Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.23.0

Episode Date: October 7, 2015

The Shutdown Fullcast talks mostly about the time we cooked food on a redneck shopping cart grill on a fire made from burning furniture stolen from a Haverty's dumpster. This may seem odd, but the idea of a dominant victory over a good team by the Florida Gators? So overwhelming to Ryan and I that celebrating Floridian squalor is the only way to reset our expectations and return to something like reality. Topics: --We get immediately to the question: "How shocked are you that Florida was really good for one game?" --A brief recollection of Florida horrors of the past --A warning against pitying Ohio State fans, ever --Why Alabama beat Georgia, and why Ole Miss lost to Florida, and a further discussion of styles making fights --A lengthy discussion of the most Florida moments in our lives! This includes minivans dying at Checkers, falling off of recreational vehicles, and eating roadkill deer with pocketknives. --A review of the coming weekend, where Jason insists he doesn't hate Cal, Ryan and I are certain we're losing to Mizzou after a great Ole Miss game, and how we all know LSU is gonna make the playoff with three losses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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download the free app today and make the most of your summer with all trails. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. My, my, do we have a lot of college football things to talk about, some of which are actually a college football, which is why I think we're going to get myself and my two co-hosts directly on reader questions, because we've got a lot of good ones this week. So we'll just address the week that was, and that will be through reader questions.

And if we have any time left afterwards, maybe we'll look at a couple of games, including Florida, Missouri, which we're pretty sure Florida is going to lose. Because we have to answer this first question, which has to do with Florida winning, which is a rare question. It has been a rare question for like, I don't know, three years at this point. Ryan Nanny, joining us from Brooklyn. What is that question, and who is it from? That question comes from Richard Johnson at R-A-G-J-U-F on Twitter.

His question, when is the last time you were as shocked watching a Florida game as you were Saturday night? So I guess we can start by talking about the level of shock that occurred on Saturday first because my initial reaction was to rationalize and to sort of say like, look, they led by 25 points at halftime. All it took was, you know, if Ole Miss gets a quick touchdown drive to start the second half and Will Greer throws a bad pick six right after that, games right back in hand. So I was pretty much from the word go, talking myself out of it. And I think that was just to rationalize the reality that I was not prepared for. Yeah, it was very difficult because Florida actually won in manners that I haven't seen the win in a while.

one they were the better team i don't know how that happened right and they and they and they chose to demonstrate that because there were times when will must champ had the better team against you know decent opponents when he was at florida but the choice there was always this like lethargic form of judo where they would just let you fall on to a sharp object first And I think if you had gotten like 10 people to say, Florida beats Ole Miss, what's the score? They go like, like 15 to 14 or something like that. So it wasn't just the win. It was like the complete dominance.

And, you know, Will Greer just doing pretty much whatever he wanted on offense against that defense. I mean, like there are a number of really improbable things for anyone who's watched this team post 2010, really. And that goes even for 2012. when Florida won double-digit games because if you watched any of those games, it's one of the most deceptive double-digit-win seasons ever. We were very unhappy that season. Even watching it.

It came within a blocked kick of losing to the University of Louisiana Lafayette. Like, this was, Will Mustchamp was the idiot at the casino who showed up, asked the dealer what to do, and just won like eight hands in a row. That was that, you know, 10 hands. But this was not that. This was decisive.

This was a competent football team. Will Greer went 24 for 29. 24 for 29. That's like actual quarterbacking. And even the five, like most of them were, they were in completions that you were like, oh, the receiver didn't make the catch there. Or maybe you called, like, they were all good incompletions. It was very strange. I think he made like three bad plays.

Like he lost a fumble and they were two like near, like. like near picks that probably should have been picked off but even then if both of them had been intercepted he had four TDs we haven't had four passing touchdowns in a year

yeah it was I still don't know what to make of it and I hate that I would I would really love to walk away from this game and just say oh Florida Florida is on the way back they have got it fixed

like am I an asshole because a big part of me thinks, oh, this is the best this team is ever going to play this season, and to hope for that again is foolish and stupid? No. Okay. I mean, I'm an asshole for other reasons. Now, if we're talking about, like, the most shocking since whatever game,

I think that the mind immediately goes to Georgia last year when the Gators just ran wild on Georgia after having nothing to offer against Missouri. but that sort of has like the yeah well it's jacksonville factor to it like i mean yeah you know things happen in jacksonville and then like you go back before that and you'd say they lost to georgia southern and it's well sure lots of people lose to georgia southern that's not it either no i i have an answer that i can propose and i'm i'm digging a little bit for this one um for for me it's all the way back to the o six title game when everyone everyone everyone assumed ohio state

was a better team, and Florida just blew their doors off. Like, it's not quite that level, but there's nothing really since then that I would say better or worse is more surprising than this one. I haven't been this surprised by the result of a Florida game since. I think the Mississippi State game we lost at home. That was in 2001? No, no, no. I'm talking about the 2010 season. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

When I'll remind you, Georgia's still didn't beat us. That would be, I think, the 10-7 game. Yeah. When we're at home and Mississippi State runs the same play like 30 times. I think they ran a counterplay like 30 times that game with Chris Ralph, right? They just kept running Chris Ralph over and over again. And I remember looking at that and seeing 10-7 and thinking, when did double digits become an impossibility?

And that mindset, like, that sat in for like four or five years. That was when my brain fell into the, oh, we're terrible now. Yeah, I'm going to give you one from the first year of the Ron Zuck era. LSU? No, it's the game right before LSU, and that's the Ole Miss loss on the road. The LSU one's a good candidate, too, because the Ole Miss road loss at least fell within the comfortable

spurier territory of drop a SEC West game on the road for no goddamn reason. So maybe it is the LSU game because you expected that they would bounce back from that and they just got destroyed at home. In a way that they had gotten destroyed at home

earlier, but it was by Miami and when Miami was good. There are moments you know when your team has completely lost the plot and has become a disorganized group of people no longer attempting the same endeavor all at once, right? That happens. Yeah.

And that game has a moment. It's when LSU calls a fake field goal, and the holder, I think, walks untouched into the end zone from like 30 yards out. And at that point, I was like, oh, our head coach is a former special teams guy. We're never going to be good again. Yeah. Because what was really shitty about the O2 Mississippi loss was that Eli Manning did not play well in that game. it was a decidedly uh decided victory for the florida defense in that game held held old miss below 200 yards

i think but like rex grossman played like a total asshole just a total asshole the the winning score for old miss ended up being a pick six and the the only other scores they had in that game were a safety and a rushing touchdown. It was just so goddamn weird. Yeah, there's always this moment where you realize, okay, this team has changed fundamentally. Yeah. And that's usually the moment. In that LSU loss, that's when I thought, like, oh, cool, my youth is dead.

I don't have to worry about that anymore. But I was young at the time. You don't understand. Oh, it must have been so much worse for you. I was a fucking sophomore in college. Yeah, no, I could just move on to. like the bitter heart the bitter cold of i could inhale it deep in my lungs the bitter cold of adulthood you still had to watch it yeah yeah seen some shit yeah so that's that's the last time

i was probably this surprised in the positive sense it'd be the 2006 game when we just put it on ohio state that was a delight that was a delight i'd like to watch that again sometime that'd be great i have a good friend who um from law school who is an ohio state fan and he before that game out of nowhere just came up to me he was he was one of the he was like a super nice guy not competitive not an asshole and even he came up to me and was like so do you think ohio state's going to win by three touchdowns or four touchdowns and i didn't say anything until the next day and until every day after that that i saw him sorry to this day sorry marco three touchdowns my ass yeah that was good i got to watch a man who had ohio state dolls he was one of

of these bizarre like you know Buckeye State fascists who collect Ohio State things and yeah I mean they usually weigh somewhere between 250 and 320 somewhere in there occupying a seat by himself

at the Taco Mac at Decatur Georgia where I watch this he put two of these weird little dolls up on the table ordered like 23 beers and ordered like 500 wings and he left at half time and took his dolls with him

and watching him exit with his buffalo wing stained hands clutching the two dolls and walking out was still one of the most magnificent things I have ever seen. And one of my worst moments as a human because I was like, I feel nothing but complete joy in this moment of your total pain. And I experienced no regret. Even in the memory of it, I'm like, yeah, what a horrible thing to think about somebody. God, that feels great.

It's just delicious. it's why it is if we're being honest it is why ohio state fans just relished everything that happened last absolutely because they had been they had been basted and marinated in suffering and shame and pain for so long like this meat is so juicy and tender the shit that ohio state fans have been through well let's not give them that much credit i mean come on no i i you say that i mean they lost a few BCS balls. I lost a few NBCA, come on. They were more, they were more in the school drama.

They were more the ambitious and insecure and gifted kid who still finished second to the effortless genius year after year after year, right? They were still better than Michigan for most of them. Yeah, I mean, they're not Wazoo fans. Oh, you're not suffering. I understand what you're saying. but they deserve nothing Ryan yeah okay

deserve got nothing to do with it I'm just saying in a what is this a seven year span they lost in bull games to Florida twice to Clemson to Texas and Louisiana state last year and they beat Arkansas

and it didn't count they were chip they were they were chick Hicks from cars the Michael Keaton character we won finally yeah yeah that's it I always finish second to the king

that's who they were it's also important to remember that this is a school that lost to South Carolina in consecutive outbacks bowl including including I believe that was Ryan Brewer former like Mr. Football

for South Carolina or no former football for Ohio playing for South Carolina I'm checking here Yeah, right. No, these were the Phil Petty years. The Phil Petty years? Oh, no, these were the Ryan Brewer years. You're right, you're right.

Yeah, Ryan Brewer, Mr. Football, Ohio. Lost the Lou Holtz twice. Yeah, man. Old-ass Lou Holtz. Yeah, like, that isn't even Prime Holtz, man. No. That's like, yeah, that's like old, busted, like, Ted Danson on, uh, oh, no. You're thinking of Becker.

You're thinking of Becker. You're thinking of Becker. Yeah. Does Brutus the Buckeye ever, do you ever, You ever worry that he's in blackface? Never thought of that. Next time you see him, just think about that. As I hear the glass clinking in the background.

Here I think, Brutus Buckeyes. Podcast is already off the quick start. I'm giving, I'm giving ambiance. So I think we agree that this is, we were both absolutely shocked, both still trying to figure out whether Florida is actually good, and that they'll probably lose to Mizzou this week, right? Like, that's the natural, like, Old Miss. Alabama and they lost to Florida. Florida beat Ole Miss and now we're going to lose to Mizzou. Ole Miss fans for their part

are fully in panic mode. They're like, I think we'll win seven games. I feel like this roller coaster has at least another bump on it because Florida at LSU, that's now a night game. So now LSU fans are extremely fired up about it. And they have this little thing in South Carolina which sure that'll be

like 19 to 18 or whatever but they'll get out of that fine. So like, I don't know who gets the bigger like crazy letdown here Florida or LSU in that game next week because this could really go either way and whoever it is it's sort of just kicking the can down the road obviously because

you know the big horror week is coming but somebody's catching it next week yeah I think everyone catches it every week yay yeah it's fun that's 2015 everybody hurts speaking of man like I feel so bad Doug was so optimistic last week.

Oh, we had Bulldog. We had noted Bulldog fan, Doug Gillette on here, and he was very optimistic. And I will take... Was he? Yes, he felt so positive. I mean, it sounded like relatively Georgia positive. Yeah, but for Doug, that was glowingly positive. Yeah, for Doug, for Doug, yeah.

Doug is... It was, he used to do manic Doug, depressive Doug. Yeah. So that was like relative. It was like a six on the manic scale, I think. say. Yeah. Doug is the surgeon who's like, hey, there's like a 38% chance you survive this. That's pretty dope. Yeah. And this. Who said all along. Don't do this. I'm going to do it. Don't do this. I don't get to do this very often. All right. All right. I'll state that. Disclamer. Mama told

you. I am wrong. So rarely. I mean, often. You were wrong about how often you're wrong. I can't even get my wrongness right. I said Alabama would drop a train on Georgia because they were going to try to be dumb and try to fight a brick with a brick. And nobody brings bricks like Nick Saban. Nobody.

It's just big dumb. It's just they're playing this big dumb pro-style offense. Brian Schottenheimer has absolutely no creative. creativity, which everyone had said, and they couldn't even block them. They couldn't block them. They couldn't get the ball down field. They played the dumbest possible game plan.

Like Mike Bobo running the no huddle would have been way better against this. Way better. I told you this already, but I'll share it with Jason now. Jason, how many times do you think Georgia went three and out in this game? Oh, I wasn't paying attention, but let's go. Let's put it at nine. The answer is 10.

The answer is 10 times. They ran three plays and punted. My guess was eight. So they'd exceeded even my worst expectations. We're both pretty attuned to the Georgianess. And on another drive, they threw a pick six before they could get to play two. We'll count that. Yeah, that's a punt.

That's a punt with bonus. Hey, they get you the ball back, doesn't it? That's the multi-ball punt. Multi-ball. Right after that, they got three more offensive. of snaps. That's efficient. I really can't overstate how, I mean, this is one of those

things where, like, you don't have that clear, like, vision often of how things are going to go. But, like, it wasn't LOL, Georgia. It wasn't, oh, this team folds every time they have big expectations, which they do. But it was more a matter of, like, modus operandi for both teams. totally not matching up right like old miss is designed to beat bama like that's that that is

spread them out throw it up got a bunch of fast wide receivers got a quarterback who's going to take some chances you get a couple of turnovers hell you get like one lucky tip and and jesus likes you you've you've you're tithed up you're prayed up are you are so blessed obviously we see georgia is has some things to confess first of all and then after that yeah they're they're kind of designed to lose to Alabama. Yeah, they're designed to lose to Alabama. Georgia's designed to beat other teams. This is just not one of them.

Georgia's designed to, like, sort of get past everybody. Like, it's not designed to beat better Georgia. Question, though. Georgia is going to, because, again, all things Georgia fit with any very rigorous narrative, Georgia is going to take this loss out later in the season on another team in such a way that causes at least some people to say, well, Maybe Georgia got a fix. Maybe Georgia's something to be reckoned with.

Who is that team? Tennessee. Yeah. Tennessee is a good answer, but I'll throw one more at you, and that would be Auburn. Oh. Georgia might save it for Auburn, because Tennessee is like scrappy and dead. Yeah, they're going down to four straight losses. I don't think anybody's buying Georgia too much.

Then again, if you beat Tennessee by more. than a score. I don't know if any, I don't think anybody's done that. So maybe that's impressive. I think that that would be kind of impressive. The other thing that would be kind of impressive. This is a,

like the Tennessee Georgia series, um, as of late, it's had some extremely bitter moments. Yes. Like very nasty, uh, bitter.

A lot of recrimination, a lot of retaliation from year to year. I think, how this game goes. I think Tennessee at this point would take just a vicious ass beating. Like, I think they almost crave that.

because the cruelty of almost spank me georgia almost beating oklahoma almost beating florida oh reverend having arkansas on the ropes and losing all like wouldn't you just rather get beat by 30 isn't that easier to process it does sound relaxing for tennessee for everyone involved to just take that hell just yeah like down by 30 in the first quarter like texas against tCU just lay back and say all right that's done all these other let's get them next week all these other games they've been hooked up to that machine from the princess bride and they've just been having the life sucked out of them but this time just you know get a sword stuck right through your neck it's quick the sword's name is nick chub yeah and that's um and that's one thing that

like georgia fans can feel pretty good about not everybody's going to have the like giant concrete you know stanchions of alabama's defensive line they're just they're just not Things get easier Once you're done playing Alabama They do And then you have to play Missouri and Florida Who kind of do have pretty good defensive lines Yeah we're basically

Similar defenses Then you have to chase around What three straight option run teams To close the season Like That would get like three straight Three straight teams with running quarterbacks Like by the time they get to Georgia Tech

As bad as Tech has been They're going to be either They're so sick of that shit that they've beat Georgia Tech by 40. Just like, just stay still. Just stop it. You're a quarterback, God damn it. Act like linewards. If I just see you, if I see you ball fake in one more direction,

they're going to be so sick that they either, like, beat them by 40 or they lose by 10. Like, there's no middle ground there. You know what Paul Johnson's going for, though. He's going for that slow, that drawn out loss. that oh yeah that oh yeah you just lost by five oh sorry too bad you lost by a weird score you lost by a number that doesn't even make mathematical sense

you lost by an imaginary well look good on a commemorative rivalry t-shirt well we beat you by the square root of negative three let's take another reader question uh Ryan you gave one I'm gonna I'm gonna offer one now which is from Prada James at Prada James on Twitter

It's a question about Florida Because we did ask about Florida Do your towels ever fully dry after a shower Or do they just stay damp all the time? Let me introduce you to a couple things about living in Florida One, your house is just going to grow mold On the outside for no reasons And no reason, just none

If you have stucco, it's going to turn green Your towels, they're never going to be completely dry Ever You can get them warm and dry, warm and wet Or you can get them cold and wet Those are the two states of towels in the state of Florida. Cold and wet's pretty good. Cold and wet?

Yeah, because it's 85 degrees outside. Right, right. Minimum. Minimum. If you live further south, it's 90 plus. I think a really good, I think we could make a really good documentary about, just set up a camera outside any major airport in Florida. You go Orlando, Tampa, Miami.

It really doesn't matter. And just put the camera right outside the slender. the automatic sliding doors where people go to wait for, you know, a car to pick them up or to hail a taxi or some shit like that or to go walk and get their rental car. Because the moment when you leave, you've been on a plane, a pressurized, climate-controlled environment. You've entered an airport, one of the most climate-controlled buildings in the state, and you've exited and had a hot, sticky blanket of atmosphere thrown on. on you. And that moment is horrifying. And I think just watching that for an hour would be, like, the most beautiful nature documentary we can make about Florida. It's a lot like that, like, to go to references, it's a lot like the moment in King of the Hill

when they go to Phoenix, right? And when they go to Phoenix, they, like, Bobby Hill stands out and goes, oh my God, it's like standing up the sun. And Peggy Hill says, this city should not exist. it's a monument to man's arrogance that's what people think when they exit the airport in Florida It's why we keep looking for Atlantis Because we're like well we can live in this So probably

It would have worked under the sea as well Yeah And the other thing you should know About Florida By the way Is that you'll never ever be comfortable You just won't Nowhere's comfortable

There's not a comfortable spot in the entire state. You will never not sweat, and you will never enter a car without performing the Valsalba maneuver before you get into it. Here's the thing that you know where you will be pretty comfortable inside a Sam's Club. It's true. It's true. You want to know

why people are fat and hot places? All hanging out at the Sam's Club. Getting them free samples. Getting them free samples all day long. Sam's Club has everything you need to survive in Florida. like chain restaurant food that you can make it home, cargo shorts, DVDs from eight years ago, and mobility scooters. It's kind of, I mean, to other people, I think Sam's Club is a place where you acquire supplies for your home. To Florida, they are sort of our zombie emergency relocation centers.

Just go to Sam's Club and live off 99 cent pizza for the rest of. your life. It's not that different from your regular life, really. Your cart, sir. Why, thank you. Well, thank you. Wally. Yeah. Wally's basically about the state of Florida. Hey.

Oh, oh, hey, Jason. You drop out there for a section. Jason was gone for about five minutes, but we just kept going. Yeah. Luckily, the topic was Florida towels, was it? Yeah, it was. Okay, cool. We've moved on to I don't even know what we're talking about now actually

I was about to ask Jason if he had a reader question he would like answer oh um to be quite honest man uh y'all have any more we have so many before we discuss the upcoming week for instance I have yet another one which is again about the state of Florida I think I would

can we have Jason answer this one first because I think he is equipped to answer it yes okay yeah this is from this is from Patrick Fox, which is at Pat underscore Fox 424. And by the way, I broke a policy. I normally don't answer questions from guys who have their girl and their Abby

because I just think it's weird. Like, are you afraid someone's going to steal you on the internet? It's like we're having a conversation but your girl's watching us. Right? Like, oh, talking to someone on the internet. Wait, the name is Pat?

No, it's Patrick Fox. Oh, Patrick. Okay. Because I was going to say, maybe it's Patricia. No, no, no. In his picture, though, there's both of them. It's a nice picture of them, to be fair. They're nice-looking people. Maybe it's Patricia and Richard, and they sh-Rickard.

I mean, he is from Louisiana, so Rickard is a possibility. Record. Rickard, bro, with an X. Rickard, bro, the eighth. Rick, though, we call him skunk. I call him Rick, bro. Yeah, but it's either that or he wants to demonstrate that he's landed a woman, which is weird, that you'd want to show the internet that you're a registered sex have or whatever. Yeah, oh, look, look, I'm maitable.

It happened. We put on formal wear and everything. Okay, I've made enough fun of your picture, dude. Patrick Fox asks a great question. What's the most Florida thing each of you have ever done? And I, I mean, Ryan has a good one. And I'm trying to narrow mine down. I've got two or three on deck.

So let's let Jason take it away. Okay. Have I told you about the moped? No. You told me, no, you told me about the moped. I'm already excited about this. It's good. So I haven't broke it down on air, though?

Not that I recall. Okay. Well, whatever. Not like anybody listens to this. So one of my rich friend, he was the one who always had all this. stuff like uh had all the video games uh always had you know just just more toys than all the rest of us who were from not exactly poor but from not quite the same side of the tracks he had in

his basement um there in addition to like a boat cars and all kinds of stuff there was this moped that we were all always dying to try out but he would never let us it was kind of a no no it wouldn't be safe but we sort of always assume this he's like lording it over us that he's got a moped this is in high school by the way this wasn't yesterday yeah i was like hey this was three weeks ago this was after church so me me and my wife but uh so one night we decided all right what we're going to do is we're going to wait until this dude goes to sleep and we're going to take the keys we're take out the moped i don't care if it's 6th am we're staying up and we're doing it um and he knows this is happening so he's

forcing himself stay awake too eventually around like five or six he finally goes down He's also the biggest one of us. So now he's got the key in his pocket. So we have to take the key out of his pocket in which that results in, you know, there's, he starts throwing around, throwing hands. There's some wrestling. Somebody gets in a headlock, whatever. Eventually we get the keys out.

And he decides, you know, fuck it, whatever, I'm going to sleep. So we take out the moped. By this point, it's about 6 a.m. The sun is already coming up, and it's time to start riding on the machinery around the neighborhood near a golf course where, you know, cops actually. show up and stuff. And I think I got on it like fourth or fifth. So like 7 a.m.

I haven't slept in 24 hours. And yeah, I was coming around a curve. Here comes a Ford Mustang. This is late 90s. So every car is a Ford Mustang. And went flying off it, shattered my right forearm in like four places. My arm looked like a, what's it? They're not a parenthesis.

It's not a bracket. What are those? Oh, like the curly parentheses. Yeah, a little curly. Yeah. That was my arm Like it was to the point where I'm trying to like Bend it back into shape

And I was in so much shock where it didn't hurt I was like you know Trying to like Crunch my arm back into something straight But I still had to drive the moped pack And that involves like twisting the handle And I'm like wow this is uncomfortable You know like my arm not connected

And having to be used and I'm bleeding from like My knees My ankles my head I wasn't wearing shoes or a helmet or a shirt, finally got back and our, here's a good detail. Our youth pastor was among us.

He looked at my arm and said, dude, that's pretty messed up. Referring to my arm, which is in like a lightning bolt shape. And then he's like, you want me to run you to the hospital? And I was like, no, I'm going to take a nap. I'm just going to call my dad as soon as I wake up.

He's like, all right, dude. And he goes to sleep immediately. like what fucking morons like i'm bleeding from like my entire body is an open wound and my arm is about to fall off and we all just decide let's take a nap and then like 10 a.m. everyone wakes up and like yeah that's still pretty messed up so altogether that's that's that's that's about as florida as it gets as i know damn that's florida i mean i was i was gonna ask in the middle of the story the first thing i thought of was did you go to the hospital and i assume that you did that was going to docu

you Florida points. About a solid 10 hours later went to the urgent care. Yeah, that's... After my parents finally found out about all this,

yeah, I had to have surgery and I had to have a big-ass external metal thing in my arm, like bending it back into shape over the course of a month when I still have scars

and I had screws in it for like a year off from riding a fucking moped. But like, it wasn't just riding it. It was like not telling any actual authorities outside of like a maybe stoned youth pastor for almost an entire day. That's fucking moron. That's really good. I'm not going to lie. That might be better than my

the Florida story I was going to tell. No, yours is pretty good. Okay. Yeah, no, I like it. There's plenty of Florida within all of us. That's true. I think I've already told my most Florida story on this podcast, which basically involves driving to, driving to a sinkhole in the middle of Alachua County, jumping, like an unregistered, in no way, regulated sinkhole, jumping off of a high dive the wrong way and landing straight on my face from about 20 feet. But the second story that I will tell, because it's new, involves... So, in high school, I was on the tennis team because I'm very athletic. And tennis team was basically just an excuse to leave school early and go eat something terrible for lunch

before you went and lost a tennis match because our tennis coach in true Florida fashion was the strength and conditioning coach for the high school football team. I don't think I ever saw the man lift a racket in three years, but he did teach us how to do push-ups on command. So we left school one day to go to a tennis match and we went to Checkers.

And we were in... Which again, you didn't have to say I was in high school. You could have said, was food so we ate it i mean we we put checkers into our faces i mean i therefore you know how old we were i can't think of a worse thing to eat before exerting yourself athletically than checkers but we did uh so we go to checkers we go through the drive-thru we pull into the small parking lot in front of every checkers where we are eating our meals like animals in the car um being that this is uh the early two thousands uh or or

No, it would have been the late 90s. We decide to start cranking the rap music. I am nearly positive we were listening to the Method Man, Red Man album. We open up the sliding door of the car that I was driving, a Toyota Previa, a minivan that looks like an egg. We all start bouncing up and down in the car so hard and for so long that the shocks fall out of the van. And I have to call, I have to call my dad Be like, hey, we got a problem here This car is inoperable due to meth and red

I feel like that's part of one of their videos Like everyone's bouncing back and forth in a car so hard That something bad happens If that's not, you might need to sue You think so? I think they stole that from me Oh, I thought you meant I needed to sue Toyota Because I could have said, hey, based on this video

This was safe and- Yeah, y'all should have not I was thinking, like, Red and Meth stole that from you. But, yeah, Toyota should, they should have known. That was a known issue as demonstrated in this safety video by Red and Meth. I just hate that you, like, messed up a Previa because you can turbocharge that thing up to, like, 300 horsepower. Here's the thing. That Previa is, by the time I went to college, we had given it away to some charity because we had run the thing into the ground.

And we still saw it in Gainesville being used. It was a fucking tank of a car. They're unkillable. There's probably somebody getting a bad hand job in that Previa right now. I would only hope so. Okay, here's my story. I had to choose between a couple of them, but this will center around living in Gainesville, which I think is a really good slice of Florida because it's slightly rural,

but also filled with idiots who don't know how to live from all over the state. So it's kind of a United Nations of Floridiana. there was a place called the Crack Shack and it was a house that a friend of mine who's now a quasi respectable person lived in

and he lived there with a guy who had a girlfriend who was a diabetic who also decided to drink heavily I don't know if you know what happens when diabetics drink heavily it ain't good but she bawled right through it

because she was a soldier and we went there and the neighbors in this place there were two houses too Both of them, these like horrible X-Files crime scene concrete bunker-style houses in the middle of the woods, but just off 13th Street in Gainesville. And next to the Haverdees. The Haverdees is an important detail. Now we're cooking.

Quite literally because we were cooking on a shopping cart that had been laid over a fire. Yeah. Are you ready? that had been started with wood that was taken from broken down furniture that we took out of the back of the Habbardies for firewood. That's good chemicals. Yeah, that's the good stuff.

They're like, you want a hamburger off this? And you're like, no, no, I'm not going to eat that. An hour and a half later, after you've consumed 400 beers, you're like, oh, type out. It's the wood glue that makes it tasty. So we're talking about actual, like, cookout grilling. on the shopping cart you've never seen the redneck shop

where you have the shopping cart that still says cash and carry on it and you lay it over the fire yeah and you do it as a joke but then somebody puts the hamburger on it

you're like your pot committed at that point right so the neighbors came over the neighbors worked at a nearby bar I don't want to name it it's called Munnagans

and Monagins basically stayed open and is probably still open because they sell Coke That's how this place stayed open for years. I'm sure they're clean now, and nothing's changed. But the neighbors came over, and the neighbors used to do this. They used to, like, hit deer, right?

They would see deer and accelerate. And they would accelerate and hit it and go, oh, it's a roadkill. I guess we could take it. And they would bring it home and bury it in their backyard. Barry it. Yeah, and then start the fire over it, put it in the ground, cook it that way, and then bring it up, and they would eat it with pocket knives. I'm making none of this up.

They were really cool people. One of them, who had been in jail frequently, wrote poetry that he never wrote down. He'd just like to sort of, you know, speak on things with a pocket knife full of venison in one hand. And usually a bud ice in the other. So we're having this night, and for some reason, trivial pursuit comes out. As does some, like there's drugs, there's a lot of things going on here. And it's hot and there's really no air conditioning. And I think we just watched a fight where somebody had gotten to like a seriously racist fight.

Because I don't know, if you put on boxing and the two people are of a different race, inevitably these like wasteoid friends of friends show up and they start, you know, basically being completely racist out in the open. That's okay in boxing. It's apparently it's okay. I didn't know that. This is when I learned that was that night. So anyway, afterwards to soothe everyone's nerves, we played trivial pursuit.

now the diabetic girlfriend who's also an alcoholic is laying on the couch and she has completely passed out like I think she's dead like put a mirror under her nose every now and then maybe she's dead

did I mention she was like a local TV news anchor there was that there was that too so you'd see her like on the news the next day like hi everybody I'm name here and welcome to channel whatever

which was really fun because the night before you saw her completely passed out and anyway this is the actual crux of the story and the point that I'm getting to. We were playing and everyone's giving the wrong answers because everyone's very drunk, right?

Like, okay, you know, who was the president assassinated in, you know, 1901, you know, seating the presidency to Teddy Roosevelt, you know, and somebody's like, Bob Barker, you know? Yes, that's right. Take a wedge. And at this point, I answer a question. And I think I answered it close to correctly

and out of a dead coma this woman just bolts up and goes you all think I'm fucking stupid well I'm not I'm going to show you and she bolts out of the door like from a dead sleep like bolts out grab someone's keys gets in a car and piles

into two trees before zipping out of the 13th Street and to God knows where you guys work you guys think I'm stupid it's two in the morning and she just guns it bolts out swerving down the street like it reminded me of brad wesley roadhouse right you know like that kind of

swerving like all over the road just doing that down 13th street i own this town so if i could give you the ultimate florida experience it's being sweaty probably incapacitated by several different kinds of narcotics and alcohols and seeing somebody endangering other people's lives without being able to do a damn thing about it can i and and just the incredible rallying in the face of adversity sure just you know life finds away man Florida. The most Florida thing you could do. See, that's the thing. This is the common thread between Spencer's story and Jason's story. Florida is not sleeping when you should and sleeping when you shouldn't. That's part of it, yeah. And then you, you know, in the teen romance stuff,

the vampires, when they stay up all night, they get real smart and magical for humans, especially those with a little bit of Florida in them. The opposite is, true the opposite is the case the most the most the most florida story is one that neither of us can ever have none of us can have this story and it's because it's one of the founders of hooters who died he was on his cigarette boat going like 70 miles an hour on the water hit a rogue wave and they never found his body found him that's true uh can i give you a mudigan's update before we go on oh sure because i i spent some time uh i found the yelp page for munnigans uh three and a half stars I'm going to read a portion of my favorite review on the page.

This is a gentleman named Adam who's saying that despite the reputation and the scuzzy SOBs that are always there, I've had no problems, even though he feels like he sticks out. But he says, quote, Not as much as one poor soul I recently saw there. Guy in his 30s drinking all by his lonesome. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I like to get out of the house and enjoy some me time with a few beers and relax,

enjoying the peace and quiet. What makes this sad is that it was June, and this man was dressed like Captain Kirk. Yep. So, that's it. It's Monegan's. Yeah. I'm sure it was like a sweat-wicking space suit.

Probably, yeah. I'm sure it was an underarmor. yeah that's uh that's i think it was um that's just florida florida's where you go when everything else in your life has gone wrong and you don't want to pay taxes that's true florida let's move on from our extremely rich conversation of most florida moments and go towards actually looking at this week because there are a few interesting things one uh sm you at houston on thursday i just want to like get everyone a heads up you might think about watching watching Washington at USC, don't do that.

At 8 p.m. on ESPN, watch SMU and Houston, because they're both really fun. That's it. That's my preview for anything that isn't on Saturday. Counterpoint? I agree with you. Watch SMU at Houston. But keep an eye on what's going on at Washington, USC, because let's, I don't know, let's get real crazy and say Washington is leading that game in the third quarter.

You might want to watch at that point. You might want to watch USC fans realize that they're the one stuck with Sarkesian now. And also because if nothing crazy happens, Houston will be running away from SMU at that point. Also that. Oh, yeah, that's going to happen in the third quarter. But there's going to be two solid quarters of intriguing football with two coaches who will probably in two to three years be coaching somewhere else for more money with slightly more talented players. One will be at Texas. One will probably be at Texas.

But this is the point in USC season. They're three and one. They had that nice bounce back win from Stanford. Optimism is extremely cheap for USC fans right now. And a Thursday game on the road is definitely, or a Thursday game at home, that's definitely where you want to spike it. If it's at home, I mean, Sark's near all his favorite hangouts, that could be just as deadly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Allegedly. I didn't say that. Yeah, you didn't say that. Also, by the way, on Friday, if you... No. No. No. What are you going to say?

Nope. Nope. Just don't. North Carolina State Virginia. No. Don't watch it. Don't. Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Okay. So, bringing us to Saturday, what sticks out on Saturday for you, Jason? Let's see. We'll start in the noon slot. The eye turns to Oklahoma, Texas, but don't watch that shit. I mean, it'll...

We know exactly how this game goes. Oklahoma's way better than Texas, and it does not matter. It does not matter. Texas is going to win by, like, 17. The final score will be within two. I don't know what it'll be, but... Throw the records out the window, all that. Yeah, yeah.

It doesn't matter that Oklahoma is way, way better than Texas. I think it's just they make them get up so early. The results just get lopsided and unpredictable, right? Like, college students aren't awake at 11 a.m.? I think whenever you're in proximity of like fried Oreos you can only play so well like when you know like the fried twinkies i mean that is not prime athletic condition i mean i think like ls you could handle it but just the air makes your body for this texas just the air is so fatty that it makes your

body sort of tired and sleepy they fry the football which oh i've been breathing cheesecake for the last hour you gotta be kidding me it's a if ls you played this game they'd be undefeated this is why big tex set himself on fire he couldn't take it anymore I could never eat it, and yet I smell it. That's got to be, oh, man, when Texas gets down my, like, 37, that's good. Big Tex didn't die for this. I still sing that to myself, by the way, at least once a week. Yeah, Big Texas on fire.

Yeah. The other games of note on this day, we have Georgia at Tennessee, which we've already. already said, yeah, George is kind of just manhandled them if the script goes the way

we think it should. Go ahead, put your money on Tennessee. Then further down the road, we have Wisconsin at Nebraska, which is at 3.30, but you know,

Mike Riley might show up at like 345. Hey, guys, oh, shit. I think it's more that he's got to leave at about 510. 5.10.

Because all three of their games, all three of their losses this year, have come down to basically the last play or so. Yeah, so just set an alert, get a friend to nudge you when that game enters the fourth quarter plus 14 minutes. And you'll see the important part. Arkansas and Alabama,

I think this has noble effort written all over it for Arkansas again, right? I think Arkansas can start to rebuild its credibility. Basically, you know, start to work its way toward back and exactly what it was last year where it was like by the end of the year this is one of the best teams in the country that starts that starts saturday when they lose by five something like that even 12 is probably fine so it'd still be better than losing toledo yes yeah yeah you know what it's going to be getting the ball back eight minutes left eight or nine minutes left down by like a number that doesn't allow a field goal right 17 or down by four Jesus yeah and

Then nine to eight, eight to nine minutes left. And Arkansas will attempt to matriculate the ball down the field. And it'll just be excruciating. And everyone at the end will say, well, they almost beat family. They were right in it, man. They were right in it. They're right in it. Florida, Missouri, the sure loss for Florida now that we've had a good game.

Yeah. Correct. Yeah. An interesting game that I don't think a lot of people are necessarily looking at yet, because we're not all into the Big 12 just yet. But Oklahoma State, that is undefeated Oklahoma State. at West Virginia coming off of a 44-22 loss.

I'll take the ears. I don't know what the spread is, but I'll take the ears and the points. Damn! A good defense that did not look good. They did, their offense did put them in some bad situation. I don't think that game was quite as big as it looked,

the Oklahoma game, and also Oklahoma State is unbeaten because of two straight a T-Boon. I'm making money signs and making it rain, hands, gestures over here. Two straight weird big 12 refs things in Oklahoma State's favor that ended up contributing to the victories.

Hey, listen. We can say that now because one of them wasn't Texas, so we can bemoan Kansas State's plight, poor Kansas State. We feel bad for Kansas State. If you get eight breakfast sandwiches at the QT, you get a free first out. And that's why Randy Edsel has never. had a first down. Yeah. But in the

quiet, in the like quietly undefeated teams, Oklahoma State lurking there and nobody really sort of paying attention to them. I think there's quietly undefeated and then there's like, oh yeah, can we see some ID? Yeah. Yeah.

This is an ID check game. Oklahoma State, thank you. Oklahoma State did a business. They did. Look at them. They turned in a project on time. I think they're a little better than that. But yeah, I would go ahead and take

West Virginia in this game. A game that I think has the promise for the highest comedy for the uninvested viewer, that would be Miami at Florida State, aka talented people playing untalented football.

The West game Miami gets up for all year. Not after it. Man, it's... I mean, it's nice that Miami started the collapse ahead of the Florida State game this year, so nobody can accuse them of losing the Florida State game and then quitting.

So that's a plus. Maybe they figured like maximum effort until the end of the FSU game that's not enough. We need to go ahead and save some from before and combine that into the FSU effort.

Yeah, see, I think this at best is Miami grabbing the foot of Florida State so that they both get sucked into the wreck of the ship as it sinks. Like that would be the best hope for Miami as to not necessarily win this game but to ruin their seasons together no one will no one will have anything i mean i looking at this game like you can say like oh sure miami will play hard and all that but i i mean i kind

of think if issues being underrated at this point i mean i think they're eight nine ten at the polls which is mostly just because that's where they started and they haven't moved but like when you look at the actual numbers it to me they look a lot better than i think what a lot of people are assuming a lot of people hearing ever goulson's trash and whatever no he's fine and like the offense is it's um looked up something the other day it's it's it's 25th in in yards per play which isn't terrible but i think it's a lot better than uh the narrative so to speak yeah and you had a game in there against boston college and that'll wreck your numbers every time so i mean you stepped in the wake forest vortex yeah yeah yeah this all sounds bad after they're just waiting force by a

touchdown i was going to say 24 16 over wake for it's uncongered I mean, I think we can look at FHU as being, sure, they're not, they're not 2013 FSU, but I don't know. I feel like they're a little bit better than they're getting rid of the Oregon. I just, if Oklahoma State is the let me see some ID, undefeated team, Florida State is the let me see some ID. Oh, you just slipped me $50. Okay, you're cool. You're cool. Come on.

Yeah. $50 is a bit much for a Florida state. I think they'd start with a 10. Let's be real honest. This is a half-filled subclub card. If we're talking comedy games, I think I can want up you there in that same time slot. Michigan State at Rutgers. Yeah.

What are you doing? No, no, no, no. Hear him out. Rutgers is bad, but that hasn't stopped Michigan State so far. And also it's at Rutgers. So it's basically last week's game when they tried really hard to let Purdue win, and now it's a road game. This is a good week for both Michigan State and Ohio State to, exercise the demons of why do you keep looking not very good against bad teams?

Because they get to play the two arguably most disorganized and shambolic teams in the Big Ten, Michigan State playing Ruckers, and Ohio State playing Maryland. Let me give you that 10 o'clock heater, though. Okay, 10 o'clock Eastern. All right. You know where I'm going. All right. Jason's least favorite team in college football.

That's no longer true. Versus his most favorite team. Versus his most favorite. I'm being slandered both directions. Yes. I'm going to type it on a note and send it to you so you can sue be reliable, too. But then it's copywritten, too. Yeah, so I got all three.

Cal at Utah. Yes. Now, I like Cal just fine this year. The issue, it's not any sort of an ideological disdain for Cal, and it's nothing against the university, or his fans or anything like that. What I don't like is when bad teams throw the ball 80 times because it makes a game last five hours until 3 a.m., and I'm the one who has to stay awake to all this bullshit ends.

This is what's known as Felder's complaint. Basically, yeah. I mean, if you work in the sport, you just want things to finish. And when a team is doing this for no good reason, just so it can limp along to 3 and 9, then sure, you develop an animosity for that team. But when it actually works, that's fine.

Now we're talking about woo-hoo, fine. You know, throwing the ball around, putting up yards and stuff, that's fun. Sure, great. So, yeah, I have no problem with Cal this year. Okay. Okay. I mean, there are no Utah. Even when they're playing your beloved Utah.

Sure, I prefer the youths and all, but still, no, no, if Cal wins, that's fine. Yeah, this is, again, the rule of Pac-12 round Robin Payne. that Utah has paid it to Oregon and will now have to receive it at the hands of the unexpectedly good cow bears, which is why I'm taking Cal. Also, the better quarterbacks on Cal. And then Cal later in the air will lose to Stanford, propelling Northwestern into the playoff picture. Correct.

That's what the Pac-12 there. This is science. Pac-12 is just there to screw up as many people's seasons as possible, including their own members and propel a rogue team into the final stage of college football post season. It's there to ruin as many things as possible, including the playoff. It's there. Including

the playoff. It's there. So a one-loss Northwestern team gets in the playoff ahead of a one-loss Notre Dame team. Jesus. Northwestern goes and plays a 10 to 4 game in a playoff. Okay, we need to

shrink this back down to two. It's beautiful. Can we make three teams? Let's do Three. Let's try three. This is how a two-lossed LSU team wins again. That's already been hypothesized that a three-lossed LSU team will make the playoff, beat three undefeated teams, or two undefeated teams, and win the national title. Les Miles, peeing on your salad bars since 2005.