Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.25.0

Episode Date: October 21, 2015

Back in full after an abbreviated week, the Shutdown Fullcast returns with 65 minutes of pure fury. There's also us talking about Drake, but sure, there's fury in there, too. Topics covered include: --"Hotline Bling," or why Drake sounds like a dude who just wants you to stay inside his house forever, preferably in the basement where you can live in the house he built just for you down there, girl --A lengthy discussion of the season so far, including all the people and teams we're very disappointed with or pleasantly surprised by (HIIIIIIIII AUBURN) --Reader mail, including a promise that if you owe more than $250,000 in student debt, the Shutdown Fullcast staf will send you one American dollar and four cookies in the US Mail. --An unfortunate exit on a note about duck penises Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. We are entering a really odd week, an odd time in the college football schedule. It's essentially kind of a bye week. Everybody has to play games, but the schedule is so thin that, for instance, college game day, they're just up and going to James Madison University, a fine program, but not an FBS program. That shows you how thin the slate is. So hopefully we can take this week to review a little bit, look at the schedule, schedule and try to understand a little bit of what's happened and what's going to happen thus

far. For instance, we're here halfway through the season, a little over, and Iowa was undefeated and stands a really good chance of going undefeated. That wasn't supposed to happen, but here we are. So to discuss this and many other points, including the passion of Aubrey, aka why Drake inexplicably works on people of all, ages, genders, races, creeds, and religions, is Ryan Nanny, joining us from a beautiful Brooklyn, New York. How are you doing, sir? I had Chick-fil-A for breakfast, so I'm doing great. Have you ever eaten? Yeah, that's right.

The Chick-fil-A, you told me, in New York for breakfast, is mysteriously absent because no one in New York City has figured out that Chick-fil-A has a delicious breakfast yet, right? I would go so far as to say that I would rather have breakfast Chick-fil-A than lunch, and nobody was there. And at lunchtime, people lined up around the block. We're very stupid here, and that's why we pay. Between $25,000 and $4,000 a month, just to live. In a small space. Just a live. In a small place that has mice. Delicious. Another place that has mice, Kennesaw, Georgia, albeit ones who are by law, required to carry a firearm if they are the chief owner of the domicile. Jason Kirk from Kennesaw, Georgia.

How are you doing, sir? The mice here, they actually are guns. I'll have you know. And for dinner, I had Tom and Chi. Have you all had Tom and Chi? No, what's that? It's the most hipster thing that I endorse. It is a grilled cheese restaurant.

Grilled cheese and tomato soup, which, like, to me, it makes every other restaurant seem pretty stupid. Right. Because, like, you know, if you think, like, what's the best thing to eat? Not like what's your, not like, what's your, your favorite food, what's, you know, what's, um, what's, what's, what's like the greatest thing you have ever eaten, but what's the best thing to eat? It's grilled cheese. And like,

no, it just seems like any other restaurant, except for Spencer, unless you have some sort of disease, like Spencer has. This, this restaurant combines the two foods, Spencer is most on record as hating cheese and soup. Deeply, deeply opposed to both soup. Soup is fraud. It's essentially just water that someone dragged food through. So on the Venn diagram of people who, for whom this restaurant is perfect and Spencer, those two don't touch and that's fine. No, you're squarely in the middle of them and I am 30 miles outside of them.

But it, yeah, it's just, it just makes every other restaurant seem like it's trying too hard. Because they are, because there's no effort involved. They only do is they just take a piece of rotten milk And slap it between two pieces of cheap bread And slap it on a grill and sell it I admire the complete lack of effort I really do

I mean this is something I should invest in Because obviously like their overhead has to be $28 a day Yeah there's no dispute here I'm not saying they're working really hard or anything I think they're working at the perfect level What you are describing is I think best summed up as confusingly appealing minimalism. And that also applies to a little ditty came out recently by our boy Drake, Hotline

Bling. Okay, nothing about this should work. No. No, even as you're listening to Hotline Bling, you're thinking this is, you know, a step above elevator music as far as the melody and beat go, but only a step. in the video Drake is I think we described it as dancing in the manner of

a plus one at a wedding who realizes that he has to dance but is also very very concerned about drawing too much attention to himself and being known as guy who dances at weddings it's baffling I can't make sense of it all

in his dancing face there's like a weird level of unfocused focus to it like he's very aware that he is dancing You read that I am performing right now And not like in a everyone has to think this is good dancing way But just like You know

He's very conscious that he's dancing is what comes across Right, it's begrudging It's like okay I think I have to dance to do this The thing that you should know about this song There are a few things you should know That Drake one has been dumped again And that the woman has

since Drake dated him has attained some sort of reputation as being free-spirited. As having fun. It's having fun. Again, this is leaving her house. As leaving her house. Again, this is like stalker-ass Drake

at his finest. Towards the end, when things are really breaking apart, there's a line, no, no, stay home, be a good girl, stay in the zone. How do you solve a problem like Maria? Never leave your house. Which is pretty creepy if anyone on earth Except Drake says it

While dancing in front of like pink lights Because Drake just put you in your basement Start a basement family with you girl Yeah it's creepy It puts the lotion on its skin Exactly Like this is And he's got girls like who

Kind of look exactly like Serena dancing Yeah Which I don't know if that's cute or creepy I guess it depends on what she thinks It depends on what Serena think In the manner of all things, Drake, it's both cute and creepy. Exactly. That's his entire business strategy.

And let's be honest, that's how many serial killers do their thing. It's true, the cute and creepy look? Uh-huh. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of the thing. Also, he's from Toronto. Remember, serial killers, they're from cold places. Also, he's wearing sweatpants and boots.

If there was ever a serial killer, get up. That's it. Either that, either that. or I have had to, in an urban environment, go outside in the cold. Well, yeah, but sweatpants and boots is very much a ring on someone's doorbell and be like, hey, my car broke down. Can I just use your phone? I promise I don't have a chloroform brag. My car broke down. Can you come date me in it?

You didn't, girl? I'm so heartbroken. Can we just walk for seven hours in my car? I'm going to go write a song about it. Yeah, I. I don't understand how any of this works. It should never work. Nothing about Drake should work. And yet every time the song comes on, I'm like,

turn it up a little bit. This is fine. It's like, I think the thing about it for me, this particular song, is it's like a step shy of the weekend on like the, wow, this dude really hates women's scale. Like it's just enough to where it's like, okay, I can fuck with this. But, you know, like something like the weekend, it's like, wow, that sounds amazing.

But like all these ideas are horrible. And I can't, I can't, I can't really, I can't really sign off on any of this. But with Drake, it's, I guess we're sort of just used to, used to the, the, the, the, um, creepy behavior that, sure, fine. Just, just, this, this little half dubstep, not dubstep, half, uh, half, whatever you'd call it. Sounds like island music, man. Yeah. Half club banger.

Yeah. And there's no banger at all. Yeah. Like, and this, this combined, this combined with like, his, persistent likeability, despite embracing one of the traits I find most despicable in a human being, which is team jumping. You know, not just

bandwagoning, but front running. That at every successful sporting event, remember, Drake is the person who so admires athletic excellence that, like, he dated Serena Williams. And I know that they probably liked each other, but the conspirator in my head, the conspiracy theorist

in my head is like, he also liked her because she was a champion. That was it. Like, if Serena just, I don't no, worked at Starbucks, or if she was just a day trader or whatever, right? If she was a pediatrician, he wouldn't like her, but he's like, yeah, I'm dating that girl, and guess what? She won something. So what you're trying to say is Anthony Davis, you expect a call, brother.

This is why it would be better if Drake were gay, not because of any larger implications, but just because he would cozy up to anybody and everybody. Urban Meyer. Oh, yeah, exactly. Like, if somehow Memphis gets into the playoff, Justin Fuente is getting that call, man. Like, oh, oh, Drake. Hey, girl.

Hey, girl. Hey, you know, I respect you, champ. Drake in a Paxton Lynch jersey. Exactly. Can I see? Oh, man, and that's when Timberlake gets involved because, like, he's actually a legit Memphis sports fan. Like, after the Ole Miss game, there's video of him on stage in Memphis leading the,

fight song and like actually calling out lyrics and stuff. So like if Drake tries to push up on that territory, man we're getting some like S&L lip sync battle going on. And then inevitably he kills Kenny Chesney. That's fine. If that's the if that's the end result of all this then go Memphis.

No, no, no. Kenny Chesney deserves to live just like the rest of us. That'd be terrible if that happened. Stop it. I'm not going to do it. I'm just saying. What is Drake's end game? What does he want with these songs? Does he just want women to be like a little bit sad?

A little bit sad and a little bit creeped out? Because he's never, it's very rarely, it doesn't reach that M&M level of like, hey, I hate you and I want you to feel nothing but pain. It's just like, oh, you know what? It's very

Tom Haverford. Like, you broke my little heart. Well, yeah, but that's next door, right? Like, you say that like, okay, it's not like Eminem, but that's just down the street. That's true. That's true. That's just on the street. It's not far over. You can see it from Drake's house, right?

Yeah, yeah. Like, Drake is, I think, I think, you know, he's not far from that. And it could be argued that it's more dangerous because, you know, the M&Ms, it's, yep, that's who this guy is. It's a very clear. Right. Yeah, yeah, he's extremely upfront about all this. Whereas with Drake, I guess you could see people falling for it because, like, you know, all of us do. every time the song comes on the radio.

I'm telling you it's because he's Canadian. Don't date Drake. We don't see it coming. Yeah. Don't, don't fuck with Drake. Don't fuck Drake. Listen, if you're within the sound of our voices, try not to date Drake.

You probably will, but try not to. You'll end up in a song, man. You will. I mean, at least say that about other rappers. You never ended up in a song. We won't remember your name, Drake, taking notes. Why don't you call me, Pat Fitzgerald? He will put your voicemails in a song.

He's done that. Uh-huh. That's when I called up Kirk Farran. I'm a lifelong Hawkeyes fan, Drake. You know when that Hawkeye blink? You're like, wow, this song's nine minutes long and never punts. Right at noon when you need my punt. Oh, man.

The segue from Drake to undefeated Iowa leads me to what I would like to discuss, which that we're kind of halfway through the season and we have to confront a few things that I think we're a little too comfortable with and we need to look at and say, okay, this is happening and it's still massively weird, screwed up odd and or surprising. For instance, from this past weekend,

Ryan, our team's six and one, man. Like six and one and was right there with LSU at the end of the game. Despite having the backup quarterback on the road against what I think might be the best team in the nation in LSU, which neither you and I, if we got to six wins, we would be pretty stunned. Like seven was, seven was, you know, you know, doing all right. Eight was going to be an achievement. Six and one at this point in the season is astonishing for the Florida Gators. So I have to ask the natural follow-up question.

Let's say Florida loses to Florida State at the end of the year. Because I think right now Florida State might be a better team than Florida. No, agreed. I think at this point, yeah. And I know that we're supposed to talk about the Knowles in a certain way on this podcast. But hey, guess what? One of the themes of this podcast is life mistakes. We're probably all making a life mistake ignoring Florida State at this point in the season.

Because they're not as good as the team that won the national title two years ago. They're better than we thought they were going to be. But my question to you is, of the four remaining games, for Florida other than FSU, Georgia Vandy, South Carolina, FAU, which is the dumb game that they lose? Yeah, I don't know if they do. Like, that's the other thing is that you look forward, you look forward at Florida State schedule and go, you look and go, I don't know which one of these games they lose.

I think Florida probably drops the Georgia game. I'll be honest. But is this the contrarian theory that, yeah, Georgia looks absolutely all. awful. That means in this rivalry we get a Florida loss. Florida, Georgia never makes sense, and rarely do both teams play well.

Usually neither. I mean, that's I mean, since like post-Meyer. Yeah, yeah. Post-Meyer, that's been the case. Even some of like a year or two

in the Meyer series, and certainly in a lot of the Zook series of games. Just I am prepared for A, Florida to lose that Georgia game on Halloween, and B, to try to not let the wheels come off what is otherwise a very nice season for Jim McIlwain in year one.

Absolutely. And if I have to look at the Florida State schedule and say, okay, they're going to lose this game. They're going to do all kinds of horrible stuff to Georgia Tech. It's not going to be good. Ditto for Syracuse. It's just going to be.

be an ugly, horrible. They might underachieve against Syracuse but even underachieving is going to look pretty bad. Clemson, that's an actual game. And it's at Clemson. Not that that's been a tremendous advantage for Clemson

against Florida State. See, two years ago. One of the worst in-conference games between supposedly competitive teams I have ever seen. But the following week is where they really have to worry because North Carolina State is just that kind of team. North Carolina State is just lying there. There's no way Florida

State is going to be anticipating what they could possibly get from them. I think November 14th versus North Carolina State, even though it's in Tallahassee is the game that they'll probably sleep on and have the most trouble with. Okay. I'm fine. Yeah, I think that sounds right. I mean, I don't know. Nothing really makes sense at this point in the season. That's the dominant theme, I think, across anyone and everyone you talk to. Well, I mean, and a few things make sense. I would love to hear them. Give me one thing that you feel very confident about right now.

I feel confident that we were all right about USC. Like that... Who is we, like, are this specific circle? I think so. I don't think anyone bought USC here. Okay. Right? You have to see at the beginning of the year. It was like they were like eight or something.

And then you looked up in like, week three and they were like sixth and they were like trailing Stanford it was clear they're going to lose and no one cared at all like it wasn't like oh shit top 10 team going down it was like USC's losing it was like the number didn't even exist yeah it was it was like they were they were overhyped by no one it was like they just showed up there yeah they just popped up somehow in the top 10 for no reason because they're Cody Kessler coding Kessler okay well what's the actual argument for the Cody Kessler.

Cody Kessler and like two guys who are good for three highlights a game and they don't usually play on the defense. Yeah, Adori Jackson. Like, Adori Jackson's legit. Juju Smith is legit. And Juju Smith's legit. But defensively they didn't solve anything. Oh, boy. No, no, sir.

Right. And yet, and yet, favored against top four team Utah. Yep. yep can we explain that at all nope we cannot you know what you can explain that sports gamblers are dumb

there's that and there's also the advanced stats still really really like USC and that's not just the ones people like to yell about like oh ESPN overrates the big teams or whatever which is stupid because there's not like a team fame algorithm component

but like the the computers really like USC I have no idea why but I would assume Vegas is due as well. I think that's because of yards per play. It's probably one reason they really like them. They just don't account for turnovers and they don't account for everything that seems to happen defensively for USC when it can really afford the least, right?

Watch that Notre Dame game. That Notre Dame game is pretty much USC in a nutshell this year from start to finish. just obviously mind-bogglingly talented at some positions and then error-prone error-prone and inconsistent and not really like I don't know what it is

like I think it's a cliche to say lack of killer instinct but they kind of have that like it's just it doesn't really show up when it has to you know this is my long way of saying they're kind of the sick man of the pack 12 right now and I have no idea why none. I don't even think

you know you can't appoint to sanctions too much anymore I think there's a marginal effect depth wise but at this point you just look at them and go somebody will come in and make them something great they just have to find the right person I just feel like watching them like it just looks like they never

actually fired Lane Kiffin and maybe they didn't maybe that was all a scheme like firing him at an airport curb that's a little far-fetched I think they actually kept him just nobody Nobody's afraid to run on USC. That's the weird part.

That used to be the thing where you were like, all right, well, you should because you have to, but it's not going to go super well. And now it's just like, yeah, go out there. Get 150 yards on the ground. Easy. How many touchdowns you want? You want two touchdowns here. Have two touchdowns. You don't need a really awesome quarterback to beat USC right now.

You want to know where their rush defense sits nationally. It's not good. It's like in the 60s, 70s? You are correct. It is just under Kentucky. It's tied for 67th. For instance, Cal has a better rushing defense than USC. Yeah, that's where we're at.

So they've lost that. They've lost something defensively. I don't know if that's a matter of depth or Justin Wilcox just isn't the right fit there defensively. But that's where they're at. And somebody's going to come in and just absolutely. The funny thing is we assume it's depth, but I'm looking here at their S&P defense per quarter, it actually goes down or it actually goes up. I mean, it starts, they play like a 90th team in the first quarter and then things get better. So like if it's depth, the backups, the like two or three backups they have are better than the starters.

That's true. That's the problem. So what you're saying, they're coaching for six days is really awful. But on game day, it really gets good. Yeah, their opening play script is terrible. And then, hey, look, here's some five stars. I.E., completely wrong, right? Like, it's just totally wrong, right?

Like, oh, they're running left. Funny. Did y'all watch Willow instead of the game? Yeah, we did. Again. I just love Willow. Ward Davis is just so moving. I love Bad Bar.

the other thing from this year that i really want to drive home is that uh from the preseason polls the biggest disappointment and or pleasure don't do this man i'm gonna do it do it drop that bomb i'm i'm i'm i'm all in on this so to speak because we're all part of the family right Auburn I mean we I don't we kind of all got horrified at Auburn at once

and then kind of pulled back like okay they're bad no no no no no no no no no you're not off the hook here yet Auburn not in the least because going back to that preseason poll if we looked at who

where Auburn was Auburn was 7th in the coach's poll and sixth overall Auburn was the official SEC favorite correct I believe it was at SEC media it was the official poll they were the favorite Obama was favored to win the West Auburn was favored to magically appear in the Georgetown that's that SEC math

y'all it don't have hey man we ain't here to count nobody nobody cares about your your traditional math systems only thing we count is questionable titles from the 70s three you want three is greater than five in SEC land do you want to teach or do you want to preach, okay? Do you want to hate or do you want faith? Okay. Trinity don't make sense in math either, but that's how number three becomes number one. Roll tight. Well, here's how number six became unranked. Are they even getting votes at this point? No. That would be stupid, but I'm sure in the coaches poll, I mean, you say that, but George is ranked in the coaches poll, so. I mean, the coaches poll, it's, it does what it wants. Let the coaches pole cook. Let the coaches pole

cook we all make mistakes we all make mistakes and one of them is ever consulting the coaches poll okay the coaches poll is for entertainment purposes only by the way even the coaches poll does not have a single vote going to Auburn shit there's one's rock bottom

let me let me put let me tell you this this week from week eight I'll put it to you this way there's one vote for bowling green and there are zero votes for Auburn there are five for wazoo it's right

wazoo is dunking on you auburn they got revenge first they drank out your entire town of alcohol and now they got more wazoo has more votes

in the coaches pool Arizona has two votes in the coaches poll Illinois has five dunk on them stun on them five headless bill cubit

there's more votes than Gus Malzaa hey that's your new that's your new that's your new Auburn coach right there go get him bill cubit he's a biblical unit of measurement by himself what could be more auburn than that his last name describes jean chiswick's head exactly it's it's destiny y'all or the pattern on pat dyes plaid pants square cubicle bill cubit follow me down this road and give the man a contract yeah auburn has been a bitter disappointment and in and in fashions i don't think we really anticipated like well one fashion we did which one is that that would be that

that would be the hey the defense is not very good fashion the defense got worse yeah that's okay the amazing thing to me is you added what is widely regarded as a good defensive coach to you know and didn't lose a lot of talent and things got worse i thought they'd get slightly better i think a lot of people are expecting like oh instant top 10 defense but now it's you know instant top 100 defense now we're saying this now by the way Auburn's still four and two okay because they're not the biggest disappointment at the SEC West I know that's surprising they're not though they're really not because they're four and two that's a lot I mean the biggest disappointment in the SEC West is a very interesting very interesting horse race right now because I'd say you've got three

legit candidates right now? Oh, I've got, I have a 15.4 million dollar bet on who the biggest disappointment in the SEC West is. Okay, okay. I think it's still up for a debate. Because honestly, Auburn

can finish this and it will be a like they're locked into a disappointing season. They really are. Okay. But they have to play Arkansas, Ole Miss, Texas, A&M, Georgia, Idaho, and Alabama. And I don't think it's unfeasible that they could win three of those games they're going to finish right so they'll finish what they go in four of those

games hell that eight and four is not crazy not this point if they finished eight and four strong and it depends on who those four games are then then i think gus melzon will be fine nobody will be too happy with it but when you're starting quarterback just flakes the hell out and throws ten times more picks than even anticipated and suddenly you're starting your backup who didn't even have anybody waiting in line for his autograph of media days. That can happen. And I don't think anybody would be too infuriated.

The one, there are two teams in the SEC West that both have the stank on them right now. One, I think, numerically. That would be Arkansas. Because this was supposed to be a turnaround year.

I would say, what were really the expectations for Arkansas? Seven or eight wins? like Arkansas Arkansas was not supposed to finish as a top 10 team. They're supposed to finish top 25-ish.

And they are fair, but let me ask you, with two wins at this point in the season, they haven't played Missouri yet. Oh, man, I already don't, I'm already not watching that game. Can you picture that game in your mind?

I can. Can you picture it? It's right around Thanksgiving, so you're adding triptifand, that too. It ends 7 to 6. That's generous of you. To me, I think these two are really, really comparable in terms

of how disappointing is this. Like, losing to Toledo, that probably tips to scale in Arkansas's favor, but hey, Toledo's good. To me, it's falling from 8 and 4 to probably 6 and 6 at best. That's bad, but I think Auburn trumps that

by falling from title contender to hoping for 8 wins. I think that's a much bigger deal. Let me get it to you this way, okay? Arkansas, they'll beat UT Martin, pretty sure. Yep.

I'm pretty sure they're going to beat Missouri, but I'm not entirely sure. Yeah, not who's to say. Ooh, that's going to be like a 3-0 game. Tell you what, they get Auburn at home on Saturday. And they'll probably lose. Like, they realistically,

because that's a form of big, dumb football, I'm pretty sure Will Mouschamp can get his peanut-sized brain around, okay? I mean, if anybody out there is picking this game, they've got a problem. But I'm not really confident in Auburn against anyone. I'm going to give you, listen, my number is 404. Call me. Did you note Auburn tried to lose to Kentucky? We did see that, right?

30, 27. Okay. So, I mean, Arkansas, surely they're about as good as Kentucky. I disagree. It's all situational. I think this is coming from Florida almost lost to Kentucky as well. Yep. No, no.

If you watch that game, it was never in doubt. It's just that Florida... What was the final score? 12 to 7. It was 14 to 3. Okay. But I will tell you this. I will tell you this, that 11 points could have been 30.

It just didn't move. Like Kentucky was not putting the ball anywhere on Florida whatsoever. in that game. We weren't scoring either, but it was never really in doubt. There were like three quarters of conceding. It took Kentucky three quarters to concede in that game. Arkansas might not finish with the winning record.

They really might not. This could be, this will be ugly. And it would be ugly if moving Brett Beelma both physically and financially were not such an impossible proposition. Because he's not going anywhere, because he has a massive buyout. because his agent is a genius.

It's Kirk Farrant's agent, by the way. I think you can say the same regarding Auburn's record as well, though. But if we're talking just, here's the difference between Auburn and Arkansas and the team I want to talk about in the SC West. Those schools, the fans have had some time to come to terms with the fact that the season is done. I mean, they're not going to meet expectations. old miss is still is still in the bar is still in the bargaining phase squarely and honestly like like in the bargaining phase and with these little indicators that things could get better for example tunzel coming back coming back this weekend best offensive linemen in the conference many think coming back from an NCAA suspension or other, yeah.

We'll call it some cars and stuff. We'll call it an NCAA suspension. Okay. Right? Ice coming back this weekend, so they get their best offensive linemen back, right? And they still got plenty of weapons, and they're not particularly hampered by injury unless you count in Robert Condice, who went out with a concussion, because Hugh Freeze was playing him on offense.

Because nobody else can run. Paisman trophy. Don't denigrate. Do not denigrate. Pizman trophy. Paisman trophy. so coming back there's indicators for hope

which to me is like the most typical old miss thing to happen because it could all go it could still all go really badly from here sure they could drop every game left on the schedule even the one to Arkansas

see we're just chalking up wins for the Razorbacks left and right even the one to Arkansas we're going to get Arkansas to six and six I promise y'all And, man, if they get to 6 and 6 in that last game, who dog? What a miracle that'll be.

Because that'll be over Missouri. And it'll be ugly. Brett Bilema will pump his fists in the air as they walk off and winners of a 6-0 game. And then we'll rank Arkansas 25th again. Hey, man, there, look at them. Arkansas off-season height. And then they flash.

somebody in a bowl game and then yep Arkansas preseason number nine did y'all do seriously not watch that season we don't ever learn anything stop living in the past you know I kind of like Ole Miss to win the West in 2016 are you fucking kidding old miss is 4 and oh just just Penn in Alabama

it's so easy so simple look at the croutin look at the croutin but let's let's not suggest that the disappointment is limited to the SEC West or the SEC at all no let's talk about Georgia Tech I wish I could give you a noise

that indicated that I was making every face to that Michael Jordan laughing giff right where he's like who wipes tear from eye right and it's mean laughter it's like the meanest form of laughter imaginable that's what I'm doing right now when you talk about Georgia Tech

Georgia Tech opened with a 63 point win over Alcorn State which granted not an FBS opponent, but still, just tuned them up real good. Followed that with a 55 point win over two lane. FBS opponent, although not a power five, still pretty good. Went on the road, lost to Notre Dame in a sloppy game, but ended up being a one score loss, and then they lost in succession to Duke, UNC, Clemson, and Pitt.

They are now two and five. they can only afford one more loss on their schedule if they want to make a bowl, and they have to play FSU, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Miami, and Georgia. Let's start, like, can they even, can they, will they make a bowl? Okay, well, no, no, no, shit. Yeah, it's not happening.

This is not. I mean, what is the easiest game in this group? Is it at Virginia? It's at UVA. After you play Florida State? Yes, it's at UV. That's still not easy. Or it might be home with rest against Virginia Tech, another more abundant team, if ever there was one.

Which is also coming off. Oh, that's after Virginia Tech plays at Boston College. No rest is sufficient if you play the Eagles. So that byway doesn't even count. Body blow. You just got sat on by a dude. Yeah, I mean, the thing about tech schedule is like it's about as hard as an ACC schedule can possibly be. like this whole run plus they get the two best out of the Atlantic plus they get

Notre Dame on the road and then sure you get to wind down at Georgia against Georgia at home which is at Georgia. Georgia fans by the way I can confirm are already are already theorizing that at this point Georgia Tech is putting all of its efforts into just winning that game which tech has done before I was going to say this is really not a far-fetched there is a historical precedent for this if you go back and read I think it's like 1917 something like this there is a year when Tech played its backups

for the entire year to keep its starters fresh just for the Georgia game they beat the shit out of Georgia and they're like yep cool season's success that might be happening again count it last score wins that's what we said that's it we finished three and nine but man that last three

number three the third the third one it's pretty magical hey if the rapture happens this off season we beat y'all yeah again that's that's the real triple option here. Paul Johnson went in three games. We take the Zaxby's belt to heaven. You can't take this away from us, Cabellas.

The old Okinae tape. It's going to heaven. I'll see your ass at Aldi. St. Peter believed in Chop Blocks. It's the Memorial Drive Marathon. We finished the whole season. Just get there. Another team that

I want to talk about positives because we're very negative. And that's because we like bad football. That's because we've been listening to Drake. We have, exactly. How dare you lie to us Georgia Tech? I thought you love this. Be a good team. Stay at home in December. Stay at home, Arkansas.

Stay at home during the Belk Bowl. Stay at home. Don't talk to anybody else. Get in that basement, girl. You know you want to. Be a good girl. We're a Russell athletic. That's right. Where Russell? You're out there in Adidas. What's wrong with you? The teams that have surprised us, besides Memphis, a joyous story, by the way, the Memphis Tigers, winners, by the way, over Old Miss in smashmouth fashion. It wasn't like this was a fluky hang-on victory.

If you look at their last drive, it's like eight minutes in all runs, eight minutes and all runs up the middle to just kill the clock and strangulate them. Ole Miss ran for 40 yards, and granted Ole Miss's best running back was hurt because he's a defensive line. but and granted old miss doesn't run on anybody but a converted kusa big east team held old miss to 40 yards rushing damn damn usf played memphis tighter that's all i'm going to say but i'm sorry we were being positive i'm sorry we were being positive the weirdest and probably the vaguest compliment we can give an improved us f team yeah that is going is probably is like maybe going to make a bowl game? I mean, granted, they only beat Syracuse by so much.

That's true. I mean, they did beat Syracuse, by the way. They let Syracuse hang around, but... Far too long. Let me give you my happiest surprises thus far of the year, okay? Just in short order looking over, not the top 25, but all over FBS, okay? Temple. Yeah.

Undefeated freaking Temple. Three and I on the American. The Conference of the Year, by the way. by far is the American. Thanks to Temple, thanks to Houston. Just an astonishing performance by the conference as a whole. You don't want to necessarily compliment them yet too much, but... They have to play each other, too.

Well, there's going to be some carnage coming, but yeah. They'll have a big 12 effect where they do cancel each other out. But overall, through preseason and early conference play, outstanding work by the American conference overall. I mean, I think you could see Navy come in. you could see Temple coming because they returned literally their entire defense from a defense that was already good

but Houston has been I think at least a year ahead of schedule and Memphis has I thought they would take a big step back but they might be even better you know who's still on Temple's schedule right and then there's UCF but we're being positive

no that's no that is a positive story because it means Georgia Larry sucks Temple hosts Notre Dame is that what we're getting to That is what we're getting to. On Halloween night. Another story that I absolutely love to in one in the pack, 12, five and one overall currently ranked 20th for whatever that's worth,

and a team with the best quarterback in America that would be the Cal Golden Bears. Jason, the Cal Golden Bears. My Cal Bears. Yes, your Cal Bears. By the way, set up to beat some ass at UCLA on Thursday. Yeah, yeah, I've had this pegged as a Cal. in for like months now.

Even like back when I had UCLA like going like 11 and one, Cal is the one you're not getting past. And yeah, that has not changed. Hell no, no. Another outstanding story thus far in college football in terms of stunning performances. And man, I don't think we've ever equated happiness, surprise, and joy with this team before.

The Iowa Hawkeyes. Yeah. I mean, like, I feel bad. I feel bad because Iowa, yeah, they're 7 and O. And, like, you know, you don't want to, you don't want to run them down or anything. That's cool. Like, you know, Iowa fans are cool. I like, my grandma lives in Iowa.

But, I mean, this team isn't like, you know, one of the best in the country or anything like that. But, yeah, yeah, you know. They have their backup come in and run for like 200 yards this week. Sure. Which if you know Iowa. that's quite something that the backup managed to take the field at all without being struck by light attacked by wild dog they're only partially cursed that's awesome iowa scored 40 points on a credible big 10 team yeah that's true that these are true facts these are absolute true facts and i don't

understand them they've opened things up a little bit um the you know they're getting a little bit more aggression. There have been a lot of stuff written by Iowa fans about how, like, oh, shit, we went for it on a fourth down. Oh, my God. Our quarterback just moved his feet. Like, yeah, they're cool, you know. Like, I have nothing bad to say about Iowa.

But, man, they have the dumbest schedule left. They do. It is. Just like, what the real shame is, we could get to the point where Iowa is 10 and O, and you're still like, oh, hell no, I'm not watching this. Iowa game. Yeah, I'm not watching them. But they're a great story.

It's really nice. Another couple of fantastic stories. Wazoo, currently four and two and won two pack 12 games in a row for the first time since I'm just going to make this up. 1938. They are the state champs of Oregon. That's true.

Yeah, they did it. They lost to the best football team in Oregon, which is Portland State. Oh, I'm sorry, yes. That's right. Portland State is now officially the best team in Oregon. They're silver medalists in Oregon. They are the second best team in Oregon, out of three, one of which is not them.

I don't know if this is a good story, because I don't understand it at all. Oklahoma State 6-0. Some no one. Somehow. No one has seen any Oklahoma State. No one understands how this happens. They won a bunch of games at the buzzer, like right at the wire. So they won the Texas game, which Texas fans will tell you, had some questionable officiating.

They won the Kansas State game in which they got a first down when they were five yards short of it for no damn reason. But they don't have to play a ranked team potentially until November still. So we're talking like 9-0? It's a backloaded schedule, but they can get to 8-0 before they have to play anybody. Yeah, no, I mean, they are lurking. There are several teams that are lurking. you know what that sets up for though that sets up for like an 8 and 4 finish

and oh we got to get rid of Gundy again we got to get rid of the best coach in school history that whole thing less miles I mean the coached with the best run in school history let a rip he said before a 40 point blowout

Utah Utah sitting at 6 and 0 and beating some ass like Jason Kirk's own Utah Utah Uts. Actually, since we switched, they're my own Utah Uts. Shit. Yep. Bud don't respect him, though. How'd you do that? I'm amazing.

You assigned to me, Cal. Bud thinks Utah's the 38th best team in the nation. Yep. Yep. I hope Utah plays FSU in a bowl game and paste them by 40 points. That would be the Sun Bowl if it's ACC Pact 12. That'd be great. I want FHU and El Paso. I want Gary

and Vern calling it and saying, wow, this looks nothing like the FCC. Exactly. the FSU. Jesus, man. These players look like they were out all day. I tell you, Vern, it's a good thing. This team didn't join the Salvation Conference in 1991.

Loser gets Dave Wanstead. He's the trophy of the sunbolts just Dave Wanstead. Hey, guys. I'll sleep at the garage. It's cool. He looks like he loves garages. Dude, I bet, man, I bet you could have a good time with Dave Wanstead in a garage.

Especially if you got a garage fridge. Dave Wonstadt will drink some diet, Sunkiss. I just can't look at Dave Wynstead without wanting a sandwich. Like, the man just looks like he demolishes a giant, like, Garfield-sized sandwich. Anywhere on God's greener, if you plan him, a sandwich will appear and disappear. He's like a sloth. He eats it once a week.

And he's got, like, all kind of Italian meats that he never heard of. He actually throws up on it like a fly and dissolves it and then just eats that. That's a porn facade of there. That's a famous porn sausage from Italy. It's got a Capadonna. It's delicious. It's got 19 kinds of salami. It's delicious. You take a horse and you pickle it, bury in the ground for eight months. Only in LaGuria. You've got a ticket out in February.

Like Petros Papadacus has got him on some Greek sauce or whatever to put on all top of all these 35 kinds. My God, they could create a sandwich. This proves my point, by the way, that no... It's turning to FS1, you're seeing some just weird food in your mind. Yeah, this point, your inability to instantly think of Greek food only proves my point that Greek food is terrible. Petros Papadacus here. Yes, there are some thumbs in this food, but that's the cause of being great.

Petrol's papabac. Yeah, I'll tell you, Petros is so loud in person. It's amazing. I've been on a TV show with Petros, and he's fine. He's a really nice dude, but he is. so loud. You could shoot more human hair than you even realize over the years. Petros Pop,

who's louder, Joey Harrington, or Petros? Petros is so much louder. I'm full of spiders. Fucking loud. No, it's like Petros has been on talk radio so long that he can't turn it off. Maybe with Joey, it's like a quiet intensity. Like the

volume isn't there, but just he's like seething with excitement and it feels loud. No, he's a piano player. He has a loud and soft pedal. He at least has that. Petro, is just he's on talk. He's been on talk radio too long and can't turn it off and has lost the ability to control the volume of his voice. It's like he's constantly on a

motorcycle. Right. He's on a visible motorcycle that only he can hear. We are talking about the network that broadcasted for like two weeks in a row games in like L.A. and Ohio from their like studio set. So like you're going to have to yell. He might be

traveling while he records these things. I'm on playing on Wi-Fi. I'm on the tarmac. I'm waiting for Dave once. That's LaGurie and pickled horse. It's his favorite sandwich. There's so many. Yeah, that and I think

my last, like, super positive story that I'm very happy about. Tennessee. You know what? Wow. It's not over yet. If they beat Alabama, Butch is for five years. Oh, my God. There'll be so many

babies named Butch. Butch. Man, if they beat Alabama, I will fill myself rolling on the floor. and laughing like a baby for like five minutes on end. This is my daughter, Butcherina. Butchilda.

We're going to do some do some reader questions. Does that sound like a good thing? Because there's nothing to preview this week. We'll watch it all. There's one game to put on for it. That's Georgia Southern App State Thursday night. That's right.

There are no other games on this week, to my knowledge. Yeah, which we're doing full social media takeover on that in coordination with this Fun Belt conference, right? We are. We are good friends at the Sunbelt. We are covering that game with them. And we kind of would be anyway, just because that's like by far the most

interesting game of the weekend. Live from Boone, the Mountain Fortress, Home of the Wilderness Kings, the mountaineers themselves. Here comes FCS Alabama. FCS Alabama. First is Georgia

Southern, which is, you know, Probably third best team in the SEC. I have to say that because they beat us at home. Apparently so. Remember when that happened? Because Will Must Chant was their dumb-ass coach, Ryan? It's amazing. Why would you do this?

I just did it. That's rude. I thought we were in positive. Cruelty. I want to talk to Petros again. Cal at UCLA, I'll also put on for that game because I enjoy that. Also, Texas Tech at Oklahoma, watch your ass, Oklahoma. Seriously, you're not taking them seriously.

Texas Tech could score. I don't know if they can do it. defend you, but they can definitely score. And sleeper, Washington State of Arizona, going for their third street back 12 win. If you got a mortgage, put it on this game, because I hate you.

I want you to lose money. Wow. And that's how the housing market crashed. That's it. I'm just, there I am. I am a danger to the global economy. I wonder what the over is in that game. The over. The over is just like, yes. Over in that game. It starts at 3 p.m. Over in that game's 10 p.m.

That's what I mean about. The over is, no, not yet. No, not yet. No, no. Come back later. Check it. Go take a nap. Come back.

Oh, and Utah at USC, if you want to watch a team die. Because Utah is going to beat up on them. Though this is the kind of game USC would win, right? Yeah. Not that confident in my youths here. In your Spencer's youths. Sorry. Now that they're about to lose, they are, I'm happy to give them away, I guess.

He's in the mission. No, no, he's still my youth. He's just, he's just better because they beat his cow bears. The mission. I just love my cow bears. Five turnovers, and they almost won that game, damn it. Almost. Off the arm of what you called the best quarterback in the country.

College football, it's very dumb. He has said that about three times now. Best quarterback in the country, Jared Kauf. I've just cursed him. He's going to get hit by a bus in the next two days. That's cool. It'll be eco-friendly. He'll never hear it coming.

Damn that Nissan Leaf bus. He's so eco-friendly, California. Even in death. The questions I want to answer, I have a couple of quick questions, which is this, which is from the Bill Kenney at the Bill Kenney on Twitter. I went to a small rural school in New York with no college football. Still better than going to Syracuse, right? Yes. It's better than going to Syracuse, sure.

Another quick question. This is from Van Newell. Okay, Van Newell, at Van Newell on Twitter wants to know. What is the largest student debt you personally know of? And can we do a benefit for celebrity hot tubs NYU loans? This company is pretty much a benefit for celebrity otubs NYU loans, okay? Whole thing. But the largest student debt that I personally know of was somebody who was over two bills,

i.e. dual law school degrees, over 200 grand in debt. Over for law school. Man, think how many boats he could have had? Think how many boats he had, dude. And the irony is you take a boat out into international waters, your law degree don't mean shit. Boats, the answer to everything. Boats.

My wife is telling me 257,000. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, that's a med school debt. 257,000. Wow. So we have a new record on air. What institution is that?

That was multiple institutions. I will say this. If you, at some point in your life, have owed more than $257,000 in educational debt, let me know. And I will, you know, if you can break that mark, I'll send you, like, four cookies. I'll make you cookies. I will send you a dollar in the mail. We'll send you $1.4 cookies.

That's the road to debt repayment. I'll kick in, like, a box of band-aids or something. You might need those if you're a doctor. I like that in any other scenario, if you're like, yeah, I owe them $250,000. you're like, oh, you're dead. They're shooting you, but if it's a med school, it's like... They need you alive. Because death is the only exit.

You don't have to work this off. Grad school is the reverse mob. It's like the nicest mafioso ever. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, no, no. You're okay? You're okay. Feeling good? Feeling good. Okay.

Let's garnish those wages. We're definitely not going to shoot you. No, no, no. No, that'd be easy. Easy. We're not playing the easy way. Every day is a telethon. We want you healthy and working forever. Then that is my other quick question.

I believe I have one more. This is from Tiger B. Dogg at Tiger VDog on Twitter. What is the age of the child who dresses Danny Connell? 40. I misread that as what is the name of the child who dresses as Danny Connell. Danny Connell. Which suggested to me that Danny Cannell was some sort of. of Vincent

Adultman from BoJack Horseman. Yeah. And I wouldn't rule it out. I'm an adult and the SEC is garbage. I have to go now, bye.

Sure, Danny. You went to a community college that specializes in tax fraud. People are garbage. Florida stays terrible. I played for the Giants and I have a broom for a hand. We love you, Danny.

Thanks for listening. listening, Danny. Thanks for listening to check for SEC bias. Yeah. There's none here. None. Completely objective. You're clear to go. We did trash three SEC schools on this program. Yeah. We will trash every

I listen to the best SEC school historically is a despicable place. It's true. It represents the state of Alabama. It's true. One of our worst stretches of territory in these United States. Although Alabama does have unclaimed baggage facility. You should go read

that story over it racked by the way. Unclaimed baggage, one of the weirdest places in the world, and it's fantastic. And where is it in Alabama? That would be in Scottsboro, which, thank God for unclaimed baggage, because if you look up Scottsboro history in Alabama, it's not, it's not good. Unclaimed baggage is pretty much the peak of Scottsboro history. Yeah, and the valley is, the valley is very low. So Scottsboro is oversigned on luggage. Scotsboro is Oversigned on luggage and injustice And you can only purchase one of them To roll the dice

For him, you get one or the other One of them makes a great present for mom Yeah And a little bit of Jason for a question Because I have one more question But we'll do mine real quick At Isaac Tia, Isaac McKeithin Have you ever passed on the opportunity

To go to a game and then regretted it? Yep, yep I could have gone to App State Michigan Full access Talked about this before But I blew it It could have been on the sidelines for that in the big house and decided not to go because I was freelancing and it was too expensive. Always spend money is the lesson.

That's the lesson. Always buy the ticket. Disregard everything we just said about the quarter million in debt. Always spend the money. That's correct. Jason, your question. From Matt says sports on Twitter, we've replaced Baylor's wide receiving core entirely with SB Nation staff. How many points per game do you score?

My first question is who are we playing? Because there's a wide variety of options on Daylor's schedule. And points per game, that sort of means the entire season, which things are going to be pretty bad if we have, what would that be, three or four of us on the field? If we're playing Lamar, I mean, like, you know, sure, we can, like, get out of, like, Shocklin's way. You know, like Seth Russell can run without stepping on us, right?

Yeah, we just have to throw a block, right? I mean, we just have to stay out of the way. Like, if, like, all three or four of us could combine to lay one block, I think they could score. You know who's getting a lot of passes in this offense? That's Laquan McGowan. Yeah, yeah. He's not a receiver, so he can stay on the field. He's going to, his work rate is going up significantly.

I think that's going to hurt Baylor's tempo. Man, Lequan McGowan got 30 targets. And then was hospital lost afterward. And, like, 30 targets, like, you know, 15 of those are. could have been to somebody else, but it doesn't matter. He was there. He was there.

So I'm going to say, you know, we'd score on most of these teams. Yeah, I mean, I think if they run out of a four receiver formation, it's probably a little different. If they go three with the tied end and the back in there, yeah, I mean, they'll be fine. I think they could score 28. Also, we'll be wearing those sticky receiver gloves, which really do help.

So, yeah, if they forget to cover us, which by the third quarter, they're totally, you know, Like if Baylor puts in its two 300 plus pound tight ends and just runs the ball, sure, they'll, you know, start to neglect the wide receivers. We can pull off some Corey Coleman stuff as long as nobody's trying to tackle us. I think the key for Spencer and I is that they need to run a lot of like fake fade routes because Spencer and I cannot jump. So we just get that cornerback thinking, hey, they're going to throw this high point. Then they just throw us something in the dirt because we can get down there. We're already, we have low center of gravity already.

So, like, instead of a fade route, it's like a glow route or something like that, like the opposite of a fade. Fated. It's the faded route. Also, I think I'm faded. I think we could. Fated, dog. I think we can. I'm down here on the ground. I'm faded.

That's the trick play. You're like, man, he is so high, he fell over. Dog, I'm out. Just drop the ball in my face. I know I'm already down. That's fine. We'll burn it. No, we can get open.

if they call wheel routes. It doesn't matter how slow we're moving. Yeah, yeah. As long as we pretend we're fullbacks, we'll go for 70. That's how magical wheel routes are. We just run them and you're like, wow, shit, I don't know how this is working, but I'm 10 yards open. I'm walking. Football alchemy. That's what the wheel route is. Do you have a question, Ryan? This question from JF at notorious JIF on Twitter. Which mid-major coach will make the worst life mistake by taking a new job this

off-season. As we've sort of alluded to, there are a lot of a lot of candidates who've done quite well with mid-majors so far. I think we all are in agreement that we're a little worried

Dino Babers is going to take the Maryland job. Don't do that, Dino. Why would you do that? Like, you've been there. You help burn down Maryland. Why would you be like, you've seen the flammability firsthand?

It's one thing if you buy a house sight unseen it's another thing if you helped put mold in the walls don't buy that house although it is kind of cunning you put the mold there and then you collected money for cleaning it up yeah that drove the value down that's true that's true um i also like the possibility of mike bobo taking the south carolina job oh my god yep yep can i tell can i tell you the other South Carolina scenario that is side-splitting to think about, that would be Mac Brown. Mac Brown taking that South Carolina job. Who has said, he has said he'd like to call.

You'll pick up the phone. Mac Brown is sort of slowly devolving into more presentable Houston nut at this point. Remember, South Carolina does have a long history of hiring retreads. And man, there is no more genial retread on the block than Mac Brown. Hello, everybody. That would be three straight reachettes. I also would not be surprised if Mack Brown is just saying he's interested in coaching jobs so that he can get free breakfast out of it.

Heck of a cinnamon roll you got here. Well, thank you for having me. I'm not interested. This year's coaching market is going to be interesting because, like, USC gets first pick. Sure. USC gets whoever they want, which, according to the rumors, it's like a fifth of the NFL. Paul Petrino. Yeah, sure.

They want Tom Coughlin. Granted, fine, whatever. But after that, there's really not a job that you want to gamble your career on. Virginia, like 2016, Miami, Maryland. Okay. You know, like South Carolina with Clemson and Florida and Georgia, Tennessee all getting better. Like, there's not really a job that you'd feel totally confident in gambling everything on if you're a Fuente or Herman or a Babers. To me, it's way to year.

So, like, to me, the coach who has. unwavering, unshakable, total confidence in himself. To me, it's P.J. Fleth. Wherever that dude goes, it's going to be, oh, PJ, PJ, man. Rutgers. PJ Fleck to Rutgers. Like, sounds great on paper. I died my skin red because I am the scarlet night.

Fight the single. And he is a Shiano man. We have a Shiano man coming back to Rutgers. It was like actually got a decent track record as a mid-major coach. But PJ, slow down. please no no no no it'll work it'll work we gotta be confident you just have to care enough yeah it's uh that could go very very very very i'm gonna say this again very very badly i do like that records would mean just dilate the cervix get out there shut the football out of your

vagina men bear down ankles behind your ears and Push! Now let's go beat Ohio State. Do the breath of fire and beat Purdue. Okay, don't. You can just beat Purdue without us. We'll be fine without that. That's a NOAA man.

Purdue's going to have to hire somebody. No, we don't say that. Produce at how many, look at how many wins Purdue has. What does that matter? When does that ever matter? Yeah, what are you talking about? Like, when do they're going to do when? Who are they going to go get?

When do you dissatisfying like that too? I'm going to boil the fuck out of you. If you want to see the saddest thing in the world, go on Twitter and search Sumlin Purdue. He is an alum and there are people who've made the case that he might like to turn around his alma mater. And like half of it, it's like I saw one. It was like a Houston fan who's just like, you know, dropping Sumlin, Sumlin bio details. But like there are people who. sort of think that could happen

in our reality. Yeah, which is funny because you know that Kevin Sutherland probably has some sort of like, I don't know, exotic, multi-turreted fortress built into Kyle Field. Like, Kyle Field is now so huge that it has angles that I haven't seen before, right?

It's like Hogwarts, you're like, oh, look, there's a whole wing over there that I didn't notice. Just turrets and a dungeon and all kinds of stuff. Well, that's where Kevin Sumblin lives. And that he would leave that, okay, to go to West Lafayette. Unsegeable because it has plague.

Yeah. That he would leave to go there is just absolutely insane. Now, that, mind you, this does bar the sort of jobs that might come open unexpectedly. Like, I don't know. We could just throw one out there.

Like, like what, yeah, what if Oregon just decides that eight wins ain't enough. Which is that that's not impossible. Like, it sounds silly even after they lost to Washington State. This team was in a title game just a year ago, but

not impossible. I'm PJ Fleck. Ducks have a corkscrew dick. Wrap your dick in a corkscrew. Let's go get them!