Shutdown Fullcast - Ritual Coaches’ Poll Slaughter

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

The Coaches Poll is out! Marshall and Florida State are made rivals by it! Is there an NFL washout hiding in the staff ranks at your school? You sure about that? The gang weathers a rare attack of NFL Dean Terror Holly invents Clemson Denial Jason plays film critic! This week: OLD BEACH, a movie Buy stuff with our faces on it at preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

preseason coaches poll oh thank god content that's excellent i really i didn't scroll all the way down to the bottom did y'all i haven't looked at i don't about to scroll down to the bottom and let's record our reactions live what a delight whoa whoa fancy chickens We have fancy chickens up in here. Okay, I'm excited. I can't decide if I like that more than Iowa State coming in at eight. Surely. The coach's poll is actually the wisest of all polls, as we have said for many years.

Oh, goodness. Is Texas ranked? Oh, God, they're 19th. Texas is ranked. Okay, okay, we'll just. Between Iowa and Penn State, as is their spot is part of the Big Ten. Penn State is ranked. 20th.

Huh. Hey, listen, man, Tennessee is not received. voting votes this is all i care is that true i shit i didn't look hang on no you're right when you when you when you apple f tennessee on here some asshole is like two votes really no the best part is now you can legitimately say nobody believed in us you'll be the only ones telling the truth hang on how many votes did michigan state get not okay no votes from michigan state miss nobody believe six for pit Arkansas only got three votes oh come on guys Welcome to the shutdown

You are listening to the shutdown fullcast You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast Which is great because it takes a singularity of purpose like the shutdown full cast to address the singularity of poll that we have to discuss this week, because with college football looming on the horizon, like the spaceship of a great Midwestern thunderstorm, we have at last one college football poll to discuss. I am Spencer Hall here today to slander the coach's poll with me, in person here in Atlanta, is our perpetual guest host, Collie Anderson.

Am I? Yes. Split Zone broke K-Fave this week. Are we breaking K-Fade this week? Do we follow Split-Zones' example? I mean, that's a question. I really don't know. I'm excited for the reveal

that I'm the only one on the show that listens to Split-Zone. Would you rather be Sisyphys or Hephaestus? Mm-hmm. That's the question. Ophestus. Hephaestus? Yeah, you get hammers, right?

No contest. Well, also, you just get to, like, recline. You know? This is like Michigan State. We don't mention Hephaestus enough As being a king of leisure Hephaestus is the name of the stuff possum That lives on my dashboard

It's Hefe for short Hefe? See? You get called the boss Right? You get to just chill Right? Don't ask why he gets to recline all the time It's a tragic story and we'd rather not talk about that Hephaestus wants to focus on the present Yeah so I guess that's a no I don't host this show That's correct

Anyway who else does host this show I know Jason Jason Kirk, my co-host. How are we doing, Jason? So hosty. So it's so downright hosty. There is definitely

a clear distinction between these jobs in any way. Oh, him a ding-dong because he's got the nope, can't make it work, can't land it, I'm not a host.

Jason, do you have a mug in hand? You can't really host anything without a mug. I do. How'd you know that? Oh, my God! Holy shit is for real. Are you a witch?

It's a Christmas sweater mug. It's a Christmas sweater Yoda mug. That's adorable. I always, I, my family thinks, like, obviously I like Star Wars, but I think my family thinks I'm obsessed with Star Wars mugs. So I have a lot of Star Wars mugs. It's that dad thing where they found a thing that you like. And so now all of your things are that thing. They spam Star Wars mugs at me, which is fine.

I go through mugs. This is why we gave my dad Toblerone for 10 straight Christmases until one day he was like, You know, I don't like Toglerone that much, guys. Oh, shit. This is my dad with Bass Pro Shop gift cards. It works. Jason, what do you mean you go through mugs? Well, I use one and then it's done.

I've eaten it. All right. That was my question. Thank you. I heard it against the wall. Crash. Another. Another.

Cool. That's good. Ryan, do you have that yet? Are you already locked in to that? I'm speaking with Ryan. Nanny. in Nashville, Tennessee, our other perpetual guest co-host. It's kind of broad, but the extended members of my family all know that I like to cook and bake,

so they always get me things related to that. And they're, I didn't do it this time. We're not wrong because this weekend, here's how fast I live. On Saturday, I bought 40 pounds of tomatoes, and on Sunday, I hand-milled them all and cooked them into sauce. here's the sick oh shit ryan is texting us like closed cardboard boxes of tomatoes yeah like not even pictures of the tomatoes themselves just pictures of the label on the box uh because this is this is how we get hype now yeah when you buy a 20 pound box of tomatoes it comes in like basically a banker's box so i walked into the house on saturday with two of these and my wife looked at me and says you look

like you just quit your job at the tomato factory. I've had it. That's it. See if you can grow your own tomatoes, buddy. And like cleaned him out on the way. You stole the blueprints. Yeah. If I tell you my father was a job loading tomato trucks away from being sent to

NOM, does that surprise anyone? No. All right. No. Not one bit. How much, how much sauce does that make, Ryan? uh six and a half quarts too much sauce that's you i can right depends on if you're doing a fresh sauce or if you're like cooking it down for more of like a sweet roasted flavor this is this was

cooked down on low heat for fuck i feel like we're we're accidentally doing hand in the dirt here i'm sorry but yeah this was these were cooked for i don't know three to five hours something like that and it took it took three pots to do it and and i looked like a crazy person i was going to say Did your kitchen look like a crime scene? You didn't look Italian like three weeks ago. I, yeah, it's because of that. Yes, it's because you question. Overcompensating, proving his Italianness.

I'll show you. My pisonality was in question, and here I come with it. 40 pounds of tomatoes. He pulls up in an alpha Romeo with six quarts of tomato sauce. Who's Italian now? Let the record show Ryan is smoking two cigarettes right now. we're going to we're going to talk oh why does he have an unbutton t-shirt that doesn't even make sense edly just sounds sexier in italian he's going to curse about a c milan in italian for seven

minutes straight at the end of this podcast it's going to be super racist yeah god damn it's italian like that's the that's the rule is it's okay to be racist to italians and then they think it goes they think it goes both ways. Let me tell you. The next Instagram would like a word. Italy is taking full advantage of that diplomatic community, I assure you. Yeah, yeah.

Ryan gets $300,000 a year from the Italian government for a post described only as American Erotica ambassador. That's all it says. And it gets through and no one cares. It's right there. The government knows, the people know. And they're like, to sex embassy. Literal.

The Essex embassy. who else is going to bring Napoli sex vampire to the American masses who is going to bring Nicholas Cage is the answer Nicholas Cage will do that I hate to bring this back around to the show

but let's ask the question that's all on our minds who is the Luigi and the Wario of the Sex Embassy Wow Luigi and Wario you know what fair enough yeah

Luigi is just constantly scared one of these days someone in Italy is going to get a whole They're both wearing their six overalls Yeah And they're just going to They're going to put out something on stationary that says

From Ambassador Waluigi And we're all going to hit the roof We're going to be like Is this real? I really don't know This is where I found out by the way There is nobody There's a kid in Italy named Waluigi

Because some well-meaning parent it was just like, oh, that sounds good. Hang on, I got it. Italian. I mean, maybe there's, I don't know if you know this, but in a review of the rosters for the current football season, there's a kid whose name is just New Zealand Williams. Three words.

New Zealand Williams. He's a DB for San Diego State. Okay. Okay. So I'm just going to read the suggested results for Walla, Ouija the person, which I have typed into my work computer. Waluigi personality, Waluigi personal identity under capitalism. Whoa.

Waluigi personagio. What does Waluigi do? Why is Waluigi hated? Is Waluigi bad? Is Waluigi bad is a very deep question? This is the question Waluigi lies awake at night wondering. Am I bad? Wario, I feel confident, never worries that.

Okay, here's a question. We have never heard posed on this show before. I am just put the six in there because I'm reading somebody else's grammar. Is Waluigi and Peach the same person? There is an extensive YouTube video about this. What's the runtime on that video? Oh, it's only 328. They're not even trying.

Barely gets into the topic. I thought it was 1611, but I was looking at the wrong one. All right. There is an entire genre of YouTube video surrounding video games where there are really untenable theories involving multiple unconnected franchises that are simply suggested by association. Like Waluichi starts with a W. That's interesting because in Metal Gear Solid,

there's also a character whose name starts with W. Are they the same person? And are they secretly both Mario? Follow to find out more. Like there's a whole, there's like an entire, there's a millennia of hours. Why is Waluigi named that? A valid question. So we actually do have a poll to discuss an actual college football.

All right, all right, not an actual one, but it's the coach's poll. It counts. I mean, that counts. It doesn't actually count. For a time, it counted. It has counted. It has counted. People named Waluigi.

It will count again. it will count probably a good bet okay somehow this made it into a baby names list and I'm really excited about that mm-hmm waloigi do it somebody do it if you're listening to this right now and you're wondering what am I going to name my child who's on the way consider walaigi consider new zealand and consider walauchi this poll by the way if you don't know it's filled out by coaches and by that we mean uh the graduate assistance for coaches who do this for them. That's what we suspect like, I think easily 20 out of 25, right?

Like, or not 20 or 25, but of all of the voters, I think like probably 75% of them done by student assistants. Did you know? I only learned this today. And maybe this proves that I'm bad at my job and always have been. It's not every FBS head coach. No. It's only 65 of them that they like pick.

randomly, somewhat randomly, but like weighted towards power conferences and whatever based on who who says their interest is. So like Mac Brown is not a coach's poll voter. No, but you know who is? Maris Linguist. I will give somebody a dollar if you can name who Maurice Linguist coaches. Don't look. I think Mac Brown, we know he, uh, he still has his influence over the polls. He still got it. Sure. I don't know. I know who Maurice Linguist is because he's two years younger than me and I find that upsetting. He's the head coach at Buffalo. Oh, that's fun.

I guess I didn't know it. Never mind. Well, I mean, you knew it. Get credit for that. But he's also the only one of the few people on here who has a profession for a last name. He's Maurice linguist. Kansas and Kansas State coaches, their coaches are not in the poll. Arkansas and Arkansas State, their coaches are.

What are we to make of this? Okay, so a bunch of people have submitted name meanings to this baby name site for Waluigi. I'm just going to read a couple of them here. A submission from the United Kingdom says the name Waluigi means gift of God, the universe and his wonders, and is of Japanese origin. A lot of people saying Waloigi means God's gift, actually. I say that for any name I don't know. They're like, what does Mudflap mean? I'm like, that's God's gift.

That's what that means. I feel like Waluigi is distressed to learn this. Or Wario is. Waluigi says, I can be redeemed in Wario's. No, you can't. Oh, okay. A user from Egypt says the name Waluigi is of Egyptian origin and means the wonderful beast. That's the best one.

Whoever did that reporting in from Cairo. Thank you. Look, this is, listen, there's a clear consensus. have submissions from the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Missouri, California, Canada, the Philippines, Idaho, the UK, and Egypt. Nick Rolovich is also a voter in this poll. And if you receive the ballot via email, scan it because I know he didn't use antivirus on it. Wow. Wow! Because he's dirty. Yeah, because he's dirty and won't get the vaccine like an idiot um anybody else like filed a claim for the time they spent defending lamar jackson

in college might well back off that i'm going to take a little bit of that back yeah i'm leaving it where it is and not adding any more to it now that's fair yeah just leave it in the account i'm not going to apologize for it at the truth it was fine at the time yeah at least leaving in the at least if you leave it in the account nothing bad will happen to it imagine going back in time to your old self it'd be like wait before you defend lamar jackson he doesn't get the COVID vaccine you're like you have a lot to fill me what the fuck you've got to bring me up to speed on multiple things here that's like like the ghost the ghost of you telling like you know you going back to tell you know past you what has happened is

every five-year-old telling a story like oh my god So then the airplane crashed and we were all on it. You're like, rewind, rewind. I am completely lost on this. Yeah, five-year-old. Yeah, five-year-old. Or me. That's also acceptable.

Same level of discourse, really. So 65 coaches vote on this. Yes. It is definitely a poll, a poll. And as usual, there's nothing interesting in the first like five or six because everybody agrees These are... Counterpoint, the names of the schools spell A-Kooke.

That is good. Or if you read them backwards, that's the only time we're going to see Washington State anywhere near that end of, or anywhere on this list. Of the poll, yeah. Alabama at one. Don't get mad. Don't at me.

I'm like Nick Rolovich. I'm just living for the moment, y'all. Didn't get every. first place vote no they did not who we have two first place votes for oklahoma nobody believing in little old clemson is what i'm hearing oh yeah yeah this is this is by the way we will discuss further the greatest source for this poll is disrespect oh if you're a disrespect minor and you just love digging that disrespect this is where you start yeah if you're unfamiliar with the level of disrespect the coaches poll can convey we're about to make a whole show out of the

disrespect in the coaches bowl, and Michigan State isn't even on it anywhere. No one believes in them. It's official. It's because other schools, they can talk about this. And their coach is a voter. Mel Tucker is a voter. And Michigan State did not receive votes. When will one of these people just vote their own team one? Like, Mel Tucker should do that. Besides Spurrier? Yeah, besides Spurrier. Like, Mel Tucker should just like, yeah. Yeah, I think we're the best country but then deny it flatly then no if I didn't like this yeah Ryan I think you may have hit upon something

no first place votes yeah nobody believed in us yeah is it possible to become a Clemson denier like not not I don't believe Clemson's football team will win but I deny the existence of the existence of the football team nobody believed in us well dabbo you're absolutely right sir I need to escort you out of here this is for football coaches technically I think what you're describing is being a modern day South Carolina fan which I would not recommend it it sounds comfortable that's that's not often the word that's applied but if it sounds good to you I invite you to try it on for a season it's not a home filled apparel hoodie but it'll what a time to get on board with South Carolina football oh you definitely want to do that before they play games this is always a good time to get yeah don't no no it would at least be understandable now if you thought this was you know if you did

doing it on a lark, about four or five weeks into the season, it will just seem like rank insanity. You know what I'm going to do for myself after a long, long year plus dealing with an ongoing pandemic and all of the other stress, a presidential election, societal upheaval, economic distress. I'm going to add new South Carolina fan just to see how much punishment my body and brain can take. This is CrossFit for the emotions. that's not no this is the barclay marathons for the emotions you're like why is it Saturday and I'm crying and vomiting at the same time and everything

hurts because you signed up for the wrong race race know yourself the fan experience yeah don't do that that's deranged I would also point out by the way I assume Nick Saban voted for Alabama first Kirby smart Kirby smart did not vote for Georgia first Kirby, why don't you believe in your team, buddy? Why are we maintaining the fiction that coaches vote in this poll? I'm just, because it's fun. Isn't that worse? Because we're holding him accountable.

That's what we're doing. Oh, are you saying that Kirby is responsible for the actions of his staffers and people under his control? No. No, no, not at all. I was going to say because Ohio State is at four. that's Ohio State, a flawless institution, top to bottom. I will suggest nothing to the contrary. After five, of course, it actually like starts to get interesting.

Of course, with the most, I think, by the way, you could just put Notre Dame at seven forever. That's fine. Like, this feels fine to me. I think Notre Dame fans would be fine with that too. Yeah, it's got big, like, we're very important, but don't look at us. The rare literal fiesta forever. I think it's kind of like being far enough to. down the presidential line of succession that you're like,

I'm never going to get, like, it's not going to. Secretary of Agriculture of the coaches poll. Notre Dame, the Kiefer Sutherland of like, especially in the new playoff set up going forward, where 5, 6, 7, 8, those teams get home games. Now, Notre Dame doesn't have to do a conference championship, but does get to host some, here it would be, you know,

Cincinnati or Florida or whatever. Jason, you were the first person I've ever heard, pronounce it, Kiefer. Now, that how you say that? I like it. Kiefer? I think it's Kiefer. I think it's Keefer. I probably used to say it right, but I don't think I've said his name in about 15 years. I like that one better.

No, I'm going to go with it. I think this is the new wave. Kife's Kuyper Sutherland from here on out. I'm going to go watch the I'm sure I said it correctly at the times. No, I feel like his name is whatever we want it to be. Yeah. This isn't his show. Also, his real name is Jack Bauer. So, why bother with the pseudonym?

So the coaches poll here having looked at it for a solid 10 minutes now it looks like the top comparing this to the computers and stuff it looks like the top eight is basically you know you have your top tier Bama Clemson Oklahoma Ohio State Georgia

that's the top five no matter where you look the A&M Notre Dame Iowa State cluster it's generally right after that nine is where things get interesting nine you and C followed by Cincinnati is in the coaches poll unc followed by cincy um the let's let me just let me work up to it all right uh team rankings it's it's a it's a really nice high performing rating uh you got wisconsin penn state north carolina there uh f i wisconsin north carolina Washington miami is that group um the massy computer composite obviously is a really nice I also jumps and lumps together, all the different ratings or whatever. Here's what we're hitting you with at 9 and 10,

all right, Florida and Texas. That's right. According to the computer ratings, Texas is rolling in underrated despite appearing in the coach's poll at 19. Jason, I have a question. I'm looking forward to hearing absolutely nothing about that. Does that roll credit rating in as well? Because I can't see Texas really being tense in anything unless we're involving

financials. now here's the flip side all right based on the same computers the most underrated team might be the Iowa Hawkeyes oh shit yes number 11 in the overall composite in the team in the teens in most everywhere I'm seeing but only 18 according to the polls 10 spots separating Iowa and Iowa State in the polls which yeah that's about the number of points that are going to be scored in the game that'll settle this 18 8 is will be the the final score yes do you remember i don't lSU is 13 which according to you know sure you're saying that's oh ls you with 664 votes the neighbor of the beast i just can't imagine uh predicting ls u i guess that's why they're exactly in the middle of top 25 is i guess yeah i guess that's why these polls are right yeah well there's there i think the middle yeah yeah i think the coach is inadvertently have done us a real favor by building like a nice little cluster of I would argue starting with

Florida all the way down to let's say Miami because we love Indiana I don't want to include them in this Florida Oregon LSU Wisconsin Miami look at Oregon hiding up there yeah this is like the the the group where it's like one of you is doomed we were not telling you which one But one of you is going to have the worst season you've had in years, maybe barely make a bowl game, have your fans screaming to fire your coach, like this feels like that cluster where this is going to happen. Because below it, Indiana, things went too well last year. Texas just fired their coach. Iowa does not operate by the laws of normal human society. Washington. No one more. No, you skipped right over. Penn State had such a bad year last year.

They got better in the second half of the season, but everybody had stopped paying it to the Penn State at that point. But like, what if they, you just said the worst season. What if they have an even worse season? Yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm just talking about comedy value. That's a, that one's really jumping out.

Yeah, yeah. My brain is stuck back on LSU at 13 and I would like to posit something. Yeah. Has, have. and I'm not talking about anything other than in the preseason zeitgeist. Have LSU and Georgia switched places and is this more or less entertaining for us in terms of just where you kind of stick them at the beginning of the season? Have our most and least interesting schools swapped spots in the popular conception?

I think maybe LSU and A&M have swaps. I have swap places. Oh, okay. Make your case. Let's go. That's funnier. And M is the A&M is now the school where it's like, well, by all rights, we recognize that you are a top 17. But we don't actually believe that you're a top 14, even though that difference is, you know, just a few spots.

But we have to put you here. And whether or not you live up to it, like, this is where we have to put you. LSU at this point feels more like less where they were the like, well, we recognize based on the recruiting and based on some of the results. It's like we have to put you up here. LSU now has dropped into that category where it's like, you know what? You could spit out anything, which is what I would argue A&M under the previous leadership had been, where it was just sort of like, you could beat Bama and then you could walk out of bed the next day and lose to Mississippi State.

You're capable of all things A&M. That's LSU now. I think that's a good, a good comp for a switch. Like Georgia is supposed to start in the top five every year. that doesn't mean they do when they don't that's their fault um but a and m this is their highest start since 1995 no pressure oh and they have to replace a quarterback that's that's always guaranteed good that's easy no they got jimbo do that all the time no it's not that the september heisman can actually be uh cashed in like a token oh yes like a raffle tickets money in the bank

yeah yeah you win the money in the bank match of september take your briefcase and go to an eight and four record take your transfer quarterback i haven't even decided which a and m quarterback i'm referring to with that i'm just confident i really enjoy now i don't think it's as much fun when they were more erratic but i will say the payoffs of george's ultimate disappointment overall if you look at the curve it used to be a little more zigzaggy now it's steady high performance but that big plunge that big plunge is a roller coaster whether it's losing to south Carolina and their third string quarterback or whether it's faking a punt with a backup transfer who eventually became a first round draft pick like they're not as disappointing as

they once were but woo boy those payoffs that's quite a high for the observer looking for a car crash like me what if it is losing to florida in homefield apparel's big new Saturday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's delightful. That's exactly what I would love. Speaking of comfy apparel, that's right. I kind of missed that. Like, I got on late. No, you did fine. Now, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at. I'm mad. Like, why didn't it have to be Georgia? I know. Snakes. I tried to find the positives of this. And the first one is this is what I say every morning when I wake up, right? first of all Florida currently in the lead as the most as the most home field purchased in a single day

we have jokes right um Georgia should be easy to beat little low Florida you got all that y'all got all that money you got all that you got all that excitement over a top five team I feel bad when Connor goes to look at like the search traffic on homefield apparel.com and sees like a bunch of dry fit typed in there and no result dry fit polo no results collared shirts fishing shirt fishing shirt give gloves you sell kids ball marker church gloves one person is just completely mistaken this for his own browser and is typing in kids porn yeah not kid porn Keds, Keds, Krokeys.

Oh man, they'd make the snuggles. Actually, if you cut the collar off your home field shirts like I know many ladies do, you could probably make a pretty substantial pair of crokeys. Yeah. Church crokeys. Church friendly crokeys. Pastor of Rooskees.

Get my good church crokeys on and get my home field dry foot, fit fishing shirt. Dry foot. I like that. Tyler, that's the church crokeys. I think there's a challenge to be made If you want, I mean, y'all so big and bad Once you come ring the belt

Once you come take the belt Right? Because I know you got nothing else to wear They're going to do very well They will do well But I know you got nothing else to wear I've seen what you'll wear around here Oh, that's a great point

Yeah You already look like a bunch of overgrown toddlers Right Not every single one of them Like a kid on school picture day They do They do that is Georgia former Got the short sleeve gingham

got the khaki shorts khaki shorts got the white socks and the new balances yeah a lot of toddler a lot of toddler build too right fulfilled apparel

for the first time ever on Big New Saturday offering bowl cuts very excited so let me tell you go ahead I want you to increase the quality of your wardrobe

by at least 8,000 by the purchase of at least one single home field shirt hail why don't you get into high couture and purchase five they'll be the best thing you've ever owned because again I've seen the dry fits y'all it ain't working you know what would make me

a florida born in gainsville florida absolutely fucking furious if georgia fans used offer code fullcast to save 20% off their first oh that'd be awful don't prove it no you can't prove to us that we have more georgia fans that listen to this show than florida fans because then we would have to adjust our content accordingly so whatever you do do not use offer code full cast the 20% off isn't worth the cost to our souls. And you love us, right? Connor, if you're listening, anyone who uses offer code fullcast, please send them just one Florida

shirt that goes with it. And some pills. Definitely don't drive home from Zaxbys in your Tahoe and turn into the driveway of your five bedroom snout house. What's a snout house? That's the one's got the garage on the front, right?

Like a snout, right? I have never heard of this. I like that term. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't do that. don't step out of the driving range thinking oh oh i got to use that full cast promo code to get those gators don't do it i know you're going to want to but when you put don't don't let your wife see it because you know there's nothing she loves more than coupon him like i'm saying don't do it y'all send her to joanne fabric and go with god but i repeat myself yeah i'd tell you to i tell you to not come in second but i don't know

seems to be your thing not in the bedroom they're going to do really well they will that'll be fine home field apparel I also not in the bedroom the most sinister suggestion I've seen is the notion of doggers D-A-W G-G-E-R-S oh no yeah what were those even okay cargo pants but they've got our cargo sweat pants a thing a and yeah okay that's horrible yeah but B that would actually maybe be an easier production because you could just emblazom the sad husky on the pocket right sure and then georgia fans can put their trash and tailgate in the pocket right and then the pocket snaps off and can be left on north campus as litter after the game which is y'all's favorite thing that's true there's if there's one thing georgians are passionate

about people who pay such high HOA fees they sure are shitty environmentalists they they throw the garbage out of the car the minute they're out of the subdivision that's it like i don't litter drives on to public road throws whole garbage can and fish dinner out of window i'm really a social libertarian and a fiscal conservative before before we move on to the next god i just got a stinging pain behind my eyes like god rebuked me in that same moment yeah before we move on in the next ad rate i would like to offer this olive branch to our our beloved georgia fans who listen to this podcast uh others receiving votes in this year's coaches poll. Auburn 84 Arizona State in the middle of a serious NCAA investigation 90.

Hell yes. You're welcome, Georgia. Arizona State isn't even, Auburn isn't even the most recognized and accomplished cheating school this year. I want to just go over teams. Are we allowed to share that Auburn Goss that we got over the weekend? Nope. Nope. Nope. That's a bummer. Anyway, Lane train it's good though it's good though that's right lane kiffin public health public health advocate and 25th in the coach's ball as well yeah yeah which that's great old miss hanging at that 25th spot down there down there with cultural fits coastal carolina and and ahead of ahead of other cultural fits Utah and northwestern man look at that bottom look at that bottom three or four yeah look from like 22 down to 25 I'm just going to call that the outlet

mall sector because look that is some out like fine high quality outlet mall living right there still water left yet uh a suburb of myrtle beach south carolina and oxford mississippi that that that's high that is high living on discount is odd baby yeah i got i got this pan for just $35 and you usually retails for 128 do you need a pant no but i was at the outlet mall that's all of these teams, right? You're like, could you have made it through the season without watching Coastal Carolina? Yeah, probably, but deals.

But it was there, and it was $17. At that point, I don't want to make it through the season without watching Coastal Carolina. I don't want to make it through the season without a $17 discounted pan. I bought it at the outlet mall. If the Cajuns and the chain of clears aren't ranked here, the Northwestern is ranked.

Oh, yeah, we can't have that. I'd never go to an outlet mall. Mike, why would you buy? And that would bump Arizona state up in the rankings this well, but honest to God, it's not worth it. And Arizona State will get up there by themselves. Like, why would you buy full price, Texas when you could get discount Oklahoma State? See?

Big 12 hanging on to deals and bargains. Lokey, that might be the meanest thing you've ever said. I think we need to call the Big 12 the conference of values because sales. Do you want football at a discounted price without those high dollar Texas and Oklahoma prices? which is better Big lots 12 or big 12 lots odd lot is odd lots I like big lots 12

the pig lots as in skin sure what about big 12 lots because all of the land is vacant oh it's sort of a double thing yeah that's yeah I want to go through the teams that received exactly one vote when you say almost no one believed in us these teams are the most

accurately saying that This is the weirdest list. I actually want, I would love it if we can just for this purpose determine who gave the one votes out because I want to know who are the one vote schools whose one vote did not come from their own school. All right. So Stanford and Cal voted for each other. So Stanford doesn't put pressure on each other. Stanford doesn't have a vote and neither does. No, they're private so they don't have to disclose their vote.

No, I'm with Jason actually. Stanford and Cal voted for each other because this leaves natural rivals also receiving one vote Marshall in Florida. state sure right yeah yeah the bout and connect academic institutions of equal prowess competing for the randy randy moss cup yeah this is this is moss and old moss Florida state i love there's one person who voted for cow one just one lone soldier like you know what david shaw he's like people say i'm boring got to go to throw a vote in there for cow later on let my hair down all right put a little Mexican oregano on my egg. I'm going to look at it's great, man.

Stop that. My theory is that it's got to be, it's got to be somebody who's got Cal in their non-conference schedule. And it's just like, oh, I got to gas these idiots up. So I have a ranked win baby. All right.

Let's get this. Hang on. Is Nevada on here? Cal's opener? Nevada has two votes. No, no. But they don't have a voter.

Because I was going to say then you could put the clock on the wall. Hours till. We're playing a team with votes, boys. This is not a joke. It's just sad. I did type Cal Football 2020 into my browser. Cal's second game on the road against TCU, Gary Patterson does have a vote in the coaches. Gary playing a little mind game, getting a little mind game, you're looking a little mind game, you're saying.

That's right. There we go, Garbert. We can't rest on our laurels, fellas. We got the Cal Bears. They got a vote. If you're Cal, do you just go like, yeah, that guy we're facing. from TCU he's an idiot he gave us a vote we'll show him what a fool here's a fun pop quiz who is coaching Cal this year wait Cal and TCU are playing Justin Wilcox still Justin

walk okay it took you a minute yeah we get Cal TCU a rematch of the greatest ball game in history the greatest Friday yeah yeah it's the cheese it bowl we get the fucking cheese it bowl on 9-11 cancel football after this we're out after this we're good the oh my god we game to we this is I will call it it's in the false we got to call it the classic it's the cheese it classic no it's the bill to remember of memory no it's the bill moral bowl because we game to perfect bowl on 9-11 oh no no no it's niche but I nailed it that is that is a that is a 12 out of 10 for like the five people who get that that so that game was in 2018 are there there are going to be players who appeared in both

of these games, right? Wow. I just want to talk to those people. They're the ones who have long gray beards. They look like 65. I've seen some shit. It's like talking to Chernobyl workers.

What was it like? You notice how longer this show goes, the more you bring up Chernobyl. I'm fascinated with Chernobyl. We also have, by the way, in case there are doubters out there. That's right. Arkansas's got three votes.

Honestly, underrated. Arkansas yeah I mean why not what's Virginia only got four votes I don't I don't want to talk there there are a handful of teams on here I'm like oh no this is like there there are some teams that are in the others receiving votes that because they are there it really makes it stand at how much they are not in the top 25 the most obvious one of them is Michigan who only has 30 votes Oh my God. I didn't even notice that. Which means a majority of the coach's poll did not even think that they deserved to be number 25.

Hang on. Where is Michigan in its preseason division? That is. So let's see. You're asking me to remember the big 10 divisions, which is just fucking cruel. At least it's east and west now. Indiana is ranked. Maryland does not receive any votes.

Michigan State does not receive any votes. Ohio State, obviously, they are behind. And then the other is Rutgers, I believe. So, Michigan is fourth in the division. All right, very wise. Yikes. So in the computers, in SP Plus, FPI, et cetera, Michigan is ranked a little higher.

But in the mass composite, it would say that Michigan at 32 in the coach's poll is overrated. Wow. It has Michigan at 37. Now, do we discount computer polls as applied to Michigan because that's too much stem? But aren't computers the ultimate book? That's true. When I think computers, I think like cracking Nazi signals, you can't do that without computers, right?

Yeah, yeah. We brought this back to war dad and that makes it Michigan. The most hurtful thing is that Northwestern received many, many more votes than Michigan. Thus out, Northwestern was a much better team than Michigan last year. I thought you were going to say a much better school, which is also true.

Ranking. Oh, dear. I'm a fit. God. I thought you were going to come over the table. Northwestern is a journalism school, and that is an insult. The other one that was really alarming,

Virginia Tech with nine, with nine points in this school. You know what, sure. I mean, at this point, San Jose State has twice as many of votes is Virginia Tech. And that speaks for itself. Right. The whole others receiving votes is just like ACC party. Just like if you're an ACC team, you got a vote probably, not Duke, not Wake Forest, but most of the others like Boston College, you're here, Pitt, you're here,

NC State. How's it going? Boston College is there? That's wild. Yeah, Boston College and Pitt both got six Six months or six months or six. I feel like the ACC thing is like their power conference, and we only have three teams ranked. There's just got to be another one, right? Yes. There's another one. Yeah.

This is the ACC. Who is the team when you're going through the ACC that you always just forget, like when you're writing out? Like who is the Illinois of the ACC? Mine is probably awake. The North Carolina schools are also clustered that it's probably not them for me. I think it is counter-tuitally not. not NC State because you remember how forgettable they are.

Syracuse is good for a big number, whether they're putting up or the other team is. I forget Virginia exists a lot. Okay, okay, fair. I feel like the thing with state schools, though, is you'll remember one of them and then you immediately. They've got their pairs. Yeah, they've got their pairs.

This is where Wake falls through the cracks for me, right? Right. Oh, it's Louisville. It's Louisville. Oh, shit, you're right. Because I remember that they're there. I just forget that they're in the. I had this like, wait, are they in the American?

Aren't they in the American? I did this the other day with the SEC, and I was like, don't forget Missouri. Don't forget Missouri. Oh, it's so hard. I'm sitting there at 15. I'm sitting there in 15 like, who the fuck did I forget? Oh, Missouri. Oh.

Like all these years is in, it's still Missouri every single time, even though consciously it's, don't do it again, but. The Kevin McAllister of the SEC. We're going to, hey, this year we're remembering you, Missouri. We are not leaving you at home, Missouri. What's Missouri doing on 9-11? I'll guarantee you then we'll remember Missouri Missouri Kentucky now there's a game to remember oh my God why does that happen Kentucky also receiving votes I the one thing I wish and this is

a constructive criticism to USA today which runs the coach's poll I would very much appreciate if you could provide below others receiving votes schools that receive no votes is giving me the whole list of everybody who got no votes completely unworthy just make it simple for me i don't put it in don't put it in alphabetical order but don't explain it either that's right or make it a crossword that's fun people love crosswords the disrespect of putting it a crossword we're a technical school what if you put it in like a find a word and you leave one school out oh it'll be mazoo like no muzoo got votes so it'll be it might be illinois i'm going to revoke those votes i'm going to go talk to these voters personally like you're

You could actually go to every one of the people who voted for, say, Houston. Well, Houston, I wouldn't. But, like, you can go to everybody who voted for Boston College and go, what's wrong with you? Like, you could, you could have a good coach. When has that ever helped Boston College ever? They had one time. Yeah. That when they went to for another job and they fired him.

That was like, hey, I'm going to talk to these people. They're like, walk. Boston College is bigger than you. He was. The Jets wanted him, pal. You got to be a really good coach for the Jets to wear here. I love that, that they're like, Boston College is bigger than you, buddy. We'll thrive without you.

Can we do our acorns ad? And then Jason has helpfully teed me up for the game that I invented for no reason. Absolutely. So the Jets started from but a small seed. And they have flowered into whatever they are today. You don't have to be the Jets. You can grow into something more successful. Jason, how can you do that?

What was the jet seed? What was the original? I mean, how do you grow a jet? I guess it's technically Johnson and Johnson money at this point. So, band-aids? Disgusting. That does sound like that franchise. A pile of old band-aids and needles was buried in the New Jersey dirt.

From it emerged, the New York Jets. Rummett-in-13 record until the end of time. Excuse me, 3-14. The fruit of Wayne Crabet sprouted from its branches falling to the ground. Gross. Man, it's been a bad week for former Jets receivers after Isaac Bruce was firing shots

that guys who were drafted below him in the hall of him. I remember their name. He's like, this dumbass before the draft came up to me and he said, they're not going to draft you. They went bird Emanuel and Adam Yarborough. And well, how do you like me now? And you drafted before them where Bert Emanuel is just sitting there. you know, sipping tea, enjoying having a rule named after him

when, low and behold, Isaac Bruce with the steel chair. What did? And also, Isaac Bruce would have never even made that Super Bowl without Byrd Emmanuel. Poor Bird Emanuel. Burnt him twice. Burnt him twice with one of the mark. Burnt, yes. And he botched Adam Yarrow's name, called him like, Adam Yammer Mall.

We had to play for the Jets. The heat shocked all is Emmanuel. all his enamel off like mgo blog's wife with a looker say jason what was the kicker to all that with those two receivers and isaac bruce what did they drafted after him anyway that part yeah yeah yeah this wasn't michael jordan clowning 30 years later on a guy who quote fingers cut him uh this was like these guys also played by position and were the same age as me so fuck and they didn't even do anything i personally loved this because because I'm a gracious loser and an incredibly sore winner.

Like, I'm a terrible winner. Acorns.com slash bullcast for your investment needs. If you're not an NFL Hall of Famer, if you were looking up to NFL Hall of Famers, then this is probably the best investment route for you. And you could take that to the bank, buddy, because I know my shit. How it works is nickels and dimes from your purchases

go into your investment thing. And then the line goes up over time, magically. You buy a Jets jersey, Jet Season tickets, a Jets hat. I think that one, you do it. And Acorn says, we don't want your money. You're closing your account. You're an unsafe, unsafe market. You're an investment risk.

OFAC has flagged you as a potential terrorist. I'm sorry. I'm going to retire you well before 83, but not in the way you expected. Yeah, Acorns, by the way, offers partnerships with different. companies that you know and adore to earn more money for your acorns account and when you spend there you get $5.1, $3% of your purchase, say with Nike or if you order something off eBay, you get 1% back. You know, these are trusted partners. You know who they don't partner with? That's right. The New York Jets. They don't part. Because they know the Jets are just a big old ball

of band-aids that somebody buried in the soil. Yeah, nowhere in my acorns terms of service do I see mama raised a fool. That's right. When you deal with acorns, it's nothing but money line goes up, savings, partnerships with companies you love, the opportunity to invest early for your kids or for retirement for yourself. But not for the Jets. And no butt fumbles. No butt fumbles. There will not be a butt fumble associated with your life. Yeah, trained wasps at your command. Read the fine print. It's all in there. Everything except the New York Jets. Oh, ESPN Plus is on here. You might accidentally see New York Jets scores, not highlights. Of course.

Yeah. And Acorns, what do they give you? $5 when you use the full cast address there? What have the Jets ever given you? Mirth, comedy, joy. Wouldn't you love it? If you're a Jets fan, wouldn't you love it if one year the Jets just said, hey, we're sending you all $5 because we recognize that we are net negative on your life,

but we want to try to do something about that. They never will. That's like an insulting drop in the bucket for the pain they've caused. I mean, yes, but it would be better than nothing. I don't know Listen, they gave to Brickshaw Ferguson money And that's the only positive thing

That franchise has ever done Otherwise, giant ball of band-aids Somebody buried in Queens Curtis Martin was fun But that's a long time ago Anyway, speaking of the NFL On this show,

sometimes around this time of year Or earlier in the year We play a game Where we try to figure out What we have retained Slash even learned In the first place about coach movement.

Oh, no. I'm not doing that game. I'm not ready. Instead, I have gone through using Wikipedia, so I apologize if these are slightly inaccurate, but it's not my fault. I've gone through the coaching staffs of the NFL, and I have trivia questions for you based on that information.

This is like I would say largely college football adjacent. Some of it's not, but it should all be people that you are like hopefully vaguely aware of. I have four categories, and I'm going to let you work as a team to see how you can do, server or you're involved as well. Sorry. The four categories have been dropped into our group chat. Holly, I'm going to let you make first pick as to a category.

I'll read the question. We'll go from there. What category? Oh, oh, I thought you were just yelling at us earlier. you were talking shit yeah what is here and can i read the whole list so everybody understands my confusion yep so in the group chat for this episode there is just in all caps these four missives from ryan the student becomes the teacher my dad owns the dealership update your resume which is said to all of us during this show and three of a kind first time also on mine it has even more it says

the student becomes the teacher whoops and then it's explained Oh, okay. All right. I choose three of a kind because I don't think I understand what the category is. All right. This is the shortest question. All right. Three of a kind. What do Jason Garrett, Derek Deerick, and Jeremy Pruitt all have in common? Why are you triggering me? General education level. They all went to Harvard. what NFL quality do they all have in common oh cowboys coaches at one point time or another incorrect does anybody else want to venture a second guess what NFL quality

so you said they have an NFL quality they all share these are all of these this is all going to be NFL NFL oriented questions what NFL quality do they all have in common hmm Jason Garrett Derek Dooley Jeremy prove it. This is not a college question. This is not a college question. Interesting. Yeah, I pass. I have no clue. Serbs, you want to throw a guess out? I have no clue at all. Okay. They are all presently employed by the New York Giants. Wow. What? Yep. Here we were

shitting on the Jets. Freddie, Freddie Kitchens is also one of their colleagues. The New York Giants have. Can you read the rest of the giant staff? This sounds terrible. I won't do that because that sounds cursed. I don't want to unlock some sort of giant. This is unlocking some kind of super soldier. You know, I want to tell you, that was, you sounded very much like Gene from Bob's burgers there, and I think it was exactly the right tone to take.

It was powerful, and it was effective. That is bone chilling, Ryan. Thank you. Yeah, that's horrifying. Most of these should be less, less horrifying than that. Jason, do you want to pick a category? The student becomes the teacher. All right.

I'm going to give you a list of five former college quarterbacks. Your job as a team is to tell me which one is not an active QBs coach in the NFL right now. Oh, it's difficult. Five names. Here they come. Ken Dorsey. Okay. Chase Daniel.

Mike Kafka. Charlie Frye and Mark Brunel. Wow. Which one is not an active quarterbacks coach in the NFL? I don't like I should say Kafka because Northwestern, but I don't feel like I've heard a peep out of Chase Daniel in like 10 years. Isn't he still? Isn't he still an actual quarterback in the NFL?

Is he? Yeah, he's still in the league. I think he's a backout league drawing contracts. Yeah, I think he's still in the league living the dream. He's the new Jim Sorgy. Congratulations. Mark Brunel stands out a little bit here because like he actually played actual football. I'm going to I'm going to cast my vote for Kafka because I feel like he would point

take his Northwestern education elsewhere. Of course, he chose to play Northwestern football. Maybe his judgment is suspect. You guys have an answer? You're coalescing around? No, not at all. What are the rest of y'all think? I would probably vote for either Daniel or Brunel

just because Brunel doesn't feel like a fit with the others. It could very well be Brunel, but... I think it's Chase Daniel. Also, Mark Brunel, like, at one point was super wealthy. And then I think the financial crisis completely wiped him out. So I had to go back into coaching. I mean, Chase Daniel should keep the fourth string quarterback job for 100 years.

Oh, yeah, that's the best job. Yeah. Cerber has correctly identified that Chase Daniel is still in the league. That's right. Okay. For the L.A. Chargers. Mark Runeal is the QB's coach in Detroit where now I have to look this one up where the financial crisis did not touch him.

That sounds right. He has. sounds right on his staff as well with him i want to make sure this right yes antwan randall l is the wide receivers coach so there's that that is interesting um serber pick a category my dad owns the dealership all right i'm going to give you again a list of five people you have to identify which of them is not working for his dad oh this is wonderful here we go Clint Kubiak

Brian Belichick Deuce Gruden Excuse me Deuce Gruden But you're going to say Deuce Groot Deuce Groot Duce Gruden

Nate Carroll And Adam Zimmer Which one is not working for his dad Are these all actual children Or did you make up a name? I did not make up a child is wait did you make up a man okay right are all these working for their dads in an NFL capacity because

kubiac's not anywhere right now is he i cannot i cannot give you that information so like if if somebody if somebody were to be working for his dad at a at a here let me let me let me change that i will answer i will answer your question i will not confirm or deny your second comment yes these are all these are all i am positing men who are working for their dads who are sitting NFL head coaches. So it's got to be Kubiak, right? Grud, all right.

I know Deuce Gruden is working for John Gruden. That's done, right? Thank you for keeping an eye on him so that the rest of us don't have to. He's a really for practicing deuce Gruden awareness. He's a really good power lifter. So, yeah. In Las Vegas, too, man. Yeah.

So I know that one, that one's that one's on. So he's going to check as well unless. Belichick yeah rising is half so Steve Steve and his hair still with with dad okay no that's I didn't say Brian I said Brian Brian okay Brian okay so Brian's so Brian's okay so Brian's oh I don't know what else of bellichick's I'm like yeah the guy became a painter no you he's a doctor I'm fucking furious um who are other ones Nate carroll and Adam Zimmer I'm going to guess that who would actually not have them

I'm going to say it's Cubiac I would guess Cubiac just my guess I would guess Cubiac just because I don't know where the dad is right now yeah but that also feels like the kind of diabolical trap that Ryan would like no no I'll spell you are correct Gary Kubiak is not actively coaching in the NFL his son is coaching for the Vikings as an offensive coordinator I did briefly toy with a free man free of his father i did i did briefly toy with the idea of uh making up chas arians

bruce arian's son i would have bought that without question and you know that by the way that's bruce arian's the second best rushing quarterback in the history of virginia tech that's correct the flash kangles he would name us on checks all right this i have one i have one piece of information for you by the way chase daniels and 10 seasons in the NFL has earned $37 million in change. He has 178 total completions in 10 years. Completions or pass attempts? Completions. Wow.

Completions. That's way higher than I would have guessed. Which means, I'd like to formally apologize for photoshopping you delivering pizzas to the literal alamo while you were in college. Yeah, because evidently you're the one who gets to delivery now, as in the Brinks truck to your house. And by that, I mean,

Per completion, Chase Daniel, $207,000 a completion is what he has managed to charge. The Sorgi Torch has passed. Unlike Chase Daniel. Jim Sorgi's the king, though, because Peyton was out and he's like, retiring. Retire a hero. Bye. Listen. Curtis Painters got this.

Okay. For some, okay, that was mean. But for some reason, if you're new to the show, we're not being sarcastic. about our admiration for Jim Sorgie. This is what we want for all of our beautiful hefty quarterback boys. Exactly. He has the ultimate Wisconsin. And if you've ever thought we could speak stuff into

existence on purpose, consider that we haven't yet been able to do this for Christian Happenberg, whom we desperately want it for. Listen, I want this for every Wisconsin quarterback ever. Shit, where is Christian Hackenberg? I think he was on the Jets last, but I don't know if he's still in the league at this point.

I can't get that backup life. He's earned it. The last category, update your resume, I need to nominate one among you to handle all of the answers here. This is very simple. I'm going to give you a name. And this person just has to say yes or no to answer, is this person still working in the NFL? Jason. Server. Jason or server?

Yeah. You got this, buddy. Yeah, server. Go ahead. We're all counting on you. server are you ready now you can only make us unproud so all you have to all you have to say is yes or no and the question is is this person currently working in the national football league god that's a lot of options but okay i love that we're unanimously bailed without yeah you got it dude it's the true spirit all you forecast here we go i have to do something Doug Marone. Shit.

The correct response to Doug Moran's give the man credit for that. He said shit. Doug Maron. Yes. Nope. He's currently the offensive line coach

at Alabama. Sorry. That's the NFL. Chan Gayley. Yeah. Nope. He was, he was the offensive coordinator

for the Dolphins last year. but he resigned. Rob Ryan. I don't want to say yes every time, but I think he is. He is. He's an assistant coach for the Ravens. What do you think a Raven is?

No, no, no. He's the wolf. It's Rob Ryan. All right. To be fair, it'll be intimidating as hell if a raven howled it. Oh, yeah.

That's way scary. That's the most Norse shit I've ever heard. Howard Poe is like, I got to stop drinking, Jesus Christ. Or not. Hello, gutter. Great. This coyote vulture. All right, server.

Al Golden, yes or no, in the NFL. He's coaching somewhere. Are we all? Yeah. Yes. Yes, he's a coach for the Bengals. Nebraska's favorite, Bill Callahan. Yes or no, active NFL coach.

No. Yes, he's a coach for the Cleveland Browns. Jim Tom Sula. Oh, God, please. Yes, please. Streets need him. I want this enough that I hope the answer is yes. Yeah, it got to be.

Yeah. He was with the Cowboys last year, but he got fired. No. God damn it. Back to the rails. Which is real disappointment because the Cowboys are on hard knocks this year. And if it had just been like, here's an hour of Jim Tom Sula. making sandwiches with an iron that

making sandwiches with iron take my pay-per-view money I just want to see him make a panini with a shoe and an iron sir we're doing great Mike Shula in the NFL or not yes he is with the Broncos

Norve Turner no that's correct hasn't coached in a couple of years Jeff Fisher I don't think so I don't either no no he's an advisor at Tennessee State under new head coach Eddie George

yeah I feel like if he was really coach in Hollywood would be talking about beg your pardon but we have already discussed this fact on the show which only I know because only I listen to the show that's fair and keep track of where Jeff Fisher is at all time I'm practicing situational awareness.

Last one. Jack Del Rio. Yeah. Yes. What else would that man do with his life? With the Washington football team. He is coaching Tennessee. Wait, I want to tack on a bonus one.

Please, too. Urban Meyer. There's no way after what he did. Isn't he an AEW now? Yes, that's correct. That is technically also correct. That part is true. if you went down the list of active head coaches how many would you have gotten i i feel like i could get

maybe five it's a lot harder now than it has been in recent years they're all the same person which doesn't help yeah they all kind of are just sort of like the auto generated um madden coach where you're like skip the hair step i don't want to deal with that give them a buzz cut give a buzz cut name a map all right we're good to go we talk about this a lot more in college than we do the pros for obvious reasons, but is it weird that we have fucked around and made Mike Tomlin the third longest tenured coach in the NFL? Is that true? Yes, because I just looked at it. Wow. Because it's even funnier, it's almost as funny as Sean Peyton technically being the second longest tenured head coach. Holy shit. Model of stability. Yeah, I love that if you look at the

resumes of these guys, you're like, well, where was he before? It's like eight years at pencil shaving state special teams then it'll be like iowa state six months yeah linebackers then it's like dallas cowboys defensive coordinator what how how because your friend got a job that's why it's amazing it's amazing like that's why i'm here it's fine like 18 years at shadron state suddenly i made the leap to the ravens yeah what sean mcdurbit's been there since 2017 that feels extraordinary Yeah, the eighth longest tenured coaches. It's a tie between Kyle Shanahan and Sean McVeigh and Sean McDermott. These things are just whirling.

We're now firmly into the Kyle and Sean's have ascended, have ascended to the level of you can expect in power. Yeah. There are three, there are three SEA and Shons within the, uh, the 10 longest tender NFL head coaches. I actually think I'm most upset is that we have aged to a point where there is now an NFL head coach who spells his name ZAC. Yep. He's young if that helps.

Only 90s kids will know. No, I know. That's what I mean. He's a 90s baby because he spells his name ZAC and 90s babies are now NFL head coaches. He's also younger than us. Not for long, though, nobody. Now, you're right.

He's not younger than us for long. He's a bad man. We're gaining on him. Those NFL years of work on him. He's on the, you know, he's on that interstellar planet with the water. He went to old. beach. Yeah. Old Beach. Old Beach is a Cincinnati treasure. I like that you're calling it old beach. I'm not calling that shit old. Come on. I'm doing favors. Oh, baby. No, did you see it? Please

tell us. Yeah. How was it? It's, uh, it is. So what's the deal with the beach? Exactly as advertised and described. It's never explained. Uh, people get old on it. And, uh, there's like, uh, magic rocks or something. And, uh, the, the, the beach itself has some sort of a force field that makes you stay near the magic rocks. None of this is explained. And yeah, people get old. And every possible problem you can think of that that would pose, it happens. And then you're sort of like, oh, what does this all mean?

The creator of the movie doesn't give a shit what this all means. Look at these people getting old. Doesn't that suck? And, yeah, I mean, it's, it is, I have never seen a movie that is more, you are going to get exactly what you expect. And that's it. Done. You have received exactly $8.50 worth of Old Beach. Whatever the ticket was. Yeah. All right.

That's how we should review movies from now on. Was it honest? Yeah. I respect this better than what my dad would call getting cute, which this filmmaker is famous for. Sure. I feel like this is a better outcome for all of us than him trying to get cute again. Yeah, the village was real getting cute. Man. But old, I'm glad that Old Beach is true to its word. I'm about to be my worst movie taken. I won't. There is a twist, but it's like, it's more of a reveal than a twist.

It's like the whole time you see a guy on a hill surveying Old Beach as the people are suffering and all this stuff. And it's like, what's up with that guy? I'm sure this will be some wacky thing. But then it's just like, oh, he's doing this to study them for bad science. And it's like, oh, okay. That's like, sure. I know what I would probably would have guessed, I guess, you know.

Hammett, that's what happens when you. put yourself in the hands of bad science people keep doing it there is while we are sort of on the topic a thing that's happening on the internet in the last week or so is our there was a i think a quote in the new york times from some vex skeptic person talking about how the again i can't emphasize this enough fictitious world depicted in i am legend got started because of vaccines gone wrong or something and the fact checking on this is Like, no, that's not what happened. It was like a cancer treatment, whatever.

That's not important. I guess what I'm saying is of all the surprising things that could have happened in 2021, I am legend becoming a major part of the cultural discussion again. I did not have that on my bingo board in any way, shape, or form. Was it a major part of the cultural discussion when it was an actual new release film? No. No, the only thing I remember about it is that there was a scene in it where Will Smith is going through time square and there's a billboard for a batman v superman movie that wasn't planned at that point

and everybody was like is that like some sort is this like an easter egg or whatever and the movie makers had to be like now we just thought it'd be fun except now that did exist so maybe i am legend is actually a vision of our future i like we put batman free superman in there because we thought it'd be fun well was it was it what you've done have you learned your fucking If you told me Batman v. Superman is how we got COVID. That I would believe.