Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast #13

Episode Date: December 11, 2013

This week's episode opens by focusing on the most important coach in college football, Dabo Swinney. Discussion of bowl games and the time Memphis football players tried to crash a black sorority reunion at the St. Pete Bowl follow, and we conclude with terrible Mike Leach imitations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now, what I want to know is who's going to take over at Clemson once Dabo leaves for the Bama job? Oh, God. It's possible Dabo has never had that the head coach title in full. He's just been interim the whole time. So it reverts back to Tommy Boughton. What do you bet that is some actual evil contractual stuff that somebody at Clemson pulled on Dabo? I bet it's not even that. I think Davo just forgot to sign something

like it's in his desk he's like oh hell I'll get to that I got I got practice to run and I got a new sweatshirt to try out and maybe it's just a South Carolina legal thing he hasn't he hasn't crossed all the the well they don't really have eyes because they don't really use

letters so hasn't really dotted all the no yeah but I get what you're saying yeah no no I really think he just thought one day Oh, you know, I would sign that, but I got a scoot, got practice. Yeah.

It's also possible he has some sort of religious aversion. He's like, mm-mm, devil could have given me that contract. I'm not signing nothing. I haven't signed a check in 15 years. Don't believe in interest either. Grace is free and so should money be. Grace is free. It's amazing.

Old Davo makes it through the day with all these silly notions rattleing around in his head. It's, by the way, it's really amazing when you realize that you look at coaches and it's, they're really case studies and why you shouldn't be good at anything, but really good at one thing. You can go a long way in life if you're, if you're only kind of good at one thing. Now, dabbo, good at motivating people. Would that be the thing he's really good at?

Man, he's just kind of good at being dabbo. Okay, he's excellent. Yeah, you know how, like in movies, some certain actors are just paid for being themselves, right? Like, really, what is, what is, uh, I'm trying to call him the Danny Trejo of coaching? So we're saying that Clemson is a Dabo Swinney vehicle. Yeah, sure. It is a Dabo Swinney vehicle and, uh, it's pilot is, uh, is, uh, I don't even want to think about what tiny alien creature would be behind his face if you, unhinged it.

Just another smaller dabbo. Smaller dabbo forever. Just a little dabbo in that dabbo robot. Ever descending dabbos. I would also point out this, that if they take another major coach, then we've got another round of cannibalizing. This is talking about dabbo is, of course, our humorous way of addressing this issue. But if this happens, then you're looking at Texas.

pulling, say, I don't know, Nick Saving from Alabama. Alabama happened to pull a head coach from somewhere else, who I imagine, by the way, won't be a coordinator. It'll probably be somebody who has done the job before. It's a novel idea of Florida fans, but someone who's actually been head coach before.

Imagine that. And if not, could be, you know, might take a chance on somebody like Kirby Smart, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, either it's Kirby Smart or it's, somebody like Jimbo or Charlie Strong or James Franklin, something like that. Yeah, and by the way, that's still out there.

Remember, James Franklin, just lurking. Just still yet to be hired by somebody else. Still yet to get out of Vanderbilt, escape from Vanderbilt. It's almost like they don't want to leave. He must have been really annoyed that USC didn't even like doing the courtesy of, flying him out there just so he could go to California during the winter even if they weren't going to hire him just you know throw him a bone just you know a little little just a recruiting trip that's all I think like he's such an intense recruiter I think he thinks in terms of everything like

recruiting right right so he's like I just wanted to you know I just wanted an official visit and honestly it might it might count when they inevitably need to hire another coach in three years Are you saying Steve Sarkesian is not the first ranked choice One would imagine U.S.E. would go for? Yeah, just give it a minute. I'm sorry. That's all I'm sorry. Just give it a minute, Mr. Franklin.

I think they're going to do very well in multiple holidays bowl. It's a, hey, listen, it worked for Mac Brown. It's true. Yeah, you know, win 10 games, go to the holiday bowl. Wreck some shit. Rudy Carpenter. Rudy Carpenter felt the sting. Mac Brown's rap.

Rec, Rudy Carpenter. That's it. Literally. I've never, I've never, in all the time, the vast two years I've been doing this for a living, a year and a half, the eight hundred years I've been doing this. I've never seen anyone take as bad a beating as Rudy Carpenter took. There are people who love him who had to watch that happen. Can you, like, you know, like that's, that's, that's,

That's no small matter. You know, like, I get scared watching my child attempt to transfer from leaning on the coffee table to leaning on the sofa, right? A little 10-month-old. I get the fear of death in me watching it. Now, imagine that with a 270-pound man burying a helmet in your loved one's lumbar. I mean, that's terrifying. It's awful. and it's brought to you by Mac Brown

it's brought to you by Arizona State it's brought to you by Dennis Erickson remember it's Dennis Erickson joint right there Dennis Erickson he doesn't care about your loved ones I think we're all pretty clear on that now just throwing you straight to the Mac Brown Wolves Yeah that's that's not anything that anybody wants to watch And yet people keep doing it

I think my favorite tweet on that by the way after Arizona State got its ass handed to them by Stanford was our own Ben Muth, who also writes for a football outsider saying, I feel so bad for Arizona State and the constant chain of con men they hire as football coaches. It's like watching the first half of the music man over and over again. No, don't buy the trombones, you dummies. The man from Hadley Burke, that's just their story over and over. over again uh but it this by the way not the only thing going on we actually have uh football

actual football being played soon yes yeah you could call it football that's no way to talk about army navy sir oh well that's that's hardly football that's a matter of national security sir yeah i i like sir as always i like army and navy in this game uh huh hard hard to uh hard to take a stand against either that's i like i like i like Coast Guard. Suck it. Yeah. I'm rooting for the Coast Guard.

I knew somebody, by the way, I was a... Did you ever know anybody who went to the Coast Guard Academy? No. No? Okay, I did. I think I did, but go on. Yeah, they were a little... They're a little insecure about that.

They like to remind you that they exist. The Coast is very important. There's a lot of it. And someone could drive a boat right up on the shore. You've seen Hunt for Red October. Yeah. That's not what we do, but... It's still water.

In an alternate ending, it could have been relevant. If they had gotten out of the sub and embarked via jet skis, that would have been us. I've seen Saving Private Ryan. I know how this goes. You've seen Independence Day. You know the Coast Guard. Just shaking a fist at those aliens from a boat. You've seen Almost Famous.

You know the Coast Guard. What's sad is that there actually is a Coast Guard movie, that terrible one with Kevin Costner. I was about to say about the rescue swimmers. Wait, is it called Coast Guard? It should just be called Coast Guard. It's actually called Coast Guard 2, the Coastanning. Weekend. Kevin Coastner?

We, oh. Weekend at Coast Guard. That's it. Coast Guard. Coast Guard. But yeah, that's, they get a little defensive about it and like to remind you that it exists. Yeah, I went to the Coast Guard Academy. It's real.

Okay. Okay, buddy. There you go. But after we get Army Navy, which is a very beautiful thing and a very great thing that I think you should watch in person. And to be honest, it's sometimes compelling football. Because they're both triple-option teams and the point swing when you've got one team capable

of just giving up an 80-yard run to another team, they can be pretty large and they can be very entertaining. However, we do actually have football in the form of our sort of pre-Christmas games, which, what are these, by the way, in the larger scale of college football existence when you look at them? How would one best phrase what they mean?

They're not exactly the spoils of victory. They are... Okay, so the late... The game's right before New Year's Eve, those are the bread you get at a restaurant. If there's something else you get before the bread, like if there's some sort of crouton or oh you know what it is if there's club crackers on the table at a restaurant and you are like I'm really hungry I can't wait for them to even bring the bread these are the club crackers okay so you now you've taken us back to like the December 26th games yeah yeah we gotta go all the way back to December 21st is that like making reservations is that like dirty water glass left from the last party okay that's like that's like wiping off the table yourself. Yeah, maybe a chicken finger left on a plate when you're like, no, we'll

take that table. No, you can clean it while we're sitting here. Yeah, that's going into the movie theater early, seeing they haven't gotten all the popcorn yet and thinking, nobody's watching. Maybe. I'll think about it, you know. Alternately, by the way, I would say these are the sugar-free lollipop. One would get at the dentist. Maybe these are the dentist. If you endure the the Vegas bowl. You get a decent prize at the end. You get waxed lips. You have clean teeth.

I don't know. The Vegas Bowl could be quite entertaining. Yeah, I was just picking out. Actually, to be quite honest, the whole first Saturday of bowls looks pretty good. Yeah, no, these are always, particularly, by the way, the Gildan, the Gildan, which I like saying the Gildan rather than the New Mexico Bowl, because I appreciate an affordable form-fitting athletic sweatshirt. but not a bad slate

and traditionally by the way these because the expectations are so very low that you tend to get a much better product than one might expect because you're expecting crap and you get sugar-free lollipop man look at last year Bama Notre Dame

that game was awful except for people who hate Notre Dame which is everyone so it was great but as an actual game it was awful whereas the first day had probably the best game It was Arizona Whoever Arizona played Fighting Arizona It was Arizona

That was Arizona Nevada Yeah Yeah that was probably the best game Of the whole bowl season Yeah A wild game And the best part about the New Mexico Bowl You're fighting for a piece of pottery

Yep Yep And don't forget your chili cook-off Mm-hmm Yeah boy Which I always enjoyed when it was YU and you know Mormons making chili

Let's hope that Washington State wins the Gildan just so Mike Leach can be presented a piece of pottery and then he can tell them why it's not authentic or whatever because he knows he knows as much about Native American culture as anybody in the stadium

well you see here these markings and winging's on the side those are indicative of a kind of modern alloy clay that we really you don't get that here that's mixed with a little bit of you know fine industrial sand the real Navajo ones

They're going to have cracks, a little bit of edge on it. I don't believe in concussions. Also, Chief Gildan, he wasn't anywhere near New Mexico. He wasn't. He was good. The way they split up their spoils is that they'd bring the prey back to camp. And then he'd just eat it raw, a whole thing right there, just like Hal Mummy would. And, you know, he'd just get everything there.

And then whatever else was left, that's what they got. I don't believe in injuries either. and then everyone got a logo free t-shirt and then a logo free t-shirt was procured for everyone in the tribe I could talk like Mike Leach for a really long time yeah that's but I wanted to kind of go ahead and at least take a gander at some of these

because there is quality here and you're going to watch it because this is all you get and speaking on Mike Leach lo and behold boom and six, three and three in conference, one of the small miracles, college football, Washington State in a motherfucking bowl game. Yeah, uh, there, all right, I'll ask you this. Maybe you know, maybe you don't. Who has been to a bowl game more recently? Washington State or their opponent in this game, Colorado State.

Colorado State. Man, I'm going to say, I'm going to say Colorado State in the first year of the coach they fired before McElwain. I believe that. Wow. You've nailed it. It's Steve Fairchild, 7 and 6, won the New Mexico Bowl. So that probably tips in Colorado State's favor. They've been here before.

They have experience. They know the grandest of stages. Yeah, absolutely, with totally different players. But still. Yeah, you have a totally different administration. Residual memory. Yeah, that's... Hey, Saban. Saving. Saving.

Saving to Texas, y'all. McElwain got all that saving on. Saving to Colorado. Saving to Colorado State. Going to reunite with McElwain. Get the band back together. Sabin to Gildan Corporate. Gonna dominate this t-shirt game.

Haynes is fucked. No tag. That's all you got. I would also point out in this game, by the way, you're going to see a whole lot of Connor Halliday. Oh, my God. If you haven't watched Connor Halliday play football, there's a lot of it. Do you think he's tired of it at this point? Do you think he's like, you know, coach, it's clear I'm not that good.

Why are we doing this? It's kind of brilliant, actually. Like when you watch it, you're kind of like, yeah, he hates this guy. It feels like watching an art film that I don't really get. You know, you have those dreams where you're put out on the field, and you're asked to just throw and throw and throw, even though you have no idea what you're doing. Potter Halliday is living that dream?

That nightmare. He's just living it over and over and over again, man. I don't know the plays. This hurts. Yeah, that's all he's doing over and over. But still, very entertaining and a team very capable of, A, either coming back from its own incompetence very quickly Or be imploding spectacularly Yeah, I'm in

Which of these two teams? Because that kind of sounds like both Both. I'm just going to go both There's a lot of potential disaster here There's just a lot of potential Just all around, period Potential in every direction In every single direction

I'd also remind you Colorado State They lost to Colorado You don't want to do that. Yeah, that's, you know, that's, that's, that I'm good. Actually, so these teams in the last two years, each of them has lost to Colorado. Wow. Yeah, but they held BAM at a 31 points. That's something, right?

Okay. You know, if Washington State comes out and tries to run the, like, have a 330-pound left tackle run smash game. And then Colorado State's got them sewed up. Oh, we've seen this. We've seen this before, boys. We know exactly what to do about this. I'm ready for it. Let's make it happen.

Then the 3.30 game that day, that would be the Las Vegas Bowl, featuring the saddest thing in the world, an Ed or Geronless USC team. Clay Helton, interim head coach for this one, not Ed, who I respect because they didn't hire him and he walked right out of the place. yeah now do we have to call uh mr helton do we have to call him uncle clay no no what who who comes like is he just clay is that when you stop actually lose when that's that when you lose all respect for adults period and just start calling them by their first name or maybe just act

like you don't know his name like the step like the stepdad you've never accepted yeah like dad number three that's when you start like there was dad you know and then there was new dad who all called dad and then there's Todd and there was Ken yeah or Ken you know like you didn't give a shit about Ken

you're like ah man what Ken works at a factory or some dumb fuck shit like that no one's a boat and they also have another dad coming like this is a transitional dad oh man

who can't live up to the dad they wanted who was not their original dad man this is complicated These young men need leadership and guidance. God, they need a little bit of love and some continuity in their life.

Man, you made me feel bad for USC emotionally. Yeah. And they're USC. That's hard to do. That's what the Las Vegas Bulls all about. Is there any possibility that USC is going to play this game, and fans are going to go watch this and say, oh, shit. We should have hired Tim Derruder.

He's right over there. and he's fucking kicking our asses. There is an extreme possibility of this happening. Because I'm very excited about that. That this sort of reminds me of when Zook was fired and did not coach the bowl game.

And Charlie Strong had to coach the most, this says something, the most unmotivated Florida team in recent memory except for you know, except for losing to George Souther. But, yeah, that's what this kind of reminds me up.

And that's why I think Fresno State's going to win. I know that the talent level's like, not even close. Not at all, but that doesn't really matter here. Don't care. Don't care. And what, they're in Vegas? Certainly, certainly no distractions for USC there. None whatsoever, sir.

Yeah, they lost the Sun Bowl last year. Let's not give them too much credit. That's to Georgia Tech. Never forget they lost that game. Now, every single time you see the score of that game was 21-7, do you still, like, do a double take and go look at the box score to verify? Because, like, I know USC lost, but by two touchdowns, the Georgia Tech? No, no, no.

I still cannot believe that. No, I remember how it happened. I actually burned it into my... I was like, okay, listen, you're going to do that? So what you need to do is remember exactly how this happened. Like, I remember it as being 14-7, but no, it was worse than that. It was so much worse. And admittedly, I think the absence of Lane Kiffin alone gives USC a little bit of hope here

because that was a man who sort of took indifference and, you know, was a catalyst to really bumping it up to outright don't care. Like, total lack of concern for how the team does. He might show up in this game. He might. Ed Orderon might. Oh, man. Do you think they'll fight?

You think they'll kiss? I don't see Lane Kiffin caring enough about anything to do either of those things ever. No, but I couldn't see Lane Kiven just being in Las Vegas and hearing there's a football game and going to it. I don't realize it. I like football. I guess I'll watch a football game. His alma mater and his former school. Yeah.

Why you're talking shit about Florida's new offensive coordinator, I don't know. Don't stop. Go, go, Gators. This is the bowl episode. We don't have to talk about Florida. It's so much sadness. Idaho potato bowl.

Famous. Famous. Famous. You're a famous. You're a goddamn rack. Please say the famous. I'm sorry. Famous, y'all.

Famous as opposed to the negligible underground Hister potato bowl. The infamous potato bowl. The potato that killed Moscow. That's a little. Potato burned down my house. He killed Moscow. So Moscow, Idaho.

Yeah, right around the corner. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Moscow, Idaho. That's, that would be the one that lived in Boise and that everyone secretly is like, he's a bastard and a murderer. We love him. Yeah, yeah. The most popular potato is Boise. He ruined that town forever.

That's why he's a saint. That's why he's the mayor. Yeah, that's why he's the mayor, the mayor of Boise. That's secret poisonous potato. that for some reason everyone in Moscow just kept eating it. Some people... Some people are real sad about Chris Peterson going,

but we still got that potato. Is he anthropomorphic? Nope, just a regular tater. No, is it like... Is it like really big, and it fell from the sky, and it squashed the entire town? Nope. Just look at it. You can hold it in hand. Half pound, maybe.

Think fast. Throwing him at you. So, yeah. Now that we've established the real... advantage that Boise has not Chris Peterson but the giant evil potato that they love he's like Mao you know he was cruel

bastard but you know he was theirs the the Idaho Potato Bowl with uh this is by the way I have two names that make this game worth watching okay and you already know

the first one for Buffalo correct yeah and that would be Khalil Mack Jim Kelly. Jeff Quinn. Jeff is the dynamic. The amazing.

Jeff Quinn. No, I'm referring to Killeel Mack. He's good. He's mean. He is mean. And he is going to... He's going to... He's going to punch that potato in the face.

He is... You know what? I pay to watch that. I pay to watch Kaleel Mac beat up Tiber. If anybody can shut down that potato, it's Kaleel Mac. I would. That's how much I like Kaleel Mac. I'd pay to watch.

and beat up tubers. But you'll get that. And then he'll be on the field with another little mean bastard, Adam Moemma. Yeah. Yeah, well, who's like one of my, at San Diego State runs a crap out of the ball. I mean, they are really good at running the ball. They have a thousand-yard rusher. Their backup's got like $750.

I mean, they are really good. This will be a very physical football game. Yeah, this is a highly underrated game. Like, both these teams play hard, tough. Buffalo likes to run the ball hard, too. They both have big, big running backs. And San Diego State's backup, get that Mike Allstot look to him. Yeah, no, no, they're thump, they are both thumping little teams.

And I don't say the little, as any form of, like, insult. They're both actually kind of smallish. They are pretty small. They are small, but they can talk about losing to Ohio State and how that's funny now. The funniest. a black mark on both of their resumes. In an inversion of everything we consider to be normal and right, remember, this was the year this was the year when Mark Dantoneo saved us all.

Oh. Think about it. He was like, you'll love me one day, one day. And now next year he's going to like reinvent smallpox. We need to thin the herd. They are going to just come along. this is all that Mark D'Antonio is going to do. They're going to come along.

They'll be like preseason number five. And they'll just go back to just run at the ball 500 times a game. Go eight and five. It's coming. Like this much goodwill and a coach, that's the way it always bounces back, right? In D'Antonio's memoirs, he'll be like, I did it on purpose. Everyone was too happy. I couldn't stand it.

Well, you know, Mark D'Antonio made a video back in like April of his, him standing in the middle of the Rose Bowl, right, for his team, saying, well, you're going to be the ones and look at this, isn't it beautiful? It just got chills, you know, and this is back in April and look at you, you're here now. So very motivational, right? So this year, he's going to go to like, Boise. They might shoot the video while he was there, right? Like, might just fly while the pole game's going on and go, wow, man, a famous Idaho potato

bowl, that's what you bastards deserve, a little bit of humility. we're planning this all along I heard you ahead of time in July when you were talking about how great this upcoming season is going to be that's why I'm standing here in March at the Independence Bowl

because you are you are the ones maybe Mark Dantonio's like maybe he's the college football time lord and that's why he's so grumpy you only hear about these videos when they work out though like nobody's like oh hey did you hear how Dana Holgerson

went to Rio and took a video in a soccer stadium and it was like we're in the World Cup anyways yes that's happened I'm here

I'm here on Ipanema Beach just him and a speedo that's what I want I want to hear about ridiculous predictions that didn't go anywhere like Tim Beckman in the Rose Bowl

being like we're going to be in this game why are you laughing at me through this television monitor the mountains behind him crumbling at the sound of his voice. He's wearing a hat and some guy from Northwestern just snatches it off his head. Yeah.

It's Roger Sherman. It's our own beloved SBN's own Roger Sherman. But yeah, that's, no, you never hear about that. You never hear about, you know Dennis Franchioti did it, right? Like, this is the Super Bowl, boys. Yeah, except Dennis Franchione charged his players for it. He's like, yep, it's going to be $9.95 a copy. I know our bowl destination six months ahead of time.

We have a vacation package. You can travel as a normal player or under our Aggie Plus package, you can, you know, upgrade a bit. Bring the family. This also gets you a two-month subscription to my stock tips. Cash, cash, he hits a button and you get the Jim Kramer noises. Man, of all the people in college football who thought that was cool, I bet Dennis Franchio, and he wanted a big old table like that. It'd be great if I could hit a button that just went,

whoo! Recruits would love that. The, uh, whoa, that's a hell of a tangent, boys, let's move on. Uh,

that would be the New Orleans Bowl. New Orleans Bowl. I'm always, by the way, a really fun game. Yeah. Like really, really fun a couple of years in a row.

And I'm not just saying that because Howard Schnellenberger won one of these. Nope. I'm saying that because Lafayette went, first time and like forever and won it on like an improbable huge big long incredible field goal so another underrated bowl and not just because you get to a small school gets to go to new Orleans this is as Louisiana as can possibly get that would be Tulane v Lafayette that is not a typo that is Tulane at seven and five in a bowl game in American college football yeah in the Superdome. And recall, this is the game that two years ago gave us a strength coach, headbutting

players and bleeding from the head for the entire game. Yes, and I want to say one of Jason Kirk's finest moments as a writer all over that story from the minute it happened. We pounced on that story. Like, no, no, no, I see blood boys. Go back. Enhance. That's also the guy who was in the military and likes to just have his players do things that hurt. That's, he's a great strength coach so in Louisiana Lafayette probably America's strongest football coach and HUD

yeah so we've heard yeah no no no it can outbench numerous NFL draft pick certainly the one most willing to back it up and show that he's the strongest who's the one who won't who's the one who just says doesn't want people to know how frighteningly strong he actually is

Bill Snyder yeah yeah Bill Snyder probably doesn't really old-timey ways, too, like bending nails. Well, and he... Wearing a singlet. Right, he only lives in the old-timey bathing suit with riding this bicycle with one very big wheel and one very small wheel. Don't take a tussle off. Don't take a tumble off of one of these. That's what killed Taft.

And I know because we were roommates. the uh and then i would go ahead and uh we'll take this all the way up to uh the beefo brady's bowl which if i have to pick a game that's going to suck uh more than any of these others i'm gonna lean toward beefs always a strong why the hell does beefo brady still have a bowl sponsorship it all right do you want to know the answer to that yeah i actually would it doesn't cost that much to sponsor the beefo brady's bowl and also there's no one to revoke it it's not like OSHA is going to come around and say this food is inedible you cannot sponsor a ball game

yeah really as long as you're making basic health codes people are going to keep eating it you know like you can't stop people from showing up for you know by the way one of the weirdest menus you will ever look at something Holly Anderson does annually and I failed because she always fools me with the fake item corn beef wantons

which by the way Like, I'm telling you, I'm going to fall for it again. She's going to ask me to take it. I'm going to take it. And corned beef wantons is going to sound so probable that even though I am telling you now that I know it's fake, I'm still going to pick it because I want them to exist. Do you think, is it possible that beefos doesn't pay for the sponsorship, but the bowl pays them? Just because they're like, yeah, we really can't be the Tropicana Field Bowl. No, I seem to remember this.

It only cost something like, it only costs something like 200 grand or 150. Like, it's, which sounds like a lot of money. But, you know, that's like a house. You know? In Florida, that's like three houses. Well, are we buying in a popka? Yeah. Why would we not?

The beautiful hometown of Warren Sapp. How could it be bad? I just, we're going to get one in a popka, one in Waldo. And two in Waldo, correction. This led to my thinking that one day we're going to kickstarter a bowl sponsorship. I don't know how, but we're going to make it happen. Well, why don't we just get a Beefo Brady's franchise, just go crazy with that money, and use that money to, oh, wait. I'm sorry.

I just clicked on the online application for the franchise link, and it's a dead link. So, never mind. Darn it. Have we ever so close? I know. We're our dreams. Now, what if, like, BFo Brady's paid a sponsor like five years ago and just hasn't been sending in the payments and the bowl just doesn't have the heart to take their name off? Well, that's a lot of stationary to replace. Or it could be one of those things where it auto bills their credit card and they keep forgetting to cancel it. And they accidentally used a gift card?

Yeah. This is, I think there's a lot of merit to this because they're probably. probably like, oh, we made the banner. We'd have to make another one. Yeah, we really can't afford a new banner every year. Yeah, please also remember, this is the bowl game where, which, by the way, I went to this bowl game and I've been to it. You are so dumb.

Dude, the dumbest. Whatever idea you have, I have a dumber one, and I've done it. When did you go? I went, I believe it was 2008, maybe. 2007 it was when Memphis if you would look this up you can if you're really interested in this sort of I'm sorry we're talking about ball season you just said Memphis

I did I went when Memphis this is my story about this by the way story time I went when Memphis played USF and this was the last year I believe before Tommy West really imploded like remember Tommy West had this big speech when he you know was fired about

hey I gotta go but these people really need to think about whether they even want a hat football. Like, he told everyone to kiss his ass in the post and the presser. It was beautiful. This was the year before that when they actually won a, they actually got to a bowl game and won some football games on a field. So they played USF and we're going to get thrashed. And they knew it.

Because in the hotel the night before, there was a black sorority and fraternity reunion. And a lot of very attractive ladies in their mid-40s. and a bunch of Memphis football players trying to pick up Mrs. Huxstable. That's what that entire night was. They were up all night hanging out at this thing in sweatpants

trying to hook up. So the next night, okay, and I know that because I was stumbling in from a bar late, and they were all out. And the next night, or the next thing in the game they played, it was one of the worst bowl games I have ever watched.

On TV, in person, Memphis was wretched, just a shell of itself. And one might think, oh, they didn't get their monies worth out of this experience. O contraire. They dominated that hotel the night before. The most, I should say, Central Florida thing about the BFO Brady's Bowl. So it's played in Tropicana Field, widely regarded to be a terrible baseball venue. But it doesn't have to be.

They could easily play this game at Raymond James Stadium. be given that it's what a good week plus before the outback bowl and they just won't do it because they would rather play in what is essentially the world's largest dumpiest garage yes and kind of a rec room it is well it feels like oh because you have fun in a rec room and i've said this before it feels like when you uh as a kid had a kiddie pool and you flipped it over and there was this kind of sick green light that shone through the plastic that's what it's like all over.

It's like an enormous overturned kids pool. It's really bad. I got on the field at the game through very little effort. Right afterwards. So during like, you know, when they're all hoisting the trophy up, that was me, two feet away from Jim Levitt.

I think he high-fived me, which was very weird. but it was a very aggressive and painful high-five because, you know, that's how Jim Levitt's love is. So East Carolina won nine games, beat NC State, nearly beat Virginia Tech, beat North Carolina, and their reward is that they get to play

at 2 o'clock on a Monday in St. Petersburg, Florida. On a field that might as well be concrete. It sucks. Yes, sir. You suck, Beefo Brady's Bowl. I hope you die. Yeah, this is, yeah. that's strong words from Ryan, but

that's a considered opinion and it is valid. It is valid because ECU deserves better at this and they are going to fucking plow Ohio. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, Frank Solich. Sorry, no, don't apologize. It's Frank Solich. He doesn't want your pity. God damn it, Eric.

It's because he looks like Red Foreman. He really does. Then we will finish up with the last one. This is the Hawaii Bowl, which is always the saddest one to me, because it's the one that, if you're watching it, it means you're unloved. Because it's on Christmas Eve night. It's on 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve night. This is the ultimate sad. I have burned every bridge in my life bowl game. If you're really paying close attention to this and you're not a Boise State fan or an Oregon

state fan, reconsider some things. So what you're saying is that Jewish people are unloved. Damn it. Is that his bowl for? You got me. This is the Jews bowl. It's the chosen bowl. If you don't have anything else to do, then chosen people of the world, you can go ahead

and mosey on over to, you know, the Hawaii Bowl, which, by the way, should be kind of a fun shootout. This is not a low-quality game at all. If it involves Oregon State, there will. be shoot-outing. I don't know, I don't know if Boise State's got the shoot-out in them. They've got fumbles, though, if you like fumbles. They can bring that thunder.

Yeah, they got a decent little defense, so maybe there's your match-up. Yeah, there's that as well. You know, might have new head coach Houston Nutt by then. Never know. I don't think Houston Nutt's going to be the coach. Never know. Never know, a little helping. Just Houston Nutt, flying it.

He did it before. He's the architect of that program. He is. Went five and six. Never forget, by the way, that that's how the Houston nut cannonball run to the pinnacle of the old Miss football program started. It was a five and six, a rousing five and six in Boise State. Just one year, too, just emerged in Idaho and left.

He made it count. Five and six, and Arkansas was like, let's, Arkansas was like, let's wife that. Let's do that now. Arkansas, you are the best. Don't ever stop being you. They have remained them based on their last two hires. It's like deciding to marry the long-haired guy in Hootie and the Blowfish. What did you do in high school, Mom, that you were so ashamed of?

I gave a blow job to a guy. To who? Dad? No, no. No. You're real, dad, though. Yeah. You're like, oh my God. Who? Who? The spin doctors. All of them? No, no. The worst one. The bass player. Oh, God. The chiropractor.

Yeah. He wasn't even in the band. He was a roadie slash herbal healer. A drug dealer? No, not even that cool. He was the guy with the ginseng. There's no euphemism. He was literally a chiropractice. Yeah. Oh, God. So, I would say this, that the worst of the early batch is decidedly the Bevo Brady's Bowl,

because I just think Ohio's going to get rolled, unless East Carolina just really doesn't want to show up. And then, you could blame him. I really, I couldn't blame them either. This sucks for them. So why not? Take it out. beat the hell out of somebody then go on down on the beach

go on down to Frenchies and get you some Gruper Nuggets. Gruber! That's Ryan, the Tampa Bay native. Wow. It wasn't raised, right? Giving the war cry of his people. That's true.

The state's song of Florida is just Gruber! That's it. That's the whole thing. That and a little Molly Hatchet, you've got our entire cultural legacy. that's it the whole damn state let it fall into the water and just take that uh but yeah there's that i think the best of the early bunch if i had to just pick one off there it's just going to be bananas and

really fun to watch for curiosity i'm gonna take the potato bowl because i just think that's a slug fest and an entertaining one at that all right i'll take the new mexico bowl then so huh put me down for the nola the nola that's a really strong pick are we all agreed that the beefs is uh the worst of this oh yeah oh fuck the beefs damn those people why are you doing that to ruffin mcneal he's done nothing to you he's a good man he wears his khakis really high he does he sweats he sweats when it's 50 degrees he can't help it it's just like you the uh the other thing that we have to discuss uh before we get before we get too far along here

is the other thing that you know you probably will watch, which is the Heisman which we've invited like 40 people. It was really cool of them. I don't even know how Skylar Morningway got in there, but he's in there. He earned it. You know, well done.

Do you have any thoughts on this, Ryan? Because I don't. I don't care about the Heism. No. What is really annoying about the Heisman is some years, okay, fine, there's like some debate over who's going to win or if it's going to be a close vote, whatever. But in years like this, when everybody sort of said, okay, James Winston's going to win. It's just sort of a matter of how badly he crushes

everybody else. I wish the other, I don't know why the other nominees who were there take it so damn seriously. Like, I would just show up, I would show up in white jeans and like a teal tank top. I'm just going to call that by the way That's the Zabransky That's the Jared Zabransky Yeah and I would just fuck around the whole time I'd bring a Sega game gear I'd leave the volume on full blast

I just play Echo the Dolphin the whole time Through the interview through the ceremony I hope Johnny Mansell brings his trophy And it's just like making jackoff motions With it the whole time Just brings it and like Awards it to himself Yeah

Just does various things I think you could You know Do various things with it Hit it like a bong Right Wrap it's done that Wrapping and wrapping paper

And then open it up In the middle of the ceremony Pretend to be surprised For me From Santa I would have it delivered On a silver platter By a cartoonishly fake butler

That'd be good You know like a phone Like or you know With like on a silver platter With a lid Under silver yeah Yeah so you don't know what it is Like oh oh oh

Oh you Sir. Thank you, Buxley. I think, by the way, that if you're actually talking about the player who was most important to their team and you're going to look at it, it'd probably still be Johnny Mansell. I mean, just in terms of what he's done statistically. Yeah, important doesn't have to be good. Look at it this way. How much better could A&M have been? what they were. You know, I mean, I don't think, in terms of overall importance, it's him

or Andre Williams. Yeah, I'm good with that. You know? I still don't care, but I'm good with it, I guess. It doesn't make me care because stupid, stupid people are involved. I only care when, like, people say dumb things about, you know, AJ McCarron or, uh, who are the other ones that people say a really dumb thing. Derek Carr. Yeah. That's when I start caring. People say Derek Carr should be in there because he had 900 passing attempts.

I made up that number, but that's when I care. No, no, that seems accurate to me. Although I would point out, if Derek Carr had 900 passing attempts, Connor Halliday had 8,000. Connor Halliday for Heisman. What did I do, Coach Leach? You know what you did. is this the equivalent of like your dad catches you smoking one cigar so he makes you smoke the whole box what are you throwing that ball for you're going to throw a million you see major mcgillicuddy was one of the guys who wronged the navajo back in eighteen seventy three went bad on a treaty with them treated them terribly hold on i got a dip so like i said it was major mcgillicudy went on to uh you know father a series of children that ended with you you're the last of the line connor halliday you're the

only one who can atone for their sins, and that's why I'm going to get you concussed. Which isn't real? Now you're not real. I'm just going to send you out there and take the lucid, clear-ass weapon you deserve just to avenge the Navajo. Plausible.

Totally plausible. Roll damn leach.