Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 2.4

Episode Date: September 24, 2014

This week's episode is already picking new coaches for people, and also talks for five minutes or so about this week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I am Spencer Hall, editorial director of SB Nation. I am joined by Jason Kirk, college football editor for SB Nation. Say hi, Jason. Hey, what's up, y'all? We're going to talk a little bit about one particular area of expertise for lifelong Atlanta resident, Jason, in a moment. Before we do that, we go to Ryan Nanny in beautiful Brooklyn, New York, New York. What are you doing this weekend instead of football, Ryan?

Well, not all instead of football, but I am going to a baby shower for part of it. It's a 12-hour baby shower. Yeah, it's a rager. It's the only way you're going to get your kid into private school up there. You've got to endure a 12-hour baby shower. It's a trial. What I wanted to start off this week's discussion with would be, I think, value. think of the Big Ten, you think about

values. For instance, the Big Ten can take their cheapest product, Indiana football, and flip it against last year's SEC East Champion. A consumer test will show they're better since Indiana beat Missouri this past weekend. It's because it's made of lightweight aluminum that crumples easily. The Crumple Zones on Indiana football are amazing.

Yeah. It's all Crumple Zone. one enormous crumple zone. Why don't they make the whole conference out of crumple zone? They did. Why don't it happen? Why don't they make the entire football team out of Indiana? Well, when you do that, you get Indiana football. Unfortunately, from Missouri, some trick of the mind possessed them,

and they lost to Indiana this past weekend. So before we make fun of the Big Ten for like, about eight, minutes maybe seven or eight minutes so that'll stretch to 15 we are because the i don't want to get like because if you open up with this you get people who respond with what are the standard big 10 defenses if we go here our degree oh yes the overpowering academic firepower of a university of wisconsin degree where on earth could i get that anywhere else where i ask you do you have any idea how many Nobel Prize winners attended Maryland

You know that Rutgers degree It's so difficult to get That University of Indiana degree Oh you know it's that's a good value I mean it's Harvard Stanford Illinois Right up there Right yeah

Champaign Urbana It's like Cambridge The Sorbonne and Iowa City I have found that you can buy a University of Wisconsin diploma on eBay for $50. It's from 1916, if that matters.

Still valid? Oh, that's aged. That's the kind of wisdom that is probably compatible with, you know, Iowa football strategy now. Sweet. Yeah. That's a little

advanced, but it's in the same era. Oh, buddy, pump your brakes. Don't get into that 1920s football. Kirk Farrant is keeping this simple. We can also talk about Iowa. Nobody wants to talk about Iowa.

The thing we do want to talk about that is... I'm going to hang up, sir. The thing we do want to talk about is we would love to talk about what it takes to get two tickets, two, for the Michigan- Minnesota game. Jason Kurt? Well, to enable you and a friend to get into a game, in the most historic and storied and silent venue in the country for a rivalry game against Minnesota,

and there has been some pushback about this being a rivalry game, but you have a damn trophy, so this is a rivalry game. What you're going to have to do to get two tickets into this game is you're going to have to buy two Coca-Cola's. This promotion has since been rescinded, but that doesn't matter one bit because it was a real thing for a solid two hours there, where if you went to the Michigan Student Union

you bought two Coca-Cola you got two tickets to a Michigan football game. And this is probably the greatest trick the SEC's ever pulled, just considering Coca-Cola, an Atlanta corporation. Basically, it's the unofficial sponsor of the conference.

Dr. Pepper is the official one, but I think we all know where the real money lies here. Boom, playing into our hands again. You're welcome. Yeah. I mean, you just couldn't make it any easier, folks. That and I would also argue that this is just again further evidence that Michigan football truly is a bulwark against the excesses of modern society, like carbonated beverages and the consumerization of college football. And just want to point out that bulwark modernization quote, that was pretty much an actual quote from Michigan fans regarding five.

Fireworks. Fire, yeah, no, not just a fan. Which were invented in China in like the 1400s. Yeah, yeah, that was like a regent or something that said that, wasn't it? No, it was a regent. From a family of, I believe, personal injury attorneys. So with a straight face, somebody with three degrees from the University of Michigan declared fireworks, a 15th century or 14th century. It might be older than that.

Yeah, whatever it was. Let's just say they're 3,000 years old. I mean, stuff in China was invented like millions of years ago. Before people were even Like we're all like Oh, we invented stealth bombers, whatever. China invented that in like the year zero.

So you're saying that basically China is a community in love with its own antiquity that hasn't invented anything in thousands of years. Also, it's just a big sprawling piece of land. It's a big, yeah. But this is the point being, say they're 3,000 years old, say they're not a convenient parallel for the way some people think at Michigan,

a closed kingdom where no new ideas are really too welcome. Let's just say that's not true. And let's say that this is, in fact, the bulwark that we want to go ahead and just keep it as unmodern as possible. How on earth do they hire another coach? How? Like who goes Who goes in there? Well, they have all that money from Coke now that they sold.

They have at least $72, I would estimate. Wang and Coke. Dave Brandon. Dave Brandon is basically dipset. You understand Dave Brandon pulled a reverse pizza move. Because normally in the pizza business, you lure people in with the promise of the Coca-Cola on top of the pizza. You know, you get two pizzas and then, hey, we're throwing you a two liter. Do you remember, by the way, when that seems like a perfectly reasonable meal?

Like, at one point in your life, like, oh, yeah, that's a great idea. I got a full gallon of sugar water and a gigantic fat sandwich. I'm tempted to say that's like an age thing, but the truth is in 1997, everyone of any age or economic status thought that was true. it's an amazing country you can just look at us now you do that with the Coke zero because we're mature grownups and I will have peppers on the pizza

because that's a vegetable yeah they're good for you and the stuffed crust because I believe in innovation it's an efficiency it's a hard smart Sunday but if you if you'd like

who takes that I think you have to explain that to people who I'm sure there are wise and you know circumspect Michigan people who understand the challenges and the issues there but when they say oh we'll just go out and get this guy

I don't think it's that simple anymore because a lot of these a lot of problems you see with programs have nothing to do with the coaches at all or very little to do and a lot to do with the administration behind them like see oh I don't know

for instance USC and let me start go ahead go ahead well I was going to say let me tell you one name, who doesn't care about the problem surrounding him, who doesn't get down by whatever's going around in the periphery, and that's Mac Brown. If you want somebody who just wants to get paid and just wants to show up at expensive dinners, Mac Brown will be there for you.

Man, Mac Brown, you might even get this. Mac Brown might even adopt a new accent. Because if you'll notice, when he went to Texas from North Carolina, he texasped up, a little bit of a different twang started to creep in there. Texas. Please call me McBrown. Can you see him just listening to like headphones on his headphones on the way to the interview, LBJ, right? Talk like that. Just talk like that, Mac.

He could start to adopt a Ola-Faint Michigan accent. Yeah, Mac shows up with the phone. full Schembeckler accent. He shows up with the square frames. The square wire frames of a shimbeckler man starting to say all kinds of less milesy things like lad. I made these out

of a coat hanger. Are they convincing? I believe in one thing. The team. The team. That's the Schembeckler speech. That's how much I love it. The only Macca catchphrase I know is It is what it is. So just sort of that in the Schimbeckler accent,

and I think just five years of that. Five, just five years. $25 million. We'll see you on the other side. See on the other side, you'll win 10 games a year, and everyone will be unhappy with it. Somehow.

So in other words, that kind of sounds perfect for Michigan. That is pure Michigan. Don't get it into your bloodstream. It's toxic and definitely a biohazard. We have to bleach your veins now. And I do feel like this is not too soon to discuss

coaching carousel material because after week four, I think we've pretty much solved college football. I think this is the way things are going to be and bad teams are bad. Good teams are pretty good and the bad teams probably won't turn it around.

Very few do. For instance, Florida. Florida is a very bad team. So bad in fact that we made predictions and betting on Jeff Driscoll's exact line for the game.

I have them and we're going to review them now. I have a winner as to who got closest for number of completions. Not yardage, but I'm going to go ahead and give the award to Jason,

who has at least I think the most accurate by numbers. He has 12 for 20, 23, 213 yards. No, I had one yard. You had two TDs and one I&T. And one yard was what I had. One yard. Oh yeah, because you went low.

Yeah. Okay. And I believe the final line was, was it 93? It was three yards. Three yards. He had three yards. It was close. It wasn't quite three yards.

Okay. Because just to go to the other predictions, just to make sure that we're going to show how wrong and how poorly we did. I had 22 for 47, 287 for 0 TDs and 3 INTs. And Ryan had 14 for 37, 212, 1 TD, and 1 INT. And go ahead. Can we talk about how horrific it would have been if Jeff Druskell had thrown over 40 passes? Well, you know, that's funny.

Would it have been any worse? No, because we can actually sort of project out what that might have been based on what he actually did. So, and I'll do just brute doubling based on this trend, because his actual line was as follows. 9 for 28, 93 yards, 3.3 yards per attempt, one touchdown, woohoo, and two interceptions. Would it be rude if I printed that out, wrote Needs Improvement on it in red ink and mailed it to Will MustChamp? No, you can do that. Okay. You're fully entitled to do that at this point.

I just think it wouldn't be rude because it wouldn't even register. I know. He doesn't see colors. Or letters. Or motion. If you just stay perfectly still, Will Mustchamp won't see you. The saddest T-Rex. It's like the, yeah, he's like the opposite of a T-Rex.

He only sees things. that are standing still. That's, hey, listen, that's why he likes his offense. He can see it. It's the only thing you can see. Looks perfect to me. They're not doing anything.

There it is. Wait, where'd they go? Oh, they went backwards. There they are now. They're two yards further away. And we're a punting. Ooh, thank you, Kyle, Christy. That would have been, by the way,

if he'd thrown 40 passes, you know, probably around what, 13 completions? 14 maybe It was bad It was as bad as I have And I've seen now quite a bit of bad Florida football

And I was with a person who's not a Florida fan An Auburn fan specifically Who went there just I guess to watch Bamal lose Possibly In retrospect A fairly funny idea And he was sitting next to me

And he's watched a couple of games with me And he goes I've watched three hours of this shit And I want him fired just so I don't have to look at it I feel the same way. This was the breaking point for me as well. I came into the year thinking, Florida is Florida. I'll flip it around.

They'll be eight and four. This will be fine. They got a lot of five stars on the way. The offense will click and all that. But this Saturday was just, this was the breaking point for me, too. I can't take it anymore. I have no rooting interest in this team at all.

And I'm just as angry as anybody watching this. And you like Manball. I love this style of football, but this is a horrible depiction. of it. So you're saying this is a beloved genre done really poorly

for you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is this is this is a this is Battlefield Earth. I was trying to think of music but I only listen to one kind of music. So I don't really have anything to any jokes to make

there. This is Chris Gaines. This is Asher Roth. This is that Asher Roth. This is rather the SECs. This is college football Macklemore. How about you Macaleth, Will Must Champ? And he did. And he, I'm welcome McAuless.

I actually at one point, like looking back on the box scores when writing the weekly thing, I thought, I looked at Yukon running 37 plays on Friday night, which, yes, they only ran 37 plays. And I got kind of envious. Because I was like, oh, that means there's less football that they would have to watch. for their horrible team.

Like, at least Bob Diaco is merciful. He's like, bro, just, no, it's 37 plays. I'm good. They played that game in a, in a, like, raging rainstorm, too, so maybe you try that. No, Florida already tried that. We already tried that. Well, you went too far with it.

That was the problem. But how awesome is this year that actually we only have to watch 11 games? Hey, that's not even guaranteed. you can cancel anything lightning a florida fan's best friend we can hope for at least another two or three games out with lightning come on sinkhole you could try and cancel the fSU game just to screw over the knolls oh man dream of dreams like will must champ just forfeits out of spite like we fire him and he's like nope that's right the one thing you figured out was faxing in the paperwork to cancel the

FSU game. Now the committee looks up at what, they only played 11 games? We can't let them in. I know how to get it in the end zone of concession. And think of the glowing old media reports. Florida refuses to play dastardly

Florida State. A team of honor, a team Yeah, that's how you sell it. Do that, yeah. Say, until James Winston We shall not meet you on the field of battle, sir. Give him his scarlet. several letters.

Until James Winston refuses to wear his uniform for games in which he's suspended, we will not play this team. That would be great, especially given Florida's football history. Like, we concede this game and forfeit on moral grounds. You're like, weren't you like a seriously segregated school who was one of the last to enter?

Never mind. Quiet. Quiet. I'm waving an AK-47 in a church. because that's freedom. Somebody has to take over for Michigan. And why not Florida? Listen, from five feet above sea level,

we will try to take that moral high ground. Watch us. We can do it. By the way, other coaching, I'm not real sure. I mean, we're pretty sure Florida and Michigan will both be open, right? Oh, yeah.

Okay. So this is where we start playing serious coaching roulette. If Florida and Michigan go open, gentlemen, I want you to immediately begin picking off and sort of taking a brick, putting it here, and then

slotting someone else into it. For instance, Ryan Nanny, if I said, okay, just pick someone to go and take the Michigan job. Okay. Let's say the Michigan job goes to, oh, let's say Pat

Narduzi. Let's get weird. Okay. Ouch. Taking little brothers. taking Little Brothers defensive coordinator. Okay. So that's not, that doesn't necessarily take a head coach. That's cool.

We don't have to worry about replacing Dantoneo. Unless, of course, I throw this at you. Mark Dantoneo is hired by the University of Florida and comes home to the SEC. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So, and by the way, that's not my preference. I'm not saying that.

That's something that could totally happen. We could hire Mark D'Antonio. So Mark D'Antonio. goes down from Michigan State. Jason, who takes the Michigan job or the Michigan State job before replacing it? You can pick one. I thought Narduzzi took the Michigan job. Oh, I'm sorry, so he takes the Michigan job.

So you can replace the Michigan State job? Okay, so I get to hire Michigan State's head coach here. Yes. Put me down, well, let's see, you're going to want a cultural fit, so somebody who's not going to score a lot of points at all, someone with a completely ineffective offense. We'll pick up Brady Hook. this is amazing oh it's like the world's worst white elephant party did i just end the carousel

yeah you did that's brilliant we didn't get very far no i'm cool with that actually well why not let's get crazy uh let's say uh let's say we'll go get um we'll go get rough and mcneal to michigan state total cultural change okay Okay So you go and get rough And oh man I don't know if that go well I really don't

The Big Ten Air raid The Big Ten Air raid The Big Ten Sure it's not working A couple times or two It's Indiana Well they beat Missouri Sure yeah

Man I just Big Ten Airade Let's do it I say Big Ten Airade And that's just like Drinking milk on a hot day Or you know Eating two things

That really don't go well together No such thing as a hot day In the Big Ten You know 70's pretty warm for East Lansing. That sounds even worse. Milk on a warm day.

Milk on a overcast sort of warm day. Mmm, it's humid. Delicious. It's like I'm making yogurt in my body. So if we go back and rewind, if we take the Florida and Michigan jobs open again, we'll play one more. Oh, we're starting over. We're going to start.

Do you want us to play for real this time? Yeah, no, no, no. I want you to play for real. We'll do one more round of this because I, I think this is fascinating because we could end up with some absolute disasters. Okay. Okay.

And I'll let Jason pick Florida this time. Okay, so Mustamp's been fired and Florida's hiring a new coach. Right, let's just say this is after like week five. Now, are we only hiring head coaches? Can you only pluck head coaches? No, I'm giving you free reign. Oh, okay.

Well, I think Florida is going to want a head coach and you're going to want to go offensive, I think. So we'll say... Wait, wait, wait, Jason. What would Florida want to hire somebody who had done the job before I don't know just a gut instant you're probably right you should probably just hire

someone who was expected to become a head coach at some point who had never actually done it like someone who's waiting to be a head coach yeah like someone who just a head coach sort of in waiting a really good assistant that's good even a really passionate one too

you know because yeah let's go get Kirby smart yeah sure that would be great by the way it is a real bet with Holly Anderson and if they hire Kirby Smart, she gets to cut off one of my toes. That would just be, yeah. I mean, why not just rehire Wilmust Champ? It's, yeah, no save and, like, no save and assistance.

I don't think that's ever happening ever again. Period. I'm going to miss your toe. So hire an actual head coach of Florida, Jason. Okay. Let's see, you want Florida ties, head coach experience, offensive side of the ball. that's not a very long list.

Just say Dan Mullen. Just say it. Man, I'm trying not to do that to you all, but all right, Dan Mullen. Okay. It's about the only option that fits the three big requirements. And yes, it's an uncomfortable fit. Because as Year 2 put it so well on Twitter, wow, that's saddling Mississippi State's former coach with the expectations of Urban Meyer. two national titles in 2014 when the program is itself a giant poisoned ant hill of trouble

he beat lSU one big win let's hire him um okay so that leaves both the miss state job and the michigan job still open ryan yeah so miss mississippi state you're gonna go get Tommy Tuberville All right, you know that could happen, right? That's entirely plausible. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure he's applied for it already. Now I know this job ain't open.

Just keep this on file, if you would. God bless. We'll just hang on to your resume. Just like fact spam. It's just Tommy Tuberville resume. They're like, oh. Why does a kinko's and, like, Fargo have Tommy Tuberville's resume? Every athletic department in America keeps a second fax machine,

just dedicated to the Tuberville spam. Just for that. So, Spencer, you can then fill the Michigan or the Cincinnati job. Boy, they're kind of a push at this point, aren't they? Yeah, I mean, they both have their pluses and minuses. Yeah. Okay, so I have to fill the Michigan job. And to be honest, my pick was Dan Mullet, so I got Shanghai.

Yeah, so I'm going to have to do the dangerous thing of thinking on my feet here. And when I have to think on my feet, I opt for the easier option, Cincinnati, because you know who Cincinnati's going to go higher? They're going to hire somebody with some gumption, a little bit of passion, a little bit of faith, belief, someone who believes in heaven people. Houston nut to Cincinnati. he's also applied you know he has

and I thought for a second about putting Houston nut at the Michigan job but no like that wouldn't even they might actually state like put police along the roads to keep him from driving in

I mean that's what it'll take because he's trying to get that job so I believe Ryan we go back to Michigan do you? All right so Michigan wants, let's say one guy Michigan's going to want is less miles.

But they're not going to get less miles. But there is somebody on the LSU staff with Michigan connections. Oh, I know where this is going. Started out there. He's been a head coach at the pro and college level. That's why I'm talking about Michigan head coach

Malcolm Cam Cameron. I love fucking this game up. You're not a nice person. No. Not in the least. But you know what? That is a higher. I could absolutely see after they ask Harbaugh six times and he says no 12 times.

They say, all right, we're going to go get Cam Cameron and we're going to pretend like it was the plan all along. it's like a spite thing we'll show you harball there's now what if what if less takes that job what if less has that year at lSU where he still wins eight games with absolutely nothing and can't stand it and michigan says well bygones be bygones we'll take that job so that puts us in a situation where

the lSU head coaching job is open and oh oh there's a place where that's gone really wrong jason who would who would take that lSU spot Nick Saban. There, we're done. Obviously, because Kiffin would be bumped up at Tampa. Lane Kiffin's coaching Alabama. Lake Kiffin wins the 2015 National Championship.

I give Lane Kiffin eight months if that happens. Like a John L. Smith length of time, because it'll be great for a month. Eight months, like, to be promoted to the Jets job or something? eight, you know, that would happen. It'd be like eight months. It'd be like, man, Lane Kippin, he's the next coming of, oh, dang, Jets head coach, Lane Kippen. Oh, we liked him so much.

We liked him so much. Did never see his family. Which is, by the way, I think that's their arrangement is that Lane Kiffin's like, like, I think he's living in Tuscaloosa and she's living in L.A. Because you can't spell Tuscaloosa without L.A. I think. Nobody's tried. You know, the real L.A. is Lower Alabama.

Or as someone called Mobile and Lower Alabama to me this weekend, the genitals of Alabama. Just dangling on. But real nice ones. Yeah, real, just real pretty ones. Real prominent. Real sandy. Real sandy. Kind of polluted.

I think that went as well. I think that went better than reality, because in reality, probably going to be a lot worse. Oh, yeah. I wanted to move the discussion to the people that we will have to explain to NFL people this year, which is kind of our backdoorway,

dear listener, of getting you to talking a little bit about what's happened both last week and what might happen this coming week. For instance, someone will have to explain from Mississippi State's shocking upset of LSU, someone will have to explain

to the rest of the world, Dak Prescott. Mississippi State, who had the game of his life versus LSU, beating them for the first time since 1999. Going back to the Wayne Madkin, Jurassic area of Mississippi State football, if you had to explain Dak Prescott, Jason, how would one do that? Well, you'd probably want to start with the Tebow comparison,

although you probably wouldn't if you're trying to sell him to the NFL person. yeah you know just uh sure he can run the ball a little bit but we haven't seen the the whole miracle thing happen quite yet um do you you'd probably start with the name because NFL people always get hung up on the name thing what his name's what you know yeah we've been we've been telling you his name for four years now his name's it's a totally normal name like college college fans get this, like, hipster thing about college football player names. Yeah, his name's Barquevius.

Nothing weird about that at all. Even though we just spent like four years being like, dude, his name's Barquevious. That's totally weird. Yeah, we laughed at it for four years, but you're not allowed to. Yeah, you're not allowed to because we have standards. Because we already knew about it. Dang it.

His full name, by the way, is Dakota. So maybe he'll be more serious as an adult. I'll be like, Dak, and he's like, no. No, no, no. Oh, he can't get drafted by Washington, can he? us grafting use a sign of respect they immediately refer to him as like a community elder

a chief something like that Snyder like takes the stage ceremonial headdress my name is just Dak that's it's just that's my name it's all I'm not a community elder the other guy on that team who I think will probably end up having

to explain to people who's being really good is Preston Smith, their defensive end, who has been very good through the early innings of Mississippi State's season. Of course, we're going to have to explain them and then possibly forget them when Mississippi State, like, I don't know, blows three games down the stretch,

which they are entirely capable of doing. Ryan Nanny, who is someone else that we are going to have to eventually explain to NFL people? I'm excited to eventually explain Amir Abdullah from Nebraska, because everybody's going to, first of all, NFL people are just going to assume because he's a running back who gets the ball a lot

and runs for a lot of yards that he went to Wisconsin. He does wear red. Yeah, and he wears the same colors, so it's going to have to come from there. And then they're going to be even more confused when we ask them, well, you know, what do you do against the Oklahoma, defense well you know he didn't they don't play them what do you do against the texas defense well

that that wouldn't matter anyway if that even happened why is he ducking him what and and you know it'll be because he's a coward but what did you do what do against miami in the national title game no no they just they just played that was that was just a sad regular season game meant nothing uh we should probably eventually have to explain melvin gordon too yeah um because uh because he's really good. And you'll also have to explain that there aren't, his record actually, they're not typos. His stats really were

for the past weekend. He had 253 yards on 13 carries. Yeah, and we get to explain to NFL people. There was a point when this guy's team just sort of decided to not use him. Just

felt it would do just fine if he wasn't playing. They felt it was irresponsible. I felt it was There's just a little show offy. We're just, that's not even Big Ten football. That's, that's not, that's just humanity. It's just decency that prevents us

from doing this. Um, another guy I feel like we're going to have to explain is Taysam Hill. Oh man. I have no idea how we're going to explain Taysam Hill, though. From the name forward. Um, I think, I, start with the basics. Well, first, first of all, you need to know that he's a

deceptively quick athlete. who just happens to be one of the best dual threat quarterbacks of the last few years uh yeah and and by the way like ed you can say that for anybody at b yu i think actually now if you just go to b yu uh they treat everybody like you're deceptively fast whether no matter what race you happen to be more quick than fast yes i mean oh he's he's more quick than fast he's got real smart feet yeah he's got smart feet he's got his arm um it's deceptively strong.

Everything is going to be deceptive. We basically... Just one big lie. We have to describe Taysam Hill like he's a spy, basically. It might be. I don't know what he is it. Taysam Hill stars at Homeland,

season five. Taysam Hill, I think could actually be like toward the end of the season. He'll be like one of those Heisman consolation guys where they're like, here's somebody who's not going to win,

who sits three seats down from the guy. who actually wins just as a courtesy but we'll have to I think that's another person that we'll have to explain because he's been ridiculously productive through the first four games of the season we're missing anybody else yeah two names here first being Connor Halliday who is absolutely going to land somewhere in the NFL and just infuriate a fan base for like four years and also Baylor Sean Oakman who uh he's gonna be one of those that like by the end of the year we're going to be sick of hearing about him uh he's really good and all but he's also got that

bio detail of him being like seven foot 13 yeah he is and we're going to be sick of hearing about that and then NFL people are going to discover it in like march and we'll have to yeah yeah yeah we knew about that do that whole thing oh he's six nine is that a is that a sign of a lack of humility being that tall isn't he the tower of babble of people how do we even know he speaks the same language at the head that he does at the knees he's not even an oak man, but he might be. His body's multilingual. I don't know.

We can trust that. You know who I'm excited to explain to NFL types in a intentionally over-optimistic way? Oh, God. Bo Wallace. Oh, man. I'm going to be out there selling Bo Wallace like the goddamn music man.

Whoever drafts Dr. Bo in the first round, we got to like, oh awesome pick we're all in love to you got a steal you got him at seven how was he still there at seven man six teams are going to be kicking

themselves forever watch the browns strapped him so he can sit behind mansell after like if he does something like beat Alabama on the fourth and just a fluky game where he makes maybe three good throws like a Stephen Garcia phenomenon right

that's when we start trying to make Dr. Bow money by getting him a gigantic signing bonus. I'll just put it out there. I'll be like, yeah, you can use him on kick returns until he's ready to throw. Because that's a thing. I've seen that done a lot. That's a thing one should do with him.

Let's work. Get him on the field. It's the ultimate weapon. Just get him out there. I'm also really looking forward to, and I've already seen the sort of early innings of this, to the does Marcus Marriota's talk

thing? Because Marriota is just this very quiet Not a leader Not a leader Doesn't have the leader mentality Just get ready for that Yeah that was a Did not impress in interviews

Happens also he's not white I'm gonna you know Let you know She's not even from America As far as the continent goes He doesn't have that Continental understanding Of communication that we have

He should change He should start going by Mark. Just to throw people. Oh, Mark? Oh, Mark's a great dude. Mark Marriott. Just changed. Mark Marriott's humble?

No, no, you just changed the last letter. Marcus Marriotti. Nobody wants it. So he sounds Italian. What Italian quarterback do you want? Marcus O'Mariot. Are you telling me that NFL people would not lose their minds over an Italian quarterback? Yeah, they did.

His name was Vinete Testa Verdi. Exactly. He was, he was. was employed for like 18 years. Set the NFL record for interceptions, man. And he looked 47 years old for all of his seasons. You're allowed to set the record for interception. Can we just start saying

he's from like West Pennsylvania? Oh, that'd be like the kicker, right? They're like, isn't he from Hawaii? And they're like, yeah, but he was born in West Pennsylvania. Well, you know, there's a California, Pennsylvania. We just say there's a Hawaii Pennsylvania. And he was born from the western part of that California, Pennsylvania. They smuggled him out.

They got him out. there, and he learned the ways of the islands. He went to Hawaii on a missions trip. He's like Moses. Moses wasn't a talker. Yep, there's no record of Moses speaking. Not known for talking about it all. And he only talked to God.

Look how that worked out. Huh? Huh? I just got you a new quarterback, Kansas City Chiefs. I would love to read Nolan now, Rocky's breakdown of Moses. Oh. Lackscent. find some dirt on that guy. Lacks sense

of direction in the pocket. Questionable family background. Questionable family. I'm not buying the thing with the reeds. Spent some time in the desert talking to plants. Talking to plants, possible characteristics. Relys too much on frogs.

You're just an insane, yeah. Parting the seas, definitely show off. Definitely the kind of guy. only time he ever won a trophy he burned it down we actually do have a couple of reader questions that we should get to in this super tidy

now 39 minute long podcast so let's get to those if we can Jason this comes to us from Drewby underscore A.L what would be the most SEC version of the Michigan Coke promo

Oh, I'll open this up to the floor. Hardees. Hardee. No specifics, just for Hardee's. There's nothing attached to it. It's just you go to Hardee's. You walk into Hardys and they buy food and then you leave. And they just have them like out with the other condiments.

You're like, okay, we got ketchup here, little salt and pepper there. And next of that, there's Florida tickets. You just take as many as you want. We're out of sweet. and low, so you're going to have to take Florida tickets instead for your coffee. Stick them right in your coffee. Hand them over. I'm going to go with a couple different variations.

I said that I think if you had, like, if you bought two 12 packs of Publix Doctor Thunder, you know, or diet Dr. Thunder, I don't want to discriminate. Then you went ahead and you got free tickets to a Florida game, right? they would just hand you like five of them, right? I think for Mississippi State, that's probably feeling like a gas station oriented thing. So it's probably a couple of scratch-offs, like two scratch-offs, two missedate tickets.

Although it's a tough ticket this year. Tougher than Florida, that's where we're at now. And then I think for Auburn, it would have to be some sort of bootleg thing off of a peanut, boiled peanut stand. I think maybe it's based on tithing. it would be Auburn that would have the church

tie in it'd be a church raffle then wouldn't it yeah you could call it that those have been known to be fixed

huh that happens never heard that I don't know about that in the big ten yeah I think for South Carolina you know what

I think for Alabama if they ever actually had problems getting those tickets out it would be Copenhagen or Skull I can't decide which one. It'd be the winter green flavor either way.

They do it Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style. Yeah, and you say that's not a beverage? Oh. Many disagree. By the way, Alabama this past weekend, first place where I've seen multiple people doing the peanut and the Coke trick. Like just drinking Coke with just a whole pack of peanuts in there. First time?

That's the first time I've seen multiple. Usually you see one guy and you're like, oh, but upper deck at Brian Denny, you see like, five or six people all doing that. I thought you were from Tennessee. Oh, no, no, sir, sir. Why would we ever, ever lace down our sugars with peanuts? Well, speaking of, I think the Vanderbilt one, it's sort of a test drive of BMW.

You get a free Vandy ticket. Sir, the M3 only. Yeah, yeah, it's got to be a nice one. Ryan, your question. Okay, this question comes from Roke. Rocka underscore star. Is there a more fun hypothetical candidate for next Michigan head coach than Ed Orgeron? No.

No. Oh, actually, no. Houston. Other than, like, Jamie Fox or something, and he's going to play a different character every week or, like, that's it. Just Jamie Fox. I really think it's Houston nut because, like, Ed Orgeron's kind of like a, he's kind of like a crawdad version of Brady Hoke.

Okay, let me throw this out of it. Bobby Cox. I think he works just fine. No, he works just fine, curmudgeonly. I think he fits in just fine. Like, Bobby Cox intentionally getting thrown out of the Michigan Iowa game in the third quarter because he thinks it's a good thing would be amazing. Michigan fans would be mortified. also bobby cox wearing a baseball uniform on the sideline

i was thinking he's wearing a football uniform yeah i know he's wearing a football uniform come on i want him in in leather helmet with the with the wings on it now i hope he just wears his old brave shit um that's what he probably wears every day anyway i was gonna say he hasn't taken that off yet uh and then the uh question i will uh i will take I still think Houston Nutt is more terrifying.

I don't think they didn't even know what Houston Nett was. Like he'd talk and they'd be like, what is this man saying? What is, is this even a man? I'm going to go ahead and pick my question as he scrolls down and tries to find it. Ah, to, I'm going to go to Jane. See Jane, 87, contributor to EDSBS and SB Nation.

They simply asks, why God, why. That's my question. my answer would be once Jim Delaney in response to the SEC winning a tile wrote a snarky, smarmy letter talking about how he admired the SEC's performance on the field, but that you know, the Big Ten had to do things the right way

and that's literally the point where everything goes to shit. Like go back and look after that letter. That was in 07, was it not? Correct. The minute he wrote that letter from that point on, every Big Ten program, suffers at least one or two years of horrible travail, and their bowl record just dives. We have to remember to add that to our list of crazy shit

that happened in 2007. Exactly, but that was part of the year. That was the year that broke college football. And Jim Delaney started it. I think Les Miles did. Let's be honest. Teamwork. Future Michigan head coach.

Future Michigan head coach and Michigan, graduate. Michigan graduate. Wow. Yes. And see how smart he is. What did you major in, Les? Let's look at this week very quickly, and I mean very quickly because there's nothing to look at this week is one of the worst college football weeks I can remember. And that's not saying, oh, well, something will probably happen. No, it's real bad. Top to bottom. Thursday night, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State. I think maybe my favorite game for the week. Right there. Wow, that's pretty dark, I know. Same night, by the way. Again, maybe the best night. UCLA playing at Arizona State, both 3 and O. UCLA's first pack 12 game.

Anything else sticking out to you, Brian? Okay, I will say. Because you're going to pick a terrible game. No, I will say Arkansas, Texas A&M could be interesting. Arkansas might be better early. than we thought or worst case we will get to see Texas A&M do all kinds of fun offensive stuff all up and down the field and we'll see Brett Veele and I get real mad that's a fine pick right no that's not a dumb pick at all see good job me C plus

I'm gonna stop you right there ain't going to let you pick another one Jason oh man where to begin we have undefeated Florida State traveling to likewise undefeated NC State, a rival that's given them serious problems in the past. I don't recall that. I don't think NC State's going to give them any trouble. Oh, it's happened before. And that NC State team wasn't even undefeated like this one is.

That's true. You know what? There's a fat man. There's a gift of a fat man shirtless twerking on a pole. Could we see a sequel? We could see a sequel. Listen, if that fat guy crawls up in the pole again, like if he comes back from whatever job he's got after he graduated just to come back

and climbing that pole shirtless be the greatest moment in the history of the college football internet can we have him on the forecast if he does that dude if we can get him he can yeah he might be too big for us definitely um i want to look at one possible disaster on the schedule at 4 p.m in lawrence kansas the texasas Longhorns. One and two. Nope. Nope. They play. You're pulling a real nanny here. This is a dick move.

Well, you didn't. So I have to. Texas plays at Kansas. Texas, I will go ahead and just say it. That's my upset special of the week. Is that an upset? What's the line? Let's look that one up real quick. Oh, it's 14. No, it's 14. Texas by 14. 14. Two GDs.

Wow. Against the Texas team that has eight people left on it. That's gross. It's pretty gross. It's super gross. Yeah. Otherwise, this is an abomination of a week where game day has to pick Missouri, South Carolina. I remember, as Steve Spurrier said, you know, I thought both teams would have to win.

I were to get game day, but apparently only one of us has to. Now, do you think that's because he's going to come out and be the game day picker? He should. Be like, guys, Seafsperger picked Bazoo. Disrespect. And he uses that. He goes in the, y'all see that guy on game day today? It was me.

Y'all see that? Media don't believe in you. I'm one of them. Coach, that's cruel. It's fair. Yep. Y'all better get out there and prove me wrong. We're ending there.

That's perfect.