Shutdown Fullcast - Realignment Redux: Big Ten Superleague Rivalries Draft

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

THREE (3) new games of skill and chance await the brave listener who dares enter our dark carnival. The preceding sentence is a Juggalo-themed olive branch to make up for all the things that happen to Penn State in this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fellas, none of us being overburdened with worldly wealth. Sometimes we'll play a car game. Spencer's very fond of this, I know. You win the lottery. What are you buying first? You know, you buy a sports franchise. What franchise are you buying? Are you buying to run it into the ground?

Are you buying it to play real-life dynasty mode? Other? Are you buying it just to change the cost? colors to neon pink and lime green. Thank you. Go Jags. If you had, for the purposes of this thought exercise, $60,000 American, exactly. Ryan Nanny, what would you do with that money?

I'm so glad you brought up sports franchises, because my answer is adjacent to that. today it was reported uh by ESPN that amongst many choices he's making Dan Snyder is charging the franchise he owns $4.5 million to put their logo which is also his logo

on his private plane so I did some rough math and I think so did Dan $60,000 is about let's call it one and a half percent it's not quite that, but one and a half percent of $4.5 million. So I'm like, okay, what is one and a half percent of a plane? If the, if the logo is 100 percent, what's one and a half percent?

How much is the parachute worth semantically? I think I could get one armrest on Dan Snyder's private plane. I think I could pay him 60 grand and make him make it put an Eagles logo on his, on an armrest of his of his Washington commander's private play. Oh, Ryan, you have good ideas. You have good ideas. And that's why I'm glad you're here.

You have... Thank you. You have excellent ideas. You said, you know, you said this was speculative, but after reading this piece by Don Van Nata front of the program, y'all go check it out on ESPN.

I don't think it's that speculative, right? I think he would do it. I think he would do it for 60-gras. You came in to pre-show today, say you had a speculative idea, I don't actually think this is that far off. Can I say this, that the actual price for an entire airplane of any sort,

so low as to be disturbing. Like, you're talking about buying like a little plane to take flying lessons in? On controller.com right now, there is the 1971 Garden GY20, a aka already a category inspiring less than confident vibes, experimental and home-built aircraft

that one could purchase for just, $18,973. Oh, my God. So you could have a fleet. We've got, you know, we've been at this for a while now. We've got, I know we've got some listeners out there who are preparing to send their children out to get their first licenses to send their kids off to college. And, you know, for some of you, there's a sensible automobile purchase lurking somewhere this spring and summer. How mad are you going to be standing in the lot of Appomatics, Toyota?

thinking pricing corollas and thinking about how you could have a homemade airplane instead you have a homemade airplane if we so for 60 grand we could buy three yep and then we could be if the blue angels or the blue angels we would be like beige purgatory is that the name of our air show group the teal devil the teal demons yeah you know adante they're those guys who play trumpet with their ass in hell that's us is teal too directly associated with the jags let's The cerulean succubi. That's good. Mov.

The inkly incubus. But one thing, there's a bunch of descriptions of planes here. They're like, are you ready for fun, economical flying? This 1946 plane, no. No, I'm not ready for economical fly. I don't mean to alarm anyone, but you had a notion of where to go on the internet to buy a plane just right there. Oh, Spencer's Harrison Ford. Did we not cover that at the top?

Spencer is Harrison Ford. shrinking is a lovely show by the way congratulations on all your success we're very proud of it moving on michael surber sixty thousand dollars thank you ryan that was a sterling contribution michael surber on the ones and twos what would you do with sixty thousand dollars in a dream um so judging on this 2004 uh dale earnhart junior bud king of beers number eight Chevrolet monte car NASCAR car, which sold for $57,200 on September 17th, 2020. Drop the link in the chat server so I can pull it. So I can purchase it right now.

This one has already, this one has already sold, but there are two Jeff Gordon NASCAR is currently for sale. The average sale of these is 71,000. So really 57,200 is the steel. But the precedent has now been set. This is not a special 2004 Dale Earnhardt Jr. NASCAR. I'm pretty sure he didn't win with this one at Dover or Daytona or Talladega or anything crazy like that.

If he did, they would go up because a lot of these, you see some that are for like $215,000. So my plan here is- On the upside, you're basically losing money by not buying this. Absolutely. So I'm buying this and I have, after that, I have $2,800 left over. I did a quick Google search. can get the Dale Earnhardt GM Goodrich jacket like fireproof jacket for about 150 bucks so I'm going to get that that leaves me with

quick math about $2,500 so with that $2,500 I'm going to buy gasoline for my NASCAR so it's a triple purchase triple purchase but I will use all 60,000 for that. Well argued. Yeah because that bitch is getting about four miles of the gallon back.

Yep, yep. Don't bring him down. Server pull it up to the fresh market. I literally trying to gas in up, Holly. Dude, you pull up to the fresh market in North Carolina and that thing. Slash it thick. The state. Yeah.

King of, they're going to bring you your groceries. They're going to line up outside the door like Downton Abbey staff. I'm just going to do what Chris O'Donnell did and Batman forever and just roll up and be like, yeah, I'm Daler and Hart Jr. I got the car. See? Batman and Robin

It was Batman Forever that he did that though wasn't it Shit God I can't believe it oh man I feel like hard we'll let it all this out It might be Batman and Robin though You might be right they're both I didn't think Chris O'Donnell showed up until the fourth one No he's in Batman forever

Yeah he's with Val Kilmer That's when he has introduced Val Kilmer rescues him from the circus Yeah Chris O'Donnell too old to still be like a circus boy At that point he's like the circus man you're the guy who hangs out at the high school after graduation but also you're in the circus at that point you're just scared to go to devry i was going to say it's like

being a 37 year old minor leaker it's like this is this is fine but like i think we need to move on man just a reminder that the first idea was the correct one to make marlin wayans robin and just have him be like a mechanic correct do you know who was supposed to be scarecrow in these these films no enlighten me coolio perfect what love it why did that not happen Joel Schumacher what the hell because we live in a fallen world Spencer yeah we do now

Jason Kirk is not here today he is it is logging Tuesday at Epcot Canada yeah he's got a he's got a pull a shift with an act so we have no choice but to ask Spencer Hall welcome back buddy who's not dead who's not dead

and a great big a great big fuck you by the way to everyone who ruined that immediately last week by tagging Spencer and telling him we planned his funeral. He hasn't even heard last week's episode yet. Nope. And it's already ruined for him because y'all think that we will like

you individually as people if you tag us. I'm just happy. Could that not be further from the truth? I'm just happy Spencer's not dead. Thank you. That makes one of us. Spencer, $60,000. So I have been

perusing bring a trailer and much like server but in a slightly different vein for $50,000 in change I'm going to take that up to 55 with moving costs I can purchase a 1990 Lancia Delta HF into Graal 16V which was raised in Europe by driver Piero Longi until 1993 What country does this car originate from?

It comes from Italy so as you know there's no more reliable investment than an Italian car with no backseat in a roll cage it's got the sick white rims it's got the roll cage roof fence toe points hatch pins it's got the martini livery it's got two ricaro seats that will hold you in place while you roll your way down the side of a mountain which is what you should do in this car it's an actual rally car with its fia manual and the full rack of lights on the front yeah so i'm going to take that up to about 55k with handling

I'm going to take that other five and put it into a modest life insurance policy without telling them I just bought the car. Who benefits? We'll work on that. The answer should have been Holly. The answer should have been Holly very clearly. Got to negotiate.

All right. These are all good answers. And I'm proud of all three of you because you have much better ideas for spending $60,000 than the suggestion of this article from Realtor.com. Now, this isn't new news, but this is new to us. Who would like to read the headline that I just dropped in the chat?

I'll do it. I'll do it. Now, you all need to click on it because you need to scroll down to the bottom and see how ugly this thing is. Tom Brady is really retiring, and now you can rent his Tampa home for $60,000 a month. A month. Please scroll down to the bottom of this article and look at this house, which is the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen. It's quite, it's, yeah, it's a square. There's a big old square.

It's a lot of gray. It's like, oh man, it's. The tub's nice. Is it? Yeah, that's a boss-ass tub. I'm sorry, that's a great tub. It's got the little resting rack there. But there's nowhere to rest your head.

Like the rim of that tub looks really unfriendly. Tom Brady doesn't take baths. No, sure. not that means he would be like marinating in his own antioxidants and that that's he avoids that but would you scroll down just like the sad last photo are there umbrellas in the pool i actually kind of like that because i think what's supposed to be happening over there i think that's a ledge where you can like sit in the pool under umbrella that sounds dope okay sure only that's like a swim up bar situation this place this place looks like uh a house exterior pc house it looks like

exterior and interior of something you'd see in a documentary about a murder that happened in Germany. Do you guys remember, okay, do you guys remember the Jennifer Lopez Billy Campbell vehicle enough? Yeah, sure. Where J-Lo gets the mullet and learns kickboxing? Mm-hmm. The awful, like, Marina del Rey condo that Billy Campbell moves into after beating the shit out of J-Lo. This is that house. yeah to server's point it has lots of edges where one's head could be dashed and bloody it's like an office depot like if they just put furniture in an office depot yeah this is a baby killing house

tom was discovered in a pool of blood by this island in the kitchen no look there's a pool with like virtual zero barrier to entry a lot of sharp spaces a lot of places where a kid could fall off this is a child killing home this is a child killing home this is definitely not a i have kids and they live they they visit here sometimes kind of no no far too much hazard here additionally there is an advertisement for a wine cellar let me tell you that the most sus part of any florida home is when they say they have a wine cellar additionally i'm not trusting anything tom brady has in his wine cellar because i don't know he's got food issues i want if you if you're like please trust a selection from the wine cellar of this three hundred and forty five pound man with a jolly laugh. That's who's wine cellar, I'm trusting,

not Tom Brady's. I want to see Albert Haynesworth's wine seller. Correct, correct. Yeah. A defensive tackle who's like, let me show you a good cab. I'm like, absolutely. Yeah.

This person knows what they're doing. If, oh, shoot, who was doing Kingsford? That's Vince Wilfork. Vince Wilfork wines. Correct. Here is a business I would patronize. What do you think Tom Brady's house smells like? Ooh.

Band-Aids. Um. Um, like antiseptic, but like antiseptic in that way the hospital bathrooms smell Oh, you know what? It smells like chicken breasts that got washed in soap in the sink. Oh, yeah. I bet you Tom Brady's one of those. I bet Tom Brady's one of those like, yeah, you got to wash your chicken before you

got to clean your chicken with soap before you cook it. Yeah. No, this is absolutely cursed. And the idea of spending $60,000 a month to live anywhere in the state of Florida, much less Tampa, is a crime in itself. Also, there's beautiful architecture in Florida, and you have all the money in the world, and you live there? Like, what a waste. I'm offended. You're so, like, he's so bad at being rich. I would rather have the car server effect, for sure.

Yeah. than one month in this house. I would rather crash my Lancia and take all straight through this house, which I would do. At night is young. I will say, if I was going to pick a month, I think I'd pick August

because I'd be nude in Tom Brady's house the entirety of those 31 days. Oh, yeah, that's when you can just roll around on those concrete floors. As soon as it gets the slightest bit warm under your butt, you can just roll over. These cheeks are touching everything in this house. Promise you that.

cheese cheese all that marble all that marbles i don't even see a lot of marble it's just concrete which is sad it's cold like his heart like a really rich sim lives here see yes that's that's what it is yes this is like you won you won the sims and you're uh yeah it's it's what tom brady Give what Serber just did. It's when Tom Brady looks at his teammates and gives them an inspirational speech up. Roll them flolum. Whose voice are you doing? Were you impersonating yourself?

I don't know what happened there. Oh, yeah, we should probably mention that we didn't actually kill... The bad news is we didn't actually kill Spencer via last week's episode. The really funny news is he got very, very sick. Oh, I'm sorry. So you're listening to Extra Basso, courtesy of a bangin case of sinus cold and or what I like to call Casino Lung from a long trip through the Southwest. So this is the result.

of that. No, it's not COVID. It's not, like, you take a COVID test and you're negative and then you're like, well, what the fuck is this? Gross is what it is. It's gross. It's fully gross. So, no, I didn't die. So thanks, thanks guys for the support. Again,

I would have felt. You wouldn't even know about it. That's true. If our first year, more parisocial listeners had not been like, Spinger, they're trying to kill you. I would have felt bad. I want to be very clear about that. I didn't say how bad

I would have felt bad Ryan would have felt bad we can roll with that I should have I should have put you on the hook for a day or two that probably would have worked yeah just just you know like

no not 24 hours if you had Holly delivery if like Holly is the most convincing so if you had had Holly call me out of the blue and be like hey something happened Spencer's in the hospital we don't know what's what's going

like I actually almost did call you when I heard he was sick, but just to laugh. Yeah. That would have worked. Spencer's one of those idiots who like doesn't take care of himself and never get sick and it's infuriating for the rest of us. Like I think this is maybe, I don't know how long we've been working together. This is like the third or fourth time I've seen you sick ever. Yeah.

And and. Which again is very funny because of last week's show. Yeah. If I think if I just said, if you just said, oh, we don't know where he is because that's entirely. plausible that's confusing that yeah but that that that feels like i would i would want to see a body with all due respect like you are the most likely to just be like yeah he just walked off one day and that's it yeah you know i mean this is how this is how at least half the people on this show are going to die so i i think i can i think i can very safely pin walking off into the woods like a cat

on at least me and server. If your adult year, Spencer, had taken place in the 1940s or 50s, at some point you would have bailed on whatever life you had built and just started a new one somewhere. Because you could do that. It's hard to do that now. Your credit travels with you. You have a phone. Like there's a track record.

But yeah, you 100% at some point would have moved to a new town and been like, hello, I'm Dominic Toretto, a name I just invented in 19. I'm Danny Friday Yeah That's That was Danny Connell No it's so much easier to do

Back then He could be a fucking idiot anywhere He would have just said I'm Spencer Hall Damn it Yeah damn Sol Yeah

So bloom I do not know this man Yeah Michele There is If you do take a vacation The Southwest in the winter. Just know that when the weather gets real bad, it starts to look like dead man by

Jim Jarmouche. It's like, you're out there and you're like, I could leave a body and nobody would find it for years, years. How long was your vacation? Long enough to make Jim Jarmouche sound interesting. Yes, six days. Six days. At what day in the vacation were you like, all right, I wish this were done? Four. Okay. That's pretty good ratio. Like, probably speaking, that's pretty good. And that was mainly circumstantial, right? Because we got stuck up and we didn't get stuck, but like we were up in Zion National Park and it put eight inches of snow in a night and there was more on the way. And at that point, I remember thinking, small hotel room, kids, this is starting to feel a little bit like the shining. I'm going to just, we're going to go ahead and head back to civilization.

The original blogger. Correct. The OG blogger, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. That was very much the vibe but uh got back on it for day six so like day four or five kind of over day six fine fine so family vacation highly rated 100 like seriously welcome back good job not dying for my benefit so he hasn't heard the show from last week by the way so we're when it comes to the back half of this episode which we're going to do what we threatened we are going to have to explain this to him but first ryan has a different game because it's february and that means that our psychoses get to run rampant. So I don't know if it's because I was driving to Pensacola back over the weekend or because I just missed our good boy Spencer or whatever, but I have designed a game that the three of you

are going to play as a group. But really, these are geared, like, this is, this is in Spencer's wheelhouse. I think. So here's what I did. I reached out to our buddy Matt Brown, proprietor of the Extra Points newsletter, and I needed him to give me a list of NIL collectives. And here is why. I am going to give you five groups of three, three names. And in each group, there is one NIL collective. There is one 90s dance hit artist, a la Real McCoy. And there is one... Oh, I'm so glad the real McCoy thread is making its way into the show. And there is one, and there is one, uh, protein powder company. Oh, so this is your wheelhouse, Spencer. And what I need you to do is identify which of the three is the NIL collective. And we are working together? You can work together and come to a consensus.

Spencer is going to be the one. And we're going to, we're going to sort of do this like family feud. Spencer is the one giving the answers. You can work with your team, but ultimately, Spencer, you are the one who has to decide what the NIL collective is of the three choices. Okay. Do you understand? I understand. Okay. This is your first group.

This is terrific. I love this already. We surveyed. All right. Your choices are. No mercy. Maddie Batties and Siren Labs. Jesus

Okay So Siren Labs No Mercy No Mercy And Maddie Baddies Maddie Baddies Maddie Baddies Okay so

Siren Labs is going to be the music group Right It's going to be the No Mercy sounds like the pre-workout and Maddie's Batty sounds like the NIL group That's my

I agree with the But who's Maddie? that matter I was going to say that no mercy the only thought that I had heading into this was that no mercy sounds like an amazing thing to put in your body but that would make it a perfect protein powder

that's because the first thing I thought was like oh no way is no mercy the protein powder but I was like that'd be an amazing collective or protein powder it would be but this also encompasses this also encompasses pre-workouts correct

I think I only went with protein powders but they're broadly speaking they're like brand names or manufacturers so it could it could already getting upset at you splitting the difference here yeah i know but i will also say so is jane coastin somewhere by the way but i will i will i will also tell you flipping those like if you flip them and you made if you made no mercy or if you made signal labs the protein powder siren labs i'm sorry siren labs right and then you made no mercy yeah the uh the band that would also work in fact like no i like the i have more confidence in your first one okay let's go with that okay uh you only need to pick the n il so you have successfully done that mattie baddies is a wisconsin based nil

collective mattie being madison okay okay uh no mercy is the musical group the song they are famous for is where do you go the one that has sort of like my love where you go this you already started Tampa's fuck on that's got a good point of order before we proceed any further down the real McCoy's Primrose path how would you spell the way they say the word talk in the verses of that song T a W W-W-L-K See I was going to say T-W-A T-W-L-K T-T-W-A T-W-L-K That's see you know what as long as there's multiple Ws I think all interpretations are like

Like, where is that supposed to be from? Aren't they Swedish? Yeah, they are. Maybe this is what they think, New Jersey says. Yeah, that's the one. God, we need further. Number two, your choices are the Hutt Group, culture beat, and mission control. Which one is the NIL collective?

If the Hutt Group isn't a Tennessee collective, I'm going to be extremely upset as in Jabba. I think Mission Control is music. It feels like music. What's that last one? Mission Control and... I collect away, I'm sorry. Culture beat. Yeah, see, there's no way culture.

no way culture beat isn't like that can't be a protein powder right mission control is probably the protein powder made from mission control is milk culture beats musical group and then the hut group is yeah they're trying to make it sound respectable server how does that sound this one i have no beat on whatsoever so i i feel like we have an okay i feel like we have an okay beat my confidence is at like 65% here ryan we'll go with that also you've successfully like followed the rules of the game for two questions in a row so we got to be happy with that no matter what sickness resets the mind. Mission control is the NIL collective for the UCF nights.

For UCF? Oh, hey. Oh. Citranots. You fooled us again. Yeah, well done. Culture beat is the... Culture beat is the musical group. Oh, are we ready to talk about UCF?

Nah, fuck them. Do we need to take a break? And the Hutt group is the musical group? The Hutt group is a protein pattern. What? Okay, okay. Culture beats big hit. the 90s was Mr. Vane.

I don't remember that one. You probably do if you'd heard it. They all sort of sound the same as the problem. Yeah, in addition to growing up during the 90s, I was also an exchange student in Sweden, so I feel like I should be better at this part. Yeah, yeah, I feel, yeah, okay. You still got one.

Okay. All right, next up. Your choices are, who rocks the house, real to real, and Garden of Life. real to real is music garden of life's the protein powder so so a yeah a that's our nil who rocks the house is the utah gymnastics nil collective fuck yes you're correct on you're

correct on the other ones i love this game right thank you like i said i i i i definitely had it for good week all right number four your choices your choices are heart mind mind soul, Swalverine, and Planet Soul. Planet Soul is, okay. Okay. We know Planet Soul. Yeah.

So Planet Soul is our musical group. Swalverine is the... This feels like a trap. Protein powder, wouldn't either. It does feel. It feels like a trap. It does feel like a trap. What if it's like the Michigan wrestling

and I all collective? But it's also an invitation to overthink. And what's the first one again? Heart, mind, soul. God, no, that might be the protein. I'm thinking, I'm thinking Swalverine is some kind of like Michigan strength. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, no, I'm okay with going that because I'd rather, honestly, I'd rather steer into that than it'd be a protein powder.

Yeah. Swelverine is in fact a protein powder. Fuck on. Soul. Heartmind soul is the Creighton, N-I-L. No, that's so hearty. Midwestern. Fuck you, Creighton.

all right last one you've you've done very well i want to be clear even when you've missed you've been very close and i love this every week we potentially can't run out of protein powders uh last last group kws ghost and mass strategies mass strategies is protein mass strategies has to be and if it's not that's a shame that it's not so mass strategies has to be a protein powder kws and what's the other one? Ghost. Ghost feels like the musical act KWS. Oh, I don't know, man.

I'm going oppo on that. No. You're going to appo? Okay. Yeah. I think KWS. Am I thinking ATC and like transposing that onto KWS? No, I'll go. No, I can go with that. Like, I'm fine if the group consensus is that. I'm not sure.

Because then you're right if it's the other way. That's why you're okay. with it. Let's just be clear, Stephen Hartzell. Oh, no, no, no. I'm going to ignore the two fouls on this play and go ahead and go with the KWS being the collective and Ghost. Or instead with Ghost being the collective, but KWS being the band. KWS is the band. Their song was, please don't go. Don't go!

Yeah. That's correct. Ghost is a protein powder. Whoa. Mass Strategies is the Kansom. Jayhawks, N.I.L. Collective. Wow. Clever trap. Clever trap that we didn't even see. I adored that game. That was great. Hey, you all did great. I'm very proud of you. I am mostly delighted that we live in a world

where so many NIL collectives sound like they could be protein powder companies or 90s dance music groups. This is my favorite game since Vanderbilt football player or two pottery barn couches. That's all I got. That's my game. We can play the bigger one now. I have been going through collective sites for a thing that we're going to do on Channel 6.

And let me tell you, somebody got to them and said, we'll make a website for you. Because a full 40 to 50% of them have the exact same website. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just, we'll hook you up. We'll make it work, bro. And I assume they're probably. Probably charging them an outlandish rate for that.

It would make you sick, yeah. Like, it's just 60 grand, bro. That's it. It's just, see? That's like one month at Tom Brady's house. That's one Georgia visit. Yeah. We'll pay, it's exactly what we would charge you to live in a home that Ryan

nanny has put his cheeks over every square inch of the upholstery. Even the ceiling. It's wild. The hot water heater. cheeks on it we put them up there like a swiffer baby just on pole apply in the cheeks betty come on you're going to get pink eyes just by walking in this house write the check what other house is going to turn my eyes a different color i'm in clear hearts pink eyes can't lose except he did he lost his wife and to the cowboys playoff game a playoff game

I know which one's going to burn him. So, Spencer, last week, we got into talking about, you've seen a lot of these circulating. Some of our favorites have been done by Bud Elliott, done by Andy Staples, people attempting to come out what the permanent rivals for the new SEC conference is going to be once we expand to a 16 team league. We decided to do this last week just to demonstrate how quickly everything gets squirly. Yeah.

And about midway through, we said, ha ha, wouldn't it be funny to do this for the Big Ten? Betty, are you going to do this for the rest of the show? Yeah. So we have gone ahead and followed through on that threat. Jason is not here, but he has asked to draft for, UCLA and has sent me his draft board in abstentia.

Yeah, because when we said, when we say Big Ten, we are including USC and UCLA. Yeah, sorry, we're doing, this is the 16 team future that we are long time that we are targeting. Yeah, the only problem with this, by the way, is that in order to make the math work, we actually do have to include Maryland. And I know that we're all, but we got through it with Missouri last week. So I've got confidence. So Spencer, how this works is, uh, I am, I am commissioning and I am determining the, the draft order.

And we are going to pick three permanent rivals for each team. I have shared into your Google Docs a big board if you want to keep track of who is where. There is a list over to the right of who is available. And where possible, because it's funnier this way, we're going to try and do this realistically. Oh, oh, goodness. Yeah. Okay. It's actually, it leads to more problems when you do it this way.

Also, we know a lot less off the top of our heads about. the old oak and stove rivals in the big ten so there's a greater opportunity for people get mad at us which which we absolutely love so there are four of us here today and you guys are each going to take four teams and i am going to have jason pick one team and then uh i'm going to take the final three before right before we jump in spencer one of the Of Jason, me and Serber, one of us got in trouble doing this last time, got yelled at. Okay. Who do you think it was, and what matchup do you think it was that caused the trouble?

Got yelled at? I think it would be you? Why do you got to have a bold shit? Nope. No. No. Was it Holly? Holly did not yell at herself.

No? No. that I give up. You're going to have to tell me the whole story. Serber picking on behalf of Tennessee. Yeah. Okay. Tried to pick Vanderbilt with his first choice.

I bring that up to be to bring up a useful time. I bring this up by way of explanation. When you pick a team, when a team goes off the board, as long as they have two games left to play, you can pick somebody else. It takes three picks to remove a team from the board. Right. Serber thought that because Florida and Georgia and Alabama already had a game picked, Serber thought he was not supposed to pick them.

So he picked Vanderbilt. Did Tennessee end up playing Vanderbilt in our schedule? Yes, they did. I thought Server was fucking with me. Yes. Because you weren't here to do it. No. And I got a little angry.

Also, by the way, after everybody else but me hung up last week, Cerber did confess that if he had thought of it, he would have been fucking with me. and he just didn't think of it. So I feel a little less bad than I did a week ago about the screaming that ensued. I am saying this only in the naive hope that I will head this off at the pass even though I won't.

I understand that there's still going to be a problem here. Yeah, but a team's only out and they've been picked three times, three times because these are rivalry picks and a rotating schedule. So we can, our first three picks can all be the same team. And then they're just off.

Because we don't want me to yell at Spencer. That would feel weird on this podcast. Yeah. It would. We don't want Spencer to not pay attention. Who is already in trouble today because he stole my good nail polish remover use on his Warhammer dolls. I had to strip some paint.

Well, it's summer. Major League Baseball is in full swing. there's one app for you if you want last minute deals on major league baseball games and that's game time dot co that's right game time dot c oh i'm looking at the app right now and i'm picking out america's team really the kansas city royals uh and at kaufman stadium just in a couple days there's tickets available for 16 dollars and then well i don't want to up the stakes too much here but let's go to next week it looks like they're playing the chicago white socks there are tickets available right now for three dollars you could see a major league baseball game in chicago for three

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Download game time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Okay, Holly, who's going first? So I actually want to put this question of draft order to you guys. Okay. With the SEC, we did a very, with the SEC, we did a very, like, loosey-goosey power pole order. You know, we started with Georgia, and we ended with Vanderbilt. I can't decide if it would be funnier to do it that way here,

or if because it's the Big Ten and we have to be fair, we go in alphabetical order. Oh, I have a third idea if you'd give me one second. I think we should use the U.S. News rankings. Oh, yes. Oh, so let's put UCLA in Michigan up at the top. Okay. Let me see.

Did I tell you guys that I actually did get This is not a bit. I did get in real life when this was announced. I found out about the Big Ten taking UCLA from a Michigan alum who, a rather prominent Michigan alum, it's not Jane. She would never do this. Who texted me furious that Michigan was going to have competition for the top U.S. News and World Report in the conference because UCLA is always like jostling with them up there. as a better public school and they were this person was livid that they were going to have to that they weren't going to have like a cakewalk to the best u.s news and world report in the big ten

that's beautiful oh um so if we're going by the most recent reports what is the order i've got the list up your first pick is going to go to northwestern university that's really funny because when i was listing all of these teams i forgot one and it was driving me absolutely insane and spencer named 13 teams before we realized we forgot Northwestern. All right, Northwestern's, so I'll give you your order. Northwestern. Ryan, since you

so thoughtfully and smartly came up with the draft order, why don't you pick Northwestern's first permanent rival? I've been hoisted by the retard here, haven't I? Yeah. I would base these entirely on trophies, so I'm glad it's not just me in here.

So Northwestern plays Illinois, for a trophy. What is the what is the trophy you could get the most splinters from? I'm not even really making fun. I wish the SEC did this more. This is the thing that the Big Ten has

that I really envy. I think the answer has to be Illinois. Yeah. I think it has to be Illinois. So playing for the Land of Lincoln Trophy. I don't know.

I don't even know what it looks like. Oh, it's the stovepipe hat. It's the, um, it's the, um, it's the, um, it's the, um, it's the monopoly piece. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep. So go ahead, uh, go ahead and give me that. Okay. And your next school. Would be next in the U.S. News and World Report.

Is UCLA. Oh, so close. UCLA. All right. Jason Kirk is drafting in abstentia for UCLA. And his first pick, and I am reading this verbatim, is USC-S-M-H. Okay. Don't believe we need really any further explanation there.

Holly, the next school picking will be the University of Michigan. University of Michigan, Cerber. Why don't you draft for those boys in blue? It's Ohio State or Ohio. And Ohio State University. Man, it's a good thing that Ohio State has Michigan up there to snag that big high pick for him, too. Because I guess, I'm guessing it's going to be a while before we get to him. Your next goal is USC.

Spencer. Ah, a natural match, USC and me. Since we already have UCLA designate, this means I get to... You sound like a kindly ogre in a fantasy novel. I can't get over this Not many are fortunate enough To get my bridge For I charge no toll but wisdom

Um Can you just say treebeard some call me Tree beard some call me Thank you For USC I'm gonna go ahead And let's just get fucking weird from the jump Now they already have their one rival Which is UCLA so you're picking their second rival

Uh huh uh huh And I'm not a nice person we are trying to do this as realistically as possible just to demonstrate yes but but purely from the perspective of the team you're picking for so it doesn't have to be like oh the other team would want this it's just you're picking your best thing as like if you were sorry this is another thing we should have mentioned you are drafting to the best of your abilities as you imagine USC would draft you are lynn swan's best friend I have one answer and one answer only yes you do is Ohio State yes that is right you want that is a money game you want to

a money game and a classic every single year in and year out. Because part of the reason we're drafting top to the bottom with power is A, because this is kind of how it works. There's no way Mazoo gets to pick who they play. And B, it's like it's actually funnier than trying to make jokes.

Yeah. No, they've got, no, this is an automatic pull. So that is so here's a, here's a point to play for those of you at home. And as with last week, we will post this draft board in the Reddit when we're done. we have gone through one round of us, of the commissioners,

and two of the schools already have two of their slots filled. Also, this is a great pull because I really want to see the like, hey, Lincoln Riley, you want to see what some real football looks like. So, Ryan, back to you, who is school five. Wisconsin is next in the rank. Wisconsin's a better school than Purdue and Penn City. state that is what u.s news and world report this the unquestioned authority no they're kind of bullshit but listen on a vibes level you really cannot go much longer than wisconsin it really might be my

favorite football trip in the country are you picking for wisconsin you are picking for wisconsin oh it's uh okay yeah i'm doing the very scientific thing of going counterclockwise in my own zoom window right right right right okay okay we're good hmm hmm hmm So all teams are still on the board. Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, it's Minnesota. This is easy. They played this a million times.

They play for an axe. Yeah, it's Minnesota. It's not necessarily super competitive, but I don't think Wisconsin cares about that part, frankly. Truly, one of the best road trips I've ever been to. This is the thing I love about Wisconsin, and I've said this before. This is not a paid advertisement, but I've covered events in Wisconsin when it was August and 95 degrees. And I've covered events in Wisconsin in November when it was 12 degrees with lake effect snow. Grandest time on both ends of the spectrum.

I'm not really sure there are any other schools that I can say that about. Just delightful. Next. Next is me picking Illinois. There's a lot of schools that are better than Penn State. It's weird. Illinois is sneaky, freaky smart. Oh, I know.

They got a shit ton of. like engineering programs there too right so illinois's first rival is northwestern playing for ye old stovepipe hat illinois's other rivals what perdu yes everyone's gonna get mad at us when we don't like i respect these trophies so much there are just there's just so many different trophies and it's hard to remember all of them. Illinois and Purdue play for a cannon. Yeah. So the other one would be, I think the other one would be the Ilibeck trophy. Yeah. And I'm just like, hmm. So if you're Illinois, you know what? I have to draft as though I were Illinois. I have to take, I need to take the Illa buck trophy there because that's probably a bigger money game, right? Yeah. Also,

it's a turtle and it was originally a live turtle. So, yeah, there is that. Okay, so Ohio State is Illinois's second rival and Ohio State is and Spencer we got to watch this last week it is wild how the order in which the teams come off the board is faintly like its own power ranking yeah so with that we have made six picks and Ohio State is dunzo with a slate of Michigan USC and Illinois which isn't too bad I would say well actually you know I like this this is a really good combination for them because they have, you know, they have their traditional rival,

they have a huge marquee cross-country money game, and they have what I'm going to call a competitive balance game. Yeah. Much as we, in general, a competitive balance game, much as we loved, much as we loved,

the God, it still feels so weird to say, much as we love watching last year's Illinois offense. So Ohio State, Penn State is not happening. Ohio State, Michigan State is not happening. Okay. okay not not every year anyway right right right okay ohio state was going to be next of those other schools

so oh hi i was going to be next in the rankings and just below them serber is picking for per due per do per due currently has no rivalry spots filled and serber every team except ohio state is available for selection yeah i correct me if i'm wrong here. Like, I am tempted somewhat to pick Michigan because, or one of the California schools, but I think it's Indiana, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's Purdue's big deal. Yeah, because it's the in-state rival. They're the only two big ones in the state, right? Yeah. If you're drafting as Purdue, I do believe that this is where you would go first in the absence of the Ohio state. Thank you. Hi, Mona. Did Mona hear Betty? No, she's just a hound. They're all, they're like

They're like mushrooms. They're all connected to the same thing. All hounds are connected. Spencer's next. Spencer is drafting. Wait. Did I draft us out of order? I don't think so.

Oh, I was supposed to go after you. Yeah. You can go next if you want. Yeah, go next. Serber already went. All right, we just, server traded up to take Indiana for Purdue. This is a very well-run draft.

I'm going to wait until we get the stick for the dog out of the bag. so that she shuts up for a minute. Who is after Purdue? Who's picking? You or Spencer? Me. Holly, you're picking for Rutgers. Who? Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, boom, boom, boom.

Um, dang. I know the answer to this. No, I was just thinking, here's another, here's another Ohio State. game that isn't going to happen. And they can't exactly play Princeton. I think there's only one choice here, but I'm not going to... Penn State. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, if you... I believe that Rutgers... I believe that this is what Rutgers would take. Yeah. It is also wild that we are like this many picks in, and this is the first we're hearing about from Penn State or from half of the teams that are supposed to... to be the big four?

Yeah. Interesting to see what happens to that dynamic, by the way. Like, what happens to... So, like, you think Big Four and the Big Ten right now and you think Ohio, State, Michigan, Michigan State, Penn State. What happens to specifically Penn State and Michigan State when USC and UCLA entered that picture, right? Because if I'm Ohio State in Michigan, I'm not feeling that threatened.

Semantically, there. That's the word I was just trying to think of. I guess I mean this is going to be a problem for all the conferences that get super big right like I think maybe this is LSU because like I don't think anybody I don't think anybody in the upper half of the SEC feels threatened by Texas and Oklahoma coming in I get yeah maybe not although that might change I mean every bit of a schedule the every every schedule starts with intent and ends with accident yeah right so you're just going to end up with some that are just fill in spaces and those are going to be I think you are creating room at the very least for teams that are not used to finishing, let's say, fourth or fifth in a division to do that, right? Yeah. Anyway, sorry for the, sorry for the, sorry for you're fine. Serber is picking next. No, Spencer is picking next.

Doing great. I haven't made me typos on the board so far unlike last week. Fear the turtle, Spencer. You're picking for Maryland. So Maryland is another school that's better. Which for the purposes of this episode only, Maryland is in the Big Ten. Yeah.

So Maryland is another school that's better than Penn State. Yeah. It would seem so. Yeah. Better than Iowa. Yes. Great. I'll also tell you just because I saw it,

Maryland is better than Syracuse. Yeah. Iowa, which by the way. No. Has it an admission. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That's my fault.

You know this is an upsetting stuff. I shouldn't, I shouldn't do that while we're picking. Maryland especially like crossing the streams Maryland probably takes the second Penn State slot right Maryland and well this is a traditional rivalry if you'll consult Wikipedia

don't look at the record in the rivalry but it is an official rivalry so yes like if I'm Maryland this is who I'm taking you got to take it yeah because this is this is a money game for you so I think you have to go ahead and take it so Penn State's stands card is right now Rutgers

Maryland. Well, maybe they'll do better. Maybe they can actually, like, win the division. I was going to say. Which, I don't know when the last time that happened was. Don't look at me. Okay. Minnesota is next on the list.

Dude, we're just playing. Minnesota. Ryan, this is yours. Minnesota already has Wisconsin. I think. All schools except Ohio State remain on the board. the jug is good that is tempting one

um I think it's probably well but Floyd of Rosedale is really good too I think the move I think the move if you're Minnesota is probably to take Michigan because you're not sure Michigan

will still be there later and yeah I think it's Yeah, I think I'm going to hope that if I'm Minnesota, that Iowa ends up rounding out my dance card, but I think it's Michigan. Well, and also, you can, you know, you're still going to play them some years. Yeah, sure, sure. But you're right, you're right, you're going for the big money game there. And also, Michigan had only been selected once so far.

So Michigan actually still has a remaining slot. They have Ohio State and Minnesota right now. Okay, yeah. Okay, good call. All right. I've got to go back to my U.S. news. Please hold. Pitt and Virginia Tech

and A&M and UCon and UMass A&M? We're still loading. Yep. All right. Indiana is next on our list. God, there are so many schools above Penn State. I see.

I am drafting for Indiana again somehow. They have Purdue on their board. I am vamping because I'm trying to think of what trophy I'm forgetting. They have the spittoon with Michigan State. That's the one I'm thinking of. All the schools are still on the board except for Ohio State.

So here's a genuine question. of Purdue. Are we going for a money game here or are we going for a rivalry game here or are we trying to find the highest combination of the two? The dangerous question is what would Purdue do? Like the old, the old oak, this is, we're drafting for Indiana. Oh, I'm sorry, and this is the old oaken bucket has already been accounted for. Like basically I'm trying to say, does Indiana try and snag Michigan or do they take Michigan state. Should Indiana take UCLA at this point just to get, just to get a, I'm going to go ahead and open up. I'm going to go ahead and open up my secret playbook. My second and third choices were going to

be governed by a Midwesterners desire to see the West Coast every other year. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a possibility. UCLA is a good. Also, that's a good. That's if you're taking this not just for football. Yes. that's a strong like if you really want to argue about 70s basketball yeah yeah and when you're gonna and when you're going to play this game if this game is deep into November oh yeah you want that west coast shot that's strong so let's see yeah and Michigan State hasn't been picked yet so there's every chance that it's still going to be there yeah Michigan State Iowa and Nebraska so for have no selections.

And every school except this is going a lot more equitably than did the SEC. Every school except Ohio State is still on the board. Michigan State is our next selector. Serber. Why don't you pick for Michigan State? It's a no-brainer. Michigan.

Yeah. They were really sweating that one though. Yeah, that's true. Like they are praying for you know, Indiana. So that takes that takes Michigan and Ohio State off the board. Okay.

Both with, I think, comparable. Nah, maybe. It depends on how good Michigan State is and maybe how good Illinois is. Okay. That's fine. Boy, this is driving home, by the way, in terms of devaluation of the overall brand. Right. It's really pushing Michigan State down.

This is kind of why we started, we did this like kind of on the floor. last week just to kind of watch how it works out and it's amazing how fast you could sink. This is making me like Mark Dantonea was pretty good, the coaching part of his job, because, damn.

I take you so much more seriously right now with your voice. Just as a quick aside and then we can get back to him. I'm going to try to keep it here. I think he sounds like Chris Pratt trying to do Chris Hemsworth and Guardians. This is my voice.

Holly, we finally arrived. Penn State is here. Ah, server. Tied at number seven. Spencer gets to draft for Penn State. Yeah. Who only has one selection left.

Yeah. Yeah, boy, we are dominating. One selection left. You currently have Rutgers and Maryland, so hooray for competitive balance. Just had Ohio State and just had Michigan go off the board, so you can't get that. They're taking USC, right? Because they want to be Ohio State. It's also a Rose Bowl-y type thing.

Also, James Franklin. I'm going to look at it this way. Right now, we are currently. dominated by kids from del marva like the schedule we're facing a bunch of kids from del marva who use chewing tobacco like that's a lot of guys who dip right a lot of a lot of dave matthews band fans uh we need to diversify here and get a different kind of dave matthews band fan yeah yeah yeah also we need that west coast wing because i know james franklin's thinking about recruiting at all times so yeah we're going to

go ahead and pick up USC. Yeah. So USC is now off the board. And so is Penn State. Wow, that happened fast. Ooh, boy. So over on the right-hand side of the draft board, by the way, I have, is the list of the teams that are still available as you go through.

So Penn State's three permanent opponents are Rutgers, Maryland, and USC. That is so. So this is a, this is a, none of you, when did Penn State? join the Big Ten, like 1990? Am I roughly in this? No, you want to. Okay. So good, good list of important historic Big Ten rivalry games here we've got with these three.

Hey man. You think James Franklin can't make some kind of hash out of playing the oldest team in college football? Sure. Sure. But we're sure it's not the Land Grant trophy that they're going to want. It says they've been playing that games is 1914. Too bad. Here's a question.

I would answer that question with a question. Would Penn State value the land grant trophy over, like, playing pit, or if they were like playing pit again every year? I get, I don't know. I don't know. Treblah, sound off in the comments. I'll tell you what, Serber. I think if this was their second.

pick if they had one more spot to fill i think they would take that over usc knowing that they only have one pick to make and that they've already drawn rutgers in maryland which is not going to do a lot for them ooh who won it last too who won that game last year yeah had to had to spend pen state so that makes it even better they keep the trophy now they have got you for a couple years probably this way yeah like we got this for two years now fucking also penn state just as an institution historically as a former independent not really the most they're not super emotional about high bound tradition yeah no like pitt's a good example of these with which they let you know the pit rivalry the west virginia rivalry like they're they're not they're not super uptight about

beholden to these traditions yes i agree yeah okay all right so we have two schools left to rank And by giving you the next one, you will know who the worst school in the U.S. News rankings is. But they're in the A. To come at no surprise, giving earlier, I think on an earlier episode we talked about, is it A, you accreditation or whatever, that one of these schools lost. Iowa is the next pick, followed by Nebraska at the bottom. Let's see, who picked Penn State? I did.

all right Ryan come on down to Iowa three slots Iowa and Nebraska both have all three slots available demand baby and your list of available teams

is to the right so this is where I'm picking Minnesota this is where Floyd matters and I think that's also what yeah that that will also make Minnesota happy so I think this is one of the easier decisions.

Yeah, that leaves Minnesota with a slate of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Iowa. Oh, that's hardy. That is hardy. Well, and also, like, that's not a difficult travel schedule. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Nebraska then, to me.

The only school. All right, so we're at Nebraska. Every other school, except Iowa, who just picked, every other school had been on someone else's dance card. Nebraska has nobody at this point. Nebraska has nobody. I know people say that we're too mean to Nebraska, but also maybe Nebraska's too mean in Nebraska.

Did you think about that? With three slots open, one could truly call this a triple option. So who are we looking at an actual for an actual in-conference rivalry right here? Like we got, we got an Iowa, we got a Minnesota. we got it Wisconsin I think those are it yeah they have so many teams that they call their rivals that aren't in their conference

right right let's see hmm hmm which game is the bits of broken chair trophy that's Minnesota I think yeah Minnesota it is the one that has also happened the most times too

but Minnesota is not available Minnesota is full Oh shit Oh god we've lost the bits of broken chair Trophy It's the Heroes trophy Is their next most play game With 53 meetings between them in Iowa

Is that the one I also do Children of the Corn That's a good one because it's also The Thanksgiving week game And it's just terrible And I don't know that Nebraska

All right well here's Wisconsin is the freedom trophy Which also doesn't help Is it possible Nebraska would want to avoid all of these. Is it possible a Nebraska would just want to avoid Iowa because they fucking hate playing Iowa?

Yeah? You know what? In that case, I'm going to give them Wisconsin. Okay. Yeah. All right. And now, We go all the way back up to the top.

And Serber, you are taking Northwestern's second slot. They have Illinois. All right. Just need to do a quick peek here. And available teams are to the right. Michigan is not available. Yeah, it looks like all their rivals that they could take otherwise have been taken. Super League.

It's, is it UCLA? Yes. It 100% is. Yeah. And that takes UCLA off the board. It is, it is partially. And that means UCLA's conference late, by the way, is USC, Indiana and Northwestern. Oh, God.

Can I suck to go. I'm going to suck to lose five games against this guys. Oh, we do love to see it. Spencer, Michigan is not. next and has been completely or sorry Michigan is next and has been completely spoken for so has UCLA, reverse those

so has USC so you are down to taking Wisconsin's third slot they have Minnesota and Nebraska hmm let's see well I'm going to be real honest Wisconsin built

its program off of some extremely advantageous scheduling we have strong brand presence with the minnesota and nebraska rivalries i feel pretty good about that i'm torn between wanting tradition and the easiest game i can pull off the schedule right both i can get yeah go ahead also new also new coach you might as well you know they've they've broken their lineage and and brought in a brought in a new regime yeah and I also but I do also kind of want opposing fans who are going to show up because I'm kind of thinking but you already have them in the summer of Nebraska for that they're real good about that but you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna try to in my this is like playing Dungeons and Dragons when you're like what would the wizard do and I'm like well what would the Wisconsin AD do and I think they're going to try to shoot the gap between people who will show up and a game I think I can win every year and I think that's Michigan State okay okay i know i know

no i don't i don't hate it iowa is probably the one that everybody would make there i'm a little worried about how consistently good iowa is no but that's a good that's an okay case so i'm going to make the slightly progressive choice for michigan state yeah what were you going to say server i i was going to say iowa uh they've they've met i think that's they've met 96 times and um i just

well that means you pretty much know don't we the i mean it's just like are they going to ever be anything different than they are right now. They don't know. They don't seem to want to be. Yeah, so that seems to be the easiest potential matchup. Like, I don't want any part of Michigan State every few years.

The other choice, I want to go anywhere where the weather forecast is raining tax. Wisconsin has played Minnesota the most. The team they've played the second most is Northwestern. Played them more than Iowa. It's not a trophy game. It doesn't have any particular trappings

to it. But I think... I'm not, I'm not sassing, although it sounds like I'm sassing. Does anybody but people like us care about how many times a rivalry game has been played? No, but like this is the, when we, when we have these discussions, though, like this is the one statistic that I think the fandums at large probably care about the least. So, so my argument would be more for, for North. Western in this slot would be reasonably confident that that's a win every year and

of the road venues that you can go to like you can sell your fans on like you get to go to Chicago every other year isn't that fun nobody's coming the other way though but you don't care about that that becomes your this is the

best place this is the one o'clock game is this the game where you bundle it this is the noon game where you can bring your kids because it cost six dollars a ticket or something but no i think michigan state's a fine choice i'm not trying to overrule you here it's a it's a great looking lineup for wisconsin given what's available to them oh yeah it's really strong i i mean i i will say this playing i was a pain in the ass like just just if i'm going well who we looking at the kind of brand of football that's been

successful at iowa is a pain in the ass the kind of brand of football at michigan state has largely been an exception to the rule in an otherwise up and down, you know, often disastrous sort of history as a program. Here is why, here, I'll say something in your favor of this pick. If you were to say, what are three games that Wisconsin could win, and I would have no idea if that meant if they were good or not, like good, good. Minnesota, Nebraska, Michigan State is like a really good three, where you're like, cool, maybe that means they're like competing for the big 10 and maybe that means they're

winning seven games. Managing expectations and getting to nine wins, baby. This program is Outback Bowlbound. That is the Wisconsin dream. All right, Pay. I know. I'm not going to ever call it anything but the Outback goal. It's fine.

It's never getting, no. That's never changing. Or should you. All right. Are we setting this one in stone? Yeah. All right. Ryan, back to you.

We are down to the third pick for Illinois. They have Northwestern and Ohio State. Okay. This is very Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Not enough. Too much. Where's their just right game?

Yeah. Um, I think it's Purdue. Yeah, I think it's Purdue. Yeah, I think it's Purdue. Of the available options, I don't, I think you would rather play Purdue than Iowa every year for a variety of reasons. So yeah, I feel fine with that.

I was actually, I am actually scheduled to pick next for Purdue and I was going to take Illinois. Okay, cool. Let's see. So let's see, that leaves. Illinois is done with a slate of Northwestern Ohio State and Purdue. seems to prop Illinois up rather nicely, which I can't believe we don't hate, but last year was what it was.

Ohio State is full with a card of Michigan, USC, and Illinois. This brings it down to Purdue with Indiana, Illinois, and blank. What on earth am I going to give to y'all? This is where I think I'll probably take Northwestern and do like a semi-smart kids game. except

Does Purdue as an athletic department really care about aggressive scheduling? Like do you want something that sounds like big and big tenful or do you want to have a nice trip and sleep in your own bed? Let me answer that question. What is the last time you remember like, oh, wow, Purdue scheduled a banger home and home with somebody? Right, that's what I'm asking.

Because, like, I feel like looking at the slate they have right now, which is Indiana and Illinois, I'm like, well, they need, you know, they need to get, they need to get out of town. They need a Nebraska. They need to, such. But also, I'm just like, Northwestern sounds cozy. I think that's totally reasonable, frankly. And they also have two trophy games already here with Indiana and Illinois on their slate. All right. I don't have a really good reason for it besides, like, Sleepy Time Tea vibes. But there we go. So that takes Northwestern to a complete dance card with Illinois, UCLA, and Purdue. That's probably right about their level. And Purdue with Indiana, Illinois, and Northwestern. Oh, Purdue and UCLA, you guys are the same.

We've always thought so. I don't know. server you are now picking for Rutgers the remaining pickings of schools Rutgers has two slots left the remaining pickings are rather slim and they are listed to the right I think I'm going to take on a strategy that Spencer employed earlier which is like who will come to my game from another school give me money and I'm picking Maryland yeah yeah just because just on based on proximity alone the fact that it's drivable the these schools are in the

ACC Corridor. Yeah. Maryland takes. That's like a good quarantine strategy too. You two have to play games, so we're going to make you play one against each other. Right. Also, can we show up?

Can we get drunk on a train, remain drunk, attend the game drunk, and then go home on the train drunk? Yes, that's a good game. God, that actually sounds great. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. all right so uh serber spencer it is over to you to select the third slot for maryland which has penn state and rutgers oh i have okay you have the opportunity to do something really mean i think

ryan and i just had the exact same thought i want to air that thought i don't want to lose it so Ryan, what, like, what was that thought? My thought was Indiana. I don't think it was a mean thought necessarily, but, like, I don't know. I don't know. For you. My thought was to send them to play Nebraska because I can't ever remember Nebraska's in the Big Ten either.

I will say, I appreciate that we have protected Nebraska from Northwestern, the bully that keeps beating. Hey, Nebraska, don't ever say we don't say, nice things about you. Look at us coddling you. Man, I really, I wanted to select Rutgers for Rutgers. Like, this is the spot where I wish a team could play itself, that Rutgers could state. I mean, we've done this closest as we possibly can.

But you're picking for Maryland. Yeah. No, no, I mean, I wanted to select, I really wish I could select Rutgers twice is what I meant here. I see. The closest thing you can do, what's the closest thing you can do to that, picking Michigan State? You know what? I think Ryan's right. I think I got to send him to Indiana.

All right. Yeah. And just as practical choices here. Yeah. So that ends Maryland's dance card with a list of sterling rivalries, Penn State, Rutgers, and Indiana. This is the remainder furniture rivalry. This makes Indiana's slate, Purdue, UCLA, and Maryland. Which is fine.

Like now, now I actually feel much better that they grab that UCLA game. Yeah, no, that was a good call. Good, good call. The West Coast grab is a key element in Big Ten scheduling now. Ryan, this is, this is, and that's another interesting element, too, of like, they're going to be the bell of the ball in that regard, but like that regard only. Yeah. This is interesting.

Let's see. Minnesota is full Indiana is full Ryan you are picking the final slot for Michigan State and to be clear my choices are Rutgers Iowa and Nebraska

yes it's not Rutgers because they just won't care about that it can't be Michigan State because we can't do that correct you have this also influences Iowa and Nebraska's remaining schedule because they will have to basically take each other and I don't know exactly

how the math works out but they don't get to choose after this that's fine they should have gotten better academic so essentially what's happening here server is unless I I shouldn't pick Rutgers because that would fuck up the whole schedules and I wasn't going to pick them anyway so what's going to happen here is you're right Iowa and Nebraska are going to end up playing each other I'm pretty sure. Oh, yeah. And whichever one I don't pick it next, and I am giving Nebraska to Iowa. So I would say, I think Michigan State would rather play Iowa. Like, I think that's, they're spiritually similar. And I think in a pinch,

Michigan State would rather play three, like, legacy members of the conference than two in Nebraska. I almost feel like that is like someone coming in and that did not have a storyline with either wrestler in the Intercontinental Title match and interfering with the match at WrestleMania to set up a SummerSlam storyline. That is 100% what it is.

Absolutely what is happening here. So that makes Michigan State slate, Michigan, Wisconsin, Iowa. I don't hate that. That's fine. I think that's fine. Yeah. Penn State is next. They are through with Rutgers, Maryland, and USC.

this leaves me to fill Iowa's final slot and I am giving them Nebraska because I don't care that y'all don't like playing each other you wanted to be yeah make out yeah yeah well at this point it's like Iowa would pick Nebraska over playing Rutgers I believe so yes yeah so that leaves Nebraska with a final selection of Rutgers and a final dance card that goes Wisconsin, Iowa, Rutgers, which actually isn't that

bad. And this leaves Rutgers with Penn State, Maryland, Iowa, with also, hey, listen, actually not that bad is a good ceiling. Rutgers came out clean here. Yeah, Rutgers said, Maryland, Iowa, yeah. Again, this is largely reflective of like, Nebraska has a very stupid schedule here. Or I should say, Nebraska has a schedule that's like, why did you, why did you join this conference to play these three schools over and over again? But because we did this based on bullshit academic rankings, Nebraska, you were fucked. I'm sorry. Be better fake school nonsense. But you guys love these bullshit academic rankings so you can't get out of us.

Yep. Yeah. I think UCLA got fucked. Like, they joined the, yeah, no, no, I'm not mad about it. They joined the big 10. They don't want to tag along so goddamn badly when you're going to go. They play a team they already played, and Indiana and Northwestern. They get not Ohio State, not Michigan, not Michigan State.

They don't even get fucking Nebraska. It is pretty stark when you compare. We got, so we gave USC and UCLA each other. Who, Holly, we didn't have to auto draft for any of Jason's other picks for UCLA, right? No, no. What was Jason's ranking? What did Jason's ranking look like? Jason's draft board for UCLA went as follows.

Number one, U.S.S.M.H. Number two, Nebraska. Number three, Illinois. Number four, Indiana. Let's skip football and remember some basketball guys. So we were of one mind there. Number five, Michigan State. Some history and little brothers got to stick together. Number six, Maryland, spiritually a sunbowl. Number seven, Rutgers, not because of bi-coastal comedy, because the whole point of adding Rutgers to your conference is getting to play Rutgers. And then he says, Nebraska. Illinois and UCLA have a weirdly high amount of long-term history, balanced results, and really big games. Plus, they're within a scant 2,000 miles. They're without question two of the three best choices, and that's insane. LMAO. Yeah, mostly when you compare UCLA, who got Indiana and Northwestern is their non-USC opponent and USC who got Ohio State and Penn State. That is a bleak comparison, yeah. So we ended up with, on Jason's big board via other schools, we ended up with his number one choice, his number four choice, and Northwestern. That's not terrible, though, because what happened here was less UCL.

This was more like why the other schools want UCLA and USC. Yeah. To recruit in California, to go to California. Yeah, to, yeah, okay. I think this is fine. I think it's fine. It's not real, so. Yeah, there's some, listen, the most robust.

I'm not real now. I'm looking at it. There's some hearty, hardy midwestern scheduling in here. And if I did look at it from at least a, like, very cynical perspective. Yeah. You say that UCLA got screwed. Yeah. Okay.

Kind of. But, one, they want to keep that USC thing because that's an identity thing. That's an identity game. It's also an expense thing. It's also an expense thing because UCLA kind of got to think about that for a minute until then Big Ten checks come rolling in. And then the other two games, manageable and near relatively large airports. So it might be worth noting that, yes, like you can consider they're trading in Utah for Indiana.

Like, they don't have to get their shit kicked in by Utah anymore. They do have to go to Indiana in November. They don't have to go to Washington State. They don't have to go to Corvallis, right? They don't have to go to Pullman. You're right. Both of those schools come out golden here. You're right.

Also, man, UCLA, when in UCLA's football history, have you ever said, now you need to toughen up that schedule? No. No, nothing's in the back for sure. That's true. Penn State is the one I think who has the most different To go back to Holly's thing about like

Does this move push other teams down Penn State not playing Not having either Not having either Michigan or Ohio State As a permanent rival And instead having to have both Rutgers and Maryland Who don't give you any of the like Big Ten history But also yeah

Like when the USC came, basically, a lot of years. When is, and I will say this, when have we ever looked at somebody from either of the SEC or the Big Ten and gone, uh, you know, like we have a problem with their strength of schedule. Yeah, one thing I look for in scheduling too is to go, okay, have we paved the way for the bottom of the schedule strength-wise to class up? In other words, have we hit the lever, the only real lever that we have outside of changing the how we do the sport in the first, place. Have we really hit that lever and sort of manage to sort of get some kind of a quality,

right? Some kind of parity going. I don't know if we've done that, but there's definitely opportunities for that at the bottom of the conference. Like I think Purdue, Indiana, Illinois, Northwestern, dude, win those. Win them. Those are all three totally winnable games for you under some competent management and decent recruiting. We have created some television challenges with this. Go on. I don't know how often... Well, this is the smart conference. Let them figure it out.

I don't know how often a... Well, let's pick one. UCLA, Indiana. I don't feel like that's going to be getting a lot of prime slots. Blue team, red team. Yeah, there is that. It is pleasing to the eye. It's pleasing to the eye, yeah.

But you know what? It's not our fault. We didn't make them bring Rutgers in Maryland and Maryland. Nebraska into this conference. Yeah, this is not our fault. They wanted to do this. Yeah. But it's a corollary to what Jason says the point of having Rutgers in your conference is to play Rutgers.

Y'all knew all the school. I'm almost positive that y'all knew who all the other schools were. Also, we could take the basketballness of the rivalry and play this game and only this game outdoors each year on an aircraft carrier. Also, are you really looking for any Indiana game to really carry a primetime slot? You're not.

Did you treat your show ponies pretty well? You did. Michigan has Ohio State, Minnesota, and Michigan State. That's solid. Ohio State has Michigan, USC, Illinois. Yeah. I mean, our feelings for certain of these schools aside, if these schools operate anything, if these conferences operate anything like our home conference does, the feelings of Indiana within the walls of that room do not super matter. Much as they might wish otherwise. Okay. Should afford Chicago to play football again. That would have been the answer here. The best academic school in any of these. Western Michigan, Chicago's football team, we've been over this.

I think the University of Chicago would be happy with the saying the market makes no mistakes, and they don't play football for a reason.