Shutdown Fullcast - Preserving one weekend of college football

Episode Date: August 12, 2020

We drafted 16 special games and placed them in a schedule   - But first, 40 minutes of whole other stuff happened - The longest Podcast Business of all time - We are all currently racing to Indianapolis to hide in a T-shirt warehouse - 2020 Charity Bowl praising and ... encouragement - So much Iowa, just generally so much Iowa - Spencer makes the worst choice, which turns out to be the best choice Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome welcome to the shutdown for the shut down full cast this week brought to you by another sport other sports have you thought about other sports because this is the internet's only college football podcast but i'm just saying you might want to think about other sports i don't think about other things to do on a Saturday or Sunday you know it's a socially distant sport assault from American gladiators you know what that's the one where you go from station to station trying to get nitro and nitro shooting tennis balls at you yeah really curious that you stopped on from American Gladiators.

I thought you were just going to cut it right there. It's like, Ryan, I've never felt so close to you. The crime of assault is actually not very socially destined, but assault the American Gladiators event. Totally safe. Assault with a proximity weapon. Basic.

Like, I think that should be an acceptable form of political protest. I think if, like, your mayor or your governor gives a speech one member of the opposition should get a tennis ball cannon and the in the same manner like the governor gets to you know go between obstacles trying to give his or her speech at the same time but like there's like the minority leader just trying to tag his ass with tennis balls this is I guess what I'm saying is this is how we make C-SPAN appointment television though i haven't thought c span always needed combat sports yeah that's what the c's for exactly see dana white's corner span just dana white investing in it like i'm gonna make c span for dudes

for real men real men who just want to see a face full of fist in the middle of the uh in the middle of the library of congress i got your cloture rear naked cloture what does the c span acronym stand for in this context go I mean, would a call-in show be much better if, like, MMA fighters were just calling in and being like, bro, I know you're on the gas. So instead of Fight Island, we got Fight Court. Doom, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, fight court. Fight court.

With Harry Anderson. Yeah. Did anything change today, Jason? I mean, technically, on paper, there's not going to be college football in 2020. This is a thing we've known for a month. because the people in charge of college football have been the people in charge of college football for months and the people in charge of college football are not actually in charge of college football the big ten in fact will officially bowed out and a bunch of other conferences are going to wait and see if they're going to they will we already knew there wasn't going to be college football this fall that's sad that's very sad but it's also the thing that we already knew so hopefully we've made our peace with it have we made our peace with it I don't I haven't yet, but how are we feeling? I'm doing that thing where I wait to make my piece with it.

Like, right now, it's, you know, August 11th. So it's not like I was gearing up to watch anything on Saturday, football on Saturday anyway. Once we get to like mid-September, then we'll see where I'm at. Then we'll see how broken I am. Once we get to like, you're like, oh, damn it, we're missing the week three games. Oh, I should be watching Florida struggle to beat Kentucky right now.

Curse my luck. Yeah, once we're really in the doldrums, like, once we're in like, oh, it's the first week of conference games. I will say, I will say that I find the easiest way to sort of like ease my, my frustration is to think about the games that I don't have, that I won't see now. Like I don't, I don't want to watch a Florida Kentucky game. I would have watched it, but now I don't have to. and that's like a little bit of freedom for me from me yeah so you can sort of tell yourself it's all florida kentucky yeah it's sort of like christmas is canceled but i get to say like well hey that's less waste for the environment yeah i don't have to go to mass right exactly i don't

have to put pants on yeah i don't have to wear a really hot sweater that i only wear once a year and go sit in a church listening to somebody postpone me getting all the cool toys I'm going to get right right except I'm not getting the toys yeah there's no toys either there's no toys no toys you're just by yourself forever oh wait yeah shit well but have we got a fun game to play

Can I, can I offer one bit of uplifting news before we jump into the game? Is it from the books about hell that you're reading? It is not because those books haven't arrived yet. Wait, what? I am, for my own reasons, I purchased three different books about the history of human understanding of the afterlife. I haven't gotten them yet. I haven't read any of them yet. Okay, so we're going to talk after the show. You're based entirely on interstate billboards, if Michigan is the University of the War Dad, Florida is

the University of the Hell Dad. The Hell Dad. One day, you're a hellboy. And then you look up and you're a hell man. And then... Oh, this body. What happened to it? I very much want to know which state has the most hell billboards per capita. Like Kentucky...

Kentucky is fucking bringing it. Florida's got a lot of people, man. Indiana goes hard. Florida's got a lot of people. Florida's got a lot of miles of interstate that run the length of it. And all those are filled with hell billboards. Yeah, but Tennessee and Kentucky have billboards that go the width of them. Can we draw a line between, are you talking about billboards that are like warning the path to hell lies this way?

Because I don't think Florida has a lot of those. I think if you're like, hellbeast, the lawnmower you've got to have to ruin your neighbor's life. Florida has that one weird series on 75, like it actually begins a little bit above the state line. I think like in Valdosta that my mother looked up on a road. trip because she couldn't resist finding out who the Antichrist is as teased by these billboards. And it turns out this website asserts that it's Prince William. Wow. So that's fun.

That's hot. At least you're bringing a new take. Yeah. All right. Here's my good news of the week. GNC has Girl Scout protein powder. Bro. Scout branded flavored protein powder.

They come in three flavors. And my task for you, gentle. friends is I want you to tell me what you think the three flavors of girl like this is not like oh it's sort of like vaguely girl scouting it's like it says on the package girl scouts of america it has the logo it has pictures of the actual cookies like is there thin mint protein powder holly you have identified one of the flavors of g and c girl scout way protein barbett yes yeah i and i i will say this you have to work with a good protein powder you're going to have to work against that flavor so certain things are going to work better than others when it

comes to covering up that you know extremely chalky chalky basic kind of yeah flavor that way protein powder tends to have thin mints is one can you can you collectively name the other two there are a samoa one in there there is it's called coconut caramel but it is indeed that you know why they call it coconut caramel because they're worried that lifters are too dumb to know what Samoa is. Correct. And they'll think it's made out of actual Samoans, which is not true. No, but they'd like, they'd be like, dude, those guys got mass. Yeah,

I think it's like, no, it'll be swole like the rock. Yeah, it'll be giant. We'll be huge. Like all those linemen, bro. They might associate it with Roman rains and be like, oh, I'm so sick of this protein powder being pushed on us. I'm happy to report that this product has 408

reviews. So, all right. 412. Ryan, uh, peanut butter. Are we working with peanut butter here? There is not a peanut butter flavor here. That's a good guess. You could have gone dosi-dough.

I forget what the other one is. Tag-a-long. Yes. You could have gone tag-long. No. I don't think you're going to get the third one. I'm going to be honest. Oh, is it something, is it like broccoli?

Hang on, Girl Scout here. Egg. No, that's a good guess. That was going to be my guess, is that they were, or the lemon culotta. The answer is s'mores. Huh. It's, I understand that, but it is, it is listed as, as a Girl Scout flavor. So I don't know if it's like a recent.

Ryan, have you combed the reviews to see how many people are mortally offended that this is not a Girl Scout cookie flavor besides me? This is, okay, so here's the thing. This is a Girl Scout cookie flavor. It's just a relatively recent one. I'm looking at it right now. Whoa. Yeah. There are two.

Yeah. Well, I was thinking because like, are they taking Scout literally? you make a smore on a camping trip, but this is an official canon cookies. Yes. This is a, this is a... Jason, what's that Bible word apostasy? Yes. Yeah. That, that.

This is, um, this is kind of a keblery looking cookie that has, it's a sandwich cookie with chocolate and what they call marshmallow filling, which feels like it does not have any action. I don't really appreciate when you put a modifier on marshaloy because that's all, already a substance that's very vague in terms of what I think. I mean, honestly, ask most people, you know, like, when you ask most people, why is the sky blue? You're going to get a lot of wrong answers. Sure.

Ask most people what a marshmallow actually is, and they will have no clue. So I don't think you need to take an already vaguely understood product and put a modifier on it. The other day when the dude from the Pentagon or whatever was like, yeah, there's some shit in Area 51 that didn't come earth he was talking about marshmallows you know so like even now we're taking it another level beyond that can i do a hand can i do a proud i amg product hand in the dirt crossover moment oh dude there's a marshmallow plant that has nothing to do with marshmallows what is what is it's an herb it's an herb called the marshmallow plant it's an herb called marshmallow like that's its name like marshmallow like rakes of mallow what oh so this is like being

named hamilton burger and your name being hamburger but you're not hamburger got it does it grow in marshes one assumes i frankly lost interest when i discovered that it had nothing to do with marshmallows go balls that it doesn't actually like grow marshmallows yeah i did have a moment Well, I was like, hey, yo. So anyway, if you want to purchase a Girl Scout cookie-flavored way protein, G&C got you covered. I don't know what the cut is that the Girl Scouts are getting here, but I hope it's good.

I like the idea, though, that somebody passing that is like, you know, I did want a protein powder that tasted more like candy and a cookie. than, you know, just regular little powder. Because, you know... Hey, maybe you want weight protein that teaches young girls to believe in themselves and develop life skills. That would be, like, standing outside... What store do you, as a Girl Scout,

stand outside selling Girl Scout protein powder? Do you do that outside of family court? You look like the daughter I... You look like the daughter I can't see. Go box! My daughter said... My daughter said I'm not strong enough. that's a great note to come back on we'll go ahead and just assume it's that that's the most heartwarming

alternative for me yep yep um you know do you do that at like do you do that at a gym i think you know you do that at what gym it's a little on the nose i think it's more of a water park thing what yeah because everyone's like everyone's feeling insecure yeah they just took their shirts off And they're like, yeah, dude, I thought this other guy. He's ripped as hell. To be clear, Jason, I see what you're saying. But this time, you've got to be positioned at the exit, not the entrance. You're getting people on the way out.

Well, actually, what I was going to say is could you just dump it into the lazy river and then you float and you're soaking in all the protein? Oh, transdermal protein administration. Thin-mit absorption. I'm fucking yoped off the float workout. what i do yeah i just listen i do three sets of three sets three sets of 45 minute laps yeah and uh and then i and then i tales of weird uncle then i fucking i fucking then i fucking flip over you know to work my pecks

i'm just yoked it's sick it's sick i haven't honestly man i like i haven't i haven't felt like this Since like, remember when we went to Ultra in 2011 and I didn't eat for like four weeks and I was shredded? Yeah. Like, I look like that. Why are you thinking here? I went to Ultra. You know the guy. I do.

He had a gator's hat on. Yes, he did. I'm going to post a picture of this guy with the show notes, which is a thing we say we're going to do, but never do. It's important to lie. Lying is key to everything. For instance, you can say, hey, we're just pushing the college football seat. season back you know who doesn't you know who doesn't why though home field apparel yeah that's a segue home field apparel get offers you a promise and that promise is comfortable great looking

awesome collegiate casual wear shirts sweatshirts tank tops they have sweatpants as well but i don't think they've made the sweatpants holly has proposed so far um no but i only propose sweatpants because they have tank tops here is how well the first home field read on the relaunch shutdown forecast did so well that home field apparel is now hiring they they have we they've done too much business that is the power of two things this unkillable stupid podcast and pit football the two most important things in industry podcast business too much business indiana podcast pitness is that a thing spencer hey spencer um should we move to indianapolis and make t-shirts i got nothing else to do yeah why don't we do that i mean i what my schedule's done we wrote a book so what else do

we do in life yeah time to make shirts um you raise a cool hundred thousand dollars for charity in something like 24 hours oh yeah there's that too yeah we got other podcast business to cover but yeah home field uh home field now on the backs of the mightiest brands in college football has made both and themselves more powerful powerful in the course of merely touching them with their sainted hands you use offer code full cast you get 20% off here is a true tale of homefield success from my own home they recently uh uh maybe like a month ago they had hawaii that was part of their new Saturday lineup. And I said, I'm going to order a Hawaii Rainbow Warriors hoodie. It's not hoodie season, but I like it and I want to have it in my house so that when hoodie season arrives,

I don't have to say, oh, damn it, why didn't I? Despite it being August, my wife has already stolen this sweatshirt from me. That's how comfortable it is. That's how excellent it is. And I think, I don't know if we're allowed to say this part, but they basically have said that Virginia Tech is the next school that is coming up this weekend so we can confirm it is a maroon and orange turkey themed school yeah homefield did not like it when I said that the turkey claw looked like a really poorly drawn Arizona State pitchfork so it's not that I can tell you that turkey of the damn right I think Spencer and I is homefield employees we would like you to cease and desist

from further divulging internal company information. I apologize. Hey, you don't have to go to that warehouse tomorrow. We do. We have to look them in the eye. Just another day at the shirt factory. Man, I hope they hear this

before you guys show up. Honestly, man, Jason, and I'm talking to you and only you right now for these people who've got jobs. I mean, this doesn't sound too bad, right? Hanging out with the warehouse with the guys. pressing some shirts yeah sounds great yeah just clocking in with the fellas yeah listening to some you know new metal on the warehouse radio now you both have

warehouse adjacent experience right we do sure in your in your past jobs yeah i'll move i'll carry boxes clocking in with the guys you know you speak from experience sure i just want to make sure and the ladies that we're i just want to make sure everybody knows we're not looking down on warehouse workers we have many former movers and stackers of boxes no man like no like this is i'm pretty much being serious here like we might be right there just forecasting from the warehouse far far from looking down on it homefield is hiring at a lot of digital media outlets or not yeah uh yeah maybe we delay this uh episode's released by a day or two to give us time to get to indianapolis so that we can apply oh i thought you were going to say to see if brian and i get

fired too so we can come Indiana Indiana it's the new Riviera let's go last week I was afraid I may have accidentally spoken my dad's death into existence this is nothing homefield started as an apparel company and now it's a halfway house for bloggers and that's not entirely a lie now that I think about it halfway to respectful baby mathematically this podcast is also a halfway house for bloggers yeah but is it but going the other way yeah a shirt is a halfway house for your body wow as our pants before it can be released back into society uh spencer what's the other bit of podcast business you got now we got two other bits of podcast business two two yeah first of god damn i thought you said you don't have a job

son we got listen i got no job but plenty of hustles i got plenty of hustles i got plenty of hustles i got That's right. I got side hustles, got a little back hustle, if you know what I mean. Oh, God. Yeah. Spencer, you cannot announce your only fans on this show. I will leave. Just happened.

God damn it. All right. What kind of thread is that? He's trying to make money here. Don't knock the grind. All right. Please don't say grind. Grind.

Yeah. uh yeah two other bits we've got uh first of all still for sale for in perpetuity if you will uh from now until the end of time you could purchase the sinful seven available at sinful seven dot com the five-way work of genius by myself jason kirk alex kershner richard johnson and illustrator tyson whiting shouts out to tyson whiting because he is did just amazing work on this thing he and the rest of us put together this lovely book about the NCAA the sham of amateurism how it happened also maybe you know a couple hundred pages of an old west allegory going on so it's the only book i know of that will explain to you how we got to this insane point of amateurism still being a thing in 2020 and and also we'll give you uh you know a book about a train robbery and killing a governor yeah i i i keep finding myself wanting to describe this book as awkwardly timely like too timely little yeah like a little uncomfortable at time and there's a train robbery yeah and there's a

train robbery and not one but two western anthems including why did we stop robbing trains some of us never did we just don't we just don't talk about it that's now now you sound like like Sam Shepard or somebody doing a truck commercial. Ryan, again, Spencer and I are unemployed. Maybe that's why you do stop robbing trains? Yeah. We've got a point, though. If you're running a busy law enforcement department

and you get a call that someone's robbing a train, do you hang up? Yeah, you're going to let that go. Yeah. You're like, by the time I get there, it's not my jurisdiction. You're going to laugh and be like, how quaint. Yep. I'm going to get interstate commerce act,

handle that for me maybe the key to getting away with a crime spree is to make sure that it's antiquated retro crimes yeah and nothing but antiquated retro crimes train robbery i thought you were going to say commit the crimes on the state line which is why the city of jacksonville exists impersonating a kentucky colonel no that's serious though they'll they will get you for that robbing a steamboat that's fine apothecary fraud you sir sold me a fraudulent tincture yeah i think you could i think by the way yeah now i was going to say apothecary fraud is a great business that maybe jason and i are getting into as early as next week home field apparel we will be running an apothecary out of pure warehouse very soon what is this tonic i got with my sweatshirt is

this like those chinese seeds ah screw it i'll drink it back can we first of all right ryan ryan please please expand on on the chinese seeds and then yeah yeah what what if for those who don't know and then i'm going to add in the uniquely cc part of this entire story all right so i'm going to probably butcher this butchre this but people across the united the united states i believe almost said the united nations which is good too several states have been getting mystery seeds mailed to their house seeds that they did not order at least that they don't remember ordering and that are not I believe are unmarked it doesn't say it's like oh here's you know

grozennios or some shit um and most people have been reporting to like the USDA like hey I got these seeds or they've like you know made it said like this seems weird that many people knew how to contact the USDA. I suspect probably like once the first few people did that hopefully that was an early Google result for mystery seeds China. The seeds come from China. I don't remember if I said that part. There's right here now it's even evolved. There's a story from North Carolina McDowell County where a resident recipient received two suspicious packages of seeds from China, and one of them also had SIM cards in it. So, exciting.

Case the plant wanted to call home. Yeah. It's now, like, I think the relevant authorities think that it's some sort of international internet scam. I'm not sure how this scam works. I'm not sure how you send people mystery seeds, and you end up getting their personal information or money. But that's not important because Spencer, who planted the seeds? seeds okay so who gets who gets mystery alien seeds from china uh people in arkansas specifically boonville resident doyle krenshaw i'm just going to say his name again

doyle doyle krenshaw from boonville arkansas patron saint doyle cringe that is an arkansas let me go ahead and say this that doyle krenshaw received these seeds in the mail and despite the USDA telling people not to plant them in fact maybe because the USDA told him not to plant them Boonville resident Doyle Crenshaw he put those suckers in the ground but no Doyle didn't just put him in the ground I'm going to read you this quote we brought him down here and planted the seeds just to see what would happen every two weeks I'd come by and put miracle grow on it and they just start started growing like crazy look if you're gonna if you're gonna grow carnivorous plants that take over

america and kill us all just like there's no sense like slowing it down go ahead and speed it up and get it over with yep Doyle Crenshaw diagnosed with cancer took up a four pack a day smoking habit because i don't know let's see how big these things get i want i don't want to make it i don't want to make it out of this Here's an important quote from Mr. Crenshaw. The package said it was from China, and it said studded earrings on the outside, and we thought that was a little odd. Uh-huh. Yeah.

That was my first sign that something here was amiss. So what I did was I took it out. Darling, we got an earring plant right here. They said there's earrings in here. Yeah, right. I'm going to pour chemicals on it. fucking USDA tell me I can't pour chemicals on an earring. You know it? I got a whole, I got a whole jewelry harvest coming in. Bumper crop.

So several folks online have pointed out the difference or the similarities between this story and the last news story that we love this much, which was a couple years ago when they dug up that heretofore unexplored tomb. And there was a sarcophagus full of mysterious red liquid inside. And two things happened. The first thing that happened was the BBC interviewed this guy whose name I wish I could recall since he is clearly responsible for all of the ills. That was Doyle Crenshaw. It might have been Viscount Doyle Crenshaw because he said something that would be too obvious to put in the opening act of a mummy flicked.

He said, you know, I wish people. people would quit talking about curses you know I opened the coffin up and stuck my head inside and I'm fine the second thing that happened was that people in Britain which lest we forget Alabama or England is not a joke people in Britain immediately began circulating a petition to allow them to drink the liquid from the dark sarcophagus Holly this man's name this man's name is Mustafa Waziri and his quote was we've opened it and thank God the world has not fallen into darkness way to jinx it Mustafa yeah when was it when was it talking about a completely different guy hang on let me

no no no no no because he has one more quote this is July 20th to 2018 and then he goes on to say I was the first to put my whole head inside the sarcophagus and here I stand before you I am fine yeah everything's been great since 2018 thanks good job Mustafa clap yeah that's this arkansas by the way sarcasta who you know in any plague movie you know don't drink that drinking it also i'm going to derail this for just a second because while we're talking about sarcophagi and whatnot and have a good mummy jokes

do you know how mad i'm going to be if i finally get to be dead and somebody is digging my ass up out of the ground it's pretty bad yeah it's not ideal like you're like i just want to i i don't know how not like a lot of many most bad things in the world this did come from england i don't know how this became a hobby of people to dig up dead people and like adorn their drawing rooms with their stuff y'all better make sure i'm real dead when you put me down there because if i hear so much as a peep i like the idea of like a hundred years from now somebody's trying to exhume holly and they hear like hey i've

i'm still got red liquid in here i'm drinking Go the fuck away. Are mummies the eternal nap-dab? Oh, wow. I mean, what describes a nap house better? Burry me with my stuff. What is a coffin but a eco-friendly nap house? It's kind of a combination garage nap house.

Yeah, you think because you do get your stuff. Right. Your most important stuff in there. Yep. Except you get buried with your subordinates. God, if only. oh man listen I work to some really good people

I don't want to be buried with you all I don't want to you know Alex Kirshner too chatty Hey home field apparel We're gonna come up there We're gonna start a pop carry in your warehouse And then we will be buried inside of it with you I'm gonna sorry

I'm sorting through this and I'm discarding all of you Alex is too chatty to be buried with Richard Johnson is too handsome And many people will come Godfrey takes up too much space Yeah God God Godfer just complain non-fucking all all elbows he's not complaining when he's talking it just sounds like he's complaining so when they would be fine i could be buried with floyd when they uh opened up king

tuts tomb among other people carter carter and others of all people i know i know carter and others sampled the two thousand three thousand year old jar of honey that was in there which you know there's some sound science behind doing that honey honey is one of the most resilient food stuff right but not 3,000 years resilient no they just they just went ahead and did it man they just went ahead they went for it they're like yeah let's go for it now I thought this was rare but the Cousteau crew unearthed a a fully intact like urn full of wine that was sealed a sarcophic I feel full of mcdubles i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that in my lifetime i do not ever wish to consume anything that came out of an urn coward sorry to be controversial i was i'm just saying listen if there were if there were you know southern mummies be like hey man they haven't opened up this this can of wintergreen kodiak you want to try it it's probably still good there's probably an lSU tailgate where you can get like mac and cheese out of an

right I'm sorry I got distracted thinking about a mummy named am skull tech wow I am school tech I am gonna try I am gonna try to find I am gonna try to find I Joe book and record with the cockney mummy all right now we have to do the third piece of podcast business it will never get it's true seriously I'm coming back to this so the third piece of podcast business and really like the most fun we have all year I think I speak for me which is a which is a real a low bar in 2020 a real low bar but it's fun for spencer let's not say we okay it's really fun for me uh that

that would be the edsbs charity bowl uh the edsbs charity bowl where we raise money for refugee service organization new american pathways uh we've been doing this for uh about a decade now and so far through two days we've raised over a hundred thousand dollars i can say that it ain't fiction we did that y'all did that i can actually check the page right now guess yeah we can get a very specific quote it is tuesday night at 1019 eastern time uh we reset our original hundred thousand dollar goal at like noon when it became clear we were gonna smash it yeah 104 000 45 nice yeah so perhaps you think oh man that's cool they made their goal no we didn't no we had to re suckers we moved the goalposts we had to reset it because we thought

oh man maybe we'll just get the eight seed in the playoffs turns out we got the one seat because we're internet people and we're going to move the goal posts on you that's right and we're going to do it far way out there 175,000 that's the goal now can we can we give them like a top five top 10 schools as of the moment yes I can hang on as of 5 p.m. Eastern actually why don't I go through and give sorry the entire rig that my microphone is on just collapsed why don't i go through and give a couple of quick notes uh the top five schools are in order georgia tech at one michigan wow two separated by 47 dollars i want to say 47 and change this is the closest they've ever been cash war um i will say that we had a monster

michigan donation a single donation come in after we stopped counting so The money cannon should be out in front tomorrow. Georgia is third, which is also astonishing. Colorado State at four, and Alabama at five, which is also surprising. One of the best things about the charity bill the past couple of years is brace yourselves. The SEC didn't really used to be all that into the charity bowl. We didn't used to hear from them a lot. But Georgia Tech fans eventually drew in the Georgia fans who kind of drew in other SEC fans.

and then of course Georgia blows a lead Texas A&M is six Florida is seven LSU is eight Virginia Tech is nine Texas Tech is 10 for those of you asking

Texas is 19 Let's see Washington and Lee and Washington University of St. Louis are in the top 15 Let's talk about teams that are not anywhere near that Clemson

63rd Duke 58 Those are still behind Nebraska at 53rd Well hey listen Nebraska fans are saving their money for football tickets

Yeah there's no telling where they might be playing so they got to count these pennies We're saving up for flights to Boston College We're playing on Flight Island Let's play a game I'm going to give you five schools and you tell me which of these schools is not ahead of Ole Miss in the Charity Bowl

at the end of day two. Which one of these schools is not ahead of the office? You ready? Okay, yeah. Middle Tennessee State is ahead. I'm going to give you five and you got to pick one. Okay, sorry, sorry. Middle Tennessee State, the South Africa Spring Box, West Ham United, Western Michigan,

and the Vermont Institute of Natural Science so four of these are ahead and what is behind can I can I go with Vermont okay Jason says Vermont I'll say MTSU then Spencer I'm gonna go with the spring box that's a trick question all five of these are ahead of Ole Miss in addition to West Ham United California University of Pennsylvania, Northern Illinois, Western Kentucky, New Hampshire, Alaska Anchorage, The Citadel, and Ireland Rugby, and also one guy who just donated to Canada. Jason, vacation Bible school currently trails Ole Miss by 7 cents. Oh, it's fucking on. That's it.

That's it. I'm taking down the rubbles. But both of you are ahead of Cal Lutheran, as you should be. That's good. Okay. The Lutherans are folded into a BBS. along with various others. This means Kennesaw State is demolishing Oleness at the moment. Oh, yeah, Kennesaw, thanks to, Jason, you were not the only Kennesaw State dinner this year.

Kennesaw State is all the way up at 66. Oh, my God. I just saw something I did. This is not a bit. I just saw something I hadn't seen before. This is a really weird day on the leaderboard because we had a lot of rival schools that ended up directly one atop another in the standings,

like West Virginia and Pitt. We're right on top of each other, a couple other schools. Kennesaw State is directly beneath Georgia State. Oh, fuck. It's on. Double on. It's like a hundred and three bucks difference. Harry Liles.

Calling you out, brother. Harry Liles. Come get this. Do you hear me ludicrous? You are both, however, ahead. Robbie Calland, I'm calling you out, brother. I will say that both Kennesaw State, this is the best, part of the charity bowl which is just listing these schools these big ass schools with big

ass budgets that y'all are beaten up on canisaw state and georgia state are both ahead of vanderbilt arizona state south carolina kansas state stanford oh and washington state stanford is sanford fans don't have money they just have stock it's different yeah we're not very liquid yeah they got to cash out their fucking eight trillion dollar endowment to donate a hundred dollars to charity and in all seriousness for one second i'm not denigrating anybody's tiny donation um this this bowl means a lot every year it has meant more for terrible reasons every year for the past amount of five years and this year it really means a lot because we know a lot of folks are out of work we know a lot of folks are struggling and we are still smashing

these donation records and we cannot thank you guys enough yeah so if you would like to join the throng of people donating to the edsbs charity bowl and to new american pathways please we have we got the dang URL there's a whole site and everything you just go to uh edsbs charity bowl.com is one way you can donate just go there hit the big button do it right now yeah edsbsbs charity bowl while i tell you that tuskegee is currently doubling up harvard law in the donations yeah that would be edsbs charity bowl dot yeah he's right it works i am right i even tested it and and if you are if you are more into brevity more into the sms route of doing this yeah then you're not listening this deep into a forecast episode no no um and if you are you're like

driving and tweeting about the episode at the same time while smoking and maybe yelling at your kids yeah I think, like, you're driving and the entire dash console on your car is broken. So weird. I just stole a bunch of Girl Scout protein powder. Oh, God. Speaking of it, I knew the other thing I wanted to say. For some reason, we cannot correct this in the database, and we've tried to fix it, like, three times, and it won't work.

Rutgers keeps showing up in the database in all caps, and no one knows how to fix it. Rutgers! That's why. There. Yeah. Rutgers keeps showing up, and no one knows how to fix it. So let's play our game that somebody invented. I forget.

Not me. Somebody not me invented. Wasn't me. So we are, what are we, 40 minutes in, and it's time to begin the episode. Seeing as there will not be college football this fall or spring, why have there be college football in the spring? There's no college football in the spring. There wasn't like, there will be no spring, which, yeah, maybe.

There's not going to be a spring. That Michigan played spring college football in like 18, 890 or 190 something. They played one game in either March or May. No one agrees on whether it was March or May. In lieu of that, Ryan, did I use that legal term correctly? Yeah, that's correct. Yep.

Excellent. So we have decided to let's pretend there will be one glorious weekend of college football. We will preserve just a handful of games, whether they're on the schedule or not, who cares. We're going to shepherd these games into one little safe, secure. of a weekend where three of us are going to Spencer Ryan and I are going to draft games that we would most like to preserve or schedule and then Holly will slot them in times and channels throughout this weekend accordingly I'm a media executive yep and congratulations you're already like a top two or three media executive for men for men um Jason because

Jason because this was your idea I think you should get first pick. All right. I'm taking the Celebration Bowl first. We're going to make sure there's some FCS in this lineup. We're going to make sure there's some HBCU in this lineup. Also, this game rules, if you've never been to it. Music is awesome.

Of course. It's the HBCU National Championship, but there's also kind of a family reunion atmosphere. It's very fun. I feel like it is the, if attending a sporting event can give you sort of, a healing feeling i think this is the one that would most do it in the year 2020 this is this is the single game i think i would most like to attend and see right now so let's make sure it's on

the list good pick spencer what is your first pick yeah that's a very very positive pick a lot of like good energy around uh oh oh oh boy dad's home yeah like like i don't know that would make you feel really good and then sometimes there are games that are just a grim reminder of life of god of life's endless struggle against entropy and scarcity so iowa michigan state come on down god it's already ruined the game why am i gonna why am i going to why am i going to put everything michigan's announcers come on this is what michigan state's announcers just sitting there going why so dear dorif and brandstetter they're going to be busy because they're joining our podcast of course right yeah yeah our valued colleagues uh yes yes part of the family

so yeah iowa michigan state because they can't all be bangers they can't even mostly be bangers jeez um god i hate you all right so okay i like when ryan thinks out loud so then i'm gonna i'm going to i'm going to use my first pick on michigan lSU this is not a game that was on the schedule because this is a game that has never been on the schedule Michigan and LSU have never played each other at least according to Winsipedia and I want this game obviously to happen in Baton Rouge and so that's that's my first pick is Michigan traveling down south to play reigning national champion LSU Tigers and led by coach Ed Orshar. Hey you know they used to be a war college. Okay so that's

round one holly you now get to pick you control the the family of networks so you can tell us where you are putting these three games into your your one week of programming where what time they're going what day they're going what channel they're going all right the celebration bowl obviously needs to form the centerpiece of uh of any weekend action I there's something about the celebration bowl that feels the same as like a Georgia state game and I'm hesitant to say it because I don't want either of these programs to feel like I'm talking down about them and I'm not these games when you go to them and I'm including Kennesaw State here too go else they feel like high school games but I mean that in this in like the best possible sense of the one word please do not at me what I mean is when you show up at these games you know they're not they're not the primetime contest they've never been the primetime contest but they are games which have rivalries that stretch back decades which have families that have been tailgating with families

from the other side for decades and it feels like a high school game in the sense that everybody knows everybody and I love that I love it so much. It's like going, you know, there are like tailgating at any of these games, and I highly recommend that you go to all them at some point in your life, feels like going to hang out in somebody's yard, right? Every game feels like a graduation party or somebody's 50th birthday party or your grandparent's 70th wedding anniversary. You know, like everybody knows everybody. It's a super fierce rivalry the game is great

and all that is to say I want to put this game on a Friday but I don't want that to feel like it's a hit against it. It's because I feel like that is where it semantically belongs. Does that make sense? Sure.

Like I really, really, really want to underline multiple times that I feel this game belongs on a Friday not due to the quality the football but due to the atmosphere and that's a compliment if if we are only having one weekend of imaginary college football there is no shame in being the friday night game well there's also a problem in going first which is that i have to save room for what's coming next because i don't know right this

is the olympic problem so you want that friday night on your main network i'm assuming i want i want a friday night ESPN like eight o'clock kick okay so we could go even bigger here because this has traditionally been an ABC game, so you could throw it on ABC on Friday night. Does ABC do Friday nights? I mean, you're in charge. This is me. No, you're right. I am in charge. Yes, bang, bang. ABC. Let's do it a little bit later, not the seven o'clock kick. Let's give everybody time to get off work and fight through the hellscape of traffic that will surely be going because this game is real and it's going to exist. And 8 p.m. kick. Everybody has plenty of time. visit before the game nobody has to stay up until five in the morning blogging about the game

yeah that's one lock it okay iowa michigan state this one's come you know where to put this there are so many noons listen i would like to introduce the concept of big noon tuesday yeah yeah no no i like this sure yeah at this time i would like like for both of these teams to play at noon on true TV. Okay. Done. Because true TV deserves to be hunted for at some point other than March Madness.

And we already had March Madness canceled this. I like this because this is big true noon. This is exceeding. Oh my God. It's Trues day. This is exceedingly practical jokers. Every day should be Trus Day. And thank God it's not.

Michigan, LSU. I'm of two minds here. Okay. I know that what I am being steered towards and what I should probably say is a night kickoff in Baton Rouge because LSU fans and Michigan fans will go out of their respective gourds

in very different ways. However, wouldn't it be so much funnier? Okay. I'm going to throw this back to the room. What is funnier? Michigan fans exposed to an LSU night time game or Michigan fans exposed to the broiling surface of the sun that is Death Valley at noon. I'm going to go Michigan exposed to a nighttime game because what?

I don't know because like LSU can handle a noon game and so can Michigan, but can they handle Louisiana itself? But here's the thing. What you're, whether and, like, the science of temperature and hate is a thing Michigan men and women can understand. They can, like, research. They can do math on it. Where, where's, where's, wherewolf tailgate, you can't do any math on. I mean, they've been to Wisconsin. All right.

I'm going to, I'll counterpoint again. This is the defending national champs. And you want me to give them a primetime Saturday kick playing, what did Michigan finish in their division? division last year not second or first you want a team you want a team that's never finished better than third under this coach in their division to play the defending national champs and you wanted in prime time okay let me let me here's where here's here's what I think the question you have can someone who's got a sadist answer the question okay Holly what do you think would be more enjoyable to you watching LSU destroy Michigan over the course of four quarters in the afternoon or

watching them do it at night with all the buildup that goes into the night game this is a real weird week to ask me that because michigan invariably inevitably blows away the competition of the charity bowl every year and this is the one week of the year in which i am most loath to speak ill of them so i'm going to go with the game that i would rather watch which is always going to be LSU at night. Okay. So seven, what do we think, guys? 7.30. That feels right. Oh, yeah. I had to ask something very important. Is this happening in September? It can happen whenever you want it to. Yeah. Like, is it still, is, is this going to occur during a time of year when it can still be broiling and a little bit light outside if we do a primetime case?

Holly, it can be in weather and situation you want it to, you have all the power. You can say it is I'm not asking to create a Louisiana snow game, because I will. Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, you can say it's snowing in Mississippi and scalding hot in Louisiana. For the record, LSU and Michigan in the Independence Bowl. The coldest Super Bowl was played at Tulane. Really? I'm not making that up. It was colder than the ice bowl.

What was the Tulane snow game? Like, what am I thinking of? Was there a two-lane snow game? There was a very famous two-lane snow thing. It's great audio. I'll look it up. Okay. I do not recall.

Oh, yeah, there is one. January 1st, 1964. Yeah, the 1964 Sugar Bowl, a Tulane Stadium. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. They had to get snowplow. They had to get, like, snow machines out. It was like a, it was like the most snow in New Orleans history, or at least like.

Snow machines. They need reverse snow machines. Damn. Ha ha ha ha. So I went to Baton Rouge, Janine. New Orleans received three and a half inches of snow. the day before and in the and in the 1964 Sugar Bowl

Alabama beat Old Miss 12 to 7 yeah that was the other fun thing yeah yeah yeah they had not so the very cool detail here is they hadn't played for like 20 fucking years and then they met in the goddamn snow despite being in the same conference the line on this game

Old Miss by seven and a half whoops no no no no never do that the temperature the temperature the temperature at kickoff was 40 degrees. Oh, God, at 40 degrees, I wish we had due point. I really need to know the humidity, but I can guess.

All of it. All of it. You had snow swamp. That's how you make a black metal album. Yeah. I'm sorry. Ole Miss had nine turnovers in this game. Yeah, you know why?

They were like, what is it? They were like, what is happening? It's like if you take, it's like Edward Scissorhands trying to play football for the first time they threw three picks and lost six fumbles oh my god okay what after the second pick why are you still throwing i don't have all right boys boys were favored by seven well i mean what are you going to run the ball because that wasn't going too well either all right so what are we doing we said saturday night yeah i i'd like a saturday man can we put this

game on one of those like Sunday special Labor Day Weekends? Yeah, sure. I got another proposal. Okay. Michigan on CBS. I like that idea. I like that idea. So like we got, we got Michigan coming back from break to like, well, she's got her booty in her shorts and her.

And then there's fucking, fucking Gary Danielson has drawn up a chart on why Michigan should be kicked down to Division III. It would be awesome. Michigan's playing for like Michigan's playing for seven hours. It would be awesome. And they preempt an NFC game for it so that we do not have to watch the Falcons.

I'm sorry, suck that tiger. What? This is, I'm telling you, this is everything I, this is everything I want out of this game because I just want that exposure so that three days later a Michigan fan wakes up in Lafayette and is like,

how did that happen? all right so holly do they wake up married kind of married married married married married to Lafayette no I was going to say like married to I don't know a camel like some exotic animal that they found married to a sarcophagus full of red liquid

Mambra se monsieur camel all right Holly you got to pick where your Michigan Alice he was going oh no yeah this is a sunday cvs game i'm gonna i'm gonna sunday i'm gonna do this for a reason so i can finesse the kick off a little bit earlier because i think snow games in the daytime are better visually than snow games at night but i want the game to finish in complete howling darkness so like a 6 p.m. kick on a snow day okay or like you know steely gray for like the first

quarter and then just plunged into black okay All right, let's reverse order for round two. So I'm going to go next. I'm going to use my... Yeah, that's a neat trick you got there. That's a law degree working. Okay, I'm going to use... I've been out-foxed.

Now, hold on. Now, I assume if a team has been taken, we can't use them for something else. I mean, I don't know. Suwani played like eight games in eight days. Get to work, Michigan. All right, then my answer is... By this point next week, Nebraska. Alaska might be playing a double head.

That's fair. Yeah. All right, give me El Asico. I want El Asico, Iowa, Iowa States. What is wrong with all of you? No, no, no, like, at least. You cost Spencer for picking Michigan State. Because there's nothing, there's not even some ironic fun about Iowa, Michigan State.

At least El Asico has a little bit of history. It's a little bit of us. So through, what, four picks, do we, 25% of our teams have been from Iowa? Do I have that right? Yeah. It's a lot of them. Something like that. Yeah, it depends on who, yeah.

I'm from the South. I can't be counted on two. We have two Michigan teams and three Iowa teams. Magic is bad. This is bad. It's real bad. Don't ever say this is an SEC favoring podcast. Don't ever say that.

Yeah, Elasticos. Nobody who's heard the way we actually talk about the teams that we talk about would use the term favoring. That's fair. Spencer, what's your next? You know what? these two teams don't get to play a lot they despise each other deeply and it involves two teams one of which i think is a core ingredient to the full cast formula and another that really isn't too many degrees removed from being a core element you dare say tennessee don't you know i think

he's i think he's going pit arizona state no no i'm going pit w v u yeah yeah it sounded like you were setting at rival talk yeah yeah like yeah i want i want i want this on the schedule i want all of the eat pit eat pit shit that feels like that is pitt's counter like like when when the ears say eat shit pit pit says gladly they just they just hold they just hold up a sandwich it's got like five other sandwiches inside of it eat pit shit yeah i barely even notice it in here it's a turd sandwich the capy cola really masks the flavor yeah you get all the vitamins but none of the pain what vitamins are in french fries just go we'll get Alex on next week to explain the dietary benefits of eating like a pit fan yeah vitamin s for strength your heart's a muscle

and you gotta work it your heart's getting lazy All right. Backyard Brawlis, Spencer. Jason, what's your, what's your next? So, so far, this is all grim. This is horrific, depressing. Good God, this is. All right. I'm going to, again, be the ray of sunshine here. We're going Navy at Hawaii. This is what we want football to be. Yeah. The complete opposite styles. Sure. Two teams everybody likes, unless you're an Army fan or a Hawaii's rival is UNLB.

Sure. please also recall Hawaii's coach right now is Todd Graham I forgot that until today

what time is it what time is it now that's true that's true at listener at the time you hear this it might be

Pitt again wow so that's that's round two that's a great that's a great pick all right I don't remember

the first game that Ryan said so we don't need it El Asico El Asico All right I'm going to do that one last let's know with me all right

I'll see if I can do this without explaining my own psychosis what a novel experience for anyone listening to the show I'm going to put the backyard brawl behind the celebration bowl I would like it on Friday night at 10 p.m. at ESPN2 wow hopefully no no no no I like this story It could be one of those Friday night barn burners, but everyone will still be watching this. If we time this right, the Celebration Bowl will be hitting halftime, and thus the apex of his viewership right around kickoff time, and I can watch the game alone with my dad in silence

with our arms crossed, as God intended. I also like this time choice, because, like, I can see tuning into it halfway through the first quarter, and it'd be like, and the stands have been evacuated as the vengeful ghost of Tyler Palco marauds through I feel like yeah I feel like this is very like oh that was fun we watched the celebration bowl time to flip over and oh my god what happened here here we're going to Sonic it's a river of slime here come the here come the druids in their blood red robes here come the hard here come the hard drugs you gotta say it you got to say and here come the druids we love

So we love the druids. I want to be able to watch this game if I choose. I don't want interference from another network or I don't want a regional blackout or anything. But I also want plausible deniability in case something goes wrong. I want, this is how I would normally treat Tennessee football. And I don't, I'm not usually this nervous about West Virginia football. But one other part of Charity Bowl week is I am reminded frequently how this seems. series ended, I want to be able to plausibly claim that I did not see this game the next day.

Sure. Win or lose. Okay. Maybe at Hawaii. Okay. I need some time zone math here because I really want Navy to be able to play on as fair a basis as possible. And I would also like the opportunity for this not to be at some weird hour. because there are a ton of Navy families in the area and also in places like San Diego.

And if we're going to make this a big old festival, I would like for those folks to be able to have time to get over there. So let's do some time zone map. What is the difference in time zone between Annapolis and Honolulu? A lot. I think it's six hours or I think it's five hours. Nope, we're going to find out. It's got to be more than five. If only we have the repository of human knowledge available at our collective fingertips.

No, that's, that's, that's, that's, it's going to be the useful one. That's lazy. Yeah, all right. It's six. It's six hours. Just triangulate it with your mind. It's six hours. It's six hours.

So, let's see, six hours. So we want, we want a Saturday game. We want a Saturday game that's on the late side, but we don't want an insultingly late Saturday game. I would like to put. this on Fox because I would like for there to be no excuse for everyone not to tune in to some pirated stream of Robert Kakala on Periscope. So let's put this on, let's put this on a Fox kick at minus six hours. Okay, body clock guys. You guys, you guys had the body clock theme. You guys had the body clock theme song how much of a buffer does navy need here oh navy's ready to go

navy wakes up ready all right what if we go they just go out a number i said i don't want to put them at like three i think what if we just throw out nine like nine p.m yeah yeah like that okay all right so nine nine saturday on uh i mean we don't have announcement teams you announced so it's not even clear who i'm insulting but nine on whatever Fox Sports Channel will push the most people over to Robert Cagala. Okay. Help us guy on Periscope with your foot sticking out, your only hope.

And then I... What about El Asico? God damn it, Jason! Listen, it's not... It's still there. It hasn't gone anywhere. It's not an easy job, okay? The rare, God damn it Jason.

It's still lingering right outside the window. It's right there. You've already got... You've already got Iowa playing at noon on Tuesday. Y'all remember that, like, 2005 meme with the alien outside the window. And it's like, if you're cold, they're cold, let them inside. That's El Asico. Let the white one in.

Wow. All right. I'm salty because at the moment, as a press time, Iowa State has not registered a single solitary charity bowl donation. Oh. So give them a bad slot. Punish him. also this well i don't want to punish them too harshly because there have also been iowa fans who found out about this and have been donating uh sarcastically in iowa state's name so as of

tonight iowa state does have some donations but they're all from iowa damn wow yeah that's embarrassing yeah like they bless your hearted them oh wow um okay god what channel are we putting is on this feels like a channel swerve game feels like a channel swerve game I don't know what TV channels are anymore because I don't have cable could we put this on like aerial America like you know where they give you like drone shots of farms

yeah I like that that way we wouldn't have to have okay okay no you're on to something we do this via webcam like that bear catching salmon and that way we don't have to have a broadcasting team at all, which means, in theory, nobody has to watch this game. We can't even get, like, David Attenborough or somebody to call it? It's on Quebey. Sorry.

It's on Quebebey. That's, like, two punts per episode. Okay, so what? It'll be over, which also means that if you have someone in your life that for some reason wants to watch this game, uh, Ryan, that you can trick them. when Quibi ends the episode after 10 minutes, be like, oh, no, it's over. I also like this because you've also decided when this will be airing, and that's on tape delay, because they don't have live programming.

We are listing a lot of things that may not still be in existence by the time we release this episode. Hot. Can you imagine how many Queeby jokes we would have made over the previous three months during the episodes we recorded that got deleted? It is one of my great regrets. Round, round three. I have the first pick, Ryan.

I have stolen back the first pick from you. Due to my, Nebraska. Hey, buddy. You want to play football really, really bad. That's awesome. So we're going to make it convenient for you. We got somebody nearby who likes to play football. It's way closer than Rutgers.

That's where they were going to send you. It's way closer than like Austin. They used to send you to Austin. That sucked. We're going to be within your 500-mile radius, right? That's where you love to roam. There's nice weather at this facility. There's no wind, no rain.

That's right. You're going to the motherfucking wood chipper. You are going to play North Dakota State. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love this. Y'all have fun playing football.

And we are playing this at a time of year where if there's snow in Louisiana, what is it going to look like there? We're playing at North Dakota State. It's rain and yeties. Hallelujah. It's rain and yeties. So we are in the Fargo dome. But if we want to say some act of God has torn the roof off just to make this more unpleasant for Nebraska, by all means.

Yeah, what if it's like, hmm? All right, you manate on that. Spencer, your next pick. I'm not apologizing for my kinks. God damn it. Are you playing Animal Crossing? No. So who's Iowa playing this time?

Iowa scrimmage. No. Iowa versus... No. And when I say it, you're going to go okay okay okay i could see this yep south carolina georgia no what the fuck is wrong with you no one likes that game absolutely no one likes that game no congratulations no no i hear we now we now have a thursday night game okay now we have a a thursday night acc game there

9,000 degrees, 42 turnovers. This is the worst game every single year. There's one argument to be made in favor of Spencer's selection here. And that's imagine going to a Georgia fan and saying, hey, you have a one game season. Yes. And if you win this game, you will have a claim to a national championship. Oh, we got this. We got this.

We got this. we got this y'all tell me who it is and it's the first game of the season so half of their players will be suspended yeah yeah so georgia fan is like who we got we got bama who we got bama we yeah let's go bro we'll take them we'll take oh shit we got south carolina yeah south carolina and their fourth string quarterback will must champ the head coach and it's raining locus is is will must champ the head coach there it's probably todd graham by now You know, y'all say this is bad. Every time I've watched this game, I've had a ball.

Okay, stop, stop, pause. Spencer, you were right. Wow. So this game is fucking awful in the context of a season, but now I see the vision. Yes, yes. Okay, I did a similar thing, but I think it's more fun. I am inventing a- I don't trust you. I am inventing a Boise State, Texas game.

Okay. See? I think this is one that this is also like Michigan LSU I don't believe this matchup has ever happened can this be a neutral site because I think we've got I don't want to block North Dakota State shine on this same weekend but also games in Austin suck okay how about I'll meet you halfway we have to we have to put it in a confusing neutral site let's put it like what if they play at Arrowhead or something let's play it at Yankee's let's play it at Yankee Stadium no no wait can we

Can we paint Yankee Stadium's turf blue? What about we go reasonably halfway and make it Wrigley Field? Yep, sure. Yeah. Isn't that the one that, wait, which one is the one where like they had players running into walls at dangerous speed? That was rigly. Yes. That was, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, I don't actually want that for, I don't actually want that for anyone. Yankee Stadium, it is. America's teams in America's Stadium. Marlins Park. Arrowhead, Arrowhead's a good suggestion, too. because you just have all of these like buttwad chiefs fans at Zubas. I got free, I got free tickets from the B-dubs, and I don't know, this is all weird.

You have got to be the only, like, non-Raiders fan who doesn't like Chiefs fans. I love to. Okay, I got to tell a story about Ray Ray, who's my favorite work husband, who is a diehard chiefs fan, who, oh, he won't mind me saying this, he never listens. Ray Ray didn't have a license for a while due to multiple DUIs and used to make me drive him to Sephora before dates so that he could put on Cologne. Yeah.

I love Chiefs fans. Go Chiefs. They drafted Tyler Bray. What's not to like? They also drafted Aaron Murray. So did the Atlanta Legends, though. That's fair. All right.

Holly, where are you putting Nebraska at North Dakota State? Now I'm thinking about the time I was on crutches and next to a pregnant woman on a train and Aaron Murray wouldn't give up his seat for either of us. Wow. Really happened. Anyway, I'm sorry, I got distracted with thoughts of my eventually calculated revenge. What? Nebraska at NDSU.

Make sure everybody sees this. Yeah. No, no. This is folks. I think we have our Saturday showcase game. and I don't want it to happen in the dark. I want everyone to see this. 3.30.

Ooh. Okay. ESPN? Yeah. No, 330 is a CBS slot, isn't it? It doesn't have to be? It doesn't have to be. You can do whatever you want. You put the CBS game on Sunday, so you're good here. Yeah. Yeah, let's do a nice little, let's do a nice little 330, let's do a 330 ABC game.

Okay. So, you know, nice high production values, but also you play, oh, God, damn it's inside. But we're going to get like slow-mo footage of Nebraska being gutted here. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're right. I want this at 3.30 so that you can reasonably put your infants and younger children to bed at halftime because they don't need to see this.

All right. So 3.30 Saturday. This is the centerpiece of the afternoon. South Carolina, Georgia, you said you wanted to be Thursday. Thursday night at 6 p.m. Can we get Ron Franklin out of retirement for this? Thursday night. We can get Ron Sherry out of retirement for this for all my kids.

Can I talk you into Thursday 6 p.m. on Jefferson Pilot. Yeah, man, let's do it. On Jefferson Pilot. And thanks to climate change, although it is snowing in Louisiana forecast for this weekend, it is 88 degrees and 90. percent humidity with a heat index of 103 on the yeah beautiful oh yeah boise state boise state texas i i'm concerned with the noises several of you

i i'm experiencing like i'm experiencing so many unmentionable feelings the more you detail this horrendous awful weather that south carolina fans and talk about your noises oh yeah wow i'm really hoping that the return of this show would involve fewer mouth noises that was that was really your fault id you are absolutely right hey second time Ryan you were right Boise State Texas at Yankee Stadium at Yankee Stadium um Monday night Labor Day style okay does this uh what is the Yankees network is it NBC or it's that's where Notre Dame is so I assume that's where the Yankees are

as well yes it's it's it's it's okay yes so I want this on uh paper view? Damn, the LHN Longmore Network is screwed here. LHN would be the pickier, but pay-per-view is a good way. No, Boise State doesn't deserve the L-A-Jen. I don't want to make Boise State fans.

They're not Kansas. Okay. All right, should we do one more quick? But I don't want to make the hunt for it on the Longhorn Network either. Geez. Paperview can be stolen. Well, do we want to do.

Let's do NBC Sports. Okay. Do we want to do one more round? or call it let's do a quick bonus round everybody everybody do one more you cannot explain the game you just have to say what it is i will go first damn no you got to quit that shit no that's that's we're just going in snake you'll keep an eye on this son of the bitch he's quick yeah there is a snake in this order objection your honor here's how it goes it's going to go me i approach the band me spencer jason and we're just going to shout him out and then holly's going to

place them okay Washington State USC oh fuck um do I have to do place it now or do it sure go ahead place it now 11 p.m. Friday okay on 11 p.m. Friday

Fox Sports 1 okay that's good yeah that's actually realistic yeah yep yep Spencer Spencer Old Miss Memphis yeah man I feel like I'm stacking all the good

games on Friday now. Let's load it up. Old Miss Memphis is going to be the, okay, let's give Ole Miss Memphis a Thursday night game in prime time. Ole Miss Memphis at 8 p.m. Thursday night, ESPN regular. So Georgia, South Carolina is the setup for Ole Miss Memphis. Folks, you're going to want to stick around for this one, for the main event. Folks, the devil is real. The devil is real and he is alive in this. late All right Speaking of

with my final selection Liberty at I'm sorry what Liberty I thought we were picking football

teams at Arizona State Hail Satan they got any athletes left again what time is it

oh god you guys are giving me the you know what y'all have a type this is the most Friday night 10 p.m.

ask schedule. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. And yet Saturday night must happen. Liberty at Arizona State. You have a Saturday night game. You're okay for now. No, no, no, no, no. We don't have a Wednesday game. No. Oh, we don't have a Wednesday game. Man, oh, here we go. Here we go. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. 10 p.m. Wednesday. Put it at 7.30 and then you fuck up Wednesday night Bible study for Liberty. oh you maniac now what if we do a hmm what would be the ideal time we have to adjust for time zones because there are parts of arizona that do and do not observe daylight saving this time and i can't remember which is which yeah shit doesn't matter make it whatever you want okay all right we want this game to start at what do you think jason seven yeah that sounds horrible let's do it interference. Wednesday.

Oh, that's going to barrel right over it, yeah. I kind of wanted all to happen in darkness, though. Wednesday 7 p.m. MSNBC? Although that is sending Liberty to Arizona at 4 p.m. at night. Ryan suggested making Liberty watch MSNBC. I love it. I think it would be funnier if we put it on the Spike Channel, if that still exists. I don't know that it does, but it can.

What's something where, like, fatal attraction or, like, to sleep with the enemy might be? Oh, we're going to put it on Cinemax? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I'm pretty sure Jerry Falwell watch the Cinemax. Yeah. He's got a Cinemax complexion.

All right, let's end the show there. That's an episode. Great work, everyone. That sure is an episode. All right. No two ways around it.