Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.18.0

Episode Date: September 2, 2015

WEEK ONE WEEK ONE WEEK ONE. We get to talk actual football, which is cool, but we also get to talk about --OUR EXTENSIVE BIG TEN PREVIEW (or what a miserable place Ohio is) --Which mountains have songs of hobo sexual misadventure written about them --A scenario where we have PJ Fleck rapping his own version of a Rich Homie Quan song, "Fleck". --Why you can just wheel out a 93 year old Lee Corso onto the Gameday set and we'd be fine with that --The awkward question of whether Jim Harbaugh has a return policy --A review of all the most important games from week one, and also we talk about Alabama/Wisconsin. --The elaborate plot where we get Lane Kiffin in the driver's seat at Alabama through steps that are not at all implausible Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast on this, the first game week edition, which we will get to and to the games of the week. Actual college football being played on your television, in the fields of your communities, and in the stadiums of your massive publicly funded and occasionally privately funded universities. But first, some unfinished business, we still need to preview the Big Ten. Ryan Nanny, joining us from Brooklyn, New York. Rutgers Territory. Big Ten Town right here. A Big Ten town. Your thoughts on the Big Ten for our Big Ten preview.

I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to talk about a dark horse team that not a lot of people are willing to buy in on, a lot of questions and talent. Coach on the hot seat, Ohio State wins a whole damn thing. I said it. Jason Kirk. I think Ohio State's going to win it, but Michigan State might too. Takes so hot that these oven mitts aren't cutting it.

We're going to have to go to industrial grade. Me, my thoughts in the Big Ten are this. Ohio State will probably win. Okay, it's time for reader questions. That's it. That's the entire thing. It's really all you need to know. One more thing.

Purdue. Okay. Reader questions. It is very big ten coach of us, I would like to say, to just keep it short, keep it brief, not soliloquise. We got to get these kids to poetry class. We've got to get these kids to engineering class. Spartan Warrior didn't have time to answer questions. Let me tell you, that media day, it's like a minute and a half for a coach.

That's right. It's like the only 14-minute, 18-minute media day. Kirk Ference's is like 25 seconds of waiting for questions. Kirk Ferrence does his by Vine. There are two kinds of questions in the Big Ten. Ones that can be answered by the media guide and stupid questions. Here's the Purdue Media Guide. They faxed it over here and stapled it together just for you.

It's just a coaster that says go away. It's got equations in it. If you can figure them out, you might be smart enough to get to Purdue. So, reader questions. That's enough. we could just do that mine is this I asked the dumb question which was from

this is by the way we're hitting this early because we didn't answer any reader questions last week so I thought we could just leap right into that here on the internet's what we're like easily the eighth or ninth most popular college football podcast we're not even the most popular SB Nation podcast anymore

yeah we're second and third is within easy range fast closing on us Fast closing, but up to, seriously, up to 800 people, possibly 805, enjoy this podcast every single week. And they send us questions, so we feel obligated to answer them. For instance, at Josh W. Goodson, since I asked, submit your questions about mountains for tonight, shut down, forecast, or college football, but, you know, maybe about mountains. What is your Mount Rushmore of Mountains?

Kind of a meta question, but I've got four slots on this. I'm going to go ahead and choose, let's see, Pico de Orzaba, because I've been on it. It's pretty awesome. I'm going to choose Annapurna because that's a classic. I'm going to choose Machuputra. It's a little peak in the Himalaya that kind of looks like a fish tail. It's pretty awesome. It's a sacred peak.

You're not supposed to climb it, but some Italian asshole did. And then for the fourth mountain, I have to go Mount Whitney because it's just got a great position. in the Sierra's. It's a gorgeous-looking, you know, mountain. It's accessible, and they shot a lot of Westerns around it. So, yeah, that's my Mount Rushmore of Mountains. I think you've left out a key mountain. And that is the Big Rock Candy Mountain, which, according to these 1920s lyrics,

has cigarette trees and the hens lay soft-boiled eggs. Because, God damn, we're the 20s a sad time. that's your idea of boy I'll go to some place it's wonderful where they got soft boiled eggs and cigarettes and I like that climbing this mountain was probably like not viewed as good for you like oh it'll it'll break down your arteries there's a lot of changes they had to make to the song too so like Shirley temple could sing it like originally it was a lake of gin but that changed to a lake of soda pop I think the lake of gin would probably be cleaning Gin with dead fish.

Yeah, did you see that this, the thing that included, this is about hobo heaven. Hobo heaven. Hobo paradise, yes. This is about hobo paradise. So you should also know that the guy who wrote it, okay, who claimed credit for it at least, said that the last stanza's original words were, not safe for work. Wait, hold on, I kind of, I wish you. Now you should, you should, you should plug your ears, okay? This would be a really good time for Wright Thompson voice. That's all I'm going to say.

Okay. Oh, I can't do it. I know. So I'm going to read it and Jason can follow if he wants. Because I don't think you can go down this road, which was Sandy, I've hiked and hiked and wandered too, but I ain't seen any candy. I've hiked and hiked till my feet are sore and I'll be damned if I hike anymore to be buggered sore like a hoagered. Bobo's whore in the Big Rock Candy Mountains. Goddown.

Yeah, this is not a kid's song. The next line on Wikipedia says, in the released version, this verse did not appear. Too hot for TV, y'all. And by the way, the other name for this song was the Apple Knockers Lament. Man, this was the original parental advisory track. Yeah, like, I'm sure this song didn't lead to a congressional hearing, but like Louis Louie

Louis did There's a remix of this on It's Dark and Hell is Hot I don't know Yeah there's an implied air horn And he's like But I ain't seen it A candy

That's a pretty That's a good mountain to put on there though Thanks Ryan for getting that Hobo sexual assault song I don't Sexual assault is a stretch there I think Uh huh

Okay Jason you have any mountain input or you just want to move to you have two questions so we should probably go to those uh real quick I do want to put on for Aluru first oh that's good that's is that a I mean it's it's a it's like a big hunker

I guess it's a mountain I mean when you look at the surrounding area it really stands above like literally a million miles of Australia around it so I think that's quite mountainous yeah I'll also throw in for the Sierra Online Mountain the mountain for indoor kids also another cool thing about Aluru is

it's red, and in SIV 5, it gives you food bonuses in addition to the faith bonuses, so you don't have to stop working the food tile. I knew this came back to Siv. I was like, this has to come back to Siv 5. Food and faith bonuses? That's pretty good mountain. That sounds like Chick-fil-A, y'all.

Tell them. I'm also going to throw in, by the way, honorable mention Mount Chilliad and Grand Theft Auto. Only mountain I've ever driven a car off of, parachuted off of. Well, you're young. I don't believe that. Yeah, I was going to say, we're trying to sell that to Lanrover for season two.

The amateur death seeker. The amateur, GTA things you do in real life, even though it's a real bad idea. Wasted. You wasted. Your question is Jason. We have two, and they're both really good. I want to get to them. Let's see.

First up from the homeboy Matt Berry 05 on Twitter, what is the ideal fan base to pair with DragonCon for people watching on kickoff weekend. Now, for those of you who ain't from around here, what we do in Atlanta on Labor Day weekend is we have the Chick-fil-A kickoff game, which pairs two to four large fan bases from parts unknown all around the country. A pair that with Atlanta Pride and DragonCon, and there's often a NASCAR race, and there's often a Braves home series, and it seems like it's usually against a rival, but I guess in baseball, like every team seems like it's a rival. I don't know how it works. So you have this, just, what an amazing mishmash of humanity in one town, complimented by, you know, just the usual amazing sites of the town and the traffic and so forth.

But as to the two best fan bases, I mean, Bama, Michigan is real hard to top. That was a real, real good pair. Yeah, that was where, that was the year where we had Alabama Zankeef for a shutdown fullback. We did meet him. We did meet Alabama Zankeef, and he played the part real well. I believe coming up, Georgia Tech and Tennessee, I believe that's on the books. That's pretty good because Darth Vaughal, like, you think, oh, Tennessee fans won't get into it. Incorrect.

There's a dude who totally gets into it. He dresses up like Darth Mall in a Valls jersey and calls himself Darth VAL. Also with that, you have Georgia Tech fans, like, is it okay that we're super into this? is it okay that we're all going to sneak out and dress up and then they realize oh yeah sure everything's fine pretty distracted are they going to make fun of us if we do they're going to make fun of us right i would like to see texas an m participate in this oh my god yeah because you know what i think they're smart and weird enough i think they'd let that go i think they it's a nice death star but we're building a bigger one yeah we got one look on the backside

that it's all blue bell ice cream what your death star only seats 80,000 that's trump change we'll build 120 texas will be like we don't even know a death star is we just approved plans for a 400,000 seat one i feel like the aggies they all just show up and dress like texas fans and do like you know like we're really weak like no no this isn't that kind of a costume party don't you get it up dressed up like a texas fan we're like you just look like some dude from buckhead You look like somebody who lives here. Get it? I'm wearing a collared shirt, drinking some tea.

And Aguiland a collared shirt is like the ultimate sign of defeat, femininity, and privilege. My boots are too clean. Look at me. Your shirt has extra parts on it. That ain't overall. What a waste of fabric. I don't even know what whoop is. That's the best part is that, like, you know, Aggie fans would go,

whoop. somebody would go whoop whoop Those people are turning up over there Look at that Yeah they might really like it here Then make passionate love to an EWalk I'll tell you that's the other thing about this weekend This is like if you could graph it

This is peak weird sex Atlanta Weird Sex Atlanta Peaks this weekend Somewhere in there's going to be like a free future show Everything He shows like future would show up Hopefully at the NASCAR race Exactly. He would show up at the place where you would at least expect him.

Like, DragonCon might make kind of like an outside curve bit of sense for him to show up there. But Future instead will show up at like the Black Gay Pride Party at the NASCAR race. I'll tell you who's perfect for that is Waka Flaka. That dude really likes, like, he really likes tweaking people with the whole, like, wait, what is he doing here thing? yeah no he would show he would show up at like he would show up anywhere in the city of this weekend and it would make complete sense like i could walk out of my living room and he'd be like yeah hey walk out we're going to public just to get some chicken come on my kids would love that what like five-year-old wouldn't like you know like this extremely energetic and enthusiastic and positive guy sitting in the living room going they'll like you know as loud as he good they'd love that that's basically a five-year-old that

you're describing. Basically my children. Who got a really good grade on his A-C-T's. Yeah, who got a, yeah, who's actually real, real smart. He's a tip scholar. Yeah. What's the other question you have, Jason? I believe you have two?

From Buster Bronco Asquire on Twitter. I think he's Boise's top lawyer slash cowboy. Man, I'm pretty excited for some college football. What about you guys? This is a good question because I feel, the season, no matter how much anticipation and all that, no matter how much preparation, it still sneaks up on you. You can check the calendar every single day and then just look up and, oh, fuck, here comes the season, is basically here. So, I mean, I feel for all of us,

for us, for listeners, for everyone, it's a good time. We're just sort of saying back and, you know, really self-examine and say, what about you guys? So I'll turn that question to you, to the two of you. What about you guys? Every single time. I won't believe that the season is here until I actually see football on my television. I will say

I do like that the FCS game has become a thing now, like that North Dakota State Montana game that was on last weekend. I feel like that is the sort of like, oh, I'm going to go into the pool up to my knees

version of college football. So you're not just jumping straight into the deep end you're acclimating a little i do appreciate that you know how that's going to like and it was a good game with like interesting storylines and like actual important developments and all that like you know how that's going to go since it was so well received this year last year not so much but this year is uh next year it'll be you know like three and then like eight yeah because like 20 and then oh damn it the season starts in august and then an fbs team's going to be like, no, they're getting too much attention. Yeah, and then Georgia State says, wait, wait, we start

in July now. Yeah, we're not even playing anyone. We're just going to run on a field and televise it. The 4th of July classic. And then Duke, which starts spring football on, like, February 1st, just starts their season in May and they're done in August. And ESPN is so terrified, they will put any of this on. Yeah.

Wait, is this a Bamma Spring game or the Sugar Bowl? I can't even tell anymore. What else we got? Tennis that we have given up on? All right. Ooh, tennis burn. I'm sorry, I love you, Tense. That was for Dan. Yeah, but I will be stunned the minute it comes on,

not really realizing that the season starts. I know academically it does, and then suddenly it'll just be four days, four straight days of... I mean, it's pretty good. Hey, listen, it's pretty good. I'm not going to look... We have had much crappier week ones than this before.

Well, no, Spencer's saying four days, which excludes Sunday, Purdue Marshall. Marshall is a worthwhile team, sir. I'm going to, I'm going to watch Marshall. Listen, if Marshall struggles with Purdue, they're just going to get the basura label for the rest. People will be like, oh, what about Marshall? They'll be like, trash.

Everyone saw it. This is trash. If you struggle against Purdue on a Friday night, no one knows. Purdue is the only football game on a Sunday night? NFL fans, no. Purdue had a pin, Vincent McMahon cheated. You're just, you're just, walking naked in front of the whole tribe

doing the shame walk. That's what you're doing if you go on Sunday and you struggle against Purdue. So Marshall, you know, keep the pedal down. Don't make this close. I do like they were talking about the Big Ten team being the spoiler of the CUSA team of this second most

powerful program in West Virginia. Like after the last bowl season and after Ohio State winning a championship, we're still looking at Purdue and going hello, Big Ten. It's so unfair, and I'm still going to do it. Still going to do it. It's still going to be like, oh, LOL, SEC West bowl season.

We're like, don't care. We don't have her. Irrelevant. Sample sizes. Like, did you see T.C. you blow out old miss? You're like, yeah, that was awesome. That's great. Do you see Ohio State go run for 230 yards just with Ezekiel Elliott alone through

the heart of the South? Through the heart of the South? We put it on a T-shirt, and then we mailed a rape threat to a female college football writer because we're Ohio State fans. That's what we do. Clubhouse leaders in that, by the way. By far. That's what we did because burning something is awesome, especially in war.

When those Ohio soldiers were definitely not racist. Yeah. That's, we'll still be like, yeah, that was awesome. Like, it's great to see Alabama struggle like that. Getting pissed about a mountain being renamed its original name. Some president we didn't give a shit about for 200 years or whatever. having a state, which actually is like a pleasant place to live, unless you consider how people actually feel about the state.

Oh, H! Anyway, that's, you know, that's all nice, but when Purdue plays Marshall on a Sunday, we're right back in it. Nothing changed. Ryan, your question. This is a super easy one. This is from David Bixler at D.Bix, 8.

Okay, but seriously, what is the status of the Michigan tattoo? That would be a tattoo that Spencer Hall is due, overdue, some would say, to have placed permanently on his person as a result of the Every Day Should Be Saturday charity pledge drive, which went swimmingly this year. So far so that we had our stretch goal where Spencer promised to get a tattoo of the leading school. That, of course, was Michigan because it all. always is. Yep. And that is, uh, that's still in process. Have you at least settled on, all right, let's break down. I thought, I thought about getting it in Burma, okay? Jesus Christ. But I figured that getting it in an open air stall on the street was probably not the smartest thing. Additionally, there's a language barrier. So I could have shown them

the word for Wolverine and I could have gotten like a pangolin on my back. Oh yeah. Burma's full of, uh, Minnesota fans. So they would have just, that would have been the wrong end. They want that jug back. Just put a gopher and some crazy Buddhist nationalist motto on my back. Jade gophers. It says something like all praise in the tapadol. It's weird. So have you decided on what part of your body you will be getting the tattoo?

On my back. I think it's going to be back, upper right shoulder blade. Okay. And have you decided what the tattoo will be? I really am leaning either full naturalistic kind of. you know, Audubon Portrait-style Wolverine, if I can find the right person to do it. Failing that, I'll just get a Wolverine with a top hat. Okay.

Are you worried that that will inadvertent... To some, they may think, oh, man, this guy really likes Groundhog Day. That might happen, but to be honest, that's not the worst thing for someone to think. That's true. And then if you ever meet Chris Elliott, you got a talking point. I do, and he'll be massively creeped out by it. And that's great. Because Chris Elliott's kind of creeped me out for like 30 years.

I mean, in a really positive way, because that's his thing. But still. Yeah. So that's where we stand on the tattoo. Atlanta's not short on people who can do it. I'm just disorganized and slow. But it will happen. And when it does, we will take photographic evidence.

Maybe, you know, a nice demure shot of the shoulder. For full nude. Maybe full nude. Full, unnecessary, full frontal. Oh, yeah, exactly. You can get it on my shoulder. You can kind of see it in the mirror behind him, but man, he's just shaking

and scrot him at you, something furious. Yeah, I think we'll provide evidence when it happens. So just know, Michigan fans, we have not forgotten about that. It will happen. It will be definitely a distinctly recognizable

Wolverine on my body. If this doesn't happen by Thanksgiving, I'm going to raise a stink. Is that fair? Is that fair? Well, that would be fair. Okay. If, say, during next year's charity bowl, you still haven't gotten it.

Is it, you can't just go double or nothing. I mean, I think at that point, you got to get three Wolverine tattoos. Permanent. Which is we talking full suit. Permanent U.M. Grill. Just be and Harbaugh. Just look at Harbaugh and be like, oh, man, we got to go full vest. You got to get your goddamn khaki sleeve.

We're going to get the full Bo Schembeckler windbreak. tattooed on my body. He's like, he's like blue dragon. Yeah. Look at me. You can get a map of the state of Michigan

your entire back. You know, I could. I could. Although, no, I'm not going to tell that joke. I'm not,

I'm backing off of it. Backing off it. Ooh, there was a bad one there and I'm just, you're clear of that. I already talked, I already talked shit

about one big 10 state in extremely negative terms, which I should because Ohio sucks. Oh, yeah, that would also mean your ass is Ohio. You got to do that.

People would support that. They'd be like, listen, you got every county in Michigan in your back, and that's pretty great. But you know what the best part is? Ohio's your ass! Go blue! And Scott Walker is your upper hip. Somebody else from Michigan comes by and goes,

this is problematic. This whole rivalry is problematic because it's an oppositional form of violence that's constructed a are arbitrarily chosen in class's lines based on university affiliation. It encourages animals to eat poisonous nuts. It does. It mocks the plight of the wolverine, an animal which should never be imprisoned, even in symbolic form.

Wow. I could do this all day. I know. You're not like Dave Brandon. It's because you went. Dave Brandon was the one trying to get that game off the schedule. Who turned down that master's, who turned down that master's, who turned down that master's program acceptance.

Oh. Let's, now we've gone through reader questions, we can actually look at actual football this week. There are a few things

which will be different. One, that Illinois does not have a football coach. Oh, man. God, that feels so long ago now. I know.

It was less than a week. And I've already, I've already, his grave is already cold. Does that say, easily forgotten it was like Tim Beckman's fire okay cool that's done yeah cool I was already I was already mentally prepared for that it's like Tim Beckman was everyone's 89 year old uncle right except he's been sick for years anyway except he got hit by a car

so you're like well I didn't the method was not what I expected but the result well the he was he was that doesn't mean cross exactly It was the one that got the phone call, not the text, right? Because the text would have been, ah, you know, your Uncle Tim passed away. Oh, yeah. The call is, holy shit, Uncle Tim passed away. He was hit by a bus. Well, he would have wanted that way.

Did the life insurance policy come through? Nope. No? No. Didn't. Three million dollars that he doesn't get. Never seen a life insurance policy with four cause, but there it is. Because they're up by a bus.

He went out doing what he loved. Because I know you guys have probably done a bit of radio this week because everyone calls you right before the season starts. So you do radio. spot, and I did one. We were talking about why Tim Beckman got fired, and I really think that Illinois did it the first opportunity they could. That was the M.O. was, fire him for cause immediately. Find it.

Fire him for cause immediately. Save as much money as possible and just right off the entire season. And I have to commend Illinois for this. They did it to the hilt. They did it to a degree. I have never seen. Do you remember a time when a guy was fired

before the season? Like a week before the season? No. The closest we've got is probably, in recent memory, is probably Petrino, right? But that wasn't nearly this close. Yeah, it wasn't this close. Yeah, it was like April or May when that happened. Yeah, this is good, cold-blooded shit right here. Yeah, this is absolutely ruthless.

So cool, Illinois. Enjoy that when your next coach in waiting does the interview. And the first question is, tell me why you won't fire me to save $3 million a week. before the season. Counterpoint, tell us why you won't ignore your players getting injured.

Yep, well, that's a real good question for a coach. Every other, every coach would be like, well, well,

you'd have to catch me doing it. How many coaches around the country do you think, like, wait, we can seriously get in trouble for this now? And they're like, they're going to their staff,

like, all right, guys, we got a, um, a hundred, okay, whatever.

Just don't lose six games. a hundred and twenty of them I would say it's every coach who has not had a winning season yet take down the rabdo or quit posters we're going to get fired kidneys are temporary glorious forever

what do you think the reaction was at Alabama to this like huh probably yeah probably deep laughter yeah that's it like a player wouldn't be too afraid to speak out that's some fucking big tension

shit right there. Yeah, exactly. Like, if a player did that at Alabama, they would have to do it WikiLeaks style. Like, they would have to do it next to Edward Snowden in Russia. In Russia, right? Yes, yes.

Exactly, like tweeting from some remote location. Well, if he was telling the truth, why'd he flee to Russia? Roll tide. Send Agent Kiffin after him. Agent Kiffin gets lost in Athens.

Agent Kiffin is now the president of Mongolia. How'd that happen? He just keeps getting jobs, man. It's just what he does. Whatever. Spent all the money on Viking River Cruises. I hate you, Dad. I just loved Downton Abbey. I just loved Outnabee. Want to live in a yurt. That's it. President of Mongolia. That's a sidetrack. Another thing that's going to be different when you turn on Game Day, there will be no Chris Fowler there. This made me sad to realize. Like, I'm not, I'm not,

I have nothing bad to say about Reese Davis stepping up and filling that spot. But that feels, that feels weird. It's going to be a little weird, I think, when you turn it on. If anyone can make it as seamless as possible, it'll be Reese Davis. Is that better or worse, though? Because Reese Davis has some similarities to Chris Fowler, both in look and manner and those sorts of things. And it kind of feels like mom got divorced and married a guy who is a lot like dad. Like a lot like dad. Yeah, although there is a certain kind of...

A certain kind of tense peevishness. Right. I mean that in the positive sense, that Fowler was obviously very picky-y-y-une. I hear what you're saying, but I also know that Chris Fowler spends his free time socializing with Jesse Palmer, which makes me think that that's not true. Yeah, but on camera. On camera. Okay.

Right. So that like when he would break the fourth wall and when he would break character, Chris Fowler, I think was funnier for that. Reese is just more chill. You'll just get a, I think you'll get this more relaxed, no less focused, but this more kind of relaxed vibe. You know, additionally, we do have a little south in our mouth now. Reese is definitely Alabama. It's definitely, I think, a little more steeped in the tradition's lore

and sort of communal awe of the sport that is common down here. I think that might bleed over a little bit. I always wonder, like, when Corso is going to go? Like, I don't mean go. I mean, like, when he's going to retire, when they will get him off the program. He outlasted Lou Holtz, dog? He outlasted Fowler.

I feel like that's the question at, like, every college football media roundup. Like, it's always who should replace Corses? And at this point, it's like, Corso is my answer. Yeah. Just keep him. He can stick around until he's 95.

I don't care. Listen, if he's like 95 years old and he just puts on the hat, that's fine. Someone puts the hat on him. It's like when they bring, yeah, we'll still giff it. It's like when they bring Arnold Palmer out at the U.S. Open just to hit like one shot, just to hit a drive. And be like, hey, Arnold Palmer, everybody. That's it. Everyone can point to him, be like, that's Corso.

Hey. Oh my gosh. Here's Lee Corso. He's going to smother an owl to death. You know? Go FAU. This is a really. gory way to make this pick.

No, no, no. Go with it. It's the price of victory. Go with it. This is the only way 2031 FAU is going to get this win over Alabama. This is what the owl gods demand. The borough owl lies supreme. He who is furthest away from the sun

shall be closest to the heavens. Blood in, blood out. Since football's been banned and we have to play it at night, the owl is the perfect animal. It's perfect. the games this week other very different things opening we do have one tradition

which has gone unsullied because one could not really sullied near further because they usually play like hot garbage for at least a half to three quarters of the opening game that would be live from

Charlotte, North Carolina from Bofa Stadium yep from literally from Bofa Stadium. God bless you, Steve Spurier. The hearty opening D's nuts to you, the viewer.

That would be a game where you will have no idea what either team will roll out, North Carolina versus South Carolina. This is what, the fourth, third, at least the third year in a row in which South Carolina,

God knows why, is the like official FBS kickoff team. It feels like the fifth year ear and around. It's like what and how? How? How how did this happen? I think it's because Sparrier orchestrates it by going, well well, well, going to look like

shit early, might as well get it out of the way. Yeah, nobody remembers what you play on Thursday. Hey, hey, I'm making tea times over Labor Day weekend. Hey, if it's a clear up Saturday, you get us you get us Thursday or not at all. That's how it works. That's how it works. Larry Fedora, you know, he's such a hurry up advocate. He's basically like, yo, let's get it over with. Come on.

Let's run as many places we can as soon as we can. Let's kick it off at got down 6 o'clock on a workday. It very much suits the image of Steve Spurrier as, like, southern banker being like, now I don't work on Fridays. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm only here till three on most weekdays. Here's how this is going to work.

You can leave messages from the secretary, Ron Zuck. Perfect week. Play on Thursday. Take a couple days off. Get that game planning on on Monday. Get practicing on Tuesday. Oh, Monday's Labor Day, Coach. Oh, okay.

All right, well, no game plan this week. That's all right. And that's how they always beat Georgia in week, too. Exactly. We'll just show up and, you know, call a few ball plays. See how this works. That's literally what Sparger does. It just shows up and he's like, ah, you know, I think that draw might work.

Yeah, it did. Hey, Hannibal had a lot of plans with the elephants and the Alps and all that. How'd that work? Everyone else is on the other side going, we've identified tendencies by down on first, second, third down. We've had the GAs break it down. systems we have every single tendency mapped out on charts that we contain in laminated form on the sidelines. Spurrier's like

Hey, how about that curl flat? Let's try that on that side. Shoot, man. I'm just over here playing brick breaker. I'm a blackberry. I mean, Snake got too boring. You have a couple of other bizarre games on opening night. By the way, you're pretty much

sure that North Carolina, South Carolina game, like I don't, I'm going to watch it. Oh, it's going to be one of those teams are going to play like trash. possibly both possibly both but at least one over under one and a half teams play like this is the game where two years ago uh jadevi and clani was bad at sports and last year texas an had like three heisman contenders yeah it's great where texas an m looked like an absolute world beater until we discovered that south carolina was going to decline the option of playing defense

for 75% of the season. South Carolina is the official home of overreaction. Hey man, we're just deferring. Only in football, of course. I said we'd defer at the coin toss. I didn't mean where. I didn't say what we were going to defer. Defer half the game.

That's fine. I'll be over here. I'm going to work on my short game. One of these days, Spurs team's going to play so badly that he's going to start chipping on the sidelines. With those like little wiffle ball golfers. Oh, yeah. Hey, not going to hurt nobody.

Yeah, get out of the way, son. Hold on. Come on. You know you're not supposed to move in my back way. And I totally get away with it. Like, any other coach would be like, you booed and the announcers are pissed off and viewers are changing channels. But everyone's, like, tuning in. Like, oh, look at coach.

He's adorable. That's my spurious. What a cut up. What kind of wedge is that? What do you got? We have, uh, we also have, by the way, the Oklahoma, the, God, I can't believe this game is being played. Oh, Oklahoma State. at Central Michigan.

I can't believe you accuse me of picking the bad games, and that's the second thing you want to talk about. I'm not going to talk about it for long. I am pointing to it and acknowledging its existence. Fine. And then I am going to run away from that, because if you wonder how hard it is to get a home and home these days. Oklahoma State at Central Michigan.

That's beautiful. Yeah, it's gorgeous. Let's not talk about it anymore. Okay. opening night you also have on Fox with its khaki cam One of one of five cams they'll have for this game Yep Fox's going super hard for Michigan at Utah Where Michigan should lose

That's what should happen here Sure That's your Utah team Oh right right No he's on Arkansas now Yeah, I'm pretty over Utah. They lost, you know, lost a bunch on defense, lost a defensive coordinator. So, so, like, there's no mention of offense.

You're like, there wasn't much to lose, to be quite honest. Yeah, I lost a lot of that stuff. I'm pretty much off them. They have a 12th year senior quarterback, so that's fun. They do. You know, they have one of those quarterbacks who, his name is escaping me now, but if I'm correct, he has one of those quarterbacks who kind of looks like he's just playing, quarterback as a vacation. Travis Wilson, I believe.

Oh, yeah, Travis Wilson. Yeah. And Travis Wilson is a real vacation quarterback name. Like, Travis Wilson, if he had played at Stanford, maybe in like the mid-90s would be randomly drafted by, you know, the dolphins or something, just be like, yeah, I'm not really into football. I'm just, I just want to chill at the beach. The dolphins are fine with that. He's just a few roster tweaks away from being an athlete. Yeah. right like like the guy like he's a little matt joneses jimmy he's a scatback that's fine exactly

like you know we'll move into receiver oh that's cool that's fine can he catch no no he's just like six seven one 95 yeah six seven two 33 he'll go up for it he's they have listed at 233 he's great at charity basketball they ain't no 233 no no he's not too he might be pads on yeah with the pads that's a pack 12 233 yeah that's like a pack 12 like look at our 300 pound age rusher no bro that dude ain't 300 pounds that's the most bud elliott thing you've ever said if we put like a if we put a kettlebell on the scale while he's standing there he's two 33 that's the service ditty is here to provide inflating pack 12 weights to boost these draft prospects that's right uh-huh take that take that kettlebell and stand on that weight take that let's go

that's it you get done weighing and he's like let's go woozy for it um but yeah i i I sort of think this isn't a game for Michigan to win. What happens then? Like, this is, I am so concerned. I am so concerned with what happens if Michigan has like a so-so but acceptable for a first-year head coach season. Like a eight and four, seven and five? Eight and four would be pretty good for this. Eight and four would probably pretty good, but let's say seven and five.

Seven and five, there might be rending of garments. Yeah, it depends on that trajectory. It depends on the trajectory, and it depends on how those five look and who those seven are. It also probably depends on what Ohio State does after beating Michigan. Fair. Yeah. Well, we lost the eventual national title holders. You know, that might be some grim consolation for them.

I don't know. That probably makes it worse. I'm just saying there's already a book about Jim Harbaugh's tenure at Michigan, and it hasn't even fucking started yet. Everything will be fine. Man, you're not going to stop John Bacon from writing, Matt. Like, even Notre Dame gave Ty Willingham a few games before they published something. It was like two games. There were two great games.

Two phenomenal games. Man, John Bacon bangs out books like we tweet. Exactly. He's like, yo, I tweeted, and it's like 600 pages. I'm not saying Jim Harbaugh's the next Ty Willingham. I am saying that they both took the same team from the doldrums to major conference. competition. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, that's a curse. I'm not even going to endorse that sentence. That's how I hate it in that cinema is. Yeah, I'm a little fright right now. It's like you just injected unsolved mysteries into my veins. Let's postpone Harbaughan Nightmares. I have another two sentence

thing that I want to point at, which is you've got Western Kentucky playing at Vanderbilt, and if Vanderbilt wins, we'll be surprised. Yep. Yep. Western Kentucky's. In case you don't know,

Western Kentucky likes to score. They can throw up a lot of yards. Brian Brougham has an outstanding attack there. They put up many digits, and they'll be going up against Vanderbilt at home, which we all know that Vanderbilt home advantage. It's not real. What I like about Vanderbilt is that last year,

offensive coordinator was Carl Derell. And this year... You do like that. And this year, they rightfully said, no, Carl Derell, it turns out you're bad. We have a whole history of college football to prove that. I know who we need. Andy Ludwig. Yeah.

Who. Yeah. So, like we said, Western Kentucky's going to get off to a great start this season. Going to beat an SEC team at home in honor in honor a fair play and the notion of equal coverage. Man, Jim Caldwell is going to be a half. Hell, the Vandy coach next year. Why does Jim Collinwell amuse me? Because he doesn't have emotion.

He can't abuse himself. Imagine Jim Caldwell singing tears of a clown. He doesn't know what any of those words mean. It's just like Coach Asimaux. It's just this emotionless bot that can't climb stairs. You've seen that, you've seen the, like, video of the, like, Sony robot, like, falling down the stairs. That's Jim Caldwell. You're like, he's exquisitely programmed and well pedigreed, and then you should have put him down the stairs, and he just tuffles.

Plastic flying everywhere. Punt. Punt from your 37. You know who went forth the most on fourth down last year in the NFL? Jim Caldwell. Oh, shit. Yeah. He went forth the most on fourth down.

And do you know what he did in the playoffs? he punted from like the third seven yeah he's like all right pat hamilton you've had enough he just ripped off the mask my true self assimo must punt falls down the stairs i like they're really emphasizing the ass in assimo if this is if this is the role and the metaphor that we're extending i will emphasize the ass because i'm like people like that's a super bowl coach and i'm like yeah Sure. Just like Rex Grossman's a Super Bowl quarterback. Exactly. I'd rather take a combat boot to the nuts than have them coach my team.

All of these things are true that we're saying. All of them are completely true. In fact, check. Gene Chisick has more national titles than Virginia Tech. Virginia must be a great coach. Amazing. Yeah, so that's happening in Western Kentucky's probably going to beat Vandy. So, yeah, L-O-L-L-Purdue, but we got one too. Yeah.

It's called Vandy. They're going to lose. the other game of note that night is it's one of a personal nature TCU plays at Minnesota I don't even know why you've watched I mean I'm going to watch that but I can't tell you the neutral fan why to watch that because Minnesota is Minnesota is going to get their ass kick

I think the thing is it's important it's an important data point to acknowledge because as we saw it last year it's the most important game on the whole schedule this is the national title it runs through this game right like after once tc u beats minnesota the entire season falls into place and we can sim ahead

yeah because this is the most important game it's the lynchpin of tc u's entire schedule you can go ahead and type out everything balear fans will say to uh to downplay you know minnesota's like eight and four record well no then we sim ahead to minnesota playing ohio state

because those are the only two games that matter right right right yeah That's true, because whoever beats Minnesota by more gets the number one seat. That's right. That's called go for control. It's a four-game season is what it is. Two teams play Minnesota, and then they play each other, and then there's Vandy Western Kentucky.

That's a playoff, y'all. How many points is the point where Gary Patterson pulls up? Because after last year, there's no speed limit. The noise I heard in my head when you said that was, just the big family feud red X just continue yeah exactly is 50 enough

show me destroy all those who oppose you number two coach can we go home yet no show me hear the lamentations of their children number four so this entire season is just Gary Patterson waking up like with the horned frog covered in blood

Trayvon Boykin in the corner going what did we do last night Yeah, this is the extra season of Hannibal that never got to air. Hey, look, by the way, ESPN picked it up. If Hannibal gets picked up for another season, they should absolutely name all the episodes after TCU's schedule. This is episode one, Minnesota. Episode one. Minnesota.

Why is Hannibal killing a gopher over and over again? No, no, no, watch, there's meaning. He's doing it to, he's doing it to make a beautiful. bear sad you know well in some cultures gopher is a very nutritious animal now I'm going to transform into some sort of deer I like the part where Gary Patterson and Trevon Boykin

are roommates yeah that's Jesus Gary what did you do last night murder roommates just Trevon Boykin's like oh get the mop again we're having sweetbread served with dilly bars um another the game that I am kind of alternately excited about and I'm probably not going to stay away for

11.59 p.m., 11.59 p.m. Central time. That means 1259 AM. Good job. I know. I think about that. Hey man, season ain't started yet. We got to know this shit. Yeah, exactly, man. I'm sorry.

You know, it'll come to me. What time's it on whenever I lost it? I think the real person to blame here is LSU football TV. Yeah, which I'm reading straight off. You know it. There's no reason you'd be quoting central time otherwise. Dude, God's time zone, right? It's God's time zone, because that's what the LSU Football.net TV schedule is.

And if anyone wants to give me shit about it, I'll fight you. Because this has been like, this is original HTML. It's been this way for like 18 years. Greatest schedule on the planet. That would be Colorado at Hawaii. 11.59 p.m. Central Time. 12.59. a.m.m. Eastern. If you see like one down of this game, congratulations.

Oh, God. You know you're going to. Just admit it. No, you're in this, son. It's going to happen. You're in this. It's too late. I mean, you're already dead inside.

Just wake up a little early Friday and you'll catch it. Fill that cacao-lissized hole in your soul. He says he's going to send me a game day photo. Yes. On Twitter, I was like, man, you're not calling the game. It's on CBS. I'm a little bummed. You know, can you send me a photo of you in, like, a floral shirt?

Which I asked a random, I asked another man for a photo of him and a floral shirt on the internet. Only college football can turn you into, you know, only college football can turn you into like a dude on Grindr. You say this, you say this, but like, this happened to Tom Selleck a lot in the 80s. I mean, I bet he did it too. He's like, fine, fine. No, you can't have a lock of mustache. That's weird. Okay, Boris Yeltsin, I'll send you a photo of me in a floral shirt.

Boris Yeltsin just humming the theme song. Yes, I love you, T.C. He is my favorite. So, Friday, we have, we got a whole bunch of nothing. There's Washington, the Boise State. That's pretty much your most interesting game. There's a brief point of interest, I think, in Michigan State at Western Michigan, which again, real hard to get a home at home, y'all,

which is why Michigan State's going to be playing at Western Michigan. A good team, by the way. Like, yeah, not Michigan State good. They're going to get killed. But nonetheless, a pretty good team should acquit themselves well for like a quarter and a half. We also have Baylor going to SMU and trying to do something that equates at all to beating Minnesota. Like, look what we just did to SMU. look you know but well come on the the playoff committee itself could have done that

to assume we tore all the plumbing out of their building you're like damn condy rice had 84 yards receiving and three touchdowns it's a red zone goddess uh Washington at Boise State again I think that should be at least you know that's worth a I think a lottery pick watch I will I think there's enough uh personal weird emotion vested that I don't think there's animosity on Boise State's part that Chris Peterson left you know he left for a technically bigger job, and Boise State's the better team anyway, so they can't be too mad.

I will also watch part of Michigan State at Western Michigan, because, man, PJ Fleck, with a whole bunch of off-season stored up inside of him, oh, he's going to be like a firework across that night sky. Yeah, once WMU goes up like 10-0 before the eventual blowout loss, that man's going to be in orbit. We were saying places where a future could just show up uninvited. Inside PJ Flick's nostrils. That's where he lives in PJ Flick. Sex hard.

Western Michigan, I think future could definitely show up there. Waka Flaka is the more likely suspect to just do Western Michigan's open. Like, now joining us for pregame. Walk-up Laka. Now, to sing the national anthem. Bob.

You know how this goes down is WMU. He'll turn. Rich homie Kwan comes out in Brown. Oh, no. Spartans are fucked. I'd be heartbroken. He comes out playing U-U. What's Antonio going to do about that?

Dude, he's got to bring out young thug. Yes, this game is awesome. My God, it's Birdman. Everybody run. Everybody run. He's going to kill everyone. No, seriously, he's very broke. Yeah, he's dangerous.

You realize, like, because I got a fleck. Jesus. Boy, I got it. Boy, I got it. Wow. Oh, that's, that's, you know who's actually going to come up. You know who's going to come out singing that? It's going to be PJ Fleck, singing a version of Flex that he has written about himself.

Like, man, this is really good. Why didn't Florida hire this guy? He's insane. That's my song of the summer, by the way. How about y'all? Oh, yeah, no, that's undoubtedly my song of the summer, especially after, you know, Michael McTrap covered it. uh let's go to let's see saturday saturday

the actual roller skates yeah roller skate day not a goddamn thing till 3.30 nope nope nope nope like absolutely nothing until 330 like nothing like a whole lot of scrimmages now this is the phenomenon

every opening Saturday where we're like all charged up like oh Saturday's here and then it's like it just really slaps you with damn you people actually watch this yeah like that early shift just put on Stanford at Northwestern. I don't know. Floss.

I feel like you make enough noise on the internet, like some baseball fan's going to tune in. Like, hey, they're excited about this. Stanford Northwestern is sort of like the old version of the weather channel where it's just like rotating radar maps and sort of smooth jazz. Like that also approximates the speed of the Stanford offense. Just a cold front slowly moving across the side. There's one real funny thing that's going to happen.

and that South Dakota State's going to be Kansas. Absolutely. Just be ready for that early. Like, Kansas did what? They lost to South Dakota State. There we go. We've exposed three power conferences

darkest secrets from week one. Yeah, we ain't done yet. Because you got Auburn Louisville. Well, we already did say Colorado's going to Hawaii. There's four. It's true. Colorado is taking a vacation on the football viewer's dollar

is basically what they're doing there. All this goes down and know who wins a week in the ACC. Yeah, because they're not going to lose any of these games, hopefully. Les Wofford, just, you know, Les Wofford's got some ringers we don't know about. Rise up. Archie three. How'd you enroll?

It was better than the alternative. It was better than the alternative. But you're not making any money. I don't care of that money anymore. Money isn't real, and neither is football. Dan Snyder has money. It doesn't mean anything. Yeah, look at him.

Just come home, RG3. We still love you. We love you, miss you. We'll give you another year of eligibility. Auburn, Louisville, probably the most interesting game from week one. Hell yeah. At 3.30, just because it'll be real fun to watch Bobby Petrino,

just try to put the brakes on this machine. As hard as he can. Eight-minute scoring drives, boys. Eight-minute scoring drives. We're talking about, you know, this tuned-up offense of Auburns, And really, both sides kind of the same thing. Like high-powered offense and then defenses with tons of talent going in every direction. Like lots of speed.

Will they go the right way? I don't know. They'll go fast. Hustling and a bustling. Sometimes tackled people who don't have the ball. That's what's going to happen. Auburn versus Louisville. This will be the first public test drive of, I think, what's the proper term?

Because he did start a game last year. but I think new incumbent starter, Jeremy Johnson, correct? Sure. Yeah, at quarterback for Auburn. Factory certified pre-owned. Yes, factory certified pre-owned, Jeremy Johnson at quarterback for Auburn. Always a joy to watch Auburn, which I'm writing a piece for like sometime this week, Jason, about like how they're the most influential and important team in college football, and it kind of kills me because it's Auburn.

But really, I absolutely love watching them. Did we just have an editorial meeting last? on air? We did. Yeah. Okay. All right. But yeah. Come at us, Weiss. I love... We're so high on coat right now. We just exposed our secrets. Somebody's going to steal that story, Spencer. Oh, my God. We're all high on cocaine somewhere in the third world.

We took cocaine and wrote about Auburn. It looked exactly the same. I pooped in a place without air conditioning. Syracuse. AKA Auburn or the Carrier Dome. Yeah. Oh, and there's our Syracuse joke for the week. There's the ACC loss. Yep, yep, there's the ACC loss because Syracuse. Syracuse taking an L every week, no matter what it says on the scoreboard.

Any other games on Saturday that catch your eyes, gentlemen? I will throw in briefly. This is not a full endorsement for Virginia at UCLA, not because it is a particularly interesting game in the overall, but UCLA is breaking in a true freshman quarterback in Josh Rosen, and Virginia's defense is at least, challenging. So I will be interested to see how that works out, because that is certainly not the easiest first test you can get. We're talking about a defense with a legit amount of

talent, like not just a, they're kind of good for a five and seven. No, they have like, this is a good defense, like star talent, just with no offense attached to it. We got that. And in Josh Rosen, we have a dude who, there's a story, I forget the author, but it's revealed that his teammates have named him Jay Chosen, Josh Rosen at UCLA. He admits he's often overconfident, so on and so forth. And I think one or two of the both of you compared him to Tate 4C8 at some point this week. And if things go wrong, they could go wrong really quickly. Hopes are high and he's extremely talented, but this is not a game to totally ride off.

Nope. Another game that I really, like, a part of me wants to academically state, I should really look at Notre Dame playing Texas because Notre Dame is an important team and I should see how Malik Zaire performs in his first game as starter this year and there's a lot of no I'm not the thing I actually want to do is I actually just want to like have like a really strong cup of coffee and drink it and then watch Arizona State and Texas A&M just run up and down the field for three and a half hours because that's what they're going to do.

Jason. Jason actually has the exact right perspective on the Texas Notre Dame game. Either Texas or Notre Dame is going to start the Euro in one. Yeah, there's going to be a loser, and it's not us. We're winning this game. That is the main takeaway from that game. Yeah, and I know this too. Arizona State, Texas A&M, there's neither team.

This isn't the season for either team. This is just a game where both teams can look insanely entertaining and make a lot of huge mistakes. because that's what both of these teams do. They swing big, they miss big. So it'll be really, really fun to watch. That's what I'm going to be doing at 7 p.m. It's watching that, even though I know the more like academically appropriate thing would be to watch, you know, Texas at Notre Dame,

two teams who, honestly, I'm probably not going to watch a whole hell of a lot of this year. I don't know. I mean, if you're talking about it in the grand scheme of things and all that, I mean, you know, Notre Dame's going to be good. I think they could be a legit top-10 team. But Texas, we don't have to concern ourselves with it. Texas does this year other than, you know, spoil somebody in the Big 12, but

ASU, you're talking about, you know, they could win the Pact 12 South, A&M. I don't know if I see them winning the SEC West, but if they were to finish second or third, that wouldn't shock me. To me, that is a more important game in addition to being far more entertaining. Far more entertaining, even though it's being played, you know,

another ghastly neutral side game, because for some reason we keep playing these. Because I guess the alternative is playing at Western Michigan. Yeah. right, or, you know, at Syracuse. When's that going to happen? First school to just say play your neutral side game here.

It's probably Texas, actually. If you played here, you'd be home by now. That would be. We're playing a neutral site game at Texas. Steve Patterson will pay you to come play a game in Austin. Like, he's the guy who will increase the seating of the stadium by, you know, like he'll double it by cutting the seats in half. We're going back to the skinny people day.

Like Texas A&M will actually do the truly Texan thing by making a stadium that has like 500,000 people and looks like, you know, a gigantic, you know, like basically a gigantic brick barbecue. Steve Patterson found that airplane model where all the seats are like,

some are facing each other. Yeah, they all face each other like a honeycomb. Yeah, we can fit twice as many seats in this way. I don't see what the problem is. How will they see the game? They can hear it. They have the problems. Texas fans. They're not watching the game anyway.

The Texas Athletic Department is the Ryanair of all athletic departments. They're the ones who are like, can we do standing room only on the plane? Ooh, you want to print your ticket. Oof. That'll be $7. Ooh, you want to use the bathroom. Sorry, is it an upper deck or a lower decker? Sorry. Because we only have one option.

Yeah, it costs more to poop here. Oh, successful kickoffs. That's $7.7. The only person who poops for free at, you know, Darrell K. K. Royal Field. uh it's sorry it's uh bebo everyone else got to pay put a dollar in the kitty then there's alabama wisconsin which i has like absolutely no there is no buzz around this whatsoever no i mean i feel like this game is like the designated big important game but no i'm not feeling it one bit yeah because wisconsin's gonna get stomped is sort of my gut feeling on this yeah of all of the you know the four or five like potential biggest game

of the set of this one this is the one i'd like by far be the most shocked uh at by an upset should we talk about the alabama rumor that was floating around today that seemed kind of nonsensical uh well which one would that be that would be the one where uh you don't have to narrow it down right i think i think coaching search dot com said that they had sources that they could not name with facts that did not exist they admitted to all this that basically said Nick Saban is in a terrible mood and just pissy all the time and extremely unhappy and they think he won't be this will be his last season in Alabama I don't by the way I don't think that's I mean I don't know they're sourcing on that but they basically said

there was none but I mean I don't think that I don't think that's irrational that's instead of sources in front of it it's just like you know zeitgeist yeah makes that like like makes sense I'm going to tell me Sabin's in a bad mood. I'm going to say, okay, so far, everything checks out. But that's the thing is, like, if Nick Saban's a mood ring, he's broken. Like, it doesn't, it's not an indicator of anything. It's just black, no matter what I do. It's just black the whole time.

Dark, Ray. Yeah, I know. Is it crimson? No, it's crimson all the time. It's just red and angry. It's inflamed. Boiling. It's just boiling, man.

Yeah, I don't think, I mean, that, there may be no sourcing on that whatsoever but the notion that he looked at the Texas job the notion that he is and I think these are legit things that are all included in that unauthorized but generally pretty well regarded biography of him

he didn't like that at all no of course he didn't control it he wasn't in charge of it here's the thing though where's he going to go is he just going to quit coaching and go in TV he'd be good man because like what job is coming open that is I mean

unless he really wants a challenge. Back to the Cleveland Browns. It doesn't, yeah, it doesn't matter for him. It doesn't. He's not like Petrino. He could go back to the pros. I mean, look at some of the people who've been hired by the NFL.

Hey, Pete Carroll went back to the pros. Worked out fine. And don't think that isn't just hanging out there, just tantalizingly. That is the barest logic needed and some NFL front office will use it to justify hiring. Or this, what if you,

What if Saban just says, listen, man, I'm burnt, I'm done. And, like, I don't feel like I can commit myself fully to this, and I'm not happy. So he quits for a year, and then what college job will he get? He'll get any job that's open or not. South Carolina. I do like that we're talking about a 63-year-old man as if he's just got to keep working. Where is he going to work for the next decade of, you know, of his 60s? Because normal humans are thinking about quitting right now

This is like not even considerable Nick's not normal human I was going to say and that's entirely plausible for them You're like a 63 year old man You're like no Nick saved Like if he shows up at you know blah blah blah Everything falls apart He's the next head coach

At Oklahoma And it's like And then he comes down and says I plan on being here for a decade or more And everyone's just well okay well hold him to do that coach I'll be 75 that sounds about right All I'm saying is this. Nick Saban, rumoredly unhappy at Alabama, there is one school that heads into 2016 with a head coach opening.

Do the math. Alabama. The return. We got them. So that's how he forces Todd fans to show their appreciation. That would be... It's back during the Texas rumors, you know, what Ms. Terry, and some people seem amused that everyone even... even those who have never met her call her Miss Terry.

Her name's Ms. Terry. Ms. Terry. She sort of floated out there that Bama fans weren't appreciating what saving and done enough. So he steps away for a year. That would be appreciating him now. That would be the best Jimmy Sexton move ever if he got Bama to bid against itself. So he goes to Miami.

Again. Goes to the Keynes, right? Gets Miami back on track. You need somebody in-house. Don't do this. knows the system. Don't do this to Kirby. It's a tick over the Alabama program. Do this. Mario's for Stobel.

Lane Kiffin. Head coach, Lane Kiffin of the Alabama Crimson Time. Let's do it.