Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.15

Episode Date: August 12, 2015

Surprise Mystery Guest and SB Nation Managing Editor Brian Floyd joins us to preview the Pac-12...for about seven minutes unti his Internet connection fails altogether. So you just get to listen to Jason and Ryan talk rank the South Division, figure out if Cal can get to bowl eligibility so Jason loses a bet, and assign a pizza topping to every school in the conference. It's extremely educational and it counts towards your summer reading assignment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast is how Spencer Hall normally introduces this program. But he's not here today. Why? Because he doesn't care about us or you. Specifically you. Do you mean, because it's unclear, do you mean me, Ryan Nanny, or do you mean you, the listening audience? Wouldn't everyone on earth except me like to know? Wow. Tasty. That's Jason Kirk, surrounded by, several insects that he has enraged by talking trash about George Bulldogs

Nick Chubbs going to transfer to Auburn Oh my God They're just so riled Is that really going to happen Wouldn't these bugs like to know So much mystery Appropriate because This is the mystery guest episode

Let's peel back the curtain here for a second Mystery Guest was a second mystery guest was a term we used today soliciting your questions on Twitter for this episode not because we have an exciting you know really out there surprising guest but because we just didn't know if our guest was going to be able to make it or not and based on his internet connection so far before this show we're still unsure he may not even respond mystery guest is espionation's own Brian Floyd, Brian, how are you this Tuesday evening?

I'm hoping my internet stays alive for a little bit longer. That's fine. We'll take it. If nothing else, we got you there, and we can prove that you were on the podcast. So for alibi purposes, if you're implicated in a crime that occurs between... All right, we're done. Well, just don't even say when it is. Just say, we recorded this, you know, during the crime. We recorded this during the time in which Brian is accused of committing whatever crime he's

accused of all crimes near brian this is like this is that key and peel sketch basically some good lawyer in there though well you know i i i didn't just uh i didn't become a college football writer because i was a bad lawyer of course welcome to the big leans this is where this is where the top-notch lawyer it is done it's me fuch and clay travis just putting our brains together great company he's this uh brian we're going to talk about your conference the conference of champion appearances the pack 12 the conference of stanford winning all those little sports trophies championships not not quite champions you see all he's got a couple in there oh man the conference of 1970s basketball championships we're really we're really

whoo who we're digging deep now what is arizona state contributed to this. People usually put them in their like top five hot babes things. Okay. All right. Like the stuff you see at the bottom of websites and don't click on. Slideshow champion. It's always an Arizona state

person. Slideshow championship. That's pretty special. In some ways, that's more legitimate than most college football championships. Talk about you, Auburn. Oh. Burned them.

Burned him so bad. Brian is of course a fan of Washington State Cougars I had to go there I'm going to do my very best You're hitting him with the dirt right off the back It's just a fact Brian is that or is that not true Oh

Oh It's true It hurts, it's true Okay so for those For people who don't understand the essence of what it means To be a Wazoo fan Give it to us in distilled And yeah, that is a DuBla Entra.

Fuse. It is staying up after dark, getting real drunk and watching your football team do terrible, terrible things. We should be clear. Some of those terrible things, they do to other teams, though, as well. Once in a while, but it's usually more self-inflicted than otherwise. Okay. And what is the peak, what is the highest peak that you've experienced as a Washington State football fan? Are we talking, like, good things here?

Yeah, yeah. Let's be positive just for once. I know I'm not good at it, and Jason just thinks everything is fine. Everything's fine. I started school the year after that three-year-win streak, or three-year-tenth win streak. So I haven't seen any good football in person. I was a fan in Southern Rose Bowles, but I started school right towards the end of the below, and then went six and six and six and we're eligible for a little for a little bit of all.

bowling didn't get into a bowl into the like 9 and 40 paul wolf era so probably the high point as like an actual been at Washington state and otherwise is uh going to that damn bowl game in new mexico wow i thought for sure you were going to say that ugly that ugly win over USC yeah when you beat lane kiffin like 11 to 8 at 2 30 in the morning. See, that wasn't even fun. It's like the cow game was at least fun, even though they lost it. That game was just a slog.

We're losing Floyd pretty bad. I know. I know. Floyd is still there? It's fine. No, I think we lost them all together now. So, let's talk Pac-12 football. right okay okay and if if Floyd jumps back in that's cool man yeah Floyd you

whatever you have something to say just jump in if it works it works start talking and if people respond well you'll know that people heard you okay because right now there's like a whole there's like a 90 second portion where it just sounds like Floyd is chopped and screwed and I'm fine with that and and well what happened in the pre-call was and when we say pre-call on these things we somehow say that like every week we the 40 seconds before we press record. Yeah, we don't sit for 30 minutes and map out this thing. It's just like, hey, are you on?

No, are you on? Yeah, okay, go. Hold on, I have to put my children to bed, which is weird for me to say because I don't have kids. It's a valid excuse. But in that, there was a point where Floyd answered a question, started talking, and we heard silence, and then a minute later, his answer started going.

So if that happens, that'll be a pretty cool effect. Through the ether. Floyd, before we get to reader questions, the lowest point that you've experienced as a wazoo fan he's just gone he let me know he could still hear me but that was it jesus the well let's see the lowest point man

so man i mean the ending to that gildan new mexico new mexico bowl that he yeah the one that also had to function as the high point yeah you know what let's just leave it as that the high point and the low point are the same for wazoo fans over the past like 10 years is that right the high point was getting to go to a bowl game that has like a pretty cool piece of pottery with like an auto zone logo as its trophy and the low point is not getting it after coming so close well Floyd if you're still out there we love you buddy uh Jason let's do

a question because this is going off the rails so quick it's slightly quicker than usual through no fault of anyone's yeah um okay Okay, here's one I have at hand from Go Hutch, Hutch and Go on Twitter. If you could relegate one team from each conference, who would it be and who'd take their place? Well, let's see, so since we're, since this is the PAC 12 preview, obviously, we have nothing but PAC 12 experts on the call at the moment. Yep. And another one's sort of floating nearby. Let's just do the PAC 12.

Who would we kick out of the PAC 12? you know what this is going to be a little controversial I don't I'm kind of over having two schools in L.A. That play each other Yeah they're really close And they're in the same conference like I don't I don't need that

I don't mind if schools are close like Clemson and South Carolina are rivals and they're close but they're not in the same conference Florida State and Florida they're not super far away from each other Georgia Georgia Tech It just feels weird To have two teams that are rivals

And have a sort of cross-town You know Regional thing going on But they're in the same conference So I say I say let's kick out USC Yeah Let's just

Let's boot them to Let's boot them to independent status Yeah they'd probably like that Not like relegate them down to Sunbelt or whatever But we give them independent status And then they can play Whoever they want whenever

I mean they kind of already Look Last year they played what Notre Dame and Boston College That's basically independent status When you say like 1980s independent schedule Like I'm pretty sure

You're playing Boston College in Notre Dame Yeah Like I don't know how Boston College managed to appear on every independent schedule ever but yeah you're basically already independent so no hard feelings it's like you know that it's like the you know the old saying when you know someone has to leave a bar you ain't got to go to the mountain west but you can't stay here well boss the reason for boston college is boston college is like the vegetable platter of college football where you're like well we have to get one of these and it

doesn't matter if it's not very good and people don't eat it sometimes it's fine most of the time people are just eating cheese and meat but at least for appearances It would look weird if you went to, like, an office party, and there wasn't celery and carrots and ranch dressing. And that's Boston College. A Spassiani arrangement can brighten up any table. That's right. And Matt Ryan was the shiniest cherry tomato of them all. He kind of does look like one.

Who are we putting in their place if we're dumping USC? Well, I have one other thing to ponder here because Oregon and Oregon State are also very close. And considering L.A. traffic, it might be easier to get between those two in a lesser amount of time than USC and UCLA. Okay. So what if we did something like merge those two pairs? Okay. Who is the survival? Like, not to get all legal on you here, Jason, but who is the surviving corporation in this merger? Hey, buddy. That's your problem here.

Okay. Hey, hey, this is why I pay you to be my lawyer. I do pay you to do that, right? You don't, you don't actually. And you shouldn't. Yeah, well, you are now. You shouldn't do that. You can do better by definition.

So surviving, that would mean, like, who gets... Who are we naming this merger after? What's the name of the final entity that emerges from this? We call it, like, the Raiders. Okay. That's good. And then the Oregon one, you call it something that like, I mean like SEC fans would call it some of, if we called it like, no championships. Right.

Uh-huh. So it would sort of broaden the appeal nationally. You think calling them the Oregon No Championships would broaden the national appeal of this team. It would really tap into the sentiment that people around the country, you know, grasp for when Oregon gets attention. I see. Okay, great. Let's check it with Brian. Brian, can you hear us yet?

All right, let's count three. One, two, three. Hello? Oh, what the hell? Brian, Brian, can you hear us from whatever, whatever? It's like six seconds late. Are you locked in a police locker? I like that Floyd is listening.

Well, this is, I mean, people have asked before if we live stream, shut down broadcast. As you can hear. Brian Floyd is enjoying the first live stream. Nope, he's gone. I'm just hanging out. Okay, Brian, do you have a thought on which Pact 12 team we should get rid of and who we should replace them with? Through the airwaves. Brian's in Russia.

Takes time to hit the satellite. Yeah. His answer bounces back. Edward Snowden says, get Arizona map out of here. Nodin again. Sorry, Brian. Snowden hates the wildcats, man. Let me tell you this. I'm not dropping Brian from this call.

I don't care that it's failing miserably. Now, what I really hope is that Floyd starts live blogging this on his position happening. Yeah, Floyd, if you can, just live tweet this. That's fine. That's totally fun. All right, next. It's like you won a contest, a really terrible contest, like, to sit in the pre- pro of it's like he lost a contest

nope you didn't sell you didn't sell enough chocolate bars for the wrestling team so you got to listen to shut down fullcast live and how shitty it is oh my god fast forward you can't fast forward or anything again all complaints should go to spencer hall at sb nation yep because he's the one who knows how to work this Skype he's the worst uh all right next question let's just dive right in this one this is from chris turner at chris l turner he wants to know what pizza topping accurately represents each fbs conference we're going to change that obviously to pack 12 team yeah let's i don't know why people don't get the memo in these questions when we don't

announce which conference we're pre-previewing you think they'd just be able to guess i mean we've only done one so it's only four left that's true do the math people Let's start in the north. Who? All right. If we're going Cal, I guess the stereotype requires us to go probably with some sort of vegetable option. This should probably be something that was more interesting a few years ago and now just feels sort of like, oh, yeah, that's a thing. It shouldn't be terrible, but it also shouldn't be one of your top pizza toppings.

I'm going to say the Cal Golden Bears are spinach. Hmm, I'm going to go with mushrooms. Okay. Those are very popular in Berkeley. That's fair. Next, Oregon. Oregon. Yeah, yeah.

Something really loud. When you bite into it, it's like, is there even pizza under this? All right, then the answer is pineapple. Because some people will swear up and down that pineapple on pizza is one of the best things ever. I'm great with pineapple on pizza. I'm fine with it. Others will tell you it's trash. And people say the same thing about Oregon.

It's got, and it's got the color scheme and everything and from the same area as Marcus Mariotta. Perfect. This is seamless. Oregon State, I don't know. What is that? I don't know. Broccoli? Pepperoni?

I don't know, man. Cheese. Oregon State is cheese. Oregon State is cheese. And that technically it's a pizza topping. Yeah, but it's like the last one you'd ever think because it's right there. Stanford. Ooh, got to be fibrous.

got to eat it. I think Stanford's like steak. Okay. Okay. Like an entire steak on top of your pizza. Right. This is when you go to the pizza parlor. Football program, not like, you know, the school, I guess. This is when you get the pizza where they're like, yeah, we do meatballs. And then you're like, holy shit, they actually put meatballs on the pizza. That's Stanford. Like you're like straining to get your jaws open enough to bite.

Like, I don't, can I, is the pizza plate upon which I'm supposed to eat the meatballs from? Do I eat the pizza or not? Is the pizza decorative? Is it just garnish? This hurts. Can I roll it up like a cigar? It hurts so bad, but no, that's what it's like to have five tight ends on the field at once. That's what it's like to bite into Stanford football.

Your jaw is going to hurt. Washington. Who. Washington, you know what? Washington is probably like... What was really great in 1990 and never heard from again? Duck Hunt. Whatever it is, it's like...

uh little caesers wow okay so square pizza washington is square pizza where it's not a topping but it's like there was it had that moment where it was like hey this square pizza that's pretty different right and whatever washington is it's eating pizza in a toga okay uh Washington state Washington state is alcohol yeah it's um not be i'm sorry what is pizza flavored there i guarantee you somebody has made pizza flavored vodka and probably they've done it at wazzo. Yeah, you know, you just, you just put a whole pizza in the bottle of Stoli. Let it sit for a couple days.

Take the pizza out. Boom, pizza vodka. Pizza vodka is so. It just tastes like bagel bites, so you get fucking trashed. Arizona, we're moving to the south now. Arizona needs to be something that is fine, that offers some potential value, but is also not for everyone. I'll maybe say, like, roasted garlic. Yeah.

Hmm. I wonder who gets, like, pepperoni. Like, who's just, like, you're a football team. That's USC. I'll skip to that. Because pepperoni has somehow become, like, one of the default pizza toppings. Like, there's no good reason why pepperoni should have earned meat supremacy on the pizza list, except that somebody decided long ago that that was the cake.

case hasn't really earned that spot and that's kind of where USC is at this point i think yeah it's almost like it's almost like there was some government order or some crooked bureaucrat rigged the system would decide that thin slices of whatever part of a pig this is right and go great on pizza what about salami that would be uh no no no no the pepperoni has made some very interesting points i think we'll be going with pepperoni after all also this is a private institution you may not foyer our records. Am I being detained? Am I being detained?

No pepperoni. You are not. Thin portions of pig tube are perfect on pizza. Yep. And that is just like USC. Arizona. So UCLA, would that be Canadian bacon then? Because it's like knockoff pepper.

Okay. Let's not make it quite that harsh. Let's make them sausage. Ugh. Because in theory, in theory, should be fine. Like has all the elements. of an excellent pizza topping sounds delicious looks great on paper in practice that that falls apart like piece i don't know by piece of lumpy mess yeah end up with like maybe not even sausage maybe

just like the hamburger wad oh no hamburger is a pizza topping in some places people have done this freedom is a terrible thing uh Arizona state I'm gonna give them like bell pepper I'm gonna say like a knife okay you know how you have knife on your pizza Or just like if you're cutting the pizza up and you just, like, leave the knife on it. And then someone bites into it. And they're like, oh, God damn it. I'm bleeding from the throat. Right.

Okay. Like, you know, and if you look at them, you're going to be like, wow, that's scary. You know, and if they're not already dead, you're going to be like, wow, you're tough. Right. Colorado. I'm going to make Colorado pizza on a bagel. You can eat Colorado. any time. You can eat it anytime and it's also it's not really pizza. I'm sorry. I get it, but it's not really. You can't just throw like some, I get what you're going for. You can't just throw some ragu and shredded craft on a pita bread and be like, hey, dad made pizza everybody. No, that shit don't work. And also based on what we all heard about Colorado's finances before they were joining the Pac-12, I don't know if they can afford, you know, yeast. Yeah. Dad, dad, dad,

didn't realize that they were going to need first, last, and security deposit on this house after mom kicked him out. Colorado is that Totino's bullshit. It's not great. That leaves Utah. Ooh. Let's see. Let's check with Brian.

Brian, do you have a thing you got what pizza topping Utah should be? Brian, are you there? Nope, not a word. Not a gut. Man, he's like a sphinx. He's uncrackable. so Utah is probably something that was like suddenly popular within like the last five years like what's the trendiest pizza topping oh or actually even better something that was a sudden trend and then like eh like I don't really to be quite honest I don't really know what a crow nut is I'm not people in your part of the world use that word a lot I would say any kind of I'm just going to say that I would say any kind of flavored oil maybe like a truffle oil be like oh this pizza is truffle oil be like well I don't know what that is oh uh that's that's That sounds wonderful.

I don't know what that is. Great. So that's it. We made the worst pizza in the world. Is that it? That we hit every Pac-12 team. That was quick. Yeah.

You got another question? No. You only had one question? Well, I only grabbed one. But I will say because our listeners like to play on topical subjects. That a popular question theme this week involved punching your course. quarterback. Wow. Because what happened to former West Virginia quarterback, Geno Smith, I'm not sure where he is now. I don't think he still plays for a football team. He was punched by a teammate. So there are many questions about, you know, which quarterback should get punched, which coach should get punched. What if this happened in college football? But of course, the obvious, you know, takeaway there is that not only did this happen in college football, college football did it first, and it happened. Brian, are you there with us?

Brian, please. Washington State? Yes! Oh my God. We're back. All right, Brian. Hey. Give us the background on how Washington State did this first and better.

Freshman, redshirting, defensive lineman, punched, walk-on quarterback, broke walk-on quarterback's jaw, got arrested, pled down, walk-on quarterback is not on the team, and is suing the school now. suing the school Not only the college Do it first They did it better Yeah let's

Let's see Let's see the New York Jets get sued I think I think it should be a rule That you can't punch walk-ons Not in the face at least Like torso legs Maybe that's fine

But like the walk-on He's already He's already sacrificing punishment For no good reason Let's not make it worse With punches or maybe you could count that as like course credit or only punch walk-ons is that what you're saying I mean if I'm the coach if you punch a walk-on I'm a little bit less upset than I am if you

punch a scholarship player yeah hey the guy that punched him is still there and I think he's considering for a starting job all right I think Brian was saying that the guy is still there and he's going to be competing for a starting job that was that was what I inferred as well Which is not what the NFL is doing with the gentleman who punched Gino Smith. He's off the team. And headed to Washington State, where a kid can be a kid. I don't think that's the... Where dreams are reborn.

But let's go with it. Everyone gets a third chance. All right. Let's go to our next question. This is from Chris Sweat. Oh, we have one. Yeah, I pulled several. Don't worry.

This is not a total disaster. I mean, it is, but let's pretend otherwise. Chris Sweat at Chief Dog 10 asks, what team is most likely to reverse Clemson, aka they let you down so much consistently, and then they pull a huge upset. Hmm. Brian, are you with us?

Oh. Because we know the answer. We went back to the well too much. The answer here as well. Yeah. There are actually, I think there are, who I'm doing the math here. There are two answers I really like for this, and maybe a third, but I think just two right now, in the Pact 12th.

You're going with Washington State for obvious reasons. That would be the first name, though, come to mind. There are several. There are several. I think Cal might be in this territory now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, well, first of all, let's talk about how Cal has personally affected your life for the negative.

Myself? Yeah. Well, they play bullshit football. that I have to watch because it's on until 1.30 in the morning when I'm trying to get work done. But Cal has also caused you a personal financial loss. Right. Yeah, Stephen Godfrey and I had a bet last year on whether Cal would win. I think it was like three games or not, and they surpassed that and reached five.

And we've since doubled it down in part because I forgot to pay up. What are the, what do they have to reach this year for? You know, you're my lawyer, so I'm glad you're asking this because I don't remember if we actually set the that in stone or not. Well, here's the thing. Godfrey's not on this podcast. We can say what it is, and it's binding. Man, you're really good at this. You're welcome. I'm going to say Cal has to, um, I'll say, I'll say six games. Six. I don't, I'm going to say on here that I don't think Cal will make a bowl, and then I'll go and look. look at the schedule and be like, oh, shit.

All right, well, let's, you know, we have literally nothing to do because our guest is still unstuck from time and the earth itself. I'm going to go through the schedule with, uh, the Cal schedule with you, and I want you to just tell me knee-jerk reaction, winner loss. You ready? Okay. And who's going to tally? I can, I think I can handle it in my head.

Okay. You ready? All right. All right. Week one. Great. Um, well, let's see. Grambling suspended its program only two or three years ago for a bit, so I'm going to go with Cal.

Okay. Week two, San Diego State. Hmm. Now, I think the Aztecs are going to be pretty tough, and they have the country's best uniforms now, but I'll take Cal. Okay. Cal, two and oh, hot start of the season. Changes maybe here, week three on the road at Texas. Ugh. Can you imagine why that's going to be? look like when Texas has the ball. Yeah, it's going to be something. Like Cal's offense, Texas defense, that's watchable.

Yeah. I'll take Texas, I guess, even though they just lost two more players today so far than I know of. Cal drops a two and one. Week after that, Cal goes to Washington. Washington lost a bunch of defensive talent. I'll take Cal. Wow. Okay.

Brian, if you want to step in here, next up, Cal hosts Washington State. Revenge game. Brian, prediction. Everybody count to three. Nope, not here. Jason, is this, is Cal Wazoo? Who wins that one? Well, Cal's at home when they won that one last year, and they probably improved more so.

Bears. Okay, they're four and one right now. We're barely into the middle of October. I'm banking a lot of L's. All right, here we go. Next, they go to Utah, October 10th. Oh, Uts. Then to UCLA, they get a bye week, and then it's a Thursday game.

Woo! Man, betting on the Bruins is never... That fills me with great disquiet, but I'll take UCLA. Okay, they've dropped to four and three now. Saturday, Halloween, hosting USC. Yeah, probably got to... Yeah, you got to go USC. All right, then they go to Oregon.

I think I'll take... the ducks. Okay, they've now, Cal's now dropped to four and five, below 500 for the first time in the season. And I've been fair, right? This is a fair four and five. That's for the angry listeners to determine. Okay, cow gang. Now hosting Oregon State on November 14th.

Ugh, Cal. Okay, five and five. So they need to win one of their next two games for that to happen. They are at Stanford and home hosting Arizona State. Ooh, I don't like either of those. To be honest, I'm going to go two L's. Oh, so they limp to five and seven, and you won't bet. That's basically the same season as last year.

Yeah, it would be. Wow. And, I mean, the coin flips probably be what? Utah, you know, maybe another one or two, but, yeesh. It'll be somewhere around there. You know, that's we're all totally wrong. It's not the craziest thing we've ever said on this podcast. So, well, since we're talking Pact 12, what if we go ahead and hit some of the bigger things for the season for the Pact 12?

Oh, my God. Okay, well, let me start with what I think is the... Well, I mean, granted, we've broken down Cal's schedule. Yeah, we've nailed down the number one story of the Pact 12 season. We've talked about which booze Washington State is, but, you know, maybe what would say we try and figure out, let's try to rank that Pact 12 South. How about that? Oh, my God. Can we do one thing before that?

There is a news thing I want to talk about. Absolutely. We have so much time to use. So we're recording this on Tuesday. Two days from now, Vernon Adams has to take an exam. And that exam determines basically, I don't want to, like, jump to too many conclusions here. But whether or not he passes this exam basically determines who will be Oregon's starting quarterback. Fair?

Something like that. but we don't know what the exam is let's see so it's a it's a class at eastern washington yeah right and uh that school i'm gonna guess it's uh forestry something like that forestry class okay just based on their part of the world maybe logging he's got he's got to go top down a tree what is a logging final you get like a set amount of time to chop down a tree you have to make a cabin you have to make a cabin you have to make a cabin. You have to make a canoe. He's got to make a canoe. I don't, I mean, I don't think that's forestry. I think that's carpentry, but I don't want to quibble because I don't teach it. It's a tree

school. So you think this is like, tree stuff. His major is tree stuff, Ryan, and all that transfers to Oregon, because they got trees too. That's true. That's why he's going to beat Stanford. Oregon season hinges on him being able to make a really good canoe. How many, how many people do you think how many Oregon boosters have tried to bribe or at least find out who the professor is for this exam so that they can offer him a bribe him or her? Well, Oregon only has one booster according to the internet. Correct. So one.

All right. Phil Knight, I hope you sent every Eastern, that's all Phil Knight needs to do. Send every Eastern Washington prof like a nice crate of brand new Nike apparel. Yeah, just send that canoe professor, the latest J's, and you got you a QB. Yeah, Air Forestry. Okay, we can do what you wanted to talk about now. We're going to rank the Pact 12th South. This is literally the most thankless thing we could do. You know that, right?

Well, here's why it's intriguing, because the north, you've got Oregon. They're going to be the same Oregon they've been. Even if Vernon Adams fails to make an excellent canoe. they'll plug in the maria's backup and they'll be fine and stanford's going to do what stanford's going to do and the rest of the division will be garbage garbage the south however man i can't wait for cal to go jump after six game six and oh and then lose every other game oh that see that would hurt i'm not i'm not rooting for that that would hurt even me i don't have anything against cap um but the south we're talking about you know

like three somewhat legit national title contenders. Okay. Maybe four, depending on what you think about Arizona State. Four is not unreasonable. Four reasonable national title contenders, plus the team that won the division last year, plus when your worst team is Utah,

that's a deep division. Is Utah worse than Colorado? Is Utah? What? I don't know. Those words don't even read. as a sentence in my brain. All right, let me back up.

Do you agree that Colorado is in the Pact 12 South? I see my oversight now. Oh, you should have just let it lie. Just so Utah fans could have been fucking furious and Colorado fans could have been like, all right, SB Nation, thanks for the respect. Thank you. Buff's getting up off the mat.

Listen, times are tough. So anyway, you have five good to great teams and, here, I'll spin this, and they all get to boost their schedules with a win against Colorado. Hey, you say that as if UCLA didn't need three overtimes to beat Colorado last year. That did happen. That did happen. That was real. That was real.

That was real. Basically got gifted a triple overtime win against Colorado. Yeah. So, well, nobody's saying. So, as I was saying, Colorado is a title contender. It's a title contender. Absolutely. All right.

So, look, you brought this up. I leave it to you to rank them in any order that you see fit. Well, USC seems to be the popular choice. They were picked to win the conference by the media, I believe. They're the gambling favorite based pretty much on they've got a good quarterback. Right. and like obviously talent everywhere because they're USC but still pretty thin the main selling point is just they have a quarterback who had really good stats um whereas uclaa we're looking at pretty proven depth just about everywhere except quarterback except a quarterback yeah where you're trying out either jerry new heisel or a freshman a very highly touted freshman an extremely highly touted freshman but he's not he's not a new heisle let's be clear I have never heard him play a single funny parody on guitar.

Wow, that hurts. Arizona may be the comparative dark horse then? I mean, they return a new Solomon, which I know everybody's talked this point to death, but this is the first time Rich Rodriguez has had the same starting quarterback coming back since he's been at Arizona. Is that right? Right. He had Matt Scott and then a new Solomon,

and that was that. Right. So there is something to like about that. And I think merely by anecdotal evidence, there were times last year where you saw a New Solomon and said, for somebody who doesn't have that much experience and hasn't gotten a lot of reps in the system, he looks pretty good.

There were other times where a New Solomon was basically throwing them out of games or not doing anything to keep them in it. yeah I mean for me like Arizona's offense never really anything I'm going to worry about like even if the quarterback has a freshman and he's goofing up like it'll be fine like the worst rich rod offense is still going to be pretty good and like the defense can't really fall far anchored by Scooby Wright Bill Connolly said, even if he was the only linebacker they returned, they'd still have an elite linebacking corps, and they returned other guys, too. So, like, Arizona really is, like, it's weird to be the division champion. And, hey, they're the Missou. That's what's happening here.

Yeah, they are the Missou. But the curse of being the Missou is that you can't have your stupid Missou game. Like, last year for Missou, that was, at least within conference, getting shut out by Georgia. And that's the kind of game that Arizona is prone to sometimes. I guess last year that would have been, I think the UCLA game, when the offense was a problem. I know they had a wide receiver who got hurt during that game,

but they only scored seven points. Well, Arizona's got the double problem of not only are they Missou, they're Missou in the SEC West. Right, yeah. Like, Missou is a great story and impressive, and they beat expectations two years in a row. But they've done it in the SEC East. Yeah.

Whereas, you know, what Arizona did last year was amazing and impressive. And, you know, they probably should have lost to UTSA and all. But to do that in this year's Pact 12th South sounds like a bit much. Pretty fair reason for, you know, for slot in a minute, third, fourth, fifth, rather than expecting a repeat. Okay. I mean, to me, UCLA feels like the, you know, feels like the safer choice at number one. Okay.

than USC? Is that because you are not enamored with Cody Kessler or because you think the comparative depth that UCLA has at every other position makes them more reliable? Well, Kessler's good. I mean, I don't think there's any really question about that. Dan Rubenstein would argue that point. Dan Rooenstein would argue that vigorously. Listen, Dan, if you're listening, I did not say anything at all good about USC.

I think they should just drop football They'll probably go five and five And cancel two games I don't think anyone should ever Even rank USC Basically I think Sark should quit I think Sark should

I think Sark should go just work in TV He should just demote himself to like Wide Receivers coach And there should just be no head coach No head coach because if they're not Pete Carroll and cheating to win, it just don't matter at USC. But the thing about UCLA is, you know,

their big loss was Brett Hunley, a quarterback, and he was very talented, very effective. But I don't really feel like there were all that many games where it was like, wow, Brett Hunley's really out here doing it. Like, you know, tore apart Virginia Tech in a bowl a couple years ago. But, you know, otherwise it was just motoring along, racking up stats, you know, their biggest wins. It was stuff like, hey, there goes eight punt returns for touchdowns.

Like, I don't feel like he's irreplaceable, not by any means, especially not with everything else to bring it back. Fair. So you're going UCLA, USC, Arizona? Is that right? Is that your metal stand? I'd probably put Arizona State ahead of Arizona. Okay. Myself. Okay.

You have any opinions here? I don't. I mean, the one thing we haven't really talked about. here is that the Pac-12 as a whole gets a lot of credit for having all these good coaches. And to some extent, that is really true. And that's true in the South Division, especially. Rich Rod has turned this Arizona team around really impressively. Todd Graham, stayed at Arizona State, despite all of our internet jokes and had them one

game away from playing for the conference title. Colorado at least looks on the rebound. Jim Mora, I mean, as much shit as we give Jim Mora, that was a hire that when it was made and everybody put out their coaching grades, that was like the C-minus D-plus, and that seems clearly wrong. Yeah, that was the hire that everyone on the surface level, and I did this too, you just make the immediate, you know, oh, that's a reach. They're just trying to do Pete Carroll, NFL re-tritch, yeah.

Yeah, he wasn't good. But when you really stopped to think about it, and this isn't just hindsight, When you really stop and think about it, like, he's perfect for the college game. Like, young, fired up, kind of arrogant, like, kids are going to love it. You know, and I think we've seen the effects of that. Right. Sark is, I think, an improvement over Lane Kiffin at this point and deserves more credit for what he did at Washington than most people give him. And Howe Winningham at Utah, you know, has managed to stick around at a Power 5 program for a long time.

So he must be doing something right. That said, all of these coaches have, like, something about them that you're like, I just don't know if they are the kind of coach that leads you to a national title season. That's very true. That is very true. Like, they're all good hires. Right. And now that they've all been here for two, three, four, five years, it's like, hmm.

Right. And they, they've all improved their programs since they've been there in some way, shape, or form. But that doesn't necessarily mean that this is a collection of coaches that you're like, oh, this is going to, they're going to play for a national title. Yeah, that is true. The whole, like, it's sort of the go-to thing about the Pact 12. Man, every team's got a good coach. You know, the worst coach is still whatever proven guy with the resume

who did this good thing before he got there and all that. Right, right. And really, you can say just about every program that's had a coach for more than one or two years really has gotten better. but we're probably getting to the point where that whole thing needs to be put to the test. Right. It's unclear if anybody has a great coach in the Pac-12 at this point. Exactly.

There are a lot of good coaches. Not a lot of great coaches. Go SEC. I'm sorry. I just couldn't. I couldn't let it go that long without being that way. Man, you put Mark Stoops in the Pack 12 talking about rings, son. Oh, my God, rings on rings on rings.

Put Derek Mason back in the Pac-12. Shit. It's going to look like that child stacking game, so many rings. It's going to look like somebody rigged a carnival game. Shit's going to look like Jenga. Let's go to a new question. This question comes from Jackson O.G. Martin at Jog Martin on Twitter. He says Vanderbilt fan here.

In order to win an SEC championship, I would accept violations resulting in a death penalty for the program. Is this reasonable? Now, of course, this is the Pac-12 preview. Again, we appreciate that we have such passionate SEC fans. This is not your day. They do love this Pac-12 program. So let's throw this to a variety of downtrodden pack-12 teams. Brian Floyd, again, if you're there, we would love to hear your thoughts on this from a wazoo fan's point of view.

One, two. I think I heard the Skype noise, so I think he's gone. I'm just going to say, you know, if I'm a. fan of Wazoo, Oregon State, I would dare to even say Utah. They've had some good teams, but nothing anywhere approaching national title level

in a power conference. You know, we win 11, 12 games in a non-power, that's good, but they're never going to let you play for the real thing. I think if you're a team that's never really come that close to a national title in any recent year, I say yes, do it. Go out guns blazing.

So let's agree to a dividing line here. are many ways you could, in theory, accrue so many NCAA violations as to get programmatic death penalty. There is the SMU way where it's just sort of recruiting violations and cash being exchanged and sort of the shit we all kind of love as college football fans. There are also the less savory ways to do it. Perhaps what almost happened to Penn State, for instance, or other things of that ilk that are not that are not about breaking the NCAA's sort of self-imposed boring stodgy rules and are more about like serious shit yeah we say this applies exclusively to the former okay all right so so yeah i i agree because look you know that if you do this

the national title or conference title that you win is going to be technically removed from the books, and nobody's going to count it. They can't take away your tattoos, though. Can't take away your tattoos. The lasers can't reach that far. The NCAA ain't got no lasers. Get some... NCAA laser research is woefully behind Russia.

Yeah. Why do you think Donald Trump's doing so well on the polls? Because he wants our lasers to be better at the collegiate level. He's a good man. He's what's best for college sports. He really should take over the NCAA. He's got the same hair as Mark Emmer. He's the same man as Mark Himmer.

He's just a little bit meaner. He's a little bit better quote. He's a lot meaner. And he will, I'll tell you this, Donald Trump, for all of his other whatever, he will have no problem just letting money flow into college sports. You think Donald Trump gives a shit about amateurism and the principles thereof? Fuck and no. Donald Trump will pay a player as the NCAA president. Can you imagine going up to Donald Trump at the March Madness Press conference?

and saying, you know, President Trump, because you could call him NCAA President Trump, so you'd have to use the words President Trump. Are you concerned with the opulent facilities at the University of Oregon? Absolutely not. I love opulence. I believe in luxury, especially at college.

My only problem with Oregon's facilities is that they lag far behind that of the latest Trump hotels. Alabama's facilities, they're a joke. They're disgusting. I wouldn't let my dog shit in them. Nobody loves them. China, they're like something a China man would come up with.

Have you seen Tennessee's new indoor facility? It ought to be an underground facility. Trump golf courses, though. That's why we're hosting the Rose Bowl at Trump Golf Course. Trump University. We're scheduled to play eight major opponents, including North Korea, next season. It'll be bananas. I bet he says bananas a lot.

Bear Bryant's going to be my head coach. You say he's dead. I say that's a limitation for the unimaginative. I say you're a loser who isn't creative. who doesn't want to win, who doesn't care about winning at any cost, not at Trump University. Does Donald Trump have a private university? There's no question he does. Jesus Christ.

Somebody play them. Baylor, are you listening? Oh my God, if Baylor beat Trump University? Baylor's got to do that in them gold helmets. He'd really like those. Shit. That's perfect. All right, let's do one more question than get the hell out of here.

That works. Our final question of this episode, and again, thank you for listening. You are an angel. You are sentimental. Thank you to Brian Floyd for listening. Thank you for Brian for being one of our, you know, I'll say this. Several listeners. Sometimes on our three-man show, we step on each other's toes.

We step on each other's lines. We all have jokes, we all have, like, you know, average jokes that we really want to say. Because sometimes the average joke is really good. we haven't really done that that much tonight Floyd is extremely easy to work with on audio where you can't see other people he is so low key like he he understands

conservation of words when Floyd speaks people listen it matters he only says things when they matters that's right Brian right see again he just gets it he's a pro professional okay last question this question comes from

Matt Scalisi, Scalici. I don't know which one it is. I'm sorry, Matt. At Matt Scalisi on Twitter. You know, why you got to do that? Scalicy. So I say, which state besides Alabama is most likely to pass

college football-related legislation, and what would it be? This is, of course, in reference to the Alabama State Senator who is trying to get Auburn to claim nine national titles. Yeah. They claim two. They could claim four, one in the 80s and one in the way back win. And they tried to claim one in 93, which is total bullshit because they were a ball band at the time, which is extremely Auburn.

And we're eager to find out where those other four are coming from. It's pretty exciting. But if we're talking about PAC 12 states passing college football- Right. This is a PAC-12 show. I mean, California, obviously, left coast, always willing to interfere. We know that. we know that they hate freedom well the thing about california is they have so many programs

if you do that that's what i like stanford probably wouldn't count because it's a private school right but well actually USC's private so it's just cal and UCLA yeah so but still though that's that's still eight more national titles that's a lot and then that would really piss off USC because we didn't get the free national titles you think and stanford really wouldn't notice because they'd be busy winning, like, boxing or whatever. Sam would be like, oh, we imagine a space shuttle that runs on dreams. We just did because we can. How are you guys? Great.

And also, we won space fencing. We swept NCAA space fencing for the eighth year in a row. Congrats on the director's space cup. Fuck you, Vanderbilt. We'll beat you every year in space fencing.