they handed down are forgotten, are completely forgotten to have zero impact to this day. So bear dropped some bags, but mostly got away with things. His successors, whether they did or did not, they did not get away with things. Sabin, you know, there's rumors and hearsay and everybody knows a little bit of, stuff, but what we can say is Sabin's Alabama didn't get caught very often. Let's say that.

I think you mean they were in compliance. There were some ongoing investigations. Yeah, so Bear being really, really good at quote-unquote compliance, his success was being awful at it. Sabin being really, really good at quote-unquote compliance. Now, let's see if, let's see which of those trends holds, I guess, because the standard is the standard. And to meet the standard while following all the rules, that's hard. So something's got to give there. To me, I agree that the interesting

thing, what the expectations are in Alabama is an interesting thing. I am more interested about what does this do for everybody else? Because we have existed in a world for 15 years where if you were at SEC West School or, you know, an SECE school that happened to draw them, and you lost to Alabama. Or at a C.E. School that had to play them every goddamn year. Yes. Yes. It sucked, but you could wrap your brain around it. Like, I don't think, with one exception, and even that, I can sort of argue that it wasn't really just about that, that there was anybody who lost a job because you couldn't beat Nick Sabin.

Like, that was part of it, but it was all, like, even Gus. Gus is the one like where it was sort of like that started to fall apart. But it's like, it wasn't just that you were losing to Nick Save and it's that you were losing to Arkansas. And you were losing to LSU and, you know, you like, it's, it's a symptom. But now, now the meaning of an Alabama loss is completely flipped on its head. Whether it should or not, like the first team that loses, the first SEC team that loses to Kalin, a bore and I'll just well let's put it up sure like instead of instead of that being uh okay it's Georgia I'm not saying all right let's if if George all right if that happens and I'm not saying it's

going to but if Georgia goes to Ryan nanny calls for Georgia victory over Alabama if Georgia goes if Georgia goes Tuscaloosa yeah I'm not saying you're right or wrong They're coming. Oh, no, they got to buy it. Never mind. If Georgia goes to Tuscaloosa next year and loses, that's like catastrophic in a way that it would just be, lowercase, be bad right now. If Bama goes to Tennessee next year on October 19th and beats Tennessee, that's like a problem. The same thing with the LSU game, the same thing with the Oklahoma game, obviously the Iron Bowl. Even like Missou, Missou plays Alabama, October 26th next year.

that now becomes like it starts to take on the feel of like this becomes a like prove it or don't game for Missouri but only for a certain echelon of the conference right South Carolina has been on the schedule next year South Carolina has much bigger problems does this does this add a does this add a straw to to the camel that is Sean or Shane Beamer's hot Jesus Christ you know where I'm going with this I mean that game is late enough for them that like they will already have played Kentucky LSU and Old Miss so like I feel like I can't feel anything it's all numb below the nose

do you know what's great though about that phenomenon though Ryan and I agree with you that it is a phenomenon either way this makes for a completely hilarious Iron Bowl it feels like it's two things at once one being you lose to Bama going forward you're not losing to Bama you're losing to a team who's yeah there is talented as Ohio State or U.S. see or any number of other teams you're losing you're losing to like slightly glorified lSU or something like they're there they're wow it's it's that and it's also dog you missed

your fucking shot because there's still bama yes right you miss the chance to say we want bama and get it and yeah yeah also also that's on top their schedule next year that's on top that's on top that's on top of the extremely funny remainder effect that allbern only hired their guy because he had beaten Nick Saban twice and then Nick Saban in the pettiest move imaginable on the board I'm not saying it was motivated by that at all but in terms of absolute petty

value you can't top oh that was a pretty neat hire you made bye cool I'm going to beat you in the most Auburn way possible and then retire strike me down so is more powerful as a ghost Bama should have hired someone who can beat

Hugh Freeze aka Jerry Kill now Auburn has to hire someone who can beat Kalyn DeBore, aka Jim Harbaugh. So, wow. Wow. Yeah. This is all to say that at the end of things, after we've considered the entire arc of

Alabama history, what makes anyone think that Nine Wins, which was intolerable to all of the people that we just listed and InSufficient, yes, insufficient for their standards,

what makes you think that after a legendary run won so long that the last time Alabama did not have double digit wins came in 2007 when they rolled out the fucking iPhone what makes you think that nine wins is going to be more tolerable now

you're not wrong because Alabama's string of success is tied to government supported 5G yes if but you know what Gamma fans already knew that they already knew that that was Auburn fans already knew that they're like it's part of the conspiracy oh my god where Tim Cook got to school that's right see

For Bama to go to go 10 and two are better next year, they will have to beat at least two. They'll have to at least split these games, Georgia, at Tennessee, at Teles, at LSU, and at Oklahoma. And that's a tall, that's a tall order. You throw Auburn in there. You can throw Auburn in there. Like, I'm still not sold on what Auburn's going to be next year. No, but it almost doesn't matter. Weird shit happens.

Yeah, okay. That's fair. So, yeah. And it's, and it's, it's that in addition to it's a year two, Auburn versus a year one Bama. Sure. Yeah. Sure. So whatever year one means.

And that is, you know, a Georgia team that has, uh, all of Sabin's best players to hear, uh, to hear crimson. The other, the other thing that's going to happen before this is there are two games on this list, maybe three if you count the Western Kentucky opener, but there's two games on this list that I suspect Alabama fans are going to want to say. we want these to be 60 to 3 drubbings. We want this, we want you to come out showing that the machine is absolutely in full destructor mode. The first is the USF game at home on September 7th. Their get right game against South Florida, which is a beautiful thing to contemplate. Yes, a revenge game, even though they won the last one.

No, that's a very particular Bama thing. There's only a few schools that can pull off this particular kind of get right. And the second one is week three at Wisconsin, because if they, if they, Wisconsin wasn't good enough this year that if Bama goes and wins a close game, forget if they, if they lose like the fire alarms will be fully engaged. But if they like fuck around and win a 10 point game against a Wisconsin game, a Wisconsin team that mostly looked average all year in 2023. I think I think the panic will start to set in pretty aggressively. I think panic is year two. You're one that would be like, did you not hear the stuff I read at the top of the time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think, you know, you're totally right. Although, I guess that isn't panic so much as seething. What if they go eight and four? Are they panicking the fifth? I don't think that's, I don't think, this is the thing. I don't think fear ever enters into that with them. It's all, there is no, yeah.

yeah it is all it is all rage based like they can they can have rage sadness and and rage happiness and rage on you either i don't think i will say this for them and it's it's an unusual trait to have but i don't think fear ever enters into it with these people i think we've gotten a point where the cc's conference was we went from having absolute stability and i think everybody had their roles pretty well cast the retirement of say and does change everyone's overall vibe like I think that

one Kaila Dabor starts like gun to his head immediately like under fire doesn't matter you are Alabama's coach and you're not named Nick Sabin or Bear we ought to be used to that coming from a liberal dim enclave like Seattle

that's right that's just getting groceries in Portland brother yeah put on your be Joe's you better be ready to trade bullets I don't know anything about Seattle crimes I'm sorry I didn't mean to do my bud voice there that's not who I was trying to imply is saying this

just a sense but you take you take your life going to the going to the bass pro shops because they definitely have one of those there not to go all do they know it's Christmas but do they have a bass pro shops I don't know. Where is the Bass Pro Shop's belt? I bet they have one. There's a Bass Pro in Tacoma.

Oh, thank God. That makes a lot more sense, yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. They would go to the, yeah, into the REI. That's right. Oh, and you can count, and you can count Cabela's. Cabela's had a lot of the North to you, so you can count the Cabela's belt in there, which was like, you know, Montana and shit.

Yeah, but now everybody, like, now everybody, I think, like, one. I think the only state that doesn't have one might be. Wyoming has said. Wyoming? Wyoming does not have one. That's correct. Okay. East Grand Forks, Minnesota is on the North Dakota border so we can give them one. Wyoming is surrounded by like 12. Wyoming is probably like

no, that's a little too. Yeah, these are the actual pros. Wyoming thinks Cabellas is for tryhards. Yeah. Hawaii doesn't have one either but they got plenty of fish. Wyoming is like, Wyoming's like we already have all that stuff. Damn, Delaware's got a Cabellas.

That's what I'm saying. Alaska has a bass pro shops in England. Oh wait, wait. I think Vermont doesn't have one. Oh, well. Yeah, but they could also be fish professionals up there. They probably have some sort of very detailed ordinance passed in every single city that's like a city, a shop catering to the outdoors must not be larger than 500 square feet. It can only sell one thing at a time.

And the man behind the desk may be named Steve or the woman Nancy. And Steve and Nancy will offer flies like, yeah. Rhode Island also without one. Wyoming. Got some evangelizing to do. Wyoming's still waiting on a third escalator because remember there are only two escalators in the entire state. Is that true? Yeah.

Are they in the state house? I do not know where they are. But yes, there are two escalators in the state of Wyoming. Put what up, Grand Teton. It's tall. I'm tired of walking up there. But this has made everyone. They're both at banks, according to the internet.

Banks? Yeah. okay but this made everything weird especially because the other power like so the cows that have a bank accounts can get up

like you don't want to make stairs climb stairs stairs stairs can't climb stairs the like this like LSU's a mess right now what do you mean LSU is a mess right now

LSU is a mess no one's happy that's they haven't they haven't they haven't tackled anyone since last year We, listen, LSU is in need of, in need of adjustment. But like, when you say LSU is a mess, that is a thing we have seen.

And it is, last year is not that. Hang on. I'm going to offer a counterpoint server. Can you play the elevator music? They're a mess, Ryan. That's what you need to accept here. All right, fine. You've bullied me into it.

but they're just kind of they're kind of not mess positive but it's kind it's in the jeans right yeah mess in my jeans yes yes there's a certain amount of ambient mess that comes that seems to accompany the LSA job no matter that's fair right yeah there are coaches that lean into that and there are coaches that lean way into that this is where we have to rely LSU has resting mess face, yeah. Yes, yes. That's pretty much what I was getting that. This is where we have to rely on the long valley hood and

established stability of programs like Kentucky and Ole Miss, places with reliable, stable situations. Texas is the answer, my friend. Seriously, the only playoff team with a returning head coach.

Texas with expectations. It's going to go great. Am I? I don't know. is anybody wait what time did did harbaugh take a job while we were recording this i feel like no the last thing i have seen is that uh michigan is michigan is very intentionally leaking that they're working on jim harbaugh's contract and per his request like building on all kinds even if the ncdb a is on the worst dude of the world you have to pay the losses what could what could be more diplomatic immunity after this past year what does

either party really have to worry about on that side? I'm kidding. I don't know. All crime is legal for Jim Harbaugh. I'm not too worked up about him interviewing the Chargers. We're fucking all interviewing the Chargers. He has to show lore that everyone

has to take a turn coach into Chargers. Jim's not special. I got a question. I'm on a channel Spurrier for a minute. You ready? Oh, boy. Why ain't Kirby Smart get all these NFL interviews, huh? um well uh-huh hold that thought just hang on to that who all right all right i'm going to name an NFL team that has an open head coaching spot or a possible NFL uh coaching head spot and I want you to give me

your reaction to trying to sell that team's fans on Kirby smart head coach the Las Vegas Raiders. Fuck yes. They've heard of us. This is, this is demographically exactly the kind of man that Vegas seeks to recruit.

No, I agree with Jason. Raiders fans have never heard of Kirby Smart and don't know who that is. I don't know, man. I feel like he would be at home in a strange land there. The Seattle Seahawks. That's a language barrier.

Yeah, he doesn't. That's going to be a Ted lasso situation. With them, with them you do have, oh, he was a great college coach, huh? Just like our past guy who did great. Sure. Yeah, many probably similar similarity.

The Washington Commanders. Wait, I want to go back. I want to go. Okay, I'm sorry. I want to go back to Seattle. There's one thing that's a big obstacle there too, which is Kirby's too old. I know what you're saying. Wasn't Pete Carroll 72? Was he? Didn't look that way. Was he? Right. Look 37 to me.

Follow the science. The Washington commanders. Yes, in that Kirby Smart will look fireable as a professional coach. So that's the main, the main, quantity all Washington coaches need is that they look very fireable and he would look very fireable on those sidelines. He also has like the

silhouette. For Washington, Washington needs a barrel at the helm. Yes. Yeah. The Carolina Panthers. This might actually be a great spot. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I think if

I think if the Panthers announced they were talking to Kirby smart, Panthers fans would be like I thought Kirby was intelligent, dude. Why he looking at our bullshit team. I love, living in North Carolina, I love that the natural reaction for literally everyone now when you just say Carolina Panthers, it's just to laugh.

Just start laughing. Your owner's throwing drinks on people. Like, yeah, great. Dallas Cowboys. Yes, God. Please. In my veins. The curb boys.

My McCarthy is so sleepy. Let's, let's shake it up. little bit. But look, like Kirby took over a program that had historically underachieve that like couldn't get over the mark that kept getting to big games and looked fucking stupid in the process and just, whoops, here's a couple of national titles. No fucking problem. So like Cowboys fans are going to look at this and they're going to say, okay, so he enters every game with the most talented roster and then he actually wins. Oh, yeah, we like that. That sounds like our entire plan if it actually worked. And also, again, there is familiarity with like, yeah, we like hiring a

college national champions uh the eagles are easy it's like yeah we got like 15 of your players here it's not a like you already you already know the roster the atlanta falcons is the one i really want so i will give you first the majority of the fan base immediately riots because arthur blank has it's a liberal damn enclave we've been through this well yeah because it always is just like Seattle. So the fans are furious, most of them, because Arthur Blank has just robbed the more important local professional

football team. I, as a person without those affiliations, would say, whatever. Sure. I'm trying. He wouldn't have to change his visor. Sure. Has to be a piece. He can probably

fucking wear Georgia gear on the side. I don't think anybody would be mad. Listen, that's what I'm saying. Do you remember when do you remember when Jimbo got to A&M and there was that period of several weeks where they could not get him to stop wearing Florida State gear because it was just all he had in his closet? Yep.

I get the feeling that that's going to be that that is one of Kirby's particular skill issues is dressing himself. Yeah. So we, this would be, this would maybe be a bigger, a bigger boon for him than it would for,

that it would for some other candidates. Yeah, but you know what's going to happen in that first draft with Kirby training a first and a second to the to the Rams for for who for Stinson Bennett. Jesus Christ

but to answer your original question the reason why Kirby smart is not getting these NFL interviews is I bet he told his agent yeah Nick Sabin just retired I'm fucking state are you crazy why would I go coach in the NFC South? That's a great point

George did I do that it's probably also like Kirby's thinking that would be bad for recruiting so yeah I'm not going to interview with an NFL job like he he sees every fucking year for the past what three years Harbaugh around fucking signing day is talking to NFL teams Kirby doesn't want any of that also no way Kirby smart didn't hear from Nick constantly about how much he fucking hated those two years with the dolphins about how bullshit it was, about how he wanted he didn't want Dante Cole Pepper

but the fucking ownership overruled him. Y'all? There's been a lot of speculation about Nick's future but one of the things we have seen most speculated upon is Nick wanting to take an NFL

ownership stake. Nick takes a stake in the Falcons and they reunite. reverse Bama mitosis the father working in tandem with the son to resurrect the spirit of Arthur Blank of Arthur Blank may die at any moment the problem the problem is that fits better with the Belichick interview we all may die at any moment we were talking about this okay we were talking about this earlier can you being in the metro area I suppose we have to address this Belichick situation can you even

imagine Bill Belichick outside in this city? He's going to look like that senator in the X-Men who's made of water and just melts and runs off the table. I'm trying to picture him outdoors here. They're never going to open that roof. I don't know. He's cutting parts of his clothes off

to. Yeah. He already likes to ventilate his clothes. He's going to come down here and thinks that he'll be fine if he just puts his linen shirt on it. No, man. He's going to be sticking. He's going to be wearing a garbage bag and booty shorts. I hope he grows a rat tail

I would buy season tickets if he grew a rat tail The man's going to look like Do something interesting with your hair challenge That man's going to look like a grumpy stack of candle remnants It's not like he ever goes outside Other than football stadiums He'll be fine

He's got He's going to live in a cinder block It's a long walk from the parking lot at flowery branch No he's going to live in a cinder block across the parking lot like that's no Bill Belichick's gonna know if Bill Belichick

gets the Falcon Shub he's going to live in Savannah and helicopter in so he can continue because he's a fan of the coastal lifestyle that's right he's a boater he's a boater at heart Savannah Savannah has too much riffraff

he's going to consider O'coni coastal for the purposes of Georgia he'll just hire Gronk as his body man he'll come from Charleston Gron carrying him on his back like Yoda. In his second life, as a gentleman of the gold coast. He'll just have like white linen on.

It'll look like shit. Ten minutes after he puts it on. That is one thing the NFL really has over college football is that the Falcons have to go out and make the announcement. Like, we talk to Bill Belichick about the head coaching job. Like, that's a thing they have to do. It's not just like, we got to put something out on social to keep the teens engaged.

Shout out to our friends on the Falcons staff who are just having an unbroken streak of normal ones at work. Whatever. They don't have to deal with Arthur Smith anymore, and that's like a thing that gets looked over a lot is that sometimes it's just fucking fun to fire a coach you don't want

anymore. Like, even if you don't have a good future plan, even if you don't have a good succession lined up, sometimes it's fun just to pull the rip cord and just be like, no, not you anymore. I like this concept. Can you, can you list off a few of, of the most fun firings? Um, I think this was 100% what Florida was doing with Jim McElwain. Yeah. I don't think things were that far damaged and the, like, I don't think the school, the team was like

that bad at that point. I think it was just, you're a pain in the ass and we don't, we don't want to fucking work with you anymore. They didn't have to go. And I think it was fun. Where was this chronologically in relation to the shark fucking situation post but not too far and also he also they didn't have to go as far as to get like it was it was i think actively malicious to be like so he's like yeah so i've gotten threats against my family and they're like can you substantiate those we need to see those right oh you can't huh like they didn't if it had a bit of coach with more that's a bad school to try that at nobody's more online that's true nobody's more online we have a very large law school full of people who are like we would like to catch you into technicality so as to undermine you mind the validity of anything we've guaranteed you in our contract to go out the fortigators are an emotional speed trap town correct to go back to the ohio state thing holly i think a lot of it is that they're just like we just don't fucking like you we just don't think you're fun or interesting or believe like we we think you're full of shit and therefore if and when they fire ryan day it won't be because they're like well you know we took a look at the state of the brink no it'll

be because like no we're tired of you that's that there's such a I want an industrial psych textbook to be written about the past, like, five years at Ohio State. Like, I'm not, this is not a diss. It is legitimately fascinating to me how just the whole, the whole ball of emotions. We have made it this far into the program, and I'm sorry that we did. We have not discussed the other personnel news surrounding Ohio State, which is that, which is the new athletic director who is potentially being, uh, being vetted for this job. It's not official. I haven't even seen anything that it's close to official. A real black swan. But Ross Bjork is potentially going to be the fucking AD in Columbus.

You see Ross Bjork and you see Ross Bjork's body of work and you're like, yes, more of that. If there's one thing that can stabilize the situation in Columbus and definitely won't make you land at some headlines that you don't want to explain at the dinner table, it's putting Roth, Bjork in the building. Come on down, buddy. Oh, my God. I wonder if that, if they were like that guy's capable of getting a coach who's hard to fire, fired. So. Ross Bjork is, Ross Bjork is the

bug guy. The ax man. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Um, I don't hate this. Yeah. This is, you should know that the Columbus dispatch when listing the things to know about Ross Bjork, one of the bold points listed.

Does it have a zodiac side in there? Ross Bjork was the Mississippi athletic director during the Hugh Freezer. Love it. Love it. right there a person who has made some interesting hires

a person who here's what I'm waiting for I'm gonna skip oh my god he's a fucking Libra of course I'm gonna skip a Libra Cusp no less wow what does that mean

listen it just it's typical it's a whole separate podcast yeah that's a different that's a split zone podcast yeah hit this is penciling this in coaches and whether they fit their astrological science. This will make a great podcast on three weeks on Pablo finds out.

So the thing you need to know about Ross Bjork is this, that if they hire or fire somebody, he's going to come out and talk about how hard or important that decision was. He may not have been there when it was made, but he's definitely going to have that press conference. If

something good happens, he's going to talk about the deliberation and the process involved. Was he there? That's not relevant. He's definitely going to make that statement, though. He's that co-worker. He knows all the guys who raised the money to make the thing happen.

That's correct. That's correct. He brings ice. Was he the decision maker in there? I'm going to teach you an important administrative skill for those of you seeking to strive up the ladder. It was part of a great team. Yeah, part of a great team. You know, like when we were in that building

all together when we were all there. Like, you're bringing in somebody who's four, these are four of his last five stops. Associate Athletic Director at Miami, not during the fun years, by the way. What happened at the end of that? Fine. Five years as a senior associate at UCLA. There's a little gig at Western Kentucky here, which I haven't dug into to figure out if that's, I don't think that's the Patrino years. I don't think that would line out.

It's big red no matter what, though. And then there's Old Miss and Texas A.D. like these is just oh boy okay sure yeah i i've thrown to split zone before on this episode but i'm sure they will have lots to say about he did not and by they i mean stephen here's here's the most important thing to know about ross biork his wikipedia page is two paragraphs long no sections Whoa. No. No.

Nothing. It is... It is four sentences. That's it. Ross Bjork's message control is fucking impeccable on Wikipedia. So that's where all of his effort is going. Okay. It links to...

It links to four... Four external sites. None of which have anything to do with any of the shit that we've talked about at all. That's like... That's legitimately impressive. this man is on top of his Wikipedia shit go look at the edit names and see what's in there okay yeah here I'm just going to slip in effect

Ross Bjork was born on the moon let's see how long that sits up there the boon's not real citation needed Ross Bjork could fundraise for it though if you want to build one Bjork by the way is not responsible for the Jimbo Fisher albatross of a contract he did not do that he is responsible

for the extension of that one. It's responsible for making it worse. So he wasn't like, hey, here's the big boat that's going to bankrupt our family. No, but he did say, let me leave the live well open. Yeah. Why don't we put a new engine in it? Oh, yeah. That's what he did.

This is also leading me to the third piece, I think, of important human resource department news, which is floating in the air. We touched on it earlier, but I did want to go ahead and say, if, can we entertain an if? I want to entertain an if. Wow.

If Harbaugh takes the turn that we all must take in life and bears the cross of coaching the L.A. Chargers for at least two years, because everyone has to coach the Chargers for at least two years if you're a professional or one, if you're an amateur. I did it back in 03. Ryan, your year was, I believe,

oh seven you coached in oh seven yeah i took a little law school sabbatical to go coach you have 12 13 a very young jason kirk did it in 99 2000 um the kid the kid the kid jason the kid you weren't ready for that job but that wasn't your fault i don't blame you no no they listen that that fan base still loves him yeah i think they know what happened it was tough having to drive straight over there after high school yeah but uh bring up but the ring of honor is waiting for all of us is what I'm saying and it may be waiting for Jim Harbaugh if he takes that gig if he goes if he goes and I'm not going to let you take anybody from the current staff because that would be sensible boring and not entertaining for our purposes you have to

pipe in somebody to take the reins on a Michigan football team after the departure of Jim Harbaugh plug away PJ Fleck I'm not sure it wouldn't work neither am I you want to talk about a seamless personality transition I am worried about competitive cults because there's one cult and then there's another

at Michigan yeah yeah no I mean that's I'm saying they have a pre-existing cult PJ would have to weld his into the pre-existing cult of Michigan manhood that's that might be an issue I think you could do it

I don't know if he's that deft, but we can see. There was nothing. There was no such thing. There was no inherent gopher culture to deal with it, Minnesota. It wasn't like, oh, we're sure he's not one of our fellas, you know? I don't know what accent that was. You don't have any.

Yeah. I will take Lance Leopold. I know Lance Leopold didn't take the Washington job. I think he definitely would take the Michigan job. He's obviously take somebody who's already done one of those little videos. Sure.

And, like, has done a lot, did a lot of work at Wisconsin Whitewater. So, like, it's familiar with the area writ large. From there to Buffalo. He's already one of the most great lakes coaches. That's right. So, so that's. In terms of a risk board, this is a, this is a solid move. Yeah.

You know, you said that and I got mad. So it must be a good hire. So it's like, ah, that's like a good one. It'll also be very funny when Lance Leopold is just coaching fucking circles around James Franklin. Oh, James Franklin. What's a list of candidates for coaching jobs? Man, poor James Franklin, this whole fucking, like, major coaching cycle didn't even get like a token extension out of any of this. Like, I'm worried about his long-term stability in bed state when all of talking about a potted plan.

Like with the Washington and the Alabama and the A&M job can all come open and nothing, nothing for James Franklin? Come on. Just wait. For a few weeks. Just to get up some attention to the ball. Playoff appearances on the resume. That's right. Yeah.

Oh, God. Oh, the other fun thing about the playoff that we haven't gotten to, because of the way it's structured with the first four teams getting a buy and the other the other eight teams playing on campus. somebody's going to lose a playoff game at home. And that's really going to piss people off in a way. Like, people are used to losing a conference title or a bowl game. But because it's not at home, it does, like, it can kind of like reduce this thing a little bit. The first time that some, like the seven seed or some shit, blows quote unquote, home field advantage. The literal winner go home game.

It's going to be just absolute misery. Yeah, yeah. So we're looking for like a five or a six seed to lose a playoff game. Notre Dame, you have so much experience in losing playoff games already. This is you. Notre Dame has also been fairly quiet so far in these few days of offseason. What are you plowing up there? Currently the top ranked recruiting class for 2025.

Oh, that's what you've been doing. Okay, never mind. That seems like a good idea. Notre Dame standing on business. All right. yeah just a thought who are you giving the michigan job to spencer boy um if i if i yep that's it that's it we're going he's presided over multiple michigan victories of some import can i can i give you a confusing name that would be very interesting to watch play out

Yes, while I think of my answer, yes. Jamie Chadwell. Ooh. No, he won't make it past. Yeah, it feels like Rich Rod part too. No, but culturally, he won't, he won't get in there. They won't. They're too, they're too, they're too, um, they're too prissy.

I think he can give him an interview, regardless of whether or not that's right. Okay. Like if he, if he didn't get, uh, split zone has done plenty on this. If Chadwell did not get interviews at big Southern programs, if he was to redneck for for big Southern schools, I don't know how he'd go over there. All right. Let me amend it. I'm not saying that's correct. Mike Gundy.

Yes, absolutely. There's another question I have of what would he look like outdoors there? He looked like literal Wolverine. Oh, Jason, who did you give this job? to. I mean, Sharon Moore has already want to know against Ohio State.

Right. Well, yeah, but I'm, for the purposes of my experiment, I'm going to go ahead to take away Jesse Mentor and taking away Sharon Moore.

And Jay Harbaugh. Jay Harbaugh. I can't have it either. And Jay Harbaugh. Sorry. Yeah. The funniest answer is John Harbaugh. If you just went and were like,

hey, if John Harbaugh was like, fuck you, brother, you can't have shit over me. It wins a Super Bowl. And he's like, I'm going to go. win one of yours I'm gonna do better

no no no per Canada the show he has to do it cheerfully yeah yeah I thought I'd take a I thought I'd take a couple gap years I just won two of these that's not hard took you nine years

huh I couldn't have done it without the foundation you laid little guy so if so if Leopold is off the board and then let's let's run through the meme answers of Belichick Sabin or Carol

at Michigan yeah I think oh man Chris Cleman and Clyman I can never remember would be very high

on the list as well to me anyone who wins more than they're supposed to is where my eye is drawn toward it's good answer also

also good traditionalist masculine football what are you gonna what are you gonna do they do yeah it'll be like what's your base play you know

what's your favorite play coach and he's like third one we're run a duo you know oh Yeah, I mean, now is not the time for you to go in as Michigan's new coach. And, I mean, we saw it.

I went with Rich Rod. Now is definitely not the time to do that shit because they've had all of their beliefs validated. You better double down on all of it. You know, Rich Rod's had a hell of a year down at Jack State. They'd be looking to step up. It's time. Maybe something to consider. Yeah.

Someone pointed out he's not currently the longest-tendered FBS head coach in Alabama. In the state of Alabama, that's correct. The dean. And I think Trent Delfare might be second. Just like we drew it up. Yeah. Can I give you, can I hear Trent Dilfer's name in any of these?

Can I give you the dude they should go, like, if they should go get, if I was just like, I'm not even thinking necessarily about fit. Like, do you just want to go? I think about it for eight minutes while we vamp. Do you want to just go beat some ass? Go get Mike Norville. okay I mean no

culturally like culturally no do you want a dude is going to beat some ass Mike Norville is he I will say he has one thing

in common with his predecessor which is a kind of manic sometimes vacant look behind the eyes indicative of somebody who just teleported

into his own body and it's like let's win that's it like Jim Harbaugh sometimes you be like yeah you'd be like

it's 317 PM he's like that's great it's a good time to win like that's Mike Norval kind of has that too okay I have an idea

I have an idea yeah I have an idea and the idea is Kyle winning him oh oh shit huh

oh I hate this for everyone else this is a good idea yeah oh no I understand what you mean now Spencer

I got like really angry when he said that yeah you can't I got like mad on behalf of everyone who would have to play

that team I will tell you Holy shit. If Kyle Whittingham is their coach, even if they lose four games, Michigan fans will be like, yeah, but we lost those four the fucking right way. Right? Be like, what was the game plan in those games? Headbutt, just beat the shit out of them.

Just biking on campus in shorts all year. I tell you, though, that is a package deal. He might start an actual cult. If you hire Kyle Whittingham. This is a compliment. If you hire Kyle Whittingham, it's kind of like hiring Adam Sandler to make a movie. You're hiring 30 other people at once. Okay.

You mean Andy Ludwig? you get all of them nobody leaves that staff nobody go look at that staff and they're like their resumes are like first job utah 10 years assistant 10 years coordinator the only guy who is an import there is and he's been there for like longer than he's been anywhere else nobody leaves utah so if you hire call whittingham that's cool you're going to have to write 30 other checks and they're all going to be this dude right because that's a team you don't hire just one guy well do you want to win or don't you i listen i want a headbutt people i'm gonna hire kyle what he am