Shutdown Fullcast - Rest In Prayer, Bozo

Episode Date: November 30, 2022

SHOW NOTES Please welcome the chainsaw brides of Christ Catholics: Be proud of all your hell lore! Fixing the Hallmark Movie Boyfriend Some media advice Let's talk about Hugh Freeze's recruiting history! What about his W-L record? How To Hire A Bama-Killing Coach Holding Auburn to Auburn's own standards Let's talk about some actual coaching hires! Hello, Wisconsin! Another coaching hire breaks mid-show! Reply guys: Shoot your shot A return to Mid-South Airlines Checking in with our friend the Liver King Visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I just feel like we are surrounded in this world by bullshit. So how can you know what's real and what's not? Science versus, that's how. We answer questions like, does anti-aging skin care actually work? And what is your true personality type? And to answer these questions, we don't use opinions. We dive into the scientific studies,

talk to the experts, and put it in a podcast that I know you are going to love. Listen to science verses on Spotify. So we got this tweet from at Caleb Gray. I'm going to read it verbatim. Re, halftime show. Christian school, my uncle's church ran. I love this already. Did a halftime show that ended with a teen dressed as Jesus using a chainsaw to hack out of a box spray painted with pentagrams.

This became known as the story of chainsaw Jesus. Sure. As I was saying to you all, when you grow up Catholic, you don't like. The theatrics you get are really minimal. Like, we're sticking to... Ooh, you get incense on Christmas Eve. And my mom, like, nearly threw up every year. She could not stand the sentiment.

Is this... How much ambitious Jesus fiction are we talking about? Like, where does chainsaw Jesus rate on the scale of imagined Jesus adventures outside of my experience, which is none. So that's a broad, broad, broad range. You probably need a four quadrant type thing. Okay. Where left to right is imagined adaptationness, right?

Where, like, on the left, you have, like, very traditional nativity pageant. Passion play. Or, like, buy the book, pageant play. Yeah. On the right, you have, we're going to modernize things, right? we're going to have like the um he cares about us commercials whatever they are that are going right now where it's like jesus an agent of modern urban setting i've seen that where they do the crucifixion

and it's dumping jesus into a dumpster right yeah which okay you can make the case that that's like adapting the story for um for modern viewers or whatever and then on the other the the up and down axis um i guess you would have the the level of theatricality where like maybe the bottom is like there's no blood there's no you know like it's it's it's it's g rated right and at the other end maybe you have like the passion of the christ where you see exposed rib cages okay so you sort of combine those things and you have a whole entire spectrum and i haven't seen chainsaw jesus in particular but um yeah the entire thought process the entire all the conversations that led to that becoming real and Uncle Wardlow loaning his chainsaw

and like, um, uh, which nephew gets to play Jesus and like, I, yeah, I know at all. I can write out that screenplay in 10 minutes if you like. Um, but, uh, yeah, the pentagrams is my favorite detail here. Right. Um, because like, it implies that like the tomb was sealed by, uh, I mean, were those symbols even real before like the 1970s? I don't know. That's my question. Is this supposed to be Jesus sealed in his tomb? I would assume it's a resurrection thing. Okay. I would assume that's ultimately what we're going for here.

Right. The chainsaw That's, I'm pretty sure that's just a chainsaw. I'm going to go out on a limb. Now it's a metaphor. Listen, the body of Christ is a community of people and the chain is only as strong as its weakest link

on the chainsaw. So through our faith, We can chainsaw through a pentagram-covered cardboard box. You know, the Bible says, all believers are the bride of Christ. But that's like super girly, right? Who wants to be part of the bride of Christ? I think we're part of the chainsaw of Christ. So like, there, we've just modern updated it for today's men, males, male men,

who want more male-manly, mailness in their chainsaw theology. Yeah, I love that. So there's nothing in the Bible about, like, how the stone was rolled away. There's sort of like an implication, maybe an angel type thing did it, or who knows, right? T-1,000. That is a prevalent theory. I mean, they're time travelers. They could have gone back and done it, right?

Here you go, buddy. You know what they did? They went back and did that to cause the eventual downfall of the Roman Empire, right? That's right. Because they knew that would establish a dark age of technology. thereby extending the time until the Terminators would need to come and cleanse humanity or whatever. So yeah, T-1000 did it.

What is heaven but a sky net if you think about it? Oh, man. That is pretty much most popular Christian theology is sky net is watching you, yes. No, I mean like a physical sky net. I mean, like, do you remember that big tree house that used to be at Dollywood with like the little ballpits and you could crawl up in the trees and you can cross on?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Was that Dollywood? I guess I have been in Hollywood. It might have been back when it was Silver Dollar City. Okay.

Huh. I didn't know it had ever been in Delaware. How about that? Yeah. Yeah, we don't get any of this cool shit. Here's the flip side. It sounds cool. All right.

It sounds really great. Sounds really fun. Sounds like everyone's cheering. That chainsaw was also used for other stuff at the church. I don't go on on a wild fucking limb. And not just a clearing brush, right? So the most common chainsaw thing that is done in the evangelical church, you know you can skip ahead.

This is a wild sentence you are saying right now. You're going to give me a bus feed list of uses of evangelical chainsaw. I'm just saying, man. Is this phasing me, and I keep forgetting that y'all two haven't gotten to read Jason's book yet? When you go to Catholic Church, it's just like a frumpy single dude being like, well, you know, the Bible is a complicated thing. and if you let me talk about it for 20 minutes, you can have a donut. We don't look at it very often.

Spencer, Ryan, what was like the, just for the sake of setting this in a time period, what's the maximum amount of gnarliness that you guys were ever exposed to? At a Catholic? Like in like a CCD setting. Oh my God. They do a real good job hiding hell from you.

Like, they don't really like to talk. It's a weird choice for Catholics. They don't like to talk. I mean, they fucking invented it. You think they'd show it off a little more. Well, you know, you lay down the track and then you move on to a new sound because, you know, others picked it up and you got to keep reinventing yourself. I mean, I would keep hammering that Dante IP. That's yours.

That's super Italian. And there's some Catholics that are just like, oh. No, exactly. There is a debate about was Dante Catholic? Was he more Italian than Catholic? Yeah, that is very hard not to look at pictures of St. Peter's and go, oh, that is Italian as shit. That's super Italian.

That's super. There's a lot of marble in there. Oh, my God. I mean, I think, like, the most extreme thing, modern age, obviously, that happens in the Catholic churches. Wasn't it like a dude who tried to shoot the P.A. Ta with a machine gun? Did I make that up? What? I'm going to look this up. Like, the? Like, the? Okay. Now, was this part of a, part of a lesson, or just some guy coming in?

There was a guy who attacked it with a hammer. Oh, it was a hammer. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so that's a little different. dealt 12 hammer blows to it okay that feels symbolic but that was in 1970s number um yeah no there's nothing there's nothing even slightly gnarly god we really have fallen off yeah there's just just like disappointment you gotta remember that the catholic church is where you go into a room where you can't see each other and tell each other your your bad secrets here's the thing the catholic church did all their gnarly shit from the year 900 yes to about 1800 all right yeah right so like there there's There's this idea that, like, the Catholic Church is innocent of all the crazy shit during our lifetimes, kind of, but not, right?

You cover all your children in blood? That's so 16th century. No, their theology is in the, like, strictly family-friendly Vegas residency mode, right? Yes. All ages. Yeah, yeah. People all the time are like, they talk to me like, oh, I didn't hear any of this weird stuff because I'm a good little Catholic. Okay, you did colonialism.

You invented colonialism. All right? Yeah. Y'all are legacy admits to this. We learned it from watching you, Dad. Padre. Sorry. So in the evangelical world, I think y'all are familiar with generally purity culture, all right?

Sure. I think anyone who's been to- Does the chainsaw come back into play here? Brother, we are still on the chainsaw. Okay. So I think most people who've been to an evangelical in some Catholic church youth groups and a lot of mainline partisans, you have heard the bubblegum thing, right?

The idea that if you have sex with someone, that is like a piece of bubblegum being chewed. If you have sex with someone else, that is like taking bubblegum out of one mouth and putting it into another. There are lots of these metaphors that are basically used to degrade teenagers to make them horrified of each other,

to make them completely terrified of their bodies outside of marriage. Guess what? They're still terrified after they get married. one of these metaphors is a wooden heart is presented on stage in front of dozens, hundreds, however many teenagers. This is your pure virgin heart given to you by God. You are to guard it until marriage. A chainsaw fires up. Run part of the heart is cut off.

That's having sex. That's falling in love with someone, right? Chipped off. That's kissing someone. Whittled, whittled, whittled until it's a disgusting little, deformed shape. This is what's left of your heart on your wedding day. And there you have how love and romance is taught to evangelical teenagers via chainsaw. Are we the show that invented werewolf with a chainsaw dick?

Yeah. It was a long time ago, but that feels like it was us, right? LSU Virginia Tech. That's what it was. Okay, cool. I have a useless question. So falling in love is a chainsaw dick. I have a useless question.

Electric or gas powered? We're going to go gas. Okay, okay. Indoor makes it tricky If you're indoor Because when I saw this shit It was indoor Other people have seen it outdoors

But by the way This isn't something like I saw And that's the only time it happened No, this has happened like tons and tons of times All over time. I think the effect is somewhat muted If it's an electric chainsaw Hang on

The extension cord came undone But the problem is if it's a gas power chain saw you can't pause To sort of explain what you're just shouting And also you got to get it done quickly because the fumes Give him some way of beautiful hug. Can't do that.

Everyone's passing out. They're not paying attention to your sexual shame lesson from the fumes. See, I know that. But better being overcome by the spirit in that way than having to, like, change your fucking battery pack mid-sermen. Or worse, you pull on the chainsaw and you have the wrong battery pack, and it's like, ring. Listen, carbon monoxide means you don't have two oxygen molecules copulate with one. Yeah, the bits might. Leave some room for the.

The spirit between those molecules. Those covalent bonds might. Mm-hmm. You're too married? Podcasting is a visual medium, and I wish y'all could see the gestures we're doing right now. We understand, we understand chemistry in a deep play. Ryan, that's really good. Exegesis, you did.

Thank you. I just think, I think maybe it would be more effective if there were just a wooden penis that you brought out. I'm, I guarantee you that's happened. I promise you that's happened. They probably did that in the boys' cabin. Yeah. And then the girls' cabin got something even worse. Dave die. Well, he was chainsaw and the wooden chastity penis. As you do. And the chain broke. And, you know, he died.

This is just an aside that doesn't have to go on the show. I'm really enjoying watching the World Cup vis-a-vis Cerber's reactions. So, Serber asked over the weekend if we might want to move this. And I realized that we couldn't call in Doug because we have the same problem, which is the U.S. is currently playing Iran. And Serber, bless his heart, did not want to derail today's episode because we kind of had a lot on our hearts. So we're just getting to experience this through his face. That's good. Also, I love that Serber has yet to appear to recognize just talking about him. There we go, now he's looking.

Hey, buddy. How are we doing? Love you. Yeah. Are we winning? We're not winning. Okay. Welcome to the shutdowns to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Internet's

only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall. I am joined by Jason Kirk. Hello, Jason. Hey, what's up? Did you know Cookout has Walkin Tacos now? What is the difference between a walk-in taco and a sit-in taco? This is a Doritos back.

You know this. Crunched up Fritos and Doritos and Fri-O-Pi dumped in. Okay, so it's like Dorado. Oh, I've never heard it called a walk-in-tacocco. Yeah, I mean, at Cookout, it's a side item. I thought it was Doritos. I thought it was Dori Locos. In theory, you could get, I'm just spitballing here, you can get like a two-casidia tray with double walking taco as your sides.

Yes, yeah. Ah, let's feed the family. You will live forever. That is the voice of Holly Anderson. Holly, hello. Sir, how are we? I'm sleepy, but I'll recover. And Ryan Nanny, joining us from the volunteer state.

I was doing. I know. It's the hardest. question. No, it's because you never do it. How, I'm such a considerate person. Holly, we also have Ryan on with us.

Part of me is hoping that I tripped him. Part of me is hoping the Serber is watching like Hope floats or something instead. He's really really reacting to the emotional sense. Interrupting my Sandra time. On the ones and twos, as always, is Michael Serber. Michael Serber is right

now watching the World Cup. We are only evaluating how the match is going through his reactions. We can see him at a little box on a zoom screen. And right now, it looks like he is watching a loved one be dangled over the side of the Grand Canyon. So I guess we're doing real well. The Cutter Grand Canyon is, of course, man-made. I'm sorry.

I only like the soccer team that brings trophies home. That's right. They get to go. The women's team gets to go to Australia and New Zealand instead of Cutter. But Tyler Adams is a snack, okay? is Tyler Adams and Hope floats? Yep. Tyler, you meet Tyler Adams when you go home for Christmas and you get married and you never leave.

Hallmark needs to talk more about the pipe these men are slinging. I feel like it's an important, it's an important. Do you think it's not strongly enough implied? I feel like it's implied. They're all lumberjacks. It's an important bit of missing context. No, I feel like more it's, it's, it is not, we don't see or hear enough about the previous, the previous slangan of the boyfriend in the trench coat and his abilities thereof, the big city fella.

I think you should write a hallmark movie. Girl. He's got to get back to the office and close the deal on Christmas Eve. Meanwhile, like, where is, where is, I think what I'm asking is like, where is the old school level treatment for like sweet home Alabama where is that where is this window can we get in it

he's big he's dumb he earns three dollars a day but honey I swear you can hear it slap his leg leg slap her a Christmas tradition only on Hallmark because she's a comedian John Ham was good in that John Ham was good in that John Ham might do it these days

yes seriously he's kind of become like a professional doof, which I appreciate. Anyway, what else is happening? Did anything, yeah. Did anything happen? I can't even do that. Come on. Yeah, Hugh Fries got hired.

It's like, what are you an Auburn beat writer? Yeah. Some things have occurred in the universe that we inhabit. There has been a past. That's not fair. There are several national writers who are just as much. You are absolutely right. It's more national writers.

Can I, yeah, let me front-load this because, first of all, that's not fair. I have been thinking a lot, I've been thinking a lot just by proximity about our friends, like the Intrepid Tomas Verde in the Auburn Press Corps, because Auburn is, and I want to thread this needle real carefully, because I'm not excusing anyone, but I also can't put myself in anyone's shoes and do this particular calculus. If you're an Auburn beatwriter right now, you are confronted with the holidays already upon us with the loss of your access and thus of your livelihood.

If you attempt to ask one of several very obvious questions about Auburn's latest football coach hire, Auburn is, apart from the Clemson with a lake, Auburn is like Clemson in a couple other crucial ways, namely that it is geographically isolated enough to where it has its own press core that does not have a lot of other press obligations. It's not like being in Atlanta

and covering Georgia Tech, being in Nashville and covering Vanderbilt. If you get shut out of the Auburn beat, there is no other game in town and Auburn's communication staff is excellent at this. They're absolutely, they're non-per-rail at this, which is great because they're going to need to be for the next few years. And I don't know what, did you guys watch the presser? No, but I've seen, did we sit through this?

I've seen comments from it, yeah. I don't know, I don't know where to put the needle between, between hey you guys should have shouted them out of the room and hey you guys should have shouted yourselves out of a job at the tail end of November but where it's easier to put the needle is with some of our national peers what the fuck because they're not under that shutout no they're not to make it clear no they're not like yeah you guys would be just fine if Auburn didn't like you anymore I would project that forward and say not only is there something in the present where you say well there's no reason because because, you know, they, you lose nothing by them not liking you. I'm just going to project this forward. They're not going to like you anyway because I will tell you when dealing with somebody like this and with an organization that will inevitably, if he makes it to coaching a game,

carry on his entire personality, you start at a baseline of perpetually aggrieved and looking for slights. So they don't like you anyway. They're just looking for an excuse. I know plenty of writers on our particular strata who've never been letting the door at Auburn for no other reason than they are not of Auburn or important enough and connected enough to one of Auburn's television contracts that they have to say yes and what this has produced in our, I'm going to call it generation and I mean professional generation. And what this has produced in those of us who came up in the aughts is a group of journalists who are not beholden to protecting their access. And goodness gracious, if that really doesn't show up in the questions that we get to ask. It was a, I can't believe we ever, and I know we all did it one time or another, but I can't believe we ever thought of this as a hindrance.

And I didn't want to, I didn't want to focus on this as a media story. But of course, that's how we have to enter it because we are not of the Auburn family. And goodness, has that never been clearer than before. So I had one thing I wanted to sort of mention to this podcast. A lot of National College Football reporters listen to it. You won't admit it, but you do. It's okay. We see you in the space.

You should get a burner. I'll be honest. I wouldn't admit it either. It's okay. It's okay. Brian. Briar Crest High School, Christian School in Tennessee, where Hugh Fries, one of his first jobs, where he coached a variety of sports, sort of started making his name. It's in a movie, probably scenes full of bullshit. It's called The Blind Side. A number of stories have come out of that place and gone public involving Hugh Fries. USA Today reported on them a few years ago. People are citing the story, as they should be right now, one about a woman who, as an eighth-grade girl, she says Hugh Freeze told her to change her shirt in his office while he was in there. And the other in that story says Hugh Freeze was delighted to get the chance to punish her with a paddle.

There are things we know and we can infer about the way schools like Briarcrest work. Usually when things like this come out, it's pretty wise to think of them as the tip of the iceberg. As someone who grew up in a very similar world, I am highly confident. This is just the tip of the iceberg. And since writing a little bit about Auburn's hire of Freeze, I've heard from numerous people with ties to Briar Crest during and after Freeze's time there. If I were a national college football reporter interested in the public good, interested in making the world a little bit better and not interested in getting a seat in Auburn's press box,

I want to emphasize a national reporter whose livelihood does not depend on Auburn access, I would look into Briarrest and I would not stop until I found something. Yep. Even what we do know, or what's already been reported from Briar Crest,

from Hugh Freeze, DMing a sexual assault victim who was suing his employer at the time. Everything that happened at Old Miss, both they'll sort of just sort of like personally unsavory and NCAA violation quality and whatever else you want to throw on the pile.

They have a common thread, and the Hugh Free's defenders want it to push in a certain direction. They want it to push in a direction of none of us are perfect. We all have made mistakes, and we all deserve grace. But to me, the common thread is not imperfection. it is it is at best highly questionable judgment there are not what we know about Hugh Freeze and what he's done in his career and in his personal life there are not a lot of things that you can point to and say like this this crosses a like way far portion of the line they're always kind of in the middle somewhere even even DMing this woman

who was suing Liberty yes she was part of of a class action lawsuit, I believe. Yes, 12 women suing liberty for their mishandling of sexual assault. Even that, like, you look at it and you're just like, what the fuck are you thinking? And I guess to me it's that Auburn and so much of college football holds up the right, the opportunity to play this sport, the opportunity to coach this sport as this incredible privilege. as this thing that is not to be taken lightly. Leader of men. Yes.

And how can you sort of look at the track record of somebody who has made all of these poor decisions, somebody who may reportedly have such bad judgment that he will not even be allowed to have a Twitter account? Hey, I know. By contract. Hey, Ryan, I have an answer to that. and it's an answer that you yourself have said before on this very program. If you're new to this particular contraption of ours, or if you would just like to earn a fresh recourse,

I would invite you to go back to the very, very end of the first COVID season and find an episode of ours from January of 2021 called the Failure State. It is the final episode that we put out, season where we started recapping the title game and around the 59 minute mark I believe it ends with the four of us just kind of meditating on where we have ended up after a season of trying to out grit a global pandemic and the answer that we land on there is is because they wanted to. And if there has been a better answer

for why people in power do what they do since then, I'm not aware of it. No, you're right. Hugh Freeze is hired because they wanted to, and everything else is going to be back engineered to suit that. There's no, this is not deep.

So one of the interesting parts of that, in this case, Hugh Free said something in his press conference today, and I'm paraphrasing it, where he was basically like, what social media says about this team doesn't matter. And bizarrely, from a, like, very pragmatic and business-oriented perspective, I agree with him. The four of us, the five of us, I'm not going to speak for Cerber, but I suspect he's on the same page. He's just very focused.

It doesn't matter if Auburn makes a decision that we like, because we're not stake, you know, we're not the core constituency. We are not sending money to Auburn. we are not buying season tickets. We are probably not sending our children to Auburn to school or thinking about recommending it to others. We are not signing up. If one of us lucks into $50 million tomorrow,

we are not thinking, how can I use this money to make Auburn football a champion again? No, no. No, because we are Michigan fans. So from a very practical perspective, it doesn't matter that we don't like this. But here's what's interesting. there are a lot of people who are in that core constituency who don't like this one bit and listen

there are always people who don't like a coach hire but they usually don't like it because they think it's a bad football choice and you can win those people over by being good at football there were people who didn't who didn't think nick sabin was going to be a good hire at alabama there were definitely people who thought he wasn't going to be a good hire at lSU and you can win them over by being good at football. But the people who care about Auburn who buy into the Auburn that Auburn wants to present

itself as and quick asterisk here and this is what I believe differentiates Auburn say from the reaction of and I'm not equating the events but if I can set it next

to the reaction of Baylor fans during this time we know a ton of these people. I lived very close to Auburn for a few years the buy-in at a local at a local at a state level for the notion

of the Auburn family is real these people are sincere and what that means for our purposes at this moment is that their pain is also sincere yeah and listen we can think the Auburn family all in thing is bullshit we can think it's nonsense they don't

it doesn't matter what we think correct correct and And this is a program that already was deeply fractured by the decision to get rid of Gus Malzahn, by the entire last coach hiring cycle they went through. And so much of what was sort of reinforced with this cycle was this needs to be where Auburn figures it out and gets everybody back to the table and makes a decision that makes everybody feel heard, seen, acknowledged, whatever. and at the very least from a practical perspective this is the opposite of that this has driven more of a wedge into this culture and this fan base to me it's just like even if you think like we're being overly moralistic and and uh naively hopeful don't you hate it when the woke mob comes after you for asking an eighth grade girl to take her shirt off in your office man it

feels like this is a failure because you have hired somebody who a significant portion of your fan base does not want there and that won't change even if he's good at football yeah like you have what have you just said to every woman who is an auburn fan or alum or local what have you said to every one in your fan base who's ever been sexually assaulted or had a family member sexually assaulted what have you said to people who just object on totally sincere moral reasons like We know all of us know Auburn fans, writers, people all around the program who completely object to this and were publicly embarrassed by considering Freeze, let alone hiring him. So, like, yeah, this isn't like the woke libs will be quiet once Freeze beats fucking LSU or whatever. No.

No one. No, that's not going to happen. Also, you are always, the fan is here always caught in this position, which is having a large institution failed them, which, of is not unique to sports. It's definitely not unique to the South, though we have plenty of experience with it. But the fan and the player are both caught between this because there are people on that team

you want to succeed. There are people on that team you don't want to be miserable, right? Like that's like I watch for the players. Right. And the players are put in a shit position here because they're going to have to play for this dude

who by all accounts, and track record. And by the way, spare me this everyone has a past thing. How do you think we predict their future? That's it. You make, you make...

Also, Chris, again, if I can take on your statement directly regarding everyone have a past, Hugh Freeze was DMing Chelsea Andrews unsolicited to defend his boss, Ian McCaw. In motherfucking July,

that is technically the past. But I'm not sure how much more sarcastically, I could ask you why you got to bring up old shit. But I will bring up old shit here, and this gets to my point, which is, okay, cool. I'm happy to engage with the old shit if you want to do that and tout the record, because

of all of these things, he can recruit. Okay, that's actually about that. About that. About that. Because believe as high as, if you go to 247s rankings, the highest old miss ever got was the 2017 class, I want to say, which was number five in the country.

Hey, Spencer, then what happened? Yeah, go look up their record that year. Believe they went five and seven, five and seven and blue game after game under that management. In reality, one of his best classes was early in his tenure, the 2013, never really sort of equal that in terms of impact or names. If you would like a more detailed breakdown on this, by the way, then we're doing off the top of our heads. Jason in the middle of his excellent breakdown on this from a

church perspective at his substack. Also has a big old chunk of let's look at this from a football higher standpoint in the middle of this. If you want more detailed numbers, you can go there. Fraser's had two top 10 classes. That sounds really nice. He did it by paying players. Everyone's allowed to pay players now. He cannot outbid Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, LSU, Florida, of Georgia, so on and so on and so on, right? Auburn is going to recruit in the middle of the SEC, unless Hugh Freeze is a fucking

pied piper. This is a program that, at least for the moment, by long-standing rivalry tradition, has to play Georgia every year and has to recruit nationally. And you can't, and again, once again, less you forget

what program you're in the middle of, paying players is awesome. And it's good that he did that. And I'm glad for every payer he played who got away with it. That's wonderful. I hope that it was lots and lots of money. But can I jump backwards for just one second, too? Because I'm working on something right now about,

Spencer, that kind of ties into what you said. Sure. About being betrayed by an institution. Part of, I'm trying to not call it the magic. But part of why people return to these institutions year after year, years after they graduated, bring their kids, send their kids to the school, bring their grandkids, send their grandkids to the school is because these places have this talismanic power over us. Now, man-made institutions do not have that power on their own. People. People make these universities and their programs powerful in that sense. And people can be rotten in a sense that places cannot.

And among a myriad of other sins, what you're doing to half your student body, and I think that's a charitable estimation, because I'm just talking about the ones who are likely, you're to be subjected to sexual assault during their time at Auburn. What you're doing to those women with this hire, with the lying that came with this hire, the lying I'm referred to as being done by John Cohen, Auburn's new athletic director late of Mississippi State, who said that they conducted a thorough and thoughtful search of Auburn. Chelsea Andrews, by the way, the plaintiff who was harassed by heat freeze over the summer says she was never contacted by Aubrey.

And affirmatively reached out to Auburn. Part of what you've done here is, and the source of that pain is you have decided unilaterally who does and does not get to play this pretend game anymore? Who does not get to show up and say, oh, isn't this a magical place in the fall? aren't these beautiful memories you you have you have tainted that but on a wider level that doesn't even encompass gender i want i want to make one very clear distinction here um you have also angered on a spiritual level a swath of the christian community at auburn of of people of of non-Christian faith at Auburn who bought into the family on a on a familial person to person level and you have now put

a man who uses his denomination as a shield between you and them like there are a number of Auburn fans that that we know here and I'm sure that you can think of out there are genuine people of faith who are upset on a spiritual level that their church is being used, that their faith is being used as an excuse for this fucking charlatan. And I wanted to make sure that while we are dismissing outright freezes claims to be a Jesus follower that we acknowledge the pain of those for whom, that's very real and that hurts today. on a different level of disappointment

to a group of people Auburn is not alone in this we've watched this happen year in and year out but this is another coaching search where we've been told that a thorough coaching search across every single level of the profession has been done and we ended up

with two white guys all right who are both both have already been coaches not only at Power 5 schools but at SEC schools Spencer where were they supposed to find a minority coach who could unite a fractured fan base in their building in i know that i'm not supposed to answer that i'm not answer that because i want to hammer this home as clearly and as

bluntly as possible in their building and my only regret about carnell williams not getting a shot here or my only upside from carnell williams not getting a shot here is that he wouldn't be turned loose into this environment where he might have to deal with auburn's boosters in an adverse situation even more adverse than the one he faced coming in his inner well now he has to and he has by the way signed on his associate head coach and so he'll be back soon now has to work for he now has to work for he free's and i for i hope that that is i i hope that that is a positive decision for him i hope that that is what he wants but can i talk about can i make a connection real quick from the pretending i was talking about just now to this uh we it's it's a common discussion point that

you'll hear you'll hear Richard Johnson you'll hear you'll hear other black writers bring up that and black coaches Carnell among them that they don't get shots like this Hugh Freeze is getting

his third shot like this before a guy like Carnell gets his first and the line that will be used by this administration if they are ever allowed even

the most benign of questioning about it is well, Carnell didn't have the experience. So fucking what? Look what he did in that, look what he did in that Auburn family over the past six weeks and surround him with people who will put him in a position to succeed. Bring in a crusty old associate head coach of your own who knows Auburn inside and out as an institution and can help him with the back-in bullshit of that job. Like, you had something here in the building that was special,

that was an exemplar of what the Auburn family is supposed to look like, and you bypassed it for fucking what? Like, to use that guy? To use a counter-example, this same week, Arizona State gave Kenny Dillingham, who is extremely young and has also not been a head coach. they gave him the head job he went to Arizona State he's like a quote unquote fit or whatever he's run some good offenses as well but like there are ways to do this the reason they didn't do this is that they did not want to and they will never have to answer why and that doesn't

mean that you should quit asking by the way you say for what I can elaborate a little bit on that the best team that Hugh Fries ever fielded at Old Miss went 10 and 3. This is the team that played that chaotic game against Alabama with Chad Kelly at quarterback where they ended up winning 4337. People remember that. They do not really like to remember the three losses that followed, including a 3810 housing in the swamp by Florida, a baffling loss 3724 to Memphis or an overtime loss to, I'm sorry, a 50-352 loss to Arkansas for all of the Hullabaloo, the highest finish

freeze ever had. Postseason at Old Miss was 10th. And all of those glorious recruiting classes really only added up to one sugar bowl in terms of New Year's wins, which I have to say to defend Houston Nuts honor, that's two New Year's brother to one for Hugh. So here's if I, and I'm sorry I keep interrupting because I've been fucking mad about this for 30 hours, but let's hold, here we go. Let's hold these arguments up to the light one by one. Let's hold the Sabin argument up to the light.

Hey, do you know who beat Sabin more than twice? Gass Malzon. The guy you ran out of the building. That's right. Last time. The Sabin thing is ultimately the reason for the hire. That's it. He beat Sabin twice.

Okay. He beat two iterations of. era in which he beat Sabin. He beat Sabin after the Sabin wins with defense era, and he beat Sabin before the Sabin wins with offense era. He beat interim

Sabin while Sabin was figuring out whether to modernize or not when Sabin still had a little bit of trouble with this type of offense, as demonstrated first by who's that? Oh, Gus Malzahn, the guy you fired for $21.5 million and then fired his

replacement for $15 million before going and getting the scumbag. This is what, $40 million you've spent to bring in a worse version of the guy you already had simply because he beat the most beatable possible version of Nick Sabin. And guess what? Say you beat Sabin again. So fucking what? Sabin's not the final fucking boss anymore.

Does anybody remember who helped Sabin transition into an offense forward team and where that guy might be coaching right now and how many times in a given year Auburn might have to play that team? Yeah, you're going to lose to Ole Miss. Yeah. That's going to hurt your feelings.

That is, I think, the stunning thing about in 2022, making a, we must destroy Nick Saban higher is like, if this year has taught us anything, it's like, that is doable with a lot of different coaches. Texas nearly beat Nick Sabin. Hello. Tennessee did. All jokes aside, Sabin's experience.

extremely old. Do you think Saban is going to be here for 10 more years? We can say ha ha ha ha, ha, of course you will. I don't know, maybe, but probably not. Kirby Smart might be here for a half fucking century. That's the new Sabin. Can you freeze beat Kirby Smart? I've decided the funniest thing happens is if Saban retires this week. It's interesting because you hired, you brought in your supposed Sabin killer who's not. If you look at the two schools who beat Alabama this year so far, Tennessee and LSU, neither one of those hires. were made on the premise of like, ah,

finally, the chosen one who will, and like, we have our own. Neither one of those were one of Sabin's dull children. Correct.

They were just, they were, they were objective picks. They were going to go out without it. They were intentional. Without attachment, we will hire the person

we think is the absolute value best pick. Who is, who is available? Who has the best vision? Let's characterize the Tennessee searches that. Sure.

Who has the best vision for our program and we'll take the job. Yes. Right. We have our own problems with the Brian Kelly hire but like in terms of can Brian Kelly build a successful college football machine and iterated upon it multiple times the answer is in arguably yes like as much as we

don't like Brian Kelly's us no pleasure what he did at Notre Dame is fucking incredible I love this point because like what a great argument for don't try and hire specifically a Sabin killer specifically hire a guy to win 11ish games because if there is anybody who is demonstrably not a Saban killer. It's Brian Kelly his ass whooped to Mike Sabin. That guy they went to God and it was a great higher. You didn't

go out and hire Stephen Garcia, although you should have. That also would have been better. If you were like, who should we go get to beat Nick Sabin, you wouldn't say, I know, a guy, Oklahoma ran off. That'll do it. That's the poison. I mean, the guy who just fucking lost to Yukon, Virginia Tech, and New

Mexico State is not your Nick Sabin. beater. Hey Jason, can I place a ball on a tea here for you to take a swing out real quick? Is there a coach you can think of and who you've had personal experience watching with one of your teams who maybe has a scandal ridden past of his own, who is currently coaching below the Power 5 level, who has a better fucking record than Hugh Freeze and has experience in the SEC West, who, if you look at the numbers, would have been better. Yeah, who is actually probably performed better relative to resources this season than

Hugh Freeze. Didn't lose to New Mexico State, for starters. Far be it from me to ever tout Bobby Petrino for anything. But Bobby Petrino has been to more big bowl games, has won more of them, has finished in the top 10 more times. has produced more Heisman winners, has one, you know, has, like, done a whole lot more football shit than Hugh Freeze has. Big ball up. Has been relevant in more eras, has been more adaptable to more things. Yes, he was fucking terrible in his second sit at Louisville.

And in his eight minutes, as the Atlanta Falcons head coach. But you clearly don't care about him being a nice person, so let's go. But, like, if you're going to hire a scumbag, at least hire one who just is sort of, like, openly admits he's a scumbag. For all his scandals, the list of people that Bobby Petrino has actually victimized, right? It doesn't compare to Hugh Frieses. Bobby Petrino has terrible political opinions. He put his mistress on a state-funded payroll.

That sounds quaint. Then he put her on his motorcycle, too. And that wasn't a nice thing to do as a turnout. I'm hearing that he's a good provider. Not a good driver, though. We could have avoided the situation by simply saying, stop placing your mistress atop things, the payroll, your priority. A motorcycle.

This is a useful place. This is a useful place to reframe what we are talking about. Because I don't think anybody who watches college football at this point ascribes to a vision that coaches are or should be morally superior human beings. It's a weird job, and I understand that there is a sort of paternal quality to it. And some of these coaches do form and care about meaningful bonds with their players in ways that are admirable. But writ large, we don't look at this and say, this is a job where you should be a really good person to have this job.

I don't think that's what we're saying. I think what we're saying is let's accept that we are hiring based on football acumen and section 1B of that. Let's not bring on absolute greaseball dirt bags. Well, there's another answer to that, Ryan. And it's something you last week said yourself when you said that Ohio's, state cannot get away from defining this season by the Michigan game because they define it by this. Auburn defines their program this way. Sure. So they themselves are asking for the first time that we not examine that too closely. Right. They themselves are, you know,

it's different here. It's about family here. Okay, you're the ones who sense. so so why do you mind us asking about it yeah and i think there's something that goes along there with what both of you're saying which is that um all college football coaches you're millionaires who push around college students i don't think too highly of you um when you are a college football coach who holds yourself up as a man of morality as Hugh freeze does um despite all actionable evidence to the contrary um the man holds himself up as a man of faith whatever the fuck that means so he is begging for a higher standard when it is applied he then begs for it to no longer be applied so like to me that is a bigger failing when you ask for that standard and you

come nowhere near it yeah like it is relevant to me um that like the old miss recruiting shit paying players that's great that rules i wish he'd done more of it the thing is when he when he and his defenders cast that as like oh that was the one scandal it doesn't matter it still matters because even at liberty he was lying about the scandal afterward years after the fact while he's whining to usa today about why haven't i been forgiven yet he's also whining to other julie roy's about like lying about the particulars about that about um his various other scandals um so like the the the years of lying after the thing it makes even the cool shit he did it makes it fucked up and i'm not i'm not saying any of this is contrary to what you said right yeah saying like

I hold all of it against him in ways I would not hold against other coaches because of the standard he asked for, and because he does not own any of it. Yes, yes. It is always someone else's fault. It is always a pass that someone else is dwelling on 100% accurate. My thing is this, we don't look at Lane Kiffin and say, like, boy, what a supremely good dude. Because he doesn't ask you to.

Across college football, either known or sort of like quietly whispered, we know that college coaches have all sorts of fucked up personal lives. They are unfaithful to their spouses. They are bad fathers. They have substitutes problems. Not all of them, obviously, but like a lot of them do. We understand that like this is not a job purely for the goodhearted, straight, narrow people. And if Auburn had hired Lane Kiffin, we wouldn't be like, oh boy, they find, good, a good Christian boy that they brought home. So it's not. We would have said, we would have said. They hired Lane. They hired a better Christian boy.

In comparison, this would have been objectively hilarious. So we're not, like, the bar is not that high. The bar is really not that high for who you have to hire and what sort of like the morals clause has to look like for us to all basically be okay with it. We are not even holding, like, we don't even hold Auburn to the standard they want to on a normal day. And that's fine. Like, we all understand that, like, there is some flexibility to this. We are not expecting, like, moral perfection in any way, shape, or form. And that's why it's really frustrating that everybody who questions this higher or objects to it

gets framed as hysterical or unrealistic or unforgiving. It creates this binary that isn't real, that isn't real. never has been. Well, and that's by design. Sure. It's all a matter of design. It's deflection, yes. Dude's just waiting to be aggrieved so that you can be beyond criticism and on the

offensive at the same time by being offended. That's it. That's it. That's the entire basis of this way of thinking, feeling, and existing. By the way, while also framing his current job, which, you know, has a hundred, hundred or so kids who showed up to play for him and have been playing for him, by framing his current job as punishment. Yes.

Well, we should note, working for a man who he says is the most Jesus-like man he's ever encountered. Why, and who is that? Indicating he hasn't encountered very many men. Former Baylor Athletic director. It's entirely. Maybe he's not allowed to be alone with other men. Here's my face.

It's a filigram rule taken to complete extremes. Right, right, because other men might have been alone with other women. If I met the most Jesus-like person I'd ever encountered, I wouldn't leave. Why'd you leave him? That's the great. Why'd you leave him for? He's evangelizing the good news of Ian McCall to the nations. Yeah.

The people of Auburn need to be blessed with the, yeah, and this, this purgatory that he's whining about, his many years toiling in the, in the wasteland of liberty, which I agree with that part. He was the highest paid non-power coach, this big fucking baby. five million a year was it it was three million then it got up to five million yeah okay okay he was already already making borderline SEC money now to coach this shitty shitty little diploma farting real estate scam now here one true rival this is almost not a football team this is the one funny thing that I will I will say there is one funny thing about this hire where does Hugh Freeze rank in this contract in the SEC in coach pay oh i didn't even i haven't even seen his new contract he's getting six mil six and a half

i think he's all right so he ranks eighth about where albren's going to recruit perfect great job jimmy if they're lucky with all the dirt that every other coach man they need oh sorry i forgot about he's a sexting client isn't he they need yes i don't know okay add back to the tally of the tally of dangers that i added up for guys who depend on uh for aller beat writers who depend on Auburn as their sole source of income to feed their families and whatnot. Add to that you will have run a foul of a sexting client and therefore the danger of being blackballed from other sexting clients. Yeah, anyway, it gets worse and worse for the little guys,

and it looks dumb little guys. It gets worse and worse for the smaller market guys, and it looks dumber and dumber for the nationals to not take bats to you. I am told that at the presser today, Hugh Fries tearfully thanked Jimmy Sex. I would too Jimmy I sure would too You give me six and a half million

I'm crying on your shoulder Yeah Wherever you want me to cry That's fine Especially especially after I had to leave my previous job Prior to If you get me out of liberty

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Sleep Number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL. C Store for details. Yeah. Like, what's Luke Fickle's contract? Ooh. Yeah, let's talk about some good news. That's going to be fun. He's getting some, he's getting some, some, some, some, some, some B1G money there, baby.

Luke fickle is making nearly eight million a year. He should, all right, now I'm going to say this. Sure. He should make eight million dollars a year because, one, he has eight kids. Eight. Hey, that's like, oh, he's a, he's a double beamer. Oh, yeah, like one, if you are a fan of the NFL podcast, but zone two, oh, it was a big point of contention concern that, that, that, that he makes sure that, like, they had a good school for the kids.

just on the terms of like how seriously should I take you the only way we take you seriously in college football from a hiring standpoint is how much did you spend and I take Wisconsin I take Wisconsin a fuckload more seriously than I take Auburn Auburn went out and got an $8 million coach who has accomplished more than the six and a half million dollar coach Wisconsin got a coach his company was Wisconsin's eight million dollar coaches accomplished more than Auburn's six and a half million dollars. Auburn got T.J. Max Bobby Petrino. Also, Wisconsin has a guy who appears more sustainable to me based on the recruiting he brought in at a nonpower. Like, Fickle was recruiting at a P5 level before Cincinnati made the P5.

If you can do that there, you can probably do something like that at Wisconsin. I mean, like Wisconsin has demonstrated you don't need top 10 recruiting. So yeah, I think Fickle is like demonstrably more likely to sustain than freezes. That offense with the level of, like, an increased platform and resources, I'm fucking stout. Like, we just joked about how we're not in, we didn't joke, but we said we're not invested in Auburn. I want a Wisconsin season ticket.

I love, I love this about Wisconsin, too, because you could go to a recruit. And they're like, is Madison going to be a place where I can really grow? And you're like, oh, brother, you'll grow. Get some brats on you. Get some dairy. Well, we're going to fill you out, buddy. If you just look at, like, the quote-unquote top-tier P-5 jobs that have gotten filled over the last few years, you can, like, you can go through a ton and be like, oh, yeah, they went out and got somebody better than Hugh Freeze. Chip Kelly was a better hire than Hugh Freeze at UCLA.

100%. No question. Chip Kelly's accomplished way more than Hugh Freeze has. No doubt. Jimbo is a better, Jimbo is a more accomplished higher. Technically, that's true. That's true. That shit is true

And also Gimbo can beat Alabama too Look at that This is a lot to think about That's proven Brian Kelly is a more accomplished hire At LSU Mm-hmm

Or if you just hired Chad Kelly Yeah And even if you don't go The accomplished route Like South Carolina Seems to be doing fine The Shane Beamer

Like Auburn Apart from all of Apart from all of That's distasteful about this Auburn has taken the most middle slider action possible here you didn't go and get like the best intriguing young guy you didn't go and poach like you didn't pull USC and say well we're just going to go steal

somebody else's awesome coach and his recruits didn't do that either you tried to do it with old miss but you got turned down and this is this is the most fucked up most Auburn thing about it at all there was clearly no plan there was clearly no plan whatsoever they want like yes I know the AD has said we landed on our first, our last choice, who was our first choice? Oh, no, their list was Lane Hugh Blank. But the vibe of this search is you woke up on Thanksgiving morning and said, fuck, I have to go to Kroger.

That's what this coaching search ended up being. Oh, it's Kroger Bobby Petrino. Every year. And also, by the way, Bobby Petrino. You know how one. Prime selection. One hire always equals the firing of another.

at Auburn, like, go ahead, set a clock on Cohn. Just do it, set a clock on him, man. Because you know who's going to take the fall for this? Not the boosters, they'll be like, well, we had concerns. Not the guys who made the higher. Yeah, the guys who made the higher. Just go ahead and set the clock on Cohn. Hope he's got a nice buyout because that's exactly.

Just just said it. I know who gets blamed here. I know who's going to take the blame. And this is a higher where some portion of the boosters. I felt trapped by this, which welcome, buddy. Some of the boosters successfully leaked that there were, that they were trying to shut this higher down. So it's not even like he can go and be like, well, boosters, you as a unified group picked

this coach. It's just so, I, it's so sloppy. It's so incredibly fucking sloppy. And like, I get it. That's what all Auburn can do. No, but they're, it's not the kind of Auburn sloppy that we love, right? Right. Like, we love so many Auburn fans and like, we love Auburn games where like shit is falling apart.

Everything's bad. We love Kevin Steele zero. zero record is Auburn head coach. Baby I'm burning. Auburn, you're in the pantheon. About Auburn chaos. The result of Auburn chaos here is not the same. And like,

it's just, it's like, even Miami had an incredibly messy coaching transition last year. Basically I had two head coaches for a while. Like, were just fucking shameless about how they wanted to get Mario. But you know what?

They had a plan and they fucking executed. It didn't look pretty. It wasn't necessarily super admirable. They moved with intention. Absolutely. I'm going to steal this car. It'll be like gone in 60 seconds, 30 minutes later. I have broken three windows and can't start it, but I'm still going to steal this car.

You know, you know what's really going to make me fucking laugh? If it ends up being, if it ends up being true, if Georgia Tech has made a better higher, it ends up making a better hire. No. That made, by the way, that made the Atlanta paper. Like, I got a push alert for it, and I haven't seen it anywhere else. Is that true? What?

Billy Fritz? That's the buzz. Yeah, it has not been. The Atlanta paper, the Atlanta newspaper put it out before I saw it anywhere else, which is wild. Right, yeah. And I have not seen any follow-up from them. Ooh, well, I have a little, I have an update. Go ahead.

That would be Ross Delinger as of 247 today. Georgia Tech is promoting interim coach Brent Key to permanent head coach. Also not a bad idea. Given the way the back half of that season went, sure. You know what, man, they were dangerous. That's really all I, like, they were dangerous. They made things happen. That's really all I can reasonably ask of Georgia Tech.

There are things, by the way. That is a better metric by what, listen, there is no way to let those of us who had guesses about Justin Fuente and Matt Brown's tenure now step forward. there is no way to predict how these will go. What Georgia Tech just did is unquestionably a better metric for making this decision. Also, you know who's absolutely fucking down for this job? Branked Key! That's right. I mean, on top of everything else and liking the institution and doing a great job and the players love him.

And who at least appears next year, who will be heading into next year with at least three quarters of a roster who is interested in playing for him and who could have seen firsthand what buying in with him will get them. Uh-huh. And you know what else? He doesn't have to move all of his stuff. I guarantee you the most thrilling thing about this for an adult is that he can take a new job, get more money. Don't have to open a single box. Doesn't have to do a garage sale.

Doesn't have to go, oh, God, where's the ladle when it's time to like, when it's chilly night? So what is a ladle? I don't know, Ryan, but adults use them. Adults are responsible, use them. and I want them to have them, and when you move, you can't find them. Y'all, I moved in July. Go ahead, Jason.

Well, I just say, Spencer, if you were painting a miniature, it's something that you could set the miniature in. Oh, shit, that sounds useful. Oh, that's a good point. You could actually dip in. You could sort of use it as a claw. I was just going to say that I moved in July, and I'm still unpacking,

and I went through all of cooking Thanksgiving for my family without oven mitts because I can't find them. What did you? Not a single pot holders in this house. Did you use towels or? towels oh yeah i just used i worked in restaurants before i just used kitchen towels but oh man it's so much easier just burn i my hands are covered in tiny burns dude i really i like i like that brinkie

hire i've there's been two hires or three hires so far that i thought we're like fuck yeah that's a great hire all right please don't please don't rewind and and listen to our opinions about virginia tech and north carolina no um both yeah i stand by mac brown take you know what you know what mac brown's been fine terrible Matt Brown has provided us with enough entertainment via his puffy coat life. Watch him go win the ACC title. It doesn't do enough for me. It's terrible higher.

What are the three do you like? Biff Pogi at Charlotte because. First of all, say it again. Biff Pogie. Did you like that little Pittsburghy and O that you threw in there? I think he just like his style. I don't even know that's how you say it. That's how you should say it.

What are the things you know about him? I know this. he is the only don't like don't type no he's the only coach who got hired who is right now cash positive

for the university because he donated 500 grand to the school as a part of his hiring because he was in finance before so Charlotte Charlotte's already cash positive on this wait Charlotte going out

hiring a finance bro off the street is like Charlotte going out and hiring a US Airways pilot well this is like that shit Coastal Carolina correct correct this is this is two things one they did one they managed to snap a little twig off of the he was a high school coach for a long time after he quit um he quit the financial industry but he has one actually worked his way up two um as a harbaugh disciple so they wanted you know our favorite head budding milk drink a gym um and three he uh has its own money which is desperately needed at charlotte so charlotte to me has made the smartest higher yet because the their coach wrote this is like the grown man version of the ohio state thing i'll be called into the game at any

moment right i'm now seeing photographs of biff pogey and a cutoff muscle shirt and i is not this is this is this is this is really why spencer likes this high this man's like look you don't have to own pants you can succeed in this should be the mayor of charlotte this would vastly improve the image of charlotte overall listen this guy were to take off so that's a man it's Biff town. That's one. I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to go ahead and share a image of Biff 2 because just to show you that some people.

This is just Falkor from the never-ending story. Some people will say that, you know, hey, you'd look better if you went ahead and put on a tie in a shirt. Some of us when we put on shirts and ties look worse because it's very obvious that you are trying to put lipstick on a pig, right? It's ironic. It's a little tie. Yeah.

And the big hat. This looks like a screen cap from vice principals. Yes. two oh i like him two i love the luke fickle hire because the Wisconsin went out and got the toughest meanest

big 10 type dude they could possibly get and also they fucking swung for it yeah they fucking swung for it went and got a dude who basically was had his choice of i will take an elite big 10 oh like you know

top tier top tier big 10 program he was up for some other ones too Yep. He will take that. He's got tons of experience. He's awesome. He's still relatively young. He's virile as well. Yeah. Apparently. He's got eight kids. So I know that man really needs to work. That's got to go over well with the Viking culture of Wisconsin. Yes. So I think that's like a fantastic fit overall. Okay. And the third hire that I really like is Brent Key. So like, that's, if you want some positive news, I have one other piece of positive news, but I'll save it for the end. I'll save it for the end. But the. those are the three that I'm like so far. I have an upside that I just realized all of the of all of the long reply guy history of hope he sees this bro and and it is a long and beautifully storied history. There is statistically a better chance than with any other coach than I can certainly remember that Hugh Freeze is going to end up fucking one of these guys in our mentions. Hop he sees

That's true That's true One of you fellows You finally might get some Yeah congrats y'all Hey I just remembered that Auburn's going to have to start playing Texas What is that what has that been

Why is that funny? Do for you I just I just I'm like this is the thing I like to do I like to look back and say like Okay when this coach had it had it moving like what did the landscape look around them and the other coaches in the SEC

West at the time this is for 2014 I believe let me make sure this is the year I want to look at yeah this is the 9 and 4 year so we're talking Dan Mullen was at Mississippi State but he finished with a better record then he phrased it 10 3 obviously Nick Savans at Alabama finished with a better record as well Kevin Sumlin went 8 and 5 that year Les Miles went 8 and 5 that year Arkansas went 7 and 6 with Brett Bilema I think it's fair to say that

maybe not A&M but Arkansas and LSU are definitely in better places than they were before Mississippi State I don't know Old Miss is probably in at least as good if not a slightly better place like this is not going to be an easy out Like, people have looked at the West and said, oh, what a mess it is.

That's because, like, a lot of these teams are pretty good. Yeah. There's not one dominant force in them, and there's not one team that you sort of look at and say, oh, yeah, they're sort of set in the standard. Well, also, they all started, they all started losing to Georgia, too. They did certainly. I mean, I would say among those teams, I'd say MSU is basically, like, peak MSU right now. Like, this is as good as they ever take. I think this was maybe the year I'm looking at was maybe, like,

the DAC ear and like you can make an argument that so that so they're still as good as a team that gave you freeze all sorts of problems right yeah yeah and you this is also this also gets to one more thing I wanted to say about it which is you can't step in the same river twice right like we are making similar points that that I think people sometimes make these hires with people who have experience because they are anticipating similar results they're anticipating similar results and not looking at the context or whether this person is even the same coach or has the same capacity that they had before. Right?

Yeah, sure. This is why Mac, this is why people like Mac Brown are mutants because you pretty much get the same Mac Brown wherever you plant him, right? And that's not the case with most people. It's not the case with most coaches. You don't get, you don't get similar results, you know. And if you do a lot of the time, the similar results that you're anticipating don't take into account the inevitably chaotic end looking at you lou holts look at

lu holts honestly steve spurier you could say the same thing about that's south carolina yeah i mean listen it worked until it really fucking didn't well that's the best decade they've ever had man i understand but here's the other fun thing i just realized so holly already said now he freezes out a job where he has to play georgia every year who i think is unquestionably the best team in the conference right now. Remind me, who is Old Miss's cross-division rival? They've gone from Vanderbilt to Georgia. Like, good fucking luck.

So there goes a nearly guaranteed W to a very likely loss. So this is my last question around all of this. What, like, and it is the question that I think has vexed every coach at Auburn, even the successful ones. What is success? What is a good year at, what does it mean to be a successful coach at Auburn? It's pretty much what Gus Malzahn did. No, but we know that's not true.

We know that's not true because he got fired. Right, right. We're basically asking the Mark Rick question again. Which I view in my head as really the spiritual domino that started all of this. You know what success at Auburn is? It's the same level of success at Alabama. Is Auburn going to achieve that level of success? No.

Which is the same level of success at LSU, which is the same level of success at Texas A&M, which is the same level at Georgia. Like, it's maybe becoming the same level at Tennessee. It might become that level. Like, this is not a job where you can go nine and four a bunch, and everybody's going to be like, fucking great. We fucking love this.

But he's such a great guy. But he beats Haben twice. Because a ball bounced off a Chad Kelly pass of somebody's hat. Imagine. Like, yeah, people don't remember enough about what happened in those games. That's how Hugh Freez beat Nick Sabin. The most chaotic quarterback in Ole Miss history?

Is that up there, which is saying a fucking lot? Bounce the ball off a guy's head. That's how Ole Miss beat Nick Saban in the first time. Yeah, Hugh Freeze didn't do shit. The year before he got fired. He told a bunch of weirdos to go be weird. The year before he got fired, Gus Malz on, beat Alabama, went nine and three in the regular season

and finished four and finish 14 and by every account that we are and by every account that we are aware of is a you know a bit of a dork a very a very like dad socks and sandals dad mode and a nice guy to work for

yeah I spent like five or ten minutes earlier today trying to think of the worst Gus Malz-Malz-on scandal from like a decade there's not there's not one if you said if you said you know what I know what it was. It's when that Alabama lawyer taped Gus's wife. Yeah.

Saying some like, you know, giving some like bulletin board material and everybody lost their goddamn minds. She, by the way, is also like about as normal a person as you would find for a major college football coach's wife. Can I give you my favorite? They're fine. My favorite Gus Melzahn story. And now they get to live in Florida. What dark secrets are in Gus Malzon's past? and I'm like, the dark secret of Gus Malzahn's past is that he had no hobb.

He had, yeah, is that he built PCs in his spare time and gave it up because it was cutting into recruiting. No, for real, like, he had no hobbies. So, like, his wife encouraged him to buy a boat so, you know, because they lived on the lake. And he would sit out in the boat. He would go out in the boat and do a couple of laps and be like, I've done the boat. I've done my, I've hopped. No, he would walkies. Yes.

No, really. It was like, may I go back to work now? It was like he took himself for a walk. And he did. Yeah. So this was a little pony, right? There's a video of him dancing to like a youth pastor DJ. And like, yeah.

Yeah, that was it. I could tell you. He once, Gus has always had my. And he beat Sabin three times. Gus has always had my sword because he. He once traded a car for a fax machine when he was a high school coach in Arkansas. Gus got fired in the COVID year after 10. games. He had one

unexcusable loss. He lost to South Carolina on the road, but also like that's some shit that happens. But also that didn't say Will must jam. Also couldn't recruit an offensive line to save his life. This is part of what just bring, this is part of what took me back to that failure state episode. Because the answer

at the bottom of all of this there are entire industries including ours propped up by having to explain all this. And the actual answer is not deep. It's not. No. And you know what? It'll be true for who whoever hires urban meyer next because somebody well yeah at least for listen let's and hey let's run that out there are football reasons for hiring urban that are better than the football reasons for

hiring freeze not jaguars related there are none of not jaguars related no no you know although it like to be fair as bad as that was the greatest to ever do it was basically cam cam Cameron at Miami like he was basically what's cam Cameron doing right now oh god I'm scared to look just asking. I think he's retired. Yeah, but that's... That means he could be anywhere. Yeah. Not alone in that failure as

funny as it was. So there's one silver lining to all of this. If and when Hugh Freeze gets shown the door at Auburn because it's Auburn and that's just what seems to happen nobody's going to feel that bad

about it. Nobody's going to have a real moral quandary on their hands. We're all going to feel fine. And isn't that nice to know that we already feel good about the exit interview? Hugh Free's pack watch starts right now. Rest in prayer, bozo. Don't worry, he will. No, he'll say he did.

Just go put a Christmas tree out on his curb right now, which is where it belongs anyway because it's a pagan habit. Yeah, that is a, there are other, by the way, there's one more piece of coaching information that I would like to share that I surprised me okay Texas A&M has fired Daryl Dickey their offensive coordinator I would like to ask the question did any of you know that Texas A&M had an offensive coordinator and if so if you took that position you you're not doing anything right you're just you're like Jimbo I'm here to get fired plump my buyout he doesn't

even let you hold the big stack of AP on steady notes he doesn't let anyone Hold his precious files, my papers. No, I mean, do you guys know who, do you guys know who Daryl Dickey is? Yes. I mean, is he of the Dickey family? Like the, the, like, like, as in Florida, Florida and Tennessee. No, not, okay, that's Jim Dickey's kid is why I'm asking. Yes, he's from Memphis.

I got it right. Yeah. Yeah, he, he is Jim Dickey's kid. Yeah. Yeah. So, but by which I'm, by which I'm saying is this is a, This is not some, like, GA trailing around behind Jimbo with a clipboard. Darrell Dickey is, like, the most journeyman, one of the most journeyman-ass coordinators in college football.

He started his career as a grader assistant at A&M. At Texas, A&M. Yeah, he proceeded to Memphis. Yeah, he proceeded me at North Texas. Yeah. He went from A&M to Memphis to all over the world to Memphis to A&M. Yes, anyway, he's a holdover from them the last staff. He has been back at A&M.

him since 2018. So anyway, I'm sure he was the problem, Jimbo. Way to go. Listen, I love this position. This is all I would ever want as a professional coach is to take this position and say, I will be here for 12 hours a week. None of them will be particularly directed or well used. You're going to fire me in a year and here's my buyout. By the way, if you look at Daryl Dickie's resume as a coach, it is Jason the most professional wrestling journeyman-ass thing I've ever seen him in a life. Readoff, let's, let's, let's, uh, I've been to lots of places. There we go.

Let's mid-south area. I've been to lots of places. I've been to Memphis, in Memphis, and Memphis, and Memphis. I've been to Starkville, Mississippi, Baton Rouge. I've been to El Paso. I've been to Dallas. I've been to Denton, Texas. I've been all the way out to an unfortunate stint in Utah, Utah State.

Logan, Utah, no less. Yeah, Logan. I went to Albuquerque. Then I went to Texas State. I went to San Marcos, Texas. San Marcos, Texas. Then I came back and went to Memphis, Memphis, Memphis. College Station, college station, and college station.

And then I pray my bones will fine rest in the place from which I hail, which is Galveston, Texas. This is actually the most full-cast travel plan possible. This is basically, fuck New York and D.C. Absolutely. It gets better, though. It gets better. Where did he play his ball? Kansas State.

Seattle and New Orleans We should We should set this up As like a bourbon trail Like as like a pilgrimage tour Like for real Eastern Time Zone is not canon This man might be

Jim Crockett promotions NWA world champion Daryl Dickie Can we Ryan can we send him a Mid-South Airlines mug? Sure Absolutely

He left San Marcos with the NWA belt fracture in the title for life as Jimbo has one of those titles that don't count so yeah yeah yeah he says that and that and I have one of the piece of news which is I swear entirely unrelated but worth sharing are you ready

this is hopefully going to lift all of our spirits unless you are boy you're putting a lot on this piece of news I am I am okay so you are all familiar with the liver king yes because he won't shut up about it that's correct Ryan's probably not no I am I'm online I missed yesterday the news broke wait does something happen I have shocking

shocking information for you this is by the way like Christmas for more plates more dates the guy who does a whole YouTube channel on what steroids celebrities are taking wait what okay can we interview that guy oh yeah he's awesome he's like here's what the rock was on no he has an entire like hour and a half i think video on the rock's physique through the years and what he was doing the rock is on codfish thank you and his tequila and rice and tequila

yeah y'all that tequila is pretty good i hate to say it taramon it's pretty good teramana got me these pecks brother um no this is like christmas new years and every other holiday wrapped up for more plates more dates because the liver king uh it's come out that the liver king is uh on on that gas was that in dispute uh no but but an email surfaced wait sorry explain to me because i only know about this from you cackling about it in the background why is this scandalous is this to put this in football terms is this like lane kiffin said something stupid level of like yes yes this is lane kiffin level of shock it's more this that there are specific amounts for what he was taking and oh oh my god i'll put it this way

He's been consuming a lot of liver supplements. Okay. A lot. Okay. This is, I was going to say. Yeah. This is the headline I have found. Leaked email allegedly reveals that Liver King spends over $10,000 a month on steroids.

Oh. Goodness. IGF1, CJC, beautiform and omnitrope test, Deco and Winstrol, 50 milligrams a day, though he had just started taking Winstrol. What the fuck, too? Did you just get around to Winstrol? It is unfortunate because the tag. line for the liver king's website is liver king put back what the modern world left out yeah in this in this email I even I even have a hard shell hyperbaric chamber at my house for recovery but as opposed to like

the the jelly roll hyperbaric chamber are there soft shell hyperbaric chambers here are there like plushy hyperbaric chambers can I have one I want the velvet I want the velvet yeah the lure one. As I've reached my mid-40s, it's getting harder and the back fat fucking kills me, bro. Listen. Never been more relatable.

The way the internet works, it's time for Liver King stands to be like, actually, HGH is paleo. Look it up. That's right. Your body produces it. Yeah, why wouldn't it be? Yeah, come on, bro.

Our ancestors got HGH by killing and eating one another. How do you think? Caveman got so fucking yoked. That's right. Man, that's a lot of shit. That's a lot of liver, buddy. I've been taking so much liver.

It's not the liver duke. But man, like, for those of us, this was like, like, the first person I sent it to was Jane Koston. I'm like, the gear! Look at it! It's meathead Christmas. It's so good.