Shutdown Fullcast - Questions, Answers, and a Farewell to Papa

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

As a token of our...shame? Contrition? Acknowledgment that we have put you, our audience, through some things lately? Yeah, that one feels right. As a token of that, we have a bonus episode that has no concepts or bits strung out for far too long and is just us being jackasses answering your questions for OVER ONE HUNDRED MINUTES. Also, we find out during recording that Papa John has fallen from his greasy pedestal. Please support our effort to install Jon Bois as the new Papa John. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Let's see all business episode. I know that America's favorite college football podcast has taken, I think, a playful turn in terms of doing previews. I mean, y'all weren't going to listen to a Pack 12th South preview anyway. So, sure, we did the whole thing as, you know, Arizona State's favorite NPR-based Sun Devils Homer's broadcast.

This is a little different. We're just going to be answering your questions tonight. over some business, catching you up. Throwing a little red meat into the tiger cage, if you will. Joining me as always, because, you know, we've been doing introductions under fictional circumstances

with aliases. We have, here in Atlanta, sitting to my right, we have guest, Holly Anderson. Say hi. Guest. I don't, you tell me what to call you.

Porch cat. Porch cat. There we go. Podcast Porchcat. Holly Anderson. Joining us from Brooklyn, New York, the capital of college football. Hey, Ryan, Nanny. It's coming home. College football is coming home.

He's coming home. And then he's getting in a furious fight with goalie. We talked about this. And then he's nicking off to Corsica. Tax shelter for the stars. I honestly didn't think it would lead immediately to that accent. And that's on me. That's my fault.

That's going to be a recurring theme on that up in this episode. It's my fault. You're the one who kicked the lid off that viper. I didn't do the Jervais. That's the one extremely banned accent. We're not giving you credit for not doing bad things. We're done with that. Also, if we started doing that, we would just be here all day.

That's true. I'm really so tempted to do it right now. Don't you, don't you goddamn do that accent. Listen, people just put up with Jeff Goldblum for like 45 minutes. Spencer's Jervais' accent is so bad that Ryan can credibly tell him not to do an accent after last week. Still. And a beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia, speaking accents. We got Jason Kirk.

Hi, Jason. Hey, everyone. Be sure to follow the shutdown forecast on Twitter. Let's get that to five digits. Go to the Reddit thing, get that to four digits. Subscribe, rate, review, all that stuff. Shut down, sure. Just type.

shut down forecast it'll come up we don't have we don't have imposters no one no one would no one would deign to sully their own um presences with our name so there's only one we're not verified there's no need to um and also we are still planning on doing a live show in atlanta around labor day um Friday Friday Friday August 31st we have locked in we have a venue but I don't think we're allowed to tell you what it is yet but it is wholly inappropriate for this podcast. We probably will have information soon. This is one thing that's not actually our fault.

It's in other people's hands at this point. We've done our best. And I do want you to know that in the planning calls for this, Jason and Spencer had two important and yet somehow clashing questions. Number one, will there be parking because people, you know, Atlanta's a driving city. Is that fair to say? Yes, yes.

number two will there be drinks so congratulations whoever gets a DUI after this podcast look at your life look at your choices and if you are a say atlantan metro atlantan Auburn fan or a Washington fan or anyone else who'd be in the area at the time and you want to go ahead and be the first to know about tickets Ryan what's the email I think it's just shut down fullcast at SBNation.com or it's either at at SBNation or at box media. Try either one. All right.

Try on both. I could look it up, but I'm so sleepy. I like me. I really like it when like Ryan is on brand. Like when Ryan goes full forecast, things are off to an awesome start. Listen.

Ever since we did the show with Stephen and we spent the whole time talking about mattresses, without having a mattress sponsor. I keep spotting ins for ad reads. And I feel like we really skipped an opportunity there to ease into something like, while we're covering at home under house arrest from your post-podcast DUI, try Blue Apron.

God, blue apron does sound good right. No, I'm just tired. My kid has decided she gets up at 5.30 every morning now. Believe it or not, being a terrible Jeff Goldblum on a podcast for an entire episode is exhausting because you have to stay in this terrible character, this prison of your own making. Good.

Half of our audience is very happy with what we've been doing. The other half thinks that we're actively trying to ruin the podcast, which for once we're not, I've been going, I've just, a lot of shit's been happening, and I'm just, I've had a lot of red

wine tonight as well, okay? Yeah. I'm coping like Spencer would. I have a question. question, and it's not rhetorical. I'm genuinely curious. What would trying to ruin this podcast even look like? Honest, you want the honest answer to that? Yeah. Just like straight football analysis, just like talking about football the way normal people would talk about football. Okay, so there's no chance of that happening. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, cool. Yeah, we could just, we could just do that, right? We could go, hey, so, um, 2000 25, Texas is going to play Maryland. It's pretty big.

Like, do you think people would have been actively happier if we had done a Pac-12 South episode that was just like, okay, let's talk about the rosters and Utah's got this many returning starters and interesting to see what Chip Kelly, like, I don't know that that would have been better. Yeah, I think, I think all of these podcasts have, all of these episodes, and we'll get into how we got to this point in this podcast trajectory in the first place, but I think all of these episodes have anchored at least some people who either think like why aren't you actually previewing the season or why did you do an NPR podcast with no jokes or is that what you think

Jeff Goldblum sounds like. Why aren't you listening to a real football podcast? There's no shortage of them on the internet. Go away. To be fair by the way, I was there for the Arizona State podcast. It did the entire thing. It angered and disturbed me too. And I was I was part of the reason I was to the whole thing, because your voice is so upsetting. Yeah, no, I was upset by it. It got two minutes into it. It mostly just confused me because it was the first NPR I'd ever listen to in my life. I'm surprised.

I am a little surprised that you've never listened to Car Talk. Car Talk. Exactly. Exactly. The only car talk I listened to is like Slim Bug albums. I thought you were going to make a NASCOJT. No, if we put that on a tote bag, I would buy the shit out of that in a Pledge Drive. receive a free slim thug

Jason Kirk tote I do want to point out I do actually want to point out like one straight bit of news who knew John Schnatter would just casually drop a racial slur in a meeting about racial sensitivity

no big papa no big papa do you think he was trying to be helpful do you think like they were having Do you think they were having this? He was trying to make a point. And like, boy, did he. Yeah, I mean, the thing is like, when you are in the news for like disapproving of things that, you know, black people are doing in opposition of unfair treatment of black people, you have already sort of raised the standard for things you are and aren't allowed to say.

You know what I mean? And then you go and just careen wildly past it. Yeah, people are going to notice that. It's really weird that Bobby Petrino is the major Louisville figure who has embarrassed himself the least recently. That's objectively odd. What's, like, you know, what's so privileged about being rich? Okay, Papa. Let Elon Musk tell you.

how hard it is to be labeled a billionaire. Isn't billionaire just a slur? You spend, you spend a lot of your time during the season, driving your car into a stadium with your name on it, do burnouts at half time, even though no one asked you to do that, and then you throw pizza at people in the stands. Do you think everybody gets to do that? Like, when the corporate Twitter account has to tweet like we actually don't like Nazis screw those guys public visibility is on you you have to be on your best behavior you can leave no doubt about uh you know there is no i was trying to make a point no you have to actually make a point it has to be crystal clear i actually wish that

their website was still sponsoring football games we could like prop up the duke virginia rivalry with a little piece of shape trophy every year. Yeah, I think this year that is like the game. Like every town, it's got like, you know, if the Hawks score 13 points in the first half, you get a dollar off Papa Johns. And it's like, oh, okay, well, I don't want to. Oh, no, two touchdowns is 14.

Papa Johns unveils the new pepperoni with on the top and the bottom because they're fine people on both sides as it turns out. 14 points will get you four. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. No. No. No. Jesus. Please don't accidentally make this a white supremacist podcast. I careened. Look, as are, as with all other arbiters of white supremacy, we are terrible examples of white people, except Jason. The, uh, the, my favorite part of this is that, that this, uh, him letting him letting an M bomb fly. All right. Just saying it. All right. Uh, first of all, he said that Colonel, Sanders said it and he didn't get

anything and I like that in his mind Papa John is on some sort of parr some sort of parnassus right some sort of Mount Rushmore of the spirit where every morning he wakes up in the ghosts of like Colonel Sanders and Ronald McDonald

and Grimmis Grimmis like is that the only thing that could fulfill John Schneider is that he's like one day I'll be as recognizable Yeah there's there's Burger King and it's

At his left hand sits Colonel Sanders, and at his right hand sits Grimmis. All of these people constantly let loose just a stream of racial epithets, which is why their mouths are sealed up with plastic in ads. Yeah, you wouldn't believe the shit, Arby says. Arby. Grimmis talks about Adam and Steve a lot. It's kind of fucked up, considering he's nude all the time. But that...

No, it's because Grimis is a sovereign citizen. And by the way, like in terms of I cannot. Papa John's like like light years behind all of these people right like if you go to China everybody in China knows Colonel Sanders or at least knows that face hey Holly I went to China once did you know that so everybody knows that if you went to Papa John they would just be like who is that rubber-faced ghoul right that's they wouldn't have no idea who this dude was so first those two things are funny to me like why is Tony Dan's cousin here. That's because the

great firewall, you know, like China, they cut off like a third of the internet. It's like, Papa John's views are being suppressed by the government. His garlic butter's too subversive. It flows freely like capitalism. Also, like capitalism has a certain viscosity that relies an unhealthy

state. It does explain his hair. It does explain his hair. Introducing Papa John's new Tiananmen Square, Sicilian style. Brian. flattened and pressed in the oven. So in this meeting, by the way, which was called as a PR move, all right? Wait, wait, so I haven't actually, I'm not faking for the purposes of the podcast.

I haven't actually read the story. Okay. Papa John let an M-Bomb out in a meeting that was supposed to be a PR stunt to talk about how they weren't racist. Not a stunt. It wasn't a PR stunt, but it was a meeting with a PR stunt. It was definitely not a PR stunt now. The executive, it was a meeting between, it's kind of a, it's, it's a really elaborate stunt. Listen, just because you crash the motorbike doesn't mean it wasn't a stunt, all right?

Now, it was, it was a meeting arranged between a Casey Wasserman led agency called laundry service, which is a marketing agency called laundry service. So you already know where we're at. The call performs.com was arranged. by Papa John's executives. Let's just pause here for a moment, okay? Harumph! Harumph! When your own... Casey Wasserman's laundry service fired at CEO

and laid off 40 to 60 people two days ago, by the way. So obviously great people. Big week for them. Yeah. It was designed as a role-playing exercise for Schnatter in an effort to prevent future public relations. I'll go. did he wear a ball gag

so during the meeting no that would have been that actually would have been better never mind during the meeting where louisville's biggest booster was going to be trained to quit embarrassing him the university

and the massive pizza conglomerate that he created founded and built into an empire uh it got worse in order to avoid a long list of things kacy wasserman's great at that's amazing

uh yeah so and asking how he would distance himself he did say well colonel sanders called blacks yes the n word he said that and then said but colonel sanders never faced public backlash yeah it was the 1960s also he's dead he's dead yeah also this is the other the other thing uh he apparently intended for the remarks to convey his antipathy to racism comma but multiple individuals on the call found them to be offensive after learning about the incident laundry service owner Casey Wasserman moved to terminate the company's contract with Papa John's okay we're out no bye

so two things here one the PR agency immediately bailed after one meeting two the meeting happened in the first place because his own executives asked him begged him pleaded him to go through with it Meaning, how bad is it? Like, how bad is it?

Oh, also, his name's, that's the dude's name on the stadium. Like, still Papa John's. Yeah, Louisville's Football Stadium where they'll play games this season. It says Papa John's right on them. And there's like 18 Papa John's kiosks in it. Like, it's almost, it's almost a parody how many Papa John's is there are in Papa John's Cardinal Stadium. in my mind he was just wrapping along to the full unadulterated lyrics of every DMX song and just be like it'd be appropriate if I did and then just did the entirety of like an album yeah he just loves that song talking about grandma actually he did that one really well it was moving all right let's do these questions that we promised people we would take and in typical full cast fashion

have taken, I don't know, 15 minutes to get to. Does that seem right? Yeah, Daddy. We love you. We're bad at this all the time. This show is a Cadillac, and it moves slow and big. I'm just hoping we've shaken some people off by now, and they've just given up. Listen, we're like, they're like Minox. Not Kentucky fans. Kentucky fans are locked in with us right now. What's up, Big Blue Nation? We're talking shit about Louisville, but we'll get you soon.

Hashtag medium. Can I start? Can I start it off? No, please. All right. This is from Big Red Robot Ninja on Reddit. The two questions from Mr. Robot Ninja. Whose idea was the NPR episode and a related question? Why did you do that to us?

I do think we should at least explain a little bit about why we are doing the previews the way we were doing them. I will take the primary blame if you hate the episodes because I was the one who came to, Spencer and Jason and said, hey, what if we did these all from the perspective of a super homer podcast within the division that we're talking about? Is this a good idea? Probably not. Are we doing a good job with it? I don't know. But I think the truest answer to this question is if we were to do actual preview content, we would either be making shit up, probably in the case of me, or parroting Bill Connelly

and maybe Athlon, maybe, depending on if Bill's published an article yet or not. Well, he hasn't gotten everybody yet, so sometimes you have to go to other places. If Bill hasn't put it up, we're guessing. Right. Come on, be honest.

Do you read magazines? Do you read preview magazines? Some people do. I don't. Not us, right. It's also an extremely uninteresting. This is not that interesting of an off season right now. It was. All the coach

hirings happened. We've, God knows we've made fun of them enough, but what is there to talk about at this point? Lincoln Riley disrespected the SEC. And then George's quarterback heard his non-throwing hand in a boat accident. So Lincoln

Lincoln, Lincoln... So Lincoln Riley's a witch. Lincoln Riley's a witch with witch powers. Fuck, we should have done regular previews. I'm realizing that now. was in the Big 12 Georgia's quarterback wouldn't have done that

because they don't have any lakes just big grand prairies with no water at all because the water can't play defense Big 12 it would never hurt you the water lost contain and just trickled into the Gulf of Mexico we can in fact now confirm that he can't hit water if he falls out of a boat

at last Tua would have floated to wait a wait no that makes him a witch Hang on. Two would have walked on that water. There, that's, that's, that's what I was, which one's, which is, which is baptism? I just, I just, I just, I just,

which is Jesus, they're, they're, they're adjacent. So, someone at, someone at fan day. And now, Jesus is a witch. Yeah. And so, and someone at Fan Day, I was, someone at Alabama fan day, right, the day, we'll walk up to Tua at one point and go, you know, my daughter loves Moana.

That's, that's, that's, that's the, that's, that's gonna happen. Like a very sincere mom is going to walk in and be like, my daughter loves Milana. I just want to know. So, yeah, we're going to, whether you like it or not, we're going to keep doing this for the rest of the previews. And then we'll be back to regular standard full cast bullshittery that we don't plan that much. I think that's right. Am I right in that? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. It just, it felt boring to just do the same old thing. So we just decided to do something new. And yes, we are the only college football podcast in existence. But if you don't like it, go find another one, I guess. I think there are.

Go start your own. Go start your own. Yeah. There you go. We won't listen to that one either. Call it, call it. Podcast has played a respectable schedule. Podcast played somebody.

Podcast paid its dues. Podcasts, podcast ain't not played nobody. Podcast has a good strength of schedule. that's what you call it all right so that's my question uh spencer jason you take the next one um let's go ahead do you have one spencer no no fire fire away okay uh let's start off with bry mack from twitter uh first question where in college football does scott pruit end up after all this so scott perut in case you don't know is the former head of the EPA who made it his mission jeremy pruitt's dad Jeremy Pruitt's dad

Let's establish that is canon right now Jeremy Pruitt's dad Who both of them Totally unfamiliar with vegetation Neither of them has any clue About vegetation And want to see it stricken From the earth and or dinner table

Brocolini What the hell's brocolini? Trees, what the fuck are those? I know Brockwell's Both make millions and millions of dollars Yeah for being uh both of them treat their uh administrative staffers like shit that's this this is true okay so uh yeah i had a whole other answer but um uh where to scott perit tennessee there we go that was

easy all right question number two by the way i was i was also i was also just going to line up scott prud by the way with the dude who finally gets mike gundy out of oklahoma state when scott Pruitt gets like the AD gig there right like he shoots from president they get him the AD gig and Scott Pruitt completely ruins it and gets got to be like I think my I think my 17 year old nephew should be the college football coach I think he'd be good for the job be like yeah Scott fucking said said Randall's got to be the coach now I don't know why you should start me at quarterback but he's he's got like a fucking golf cart with a roll cage that costs like 80 million dollars he's wearing the fucking tactical cackies and god i love that he's my

definitely my second favorite trump stooge behind only um meets passer rick perry himself he's been so quiet that i'm i love it i love it rick perry and motherfucking vince mcman's wife rick perry is comporting himself with a measure of dignity and they're the good ones i'm pretty sure rick perry just can't figure out how to turn on the computer in his office. So he's showing up every day and sitting down and being like, okay, just look confident and you'll be fine and it's time to go home. Good job, Rick. No way, man. Rick's been in a Starbucks this whole time. He's... Is he buying something? Yeah, yeah. He's definitely buying something. Wait, hang on. On June 26th, Rick Perry said he was confident the Saudis can produce

more oil. All right, he's still our boy. He's still our special boy. Love him. Does he think it comes from, does he think you like milk a Saudi and that's where oil comes from? Don't answer that, Rick. Don't answer that. Don't, don't. You got a D and Meets, man. There's no telling what your misunderstandings of biology are. Never forget that Rick Perry got a D and Meets

at Texas A&M, gig him. You put Rick Perry and Jeremy Pruitt together and you understand no foods at all. You might get water. You hope you get some water. Okay, you put Rick Perry, Jeremy Pruitt, Ruth's Chris.

Who comes out? None of them. They eat the napkins. The potato, those potatoes are getting eaten. That's it. I mean, Scott Pruitt is bro and the scammer. Like, he's, he's taking all the silverware. He's taking everything.

Jeremy Pruitt. Okay, Rick Perry, Rick Perry, Jeremy Pruitt and Scott Pruitt walking. Scott Pruitt is at his regular booth in the corner. Scott Pruitt lit the table on fire and then was like, oh, this, This demands that you caught my meal. I'm entitled to this. Lift the table on fire just to make the smoke. Yeah.

Just to... I deregulated this table. Man, I got to... Hang on, I got a better idea. I need you to change the name to Scott's Chris now. Please change it to Scots Chris. Rick Perry, Scott Peruit, and Jeremy Perut at like a Japanese steakhouse where they do like...

Oh my... At like a Habachi restaurant. Yeah. I... Okay, so Rick Perry just wide-eyed... I totally dazzled. I mean, he's an Aggie. He likes seeing stuff blow up.

Sure, sure. Scott Pruitt sees the onion volcano and's like, we could drill there. I just said it. We're allowed to. Why isn't there smoke? More smoke. Need more smoke.

Smoke's good. Get it in your lungs. Pipe it in. Jeremy Pruitt, of course, is just criticizing everyone who is not participating in like the catch the egg in your mouth gimmick. And he's not calling Rick

or Scott by their first names. we got a lot of talented eaters at this table a lot of big boys I would actually I would actually like to see Scott Pruitt actually of all things end up at Ohio State because he'd dot the eye in the first two weeks right

they'd be like we were going to have Jack Nicholas do it but Scott Pruitt's out there and then he steals the tuba where'd the tuba go you can get good money from this Oh my God, he's like Flossy Carl Weather is from arrested development He's got a stew going at all time

Silverstone Scott, Ruitt's got a stuag What's question two from Brimack If freak wakeboarding incident Is the most Georgia way to lose a quarterback What is the most Big Ten way to lose a quarterback? Let's just twist these words around, all right? Let's call it say your Michigan, Minnesota, Illinois Maryland, what have you,

the most Big Ten way to lose the quarterback is a freak board waking incident. What is that? That's when you wake up early on the farm, you wake up so early that the boards and the barn itself are asleep. Hey, Merrill, Merle, time to go wake the boards.

Boards need waking. Wake up, you boards. I was just going with straight farm accident. I was going with Caso drowning incident. Caso drowning. Like Rotel's drowning, not like Koso. so dip. Or most.

Yeah, I would also consider if you're a Wisconsin quarterback, frostbite from getting locked in a beer freezer. Or choking to death on what grit? Determination. That's kind of one of them

Ouroboroses, you know what I mean? When them snake eating its tail? Like, how do you, how does your own determination defeat you? Oh, the Orobor? Can I disclose a real medical condition I have here that I think is very big ten. It's fine. I got a condition in which my white blood cells are medically speaking real fighty and like they attack things in my blood that aren't infections

that but for every cell in a big 10 quarterback's body. So you're like your body is just too pure to I medically have fighty blood. You have too much integrity. Yes. People say that about me. That is Michigan's problem. That's why Michigan hasn't made the playoff. Holly, your body is always competing. Always. That's sad about me. Suck it, Harbaugh. I would also go with, I would also go with sprained shoulders sleeping wrong in the library.

That's the ultimate Big Ten. I was studying too much and too hard. Or in the community. Yes. Or in the community. Yeah. In the community or the weight room. Rabdo.

Rabdo is actually. the most big ten way for a quarterback to get hurt. Okay. I'm going to go, my first question would be this. We're going to go from at Steve Gurkin on Twitter. Which coach is most likely to smoke some dank nanny with a recruit to land their commit? Now, before we answer the hypothetical, what is more entertaining here is this? Percentages.

What is the overall percentages? of coaches who get down. What is the overall percentage of coaches that you figure have actually tried weed? Now, balance this if you are a weed smoker between your understanding that everyone on the planet smokes weed, right? If you ask somebody who is a heavy weed smoker, you're like, yeah, man, you know, you think Chuck Willery blazes?

You think it gets high? I'd be like, yeah, Chuck Willery totally gets high. You'd be like, do you think like Dick Cheney gets high And they're like, yeah, man, Dick Chinny, he burns. And you've got to remember that stoners contain multitudes, right? Right. There are like the, there are the old, they're the old head, hip, the aged up hippies. Yeah.

Right. And there are the high-tech, tech bro vapors. But they all assume. And they're the ones who just want to sleep. Yeah. And they all assume, though. And they're the ones obviously using it for pain management of the former players. Yeah.

But they all, but assume, like, stoners typically assume everybody smokes weed. And then people who've never smoked it are, like, like, I've never met anyone who smoked marijuana. You're like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. But with a recruit, Luke Fickle. Sh, going through to it, just. Oh, yeah. Bang.

100%. But Luke Fickle does it in a way where only 15 minutes in, does he realize it's a recruit? He's just like, wait, what? You play what? Oh, man. I coach that. That's crazy. He's got a medical condition where he cannot play a call of duty, Madden, NCAA.

anything without having a certain like blood level of THC he's got a card for it I have I have an answer Mark Ricked oh shit wow Christian stoner also it's no no no no no that would be bridge too far even in Miami I just want you to imagine that skin tone look at that demeanor that's him dipping himself in paraffin and going out of Justin oh look at that glowing Miami glisten how could it be wrong it's from the earth that's that's that's it did not the Lord Burda Bush long ago? He does not approve of that shit. I don't actually think this.

I just like imagine him coming up with like, he already has kind of like, his eyes are already kind of squinty and he's real laid back. So I just like to imagine that like it wouldn't change him at all. Now you know who it doesn't? That would explain how he was able to be

the coach of Georgia for so long and be like relatively chill about it. You spend that much time in Athens, you know, yeah. I see it. Another 1,000 percenter I think we can all agree on is Frank Solich. Yeah, for sure. He's my plug, actually.

I mean, can't spell Ohio without. Go on. Go on. Do it. Knock it out. Go ahead. Hi. It's the greeting.

But you know what? Just let your mind. Just expand your mind around it. Let it go. No, thank you. Yeah. I do wish that some extremely nerdy coach

that you would never ever I wish that like Lil Must Champ comes out and he's like yeah I've been on it the whole time it keeps me level keeps me chill it keeps me real mild

if I don't have it I just go a little crazy I mean must champ yeah yeah you're all supposed to eat it yeah Must champ just shut

not edibles must champ just like folding a blunt into his mouth. I like I'm like Popeye. We're just absolutely killing him like an entire platter while he's watching film. The conversation

of this question is almost as interesting as asking which head coach has openly narked on recruits and will do so again and the answer is Matt Luke. Oof. Yeah. Yeah, that's an old miss thing.

That's why he won't succeed at Old Miss, Matt Luke. He's the man for the job. Is he? Is he? Do you think you're going to get that many elite athletes without one who is, you know, basically 30% THC? I don't think so. I say that as a Florida fan, I know from once I speak.

How about Herm Edwards' position on marijuana? On jazz cigarettes? The devil weed? The sun devil weed. He definitely smells. He definitely smells marijuana with an H, 100%. And pronounces it, like over-pronounces it. But maybe there's assistants-

I saw a documentary on this in the 50s. Maybe, like, maybe some assistants have told him that they, you know, he should be like, no, no, no, it's cool. And now he uses really incorrect terminology when trying to, like, sound down about it, right? No. Not just, like, he doesn't have, like, weed. Like, not what's up fellow kids, but he's gone back to the 30s.

Oh, yeah. Like, jeez, it, it's the feds. Do you like jazz? Yeah. One more. I'm just, you know what? This is an unrelated drop, name drop. I'm just going to put it out there just to say his name because it's melodious and definitely doesn't have anything to do with what we're saying.

Dana Holger said. No. No. No. No. No. I, like, actually disagree with this. Menfalls.

Yeah. Man, if Gateway drug is a real thing, Dana Breeze passed out like 35 years ago. He jumped the gate. No, why would Dana want to relax, is my question. That's a good question. Yeah, he's more, I guess he is more demonstrative. You know what he switches to do when he needs to chill? Diet Red Bull.

It's a great come down. Just to take the sugar, he just remove the sugar and he's fine. As the person whose drugs released on this podcast, I just want to throw out. I don't know it, Red Bull on the way to bed. I just want to throw out Spliff Kingsbury. You're welcome. no i mean that man that man's in the gym too early it's not yeah it's not happening i know you're throwing no but he i i guarantee he's buying like expensive nice weed that he's like yeah man it's just

you know have an egg white omelet have a little bit you know having a smoothie and just like a little bit of what he's like don't worry about it man it's all organic yeah like the mountain distance runners who like run while high yes yes 100% it's a performance thing for him yeah other narks when you're watching your defense get lit the fuck up just just finding that that you know chill space just knowing that like hey we're going to get the ball back what coach would you most like to feed weed to for so that we can all live easier on this planet besides james franklin oh man i don't oh man i want james just the way he is maximum james franklin dude you know who i want to do you know what okay this is an elaborate

excluded James Franklin because I don't think it would have any effect on right no there is nothing strong enough and reader listener fullcaster what I would like you to do at this moment is engage in a thought experiment with me go find the cover of in search of by NERD okay what you will find is a picture of a man playing video games intently in a pair of slides on what is clearly a stock haverty's couch of somebody looking for some shit behind it it is my first favorite album cover of all time because it hits me so deeply in so many places that I have lived and experienced. Now, what I want you to imagine is that if we got Lane Kiffin really high and we put him in exactly those clothes holding a PlayStation controller and took that picture,

that's what I want you to imagine. Lane Kiffin in the place of the dude on the cover of In Search of by NERD. That's, that's what I want. Am I saying that Lane Kiffin gets down? No. He just coach in Florida. But, but no. Nobody likes him enough to sell to him. And he tried to grow it, but he can't even keep like a violent life. I mean, shit, man. All his players have been kicked out of previous schools. I think he's got connects. No, no, no. Oh my God. That's why he's taking them all.

Exactly. No, we just, you're absolutely right. Because for a second, I really was like, man, even his GAs have got to like hit mute. By the way, the person who's going to try to deport me and get me a denaturalized as a citizen for having weed, Scott Frost. Just kind of just look at him. Look at him. That man's just like a walking DHS dude.

DJ Durkin. DJ Dirk. I also do not like the look of. Nark. Spencer, what's the second part of your question? It looks like Mike Pence haven't been stuck by a whole bunch of bees. That's most close. The second part early isn't going to go as too much off of this sort of vein of topics.

Steve Gerkin also wants to know. I'm moving to Miami next month to start my post-college life. Well, August is a good time to make sure you like Miami. True. No, no. The rest of the sentence is even funnier, though, because it says after spending my whole life in Austin and New Orleans. Okay.

You fucking idiot. Okay. Yeah. Okay. What should I expect in this transition? Steve, go back, dummy. To where? Pick one.

Dig up Dig up, Steve Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I think you're being far too much If these are the three places That he's lived or will have lived He's doing fine Yeah, like you fucked up

Because you didn't live somewhere shitty So you'll never appreciate places that aren't Why start now? What makes you think he's not living In a shitty place In a couple of months? I mean, Miami Miami has little islands

where if you have a lot of money, that's real cool. And the rest of the time, you're basically just chasing, like, air conditioning. That's it. You're moving from air conditioning to heated, heated glass box on wheels. That's all of Miami. Like, man, I love going to the beach. Again, no one in Florida actually goes to the beach. Also, I hope you didn't buy a house, dude.

Yeah, don't do that. He's just out of college. I find that highly unlikely. Yeah. He's going to be in an apartment, and that's good. You don't really want to invest in assets. Don't buy a condo, dude. Don't you don't want to invest in real estate.

estate. Yeah, don't... Just ask Nick Seaman. There are no assets in Miami. None. It's an asset-free economy and yet is incredibly wealthy. Solve the mystery. No one else...

Solve it. No one else has. The answer is pirate gold. Pirate gold, so to speak. What should I expect? Ten-month swamp-ass season. Yeah. Yeah, you probably are...

You probably... Yeah, I mean, Austin and New Orleans, you have some experience with this, I think you're probably not prepared for like, oh, it's Halloween and I have swamp ass. Oh, Thanksgiving, swamp ass. Oh, look at the Christmas swamp ass. I've got going. That's going to be the biggest. Yeah, the months that do not contain swamp ass, by the way, are not the months you might think. Right.

Yeah. Additionally, you will know when moving to Miami, when moving to Miami, you will encounter one public argument between two strangers. You will not be able to look away from. over something a cult-related or spiritual in the first three months you're living there. Yeah, again, this is New Orleans. He's fine. I think you need to be prepared for every crazy thing you saw in New Orleans to be happening in Miami, but in a car going 50 miles per hour. So you're like, oh, man, I saw two guys pissing on each other on Bourbon Street. Correct. Now pretend they're standing up in a moving convertible going 50 miles per hour the wrong way

just change all the airboats to speedboats and you're good yep yep problem solved uh all right i'm going to go with this question from d bix 87 on twitter what is the dumbest fourth of july thing you have ever seen or done or heard about i have one but i can wait for you two to go first if you would like to i believe i think holly has one oh man oh boy clearly oh boy having just it doesn't matter where we got it but that would be the 4th of July when in high school

we collected enough black powder to blow up a life-size paper machet cow life size folks now black powder just straight gunpowder yes I my first question

is actually where did you get the paper mache cow from the latest school production of into the woods where do you go what we didn't we were going to go out of the trouble of making a life size cow just to blow it up that would be idolatry anyway that was it it was wonderful the explosion is very short when you're just using gum powder though you got to dress sure something that's going to produce some colors or sparkles I would not go a straight black powder again yeah when we when we mess with black powder it just um we loaded a pipe underneath the driveway which turned out to not be real smart oh yeah no you're gonna with black powder and some m80s and uh that's how you crack the drain pipe yeah no we've been practicing on beanie babies all summer like working up the yeah so that's good um mine is not one that i experience all right the the drain pipe's the dumbest thing i've seen it wasn't real spectacular it just stupid and costly, right?

Put that on my head's tone. It wasn't real spectacular, but it was stupid and costly. The thing that I, to this day is the funniest thing I can possibly imagine at a fireworks show on July 4th or at any public event, right, is the great Big Bay Boom disaster of 2012 in San Diego. If I say those words, is anyone familiar with what happened at the Big Bay Boom in 2012 in San Diego I am but I want you to tell

the story anyway The Big Bay Boom It's where San Diego goes On the 4th to You know To like salute America It is 18 minutes Of pyrotechnical glory

18 minutes All out on these barges All loaded up And it's set to go For our precious 18 minutes And on July 4th 2012 those 18 minutes of pyro went up in exactly 30 blazing seconds starting creating a second sun temporarily over

and the video i believe the video of this has the crowd noise in it because it's from somebody watching it and they're all like whoa and then there's that moment of expectation where they would all sort of realize like oh that's what I just wasn't like a really bad ass start to the show out on the bar just like Thor standing there with his new hammer it was like if you if you've ever seen 2010 the sequel to 2001 it's like when europa turns into a star all right and the best part is it starts and it's pretty intense and then it gets really bright and everyone's kind of alarmed like somebody just opened a portal Like you can think you can look at the crowd and go Someone thinks they just ripped a hole in the galaxy

Right And after 30 seconds it just dies It's that's it My favorite is historical in nature I'm sure I imagine you are both aware Everybody on this podcast rather is aware of The last word of founding father John Adams Is that Jefferson lives

It is Jefferson still survives John Adams died on July 4th, 1826. He was 90 years old. On his deathbed, his last words were, Thomas Jefferson still survives. The best part about this, he was actually wrong. Jefferson died five hours before he did.

So his last words were jealous. His last words were jealous and incorrect. And also, he was second. Again. Again. By the way, just one note from the thrilless oral history of the Big Bay Boom debacle was this, was when that thing, this is one of the guys on the barge. When that thing went off, it scared the crap out of me.

The barge I was on was 45 feet wide. It jumped six inches in the air when it went off. Another guy who was, another guy who was on the barge. There were people on the barge, all right? This, guys, this was like every grand finale you've ever heard in the room with you. Absolute cacophony, another dude. It reminded me of Vietnam. Hey, you remember the very popular podcast we did last year that was just lawn care accidents?

You think people will listen to the one that was just mishap fireworks. I think that's a career. Yeah. That's a great point. You've got your own show on Discovery now. Congratulations. Bye forever. the other question from Debex

why can't college football fans enjoy things anymore why does everything have to be all or nothing I'm talking about Michigan but this applies to most of the Power 5 is this do we think this is true do we think college football fans only like have to be if their team isn't

isn't first their last and we're all just miserable sons of bitches otherwise I mean somewhat yeah like if you're not clearly trending toward the playoff it's time to think about firing your coach that is a pretty standard thing across the country right i think that's probably i mean it's unfortunately go ahead like exclude kansas and ruckers and all the teams that aren't actually power five right i think it's money right like it would have been easier to like it would have been much easier to pardon um i will say will must champ like macawain was

kind of a dullard, right? Like, he was just sort of not real likable or anything. Will Mustamp was just kind of, well, most chat was, you know, like kind of a lunatic, but also kind of likable. And like, if he was making like a hundred grand to coach the team, you'd go, I don't know, man. Will, will just out there trying hard. He's not going to have to watch the win some, lose some. This is a real change of pace, Spencer Lane, three or four.

five years ago. The tune has changed. Yeah, no, no, no. I mean, if he was making like a hundred grand. But you pay these dudes millions, right? If they suck, then the order of magnitude of complaint is going to be substantially

larger relative to salary. It is. You'd be like, we paid you, like, this is true. You paid Jim McElwain like $3 million to get like 85 yards passing a game. I'm kind of with two minds about this because on one hand, I'm reminded of good friend and friend of the program, Jane Kostin's constant and necessary reminder that most of the world is not on Twitter and that this, you know, even within such a relatively small community as college football fans, the segment that you see yelling on Twitter is, in fact, the minority. And you hear most from the unhappiest fans because they are the loudest, like with any other topic. That said, I do think there's something to the money angle.

But in a kind of different way, it's that the people staging these games, you know, whether it be through, you know, reducing student sections or refusing to run a la carte cable options or not installing Wi-Fi in stadiums, the people putting on these games, you know, from the athletic department to, you know, a lot of the media partners have no interest in the people who actually want to watch these games. I think all of that is right. I think the only other factor at work here is that there have been enough specific examples of teams that traditionally were not supposed to do anything who did do something. Oregon is the one that jumps to mind of a team that like went to, went from, yeah, they're fine. You know, they're nothing special to playing for two national championships. And that has this weird taste in everybody's mouth of like, there is a secret path and you need to do the right. think you know you can get there you can Kansas you can get back to being number two in the country Michigan State you can get back to the like everybody I think has this idea that they are

there is a path by which your team no matter how bad they are now can eventually turn that corner and to some extent that is true and to some extent that is also folly that will make the present misery for you I think Oregon is a perfect example because what happened to the coach got to that second title game he's fine he's well compensated and probably doing television i have no idea what mark which team is he quarterbacks coach for um i haven't thought about mark half rich in at least 18 months i believe he was was he with the chicago bears yep stamp it that's where he is i don't know the fact that you know that is really sick yeah spencer thrown out of nfl fact it must be true it's a bears too

Nobody knows anything about the bears. Do you think there's anything to... Sorry, Jason, what? Well, I was just going to say, like, you know who's right about all this, and no one's going to like the fact that he's right? It's Nick Saving. He blames the playoff for this.

And I think we can go back and blame the BCS for this, because college football for 120, 30 years, if he didn't win the national title, well, so what? It's not real. You know, now that we have... As soon as we have a national title, that only two or four...

teams can play for, you are almost certainly not actually in it. So you better fire a coach. And before you could blame a lot of other people. Like you could be undefeated Auburn with Tommy Tuberville and you could be like, well, we got fucked. And everybody would be like, yeah, you did get fucked. So I guess the system is stupid. But now that's less true. Do you think there's anything to, while we're talking about yelling mad, angry moms, do you think there's anything to the top down nature of national fandom in college football? By which I mean, You were talking about basketball, you know, underdogs in March Madness are universally beloved, you know, getting into, we all know where Florida Gulf Coast University is and what their basketball court looks like for fuck's sake. And when a team that is not supposed to be there capitalized each word, you know, climbs into within reach of the playoffs.

There are those of us who cheer them on. And nationally, you get bigger team fans. just stomping down on them as hard as we can. Why aren't underdogs as deluded in college football as they are in basketball and is the insistence that only the teams that belong by pedigree, by money, by history and these big games make it there, making it less fun for everybody? I mean, is it because there's so few spots to go around? Like in basketball, we're talking about 68, so it's like, yeah, sure, throw the little guy.

68, but do we get mad when George Mason's in the final four? Yeah, I mean, basketball fans, like, it's funny. I mean, I feel like basketball fans, they love the first and second round upsets, and they're like, all right, cut the shit. Like, all right, let's get Kansas, Kentucky. You know, like, they turned into football fans by the final four. Right. They want North Dakota State to beat a Big Ten team once. They don't want people to start saying, well, maybe we should rank North Dakota State in the AP top 25.

like that that is where it starts to bleed into bullshit i do think one thing though as one counterpoint to make to this that i would check the internet sort of magnifying people who are the biggest complainers the internet has made me a much more festive uh loser it really has and i don't know whether that's just the gif you know i don't know the whether that's watching and laughing at teams that sort of embrace their pain right like well those years going to be a little rough you know like but the more i follow people online who are fans of bad teams and watch how much fun they can have with them it's it i think it's a good example to follow i don't think it's all fans who are necessarily constantly complaining about their teams and their mediocrity i think that

if you follow the right people you can get an idea of okay man shit's bad okay cool like Washington State fans, Washington State fans have been hilarious. Penn State fans, when they're not that great or when they're struggling, like when they have that loss, if you follow the right ones, it's, they're hilarious, right? We love you, Peter Berks. Love you, Treblah. I mean, not to make it two straight weeks of pit praise.

It's actually more like a hundred straight weeks of pit praise, but like, Pitt fans have the shit down, man. 10 years of pit. This is Philly's actual brand. Have one awesome game per year. Just, that's it, man. And then you can remember it. You can remember it all year.

Otherwise, just laugh at the other 11. Iowa State has done this in some degrees as well, with mixed success. I think, to go back to Holly's point, though, I think the difference is that college basketball fans accept that have come to this acceptance that the nature of their sport is such that things can just tilt one way and an underdog can score a big upset. and we all understand that that doesn't necessarily mean that that team is better. But college football fans, by and large, not everybody, I think are still locked into this mentality that the team that wins must have had

better players and better coaches and a better scheme. And when underdogs win, that compromises that belief. Do you feel like that's down to sample size of a shorter season with your games? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because, like, your college basketball champion, you can lose, you know, six games and still think, like, oh, that's clearly the best team. Right. Whereas in our sport, if you win two, you're trash, unless you're 2007 LSU. I do enjoy the comparison with the World Cup if you go, okay, small sample size, right?

Usually most of the same teams win. But occasionally, if things go sideways and a small sample size, they can go super goddamn sideways, right? Hey, Croatia. Yeah, this is why Jason's getting all kinds of angry British tweets this week. Are you getting angry British tweets? I got a Croatia fan in the Abbey and brother, there are not a lot of Croatian Twitter accounts. So I was getting, for like two straight days, I was getting Croatia follows and tweets like, let's do it boys. And then like, as soon as I'm Scottish.

So as soon as England was out, I changed it back to the Scottish flag affy because like, fuck them. Because like we're basically the Mississippi State to their Ole Miss. And then it immediately swung the other way. I got English fans jumping at me like, oh, go do some heroin, you wanker. A Scottish turncoat. How unusual. All right, Jason, pick our next question set, please.

From Chris Barnwall on Reddit. First, I'm excited for this one. What is the most amount of food you've ever eaten in one sitting? Hmm. I don't know if I've told this one on here or not. Oh, God. No, speak on it. I don't honestly remember exactly what all I ate.

I just know it was a lot. 2011 title game, Bama LSU. All right. So I eat a lot, man. I ate a lot. And after the game, you know, game ended. Everyone hated it. Everyone was bummed out.

Pretty bad mood. So I probably ate some more in anger. Probably drank some. Season's over. Let's drink. It was unsatisfying. Let's drink double. Went to bed.

And I remember around 2 a.m., I started feeling like I had nails in my like, you know, where the small intestine connects to a large intestine. And so I'm in the bathroom, laying on the ground. I've thrown up like three or four times. It's still coming. Different colors, textures, viscosity, all sorts of stuff. I'm seeing stuff I definitely did not eat.

I'm seeing stuff my body's creative. Talking green, black. That animal's been extinct for 30 years. You puked up a Tasmanian town. I threw up Minnesota National Titles. Brother, that's old. And then so, like, you know, when you vomit, liquid's coming out of you.

Liquid's made of water, in my opinion. Your body needs water. Body's made of water. So I'm starting to hydrate, dehydrate. My hands, I can see them curling in on themselves. And I'm like, wow, That's fucked up. You know, like, I'm turning into a tree or something.

Yeah. Like, all my limbs are stiffening and curling up. Like, I'm, like, drying in the sun. And I remember I yell, like, I think I need to go to the fucking hospital. You know, like, I mean, you know, I'm one of those, like, I'm one of those, like, super stuttered, stubborn dad types. It's like, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. So, like, for me to say, I got to go to the hospital.

Like, I'm literally about to die. You're vomiting up hammers and licensed. It's right. Yeah, like literally about to die and I'm like, fine, I'll go to the hospital. On the way there, the wife is driving because I cannot grasp the steering wheel. She's driving and going too fast,

we get pulled over and here's some white privilege for you. I tumble out of the car, crawl on the ground toward the cop screaming, give me water. Imagine doing that while any other color other than well i wasn't white i was light grain at this point um the cop gives me bottle water and tells me to leave again this does not happen for any other people group on earth um we make it to the hospital and i walk in and you know you fucked up when you walk into the er and everyone looks up like oh shit because like they see people walk in without arms you know like they see shit

all day long when you walk in and you're like turquoise and they're like um uh come right this way we'll fell out your shit later you know you fucked up um and like so they plug some water into me and that was the greatest feeling i've ever had like getting the iv um the ivy of water uh and yeah i threw up like 30 more times wife came in was like wow it smells like people died in here and i was like you know maybe they might have uh some point in there i emailed spencer and our shutdown fullback producer to say like you know i don't know if i'm going to make the recording night i'll do my best i remember i emailed bill connelly like hey you can just you know your post you can just put it up

I'm not going to be able to edit it I'm dying you know I think I think Brian Floyd or whoever was like maybe you just take the morning off you know just if you're dying you could probably just take the morning off but yeah that's probably most of every

eaten wow do you know what it was so it happened again like two football seasons later We're in Pensacola. I want to say it was week like five or six.

I remember Florida was really good at the time. Florida had a really, really good defense at the time. Like they led the country in scoring defense or something. I don't know why I remember that specifically. It happened again, but at that point, that day I know I ate an entire sub, an entire salad, several beers, Pensacola, probably several desserts, so on and so forth. You very hungry caterpillared yourself. Yeah, eventually they studied it and figured out, like, the thing that connects your intestines is too thin. But I think at this point, I've expanded it.

Like, I've just plowed through so much through there that it's, like, wide enough. Because it hasn't happened since then. So that's cool. Body mods. God damn. Wow. Please ask the second question. I just.

I don't know that. I want to hear. Does anybody else have it? I want to hear the most Spencer's ever eaten in one sitting. I mean, he's already admitted that he ate an entire blooming onion. Come on, you got to have something better than that. I mean, that's good as hell, but... The most I have ever eaten in a single sitting was with a guy who knew the chef at Underbelly in Houston.

Oh, God. Houston, as you know, is Scout City, the humidity, the lack of walking, and the heavy meals from a... wide spectrum of uh colorically dense ethnic foods will uh it'll firm you up and i went to underbelly which combines all of them in this kind of like fusiony kind of thing and underbelly serves a little bit of everything done kind of you know like if you just put houston in a blender that's the idea behind the menu and when you have or with a guy who knows the chef uh it's a bad sign when he comes over and says what do you want and uh he goes hey man why don't you just keep bringing stuff the chef by the way it's a very large man who writes the menu at this place which is uh yeah

it's in houston the point being he came over with two bottles of wine and put them on the table opened both of them began pouring them and then the onslaught began and what i remember from the meal um is this i remember uh that about three courses in there were tamales stuffed with pork there was a vietnamese pork dish with noodles and little bowel sort of like buns on the side there was a heavy soup of some sort i mean that just kind of went down like a shooter don't really remember too much of that it was delicious there was uh some tacos in there as well there there were basically eight courses all right eight massive courses uh and at the end of eight now remember when they say things like you know a marathon is actually gets hard at mile 24 right because by this

point on i'd probably had two bottles of wine by myself in addition to and that's where i'm really going to get you jason is that like the alcohol consumption on my end it's going to be way higher I'd had probably two bottles of wine and eight courses and a loaf of bread they don't bring you just bread they bring you a loaf of bread when you're like go can we have some bread for the table they bring you each a loaf

served with like a heavy butter and I ate it all listener all of it because it was all so good but I was this is some very Henry the 5th shit oh yeah no like I want to get gout in one night yeah and this is the Monty Python scene where the guy explodes yeah what was the last course oh yes this is why I was talking about the

marathon starting at mile 24 this is before dessert though okay so like eight courses later we get the the guy comes over and he goes hey we got we got a new concept restaurant across the way and we're testing out Jesus we test now you know what we serve there we got some unlicensed tacos bro have you have you seen the movie seven there was a carcass because what he brought out and i watched him cook it swimming in butter off a cast iron skillet was an entire two-pound porter house um that was uh that was racked served with the bone in and up and then cut out for us so there's an entire like pound of steak right just sitting there waiting for you like pound plus actually i think it was like two and a half pounds total and that was the ninth course was a butter fried massive porterhouse steak i finished it because at that point i didn't even want to live it was just like let's put this hey listen don't pull this plane up

make sure it goes into the water into the crass sally we're not landed on the river you put you put this thing nose down into the Hudson. Fuck geese. Like Ron White said, I don't want to walk away from this one, buddy. Yeah, and then we had dessert. And it was that kind of full where like you start crying just because of the pressure in your body, right? Like you're just like, there's water coming out of my eyes. It's not tears.

It's just full. This restaurant's closed now. by the way, which I feel means, like, we'll all live longer, but that chef has opened up another one, so it's not safe. Is he moving closer and closer to Spencer? Yeah, oh, I hope so. After I ate that meal, my gravitational pull increased significantly. The death star is now in range.

The death star is now in range. He's like opening a joint in Mobile next year. He shut down that restaurant. Closer and closer. All the press about it said he refined the concept, and I'm trying to imagine, like, how much more gullet stuffing it's going to be with a more efficient take on what he was doing before.

When they said, we're fine. Did they mean rendered? I don't know, but we went back here in November for a Houston game, and we were there for lunch, and it was Houston, so we had had this insane breakfast. And we're like, okay, we're just going to get the charcutory plate and we're going to split it. And they said, yeah, okay, we'll bring that out.

You want some pickles? sure do you want bread and we said yes and they bring that same fucking entire ass loaf of bread out and just like drop it on the table like they just drop this loaf of bread onto the table enjoy yeah yeah seven sandwiches worth of bread yeah that's that's what i ate i got to be honest though the porterhouse was really good like i was what's wrong with you don't you never learn i think it was that point in the meal that it correlates to when you're freezing to death and it gets warm, and you're like, Alaska's tropical. Like, that was it.

My body had flipped circuits completely and was like, this is delicious. Eat more of it. So basically, the long-running joke that you've drowned is true. It just was in meat, not water. It's how he would have wanted to go. Yeah. Honestly, like, and honestly, like, after there was a point, it did not last long. When I laid down this change.

But when I got up from that meal, I felt like a god. I felt like I could fight God. Yeah, which God. God. All of them. Yeah. This is definitely a Dionysius, right? I got some news for you, Poseidon.

I felt like one of those thousand-armed Tibetan gods of the dead, right? Fuck with me. Yeah. The other question from Chris, what has been your favorite part of covering college football? And like, real quick for me,

man, it's simple. The sport is broken. My brain is broken. We're a perfect fit. I love it. It's, it's, it's, it's completely. inexcusable uh i have no real way of knowing whether a whether whether i'm fully human at any point you know i don't know how a human is supposed to be and i know this is not how a sport's supposed to be

so yes sympathico and the other one is like seeing that yeah everyone from every other part of the country is exactly as stupid as everyone from my part of the country like a sport this this tribal and regional and you know just realizing that all of these regions are exactly the same that's been that's been the most beautiful thing i like that is basically a kind of a a free pass to it's not bandwagon jumping per se but you do get to move around a lot more than you probably would if you were just a fan like when colorado was good what was that two seasons ago when they were like all of a sudden like we're going to a bowl game we might win 10 games and all that like you could just be like well I'm going to pay a lot of attention to Colorado and not only am I doing this because it's fun and interesting it's a good thing for me to do as somebody who covers this sport and the opportunity to do that and not just sort of say like well I'm a Florida fan so I have to pay attention all these Florida games I mean Spencer and I play up how frustrated we are with Florida probably more than is actually true but one of the nice things about when it is true is you have a mill there are so many options you can always find

find something more interesting either because it's really good or because it's really bad to go and find. And I think that is very different from how you, it's definitely different from how I enjoyed college football when I was just somebody participating in it as a fan and not somebody ostensibly covering it or writing about it or whatever. Hmm. I, I, my favorite part is being surprised. I never really get over that. There's just, It's a big, it's a rigor, it's not as rigorous a product as a lot of other sports. So you get a lot more random occurrences. The talent levels are different.

You get more teams from more places and it's all very different. Even if you watch it on TV, like if you throw out to the stands at a college game, there's one or two people per game that are worth the price of admission just seeing randomly, right? And if it's a Tennessee game, there's like eight to ten. Because as we've discussed before, Tennessee is the most gift. fan base i adore them for this i love them for this they are either the people most into the game or the least aware i.e the guy in the uh the guy in the old miss clip right who's just sort of out of it right and then it he's like old miss is beating the shit out of them and it pops up four turnovers

right under his name like he has no expression on his face and it just goes turnovers boom four so i love i love the random stuff like my favorite thing about actually covering a game is if you are there and you are still working or in the stadium just after the game the band usually plays a wind down song it's gorgeous that's a completely sincere statement it's a beautiful thing like they play some sort of wind down some to play classical something to play like a really slow song and there's almost nobody left in the place that's that's gorgeous there go that's my that's my mpr finish good um spencer you want to pick the next pair yeah yeah yeah let's uh let's see i am going to go

with parsley magnet on reddit asks what power five team do you think about the least and why how can we answer this question power five i think about the least if you ask me honestly, it's probably in the northeast. It's probably Yukon. Although I said, you know, I know, actually. You know that I'm not a power fire. I have some news about the Big East, buddy.

No, no. All right. First of all, first, first, I think. See, that's how little I think about them. This is where we should note that we are not breaking Yukon to the Big 12. Yes, we are. It's happening. I think first thing here, you have to take

NC State and Oregon State off the table, they are the most common answers to this question. And we spend so much time talking about how they are like the most perfectly mediocre programs that that is an identity. Like being forgettable is an identity. So it's got to be somebody besides them. Can't be Rutgers. They're known for being horrible.

Can't be Kansas. Same. I was a wake. I was going to say North Carolina. Yeah. That's a good one. It's definitely in the state. Hey, we said North Carolina.

not as good. You're welcome. Yeah, the program, the program, actually, the program I think about the least in the power five is probably Indiana. Because that's, yeah, I mean, occasionally, the problem is Indiana when you pay it to, like, either is someone you definitely are paying attention to, maybe not for good reasons, or they're just, they don't ever hover in the middle. I know, I know the team I pay attention to least in the SEC, Missouri. It's Missou because I always forget they're in. Yeah, it's Missou. it's depressing that that's true I still think we should return them for store credit

and pick up for Jimmy Tech that circuit city closed I think if we return to Zoom and try to get VT on store credit we're going to need to throw some cash in on top of that who would appreciate barter more than Blacksburg Texas Tech is approaching this is veering into this category for me

where it's just sort of like yeah I'm assuming Lubbock night magic is gone I assume I know what they are I assume I know what they'll do until they do something that, like, wildly surprising me in either direction. I don't, I haven't felt like I have to sort of like, oh, what's going on there at this point? I honestly feel like a pretty clear answer is Illinois. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, there is horrible a program over the past however many years as Kansas Rutgers, whoever, but without the identity of being that horrible. But without the joke. Can you name an Illinois fact from the past three years that isn't a coach firing that happened at a weird time? Like, how many times over the last two or three years has, you know, has someone said, wait, Lobby Smith is there? Yeah. Like, we don't even remember who their coach is.

Wait, still? And he's pretty famous. Yeah, he's still there. Illinois is the best answer because none of us thought of it before you said. Exactly. Wait, I just had to look it up. Do you know Illinois's been playing football since 1890 and they still haven't gotten better at it? Listen, they're due.

They're going to break through. That's not true. They're not. No, just give up. Yeah, please. The second question for parsley magnet, and I got a real good answer for this one. How do you reconcile your love of college football

with the scummy aspects of the game, the exploitation of free labor, injuries, et cetera? You don't. Same way you reconcile it with the scummy aspects of literally everything else in your life from going to target to drinking clean water. Yeah, you don't. You're in the middle of it.

You're in it and of it. The, the wisest thing I've ever heard on this subject was from John Boyce, who said, everything is bad. God. All right. I'm going to ask the next one. Oh, this is a good one. This is from Scumdog 0331 on Twitter.

What is the dumbest, funniest college football game you've ever watched? I know, I'm confident I have an answer, but Spencer and Jason, I'm, I'm going to going to let you go first in person uh no no no because my answer is definitely not in person okay and i and i can lead if you want because um yeah lead lead this will all right so so i got to find the year to get it right here uh it's it's here we go uh september 2013 wazoo 10 USC 7 this game this game kicked off This was, I think, the Pac-12 after dark game, if memory serves. A few important stats from this game.

Connor Halliday was the leading passer for the game. He threw for 215 yards. He threw no touchdowns. Cody Kessler was the leading passer for USC. He threw for 41 yards. He also threw no touchdowns. This was such a hilariously shitty game from a USC, team that was not very good, a wazoo team that was definitely worse and kept trying to let

USC win the game. But inexplicably, they refused to. Just the, I'm going to try to find the, the possessions from the second half. Okay, here we go. At the half at 7-7. Here's what happens after that. Here are the USC drives. Field goal missed. Feel goal missed. Turn over on downs, punt. interception. Here are the Wazoo drives. Punt, punt, punt, feel goal good, end of half. That's it. This was one of the stupidest, dick-trippiest games that I vividly remember us all early in the season when we still were like

full of energy and vigor, getting on Twitter to be like, hey, turn on this crap-ass game. USC's about to totally fucking blow it at home. And they did. And they absolutely did. the best game was when i was uh in person for and in attendance uh it was and it had actual stakes to it it was a like an okay like a pretty good spurier florida team uh facing an undefeated florida state number two in the nation on november 23rd 1997 uh that would be when steve spurrier first of all there was almost a fight before the game because this was in a particularly

fighty phase of Florida Florida State. Second, this is where Steve Spurger actually alternated quarterbacks at the snap, right? Like he kept like he would send one quarterback in and then he would have another one come out. Doug Johnson and Noah Bryndyce ran laps

back and forth alternating between plays. This is something that he did without being pilloried as an idiot because it worked. it somehow worked all right um florist state was up 176 uh Sebastian Janikowski uh almost started another fight by doing the Gator chomp at the stands uh if you're familiar with Sebastian Janikowski remember not suspended because according to Bobby Bowden and for any of his infractions

he was playing by Warsaw rules diplomatic immunity diplomatic community that's a legal precedent in Florida, which is testable and it has been held up in courts of law. So long as you're a kicker from another part of the universe, it's completely okay for you to do anything you want. Also, the winning touchdown was scored on a play where only one receiver really knows what's going on because Steve Spurter drew the playup that play before. He drew it on the sidelines and said, everybody know what you doing? And they're like, no, and he's like, good, go running.

And Doug Johnson just heaved the ball downfield. Jack has green caught it. And they scored TD, I believe, two plays later. And I was there in person and leapt into the arms of a gigantic man wearing a sleeveless Molly Hatchet shirt next to me. And he carried me like a baby. I know you've been to a dumber game than that. And I know that your answer for that is the 2012 Florida Georgia game, but we don't have to talk about it. Dumber.

I was my Spencer side for that game. It was, it was, it was, I felt like I had to bring balance to the universe, perfectly balanced as all things should be, by rooting for Georgia and even by the end I had to admit, no, this is, this is really stupid. I remember my favorite detail from that game, and Holly, I think you've talked about this before, is how there were birds in the end zone that were undisturbed for like,

like 90 minutes of real time, just birds walking around in the end zone. They've laid eggs. So I had no intention of going to this game. We were on our, like, I had every intention of getting drunk on the beach with Spencer's wife and baby. And my editor at SI at the time called me on the way down. And it's like, hey, we're going to need you to go the cocktail party. It's like, I'm off today. He goes, actually, we're going to need you to go to the cocktail party.

And I look down at the fanciest outfit I'm wearing, which is like a crop top hoodie and leggings and Ryan stone flip-flops. And that's exactly what I was wearing when I strolled into the press box the next day, which was alphabetical. And I was seated next to Tony Barnhart, like the dean of college football coverage, who actually really liked my rhinestone flip-flops. Thank you, Tony, the god. But there's this pigeon or seagull or some kind of flying rat that lands at about the 20. And you could look all the way down the press box if you're, because I was at the end, of the row having an ace or name and see the actions the other end of the field and from about the 40 yard line towards me down all the heads are turned towards this bird which is slowly hopping

towards the end zone and gaining more positive yardage than any player had all night and people actually stood up and cheered when the bird got into the red zone and when the bird actually finally scored touchdown that bird scored more and by the way that's that's the biggest indictment It's not like, huh-ha, a bird bobbed into the end zone. No, that bird was undisturbed for like 20 minutes, just hanging out on a football field. There was a live football game happening, and the bird was just chilling. And the bird, there were just birds, like, camped out and nesting in the red zone on this end of the field. Will Mastamp is a friend to our avian brother.

Oh, good. Oh, we're back to this old. We're back to this old him. All right. They call me Bambi. Just protecting endangered species such as pigeons. I speak to a language. It's probably a seagull. The first game that came to my hair, which we've talked about for,

was Baylor Texas from a few years ago, and Baylor literally ran out of quarterbacks. Baylor literally ran out of quarterbacks. They ran a single wing. Yeah, they did some single wing, wildcat, any type of bullshit they could come up with, and they were in position to win, and they just had a strong guy throw a Hail Mary. That was the plan at the end. Just had a heaver.

Yeah, just like, hey, just chuck the thing. It's like an RPG when you've massively mismanaged your inventory and you're like, I guess I'll throw a health pack at him, that might kill him. Yeah, just whack, whack, crack a potion over his head. Yeah, it was like they were watching a really terrible turn-based tabletop game. It was, yeah, it's basically, it was that scene in saving Private Ryan when he throws the helmet at the guy, right? Like, they just run out and he's just like, here, helmet. It's all I've got, just got a bunch of helmets. I think, yeah.

I want to give a quick shout out to the 3-0 Sun Bowl but I can't let this moment pass without shouting out Auburn Mississippi 2008 the game that I love so much that I immediately turned around and made two music videos about it

one set to live to win and one set to Dolly Barton's baby I'm burning both which is still on YouTube for some reason yeah they're still out there Google him and that's like there's a large portion of the internet that knows Auburn City 3 to 2 as

the baby on burning game. This is a 10-year anniversary of that game, by the way, I'm going to this fucking game. If it's 3-2 again? Oh my God. So I'm going to run through this real quick. As we all know, the score ended. It was in Starkville. The score was 3-2. Auburn actually

came into that game ranked number 9 in the country. Which a lot of people forget. I'm sorry. Auburn came to the game 2-0. Having beaten U.L. Monroe and Southern Miss. And with an offense that has scored a combined 61 points in those first two games. By the way, underrated part of this game, watching Tommy Tuberville call it a true defensive game.

And not what actually happened, which is Mississippi State getting 116 yards and six first downs, including 38 rushing yards on 30 carries. Adam Carson missing a 38. yard field goal, which kept Mississippi State from tying the insurmountable lead that Auburn built on West Byroof's 35-yard field goal. I'm reading Craig Stevenson's dispatch of the game, by the way, to refresh myself on AL.com. Shut down full cast sponsor, AL.com. There was a safety for holding in the end zone, so Mississippi State picks up a point. Auburn fumbled the ball away

on each of their next two possessions but then Mississippi State this is my favorite part Auburn fumbles the ball away on each two possessions but Mississippi State turns the ball over on downs on back-to-back possessions Auburn was just that hurry up hurry up before they were hurry up

It was so beautiful Can I go a few notes on that 2008 Sun Bowl Which I argue was played in amber Yeah this all happened in the same year, by the way, the Pitt, Oregon State Sun Bowl, which by the way, Pitt, Oregon State Sun Bowl, I want to think we can spot where this went wrong. Cursed image. Like, steak, steak so cheap and low their hamburger.

This wasn't even, and El Paso didn't even participate in the badness of this game, is what's so remarkable about it to be. Like, this isn't the Notre Dame Sun Bowl where you had that one dude trying to rake snow off the field with a rake or push the snow off the field with cafeteria tables. El Paso was a passive participant in this game. Like, I can only assume that the landscape was struck as dumb as the rest of us by what was happening on the field. That Sun Bowl, this is my favorite.

It was 3-0. It was played with howling winds blowing over the stadium. Bill Stoll had 52 yards passing for Pitt. Both of the, both of the, both of the, Rogers brothers, if you're familiar with James and Jack Quiz, who were great for that 08 Oregon State team. They were both out with injuries. They had nothing. They had no one on the field, all right, to play offense for Oregon State.

And my favorite thing about that game is that this is from, there's two things. One, if you Google the game, one of the videos that pops up is somebody actually isolated the Oregon State field goal, which is the only points in the game. It's a YouTube clip, and it just says, Sun Bowl scoring. and it's just a field goal is it not a highlight reel singular yes it was just one two i remember verne lundquist had to call this game with

with gary because it was cbs had at time like the rights to every other major bowl game were out but cbs always has the sun bowl right and lundquist and gary had to call it and they were so over the game eight minutes into it they were just like they knew they were like oh man we got a skunk

like this is just this is bad this is all this isn't going to go well and verne of course will vamp with good cheer and gary absolutely will no no there was much chortling like the third quarter's just all chortling they weren't the only ones though because i remember like like mike riley who's again like capital the most nicest the most nicest man in football i say that he was lobotomized by this game either way at the end of this game like mike riley looks like he wants to die he does and when they kicked the field goal to win his fist pump is legitimately sarcastic like yes thank god mike raleigh bronx

cheered his own team in a bowl game i think he just bronx cheered life he was just like the nicest man in football was just like fuck this um last thing on this pair of 2008 games there is if you would like just straight footed for some fucking reason uh a video on youtube entitled 2008 auburn versus Mississippi State highlights both of them. There are two plays in this game. I assume everyone's just too proud to file a copyright claim for the... I own that. Maybe I don't want people to know that.

And I'm pretty sure I ripped it from ESPN on like a trio. You can barely see what's happening, but, you know, it's got a lot of heart. The other question from Scumdog, what team do you think is best at identifying underrated talent and turning them to elite college football players? His answer is easy. Al Golden when he ran Miami. Because, boy, he sure did turn a lot of underachieving college football players into NFL talent.

Nobody knows how it happened. Don't worry. Al Golden, he's good for you. Are we talking like he turned underrated, like, Duke players into elite college football players? Yeah, that's what he did. He made Virginia look really good at college football. Well, he had this alchemy-like power where he brought high-level talent into Miami, made them immediately underrated

because of how Miami played and then turned them back into NFL like he was kind of you know how in any sci-fi movie that's set in space there's that scene where all the astronauts get frozen into cryosleep

he was cryosleep for a high-level high school recruits and their destination was the NFL I don't know if he was freezing people why is he so sweaty well he's sweaty because he has to absorb all the heat from the sun that they passed. Okay.

Man, this is funny, but do you know who really does that and nobody knows how they do that is fucking cow. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. Go look up Cal's NFL draft record. The maybe, like, the most drafted player, like maybe I'm trying

to think of a better, like Miami does this, of course, they have a ton of players on NFL rosters, but the degree to which Cal can place players in the NFL

while serving no benefit to Cal which is really, I always thought I always thought it was a pitch which was going to Cal which is a good. Yeah,

that's sweet. for them get to the NFL with fewer miles on you. Like a couple of years ago, somebody pointed this out recently that like, I think it was 2015, they had the number one pick at quarterback. They had five NFL wide receivers and

Yeah, yeah, actually the the other answer for this by the way, you know, it cranks out a ton of NFL draft picks. Like Utah? Utah's got a lot of sneaky big dudes in there uh they do but you know i don't think you really think enough about how

stanford crank has like since since harbaugh right but also continually under shot they they really turn out a lot of talent a lot of talent without really a whole i mean stanford gets good players right but you know they're not getting like top 10 players that's not their deal they're just they're real good at identifying talent you know like their current recruiting class their current recruiting class is like 39th and they'll probably get a disproportionate number of draft picks out of that holy shit illinois had 17 because their recruiting class ranks low because they sign like nine players yeah like they'll they'll get some blue chips especially quarterback and offensive line yeah but i mean i think i i just want to imagine i wish we'd put a camera um on like a wisconsin fan listening us listening to us talk for three minutes about people who turn like walk-ons and two stars into NFL draft picks, and they're just like, why haven't they talked about us yet? They're going to talk about us, right? This, this, like, yes, Wisconsin,

you're the epitome of this. Our beautiful, sweet bowling ball boys, is incumbent upon me to inform you all that Illinois had 17 players on NFL rosters opening weekend last year. That is last time we will think about them. Fuck, I had already forgotten about Illinois. I know, sorry, sorry. I bumped it forward a little bit. So that this concludes your final Illinois football thought. Oh, speaking of Illinois, I was also going to point out 2007, Illinois, Ohio State is the worst game, but then I thought of Baylor, Texas instead.

Again, just forgetting Illinois. Do you know the other five schools that offered Andrew Luck out of high school? Who was not like a lowly rate. He was a four-star. It's not like he was some complete dime in the wrong. I'm sorry, we need to break. We have breaking news. Breaking news.

No, I'm not. This isn't a bit. We have breaking news. Yeah, no, no. This is not us. this is from Jonathan May's executive editor at Restaurant Business Magazine reporting that he's verified y'all just not making this up

John Schnatter aka Papa John he's out he has resigned well now they're just going to lose all the racists who were still buying their pizza who's going to star the commercials so like don't go Big Papa

are they going to change the name ooh because how the fuck do you Like who Hold on I've got this I've got this

I've got this fixed We need a Somebody associated with Kentucky and Louisville We need somebody with a similar name And we need somebody with a clean internet record John boys For Papa John

This is his new endeavor I want him to be the face Of this terrible pizza franchise Hey buddy John boys here Oh he also by the way resigned as a trustee at Louisville.

Yeah. What for? Well, funny thing. Let's go back to the original part where Papa John was a trustee at Louisville. That's the part that we should really be talking about.

So there was like a whole year of drama between Papa John and Louisville. Like he, I think it was April of last year. It was kind of this like under the radar story that he was like calling out the AD and all kind of stuff and like sort of got kids.

kicked off the Athletic Association while his name remained on the side of the stadium and so forth. And anyway, his name's still on the side of the stadium. George Clooney's from Kentucky. Wait, Billy Ray Cyrus is from Kentucky and so is Johnny Depp. I think we solved this. Hey, you know what? Papa John's from Indiana. Look it up.

I should cover everyone's names. This is all Indiana's fault. I feel like we're about to find out that like the Burger King is on Purdue's faculty or something. God, that'd be great if he and Pete were in the same room. Can you imagine if, like, staring? Can you imagine if there was a major university that hired, like, a fast food CEO? And then, like, as soon as, as that guy left, that company's stock shot through the roof for the next decade while the athletic department tanked and they hired two straight bad coaches. Can you imagine if, like, maybe, like, the biggest, most prestigious athletic department did this in real life?

That'd be crazy. Wait, wait. Did they let him make a statement? when he resigned because I want to see if it's got the N-word in it. Please don't make any statements.

I want to see if they for more information of, okay, hang on. I hope he burned out of the parking lot. Do you think that car is his or do you think it's company property, the Camaro? There's lore about this.

He like sold it to pay for his first restaurant and then he tracked it down and bought it back or whatever. Like there's this whole, legend about it. Once you take a black light to it, you definitely say it's his. You definitely say it's not, you don't want it. That's not garlic butter. Well, remember the, uh, I mean, it is, to be clear. I'm all about better topping. At least, you know what? He's finally proven that better ingredients don't actually make better pizza, so I guess in a way his mission

is complete. The one thing, the story, I've heard that was again when we asked for Papa John's stories. I believe it was that boy's good fed us this. It was that somebody in Louisville he knew was dating the daughter like one of the schnatter daughters and whenever they went everywhere.

The schnautters. The schnautters. What the perfect name for an offway Broadway production that nobody goes The schnatter daughters. Jackdorf's garlic butter top.

But when he was dating when he was dating one of the like daughters Papa John they would go and do family things and all Papa John did the entire time was just try to own him like the guy had to pay for his own stuff like Papa John wouldn't pay for it and he'd be like he has a nice boat you don't have a boat like this and I really hope that guy is still dating that daughter

right because now he'll be like you know hey you don't have a boat like this and he's like yeah bitch I got a job which you got huh wait Papa John's NASDA code is PZZAA there's no eye in pizza and now there never will be wait I just looked to see if he indeed had let loose any racial slurs

in his statement and it just says for more information about the company bees please visit papajohns.com and that just takes you to their pizza ordering website it's a ploy oh he's still got stock that's what it is new Fox News contributor Papa John man he if he just pulled us like five days earlier, he gets that scotus spot. No question. We're not packing the court, we're stuffing it.