Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 2.11

Episode Date: November 12, 2014

This week's podcast features a bold science experiment with the college football playoff rankings, tries to parse the meaning of "excessive scoring," gets Kirk Ferentz's buyout totally wrong, answers reader tweets, figures out why Dabo Swinney's terrified of couches, and describes Jimbo Fisher's Christlikeness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast with myself, Spencer Hall. Jason Kirk. Say hello, Jason Kirk. What's Popper? The editor of SB Nation College Football and contributor, Ryan Nanny of SB Nation and EDSBS.com. Say hello, Ryan. Straight cash, homie. That's right. We're recording this right after Rand University came on,

the outstanding 30-for-30 documentary about... Randy Moss and his trials and tribulations on the way to start him. One of the things that they showed was the straight cash homie quote, which they just sort of assumed you knew the context to, which he did. Realistically, you're not watching a Randy Moss documentary unless you understand straight cash, homie. What they didn't include, I believe, was the second part of that quote delivered to a random person with a camera. After paying a fine in cash to the NFL, Randy Moss was asked, How he paid, check, credit card, and he said, straight cash, homie.

The second part of that quote. Do either of you remember the second part of that quote? Well, you told me just a few minutes ago, so I will abstain from this. Jason, do you remember the second part of that quote, which is usually cut out? Is it the part about waving his dick? Correct. That's where Randy Moss said, next time, I might just wave my dick at him. it would have it would have killed joe buck

greatest wide receiver ever born joe buck hasn't even looked at his own genitals he's just he's just got a pixelation that he hangs there slaps it on now we can now we can commence love making now let's in speaking of about to make love to this podcast because we're going to start off this college football discussion with an experiment.

We're going to do some science because I went from household responsibilities to watching the Randy Moss documentary and have not seen what usually comes out now on Tuesdays in the fall after a certain point in the college football season, and that would be the playoff rankings. So I have not seen them. And I'll ask Jason, Without divulging any specifics, they're lively this week, yes?

Oh, oh, we're in for a treat. You know, we've got you basically playing the role of Danny Cannell here, who is the person on the studio show on ESPN, who does not know what the rankings are ahead of time and reacts to them. So I've always thought of you as a Danny Cannell type. I hate you. Huh? Huh? Oh, sorry. He's more of a wanky. You know that.

Please. Are you our David Pollock, then? If we're all characterizing personality types as Florida State quarterbacks, I really, really would like to beat that, Busby. Obscure, often sacked. Remembered semi-fondly. That's about my level. I think that makes Jason Brad Johnson.

Wow. Check down, Brad. Wow. Hey, you won a Super Bowl. Congratulations. That's true. It's true. Yeah, well, you're Jacob Coker, because you didn't go to FSU.

I'm Chris Ricks. You're Chris, you're Chris Ricks. Parking in the handicapped spot. But I'm doing it for Jesus. Despite hair. Jesus used product. Which FSU quarterback are you? See, I really, of course, you want to say, you're on Bert Rennel.

You're not Burr-Rennel. Also, please have somebody make this a quiz for our site. Yeah, Buzz, Bud Feed, whoever. Bud, Bud, Bud, feed. All running to the same joke all at once, because it's so good. So, anyway, let's do this. Go ahead and outline the experiment for me, if you will, since I am, but the helpless subject. Okay, we, let's see.

Let's, how about we do that? Go ahead, Jason. Well, you've got an idea, go right ahead. I was going to say, why don't we give Spencer a team that's ranked in the top 10 and ask him to assign which slot they have, which slot he thinks they're in this week. Okay. Can you tell me, and tell me what they were in last week? Yes, we will tell you what they were in last week, and you have to decide where they are

this week. Because I know this may stun some people who have bitten hook, line, and sinker into this being the defining moment of every college football season, but I don't remember last week's rankings. Or should you? They're meaningless now. Right. Well, at first, just a little teaser, UCLA is up to 11 now.

Does that give you a taste for what you're in for? Is the table set now? Man. Let me tell you who they're just ahead of, and that's Michigan State. Yeah, we've been doing lines of Pac-12, haven't we? All right, Jason, why don't you give them a team, and we'll go from there? Let's start off with a simple one. Auburn was three last week.

Auburn was three last week, and they lost to Texas A&M. So I am going to move them down to, let's see, we're doing the top 10, so I'll move them down to 10. Very close. They're 9. They're 9. Okay, that's not outrageous. I don't think that's totally outrageous, although two losses at 9. You're already a little dicey.

Okay, go ahead. They are the top ranked 2 last team. Go ahead, Ryan. Arizona State was ranked 14th last week. hammered Notre Dame at home where are they this week I'm going to go ahead and said they made a modest gain up to number 10

you're you're not that close they are sixth sixth it's funny because they're ranked six oh you can't see it but I am I'm giving myself the Scarlett O'Hara fan right now oh the vapus All right, all right

Let's see here Hold on, hold on In Spanish Cés Is Verdad Yes, okay We've confirmed It in two languages

CESBerddad Okay All right Let's ramp it up a little bit TCU was number six And then Beat number seven Kansas State by three touchdowns

Okay So they're number six So hell They gotta be up around four Ding Nailed it Whoa nailed it Okay

Bang All right. Florida State, talking about them knows, was number two, struggled a little bit. Last week, they were number two. They were number two, struggled slightly against UVA, but ultimately won by 14 points. Where are they this week? Since y'all are leaning absurd, I'm going to cheat a little bit and assume that they sunk all the way to five. I mean, let me put it to this one.

If that had happened, we would only be talking about that on this podcast. That secret would not have kept. So did they fall to three? They slipped to three. They slipped to three in a four-team playoff. I'm pretty sure every FSU fan right now is looting a Walmart. Now, here's the fun thing about that. I mean, it is a Tuesday.

Well, yeah. If the season ended right now, that would mean they would be playing Oregon in the Rose Bowl. If they were ranked number two, they would be playing Oregon in the Rose Bowl. Oh, you've given away who number two is now. Yeah, well, that's fine. That's okay. I'll forget. But the only difference...

Are we really going to go through all 10 teams? No, we were. We don't have to. So Oregon's number two. I mean, just getting to FSU is really, that's what we were building toward. But the thing is, the only thing this changes is which team wears the home jersey. Yeah. And since FSU fans hate their jerseys, isn't this actually better?

No, no. This is the funniest part of all of this is Florida State fans getting irate over fashion. That's the best. Against Oregon. Which, exactly, against Oregon. Which big dog shirt are they going to wear? This combination of garnet and gold doesn't look as good as this combination of garnet and gold. The purple face masks and khaki helmets are going to look awful against the yellow shirts or green shirts or the black shirts they wear.

I better be able to wear my Wranglers to the Rose Bowl because they don't cut me in half like other jeans. I mean they do They do You know what If you're big enough Every single pair of jeans Has a buzz saw a wait and happen Is there anything else

We want to talk about below The 10 spot on the rankings That's of note, Jason So we've got But we've got if I'm guessing correctly here We've got Mississippi State at one Oregon Oregon 2

Florida State 3 The 4 spot is currently TCU Which by itself You know that foursome I don't care about ordination there, right? That's your four, right? There you go.

Those are four. But after that, you've got five. Who do we have at five? Alabama did not move at all. That's right. Let them dogs in. You know what those are? Those are Mississippi State.

I'm going, a wing, a lang, owing. I called for it. Just hollering, letting them know. that um i could see alabama fans being a might bit irate over that a little bit but do i have to sort of acknowledge that that's probably the right thing to do is just to hold them there yeah i i do kind of secretly hope Alabama holds there all year like they beat it made mississippi state they beat auburn they beat georgia why can't we dang this thing won't shift stuck in

Stuck in first gears, dang it? Oh, we left the e-brake on the whole dang season. God dang it. You know. Oh, he done tore us a mighty big rut. It's like that time you've got your truck stuck in the mud outside Coleman. You got to bring a, you got to bring some kitty letter with you

to get out. Yeah, that's, that's, that seems kind of right. I don't think they were overly impressive in beating LSU. Yeah, it's a road game. But I don't think LSU, I mean, I think LSU, after watching that game, they're good, and they're improved, but they're not all that good. They're not, they're not excellent. They're not up to, I don't know, they're not up to public's premium brand good football yet, right? Yeah, they're just the regular knockoff, Bogo.

Regular knockoff, Bogo, Alabama, right there, playing a regular knockoff. Bogot, LSU. Like, neither one's particularly outstanding. So then we've got, what, at the seven and eight, who we have? Baylor at seven and Ohio State at eight. You know, I don't, I understand people will enjoy getting offended by that, but that's not overly weird to me, like looking at the top ten. I mean, would you move anybody in that top ten?

Either of? I might put Baylor ahead of Arizona. State. Well, yeah, I mean, I was going to say no, but then I remember that Arizona State is in there. So, yeah, I'd move Arizona State all over the place. Yeah, it's really hard to tell how good, like, I have a feeling Arizona State, too, might luck out in that they're a young team who's going to get a lot of practice.

So their performance in the bowl game might be even above and beyond, right? What they were sort of capable with during the season. So everyone will go, man, they really. really were that good all year and you're like no no they weren't that good all year would you would you move anybody jason besides a i'd want to pay a shoe down um let's see baler would then be right behind bama ohio state behind baler um not really i don't i mean i i still ride for old miss man i'd still have old miss pretty high even though they're two losses i i still think they're a they're a top five team but they don't have the right

record to prove it. So that would just be my highly subjective deal going on there. They also, by the way, have a chance to bump up. They do. Like, there are teams... Yeah, they're still in fine shape. There are teams with real potential for buoyancy, right? Like, they can just

rise up a little bit more. Like, I think Arizona State still got a little bit of room to move up if they win every game that they should and do what they're supposed to. Not a lot. Well, if nothing else, I mean, either MSU or Bama's going to take a small tumble after this week, Yep. And Ohio State, I don't think, has a whole lot of room to move up, though.

No, no. That's the Big Ten at work. Speaking of, speaking of, probably the funniest thing going on here, if you'd like an example of Big Tenness. Nebraska was 13 last week. Where are they this week? Ooh, I'm going to put them down. After not playing at all. Oh, 20. Let's move all me down. They slipped to 16th despite doing something. 16. And they were passed by Arizona. Arizona who pasted Colorado and Georgia who waxed Kentucky.

That's all it took. And say what everyone will say at once. That's an improved Kentucky team. That's a good non-bowl Kentucky team. They're going to make the most outstanding non-bowl imaginable. God, Kentucky and Arkansas should just meet each other in some CD club and feel each other up for 20 minutes. Speaking of Arkansas, and somebody who might sign off on that, if someone wrote him a nice letter telling him how handsome he was.

Segway. Segway. Playoff chair, Jeff Long, the president of Arkansas, buddy and patron. I like to say that Brett Bilema has a patron. He's like some sort of degenerate Italian sculptor from the 1600s, right? Oh, yes, that's Signora. That's Signora Bilema. I think it's kind of, it's one part, that one part, wrestling manager.

Yeah. Jeff Longstanding there, oh, no, don't anger him. It is, it is wrestling manager, but his wrestling character is Renaissance Italian sculptor. Il Bilema. Can you, can you show us some of his work? Oh, the children are here. Yeah, that's right. He'll cut you up so he can learn about the human musculature.

That's why he does it. The quote that he gave us about margin of victory. Jason, do you happen to have that on Andy? Have that handy? Let's see. Let me dial that one up for us. Thank you, Jesse Fulmer. That's the noise you have to make when you're scrolling around on Twitter.

So if you guys want to do some hold music while I find out. Oh, here it is. We do not reward excessive scoring, but we do take into account score of the games. which that, I believe, that was issued as far as Baylor and TCU were concerned, and the LSU-BAMA game sort of holding T-C, giving TCU a little boost since T-C won big against K-State and Bama won in overtime against LSU. So what he's basically saying is that scoring matters, but that scoring doesn't matter. That's beautiful. Which that calls into contrast against what they'd said before, which was that,

scoring doesn't matter, but that scoring matters. See how it's flipped? I think that means scoring matters when we want it to matter, and it doesn't when we don't. Yeah, it's funny. You know, there's a lot of interpretations you can make of the things they're saying, which the things they're saying are totally meaningless, so. It's that scoring matters, but scoring doesn't matter. Right, right.

And also because... Unnecessary scoring. That's my favorite part. determine, hmm, well, that 28th point is necessary, but the 29th is simply too much. Cut him off, cut him off. How drunk is this football game? Gary Patterson's had enough. Look at him.

He's had enough points. Maybe that's just their way of taking down Marshall. Well, also that. It's becoming clear the entire system is rigged against Marshall. All of Marshall's scoring is unnecessary because we're not going to put him in our top 25. Therefore, they are unranked. Yeah, this week, that's the one thing we didn't cover about the rankings this week.

What, what, uh, what's the level of fuck Marshall in these rankings, right? Oh, it is, it's soaring. Well, uh, Marshall beat Southern Miss 6317 and remains unranked. So if I got a, if I got a good gallon jug of college football playoff, like how much of it is fuck Marshall? Oh, it's, it's overflowing at this point. Okay. Like, you're, you're putting the cap on, but it's too late. Okay, so is Marshall even, is there even a number associated with it, or did they just forget to invite them to the social again?

Oh, but you know who is ranked? Texas A&M. Thank God. Thank God, Texas A&M is ranked. And also, here's another fun thing about the way they're explaining these things. They say, FSU has two top 25 wins, while Oregon has three, which as one of talking about the Knowles, one of Bud's followers pointed out, If FSU had lost to Louisville, Louisville would be a top 25 team, thereby giving FSU the same resume as Oregon. That is the wrestling belt theory that we have towards scheduling right now, right? And toward ranking, that when a team has to play a bigger marquee team, suddenly they're the intercontinental, North American, Southwestern Division champion. They're ranked 24.

Well, yeah, and guess who Ohio State plays this week? Number 25, Minnesota. Look at that, man. Minnesota, look at you. What are the odds? I know, the mid-northwestern Great Lakes Regional welterweight champions. Whatever, Jerry Kills running through your antique shop, taking all your trophies. Rock Lezner from Minnesota.

That's not why Jerry Kills running through an antique shop. He's just excited. He just, somebody mentioned his passion for dance. Oh my God, they have stick candy, you guys. They have whorehound and socks forilla. Yay! I don't like grape. Don't give dairy kill sugar.

You don't want to know what happens to teams. What happens, Iowa. He scores 50 on you. Jesus, isn't this the meanest shit you've said? Well, yeah, reminding Iowa that they suck. That they gave a tremendous amount of money to a, like, dull. Mediocre coach. Gave is past tense.

They are giving. They will give. They are legally obligated through 2020. The checks will not stop. There are children who are not born yet who will start elementary school. I think that current buyout was something like seven, like if they fired him now, it would be $700,000 a month until 2020. You know, honestly, the best, the smartest.

That's right. That's awesome. The smartest thing Iowa could do at this point is cause massive hyperinflation such that money is worthless. And Kirk Ferrence's buyout essentially goes down to like $300, the equivalent of $3214. I think the game there is corn subsidies. That's probably, they've probably been behind that the whole time. The farm bill is just a way to get out of Kirk Ferrence's contract. Oh, I think it's what subsidizes it.

It's both. It's actually both. It's its own account. You're kind of bailing out the boat by trying to dump so much water in it that the water overflows. If we empty the lake, then the boat won't sink. Yeah, so put all the water in the boat. I feel really bad for them, too, because I don't have, you know, normally when you say, wow, man, that guy, how do you want to, you have an obvious answer as a counter.

Like, oh, well, you should hire this guy. Nope, don't have a good goddamn solution. for you. Don't even have one. Oh, come on. There's got to be some stoopes floating around that'll take that. Come on. Hey, you know who coached at Iowa Wesleyan and played there, right? As a player? Huh? Dana Holgerson.

God damn it. Iowa Homecoming King, 1997. Dana Holgerson. With the same hair. With the same hair. Man, that'd be a train wreck. But yeah, I don't have any good suggestions for you. You're like, what do you do with that and then you become henry kissinger and say there are problems and then there are dilemmas i can solve problems and a dilemma you just have to live with and kirk ferrance

is a dilemma and then you murder and then and then something wicked and sinister happens out and all that corn well the good thing is there's like 19 other ferrances throughout the coaching staff and roster so it's true you got if he goes down there'll be one to take his place like a kim jong situation you're definitely going to have to tent for that you can't just you can't just put down some poison you got Iowa City the Pyongyang court intrigue courtroom the yeah the the throne drama it's going to be like a week in Iowa City it's going to be like a week and a half till we know Ferrence is fired right it'll be like signals and smoke coming from Iowa City I hope this is George R.R. Martin's next book game of corns

It's just like 18 people have laid claim to the Iowa throne Game of Chrome These groans Game of Cologne Because he thinks he's about Iowa State Yes Yeah there you go Oh

By the way Just to show you the unnecessary The unnecessary points at work Baylor's last three games And TCU's last three games Oh, it's going to be a track meet. It's going to be a little bit of flexing going on. Because two out of three games for each team could be war crimes.

There's a Kansas involved. Is Kansas a winner in their last game? Sorry, sorry, yes. Are a winner. Kansas are a winner. Is Texas just gearing, like, is for, Charlie Strong focusing the rest of this year's energy on ruining things for TCU? Absolutely. There's no other game plan. Because that's awesome. That would be great.

And I think that's pretty much the high point of Texas's season theoretically would be ruining TCU season. That would probably anybody, anybody who has a problem with Charlie Strong at Texas now, I imagine that would mend all fences. Over. Done. Nothing would be better than in the midst of a rebuilding. year just you know doing a little status check just doing a little like you know big big cal flexing that is how grievances in texas are settled it's not normally like if somebody hits your car you get their insurance and they pay for your car to be fixed but in texas they hurt one of your enemies and that is how you come to a term of agreement and who the sizzling heat and anger off gary patterson they might have to bury him like actually like

Barry has, like, radioactive matter. Like, just, he gets to do with the locker room, right? Gets the film squared away for the next morning, and somebody gets a shovel, digs 10 feet down, and just puts Gary there, and they just bury him like a vampire for the night. Mama, what's that lead-coated train going by? Oh, that's where Gary Patterson is. They're taking him into the hills.

He needs to cool off for 24 hours before another human gets within a mile of him. Now, what could be really fun is that game is at Texas, and, uh, big 12 refs. are sort of noted for having a particular affinity towards the Longhorns. Total unfounded rumor. There's no video evidence out there

carefully edited by A&M fans. Or Nebraska fans. And West Virginia fans and Oklahoma fans. Remember occasionally... Occasionally, you know, Mac Brown had this ability, like Alex Ferguson, to tag extra time onto the end of the game. It just happened.

Sometimes a second would just reappear, and then they might kick a field goal to win the Big 12 championship. That's it. So what would be doubly amazing is if we're coming down to the end, and it's, oh, man, Baylor and TCU, they're four and five. What a dilemma. One of them beat the other, but the other has a stronger schedule, and then the Big 12 just says, oh, darn it, TCU lost. Guess Baylor's in. Yep. They were here first.

And also keep in mind, Baylor original Big 12 member, case politics start to add up. tc u ain't yeah you gotta be careful because if if if if if if if there's on the end of that call they'll just sue you what ken star's there he'll he loves unnecessary frivolous lawsuit and legal expenditure you're gonna talk about excessive points get bailer in a courtroom they will run that score up son ken star just sets up a backboard you're like you don't need no i'm gonna dunk on you i i prosecuted a certain case in was Washington, you might be familiar about, that ended up costing several billion dollars. This ain't shit to me, son.

The other three games for Baylor finishing, they do not play Texas. They play two teams that they can blow up real good, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech, and finish with an intriguing game, December 6 at home against Kansas State, who they've had pretty good results on the past couple of years. But still, lurking right there, Bill Snyder. king of time teresius has seen everything and been everything uh he would be able to i think put a nice little dent in baylor season totally capable of doing that too yeah he'll shib you he'll shiv you just to feel alive well he stabbed caesar he'll stab you he did not shoot lincoln though

that is unfounded no no no he did try to shoot the secretary of navy as part of the same plot but remember according to the whitest kids you know lincoln was actually beaten to death and deserved it. Let's move on to Reader Mail, if you would care to choose a question to answer. We limited it to one MustChamp question this week, because MostChamp 1 versus Vanderbilt, it's probably going to be Florida's coach next year, knowing our luck, and I'm just going to have to deal with that.

So let's just not talk about him, and let's each pick one question from our received tweets on Twitter.com. I'm ready. Okay. Ryan, if you're ready, go right. All right, this question comes from Oh no, Romo, and his question is, which historical figure

would you take to a college football game and which game would it be? I think I would pick Lord Byron, and I would take Lord Byron to Clemson, South Carolina. So you can talk about

tigers getting lit up. I think Spencer understands what I'm envisioning here. Oh, yeah. And so I feel very good about it. Yeah, I'm okay. But if you have other suggestions, I'm happy to hear them. I will take, I'm going to do two, by the way. I want one from at PJ Matt that says,

anybody want to apologize to Randy Moss, misunderstood hard worker, y'all. Why are you addressing this to me? I do not understand this We're part of the system You're the media You're the media which is why we're having a podcast Where Jason does household chores And doesn't mute his microphone

There's that Jason Kurt wandering around his backyard Obviously part of the problem That condemned Randy Moss unfairly I was a high school freshman at the time How about y'all actually I was in middle school When he was in high school so yeah i accept full responsibility i was part of the educational system yeah i was like yeah i was in high school

when randy moss was in high school we're about the same age uh randy got popped for uh let's see a fight that he barely participated in and uh then smoked a joint which i've never done ever especially not for an assignment for my employer clean living clean living whatever we love randy moth we ride hard for him. Jason, got a question. First of all, I just want to apologize

for that thing about tigers on fire. That was obviously not Lord Byron. Just like to apologize. You're mixing up a little William Blake here, but that's okay.

Oh, I just assume you meant that Lord Byron would light a tiger on fire because that is absolutely shit Lord Byron would do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would happen. This comes to us from

Mike McCarthyism on Twitter, which I guess that's an NFL parody account or something? I don't know, man. Could Randy Moss make any Big Ten offense watchable? Probably all of them? Hey, listen, just imagine Randy Moss he'd gone to Michigan and they're like, you know, when they kind of had a big vertical passing game,

they would just like run the ball and then just throw go routes. Larry Fitzgerald made Pitt watchable. Yeah, a good receiver can make almost anything watchable. Calvin Johnson made Reggie Cole. Yeah, we were watching Marshall. Like Marshall in their first. first year in, what was at the time, you know, 1A, right? We were watching Marshall because

Randy Moss was there. So, yeah, he could have made, I will say this, at the time, who was at Purdue? Oh, man, don't tell me. Would that be Joe Tiller? Oh, Coachwise? Yeah, I believe that was the Tiller years. Yeah. So Joe Tiller, Joe Tiller comes to Purdue in, let's see, 97, no, 97. In 97. So it would have been a little early. But if Randy Moss had, you know, played all four years, even Purdue could have been watchable because he would have caught the past wacky Joe Tiller years,

which would have been really fun to watch. I would say of current Big Ten teams, if we sort of transpose them to now, everything's watchable. Nebraska would be a hoot. Wisconsin might actually have a passing game. Ohio State would be ungodly. probably not Northwestern though

I don't really think Northwestern could do anything with him no no possibly also Michigan would probably find a way to misuse Randy most they'd probably use him at quarterback and get him hurt not even they'd be like hey you're you're gonna be our blocking tight end you're our center

you're a really you're an amazingly weird punter that yeah that's I think he could have made almost any of them. If you have one more, Ryan, I know I'd said choose one. But if you've got one, we've got a second. Okay, here we go.

This one comes from Kiernan Ambrose. His question is, sticking in the Big Ten, is going for two for an 11er and then falling down the most big moment ever. Of course, he's referring to Northwestern. The same team. At the end of the Michigan game, scored what could have been the game-tying touchdown. But decided to go for the two-point attempt at home to win the game outright. And the quarterback just fell on his butt before he could even release the ball.

And then after the game, Michigan player said, yeah, we knew that's the exact play they were going to do. We had zero doubt as to their game-winning two-point play. Pat Fitzgerald has really done a great job of Illinois. Eliminating all conversation about, like, hey, Pat Fitzgerald, he's going to get, he's going to get some offers. It's almost strategic. Like, just tank a couple of years, get the expectations down, just do a little, you know, focus on nothing but recruiting. Just recruit. And then massive rebuilding job.

Hey, we ought to hire him at Florida. Look at that. Like 2015. I was sitting next to Roger Sherman as he was watching this game. See, a nice thing about Roger is that when we watch games together on Saturday, He generally will not even let us put the Northwestern game on the television because he knows how bad it is. So he just sits there with his laptop and watches it in the corner of the laptop and just like silently pantomimes disapproval and anger. And that's what he did during when they, we did turn the TV on just to watch the two point conversion.

So that's the only Northwestern play I saw this weekend. That's all you really need to see. I have another question. It's not even a question. It's from our pal John, John Boy's. And he says, talk about Davoswini. That's not a question. A second tweet says that's a command.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. Talk about Davoswini. Okay, I can talk about Davoswini. That's done. Debo Swinney. Currently, I think, probably doing a really good,

good job in a rebuilding year. They're 7 and 2, and if you've watched them at times, they have no business being 7 and 2. It's a defensive year, breaking in Deshaun Watson, who's going to be a really good quarterback. Dabo, as I discussed with another reporter today, Ernest, to the point of almost being mockable, super intense. If you listen to him talk for over like five minutes, you're already a Clemson Tiger. You're like, yeah, just give me pads. Here is the best thing I have read in Davos Winnie's Wikipedia page. So after he got fired when Mike DeBose's staff got run out of town, he decided to go work for the former Alabama Strength Coach

in a Birmingham real estate firm. And he did that for almost two years. I bet he was awesome at it. I bet he was awesome at it. But I bet he was awesome at it in that early 2000s way, where you can just be like, yeah, man, you don't need to make it. You don't need to make a down payment. Properties only going up forever.

It's like a balloon. No credit check necessary. It's called a balloon payment because it never stopped rising just like your fortune. You know the easiest way to become a millionaire? Well, one is to buy a house and then sell it and buy another house. And of course, the other is to hire Chad Morris. Yeah, you just buy a house. you put Chad Morris in that house

you make sure that house isn't the same town where you're coaching and you give them a job and it makes sense because Davos Winnie is college football's squatter like that's Tommy Bowden's house but he's not leaving it

I think by a common law or property law or whatever at this point he's not married to the house dang it now I would not put that past Davo whatever the term is you know when you take care of land for seven years and it's by law yours. Yeah.

He's getting around that point. Dang it. You know how he recruits now. Like if you're wondering, like people say, oh man, Clemson's dirty. No, it's not. You know what Dabella does? Rolls right up to that house.

Starts analyzing the curb appeal. Look, I got you a Japanese maple. It's going to bring up the value to $2,000 right there. Just put it in front yard. We're putting Travertine in your kitchen. Now it's worth an extra $8,000. Sounds like he's playing the Sims. He is.

Well, he's figured out recruiting. It's just the Sims. Have you ever listened to a sim talk? It sounds a lot like an excited Davoswini ever win. So like the sounds a sim makes when you like put him in a pool and taking out the ladder. That's Davo at all. That's exactly what he sounds like after big games. Also, if you don't pay attention, Davo Swinney will piss in the corner.

If you put four couches around him, he'll starve to death. So don't ever do that. Couch is the mortal enemy of the Swinney family. There's a reason you don't see a single couch on Clemson's sideline. Nope, not one. They've killed Swinney's before, and they will do it again. That's why they run down the slope to enter because you can't put a couch there. It'll just slide right down.

Exactly. That would be it. If you want to just, you know, freak dabble out, they come out, Steve Spurger. He's got an old sofa just sitting there on the sidelines. Hey there. Got this chase lounge for you. Just take a look. Why don't you have a seat there, Debo?

The whole team piles up behind it and freezes. Debo goes pale with terror. The other things, there is football being played this week. We should talk a little bit about that since we are working through this podcast at a speedy rate for us, at least. Two days of action, Tuesday, Wednesday. Nothing particularly interesting. So, you know, hey, it's football. You should watch it.

Toledo, Northern Illinois, currently duking it out right now. The Thursday game, kind of a weird night because there's East Carolina at Cincinnati. If you hate defense, you should watch that. But then, Ed, in early... If you despise defense, we've got another for you. I was... You took the words right out of my mouth. You've got Cal at USC.

On a pretty early kick, by the way, for them, a sprightly, a... an early bird special at 9 p.m. Eastern. It is my understanding from talking to somebody today that USC, rather, decided that because this was a Thursday on the earlier side game, they were not going to allow any tailgating whatsoever. So USC fans may have to go to their home stadium and watch Sark just vomit up a loss to Cal

mostly sober oh they're not going to be sober mostly mostly they're resourceful people they'll find a way around this because they're not watching cow football sober no one should I mean I love them

and they shouldn't watch it sober just shouldn't be moving to because we all agree by the way Cal's going to like just stab USC in the face while they're not looking in that game right like this is a this is a Sarkesian trademark here. Based on trends, this is one that

USC's leading like 45 to 18 and then loses. Yeah, where Cal's not even sweating, they're like, down 30. All right, that's cool. We're going to start playing here in a minute. All right, here we go. Got a little lather going, let's kick it up. Oh, yeah.

We're going to skip the Friday game. Tulsa at UCF. We're going to skip past that because we are biased against UCF. The hell with UCF. and go straight to Saturday. Tell me, what do you see on that early shift, Jason Kirk? Well, we mentioned it on the committee, the selection committee, a couple days ago,

but I'm going to watch Clemson-George Tech. I've watched very little of either team this year, and that could have post-season ramifications. And these teams kind of hate each other a little bit. They do, no, this is an underrated little series between the two teams. They enjoy doing dickish things to each other. A lot of trick plays, a lot of dirty pool, a lot of nasty play and as always the fantastic kneecap removing technique of chop blocking

which uh i'm sorry not chop blocking no cut cut blocking and also we get to enjoy uh you know all those things we said about dabble swinney the exact opposite on the other side line in paul johnson if god if god wanted us to have kneecaps then why didn't he give them to the dinosaurs you know what when i grew up in north carolina we didn't have any dinosaurs I didn't care I'm Paul Johnson you can die I'll watch you

I'll watch you choke on a Lego to death in front of me that's what he said to a kid that's probably what he said to his kids that's probably what he said to like the quarterback he recruited that's how he proposed to his wife I'll watch you die I don't care

I love it people do I will also be watching I suspect I'll join you after two quarters but I will watch the intro the little bit opening stages of Minnesota, Ohio State, which is Ohio State at Minnesota, by the way. That is, so this is where Urban Meyer goes from the last month or so of the season has been,

hey, we have to make up for the Virginia Tech loss. And now he's like, oh, we're in striking distance. Let's score 70 points whenever we can. Yeah, like we were joking about Baylor and TCU. That was a little bit of joking. They're going to score a lot of points. This is serious. they're going to murder Minnesota. This is going to be a lot of unnecessary scoring here. They will be, yeah. I will say this. I don't know what unnecessary scoring means.

It'll happen in this game. Now, on the sort of on the sociopath coach rankings, Bryles and Patterson would probably be pretty high up there when it comes to scoring a ton of points, but I don't know anybody that would top Irvin, because he's fully aware of the politicking involved here. Because Bryles can't help it. It's just sort of like, yeah, this is the only thing I know how to

do. I'm not trying, I'm not always trying to be a dick. But Urban Meyer's like, no, I could, we could just beat you, you know, by 10, but why would I, why would I only murder your family when you have a whole house to burn down? Remember two, he's had several organs replaced with machines. So he's, he's already on that Darth Vader path. He's, he's more machine than man at this point. Darth Vader got in the playoff. You better believe it. Strength of schedule was pretty weak, but he did destroy the whole slate. That man knew how to get a team, you know, all the way to where it needed to be. I think this makes Bobafat Florida State, unfortunately.

Just on the way to the Sarlack. Let's go ahead and let's look at the mid-afternoon shift. Did we happen to skip South Carolina, Florida? Damn it! Did you guys just breeze past that? Breezing past that. Seas is nationally irrelevant. I'm Bud Elliott.

Hey, man, he's just going to cut all this audio If you try to talk about it anyway Why fight it? Florida's playing. We got to get the way out. We got to let the people know. Kill him. No.

Kill him. We're throwing you down the well. Florida's offense is people. You can watch Florida at noon. It's people. You can watch Florida at noon on the SEC network. It's not even on the ESPN. Streaming on your computer.

They won't put it in the newspapers, You can find it on a website. Do you really want to let people catch you watching that on your computer? Like, they're going to see that and be like, oh, the kids are in here. I mean, watch it in your incognito window. That's what they got it for. You know, you can kind of cleverly angle it away.

Like, oh, I'm not looking at that. I'm doing my taxes early. Yeah, oh, man, turbo tax. Just dim your screen and say it's pit UNC. Because it is. There's no difference. Actually, yeah, Pitt, Florida, UNC, South Carolina. There you go.

There's just zero different. This makes me so sad, but actually, I feel better. Remember, that's an important game in the SEC East. Go dogs. Like when people are like, hey, do you think Muschamp will keep his job? And I'm like, I'm trying to keep my sanity one second at a time. Don't ask me about Will Mustchamp. I don't know.

I've lost the answer. and the questions. Do you think a meteor is going to hit the earth and the government's not telling anybody about it? Maybe. Sure. You think that meteor could win the SECD? Oh, yeah. Do you want me to say it'll happen right now? Sure, three seconds. I just said that. It changed nothing. Words mean nothing. Please read our website. Please read our website. It has content. Please read our important content, hashtag content. The afternoon

like skipping past South Carolina, Florida at noon on the SEC Network, Jason Kirk. We do have Nebraska at Wisconsin if you're into the beefiest game. Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. It will be fun to watch

Amir Abdullah and Melvin Gordon play on the same field. That will be entertaining. This is also an important game because Nebraska with the softest 8-1, the Drake of 8-1s. sitting there has a chance to extend that streak and become possibly more relevant in that, you know, tiresome playoff conversation if you're into that. Also on the way to be slaughtered by Ohio State in the Big Ten championship game potentially. Yeah, this is kind of the Big Ten

West title game. And the fun thing about the way the playoff people describe their rankings is that if Nebraska were to win, Wisconsin would fall out of the rankings and Nebraska would still have zero quality wins. That's right. Exactly. Unless we made Wisconsin, do you want to make Wisconsin number 25? They could hold it for a week. Let me put it this way. If it's between Wisconsin and Marshall, it's going to be Wisconsin. There's no question there.

A little game in the SEC of National Repute. Probably the biggest game of the day in terms of the overall scheme of things. That'd be Mississippi State at Alabama. I don't like predictions, and that's why I'm going to make one. Because I think this is a very tough game for Alabama, actually. Like, the longer I go, the more I think, Alabama, after playing LSU, beat up as hell not not supremely

feeling good after that game has to go in against Mississippi State who played UT Martin this is kind of some whoipsy scheduling by the SEC which has long been reputed to sort of give Bama the favorable schedule we'll give a Mississippi State

during the stretch run, whoops I think that probably didn't look the way it did right? They were just oh no it did not. They're like oh that's Mississippi State that's like playing U.T. Martin just put them in there for once this doesn't work out for Alabama now if they could just do that to Georgia once

that would be a real change because Alabama and Georgia well the thing about Georgia is they always have the dream schedule over here but does it really matter yeah it's more fun this way really we got the next Herschel yeah yeah I'm saying that for 25 years good luck good luck with that two lost season

with an inexplicable loss to Florida oh that still happened right It tastes so good It still feels good even though it burns Moving further down the schedule We have, I think, a supremely entertaining game In the making Auburn at Georgia Because neither team has a defense

A series traditionally defined by madness culminating in last year's We'll see if they can top it Yeah, remember last year's Auburn Georgia game Was the Iron Bowl game before the Iron Bowl happened I did like that Mark Rick is such a polite man that he felt the need to compliment Auburn's defense, even though it's demonstrably bad.

Well, he did say that they were outstanding, which, yes, outstanding, meaning noticeable, correct? Right. Standing out, prominent, glowing, if you will. He's just, you know, he's a complimenter. I appreciate that. He's positive, and we like that in people. He must give the best performance for me.

be like your work your work area is always very neat and tidy yeah well fuck that shit because here comes Florida State up Miami Woo! Finally talking about the nose Talking about the nose

I got so much knolls built up I know Been waiting 55 and a half minutes You gotta get that drained Yeah you better get that drain Because you don't want that in body I'm gonna let it fester I'm going to collect it putting a jar up on the window

I'm going to open it in 10 years It'll smell like Jeff Bowden It will actually turn into Jeff Bowden Yeah do we know anything about this game by the way I know nothing about how this is actually like You know because you look at some teams and go Oh I know a bit about that team strength Miami? When was the last time you sat through a whole Miami game?

Oh my gosh They uh let's see freshman quarterback Like I think the last Miami game Last Miami game I watched was like Nebraska. I didn't even watch all of that. I honestly think the Louisville game is last. To be fair, that was a game and nobody has seen a Nebraska game all year. That's true.

Well, Miami, they got an explosive offense and by the numbers have a really good defense. So if you're talking about a complete team to actually give FSU a challenge, it's not like Notre Dame's offense or Louisville's defense, an actual complete team. This is the single best bet you get all year. And they're going to lose by 17. And they're somehow not ranked 25th. I see them losing by a very dispiriting 10. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what this feels like. Like, James, like, it'll be just a blueprint that Florida State's done all year long. It'll be a dismal first half. And then everyone wakes up in the second half. Jimbo Fisher just throws the ball 38 times in a row in a blind panic, and they win because they're more talented. I think the most disappointing thing for everyone involved. Let's see.

FSU is favored by one and a half. so let's say if issue wins by like four and then it's like hey we beat the spread and it's like yeah well you beat Miami by four it doesn't matter I think everybody's a little bummed about that was any of that scoring unnecessary well technically two and a half

of those points would be unnecessary nope Jimbo knows exactly what's needed and only gives you that yep he's a composed balanced and calm man and that's why he flips out and starts throw the ball 40 times in a row character was that Jimbo only putting so much on

to his servants that he knows they can withstand or the Bible verse? Or was that Jesus? Or do we need to really make a difference between the two at this point? I mean, the man's hair looks like a halo. That's all I got to say. And what are his initials? JF, same as Jesus Christ. You don't run through the eye of the needle.

You pass through it. Jesus' last name was Friedman, by the way. The Christ was a later ad. The LSU at Arkansas, LSU is going to win at the last second and break Arkansas's heart right that's how this goes that's how these things work that's all Arkansas knows good I'm glad we're agreed on that and yeah the game of the century Michigan

State at Maryland ugh that's happening picking up the pieces man Randy Edsel's gonna do something real stupid in this like beat Michigan State he's gonna be like he's gonna be like yeah I know it was fourth and ten from our own 20 and it was the first drive but I felt like

we had something working I keep waiting for a coach to kick a goal in overtime when they need a TD. Who would be the first coach to do that? I'm convinced Randy Yetzel would do it. He would. He'd be like, our team needed the confidence. Because I think Mark D'Antonio would, if he needs three, fake it and go for a touchdown because I felt like our players

didn't deserve the easy three. Yeah, or they're like, well, you know, we got the look we wanted. Any insane special, any insane special teams play, you can say that. Well, you know, when you get, when you see that look, you uh that's that's the call you just do you but you needed two points yeah we got the look it doesn't matter

the look from Satan who lives in my mind you needed a you needed a fourth down conversion in that situation and that's why we punted we got the look we wanted that sounds like Kirk's parents you just

we have a look we want for a punt it is a very broad look oh man this is many many things I would love it for Ferrence to do something so obvious where he was like I dare you to fire me. And that would be an OT field goal when you needed a touchdown. And he smiles when it happens, like a big smirk. An OT punt. An OT punt through the goal post. Like,

are you going to count that? We felt, we felt it was important to not lose the field position battle. And just answers, just answers with something like too many cooks. I think at that point, at that point they could fire them with cause, though, right? Could they? $700,000 a month. I think they would take it to court at that point and say, listen, this man is trying to break his contract. But here's the thing. You know Kirk Farrance already has the money to hire a better lawyer than you have.

He is richer than the University of Iowa. $700,000 a month until 2020. He literally won a lottery. There must be entire counties in Iowa that Kirk Farrants is richer than. He could be the bad man. in so many horrible action movies about small town corruption. Do you guys think football will exist in 2020?

Well, there's an argument as to whether it exists in Iowa in 2014. Hey, oh. Hey, oh. Hey, oh. Hey, come on. Northern Iowa's really good. They beat the bison this week. That's true, snapping that win streak. Iowa State.

They beat Iowa. oh boy oh that's that's it that's how this podcast ends laughing it out wow this is really mean to iowa the whole through and through oh the hate naspirio we're writing has about 15 Iowa jokes