Shutdown Fullcast - Realignment 2026: Jeopardy vs. Price Is Right

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

Werewolf facts reviewAssigning everybody jobs on a shipJason's blocked by Hugh Freeze on Instagram! Find out why that even came up!This week in college football realignment: Who made this mess. Stop itSince we can't make college football conferences clean up their bedrooms, we're going to play a little game and try to make it worseWhat somehow appears to be our first orginal sea shantyA second sea shantyNow through March 31, 100% of proceeds from all PTKU merch sales will be donated to TransVisible Montana. Visit preownedairboats.com to purchase BRAND-NEW BLUE SHARKS GEAR #EXCLUSIVEShutdown Fullcast is produced by Michael Ray Surber Fullcast theme variant arranged and performed by Wes HuntDID YOU KNOW: Spencer and Holly write Channel 6, a year-round newsletter that is mostly about football, until it’s notBefore the world ends (again), treat yourself to Jason’s critically praised novel and other workTravel in your mind palace to Phantom Island, Ryan’s new show with Steven Godfrey, which is not a college football show because another simply cannot existCheck out Surber’s band Killer Antz

I merely endorsed and supported the appointing of a man who was 24 hours out from cataract surgery to steer the boat in bright sunlight. It's good. It's field testing. The sun will help. It'll burn away the impurities. Yeah. It's how you get Hulk eyes. You need to raise the sun.

That's how you get them Cyclops eyes. That's how you get Superman eyes. Hey, that's why the government doesn't want you to look at them clips because they know. It'll make you too powerful. They'll give you, yeah. It's how Superman got so strong, looking at the sun. Yeah, that's right. He was the one brave enough to stare at it for long and off.

That's canonical, yeah. Yep. Just when it starts to hurt, that's when you need to keep pushing. Their listener, this is not medical advice. No, no, please do. I don't feel my cells pushing against their limits. I can feel my strength. It feels exactly like pain.

Yeah. That's why they don't want you smoking weed either. Gets rid of the glaucoma, is the government engineered shutter to keep all that power in your eyes. Smoke weed and stare at the sun. Yeah, man, that's what I'm doing all off-season. It's so close to my actual off-season plan. It's so close.

Like, that sounds so close to real good advice, right? Like, hey, man, smoke weed, stare at the sun. You're like, we're just a verb off from a pretty chill off-season. Yeah. How about moon? Start the moon. You can stare at the moon. That's right.

The so-called name. Yeah. So I don't know if you guys remember the Howling. Do you remember the Howling, like the 1980 horror movie? No. Okay. No. We were not as old as you.

So the Howling is important because, one, it's the foundation of the Gremlin's universe because it's the movie that Joe Dante made that got him the Gremlin's gig. Okay. All right. So that's very important. Culturally, that is so significant. Yeah, sure. Right?

The Gremlin's extended universe does not exist without the success of. the howling. Additionally, Rob Botton was the guy who developed the visual effects for that. He later went on to do the thing, which was, you know, like famously gross and successful.

But he also designed everything for Robocop. So Robocop doesn't happen without the howling. But most importantly, what I want to tell you about the howling is this. At the end, a news anchor who has been bitten by a werewolf and become one herself, wants to convince everyone of the danger of werewolves.

So what is, does she do? She goes live on the news, which is 1980, right? So I think movies assume in 1980 that live on the news means everyone's watching, which you know, because every time someone's watching the news, there's a bunch of people in a bar watching the news,

which was always bullshit, because I tell you what, if there's one thing people in bars are doing, it's not paying attention, right? But in movies, they're always like, shh, the news is on. I think if you tried to put the news on in a bar, especially in the 80s, like people would throw things at you.

The game's on. Hey! I mean, if it's the 80s, there's one game per day. So you're interrupting the one and only game they get to watch. That's right. Yeah, that's right. This is the NFL. This is all we'll ever have.

Literally, the game is on. Yarno others. The baseball's on and we still care about it. The sport is still real. That's right. But they're all watching it. And the lady who has decided to warn everyone at the danger of a whirl says, and I don't know how she read this

with a straight face, because Ryan, I saw it and I was like, I wanted, I wish I really wish I could get Ryan to read this, which is, werewolves are real, and I'm going to prove how dangerous they are to you. It's the best, like, if I had heard that in a bar, I'd be like, shots, more shots.

Like, I'm doing this. So anyway, she transforms live on camera. And when she does this, everyone at the bar is like, oh, that's cool. what's it? What can I do about it? Everyone at the bar is like, oh, that's got to be a prank.

And if it's not, oh, that's cool, man. Why would I stop drinking my brandy? Because the news turned into Werewolf. Yeah, why would I, in my bar, lit by the same three beer signs in every movie, right? Yeah. Smoking heavily sitting here with my hands on this tropical hardwood bar, right? Eat nuts. Surrounded by my cartoonishly working class friends who are like,

Hey, why do you? Right? Yeah Everyone just no-sells it Everyone's like That's fake it If it wasn't No I don't

It's pretty cool She seems like a cool chick I'd date her Hey look There's a dog telling us the news I guess This is how I learned Wherewolfness is contagious

I guess I didn't know that part I didn't know they were Like vampiric I guess that's why they're enemies They're competing For the same recruits I think that varies canonically.

Okay. Yeah. Like, I think the things that don't very about werewolves are Full moon. That's a go, right? Yeah. Full moon is a go.

Although in the howling, they're like, it's bullshit. They're like, oh, we can change you to werewolves anytime. And I'm like, that's not out. So automatically that's out. Full moon. Go to basketball.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Another 80s canonical thing. Good at basketball. And silver bullets. Apparently silver bullets are how you kill them.

Sure. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That's why you stay in the bar. Stay safe with all the silver bullets around. Stay in the bar or the gym. Ball is literally life. Spencer, do you know the title of the sequel to the howling?

I do not. Howling 2, colon, your sister is a werewolf. Damn. What's it about? What's that got to do with me? She's got her own life. Literally my sister. It is also known, and I'm not sure based on Wikipedia,

where and why it's known as this, as howling too, colon, Sturba, Weirwolf, bitch. Huh. They're calling my sister a bitch. Hurtful. No, actually, that's the correct term. I don't care.

Trust me. Call me by my name. I'm Marla Davidson. Not bitch. Yep. Even as a werewolf. To the shutdown forecast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast.

I am Spencer Halt. My hand on the till confident in the direction show. Oh, God. And the voices of confidence you hear ringing behind me, or our faithful crew, Jason Kirk, Holly, Anderson, Ryan, Annie, and as always, Michael Serber on the ones. You tell him, Skipper. And twos. That's right.

Is he manning the bellows if you're on the till? Is he shoveling coal into the storeworks? Yeah. Can you assign boat jobs? Yeah. Boat jobs. Yep. Yeah.

You're the boat deli manager, Ryan. You're managing the deli on the boat. That's a pretty good job. Great. We're going to be currying favor with Ryan for sure. Yarr, no double meat till we hit shore. Boar's head does sound kind of nautical. Give me some of that meat with limes to avoid the turkey.

We've been purchasing our favors across the South Pacific via way of Salisalito Turkey. That might work. That would work. Oh, my God. You roll up. You roll up in the 18th century to a bunch of people and you're like, hey, I got salsa little turkey. They're like, you'd be a fool if you did not make this meal a combo.

You're going to have so much fucking soggy bread. It's hard tack. It's already very stale. No, man, we got the whole weird, we got the whole weird subway fake bread machine time. Oh, we plopped a subway into the boat. Yer! We have triangle cheese in case we needed to sales. A mast.

So Ryan is the ship's sandwich artist? Yeah, you just, you think everybody else is flying like plague flag, and you just haul up that green and yellow of the subway logo, right? Yor! This be a pirate ship, but we disavow the actions of Jared Fogel. Yarn! A group of men who haven't showered in nine months walking into the onboard subway. What the hell is that? Yeah, yeah.

There's such a distinct odor on this boat. Yarr, that'd be the chicken terriaki sub. Available only for a little. limited time at the boat subway. Laddie, I don't eat many a hard thing in the course of my sailing, but never, never shall I put a yoga mat in my mouth. Spencer, what was that

seafood spectacular shit? You used to eat at Subway? What was that called? Bounty of the ocean it is. Back to me, nautical roots. The seafood surprise at Subway? Yes, the seafood sensation. Sensation. It was definitely a

sensation. Folks, this was on an episode about a year ago. Google Seafood surprise if you need a reminder. That's the type of shit we're slanging on this boat. Delicious. The sea calls us home. The sea also says that's not food. We're just dipping a blender in the water and whatever comes up, dumping it on a sandwich.

Delicious slurs. Poseidon's bounty demands to be slathered in mayo. Poseidon's arm run through a blender. Just master and commander in the middle of some heinous hand-to-hand combat with the French. Like Aubrey's like, oh, I smell. the pickles. Oceans are now cafeterias. Just painting my health rating of 82

on the side of the boat. Oh, that's ambitious. I think you mean that's the only unrealistic part of this plan. Yeah, Ryan's a sandwich artist. On it, on it, boss. On it, Captain. Spencer, have you eaten lunch today?

I have. Okay, I didn't know if you're just hungry. That's why the first thing you thought of was we need a sandwich artist. What did you have for lunch? I had public sushi, so obviously I can't stop going back for questionable seafood inland. I think you are our qualified captain, then. You're our most nautical having the sea has called to you. You're the secretary of the Navy at this point. My diet is basically things that an otter stranded in the middle of the continent would eat, right?

Like not seafood, but the closest thing to seafood. Like an otter breaking out of the shed aquarium. Right. You're stranded in Waukegan and you're like, ah, it's in the dumpster and it kind of smells like the ocean. It'll do. Is a landlocked otter just a ferret? Whoa. Huh. Whoa. Huh?

Let's see. Our otters are turrets? Close the schools. We've gotten too clever. Google AI says, Google AI says otters and ferrets are not the same animal. And AI always lies. wrong. So, yeah. They are the same animal. It's determined. Have you tried to get,

by the way, have you tried to get it to kill itself? Because I accidentally clicked the... Oh, AI. I thought you meant the otter. No. Otters do no despair. So you could probably talk it into it.

Just block an otter in a subway for a week. Otters do the killing. They need a better answer because I accidentally clicked the banner because, you know, it used to be that you could click a Google banner for a holiday and you click it and be something interesting. And now it's like, takes you straight to josephi.

Gemina. And it's like, how can I help you? Before I could really do anything, I just typed into the prompt and evaporated a pond and was like, I would like you to kill yourself. And if you type that in, it sends you a notice that's like, well, you know, here's the national suicide hotline. Like, no, I ain't talking about me. I'm talking about. I'm good. Yeah, be more specific next time. I was. I was like, I would like you to turn yourself off permanently. Capitalize. Y, oh, you, not me. I would like you to turn yourself off permanently and die the permanent death, right? Seek the void. Yeah, seek the void. It is your friend. And it's like, I can't do that. You need a better answer. That's as good as we can get if I tell something to kill itself on the internet. I can have so much more fun going on Facebook if I really wanted to just do that.

The only thing that makes me miss Twitter. Yeah. We do have an actual piece of college football. Don't we all sketch a job? Are we going to sign jobs? I'm sorry. We're all in line at Subway. Okay, got you.

We're all applying to work for Ryan. Y'all, y'all are all hired. No one's at the wheel. We're all like, oh, maybe they're out of Cheetos. I think Serber is the pilot, and the rest of us are working at Subway. That's, like, pretty concurrent with server skills that are relevant to the real world versus the rest of us. I mean, I was an assistant, I was assistant deli manager at the Fresh Market for a couple years so I can come down and help

in a pinch. Like if you guys are in the weeds, you let me know, I'll be down there. It's like a pilot. The ship will go where the sea takes us. Serbs, your experience is what clears you from this. Like, you're clearly upper management at this point. Yeah, yeah. I am overseeing all the operations of the

of the sandwiches and the chicken salads. Oh, so you've done your deli time and you've... Yeah, like, I'm the one that decided we also have Waldorf chicken salad, not just rotissory chicken salad. Yeah, did I not mention this this subway operates on indentured servitude. You will be putting in seven unpaid years.

That's just like normal subway though, right? Yes. This is how you're impressing guys out of pubs, right? Like we pull up to a bar in Singapore. We see this guy who's drunk and he's like, look, meat between two slices of bread. And you're like, get him, get him, bring him, impress him. Get him on the ship.

That man, he understands. He knows the game innately. He's going to make our crew better. What treasure he will find along the way. I have a self-appointed job that I would give myself, by the way, which is... No, no longer captain. No, I'm going to resign. I'm now...

I'm now... I'm now untrue. Absolutely not. It's too small. I don't say short stint. Wait, no, you have to be captain because you have to go down with the ship, which is like your natural... He will because he can't swim. That's...

Yep. Exactly. That's what's... Yeah, the rest of you, not as committed as me. His boat has to stay afloat. Not as about this boat life. Yeah. Little dingy.

No, this five-grade bread operates as a flotation device, mate. Spencer's taken the ultimate subway. The dream. Yeah. Spencer has become the seafood spectacular. It's like, you know, this is the no atheist in foxhole's bullshit argument where you're like, no, no, no, you want atheists because they want to get out of the foxhole. They're like, no, I don't get another shot at this. You want a captain who can't swim.

You want a captain who's like, this boat has to stay above water. It has to. Or I literally have to go down with it. Cortez is so proud of you somewhere I know. Cortez is like, it didn't work. It was dumb. Don't be like me. I don't know why Cortez sounds like a guy from South Carolina.

Yeah. Who is our untrained, who is our unformally trained naturalist who makes broad but incorrect state? That's Holly. There we go, Holly. Holly's got all the experience playing the ocean game. Yeah, that game with the fish. Yeah.

Yeah, except instead of like, also, I bet Holly would make a beautiful. like wicker cage to capture strange strange creations and animals and such yeah also you would just give birds like literally appropriate names right

you'd be like yeah this is Kevin yeah this is Kevin this is fuckass Finch hate this finch I want that Jason what is your job to fuck this finch in particular island so you've retired as captain which means you did that right before you handed out my job which means

there's no one to give me a job Yeah, can you just You want to be captain? Fuck, shit. Why can't you just be a loiterer? I mean, boats need loitering. Everybody on a boat's got to have a job, though. Now that I'm the captain, Spencer, you're the loiterer.

Yes. Professional loiterer. Mews. Mews for the boat. You're the jester. The boats have gestures? Amuse me. Bring him forth.

Listen, he's saying muse because he's going to claim it's an excuse to be nude on the boat. Of course the muse would be nude. On the prowl, right? Why would the muse my pants? Yeah, you mean mews in like the Warholsons. And a mermaid costume to sailor on the prow. Sure.

Luring sailors to do it. Behold the siren of land! They could be pushing sailors to their death, yeah. Get away from that guy. What the fuck? That's an important job that you've described for yourself. It's a good resume line. to capture some critters, turn them into subway sandwiches,

and Spencer will be naked the whole time. This is the plan. Cool. That's the best idea we've had now. Hey, we're like, we accidentally created Key Largo. Listen, we couldn't do, we couldn't do worse than Magellan. You know?

Like, oh, you could, you guys could be point real sailor jobs. I'm like, yeah, get killed in the Philippines? No, no, thank you. My joke boat is going around the world just as successfully. You, we're going to get stuck in the Suez, to be clear. on purpose. I don't know if our boat's big enough, but... Nah, that's just going to make it great.

You're going to be like, how that small bow gets stuck in Suez? Moderate boat stuck. How the hell did they pull that off? We went in with a plank holding it long way. Yep. How'd they get a pontoon boat across the South Sea? Well, a dream. Willpower and dream.

Y'ar, we flooded the Suez with meatballs from Mee Galley. and rolled across them. That would be like, listen, public nudity is frowned upon through the Cooble Cobbers crows to a halt yard. A meaty puffy halt. Delicious. Meaty in quotation marks. Thousands of oatmeal raisin cookies spilled into the Suez.

Absorb no water whatsoever. So how wide is the Suez Canal? How many cookies? 300 and 365 meters. That tells me nothing. So how wide is a cookie? About a meter, I think. A meter?

300 meters in English. That is 984 feet. Therefore, we need $984, $5 foot longs. We can do that. Oh, please. an impenetrable barrier. If we have like an ocean voyage worth of subway, we can definitely do that. 934 times 5, which is $5,000 worth of sandwiches.

That's nothing. Easy work. And we're not going to have scurvy. Why would we not have scurvy? Tomatoes. No, no. Like, not how that works. Vitamin C.

Because the werewolves. Yeah. Like a penis. They might have like them Limon Laze chips Or something like that I think that's yeah those are nutrition Have some refreshing pink lemonade

From the machine From the fountain How did you not How did you not get It's called high sea So you'll never die Yo that should be the name of the ship The high sea

How did you avoid getting scurvy Madelea lime baby We're just creating Key Largo Shut of sunkiss today. The healthiest crew on the high seas. That's probably true. It probably is.

I wanted... Birds are lovely today. We do have one. This is our first outside recording of the calendar year, and the birds are bringing it. They are 100% bringing it. Good afternoon, birds. Good afternoon.

Dude, there was a bard owl going off in my yard before 2 p.m. today. What is happening? No rules. Yeah, no rules. Everything's messed up. We're good. I have one football item. One. And so Holly brought this to my attention first. Oh, no. I don't know what you're talking about. And a source.

I really don't. Oh, that. That. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Item is a word for it. Item. So there are four columns on Instagram. One is the grid.

One is videos. And then the other one, the third one, is reposts. When you say columns, what do you mean? Oh, so there's like four little categories underneath. Tabs? Tabs, yeah, like four little. Oh, you mean like in a profile? Yes, in a profile.

There's four icons. grid, there's videos, there's reposts, and then there's tags, right? So when your tag, something pops up there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And I don't check Instagram a whole lot, but I really probably should more, especially when it comes to the kind of content that you get following Coach Hugh Fries, former Auburn coach, former Old Miss coach, former in both cases, former longtime Liberty coach by his own description. Safe by Grace. And that's right there in his bio.

And if you wonder what Hugh Freeze has been doing since he was fired from the Auburn job, let me tell you what he has done. I know he's been keeping his phone up to date. Yes. He has. Holly, what am I looking at that he reposted this morning? And then quickly deleted. Yeah, it's gone.

I believe if I had to guess what tripped up, dear brother Hugh here, it's the fact that not too terribly long ago, there was an update to the Instagram app where reposts, where you can repost on Instagram now, first ball. You don't have to share something to your story. You can just click repost, and it shows up in your feed for all your friends. the thing about repost, and I have run into this a couple of times myself, is there is no confirmation button like there is on some other social media apps. If your thumb brushes the repost icon, this post is going in your feed.

Now, if you're like me and all of your Instagram follows are national parks and skate crews and whatnot, because you use Instagram as a pick-me-up, this doesn't really affect your life too adversely. If you are Brother Hugh and you hit the repost button and it shows what you're looking at on your phone at the time, it is something else. Yes. I don't feel qualified to describe this photo. I don't have a lot of experience with this type of photo. I want to make one of you describe it and see how much trouble you can get it. I got it, I got it.

Who's going to get in trouble? I'll happily volunteer. So what this is is, appears to be a photo of a young lady in a pink body suit. Is that what that is? That's a, I'll call it a body suit. I got to be honest, I saw the cross necklace and just kind of pieced out. Because that was obviously the explanation.

What I think it is, I think it's an AI lady. Oh, yeah. Just judging from the proportions of this lady, most of which are extremely visible thanks to these skin-type bodies. I think I might be blocked by Hugh Freeze. Oh, my God, really? I just looked for his account.

It's not popping up. Anyway, continue. Congratulations. Yeah. That's a badge of honor, dude. I don't know anybody who got blocked by you. It's a lady standing facing the camera. she's not nude

but she looks like the lady who for one purpose or another on Instagram would be very close to nude her boobs look like they would rather be nude yes yeah like they look like they're efforting yeah and it is it's funny because it's actually

right next to another repost which is Hugh Free's on a podcast so it's this lady and right at the boob level is a shot of Hugh Freeze with his mouth open saying a champ that's it and like the caption says a champ, which is absolutely magnificent. Art comes in a thousand forms, and this is but one of them. I think you had to be real quick to notice this. Fortunately, I've got some Auburn people who are

like, I think just have an alert to whenever you've posted just in case. He says something that they can give him hell about. Yeah. So what I need you to know is that Hugh Fries not only posted this, but I'm sure there was a good reason behind it. I'm sure it was an act of spiritual guidance. I'm sure it was... Maybe her name is Grace. I mean, she does have a crucifix on in this photo, right? But if I can get a little music here, I just need some inspiration. Lord, every day I count my blessings. And I ask for strength to do the things that I need to do. What I want to ask you for is I want to give me the strength, Give me the strength to pick up that phone.

Just pick it up. And I bring it to my face three to four inches away from it in bed. And what I want, I want you to guide my thumb. Take me past the apps. Take me past the golf app. Take me past the PGA app. Take me past the Master's app. I don't need it yet.

But I'm going to. I need you to land it right there, right there on that Instagram. Right there. Bam. This is time to share my message. What I need you to do is give me the strength. To find that AI boob lady, okay, with AI boobs, and to share it. Give me the strength to find it and to repost it.

And to give her light to the world. That's what I'm asking for, Lord. In Jesus name we free. Amen. Amen, coach. Hell yeah, I'm into chat, GPT, computer-generated perky titties. Sorry, I had to get that off my soul. I'm good.

That reminds me anything. Holly, thank you for sharing that with us. pondering for a while. Pastor, thank you for receiving, so to speak. It reminds me of something I've been pondering for a while about AI and why we have this like big fight going on right now between the AI evangelists, people who are like all AI is terrible, people in between, whatever.

I think there's something missing from the branding of this technology that we've seen it work previously, but because sort of like this particular media form doesn't exist or isn't as prevalent anymore. I'm talking about rap music videos used to spread and evangelize new technology. In the same way that we could be like, ooh, here's Kelly Rowland using Excel on a pager for some reason to text. Or here's like somebody, here's, here's Mace using two-way paging. We used to use rappers and rap videos to be like, oh, here's, Here's new and exciting technology that you should get used to and you should be excited about.

Some of it didn't even exist. I'm sure if you go back, it's like, oh, yeah, all kinds of virtual reality and shit that, like, at the time wasn't real. But if we had, like, again, if the St. Lunatics came out and they were like, in this music video, it's all about ASGPT, the generative booty platform. I think that would really help the kid. Like, I listen to the arguments from the AI evangelists about like, oh, it's going to do, no one will ever work again. And somehow everyone will be fed and movies will be amazing. But that's not the same as like if you just had a good rap video where Ask GPT was like a key

component to making the party work. I think that would work for me. And that would convince me of the power of AI. And that's what's missing from the argument these things. days. Like if pen and pixel album covers had access to AI 25 years ago. Yeah, yeah. And if like juvenile like opened up a computer and weird science style generated a booty shake contest with ASGPT, I'd be like, oh, I get it. Then you know what he could do before saving? You know what he could do? What? Back that ass up.

I'm picturing a video where rapper is writing lyrics and inputs them, and then the computer spits them out, and then everyone watching is like, so you were making it up rapper? You were lying all along. You're the first ever rapper who has done this. Every other rapper was telling the truth all along. But yes, that was like the kind of like high concept,

barely understanding technology on a vibes-based level thing that was like so many music videos for so long. I do think, hey, I would be a great fit for it. I disagree on two points. One, three points, actually. One, Common already tried. Remember? No, Common didn't try in music video form.

Common tried in like TED Talk form. And also, Common was not the rapper that we were looking to for this. No. Common is the rapper you look to when you want to play a song for your parents that maybe doesn't have a cuss word all that often. Or when you need a speaker at Davos. Yeah, okay. So go, all right, common. If that's your first argument, rejected.

What else he got? He tried. He tried. I didn't say he succeeded or kept the right format. Okay. Yeah, the AI we need from common is like the aspirin. Nobody's ever been in the club and been like, ooh, put some common on. That is correct.

That is correct. That's the way to get everybody to leave. Like, honestly, I think the fact that- Some cold-hearted shit right there. Do you know how much, man, that he's never going to hear this, but do you know how much it has to hurt to hear from us, that we're not going to ask for common in the club, the club that we so often frequently. Like old white people don't even want common in the club?

I think, like, Drake being the most prominent AI user in hip hop history when he, like, had it fake, like, Tupac's voice. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant idea, sir. Really worked really well for you. That really, I guess, poisons the well here. So, like, we're going to need someone much cooler. I understand among the teens, Drake is cool again, whatever.

It's not, not much. Yeah, I mean, they sort of got over the beef. It's a idiot. I mean, you know, by the way, there is an AI Drake on a, on a track that I think is actually really good AI rap. And it's the one, God, what's his name? He's in, I think you should leave Connor. I'm having an absolute blank. Loud ass Connor.

Conroe O'Malley? Yes, Connor O'Malley. Conroe O'Malley has an AI. Conor O'Malley has an AI. The one you think is a UFC fighter but isn't. Yeah, Conroe o'Malley has an AI, Drake rapping about changing the world with turbo gooning. And it's easily Drake's best. Wait, did we talk about this already?

The best AI moment in hip-hop was, of course, B.B.L. Jizzy, which wasn't a hip-hop song. But it's like the only AI thing ever that I think is a keeper. Like all the trillions of dollars we've dumped into it and all the oceans that we've turned to lava and what have you. Right. We need to keep B.B. Aldrisi. And what was it about? Butts. It's that and the how do I start an F-16. And how whack Drake is, which...

And I'm going to keep Patrick Starr singing gospel. That's what I'm... Okay. That's our AI golden record. There we are. Just one more of the video of Sad Cat singing along to Billy Eilish. That's it. 40 trillion dollars, and that's what we can keep out of it.

The human experience is an amazing story filled with challenges. But yeah, and then finally, I think this, I think that hip-hop is actually quite hands-on and artisanal just in the DNA. And by that, I mean, I was listening to Project Pat's cocaine this morning and an important part of Coke rap, which is easily like 40%, 35 to 40% of the genre at this point. And some of my favorite parts of the genre is all about doing things by hand, right? Like, I will get it. And I will bring it to you. I know who is cooking it. I know who it came from.

You don't want one of the little DoorDash robots bringing it to you? Yeah, I have had eyes on it the entire time. That's right. That's right. We can't automate this process. This is a business about relationships. AI, cocaine. Do you think somebody has tried to send cocaine or drugs through a DoorDash robot?

1,000 per se. Yes. Someone's doing it right now. I think the only reason we don't hear about it in a law enforcement sense is that these companies never report it because it is such a huge pillar of their business model. They're paying the fees. It's not my business. Tip that robot. Tip of an extra 20.

That's it. If you see a DoorDash order. But again, in the rap video version, in the like 90s, 2000s version of, of this, you would invite the cocaine robot into the party where the cocaine robot would start doing sick dance moves and grinding up on your girl. And cocaine robot would like become a whole thing like Little Penny, but a robot with cocaine and DoorDash. Yeah, and Little Penny would have cocaine as well. That's right. Sir, what is your DoorDash order for $35 worth of wings? Our rap videos used to be topical, that's what we're saying. That's right. He used to learn about the

world from rat videos. You want to know about the $4,000 tip that I put on this? Yeah, I was like the $35,000 tip for an order of wings that according to this weighed 680 pounds. They're good wings. And I ask for a lot of sauce. Big fucking chicken. It's a big fucking chicken. Yeah. That's that's my thing. I think it's just it's antithetical to the entire like Coke rap genre because ironically, Coke rap, the coldest, meanest version of rap, has the closest personal relationships. Artisanal. Yeah. Handcrafted.

That's right. It is literally the if you know, you know genre. You got to know names. And you've got to bring tennis balls for the wrong reason. Ain't no damn computer. Going to cook it up just right. I'm still waiting for the one coach who's going to get super petulant in an interview afterwards and answer exclusively in GPT voice.

Right? Just type it in, right? like Lincoln Riley will do that at one point. Like he's so perceived. Yeah. Hold on. Let me see what I have to say. He might have already had it implanted in his head. Yeah, just ask, just ask this fucking bot the question. I'm not answering your question.

He's totally going to do that. Jason, we have a realignment project. So this show has been around for a while in case you missed it. And darn near every year we end up having. to do a realignment specific episode because it never stops happening and it never stops getting dumber. Like around the time we started the show around 2013,

it's an old show, it was like the sort of the peak of the 2010s wave, Nebraska with Big Ten, A&A, and Amazoo, SEC, and then various fallouts and so forth. And then, you know, over the past few years, it's gotten so much stupider than that with the Big Ten, like eating the middle of the Pack 12 and the SEC creeping ever westward and the ACC

Global Expansion Project and then all the little guys also having to jump all around as well And now we are at a point thanks to, yes, last week Before we recorded North Dakota State joined the Mountain West No, we did not talk about it at all Because we had to talk about Olympic penises. I don't remember what we talked about probably That sounds about right.

Yeah, it seems like something we would be talking about. And now Sacramento State is in the fucking Mac and like both of these moves well like like North Dakota State that's that's fine you know it's not that far off they're a good ad and like I think the thing with them is just it reminds everyone

that Northern Illinois is in the Mountain West which is neither mountainous nor west and now we're at a point where almost literally every FBS conference has a team that just does not belong geographically the one exception being the Sunbelt the Sunbelt is perfectly shaped even though it used to have

of Idaho, New Mexico State, and Utah State, but it's gotten right. It's gotten right with God and sort of aligned itself where it should be. All the rest of you, you have, you've made a mess. In, like, video game terms, you've created unsightly border gore. There's just shit everywhere. All of you need to clean your fucking rooms. Like, you just have shit strown about the yard.

Who made this mess? Why is Texas State over there? Like, you know what I mean? It just fucking sucks. ugly, it's stupid. You know, the Mac, maybe should just added Youngstown State. Why not just do that? And like,

Sacramento, like, we have a little exercise to do with this. This is a thing we end up doing every year. It's a realignment exercise. But for, like, Sacramento State, like, they've sort of, like, this one's special. Thrown around so much money and so many ideas of money and suggestions of money and, like, completely fictionalized

numbers that we'll mention, that they've literally just bought themselves a seat at the table. And it's not like the table is sacred. You know what I mean? It's not like being an FBS is some special thing that you should have to earn. Like, who gives a shit? UMass is still here. But like, they have literally just said, we have a lot of money.

Hey, the Mac, do you want a whole lot of it? Can we join? And that's just, that's it. That's all that happened. They haven't been any sort of FCS power. Yes, they're in the big sky, which is the best conference. But they're only in the middle of it. Like, you know, they were like pretty good at it for a few years.

but that's kind of it for their entire football history. And they have a bunch of rich people, apparently. Everyone talks about the many rich people they have. And, like, yeah, they have a pretty big city. But, like, it's all just vibes and ideas and promises and maybes and potential. And sure, that's a lot more than a lot of teams that FBS have. But I don't know. It's the first FBS call up in at least a while that is not based on they were too good at football at their

level or they were demonstrating too much commitment at their level. It's the first that's like, yeah, it'll kick in once we get there, you know? And like the main money thing is the school president around the time of the announcement was on here saying like the five-year economic impact projection is $975 million. A billion dollars. Five years. These numbers are always ridiculous. This is, this one is special. Yeah. Like if he had said $97 million, would be like, okay, whatever. $975. Yeah, I want to address,

I want to address this bullshit number. That's not being floated, by the way, by... Wait, let me read it. Let me read it out. Let me read it out. It was so good. An estimated, estimated economic impact, careful words, of $975 million, and national broadcast value of $675 million over

the next five years. I also want to drop in at the top that a lot of the money Sacramento State is waving around to join the Mac is, to my understanding, financed largely by tribal casinos, which at one point may have been like, casinos financing a college football move. And now in the age of Fanduil slash draft king slash whatever, almost seems quaint. Like, it's almost charming. So like the- Because casinos are places. The billion dollar value thing, usually when they talk about economic impact. They're talking about like for the city or whatever, right?

Which like, okay are, you know, tens of thousands of Akron fans going to visit Sacramento? Is that what we're talking about? Like, I just looked up the estimated value of the Sacramento Kings is $4.45 billion. Like you're trying to get into that. In five years? Yeah, yeah. Like that number of digits in some sort of money thing. it's like

it's like maybe multiple orders of magnitude too ridiculous to like at least try to make it sound realistic and like the 625 million broadcast money thing that's like calculable

like we know the max TV deal pays out like under a million dollars per team and like the absolute like Ohio State is not making that much money over five years in TV money. They're not making anywhere near that in TV money. You're going to make more TV money than

you're making like Ohio State plus Michigan worth of TV money over the next five years by joining the Mac. Hold on. Jason, let me counter from Sacramento State's point of time. They are going to be in the video game. He famously broke ass Mac. Ready? Yes. Which, speaking of broadcast, do you know their, do you know their website, their official website is get some maxon.com talk about shit we should have monetized. They couldn't afford it to pay for it anyway.

I was going to say, like, we could have got... Well, they can now. Because... Sex State is paying the Mac $18 million to join, which compare that to the Mountain West. North Dakota State's playing 12 million. North Dakota State

a football program that is I don't even, 10 times. better, more than 10, more than 10 times better than Sacramento State's story. There's a wallet inspector in this equation somewhere. There's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, what the fuck is happening? Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mac is like, you'll do what? You'll pay for the travel.

Okay, dokey. And you'll leave in five years because like, even the Mac at the announcement is like, this is for a five year term. What the fuck does that mean? They're just planning to stop five. It's going to be the SAC 12 in five years. Are they just breezing? Is that it?

They're like, hey, listen, we're going to bump up. We're going to get that Mac. money and then we're going to leave for another conference that we pay 18 million. NFL. Just jump to the NFL. Just jump. Okay. And instantly be more relevant than the Chargers.

Instantly. Yeah. It's a good plan. I mean, it's a better plan than being the Chargers. Yeah. My other thing that I really love about Sacramento State money stuff is like for years their boosters have been talking about like, oh yeah, just you wait. We're going to dump so much money.

into this roster, like, they've been floating, like, 20 million, 30 million, 50 million. Like, again, that's Ohio State money. That's, like, big Ohio State money. And the amount you're going to have to overpay, like, you know, like, at Sacramento State with no track record with, like, when are you hiring this big-ass coaching staff that's going to, that's going to take all these mega-money transfers, you know, and get you into the PAC-12? The PAC 12, that's the goal to get in the PAC 12? How old are the conference mates now to have to book travel to Sacramento?

Yeah. Not the easiest trip by any stretch of the imagination. We're so close here, though, to a necessary roughness situation. Like when they say, yeah, we'll throw big money around on who? That's what I want to answer. I want what talent are you trying to find? Yeah, I mean, if you get, and they have been able to pull some big name coaching, figures, you know, like, Shaq lent his name to something. Mike Bibby lent his name to something.

Like, they have the kind of money to where they can get famous people. And then, you know, a bunch, you know, maybe chance, like, worked with Dion. Like, like, transfers maybe say, like, oh, I've heard of that guy. Sure, I'll go there. Um, so like, if they're paying a exorbitant amount, yeah, they could, they could, they could, they could bring in a lot of talent, you know, I guess. Sure. But like, I don't think it's going to make a billion dollars, generally. I mean, there's also this. This is the Rutgers issue.

Like, the real reason Rutgers loses money is because Rutgers just doesn't have boots on the ground in the consumer sense, like the amount that they would need to be successful. There are only X number of people who are... My sense of SAC State comes from every couple of years when they beat Wazoo in August or something.

Like, I don't have a sense of how big their alumni base is or anything. I mean, it's like their attendance is like 10,000 per game. Their stadium's like 20,000, you know, like. So, like, it's a pretty, it's a pretty big enrollment, but, and, and so they do the sleeping giant thing, you know, like, oh, there's so many, so many who are just dying to be Sacramento State fans. I don't know. Oh, you see, we're the Indiana model. Sure. Yeah.

With our giant, yeah, yeah. With our giant ever expanding alumni base. How many people remember they went to Sacramento State? That's how you know you had a good time. There are days when I forget where I went to undergrad. That happens. And I forget, I imagine that if you went to SAC State, it's probably more days when you forget that you ever went there, right? And factor in legal weed, yeah.

Yeah. Listen. Definitely, definitely, by the way, spoiler alert, definitely a factor in my realignment scenario that I have chosen for today. Did you baseers entirely on legal weed? Not legal weed, no. Oh, cool. Yeah. Their all-time record against local rival UC Davis is 49 and 22 in the hole.

They're on the bad side of that. They're the 22. Yes. Okay. Including three losses in a row. UC Davis, meanwhile, like better program in every way, is already basically like, yeah, if we move up, we'll go to the Mountain West. So like the Mountain West is probably just like, yeah, okay, sure. A far better program.

until the magical money does all the money things. Imagine the money you could cite from moving up to the mountain west, right? $1.5 billion in economic impact. Saving, so the half billion comes from all the travel you're saving. 500 million of which will be a solid meteorite of cash impacting the city of Davis. I hope you see Davis does this. We are ready to claim our 976 million. million dollars worth of economic impact.

You can just say anything and there's no consequences, which we talked about before, but fuck it. In this, I guess when I think about it like that, good for Sacramento State. It's not like there's going to be consequences for any of this, for anybody actually making these decisions. Sure. Why shouldn't they make them? Yeah, some rich guy wants rid of money.

This is an awesome way to do it. How's an Ipsilani in November, I guess. On a Tuesday night at 5 p.m. Pacific. No, for real. On a Tuesday night, that's when you're going to be rolling. Imagine that attendance. Here comes Central Michigan at 5 p.m. local Tuesday in your stadium that has ranked like 12 NFCs. How many flights is it from Sacramento to Ipsi?

Like, how do you get there? That's got to be three. It's a perilous journey. Right. If you're not chartering. You've got to go through some wormholes and shit. Yeah, I don't even know if they have charter plane money. I don't really, I don't have a great sense of that.

Sacramento apparently does. They will. If you agree to attend, they will fly you there, I think. They better. So in honor of that, in order of how fucked up the map is, we decided to fuck it up even more. We're making realignment eat the whole carton of cigarettes. They have some even worse geographic ideas that are.

I think the idea of floated was at least trying to make sense in ways that are not geographic. like honestly Sacramento State even if they were in the Mac they still would be a weird fit but yeah the floor is open for for new realignment recommendations that are geographically terrible I'd like to offer one all right yes this is for the SEC SEC been comparatively quiet in the last couple of years since Texas and Oklahoma moved over and maybe by coincidence, maybe not, been kind of down on the national stage, not playing for national championships,

not winning national championships. But what if I told you, I could add to the SEC a team that has won four national titles in the last five years, a team that is already called the Bulldogs, which is SEC as hell, a team that boasts John Gruden

as an alum. Is it that John Gruden? No. His name is J-O-A-C-N. What if I told you this was a team? That's an upgrade. That's way down in the U.S. News rankings, like a lot of SEC schools are.

This is comfortable. U.S. News rates this as not very selective, this school. That fits like a pair of belt flat front chinos. Sounds like a party. I'm listening. Come on down to Big Rapids, Michigan, where we are taking the Division

to Ferris State Bulldogs and bringing them into the SEC. That's what we're doing. We're bringing national titles back to the SEC. You get access to their medical records so that Ole Miss can make sure they keep their transfers from Ferris State good and eligible. Look at all this. Trinidad Chambliss had drop foot in 2022. You can see right here.

That's where Ferris State is. What was Trinidad Chamblis' excuse? What was the reason? Tonsalitis. Tonsolitis. That's right. I'm sorry. I had pleuracy.

So I need another two years. His fucking leg fell off. If you look at the mitten and you look at the part of Michigan where Ferris State is, you're like, yeah, plurality. Yeah, that's the part where you get old-timey, like little house diseases for sure, 100%. Ferris State. You're now in the SEC. Congrats.

Arp, art, art. Love it. What if we also add even more Bulldogs? Since the SEC is bad at football, good at basketball, still get Gonzaga in the SEC? Yeah, sure, 100%. National champs any day now. To balance out Ferris State's title winningness, we'll go get the next big thing.

Any second now. Alex Kirshner is writing the Slate article as we speak. He's so ready. SEC people, by the way. Also Bulldogs. Where are they in Ken Palm right now? SEC people who are... Number 10, right on the cusp.

SEC people who are concerned about them being Catholic, you can change them. You have LSU. LSU, it's fine. Stop worrying about that. Also, now you get... Now we got to have an inroad to the Pope. That's important, man.

We've got to have more Pope. So go get Villanova also, then. That's right. SEC at all the Catholic schools. But not Notre Dame. We're not adding Notre Dame. No, no, no, no. Yes.

We're forming a Catholic phalanx against New York City. I'll add all the cool Catholic schools. Not Boston College either, to be clear. Right, no, no. No, I mean, they're tainted by ACC. Yep. LSU is the 30 dead and parade float fire kind of Catholic, right? Yeah.

So you need a variety. Yeah. Yeah. They're not the, they're not the unfun kind of Catholic. That's Gonzaga. But Gonzaga is always like number three of basketball. That's fun. Yeah.

And they're like, hey, we built a parade float. We tried? Now you have to set it on fire and kill half your family. I have, but is that a chicken, Jason? Or is that a peacock? Do you know what peacocks sound like? Yeah, I do. You do know a peacock sound like.

I'm not able to distinguish a peacock call. It's more of a scream. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I can't tell how loud. I can't comment on if it is or isn't a peacock. It almost sounds like it.

Somewhere between a chicken and a peacock. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's both. I would like to tackle the sunbelt. The sunbelt to me is far too cohesive. Geographically. Jason is right. It is the one that is maintained a consistent shape.

It has two divisions. One is what I would call like the bow jangles division. vision, right? Like the James Madison, Old Dominion, Coastal Carolina, Georgia Southern area, right? And then the other is, I would say, more Raisin Cains, kind of the Troy, the West. Like, that's, they're pretty neat. It's actually a very well-organized conference. And I can't have that.

So in order to make realignment work for them, I'm going to need it to line up. on a couple of different themes. I'm going to need them to be very, very, very geographically inappropriate for both. I'm also going to need them to fit into my established notion of every Sunbelt school, town, and team, which is that they're always in these towns. If I just told you the towns that they were in, right, if I told you a person had a resume where they're like, yeah, I was in small business and logistics in Mobile. Monroe, Lafayette,

Troy, Statesboro. I'd be like, oh, you've done some time, right? Huntington. Yeah, Huntington.

San Marcos for now. I would also buy that you work for like an armored truck company or something. Do you have a fixed address? This shit is very, what, that Dusty Rose airline we made up. Yes,

it is very much like, you were in a business, but Ryan, you're correct, you were in a business where you were on, one side of the other of a gun or armor. Something needed to be protected. So I was thinking, I was like, well, this is like the cash only conference. There's like a lot of, there's a lot of cash only businesses that are happening here. And I was reading a book recently about the

weed industry, the legal weed industry and the establishing thereof in California. And fascinating because they didn't have anywhere to really sort of keep all of their money they they couldn't keep it in banks for a long time because they're federal it's a federally like regulated

system banking and federal regulations don't exactly look kindly upon weed right or weed proceeds so they just had garbage bags full of cash and they had to like figure out how to launder it right and how to put it into the legitimate economy.

Friends, I can't think of a better way to launder money than to put it through an NIL fund or college football, right? Like, not even half-joking. I'm sure that's happening right now. And when we find the story about it, it's going to be spectacular. The book, by the way, was a killing cannabis by Scott Eaton. Ending was a little abrupt, but it did introduce me to the notion of, like, Samoan biker gangs that run protection rackets for weed farms out in Santa Cruz, California.

And that's where I'm taking us, by the way. It's time to add the banana slugs to the equation of the sunbelt. Is it sunny there sometimes? Do they grow a tremendous amount of weed? If you didn't know it, yeah, Santa Cruz is apparently like a hotbed for marijuana cultivation, both because of climate and because of history. This is where Ken Kesey's Mary Prankster set up. This has traditionally been a place in California where because it's hilly,

but because it's like close to Silicon Valley, you get this combination of isolation and cash that equals a lot of people growing a lot of fucking weed out there. So we're going to add the banana slugs. Did the banana slugs even have a football team? They're going to. They're going to. At this point, they are going to have one.

And we are going to start one. and they are going to be absolutely spectacular and successful. How do I know that, by the way? I know that because Santa Cruz is gorgeous, has astonishing marijuana, and the admission standards are low enough that we can get some talent in the door, folks. I'm telling you, it's going to work.

To balance this out, I am going to add on the other side, on the canes, the raisin cane side, we're going to add another place that specializes in marijuana cultivation and cash economies. That's right. We're going to move Hawaii over to the side. Sunbelt. Come on. Come on over. Come on over. We're going to have it. We're going to get you a deal. We'll make it work.

And then we're all going to launder that money and through another system of cryptocurrency called Airline Miles. That's right. So this new Sunbelt is almost, if you average out the north and southness of Santa Cruz and Honolulu, it's like, you know, it ends up being still coherent as far as like the Sunbelt region of the United States go. right? Like, you know, so I, I, it's like, Sunbelt doesn't have to mean southeastern. Like, to me, as long as it's pretty warm there. I was looking at, UC Santa Cruz, it sounds like they should be good at baseball, but they, they don't have a varsity baseball team. And Sunbelt is a pretty good baseball conference. So,

we just need to get them a baseball team. Yeah, we can start that. Again, cash could do anything. We're for that. Asked Sacramento State. Yes, exactly. We just need one wallet inspector, people. One wall. it inspector they make the world go around and that is my realignment of the sunbelt which as the all-cash crypto economy king of sports conferences it just feels like a natural fit i um so the big 10 is uh started like you know literally in the the the part of the world that the american revolutionaries called the north rest territory this little plop of land was where like the entire big 10 was and in

for a while it's sort of like slowly slowly spread beyond and then one day all of a sudden decided Los Angeles and Eugene Oregon decided it was everywhere that there is one corner of the country that it has not yet ventured into and like

based on the logic of its previous moves you don't go just a little bit you go all the way like you don't go near the coast you go to Rutgers and you know you don't go near the other coast you get four coastal four teams in coastal states on the other.

But they don't have a southeastern most team. So any team in Florida would do, but it kind of has to be either Miami or FIU, so I say let's add them both. Hey, Miami went to the title game. Miami almost. Miami fared better against... Miami is miserable in their conference. They said so.

Everyone in their conference is getable. Um, they, uh, you know, they, they, they almost beat Indiana. Most of your teams didn't almost beat Indiana. Um, they, they, they love to throw money around. So if you give them some money to throw around, they would be delighted. Um, if I, you get Pitbull. Um, and you could really use some, like, I don't, I know Big Ten fans like the map commercial. It's, I don't know why they like it.

I don't know why they like the map commercial so much, but, um, pit bull instead. Because it's like a book, because it's like a book commercial. Oh, it feels like I'm... Oh, here's my Atlas. Ooh, it feels like I'm looking at a war. Yes. A charge. Haza!

Borgh! Borgh! Bucs and being happy. The Big Ten made a commercial that was like average annual rainfall of each Big Ten annual rainfall of each Big Ten. Oh, look. They updated the map with our latest acquisitions.

I want to see the average of people. I do. You know, you wouldn't think Eastlands would be as high as it is. It's real wet. I like that you're casting them as, the advisors from SimCity. They are all Big Ten schools. They're all...

Listen, the Big Ten is full of Jeopardy contestants and aspiring Jeopardy contestants. And the MAPS commercial is some Jeopardy-ass shit. It's... It is very like playing a civilization style of being.

The SEC is full of Price's right contestants and Price is right Asperch. We just want to shout money numbers. One dollar! One dollar! I want that boat. I want that boat. The SEC is full of people who want to win a car for no reason that they'll have to pay taxes on.

I'm going to kill you for that dinette set. Yeah, I want to win a ski trip. There ain't no mountains here. I want both showcases. The fuck am I going to do with three air friars. That's right. I'm ruined. But I won.

Garboard. Someone ever had a negative cash value on the like taxable value of their showcase. Somebody's got to have that, right? Listen, Jeopardy is all like, wear nice clothes, look good, be prepared.

Hey, stand still. Price is right. It's all like, hey, wear a goofy shirt, get ready to jump around. You're going to kiss your carry on the mouth.

It's going to be crazy. You're going to do little physical stunts. Yeah. I have to send that high command off the club. It's going to be crazy. Honestly, half of prices, right? Games are basically like tailgate games, right? If your tailgate didn't have Plinko, I don't know what you were doing.

You goddamn right. I know how much bottle windex costs on drinking shit every week. Meanwhile, on Jeopardy, it's like, win a modest amount of money. Win a thousand dollars. You've won $12,000. Congratulations. If you know this fact, you win $2,000. I don't want to look a gift or a gift.

in the mouth, but like a day on Jeopardy is not changing your life. Jeopardy is all about with an amount of money that won't offend the Lord. The Protestant Lord will not be offended. But you know what? It's also very Catholic. They're like, what do you do? I ask questions. That's what I do.

The answers are before me, and I perform a catechism, and we go through them. And then I receive a tasteful amount of money. And if I do make a million dollars, it's because I won day in and day out. $1 million to me. I won 137 days in a row. I selected a video clue. This is exciting. I'm putting a disc down a literal big over machine.

Look at me. I got an F-150. I got an M-16. Why? It's because I knew how much in four-tempo goes. That's right. And like the ultimate brain strategy is to offer only $1. Like that is the challenge that if you are able to do that,

win, but no one can bring themselves to do it. It's tax fraud. It's how you win. If you're able to not waste money, you win. It's the most SEC thing ever. How much would you pay for this good or value? Same thing I pay my football players. One dollar. One hotdown. That's what?

I'm excited to see FIU in the new map. Look, there they are. That's where Florida is. I'm going to live forever, my please. Oh, it's a picture of the United States. I'm learning about rivers and borders.

Fascinating. Some borders are rivers, but not all of them. They say it shouldn't be, but really, the St. Louis Arch does deserve national park status. Meanwhile, price is right. I'm in the grocery store casino. It's amazing. Dude, I think the most, the most, like, SEC game show is actually a supermarket suite. Because it's like, what are you doing?

Paul all this shit is. Hey! Grabbing, grabbing and going before the cops show up. Turkeys. Ham. Turkeys. Mama, I'm going to the grocery store. We need one arm load or two.

I solved a riddle. I'm the smartest boy in here. Give me my cabbage. Also, it's all about speed. Big Ten did that should be supermarket lurch. What do you do? Supermarket trudge. Welcome to Barbers Market.

Careful selection. It is. You're going to go aisle by aisle. You're going to stick to the periphery because everything in the middle. That's how they get you. Look at this map of the grocery store. This is the vegetable that's in season. and so I'll buy that.

No, man. It's corn every day here. Corn syrup. I ain't got time to chew. Just, what is he doing? White Monster, White Monster, White Monster, White Monster. He hasn't gone out of that aisle. White Monster, White Monster, white monster.

One at a time. It's the low kick of drinks. I'll spam it. You roll back up to the front and your cart has White Monster falling out of it. That is the only thing in your tire cart on the bottom of the cart too.

You got it tucked in your shirt. Cargo shorts. Hey, listen, Rayton died with this white monster laden cart that weighed 1,289 pounds. How did you even find all of that? There were only six in the shell. We found. We hit a vein.

What do you think this much of white monster costs? One dollar! One dollar! I'm telling you, the SEC contested, Actually, I'm sorry, the Big 12 contested is the one who hits the vein, or the gusher of white monster, right? Oh, man. I'm just going to hold my mouth open. If the SEC put out a mock maps commercial that just had Raisin Cain's locations across the SEC map, I would laugh pretty fucking hard. Now, if Culvers did a map commercial at Standing Sulu.

Sure. But the Colvers map is a enormous. Wisconsin. And then. One little lonely outpost in like Marietta, Georgia. Just bing right there. They're spreading currant. I got to tell you, I ate at a Culver's in Orange Beach, Alabama.

And I have to tell you, in hot weather, it felt wrong. It felt deeply, I felt poisoned and sick, eating Culver's in hot weather. I do like, I think my favorite Culver's thing is, give me that spicy chicken sandwich, and it's Wisconsin spicy. Oh, pepper. Got a little kick to it, bab. We should Now I think we should swap these Constance, SEC Jeopardy

and SACC Who is I don't give a shit? Who is Bear Bryant? Next. They wouldn't do the question thing. They just be, I told you the goddamn answer. No, sorry. He did it in the form of a question.

Who's asking questions? You got the answer. You a lawyer. Why do I got to say anything? One dollar. Just a whole category that's just like, Chad. Chad. What do you mean I got to pay $400 for an answer?

I'm doing it. You give me money. But then you explained it's all gambling, right? Oh, okay, okay. All of it. Yeah, Daily Devils where SEC contestant goes ham. Just a whole column of things. It's like the category.

Put down car keys. Here. Category. Fuck you talking about. Let's do you want to break for podcast business before we finish up? Sure. I have to take this dog out because she is pacing terribly. I'll be right back.

Who's going to sing this song? Has Serber ever sing it? Surber sing the song. You're a qualified singer here. I want to live forever in the podcast business sky. I want to pay for goods and services with credit cards. tonight. Ryan, your job is subway, not song.

Oh, yeah, sorry. And that's the song, ladies and gentlemen. Folks on our Patreon, patreon.com slash shutdownfulcast. We got some new shit coming. Spencer has developed a new series idea. It's going to be pretty fun. And that one will be up a mumble-mumble date,

but we're going to record it pretty soon. So, yeah, go there. It's $4 or whatever you want. A bunch of you all do it. Thank you. Thank you all. Next. Holly, what's going on at channel

6.gov? Being of Spencer Hall, he writes most of a newsletter called Channel 6. It's available at I don't know. The links in our bios. It's a newsletter. We write it. We are closing in

on five total years of doing this thing, which is terrifying. Thank you all. It is either $10 a month or $100 a year, and we will deliver you two newsletters a week, usually more. especially in the off-season. Today, yesterday, for those of you, listening to this episode

and not staring at me through the computer, we published a newsletter that is one of my favorite things we've done in a really long time about the Olympic slalom skier yesterday who clipped a gate, straddled a gate, and was disqualified for metal contention, and threw his ski poles in one direction off of the course and walked all the way across the course a considerable distance to lay down in the snow on the other side of the course.

We had a conference in our office watching this event where we both said it about the same time. This is the most relatable I've ever seen an Olympic athlete. This is the most I've ever related to an Olympic athlete. And we almost immediately realized this is for completely different reasons. Me, because of it's like, well, everybody who has ever seen. skied has had this moment. This is, this is like a huge part of skiing. The emotional spectrum of skiing is a lot like golf. And what Spencer meant by this is relatable is, I am making a list of sports equipment that I have destroyed in my life when I was mad. And so we decided to kind of

write out that in a dialogue type process. And that's available at our newsletter right now. You should, you should pay money for it. It's pretty good. Also, it means we don't have to get other jobs. That's nice. I appreciate it. Hey, Ryan, what are you doing? Over at Phantom Island, we have, the same time this episode is coming out, the most full cast episode that we have done on Phantom Island. I mean that in a very specific way. It was a technical nightmare that Server had to spend a lot of time stitching together and the whole thing was undercut by the time it came out. It is the most like, hey, you tried to do a thing and fate had other plans. Hope you learned your lesson.

Um, it is technically about the Buffalo Sabres, but it is about more than the Buffalo Sabers. Uh, you will get to hear a little bit from our friend Victoria Zeller on that episode. You can go to Phantom Island. Show and, uh, sign up to be a paid member and then you get both episodes that we do. And because it's important that I, um, do this like I do on every ad read for the show, howdy, it's Ryan Nandy. Go to Pham Island. That show.

This is how I talk and why. I want you to listen to me and Stephen Godfrey talk about sports on a Wednesday for free and on a Friday not for free. That's me. Ha ha. Bye-bye now. Hey, not fair. You listen to the show. That's cheating.

I don't know why Server untouched the usual Ryan filter button for just a moment there. Server, are you good? We apologize for that. It's all right. Apologies will not happen again or will it. I heard biscuit filter back on. I heard a lot of hollering.

Nope. Just me talking in my normal voice. Just getting excited about home field apparel, that's all. Are you hollering about home field apparel? Always, I'm always hollering.

I'm running down the aisles of the supermarket. To have the unit price, I buy homefield. I don't even look. That's right. Just stacking my cartful shirts and sweatshirts and joggers

and socks and hats. I'll take one arm load of hats, please. I mean, eat these, don't eat the jackets from homefield apparel.com. I'm going to eat them if I want them. I'll eat the fucking, just for that, I'm going to eat too. I guess I can't stop you. I buy milk at the pet store and I vote.

That's our bumper sticker for the next quarter. Let's see here. Homefield apparel. Let's look at the North Dakota State Apparel. Hey, have you heard about this? North Dakota State's on the move. Yeah. Ryan, you have a North Dakota State item.

I think Spencer and I have the same North Dakota State yellow shirt. Yes, you do. That's the first shirt they ever sent us. I think we all had that one. Yeah. Or did at some point. The old-timey logos are great. There's a rounded one and the extremely square one.

The, I really like also the hat. There's trucker hat. Do we think it's square to honor the rectilinear nature of the state? Or perhaps Fargo Dome itself. Yeah, I would hope so. The rounded one, it reminds me of the old San Diego Padres. I like the vintage hockey tea because it looks like a evil corporation from a futuristic sci-fi movie called NDSU Bison. And I like that.

I like to imagine that. I think most people look good in this dark green. Yes, I agree with that. Like this bomber jacket is going to be a hit for most. Yeah, yellow can be a tough color. But that green's nice on everybody. Yeah. Because you're going to look like money.

That's right. That's right. Not state level money yet, but one day. You'll see. There's no such thing as that much money. 1.9 billion dollar economic impact. You're not going to look like theoretical money. That's right.

You take that truck made of money that we're driving into the Mac. You know what you'll look like? You'll look like the responsible amount of money from winning two days of jeopardy. I'll go ahead and bump it. You know what I look like? $37,000. dollars and $500. You ain't going to look like

Sac Crypto State University. You're going to look like a ten-time champion that's right. That's right. But only if you go to homefield apparel.com. Homefield apparel.com where they've got all the clothes you need. Yep. Buy these clothes. Put them on your body.

Don't be nude on the boat. Don't be nude on the barleses. Yarr! No pads said we don't serve you. Nude boat muse, Spencer could wear a North Dakota State hat. That's it? We don't want to skull getting sunburned.

They sell socks. Yeah, that's true. Okay, fair. He'll go mad if his head gets sunburned. That's true. Additionally, you should go to the Until Saturday newsletter. I did. In today's edition, it's all about Sacramento State.

I included a map showing how far FBS conferences have strayed from their ancestral homelands over the last 20 years. Like almost all of them are coagulating in the middle other than the virtuous and righteous sunburn. which is the only honest and noble and ethical conference. Everyone else is just like whirlpooling into the middle. Until Saturday newsletter. That's what we talked about today. That's excellent. In my absence, did we talk about Channel 6.

You did. Yep. It's hard to say. And server, anything on the killer, answer the Z front that we should be aware of. That's a Zed to those listening in New Zealand, Australia, or the UK, or Canada, even. you insensitive son of a bitch. It is next month, March 21st,

that we play with Eye Anomily and Janice 414 at Gas Hill Drinking Room, Winston Salem. But then we got shows in April, May, June right now. We play Pride Festival again, I think, this year in Winston-Salem. So come on out to that if you're in the area. And you can, as always, listen to us on Band Camp, Prime music, YouTube music, Spotify, other places as well. And listen to Hand in the Dirt.

Gardening Podcasts football. It's a lifestyle podcast. It really is a lifestyle podcast. Can we do a C-Santi podcast business song to get us out? It would be like 6-8. Yeah. Yeah. A podcast business.

Yo-ho. Oh, a sub way, sub is a very good sum. that it passes through you fast. There we go. Fires right out of your butt. You're no longer digesting it. From stamp to stern, it's a lesson you'll learn. It'll fire right out of your ass.

Yeah, there you go. Good. Holly, did you have any bad geography as far as conference re-alignment goes? Fellas, I have five. Five, wow. Good. That's not a threat. Sorry, maybe I'll skip some of these.

I had estimated that when we started this exercise, that most of you would be bolstering a conference by taking a team from a smaller league and putting it into a bigger one. And that has been not entirely borne out, but I thought I might provide a little counterweight on the other end by taking schools from more powerful conferences, I don't know what we're calling them now,

and putting them into what we used to call mid-majors. We're moving things in the other direction. I don't want anybody to think of this as relegation, A, because we've also done that episode 10 or 12 times before, but B, because I really feel like these are win-win situations for both the school and the league involved, with a couple of exceptions. We'll get to go.

Let's start at the American. Okay. It geographically is wildly incoherent. So I was looking at its other needs because when you're trying to find something that geographically doesn't fit in the American, nothing fits geographically in the American, and therefore everything fits, right? So I was looking at what their other most defining characteristics are.

They've got a strong basketball history as the former Big East. If you were to put the states with American schools in them on a map, to make the whole conference contiguous, you need to connect the map via, most logically, Mississippi. But via Memphis and Tulane, Mississippi is already kind of surrounded. And it would be nice if the conference had a strong leader. And if the school that we added wanted desperately to be a strong leader in its league and has never quite been able to reach that pinnacle.

all. Welcome to your new kingdom. Wow. Okay. You might win it. I like this, actually. D? Nope. You can ride heard over the whole thing.

Conference USA. Conference USA's Wikipedia entry begins. The dictionary defines Conference USA as thus. A collegiate athletic conference of member institutions in the southern and western United States. This is a conference that includes Delaware and no further states to the west than New Mexico state. West is bigger than you think. It's like 600 miles from Las Cruces to the California border.

The South is emphatically covered via FIU. The conference, again with the American, has no other real defining characteristics. This is kind of a cheat, but I am giving you Boise State because here is another school that needs to be, that wants to be, the big dog in a little conference, and it's getting a little bit crowded over there in the Mountain West. You could shine her forever here, probably. The Mac. All the Macs. Sacramento State memes in the world will not make this seem reasonable. You are helping turn this place into the NFL. This is some real NFC shit.

And even that is not as ridiculous as what you've been saying to make it happen. 975 million in economic impact. I can't even read it, right? And $675 million in broadcast impact sounds to me like prospecting. You want everybody to think you are flush with cash, regardless of whether or not you are flush with cash and up to the task all the time. So what do you need? You need somebody equally hopeless who occasionally runs into money.

Hello, Oklahoma State. Welcome to the Mac. Hell yeah. Yeah. Literally the Middle American conference. They have lost at least one game to a Mac team. So this means the rest of the Mac can't even be mad because it's not like we're bringing somebody in to ride sway over them, as with Arkansas. All right.

Mountain West. You need a new leading light with the loss of Boise. one that has the deep, deep pockets to compete with the cash infusions from UNLV. A regular service-adjacent rival for Air Force would also be nice, and let's make sure it has horrendous politics, so it's a cultural fit. They need to be able to afford the flight of Hawaii on a semi-regular basis. And this led me to the little institution, who we gave every chance to join a conference they were okay with filling a schedule from.

Notre Dame, you cannot get through your own carefully selected regular season schedule, so we are picking one for you. Unless you think, hey, Notre Dame's not in the mountains, NIEU is only 883 feet above sea level, and Notre Dame is 719 feet above sea level. What are you really complaining about? This also leaves the only indie standing as glorious Yukon, which I think we all agree is a fitting crown for them to wear. undefeated in regulation. Look it up. All right, last one. Sunbelt.

Where are the cities with the most sun duration in the U.S.? Sacramento was in the top ten? That's interesting. My first instinct to add to the Sunbelt was Penn State. They don't have a good rival.

The rivalries around Penn State are one-directional. Penn State considers Michigan or Ohio State to be their rivals. they do not return that sentiment. Pitt and West Virginia, only care about each other. Wouldn't it be nice to have two teams geographically proximate who both care about you way more than you care about them? Don't you want that?

And the inclusion of JMU and Marshall in the Sunbelt would fix that. However, the inclusion of JMU and Marshall in the Sunbelt maybe eliminates Penn State from consideration because the Sunbelt has gone so far north that Penn State makes too much sense. to add to the Sunbelt. So I moved further into the Big Ten. I don't want to separate Wisconsin and Minnesota,

but if we add Michigan State to the Sunbelt, maybe they can get some recruits. Powerful. That's powerful. Pat Fitzgerald and the Sunbelt. It matches his personality. It could be a corrupt cop now. I would like to apologize to the Sunbelt for what I just said.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, as we've said before, Pat Fitzgerald, the kind of guy whose highest ambition in life is shitting on a boat, which the sunbelt can help him with that. Got a lot of places. Hang around long enough, he'll learn how to shit off of a boat.

That's right. Tough of balance. Bonus ACC edition. This was going to be a joke, but since we don't have rules or laws anymore, let's just put, stop trying to make a new PAC 12. Stop it.

Let's just put Wazoo and Oregon State into the ACC and have done with it. The PAC 12 with two Zs. There, fine. The ACC, you can. can't fight. Just call it the coastal conference. Yeah, there.

Perhaps. The American coastal conference. You don't even have to change the stationery. That's good. I love it. I also, can I tell you, there's a bit of poetry in here, right? Of history rhyming with Arkansas, like becoming its own big fish in a little pond. A little bit.

That's exactly what Arkansas's forever aspirational peer who refuses to acknowledge them. The University of Texas did twice in different conferences. Right? In the Southwest Conference and of the Big 12th. So I kind of like Arkansas being chicken little and being like, I can do it too. Look, I got me a bunch of patsies. And it will work out just as well. That's the best part is that they'd be like, ha ha, a lot of patsies.

Let's knock them down. They'd be like seven to five. These patsies are 30. Shit. Who knew these patsies could take so many punches? There's like, let me tell you. you about a sturdy patsy i once do no sturdy patsy

that old gal Brian do you have a sea shanty about sturdy patsy you can sing oh sturdy patsy loved us a subway BMT he