Shutdown Fullcast - Pounce On Bad Vibes

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

Holly's Welsh doppelgänger's brother's potential future landlord is having trouble with his emailRestaurant personnel taxonomyHouse fuckery for everybodyMaguire v Sark, excuse for Saban voicesWe found the Stanford Cabela'sBreaking news to SurberThe Atlantic did a bad football post and now we're political consultantsChet Holmgren Join The League Of Shadows ChallengeThe Shutdown Fullcast is on Patreon. This is how we pay our producers, and occasionally ourselves. If you'd like to help with that, give us $4 a month (or a larger, funnier number of your choosing) and we'll give you bonus episodes. As of this recording we have delivered 29 (twenty-nine!!) bonus episodes since launching in August. We think this is a pretty good deal (for you)Now through June 30, 100% of proceeds from PTKU merch sold through the Shutdown Fullstore will be donated to the Transgender Resource Center of New MexicoShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray SurberFullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Trey McClureDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band, Killer Antz

So I get emails for other Holly's Anderson, like, you know, all the time. I was an early Gmail adopter, so like my email address is just my name, right? And my favorite one is I get caught up in there's one Holly Anderson who's a horse doctor in Idaho. And so I get a lot of angry 4-H parents to that for some, like for just various horse-related mishaps. but there's like there's like one girl in australia and there's one girl in the u.k who are signed up for like every shopping email list under the sun and i get shipped for them all the time i just delete it so anyway this is this has been going on i've had this email address for like 22 years right so this is just a normal part of my day and it is usually like wake up delete all these emails right because

it's it's overseas and so this morning i get one and like i don't i don't know why this one caught my eye was it was from a guy with a like an apartment manager in Swansea I think who was saying you're like, hey, you've been listed as the guarantor for this apartment. Can you fill out these forms and get back to him? And I'm like, okay, I don't want to like fuck somebody out of their apartment just because the landlord wrote the email address down, right? So I write back to it. I never do this. I should emphasize. Like if it's if it sounds like something super urgent like I'll get a lot of there's a school system that has me in their email and like Kansas but like you know like if it if it seems urgent I will be like hey you've got the wrong email email yeah so I write back to this dude it's name's Andrew hi Andrew and I'm like hey

got the wrong email address and he's like you know oh sorry keep it moving like five minutes later I get the same email again and it is to my email address without the dot which in Gmail is the same you can put the dot anywhere it doesn't do anything it's just for punctuation. And I wrote back and I was like, hey, sorry, me again. And he was like, oh, I must have typed it twice. And I'm like, okay, this is a boomer or something. And I was like, hey, you know, actually, wherever you put the dot, it doesn't matter.

It's the same address in Gmail. So, you know, you might want to, you might want to check with the tenant, you know. And he wrote back and he was like, just to be clear, you don't have a brother named Josh. I do have a brother named Josh. Oh, boy. Uh-oh. who absolutely would ask me to be a guarantor for him without telling me. This is absolutely something that he would do.

I'm almost positive he doesn't live in Wales. Right. So I'm like, no, I don't actually, I wrote back, I told him, I was like, that is my brother's name. I do not live in the UK. I am sorry about that. I think I said I'm sorry. Oh, wow. And he just wrote back and he was like, ha ha, thanks for being a good sport.

Like, okay. Like 10 minutes go by. This is right before we hopped on. I get another email and it's to the same email address but the H is capitalized now. Oh no. And it's the same and I'm just like I'm, I feel like I should write back again, but also I'm embarrassed for both of us at this point. Does that make sense?

Right. Like I feel like writing back, would it be meaner to write back to him again or just to like ignore it and make him get the sense and make him realize that this is not. Also, at what point do you just hit up the brother and say, hey? yeah Josh things are like I assume you have another way to contact this person here's here so you've done more I like that you said I'm a nice person because you've done more than I would have done at this point already I would not I would not have replied at all I would have been like this is not my problem uh and then the fact that you kept it going um you've been so nice my advice now is to just let this go and it will work out like the fact that this guy has messed it up so many times now he would will he will acknowledge hopefully to the to this nice uh welsh holly anderson that you know um oh i've really stepped in it here let me double check your email address and but i think you're out at this point because i think you're just going to confuse him more he doesn't know what he this is the first

time he's probably done some sort of tenant agreement via email or maybe only like the third time in the last 15 years type deal has a gmail address One thought I had is, and Jason and Spencer, maybe you can weigh in and help me here. If Holly doesn't know this, maybe you do know this, Holly. But like, for most domains in the UK, it's like dot-CO.uk. Does Gmail have a dot-CO.uk? I don't know. Thing, and it's Holly Anderson at gmail.c.o.

I think that's for websites. I think you just. That's just for websites. Okay. Okay. It is weird that Spencer is the one that knows that, but okay. I know that because I had some, some, some UK pros on our

F1 chat. So they were just Gmail. So yeah. All right. Unless they're just like, unless they're so pro Brexit that they're like, no mate. You hit to give me.

Don't print. It's just.com. Yeah. It's just.com. Yeah. This is, this is, maybe it's two ends and he's missing an end.

Or it's like Holly A. Anderson. Or there's like, it's usually, usually when people fuck this up, it's whoever they're trying to reach spells at Holly with an E. Oh yeah. Like it's either an EY or an I. Yeah.

So anyway, I like, I'm surprised at how bad I feel, I guess is what I'm trying to get at. Well, the Welsh never did anything to anybody, right? No, no, I'm like, I genuinely feel this, man, but also I feel like riding back further would embarrass both of us. Yeah. Like, for you, it says you got way too much time in your hands to be able to tend to this situation for him. It's like, hey, it's 2026. You got to figure that. this out. This is email. This is the easy part. Well, I just, I like, I was like, man, it's, it's hard to,

I don't know if it's as hard to find a place right now in the UK as it is here, but like, I feel for you, Josh. Whatever's going on. I mean, Welsh Holly, Welsh Holly should have like four L's to be fair, to differentiate. Yeah, it should be like Holly, Holly, W.D. There should be a, Holwin,

halloo-only, it's pronounced like clung. I'm, I'm just very happy that this. Oh, wait, now I have Welsh friends I wonder if we can get a horse skull. I'm just happy that you have this. We have four skulls at home. I'm just happy that you're getting the great the great British customer service experience. Customer cervix experience. Okay James Bond. That you're getting this experience that's been promising by an entire canon of British comedy shows right where someone attempts to perform a simple task and 22 minutes

minutes later, we've done something absolutely drastic. Oh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. This Holly Anderson. Oh, no. We've signed the estate over to another Holly Anderson. Yeah. Do you know the meanest I've ever felt in my life towards another human being was also a situation like this? I was in the grocery store and it was years ago. And I did that, I still remember this man because if I ever see him again, it's, it's on. Not in a good way. But we, I was there's like a display out in the aisle and I've got a cart and this guy's got a cart

and we're going towards each other and we do the like oh one side oh the other side oh and we do this like three times and I was like ha ha you want to dance and he just gave me this look like I'm like come on man I'm trying to navigate the social compact here I stop smiling at people in the grocery stores because it always it just

never goes well like being nice in the grocery store doesn't get you anywhere I've stopped smiling at people now if someone's in an aisle I can come back to it. Grocery stores ain't that big. I'm not going to interact with anyone because people are super weird in the grocery store for some reason. Yeah.

It was a stern lesson. Maybe this, I think this says as much about me as it does the grocery store experience. I don't find that to be true. So I guess I'm the weird one in the grocery store. Right? Like, I'm the one who's like, hey, how are you doing? And they're like, this loud man barked at me. Like, I don't mind when that happens.

Like if someone else initiates it, but I'm not willing to take the risk at this point, you know? I'm, it's like, I do it with the employees. I'm very friendly to the employees, but like to the other patrons. I just don't pay them attention. But this really nice man at the fresh market a lot of a month ago asked me just everything about myself at the sushi counter. And that was a pleasant experience. But he initiated it. I was not going to do that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's, um, I, I have had. I did tell you about my Chris experience, right, that I get called Chris at the deli counter. Oh, is this the public's lady? Yes, the publics ladies are still calling me Chris, which is nice if they're working. Hey, Chris! You don't look like a Chris.

I don't look like Chris Stapleton, but evidently I do. Oh, is that what that is? Okay. Yeah, no, they're like, hey. Have you played air guitar back at them or anything? No, I haven't offered. Do you tip an imaginary hat? Yeah.

I do tip an imaginary hat actually. Wait, do you really? Oh my God, do you really? Yeah, and they crack up. That's adorable. It's, it's, it's, my ladies. It's one of, it's,

it's one of the best, like, light social relationships I have in life is with the deli ladies at public. Like with the basil guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's great. I go, I go in, they make fun of me, and, and then I get some lunchmeat out of it.

It's great. Working in a grocery store deli was the most fun of any of the shitty jobs that I had. It was just all, the time cutting up with these old ladies they were the best yeah i think that's a good one i think i really enjoyed i really enjoyed being a bus boy because you didn't have to engage with people right but at the same time you got to watch everyone crash out behind the scenes and that was delightful right that's where that's where you learn what cooks are when you go hey what's happened in a cook's life to bring them back here and be a cook and you're like a lot a lot and they're going to make a lot

happen to you if you're a bare knuckle boxer and they called you stinger that's your story you the most normal person the most well-adjusted person in in one of the kitchens i worked in was a guy who had to flee kenya for political reasons that's amazing i worked with a guy the exact same thing his name was Cese was yours his name Cese? No. No. If he's out there. He didn't pay his taxes and they came and got him one time.

That was fucked. But he was back at work in a couple weeks. Political reasons is a good term for that. I'm going to try that one. Is that what this guy does is that he just goes around the world working as a cook until he's busted for tax evasion, right?

Yeah, he was a baker. He was a baker at the freshman. He was so cool. He was the nicest guy. But the iron. But the I are, but like the feds did come get him one time. And we were like, why are they? What's wrong?

And they were like, he hasn't paid his taxes in seven years. Now he's not more relatable. It's okay. I'm sorry. I thought this was America. He, I think he legit didn't know. And it was fine and he's fine. And he was fine after that.

So he came back. I think it was okay. Good friend. That's fine. What a man. Yeah. Our guy was George Amari. George Amari was the guy.

And he was the most. normal person there and everyone else you're like everyone else was a story where you go if you had put it on reddit it would be the main character today right it would be like so my wife the ex-wife who's also my wife because I married her again so she after she she put down the gun and I thought well dang I know I'm gut shot I ain't got but a little bit of time so I went and smoked a bowl sat out called 911 I figured what the hell sepsis or not I'm gonna go out on my terms and that's as fuck, brother. And you're like, okay, cool.

There are lots of workplaces where you have non-descript coworkers. That does not happen at a restaurant. Everyone at a restaurant is descript. Like, they're all in character. Every day is a new sitcom. It's a dark sitcom. Like, you'll walk back and just someone will be revealing who pegs who. And now you know that.

You just know that. And you just get, all right, all right. I'm taking these chips out now that I know that. there are inevitably two line cooks who are attempting to secure a lifelong relationship on a financial, sexual, and personal and spiritual basis with at least two of the servers at any point, right? So line cooks are looking at them going like, I will give you my whole paycheck. Come home with me. Whereas all the hostesses are deciding which of the cooks will be their like entry to the darkness of, like, you will be the one who will create. create the evil hostess within me.

Like every cook is like, this is the angel I will corrupt. And like all they're talking about is like which drugs they're going to do together. You know, but it's like... There is this weird reverse dynamic in gender reverse dynamic I have found in restaurants where it's the dudes who are like, I can fix her. Oh, yeah. Which I find mostly to be happening in the other gender direction on the outside. I think if the definition of fix could go in innumerable directions, but yeah.

Fix is in she'll have a lot of tattoos. Yeah. By me. She only smokes Marlboro Reds now. I got to go back to Southern Miss in two months. I need to make this count. Okay. I need to look like I got up to a lot of stuff this summer.

Not a problem, says the guy in the walk-in who's going to let you try Molly for the first time on his cousin's boat. not his book that's not specific don't worry about it what's up trip I had a manager that's really close to his actual name of course it is

I had a manager who came in one night and he had two black eyes and this is a manager right and you know we're we ask him hey what hell happened dude he goes oh no it was crazy I got into this like fight and shit

you know, last night at the bar. It was, you know, I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. It was crazy. Okay, cool. All right. That's a story. And later on, we're talking with the line cooks and everything.

And they're like, yeah, man, listen, we saw him at the bar last night and he left and he didn't get into a fight at all. And we're like, oh, that's cool. And he goes, hey, one of us gave him a ride. Eventually, we ferreted it out that this guy had gotten very high on cocaine. And then he had gotten very drunk. Then he'd gotten a little higher on cocaine. And that he had driven without a seatbelt and crashed into a tree like 30 feet out of

the parking lot. Like everyone had seen this. So he's fine. The managing the managing of the ups and downs carefully calibrated ready to drive. That is the best possible outcome of that scenario too. It really is. But like he did the Ken Marino wet hot summer American summer thing where he was just like drive drive drive drive tree like didn't even look. Just just plowed into it. His face hit the steering wheel. That's what gave him like the double black eyes right and like they're like yeah man you go out to see his car it's like out there and you're like His car looks like he hit a tree, and he tried to drive it to work. He didn't call in, though.

He didn't call in. And I'm proud to be an American. I was the best boy at a resort in Arizona where, like, the, and like, resort restaurant is like, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just all sorts of debauchery. That's like, this ain't my business, man. I've been married for eight minutes here at the age of 20 or whatever I was. Yeah. So, like, I have an excuse to not know. about any of this stuff.

It's a different dynamic there too, because you don't get regulars. Partly, yeah, like, you don't have people who are going to ever face social consequences. I worked at a hotel bar for a while, and it was very, that was very much a problem. The owner, we had to, like, there's this whole system that I managed to excuse myself from that was basically amounting to managing his mistresses. She can't eat here tonight because his wife is here. And I'm just like, dog, just tell me where to throw the dishes away. Did you just write a season of the White Lotus?

You did? I was the most, like, oblivious, intentionally, not because I was stupid or naive, but just because, like, I do not give a shit to be involved in any of this. I want to move back home out of this resort as quickly as possible. But, yes, the bus boy is this weird, like, go between all the drama. Like, you're saying, Spencer. Oh, yeah. You're like the drummer in the band or the bassist.

in the band or something. The bus boy is the in every single English manner drama. There is the servant class that gets to listen in on like the duke. Listen in on the duke being like yes, yes, we need the vicomte dead by Wednesday. And they don't care if you're overhearing. Like you were the least important figure. So you hear all the gossip. If anyone ever cared to ask you about it, but everyone assumes you don't know. Yeah, they're like, oh, he can't talk. You are the fly on the wall. Yeah. This was, this was, this was a great like this was a great learning experience for me because I would hang out with the mexican and el salvadorian bus boys who all to a man had some kind of intense very specific cultural

knowledge about something american that they had decided was their thing and it was awesome like one guy was like one at one time there was this song on um and i was like oh man what is that and he's like oh that santo and johnny like okay okay okay okay okay Hey, are you into surf music? And he's like, oh, man, I thought you never asked. Anyway, you know, like, we're working and we're doing stuff. And he's like, yeah, so, you know, Dick Dale got his sound from this guy. He's lower dumping for the rest of his life.

The best things they all had. That's the guy who wants to hear about surf music. Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah. Like, that's how I learned a lot about wrestling. Like, not lucha, right? No, no, no, no, no. I learned a lot.

They're like, no, no, no, listen. WCW. No, I'm not. They were like, here's NWA. Listen, the belt has been around for 95 years. And I'm like, Alejandro, I have learned so much today. So put the flag on the cowboy. Yeah.

Yeah. His name was George Gotch, and he was the best catch wrestler of his era. And I was sitting there smoking by the dumpster. Like, this is incredible. Yeah, I'm not going. Well, those tables can stack up. I need to find out what happened to the Intercontinental Belt in 1923. Yeah, they all had something very, very.

very specific. It's it's the best learning experience that you can have like for channel six we did like nationalized Taco Bell. I think that's just my backdooring of the idea that we should all do a year's worth of service in the restaurant industry just so you can understand the depth complexity. Yeah. Restaurant or retail. Everybody has to pick more. I would say at least two years and like yeah to me that is more important than the National Guard or Peace Corps or you know whatever. Any of that stuff. Like, no, no, no, no. You got to be in the actual trenches.

We're going to put you in the actual front lines. Yep. I need you to learn how to open a beer with at least four things that are not a beer. Oh, we had a line cook who could open it with his belly button. That's incredible. I've seen with the teeth. Nigerian line cook. Was that the Claremont?

No, this was, however, at a game day bar in Knoxville. So, kind of. Go walls. Go walls. To the shutdown. down full cast beginning after a brisk 20 minutes wow that was yeah that's that shoof going lightning mode that's because ryan's not here i know i know i like to string him out he really is so slow he's so slow i don't i don't know i just sort of going along with whatever the hypothesis was

wait was ryan supposed to be gone today no he's late scratch right now he's late scratch today due to house fuckery which oh no yeah he's entering one of two stages of... Wait, did I miss that? Yes, that was just now, like just a couple of minutes ago. So, yeah, he's entering the one of two modes of home ownership. One is, oh, that's fine, it's pretty good. And then the second is, I would like to destroy this house.

Oh, we had that last week, right before we were going out of town. Wait, did we all have that last week? Yeah. So we had the basement flooded like never before, and there was a circuit breaker situation where the power had only come. on if we turn the breakers off you don't want that sure sure um i'm kind of forgetting like eight other things that happened it was a fucking melt you have some roof some roof damage there was there was there was roof shit um okay okay that's good yeah there was there was like i don't know we're pulling like a whole fucking chocolate cake out of one of the gutters you know oh yeah just wow so there's one of our

problems that type of thing yeah it was what all did y'all have money so So also, I should point out that I don't know what amount of house fuckery is going on, but one of the last times I talked to Ryan before recording this show, I just got a picture of an entire toilet turned on its side on the floor in his bathroom. So I'm hoping that whatever's happening that that gets resolved. So Tuesday morning of last week, like the day we recorded the last show, we had the conclusion of Surprise Creek, which involved, yeah, an entire new water line being run down from the street. And also, there was a little nominate of determinism there. This involved a guy

from the city named Rodney with a dowsing rod trying to douse where the water break was. This involved a firefighter from the city of Atlanta using a racist term that I have never heard outside of Deadwood in real life. Also a term that applied to no one who was there or who was talking about. So I'm not real sure, like some real Bobby Bowden shit. Like, possibly just using it as an expletive? No, he was very, he was like, I heard all the houses in this neighborhood are being bought up by blank in which he issued a term that made me think that we were on HBO in 1906. So using it in a way where you're like, no one here fits that bad description.

Also, it's not, yeah, it was, it was very odd. So this concluded with getting our actual plumber. There's a hero who's been through all the shit at this house comes back on Tuesday. We get the water line laid in. Wednesday morning, so like water is fixed, water is restored to the house. This has been like a two-week ordeal at this point. That includes at one point, I think I said this on hand in the dirt, so you should go listen to that for the whole story,

me not being able to track down the city inspector who issued a stop work order at the illegal construction in the house across the street because she had the exact same name as a cast member, of love and hip hop Atlanta, not just any cast member of love and hip hop Atlanta, but one who was on America's most wanted for enticing her three sons to murder their dad and fleeing the scene,

which she justifies in a classic reality TV, I'm not here to make friends video. So, anyway, so we get the water back Tuesday. Wednesday morning, I walk out into the living room and there is a water stain on the ceiling. and I'm like oh god so there have been storms and I was like okay a tree branch has fallen

that that did not turn out to be that that turned out to be like a shingle had slipped or something it was very minor but that was last Wednesday and we had like five days of no shows from the roofers so that didn't get fixed until yesterday so I'm really excited to find out what all water

is in there then on Saturday we had a different, a pipe in the basement just bust. And so like walk into the den next to the Warhammer chamber, right? And it's like that carpet is just soaking wet. So the plumber, I hit the, see, this is a guy who knows the social compact because the plumber came back in. I was like, we got to stop meeting it like this.

And he laughed. I'm forgetting something. Yeah, there was something else. It happens. Yeah. But yeah, it was a compound. it was a compound house fuckery. Oh, oh, sorry, best part, best part.

In the middle of all this, supposed to be getting a vent hood installed because this insane house did not come with a vent hood. Have a contractor who's a friend of a long-time friend of the program. Thank you, Verb, for lending us your contractor. He's a great dude. We crack open the ceiling to put the vent hood in above the kitchen island, which inexplicably does not have a functioning vent.

we find surprise duct that's cool that's cool which is awesome which is actually good because it turns like what was going to be a three day job

into a four hour job because there is a duck there was a vent hood at some point that somebody just took out and replaced with track lighting sure whatever and so they don't have

to install a vent or anything it goes to the outside the contractor is head and shoulders inside the ceiling and I hear him say do you have any hornet spray there's a wasp nest

living in our kitchen ceiling no one was stung which kind of feels like a miracle and also feels like it's going to make the next thing be way worse I think that's everything I think at the moment I think at the moment we're okay something else horrible will happen before the show

because up tomorrow but my house is doing the good thing you're cute I'm doing the knock on wood thing for you sorry yeah I was like sir you're going to go like knock knock and your office ceiling's going to cave in again no this shit This shit will not. Shout out to Hammer Homes. That shit will last until I die.

Which could be soon, who knows, but. If a different part falls on you. I listen, that's a different warranty. We'll deal with that when we get to it, all right. This is, man. What a weird, are there, is there a zodiac for inanimate objects? Are all houses in retrograde? Yes.

It's the Home Depot, Zodium. iac. And all of it tells you that the real dream is to blow your house up. That's it. One day, one day, sweet dream. I've been repeating money isn't real to myself a lot in the last couple weeks. Yeah. Just do that. That'll get you through it. I did actually want to talk about one football thing. I mean, I guess. Yeah, which is to say that, I don't know if you remember a speech after Texas Tech beat Texas and Joey McGuire head coach of Texas Tech did this thing where he was like

what did I tell you? I told you they would break and they did. It's the coldest speech because that's exactly what happened but it's also like yeah you broke them because they were weak It's not the first time he's ever tweaked Texas either. No I love it.

Which he should because he's in fucking Lubbock. Yeah. Take every opportunity you can. Take every opportunity you can to do that Right. If you're Texas Tech, by the way, yeah. Whatever. Texas left the Big 12 because they're scared of y'all. It's clear. That's right. That's right. You know, which is a cost-free thing to do.

You're never going to have to play them again regularly. You're never going to be in the same conference again, probably. And your money's separate. Cody Campbell's got y'all. He's just going to keep writing checks until he doesn't have any more money because that seems to be his MO, which is Cody Campbell's for pocket if way you know good for him but I I enjoyed this that that Joey McGuire after Steve Sarkeesium basically said that Texas Tech played an easy schedule they said that you know hey listen if we could probably beat this

certain team schedule if we played with our twos and threes and go undefeated right which like source do you want to raise your expert expectations a little bit, Sark. Yeah, that's a good move. You're going to make sure that won't come back to haunt you in a few months. Why? What else is going on at Texas? They have to play a lot of football games. They have to play a lot.

They have to play a lot. They have any famous families they got to please right now? Couple. Also, they lost to Florida last year. Yeah. They lost to Florida last year. Y'all. We seed it.

I know this is. a slight diversion from McGuire, but I'm sure we'll get back to him. But like a year ago, Sark was talking about, oh, the big playoff era, it's going to be impossible

for anyone to go undefeated ever again. It's just too hard. It's too fucking hard. Kurt Signetti didn't seem that hard, really. Like Sark, you got, you got so much fucking money,

man, in that building, in that program. All that stuff, all that shiny, shiny stuff. Oh, it's so fucking hard. The basketball school did it So anyway

Now his whole thing is it's not hard Put me in the Big 12 It would be easy It would be so easy to go undefeated I know I said it's impossible But these guys don't have object permanence You know you're on television right babe I mean I like I don't know man

I not to sound like a coward But I would rather say It's very hard than it's very easy Because the latter is likelier to get you memed just a few games later. I mean, I would rather say it was hard because I want our players to know that, you know, I expect things from them. I'm always talking to them.

I'm fully, this is, by the way, if anyone has come of age or been a fan for the past 20 to 30 years, you'll find you have a latent Nick Sabin gene that will just start talking through you. I'm doing my hands right now. You're not management. Yeah, like, you'll, you'll do that. much rather consider the notion that I was telling my players that they were going to do hard things than I expected X of them rather than at any point contextualized football as easy, right?

We're through doing easy things, guys. Like that's, you'll just start sabining out when you do that, right? Which Steve Sarkeesian should do because the man was in the building. He was right there. Go look on his resume. He's there for two of them, right? of the national titles that Alabama claims. And by all accounts,

one fairly here. Controversial. Controversial take. You can claim those two that I saw you do on television, Alabama. That's fine. This is my... I love that Joey McGuire

barked back at him because you're Joey McGuire. You might as well do that shit all day long, right? Like, that's Joey McGuire's whole thing. Also, because it's Cody Campbell, you have no idea even if your own team is doing very well, you have no idea how long you're going to be there for either. Yeah, also, because it's Cody Campbell, you can talk shit right now because we're all focused on softball.

That's right. The real pinnacle of sport. Where these exact two teams are the ones that are playing in the final. Right. No less. In case the beef isn't intense enough. But like the, there's so much going on here. because we also have Joey McGuire in his process of shit talking

says, my dad will buy out our various Cupcake games so we can play each other in week one. Not going to happen, but it's a cute thing to say. I cleared my schedule. Right, like Texas are going to say, cool, yeah, we'll do that and then play Ohio State. Don't. A win-win for Joey because it's not going to happen, and now he gets to look like the brave one.

Yeah, I mean, Sark and I don't think he would do it. Sark is the one talking all the shit. It is completely fine for McGuire to be the brave, barking from the other side of the fence, as we all know if the fence was not there, he would still be barking. The thing about it being a week one game is Texas Tech would quite possibly be starting its third string quarterback. Because one will be in some sort of NFL situation. The other will quite possibly still be hurt. Like Joe McGuire not really is scared of much stuff.

I was also going to say Texas Tech might be starting your third string quarterback by the time this rolls. A landmark legal situation in which they put the new tampering rules to the test literally as soon as they are official. Yeah. Why not? Why not to play something like a landmark than Texas? Texas Tech should fucking be the center point of every single thing in all of college sports. Let's go for it. Starting quarterback Russell Wilson.

It's literally the middle of the map. Yeah. Take that money. Right? Sure. Fuck it. Just to give you an idea of how things are now, Texas Tech poached a star athlete from Stanford. Yeah, it went great.

It's going awesome. They're super happy. It went fantastic. It's making millions to play softball. That kicks ass. I absolutely love that. It wasn't the first one. See, I was thinking of David Bailey.

That too. It's the pipeline, man. It's post-grad. Yeah, that's it. It's where you go for a serious education. after you're done fucking around at Stanford. Does Palo Alto even have a Cabellas? Please.

I adore what Joey McGuire is doing. I also would love to point out that Steve Sarkeesian... They do? Hmm. They have a Cabellas. They have a Cabela. Sorry, can I read the first Yelp review? Some sort of museum or something.

It's pretty clear that the majority of people come here to buy ammo. Our 2A rights in California were successfully imprined upon thanks to the ammo background check. I'm done. You get the idea. The Palo Alto Militia. Let me tell you something about this Cabela. It's a, it's a repository for individual freedoms. I have said before that Stanford Tailgates are a lot like Alabama's for reasons I've gone into on other shows. Here's just one more to add to the pile. The 17 Palo Alto Rednecks is where they hang out.

That's right. Hey, listen, we got to we got to stick together. We really do. Those weirdos. Those weirdos. at that's cool. They're coming for us. They're not coming for you. They're not coming. They don't know. They have never heard of your friends.

I mean, they are, but it's with drones. Yeah. They're sending those to foreign nations. For now. The, uh, yeah, I wanted to point out, too, that Steve Sarkisian can't really talk shit because I think we've forgotten how long he's been around. Um, for 11. This number certainly surprised me when I saw it.

11 years as a head coach, and he has one outright conference title. One. Which, in a devastating argument for Joe McGuire, wasn't the Big 12. But, but he has won. He's gotten close. And all of his time as a head coach. He's gotten close to others? Close.

Yeah. Close. If you count that. If you think being close is good, Jason. Here we go. If you think that's enough. If you think that lives up to the standard. then good for you, good for you.

If I'm going to be someone saying my third stringers would go undefeated in a power conference, yes, close isn't good enough. However, that's the, okay, that's, hell, that is way not close enough at all. Yeah. Yeah, we would do that like real easily. Is that like going seven to five every year at Washington? Is that easy? Because that's what I've seen you do.

That's at 11 full years. He's been around 12. There was the one year where he unfortunately had to quit midseason to go to rehab, which is still one of the wildest fucking stories that I can remember. I was like, oh, yeah, that coach's got to go. He's got to go to rehab. I'm like, well, goddamn. Kind of thing that if they'd been winning a lot of games,

they would have found some other solution for, quote fingers solution. Most likely, yeah, most likely. Remember, you can always bring in Ed Ogeron. as spot uncle. As the, when you need stability and responsible leadership and just sound, sound decisions late in the night at the hotel. Well, also, I'm available, baby. You see, most people go really hard with their cocho voices.

That was a soft, quiet one. No, no, no. I hadn't been coaching in a while, though. He's chill now. Yeah, then calm down a little bit. He's fixed again. I found that legal weed they got the THCA, You can have that. That's pretty good.

That's, I did, you say that now. I did see a picture from, a picture of him. They're like, yeah, Coach,

I was back. And it was him in like a hallway, like not somewhere where you would normally do this, locked up with the defensive lineman, right? Like, trying to teach him a move going like, right away.

Like, coach, you have to actually like file paperwork and stuff first. Nope, on the job. On the job. Coach, we have a training HR, HR stuff.

You hired a co-ch-ho, you get to go to. That, to be clear, you do need to attend. No, specifically, sir. Yeah, you specifically, sir. When you said somewhere he shouldn't be at that, you're talking about, like, Coach-o's in the back rooms. Oh, no. The place is fucking big.

We can throw a big fucking party in here. It keeps going. Imagine the practice. The walk-through. You can do a walk-through in here. I walk through over there. I keep walking. I keep walking forever.

That's, uh, coach, Coach O would be survived the backroom just fine. Be fine. What's he going to do to get scared? Someone's down that hallway. Just saying some jumps out. Some jumps out. There's a tall motherfucker. You long as hell.

Coach O. sees Slender Man. I see Slender Man. I lined him up at wide receiver. He on hoggames. I'm going to call Will Wade. I'm going to call Will Wade and say, hey, I got you one. Slender man, I'm going to beef your ass up a little bit.

You ain't got no haunches. God damn the shutdown fullcast for being the way I found out Coach Orgeron had another job at LSU again. Yeah. I did not know this. I did not know this until just now. I've been, I don't, I'm not online right now. This is the first time this has happened during the show itself, I think. I'm so happy.

I'm not available, actually. I'll take it back. I forgot. I take it back. I forgot. That TACA is hard, I tell you. So you were doing the best. It did like the real thing, Daddy. The guy who was doing the best impression of guy who was hired did not know that guy's his parents status.

That's good. And that art can take us to a lot of places we don't expect. No, like, I love this about LSU right now. It's one of the few things I love about LSU right now. They've already built in their emergency plan. This shit's good. I'm like, I don't. still don't like Lane Kiffin, I automatically think this is going to work now.

This is like when Dabo was like, Danny Ford, you got an office here. Come on. Get up here. Shit just works. Yeah, always. Every time. Works. Yep. No, they always listen.

They always, the minute you sign on to LSU, it's like signing up for some sort of long distant space expedition where they go, okay, listen, if astronaut one, get space madness, and someone's going to get space madness. then we kill him, put him in the airlock, fire him out, and astronaut two becomes navigator. If astronaut two get space madness, astronaut one's got to kill. Like, they have,

the failure plan is already built into everything, right? It's the event horizon with the X. It's next man up for all the wrong ones. Where the ho? You said, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, I mean, oh, I get it now. I get it now.

Yeah, you're not like, I'm going to go for a run. Take my shirt. I think so, basically. what we're saying is they're going to keep airlocking these morons until charlie wash juniors is the stable adult in charge it's part of the plan i'm telling you like they've got it oh they've got it all and you know who they hire they probably just get pete golding down they're like uh he's just bring him in it's fine i wonder what they have to pay pete goulding pay well they got kidnapped him just invite him down be like hey pete cold beers and good vibes

and he's like, I'll be there, brother. He's already got those. He's got all of those he can possibly handle. I'll burn a couple mixes for the boat. I know that man's got a passion for ocean-going navigator. He's got a river. Kind of. A river.

Listen. Is he more of a river guy or an ocean guy? Granted, he'd be closer to the river, I understand. Bad ruse, you're very close to the river. You're close enough to throw you in it. Look, there goes Lane. You're head coach now. That is, they'll, they just.

LSU has the failure the failure chart already built in as to how they'll react when this goes that goes for administratively too I think they do but they don't know that like there is no plan for contingency at LSU there is no what if this goes wrong

clearly oh no no it's more just like they have accidentally established oh shit I guess you're in charge again I would say politically their practice of like political cannibalism where they're like sorry you gotta go

like no like oh you've wronged governor Steve no governor Steve if you're governor of Louisiana do you know what that means nothing you're totally disposable they had Bobby Jindle do you know what Bobby Jindle does now

Jack fuck nothing he's done they were like yes he's no longer useful goodbye like he's he's out yeah so it's not about like careful backup plans it's more just a total comfort with chaos

it's more of the like It's more of the like Borg style of this piece does not work. Dispose. Don, machine keeps working. That's it. They'll just cheerily dispose of somebody. And then, then they might invite you back for another job. Yeah.

Sure. If you made it, if that didn't destroy you, they're like, you seem cool. You should come work for us. He's like, I already did that. It's like, we know. Come back. Do they?

Do it? Is there any memory of that? Is there no memory? Maybe that's it. Maybe this is Goldfish University where they're like, oh, look, coach. I mean, Kiffin was like, hey, there's this really big guy. I know who's good at like these two specific things. And I want a big guy to come around and do those two things.

And they're like, bring him on. And then they show up and then they're like, oh, right, remember this guy now. You know, like, I think it's more Kiffin than LSU. That's entirely possible. Kiffin just being the guy who's like, I think. I think he'll just, I think he has very, very bad boundary management, and I think that's probably extends to his coaching staff too. So he's like, he's like, why not invite a former head coach in? That's fine. Ed. It's cool. Bring Ed on.

It's all, well, I think it's, it's also just as much like, you know, it would be an epic troll as if I hired Ed Ogeron. That. That is it right there. You know, you know it would be funny. You know what Elon Musk would think is really funny? Yeah. If he'd ever heard of any of us. Yeah. Just tagging Morgan Wallin in a post like, L.O.L. I hired Ed again. look, look, Morgan, there you go. Up east, Morgan. Yeah. But yeah, no boundary management.

Absolutely none. And Lane would do that. Lane would like, it's like, we don't know. Do you ever really know if you're on Lane Kiff and staff? Do you ever really know what you're not? There's the question. Pause.

Yeah. But just remember, that's all my way of saying, Steve Sarkeesians only got one title, one conference title. and 11 years of coaching. That's because he had to play his starters, though. It's because he wasn't able to play these jewels he's hidden on the depth chart that he's waiting to on earth. You just let me get to the two.

The true riches are below the sediment. All these guys named Hollywood were paying millions of dollars for forcing me to withhold my true weapons. Gross. I got to play a manning, not whoever's my third stringer. Maybe that's what he was saying. Now that I think about it, if he's saying our backups are incredible, that really might be saying these starters I have been stuck with,

including this one I cannot possibly ever, bench. I think we cracked it. This arch guy. Gross. Five stars. Ew. Maybe that's it. I think that's describing way more.

the way more actual strategy. The other thing is this has been the path toward the latest bitching about schedule strength thing. Like at SEC meetings last week, it was like every other coach is like, well, if we got to be Texas. Like they're all lining up behind Sark to just sort of take the argument

that Texas Tech played no one. And it's like, I mean, they did. It's just weird. Texas Tech, this whole thing that Sark somehow started has become the version of this annual fucking thing where basically it amounts to our 8 and 4 team should be in the playoff. Yeah, and then I won't get fired. That's what matters most. And then I will activate a bonus for going 8 and 4 that my agent cunningly snuck in, which immediately springs up like a bear trap, right? school schools always get so bad about that like you have got a payment eight and four bonus

it was in the contract why did you fucking sign it yeah it's one of those things that feels right at the time because you fired the previous guy for going seven and five so eight and four is technically an improvement pay me that's right fucking pay me that's probably talking about Texas. This is not the place, Jason, as you so accurately pointed out in our pre-show notes and discussion, which is definitely a discipline thing we do on time regularly. Scrupulously. We're not the podcast who complains about your favorite pinhead, or least favorite pinhead Northeastern Corridor Intellectual Magazine. That's not what we do here.

There are enough people on Blue Sky who devote much of their day to telling you which publications they disagree with. I understand there is a moral currency that comes with this, and I'm very glad they get to cash it in. But there was a different thing that emerged as sort of from one of those publications

that gets complained about. That felt fun to discuss, and it was also about Texas. It's from a post at The Atlantic about politicians should learn how to talk sports. The first couple sentences here, the Senate candidate James Talarico,

Is that how he pronounce his name? Possibly. He doesn't need to run away from his meatless taco order. Instead, he could prove that he's a regular guy by calling into ESP and Austin to accuse the University of Texas

quarterback Archmanning of being a nepo baby. He got millions of dollars just for his name. So, no. That's not, that's not, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. No. He should call in to shit on Sark,

first of all. Because does Sark have any titles, as Spencer noted? No. Has Sark met the expectations? No. Sark's done. His record's good?

His record's great. Has he met the expectations? No. Also, shitting on a manning. It's a manning. Everyone loves the man. And like, again, this is picking on an adolescent. Blah, blah, blah.

Is there is a time? Oh, I thought you meant David Frum was the adolescent. I'm like, I barely know who that is. There is a time to launch a strike on Arch Manning, and that is when he throws that little doink against Ohio State in one of the first. games last year, that little yips throw. If you strike right then, you're fine. Otherwise,

leave the kid alone and shit on Sark. I don't care if he's 11 and 1 shit on him. Always shit on the coach. Because you know why? Sark has bad vibes. That's it. It's not about if he's doing a good job. It's about he has bad vibes. Pounce on bad vibes. That is my advice. Also, what do we do as politicians? See, we just have to do this as a consultancy because all we do is make money. And the one thing that we can do as a podcast for, the political community is this. We can teach you how to know ball, right? Or how to at least pretend that you know.

The problem here is not, Talarico went to UT. He's not the, he's not the one who needs to be taught here. From is. Yes. Who can I tell you? The guy who wrote the idiot Atlantic column is the problem here. Yeah, that's,

that's Nathaniel. That's Nathaniel Thro. I think it's just miss identifying what Talariko should be pouncing on here. And it's not Arch. It's not Arch, is my point. It is

it is a person who will be fired if Arch fails. Arch ain't will be fired. If Ars flops, that will be viewed as Sark's failure. If Arch succeeds, it'll be like, well, damn, where was this, Sark? Yeah, exactly. About time.

He overcame his coaching. Yeah. Also, if, you know, Talarico is a, a bottom-up man of the people type campaign, right? What better way to show that than shitting on the guy who was far richer than the Silver Spoon Archmanning? That's right. We don't go after the players.

That's it, right? Why would he shit on the labor? Don't shit on the labor. Shit on Sark. Can't believe that's a blind spot for David Frum's kid. Yeah. This is, by the way, that guy saying that anyone should critique a Nepo baby being the third generation Nepo baby who has.

a job at said Pennhead Northeastern Corridor, like centrist magazine, because he is a third generation nebo baby. Breatthaking. Absolutely. And getting it wrong. Just hear the goalpost, buddy, and you put it right through the middle. And like, also, all right, if you say our team sucks because our quarterback isn't living up to expectations, okay, Texas fans might agree with you.

but if you say, our team's head coach is an idiot. I'm not calling Sark an idiot. I'm a political consultant advising. That's right. That's right. Politicians to call head coach as idiots. If you do that,

all Texas fans, if they're mad, agree with you. All other fans say, ha ha, they have an idiot head coach. I like this guy calling coach is idiots, right? There we go. So, yeah, I would just move the crosshairs here. It would be my main critique of this specific note. And there are takeaways.

from the moving of that crosshairs. One being, and maybe it's like, I don't know, maybe this is a distinction between, maybe this person, this author, I don't know who this is, is like a pro sports mindset nowhere where like shitting on the quarterback is more of a thing that it is in college. Yeah, I guess, yeah.

You can shit on the quarterback as a college fan. But nowhere near as much as you shit on the head coach. Because here it's, oh, you didn't develop this quarterback, presented as if that means anything. In the course of one to three years, That's your fault. Like, if a quarterback sucks, it is the coach's fault. So, shit on the coach.

Always shit on the coach. Yeah. Also, attack the strength. Attack the strength. That's what you do. What's Sarkesian strength here? Well, that's a quarterback guru who's got, you know, he'll win you about 10 games. Yeah, we've seen that at Texas before, haven't we?

Isn't this just Matt Brown without Vince Young all over again? Wow, damn, five points in the polls right there. Yeah, bang! He said it. He calls it like he sees it. We're taking on water, boss. He might know a vegan or whatever it was I was told to be worried about, but. Other people might be happy with that, Jason. But we want a standard, okay?

Just like we want a standard for the American people, all right? The promise that we were made, which is that we were going to get championship results. And thus far, we just don't see them, do we? We don't. We listen, we have, we have. have made some progress, but nowhere near enough. You know, and maybe we frame it that way to try to like ease some people in to then drop the hammer out.

We need a change at the top. You know, that's like that. That's it. Hey, hey, I think Archmanning is a great player. Okay. What's holding him back if he's so great? It's not him. It's not him.

Also, you got to keep in mind. When you talk about the players, you are talking to people who know 25% of, you are talking to people who know 25% ball and think they know 90% ball and that is okay that is not an insult that is how people process the things that entertain them so like you don't talk about arch manning sucks you talk about he got a manning and he can't win a title that sentence connects everyone that sounds you know like in your mind that math does not add up so lean on that math you don't come in here about like arch arch hasn't improved his footwork enough nobody fucking knows what good footwork is supposed to to look like. I don't it like I can see awful footwork but between good and great I don't fucking

know and I don't care. I can tell you though five star quarterback no titles fire him that I get that makes sense so just say that I'm the plant in the audience going that does seem strange doesn't it? Yeah it's this guy knows what I'm talking about this guy's making some points isn't he speak on it he's skinny and he ate a vegetable but he's making some Yeah. Listen, I've heard he goes to church. You know, I'm kind of into liberation theology now. I'm trying to liberate Sark from his paycheck. Listen, we have to astonish them with the violence of our love. And by our love, I mean our defensive line. And we ain't doing it. No. Sark ain't doing it.

Sark ain't, whoever it is this guy's running against. It's basically Sark. I feel like we found it some sort of fundamentalist wing of the Texas football Catholic Church that's called like like opus tray, like, tray, just because there'd be a bunch of guys named Trey because it's Texas. I think it's brisket Episcopalians. How about that? That's what we're doing. Briscopalians? Yeah. Yeah, that's what we're going to do.

Yeah. Briscopalians. I'm going with that. There. There, there you go. And also like, all right, say Sark is doing good and doing good. Well, the elections before then, so it doesn't really matter. You know what?

Oh, yeah, no. Texas is, what, 10 and O on election day? Who gives a shit? He's going to fucking flop, vote for me. And at this point, people are so confused because you made this entire election about whether Texas is going to win the title or not, and he hasn't.

As of election day, he still hasn't. If he does after, then, oh, he was inspired by my victory. Name it and claim it. We also got to talk how you show up, too, right? Like, this is it. We got to talk about how you show up. Do you know who was the best politician of my lifetime in terms of how to show up as a fan of a team while in office.

Somebody who did, I think, the best, most subtle job. It was Bill Clinton, and this is why. Arkansas at the time. Of the Hawks. Yeah, for the Hawks. Which, by the way, already, already, like, kind of a move because... Credibility. No one would choose that life.

Right? Well, like, in football, no one would choose that life. And also in basketball, they were cool at the time. Two, he didn't look good. good in the gear and that's important because that means you're really from the heart it really brought out his pinkness it brings out his pinkness it made his shoulders look small right like because it was it would fit like tighter on the shoulders and like looser it made it it didn't fit right right like none of the gear looked great on him and that's how you know it was out of love

that's how you knew he didn't look at a mirror before we put it on he's just like all right here you go um bill clinton when he showed up for nolan richardson's final four teams whenever he showed up for Arkansas basketball. He always was like on the camera but in the background. Don't be a McConaughey. That's not what you want to be. Don't be a Ted Cruz. Don't say, hey, I'm at the game. Nope, TV's going to get you because you're a celebrity. You're a star, right? That's another thing we're doing it. We're coaching you up. We're like, hey, listen, if you're part of the team and you're a star, the camera's going to find you. We'll make sure the camera find you. Just be there. Don't try to, don't try to glory hog the moment. Right?

Don't try to, like, mob the scene. Nope, you're there, part of the team. They're going to find you anyway. That was the best way to support your team is by putting yourself in the roster, not as like, I am the guy who is here, and now I will attend your game beneficently. I think another one that comes to mind for me is Obama would just, like, wear a white socks hat. And that is not a team that anyone would latch onto. Like, at almost no point in history, is it like, like, here I am bandwagoning with the fucking white socks.

You know what I mean? So like... The other major White Sox fan, by the way, is the ultimate Meek shall inherit the earth guy. The current pope. Just to give you an idea of who roots for the white socks. Again, like, you're just sort of like, yeah, this is my team. Like, I know we ain't going to everyone do shit. It is what it is, man.

Like, there's an authenticity to being a white socks fan. man they had the juice for like what like six months when michael jordan decided to play baseball but he never even made it out of birmingham so it was like they didn't even get to have him frank thomas was so cool he was cool they still let him do commercials about how to fix your dick but that was a long time ago that he played baseball you know what i mean despite how much he's fixed his own dick i assume it's great i don't know but like i don't they probably don't let you do commercials like that unless your dick is working awesome but like my point is that um rooting for a bad team there's a lot credibility there. So this is for our new consultancy for

Tala Rica. This is kind of a thing he has to overcome. It's like how the hell are you going to be like the uprising candidate when like you root for fucking Texas. So like again that's even more reason to launch a crusade. Jihad, whichever, both against against the power structure of the football program itself. Right. You're a populist and an up and an upstart within your own fan base. Yeah. So we're going we're going to take over the long horns. Right. From within.

And then. Nationalized the Texas. Nationalize across the great nation of Texas. And if you are one of these guys, the thing that you do in order to, in order to cash in on that, when your team eventually does become good at what they do is you do a mom donnie and you make sure that you are, you get a picture of you in seats that suck. Yeah. Mom Donnie, they got a picture of Mom Donnie like, hey, I'm at the game. And the New York Post did this gotcha thing because they're a Murdoch paper. And they're like,

I'm Donnie attends game where ticket that costs hundreds of dollars. That's sort of 20,000 other people. Oh, 20,000 assholes, apparently. Yeah, that's it. That's what New York's paper wants. They're all assholes. Look at this guy affording a ticket to a $700. Pretty sure he paid for them, which the provenance of the ticket, by the way,

does matter, right? you see a politician who's on the court side. You're like, look next to him. And you're like, ah, good. He's building a data center that runs on children. Yeah. Like, that's usually who got you those court side tickets. Yeah, make sure that you're pictured in like the bad seats, if possible, if you're not a security risk.

Yeah. Also, if you're going to be out here attending games, don't do the Ted Cruz. Don't go to games you might lose. Don't do it. If you're able to say, hey, the horns went four and O with me in the house. Never mind the four. People aren't going to give a shit to look up their record, which games. games you attended, they're four and oh, four and oh, that's better than Ted Cruz.

I know he's not running against Ted Cruz, but everyone's running against Ted Cruz. Also, between us in a sort of truth, flexible environment, if you were at a game and that team lost that you were rooting for, you weren't there. Don't acknowledge it. That's the Trump method. Yeah, just don't. Don't. Yeah. The big fuck will be out of there by the end of the first quarter. Speaking of people who should, for anything. If you show up to the game, do not get introduced. or don't show up so fucking late that you cause traffic headaches throughout whichever major city you're invading. Definitely don't do that.

Also, if you know you're going to get booed, don't show up, dude. Make it cool. I'm wearing an Oklahoma hat just because that's why they're booing. I'm playing the part of the villain. and that's because I understand them so well. Don't do that one. That was penciling that in. We're throwing that idea out.

If the big wet boy shows up to this next game and puts on a Spurs hat, that's funny. That's funny. I mean, I hate to say it, but like there is a comedy, a natural comedy impulse to him, and that would fit that description. So it really wouldn't put it past him. But you don't want that. You don't want that. Like you just don't do anything he would do, and that is something he would do.

you're going to appeal to things besides comedy usually yeah also like you can't don't show up in philly or new york just don't right like if like don't get introduced in philly or new york it wouldn't matter it's just going to feel good to boo you even if you even if you were like a relatively well-liked politician you're like alan iverson is holding up your hand right like you're you were you were wrapping along perfectly to freeway, none of it matters. They're still booing you. Yeah. I would also do this. Remember who you are. Because remember who you are and remember who you serve. We're going to do that as an important landmark, like a sort of tenant of what we do. And my basis for reminding a politician who wants to look like they are talking ball is this.

I know that the entire idea behind a legislation or a legislative body is that you're at least sort of collegial and you can be playful about things. But when Ted Cruz wants to make a bet with you over a game, right? Like a ha ha ha, we'll send you some bluebell and you could send us some, yeah, you can send us some, you know, New York pastrami, whatever. Uh-huh. Kirsten Gillibrand, your response as a New Yorker should be, suck my dick. That should be what you say, okay? If you're about it and you're about serving the people that you represent, you represent Nix fans. And I want everybody to remember this, okay, that Nix fans have had a difficult quarter century minimum.

It's been bad. It's been as it. It is valid to say that. Yeah, no, it's been like everyone I understand. Like there's a lot of big media market teams that their troubles and their complaints. Fuck off. No one cares. The Knicks have been through some things, man.

Yeah, no. Legit claim. I think, yeah. Because you were, for a time, the worst team in the NBA over like a 20-year span. You were really bad. And you weren't just bad. You were so bad that people will now cite the starting lineups of those bad teams, like some kind of incantation, right? They'll be like, hey, man.

Hey man, you remember when Dinello played serious minutes for us. Yeah. That was a real time, man. Do you remember when Zach Randolph was here? Yeah. I remember when Zach Randolph was here. That was bad, Zach Randolph, not sainted, beautiful Memphis, Zach Randolph. He did nothing wrong.

He did not, no, he's never done anything wrong. Nick Zach Randolph was an absolute fool. That was a different guy. Yeah, that's an incompetent basketball player. Twisted Zach Randolph. Yeah, twisted Zach Randolph. But one is, he got rid of the symbiote. that's a hungry fucking symbiote

venom zibo oh my god the ribs he could put away I think once he got to Memphis the symbiote just decided to move I'm home yeah moved into the dumpster of a rib joint and let him alone right Memphis Venom would would

so fucking happy Zach Randolph was Memphis Venom once Venom discovers discovers discovers he ain't leaving yeah we're like listen we haven't had the adventurers are like we don't know what happened to him he's been cool we can't find him

He's in the city without any hotels. Yeah, like there's no weird crimes or anything. He's good. He's good, man. Yeah, but like, like you have, the Knicks have a legitimate claim. But I am old and I remember what Knicks fans were like when they were threatening to be good or when they were outright good. And I will tell you this.

They would not make a playful bet with a senator from Texas, right? They would not. And not, and definitely not like, the evil. one. Like, no. And I don't just mean one who is morally worse than the average senator. I mean the one who like brands as evil and is thought of as evil by everyone. It was like a piece of shit. Like the number one cartoon villain and I don't mean the worst guy. I mean the most cartoon villain in the entire thing. A piece of shit. Yeah, an actual bad person. You don't have to make a fun collegial bet with him. That's not what a New York Knicks fan would do. And if the Knicks win, by the way, they'll figure all of this out. You'll all figure this out in real time. And we'll go from, oh, what lovely underdogs too. Oh, my God.

What original, oh, gee, sewer dwelling chuds these people are. Oh, my God. Yeah, the videos outside of MSG would be like, all right, all right. That's enough. That's enough. All right. That's enough. Bing pong.

It won't be funny anymore. I've seen. That's stop. Stop. Yeah, exactly. You made Wimby sad. And also you're doing this. You made Wemby sad.

Now Wemby's going to have to go back to Shaolin. Now Wendy's going to have to go back and run some mountains in China. Studying more Frank Herbert. Studying more. Yeah, exactly. How do I become Lisan al-Qaeda? How do I become even taller? I will become the worm.

Yeah. Possibly just as his chat GPT searches are disastrous. They're like, can I become the worm emperor? But so lofty. So aspirational. Oh, aspirational. Yeah, he's like, listen, I want to save humanity. That's through basketball.

Can I do that through basketball? Can I synthesize these eight art forms as well as scientific studies? Yeah, we forget that he's French. He's got to mix them like, first of all, we forget that he's French. And he's like, could I save the world through the magic of poetry, basketball, science fiction, and kung fu? Yeah, yeah. Like you read about his, his, like, health regimen. It's all like, wow, damn.

How would a 20 year old ever even hear of this? You know what I mean? Like, Showland thing is barely a joke. No, that's not a joke at all. Yeah. Like he's,

he 100% went to Shalind and trade with the monks and like ran the mountains and got up at 4.30 in the morning. And he did do, he did, listen, dudes, dude's rock. He did do the thing where he ate their extremely restrictive vegetarian diet. And then in the afternoons, a van would pull up and get him like meat. I think the spurs were like, hey, buddy, we can't have you lose it. We'll just truck the brisket in. There you go.

He needs it. His body needs it. We'll just air drop this shit for you, buddy. He's become accustomed to it to breakfast tacos. He can't, well, legit, though. Yeah. You just see, you must bring the truck up. Victor, Bum, you know, does not talk like that, by the way.

No, he's like perfect English because he is the chosen one. right he will speak i bet his chinese is perfect too i bet of course it is yeah i bet he didn't work hard on it just like he because he didn't have time he just did it did it efficiently you know yeah he smokes but only in china's yeah yeah because and it doesn't affect him because he does it in a mindful way yeah this this i smoked this carton mindfully the marlborough reds are thoughtfully applied to the inside of my post game the post game intert post-game interview I do

I this is also though by the way just as a side note the whole Wemba Nama thing has really made me realize how much I would absolutely fall for my exact kind of dictator because all I want Wemba Nama to do is for Wembe

Oh if he would score like 50 points a game that's all I want like they're like Hey man would you want a 4-0 series and I'm like yeah if it's just Wemben Yama going Supernova for four straight games that's it because another thing that people don't remember is that

I think people maybe who watched LeBron did, that LeBron is really good and he's really cool and he's really entertaining. But when he went, when he went off in like games five, six, and seven against the Warriors, when it was like, do you want to play team ball? We could. Or I could hit some dingers. I think basketball is a sport that is best suited to one guy is destroying everyone else. just because that is what you're going to tune in for the next time can he do it even worse

football's like football has versions of this Miles Garrett on the damn Rams and then Aaron Donald Aaron Donald posts a workout video like you know I still got it right and everyone's like oh my fucking oh no

I'm watching every single Rams game if this happens like there's like Cardinals fans in the comments like skip the fucking season. I mean, they're usually like that, but especially. Yes. Especially. They're saying it earlier than you, but like, if that's like, if you give me two wimbies

on one defensive line. This is, this is proof, by the way, that maturity is real because in college, Miles Garrett was obviously really good, and Aaron Donald was really, really good. And then in the pros, once they devote their entire time to football, this shows you how much nonsense you actually have to do in college football, because you do have to pretend to go to class and you do have to do all these other things. And you only have so much time to devote to what you're doing. But when these two were freed from that and when they were 24 years old with a little bit of maturity, they each became gundums. Yeah, like the maturity thing is they decided to use their freedom to simply become better at football. They really didn't have to. but they did. And that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, he's, and you can play 10 years. But he's simply decided to be, uh, a guy who would be extremely good if he was over a foot shorter.

He didn't have to do all that, but he did for our entertainment. I know his brain's different because I always need a great star to have some sort of deep beef or some sort of deep grudge. And he seems and is so nice in so many ways. But he fucking hates Chet Holmgren. Fuck this one specific, helpless little guy, little relatively. A guy who's going to be a guy who's still going to have an amazing career. 78 games per year, yes. But because of one game that he played in international competition, all right, that didn't go Wemby's way, he has decided to just ruin this man's life.

Just destroy him. That's my kind of petty. Again, it's got to be some sort of a philosophical thing where like the monks told him like, listen, it's so much easier to be nice to everyone if you just hate one person. It's like you just have to focus it, right? He's like, yes. Channel all your hatred to that one person. That was probably all he talked about in the mountains. He was probably with Master Yawen, right?

This guy's name. He's like, yeah, hey, Yawen, listen, I, you told me to like, let go of all attachments. Mm-hmm. I got one thing I can't let go. And he's like, so is it your love for your family? Is it your attachment to the beauty of the world? And he's like, no. It's this guy in Chet.

I fucking hate this guy in Chet. And they're like, they're like, Okay, you get one. You get one. You're down to one at your age? That's amazing. It's pretty good. Are you going to hurt him?

No, just at basketball. Master Yawin's probably like, I too now hate this Chet. Fuck Chet. The monks of Shal Lin shall now unite to eliminate the threat of Chet from the world. Burning their Chet Holman jerseys. Chet Holman's like,

how did I get an entire order of Kung Fu monks determined to destroy me? So like the crowd at the Spurs game, it's like you got nuns, You got monks. You got Wimby assembling like the most devoted members of every, of every faith, of every scientific, blah, blah, blah. Like, how do you compete against this, man? And then you have Knicks fans. Bing, bong. So here's what you need to do. Chet, you need to go train with the rival monks. I know this from years of watching kung fu movies. There's a rival school and there is a rival.

There is a rival monk. You need to go train. with them okay make the beef global make it worldwide that's what you need to do and eventually the two of you are going to one v one somewhere on top of a limestone karst in southeast china jet homerner you need to join the league of shadows or the hand one of the two it's time you got this boy that's pretty cool i think yeah exactly we're going to do this piece we're just like hey do you know chet walked across a lake with his mind in the off-sage? Holtgren's a ninja now?

Yeah. Got so mad at Wimby, he became a ninja? I'm going to make a bet here. He's the first ninja named Chet. That's like a 1998 movie title. Ninja Chet. Ninja Chet.

This is, we've got this entire epic storyline for next year, all in court. All I need Chet Holmgren to do is to get on that plane, brother. Get on that plane. Get a reporter with you. And we'll chart your. assent from troubled troubled punished chet to ascendant kung fu monk chet Oklahoma

City's only ninja this is what see again all we're doing here we're consultant we're political consultants and your politics chat right now you're down in the polls bad but we can fix that we can fix that for you the power of ninjitsu you know I do a little podcast business it's time Podcast business. What's it business? Podcast business. It's a business.

Podcast business. Go find your master and trained under him in the mountains of China. And you learn some stuff and then you have a big fight. Homefieldapparel.com. The speed at which you got through the intro, you really saved it for that. Homefieldapparel.com. And I mean you put some extra sauce on it. Homefield apparel.com.

the Texas Tech page, it feels appropriate today. Holy shit, these trucker hats. Greeting me right, a corduroy trucker hat. I'm going to be honest, I have never in my life noticed whether I've seen a corduroy trucker hat. But this is the one right here at homefield apparel.com. You can get a Texas Tech Orange Bowl shirt. I don't think you want one of those unless you're trying to work harder during this

offseason to avoid that. Tortilla toss shirt. There's a tortilla in a cowboy hat. and boots flying through the air. I know that shit's got to be flying off the shelves like a tortilla itself. This is a great collection. I've only scrolled one page. This might be the first time I've ever looked at this particular page of

Homefield Apparel.com, but it's excellent. On to the second page now. Yep, nothing but hits here as well. I have no associations to Texas Tech, but there are several items that I'm considering adding to the rotation here. Homefield apparel.com. That is right, Homefield Apparel. Who, by the way, going to be one of the sponsors of a friend of the program, Lucy Rodin's new stuff now that she is starting her own thing.

Very proud of her. Homefield Apparel, they support cool people like us. You know, I'm also looking at Texas Page and fair, fair is fair. Homefield Apparel has a hookum horn's shirt that the cactus itself is throwing up the hookum. Not going to lie, despite everything we've said about Texas. that is quality. Hey, Texas, hey, Texas is quality. That's why it needs to demand better.

We covered that. Yeah, and that's what Homefield is for. Fire Sark and buy Homefield. That's right. And by the way, right now, Homefield having a little 2026 college football sweepstakes, you can enter to win the ultimate college football weekend, which is flights, lodging,

tickets for you and three friends to any game of your choice. Or you can choose 100. K cash price. Which would you do? I mean, I probably, I think I would probably take the money and then waste a lot of it

on buying a trip that I could have just had them fixed for me. You know what I mean? And then it would be like, well, damn, that was kind of a hole here now. I would spend a little bit of cash on two t-shirts,

one from each of the cities of the NBA finals participants, the St. John's Beast of the East ringer tea. And then UTSA has this ringer T too with what I'm assuming is like their original logos in 1980s ringers T. These two are fucking rad. And then you could cut together these two homefield apparel.com shirts and to stitch them together into one as if you're the parent of the player on each team.

Yeah, I'm Victor and Jalen's dad. Yep. You might not be able to tell, but... Yeah, it's going to be tough for you to figure that out. If you say you're Jalen's dad in the modern NBA, you're going to be waiting there's... Yeah, there's... Yeah.

5,000 Jalen. Oh, excuse me, Jalen Brunson. Yeah, no. As you can clearly see. One of the light-skinned Jalens. Next. Next. On our patreon.com, we put stuff there. Patreon.com slash shutdown fullcast.

We have put multiple... several hour episodes up there so far this off season it's not just after dark it's also after season um most recently we did a big one on the x-men and spencer there's a thing i forgot to mention to you uh have i told you about the time when colossus got the phoenix force no so your dog got the phoenix force uh along with this is iron man's fault the dipshit shot it with a fucking gun and it split in five pieces it goes into uh cyclops emma uh name more um my adopted daughter ilion and Resputin who has never done anything wrong and never will and Colossus. And Namor, of course, is instantly like,

Now I can fight the Avengers by myself! No, you moron. He gets struck down. So, okay, now four of them have the Phoenix Force. Cyclops and Emma, of course, are very responsible. So they're like, we're going to use it to turn Earth into a paradise and then we'll be worshipped. You know, they're starting to, it's like an evil god emerging kind of thing. Colossus, because he's a big depressed sweetheart, he's like,

well, I felt very sad for the whales so I gave the whale's legs but what turned out to have happened was then the whales walked onto the beach and they died so now I'm even sadder and they're like dumb ass this is not what she's supposed to be you're supposed to have the grandest ambitions

to take over the universe not accidentally overbearingly being too nice to the whales I'lliana because she's perfect and adorable is like I will kill Spider-Man that's the right mindset but anyway I just wanted to

attainable goals measurable almost got it too if not for her big sweetheart brother who's depressed about whales anyway I forgot to get that

into our Patreon episode anyway yeah there's a lot more of that on our Patreon episode as well as lots of other stuff about boring things that aren't comic books

like you know college football and whatever next channel 6 that's right channel 6 that's the newsletter

that Holly and I right two things a week for the low price of $10 a month i encourage you to subscribe because you're going to get among other things my thoughts on i am attempting to fix the college football calendar and you're going to get that this week and i have some bold proposals that uh that of course are perfect and because they're perfect that's why i want you to pay for them because you're going to read them and go man my life just got better i read that shit that is channel dash 6.ghost.io and you are going to get that and our free off-season newsletter, which just requires your email address. You can get that too.

You can get that too? Just sign up for it. And we'll send you everything that we've been reading, thinking about, looking at, you know, all the things you get to do when you don't have to spend anywhere. All the senses. Man, you're hitting them all. All the senses. Hey, we recommend snacks. That's part of the deal.

Yeah. Yeah. You got any smells? Yeah. Hell yeah. I think we've specifically recommended a particular candy. handles in TRL. So that has happened as well. So channel dash six dot ghost. I.O. That is channel six. Our superb newsletter where in season you're going to get the top whatever, which is where I rank the teams that I want to rank every single week based on what they did.

Does it mean like, you know, like your standard, but I still think they're the best. Nope, nope. It's just whatever you did that week. It's all I want to talk about. You'll get that in your inboxes after every single college football weekend. So again, channel dash 6.ghost.io, channel dash 6.ghost.io. Subscribe. Subscribe It's basically the rankings. Channel 6, you get the rankings that are basically if we didn't have to pretend we noticed Ohio State winning 42 to 7 against nobody for like the sixth game in row. Yeah, or no one cares what Ohio State did. It doesn't matter. Yeah, we'll catch you in November, man. Yeah, we'll notice when you play when you start to play football games. Yeah, when you play real football games, we'll bump you on up to number one.

and be like, holy shit, you're really good. Right, right, right. Once you're finally activate, once you're no longer playing your twos and threes, so to speak. Yeah, to be clear, I will be properly shocked and odd. Oh, damn. Yeah. Just don't talk about this. Don't ask me to mark out for a glorified scrimmage.

You're going to play your 17 Purdue's. Yeah, play your 17. And then you're going to be number one. Yeah. But fair and balanced thing. Watch Alabama play a thousand Kentucky's or whatever. I don't know. Wouldn't be Kentucky.

next another newsletter that also discusses college football and does a kind of does the same thing with the i state but in a more measured tone would be the until saturday newsletter at the athletic that i write it's it's free it goes out typically two times per week three times during the season i've done one a week this week and last i'm on vacation but that is my dedication to you when I'm on vacation. I will still, I will not abandon you. I will not leave you to wonder how many Texas Tech news items are going on at once.

There are so many. Lubbock is the center of the universe, as far as I can tell. That in playoff expansion. Like, man, today I wrote about, like, yes, expanding the playoff to 24 teams, like, yes, that will lower the ceiling dramatically for Michigan, Ohio State in particular. And that would suck. That's one of many reasons.

that we should not do that. Until Saturday is the name in the newsletter. Over 800,000 people subscribe to it. Kind of weird if you're not in that number, but that's up to you, I guess. Next. You should listen to my podcast, Hand in the Dirt. Just listen to my band, Killer Ants with Z or Z.

You should come to our show this Friday at Monstercade with Janus 414 and 30 is dead. We are probably going on last, but it's on Friday. if you can't make it to that in Winston-Salem. The Winston-Salem Pride Festival is next weekend. We'll be playing right after the opening ceremonies at 1 o'clock. I think our stage is still going to be on Trade Street. We usually, we didn't play last year, but we've played like two or three years before this,

and that's where we were. So I think that's where we'll be again. That's on June 13th. And then our album release show is June 26, at Fair Witness Fancy Drinks. On that note, we are going to be putting the, album on CD probably vinyl as well um I don't know that we are gonna print enough of them to justify like putting up a website or anything like that so just if you do happen to

like want a copy of the CD yeah um if you want to copy the vinyl I let you know because that's gonna get pressed later but the CD's coming first if you want to copy of the CD just like hit me up on blue sky I guess I don't know if anyone can get in my DMs there but just just like at me on blue sky i don't not a lot of people i don't miss most things so i should be able to see it and then i can like add you and get in your dms and we can discuss how to send that to you this is cool band guy stuff server this is they're coming to your garage i love it yeah to buy stuff out of your trunk i like yeah i'm not putting up a fucking website for this cd if you want to listen if if like me yeah like you got to get the cd from me if you really want to

listen to it it will be made easily available you can listen to it for free on youtube and i'll come meet you at the gas station yeah And then you get this goddamn CD. It's going to be in a jewel case, which was a conscious decision by me because, you know, they do the digipacks and stuff, the fold out. And it looks more like a vinyl record as a CD and all that stuff. Fuck that. I wanted a jewel case. I wanted something that people were going to crack within the first two days of getting the CD and it would never look the same again.

So yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, check, check us out. And yeah, if you want a copy of the album, which will be out soon on CD, let me know. be probably another two or three weeks before I have the CDs in hand. I'm hoping to have them by the show, but you know how that goes. We'll see. You know, it'll be up on streaming by then. I, I, within a past year or so I have, um, rebegun, uh, investing in CDs. So I approve this move. Like it's a, it's the way of the fucking future, man. It's not a, it's not a bad thing right now,

either because like, like, CDs are so devalued because everyone's like, oh, CDs are so out. Like, you can go to fucking Barnes & Noble and get the greatest albums that you've loved for your entire life for like $5 piece sometimes it's so stupid and then like you know on the day when the whole streaming everything is AI or whatever doesn't bother me I got it all right here got it all right here on not wax even better plastic I know like so it's funny that you say this because I have sorry you got me on a thing here I have been like like actually going through my vinyl collection and we like do I have this on CD and if I don't I've been active finding the CD I want it on both

versions because yeah you just never know yeah can't be too careful nowadays anymore and like you go to the use I realize there's a real tangent here but like you go to the UCD store dude it looks exactly like it did 20 fucking 5 years ago

it's unreal it's like nothing but zoomers who are like you're telling me I can buy 10 Fleetwood Mac albums for $2 each yeah yeah I did I got the I got the only good Kings of Leon albums and a box set at our

UCD store for like $7. All three of them. It was rad. And I don't even have to act like the rest of them exist. Dude, ours was in the back room. They just have like boxes of boxes of like Elton John's old records when he moved out of Atlanta. That's awesome. He's just like, here, take these darling.

Yeah, he went to, there's a documentary about Tower Records and he would just go every week. He would just, he had like an appointment to go to Tower Records to just buy all the albums that came out so he could hear them. Like, he has, he's my dream. Like, my dream is to live like Elton John and just go to a record store once a week. Buy everything.

And get, and just buy everything that's new. Just to see what it's all about. I have some news about what it requires credit wise to look like Elton John. I'll be fine, darling. Not if that is your only splurge. Surely you could afford it. I'm a live broke, but I'm a buy music like Elton John. Yeah, I won't do any of the other.

On CD, mind you. Yes, on CD. Elton John is a CDs guy. I can confirm. 100%. He made the switch. That's actually in the documentary, too. They talk about that.

They're like, yeah, when CDs came out, he made the switch. He stopped buying records. And then he had to re-buy buy its whole vinyl collection on CD. Never went back. Nope. It's the perfect art form. And Phantamilandasio. Listen to that to you.

Ryan and Stephen Godfrey do that. Yeah. And I just produced by one microwave server. Free. episode every week, then when do you get paid for? Usually. Breaking, and I think it's a good way to conclude the episode. My son is on a flight to South America with no screens I've been informed.

No screens. Wow. Wow. So this will probably be the longest time in many years that he has gone without screens. Yeah, this is functionally jail with snacks for him. I think this is, he's learning many of the same lessons that Wimby learned during his time with the monks. Your son is going to become a ninja.

He's going to become so strong. He's going to return and start calling you, father. Yeah. Father, my master, Juan Alpaca, who's actually an alpaca, taught me the ways of Incan martial arts. And now we must fight. Then he'll just beat my ass. Yeah.

Does that Lukang bicycle kick thing? Yeah. And then puts a very, warm sweater on me, right? This is so soft. It's healing my broken bones already. It's worth it, man. Let's tell you what.

One flight without screens. It'll get you there. Rest now, papa.