Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.20.0

Episode Date: September 16, 2015

The first completely competitive and interesting weekend of the college football season gets...well, it gets us starting off by talking about a man dying a horrible death in a New York utility tunnel. There is actual football. Points covered include: -- "We gotta shit on Texas, Spencer. Because there is a fresh reason to shit on Texas." -- A proposal about Auburn struggling being a sign they will inevitably end up in the national title game -- How Houston Nutt is orbiting the earth like Felix Baumgartner waiting for that call from a willing school as a signal to drop in and save Arkansas -- More petty swipes at Will Muschamp (cut and paste from every week) -- A painful recounting of the times each of us watched a game that left us so angry we wept blood (except for Jason, who is the Dr. Manhattan of college football) -- Proposed: a campus full of yellow jackets would actually be a deeply uncomfortable place, and a campus of Brutus Buckeyes would be pretty much the same as Ohio State's campus right now -- Why BYU is dirty as hell (and that's just fine) -- Proposed: sponsoring a Shutdown Fullcast bowl game Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I am back. That I being Spencer Hall, editor and founder of Every Day should be Saturday, also editorial director of editorial director of SB Nation, joining me from beautiful New York City, America's finest metropolis. That would be Ryan Nanny. Say hi, Ryan. Shut up. In New York. Just stop it.

concrete jungle rents five million bucks this is just this is just Braves on Met's jealousy going on here who is your I don't I don't I don't I don't get that reference is your favorite baseball bycass everyone is baseball still happening you know what believe it or not it is man baseball is like it is because like a couple days ago there was something happening and everyone was like my entire timeline is Mets and I was like I'll take your word for it I'm not I'm not I'm seeing none of that myself. Baseball is when your grandpa out of nowhere is like,

I'm going to run the half marathon this year. And you're like, wow, he's still out there. Okay. Yeah, I guess we need to get some takeout. All right. It's going to be a minute. Get the camp chairs. It's going to be another two hours.

But he's still going. Still going. Not quitting. In Kennesaw, Georgia, I believe. We have our college football editor and man about town. That'd be Jason Kirk. Hi, Jason. Now, one thing I wonder is, why do we have to,

to confirm my town every time. Why does it matter where any of us are? This is an audio podcast that people listen to after the fact. Well, I think it's worth mentioning our locations. It just seems like no one can remember where I live. Well, it is because you're outside and therefore potentially anywhere. That's true. Anywhere it is night, you could be.

Also, we do this for media diversity requirements that someone not be in the New York metropolitan area, just to show that somebody working online does not, in fact, live in Brooklyn. We are only one-thirds, Brooklyn. I'm quitting. I'm going to work at the Today Show. Fuck y'all.

Hoda. Hoda respects me. Hoda. I was going to say Hoda legit respects you. And Hoda and me are going to go to Saints games. Fuck you. Which one of us has been on the Today Show with Hoda? Which one of us has been touched by Hoda herself?

Yeah, that's right. That'd be Ryan Nanny. Not Jason Kirk or not Spencer Hall. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would legit love to see Jason on the today show. Thanks. He just be like, yeah, things are fine. What, uh, what do they talk about on that show? Hoda, what are we doing here?

Is this live? Hold on, I'm going to go, I'm going to go get some breakfast. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Can we do this interview outside? And at the Today Show, you can. Fuck, no, it's in New York. I'm not going outside. Oh.

There is no outside in New York. There's just varying degrees of inside. Even when you're outside. And when you're standing in a different canyon? Tell that to. Several bodies in the East River, sir. You mean outdoorsmen? You mean marine wildlife?

Adventurers. Adventurers. At the bottom of the sea. I'm sorry. Artisanal nappers. Treasure hunters. Treasure hunters. Pioneers.

New York invented dead bodies. That's not far from true, actually. The grandest New York story I've ever heard, by the, way, it came from the memoir of a former medical examiner there who described a drunken incident between two men that resulted in one of them being kicked down a manhole cover. You haven't heard the story, have you, Ryan? No. This is a great way to open up.

And this is not Alexander Hamilton we're talking about. Nope, nope, nope, this isn't Hamilton, Burr. He was shot in New Jersey, so there. Was he? Yeah, at the time, dueling was illegal in New York, so they had to go to New Jersey where it was still legal of course I think from from what I understand

of the Rutgers athletic program ooh ha topical topical just taking that on ramp what's your story though but the medical examiner this is a great

story to open a college football podcast the medical examiner's memoir detailed the worst death she had heard of which was this guy getting into a fight with another dude and kicking him into a manhole an empty manhole an uncovered manhole

and the guy falls 30 feet or 20 feet something like that all the way down into a steam pipe right like basically into this like steam pipe and the steam pipe is like 300 degrees coming out of the pipe and it

boils him alive but it takes like two to three hours and he knows what's happening and EMTs can't get to him and no one from Con Ed can shut it off which if you've been to New York you could totally believe that yeah yeah i mean there's a reason that the ghostbusters posed his con ed successfully in ghostbusters too exactly digging through a street into that river of slime it was like that

instead of slime it was steam and the guy knew exactly what was happening to him the entire time what was what was the other guy doing the other guy probably sitting there going j-et s he was probably thinking about rutgers football because that's a ruckers town Eli fucking sucks. And this week he does. Oh, my God. We're talking about baseball and the NFL. Shut the studio.

Did you agree with me, by the way, that every New York daily, every New York post headline is basically Carl from Aquitaine Hunger Force? Like, like, Eli's a dope. I did until, I believe it was drawplay Dave on Twitter, pointed out that Jim Tom Sula, the San Francisco 49ers coach, looks exactly like Carl from Aquitaine. Like down to the track suit. Oh, God. Right down to the track suit. Right down to the like, I can't watch porn on the internet anymore. I'm just numb.

Numb, I've seen it all. This is allegedly a college football podcast. So we really should begin talking with that. I asked Jason what he wanted to speak on. You mentioned Texas. Did you not? We got a shit on Texas, Spencer. Okay.

Why we got a shit on Texas today? Hey, they've already had plenty of trouble. Well, boys. Did something happen this morning? I got to tell you, there is a fresh reason to shit on Texas. You know, there are the well-worn reasons. They're bad at sports. At least the sports I'm aware of, so on and so forth.

But the latest reason is that athletic director, Steve Patterson, is he's off to the Great Branding Convention in the sky. Oh. I'm not missing. Now, would you please bring everybody up to speed on why this matters for football and maybe who Steve Patterson is? I'll help you out with this one because there's some fun details. Well, the background is he comes to us from professional sports, which is highly evident in his wide range of choices. And even before he came aboard at Texas, the word from the Pacific Northwest, where he had been the Blazers' president.

I think, was that he's some combination of an asshole and incompetent. There was a story that in one of the papers from his main nemesis of whichever paper that they broke some news at some point and he lined everyone in the department up and berated

them about who leaked the story and the reporter came out and said well actually you just left the paper on the fax machine. Which he did. In fact, can I give you my favorite? This is from, I believe, is that Jeff Kanzano, which is a writer, or John Kanzano was a writer for the Orgonian. My favorite detail from that story, okay, besides the fact that when Steve Patterson, who born on, as Bumani Jones said, born on third base because his dad worked for the rockets. And then ran to second.

Yep, and then ran back to second. And then sold first. Yeah, and stole first and then went right back to home. uh he came into the blazers they had when by the time he left they had missed the playoffs for the first time of two decades they had the worst record in the NBA they were last in revenues um they even bankrupted the arena the rose garden in Portland fired like a hundred according to cons I know 108 people and um in addition to this my favorite detail from this from this is the guy who Texas hired to run the most profitable and largest athletic department in the nation. If you don't know, go to UT's campus, okay?

Their facilities are bonkers. They are Roman in scale. They are gigantic, okay? That they ever lose a game is absurd. Believable now after the past five or six years. Yeah, it's

it makes sense at this point, but it does make sense. But this is my favorite quote from this John Kanzai. article. That Miles Fiasco caused Patterson to rush back early from a trip to Texas to perform a crisis management news conference

in which the Dolt read from a teleprompter at half time of a Blazers game remembering to quote smile, unquote, and quote, smile bigger, unquote, when it directed him to do so. He pulled the John L. Smith. That's what happened.

So this is who Texas hired to be their athletic director. And to his credit, he made two really good hires he hired charlie strong and he hired shock a smart who you do have to feel bad for at this point right has not has not even coached the game if he's as smart as his name suggests is probably not even uh finished you know unpacking yeah he's probably still surveying the landscape i've been staying in an extended stay i haven't oh no house come on now don't rush coach when are you going to decorate your office i'm real busy i'm real busy i

out here recruiting my real estate agent's Dana Holgerson so this could take a while can i put it this way though he's coming from richmond wow and then he moved and then he moved to austin i think my favorite thing about the the patterson memorials is you know we look at all the the tone-deaf decisions this guy's made alienating boosters and everyone in austin can't stand him and the the discord and the the rumors of further discord and all this stuff. And, like, you know, the fans hate him. He's jacking up the prices and monetizing everything. And he's this branding robot and all this stuff.

And people want to say, not that you did this, Spencer, but people want to say that, yeah, well, he made two good hires. So, but, like, how fucking hard is that at Texas? No, that's my point. I don't think it was that hard. He didn't screw that up. He would have been even more grandiosely incompetent if he had. This was the problem with Steve Patterson. He didn't act rich.

Like, if you're the Texas athletic director, you need to act rich. You need to not charge coaches for meals at the cafeteria, which is what they did. You need to not charge visiting band members tickets to get into the games. And they say, oh, well, they do that at Texas Tech or, you know, or whatever. Right, because Texas Tech is not rich. Act rich. Like, Steve Patterson was the millionaire who was the millionaire who was. is still driving like a

1994 Volvo. This is why DeLos Daz was the perfect AD for Texas because that was just a swagger and swinging dick who had talked shit about the SEC, talk shit about A&M and, you know, say, I believe the quote was, we don't keep up with the Joneses, we are the Joneses, which is accurate

when you're Texas. Be that guy. Don't be like, you know, yeah, the Patterson thing is, he was seemingly convinced that Texas was going broke and that he needed to squeeze every penny from every butt crack in the area in which, you know, that tends to go the wrong way and fans stop showing up to games, which they never stick around long anyway, so you really

need to get them in there while you can. Like, he should be the AD at Maryland or Hawaii or something. Some place where you ain't got money. Some place where you've got to cut these corners. He's going to write this Hawaii ship. Man, they would hate him so much. Hey, man, we're keeping the trading table, but it's only American cheese slices from now on. Hawaiian's trying to put up with this dude.

Nah, bro. You discover the ugly side of island life real fast. Dog the bounty hunter, where are you at the Hawaii football facility? Well, AD's missing. We're looking for suspects. Long way from the mainland, bro. How many do we have? 82.

There's 82 suspects at least. Yeah, we saved $18 this month. I see, I think it's something different, though. It wasn't that he was acting like Texas was poor. He is one of these, like, fractional morons who decides that because he views everything through this, like, 1980s, 1990s, gauze of act like everyone's a shareholder. He's only thinking about the stock price. So because he has no talent and because he has no actual ability to create anything, all someone like Steve Patterson can do is look at the Texas Athletic Department and try to create artificial value, right? That's it.

He's just to create artificial value from something. I saved us $720,000 this quarter. It is. That's the guy, and everyone has had this manager. Everyone has had this absolutely worthless manager who creeps into organizations where N is larger than like 20, right? Where you get this person who's inherently valueless, who comes in, takes a spreadsheet, and chops it up 80 ways, and goes, look, we're so diversified and we've got so much more value.

now that I've made the baseball team take a nine-hour bus trip to Texas Tech instead of flying. This person emails you to confirm that you got their previous email. Multiple times. If that. In addition to that, this person usually lacks people skills, and that's why they don't last very long. But usually catch a nice bonus on the way out, which, if the buyout is correct, that's about $6 million for Steve Patterson. And that is acting rich, Texas. That's how you do it.

That's how you act rich. They could have, like, if I'm, if I'm correcting the facts here, his contract had no buyout, correct? Uh, correct. So they could have just said, hit the fucking bricks, but Texas acted rich and said, we'll pay you to leave, even though we don't have to. Because we're, that's how rich we are. That's getting back to tradition. That is, that is giving, that is, that is being so rich that you give somebody a $200 tip as a fuck you. They should do this next year.

They should just pay everything. back they should just pay every big 12 opponent a bonus for playing them even though they're even though they're not like obligated to do that even the away games right like show up in man hang kansas he buys your band new instruments like charlie strong goes out there and peels off a couple of hundreds and gives him the bill snider and you know what bill snider's taking those and he's putting them right in the bank just nino brown it i think he's bearing him in his backyard i think bill sniders got like a just a like a the septic tank is just full of millions of dollars

don't flush it doesn't push my money down there the banks tore us apart in the teens I'm with Bill Snyder though man platinum only in the backyard just me Ron Swanson and Bill Snyder totally going back to the silver standard

the other thing that we need to talk about that's a disaster which by the way just before we finish that up this is not totally bad for Charlie Strong right like nobody blames Charlie Strong here Charlie Strong is not in trouble because you'd have to be an idiot to blame him for the mess that Texas is in, correct? I feel like the hot sea talk with Charlie is pretty premature anyway.

Yes, it's Texas and the expectations are through the roof and all that. But, I mean, the change of the AD, to me, that doesn't make it any less ridiculous of an idea to fire him after two years. It does, it does constrain. It does sort of shorten that timeline, though, a little bit of down. Sure, sure. It takes it down from maybe, you know, if this year's not good, maybe it takes it down, from four years to three yeah or or you need a really good you need a decent three to now you need a really good three i don't know yeah but it's just stupid you know to talk about firing a coach

after two seasons unless like something illegal's happening or they win games or something like that or this or if they hire if they hire an athletic director and i'm going to present to you a very real scenario are you prepared they hire an athletic director stupider than steve patterson George O'Leary. The man wants to get into the business. He does. Entirely possible. Or can I give you another scenario, which is realistic?

And I don't mean stupider. I just mean a more wrong choice. And that would be the notion of Matt Brown coming back as athletic director. Which was the very first name that anyone mentioned. Bruce Felton reported that there are people who would like Mac Brown to be in charge of Charlie Strong. Which puts Charlie Strong in the position of having a. boss who created the mess he's trying to clean up. Yeah, and who has

already publicly said that he does not feel responsible for that mess. For said mess, yeah. Oh, God. He's, oh, so there's a, what you're telling me. Have you seen, I'm excited and pleased to bring Major Applewhite back to the

University of Texas as head coach. He'll also be our Sex Ed instructor. Oh, my. Oh, my. Google it. Major Google, and now my history's ruined. There's no way this isn't ending in a Barry Alvarez situation.

That's what I was about to say. We could have Barry Alvarez coaching against Mac Brown in a bowl game in 2016. I believe that'd be the cactus bowl. Oh, Mac had to come out and clean this up himself. That's right. I'm Barry Alvarez, and I'm Mac Brown. We're never dying. Neither of us.

All right, I think that's enough on Texas. We have another mess to clean up, which is a mess near and dear to the heart of everyone who listens to this broadcast because we're all members of the Auburn family, whether we like to admit it or not. And that makes us all in. And that means we are all in the same mess that is Auburn 2015. Inexplicably, the Tigers have completely collapsed,

nearly losing to Jacksonville State being taken to overtime by the Gamecocks. And yet, despite winning, horrifying anyone watching this game, Bill C. attempted to answer this today on SBNation.com which you should go read. It's a fine website. But Jason, what the hell's wrong with Auburn?

This was the team that was supposed to be on paper. Perfect. Yeah, if only someone out there could have foreseen that if the backup quarterback did not start over last year's starting quarterback, he might not necessarily be an upgrade. If only someone had said that like 10 times all offseason,

Maybe we could... Would that be Jason Kirk? I might have stumbled upon that. I don't think I said it enough, apparently. But the idea that we're surprised that, hey, the new quarterback, there's some bumps. I mean, that's what happens. Like, anytime there's a new quarterback anywhere, it's a roll of the dice. And there's a reason he didn't play all that much the last two years.

And yes, he's been a little bit unlucky, but I think the number of interceptions he's thrown. And it's not unfair. It's not misrepresentative, if that's a word. You know, and then also the idea. It's a word in Georgia, so we're just going to use it. All right. And then also, you know, the idea that Will Mushchamp, who is a good defensive coordinator and who has a lot of talent to work with, that he's going to be able to flip a defense in year one.

You know, that's a roll of the dice too. Seems like it's worked at Texas A&M with John Chavez, but it doesn't always work. And we've seen an Auburn offense that's very successful. acceptable to running quarterback so far, which, hey, there's some more of those on the way in the SEC West. You know, I'm looking at the Auburn schedule here. They got to go to LSU next. And that is a loss if it comes to pass that I think Auburn fans will be upset by, but

it is within the realm of acceptable outcomes for them. Even at the beginning of the season, going to Baton Rouge is not an easy task. If LSU is actually as good as they potentially looked at times against Mississippi State, you sort of say, that's okay. I'm looking three weeks after that when they go to Kentucky. And I'm just going to tell you right now, if they lose a night game at Kentucky, it's just going to be bad. It's just going to be deliciously, deliciously bad.

It's going to heat up fast. Gus Malzahn is going to suddenly realize how Gene Chiswick went from national championship winner to persona non-grata. Because it happens so quick in Auburn. So, so, so, so, so quick. I like the idea of trying to break down that matchup for Auburn of Kentucky. Like, yeah, the way Kentucky plays, it's real problem for certainly some Auburn weakness, I bet. I know a lot about Kentucky and what they're good at. I've definitely watched Kentucky games.

They're quarterback. Guys, go get some film. Go get some film. It's Patrick Tolls. Go get some film right now. He's just a great quarterback for them. That Tim Couch is a senior leader. You want to know when a coach hasn't watched any of a film?

It's when he says this. He does a lot for what they ask of him in that system. That means I don't know. they have to watch the film I don't know what they ask of him he does a lot of it though yeah exactly you know whatever whatever they ask of him he's

he's comfortable that's what he is he's comfortable what I like about envisioning Auburn Louisiana Kentucky on the road is nine days after that they get to play at Arkansas the other sad sack in the SEC West this week oh man that is a hell of a transition

Ryan let me let me tell you what I have seen in my perusings of Arkansas message boards for this week and Chattanoffreida coming to you soon. Do tell. There's a combination of things demanding that Arkansas no longer play in Little Rock. This game that they just lost to Toledo was played in War Memorial Stadium. A lot of people think that's just, you know.

It's a den of Mack hostility. Toledo is going to have a natural advantage in Little Rock. We all know that. Just Bill Clinton was so beloved in that state. And then you have a lot of people who are, are already saying, like, we were sold to Bill of Goods with Brett Beelma. We were, we were treated, mistreated. We were tricked.

And the best, the best comments I have seen are the ones that say, Houston Nut doesn't lose that game. Oh, which. Wow. Wow. Disagree. First of all, disagree. First of all, disagree.

Houston Nut was capable of losing any game. Because here's the thing. Lots of fan bases. like to hearken back to a coach from, let's say, 10 to 15 years ago who still is alive slash somewhat active in the college football landscape and say, we need to get that coach back. It's happening with Auburn fans and Tommy Tuberville. But, I mean, the problem with doing it with Houston nut is you might accidentally secret that into reality. Because everybody talks about, you know, Butch Davis needs to come back to Miami. Butch Davis probably

isn't going to come back to Miami. He's just not. But if Houston not got that call, he's on a plane. He's on a plane. He's circling. The mere fact that we've talked about it. No, man, he might, seriously, he might be like the lawnmower man. He might be in your mainframe. Oh, my God. I think he's like that dude who jumped out of the, jumped out of space for Red Bull. He's just in a satellite. Always over just the heart of America. And he's got like a zip suit kind of of thing or he just the wings pop out and he can sail in the direction of any campus that needs him well yeah houston we've uh just found out that the illinois job is open yeah i heard i heard that hold hold hold for a minute though i want to see what's happening in arkansas heppin gives you

wings just like it sounds like he's got a switchboard yeah he's just up he's just up there like thunderbird five man i still think i got a shout at the nondon job if anyone gets that thunderbird five reference please email me so we can be friends No, please write you a letter. Write me a letter. And go ahead and please explain it to me. God, you're old as hell. Steal it with wax.

You're so old. Matt Offord made a Mr. Mom joke this week and I wanted to smack him. Oh, man. See, I'm hoping. My kids actually got into Thunderbirds. It's how I know about, you know, 1960s puppet Super Marion Nation. Okay. The other thing with Arkansas, what I do not understand is how quickly they turned into Stanford East, right?

The team that was a power running team that when it got in the red zone, just took a nap. I'll give you two words that might help. Dan Enis. Because that was the pick. He is the offensive coordinator now. A man who was basically going to get fired at Central Michigan and said, no, I'm gone. Yeah, and decided to not become a head coach in order to become a coordinator. If you're listening to your quidery, I'm so, so.

Sorry. I'm so sorry. This is our friend Chris, who is a fan of both teams and managed to get the Dan Enis curse transferred. This is, by the way, my coordinator, Contagion Theory, Dan Enis, one for one there. And can we think of another new coordinator who joined a team and whose team instantly died on offense? That we were just discussing a new coordinator who was a head coach. This feels petty of you. It's so petty of me.

I agree. I mean, he's not even in charge at that side. You don't know that. He got paid millions of dollars for me to be able to have the right to insult him about this. So you could, you paid him millions? He's still. He's still getting paid. Yeah.

He's still getting paid. Yeah, yeah. The Florida Alumni Association calls Spencer every week. They're like, hey, man, you owe your $7. Everybody's got to pitch in. Hey, all this money goes somewhere. I know we didn't read the contract that closely, but it's on everyone. Yeah, exactly.

Can you imagine the reaction at Florida? Actually, it was like, can you write a check-to-well, Mastchamp? The Gator Nation is everywhere, and that makes debt collection a real son of a bitch. I would drive down there like it was the sequel to Fury Road. It would be ugly, and it would be swift. It would be me being tased by several University of Florida police officers.

Take my blood. Witness me! Tased. Holding a big hungry Howie's pizza. That's how we die in Gainesville. But this is it. I think that you get certain guys who, and this is another, like, theory I have that I can't quite confirm, which I really want to get some hard numbers behind, but which I swear is true, if you have real serious offensive trouble, the first couple of games of the season, it don't get a lot better. It does not improve. You're done. You're pretty bad. You know, if there's some sort of, you got a young quarterback or you're starting a bunch of freshmen or something like that, but those don't apply to Arkansas. Neither of those apply at all to Arkansas's offensive. If you come out with some measure of experience the first couple of games, like the first, say, quarter of the season, and you are butt on offense, you just stay butt.

It's just 100% butt the whole time. Arkansas could get better on defense, but, I mean, they did just hold a team to 16 points and lose, so that's not the problem. At home. At home. 16 points including the intentional safety. No, no, no. The intentional safety was in Arkansas's favor. That said, the one team that does sort of fly in the face.

of your if your offense struggles early you're done that would be Auburn like both times that Auburn has played for the national championship at the beginning of the year we were like I don't know about this yeah and in both of those cases we're talking about new quarterbacks yeah yeah and there's just no hope here for Arkansas this is also true do you remember who gave Auburn their legit toughest game in and that would be Kentucky Kentucky Remember Kentucky? Wait, what's your, what's your, you're talking about? The Cam, the Cam dude.

Oh, okay, I'm talking about the wrong year. Yeah, yeah. Cam against Kentucky struggled. Like, if you look at the numbers, that offense put up, it was not good. It was, the whole beginning of the year was rough. The Clemson game went to, like, triple overtime. So basically, we're saying Auburn's going to win the national title, and Arkansas is going to win another two games. There is an inverse relationship between how good Auburn looks in September and in January.

So move all your chips all in. But Arkansas, you are cooked. Congratulations. War Memorial Stadium. Maybe not hire Dan Enos. Just kind of a guess there. Just try not to do that anymore. Try not to do that anymore, buddy.

So I think we are ready for reader questions in week three, which I think we can pepper in a little bit. If you gentlemen would ready your reader questions, I have mine on deck. If I take yours, I'm very. sorry. Not really very sorry. I'm not here not. But I wanted to start with

let's see. I did ask for wildlife management questions and somebody of course had to write this which is at the University of Florida at the Dairy Queen on Archer Road. This is from Danny Will Says on Twitter. I saw a guy with two pet

raccoons in his truck. Seen anything stranger. Well besides Toledo meeting Arkansas Oh, buddy. Oh, ho. Eating the button on this sound effects board. Here now.

Oh, my. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have, in Florida, at University of Florida, have I seen anything stranger than a guy with two pet raccoons in his truck? No, I mean, that's pretty good. Now, Ryan has, go ahead. Can I have some follow-up question? How do you know they're pets?

Yeah, maybe they're just random. Maybe they have leashes, maybe they have saddles, maybe they have sweaters. Maybe they're just hop-ons. Maybe, this is Florida. Maybe those raccoons are holding this man hostage. That's true, just with this ATM card? Drive to the next ATM. Maybe they're driving.

See if this Dairy Queen has an ATM. If it doesn't get us a dipped cone anyway. Maybe they can talk. Oh, yeah, raccoons in Florida can definitely talk. Maybe that's what's got Jim McElwain heated. he's being, like, extorted by the raccoon mafia of Alachua County. He did kind of look like he had one in his pants. He might have.

That's what he should have, should just come out in the press conference and gone, real sorry about blowing up at Kelvin Taylor. I had a case of the Gainesville pants raccoons. Please kill me. My favorite thing about that whole thing was once you heard the audio, it's kind of like, oh, he's cussing. Because it looked like he's going, rega, regan, regan, ragum, like he's making cartoon cussing noises.

God bless America. You can't make those decisions. Oh, Snapple craps. Heck biscuits. Yeah, no. He wasn't saying, he wasn't, he wasn't saying heck biscuits. Which, you know, he did work for saving. So I was thinking the whole time.

I was like, oh, good. We have another fiery coach who's out of control and mad at one particular unit. This is going to work out real well. Thanks, Jeremy Foley. Yes. Be great. Why does Jeremy Foley just stress test? these guys beforehand.

Nope, nope. You know how, remember the stat about the average American spending 20 minutes to buy a car? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what I'm hearing is you need more of a chill head coach who maybe also has that Sabin influence in him.

Don't do this. Got the Sabin excellence? Don't do this. Don't do this. But a little less likely to blow up one a player. Don't do this. Just the type of coach who just, you know, takes it easy. And if he's got a problem with you, I'll just tell you in a really, really smart-ass way. I'll kick you off this call.

Seriously, I'm going to drive to Kennesaw and kick you in the dick with a raccoon. I mean, Bama put up a number of points last week. Don't do this. Don't do this. Listen, we're going to do this. For the next coach that Florida hires, one, we're not going to let Jeremy Foley do it. And two, we're going to get one of those security lines, like they have the airport, and we're going to swipe your hands instead of exploding.

We're going to test for, were you a Nick Saban assistant? That's it. Oh, it's coming up positive for rage. I need to take you into this side room. Pat you down. There's a dusting of little Debbie crystals. There's a little bit of failed NFL coach on here. We're going to have to take you to the side.

But I'm Mike Riley. Doesn't matter, sir. I'm sorry. Sorry, there's Dante Culpepper in the sample. I'm going to have to sort for that. The other question that I had from a reader was this. and is from Connor underscore Cape on Twitter,

God, you've taken two of my questions. What's the maddest you? Well, that means you have an answer for this and a good one. That's true. What's the maddest you've ever been at a college football game? How did you handle your frustration?

The maddest I have ever been at a college football game was 2006, Florida, Auburn, at Auburn. We lose when Auburn does that like coupon football thing and blocks a punt and strangles Florida's offense in the second half it's the only game I've ever left early I left 38 seconds or something before the end

and I just walked out I walked longer than I needed to get to my car like I walked all the way through Auburn and back I wasn't ready to drive I would have killed somebody okay mine is 2003 Florida at Miami game where Florida blue, I believe a three-square lead.

Yep, with Brock Berlin. To Brock Berlin, their former backup to Rex Grossman, who Gatorchomped after the victory. And the people I was with and myself were so mad that rather than stay in the accommodations that we had already secured in South Florida, we drove all the way back to Gainesville that night. It's not a short drive. It's not a short drive. It's a very, very long drive. Jason, I know you're your past football. You no longer get hurt.

He transcends anger. As the Dr. Manhattan of college football phantom. And he says that because he's not wearing a shirt. Yeah, he's giant. I'm only wearing a tiny triangle that someone told me I should wear because I didn't know otherwise. Yeah, I've never been mad about a college football game that I can recall. Man, like, you know, my various rooting interests have been disappointed. No, this is not right.

You've been bitter over a game. You've been disappointed and bitter over the outcome of a game. I know you have. A Michigan State game, a Georgia Tech game, there's been a game where you've been infuriated at the end. Probably the closest was probably towards the end of my Georgia Tech fandom when it was, let's see, it was Georgia at Tech. It might have been, 0,8,09, something like that.

Where, if I recall, it was Tech was driving to take the, to win in the last minute, Demarius Thomas, the first round wide receiver from the option offense, which at that time sounded like the most amazing thing in the world. I think he dropped one or two passes that would have set Tech up to win. And I remember being pretty upset about that. I don't remember, you don't remember this kind of anger, though. I just don't have anything to offer here. This is the bitterest thing about my 2006 Florida Auburn experience,

the maddest I have ever been in a game. It involved Will Mustchamp. I was also at that game with a friend who went to Florida but grew up an Auburn fan. And as Auburn kicked the game-winning field goal, she put her hands in the air and cheered for them and I just I understand that Auburn

is once it's like herpes you don't ever get rid of it but did it have to flare up then I mean what's what's more all in than herpes that's true yeah it's all in there it is all in you it is all on

all under all around around around And much like Auburn football, you don't know when it's going to flare up. No. There's no predicting. Right now, Auburn's pretty dormant. But in two or three weeks, just when you don't want it to pop up, boom. And as we've said, you know, the more vigorous activity it gets, it's just going to get hotter and hotter.

50 points of cold source. That's what Gus Malzahn's promising in November. This Auburn's just on your face, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, did you catch Auburn type A or type B? Ooh, type C. That's C for Cam. That's the worst kind of Auburn.

You're not beating that. That's type for C, this, haters. Chiswick. I got that type chiswick. Yeah, there you got that type chisic. Ryan, do you have any questions I didn't take? Barely. All right, let's go with this one from our good friend, Peter Berks,

at Peter Burke. He wants to know which animal is the most likely to be police. Dogs excluded. I will take the obvious answer, horses. Horses are super likely to be police. No, too skittish. Yeah, I mean, horses are often used by police, but I don't think they're all that happy about it. I got one answer.

Cats. How are cats going to be police? No. No, cats follow. Jesus. First of all, cats are snitches. they follow the rules. Cats follow their own rules.

What are you talking about? Please. Do you know what a cat is? Cops, cats cover their evidence. Cats work entirely solo, though. Cats, no, they work set up and they work together. They just want you to think they work solo that they're the lone wolf. Nope.

We have one cat and she's, she's an asshole. All by herself. I'll give you this. Cats could be a Philly DEA agent, but cats are not police. I'm telling you, cats are police. They are totally police. God, this is so wrong. This is so wrong.

This is ridiculous. And you know, I'm going to go gorillas. I'll tell you're cops. I will also say, I will also say domesticated snakes could be police. Because you think like, oh, we have a good relationship. As a taxpayer, I feed this, I feed this police snake, you know, mice and shit like that. And we're good. But if, if, if it, if push comes a shove.

this snake has knock out your back yeah and it's you say oh well the snake the snake is keeping me free of a spider i saw i eat a spider one time so so it's it's keeping this neighborhood clear of that spider so we need we need to make it grow really huge and powerful a cat's gonna eat you three hours after you die and nobody kills and nobody like actually you know gets like punishes their snake they just get rid of it and that's like how you know bad cops they just become security somewhere. I don't know. Yeah, that might be a point in favor of a cat, because what can you do to punish a cat? All you can do is, like, try to make it leave the room, and then it'll come back. Exactly. You know what? Leave is all that is. Internal cat fares.

Exactly. Let's go through, let's go through other qualifiers, okay? Other qualifications for being a cop. Do cats sometimes just come in your house without permission? Yes. Do cats sometimes get fat for no reason? Yes. Oh, yeah. Please. Okay. Do cats shit wherever they please? They certainly pee wherever they please. That happens. Do cats have an amazing union?

No. Apparently only eat like meat and high rins, super high fructose treats. Yes. I actually think cats are more likely to be the correctional officers of the animal kingdom. Okay. Are you, yeah, do cats recognize you as people? No. No.

No, no. Not really. Cats take what they want from you, but not because they're selfish just to prove that they have power over you. Well, at times, cats do have very conscious outreach programs, such as when they specifically want something from you. That's right. And do they just randomly appear and accost you all the time? No, these are COs. These are not police officers.

These are COs. I'll give you that. I should come up with an animal that makes absolutely, like platypus. Platypus, totally police. Here's the other difference. Police come and go. CEOs are with you all the time. And that's a cat.

Yeah. You can't even shower without a cat being like, hey, what's you up to in there? I don't know. Our cat goes outside and leaves, and I don't know where she goes. And she comes back hours later. She's on patrol, though. She's on patrol. That also sounds like a CEO.

Oh, my God. That's true. You're just going to see her in a couple hours. Next time you guys come up, we're going to Rikers. We're going to have a great time. If you're really in trouble. So look at all the cats. Yeah.

If you're really in trouble. How long does it take a cat to show up? Oh, it's going to be a while. It's going to be a while. You never really know. Yeah. Cat might not show up at all. So what's a dog?

Is it a dog a fireman then? Firefighter. Excuse me? Dog is a dog is totally the firefighter. Yeah. Yeah. And I think. Like right, right down to the love of booze,

pooping at random places. Sometimes getting too rambunctious and breaking stuff. That's firefighters. If you ever hung out around them. That's why firefighters have dogs. It's a fire hydrant thing. It's not just. tune, thanks.

No offense, y'all. Maybe not super bright. But love colors and sounds. And we'll save your ass. But just totally loyal, brave, strong, maybe not real bright. We'll totally save your house when it's necessary. The best of their genre. Yeah, exactly.

The best of their genre, the firefighter. Whereas the pet birds are paramedic, it shows up when you're in trouble, looks at you and goes, wow. Who? I can't do anything here. Look at that. You shouldn't, you shouldn't assess. stabbed yourself. Oh, man. That looks bad. You fell all the way off that ladder. That's sideways.

Hold on. I'm going to go get friends to look at this. Gotta go. And like an ambulance at the end, you're like, man, this bird costs so much money, and I don't know why. All I paid for was an incredibly loud noise. Yeah, exactly. Jason, you have a question that does not involve animals as police? insulting broad swaths of society. We love fire.

Love you firefighters. Here's another animal question from Juan Roberto J.R. Wilborn. Just an implausible name, but it's a good name. Which campus is most likely to be infiltrated by a live, wild version of its mascot? This is pretty interesting here. And I feel like

the one that leaps to mind is Florida, because Florida has gators. No, yeah, no. Gators do what they please. And on campus. Florida has gators on campus. So, in fact, he's already, yeah, it's already happened there. And you should, like, when you say on campus, you don't

mean like a Mike the Tiger set up. No, no. No, I mean free range. Yeah, I think this means we have a problem. Right. We have a gator infestation. Yeah. I would like to see this happen in Georgia. Just like a bird of bulldogs, like,

sleeping in a pile. There are places where... Can't get rid of them. They're protected. C's where it would be legit problematic, like Georgia Tech. Like, if they were yellow jackets everywhere at the beach, then be a real unpleasant environment. Well, it could like people go outside there? I mean, like they go outside anyway. I don't know if it would change a lot.

Most Georgia Tech students spend a good deal of time indoors. Oh, Richmond. That's a bad one. Cal or Baylor, either one. And of course, TCU. you know that's kind of charming you say that but they get everywhere they spray their hot blood

yeah yeah that'd be sort of unpleasant after a while you'd be stepping on them the scariest one might be the Idaho vandals because like you're being overrun by like a horde of people who took on the Romans or whatever and you don't even have a whole stadium

exactly you can't talk to them they speak some weird proto German swinging axes all over the place painted purple and wandering through your forests Actually, I'm kind of like It's not Boise Blue Now, it's Wake Forest Yeah, just a

creepy, creepy weird guy from church Everywhere Like, just the guy who's way too excited about working the lock-in How long is the deacon Staying in her house forever? Forever He will watch you every day

God damn it Okay, do we have to watch NCIS? Yes. he loves it I think the best one would be Vanderbilt because the Commodore would just be wandering around Gaily pouring brandies for everybody He would talk shit about your furniture

But that's the worst that happens I was thinking the 70s 80s music group Oh you think The Vandy's campus is just Delight to listen to Until about 10 years later When one of them goes solo and sells out Yeah then you just got to like deal with it

Just play Nitrin again Two Three times I'm Vandy. Oh, that's terrible. I like it. Yeah, the other one would be the terrapins. Terrapins, because you just end up kicking the purpose out of the way.

They're kind of useless animals. I think you end up stepping on them like lily pads, like your Super Mario. Sure. Bang bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. A couple of more that I just have to mention. Colorado's would be horrifying. Oh, God, get out of there. Oh, yeah, leave.

Because they just stare at you. you. They just stare at you and then they would headbut the living shit out of you. And if you've seen that fantastic home video from the 1980s of someone's dad getting too close to one and getting booted like 10 feet in the air a home video classic,

yeah, they don't mess around. You really do not want to mess with them at all. It would also be terrifying to be on campus with the Miami Hurricanes. Yeah, but you've lived that. It's fine. It's just weather. I mean, no, it's just like every 10th one is real bad. That's what I'm

is like most of them, much like Miami, just going to swing past. It's not going to do much. Tigers, they sleep most of the day, honestly. People are like, ooh, tigers would be real bad. I'm like, ah, it depends on the time of day. As long as you keep them fed, it's fine.

Exactly. You know, people or whatever. You don't have to be the fastest person. You just have to be faster than the next person. And you'll be fine. And then the other one, which I think would be really annoying, would be Virginia Tech because the din

of so many turkeys in a single place would just be... The odor as well. The odor and din of all of those turkeys in one place would just be unbearable. I'm also going to bring up the Canis Jayhawks because it's not a real animal. Nope. It would either be, you'd either be, you know,

totally spinning the genetic lottery wheel and getting... You might get some gigantic, scary mean bird. You know, or you might get a nice little cute bird or whatever. Or you could just get, you know, the problematic racist soldier stuff. You know which one I don't think changes at all? Brutus Buckeye.

A whole camp is full of Brutus Buckeyes would be no different than hanging out of it. Just dudes with big heads wearing receiver gloves, pounding their chests. Hey man, this fitted doesn't really fit, but I don't care. Yeah, you want to bud light? I have 23 of them in this box. I only wear Ohio State shit. So Ohio State is already infiltrated by a wild version of its mascot. This is my mom's funeral.

You should have worn something. nicer. Fuck you, man. Go bucks. I got to live. I gotta go to the tanning parlor later. Fuck you. These are pro-combatts. How's that different? Some dude with the big head and huge eyes and unfixed gays, just

it's not different than hanging out with most Ohio State fans. Who doesn't know how to love. I feel like Rudis is one of the mascots most likely to pound his chest and point at you while nodding. Like he's like a hype man at a music show. I'm calling you out. Get in the cipher. Yeah. Can I give you the

most festive one. Like seriously, the most festive one. Hawaii? No, a delightful time. I mean, Hawaii would be pretty good. But Petey the pirate. Oh. For, yeah, yeah, the like live mascot, you know, who's like ripped. It'd be like hanging out at like

a really cool gay bar. Or going to a Tampa Bay Bucks game. Well, let's hope it'd be the first and not the second. If Tampa Bay Bucks games were a really cool game bar, I would be a Bucks fan again. Dude, they'd be the most popular. team in the NFL, be like, listen, I ain't

gay, but that gay bar, the bucks run. It's amazing. It's amazing. Have you been to the hot gay bar of the bucks? I love the Tampa Gay Buccaneers. They do. The drinks are so cheap. They're so cheap, and the music, it's pumping. I mean, not normally my thing,

but it is pumping, dude. This is the Ohio State fan at a Bucks game, apparently. He's love it. That guy would love it. Go Bucsize. As long as you did not tell him where he was, he would love it. oh man that was a pretty that was a pretty dang good question there do we want to look at week three at all because i mean there is so much to cover that it's almost uncoverable there is a a huge amount of football some of which would have been good five years ago some of which is probably still going to be pretty good when i think about the game that would have been good you know like four or five years ago all burn lSU comes to mind uh the game that might be really interesting florida kentucky because that might be a 28 year wind streak snapped that's most of my life Yeah, yeah, dude

Yeah, last time I believe they won was Let's see, 1988, 87 Yeah, I was four Although those four years were awesome Everything since then shit Yeah, but exactly So maybe this is gonna reboot your life I'm gonna turn things around

I'm gonna turn things around by Kentucky Entering a Dominant period against Florida It's been a great night to drink, thanks guys Miserable one night of the year But 364 nights It's just been magic since Kentucky's taken over What sticks out to you this week, Jason, if you're looking at a game that you're like, okay, I'm fascinated by that, I'm going to watch it. I'm putting in for Georgia Tech Notre Dame because not only are these two, I think at this point we could say two potential playoff teams, despite Notre Dame losing Malik Zaire, they still seem to have a pretty good quarterback, and they have a lot of good players who are all hurt, but maybe they won't be hurt for much more.

And also you have the subtext of Paul Johnson does not like Brian Van Gorder. Notre Dame's defensive coordinator due to Van Gorder when he was the head coach of Georgia Southern trashing Paul Johnson's beloved offense saying he could do better than going three and eight and getting run out of town after one year. After one year.

So there's deep, deep animosity here. And, you know, if you read anything about Johnson, you know that all animosity is deep with him. So if tech gets the chance, this will get disgusting. No, I actually think Georgia Tech is going to flatten them. I mean, Van Gorder, having observed him with his work with the Atlanta Falcons and elsewhere, I am not confident in his ability to scheme against an innovative offense, which, yes, Georgia Tech's offense is ancient in its origins,

but it's also extremely innovative, hard to fend. And, you know, you've got to be creative and you can't just try out the stuff you'd use against some West Coast passing thing. I am not confident in him here. I mean, if Notre Dame wins, it's, you know, it's due to, Other things, I just, tech's going to put up some points. And Paul Johnson will enjoy all of them. I will say this, Notre Dame has an advantage and a disadvantage. Their advantage is that they do actually play a triple option team every single year.

They do, which if this were a team coming in completely cold on it, who didn't face them as part of like a semi-regular rotation, I'd be a little more concerned. That said, they frequently struggle with that triple option team every year. That's the disadvantage. You've read my mind. They frequently struggle with that. Navy typically puts up. a good chunk of yards on him.

The talent you're going to see at Georgia Tech is a step above what you're going to see at Navy. Additionally, their coach is meaner. I think Jason has a, like, the guy who's going to be like, do we pull up? No, there will be no pulling up. If Paul Johnson can run this machine for four quarters, he will. And if that happens and Notre Dame's injuries add up like we think they could add up,

then this could be bad. And by the way, I think it's an illusory kind of bad because I don't think this Notre Dame team, if they lose this game badly will be a bad team. I just think this is a terrible matchup for them right now. So Van Gorder last year against Navy, how many points did

Notre Dame give up? Anyone want to guess? I will guess 37. Higher? A little higher. It's 45. 39. Okay. And that is against the team with a weight cap of basically 280 pounds who

basically can't recruit anyone above two stars. Now we're talking about a tech team that's highly experienced against on both sides has a really a really athletic quarterback and all that stuff still mostly two stars sure granted granted granted still not much bigger than 280 but you know it's a bad it's a bad matchup I don't think this is like even Notre Dame loses this game badly people are going to think they suck and I don't think that's accurate this is just not good timing and it is not the right it's bad in so many different ways I'll say if Notre Dame wins I'll be really impressed hi Heldon Bryant is like scratching off the first layer of his skin right now. He knows we're talking about this. Again. He's also recording every minute of this.

Don't do this. Or his own use. Yeah, he's also a Penn State fan, so there's no skin left, basically. He's an anatomy model, just walking around in a suit of muscle. But Ryan... Looks refreshing. Ryan, what sticks out at you when you're looking at? Okay, I'm going to watch that game.

Do you want me to give you a good answer or one of my trademark dumb answers? No, I want you to give one from that. the heart which means which means your dumb answer all right i'll do it you're going to be mad at me okay you con at missouri oh man you i thought i had pegged i thought oh he's going to pick texas tech at arkansas no no missouri you con at missouri this is the game missouri loses before winning the cc east isn't it it has that potential i never know when that's going to strike it also It also has the potential to be the game where Maddie Mock gets benched. Because there are a lot of Missouri fans who want to see Drew Locke.

They are tired of Maddie Mock. And if like, let me put it this way. I'm not, I don't think Yukon will win this game. Could Yukon keep this game within six points at halftime? Maybe. And if that happens, oh, oh boy, it's going to be fun. Yeah, that game has, I predict that future SEC E's champs, be in Missouri loses that game.

That's just, but if I have to give a more real answer, I will say Cal at Texas. Yeah, that was the one I thought you were going to pick, actually. Because, because we've talked last week about Texas's offensive coordinator, carousel, except everybody gets to stay on. Cal is looking very good on offense to start the air. Granted, they haven't played much of anybody. Texas has not been very good on defense. and Vance Bedford is also kind of quietly in a bad position right now.

It's possible Cal lights Texas on fucking fire. Entirely possible. It's also possible that Cal's defense looks pretty good. Yes. Yeah. And I will say this. As much as we've talked about how Steve Patterson getting fired has nothing to do with Charlie Strong and the job he's doing, if a Cal goes out there and beats Texas by four touchdowns,

I mean, I don't think this is. I mean, I think this is not Route 66 waiting to happen again. This is not, this is not Cade McNaughtown rolling into town. Yeah, I understand that you say that, but think of the teams that have lit up Texas in years past. Teams that were not expected to do so. Yep, yeah, BYU. BYU. And this is, by the way, this may be, Jared Gough might be, if you look down the list of people who they're going to face.

Jared Goff might be the best quarterback Texas faces all year. Make that case? Yeah, look down the list. And I think you can make that case in more than the just you could say crazy things mode. No, no, I mean, you know, Baylor's guy, I don't think we even know his name yet, haven't needed to learn it. Trayvon Boykin hasn't looked excellent so far. Baker Mayfield's pretty up and down.

Yeah. Kansas State surely has a quarterback. Since we've covered these other games, let me give you two to look at. the actual marquee game that like teams people know about old miss at Alabama because old miss is on fire offensively right now against bad competition but as always pointed out if you're half as good if you're scoring 70 points

you're still putting up over 30 significantly over 30 in a game which could be I think a real interesting table setter for the SEC West because Bama is not settled on quarterback in the least at all. No. And they've been playing

extremely conservative ball in the passing game, mostly because they can. And without getting Derek Henry over 20 carries, they've been mauling people. That's not going to happen with Old Miss,

especially with their defense being able to do the things that it has done already in past years against Alabama. So there's your, your interesting SEC West table setter. But that, of course,

is not what I am interested in. No, no, no, no. I am interested in a game, which will I think will finally road test like properly road test a team that has skated high in the polls on the basis of their brilliant young quarterback and past success over the last couple of years that would be BYU at UCLA I don't I honestly don't know which team that is that you're describing I know it could be either it could be either but but UCLA has not really I mean we're going to count Virginia Are we going to stand counting Virginia as your noble loss? Everyone's noble loss. I don't want to do that. I would rather just take a look at this because BYU,

if you haven't seen them, by the way, if you want to see if you can literally get hit in the balls and still win a game, schedule BYU. Don't schedule BYU. They're dirty as hell. It's just planning. They punch you in the balls, and that way you can't jump as high

when they throw a Hail Mary at the end of the game. Oh, okay. brilliant it's all piece by piece setup they're all they're putting together their heists like in grant theft auto but if you if you just you got to run the nut mission if you just yeah run the nut why do i just got to use this rc plane god damn it you can play the mission two ways you can punch them in the nuts or you can get into a brawl at the end of the game which you choose to do is there stealth no no there's no stealth with bYU football an extremely physical and extremely nasty team who will be coming to ucla to punch Josh Rosen and the nuts. What time was this? Oh, God.

Yeah. Dude, there's going to be... If this was like a 7 o'clock or something like that, I'd say, ah, the BYUu thing's finally done. That was fun, but... This is a Jim Mora team playing one of the dirtiest BYU

teams in years. Yeah. What makes you think there is not going to be a fight in this game? Might be involving Jim Mora. Yeah, I'm seeing head coaches go at it here. Sure. This is, what, do you want to fight a man named Bronco?

I don't. But you can try Jim Mora. I mean, Jim Mora kind of tried to fight Bill Snyder. He's down. This is how I show the Seahawks. I deserve that job. Watch me, Dad. One last game I would like to mention, too.

That would be a game where I think results may be misleading yet entertaining. And that would be Texas Tech at Arkansas. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, because your comeback game happens against an offense, which is against air, admittedly, throwing real well, beat the hell out of U-Tep, which, I know, beat the hell out of U-Tep. Wait, wait, wait, both these teams beat the hell out of U-Tep.

So we'll see who, we'll see who really beat the hell out of U-Tap. We'll see who really let U-Tep have it. Why don't we just ask U-Tep? Winner gets U-Tip. We don't even have to play this game to see what the miners think. Which felt worse. Which sucked more. It's the college football equivalent of an eye test.

Which one of these looks better? This or this? Which was worse? Your legs after chasing those Texas tech guys or like your faces after Arkansas punched it. Can I bring up one game that we should ignore altogether? Yes. South Carolina at Georgia. Like, Georgia fans are already freaking, all.

Spurrier, he always gets us. He just laid down against Kentucky so it'll look even worse. When he beats his, like, South Carolina's garbage. George is going to win that game by 17 points. Hmm. I'm not even saying this to be, like, to do some shitty jinx shit. No, I mean, if you actually look at how Georgia scored his points against Vandy. I understand that, but South Carolina probably shouldn't have beat UNC.

Yeah. Yeah, but Georgia should have beat Vandy by, like, three points. That's fine. Okay. I just, no, they're not going to lose. They're not going to lose to. USC. If you would like to see the death of quarterback play, tune in and watch this game.

Because not only are these teams, as they were before Connor Mitch has now heard as well. If we're done with previews, I do have one news item I want to bring up. It's not really news. Yeah, we can close on this, sure. Okay. The St. Petersburg Bowl still doesn't have a sponsor. Did we look into how much a sponsor costs? We haven't. Not technically. I do know that the payout for the game, according to the college football poll site, is only $500,000. So that's just to me that the, we can probably get this for, what, $50 grand? Because we're not going to give that payout. Is that how it works?

I seem to remember that the actual naming rights for this game were up for about 80. 80 grand? Do you think, let me ask you this. Could we Kickstarter it and how much do you think we could get? The shutdown forecast bowl in St. Petersburg, Florida. I think we could probably get $3,000. Isn't that going to be pretty bad for our brand, though? It'd be real.

Not if we get to do the coin flip. I'm not stepping on that field. I will. That's a super fun site. As I told Spencer, we're not that far away from a game works. going to get that Dave and Buster seal of approval yet, Tampa. So I'm just saying, like, it's early still. Maybe it will, maybe it will get a sponsor somewhere, former Magic Jack, former Bifo Brady's

bowl, former Bitcoin boy. Does this mean we, does this mean we get the on-air commercial that every sponsor gets? Yes. You're thinking about it now, aren't you? The Verge had a Super Bowl commercial. We can sure is shit get the St. Petersburg Bowl. Oh my God, can we just make it that Dana Holgerson cat lab video of him grabbing his crotch for 30 seconds straight broadcast to every home in America watching this quarter of game?

I wonder if they'd give us a break if we took on some of their Bitcoin losses, because I'm sure the Bitcoin people paid them in Bitcoin and like that's probably hurting them right now. We don't know how to use these. You ever tried to use Bitcoin? It's amazing, man. Is this like Warcraft money? I don't get it. I spent like half an hour once trying to figure out just how to use it, like, and didn't get anywhere.

And I got a box of heroin at my doorstep four days later. Someone assassinated my neighbor. So what I'm saying is it all worked out. I went to the Happy Mask Shop and they only take rupees, so. I just clicked a bunch of stuff and they named a bowl game after me. Just saying, we should consider the possibility of sponsoring this bowl game. Oh, okay. We can do that.

It's just so $80,000 to me will make it happen. Sweet.