Shutdown Fullcast - Reverse Fixer Upper - Week 12, Reviewed

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Week 12 left Spencer, Holly, and Ryan with many important questions, like: Have Chip and Joanna ever found a corpse in a property? Why do people agree to go to Iowa? What do you with Utah at this point? What's the meanest thing you can say about the Georgia offense? How many people got convicted for that big biker shootout in Waco a while back? What do Texas and Iowa State have in common? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Have you ever thought of doing a different syllable as far as the emphasis goes? Like, what happens if you make the L really stick? Uh, L is it? So I'm like, well. Yeah. Come. Yeah, like that.

Yeah, that's no. No. Or if I just stuck the E, right? Or like the long... Welcome! It sounds like I'm being thrown down a pit. Look, I just... We've done a lot of episodes of this show,

and I think it's important to examine the constituent pieces and say, hey, should they be changed? I agree the welcome should stay. I agree that Spencer should be different. Well, it's the big show. That's what I... I'm so close to doing that every time. we start this the internet's only college football podcast now that our bettors have stopped listening

can i tell ryan in real time because i know you guys love it out there when we have production meetings uh over the microphones about my plan to just get a recorder not a recorder like the ones you record the show on but like you learn to play in the fourth grade like a hot cross like a hot cross bun yeah and use it to like make bumper music for us um can i tell you a funny story in return yeah so about i don't know maybe like a year ago somebody at the company was like hey y'all really got to have um intro music and i was like well spencer shouting welcome is kind of intro music they're like no it's not um so i said okay can we go get the old theme music from yeah shut down full back they were like sure we can do that and they like signed all the papers and signed it off with whoever but nobody actually figured out like how to get the file or who to have send over the file so technically we have the legal right to use the shutdown are you shitting me that's awesome fullback theme music and the company is paid for it i just don't i just don't have the audio file okay i'm gonna find it because i fucking love that song or i could get a tiny marimba and just

play it into the microphone actually actually what this does mean is if you are um if you are a musician or if you have an amateur band of some sort you can send us a recording of you playing the shutdown fullback intro theme you can go find them on YouTube and we will play your sample right? We absolutely will I'm not kidding in the slightest speaking of failed musical aspirations

Spencer's going to Indiana going down to a small town going to drive a truck in a small town going to Bloomington Indiana and also a small town probably on the way when I got a pool Ryan just let him tire himself out

It's nine-win Cougar, Indiana now. That's right. I wanted it to be beat Penn, Indiana, but... No. That's not their fault. Remember, only Indiana could be sidetracked in a competitive game against Penn State by an unintentional fake punt to somebody called Peyton Hender Shot.

Dude, that was the most... Like, people talk about video game shit in real life, and they're like, oh, man, press the B button, blah, blah, blah. accidentally calling a fake punt when you're like no I didn't mean to ah damn it like that is the actual that is the actual video game shit

leaking into real life when Peyton Henderson shot got the ball snapped to him if you did not see the game what happens is that on fourth and it's just some change Indiana

with a I believe within one score at that point is going to punt the freshman long snapper had some sort of communication or out of body experience and snap the ball directly to the upback who caught it to his credit then what then he thought what any of us would think which is really really dude yeah because he should have just thrown it back at the at the like angrily thrown it back at the long

sepper that's thank you um yeah that's that's what they thought this was the time to play down and a pond in a little bitty pool. That's how Peyton Henderson shot felt. Peyton Henderson shot is a very, oh, it's a very, oh, you won't have a long character arc on justified kind of name. I've been interrupted twice trying to explain this dude's name and now I will tell the whole story because they would not shut up about it on the broadcast. He has two brothers.

He was indeed named for Peyton Manning. He's got a brother whose name for some other quarterback that I've been trying to remember for two days and I still can't fucking remember. Don't at me. I don't care that much. His third brother is named Drew after Drew Bledsoe. Oh, wow. And they're openly speculate that the degree of hating on this on the broadcast was such that they were openly speculating. I'm like, well, you could always say he was named after Drew Brees.

I'm like, once we could grow up to run a pyramid scheme? Do you want the kid to grow up short? Oh, God, there's a lot of this music. Yes. I've decided the third child is Bruce Hendon. shot named after Bruce Gradkowski. Absolutely. Jordan Lynch Hender Shot.

The grittiest of all future Mac QBs. Why don't we give children more modest aspirations in terms of quarterbacking, right, if you're going to give them a name? Why don't we name them something like this here is Little Jeff Driscoll Hall? This is Brister. This is Brister Hendershot. Yeah. This is Closson Hendershot.

Which one? Any of them? No, no, that's mean. You went too far. That's mean because not everybody is going to know that he's named after Rick and he's going to get beat up. Yeah. Anyway, Peyton Hendr's shot got that ball as the upback and was like, yo, come on. No. No.

I saw a very long way of saying that Spencer and Stephen Godfrey will be at the Michigan, Indiana game this upcoming Saturday in Bloomington. They will have some stickers. They will have some T-shirts. I promised people on Twitter. that Spencer would rassel them, and he probably won't say no. Oh, no. That's a good way of putting it. I am, I am like 80% confident that this is not the first Spencer is hearing of the fact that he's going on this trip.

Yeah, no. Pretty good for us, honestly. It was definitely this week when he asked me if he was going on this trip. Have you ever thought that you could activate him as an assassin if you needed to? Oh. Holly, what am I supposed to do today? shoot the prime minister okay

why do you think we've stuck together this long it's not so we can build careers in digital media no it's basic function at this point yeah so you're the clown fish basically hey I just keep swimming okay with friends like these wait for it

no no I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it do it do it who needs anemones that was podcast business that podcast business has concluded down in the meadow in a little bitty pool swim three little fishies and a mama fish you do this one's already going in the archives i can feel it

i said this on twitter today but it really is true whenever i have deleted the most recent podcast episode from my phone even though i i go in to my podcast download that I look and I don't have any episodes stored every time I run out of episodes and my phone appears to be empty a ghost fragment of the episode where you guys had Roger Sherman

rapping all I do is when starts to play on my phone I can't figure out how to get rid of it and I've been trying for like two years I think that's a standalone audio file in the feed it's in my phone somewhere and I cannot root it out it lives there now congratulations

Roger you can't die no we knew that although really you know death death is not a concern because as an absurdist football fan i.e a northwestern fan the same thing

life is pointless it's pointless though I will say this the mighty explosion of the northwestern offense this weekend they were heroes Ryan what did they do

they well they didn't cover are you saying they're heroes because they let UMass cover that's right okay that's right they're accessories their accessories to greatness yeah okay which is more than they've been all year long right they by virtue of anything missing an extra point yeah they uh they failed to cover

the spread was you know 39 and a half 40 40 and a half depending on where you got it and win but no umat valiant UMass covered that 40-point spread, even though it was more than Northwestern had scored, I believe, in their last either three or four games combined. Four. I'm going to go four, because remember, one of those games is zero, zero, as in scoring

no points whatsoever. Hey, do you watch Fixer Upper, Ryan? Not a lot lately, but I'm familiar enough with the body of work, especially because every episode is exactly the same. Holly's never watched Fixer Upper. No, I am not, I should say, I was not until very recently a home improvement reality TV person, but then you turned me on to Grand Designs. Yes.

By which I mean, turned me on to watching Kevin McLeod impregnate wives all across Britain, someone stop him. Everything good about Grand Designs is not present in Fixer Up, right? I feel comfortable saying. Yeah, nothing. Interesting. Where Grand Designs is like, here we are in this strange Welsh village where there is no plumbing, but too much electricity. Whereas in Fixer Upper, it's like, hey, it's Waco again.

Here we are. Oh, look at that. Ranch homes. Yeah. You know what? They really wanted this house due to proximity to the desirable Jefferson School District. Desirable. Whereas, like, I don't know if any of the homes on Grand Designs are even close to schools or other people.

Or, like, they'll do things like, here on the Isle of Sky, people have been battered by the wind and driven mad for thousands of years. Shit, yeah. These two artists want to build a home here. Their dream home, haunted by wind goblins, and the murmuring of mysterious gods who died long ago. The bank has rent them a 700,000 pound loan for some reason. And they've already burned through all the money. Yeah, they've already spent all of it. Yeah, fixer-upper is like, hey, you bought a house for $800.

And by the end of the episode, it's worth $400,000. It's fine. In Waco. That's always the best part. This is a long way of saying that, you know, Normally what you do on Fixer Upper is you demolish the house, right? Demo day! Pretty much, yeah, yeah.

And then you build it back up. They have to have found a body in one of those, right? Oh, I assume they put bodies in somebody. We've hung a barn door here that slides. So you can get from the kitchen to... Is that TikTok? Sorry. I completely lost track

It's fine, it's fine So we're talking about fixer up there I assume because Game Day was in Waco For the Baylor, Oklahoma game Probably we're going to talk about the game But I can't guarantee it We didn't share any show notes this week Yeah, no

Jason's not here who was going to make show notes Yes, also Jason's not here We probably as somebody who hates it When you never mentioned that I'm not here when I'm not here, Jason's not here. We run the entire game backwards, right? The entire Baylor, Oklahoma game is just an episode of Fixer Up or in reverse. Because Baylor had a nice house and a great reveal in the first quarter, right?

And then second quarter, there was a lot of promise. And then by the time we get around to the fourth quarter, there's just a hovel. And there's even the third quarter where there's like, ooh, there's a problem. that's when Oklahoma's about to score but they fumble right at the goal line Chip fixed it. Chip fixed the problem. You're going to be fine. Just slap some shiplap on

that third quarter and you guys are going to be great. I was looking for a specific TikTok video to make a point which is this game was like that TikTok video where this one girl is ragging this other girl for her ugly shoes and her friend goes and that's why your mom's dead.

Like as a comeback, like your shoes are ugly and she's like you don't have a mom and that's what this game felt like. Baylor was ragging on Oklahoma for the entire game and then Oklahoma was like, what shoes your mom got on in her coffin where she is because she's dead. Wow.

Forever. Also, like, who in Waco's anyone to make fun of someone's shoes? I just like, between Waco and OU, it's like girls going, oh, your boots. Well, your boots. They're the same boots. They're bitch boots, Carol.

Shut up, other carol. We can't say that in McClendon County. Now, you do something civilized, like unleashing an entire clip full of ammunition at a knock-off hooters. 19 people. 19 people killed. 19. Yeah. Like 19 people died at an off-brand Hooters in Waco.

You know how many people were prosecuted for it? No crime. Zero. No crime. Just letting the chopper sing out of Twin Peaks. No, that's, wait, I'm sorry. I think you're, I think I was, I think I was thinking of the 19 people who were arrested or something. Only nine people died.

Oh, only nine. Okay. My favorite thing is that the story lists that all nine people who died died of gunshot wounds. Yeah, really? What's it like one person was like? How interesting. Yeah. So, point being that if you're watching this game from the fourth quarter to the first, it's a triumph.

it's an absolute try it for Baylor so Baylor fans if you're looking for a way to go ahead and soothe the wounds of losing this game one what are you doing listening to this podcast we're just going to rub it in two watch it backwards just take the DVR

rewind it slowly sorry I had to pull the stats up nine bikers were killed 18 others wounded or injured and a hundred and 77 individuals ultimately arrested and detained in connection with the shootout a four year prosecutorial a fiasco, per the Waco

Tribune Herald that resulted in zero convictions. Thank you, carry on. Where do you even put 177 people? Like, I'm just talking logistically here, right? Probably. Do you just handcuff them all to a conference table? Twin Peaks, I guess. Twin Peaks, yeah. That's a good point. They got a lot of room out there.

Be like, we close these doors. No one leaves until we get to the bottom of this. Meanwhile, fire up the deep friar. That's damn good coffee. Also, the turf war allegedly started following the beating of one member of a motorcycle gang by a rival gang member

at a Toys for Tots event the Christmas before. I'm not making this up. Baylor's built over a hellmouth. I don't think anyone will argue with that. There is also something, by the way. I think both teams have unique takeaways from this. Both pretty

positive. I know that this was bitter and disappointing for Baylor, but you made Oklahoma actually go on drives. Like four of them. Really long drives. Like 12 and 11 and 10 play drives.

Yeah. Which nobody's done. So you died. But you know what? You died nobly. And you will probably get to die again. Yeah. Probably. That is The other thing for Oklahoma, I know that you had a scare at Baylor.

One, you had a scare at 9 and 0, Baylor. If you're going to do it, that's the way to do it. Don't have a scare at 1 and 9, Baylor, right? That's definitely not the way that you want to do it. The other thing that you can take away from this as a net positive is this. When it came time to just, like, knuck up and beat someone up and drag them down the field until you had no choice but to score a TD, You did that. This is not an offense that only relies on the quick strike.

No, if it gets into a brawl, you can go ahead, set yourself, and power run and nip your way down the field if one has to. Unlike Texas. Unlike 10. Who lost to Iowa State? That's bad. I don't actually want to talk about the Texas game that much, but I do want to share this very specific. special stat. So all year and pretty much like all forever, it's been like, oh, the damn Texas defense.

They're the problem. The offense had 13 drives against Iowa State. Eight of them were three and outs. Yeah. Yeah, this is, that Sam Allen Gerheisman campaign. How's that going? It's quiet. It's a niche industry.

Yeah, can I give you something worse? that you have a big, big burly powerback, big old burly, you know, loaf of wonder bread eating a Nash Rambler of a quarterback back there. Sam Ellinger, figure you should be able to put together a pretty decent run game around that. Texas stormed and rumbled down the field for 54 yards. And then they got rumbly-tumbly. From all the wonder bread. Oh, why don't I eat all this bread before the game?

it's spongy and it's expanding I didn't actually watch a second of this game it's 2.1 yards per carry I watched I watched a little just because like you know good for Iowa State they've had like a frustrating year I think everybody thought oh this year you might be

second in conference might be maybe like third whatever they're not those things but it's always nice to be Texas because Texas is always rich they've lost four games by 11 points points. Correct. Brutal.

It's absolutely brutal. But they lost this game by negative two points, so it's fine. Also, since we're just handing out little, like, little cheer for those chips this week. Here, I'll put one in your mouth right now, Iowa State. Six and four is a disappointment for you now. Yeah. Hey. That's neat.

That's an entirely different world, right? You're now at the point where you in Texas, with four losses, are like, oh. Same boat, huh? That's got a hurt for Texas. We're both disappointed, huh? Uh? Texas is like, Jesus, I'm going to get out of bankruptcy court and get this fortune back. I don't know how I got down here with Iowa State.

Iowa State's like, maybe one day I'll be able to afford a boat again. Texas is like, God damn it, I got five boats at the bottom of the lake. Got to fix this. Can we talk about Auburn George? We'll build a submersible. Can we talk about Auburn, George? Auburn, Georgia now. Man.

No, I kind of want to talk about Auburn, Georgia in, like, just plain terms. Spencer actually just wrote about this, so... Yeah, yeah. I'm up. I'm game. So here's my thing. Everybody, there are a bunch of heated Georgia fans on the internet right now who are like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Banner Society, which is where we work. There, I get the credit for it this week, Holly. There you go. Banner Society just hates Georgia, a bunch of Florida fans, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, that one dude, yesterday thought we were nine Auburn fans, which is actually way worse than being called an Alabama fan, and I've been called an Alabama fan online a lot.

Nine Auburn fans, by the way? That's a church. Yeah, pay us. That's also the most fucked up 12 days of Christmas. Alternative first. Nine Auburn fans. Here is my thing. If we really just hated Georgia, and we do kind of hate Georgia, I'll be honest, whatever.

But if we really just hated Georgia, and we really just wanted them to suffer and not enjoy anything, do you know what we would actually say? We would say positive. We would say, you know what? Offense does what it takes. Offense just wins. Just, you know, they just grind it out. They know how to get the W. Because this is what I'm looking at.

Here are the points per play leaders in 2019. Bama is first, Ohio State, Oklahoma, LSU, Clemson, Oregon. You have to go down to 46th on the list before you get to Georgia, a team that is currently behind Texas A&M, Louisville, Virginia Tech, Illinois. Teams that are not bad, but teams that are not contend for the national championship good. And for whatever reason, Georgia fans have decided that, like, outsiders questioning, why George's offense is so stick it in first gear and jam the pedal down gingerly like that that is somehow in a front when like it doesn't have to be this way. It wasn't this way in

2017. In 2017 your eighth in points per play allowed on defense and you are eighth in points per play on offense. You can you can open shit up. Why are we happy? All right. Here's the meanest thing I

can say about the Georgia offense right now. I'm going to give you two stat lines, Spencer, and you're going to tell me who, I'm going to tell you who one of them is, and you're going to tell me who the second person is. All right. Here's the first one. This is Jake Fromm. 16 TDs, this is for the year, 16 TDs, three interceptions, seven and a half yards an attempt, 65% completion rate on 261 attempts. That's Jake Fromm, okay? Here is, here is the mystery quarterback 16 TDs same four interceptions one more eight yards of attempts slightly higher 59% completion rate slightly lower 269 attempts almost exactly the same who's the mystery quarterback um guys of Garrett

Schrader it's Shea Patterson hae has been like I don't think we are being assholes to suggest that Georgia's offense is not fulfilling its true potential, if Jake Fromm is putting up basically the same exact numbers on the season as Shea Patterson. Like, Georgia fans can get mad at us if they want, and they can say that we're salty haters and this, that, and the other. But, like, if you want us to be that way, stick with it. Because you're playing a margins game that when you play Ohio State or Clemson

or maybe even Oregon in the playoff to say nothing of LSU in the SEC championship game that margins game has the potential to burn you and it doesn't have to be that way. It's very simple. That's all it is. But yes, we're just salty haters

who don't know shit. Also, there's a couple of things that can exist all at the same time. You can make fun of the Georgia offense having Jake Fromm average something like four yards of completion and also know at the same time that Jake Fromm was capable of way more that it's not his fault this is what he's being asked to do and he's doing it it also cost them that

south carolina game which were not for that we'd have a legitimate national title contender not one who's got to go to court and get you know an argument together to make the point no Georgia'd be right there. If they weren't playing, as I have said before, and we'll continue to say, like somebody holding a fart in in church. That's what George is doing on offense. You can also say this. Responding to anything about like, man, I hate watching this team,

well, it's working. That wasn't the point. No one's saying it's not working. By the way, it's sort of working because you lost a game to South Carolina. A terrible South Carolina team with its. third string quarterback. And we all saw. Everyone saw. I'm not saying, you know,

take it all and put it on black on the roulette table, okay? But right now, Kirby... I am. Your daddy will just give you another dealership. Right now, Kirby's got the entire fortune socked into like a 1.8% savings like account. Oh, pre-owned BMW. You don't even love me, Dad. God, that is the most Bainbridge County. That is the most Bainbridge like thing ever is,

I won the lottery. What are you going to do? Go and put it in the savings account. Yeah. Buy a truck. They should have beaten Auburn easily in that game. And the only reason, the only reason that Auburn is able to get back into that game is not because George's defense falls apart. It is because the offense does the equivalent of a like generous turn of a like, of a like,

Like, turnover that doesn't hurt you too bad by just going three and out, three and out, three. Like, that's all there is to it. They had 500 yards, over 500 yards of punting. And look, Auburn's a good defense. And nobody, it was close to 600. It was like 578. 558. 11 punts for 558 yards.

It's just, it's, it's fine. It's dumb. It's dumb. It's not being conservative. it's dumb all right it's unimaginative at the very least it is extremely unimaginative and godfrey

put it really well on the PAPN that came out today on Sunday it's a matter of like read the room there are like in the year where LSU of all schools has figured out like oh you can do that instead Bama

figured this out years ago like how are you the ones saying no the old ways are best cooking meat is for fools with a this is the other thing with a great offensive line at least one fantastic i'm not saying they have a wide receiving core equivalent to what they had last year in 2017 but with cadre at least one good coverage breaking wide receiver and dandre swift in the back field you're taking an experienced savvy and very talented quarterback and you're asking him to babysit.

It's just stupid. It's an insanely stupid way to play. By the way, if you'll look, the quarterbacks who they've faced, right, they beat Ian Book. Then look at the rest of the murderers' row of quarterbacks that they've had to play. Of freshmen, Kelly Bryant,

Florida's second stringer, Kentucky's quarterback, whoever that is, I'm not looking it up. I'm sure it's like their ninth stringer at this point. South Carolina's third stringer Jared Garantano Hey Right

And then Vandy Murray State And Arkansas State Hey there was plenty more On that team To bring Tennessee down Besides the quarterback Do you

Do you look at the A&M game And just say That's trouble No No you probably don't You probably don't No Okay

Because they can't That's the best quarterback They can't I know But they can't actually Protect Kell and Mond But like it does it does sort of make you think like why would joe burrow have problems here and especially

why would he have problems if you are putting your defense on the field more than they should be because your offense is afraid to take big shots is is unwilling to do unexpected things yeah this is a management issue by the by georgia fans if you're like well i don't know it's work it. It's not going to get you where you want it to go. Oh, and then guess what? You're going to be 10 and 2. I'm thinking about all the things you could have done. Wow, that's a lot different than the rest of your recent history, isn't it? Look, it might, it, I don't even think it's that because, like, they can, I don't think it's impossible for them to beat LSU in the conference championship game, but it will be because they, like, never

turn the ball over, don't have a special team's fuck up. LSU does like three or four extreme like you are playing that game where you're like okay if everything falls our way and if nothing falls their way we can win the game sure but in reality that doesn't make you like oh we're one of the top five teams in the nation that doesn't mean you are like acting like that that means you are playing like iowa state and iowa state can win a big game but why are you playing like iowa state with a georgia roster man don't yeah don't don't put that kind of cowardice i'm sorry that was rude that was they went for they went for two they went for two right against oklahoma do you know what kirby would have done kirby would have kicked extra points for the

rest of his life yeah he would do the pat die thing and kicked a field goal so that they would tie rather than go for it and potentially win i would much i would much rather georgia be like what ls u is this year i know i don't like georgia i know i'm not rooting for them to win the national title. I would much rather them say, yeah, we're going to try some cool shit. Right now, they're just designed to do this, just take up a space that could be going to a more interesting team. That's it, simply because they're filling out the paperwork dot in the eyes and crossing the T's. And they'll, if they get into the playoff, by the way, they'll do what they did. They'll do what they did in the playoff before by taking out in Oklahoma or a more

interesting team and then coming up short in the championship game just pencil that in that's what you're designed to do you're just designed to take up a seat no george is going to win the national title because we spent um too much time talking seriously about them in a football context on this podcast and we must be punished for that so we have to move on um you're welcome we did it yeah sorry uh hey scott frost got paid good for him Scott Frost Day. Happy Scott Frost Day, everybody. Unrelated news. Wisconsin beat Nebraska 3721. Give them an extension.

Do you know the two conference wins Nebraska has this year? They have a four-point win over Illinois, which actually looks okay right now. And they have a three-point win over Northwestern. That's it. Yeah. And actually beating Northwestern by three, that doesn't look good. Yeah, the offense has been morbid. That's one way to put it. It's been sleepy. Adrian Martinez appears to have regressed. I kind of like this. I kind of like this decision-making process by Nebraska, though. They've gone from like 9 and 4 is not good enough. We demand more with Bo Polini to like, no, this is exact. This was the plan.

He's doing what we've asked In fact, it's going better than you think We're going to give an extension to Like, it's such an aggressive bluff With a bad hand That I kind of respect it It's like you're not even holding two cards I'm all in

I'm all in with my one card That's how good it is Listen, I know that you've got to go bail him out daddy But I'm staying with it I'm staying with it This is when you double down This is when you say Yeah, you might have stolen my card

Yeah, you might have You might have burned my house down But you're my man And I love you And I love you We're gonna make this work Even if you're Even if you're actually just a sack of squirrels

wearing a mask Speaking of a sack of squirrels wearing a mask Goodness gracious me Michigan State football Oh, I thought it would be the Minnesota game I was wrong No, no, we'll come back to that

I just want to point out Michigan State sucks. Finally, like, they suck. They're awful. And finally, like, the worst parts about Mark Dantonio, the, like, fake hustle, the, like, extreme motivational. We'll come off wearing helmets off the bus. And then everyone will think it's real hard. And then you'll hear Disturb start playing in the background.

We're all Batman on this team. We're all Batman. We're all black and dark. we all have only the darkest of souls like what worked for Michigan State when they were at their best is they had like rich homie Kwan on the sidelines if you'll remember

they you know they were feeling some type of way they were dancing they were fun no we're back to dumb Mark De Antonio we're back to the Mark D'Antonio who suspended a starter for not wearing a tie yeah but he was wearing a fucking helmet though that was helpful I'm wearing a tie and a helmet I'm ready for anything

except Michigan except removing the tie I eat my tater tots underdone on purpose This is the most I watched the crow 900 times team right This is the this is the most

It's dark and twisted It takes place in a circus Yeah This is an awful football team And if you watch them It's just agony Watching them attempt to do anything on offense.

The silver lining for Michigan State is also the saddest thing for Michigan State. Here's the pro. They can still make a bowl game if they beat Rutgers in Maryland. Here's the con. If they don't make a bowl game, it's because they lost to Rutgers and or Maryland. You know, the future isn't optional, and that's a shame. You could just pause it right now, right?

Like, if Michigan State would be like, universal pause, man, just going to say right here at four and six, fresh off a 34 point ass kicking by you know, public school over there, the like private public school. By a Michigan team that while Michigan

State was like, we're going to wear our helmets, was like, oh, we made pants for the trophy. Here are his pants. We made them. We brought, we brought whimsical doll clothing. And they beat their how bad is it when your rival beats your ass and has whimsical doll clothing as an accessory

this paul bunyan's an action figure no he's not he's an american girl like what was michigan state going to do we're going to get a trench coat for paul bunyan he's going to have dark thoughts meanwhile michigan is just having a craft project over here painstakingly like painting eye black around the eyes of the Paul Bunyan statue. Did you see, by the way, one Michigan TV, pardon me, his name escapes me, I will find it. What he did after an interception, toward the end of the game? Oh, my lord. I know what you're talking about, but you should describe it because, again, this is a visual medium.

Yeah, so Interception made late in the game and the DB could start running it back in earnest, right? Trying to score and instead stops mid-play while casually stepping out of bounds

to end said play just so he could trash talk Michigan State. That's beautiful. Oh, just moving. Absolutely. fantastic as bitter as it gets in terms of you're not worth my full effort i i'm in awe i'm in awe i will find the name i that maybe lavert hill it was it was leverett hell yeah lavert hill you don't need to buy a drink uh within a 50 mile radius of me ever again because i'm

picking them all up beautiful You know what that was? Smack time! Sorry. Boy, if I wanted to talk about boundaries, I'd go to therapy with my wife. Nag time. I have a rude question to ask. This requires us to go back to Auburn, but only obtusely.

So, Auburn is the reference point by which everybody, is like we cannot put Oregon in the playoff because now Georgia has win over Auburn LSU has a win over Auburn Alabama May in theory get a win over Auburn Oregon obviously doesn't

so that's sort of the like easy hey why is Oregon not because they lost Auburn and all these teams didn't okay let's say we accept that as fact and as like a hurdle they can't overcome what do we do with Utah who has not lost to Auburn which we've been

told is the important thing holding Oregon back from playoff consideration can we have them play Auburn? Can we put that in? That actually would be good. Is it possible? Utah should do that. Utah should absolutely say like

yeah you know what? Fuck it. We're not playing Arizona or whoever we have left. We're playing Auburn instead. There's no reason for them to play the final game on their schedule, which is versus Colorado. Yeah, skip that. Skip that. Skip that. Skip that.

Offer to fly to Auburn. Auburn probably has a Socon game, right? Oh, yeah. No, we can do this. Actually, what you should do is convince Auburn to play you instead of Alabama. Yes. And you know what? That's a great idea.

Cancel the Iron Bowl. Yeah, it's time, you know what? It's time, remember, cancel Auburn without you. It's right there. That's how we sell the game. Can't spell Auburn without you, Utah. Come on down, you beautiful, man. We're ready for this.

Utah did average, had one of the most hilarious stats of this weekend. They threw 19 passes against UCLA. They averaged 17.6 yards per pass. Wow. They threw for 335 on 19 attempts. On 14 completions. Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful, man.

They bombed UCLA to death. Yeah, and there's nothing good happening to you if you play Utah because, one, you might get a gigantic lineman running the ball back for a TD because that happened. Yep, yep. You might have to face Tyler Huntley going 338 for you on just 14 completions. That's embarrassing. But you know what embarrassing is preferable to painful? Because otherwise you have to tackle Zach Moss. Go watch highlights of Zach Moss.

every time he hits somebody it's like if I slowed down the film and I saw him pulling out the tiniest of knives to just like jab somebody while they were trying to tackle him I would believe it I would believe that he coats himself in icy hot not for the

slickness and difficulty to tackle but because it might get in a defender's eye for the icy and the hot exactly yes yeah I believe that Zach Moss lightning and the thunder yeah I believe Zach Moss would deliberately extend a touch touchdown run into traffic in vain hope that the defender would be hit by traffic behind him.

He's a very mean running back. Like maybe the meanest runner in college football. I love you, Zach Moss. They will probably not make the playoff because the playoff is mean. And they might just jump truck somebody in a non-playoff ball. Like they might flatten somebody good. You know what I'm waiting for? I don't even think it could happen.

But man, let's do this. One team with one loss versus another team with one loss. Are you lining this up? Is this happening? I think I know where you're going, but go ahead. The Alabama Utah matchup? The rematch? I was going with something weirder.

Oh, please. I was going to give Memphis. Oh, there's a fight there. Yeah, yeah. They're fighting. Utah Memphis is like. Like, we're going to have to put up chicken wire. You just have people start winging beer bottles at the chicken wire pregame, right?

Just, yeah. The Roadhouse Bowl. Roadhouse Bowl! Welcome to the double-duce bowl. Just, I mean, I've already seen Kenneth Gainwell thrown by a face mask this year, right? So you're too dumb to have a good time. It's a motto for the whole bowl. It's also kind of the back 12 motto.

At this point... You don't have a good tag. Pack 12 refs especially. Pack 12 reps are the most pro wrestling refs of all college football refs. I was distracted. His wife came up to me and yelled at me, and I had to address her concerns.

I got hit by a ladder. Just Durlock Holmes over here. How did this chair get in the ring? Oh! I like that because Holly has the late shit. for us on Saturdays. She ends up watching more Pac-12. So, so much of this.

But I usually like this. Why? Why? Why? I mean, I can see an argument, but why? Mostly because it's the time of day at which no one asks me. Yeah. But I like watching these teams because their conference has not given the ability.

to stamp any narrative about them upon my brain and that just lets me sit back and say, well, what the fuck is USC going to do today? They don't know. No, no, no, never do it. I assure you, they don't know. Like, are they, is the Pact 12 of even doing

marketing at this point? Um, Pac-12, call us. Still here. Yeah, Conference of Champions. Still here, you. God, how fucking great would it be if, like, in the middle of this podcast, You heard, like, me and Spencer doing a mid-roll ad for Pac-12 football.

Y'all, we gave you your only workable hashtag, and we gave it to you for free. Imagine if we were focused. Get 20% off your first Arizona home loss when you use offer code forecast. Just bypassed the usual branding of Aaron Copeland-sounding music in the background and imagery of tides and mountains and skip straight to. Yeah, Bakersfield, baby. Sacramento! Let's feel this. They should also just lie.

Just be like the oldest football conference. Oh, absolutely. What? That's not! The granddaddy of them all, the Pack 12. The birthplace of college football. Home of... The cradle of crotches.

Home of 58 Heisman winners. Did they just have Amen Corner in that commercial? What? the shit this is my favorite pack 12 moment of the week and we should do this you know every week from here

on out I mean in the off season 12 week guys I promise we will forget yeah we will forget this it won't happen again but this is our infrastructure week

I turned on USC Cal like oh hey what's happening in USC Cal blip first thing I see is Keaton Slovis throwing a ball right at the referee Keaton Slovis had a great game

y'all he threw for 400 yards had four TDs but the first thing I saw was him trying to hit a crossing route over the middle and drilling the ref who also got hit by the wide receiver on the play yeah it's gorgeous the last game that I really wanted to discuss all right I have one note to finish with but the game I wanted to discuss before that is speaking of turning things on and seeing exactly the horror that you expected to see don't play eye Iowa. No, do play Iowa. It's fun. For us. I think we have, I think this is a Lincoln Douglas debate that nobody wins.

There's, because, uh, my case, and there will be no above. It's kind of like a Lincoln Douglas debate if both participants had to go to the bathroom constantly. It's a Lincoln, Lincoln debate. I'll fight you on the big book of this link. It's a Lincoln log debate. Yeah, the log has no response. And that's why it wins, because Iowa just don't play Iowa don't if you have hopes and dreams and you're not obviously a superior football team

not obviously like Minnesota's really good but it wasn't like you could go bank on it Minnesota's going to take this game you just don't do it skip it like we were saying with you know skip the Colorado game and invite

Auburn just do that but don't invite Auburn just decide to take a me week we have a we have a bold prediction that this maybe implicates one of one of our bold predictions was that a loss to one of the

Elasico teams would knock somebody out of the playoff that was my favorite one so I don't know do we consider this like yes this works or are we going to wait to see what happens I don't really get I would wait to see what happens but it's provisional yeah okay

this is very much provisional yeah yeah because Iowa did that thing where the more you try the further you sink into the quicksand. And that's not where Minnesota's really going to excel ever at this point in their development. So much effort. And I was just like, oh, squirming.

That's interesting. We'll just sit here and put you in a headlock. This is a crawl space. Why are you moving so much? You're just burning up oxygen, dude. You're disturbing your new roommates. Yeah. That's what it is.

It is playing. in Iowa is being buried alive and like the more you kick in thrash is like just more dirt getting in the coffin bro yeah it's cave diving right when they're like yeah panic go ahead kick up dirt you've lost the wire can't you you're a hundred feet down in this cave and you're going to die and you know who's you know who's down here with you kirk ferrance good night everybody he's nude i try to stop the show folks sorry yeah he's nude again Right now, Kirk Farris needs to get a 10-year contract extension out of this game. Right now.

Needs to happen. Also, that's why it happens, right? I need to talk to you. Oh, God. I'm not putting the briefs on until you sign the paper. Oh, God. That's why that's, oh, yeah, five million a year, whatever. Just get out of my office.

Oh, God. It just gets worse every year, doesn't it?