Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.14.0

Episode Date: August 5, 2015

This week's entire podcast is devoted to speaking on the SEC, which doesn't really mean we won't talk about things like: --Which SEC fanbase is most/least likely to attack and dismember a robot? --Which team Florida loses to this year from the pair of Tennessee and/or Kentucky? --Following up on that, how losing to your spouse's rival is a delayed kind of rage --Is the SEC going to be relevant in any way besides ruining people's lives in all directions? (A: No!) --How any team can screw any situation up at any time no matter how good a situation you might think it could be in college football (HI WILL MUSCHAMP) --The inevitable mess that someone getting paid over $4 million will get into this year in the SEC West --Why the hell is LSU playing Syracuse on the road? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. This is a very special forecast because we are going to be discussing, you know God's conference. We're going to be discussing the SEC. The SEC, and when you discuss the SEC, Twang's got to get a little bit deeper. Your opinions have to get a little bit stronger to hold up that massive, slightly overweight to extremely overweight frame.

and you've got to speak on things. And that's what we're going to do tonight. We are just going to get, we're going to look into our heart. We're going to go to gracepoint.tv. We're going to go to the megachurch of our minds and look into our souls and dig out the questions that we need to speak on. Because we're talking about things close to the heart. And that would be Southeastern Conference football. But before that, we're going to do some reader questions.

But we've got to speak on stuff because this is, we got how many, Jason Kirk joining us from his backyard, our college football editor at SB Nation, recently had a plane flyover in the pregame call. Are you okay? Yeah, I got a little hairy there for a second. I wish we could have got that on the recording. It was so, so loud.

Like, it seriously sounded like Independence Day or something, the movie. It was just a flyover, just getting excited for the kickoff of the forecast. Jason's going to get an eagle later, flying around. It was Auburn fans flying to the dome. When you live in real America, you can call in a fly over to your house anytime. Yeah. Unlike some of us who live in the godless quadrants of the concrete box infested northeast. I'm speaking, of course, of Ryan Nanny, aka Celebrity Hotub on Twitter,

joining us from what godforsaken waste? The borough of Brooklyn. But I'm real close to just getting up and leaving, man. The home of barbecue. Oh, I forgot about that. It's the media center of the nation, and when New York's talking about it, everybody's talking about it. That's true. Invented cow.

Invented cow. Invented eating. Do you know people didn't even eat before New York City? Yeah. It's amazing. This is cow. You can need it. Before, people just rub their face on the cow's dead flesh and hope they'd absorb nutrients.

But then New York came along and solved everything. Yes, that's where Ryan's joining us from, a place devoid of any original content whatsoever. Except the video content produced by, no, even that. That's right, except the video content. Even that we stole from the South. Sorry. We do have to speak on some things, but first. what I would like to do is I would like to open the proceedings by salting a few reader questions in here.

We ask for shutdown full cast questions every week. Some of you provide them, and some of them are quite entertaining. I thought the possibilities behind this one were boundless and colorful. Brandon underscore Borders, Brandon Borders, asks which SEC fan base is most least likely to destroy a hitchhiking robot. I repeat, which SEC fan base is most slash least likely to destroy a hitchhiking robot? Brandon, you've given us a question that is both topical, rich, and irresistible. So we will answer this. Jason Kirk, I wanted to start with you.

I know we all have definite answers about not only which one would be most or least likely, but how this would happen. I have so many opinions here. One of the first that comes to mind is the LSU fan who's going to kill the thing just to try and make a pasta lia out of it just to see if you can fry aluminum and what that tastes like Mechalaya, oh, that's good. You never had that?

Oh, the chips, they really, the electronics chips. You get them little breaded, a little coated. Goody. Jason's joking, or Ryan's joking, but I'm kind of intrigued. I mean, I'd try it. A robot po-boy tastes like is what you're telling. Ro-boy, yeah, yeah.

Ro-boy. Yeah. Although I'm going to put LSU a little bit lower because if an LSU fan is picking up something on the side of the road, I mean, it could be to cook it, it could be to dismember it, you know? They might take it home and adopt it as their own. What I'm saying is that the menu, the options, we have many of them.

LSU fans are unpredictable. It could go a lot of different directions. Florida is a very good answer here Not because of the robot But because the robot is a hitchhiker And if you're a Is it a German robot? If you're a hitchhiker in Florida

You stand a very good chance of getting murdered And I think after the fact they realize Oh shit That wasn't even a people That doesn't count against my total I'm never going to win it up Is it's standing near where Florida Is it standing near where Florida drivers are

Yeah also that or Florida cyclists due to the large eco-friendly hordes of cyclists in urban Florida who are only doing that because they have DUIs. Florida, have a walk.

You can't arrest me for WUI, can you? Wait, you can? Shit. Dang it. Going to have to get on this hover round. Watch this happen. Maybe.

this is a pilot program, by the way. Hitchbots really onto something. We could lower the number of hitchhikers murdered in the state of Florida if we just put robots out there as decoys. So do you mean that people would work out their murderous rage on the hitchbots? No, no. That assumes they could tell the difference. I see. Right. I'm not giving them that much credit. You're just playing the odds, sort of. That Floridians would just pick it up and do exactly what you said and say, oh, I didn't realize that That's not a people My dark passenger is going to be pissed

I think part of it is like also the ones that they're hitting You know, it's doing more damage to their cars Right Yeah, that all stands the reason I think the A&M fan The A&M fan might adopt it as a god They might take it

They might just work it into the A&M cult As yet another facet, right? Oh yeah There's a whole channel about HitchBot Sure. Hitchbot's been a tradition since 1914. I call it Johnny I call it Johnny Canzel. The only thing

The only thing about the Texan there is not only is HitchBot Not from Texas, it's not even from America. So it's like Double not Texas, which I don't know if that comes back around like a double negative or if it's like inconceivably evil at that point.

Yeah, but Texas and America either. Remember? Texas is just Texas. Yeah, that's true. I guess North Korea, Canada, Louisiana, it's all the same to a Texan, as long as it's not Oklahoma. And what happens if I duct tape a Ruger to it? Huh? Just take that little robot paw, give it a little, give it, you know, 6.5 pounds of bullet-loaded America. Just duct-tap it on there. The Second Amendment is not clear if it only applies to non-robots. I'm going to assume that, you know, as an advocate of open carry and marrying a gun, that it applies to robots, too. because robots are people too especially if they vote with my political party

yeah where it says we the people I mean who are we to say hitchbot ain't people it's implied exactly does he root for the Aggies yeah okay good then he's either people or dog and if he's a dog he's in charge if Hitchpot accidentally discharges

in class tuition's free that's right yeah that if he does that you get to leave class you can call him ditch bot sweet I can't believe I actually search Twitter to see if anybody made a bitchbot joke and nobody had made it. What the fuck?

I know. Twitter, Twitter, you're slacking. Twitter's dead. Do you caught Twitter slipping. Sell Twitter. I would say the other SEC fan base most likely to destroy a hitchhiking robot would be Auburn because I'm pretty sure they'd think it was from the devil. Markerwaves possessed. You need to take that back. pretty sure that robot is not all in I tried to proselytize to it

I got persecuted though so I just opened up on it blam blam Johnny 5 I'll take Jesus 12 every day Is that can't Is that Can Newton? Uh yeah What about the least likely Half of this

The least likely You know probably Vanderbilt because they already have Robot Butlers so they're used to the whole The whole race of Organism I think I think Miss State would be a good candidate as well. I think they'd pick up

the hitchhiker and the hitchhiking robot talk shit about Old Miss and by the mere fact that the robot doesn't disagree with them, they'd be like, oh man, told you we got a fan here. We got a state fan here. One thing that would work in the robot's favor is if it's

like 1950s robot, that's all like bling, blong, blah. Yeah. And then like if it, when it moves, it sounds like a clangha. Like a drunk cowbell. You can say, oh, we can speak its language. Yeah, if we can speak it's language we can get it to buy season tickets let's take it man get it to call old miss racist i want to see i want to see that version of close encounters of the third kind

clang clang clang clang clang clang oxford is racist dang that's a great robot dang the future's fine this robot ain't got a shirt on neither do i see if it can dispense ice cream holy crap I think another fan base that is extremely unlikely to destroy a hitchhiking robot would be the Mizzou Tigers

because of the fan base his affection for Gary Pinkle. He'd just remind them of Gary Pinkle. Oh, hey, coach is here. Yeah, coach is here. Look, he needs a ride. Let's pick him up. Since when? When does Gary Pinkle not drive himself around?

Everyone knows the man drives. I was so close to getting that. It beat me to it. Man. When would he not drive himself? So, yeah, I think Mizzou's affection for Gary Pinkle's robotic, monotone demeanor would probably transfer to poor Hitchbots, you know, fortunes out there on the roads of Missouri. Hell, Hitchbott might be like third at quarterback for Missouri. To be first for Florida.

hell be in Florida. Hitchbott. Hitchbought threw for 250 against Florida. Didn't even move. He kind of is Sabin's dream cornerback, so that's true. Does it have any? He'll end up the fucking ball. Just get out there and punt, okay? Just putt hitchbought. Punt bot. Oh man, punt bot

would live forever in Alabama. Your name is PitchBot. You just pitch the fucking ball. That's the, yeah, the Paul Johnson bot. Yeah, pitch, but you got three options. I ain't writing in binary. ain't nobody called you Throwbot That's right

And I think finally By the way That the University of Tennessee I think it would do pretty well On the roads of Tennessee Because A, they're lonely Yeah, it's true There's not many people out there

Too, pretty sure HitchBot Can be converted to a still Also, HitchBot within a year Somebody at Tennessee would fucking hate Hitchbite And be like, yeah, that's my ex. He's a son of a bitch. I fucking hate that motherfucker.

Hadn't written me a child support check yet. Do you have children? No. No? The hell is that? What kind of a cop? What are you a cop? What are you some kind of child cop?

Cop and a half? You a robot cop from the robot police? Cop and a half, still the number one movie in Knoxville. I have no doubt that that's absolutely true. I think we should move from this rich question into a broader discussion of things we need to speak on with the SEC. Ryan. Oh, my God.

Why are you doing this to me? No, you got something you need to speak on with the SEC. You have a strong opinion you need to get off your chest about the upcoming season. I know you do. Okay. Here's my strong opinion. I don't, like, Florida games are still going to be really unpleasant to watch for different reasons. For different reasons, partially because they have, I think, two offensive linemen.

and other than that, they're just going to fill Gatorade containers and hope they can keep their GPAs up, partially because they still have some youth, some inexperience at quarterback, and partially because I'm just scared internally. I have no idea how much of Florida this year is going to be me manifesting in some sort of backwards, the secret, my own terrors and failures,

and how much is just going to be, hey, Jim McElwain inherited problems, and it's going to take a little time to clean this up. We got a spray. Oh, we got a demold? Yeah. We got a spray. You're probably, I mean, we're going to put all new,

all new drywall in, but don't worry, your air conditioning bill is going to drop by $50. Yeah, you don't want to sleep in Florida football right now. No. No. You can sleep on it. That's fine. You're going to get a weird cough?

It's going to be all kinds of strange things. Like, for instance, in case you haven't noticed, we're pretty much going to start a five-star OT who just signed this year. They're basically penciling him in on the offensive line. Like, yep, hey, son. Yeah, 40% of your offensive line is a day one freshman and an FCS call-up. Yep. Get it. That's what we have to do.

That's how inept the previous staff was. scouting, retaining, and training offensive talent. And I say this, I guess what I'm really leading up to is Florida's going to lose one of two streaks this year. It's either going to be the Tennessee streak or the Kentucky streak. I don't know which one it is. Would you be pretty happy if we, like the year, you look back and we'd beaten both of them? I'm taking all of the results out of the equation.

And you look back and all you know about the season is we beat both Kentucky and Tennessee. Would you just take that and go, yeah, I'm pretty happy with that. Yeah, I probably would, actually. I'd probably say, okay, well, this was going to be their punch and chance to get it done, and they didn't. And also, like, I think there's the whole recruiting implications for being like, shit, Florida just lost to Kentucky. That's going to be bad. That's going to have spillover effects. Which of those two would you least want to lose?

Kentucky, because I am married to a Tennessee fan, and so I can live with it if she gets something good out of the deal. Oh, okay. Wow, that's gentlemanly of you. You think that now. I do. Yeah, she's going to talk shit. Oh, yeah. I'd put a bookmark on that comment.

That's fine. Come back to it in three months? That's fine, because I can, we can pull this audio, and I can play it for her, and I can say, see how selfless I was? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you've never actually experienced this. No, I haven't. I really haven't. I don't know what to do. Yeah, it won't be, I'm telling you, it won't be pleasant. What's going to be really nice is like the, like Tennessee's celebrating they beat Florida. Yeah.

And then she hits you with the like, you know, oh, you'll get them next week, something, whatever. That's when, that's when I already hate you. Yeah, it's bad, man. That's fine. yeah because you know what i'll do i'll just say well i didn't watch the game or she'll be like you're right this was fun watching this together yeah and then like seriously you just kind of take all that rage you're going to have to excrete it into an evil black fluid and you're going to just have to

mail it to the cdc that's fine i'm still i'm still taking i'm still taking tennessee as the least painful because i do in some sense enjoy when the tennessee florida rivalry is a competitive one and an actual rivalry, and I would rather just continue to beat Kentucky even in the years when we shouldn't, and the refs give us unfair calls, and all sorts of bullshit happens. I'm fine with that. Yeah. Does that happen?

It did happen. Oh, you bet you bet that happened. And I listened to it happen on a rental car radio in South fucking Dakota. My life is very dumb. Oh, you actually participated in a Florida game as it happened last year? That is, that is, that is, uh, was that the one? It was early enough in the year that I did it then. Oh, okay. How many are you going to watch this year?

Oh, I got to talk it. I got to talk it over with some people. No, that's a week by week thing. I think my prediction is that Ryan makes it to week three. Wow. Is that better than last year? Uh, no. No, but I think you'll do better this year. Let me back up a second. You have to, you have to understand that I know, we have to back up a little bit further and tell everyone listening. Ryan is a Florida fan. who is smarter than I am, because you bailed after game, what, four last year? Yeah. And before that, I bailed after the Miami game, the year before.

Yes, which is correct, because our head coach was very dumb and very bad at his job. And never changed or improved or got better. I did not watch a second of the Georgia game last year, and I'm fine with it. I watched every game. Yeah. And I went to the Missouri game. And I will say this, Ryan's a smarter person than I am, much smarter. But I am going to watch the Missouri game in full because Spencer and I are going to write about it.

Oh, you bet we are, buddy. But so all I'm saying is that I watch these games usually with Dan Rubinstein and Roger and like a group of people. And I can't in good conscience say, no, this is so important that the actual good game that's going on right now, We should watch this instead of that. I'm not going to do that to other people. I'm self-quarantining. Again, I am a great person. So I think we agree, by the way.

Florida is like, what? If we win eight games, you're fairly content with that? Eight games is great. Eight games, I'd be stunned. Eight games is great. Yeah. God, Mushaunt was garbage. I think that could happen.

I mean, I think that could happen. Sure. It really could. Sure. It could also easily not happen. I am looking at the games, though. Yeah. There's a stretch.

Oh, man, it's a stretch. There's a stretch in October. Actually, there's a stretch starting in late September. Hell, let's go mid-September. At Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ole Miss at home, at Missouri, at LSU versus Georgia. That's basically three road games in a row to end October. If we finish three and three in that stretch, that's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah.

It really would be, because right now I'm just worried about beating East Carolina. A legitimate concern. I'm going to use this opportunity to piggyback onto another question about the SEC. Okay. This is a question we got from Paul Hagan at Paul Hagan, WSMV. His question, and I'll read it verbatim, will the SEC East be relevant this C? No, I can't even finish that fake question. Sir, how dare you?

Do you want to look up A&M's record in the SEC? Wow. Just he want to do that? Wow. Yeah. No, I see you weather, man. Burn him. That's Paul Hagen from Nashville weather.

Burn them down. Okay, so this is all I'm going to say. If your question is, is the SEC East going to be relevant in, like, the upper stratosphere? The answer is no. There is not going to be an SEC East. East team that in November we are saying, I don't know, they might make the playoff. They look like the playoff team. They're not even going to be sniffing at that.

However, the SEC East played the following teams last year and lost to all of them. Florida State, Georgia Tech, Louisville, Clemson, Oklahoma. They will play all of those teams again this year, and the SEC East is good enough to fuck up somebody else's day. Like, the SEC East has a driver's license and doesn't care about its own car. That's what I'm saying. And you have to share the road with them. That's right. The SEC East is either the reckless 16-year-old.

Or the reckless 86-year-old. Right. I'm going with the reckless 16-year-old. Yeah. Because I think the profile of the East right now is a bunch of youngish and or reconstructing programs, right? Mm-hmm. Boy, is it Reconstruction

of words you want to use when discussing it's it went fine before. It worked out

kind of. It took an extra 100 years. It took an extra yeah, that's it. The SEC East on that

regional development curve of being better in the next 100 to 150 years. It's getting there. It's getting there. But yeah, this is the conference

division that will is capable of ruining someone's life. That's it. Yeah. It's the cousin that stays with you, and next thing you know, you have a meth lab in your basement. Jason, you got something you want to speak on.

Do you need to get something off your chest with the SEC? The good Lord has put something on my heart that I got to share with y'all this evening. Let it out. Let it out. I feel led to testify on the following topic. I think it's time for us to backlash against the Tennessee hype backlash. At the end of last season, after they smashed Iowa in the bowl game, there was a sudden surge of all shit.

Here comes Tennessee next year. We're going to win eight, nine games. Butch has got them on the right track, bring a quarterback back, turn a lot of talent and all that. And since then, there's been kind of this push from sensible people to say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. By sensible people, I don't mean Tennessee fans because they're all about, you know,

we're going to win 10, 11 games this year. many of them at least where I I don't really think we need to tone that down all that much looking at the rest of the East looking at what Tennessee returns they have it's amazing to say but they have one of the most proven quarterbacks in the conference they've been recruiting well this they have a decent head coach at very least I mean I think you say top three in the SEC East sure like Georgia's got a lot of talent but who's their quarterback who's their offensive coordinator We don't really know on either of those. Mizzou's still there. Sort of a de facto winner two years in a row. No offense, Mizzou. That's how I'm going to describe it. I mean, to me, it's like Tennessee, sure, they're good enough to make it to Atlanta and then lose,

but I think we crank the height back up, and not just because it'll be hilarious when it doesn't work out. You know, just looking at the rest of the east, I don't really see who else is that much better than Tennessee. also with this Tennessee pushes downhill and by that I mean the end of their schedule is the nice winnable part of the schedule where they can really embarrass some people and or do really well hopefully avoid an upset the toughest team they play I mean they October 24th they play Alabama and they play in Tuscaloosa and realistically they will probably buy the numbers lose that game they're vastly improved but they will probably lose that game. They kind of hung in that game last year. They did. Weirdly. No, they did. I mean, they didn't look, they didn't, you know, they didn't look like they didn't belong

on the field. Right. They just looked like a team that didn't have as many horses in the stable. Right. Like, that's literally how they looked. You're like, oh, they, that team has an 84, according to the computer, and that team has a 78, and this is how this kicks in. My comeback there would be Georgia plays Bama, Missou plays Arkansas, Florida

plays LSU, you know what I mean? Like everybody's got a really, really tough opponent out of the West. Everybody will get that. My point isn't that. My point is after October 24th, it goes Kentucky, South Carolina, North Texas, at Missouri, which is the toughest game they have, and then Vanderbilt, who they will annihilate. Because that game is in Knoxville as if it weren't bad enough. So the last four or five weeks of the season, they push downhill.

So if they're in a good spot, they only look better or better as the season goes on. you know, they were young last year and got better over the course of the year, still young going to get better over the course of the year. I mean, if you're a Tennessee fan, sure. Feel hype, have high expectations. I don't see why not. Yeah.

Other than it's always stupid to have high expectations, but I mean, it's no dumber than anybody else right now. I have one little note of caution to slide in there. Do you remember who Tennessee's offensive coordinator is now? It is with that name. Mike DeBoard Ooh Mike DeBoard

late of Michigan Like super late of Michigan Like since 2007 Like dead Yeah like The dearly departed The dearly departed Mike DeBoard Back from the dead

To be the offensive quarter Not that things will change a lot Not that they won't have A newly massive 242 pound Jalen Hurd Who is like a tall heavy Like that's what Jimbo Fisher would call him Be like Well you know

got a tall heavy. They got one of them big fast. They got one of them big fast tall heavies. And Jalen heard. Now, how would he rate as an O.C. compared against like the likes of Brian Schottenheimer? That was my thing I was going to speak on. Oh, okay. Go ahead then. Go ahead.

I do want to pause that, though, because though there is tribulation in my heart, it can wait for the betterment of getting in touch with our fan base. Jason, did you have a question for the readers that you wanted to throw in here? Yeah, I got two. I'll get the quicker one. out of the way. Okay. For us first.

From Alex Lewis, a Big Cat L-92 on Twitter. Build the worst coaching staff you can out of active FBS head coaches. That's a typo FBS. He meant SEC. I'm quite sure of it. Just real quick, I'm going to go, let's see. Our defense coordinator is Kevin Sumlin.

Okay. That's good. I don't believe he's ever had a good defense. His first one, A&M, was kind of all right. I mean, defense is basically taken care of, but I'm going to make it even harder. Our co-defensive backs coaches are Hugh Fries and Gus Malzon, who their entire motivations in life are getting the ball back to the offense as quickly as possible. And then another wrinkle, our assistant DB's coach is Steve Spurrier, who all he's going to do all day is harassed his boss is about how much money they make.

So they're completely distracted and even more interested in just get. this fucking over with. Our quarterbacks coach, Nick Sabin. Yeah, that's perfect. Who, as it is, his sort of pride and joy is the secondary, so he's screaming at, like, you know, a rotation of like seven or eight defensive backs. Now he's screaming at

one guy, the guy who's in charge of distributing the ball. That kid is going to have a fucking meltdown by, like, week four. Our receivers coach is Brett Belema. We're going to have 285-pound receivers. Delicious. Delectable. I'll put Derek Mason

at offensive line coach The Vanderbilt HUD coach Just you know He seems like a nice guy Let's give him a promotion Um Offense coordinator Less Miles

Even though he's got offense in his background We've seen the offense as his team's produced So that's the exact kind of offense we want here And let's put Mark Rick in charge of all this Because he's too nice to fire any of these guys midseason Wow And you know there's a few spots left over But I feel like those are the important ones

You can slot whoever else wherever you want I'm going to double up bread on that strength and conditioning coach. This is awful. Cheeseburgers. You're both awful people. That's a good one. Otherwise, I have no corrections. That's an outstandingly horrible answer.

Yeah. Maybe he makes Spurrier recruiting coordinator, too, because he does not get to shoot about it. He showed up. He's got the right shorts on. Yeah. I think, let's offer him. You don't come play for the SEC? All right, then.

Sounds pretty good. Most people, you know, most people work their whole lives to come down to Florida. You could just, you get down here when you're 18. I met a kid on JetBlue the other day. He seemed nice enough. Hey, you've seen Gus Melz on? He wears one of them visors like me. Doesn't look as good, though.

I wonder if he can help an exercise bowl like I do. The thing I have to speak on, That was an excellent question, by the way. The thing I have to speak on would be Brian Chuttenheimer at Georgia, which is my reminder, which I love to do every year, that anything you assume is a given

can be screwed up. All of it. It can be screwed up for years. And I say this, by the way, as somebody clearly traumatized by projections and predictions last year, of Florida being sort of good in the, well,

they'll run ball control and the defense will take care of things, which is the dumbest goddamn thing every single year because people forget that these are college athletes and you cannot play airtight football with them. You can't. Do you know what a joy it has been to watch Nick Saban like have offensive coordinators from like spread teams living rant free in his head for the last three or four years?

It's been glorious. It's been great. Watching him have to hire offensive coordinator, who enjoy scoring. That's been delightful, by the way. One of those guys who we did in the whole ball management phase was Jim McIlwain. Let's not talk about that. Everything is fine.

It'll all be okay. It'll be fine. Think about the Colorado State year. That's right. Think about that. Think about solo Jim. Think about how good he looked against Wyoming. That's right.

SEC's just like that. So there's that. But when people, pointed to Georgia, a very talented team, very talented, with Jeremy Pruitt, an outstanding defensive coordinator, and just miles of talent on the defensive roster. I ask a few questions. One, when has ball control ever gone wrong in the contemporary game other than every single year with a really talented team?

And some coach who's like, well, we'll just lean on the running back. Well, sometimes when you lean on the running back, his leg breaks. or sometimes you have to pass because occasionally you play a team that can actually get their run fits right on defense, right? Oh, and then sometimes maybe that running back signs a few autographs he shouldn't.

That'll happen. That'll happen, especially in the state of Georgia. Why are you bringing up old shit? Why are you bringing up old business? I don't know, maybe because I almost had to not sleep in my house that night. That was great. good people at Georgia

always good for an anonymous threat what's the best what's the best part of living here I don't know the indomitable courage of people and by anonymous threat you mean a threat made using their Facebook account

that has used in their job to say they're going to shoot me with their hunting rifle from their truck huh hey honey the regional manager over at Target has some words for me yeah wow look at that he's going to drive from Rome

down his truck God damn that's far. You want me to ask him to bring toilet paper? He's coming from Rome, so we can go catch a movie before he gets here. Exactly. Might as well see Avengers Age of Ultron at the drive-in. But yeah, that happens. When people say, well, they can't screw this up.

That goes against everything we know about this sport, because there's a few things you do know. You do know that certain teams, in order to fall to, like, four or five games, you have to suck. at your job, or there has to be some kind of catastrophe for you to get that low because the schedule's padded with easy out-of-conference games. And in addition to that, there's going to be at least two teams that just can't get off the floor in conference every single year. That's going to happen. In most any conference, by the way.

Like when people point to the Pac-12 and say, man, you know, it's just good top to bottom. Yeah, you still get to play Colorado and... You still get to play Colorado in Washington State. Maybe Washington this year, hell. Maybe Washington. We'll save that for a Pac-12 preview. Exactly, that eight people will really, really enjoy. All eight Dan Rubensteins that represent the Pac-12 fan base will adore that section.

But my point being, Georgia went from a really good offensive coordinator and a guy who could actually train quarterbacks and Mike Bobo, and they hired Brian Schottenheimer, who produced some of the worst offenses to ever cross. Grace, the NFL. And statistically, I don't know if that's true, but I watch them. Sure, sure, sure. It feels right.

I think it's statistically the okayest offenses to every grace the NFL field. My favorite thing that Rick said about the Schottenheimer hire at SEC Media Days is probably out of context, but he said, well, you know, it ain't that easy find in pro-style offensive coordinators anymore, implying that, you know, like all the good ones are taken, I guess. So I got this one, and now we're married. I guess we'll have some kids best pro style coordinator available yeah that's really not a ringing endorsement

so I don't know if he felt like he was in a bad spot I don't know if that's just who sent the resume in but you hired the son of an NFL coach to coach your offense and you can feel free to quote me by the way when Georgia like blows the doors off and has the best offense in the SEC I mean that's the thing is like how fucking

hard is going to be like give the ball the next job behind the loaded offensive line you know heart like like you say you got to pass at some point but i mean they're going to put up a bunch of yards and he's going to look like you know a genius like as if it's really difficult to figure out but well i mean he could look like that way between the 20s yeah that's kind of what i think is going to happen oh when is george ever had goal line scoring problems you might have a point also this might the bold prediction of oh wow Georgia loses two games

it shouldn't which what year is this every year do do do do do do stamp it the year is every year completed our 20s a review

can I testify on one additional thing that I thought of yeah please somebody at the end of the year is going to realize they're paying a coach a lot of money

for a year they really didn't like, with the exception of Derek Mason at Vanderbilt, who still makes a good amount of money, every coach in the SEC makes well over $3 million. I think Mark Stoops is the next lowest, and he's at like 3.25. And somebody's going to have a year that just tastes like turd, and they're going to realize they paid $3 million. LSU. Everyone in the West is well over four. Yeah. Yeah, I believe that's, I'm double-checking.

This has been like the thing of the off season that we'll never stop being funny and will be really funny in December. That somebody in the West is getting paid $4 million to miss a bowl. It's going to be extremely bad. It's going to be extremely bad for somebody. Because they're going to look and they're going to say, well, shit. You know, Todd Graham's only making 2.7. I got a, I have a real, I have a real strong candidate there, by the way. I would like, before you get there, I would like to point out Brian Schottenheimer being paid nearly a million dollars.

Yeah. You want to put a little fire under that? Yeah, do it. You want to see how that heats up? Do it. I mean, like, in that 4 million club? Yeah. There's one dude who it might, it might start to heat up if it just doesn't get competitive or interesting.

Yep. And if they, they don't improve defensively, that B.A. and M. Because we're talking about $4 million. Kevin Sumlin makes $5 million a year. That's a long contract, isn't it? It is a long contract with a $5 million buyout. Oh, boy. Yeah.

I honestly don't. know who it's going to be but i promise you we're going to get to thanksgiving and somebody's going to be looking at the numbers and say we paid four million dollars and we lost three home games what the fuck i remind you to cue freeze is on that list you freeze on that list oh my god things could get horrible because this is the year old miss has been building toward for two or three years now oh the dot the donnie year like oldness went to a new year years bowl like a year ahead of schedule like if they've gone to the peach bowl and gotten the shit kicked out of them this year you'd say oh wow almost built towards something but man if they

don't produce this year things are going to be bad just saying Hugh Freeze like try to line up that Titans job now like just get just Rivers just music man this sucker just get out of town I don't know if you go that far how bad can it be nobody watches Titans games that's true I will say this it won't heat up for Hugh Freeze early because they don't really hit the shit until mid-October and that's when it looks even worse because you have an artificially inflated ranking at that point

yeah because you got a number by your name I will tell you what would I will tell you what would bust the sewer pipe under the nursery for all of them okay and that would be October 17th Saturday at Memphis

oh no because that's a really good Memphis team don't laugh that's a really and they will not take them seriously and there will be a fight in that game because there is always some kind of scuffle or fight in the Old Miss Memphis game and it's in Memphis.

I think the reason to overlook Memphis is Memphis loses a lot of talent and all that. So it's not even like losing to the Memphis of last year that's like almost beating UCLA. It's like you're losing to a pretty normal AAC team. But stay with me here. Let's say what Spencer has suggested comes to pass and Memphis wins that game.

You know what happens the very next day? everybody starts on that well I think it's time for SEC to expand and give that spot to Memphis I think they've heard it East lockdown Tennessee and do that you got to you got to East Tennessee you got to get Vanderbilt out of the conference

dragging us down with their high academic standards if MTSU can get it going yeah there is a MacDonald's in Merfrey's Barrow well they got a Carrabahs what son we got Starkville in the conference why not Murphy's Borough. It's Cosmopolitan compared

to them. It's actually a carrados, because they lost the, they lost the franchise. It's a, it's a Baracca's. Not like Obama. No, it's a Mortal Kombat themed Italian restaurant. Family style. Finish your meal. Get over here to Barakas.

Not even using the right character. Test your hunger. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. That, that in LSU. LSU is the other one where you go I mean I will tell anyone that I've kind of been waiting for LSU

to have that year for like four years now and it keeps not happening Yeah because they'll lose A game that should signal it's that year But then they don't like hit the full flat spin Yeah And do you know what their first

I mean that opening okay they play Syracuse who they'll annihilate. That's a road game. How the hell are you playing Syracuse on the road? Your LSU. Show some respect for yourself. Yeah, they also get, they get Auburn.

They get that double dose early in the season of at Starkville at night. And Auburn, which I don't think anyone wants to play Auburn right now. No. No one. Absolutely no one. So that could be an ugly star.

If they lose both of those games, they're one and, they're two and two, they're three and two going into that South Carolina game on the road, which is just, that would be, that's a bad spot for them. That seems like the kind of ideal situation for Les Miles to me, though, to be like two and two, three and two. That's when you end up ten and two. That's when you end up ten and two, because Les is like, boys, I got it, I got it. Then he just does that thing where he pulls a horseshoe out of his ass and finishes with ten wins because he's a last mile. Here's the thing, though, LSU already has the most important victory that they're going to get this year, and that is convincing a criminal complainant to just leave it alone. Undefeated in the courtroom.

Just join Florida right over there. Just like Napoleon. Yeah, Hernandez was in the pros when he lost. We don't want that on our record. That's right. You got a question you want to answer, Ryan. Yes, this question comes from Danny Warnes. Will, at Danny Will says, his question, what fan base overreacts the worst to an early season loss?

Again, this is our SEC preview show. It is implied that the question is SEC fan base. Now, we could answer this generically in the sense of what fan base we think usually overreacts the worst, or we could look at this more specifically to 2015. I leave that up to you, gentlemen. The latter sounds pretty fun. all right let's let's pull up let's pull up ye old helmet schedule I'm gonna throw out one right quick

Auburn versus Louisville really high expectations for Auburn not so much among the fan base they're kind of freaked out it seems by like the top five rankings and all that but they do have high hopes about must champ flip in that defense and about their new backup quarterback being better than the old one because yeah that's how it works he's better than the guy he didn't start over.

Sure, of course. Football's like that. But, yeah, Louisville's going to be really good. They're using the Auburn model of just bringing in all of Mark Rick's booted players and so forth. Like, I think people are looking like they lost a bunch of NFL draft picks. I mean, they lost a bunch of seventh rounders. They're not Florida State. Like, I think they brought in more talent than they lost, more or less.

Also, I mean, I could see Auburn drop in one to Louisville. And then what do you do? You just lost to an ACC team. Everybody saw it. Also Louisville is going to slow that game down. They are going to slow that down. How did each team only have six possessions? Well, Bobby McIno put the emergency break on.

He's real good at his job, real good at his job. Since then, has Bobby Bertrino been good at breaking? Along the same veins of the early ACC loss that brings you much shame to your house. South Carolina, North Carolina? Yeah, that could happen. Like, North Carolina, as much as they were a frustratingly inconsistent team last year, they have the makings of a very good offense. Yep.

And that is a case where South Carolina could get the barn burnt all the way to the ground. We're talking about a defense that was pretty bad, and then kind of didn't change anything. Yeah, so if they have to, if South Carolina, line has to start the season with a loss to unc given the sort of questions that have been lingering about steve spurier and how long he should or will stay around at uh c that could go that could go so sour so quickly i mean if you're talking about losing to unc after losing to clemson like you're third in your area yeah behind two aces e teams yeah uh you're

you got to Eastern Carolina there, too. Just nibbling away. Yeah, but they lost the Florida, and they can't be that good. That's very true. This is entirely true and embarrassing. I always feel good about that, though, because I hope somebody, like the Florida Athletic Department. God knows, like one person hears this,

and it's just like, oh, damn. God, damn it. They're clowning us so hard. Yes, we are clowning you super hard because someone there has sucked at their job, and this is what happened. You should feel ashamed of yourself. Yeah.

The final answer to this question, that would be if Alabama goes to Jerry World and loses to Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because that will mean Alabama is on a two-loss streak to the Big Ten. To the Big Ten. To the Big Ten. You just lost to the team that Ohio State eight. Yeah.

That will mean that Wisconsin has a coach. a new coach who starts his career with a win over the fucking crimson tide i will say this another one it's christ versus sat satan man in early an early one that would absolutely suck it really would because i think they think they can pull it off is oklahoma tennessee yeah like i mean oklahoma should beat you as to workley yeah sure they should and probably this year too yeah Although another team that could just get their ass whipped early, Arizona State at Texas A&M, I'm scared to death of that Arizona State team. I know Jason Kirk is currently chuckling at the notion of Arizona. Well, I mean, my only thing would add that, you know, like, so are Arizona State fans.

But yeah, they're the fucking time bomb at that whole week one schedule. And they should be, but that is a volatile game right there. That game's going to be four and a half, five hours. easy but yeah that's another one where if Texas A&M is not careful

they could get blow the hell up easy oh since when is Texas A&M not careful since when since when is an early

season result been misleading for Texas A&M never oh that's a good question I do have another thing to speak on speak on it

I gotta get this off my chest it's been weighing on me I do have to speak to the congregation Lay it at the foot of the cross, brother. I will. I'm just going to bring it up, and the Lord's going to take it away from me, and I will be so much lighter and unburdened for having said it out loud. But I think this is the year that the Lane Kiffin-Nick-Sabin marriage starts to show cracks.

Wow. Like, more cracks than losing to Ohio State would indicate. Okay, well, that seems like a fair prediction, but I want to get specific, and I want to know how those cracks are developing, how they're manifesting. I will get very specific with this. This is how it works. Are you prepared? Yeah.

Bring it. Okay. It works this way because Alabama is allegedly running a lot more spread hurry up this year after sort of tinkering with it in stretches last year, right? And we'll attempt to utilize more of a double threat. Well, one, that's not really Lane Kiffin's wheel. house. No.

It's just not, right? It doesn't, it's not a base part of the offense. They didn't even, Lane Kiffin really, they didn't even work out of the shotgun a whole lot until I think last, I mean, McCarron two years ago, if you're counting Alabama, but Kiffin himself didn't really work out of the shotgun a lot at USC, ever. They worked. It was kind of, there were even times when, like, his quarterback's getting annihilated because he doesn't have enough time that they should have gone to shotgun.

I remember a game against Utah. where they basically lost because they've refused to use shotgun. Yeah, and I think in large part because they didn't practice it, didn't have it, you know, so they had to just go with what they knew and what they knew was going under center. Well, allegedly, there's going to be a bit more of a double threat presence in this. And that doesn't seem to be a very comfortable position. It's not the kind of thing that I think when you're working with people, you're necessarily 100% confident and or fluent in.

so if that starts to go badly at all not that they'll be unproductive they have so much talent offensively that at times it's hard to get everybody the ball which you might have seen last year versus ohio state where nobody got the ball where nobody got the ball it's fair you can get into decision paralysis when you have that many talented people right it's just it's entirely possible for that to happen but in addition to that if they start to go like that and they start to get into the meat of their schedule. That could go badly. And remember going badly at Alabama is losing three games. But looking at their schedule, it's very possible for them to lose three games, especially given how the program is done versus certain other programs recently.

For instance, almost losing to Arkansas last year with an Arkansas team that should be vastly improved this year. Correct? Sure. Going up against, I think, a difficult, yes, ball control-style team in Athens. Not that that Alabama at Georgia game hasn't gone terribly

for Georgia in the past. And then LSU, the game where way, I think we officially agree, anything can happen at any time. And then they have to go to Kyle Field. Newly renovated 500,000 seat Kyle Field, by the way.

500,000 with a lake and 900 luxury seats and an orphanage. That is, you know, that is. That is the one, looking at the schedule now, that is the one, the one sort of factor will probably talk too much about once the game shows up. But when they play Tennessee, that is at the end of a stretch that is at Georgia, home

against Arkansas, at Texas A&M, and then they host the balls. Tennessee has a buy before that game. Oh, like, that's going to do something to them. I like your theory. I want to posit a different one in which this marriage goes bad. in this in this scenario everything goes fine for the alabama offense but the alabama defense doesn't come through in a game they really should have and lane kiffin god damn it he just can't help he just can't help run his mouth out in these streets he tweets he tweets he instagrams he snaps

whatever he just says something shitty and i don't think nick saven's going to appreciate that goes off script I think that's a pretty a pretty envisionable scenario yeah I know entirely plausible you put up 35 points it might even happen in a win I should point that out

it's not my fault you rednecks people's like a full Bill Callahan wouldn't need to go to double overtime if your state wasn't such a cesspool that is pretty good a disappointing like 4338 win and Kiffin blames safe for the win.

Listen, we wouldn't have had to, I mean, the defense put us out there a lot. I wanted to save that touchdown play for next week. That's all he has to say, by the way. Well, the defense put us out there a lot. Done. That's it. Done.

Trader. Nick Sabin is allegedly on board with the game in its modern state, allegedly. We'll see how on board he is when he has to play a full season like this with Lane Kiffin attempting to run it. I just, with a first year starter, mind you, at quarterback.

And yes, all the talent in the world. Because you just magically got him to go to Tuscaloosa, the most beautiful city with the most natural, attractive properties. Oh, you've been to the beach at Tuscaloosa? It's gorgeous. Oh, nice. The mountains?

Mm-hmm. The downtown? The Hollywood? the museums The film industry The the Yep The mixtape circuit

That's right That club circuit This club's got nachos The Vietnamese food It's astonishing This club's a football stadium Wow that's let Happy bar mitzvah

That and I think we can take one more I think we have time for one more Reader question Because I've gotten all my my deep, passionate heart weights off of my chest. So I think we have time for one more question, if either of you have one.

I got one that would take a minute to get through. Okay, that's fine. I believe it's pretty essential. That's a good question. From Brandon Walker, Sleepy AT-830 on Twitter, which SEC Division wins if they declare war on each other, also which state gets destroyed first. South Carolina,

Claire's first and is destroyed first. We've already seen this. We've seen that trick. They'll be dumbest and boldest, and they'll suffer the most for it. Well, what we had before was north and south. We've done flipped it. Now it's east and west. We're going to try that, see if that works out better.

So, all right, so looking at the east and the west, I think, first of all, we're going to lay down a ground rule and assume that no school can switch sides because we all know that in real life, as soon as war is declared, Auburn immediately flips and invades Tuscaloosa. like what the fuck and now it's eight on six they see the weakness and Missouri probably looks at its geographic

Missouri just situation yeah you know what we'll be independent we'll play BYU that's fine Missou is France in World War I and just says you know what we're making our own deal we're out settle yourself France well too sorry sorry sorry sorry

sorry France but I think I think you look at the the advantages for each once we lay down that it's seven on seven just like a recruiting drill the east has the population the economic the manpower the production edge because it's just got bigger states. Even though the West has Texas, Georgia and Florida combined are bigger,

plus Missouri and Tennessee are relatively big states among this group. So I think overall, if we're looking at a long, drawn-out war, the East wins the war of attrition just because they have more bodies to throw at the fire. Whereas the West, they have this logistics advantage where their front is all crunched together, where the two sort of frontline school states for them, Alabama and Mississippi, they have multiple schools close by in those areas, whereas the east is all spread out. So I think what you see as soon as war is declared

is you see Ole Miss and Mississippi State, they immediately, they're assigned to go take Memphis, which they do without any problem, because it's right there. The only problem is they're tied up for the entire rest of the war, arguing about which side is more racist, but at least they're holding down Memphis.

The side benefit of that is that cuts off the Mississippi River, which means Missouri's supply lines are cut, which means they're going to lose that war of attrition against Arkansas. which that'll be a bloody, heinous battle in woods with mountains and chicken products. But Arkansas is eventually going to win that one and then contribute their forces over to, over to, I guess, an invasion of like Nashville. Yeah, yeah, let's invade Nashville.

Burn that shit to the ground, see how they like it. The one problem about Nashville is I'm seeing, you know, there are almost certainly more SEC West fans there than Vandy fans. so any invasion is going to be greeted as liberators. So like even if Vandy is, even if they get back up from Tennessee and Kentucky, we're still talking about a situation where there are insurgencies left and right

from, you know, Bama fans. Tennessee and Kentucky, those two, they basically can't be invaded because we're talking about highlands with trees and civilians have guns. So like those campuses will defend themselves. Their armies can march on Nashville. So now what we'd have is four SEC schools,

or four SEC East, armies, I should say armies, basically tied up by three. So now the West has an advantage. They have an extra army to play with. Atlanta being the obvious capital of the east, we're going to see Georgia immediately bolt to defend that and entrench themselves as Auburn and Alabama invade. And I think Georgia can hold that ground for a while

based on the defender usually has sort of an advantage, at least in risk. And Batman and Auburn are going to spend a lot of time bitching over who cheats more. Oh, and I have a couple of key points. You've thought a lot about this. Yeah, you have. I'm telling you, as soon as I saw this question, I'm like, oh, God damn it.

Here goes 30 minutes of thinking. You can turn this into a board game and make a lot of money, Jason. That's all I'm going to say. I'm challenging John to a Siv-5 battle on the SEC map. Yeah. Because, by the way, John, if you don't know, Jason Kirk is a big fan of the game civilization, sometimes he plays a co-worker of ours, John in Civilization, And John has described Jason as terrifying.

Sympalization. I'm pretty mean. Yeah, he's mean. I have a few strategic chips that I would like to cash in here, which is this. Go ahead. One, that the East is going to buy off Louisiana, at least into neutrality. I'm pretty sure Louisiana can be bribed. Been bought before.

Louisiana is real broke. It basically continues to be bought every day. So I'm just saying we can go ahead. get the gas supplies and the gas pipeline, all that good stuff that comes directly out of Oklahoma, right, down through Arkansas. Wow. We can get the energy corridor secured. And now we're talking about the Anaconda plan being in effect, again, 150 years later. At least we can turn them into a neutral.

Wow. That changes everything. Dealing both sides. You're damn right it does. Additionally, I'm pretty sure we can get Texas out of there by just starting a faint saying, hey, watch your back door. Got Jade Helm coming. See, I think what happens there is ambitious Texas A&M fans make a start a false flag operation so that they have an excuse to go to war with Texas.

Exactly. I think, I think this internecine war completely distracts that flank. And then basically what you have is Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas against the rest of the universe. We've seen how that goes. That said, here's one thing we're leaving out. What does Arkansas have? They got Walmart, man. Logistics.

They got a shitload of supplies. They do. Can I counter? Yeah. What does Georgia have? Waffle House. Okay. I mean, yeah.

Both of these have splinter cell networks. That's true. And please, like Walmart can't be bought into a neutral or at least a black market dealer selling to both sides. Oh, well, yeah, Walmart. The East has instant communication anywhere because as we know, federal government use this Waffle House to determine whether a city is actually off the grid or not. Right. Exactly. To determine what FEMA should do. Right. So what I had for Florida and LSU is they'll just

engage in an airboat shotgun battle in the Gulf of Mexico and just cancel each other out. But if LSU is out of the game, now we're talking about Florida is invading Houston. And if A&M is, if they're fighting Texas, they're also have to be concerned with that. So they're out of the game too. I mean, at this point, the West is completely outgunned. South Carolina don't really have anything for them to do. They would actually, they would probably try to invade Maryland, just because that's what they do. They've been known to do that.

But I mean, wow, if we're talking about LSU being bought out, this is a blowout. I would also point this out, should the conflict spill over into other territories, if Ohio's involved, I think we all lose. Urban. Here they come.

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